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the heartbreak algorithm

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Like a light switch, Kyungsoo often explains, Jongdae only has two settings.

The first one, is horny. When Jongdae is horny, he’s an airhead, he’s out of focus, he zones out during conversations and takes suspiciously long showers in the morning. When Jongdae is horny, he stops paying attention to things he should, ignores Kyungsoo’s reminders to get more bread and sometimes forgets to lock the door when he leaves the apartment; he becomes irrational too, impulsive, will spend grocery money on League of Legends skins instead of, like, groceries, and will make decisions he probably shouldn’t, like go home with girls who are obviously looking for more than a quick fuck and then be stuck in a relationship he’d never wanted to begin with because Jongdae doesn’t know how to say no.

The other setting is lonely-horny, which is like normal horny, Kyungsoo had thoroughly clarified one night after one too many shots, but instead of a constant boner it’s more like a constant heart-boner. When Jongdae is lonely-horny, he craves hugs and affection, curls up in bed watching anime and eating his way through too many Pringles cans, binge watches rom-coms and cries in any cartoon movie. If Jongdae is lonely-horny, he’s quiet, but more thoughtful, more focused, but also more sad. They’re both terrible settings, Kyungsoo frequently grumbles, but unfortunately it’s only one or the other.

But that’s too many words, so Chanyeol just sums it up eloquently: Jongdae either has Grindr downloaded on his phone (horny) or Tinder (lonely-horny).

Today is an outlier, an in between day of sorts; the purgatory between heaven and hell, if heaven was actually it’s own form of horny hell but lonelier. Jongdae has recently just removed Grindr from his phone after receiving his three-hundredth dick pic and wondering why the app doesn’t reward him for that; he should seriously get an achievement on Google play, it’s a milestone.

“It’s not a milestone,” Kyungsoo says, when Jongdae jokes as such. “It’s just sad.” There’s a tense pause as Jongdae looks at Kyungsoo from his spot on the couch, pouting. “Also,” he adds. “Why have you counted how many dick pics you’ve received?”

“So that I know when I’ve hit my own milestone,” Jongdae says, as if it should be obvious. “Duh.”

Kyungsoo just squints slightly with a look that encapsulates something between wanting to die and wanting Jongdae to die.

“Right…” He says dismissively. “Well, try not to jerk off so hard you come blood tonight. I have a date.”

Jongdae scoffs at that. “I’m not horny.” He argues.

“Oh, then don’t cry so hard your tears are blood,” Kyungsoo amends. “You’ll stain the upholstery.”

“I’m not lonely-horny either!” Jongdae whines, purposefully reminding himself to cry on Kyungsoo’s couch next time he is actually lonely-horny, just to particularly say fuck you. Kyungsoo’s teasing smile makes Jongdae want to throw a pillow at his face, but he’ll only pay the price for that later. “I’m just…” Jongdae frowns, trying to think of the word. “...Normal?”

Kyungsoo hums. “The Jongdae manual didn’t come with a page about that setting.” He walks forward, placing a hand on Jongdae’s forehead. “Maybe you’re too sick to tell.”

Jongdae bats his hands away petulantly and Kyungsoo laughs, the bastard.

“Just go have your stupid date and leave me alone,” he says snidely, turning up his nose. Kyungsoo just snorts, grabbing his jacket from the back of the dining room chair and his keys off the hook by the kitchen door.

“There’s mac and cheese in the fridge,” he says. “Call me if you need anything, I’ll um. Probably be staying over.”

“Ew Dad I don’t need to know about your sex life,” Jongdae jokes as Kyungsoo throws a shoe at him from the rack where he’s putting on his. “Ow!”

“Clean that up by the way,” Kyungsoo opens the door and fixes his collar. “Have fun tonight being normal.”

Jongdae is pretty sure he can hear Kyungsoo’s laughter echoing down the hallway which makes like, no sense at all, because it wasn’t even that funny. Fuck Kyungsoo. How he manages to be the worst person in Jongdae’s life and also the best is a feat. Wait, no, Chanyeol exists. Kyungsoo is just the best person then, which is kinda sad, in hindsight, because he spends a decent chunk of time roasting Jongdae’s ass unasked…

Jongdae frowns to the empty room, and picks up where he’d left of watching youtube videos on his phone before Kyungsoo had interrupted with his wah I have a steady two-year relationship and an ability to cook while all you have is too many second-degree burn scars from ovens and your right hand wah, which isn’t fair to say, really, because Kyungsoo doesn’t ever rub those things in, it just… sort of ends up happening.

Jongdae can be self-pitying at the worst of times.

Rolling around on the couch, Jongdae sighs as he realises he’s zoned out of the current Drunk History video he’d been watching, totally bored. His attention span feels like a few specks of dirt, and Jongdae has to stare at the ceiling as he wonders whether he should jerk off or play League; jerk off and then play League, maybe, but his laptop is on his desk, so the effort of getting up and having to move a mouse or move his right hand vigorously for… other reasons, is too much. Jongdae isn’t even horny, so why is his focus such shit?

The emptiness of the apartment rings in his ears, and Jongdae groans as he sits up. He pads towards the kitchen with the blanket Kyungsoo keeps on the couch thrown around his shoulders, and yawns as he peruses the fridge, seeing nothing he wants to eat, then does the same with the pantry, seeing nothing he wants there either. Lowering his standards, Jongdae opens the fridge again, and figures he may as well eat the mac ‘n’ cheese now even if it’s only like, six, purely because he’s just that bored.

Jongdae heats it up in the microwave, then eats it alone on the kitchen counter staring at the clock on the wall. Six-oh-seven. Jongdae is bored, and he unlocks his phone for any notifications, but sees nothing; he feels like talking to someone, or doing something, but he also extremely can’t be bothered doing either. This is the worst.

Groaning as his forehead hits the marble counter, Jongdae opens the app store, and mentally curses himself for what he’s about to do, because he isn’t even lonely-horny, he just needs the mindless task to kill time and something to make boost his self-esteem, maybe talk to someone as pathetic as him, because that always feels nice.

Jongdae opens the app store page for Tinder, and hits install.

It’s been a while since Jongdae has used Tinder, mostly because he’d been in a horny state for… a while, and mostly because there’d actually been a phase where he’d been ~meeting people in the real world~ unlike the people on Tinder who, according to his mother, are apparently fake. All of them. Except the real world sucks --Jongdae included-- and a lonely-horny Jongdae is too much of a romantic to go on a coffee date with a friend of Chanyeol’s from work, not feel a spark, and bother ever pushing past that, so the idealised, two-dimensional, surface-level of Tinder is just perfect. Jongdae can match with hot people who look like his prince(ss) charming, validate himself in the process, and then never ever message them or make any moves to meet them to just remind himself that he is capable of being attractive to someone who skydives and runs a homeless shelter for stray puppies --IRL, they probably don’t shower, or something. Some major minor thing that’s a total turn-off that Tinder can’t show him because it’s all photos and no scent……………………………….. Yet.

After making a note on his phone titled Get Rich Quick Ideas For When You Fail that says tinder app but smells and assuming that future Jongdae is going to read that and know exactly what it means, Jongdae goes back to fixing up his Tinder profile a little. It’s been a few months, so Jongdae updates his photos, fixes up his bio by removing fifty percent of the emojis present, rearranges things once, twice, three times until he’s satisfied so that the first picture of him is one shirtless on a boat last summer grinning charmingly --if he does say so himself-- and sets the preference for women and men, this time around, increasing the distance range too.

“Hello realm of twinks,” he says aloud to no one, and bravely goes to the main page.

Left, left, left, left, left, left… left… left… Jongdae pauses as a picture of a cute girl doing a bridge comes up and is physically forced into swiping right by his horny alter-ego because wow flexibility. Left, then more left, left again, pretty sure he just saw a guy from high school he’d never known was gay, just saw the girl that he used to sit with in class during his undergrad degree. Okay, that was literally just Jongdae’s biology professor and dear god why is his age range set so low, and Jongdae immediately swipes left on his cousin. His cousin. Tinder’s incest algorithm needs work, clearly.

It’s a depressing lost cause of faces Jongdae doesn’t feel anything towards and pretty lackluster photos and dear god how is this city so big yet it seems like Jongdae knows half these people, in an either been-there-done-that kind of way or a literally-never-going-to-go-there way.

Jongdae locks his phone, and groans to no one. Life is hopeless, and Jongdae is going to die alone and horny (or maybe lonely-horny) with no steady relationship under his belt and no ability to cook anything but toasted sandwiches. This sucks.

Jongdae eventually resigns himself to playing League, but as the game loads in he finds himself picking up his phone because he literally cannot sit still for three fucking seconds he’s just that bored. (There’s a voice in the back of his head that sounds suspiciously like his mother telling him to study if he’s so restless but, no fucking thank you.) It’s still open on Tinder, so Jongdae figures he’ll just idly thumb through for the next minute or so until he can destroy the idiot that decided to go Yasuo into Jongdae’s Swain. He has level seven mastery and a tendency to make Yasuo players rage-quit like the giant babies they are, this bitch is going down.

But as the game finally starts, Jongdae hesitates, staring at his phone, because the face staring at him from his phone screen has got to be the hottest face Jongdae has seen. Ever. It’s the why-are-you-even-on-Tinder type of hot face, because the guy could probably just walk outside and have people begging to date him, he’s that goddamn pretty.

Jongdae flips through his photos. The first is the guy --Baekhyun, apparently, twenty-six like Jongdae-- holding up his phone for a selfie with his dog. Animal person: check. The second is him peace-signing it with bunch of friends at a party. Socialite: check. The third is him covered in paint from that charity run where they throw coloured powder at you, the color run or something. Healthy and charitable: check. The fourth picture is just Baekhyun laughing as someone from behind him holds up his hoodie, showing off his abs. Super hot: ultra check. Jongdae is pretty sure he’s in love, in fact, Baekhyun may very well just be The One.  

Jongdae swipes right so hard he might’ve sprained his wrist in the process, only vaguely reading over Baekhyun’s bio as he does so --which is why the thing that stands out is something Jongdae only catches once it’s too late. He’s mid-swipe, swooning internally, and right as the action goes through his eyes read over: looking for someone to join a threesome with me and my boyfriend.

Jongdae shouts, “NO.” As the swipe goes through, wanting to cancel it, but it’s too late, he’s fallen for the ultimate trap of all: a hot boy. Jongdae didn’t even think gay couples did that, what the fuck, don’t they know about Grindr!? Or the real world!?!? The fact is only made worse by the notification that Jongdae was super liked by Baekhyun --which is beyond flattering and also terrible-- and Jongdae just groans as he shoves his phone further up the desk and focuses on League instead of his world being crushed to get to lane on time before minions spawn.

This is the worst day of Jongdae’s life, ever. Fuck Tinder. Fuck society, actually, Jongdae is just going to live in a cabin in the woods and be an incel for the rest of his life so people with significant others can stop getting his hopes up and crushing them with cruel, threesome-oriented fists. Who the fuck wants to be the third-wheel to a couple they met half of on the internet? Fucking no one with at least half a brain, that’s who.

Jongdae focuses on carrying his team to sweet victory by absolutely destroying the Yasuo --predictable-- and relishes in the feeling of something in his life going right. He instantly hits play again and loads into queue and when he checks his phone there’s finally a notification, but not exactly the kind he wants.

Because right there is a message from Baekhyun, maybe two minutes after they’d matched, Jesus.


Hey ;)


Jongdae pulls a face Kyungsoo would be proud of him for and goes to hit the block button to never have to reply to that, ever, but he sees Baekhyun’s profile picture smiling at him and just. Stops. Mumbling fuck it , Jongdae actually types a response.


congrats on being that one het couple looking for a girl to join their threesome but in a diverse more inclusive way


Baekhyun’s response is instantaneous.




Jongdae figures that’s it, he’s used all the petty anger he gains from being lonely-horny and having his dreams crushed on chewing Baekhyun out, but then another notification pops up.


UM, u r the one who swiped right my guy

that’s because i’m an idiot

I understand...

I, too, am gay and cant read,


Jongdae actually laughs out loud at that one, despite himself.

literacy is for the straights



Jongdae figures that’s it, for real this time, puts his phone down, accepts the queue invite for the next game, then just kind of… checks his phone screen while he’s waiting in the champion select, and eagerly unlocks it when he sees there’s a notification.


im bi and ready 2 cry at all times dont make me read things

thats why tinder is so great

the grown up’s horny version of a picture story book


Jongdae laughs so suddenly he spits kind grossly onto his computer’s keyboard and has to wipe it off with the edge of his sleeve dejectedly. Of course Baekhyun is funny as well as beautiful and also taken; God is dead and Tinder has killed him, hell is real and Jongdae is living in it.


a PG porn mag?



also known as a normal magazine

the pg and porn parts cancel each other out its like a double negative


Jongdae snorts, having to bite back a smile. He types out a response that says i’d only buy a tinder magazine if it was filled with pictures of you before deciding that’s way too flirty and way too creepy and backspacing all of it, focusing on League instead. Baekhyun is, however, insistent.


we might just have an incredible business idea on our hands tho

guess ur not just pretty, huh?

be the dudes that sued zuckerberg for stealing their idea to my zuckerberg

but dont sue me


Jongdae’s head, heart, and dick are all simultaneously reeling at Baekhyun being funny, charming, into biographical drama movies, hot, and calling Jongdae pretty. He can’t take this anymore.

Problem is, Baekhyun is just… having a normal conversation with him. No mention of the boyfriend, no mention of threesomes, a little bit flirty, maybe, but all-in-all, Jongdae is confused. He’s made his intentions on this threesome pretty damn clear by berating Baekhyun in his first message, so what the fuck are Baekhyun’s intentions?


i can’t sue you i’m too broke


Jongdae’s reply had been a few minutes late since texting while playing League is fucking impossible, but Baekhyun’s reply is instantaneous all the same.



what do u do?


Jongdae ends up explaining that he’s a biochemist grad student and tries not to look too hard into Baekhyun’s exclamation that he truly is smart and pretty and the five heart-eyes emojis that accompany it. Baekhyun asks about his research and Jongdae ends up rambling on about inhibiting viral proteins more than he should, but Baekhyun is so good at responding and taking in every detail, never changing the topic and just asking more and more questions to make Jongdae talk. It’s weird, really, he’s never met someone who… actually cares about Jongdae’s life, calling his work impressive and interesting, and it makes Jongdae just ask about Baekhyun in return, who surely must live a more spontaneous life than Jongdae. Baekhyun laughs --well, keysmashes-- at that, and says that he’s actually just a music teacher at the primary school not far from where Jongdae lives. It’s a little terrifying because it makes Jongdae realise just how close Baekhyun may very well be, but then Baekhyun is launching into a story of one of his kids trying to set him up with her mom and Jongdae can’t stop laughing, from a fucking text. Jongdae doesn’t think anyone has made him laugh this hard in a long goddamn time, which occurs to him at the same time as his Baekhyun isn’t single realisation, and Jongdae’s heart breaks all over again.

But whatever. Jongdae turns off his computer and crawls into bed, still texting Baekhyun, the conversation never-ending. At this stage they’re just talking like friends, because Baekhyun is so easy to talk to and so funny Jongdae forgets they haven’t known each other for more than a few hours, and even if it’s a little ambiguously flirty here and there Jongdae just chalks it up to that being a part of Baekhyun’s happy-go-lucky personality.

Jongdae falls asleep with his phone still in hand, a half-written goodnight waiting to be sent, and a new friend.






Usually after a week or so lonely-horny Jongdae would have been quickly replaced with the more common regular old horny Jongdae, and he has, but it may very well be the only point in time Jongdae has ever had Grindr and Tinder on his phone simultaneously. He’s not even using either of them --he usually gets bored of Grindr after the first dick pic, let alone the following ten-- and rarely does, they’re more of a representation of his state of mind as he enters his current horny level. However, Jongdae has to keep Tinder, because it’s the only means he has of messaging Baekhyun.

It’s sort of just somehow become like, a thing, the daily conversations, never ever texting each other a goodnight so they can wake up the next day and continue picking up from where they left off. They talk about all sorts of things, from Baekhyun’s favourite movies to Jongdae’s laboratory, childhood stories of high school and embarrassing college moments, Baekhyun’s parents’ house in the countryside to Jongdae’s hatred of oysters. Aimless conversations about everything and nothing and anything in between that they both keep jump starting every time it falls flat as if they don’t want them to end.

“Hot tinder threesome guy again?” Chanyeol asks in disbelief as he walks past Jongdae on his lunch break, who wakes up every morning and prays for that nickname to stop catching on. He pockets his phone guiltily, hiding the Tinder message screen from prying eyes. “Jongdae. Dude. What are you doing?”

Truth be told, Jongdae doesn’t know either.

He thinks he and Baekhyun would be classified as like, friends at this stage, except it almost feels… a little too flirty for that. Baekhyun’s texts and compliments often end with hearts or kissy faces and Jongdae finds that easy, teasing banter flows so quickly off his tongue (fingers?).

Then the pictures start happening.

At first it’s just a selfie of Baekhyun saying i’m ugly lol but look at my parents' cute dog and Jongdae’s heart physically squeezes in his chest at Baekhyun’s puffy eyes and bed hair --partly obscured by Mongryong’s happy expression-- mostly because fuck, fuck, he’s so hot. He’s so fucking hot it’s like Jongdae had forgotten Baekhyun even was a real, living, breathing person until he’s sending him pictures and now Jongdae’s in hell.

Jongdae hates selfies with a burning fury but sends an okayish one that he still kind of hates of him looking disappointed while saying don’t fish for compliments, you know you're super hot.

It ends up being more of a breaking point than Jongdae had meant it to.

From there on out it’s impossible to label their conversations as anything but flirty, because they still talk about mundane shit, sure, but Baekhyun always manages to throw in a winky face, or a heart emoji, or a comment about Jongdae being pretty and smart --which is a recurring theme he’s very hooked up on, it seems-- and it’s kind of all a bit of a fucking problem, because for all that they’ve talked about everything, there’s only one fucking topic Baekhyun avoids.

His boyfriend.

Jongdae knows he has one, because Baekhyun has it on his bio, and he figures that half of the ‘my friend’ stories Baekhyun gives him are secretly about him too, but it’s just, a little… questionable, because if they were friends --which they are, to some degree-- then Baekhyun would speak of his boyfriend freely, but the fact that dating is just the one topic they never breach is very, very apparent to Jongdae. He’s not the sort of guy that wants to help someone cheat but Baekhyun doesn’t strike him as the sort of person that… would? And they haven’t really… done… anything… except be flirty? So maybe it’s okay? Or maybe Baekhyun’s boyfriend is fine with it --he’s obviously fine with Baekhyun getting on Tinder, so he should expect shit like this, right?

Except these are all just really, really bad justifications, and Jongdae is freaking the fuck out a little. Lowkey, though, lowkey.

See point a) Jongdae doesn’t want to stop texting Baekhyun and is a bad person.

Point b) Jongdae doesn’t want to stop flirting with Baekhyun and is a bad person.

Point c) if Jongdae brings attention to it, he breaks the atmosphere surrounding the flirting which makes it so fun, and also, if it really is nothing and he’s looking too deep into things, he might make Baekhyun feel awkward and uncomfortable or scare him away moral of the story Jongdae is a bad person.

Several weeks in and Jongdae has kept Grindr around but has no need for it, really, with Baekhyun keeping him plenty entertained with a small anecdote about how he has to chew gum when he’s home because he has a bit of an oral fixation that involves him sucking on his fingers if he’s not careful enough and Jongdae is going fucking crazy. He comes in the shower so hard that morning he has to muffle a moan in the back of his hand just from thinking about Baekhyun down on his knees in front of him.

Shit. Jongdae is crushing on a dude he met on Tinder, a dude he met on Tinder with a boyfriend, and a dude he met on Tinder with a boyfriend who he has yet to meet in real fucking life.

His life is ruined.

Jongdae knows it’s a crush because he’s horny and lonely-horny, which has only happened maybe three times in the past when he could think with his heart and dick simultaneously enough to actually harbor a crush, and it must be noticeable because Kyungsoo sits him down one morning and says, “You have a problem.”

“I have a problem,” Jongdae repeats, not even questioning it, staring down at his phone. “I have a problem and also four hundred dick pics.” He hasn’t deleted Grindr or blocked its notifications, despite everything, purely because he likes the validation that dudes want to send him nudes that readily.

Kyungsoo moves to take the phone but Jongdae hisses a little and holds it to his chest the way Gollum might The Ring. He realises he’s made an animalistic noise only when Kyungsoo looks at him with a horrified expression and then Jongdae says, “Shit. Fuck. Kyungsoo, what do I do?”

“Ghost him, probably,” Kyungsoo suggests, a very Kyungsoo-thing to suggest. “Or try and see if this is an open relationship type deal or not.”

Jongdae frowns at his phone, staring at Baekhyun’s latest message, a selfie of him at work during recess, given by the empty classroom behind him. Can he just be frank and say what are we? It’s so hard to tell through text, where tone is so subjective and he can’t read any body language cues or anything… maybe Jongdae really should just ask Baekhyun to meet up for coffee or something, but what if that’s being too forward, too creepy, too…

“Jongdae,” Kyungsoo says gently. “Just talk to him.” Jongdae laughs dryly because all he’s being doing with Baekhyun is talking to him. “And if he ends up blocking you or something just remember you know where he works and we can go beat him up.”

That makes Jongdae to laugh properly, albeit reluctantly. “Right in front of the children?”

“Right in front of the children and their parents,” Kyungsoo confirms, nodding determinedly. The knowledge that he will kick Baekhyun’s ass gives Jongdae a surge of courage that night as he’s spent the day distancing from his phone a little and telling Baekhyun he’s been busy with work while also mentally planning out the eloquent what are we message he’s about to send. It’s filled with compliments about really liking Baekhyun but not wanting to be lead on or played with and happy to be friends if that’s what it is but needing Baekhyun to tone things down again and Jongdae is halfway through typing it out and hitting send before Baekhyun randomly sends a selfie and Jongdae drops his phone on his face altogether, meaning the unsent message reads happy to be friends but nnnnnnnnnnnnnhhhjjjjjjjjjjjjj4444%%%%%%.

Jongdae, in all his four-hundred dick pics milestones, knows this game, and the fact that Baekhyun’s decided to play it has horny Jongdae rising from his grave like there’s no fucking tomorrow. Jongdae scrambles to pick up his phone and tries to process thing as he stares at the selfie of Baekhyun with messy hair, shirtless, and a distinctly open fly with a bulge under it. Holy fuck.


im sleepy :(


Jongdae’s danced this dance a hundred times, knows how to sext like he came out of the womb doing it --which is… a really terrible analogy to use, actually-- and it’s the reason he can’t stop himself from replying, horny alter-ego taking over.


lol you dont look sleepy


It’s just… a last defense attempt, a little lure to see if Baekhyun’s doing what Jongdae thinks he’s doing and not just sending unfortunately sexual selfies by accident.


and what DO i look like ;)


Aaaaannnnddd that’s the least ambiguous message Jongdae has ever received, ever. His blood is thrumming, and horny Jongdae is, as mentioned earlier, incredible irrational and single minded. Jongdae doesn’t even think twice about doing this with Baekhyun of all people, Jesus.


like you want to be fucked???


Shit, Jongdae tips his head back as he unbuttons his jeans, running his right hand down his abdomen, gripping his phone white-knuckled with his left, screen unlocked in waiting.



id say tbh im more in the mood to fuck someone tho

but good guess


Jongdae exhales shakily, nails raking above his waistline --he wants to go for the kill, but something’s holding him back.


would u wanna be that someone, jongdae?


who wouldn’t?


show me what u look like


Jongdae swallows, but takes his time, cracking his bedroom door open to check Kyungsoo isn’t home before palming himself through his underwear to get himself hard, licking his lips. The problem with Grindr, Jongdae has found, is that there’s no fun in getting a dick pic if you get it without a challenge. Genitalia aren’t exactly beautiful when you’re staring at a no context photograph, which is why Jongdae is going to make Baekhyun work for it.

So he sends a photo just like that, with his hand halfway down his pants and teasing, showing off the flat of his abdomen and the hair trailing across it, the clear definition of his half-hard dick through his underwear.


holy shit.


Needless to say, Jongdae feels empowered, and that’s all it takes to grab lotion off his nightstand and run his hand over his dick, swiping his thumb over the flat of the head while bucking into his palm, a moan escaping from the back of his throat.


are u touching yourself???

i am

ur dick looks so pretty jongdae

just like the rest of u

want to taste u

want to suck u off until ur begging for me to fuck u


Sexting is a weird thing, Jongdae has found, where Baekhyun’s words cause him to laugh at the weird, typo-riddled dirty talk with no voice, but it’s not the words he’s getting off to as much as it is the thought of what he’s saying, the knowledge that Baekhyun is on the other end getting himself off on it, too.

And the picture of his hand around his dick Baekhyun sends helps too.

Shit, Jongdae needs to send a response, but it feels so good, thrusting into his palm like this, imagining it’s Baekhyun’s mouth instead, his wrist moving faster and faster--


wouldn’t take long

cant stop thinking about u

cant stop thinking about u bending me over and fucking me until i only remember your name


Foooooooooooohjhjsj fckk


Jongdae laughs, and it’s growing too hard to text with one hand and jerk off on the other so he sends a picture of him touching himself and focuses on the latter, imagines it’s Baekhyun’s mouth around his dick, his fingers, presses at his perineum and imagines it’s Baekhyun’s tongue, squeezes his eyes shut and thinks about Baekhyun fucking into him until the headboard bangs against the wall, until Jongdae is screaming, thinks about Baekhyun some x number of kilometres away fisting his cock and crying out Jongdae’s name as he comes.

Jongdae comes, then, soundless, a simple, airless gasp, staring at his ceiling and seemingly coming back down to earth as he becomes aware of his pants around his thighs, the come sticking on his palm, grimacing. He pants to regain his breath, wipes himself off and tucks his dick back into his underwear, and then checks his messages.


i just came so fucking hard holy shit

texting + jerking off = very difficult task???

next time we should just call or video chat or like. meet up irl

just sayin


Jongdae stares at his phone screen, and just as the high of all the dopamine and oxytocin flowing through his blood starts to wear off, the reality that he just sexted a dude he met over the internet comes crashing down. Well, Jongdae sexts people over the internet all the time because he’s too lazy to go outside his apartment and put in effort, but the reality of sexting a dude over the internet who has a fucking boyfriend begins to sink in, and Jongdae is pretty sure he just helped Baekhyun cheat, which is a sign he’s going to hell.

Jongdae does the only thing his irrational, post-orgasm mind can think of as he begins hyperventilating mid-panic.

He deletes Tinder.




Ghosting Baekhyun feels a lot like that period of Jongdae’s life before he’d met Baekhyun (as in, Baekhyun isn’t present), except with like, a whole lot more anxiety about ghosting him. It turns out it’s hard to break a daily habit even if you’ve only been doing it for a few weeks, because Jongdae can’t stop thinking about him. He sees a cute dog on the sidewalk and thinks of Baekhyun, he sees a couple holding hands and thinks of Baekhyun, he sees a fucking glass of water and thinks of Baekhyun, Jesus Christ.

“You have a problem,” Kyungsoo says; Jongdae is struck with an odd sense of deja vu.

“And four hundred and one dick pics,” Jongdae says solemnly --the extra one is of Baekhyun, which just makes him sad again. He frowns as he curls up a little tighter on the couch.

Kyungsoo just soothingly strokes lonely-horny Jongdae’s back, and idly makes a phone call.

“Take Jongdae out tonight.” Jongdae blinks, wondering who Kyungsoo is talking to.”Don’t give me the ‘I’m studying’ excuse you’ve gone out every single night of your life since first year.” Ah, Chanyeol. “Wha-- no, it’s your turn to cheer him up. I live with him, I’ve been cheering him up for the past three years.” Sometimes Jongdae wishes Kyungsoo and Chanyeol could act like his friends instead of his divorced parents that only communicate through passive-aggressive phone calls concerning their son’s wellbeing. This is not one of those times. “... Lonely-horny.” There’s a long pause. “Yeah, I know just. Do it for Jongdae, maybe?”

“I don’t even wanna go out tonight,” Jongdae whines in a tone that one might say but daaaaaadddd.

“Too bad,” Kyungsoo scolds, hanging up. “Chanyeol’s on his way, he’s going out for drinks with Jongin and some of his friends.” Jongdae frowns, he likes Jongin, sure, gets along with him well, doesn’t know him too deeply, certainly doesn’t know any of his friends.

“Don’t wanna socialise,” Jongdae mutters, curling up on the couch so that his face is smushed against the arms rest. “Just leave me here to die.”

Kyungsoo strokes Jongdae’s hair consolingly. “You’ll be happier if you go out,” he says, and it’s true, but he shouldn't say it. “You just need to forget about the ghosting guilt and remember there’s more fish in the sea, meet new people--” none of this is sounding appealing and Jongdae curls up into a ball tighter. “--get absolutely smashed...” That’s sounding a bit better, Jongdae peeks out of his defense shell, and Kyungsoo is smiling at him knowingly. “You have fifteen minutes until Chanyeol gets here,” he recites calmly. Jongdae groans as he stands.

Chanyeol arrives in twenty, hair windswept and freshly dyed since the last time they’d had lab duty together. His ears are red from the cold and he grins as Kyungsoo opens the door and says, “Where’s my favourite child?”

“I’m your only child,” Jongdae mumbles reluctantly as shoves his keys into his back pocket and then pauses. “I hope. You guys didn’t have another secret mpreg baby without my knowledge, right?”

“No evil twins in this family,” Chanyeol grins at the same time Kyungsoo sighs and says, “Please don’t ever say ‘mpreg’ in my household again.” The first time Jongdae had ever made a joke about it Kyungsoo hadn’t even known what it was, then he was forced to explain it in great detail --that’s a fun memory to recall.

Our household babe,” Jongdae corrects, kissing Kyungsoo on the cheek with a dramatic mwah for effect, and also because it pisses Kyungsoo off. Because he’s Jongdae though, Kyungsoo doesn’t hit him, just rolls his eyes and shoos him off.

“This family is very incestuous,” Chanyeol says wryly as Jongdae ducks under his arm to get out the door.

Kyungsoo just grunts. “Have him back before--”

“--One, I know, or he’ll ruin his sleep schedule and be grumpy.” Chanyeol finishes for him.

Kyungsoo bristles. “And--”

“--Make sure he drinks lots of water yes, Kyungsoo, I know. We’ve done this drill a hundred times.” Only a handful of times, really, whenever Jongdae needs a good distraction or Kyungsoo thinks he’s just moping about too much (usually in his lonely-horny periods). Chanyeol and his one-hundred-thousand friends serves to be a good connection for getting Jongdae to be a little more social --for somebody so extroverted who thrives off of socialising, deciding to hole himself up in a lab all day for a living where his only company is a succulent and some bacteria cultures had been a poor decision on Jongdae’s part. Sometimes Kyungsoo comes out too, but now that he’s working full time and dating full time it’s like the meet-and-greet option just isn’t that viable; he’s more prone to dinner parties and fancy restaurants with people he already knows like most good middle-aged humans, even though he’s younger than Jongdae.  

“Have fun then,” Kyungsoo says, and Jongdae gives him a lazy salute as Chanyeol closes the front door behind him and laughs, a hand between Jongdae’s shoulder blades.

“Ready to get off your face?” He asks, giddy.

Jongdae doesn’t even miss a beat. “Boy am I ever.”

The bar Chanyeol takes him to is not one Jongdae is familiar with other than having walked past it a few times since it’s close to the uni where they work. It’s wedged in a back street between the department of dentistry and a closed Chinese restaurant, and Jongdae’s glad he decided to bring his puffy coat as Chanyeol leads him to a table outside, where Jongin is sitting with a small-ish (phew) group of people, smiling as they arrive and waving them over. Chanyeol’s grin is bright and over-the-top and Jongdae just internally shakes his head because Chanyeol’s wearing his trying-to-get-into-somebody’s-pants pants, meaning he’s still pursuing Jongin, after three years. Three years.

And Kyungsoo calls Jongdae horny. Sheesh.

Unfortunately for Chanyeol Jongin is about as observant as a sea cucumber, which have no sensory organs whatsoever, so they don’t observe shit. Hence the three years of failure --Jongdae admires Chanyeol’s determination and simultaneously pities it.

“Hey guys this is Jongdae,” Chanyeol introduces, gripping Jongdae by the shoulders and pushing him forward as if displaying a new toy. “He’s horny and sad.”

“I’ll fucking drink to that,” Soojung --one of the only people Jongdae can recognise-- calls out, holding up her wine glass and taking a long sip.

“Thanks Chanyeol,” Jongdae pats Chanyeol’s hand while also subtly stepping on his insole so that he yelps and doubles over. Jongdae smiles. “I’m gonna go grab a drink to forget that embarrassment ever happened and do proper introductions later.” He throws in finger guns, just for good measure, and drags Chanyeol by the wrist to the bar inside to yell at him for being an embarrassing father and forcing him to pay for the jug of beer they split to make it up to him.

Jongin’s friends are Soojung, who Jongdae has met before, Yixing, Lu Han, and Sunyoung --word for word as Jongin introduces them, gesturing accordingly. Lu Han asks why Jongdae is so lonely and horny in a way that makes Jongdae squint because is that like, a preposition? So he just grunts noncommittally and says, “Tinder.”

An ahhh of understanding passes over the table; Jongdae feels integrated into the group already.

Jongin’s friends are a lot of fun, and they’re happy to watch Jongdae chug beer after beer as he drinks himself into a stupor and then wonder if he has an alcohol problem… he’s probably okay. All of Jongin’s friends are somehow easier to talk to and more open than Jongin himself but that works out for Jongdae because talking to new people is exciting, and it makes him happier, inwardly proud at himself for his own social prowess --it works out for Chanyeol even better because while Jongdae draws the centre of the attention to himself in order to get to know everyone he can hit on oblivious sea cucumber Jongin to his heart’s content. Ah, young (one-sided) love.

Chanyeol and Jongdae are through their third split jug of beer for the night when Jongdae realises they should probably stop because that’s a lot, even for two alcoholics. Oh shit, Jongdae’s admitting he has an alcohol problem, that’s how he knows he’s off his face.

Stumbling upright, Jongdae slaps his cheeks quickly then says, “Be right back.” Although it slurs together more than he’d like it to and sounds like be righ bach, but whatever, he needs water, he needs to make Kyungsoo proud.

There’s a free dispenser on the bar-top inside and Jongdae makes his way to it eagerly, chugging glass after glass after glass. He hasn’t thought about Baekhyun and that whole mess once tonight which means it’s been a success in Jongdae’s book, lightening his mood --thinking about how he hasn’t thought about him doesn’t count as thinking about him, okay?

Jongdae’s happily sipping through his fourth glass as he bops along to the music with one hand on the corner of the bar when someone bumps into him causing water to spill over his chin and down his shirt.

“Oh-- sorry,” the person quickly apologises, reaching out to steady Jongdae, who had swayed wayyyyyy too much in the force of their bump. “Are you alright?”  

Jongdae blinks back into focus as his arm raises to his mouth to wipe the water off his chin, freezing entirely when he makes out the face of the person who’d collided with him and comes face-to-face with like, the prettiest person Jongdae’s ever seen.

“Uh,” Jongdae swallows thickly, wiping at his chin and hoping there’s no drool or something equally as embarrassing. “I’m fine?”

The stranger seems relieved at that, shoulders relaxing as his eyebrows stop drawing together.

“Good,” he says, then sort of… squints. “Have we… met?”

“Uh,” Jongdae says, as the stranger runs his eyes over Jongdae’s body and he flushes red hot at the gesture.

“You just look… really familiar?” The stranger offers.

“UH,” Jongdae says, but louder.

The stranger pursers his lip as he folds his arms across his chest, tapping a finger on his chin. “I could’ve sworn I know you from somewhere.”

Jongdae takes a ballsy mouthful of water and clears his throat, feeling far too drunk and far too brave.

“Pretty sure I’d remember meeting someone as beautiful as you,” he flirts, fluttering his eyelashes as he leans forward and the stranger laughs reluctantly, bashful. Jongdae pulls back, grinning. “That’s how this one ends, right?”

The guy rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed. “I promise I wasn’t hitting on you, I just… I really do feel like I know you from somewhere.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you were,” Jongdae flirts easily, enjoying the way the guy’s eyes darken a little bit, sharpening around the edges. “But you probably recognise me because I’m super rich and famous.”

“Oh really?” The stranger says with amused interest, as Jongdae leans an elbow onto the bar with faux casualty and ends up nearly knocking over the stack of plastic cups in the process, which is only saved by the cute bar boy reaching out to catch both them and Jongdae in time. Fuck he wishes he was more sober for this. The stranger just chuckles -- chuckles, as if he’s a rich Victorian era man or something with his button up shirt and wool coat-- and asks, “And who are you, exactly? I’ll have to read over your wikipedia page.”

Jongdae grins charmingly, about to say his name, but he spots the stranger straightening out the plastic cups stacked next to the water cooler and falters, because right there on his left ring finger, is a neat, silver band. Jongdae stares at it, confused, because you don’t wear a ring there unless it’s exactly what everyone is going to think it is, in which case, why is the dude flirting with Jongdae and what the fuck is with Jongdae’s recurring theme of taken boys being the only ones interested in him. He’s not going to be some side-chick to a sordid love affair, okay? Jongdae has morals and standards and self-respect, fuck!!!!

The stranger seems to catch Jongdae staring, blinking before following his gaze to his own hand and saying, “Oh,” softly, opening his mouth to explain before a voice speaks up from behind Jongdae and says,

“... Jongdae?”

It’s an instinctive reflex to turn around and not freeze up, because Jongdae has never heard his voice before, so he doesn’t know who’s calling him until he’s looking at Baekhyun and has suddenly never wanted to die so suddenly, ever, in his life.

“What’re you doing here?” Baekhyun asks and fuck fuck fuck he’s ten times hotter in real life, a hundred times, with soft eyes and soft hair a soft smile despite the fact that Jongdae’s been ghosting him for over a fortnight, holy shit. He should be angry seeing Jongdae, should be chewing him out, but instead Baekhyun just looks happy and… relieved?

“I uhhhhhhh--” Jongdae’s glancing around at any objects nearest to him he can use to stab himself --impalement on top of a beer tap is looking like the best option-- when Baekhyun just steps beside him and wraps an arm around the waist of the stranger Jongdae had bumped into earlier.

“I see you’ve met Junmyeon,” Baekhyun says cheekily, grinning, and Jongdae literally freezes in place as his eyes move slowly to connect the dots. Baekhyun’s face, Junmyeon’s face, Junmyeon’s left hand, Baekhyun’s left hand --where an identical silver ring sits.




Jongdae’s mind is suddenly processing two things: first, the fact that Baekhyun’s tinder bio had said boyfriends yet clearly they’re husbands, what the fuck, second, that Jongdae had maybe helped Baekhyun cheat on his husband (TBC?) proceeded to ghost him, then hit on said husband. Great. Spectacular. Wonderful. Jongdae’s life is just full of fun surprises.

“You two know each other?” Junmyeon asks, pleasantly surprised.

“Mhmm,” Baekhyun hums lazily. “We met on Tinder.”

Jongdae’s blood is down to zero kelvin right now, atoms frozen completely in his veins.

“Ohhh I remember now,” Junmyeon says, and Jongdae can only look at Baekhyun hopelessly and try to silently determine if Junmyeon knows. Baekhyun’s face is impassive, nothing but dark eyes that bore into Jongdae hungrily. They’d been on tinder for a threesome so obviously Junmyeon is okay with the fact that Jongdae had swiped right on Baekhyun, hooray, but all the other shit could either be here or there, Jongdae doesn’t know, and he’s a little too terrified to find out the answer. Junmyeon’s eyes sharpen, suddenly. “Definitely told you to swipe right.”

Baekhyun agrees with a lazy hum. “We super liked him too.” And then both him and Junmyeon are watching Jongdae, and Jongdae imagines this is what a juicy steak in the middle of a field feels like in front of two hungry dogs, waiting for them to sink their teeth in. Then, Baekhyun kisses Junmyeon’s cheek, and whatever had been gripping Jongdae’s throat in the air dissolves, tension slipping.

“You still haven’t gotten us those drinks, babe,” Baekhyun reminds him, and Junmyeon’s mouth falls into a neat o as he quickly excuses himself to order them, moving down the bar.

As soon as he’s safely out of earshot, Baekhyun says, “You don’t have to leave the morning after without a word, you know. You could at least call.”

Jongdae winces immediately. “Baekhyun--”

“Did I do something wrong?” Baekhyun asks worriedly. “I mean, you seemed to be fine with it, but if I made you uncomfortable or--”

Baekhyun,” Jongdae interrupts, and sighs, because he so doesn’t want to have this conversation right now. “Does Junmyeon know?”

Baekhyun blinks. “What?”

“Does Junmyeon know?” Jongdae repeats, slowly.

Baekhyun bursts into laughter.

“Jongdae,” he wheezes, clutching onto his sides and doubling over. “Did you really think that whole time I just? Didn’t mention it to my own husband???” He’s wiping his tears from his eyes. “Man that’s just too good…” He inhales to catch his breath. “The only thing Junmyeon doesn’t know about is you ignoring me, because he’s super overprotective and also super buff and will kick your ass.”

Jongdae doesn’t doubt it, he’d felt Junmyeon’s rock hard stomach when he’d bumped into him. Jongdae grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest. “Well how was I meant to know? You never even mentioned him.”

“Well, yeah, because you were interested in me, not him,” Baekhyun says, with an unspoken duh to his voice. “Talking about your boyfriend, let alone husband, to a dude you’re hitting on is… kind of a turn off.” Baekhyun just giggles childishly all over again. “Man, I’m literally on tinder for him. How could I not tell him?”

“You could’ve told me then,” Jongdae mutters, and Baekhyun just smiles at him, patting his cheek patronisingly.

“I assumed you just knew?” He pauses, pouting. “I guess I should’ve been more specific…” he blinks suddenly. “Wait, does this mean you just thought I was cheating on him and you were happy to indulge me?” As terrible as the words are coming from his mouth, Baekhyun speaks them with an odd amount of delight.

No,” Jongdae quickly argues. “I mean I… figured it was… an open relationship thing or something but then… we… yeah… and I realised I didn’t know the answer and didn’t want to find out?”

“‘Yeah’,” Baekhyun quotes, snorting into the back of his hand. God he’s so cute even when he’s ruining Jongdae’s life, fuck. “It’s not really an open relationship, but we kinda negotiated some new rules for you.”

Jongdae is about to open his mouth and find out the details exactly, but Junmyeon’s back with two glasses of wine in hand and saying, “What are you guys talking about?”

“Oh just that Jongdae thought I was cheating on you when we sexted,” Baekhyun replies conversationally as Jongdae splutters out nonsensical noises in an attempt to explain himself while Junmyeon just says ah and Baekhyun takes a sip of wine calmly, eyes twinkling.

“I didn’t--” Jongdae frantically says. “--I mean I, hoped otherwise--”

Junmyeon laughs, hiding it behind his hand, eyes curved. It’s soundless but breathy. “It’s fine Jongdae, really,” he shrugs as he takes a sip of wine. “I’d be confused about the situation too, it’s weird.”

Baekhyun hums noncommittally. “I mean, I really was only on tinder to find a third, but then I ended up liking you a lot more than I should have, so we changed the household rules a bit.”

Jongdae is simultaneously freaking out at the fact that Baekhyun just admitted to liking him, and freaking out at the fact that Baekhyun just admitted to liking him in front of his fucking husband.

“I--” Jongdae starts, and realises he has no idea what to say. “--.... Sorry?” He offers, it feels like the most he’s got for making Baekhyun and Junmyeon redefine their relationship just so he could flirt with Jongdae, what the hell.

“It’s fine,” Baekhyun shrugs. “Junmyeon was happy for me to have a little fun.” Baekhyun slides behind Junmyeon’s back at that, who laughs, and rests his chin on his shoulder, eyes still staring at Jongdae curiously the whole time, far too dark. “It’s a shame you don’t wanna take us up on the original offer, though.”

Jongdae swallows, laughing nervously through the thick tension. “Oh please,” he says, rolling his eyes jokingly and not enjoying the way Junmyeon and Baekhyun are just… watching him. “You two are clearly the hottest couple around, you shouldn’t even be using Tinder for that, it’s only filled with sad horny people like me.” Wow Jongdae really just said that out loud, didn’t he? “You could just like, go outside and people will be begging to join your threesome. Or just… go to a bar and pick someone up or--”

Junmyeon and Baekhyun exchange eye contact with knowing smiles on their faces and Jongdae thinks, ah. So that’s why they’re here.

“Besides,” he mutters, weakly. “I never technically declined the offer…”

The words are out before Jongdae can stop them, and Junmyeon is looking at him, a little stunned, while Baekhyun’s grin is just way too hungry.

“Oh?” Baekhyun prompts, Jongdae swallowing so loudly it’s audible and both Junmyeon and Baekhyun’s eyes flick down to his throat to watch his adam’s apple bob, looking like they want to tear it out with their tongue and teeth and holy shit, Jongdae is actually turned on just by having two hot people looking at him. Jesus christ he really is far too sad and far too fucking horny.

“Well I hadn’t met Junmyeon before now, so…” Jongdae trails off, but the weight of his words hit hard. Junmyeon’s face of surprise is oddly endearing, like he’s surprised Jongdae finds him that hot. Has Junmyeon ever seen a mirror???? The fact that Jongdae is rearranging his entire worldview after meeting Baekhyun and his hot husband is really--

“I should get back to my friends,” he blurts, suddenly, remembering that Chanyeol might be worried about him if he’s actually a good father and he does have places to be, places very far away from the two hottest people on the planet that Jongdae is pretty sure he just flirted with. He could invite them to join, but Jongdae isn’t that masochistic. “It was um, nice meeting you,” he tells Junmyeon. “And you… properly,” he adds, for Baekhyun’s sake. “But they’ll be waiting for me, so--”

“Oh,” Junmyeon says, disappointed. “That’s okay. It was nice meeting you too.” His smile is lopsided and makes Jongdae’s brain scream: FUCK.

“The offer always stands, by the way,” is all Baekhyun says, low-voiced and sly, and Jongdae takes a glass of water in his hand with a red face while quickly turning away so Baekhyun and Junmyeon won’t see him shiver. Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit.

“You okay?” Soojung asks as Jongdae returns to their table, still warm in the face and on edge a little, jittery.

“Fine!” Jongdae quickly replies, tuning into Yixing and Sunyoung’s conversation so he doesn’t have to excuse himself --Soojung gives him a worried frown, but lets it slide. Jongdae’s body is way too aware for all that his mind is drunk, and he bites his lip as his eyes flick to inside, wondering when Baekhyun and Junmyeon are going to leave --they’ll have to walk out through the courtyard Jongdae is sitting in if they want to. It makes him nervous, thighs bouncing, nails digging crescents into his palm --the thought of taking Baekhyun and Junmyeon up on their ‘offer’ speeds through Jongdae’s mind too quickly for him to process it, and he doesn’t know what to do.

Junmyeon and Baekhyun do leave eventually, exiting the bar arm in arm --as they do so, Baekhyun and Junmyeon both wave at him, smiles on their faces as Jongdae gives a small one back before Junmyeon tugs Baekhyun away, who’s animatedly saying something Jongdae can’t hear from this far away. Jongdae tries not to think about how good they look together, or the fact that they came to this bar to pick a third person up, yet left empty handed. It’s pretty clearly a failure for the both of them and yet, somehow, Jongdae also knows that Baekhyun and Junmyeon don’t see it that way.

Eventually it’s growing late, and people are tired and want to head home for the night even if it’s a Friday, because being old does that to you. They say goodbye to each other with hugs and kisses and then Chanyeol and Jongdae split an uber easily, Jongdae huddling on the side of the street as they wait, using Chanyeol to block the wind as he fists his hands into his pockets and closes his eyes, shuddering. His mind is beginning to clear up, a little, but after everything that’s happened tonight Jongdae just wants another drink.

“Who did you wave to before, by the way?” Chanyeol asks conversationally, having been too wrapped up in Jongin across the night to question earlier.

Jongdae just winces. “Hot tinder threesome guy.” Chanyeol’s eyes are like saucers. “And his partner in crime.” More like husband in crime, ugh.

“Wait, seriously?” Chanyeol asks in disbelief, and then bursts into laughter that’s so loud they’re going to get arrested for it at this time of night, Jongdae groaning aloud at it. “What the fuck, what were they like? Haven’t you been ghosting him?”

“Yes,” Jongdae admits reluctantly, and flinches. “They were....” he trails off, thinking of the words he wants to say. “... Really hot.” Jongdae slumps.

“Kyungsoo said you were lonely-horny tonight, what the hell,” Chanyeol blurts out, and then, “Oh, right. Crush.”

Crush is such a juvenile term when you’re a fully-grown adult who can’t make sense of feelings because technically Jongdae and Baekhyun have already sexted and you don’t do that with a crush, you do that with… things that have more definitive labels, and you certainly don’t flirt with a crush’s husband, and you probably don’t get prepositioned by your crush into having a threesome that you’re genuinely considering because they’re both that hot and you’re just that horny.

Jongdae’s face must look as pathetic as he feels, because Chanyeol pats his shoulder consolingly. “There there,” he offers, truly the wisest words of comfort. “If they’re so hot maybe you really should join their threesome,” Chanyeol snorts at his own joke. “God knows you’re horny enough for it, when was the last time you got laid anyway?” Jongdae opens his mouth. “Sexting doesn’t count.” Jongdae closes his mouth, lips pursed in thought.

“Uh,” he stalls. “Like……. A few months?”

Chanyeol whistles shortly in disbelief. “That’s a long time for you, hot tinder threesome guy really fucked you up, didn’t he?”

Jongdae grimaces in agreement, thinking about Baekhyun’s cute smile and his funny jokes and his arm around Junmyeon’s waist.

“Yeah,” Jongdae relents with a sigh. “He really did.”





Jongdae now has a habit of leaving his phone in a separate room just to keep himself from thinking about it. He feels like Eve, and his cracked android is his apple (ironic), and Jongdae doesn’t want to give into temptation and sin, but he keeps thinking about it. He’d thought about it the day after the bar, miraculously not hungover because Jongdae is blessed with a metabolism from God himself, he’d thought about it at work, he’d thought about it eating dinner with Kyungsoo, thought about it watching Netflix on his laptop. All he does is think about it, and he knows he’s fucked entirely because Jongdae had been considering it in the bar when he was smashed and irrational, so if he’s still thinking about it now, sober, then…

No, Jongdae can’t do it, won’t, not because he doesn’t want to, but because he knows it’s going to suck. You don’t have a threesome with a dude you’re crushing on and his hot husband you’re inappropriately in to, that’s just… messy. Very messy. Jongdae already sucks at no strings attached when his own feelings aren’t even involved, and this already has far too many strings in it, most of which belong to him.

Jongdae squeezes his eyes shut, and sighs, swivelling on his desk chair, phone face planted on the bed, and opens them again to stare at it. It’s mocking him, he knows, and Jongdae wriggles on his seat because he’s… antsy, keyed up, has been all fucking week just thinking.

“Fuck,” Jongdae relents, and it’s the moment he knows he’s cracked because he lunges for his phone, lying on his bed on his stomach, and re-downloads Tinder --the significance of this event is only made monumental by the fact that Jongdae is fucking horny, not lonely-horny, he’ll admit it, he can’t stop thinking about Baekhyun and Junmyeon both, yet he’s downloading Tinder.

The last messages he’s received are from Baekhyun asking if he’s okay, for him to reply, apologising if he’s made Jongdae uncomfortable, et cetera et cetera, and the long line of them makes Jongdae incredibly guilty, wincing as he thumbs through them, spread out over a week or so before Baekhyun had just given up altogether. He probably should’ve gotten Baekhyun’s number at the bar or something but in his drunken panic Jongdae hadn’t even considered it. Besides, he’s assuming Baekhyun has kept tinder all this time, just for him.

It’s five p.m, Baekhyun should be home from work and Jongdae shouldn’t be doing this, but the weight of how much he wants it even though it will destroy him pushes him forward --suddenly, Eve has become a much more relatable figure. Swallowing, Jongdae types out a message.



about your offer...


As always, Baekhyun’s reply is instantaneous.


thought ud never ask






Baekhyun invites Jongdae over to his shared apartment with Junmyeon Friday night for dinner and Jongdae spends so much time staring at himself in the mirror and wondering what the fuck he’s doing he ends up being a little late. The whole drive there he spends anxiously tapping on his steering wheel and fiddling with the radio incessantly, and by the time he arrives he manages to find a spot down the street he can pull into, getting out of the car and staring at the apartment building.

“What am I doing?” Jongdae asks no one. “What the fuck am I doing?”

He doesn’t know, but his feet seem to be moving of their own accord as he presses the number for apartment forty-one, filled with jitters. Baekhyun’s voice comes through the intercom sweetly with a “Hey!! It’s floor five.” And there’s a click as the glass door pushes open beneath Jongdae’s palm, stepping into the elevator.

The walls are made of mirrors, so Jongdae stares at his reflection in it as the elevator sails up and for the umpteenth time, says, “What the fuck am I doing?”

He should’ve talked to Kyungsoo about this, or maybe even Chanyeol, or maybe literally anyone to see if they thought this was a good idea. Except Jongdae doesn’t even need someone else to tell his irrational mind it’s a bad idea, because he knows full well it is… yet here he is. Doing it. Truly amazing.

The elevator doors open, and Jongdae swallows as he steps out, Baekhyun waiting for him, leaning against the doorframe, a smile on his face. He’s dressed in dark, tight-fitting jeans and a plain white sweater with a barcode printed on it that hangs past his fingertips and sits mid-thigh, blonde hair messy in a stylistic way, looking so good yet so casual Jongdae kind of wants to cry.

“And here I was thinking you’d ghost me again with cold feet,” Baekhyun says, tilting his head so that his smile is lopsided.

Jongdae laughs nervously. “If you want me to leave that badly, then--”

“No,” Baekhyun replies, and both of his hands wrap around Jongdae’s left wrist, tugging him inwards and through the door, biting his bottom lip. “I don’t.”

Jongdae only swallows as he’s pulled into the lion’s den, and the door shuts behind him with a quiet click, cementing his fate. Jongdae toes off his shoes and lines them up neatly on a space in the rack then cranes his neck as he admires their apartment. Jongdae had known it was a nice neighbourhood --close to where he works, actually-- the moment Baekhyun had given his address but he hadn’t expected it to be this nice, nearly twice as big as Jongdae’s own shared apartment with Kyungsoo, and they don’t even sleep in the same bed. The entry way is grandiose and neat with blinding white walls and dark oak floorboards, polished, lined with framed photographs and expensive looking art pieces.

“Aren’t you…” Jongdae starts, trailing off. “... A school teacher?”

Baekhyun laughs then, finding Jongdae’s shock comical obviously. “I am,” he confirms, which is good to know that he hadn’t been lying about, because Jongdae is becoming weirdly aware of the fact that he just randomly entered the apartment of two barely-more-than strangers. Well, Baekhyun isn’t a stranger, but this is only the second time they’ve met face-to-face. “Junmyeon’s old money, but don’t say it to his face, he gets offended like being called rich is an insult or something.”

It’s an offhand comment, but it’s spoken with such easy familiarity to it that it makes Jongdae feel weirdly out of place --Baekhyun and Junmyeon are married, why the fuck is Jongdae here?

“Perfect timing,” Junmyeon smiles as Baekhyun leads him to the living room, where a variety of take out containers are spread across the table. “Food just got here.”

“Neither of us can cook,” Baekhyun explains quickly, laughing loudly to cover up his sheepishness.

“Well, I can’t judge you for it,” Jongdae explains, hesitantly taking the lone spot at the opposite side of the table, slinging his coat over the back of the chair and swallowing. “My roommate has to cook everything for me.”

“Kyungsoo, right?” Baekhyun asks and Jongdae blinks at him, shocked that he’s remembered. “Is he any good?”

“It’s bland sometimes,” Jongdae admits with a shrug. “But not too bad.”

“Do you want something to drink?” Junmyeon offers from the kitchen with two wine glasses in hand and a metal cup of chopsticks.

“I’ll just have whatever you’re having,” Jongdae says with a hesitant smile, and Junmyeon returns to the table with three wine glasses, placing the chopsticks in the centre and pouring out a dark red from a fancy label Jongdae doesn’t recognise but assumes is expensive.

“Hope you like Japanese,” Junmyeon says as he starts opening the plastic containers, filled with noodles and rice dishes and a platter of sashimi.

“I’ll eat anything honestly,” Jongdae admits greedily, rubbing his palms together. Ah, free food.

Baekhyun’s smile is wry. “Good to know.”

They eat happily in silence for a moment merely appreciating the food as Jongdae has a mouthful of wine and is surprised at the taste --Baekhyun explains that Junmyeon is a wine snob, and that he himself couldn’t even stand the stuff but pretended to like it for Junmyeon’s sake until the ruse stopped being a ruse.

“Our… what? Fifth date or something was to a winery,” Baekhyun says, as Junmyeon only nods, noodles hanging out of his mouth. “Worst date of my life.”

Jongdae cackles at that, snorting before he can stop himself.

“By the fifth shiraz Baekhyun just gripped my shoulders and asked me if wine was going to be a dealbreaker or not,” Junmyeon snickers as Baekhyun groans a little bit in embarrassment.

“Oh come on, I was nineteen and still didn’t know how a washing machine works,” he whines. “Junmyeon was twenty, graduating that year and wore Armani shoes.” Jongdae’s sides are beginning to hurt. “It really felt like it would be!!!”

“I felt terrible because Baekhyun had really emphasized that he liked wine, I thought he’d enjoy going to a vineyard,” Junmyeon continues, smiling at Baekhyun with an amount of fondness words can’t describe. “I should’ve realised he was lying the moment he pronounced the ‘t’ in merlot.”

“After that I think we stopped lying to each other,” Baekhyun reminisces happily, and Jongdae doesn’t know what to do with the look they’re giving one another across the table, so he breaks the silence.  

“How did you two meet, then?” He asks, curious because by his astounding mental calculations, Baekhyun and Junmyeon have been together for at least seven years. Seven. Jongdae’s never had a relationship last more than one. It begs him to question again what he’s doing here, and why he doesn’t just stand up, grab his coat, and leave.

“We did our uni’s musical together when I was a second year, but--” Baekhyun begins explaining as Junmyeon reaches for his wine glass and mutters, oh here we go again. “--Junmyeon was trying to get into the female lead’s pants.”

Junmyeon groans. “I swear he says this every time,” he tells Jongdae, exasperated. “I was not, it’s called being polite.”

“Sure thing babe,” Baekhyun says patronisingly, patting Junmyeon’s cheek, who just looks way too offended. “Anyway, I was suffering from a little unrequited love situation, so it was a struggle.”

Jongdae just laughs in disbelief, cradling his wine glass to his chest. “So what did you do?”

Baekhyun huffs proudly. “Upped my game, obviously.”

Junmyeon rolls his eyes. “No, Baekhyun had always been about as subtle as a brick wall, but I found it endearing.” Junmyeon clarifies, which Jongdae snorts at while Baekhyun whines in offense. “I didn’t really want to date while we still had rehearsals, though, so once the show was over I asked him out.”

“It was a terrible first date,” Baekhyun quickly continues, and Jongdae can see that his hand is intertwined with Junmyeon’s beneath the table. “I spilt coffee all over us, we got rained on, and Junmyeon’s car broke down.” They’re both grinning. “Somehow that just made it even more special.”

They’re doing that look at each other thing that makes the noodles in Jongdae’s mouth taste bad, so he swallows dutifully and asks, “When did you guys get married?”

“Last spring, actually,” Baekhyun answers. “Coming up on our first year.”

“Baekhyun proposed at his graduation dinner for his teacher’s degree,” Junmyeon laughs softly. “Said he needed to find a way to one-up his cohort.”

“And damn did I,” Baekhyun says smugly, causing Junmyeon to pinch his ear to scold him and Baekhyun yelping in response, Jongdae unable to do anything but laugh.

The conversation continues on after that until all the food is gone but the wine is still plentiful, Junmyeon asking questions about Jongdae and his career and Jongdae doing the same right back because they don’t really know much about each other, discovering Junmyeon is an interior designer before glancing around the lavish apartment and saying, “That makes sense.”

“Oh please,” Baekhyun replies, huffing. “We have a housekeeper. If Junmyeon had full reign of this place the only decor would be his crusty cereal bowls.”

A housekeeper, Jesus. It’s like with every word Baekhyun and Junmyeon feel the need to make Jongdae feel out of his depth, drowning, but then they look at him and ask a question and suddenly he’s gasping for air all over again, a rinse-and-repeat cycle through a washing machine that only stops for respite every now and again. It’s weird, because it doesn’t feel like someone third-wheeling a couple, even though Junmyeon and Baekhyun obviously know each other better than the back of their hands, it’s more like… hanging out with two friends that just happen to be together. For all that Jongdae thinks he should feel excluded --and does, in the littlest of moments-- Baekhyun and Junmyeon are good at changing his mind, they don’t talk about anything without making sure he understands the details, they don’t have inside jokes or share knowing looks; in fact, Jongdae’s the centre of attention so much it makes him dizzy.

It’s so easy to lose himself in it, the food and the wine and the conversation and to forget the reason he’s supposed to be here, how Jongdae managed to end up here in the first place. The reality of the situation only comes crashing down when Baekhyun suggests they move to comfier seating for 'dessert', and Jongdae has no idea whether that’s an innuendo or not, blood drumming in his ears.

Junmyeon says he’ll get the food, so Jongdae immediately relaxes and offers to help him. Not an innuendo, then.

“Jongdae, I’m fine,” Junmyeon waves him out of the kitchen. “I can carry two plates on my own.”

“I want to help,” Jongdae insists, stepping forward to take a plate of cheese and crackers out of Junmyeon’s hand. “So let me.”

Junmyeon pulls a face, but eventually relents as Jongdae smiles charmingly at him. It’s only after a few tense seconds of silence that Jongdae becomes aware of how close they are, standing by the kitchen counter, and swiftly steps back, clearing his throat. Junmyeon’s eyes bore holes into the back of his head as he walks to Baekhyun in the living room, settling the platter on the centere coffee table.

Baekhyun’s sitting on the single sofa with his knees curled up, cradling his wine glass. As Jongdae puts down the platter, he says, “You two are so bourgeoisie, you know that, right?”

Baekhyun laughs, loud and beautiful. “Why do you think I married him?” He asks rhetorically, right as Junmyeon returns with a platter of dips and another bottle of wine. “It wasn’t for his personality or looks, I assure you.”

Junmyeon rolls his eyes as Baekhyun just blows him a kiss, and Jongdae can’t help but laugh.

“You make me feel out of my depth,” he admits, and that causes them both to pause, looking at him patiently. Jongdae hadn’t meant to say that out loud, really, but he’s tipsy and loose-tongued and fuck, he flushes hot under their gaze, out of embarrassment or something else, Jongdae doesn’t know.

“What does that mean?” Junmyeon asks softly, concerned.

“Oh just that--” Jongdae laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck as he takes a spot on the longer couch, Junmyeon on the other side. “--You know, I’m still a broke starving student and you guys have your whole life together, living the bougie dream.”

Already married, financially stable, full-time jobs… Jongdae feels somewhat… unworthy.

“I don’t think anyone really has their life together,” Baekhyun muses, slicing off a piece of blue goat’s cheese --man, even their cheese is expensive. “Just because we drink nice wine doesn’t mean I know how to do taxes or Junmyeon understands how a dishwasher works.” Baekhyun snorts. “If anything, we probably drink nice wine to pretend we look like we understand taxes or dishwashers.”

Jongdae understands dishwashers and taxes --well, the latter to the best of his ability-- and the thought relaxes him. “So it’s all just a ruse, then?” He teases. “You’re not even married, just pretending?”

“Mhmm,” Baekhyun lazily hums around his mouthful. “We lure pretty boys in with promises of threesomes and fake identities as filthy bourgeoisie so we can drug them with wine and sell their organs on the blackmarket.”

Jongdae snorts to cover up his blush at both the threesome comment and being called pretty. “You wouldn’t want my organs,” he says. “I drink so much alcohol my liver is just a sad, shriveled lump. Years of college living off of only dry cup noodles has reduced my stomach to a barren wasteland.”

“I’m sure we’ll find something worth taking,” Junmyeon jokes, leaning forward on the couch and placing his palm over Jongdae’s chest, who gulps as his heart thunders in his ribcage, undoubtedly able to be felt by Junmyeon. “This one seems to still be working.”

“You can’t have that one,” Jongdae croaks out weakly. “I need it.”

Baekhyun laughs, Junmyeon pulls back, and the tension dissolves. “Unlike your liver or stomach, which are optional organs.”

“I photosynthesise,” Jongdae shrugs easily. Junmyeon and Baekhyun both laugh at that.

They continue talking as the night grows on, chewing their way through wheels of cheese even though they’re meant to be full from dinner. Being with Baekhyun and Junmyeon… it’s fun, really fun, takes Jongdae out of his sour mood as he laughs harder than he has in a long time, enjoys himself in good company more than he has in a long time... the only problem is that it keeps dying short because Jongdae is fucking nervous.

He can’t help it, not with the way Baekhyun and Junmyeon have ramped up their flirting, with Baekhyun’s teasing little comments and the excuses Junmyeon keeps making to lean across the couch and touch Jongdae, poke his stomach, pinch his ear, have his arm stretch across the back of the couch and rest it on the nape of Jongdae’s neck. It’s keying him up, making his mind too aware of what’s about to come, his body too aware of everything else, which is probably why Jongdae cracks, standing suddenly and saying, “Bathroom?”

“Down the hall first door on the left,” Baekhyun answers easily, and Jongdae can feel their eyes watching him as he leaves.

While too much wine flushes down the toilet, Jongdae splashes his face at the sink, staring at himself in the mirror. He’d meant to dress nice today, with his dark, tight-fitting shirt and even putting in his favourite silver hoops, helix piercing catching the light in the bathroom mirror, but somehow now, looking at his reflection, Jongdae just feels out of his depth all over again, like he’s not even half as beautiful enough as he should be to be worthy of being with Baekhyun and Junmyeon.

“Remember when your internal monologue said only people with less than half a brain have threesomes with couples from Tinder?” Jongdae asks his reflection. “That’s you. You’re the idiot with less than half a brain.”

He laughs a little at his own ridiculousness, then dries off his hands and heads back out, slowing his breathing down as he shuts the bathroom door. It’s okay, Jongdae reasons, he’d come here knowing exactly what he was getting in to, and he’s prepared for it. Sure it’s really stupidly intimidating to conceptualise having a threesome with a married couple that probably know each other better than they know themselves and who Jongdae might have inappropriate amounts of feelings for --which he shouldn’t, because they’re married to each other--  but it’ll be okay. They’ll fuck, Jongdae will get it out of his system, and then he can leave this dark part of his past behind forever.

Junmyeon and Baekhyun are speaking in low voices when Jongdae returns to the living room, cutting short as he returns, and he says, “What’re you guys talking about?” With a lopsided smile as he retakes his seat.

Baekhyun bites his lip as he exchanges eye contact with Junmyeon, then Junmyeon says, “You know we don’t have to do anything, right?”

Jongdae blinks, confused. “Huh?”

“We’re not trying to force you into doing anything you don’t want to,” Baekhyun clarifies, placing his wine glass on the coffee table as he leans forward, expression soft. “If you want to go home tonight without anything happening, that’s fine.”

“Just consider it us getting to know you,” Junmyeon offers. “We don’t need to rush things if you don’t want to.”

“But--” Jongdae starts to say, and the words die in his throat. He doesn’t want to go home tonight without anything having happened because this feels like his only opportunity --Baekhyun and Junmyeon are way out of Jongdae’s league, and it seems like if he lets this one slip he’s not going to get it again. Jongdae shakes his head. “--Have you guys ever done this before?” He asks instead, because it’s been on his mind, really, burning curiosity.

“No,” Baekhyun answers, which surprises Jongdae and must show on his face, because Baekhyun laughs. “Truth be told I didn’t even want to do it, originally, but it’s one of Junmyeon’s long-standing fantasies.”

Jongdae turns to Junmyeon, taken aback, who’s gone a little red in the face, clearing his throat roughly.  “And Baekhyun is the one dedicated to fulfilling each other’s kinks to keep this marriage alive, so...”

Jongdae laughs at that, because they haven’t even been married for a year, yet it seems like exactly the sort of attitude Baekhyun would take.

“I knew Junmyeon would never put himself  --er, ourselves-- out there, so I did it for him,” Baekhyun continues, shrugging. “Then we saw you, and I started changing my mind.”

Jongdae blinks at that, stunned, can’t even picture Baekhyun and Junmyeon swiping through Tinder together and both agreeing on him, of all people…

“Then you told me you had no interest in a threesome, but you seemed to have plenty of interest in me,” Jongdae turns red at that. “So… I don’t know, we had to talk a lot about how it would work if I started seeing you on the side, but now you’re here anyway. So to answer your question, no, this is equally as confusing and new for us as it is for you, we’re all starting off on equal footing, I think.”

It’s oddly reassuring to hear, that Baekhyun and Junmyeon aren’t as sure of themselves as they might appear to be, that Jongdae will be their first threesome as much as they are Jongdae’s. It feels less like Jongdae being added onto a couple and more like three people starting off on even ground, which is weird, Jongdae thinks, because it’s not like they’re dating --can three people even do that, simultaneously?-- but the same sort of rules are applying.

“Okay,” Jongdae relents, shoulders relaxing. “Knowing that helps, actually.” He swallows, feeling braver. “And, just so you know…” he trails off, gazes flicking between Baekhyun and Junmyeon almost nervously. “... I do… want this. I’m not chickening out, I came here with a purpose, and if both of you are fine with it then. I… want… to…” … Maybe die, Jongdae’s ears are burning through the embarrassment as he shirks into his shoulders, unable to say yes, I would like to have a threesome with you two.

“Are you sure?” Baekhyun asks, head propped up in his hand as he looks at Jongdae sideways, eyes dark, his last chance to back out. (Well, not really, but his last chance to back out without anything having happened, probably.) Jongdae nods slowly. “In that case...” Baekhyun stands, eyes trained on Jongdae the whole time as he moves forward and sits on the edge of the couch, forcing Jongdae to move sideways until he’s squished into Junmyeon, who’s watching Jongdae just as hungrily. “Kiss him,” Baekhyun demands.

Jongdae gulps, turning to Junmyeon, who offers him a little helpless shrug as if to say, go for it if you want. Jongdae blinks, caught off-guard, and feels strange under Baekhyun and Junmyeon’s gaze as they just patiently wait for him to do something --but it’s not, Jongdae realises, an unpleasant sensation.

Slowly, he cups Junmyeon’s chin with his palm as he twists awkwardly on the couch, and Junmyeon’s eyes fall shut while Jongdae gently presses their mouths together. It’s fucking bizarre to think about the fact that Jongdae is kissing a dude’s husband in front of the dude himself, but he doesn’t need his mind right now, doesn’t need its incessant ramblings and its worries, all he needs is to feel, to lose himself in this, and have some absolutely mind-blowing threesome sex without worrying about the consequences on his heart.

So Jongdae opens the kiss, Junmyeon making a small noise of surprise, and straddles over Junmyeon’s lap bravely as he deepens it, runs his tongue along Junmyeon’s bottom lip and licks into his mouth, hungry and desperate. Junmyeon’s hands grip onto Jongdae’s hips as if he’s trying to steady himself, and it only makes Jongdae feel that much more confident as he starts kissing down Junmyeon’s neck instead with small little licks and bites, Junmyeon just tilting his head for better access, all too pliable beneath Jongdae.

Jongdae opens his eyes and meets Baekhyun’s, who is watching them on the other end of the couch with his head propped up on his elbow, looking at Jongdae unwaveringly with an unreadable, dark expression. Jongdae only maintains that eye contact as he moves back to Junmyeon’s mouth and sucks on his tongue, causing Junmyeon to moan beneath him, and he expects Baekhyun to have a reaction, but he doesn’t, merely stands and… starts clearing the plates?

Okay, well, Jongdae is going to just let him do that while he continues making out with Junmyeon then, who’s growing harder under Jongdae’s ass with each passing second. Jongdae grinds down a little in a tight, small circle just to hear Junmyeon’s breathless whine as his hips buck up in reflex, and Jongdae grins against Junmyeon’s wine-stained mouth, empowered.

The couch dips in weight as Baekhyun returns, simply watching them, wordless, but eventually he says, “Bedroom, maybe, Myeonnie?”

Junmyeon gives a lazy hum in agreement, and his mouth disconnects from Jongdae’s when he stands suddenly and Jongdae yelps as he nearly falls back but Junmyeon catches him just in time, hands underneath Jongdae’s thighs to wrap them around his waist as Jongdae’s arms hook around Junmyeon’s neck for balance.

“Show off,” Jongdae mumbles. Junmyeon just grins up at him charmingly.

“I’m being a good host,” he says, and Jongdae can hear Baekhyun laughing down the hall.

“I do have two working feet and dignity, though,” Jongdae comments wryly, definitely not thinking about how much Junmyeon’s strength is a turn on as he walks them to the bedroom.

“You should get used to me carrying you,” Junmyeon offers. “Something tells me you won’t be able to walk properly tomorrow.”

Jongdae turns red at that, speechless, and he can only stare at Junmyeon with affronted eyes as Junmyeon lies Jongdae down on the bed and says, “All yours, babe.”

Jongdae barely has time to register anything, the king-sized bed, the walk-in wardrobe and ensuite, the fancy art decorating the walls and the bazillion thread-count sheets beneath him before Baekhyun is happily crawling over Jongdae, obscuring his view, monopolising his attention, and kissing him.

Baekhyun is, admittedly, a sloppier kisser than Junmyeon, which is kind of weird for Jongdae to think about because he’s never been in a situation where he’s kissed multiple people successively enough to make such an accurate comparison. However, it’s still Baekhyun, and Jongdae is still ramped up from making out with Junmyeon, though, so he doesn’t care that much as Baekhyun gives him slow, sweet sticky kisses and drags his hands up Jongdae’s abdomen, Jongdae raising his arms above his head on the mattress so Baekhyun can disconnect their lips for a split second just to pull his shirt off.

The bed dips as Junmyeon kneels on the edge of it, holding a bottle of lube and some condoms, and Jongdae gulps at the sight, squeezing his eyes shut in a brief attempt to get his body to calm down. It feels like all his nerves are on fire and nobody’s even touching him yet, fuck. How is he going to last?

Baekhyun smooths a hand down Jongdae’s thigh and pries them apart gently, repositioning so that he’s between Jongdae’s legs and pressing their dicks together, rolling them, once, with just enough pressure that Jongdae cries out because he hadn’t even realised just how fucking hard he is until now, and suddenly Baekhyun grinding against him isn’t enough.

“God you’re so beautiful,” Baekhyun breathes out as he pulls back, and suddenly he’s fisting his hand through Junmyeon’s shirt to tug him in for a frustrated kiss and Jongdae’s eyes widen as they make out above him, rolling his hips experimentally just to watch Baekhyun gasp against Junmyeon’s lips. It should be alienating to watch them kiss like this, undoubtedly making out like they have a hundred times before, but it isn't. If anything, it just makes Jongdae want this even more.

Jongdae sits up so he can begin unbuttoning Junmyeon’s shirt as he and Baekhyun just keep passionately kissing, and, curiously, Jongdae smooths his hands down Junmyeon’s hard chest and abs, feeling the way his muscles flex and tense beneath Jongdae’s palm. It’s invigorating, how responsive Junmyeon is, and it just makes Jongdae want them to hurry this up. Guessing by the condoms and lube, Baekhyun and Junmyeon have plans in mind, and Jongdae wants to see them come to fruition, wants to fulfil all of Junmyeon’s threesome fantasies and have them both unravelled beneath his hands and mouth. Jongdae wants to ruin both of them and wants both of them to ruin him, and the thought is so arousing Jongdae can’t help but buck his hips a little, seeking more friction.

“Get more naked,” he tells both of them eagerly, as they pause in their kissing briefly to pull back and laugh, foreheads pressed together.

Baekhyun easily slides Junmyeon’s unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders and tugs his own sweater off overhead,  turning to Jongdae before asking, “Any other demands, master?”

Jongdae pinches Baekhyun’s stomach before lying down for the snark, hair fanning out behind him, and replies, “No, you guys obviously have plans.” Jongdae smirks a little as he gestures to the bottle of lube. “Just live out your weird couple threesome fantasies already.”

Junmyeon licks his lips saying, “Are you sure?” While Jongdae shrugs, heartbeat betraying his calm exterior. “You don’t even know what we want.”

“I trust you,” Jongdae easily replies, and Baekhyun pulls back to shimmy off his jeans, hopping around awkwardly since they’re too tight and causing Junmyeon and Jongdae to both laugh.

“In that case,” Baekhyun says, breathless as he gets naked, fast. “Let’s get to it then. We can live out Jongdae’s fantasies next time.”

Next time? Jongdae opens his mouth to ask about that insinuation aloud, but he’s cut off by the sight of Junmyeon also standing to rid himself of his pants, reaching for his own fly to do much the same.

“Nah-uh,” Baekhyun warns as his hand suddenly stops Jongdae’s in mid-air, crawling over him again. “That’s not a part of the fantasy.”

Jongdae gulps, wondering how much control he’s surrendered to these two and wondering if he’s meant to care about the fact, then Baekhyun, completely naked is kissing down Jongdae’s abdomen, and coherent thought becomes a pipe dream. Baekhyun begins tugging off Jongdae’s pants while pressing kisses along his waistline.

“Not undoing my fly with your teeth?” Jongdae asks, delivery falling flat from how breathless he is. “Disappointing.”

“People can actually do that?” Junmyeon asks, blinking cutely. Jongdae just snorts and wraps a hand around Junmyeon’s wrist to tug him down for an awkwardly angled kiss, distracting himself from Baekhyun’s long, pretty fingers drawing mindless patterns over his abdomen.

Junmyeon pulls away for a breath of air, and Baekhyun tosses the bottle of lube at him, which Junmyeon catches in one hand.

“Nice,” Jongdae snorts at Junmyeon’s suave-ness as Baekhyun scoffs and says, “Fluke.”

Junmyeon just gives a proud little grin, and Baekhyun adds, “You know how to use that, right?”

It doesn’t occur to Jongdae that Baekhyun is talking to him until too much silence has passed, propping himself up on his elbows. “Huh?”

Junmyeon hands Jongdae the bottle, confused. “Do you need a walkthrough?” Baekhyun jokes.

“A youtube tutorial would be better,” Jongdae replies dryly, fingers curling around the bottle. “Or a wikihow article.” He dangles the object in mid-air. “You wanna watch me finger myself or what?” He’s all for Junmyeon and Baekhyun doing their thing, but Jongdae is gonna need people to use their words.

Both Baekhyun and Junmyeon’s eyes darken at that, but then Junmyeon says, “No, it’s for me.”

Jongdae’s eyebrows raise. “Oh,” he says lamely. “In that case…”

Jongdae pushes himself until he’s sitting upright, then turns to face Junmyeon beside him, and kisses him, Junmyeon leaning against the headboard with a sigh as Jongdae pours lube into his palm and runs it slowly up and down the length of Junmyeon’s dick, who bucks a little into the tight ring of Jongdae’s fingers. Baekhyun just crawls forward until he’s beside them on the mattress, watching silently, and Jongdae would tease him for his obvious voyeurism kink if his mouth wasn’t a little occupied.

It’s been a while since Jongdae has had sex --by his horny self’s standards-- and especially longer since he’s had sex like this, but muscle memory resurfaces easily as Jongdae’s fingers press against Junmyeon’s perineum so that he gasps sharply, pushing in with one finger, then two.

Junmyeon rocking back onto Jongdae’s fingers is dizzying, and Junmyeon reaches behind himself to push Jongdae's hand deeper, finding that spot that causes him to sigh happily, dick hardening in front of Jongdae easily, who reaches forward with his free hand to give it slow, mildly uncoordinated strokes.

Jongdae’s so focused on Junmyeon he forgets all about Baekhyun, unused to another person in the room, until there are hands on his dick, stroking it to hardness, and Jongdae has to bury his face in the crook of Junmyeon’s neck to muffle his moan, Junmyeon’s hand resting at the nape of his neck and leaving encouraging strokes. Fuck, threesomes are so overwhelming.

Baekhyun rolls a condom over Jongdae’s dick, who lets him, and says, “Fuck him.” Although maybe it’s more of an order. The harshness of Baekhyun’s tone is diluted by the gentle kiss he leaves between Jongdae’s shoulder blades, mumbling, “Let me see you take care of him.”

Jongdae pulls back for air, and to let Baekhyun and Junmyeon exchange a slow, sweet kiss. Jongdae can’t say that this is what he’d expected --it’s not all that threesome-y, really-- but he’s not complaining. Junmyeon is beautiful, and Jongdae wants to make him scream --Baekhyun watching them both only makes Jongdae want to prove himself more.

Jongdae thrusts in slowly, and Junmyeon immediately moans into Baekhyun’s mouth, who deepens the kiss because of it. Already Jongdae feels like he’s going to burst if he’s not careful, blood thrumming with arousal, and as he closes his eyes to catch his breath he builds up a steady rhythm, rocking into Junmyeon and increasing pace until the headboard begins to knock against the wall behind it.

“Shit,” Jongdae breathes out, gripping onto Junmyeon’s waist to pull him in as his thrusting grows harder, faster, deeper.

“Is he good?” Baekhyun asks quietly, so softly Jongdae almost hadn’t heard it over the sound of skin slapping and Junmyeon’s breathless gasps, murmuring the question against Junmyeon’s skin as he presses kisses over his foreheads, his cheeks.

“So good,” Junmyeon replies, panting, fingers curling into the sheets beside him and going white-knuckled. “So fucking good.”  

Jongdae doesn’t have a witty quip for that, so he just stays silent, focuses on trying to get Junmyeon to sing more praise, crying out as his back arches when Jongdae gives a particularly hard thrust without warning. Baekhyun is just watching them, smothering Junmyeon with kisses, eyes trained to the point where Jongdae’s dick thrusts into him with dark eyes. Jongdae wonders what Baekhyun enjoys about this, is it a masochistic sense of jealousy? Or does he just enjoy Junmyeon being destroyed that much?

He almost wants to ask, but then Baekhyun sitting over Junmyeon’s stomach to kiss Jongdae, and Jongdae’s eyes fall shut in the face of Baekhyun’s tongue in his mouth, hips faltering somewhat as his concentration breaks. A hand leaves Junmyeon’s hips to trail up Baekhyun’s smooth waist, scraping his nails lightly over the skin until it reaches his cheek and Jongdae cups his face gently, tilting his head as the angle of the kiss changes.

His hand trails down again, over Baekhyun’s neck and collarbones, his abdomen, and Baekhyun moans so suddenly that Jongdae is confused because he isn’t touching him yet, eyebrows scrunching together and freezing completely when he opens his eyes and realises just why Baekhyun is gasping like that.

Junmyeon has his hands spreading Baekhyun open, face buried between his thighs, making obscene wet noises as he eats Baekhyun out, Baekhyun grinding back on his face.

“Oh my god,” Jongdae blurts, horrified at how turn on he’s become from Junmyeon and Baekhyun wordlessly knowing what the other wants. Baekhyun grins cheekily as he pushes back against Junmyeon’s tongue, then gasps and tilts his head back, Jongdae taking the opportunity to nip at his throat and run his hand up and down Baekhyun’s cock, arm wedged awkwardly between their bodies.

It’s… a lot, Jongdae fucking Junmyeon, Junmyeon fucking Baekhyun with his tongue, Baekhyun moaning loudly between them, rocking forward into Jongdae’s hand and back into Junmyeon’s face. They won’t be able to last long like this --or at least, Jongdae won’t-- their bodies are so close together, the room too hot, and there’s way too much to focus on, too much friction, too much skin, Jongdae torn between thrusting into Junmyeon beneath him, watching the way Junmyeon eats Baekhyun out, or admiring Baekhyun’s desperate pleas and faces of pleasure as he bucks into Jongdae’s hand.

It’s too much, and Jongdae lets out a breathless gasp as he comes, riding it out inside Junmyeon, who rolls his hips to help him through it. Pulling out, Jongdae squeezes his eyes shut to stop his ears ringing from how hard he’d just come, and quickly replaces his dick with his fingers, letting go of Baekhyun in the process but causing Junmyeon to moan with Baekhyun still on top of him.

Junmyeon’s right hand takes Jongdae’s old position, and it’s intoxicating to watch, the familiarity with which Junmyeon jerks Baekhyun off, the way Baekhyun rides his face, and the way Junmyeon can’t stop clenching around Jongdae’s fingers, way too close. Baekhyun cries out as he comes, landing on his stomach, and Junmyeon follows when Jongdae licks his tongue up along the length of Junmyeon’s dick and wraps his mouth around the head, sucking.

He doesn’t swallow all of Junmyeon’s come, some landing on his lips and face when he pulls back too early, but it doesn’t bother Jongdae as Baekhyun greedily hooks his fingers under Jongdae’s chin and pulls him into a kiss, licking every drop of Junmyeon’s come away.

“Fuck,” is all Junmyeon says, and that’s all it takes for Baekhyun to laugh and pull back, biting his lip almost bashfully as he meets Jongdae’s gaze from beneath his eyelashes then pulls of off Junmyeon altogether, falling back onto the mattress.

“Did that fulfill all your fantasies, honey?” Baekhyun asks sweetly, and Junmyeon just nods, a little dazed and out of it. Jongdae can relate.

“Even better than I expected,” Junmyeon admits, pushing himself until he’s sitting, wincing a little in the process. “And that’s why having a threesome was a fantasy,” he adds matter-of-factly, Baekhyun just giggling in response until Junmyeon leans towards him and Baekhyun pushes him back with two fingers in the middle of his chest.

“No thank you,” he says pointedly. “I know where that mouth has been.” Junmyeon pouts cutely, and Baekhyun just presses a kiss to his forehead instead. Now that the sex is over, dread creeps over Jongdae, replacing the high of a mindblowing orgasm, and he becomes aware of his discomfort, not just at all the sweat or lube or saliva or come covering him (yum) but at how he’s returned to the life of a third wheel, just like that.

Because now it’s over, Baekhyun and Junmyeon have gotten their threesome, and suddenly Jongdae has no purpose here.

“Can I shower--?” Jongdae asks awkwardly. He can’t go home like this, and he needs to get away from Baekhyun and Junmyeon both before this begins to hurt any more than it already does.

“I’ll grab you some towels,” Baekhyun suggests, leading Jongdae to the hallway closet and giving him a spare toothbrush from under the sink in their ensuite for his alleged ‘come breath’, which makes Jongdae laugh reluctantly. Baekhyun shuts the door behind him, and Jongdae struggles with trying to work out how the shower taps function before figuring it out and sighing as the hot water washes over him, indulgently using the first body wash he sees and realising it smells like Junmyeon, minty and clean.

Jongdae towels off his hair, staring at his reflection, and quietly asks, “What did I just do?”

He doesn’t want to regret it --can’t, really, not in the scheme of things, not with how good it had felt and how well it had gone, but… well, he certainly regrets the aftermath of it, that’s for sure. Now, because of an impulsive decision, Jongdae’s going to have to walk out here with his heart more splintered than it should be. He really likes Baekhyun and Junmyeon, both of them, wants to keep being with them and spending time with them and seeing where this goes, and the realisation is startling, how his chest swells at the thought, to like two people at once, together, by themselves, in any combination, it doesn’t matter; what matters is that they already have each other, and Jongdae is just an excuse to flare up their sex life.

And that sucks.

Not that Baekhyun and Junmyeon have used him, or anything, because Jongdae did this extremely willingly, but still…... Still………………….

Jongdae winces when he realises he’d left his clothes on the bedroom floor, and toes out of the ensuite, where Baekhyun and Junmyeon are cuddling lazily on the bed, Baekhyun resting his head on Junmyeon’s chest as Junmyeon just runs his fingers through Baekhyun’s hair with an indescribable amount of fondness in his eyes.

As soon as Jongdae enters, they look to him, and the expression fades away. Junmyeon groans as he stands up, and pinches Jongdae’s butt as he walks past him.

“Tag team,” he says cheekily, as Jongdae yelps at the pinch and places his hands over his butt in embarrassment, fumbling to stop his towel from falling to the ground. “Baekhyun’s a chronic cuddler.”

What?” “C’mere,” Baekhyun says childishly as he makes grabby hands at Jongdae, Junmyeon walking away with a smile as he heads to the bathroom. The sound of water running is instantaneous as Jongdae just walks towards Baekhyun, confused.

Baekhyun tugs him down immediately, Jongdae landing with an oomph as he’s crushed against Baekhyun’s chest, who rolls him onto the bed and immediately smothers Jongdae’s cheek with kisses, who laughs and swats at Baekhyun lazily. Baekhyun stubbornly rips the towel away, wrapping both his legs around Jongdae’s thigh and his arms around Jongdae’s, then nuzzles against his neck, humming happily.

“Tonight was great,” Baekhyun says quietly, eyes closed. “Thank you.”

The gratitude surprises Jongdae. “What for?”

“Everything,” Baekhyun answers easily. “Obviously.”

Jongdae is perplexed, face twisting with a mix of amusement and confusion, but he presses a kiss to the centre of Baekhyun’s eyebrows all the same self-indulgently, just to smooth out the little crease there.

“You’re welcome,” he replies, and is unable to help the smile that appears as he says it.

Maybe Jongdae… isn’t meant to leave? Baekhyun clinging to him like a barnacle without the three-metre long dick certainly isn’t giving Jongdae the freedom to move, and the way Junmyeon exits the bathroom, still a little damp, and immediately curls up next to Jongdae doesn’t help either.

“Your turn, Baekhyunnie,” Junmyeon says, as Baekhyun just grunts.

“I’ll do it later,” he waves his hands lazily, and Junmyeon only rolls his eyes as he tugs the covers from where they’d been kicked down over the three of them, ignoring the stains on the sheet beneath them, not bothered enough to change it.

“Just don’t wake us up when you do,” Junmyeon grumbles, throwing an arm over Jongdae after switching off the bedside lamp, leaving Jongdae wide-eyed as he stares at the ceiling in the darkness, way too hot with two bodies pressed against him like this.

Looks like… Jongdae is staying the night?????

Jongdae blinks in confusion once, twice, before letting his eyes fall shut altogether, exhaustion catching up to him as he succumbs to sleep.






Jongdae is awoken while there’s still no light behind the curtains in what he assumes is the middle of the night, making a small noise of confusion as the mattress shifts in weight beside him and suddenly it’s too cold.

“Wha--???” Jongdae barely manages, making out Baekhyun’s figure in the darkness.

“Shh,” Baekhyun consoles gently. “I’m not very good at sleeping,” he presses a kiss against Jongdae’s forehead. “So just go back to sleep.”

Jongdae’s eyebrows furrow at that, and Junmyeon turns around beside him, tugging Jongdae closer and grunting as he pushes the covers over them, so that the gap Baekhyun had left behind doesn’t let cold air in, tucking it beneath Jongdae.

“Insomniac,” Junmyeon grumbles, by way of explanation. “You’ll get used to it.”

Already his breathing has deepened as he falls back asleep, and Baekhyun just chuckles softly as he steps into the bathroom. Only the sound of running water, Junmyeon’s quiet snoring by Jongdae’s ear, and the insinuation that Jongdae is going to stick around long enough to get used to Baekhyun’s habits help Jongdae fall back asleep.






At some stage in the night, Baekhyun must have returned to bed, because when Jongdae awakes he’s way too hot and sweaty and also way too comfy to care, Baekhyun curled beside him and snoring softly, Junmyeon on the other side, an arm over Jongdae’s stomach.

Jongdae is enjoying this way, way too much, like, dangerous amounts of too-much, curling up with somebody/ies after spending the night together. It makes him feel a sticky amount of affection and appreciation in his chest, that they might like him enough to let Jongdae stay, and that thought is as dangerous as Jongdae continuing to lie here is. He should get up, he should leave, end this the way he has every other one-night-stand, even if this one confusingly involves two people, but…

But he doesn’t want to wake Junmyeon or Baekhyun.

So Jongdae lies there as the sunlight through the curtains illuminates the room, staring at the light on the ceiling and ignoring the sinking feeling in his chest with each of Junmyeon’s deep breaths and the small, puppy noises Baekhyun makes in his sleep. He lies there until Junmyeon snuggles closer, inevitably awake, and Baekhyun stretches lazily, cracking an eye open. His face is puffy and his hair is sticking up in every direction; Jongdae might be in deeper shit than he first thought.

“Morning,” Baekhyun greets lazily, curling closer to Jongdae. Baekhyun being a hugger is about as surprising to Jongdae as walking out and seeing green grass, but the fact that Junmyeon has stuck to him all night is shocking. Junmyeon is so… the exact opposite of what everything Jongdae expects, all the time, clean and messy, proper but immature, reserved but... well, kinky, while Baekhyun is as predictable as the sun rising. What a pair they make.

“Morning,” Jongdae greets quietly. “Did you sleep well?”

“Good joke,” Junmyeon grumbles, disgruntled, as Baekhyun just snickers lightly.

“Insomnia, remember?” Baekhyun reminds Jongdae sweetly. “Sleeping well is something I’ve never experienced.” He yawns and tugs Jongdae imperceptibly closer. “But I slept pretty well, by my own standards, anyway.”

Jongdae hums, and suddenly there’s a hardness pressed against his thigh. “Seriously?” He asks Junmyeon, who frowns.

“It’s a sign of a very healthy cardiovascular and nervous system, actually--” he explains factually, cut off by Baekhyun snickering.

“Junmyeon is the horniest old man in the world,” Baekhyun tells Jongdae with a twinkle in his eye. Jongdae just sighs, rolling onto his side and pressing his ass against Junmyeon’s morning wood.

“Well, go on then,” he says, with mocking exasperation. “Pretty sure I can still walk despite your big talk last night, maybe I’ll give you another opportunity to try again though.”

Junmyeon’s eyes darken at that as he leans over Jongdae to press a kiss to his cheek, and they have sex just like that, Junmyeon opening up Jongdae with his fingers until Jongdae is gasping with his hands fisted in the sheets and wrapping his arms around Jongdae’s waist to rock into him from behind, sideways, slow and torturous, lazy. Baekhyun just watches them with a smile, tracing circles on Jongdae’s cheekbones as he cups his face and murmurs words of praise, calling Jongdae pretty and good boy and so good for Junmyeon, so so good.

Junmyeon’s thrusting grows erratic as he presses mindless kisses to the back of Jongdae’s neck, and he stills only when he comes, pulling out immediately and finishing Jongdae off with his hand, who doesn’t cry out or moan, just shudders, gasping as Baekhyun presses a kiss to his lips.

Such lazy morning sex hadn’t been what Jongdae had expected when he’d teased Junmyeon about the being unable to walk comment, but he feels so sleepy and pliable now he can only whine as Baekhyun tugs him up, saying he needs a shower again, after that.

Jongdae yawns under the warm water, letting Baekhyun’s dexterous fingers rub shampoo through his hair and trace ever rivulet of water that trails over his body. He doesn’t even question why Baekhyun is showering with him until Baekhyun drops to his knees, placing a kiss on the top of Jongdae’s thigh, and Jongdae thinks, oh.

“Fuck, Baek,” Jongdae curses, threading a hand through Baekhyun’s hair encouragingly, and he hadn’t been hard before but he is at the sight of Baekhyun in front of him, even more so when Baekhyun takes Jongdae’s cock into his mouth and starts sucking, looking up at him from beneath his eyelashes which flicker shut with every wayward drop of water.

Jongdae is still so sensitive from his last orgasm, feeling far too recent for this to happen, and his cries are obscene as his dick throbs, too responsive but also too long-lasting, so desperate to come but so unable to. Jongdae has a long, built-up repertoire of Baekhyun fantasies in his mind that involve this exact scenario, which is probably why Baekhyun has no trouble getting Jongdae to come a second time, crying out in sensitivity as Baekhyun swallows what little come dribbles out.

Jongdae nearly collapses then, boneless, steadying only with Baekhyun’s hands on his biceps as Baekhyun stands, Jongdae pressing his forehead to his shoulder and laughing, giddy. Baekhyun just turns the shower off, and Jongdae becomes aware of the fact that Baekhyun is hard between them, but Baekhyun bats his hands away once he starts moving them. Jongdae frowns, but doesn’t question Baekhyun’s comfort as Baekhyun just wraps a fluffy towel around Jongdae and dries him off, Jongdae too lazy and pliant to do anything but let him.

“Having fun without me?” Junmyeon asks wryly as Jongdae face-plants onto the bed, ready to go back asleep. Three orgasms in eight hours is too much. Baekhyun laughs.

“Our shower’s not big enough for three, you snooze, you lose,” he says sweetly, booping the end of Junmyeon’s nose. “He’s all yours now, though.”

Jongdae makes a noise of confusion as Baekhyun steps out of the bedroom, but then Junmyeon is sitting beside him, dragging his nails lightly over Jongdae’s back. It’s a weirdly pleasant sensation, making his nerves tingle.

“You sounded so good in there, Jongdae,” Junmyeon comments idly. “Crying out for Baekhyunnie like that. Do you think I could make you scream that way?”

That wakes Jongdae up fast enough, pushing himself until he’s kneeling. “Seriously?” He asks Junmyeon, eyebrows raised because uh, Dick Machine Broke. Two orgasms in thirty minutes is already way more than what Jongdae thought he could do --although he is proud of the overflowing youth that allows his refractory period to be so short, yay.

“Baekhyun got two,” Junmyeon replies, a little childish, and Jongdae would never expect him to be so weirdly competitive or immature but it’s… very cute. “It’s only fair I get another one too.”

“When was the first--” Jongdae begins to say, but his eyes widen in realisation as he cuts off because oh, right, the sexting, Junmyeon just moving to kiss his neck. “--I mean, you can try, but I can’t promise you anything.”

He feels Junmyeon’s smile against his skin. “Oh, I’m not too worried.”

It’s odd to Jongdae that he’s spent so long seeing Junmyeon and Baekhyun as the married pair, already carrying experience, that it might be Junmyeon who sees Baekhyun and Jongdae as having more experience before him, oddly enough, although it’s nice to know he and Junmyeon might be on equal footing with regards to that.

Usually Jongdae’s dick would be more interested with Junmyeon kissing him like this, but it’s probably a little too dead. Still, Junmyeon seems undeterred, having no qualms as he licks up the length and Jongdae cries out at the sensitivity, mumbling nonsense incoherently. He doesn’t understand how it can feel so bad yet so good all at once.

Junmyeon ends up turning Jongdae onto his stomach so he can eat him out, and Jongdae literally wants to sue the entire universe for giving somebody a tongue like this. Junmyeon rims Jongdae like there’s no oxygen in the room and only Jongdae is air, and it has his dick aching as it hardens for the third time, screaming in pleasure because Junmyeon is so fucking good at this, what the fuck. Jongdae can’t even stop his arms from shaking anymore as his head falls onto the mattress, muffling his moans in the pillows, and his dick might be too sensitive to touch but his prostate isn’t.

So Jongdae comes like that, crying out Junmyeon’s name helplessly into the sheets with Junmyeon’s fingers and tongue inside him, dry and untouched. He feels so boneless and spent his body is roaring with oversensitivity, between three orgasms this morning and the one last night he simply has nothing left to give.

“So good for us,” Junmyeon says, pressing a kiss to the side of Jongdae’s temple as he collapses on the bed. “Thank you.”

“Just…” Jongdae tries, but words aren’t coming to his brain now, fuzzy. “... Just… living out your threesome fantasies to the fullest.”

Junmyeon gives Jongdae a cute smile that makes Jongdae want to kiss him if he didn’t know where that mouth had been, so he settles for pressing a hand up to cup Junmyeon’s cheek and hoping the gesture communicates enough. Jongdae isn’t sure how long he stays on the bed like that, not really sleeping but merely drifting in and out of an aware state, but he’s pretty sure he registers Junmyeon cleaning him with a wet towel before tucking him in --or maybe it had been Baekhyun? Both?

Either way, when Jongdae feels like he can open his eyes again, his whole body aches a little, spent, and he winces as he stands at the slight pain --Junmyeon: 1, Jongdae: 0. Rubbing at his eyes, Jongdae sleepily tugs on a pair of pyjama pants he finds in the chest of drawers, figuring neither of them will mind --and if they do Jongdae will just pointedly remind them how many times he’s let them make him come-- padding into the kitchen with a yawn, feet sliding along the hardwood floors.

“Morning beautiful,” Baekhyun greets from where he’s swinging back and forth on a stool, Junmyeon cracking eggs over a sizzling pan. It must be one of the only things he can cook properly. “Feeling okay?”

“Have felt better,” Jongdae admits, wincing again a little when he sits down, causing Baekhyun to look at him with a concerned expression. “But I’ll be fine,” Jongdae quickly amends, rolling his shoulders. He mumbles, “”s worth it.”

Baekhyun grins. “Glad to hear it,” he says, and affectionately reaches over to brush a few stray strands of hair out of Jongdae’s face. “Last night was a lot of fun.”

“This morning wasn’t too bad either,” Junmyeon says with a little smug curl to his lips that infuriates Jongdae. The annoyance dissipates when Junmyeon slides an omelette on top of a bowl of rice, handing it to Jongdae. Food.

“Definitely sounded like you were enjoying things,” Baekhyun comments offhandedly, accepting his own bowl of rice with one hand while the other rests on the back of Jongdae’s neck, grinning. “Hopefully the neighbours don’t send us complaints.”

“It’s happened before,” Junmyeon adds, and Jongdae chokes on his mouthful.

“What were you guys doing ?” Jongdae asks, then says, “Actually, wait, I don’t want to know. I don’t want to think about sex ever again until I’m thirty-five.”

“I don’t think we can wait that long unfortunately,” Baekhyun says slyly. “But we can probably help you change your mind.”

Jongdae blinks at that, frowning at his food, and after this morning, well… he’s feeling a little braver. “You guys want to do this again?” He asks meekly, gesturing to all three of them in a circle.

Baekhyun and Junmyeon exchange a look Jongdae can’t decipher. “Wasn’t that obvious?” Junmyeon asks him. “Last night was good… I don’t see why we wouldn’t?”

“Unless you don’t want to,” Baekhyun quickly amends.

Jongdae opens his mouth, faltering, and he wants to turn them down, wants to say that he shouldn’t, because his feelings are tangled up in this and sleeping with people you like is just asking for trouble… but…

But it’s not like Jongdae’s ever had much self-control or self-preservation anyway.

“No,” he replies, swallowing. “This works.”





Jongdae leaves after noon once they’ve finished eating and Jongdae has to help Baekhyun wash up since Junmyeon is allergic to it apparently, trading numbers with the both of them because Junmyeon wants to stay in touch and Baekhyun wants to free up room on his phone again by deleting Tinder --which only cements the fact that Jongdae has somehow agreed to being a permanent fixture. He leaves in yesterday’s clothing feeling like he still reeks too much of sex with a kiss on the cheek from both of them, and the empty silence of Jongdae’s car feels stifling when he’s spent the past night and morning surrounded by two people.

As soon as he opens his apartment door, kicking off his shoes, Kyungsoo says, “And where the hell were you last night?”

“Listen, I can explain why I missed curfew--” Jongdae says, yelping when Kyungsoo pinches him because Kyungsoo never hurts him, what the hell.

“You didn’t tell me where you went and you didn’t come back in the morning,” Kyungsoo chastises. “I was worried. You never stay over anywhere.”

Jongdae frowns at that. “I stay over all the time?” He argues, eyebrows furrowing together.

Kyungsoo just snorts. “No, you don’t, it’s a prerequisite of being a commitment-phobe,” Jongdae scoffs at that, not because Kyungsoo is wrong, but mostly because he didn’t have to call Jongdae out like that. “You’re the creeps-out-at-one-a.m-without-leaving-a-note type.”

That seems unfair, but thinking about the fact that Jongdae had literally been planning to do that last night before Baekhyun and Junmyeon had wrangled him into staying… yikes.

“Huh,” Jongdae says, blinking lamely at the realisation. “But I’m always so lonely-horny?”

“We want things even if we’re scared of them, Jongdae.” Kyungsoo says with a soft smile. “It's a prerequisite of being human.”

Jongdae feels uncomfortable, so he immediately ruins the moment by saying, “Wow, so deep,” Kyungsoo gives him a flat look. “I didn’t think you majored in philosophy--” He pinches Jongdae again, causing Jongdae to yelp and pout --Kyungsoo at least looks a little guilty, rubbing over the spot.

“Stop being a brat,” he chastises, Jongdae biting back his reply of okay, dad. “And don’t avoid answering the original question by being a piece of shit.”

“Okay, see, media romanticises having a best friend,” Jongdae points out, hanging his keys on the hook by the kitchen door. “But having somebody who knows you well enough to see through your bullshit fucking sucks.”

Kyungsoo’s grin is unapologetic. “You’d die without me,” he replies easily, and it’s very true; Jongdae would have passed away in his last year of university if Kyungsoo’s ridiculous instinct to take care of people hadn’t pulled through for him. “Now answer the question.”

“I was with Baekhyun,” Jongdae relents, because there’s no point in lying when Kyungsoo has a sixth sense for that type of shit. Kyungsoo’s right eyebrow raises. “And… his… husband.”

Both of Kyungsoo’s eyebrows raise at that.

“Did you seriously have a Tinder threesome?” Is the first thing he asks, after too much silence has passed. Jongdae winces.

“Do you have to phrase it like that?” Jongdae whines, dumping himself onto the couch and pulling a pillow over his face. He groans into it a little and then gently drops it, frowning. “I’m the scum of the earth, I’m the reason people using Tinder can’t find peace because I actually prove that looking for threesomes there works. You think I wanted this?”

“Considering the fact that you slept with both of them of your own volition,” Kyungsoo replies. “Yes, yes you did want this.”

“No no I just wanted the sex,” Jongdae waves his hands. “Not the stigma.”

There’s a lengthy pause that causes Jongdae to give Kyungsoo a questioning glance, knowing Kyungsoo is choosing his words carefully in that way of his that means he might say something a little too hard hitting if he’s not careful, and Kyungsoo gently asks, “And what about the feelings?”

Jongdae swallows. “What feelings?”

“The… ones you definitely had for Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo tries, wary. “Did you want those?”

Jongdae just curls up a little tighter, feeling vulnerable, hugging the pillow against his chest. “Uh,” he says. “Well. That’s. Uh.”

Kyungsoo’s expression softens, pitying, and he sits at Jongdae’s feet on the couch with a concerned gaze.

“Jongdae,” he starts, voice quiet. “What are you doing?”

“You know, it’s funny,” Jongdae laughs nervously. “I’ve kinda been asking myself the same thing.”

Kyungsoo’s lips twitch, and Jongdae squints, so Kyungsoo elaborates on the action by saying, “It’s nothing but just. Well. It makes sense for you to do this, doesn’t it?”

“Do what?” Jongdae asks, confused.

“Pursue someone you actually have feelings for because they’re already in a relationship," he clarifies. "So you don’t have to commit to anything,”

“But that’s not it,” Jongdae quickly argues. “Because I… Junmyeon… too…” Certainly not as much as he feels for Baekhyun, not by a long shot, but enough to be noticeable, enough of a spark to be a problem, enough to want something with the both of them and not know what that means.

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows raise at that, and he says, “Both of them?”

Jongdae shirks into himself a little, wishing he was a turtle so he could hide in his shell. “Both of them,” he confirms meekly, voice cracking a little.

Kyungsoo blinks, taken aback, then says, “Wow, this is the deepest shit I’ve ever seen you in before. Congratulations.”

Jongdae groans into the couch pillow --bring back kind, concerned Kyungsoo, what the fuck.

“Do you think if I google an answer about how to deal with crushing on both sides of the threesome your evil, horny alter-ego decided to participate in, I’d find an answer?” Kyungsoo’s flat look answers that well enough. “Ah, it was worth a shot.”

“Trust you to get yourself into the weirdest situation ever,” Kyungsoo jokes with a lopsided smile. “Why couldn’t you just settle down with a nice girl and be the poster boy for cringey heterosexual commitment like your mother always wanted?”

“Well if the multiverse theory is correct, there’s an alternate universe out there where that is very much the case,” Jongdae answers easily. “But it’s not this one. In this one I’m just a mess.”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo agrees readily. “You are.” Ouch. He pauses then, hesitating. “Are you… are you going to sleep with them again?”

Jongdae swallows, his phone burning a hole in his back pocket even though it’s out of battery. “Uh.”


“But it was so good,” Jongdae whines, while Kyungsoo makes a disgusted face because he doesn’t want to know about his son’s sex life as much as Jongdae doesn’t want to know about his --except they are also both emotionally dependent on each other so they also know every sordid detail. “And I uh, kinda, promised I would?”

“Ugh, Jongdae,” Kyungsoo rubs his temple. “I can’t believe you’re in a friends with benefits cliche where you’re emotionally attached but times two.” He shakes his head, faltering. “And yet this also seems exactly like something you of all people would end up in.” He laughs exasperatedly. “If your feelings are going to end up hurt, you should end it, Jongdae. You know this.”

“But the sex is so fucking good,” Jongdae bargains, sighing exaggeratedly. “Like, seriously,” he whistles. “When they were done with me…” he gestures down to his dick vaguely. “There was nothing left... Nothing came out.”

Ugh,” Kyungsoo gags a little, turning green. “TMI.”

“I don’t want to give up regular hot threesome sex just because of this thing,” Jongdae gestures to where his heart is instead. “This sucks. Can’t I just have my feelings surgically removed?”

“I think we have an ice pick somewhere if you want to try a DIY lobotomy,” Kyungsoo offers. Jongdae’s face twists.

“It’s not the same, I need my brain to make money,” he sighs in disappointment. “Kyungsoo, what do I do? ” Jongdae asks, a little too desperate, maybe, gathering by the lack of breath in his lungs.

“Stop thinking with your dick?” Kyungsoo suggests helpfully.

“Would you like the sun to start rising in the west while you’re at it?” Kyungsoo gives Jongdae an unimpressed look.

“Then just talk to them,” Kyungsoo advises. “If you start to think your feelings are getting in the way of things, and you’re getting hurt, then talk to them. Maybe they’re more open to dating you than you think.”

Jongdae pulls a face at that. Unlikely. “Kyungsoo, they’re married,” Jongdae retorts. “You don’t get married if you’re thinking about ever seeing other people.”

“That’s… not what marriage is at all,” Kyungsoo replies. “And you don’t know that for certain, Jongdae. Just tell them that you have feelings for them both and see how they respond.” Kyungsoo shrugs. “You’ll end up hurt even if you don’t do it, so you might as well.”

“What am I gonna do if they do return my feelings? Huh?” Jongdae prods Kyungsoo’s thigh with his foot incessantly. “Date two people at once?” Jongdae snorts. “You know full well I’m too commitment phobic to even handle one.”

“It’s not… an impossible thing, you know,” Kyungsoo replies slowly. “Both... getting over the phobia, and also dating two people at once. It’s not uncommon.”

Jongdae knows this, because he knows about open relationships and polyamory and all the other stuff any socially aware millennial would, but… it feels like the sort of thing that only happens to other people, so the idea that it might happen to Jongdae is… terrifying?

Terrifying and…. exciting?

He doesn’t know why the idea of being with Baekhyun and Junmyeon exhilarates him like this, but he’s only known them for such a short amount of time and he’s already this infatuated --it’s not a good sign. Enamoured with their presence, with their company, the sex, it’s all been good and spark-filled and fulfilling so far, and it’s weird, because in almost any other moment like this Jongdae would argue with Kyungsoo further, complain that he can’t get in the middle of a married couple like this, can’t plus one himself, except…

Except Jongdae already has, has already slept with them, has already wedged himself into their dynamic, and it has never felt like being a plus one. No matter how often he tried to tell himself it was, no matter how much he tried to argue that that’s how he felt, just to save himself from his fledgling, yet scary feelings, Jongdae had never felt anything other than an instinctive sense of perfect with Baekhyun and Junmyeon throughout the whole night, like he’s always been waiting for two puzzle pieces to fit beside him, rather than one.

“Maybe I will actually talk to them,” Jongdae relents softly, making Kyungsoo give a comical expression of shock because Jongdae actually not arguing with him further for once is a blue moon occurrence. “Next time I see them, I can… ask if they want to try something a little more serious, maybe.” He swallows. “Just to try.”

“And if it doesn’t work out,” Kyungsoo adds, lips twitching. “You can always just go back to Tinder.”

Jongdae throws the couch cushion at his head.






The next time Jongdae is invited over into the Bourgeoisie Trap™, it’s by Junmyeon, after he’d been exchanging cute texts with Jongdae about clients that have no understanding of aesthetic, and Jongdae in return had been telling funny stories about some of the first year uni students he has to TA, and the awkward way some of them hit on him. (When Junmyeon had replied with an angry bunny sticker and said tell them you’re taken!! Jongdae hadn’t really been sure what to make of it.)

He’s going to tell Baekhyun and Junmyeon that he has a little too much emotional investment in this… threesome, and that he’d like some definitive labels or to at least talk it out a bit before it ends up being messy and Jongdae gets hurt, but somehow, by means of which Jongdae just… can’t remember, what a coincidence, Jongdae instead ends up with Baekhyun’s dick in his mouth and Junmyeon fucking into him on the other end (after they’d marathoned several episodes of the most recent Netflix original while eating Thai take out and drinking wine, of course).

Then, Jongdae is definitely determined to talk to them about it in the morning, but he and Junmyeon end up having morning sex again for like, a long goddamn time. Long enough that Baekhyun gets bored watching, claiming that Junmyeon is perpetually horny and he’s glad somebody else can suffer in his stead, and Jongdae and Junmyeon return to the living room hours later to find Baekhyun playing League on his laptop.

So Baekhyun and Jongdae enthusiastically talk about League of Legends for a while instead of the fact that Jongdae is hardcore crushing on the both of them, and suddenly Jongdae’s fully dressed, out of their apartment, and squinting at his car because he’s a mess.

“You’re a mess,” Kyungsoo confirms, when Jongdae gives the recap. “You literally had one job, oh my god.”

“The sex was so good it gave me amnesia.”

Kyungsoo sighs. “That makes no sense at all, Jongdae.” He rubs his temple. “Please think before you speak.”

But the next time Junmyeon and Baekhyun invite him over --through a group chat, this time-- Jongdae is going to do it. Really. He’s going to do it. Baekhyun and Junmyeon tell him to dress nice saying they got an extra ticket to some art exhibition thing happening in town, and Jongdae drives over to their place (so that they can drive him to the exhibition) with determination.

Then he opens the front door, sees Baekhyun dressed in smart casual, and he gets amnesia all over again.

“Wow,” Jongdae remarks, gulping at the sight of Baekhyun in tight jeans and a button up, hair neatly styled and makeup in place. “You look…” Out of Jongdae’s depth, mostly, but he’s been drowning in Baekhyun and Junmyeon long enough to no longer care about that.

“So do you,” Baekhyun replies cheekily, with a pleased little smile that curves his eyes. “We’ll be late since Junmyeon takes hours getting ready, though, so I’m glad you’re here to suffer with me.”

While narcissus fiddles with his reflection, Jongdae and Baekhyun flirt-joke around on the couch, stopping only once they both realise Junmyeon has been watching them with a smile on his face for a while now from the entryway. It makes Jongdae feel… warm? But he pushes the feeling down and lets Junmyeon drive him and Baekhyun to the gallery, sitting in the middle backseat and wondering if he’s meant to feel more out of place about that. Even their car is luxurious with leather seating and seems to have that constant new smell to it even though Junmyeon says he’s had it for years; Jongdae smiles to himself at the thought that current him may very well have the sugar daddy failing-third-year-Jongdae had always wanted.

Junmyeon parks in a building that’s way too overpriced and Baekhyun opens the door for Jongdae to step out, shutting it behind him while bowing over exaggeratedly like a butler. Jongdae just laughs and knocks their shoulders together as they walk, Junmyeon smiling at their antics as he stands to Jongdae’s other side.

The exhibition is gorgeous, a display of digital media that causes entire rooms to be filled with imagery of glowing lanterns and splashes of fluorescence that dance around them via the projectors, illuminating Baekhyun and Junmyeon's faces of wonder in bright colours and iridescence that causes Jongdae's heart to seize in his chest. Jongdae hadn’t even realised it’s opening night until he sees the signs about it, but he’s certainly not complaining as Junmyeon hands the security his tickets and Jongdae is immediately assaulted by wait staff offering him hors d’oeuvres. Opening nights are special events for rich people, right? Why is Jongdae here again?

Baekhyun excitedly rambles on about the art as they walk back and how immersive it was, and Junmyeon leans over to murmur, “He’s so cute when he’s enthusiastic, isn’t he?” In Jongdae’s ear, who can only nod lamely in agreement, enamoured with the way Baekhyun’s face lights up when he talks.

“Hey,” Baekhyun accuses, pointing at Jongdae and Junmyeon. “I heard that. I’m not cute.” He folds his arms across his chests. “I am a very attractive fully grown adult.”

“Who is also adorable,” Jongdae adds easily, and coos when Baekhyun huffs through his nose. “My widdle Baekhyunnie~” He pinches Baekhyun’s cheek, who deftly slaps his hand back.

“I’m just glad I have someone to take my side,” Junmyeon comments, smiling lightly. “Two against one, honey, you’re overruled.”

“Guess I’ll just go on Tinder to add someone for a foursome so we can have even numbers in this household again.” Jongdae and Junmyeon both whack him for that one.

Jongdae doesn’t even realise they’ve passed the parking lot until they’re at a bar downtown, somehow unsurprised completely when they find a table and Junmyeon excuses himself to get them all wine.

“You two have an addiction,” Jongdae comments, Baekhyun humming in response.

“I don’t even like wine, still?” He replies, scrunching his nose. “It tastes like shit, but I just can’t stop drinking it. I’ve been conditioned. Junmyeon has Pavlov’d me into enjoying wine.”

Jongdae cackles at that, with Baekhyun adding, the things marriage does to you, all before Junmyeon returns to their table outside in the cool night air (under a heater) asking, “What are you guys talking about?”

“Nothing darling,” Baekhyun says sweetly, grabbing his glass and taking a pointed, loud sip. Jongdae just laughs all over again at Junmyeon’s skeptical look.

They end up at the bar just talkings for hours, Baekhyun and Jongdae going long past one glass but Junmyeon stopping since he’s driving. It doesn’t even occur to Jongdae that you don’t take your threesome plus-one to an art gallery opening and a bar afterwards just for some foreplay until they’re finally heading home, which is how his courage ends up slowly building, bit by bit, throughout the night.

It’s only in the car Jongdae can sum it all together though, knowing he can at least dodge roll out the side door if things get too awkward and lie down on the road in hopes that he’ll get run over and die before Baekhyun and Junmyeon can laugh at him for having feelings in a threesome.

The music playing through Baekhyun’s phone over the aux cord is soft and makes Jongdae feel sleepy, but he inhales deeply as he breaks the comfortable silence by saying, “So… Tonight felt like a date.”

“Looks like a duck, quacks like a duck…” Baekhyun says amusedly, giving Jongdae a puzzled look through the rearview mirror. “You feeling particularly observant today or what, Sherlock?”

Jongdae blinks at him. That felt anticlimactic. “So tonight…  was… a date?”

Junmyeon takes his eyes off the road only long enough to exchange a glance with Baekhyun, and Junmyeon worriedly says, “Was that… not obvious?”

“Oh my god,” Jongdae exclaims. “Guys, you need to use your words, what the fuck?”

“Did you--” Baekhyun struggles to find words. “--Who the hell takes a friend to an exhibition opening? Let alone a friend they’re sleeping with."

“A married couple with a spare ticket and no other friends?” Jongdae offers weakly.

“Who has a spare third ticket?” Junmyeon remarks, obviously torn between amusement and disbelief at Jongdae. “Honestly Jongdae what did you think this was? Extensive foreplay? This is like the third date...”

“This is the you-thinking-I’m-cheating-on-Junmyeon thing all over again, isn’t it?” Baekhyun asks, a little horrified as he swivels around to face Jongdae.

“We could avoid my confusion if you used your words!” Jongdae argues.

“We wouldn’t have to use our words if you didn’t live in denial,” Baekhyun easily snorts, turning back to the front. Jongdae turns red. 

“I’m not in denial I just--” Jongdae makes a frustrated noise. “Imagine it from my shoes, okay. You guys are married, why would you take me out on a date. Why would you take me out on a date simultaneously.

“Because we… like you?” Baekhyun says. “Jongdae, oh my god, I told you we had to renegotiate house rules when I met you. This really was meant to be about sex but you changed our minds--”

“No no no no no,” Jongdae quickly argues. “Stop framing this as if you guys’ weird, freaky married telepathy and understanding of unconventional social cues is in the right while me wanting to talk about this and being confused is in the wrong.” His voice increases in pitch. “I’m valid!!!”

Baekhyun laughs, reluctantly. “Okay, okay, you’re right, I’m sorry,” he scratches his cheek sheepishly. “I guess we do forget you’re not constantly on our wavelength.” He and Junmyeon exchange a knowing look with each other. Oh, Jongdae can tell it’s knowing, that’s good, he’s learning to read them.

Silence hangs in the air; eventually Jongdae breaks it by adding, “Soooooooo… what are we, exactly?” He swallows. “All three of us.”

Junmyeon shrugs with his hands on the wheel. “Baekhyun and I like you a lot, and want to get to know you better.”

“We figured dating would be a good method of doing that?” Baekhyun offers. “And that you’d feel more comfortable if it was all of us. We’re pretty sure you like us too at least somewhat, so…”

Wow, called out. “Uh, I do.” Jongdae confirms lamely. This whole conversation feels like such an anticlimax, where are the dramatic camera pans and orchestral violins? The flair? Jongdae is a shame to the gay community. “Like you both. A lot, actually.” Talking about feelings is so hard, couldn’t they have done this over text so Jongdae could just use emojis to express his feelings instead?

“Good,” Junmyeon says, smiling at Jongdae through the rearview mirror. “We like you a lot too.”

Jongdae flushes because even though their feelings have been established, the reality of the words make him embarrassed and a little giddy, over the moon. Baekhyun and Junmyeon like him too, want to take this spark between them and let it fester and burn, and just the thought of that makes Jongdae feel happy enough he could probably write some really sappy poetry right now or something, if he was drunk enough.

“So does this mean I’m… your boyfriend?” Jongdae clarifies, just to be sure. “And you guys are mine, too, but… married to each other?”

Baekhyun laughs delightedly. “I guess so.”

“It sounds more complicated it feels,” Junmyeon frowns. “This is why Baekhyunnie and I avoid words.”

Jongdae laughs at that, too ecstatic to do much else other than smile, really. “You’re going to have to start using words now that I’ve started photobombing the picture.”

Junmyeon and Baekhyun exchange a telepathic look, but Jongdae knows this one too: it’s fondness.

“Somehow,” Junmyeon says. “I think we’ll be okay with that.”






Dating Junmyeon and Baekhyun feels a whole lot like being their threesome buddy had in that they have a lot of ridiculous sexual chemistry together and also actual sex.

Just that, you know, Jongdae gets to call them his boyfriends while he does it and doesn’t have to feel weird about how much he stays over or also wants to kiss them. Which he wants to do, like, all the time. Turns out Jongdae is a huge smoocher? He’d have never known, he was too busy being commitment-phobic and only getting into relationships with people he’d never really had feelings for because it felt like what he should do or because he couldn’t say no.

But dating Baekhyun and Junmyeon? It’s so easy and natural, Jongdae forgets he’s meant to be scared of it, forgets he’s meant to freak out when he finds his clothes in their chest of drawers or wakes up to Kyungsoo’s texts saying he’s going to file a missing person’s report if Jongdae doesn’t come home soon. He doesn’t panic about Junmyeon sending him good morning messages on days when they won’t see each other and doesn’t hyperventilate when Baekhyun asks if he can crash at Jongdae’s to cuddle because he’s lonely in an empty apartment while Junmyeon’s out of town for a client, not having sex, really, but making out on Jongdae’s bed mindlessly for hours.

He doesn’t even freak out when he and Baekhyun enter the kitchen the morning after and Kyungsoo, glasses-less and glaring a little because of it, says, “Ah… where’s the other?”

“Business trip,” Baekhyun offers pleasantly without missing a beat, outstretching a hand, undeterred. “I’m Baekhyun.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says cutely --well, everything he does is cute, but this in particular. “The Original, not the Hot Husband.”

Baekhyun laughs, turning to Jongdae. “Is this how you refer to us?”

“No,” Jongdae indignantly retorts. (Yes.)

“Just wait until you meet Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo says. “He still calls you ‘hot tinder threesome guy’ and 'the partner in crime'.” Kyungsoo finally takes Baekhyun’s hand. “I’m Kyungsoo, by the way.”

“I figured,” Baekhyun smiles charmingly and Jongdae hates how he does that, makes everyone fall in love with him, ugh, but at least Kyungsoo seems pretty immune to it. Kyungsoo’s like a freaky rabid alley cat you have to keep having a stare down with everyday until eventually it just becomes affectionate with you, he’ll get better with Baekhyun in time… hopefully. “Unfortunately Jongdae doesn’t refer to you with an embarrassing nickname.”

“That’s because Kyungsoo would kill me,” Jongdae says easily at the same time Kyungsoo replies, “That’s because I would kill him.”

Jongdae points at Kyungsoo for proof. “See? He even admits to it. He’d make a terrible murderer.” Jongdae wraps his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist and rests his chin on his shoulder. “Also, he’s too soft and squishy. He’d probably cry at least a little.”

“But I’d still do it,” Kyungsoo says, patting the top of Jongdae’s hand over his stomach. Jongdae doesn’t doubt it.

Kyungsoo excuses himself to return to the dark abyss of his room after a little while and Baekhyun kisses Jongdae against the kitchen counter for a bit before kissing his cheek too and says, “Let’s go out for breakfast.”

Jongdae blinks at him, sleepy and dazed from Baekhyun’s kisses, stretching. “Okay.” He can never say no to Baekhyun --Junmyeon’s a little easier to say no to, just because he always gets so petulant about it which is way too fun to witness, but Jongdae always gives in eventually all the same.

They go to a cafe not far from Jongdae and Kyungsoo’s apartment and order a large stack of pancakes to split, being that disgusting of a couple as they pass the fork back and forth between them and wipe syrup off each other’s lips with their thumbs, proceeding to then lick it off their own fingertips. (Jongdae has to hold himself back from leaning across the gap and kissing Baekhyun right then and there.)

Baekhyun is happily playing footsie with Jongdae beneath the table when Jongdae says, “Is this weird without Junmyeon?”

Baekhyun’s feet still, immediately, glancing at Jongdae curiously. He’s begun to be a lot braver with the both of them, less afraid, but so far a lot of their interactions have been… as the three of them. Other than sex, mostly because having threesomes all the time is a lot harder than porn would make you think, but even then… it only happens when the other is in a different room.

“Does it… feel weird to you?” Baekhyun asks, tilting his head, and he’s gotten a lot better with words too, always asking about Jongdae’s comfort zone.

“Well, no…?” Jongdae offers. “But I guess I can’t help feeling like we’re leaving him out.”

“We can’t be a three all the time,” Baekhyun replies, shrugging. “But maybe once Junmyeon gets back you should ask him out, just the two of you, to make up for this.” He smiles lopsidedly.

“That’s a good idea…” Jongdae muses, mulling over the thought with a mouthful of pancakes. “Where should I take him, do you think? You’re his husband.”

Baekhyun snorts at that, and the amusement of asking his boyfriend on how to ask out said boyfriend’s husband doesn’t go lost on Jongdae, returning Baekhyun’s smile.

“Anywhere with wine,” Baekhyun answers easily, so Jongdae kicks him under the table. “Ow!”

“I’m a grad student,” Jongdae replies snidely. “I can’t afford wine.” Not the type Junmyeon likes, anyway, unless he wants to start drinking from a $4 boxed wine bag hanging by a peg on a clothing line like Jongdae has, far too many times…

“Just call him pretty and suck his dick then,” Baekhyun offers. Jongdae kicks him again. “Ow! Stop it! I’m being helpful!!!!”

“I can’t believe he married you,” Jongdae says, with disbelief. Baekhyun just lets out a stubborn hmph. “I should make him divorce you so he can marry me, the superior boyfriend.” Baekhyun looks weirdly pensive at that, so Jongdae says, “What? I was kidding.”

“No, I know,” Baekhyun quickly amends. “Just… nothing. Don’t worry about it.” He gives Jongdae a lopsided smile. “There’s a foreign film festival on Junmyeon wants to go to,” of course he’s into bougie pretentious culture like that, Jongdae snorts. “But I don’t have the attention span for subtitles. Why not try that?”

Jongdae nods. “Okay, I will. Thank you.” His feet curl around Baekhyun’s calf beneath the table. “And you’re sure you’re okay with it?”

“Jongdae, of course I am,” Baekhyun laughs softly. “I know we somehow ended up in this without really meaning to, but… I think building up our relationships individually is important too. And also talking about our feelings.” Baekhyun gives Jongdae a soft look with an amount of fondness that makes Jongdae feel warm. “But if I’m ever not okay with something, I’ll tell you okay, and we can talk it out. I hope you feel comfortable enough with me to talk to me about your feelings, too.”

Jongdae reaches for Baekhyun’s hand across the table, rubbing his thumb along the silver ring. “Of course I do.”






Junmyeon’s welcome home party after a long trip abroad (a whole four days) ends up being sex. Jongdae can’t say he’s surprised.

But it’s pretty slow and sappy and filled with a lot of kisses that makes Jongdae’s heart feel a lot more turned on than his dick, all things considered, as he and Baekhyun take turns drawing orgasm after orgasm out of Junmyeon until he gives up, hoisting up a metaphorical white flag, and collapses on the bed, face first.

“I can’t believe it,” Baekhyun muses, a shocked expression across his face. “I think this is the first time the horny old man’s ever given up.”

Jongdae laughs at that, laughs even harder at Junmyeon’s indignant grunt. “Two against one is no fair,” he mumbles, voice muffled by the pillows.

Baekhyun just giggles and presses a kiss against his head. “Welcome home sweetheart.”

As Baekhyun showers, Jongdae lies with his head in Junmyeon’s lap while Junmyeon reads something on his phone, wearing a look of deep concentration. Jongdae bites his lip and starts, “So… I was thinking…”

“I’d say that’s never happened before, but you’re not Baekhyun,” Jongdae pinches Junmyeon’s thigh, who frowns at him. “What? It’s true. I didn’t marry him for his brains. You're the smart one.”

How Baekhyun and Junmyeon somehow manage to do nothing but insult each other (teasingly) yet still be disgustingly in love amazes Jongdae.

“I was thinking we should go on a date,” Jongdae finishes, fiddling with Junmyeon’s left hand, tracing over the ring idly in thought. “Just the two of us? We could go see some of those pretentious hipster foreign films you’ve been meaning to see.”

Junmyeon stares at Jongdae then, searching his face. “What spurred this on?”

Jongdae swallows, focusing on Junmyeon’s fingers instead of having to make eye contact. “I don’t… know? Just that Baekhyunnie and I kind of had a date while you were away and it made me think I want to hang out with you too, just one-on-one.” He smiles shakily. “I want to see what you’re like when Baekhyun doesn’t monopolise your attention.”

Junmyeon snorts softly at that, placing his phone down to run his right hand through Jongdae’s hair.

“Trust me,” he says quietly. “You both have my equal attention.”

“I know,” Jongdae replies easily, swallowing bravely. “So is that a yes?”

Junmyeon smiles. “Have I ever given either of you a no?”

Junmyeon books the tickets online because he actually knows which movie he wants to see --some french thing Jongdae can never remember the title of because it’s in french-- and Jongdae insists on making up for it by buying a box of popcorn once they’re there and having to physically hold his inner-romantic back from buying flowers beforehand, because then he’d have to buy Baekhyun flowers eventually too to ease his mind and its need for equivalent exchange and his wallet just can’t handle that kind of zero lube type of raw fucking.

Jongdae is weirdly nervous meeting Junmyeon in the city, mostly because it’s just a date and that’s how his brain is tricking him into feeling, but Baekhyun and Junmyeon have always made Jongdae nervous, that feeling has remained long into their weird three-way relationship that Jongdae still isn’t sure how he ended up in. It’s probably amplified a little because it’s Junmyeon, who Jongdae feels like he understands less than Baekhyun, sometimes --he’d known Baekhyun better when he’d gotten into this, and Junmyeon is far less of an open book.

It’s just that when Jongdae sees Junmyeon waiting for him outside the theatre in a beige coat, pouting cutely at his phone, that all the complicated feelings quickly subside to affection, and Jongdae doesn’t know how he could ever waste so much time feeling nervous.

“Hey,” Jongdae greets, kissing Junmyeon in the middle of the street and not caring. “You look great.”

“You’re not too bad yourself,” Junmyeon replies slyly, fingers curled through the lapels of Jongdae’s coat. “Super like.”

Jongdae flicks Junmyeon for that Tinder reference, who gives him puppy dog eyes in return. Jongdae just kisses his forehead in apology. “Let’s go inside, yeah?”

Jongdae buys the popcorn as promised and makes jokes about his hand brushing Junmyeon’s romantically every time they reach for it at the same time, which Junmyeon mostly rolls his eyes at and tells Jongdae to shush because he’s paying attention to the movie. There’s a lot less backseat theatre making out than what Jongdae had been hoping for, but watching the way Junmyeon can’t take his eyes off the screen as he makes a cute face of total enrapturement instead of reading the subtitles is worth it in its own kind of way. Jongdae, truth be told, finds the movie kind of boring and extremely pretentious, but Junmyeon seems to like it, so he won’t ruin his fun.

As they exit back into the cold night air towards the restaurant Jongdae has reservations for --which is the fanciest sentence his internal monologue has ever said, wow-- Junmyeon says, “Thank you. For tonight…” He bites his cheek. “I know Baekhyunnie never wants to come with me to these things because he finds them boring, so…”

“That’s because they are boring,” Jongdae helpfully replies, swiftly kissing Junmyeon’s cheek. “But that’s okay," he grins boyishly. "I happen to like boring.”

They end up late to Jongdae’s reservations --again, wow, so fancy and adult-- because Junmyeon fists the front of Jongdae’s shirt and shoves him into a nearby alleyway to make out, and Jongdae spends a good portion of reading through the menu wriggling in his seat from extreme boner-in-a-public-place discomfort. Junmyeon just smiles as he reads while sipping his wine because he’s a fucking sadist, ugh.

It’s a tapas restaurant --again, fancy-- which is going to hurt Jongdae’s wallet when he inevitably fights Junmyeon to the death for the honour of paying, and for some reason everything comes in sets of threes, so they keep having to split the last one in half.

“Okay, next time we’re bringing Baekhyun just to make this easier,” Jongdae complains, splitting a meatball in half with his fork and whining a little when it crumbles pathetically. Junmyeon just laughs easily, eyes curved.


They share a single slice of cake for dessert while Jongdae teases Junmyeon for his sweet tooth, and Jongdae tries not to stare too hard when Junmyeon licks whipped cream off his lips. Jongdae goes to pee quickly and when he comes back the bill is sitting there with two mints on top, already paid for.

“I hate you,” Jongdae instantly tells Junmyeon, shoulders dropping. “You’re the worst.”

“You let your guard down,” Junmyeon replies, preening a little at his victory.

“Next time I won’t be so foolish...” Jongdae warns lowly, holding Junmyeon’s coat up so he can slip his hands through the sleeves. Junmyeon grins at him with his tongue between his teeth, childish.

When they get back home, Baekhyun is playing League in Jongdae’s t-shirt and Junmyeon’s pyjama pants, calling out, “How was your date?” Before suddenly screaming as a Rengar jumps on top of him, mouse clicking furiously.  

“Good,” Junmyeon replies, as Baekhyun wordlessly juts his chin out for Junmyeon to kiss his cheek, eyes never leaving his laptop screen. “We had a lot of fun.”

“I’m just glad someone’s around to take you for walks now, honestly,” Baekhyun jokes. “I’m too lazy to handle having such a needy dog.”

Junmyeon rolls his eyes as Jongdae just laughs, and he’s about to follow Junmyeon past Baekhyun into the bedroom but Baekhyun yells out, “Hey!!” And stubbornly taps his other cheek.

Shaking his head, Jongdae leans down to kiss it. “Happy?”

“Extremely,” Baekhyun grins victoriously. “Have fun but don’t be too loud! I’m playing ranked!!!”

Jongdae laughs as he closes the bedroom door behind him so it’s open just a sliver and crawls on top of Junmyeon.

“Can we have a pact to be extra loud just to piss him off?” He asks.

Junmyeon’s smile is vicious as he cups Jongdae’s face. “Oh, absolutely.”

Jongdae is truly so glad he’s found his horny match with Junmyeon, even if Baekhyun storms in fifteen minutes later and says, “I just lost my fucking gold promos for you guys, I hope you’re happy.”

Jongdae has to stop thrusting and bury his face between Junmyeon’s shoulder blades as he snickers, Junmyeon giggling beneath him too, on all fours.

“You guys aiming to become porn stars or what?” Baekhyun asks, grunting as he tugs off his clothes. “Ugh, who moans like that, guys? Do you know how hard it is to win lane when you’re too busy thinking about what’s making your boyfriends sound like that while they fuck in the room next door!?!?!”

“I think we can make it up to you,” Jongdae pants, tossing Baekhyun the bottle of lube. His eyes sharpen in realisation.

“Oh, this isn’t gold five,” Baekhyun mutters. “But it’s close enough.”

It’s increasingly difficult to focus on fucking Junmyeon when every pull of his hips back just sends Baekhyun’s fingers further into Jongdae, who cries out at the sensation of Baekhyun’s evil, beautiful hand either touching Jongdae right where he wants it so suddenly he moans or touching him anywhere else just to have him cry out in frustration. Jongdae has to still when Baekhyun replaces his fingers with his dick, and the overload of sensations makes him feel like he’s going to die as soon as he moves.

“Somebody move,” Junmyeon grits out, gasping for breath. “Please.”

“I think I’m gonna die,” Jongdae says, horrified with the realisation. Baekhyun just laughs and presses a kiss against his shoulder.

“C’mon beautiful,” he murmurs encouragingly. “You can last a little longer for us.”

Jongdae shivers, squeezing his eyes shut, but experimentally moves his hips anyway, just to hear all of them moan in three-part-harmony. Damn, maybe they should form a band after this. It’s difficult to find a rhythm with three people but between Baekhyun’s dick in his ass and Jongdae’s dick in Junmyeon’s ass it doesn’t really matter whether they have a rhythm or not, gripping onto Junmyeon’s hips desperately as he fucks into him, seeking release, and crying out with each of Baekhyun’s thrusts behind him, which only make Jongdae’s hips hit Junmyeon harder.

Jongdae is the first to come, unsurprisingly, riding through it inside Junmyeon while Baekhyun just pulls out, hooking Jongdae’s chin at an awkward angle for a wet, messy, desperate kiss over his shoulder as Jongdae moans pathetically against Baekhyun’s mouth. When Jongdae finally finishes, pulling out of Junmyeon, Baekhyun is quick to replace the condom on his dick and take Jongdae’s place, fucking Junmyeon so suddenly he cries out and places a hand against the headboard, just to find balance.

Watching Baekhyun and Junmyeon fuck is like art, Jongdae has found, the familiarity with which they know their bodies, their wordless, marriage-telepathy knowing exactly what the other needs. Baekhyun presses kisses down Junmyeon’s back as he fucks into him slowly, but thoroughly, with long, hard movements of his hips, and Junmyeon can only wordlessly say Baekhyun’s name like a mantra as he takes one of Baekhyun’s hands and places it over his stomach, intertwining their fingers, bed rocking.

“C’mon Myeonnie,” Baekhyun goads, a quiet murmur. “Come for me, come on my cock... Show Jongdae how good you are for me.”

Junmyeon gasps as he comes untouched, holy shit , and Jongdae can only make a pathetic noise as he tips his head back, already hard again. Baekhyun fucks Junmyeon through it but pulls out as soon as it ends, knowing exactly when that moment has come through telepathy only, and it doesn’t take any prompting for Jongdae to move forward, pull the condom off, and wrap his mouth around Baekhyun’s dick.

Baekhyun doesn’t last longer than a minute, and Jongdae swallows it all, runs his tongue over the head of Baekhyun’s dick even when he’s writhing and oversensitive, wrapping a dry hand around his own dick just for some relief. Once Jongdae finally decides to be merciful, his own hand is replaced with Junmyeon’s, this time lubed, and it doesn’t take long for him to come again, thrusting into Junmyeon’s fingers to ride it out.

“Okay,” Baekhyun says, breathless, collapsing like a starfish with his head at the opposite end to the pillows. “Definitely better than gold five, actually.”

Jongdae just laughs and crawls over Baekhyun to kiss him, slow and sticky, but eventually Baekhyun pushes him back with a nose wrinkle and says, “Come breath,” by way of explanation.

“What is it with you and oral hygiene…” Jongdae mumbles indignantly, going to the ensuite to grab the pink toothbrush that belongs to him from the little metal cup, scrubbing dutifully. He hadn’t actually meant for his Junmyeon-centric night to end with all three of them like that, but, as Jongdae watches toothpaste spiral down the drain, somehow, it’s kind of inevitable that it had.

And he knows that neither of them mind that fact all that much.






Winter turns to spring turns to summer, and Jongdae finds himself spending a lot more time at Baekhyun and Junmyeon’s apartment than his own because they actually have a functioning a/c.

(At least, that’s the excuse he gives Kyungsoo when he returns back to their apartment only to grab more clothes.)

Sometimes Jongdae is even at Baekhyun’s and Junmyeon’s place home alone while they go on a date to celebrate their wedding anniversary or go to family events and things, and it kind of sucks, Jongdae thinks, that he probably won’t be able to meet Junmyeon’s grandparents or Baekhyun’s niece, not for a little while, anyway, but the way Baekhyun and Junmyeon kiss him apologetically when they get home makes up for it. He still hasn’t decided which one he’s going to introduce to his parents first, because he doesn’t want to pretend he’s only dating one person, even if he knows most people don’t really get it, his parents included, but Jongdae thinks he should at least warm them up to the idea one at a time so that his mother doesn’t die of a heart attack.

Just wait until he tells her they met on Tinder, jeez.

They have a pretty good routine going on, of alternating date nights and splitting up household chores, sharing separate duties. It works, first of all, because they want it too, but it also works because it’s actually… easier. Easier than dating one person, which is maybe why Jongdae can handle it so well. If Jongdae is exhausted from work he doesn’t have to feel bad about being a shitty boyfriend because Baekhyun and Junmyeon can be there for each other instead, when Baekhyun and Junmyeon have silly fights over nothing Jongdae is there to mediate, when Junmyeon struggles to talk about his grievances he has two people to notice and help coax them out of him, when Baekhyun is too tired for sex Jongdae can handle Junmyeon's needs instead. Jongdae doesn’t have to feel like he’s forced into offering up a hundred percent of himself to his significant other because he has two of them, so he’s not desperately tripping over himself to be the perfect boyfriend at all times --which, in hindsight, is probably why he’s never been very good at commitment. It’s more balanced, more stable, always keeping each other in check, communicating more openly to deal with all the different feelings, and it’s a miracle, Junmyeon had told Jongdae one night quietly, when they were all curled up in bed, that Junmyeon and Baekhyun had ever managed without him.

Baekhyun visits Jongdae at work one day because his school had had an excursion to an exhibition at the university, and Baekhyun had managed to score a shift as one of the teachers on duty purely to come and finally see Jongdae’s lab.

“So this is where the all the smart magic happens,” Baekhyun muses as he cranes his neck around. It’s really nothing impressive, just a bunch of desks and a hazard door Baekhyun doesn’t have clearance to go through. Baekhyun hums happily. “I’m so lucky you’re smart and pretty.”

“You’re really into it, aren’t you?” Jongdae teases, Baekhyun sitting on top of his desk as Jongdae crowds against him, hands on Baekhyun’s waist. He drops his voice. “My stunning intellect.”

“Oooo talk dirty to me Mr. Scientist,” Baekhyun murmurs, eyes trailing over Jongdae’s face and down to his throat with a twinkle of delight behind them.

“Uh, test tube, microscope,” Baekhyun kisses down Jongdae's neck, nips under his ear. “Glyceraldehyde 3-phosphate dehydrogenase,” his hands unbutton the top of Jongdae’s shirt to mouth at his collarbones. “Escherichia coli--”

Baekhyun’s hands are trailing low enough Jongdae actually forgets they’re in his fucking share office until Joohyun and Chanyeol are standing in the open doorway with wide eyes.

Jongdae quickly pulls back, clearing his throat and strategically positioning his lab coat so that it covers the front of his pants, buttoning his collar. “Sup guys.”

“Hot tinder threesome guy?” Chanyeol blurts, eyes wide.

Baekhyun just laughs, hopping off the desk, completely unembarrassed that he’d been caught in a raunchy make out with Jongdae because he’s Baekhyun. “That’s me.”

Joohyun just looks confused, eyes raking over Baekhyun’s figure and zeroing in on Baekhyun’s left hand and wedding ring.

“You’re a homewrecker?” She asks Jongdae, a mix between shocked and… impressed? Maybe?

“More like home improver,” Jongdae mutters, and Baekhyun laughs into the crook of Jongdae’s neck.

“I promise you my husband knows about this, don’t worry,” Baekhyun pats Jongdae’s chest proudly. “Jongdae is too much of a goody-two-shoes to help me have an affair.”

Joohyun relaxes a little at that, and Jongdae realises this really isn’t how he wanted Baekhyun to meet Chanyeol or his manager.

“Well, in that case,” Joohyun smiles prettily, but Jongdae sees the threat and ice beneath it. “No making out in the office Jongdae, go home already.” Her voice is saccharine; it doesn’t take long for Jongdae to scramble out of there with Baekhyun yelling it was nice meeting you kinda! Behind him so that he can leave work alive.

As they walk back to Jongdae’s car, Jongdae intertwines their hands, rubbing his thumb idly over Baekhyun’s wedding band. Baekhyun is watching him funnily.

“What?” Jongdae asks, moving so that he’s in front of Baekhyun with his hands on his hips and waddling backwards.

“Nothing,” Baekhyun shakes his head. “Just that… does it bother you?”

Jongdae blinks. “Does what bother me?”

“That Junmyeon and I are married,” he clarifies.

Jongdae frowns at that, gaze moving down as he lifts Baekhyun’s left hand to be between them.

“Not really?” He offers, tracing over the ring. “I just find it kind of weird like... I forget you and Junmyeon have known each other for years. It doesn’t feel like that, y’know?”

“That’s good then,” Baekhyun softens. “I guess I’m always worried…”

Jongdae laughs gently. “What would you do if I said it bothered me? Get a divorce?”

He’s joking, but Baekhyun’s expression is all too serious. “If that’s what we had to do to make this easier for you.” He shrugs, and Jongdae’s jaw drops, completely shocked at how easily Baekhyun says such heavy words. “What? It’s just marriage, it’s a fake constitution anyway. Junmyeon and I just did it to spite straight people and to drink a lot of champagne.”

Somehow, that doesn’t surprise Jongdae in the slightest, laughing. Joohyun said no making out in the office, but she didn’t say anything about no making out in the office parking lot, which is why Jongdae has no issues pressing Baekhyun against the hood of his car and kissing him, intertwining their left hands together.






Autumn means Junmyeon doesn’t wear enough layers and Jongdae comes to their dates with a scarf, just so he can wrap it around Junmyeon’s neck to keep him warm and pull him in for a kiss. It means saving money on the electricity bill because cuddling with three people in one bed brings no necessity for a heater. Winter means Baekhyun comes home with a red nose and ears and Jongdae can’t help but kiss him, means he and Junmyeon go out a lot less and spend a lot more time inside watching movies on the couch with wine and having debates about them because Junmyeon always thinks they’re good and Jongdae is tired of pretentiousness and cinematography being a substitute for quality while Baekhyun plays League a room over, giving them their alone time but making his sighs plenty audible.

Winter means Jongdae kicking off his shoes and tossing his keyring into the bowl by the door as enters Baekhyun and Junmyeon’s apartment curiously, Baekhyun not running to the front to jump into Jongdae’s arms and kiss him like an excited puppy being a rare event.

When he makes it to the dining room, the lights are low and there are candles everywhere, Baekhyun and Junmyeon sitting opposite each other at the cloth-covered table chatting idly, leaving Jongdae the head to sit between them.

“What… is this?” He asks, skeptical, hanging his coat over the back of his chair and laughing a little at all the dramatics, nervous.

“A date, obviously,” Baekhyun answers, and just wordlessly reaches into the pot into the middle of the table with serving tongs to fill Jongdae’s bowl with… pasta?

“Okay but… what’s special about this one?” Jongdae asks, blinking in surprise when he tastes a mouthful because it doesn’t suck. “Did you guys make this?”

“I did,” Junmyeon corrects stubbornly.

“Hey, I proudly boiled that pasta water,” Baekhyun adds snidely, kicking Junmyeon under the table.

“Do you like it?” Junmyeon asks Jongdae nervously, seeking approval.

“It’s delicious,” Jongdae remarks, genuinely amazed because Junmyeon learnt how to cook an actual meal, just for him. What the fuck? “But seriously, what is this, you guys never put in this much effort...”

Baekhyun scoffs in offense but Junmyeon just shrugs because it’s true, they’re a very lazy… couple(s)? Threesome? Not that Jongdae has ever cared about that because he’s lazy too.

“Can’t you let us finish eating before we have to be all sappy?” Baekhyun complains, sighing as he puts down his fork. “It’s our one year anniversary, dumbass.”

“... Is it?” Jongdae asks, blinking. God he’s a shitty boyfriend.

“Well, yeah,” Baekhyun replies. “It’s been one year since we matched on Tinder.”

Jongdae closes his eyes slowly at that, pinching the bridge of his nose, filled deeply with regret. Baekhyun and Junmyeon burst out laughing.

“We argued about when we should celebrate it,” Junmyeon says, Jongdae cracking an eye open behind his face of discomfort. “Whether it should be when we all slept together or when you finally realised we were dating, but…”

“But this was the start of it all,” Baekhyun finishes for him. “And also,” he adds helpfully. “We knew this date would piss you off the most.”

Jongdae laughs at that, despite himself. “Mission accomplished,” he says dryly. “But I didn’t plan anything, and now I feel bad? Can I petition to re-date our anniversary?”

“No,” Junmyeon replies sweetly. “It’s two against one.”

“Sorry love,” Baekhyun tacks on. Jongdae hates having two boyfriends, sometimes, because now he has three people to call him out on his bullshit; Baekhyun, Junmyeon and Kyungsoo.

“Besides,” Junmyeon starts, pulling out something from his pocket and placing it in front of Jongdae, a small black, velvet box. “We wanted it to be a surprise.”

Frowning curiously, Jongdae takes the box and opens it only to find… a silver ring?

“We’re not asking you to marry us,” Baekhyun quickly explains. “Mostly because it’s not legal and probably a little too soon.” Probably?

“But it felt right,” Junmyeon continues for him. “This relationship is about all of us now, and we wanted you to have a way of remembering that.”

Jongdae is speechless, brain shortcircuiting completely as he slides the silver band onto his left ring finger and it fits perfectly, identical to Junmyeon and Baekhyun’s.

“Just consider it like, one of those cringey hetero couple rings, or something,” Baekhyun offers, fidgeting nervously at Jongdae’s silence. “Marriage is dumb anyway, and this way you won’t get dirty looks when you’re out with one of us in public.”

Jongdae doesn’t even realise he’s probably going to cry until he tries to talk and there’s something wedged in his throat, swallowing it down.

“You two…” he starts, laughing a little and quickly swiping at his eyes, just so they won’t start any funny business. “Are so lame... This is so lame.” Jongdae bursts into hysterical giggles before he can stop himself, hiding his face and trying to stop himself from crying. “Ah, fuck.”

“Lame in… a good way?” Junmyeon asks hesitantly, and Jongdae just snorts.

“Of course it’s in a good way,” Jongdae says, wiping his nose grossly with the back of his hand. “You know I secretly love terrible cringey couple things like this.”

Junmyeon laughs breathlessly in relief, Baekhyun smiling too. “Then we’re glad,” Junmyeon says, hand reaching for Jongdae’s across the table. Baekhyun does the same, meaning Jongdae can no longer hide his face, probably a little blotchy and gross, laughing nervously as he tries to shirk into his shoulders.

“I love you,” Jongdae says, to the both of them really, eyes moving back and forth between their faces. “That’s-- that’s been a long time coming because I’m still a commitment-phobe at heart but. I love you. Both of you.” He swallows. “So fucking much.” Even if they’re both the sappiest, lamest boyfriends on the planet, that give Jongdae a fucking wedding ring as a matching couple accessory and actually remember the date Jongdae matched with Baekhyun on Tinder as their anniversary just to piss him off… he fucking loves them so much, what the fuck.

Baekhyun and Junmyeon exchange a look, but Jongdae has spent so much time with them their marriage-telepathy has become contagious, all too easy to read, so he knows exactly what this one means.


They’re looking at each other with so much tenderness and softness Jongdae doesn’t know the words to describe it; then, they look at Jongdae, and the expression on their faces doesn’t change one bit.

“I love you too,” Junmyeon says easily. And Baekhyun happily pipes in with, “Me too!!! Don’t one-up me Myeonnie!!!”

Jongdae just laughs with nervous relief, his heart feeling so full it’s overflowing, and it doesn’t matter that Jongdae is out of his depth, because Baekhyun and Junmyeon are his air, now; he won’t drown.

“Petition to postpone dinner in favour of having very emotional, lovey-dovey sex right now?” Jongdae tries, blinking away the tears in his eyes. Baekhyun and Junmyeon just laugh, easily standing, and lead him to the bedroom, hand-in-hand.

Jongdae’s never going to be horny or lonely-horny ever again, at this rate.