Actions

Work Header

Hi, welcome to chili's

Work Text:

Truth was, you weren't alive when vines were famous.

The platform had closed more than twenty years ago but what could you say? You liked vintage humor.

Hank hated it, he had of course lived through vine mania and had long forgotten about them until you came to work on the precinct, making some references here and there and even more when you two started regularly working together.

It was part of your day to day vocabulary and you didn’t think much about it.

It never crossed your mind that a certain android might be paying attention to them.


“You ready, kid?” Hank, umbrella in hand, asked as he got up from his desk. “I’m hungry as hell.”

“I am, but there’s a problem lieutenant.”

He looked like he already knew you were going to say something dumb.

“What?” He sighed.

I don’t have enough money for chicken nuggets.”

“For fuck’s sake, Y/N. I’m gonna punch you in the face one of this days.”

“You would never, Hank. You care about me too much.”

Connor watched you two in silence, trying to understand the unusual dialogue and storing it in his memory to ask later, perhaps at a better time when you were both off of work.


As Connor left the crime scene close behind you and Hank, he made a report and sent it to your email, knowing it would make it easier for you to just send it in to the captain without having to write it all out later.

He was going to notify you of this, but the conversation you were maintaining with Hank caught his attention.

“I’m just asking you to spell it for me, Hank.”

“Fuck you, it’s been a long night and i don’t want to have to deal with your bullshit.”

“Just spell Iridocyclitis! It can’t be that hard.”

“The spelling is I-r-i-d-o-c-y-c-l-i-t-i-s, it’s the medical term for an inflammation of the iris.” Connor explained, catching up with you and Hank.

“Jesus.” Hank whispered as you burst out laughing.

“Is there anything wrong, detective Y/N?” His LED flashed yellow.

“No, Connor. I’ve never been better.”


Hank huffed as he watched Gavin demanding that an android brought him some food since there wasn’t any at the station, tapping her chest angrily while trying to explain that he was her boss.

Go back to sleep and starve, Gavin.” Y/N said while getting out of the kitchen, getting a chuckle out of Hank this time.

“What the fuck does that even mean?” Gavin asked.

Connor wondered the same thing.


 

He figured the strange phrases you used on the daily were old sayings, or maybe figures of speech. They had become so regular that Hank now smiled when you made one, before cussing you out, of course, but that was just how Hank behaved normally. Perhaps he could improve his own speech and implement them in conversations.

He stored them all in a section of his artificial brain, next to a sort of folder full of things you had taught him and important observations he made about you since first getting to meet you last year in the precinct.

Annie don’t fall.” You giggled drunkenly as Hank almost slipped on his front door, Sumo wagging his tail at his owner's feet.

“I swear to god i’m never drinking with you again.”


That fateful morning that seemed like any other, you stepped into the office, large coffee in hand since you hadn’t slept last night, trying to piece together some of the evidence of the last case.

Good thing was, you had finally figured something that might lead you to the gang of drug dealers that had been causing that pain in your ass in the last few weeks.

So in your tired state, you figured you were starting to hallucinate when Connor greeted you.

“Hi Y/N, Welcome to chili's.” He said in that usual warm tone of his, smiling as he waited for you to give him the usual kiss on the cheek.

You stopped dead in your tracks, looking at him for more than you meant to before sighing and taking a huge gulp of coffee.

You really needed to get some sleep.


 

An hour later Hank arrived and you got up of your chair, complaining about him being late and telling him about the lead you had found last night.

You three discussed the circumstances deciding it might be better to talk to Captain Fowler before making any decisions.

It went swiftly, you and Hank explained the situation while Connor offered input on the few places the gang could be possibly hiding and approximately how many of them would be on each location.

“Perhaps we should send a bigger team, lieutenant. If these murder sprees really are connected to the dealers then it’s out of our hands.”

What?  Captain this is nuts, we’ve been on this case for weeks, Y/N is the one who connected the murders!” Hank said, raising his voice.

“The FBI is watching my every move in this goddamn red ice thing, if any of you get injured or one of them runs away we’re screwed. It’s too dangerous.”

“As they say, Captain.” Connor took a step forward. “We all die, you either kill yourself or get killed. And well, what'chu gonna do?"

Your head spun around so fast you almost hurt your neck. That was for sure a reference, but why? Why in this setting?

Everyone in the room stayed quiet, looking at Connor like his wiring was failing.

“I think what Connor meant is that we can handle dangerous.” You said, sending the android a questionable glare.

The captain stared at the three of you before sighing and nodding his head.

“Alright, go ahead then. Don’t disappoint me.”

As the door closed behind him, Hank immediately turned to Connor.

“What the fuck was that, Connor?"

“I’m sorry lieutenant, i’m not exactly sure what you mean.”

“You… you made a vine reference.” You said, wanting to laugh but still in a stunned state.

“A… vine reference?”

You and Hank watched as his LED turned yellow and his eyes blinked rapidly, he was clearly researching.

When his eyes got back to normal, he looked embarrassed.

“I quoted an old internet joke to the captain?” He said as if he couldn’t believe it, you had never seen him more ashamed.

You finally let yourself laugh at the disbelief and disappointment in his voice.

“This is all your fault.” Hank said over your shrieks of laughter. “I knew nothing good was gonna come out of your stupid repertoire of those damn videos.”

“Connor, i’ve never been more proud of you. I’m so sorry that i didn’t explain before.” You hugged the android, smiling even bigger when noticing a little bit of blue on his cheeks.

“You just mentioned them so much… i thought it would make you happy to see that i had learned from your own vocabulary.”

“It does make me incredibly happy, more than you think.” You giggled. “Let’s just… leave them out of work conversations, alright?”

He nodded, adjusting his tie and regaining his composure.

You watched as Hank walked away, muttering something about your’s and Connor’s “gross relationship” and going straight to the cup of cold coffee on his desk.

“I do need you to do something for me, though.”

He nodded and you leaned in to whisper your masterful plan.


That night as he got on the passenger's seat of Hank’s car you tried not to give away anything, holding back a smirk.

You sat in silence as Connor and Hank put on their seatbelts, and just as Hank tried to start the car…

“I’m in my mum’s car. Broom broom.”  The exact same audio of the original vine left Connor’s mouth, and you completely lost it.

Hank slammed a hand on the control panel of the car.

“Fuck both of you!”

You couldn’t breathe.

“Get the fuck out of my car, find yourselves a ride back home.”

“Or what, Hank?” You said, barely able to. “You’re gonna start a kickstarter to put us down?”

Needles to say, you ended up walking under the cold rain of Detroit.

It was absolutely worth it.