he was weak. of course he was why else would he feel this way. why else would he crave what he couldn’t have, what he knew was foolish to want.
kylo was only having this current crisis because of something that had happened earlier this cycle. it was that stupid insipid general, of course it had to be him. it had to be the man who unrestrainedly loathed him that made him feel so kriffing weak and vulnerable. they had touched , only in passing, but it felt much too long to kylo. it made his skin burn. it made him want to scream knowing the only ,even remotely, gentle touch he’d received since he was a child and likely the only he’d receive till the foreseeable future was an accidental brush of hands from the man who’d rather see him dead than touch him again. he hated himself so much for even thinking about hux so tenderly. kylo felt so overwhelmed he could barely stand it.
a sharp pain brought kylo back to the present. looking down he saw his nails digging into the flesh of his hand. the same hand hux had touched. no he had to stop thinking of that. he could stop this , he could forget this distraction if he just didn’t think about what happened. he’d get past this. he’d only be fooling himself anyways. kylo would be delusional if he thought hux would ever want him like this. as if hux would ever want to run his fingers through kylos hair, or hold him, or ... kiss him NO! this had to stop now . he’d stop this. he’d deal with this, permanently