"Captain's Log: uhhh... Monday? Honestly, who cares anymore..."
"So, we invaded one of Yellow Diamond's asteroid mines to extract the flotanium we needed. Several Agates were guarding it, but we defeated them and escaped successfully... that is, before Homeworld ships started chasing us. We lost them, but it might not take long for them to find us; so, we're all alert.
"Meanwhile, Fluorite is working to fix the engines down here, but it's taking a while... for now, we can only wait - and watch out for any suspicious ships out there. Hopefully, she will have repaired the nova thrusters before anything happens.
"If everything goes well, then we'll finally reach our destination: The Earth."
Lars let out a deep sigh, as his eyes met the stars.
"... home," He whispered, effectively.
Once he finished, he threw himself on the captain seat. Weirdly enough, he actually felt drained - and it hadn't even been the most dangerous battle the Off Colors had faced. Well, Lars would rarely feel any exhaustion, really.
Though... it was sure becoming very... tiresome.
Well, anyone would be excited to go on a space adventure – where you could ride a fast spaceship with your friends, wear a cool cape and commit crimes against a tyrannical system. Not that it wasn’t a remarkable experience anymore, clearly not- it was just...
Space was wide. Huge. The concept of time no longer mattered there. He couldn’t tell anything anymore.
In spite of all the thrilling adventures, space was still that endless black pit, were it not for the countless stars that painted it. Astronauts would definitely envy him due to finding several solar systems, all sorts of planets and whatever. However, it was just... not like the Earth – no matter how breathtaking it was.
On Earth, you could actually... be yourself. It certainly was no bed of roses, considering how judgmental people could be; but there was so much beauty to that planet, so much... life. Homeworld would only turn a blind eye to it all. Then, they would eradicate anyone and anything that didn’t fit their twisted concepts of a successful empire.
The Off Colors had been forced to hide- for eons, because they would have been shattered. Lars tried not to think too much about it at this point, but it was awfully hard. The thought of his friends excluded from society and further getting killed simply for looking “wrong” to the eyes of horrible dictators was frightening, painful. It was still as messed up as when he had realized upon meeting the Off Colors.
Luckily, though, the journey to Earth would come to an end... eventually. There wouldn’t be a specific time of arrival; again, time was useless in the middle of outer space. Though, the captain had only started making all those log dates thanks to Steven’s occasional visits and his own intuition... and also because he had always wanted to do that, for some reason. Perhaps it was part of his wishes as a little kid. Yeah.
Lars relaxed on the seat while the Off Colors piloted, concentrated. Fluorite hadn’t given any further reports on the engines. It would take time for any results. The captain was still hopeful, in spite of his homesickness and certain impatience; yet he knew he couldn’t blame Fluorite. Emerald sure had done some damage...
He gazed at the big, starry dimness outside, his mind transcending to... nowhere. Well, literally nowhere. Still.
He could not wait to get home. One day, they would all be on Earth and would be in peace. They would all be free.
A smile formed on his face.
Then his hair glowed and the unfortunate feeling of a whole thing coming out of it led him to scream.
"EEEEK!!" Lars blurted out.
Suddenly, there was Steven, who had made a near perfect landing.
“Ugh, Steven-!” Lars almost yelled at him, but then contained himself, knowing he shouldn’t get mad at him visiting out of the blue.
“Oh, s-sorry, Lars,” Steven apologized anyway.
“No, I- ugh,” Lars sighed. “Sorry, I know I should’ve gotten used to you coming here.”
“It’s okay, I guess I can’t really blame you- I can’t imagine what it must be like to have a magic portal inside your hair... and having things bigger than it coming in and out of it on a daily basis."
Lars snorted. “It’s still weird, yeah. But- it’s okay, really. It’s always great to see you.”
Steven smiled at him, though... the older boy couldn’t help feeling there was... something off. That is, about Steven. He didn’t know why.
“Sooooo,” Steven cleared his throat. “How has space been?”
“Eh, same ol’ thing...” Lars shrugged, but then smirked. “... except we showed those Agates who’s boss!”
“Oh!” Steven’s face lightened up. “You guys went to those asteroid mines, right?”
Lars nodded in response, watching Steven become excited in amusement.
“That’s great to hear!” He said. “Are the engines working now?”
“Yeah, well,” Lars moaned. “It’s... still going to take a while to get them to work... but we’ll be home soon, I guarantee!”
“Hah, so,” The pink-haired boy smiled. “How have things been back home?”
“Oh, uh, good,” Steven nodded. “They’ve been... great.”
The joy in his voice... faded. For some reason, Steven was looking around a lot, instead of facing Lars. The captain raised an eyebrow at those signs.
“C’mon, what’s up?” Lars asked. “Any news?”
“No! I-I mean,” Steven blushed after nearly screaming, which had made the older teen flinch. “Home’s been... the same, yeah. Except- wait.”
Steven bent down, revealing a... cheeseburger backpack as he removed it from his back.
“Actually,” Steven started. “I wanted to give you something.”
He handed Lars a piece of paper- that was not just some piece of paper: it was a poster of Sadie Killer and the Suspects, wearing cool costumes and- and playing in a stage iluminated with several colors!
“Remember that show I told you?” Steven asked. “They made this really cool poster to promote it- and my dad’s been helping them with that, too. They’re all really excited about it and yeah... I felt like you’d love to have this.”
Lars admitted to gazing at the poster with admiration. He then grinned and created an entire scenario in his mind; maybe he would be there, watching Sadie and the Cool Kids performing live, in those neat outfits... and his friends would all be there, too – it would be amazing!
“That’s so awesome!” He exclaimed. “Thanks, Steven. I really hope we can all be there to see it.”
“Heh,” Steven laughed quietly. “Me too.”
Lars glanced at him, noticing the other’s smile fading. He raised an eyebrow.
“Hey, uh, are... are you okay?” He asked.
“O-Oh, yeah! Of course,” Steven replied, smiling. Yet, it wasn’t quite... genuine.
Lars frowned, which was not unnoticed by the other boy. In fact, he did take a closer look at Steven. His eyes were actually puffy. Not to mention there were some... dark bags under them, too.
“Are... you sure?” The older teen asked.
“I mean it! I’m just... kinda tired,” Steven rubbed the back of his own neck. “Been having lots of fun, like always!”
Steven let out a weird, nervous laugh. The captain was about to say something else, but soon the Off Colors (except Fluorite), reached them; good thing they had the autopilot option.
“Hello, Steven!” “It’s good to see you!” The Rutiles greeted him.
“Oh, hey, guys,” Steven said. “I heard you were awesome getting that... thing for your engines!”
“Yeah! You should’ve seen us in combat!” One of the twins said.
“We literally just invaded one of Yellow Diamond’s properties,” Rhodonite added, nervously at first, but she seemed pretty excited, though. “And there were hundreds of Agates!”
“But stars- we got to battle amazingly!” One of the Rutiles said.
“Hah, yeah! You should’ve seen the looks on those Agates’ faces,” He laughed. “They were all running way like a whole bunch of cowards, crying ‘MY DIAMOND, HELP!! THEY ARE INVINCIBLE!!!’”
They all laughed, and the Off Colors remarked and re-told the showdown at the asteroid mine.
"We were- actually fighting! For our cause, for our freedom..." “We were like- like the Crystal Gems!” The Rutile twins commented.
Rhodonite’s face actually lightened up upon the realization and added: “Oh! In fact, when we get to Earth, we would love to know more about them! And meet the rest of them!”
The gems continued admiring the Crystal Gems, much to Lars’ enjoyment.
“To imagine that Rose Quartz gave up on everything she had been assigned for, to free herself and others...” Rhodonite said, her four eyes shining in adoration. “She- She surely was great!”
“Indeed!” The other gems agreed.
They kept fushing over the rebellious Rose Quartz. They were all so joyful and hopeful, so... inspired!
It was fast, but Lars’ eyes spotted Steven’s expression changing drastically for one second; his smile disappeared completely. Then the black-haired boy turned his back to everyone else in the room, to... to avoid them.
As if... he were trying to hide.
No one seemed to have noticed. The other gems maintained their cheerful conversation while Steven was...
... he was shaking.
“S... Steven?” Lars called, quite unsure of what to do.
He received no answer from the other boy.
“Steven!” He spoke louder, his hand reaching Steven’s shoulder, which- which led Steven to let out a horrified scream.
Lars was frozen where he stood (sat?). Steven downright panted once he faced the other again, as if something had just tried to attack him. His eyes were wide, fearful...
Soon enough, though, the younger boy shook his head and brought himself back to reality.
“O-Oh, god! I- Sorry about that,” Steven said. “I-I was just, uhh, spacing out- in space! Haha...”
He started laughing, yet Lars didn’t find it funny in the slightest. Once he noticed this, Steven’s laughter died out and his facade fell again.
Steven wasn’t okay and- and it was written all over him; especially as he would just... laugh it off.
“What’s the matter, Steven?” One of the Rutile twins asked, all the Off Colors now focusing on Steven. “You sounded... scared.”
“It’s- it’s nothing!” The younger boy replied with a weak smile. “Really, I’m fine, I-“
“Oh no," Padparadscha said, suddenly. "I predict that Steven won’t actually be feeling well - especially not once we... talk about the Crystal Gems."
As soon as Steven heard that, his eyes immediately widened and avoided any contact. It only increased Lars’ suspicions.
It was clear that nothing was fine.
"W-Wait, what?" One of the Rutiles said, suddenly perplexed.
"What... does that mean?" The other asked, both twins looking at Steven.
"Oh no," Rhodonite said, concerned. "A-Are the other Crystal Gems alright? Did- something happen to them?"
The Off Colors all looked tense and tried to talk to Steven at the same time, yet he wouldn't dare to say the truth.
"I- No! They're all doing great! D-Don't worry about it," He tried to assure them, but Lars wasn't buying it. Definitely not.
“Steven, seriously,” Lars asked crossing his arms. “Something did happen back home, right?”
“... n... no, it’s just...” Steven sighed. “I-I don’t want to talk about it, it’s- it’s not your concern.”
“What do you mean ‘not my concern’? Dude, I know something serious happened and- and I want to know,” Lars responded impatiently- and bitterly, in a way.
“I-It’s not serious, please, just- just leave it,” Steven insisted on avoiding the topic. “It’s fine.”
Lars took a deep breath. “Steven-“
“Ugh, I already said it's fine!” Steven raised his voice. "Why- why won’t you believe me?!"
“Because you don’t look fine, at all!” Lars suddenly blurted out in response. “You look terrible and you keep lying and avoiding talking about it, it’s- literally written all over you! Do you really think I’m STUPID?!”
He silented Steven, who flinched. Lars’ face softened almost immediately upon realizing the tone of his own voice – as well as the shocked looks on the others’ faces.
“Oh, god, I’m- I’m sorry,” Lars apologized to everyone, but mostly Steven. “I didn’t mean to- I-“
He sighed deeply and tried to breathe. He can't just- behave like a dickhead like that. Well, Steven wasn’t collaborating, but it didn’t help that Lars wouldn't really do much better in situations like these.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He faced the other boy again.
"Steven," He started. "I- We all know you're not fine. W... We want to know what happened because we care about you. Yet- yet you refuse to say anything, and-!"
Lars stopped before he could get stressed again. God, why was this so hard... He really wasn't good at this.
But... he had to try.
"It's just... you're always helping others," He continued. "But you don't seem to... to help yourself. I- I can tell that, because I know you have a lot going on in your life- a lot that... that other people wouldn't understand. And- I get it, you know?"
Steven was utterly quiet, not daring to speak. Lars gazed at him with worry and certain guilt; which wouldn’t make the other feel better, he assumed.
Lars placed a hand on Steven’s shoulder.
“Look, I..." The older teen sighed once more. "I know I’m not the best person to talk to, but- but I mean it, if something happened, I... I want to help- even if I’m, like... out here, in space. I can, well... listen.”
The younger boy looked away; he... he didn’t appear to be better. Lars looked all over the Off Colors, whose eyes were flooded with questions they were anxious to ask.
Steven lowered his head. Lars squeezed his shoulder slightly.
“Steven, please,” The captain said, his voice... nearly breaking. "I'm- I'm worried about you. We all are.
"Just... tell us what happened."
Only silence answered him. Steven was immobile and absolutely quiet. Lars didn’t try to pressure him anymore, knowing it wouldn’t do any better. He knew he should give Steven time to try to speak, to say the right words- because talking was difficult, Lars knew of that too well.
Everything was silent, lifeless... if not for the noises coming from the engines downstairs. The Off Colors didn’t add anything. Lars then realized that one of Steven’s hands reached his belly button – where his gem was placed. One of them proceeded to clutch his t-shirt.
Lars couldn’t ignore that sign; especially not when he noticed how shaky Steven’s hands were. Adding Padparadscha’s prediction, Lars assumed it must involve... the other’s mother.
He was about to aim for that particular subject when the other boy decided to speak.
"L... Lars," His voice was quiet, nearly a whisper that could have gotten lost in the dimness. "I..."
Steven was hesitant, as his hands still grasped his t-shirt and his eyes would not meet Lars'. Actually, they...
... they aimed at the Off Colors.
Soon enough, he turned around fast, perhaps not to let anyone truly notice; but Lars ended up catching that.
"I, uh... c- could we..." Steven's voice was clearer now. "Could we talk... i-in private? Like, you and me? I-If that's... alright."
Well, Lars couldn't lie that he was... actually taken aback by Steven's request. Steven had always been pretty comfortable with the gems, having not thought of anything negative upon first meeting them and instead trusting them meaningfully. So, asking them both not to be around the Off Colors was... sort of surprising. The gems themselves must feel the same way, as the captain glanced at them; they were caught by surprise and were asking each other several questions through their eyes.
Still, the way Steven looked at them told him that... maybe it would be best if they talked alone. Besides, if- if that would help him, then Lars was willing to do so. Hopefully, he would give the others an idea just so they weren't so worried about him.
"S... Sure, yeah," Lars replied, realizing he had been out of reality for a bit. "We- We can do that. Actually, there's another area in this ship I go sometimes. So, uh, we can go there."
"Oh," Steven nodded. "O-Okay."
"Well, uh, stay here while I talk to them, alright?"
Lars stood up and walked to the Off Colors, guiding them a bit far away from the younger boy. Steven anxiously waited him near his seat, avoiding looking at the other gems.
"We'll go to, well, my... thinking room," He informed them. " If- If there are any emergencies, remember that I installed the communicators down there, so please let me know of anything."
The Off Colors nodded, yet... they all looked insecure at the same time. He was sure it was because of Steven.
"We'll- We'll be back soon," Lars assured.
"It's just... I wonder why he won't tell us," The right Rutile admitted quietly.
"Yeah, why aren't we supposed to know?" Rhodonite asked, a bit too loud; but she sounded pretty tense, so Lars couldn't really blame her.
"Look, I'll... I'll talk to him, he probably just needs some space and time to think... m-maybe he'll tell you guys later," Lars tried to assure them, but he wasn't so sure himself.
His friends didn't seem quite convinced, either...
"I'll... try my best," Lars sighed. Soon he regained his composure, though. "Well, you may return to your posts for now. You keep your eyes on any strange movements out there, okay?"
The Off Colors all returned to their seats immediately. Lars turned around, finding Steven gazing at the captain's chair. The older teen observed him for a bit, wondering what could have... possibly happened to the Crystal Gems.
It must have been really... bad, if Steven didn't want the Off Colors to know. And if the main reason involved his mother, then... what could it be?
Lars was aware of Steven's complex feelings towards Rose, but he couldn't really... imagine what had occurred.
Finally, Lars stepped forward and went back to Steven, who jumped in surprise.
"C'mon," Lars beckoned.
He aimed for the button on his chair and pressed it, warping Steven and himself somewhere else.
I've decided to separate the story in two chapters so it wouldn't be THAT long... besides, I kiiiiiinda wanted to post this before the new episodes air adgfjhjdjghfk
OKAY I LIED, there's another chapter, as you've all seen ;O;
It will be posted shortly, though!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The two were then in a different part of the ship. It was sort of dark, if not for some green lighting that illuminated the room they arrived.
Lars basically called it his "thinking room". Though, before being adopted that way, that room was where he had built the Star Skipper. Since it had been destroyed, Lars would sometimes go down there to, well... think about life. Because he certainly needed, sometimes; considering he had freaking died, had done all sorts of absurd things to escape a totalitarian alien planet, save his friends and get back home. It was still too much for anyone to handle, honestly.
Steven seemed to be... astonished at it. Admittedly, the room was actually large. Well, it had stored a battle ship before, so yeah.
"Woah, it's... really big," Steven said.
"Right?" Lars agreed. "When I first saw this ship, I didn't expect to find it so big. The inside is a lot bigger than the outside, huh."
Steven nodded. "Yeah, I guess that's kinda the deal about Homeworld ships... it really is weird. How... something seems kinda ordinary on the outside, but then you find out how... big, deep it really is, on the inside."
The captain couldn't help noticing that Steven clutched his t-shirt again. In that same spot, where his gem was located...
"Uh, let me just, um... lighten things up a little," Lars said, internally groaning at the sudden pun he had just made.
In any case, his finger aimed for that specific button on the wall and pressed it. A noise was heard, which caught Steven by surprise. Soon enough, the structure of the ship changed itself to reveal a windowed surface that allowed space to be seen. The room then became a lot clearer.
Steven's eyes widened, as they encountered the millions of stars outside. Lars could still feel something deep inside him every time he opened that... window. It truly was fascinating.
"Holy smokes..." The young boy said, nearly breathless.
Lars smirked at the comment, but it faded away within a few seconds. Somehow, the dark, ugly bags under Steven's eyes were more visible there. It truly revealed how dead tired he was. His dark pupils suddenly seemed a lot profound once they reflected the outer space.
Lars was the first one to sit down and gave the other a sign for him to join. Steven seemed nervous at first, but soon committed to sitting next to Lars. Instead of, well... speaking, he ended up just... staring at the stars, still dumbfounded, but at the same time... regretful.
Lars sighed deeply, knowing Steven wouldn't talk anytime soon. He didn't want to pressure him, but he couldn't, well- not do anything.
The pink-haired teen then looked to his side, his eyes catching the things Steven had given him in his first visit - the box that had had everything his parents had sorted to him. On it were that... purple teddy bear and some plastic flowers (since his parents had probably figured real flowers wouldn't survive in the middle of outer space, anyway). Lars had left those things on that room so he would, well, feel closer to home. He had even admitted to, uh... having hugged the plush toy. He knew he shouldn't be ashamed, but it... still kind of was awkward. But it did make him feel better whenever he felt down, or homesick.
Lars glanced at Steven, then gazed at the teddy bear again. Maybe it could... help Steven, too.
He was quick to grab it, which hadn't even... gotten Steven's attention. He was lost in his own thoughts, lost somewhere, out there in space...
Lars looked at the teddy bear in his hands, then looked at him again. A little smile formed on his face.
"Hey, look who we have here," He said, drawing Steven's eyes to him again.
Lars raised his hands a little, revealing the purple teddy bear.
"It's your very good, uh... bear friend!" He stated... cheerfully? He didn't know what he was doing, anyway.
Well, he didn't stop there; he tried to make his own voice... goofier?
"Hello, Steven!" He moved the arms of the stuffed animal. "It's good to see you!"
Steven didn't seem to feel that better, though. Lars' smile faded slightly, yet he still tried to impersonate the little bear.
"Why the long face?" He asked, approaching it to Steven. "Is something wrong?"
The black-haired boy still did not speak, instead shrugging.
"Aww, come on!" Lars whined in that voice. "I can't bear to see you sad!"
Part of Lars groaned inside at such horrible pun, he- he hadn't even thought of saying that. It might have not even helped at all and- god, why couldn't he do anything-?
However, a little snort came from Steven. While he still looked pretty down, he noticed a... genuine little smile forming on his face.
... oh, Steven did like puns, right? Well, Lars was terrible at making them.
But seeing the little boy smiling... kind of brought a good feeling to him.
"Is there anything your good ol' bear can do?" He asked, still making that silly voice.
Lars opened its little arms wide, asking: "How 'bout a bear hug?"
Steven still smirked, looking away.
"Come on, now, don't leave me hanging," Lars said, as he got no response. "Pleeeeeeease?"
Steven finally gave up, letting out a laugh. Lars handed him the teddy bear, his own smile widening a little as he watched Steven hug it tightly. The younger boy looked at Lars, giving him a sad smile.
"Thanks," He said, quietly.
"No problemo," Lars winked, then shifting his voice to teddy bear mode: "It's what us bears are for - to give you lots of care!"
It made Steven laugh again, which was just so... relieving, after seeing him so blue...
"His name is Master of Ceremonies Bear Bear, by the way," Steven told him, the smile remaining. "MC Bear Bear for short."
"Oh," Lars nodded. "Is he like... a rapper or something?"
"Yeah, a talented musician - and also party host."
"Hah," Lars smiled. "Cool."
The two ended up being silent again, but at least MC Bear Bear was helping a little. Lars would gaze at the stars in the meantime. It was... all very peaceful. The room was always pretty quiet... well, when Homeworld gems weren't attacking or anything. It was still refreshing, since they wouldn't listen to all the machine, engine noises the ship made. Maybe only the rockets, but those were fine.
Lars had no idea how long they were down there, considering the... timelessness of space. Only then did he look at Steven again, noticing the smile on his face had disappeared. He still held tight to the bear, as if he clinged for... for some comfort. Lars sighed and decided to finally go to the main reason why they were there.
"So, you... wanna talk about it now?" Lars asked calmly, despite still feeling very worried.
Steven took some time to answer, as he pondered. He took a deep breath before speaking again.
"Well, I... I-I want to," He replied. "It’s- It's just... I'm..."
Lars awaited quietly, as Steven shut his eyes for a moment.
"I-I'm... afraid," He whispered.
"Afraid?" Lars repeated in confusion. "Afraid of... of what?"
Steven didn't answer, instead burying his face in the teddy bear's fluff. Lars waited but ended up pushing.
"Steven, what are you afraid of?" He insisted. "Just tell me-!"
"I-I'm afraid you might hate me, okay?!" Steven blurted out, as... tears formed on his eyes, and reflected the bright starlight.
Lars was... speechless, at first. He- He couldn't... why would Steven be afraid of that?
"S... Steven," He said, shocked. "What- Why is that?"
Lars tried rubbing the other's back, but Steven avoided it.
"Why- Why would I hate you?" The captain asked, lost.
As a response, Steven... laughed.
He just. Laughed.
What was so funny about it?
"I mean," Steven spoke, bitterly while still laughing. "I- literally possessed you, allowed you to be abducted and- and killed. The question should be why you DON'T seem to already hate me."
The captain wished he hadn't heard any of those words. He didn't want to believe they had been spat out of Steven's mouth at all.
But they did.
And... Lars didn't exactly know what to do about it.
"And guess what?" Steven continued. "It's even worse than you think! I just found out who my mom really was - she wasn't Rose Quartz, at all! She was the very gem that had been declared shattered back then, that everyone forced me to believe that it had all been a heroic act and not a huge lie!
"My mom was PINK DIAMOND!"
Rose Quartz was- huh?!
"H-Hold on, what?!" Lars yelled.
No... was that- actually true? But- Steven would never joke about something so serious!
Goodness, what was going on?!
"Yeah, that's right!" Steven snapped. "She was Pink Diamond! She was actually a powerful empress that owned the Earth, that- that started an ENTIRE WAR and got thousands of gems shattered and experimented to- to form a huge cluster fusion! That enraged the Diamonds to corrupt every other gem on Earth! That- That hurt and lied to everyone that loved her!
"And you know what else?! That makes me PINK DIAMOND, then!" Steven clenched his fists, as tears rolled down his face. "Everything I know is a LIE! I- I'm not even Steven Quartz Universe anymore, I'm supposed to be Steven Diamond DeMayo! STEVEN DIAMOND DEMAYO!"
He started sobbing furiously, frustration taking control over him. Steven buried his face in his own hands while Lars just stared at him dumbly. The older teen didn't even know... what to say. That revelation whacked him so strongly, he couldn't even- find the right words to describe it.
He- He probably... shouldn't be so surprised, considering how incredibly fast everything was happening in his life, but... it- it didn't make sense! How come Rose Quartz was Pink Diamond, a Homeworld leader- the gem that had been supposedly been shattered thousands of years ago?!
That story Garnet had told him and his friends, it- it hadn't been true, then?
But then... the Crystal Gems hadn't known of that, right? Because Garnet hadn't shown any doubts regarding the greatness of Rose Quartz.
Then... how had they found out?
Or- did they even know?
"I... I don't..." Lars tried to say something, but... he couldn't form accurate sentences. "How-?"
"Don't- Don't even say anything," Steven hissed. "I get that- that you probably hate me even more than you did, and- and you won't even want to look at my face anymore, and you will leave me once you get to Earth, just like everybody else did!"
"But it's okay, because I DESERVE it! This- This whole thing is MY fault!"
"I hurt everyone and-" Steven's hands grasped his own face. "And if it weren't for me, nobody would be angry at each other, the Diamonds wouldn't want to destroy the Earth and you wouldn't be dead nor lost in space in the first place-!"
"Will you just- cut it out ALREADY?!" Lars snapped, grabbing Steven by his arms.
It immediately silenced him. Steven panted in shock, though the tears would still make its way to the floor. Lars felt something burning inside him, perhaps- some sort of pain, a rage that was not aimed at Steven. He- He wasn't... mad at him, despite his tone saying otherwise. Yet having to listen to Steven blaming himself that way was harsh for anyone - especially as none of these things were particularly Steven's fault. Or, at least, the younger boy had not meant to do them at all.
"Stop," Lars ordered, managing to sound firm, but instead making his own frustration pretty clear. "Just- stop saying these things."
"But-!" Steven tried to protest but was shut down by the older teen again.
"Enough! It's not going to take you anywhere! It's not going to help either of us!"
Steven would have objected more, but his face softened upon hearing those words.
"I may- not be in the same place as you," Lars said. "And I get it, you- you have every right to be angry! To be mad at your mom, at everything she did - but if you don't collaborate, how am I going to help you?
"You wanted to come down here, to talk about what happened, and- and that's what I'm trying to do! I..."
He inhaled, trying to calm himself down a little. "I- I want to understand- at least... I want to try to understand what happened. But I can't do that when all you do is throw all that information in my face, expecting me to know what to think of it, and- and start blaming yourself for things you had no control of!"
He gazed at Lars with regret in his eyes. The captain closed his own eyes for a moment, releasing Steven from his grip. He hoped he hadn't been... coercive. The last thing Lars wanted was to make Steven feel like a burden to him.
"Ugh, I'm- really not good at this stuff," Lars mumbled.
"I'm... I'm sorry," Steven sniffed.
Lars sighed deeply again, softening his voice. "Let's just... do this from the beginning, okay?"
The other boy took a few seconds to nod in agreement.
"Like, how- how did you find out she was... Pink Diamond, in the first place?" Lars asked.
Steven looked at MC Bear Bear while pondering.
"It's... It's kind of a long story," He replied, quieter.
His dark eyes then faced the stars, as his thoughts tried to form the words, the narration to Lars. The captain tried to encourage him with a rub on his back. The tension in Steven's body was gradually gone thanks to the initial, shy form of contact.
"Well..." Steven sighed, suddenly looking a lot more exhausted. "P... Pearl told me. Like- she didn't, well... actually tell me. She... She showed me."
Lars blinked. "Wait, what... do you mean?"
"She literally showed me," Steven explained. "You see, Pearl can... store things and- and memories inside her gem. She put her cell phone in there, but she couldn't find it. Thus, Pearl put me inside her pearl so I could find her phone, but then it turned out to be a lot more... complicated than I had thought...
"Apparently, there are... Pearls inside Pearl's... pearl, and... and they are all different parts of her memories," He continued, as he avoided facing Lars. "The more they guided me to look for her cell phone, the further I... went to the past; the more I saw how messed up it was...
"Until I... finally found it."
Steven clutched his t-shirt once more.
"I... I saw the whole thing," He said. "I watched my mom plan the entire... 'shattering' with Pearl. I saw her changing her form..."
Steven lifted his t-shirt, showing his gem.
"I- I don't know how that's even possible," He continued. "But when my mom shapeshifted, she was able to... to change the position of her gemstone, so she could... look like a Rose Quartz. Like- if you turn this thing around, you'll see that it's not a normal Rose Quartz gem. It's... a diamond."
Steven sighed, hiding his gem and hugging MC Bear Bear again.
"Then, Pearl shapeshifted into 'Rose' and she used my mom's sword to... 'shatter' her in front of everyone. Nobody ever knew about this - especially as my mom ordered Pearl to never speak about the hijack to anyone.
"That's... how I found out," Steven finished. "Rose Quartz... never existed. It... it was all a lie."
For a moment, it seemed like there was... no light in Steven's dark eyes. They were hollow, pitch-black, as an endless, black void - even though he... was facing the stars outside.
Lars felt something inside him aching at that sight. He... He couldn't even imagine how Steven must be feeling at that moment. How everything he had known about his mother turned out to be a huge... distortion of what had happened. Of what Rose Quartz had truly been.
"Have... Have the others found out about this, too?" Lars asked.
Steven nodded miserably. "As soon as I got out of Pearl's gem, I... I told them the truth. T-They were so horrified... it- it was so bad that even Garnet split up!"
"Oh, no, really?" Lars gasped. He might have not known Garnet that well, but since Rhodonite was also a fusion of two gems (not to mention Fluorite), he had an idea of the bad meaning of splitting up.
"Yeah! Sapphire - one of the gems that form Garnet - was so heartbroken that... that she fled. The other one, Ruby, got really mad at Pearl, and- and Amethyst felt even worse about herself since my mom inspired her- all of them so much, and- ugh, basically, everyone is really mad and frustrated, and-"
Steven was close to crying again. Lars pulled him a little closer, while still rubbing his back.
"We've been looking for Sapphire for days," He continued. "But then Pearl sent me home because... well, according to her, she wanted me to get some sleep, even though I'm pretty sure she meant that Sapphire doesn't want to see me.
"I-In any case, I... I couldn't get myself to sleep. Because everytime I closed my eyes, I would see so many... horrible things...
"I've already had dreams about Homeworld stuff, but they've only gotten worse! I- I had nightmares about the Gem War, I saw my friends trying to attack me, I saw the Diamonds destroying everything and everyone I know... I- couldn't take it anymore.
"I was actually... planning to go somewhere else with Lion for a while because- this is all so draining, so... ugh," He groaned. "I don't even- know what to do anymore, because- because I don't want to leave my friends behind again, but I can't face any of them right now- and... and it's not like they even want to look at my face, anyway. Not- Not even my dad is doing well, after he found out who my mom really was."
Oh, goodness, there was Steven's dad, too! Just by witnessing the look on the younger boy's face already gave him all the pain, the stress everyone was going through.
"Connie is out of town," He said. "My friend Lapis, another gem, is flying to another galaxy right now, the Crystal Gems are all keeping distance from me...
"I... I-I... I have nobody..." Steven started crying again, so painfully, it legitimately hurt Lars.
"Steven..." Lars' voice broke.
"I'm alone..." Steven sobbed.
He didn't... what could he even... say about all this?
He wanted to make him feel better- he wanted to tell Steven it would be okay, but... but it wasn't okay. Lars didn't want to lie to him. Yet...
"Hey, y... you're not alone," Lars tried to assure him, placing a hand on the other's shoulder. "I'm here."
He struggled to smile at Steven, despite having to watch him crying. Lars wrapped an arm around him and pulled him closer, as Steven grasped his space suit and buried his face on it. The former could feel the tears wetting his clothing, but little did he care, honestly.
Steven sniffed violently, as his sobs were slightly muffled by Lars' body. Lars even covered him with his cape, as he felt the short boy shiver slightly. He didn't, well... feel so cold himself, anymore; and he figured that the ship would be freezing. Not to mention that spot they were in was sort of distant from the engines, so it wouldn't receive much heat, anyway.
Lars ruffled the other's hair, while Steven still clinged to him. The pink teenager leaned against the wall, letting out a heavy sigh he hadn't realized he'd been holding. The stars were all staring at the two lonely boys, possibly sharing words between themselves. Steven's sobbing progressively ceased, though his body was still shaking; it was noted as it was pressed against Lars' side.
The captain looked at Steven with despondence, not being able to take his eyes off of the dark bags that smudged the other's face. It was like... he could even feel some sort of bad, grim energy coming from Steven. All that joy, all that optimism... gone.
"Steven, I..." Lars still wanted to say something, but... there was not much he could say about everything he had found out. Perhaps only...
"I'm sorry you have to deal with all that," He said, finally. Maybe it was the best thing to tell him at the time, to be fair. "You... You don't deserve any of that crap, you're not- you're not guilty of what your mom did, or- or anything. Please, don't... don't think that you do."
Lars squeezed Steven's shoulder on impulse, but not roughly, he hoped. He really didn't want Steven to believe he deserved it. That he deserved to suffer. Just because his mother wasn't there, it didn't mean, under any circumstances, that Steven was the one that should pay for it. Even if he did have Rose's- Pink Diamond's gem, it meant nothing!
Steven sighed deeply but remained quiet. Lars didn't really expect him to say anything else, so both were silent again. No other sound could be heard, if not for Steven's shaky, yet quiet, breathing. Lars could also feel the other's heartbeat, which was... incredibly fast to him. His own heart didn't even beat the way it used to, so feeling a normal one was... odd.
After some time, he could feel Steven's body... relaxing on him. Lars' eyes first lied on MC Bear Bear, then basically Steven as a whole. He looked like a little kid afraid of falling asleep because of a nightmare. Sometimes Lars would forget Steven was fourteen years old. How come a fourteen-year-old boy already had to deal with so much? As exciting as Steven's life might sound on the surface, it was too much. The fact that Steven had to get through all that, to the point of- of freaking sacrificing himself to terrible dictators, of possibly becoming a leader of the Crystal Gems to follow his mother's role, only to find out his mom was the exact opposite of everything he had known about her...
It was honestly revolting. Steven didn't deserve it. Homeworld was beyond cruel to hunt down a kid for his mother's misdeeds. Although Lars didn't quite blame Steven's... moms, because they definitely didn't mean it, it didn't feel right of them to just- allow all this, to throw all that responsibility on Steven's back!
Even then, Lars didn't know the Crystal Gems all that well. He hadn't known Rose/Pink Diamond. He might have become friends with the Off Colors but considering how long they had been isolated from Homeworld's society, it didn't count. Garnet might have told them the story of the Crystal Gems, but considering how many things had been untruth, then... did he even deserve to voice his opinion in all of this?
Lars wished he could... he could do more. But all he could really do was to be there. For Steven.
He hoped it helped, at least a little.
"I don't... even know what to think of my mom, now," Steven suddenly said, taking Lars back from whatever world he was stuck in.
"Yeah?" Lars shook his head, a little distracted, but at least he had listened.
"I mean, I've never been... sure about it- at all. Everyone always told me how great, heroic she was. Many people looked up to her. Pearl was- is... devoted to her, for example.
"I always tried to be like her, because everyone expected me to," Steven continued, looking at the stars. "I... I tried so hard, because I believed, despite everything else, that... that Rose Quartz was this wonderful person, a gem that saved the Earth from Homeworld's hands."
Lars found light in Steven's eyes again. Only for it to... fade away once more.
"Then I found out about... about Pink Diamond's demise," The young boy resumed. "The worst of all is that the Crystal Gems never told me about it. I discovered it through the most painful way possible. I saw a gem corrupting, a Ruby soldier nearly shattered me, and- yeah...
"Finally, I saw the... the Diamonds' side," Steven still wouldn't look at Lars. "I found Blue Diamond grieving Pink back on Earth… and Yellow Diamond holds a grudge towards Earth. It even led Homeworld to make gem experiments, in which they force gem shards to... to fuse."
"Woah, seriously?" Lars commented. He was sure Steven had never mentioned that specific detail before. Maybe only at the beginning of their talk, but still. "Is that what... you meant by 'experiments'?"
Steven nodded. "There's a huge fusion experiment under the Earth's crust - the Cluster. It was supposed to destroy the planet once it took its form, but Peridot and I managed to stop it. For now..."
Wait, there was... an enormous gem shard thing right under everyone's feet, that could have... suddenly popped out of the ground and decimated the Earth?!
"Christ..." Lars mumbled, his eyes widening.
"Yeah... it was after all this that I saw that Rose wasn't... this good of a person. But I... I was afraid of commenting this with my friends. Maybe only my dad and Connie, but the gems refused to let anyone question my mom's intentions. They all loved her so much, so... I pretty much kept everything inside, so they never found out."
Steven sighed deeply, shedding a tear.
"And now," He sobbed. "I get to find out that my mother started the entire Gem War, not- not caring at all about Pearl's feelings, causing everyone to get corrupted, and- and making the Diamonds extremely furious at everyone I know. My friends are all fighting each other, and- and I don't know what I can do to get them together again.
"My mom caused all this harm... and- and now I'm the one hurting them," Steven hid his face in Lars' chest. "S... S-Solely for existing in the first place."
It was enough to break Lars' heart - to mess it up even more, honestly. Having to hear all that hurt.
"I just... I still can't believe it was all a... a big act," Steven said. "How my mom pretended to be this- this ordinary Quartz soldier that fought back, that seemed to have had so many good intentions, only to be a huge liar! It's so- ugh!"
Lars looked at the floor. "God, this... this really stinks, dude."
He knew better than saying it all simply "stinked". Yet, there was no other word Lars could use. He was just... not sure how to feel about it.
The guilt on Steven's face suddenly shifted to... to downright rage. Lars admitted to being terrified of being introduced to that. He- He had seen Steven get angry, of course, but not like this.
"I can't believe her... I can't believe the leader of the Crystal Gems was a Diamond... one of those- giant tyrants... and she never even considered telling her friends the truth!
"She couldn't be questioned or- or else she would bubble them o-or force them to shut their mouth, like what she did to Pearl! Like- she even bubbled away one of her fellow friends, Bismuth, because she had questioned her! A-And Rose- Pink made it all seem like Bismuth had just disappeared without any explanation!
"She... She really was a horrible person. Just like... like the other Diamonds. I can't believe she made us all believe she was... better than them."
Lars merely... nodded while hearing Steven vent. He certainly was angry at Rose/Pink Diamond as well. At how she had left all that for her fourteen-year-old son and hadn't had any sense of responsibility nor- nor sensibility to consider her friends' feelings. Yet...
... he didn't know why a part of him was... trying to understand it.
As if... he sort of knew how Steven's mother must have... well, gone through.
He didn't want to invalidate Steven's feelings - like the Crystal Gems had unintentionally done his entire life. But...
... he wasn't... well, as revolted, after some time. Now that Steven had, well, actually explained things, in a way, adding Lars' own perceptions, well...
He thought about the Diamonds themselves. Lars had only seen Blue and Yellow - and, even then, had not heard a thing on the Trial, considering his head had been bubbled. He could remember the hatred in their eyes as they had looked down to Steven, had seen him as a mortal enemy.
Pink Diamond had been part of them. She had been like them... a colonizer. Someone that had chosen the Earth to gather all the resources, in order to expand their empire. Someone, expected to be perfect, had had to follow the... "Diamond code".
She hadn't... done that.
She had given up.
"However, she began to take notice of her strange colony and the life that existed there."
Garnet's voice suddenly started echoing in his mind. Lars knew he should probably not take her entire narration into account anymore, but...
... was it all truly a lie?
There... there was a reason why Pink Diamond had given everything up.
Why she had done it.
"Curiosity turned to appreciation.
"Appreciation turned to fondness.
"And fondness... turned to love."
Why she had saved the Earth.
"Only Rose could no longer stand to continue aiding in the destruction of Earth. She had no choice.
"She had to fight."
And for that, she had completely thrown her status as Diamond away.
If... she hadn't cared for Earth, then...
... then why would have she done it?
"Steven, I..." Lars sighed.
"What?" The young boy replied a bit harshly, but not directly at Lars, so he didn't think much of it.
The captain pulled his own pink hair, unsure of what he wanted to say.
"Actually, I... I don't... think your mom was... like them," Lars said without further thought, which immediately made him regret.
"W-What? But- she ran away from the truth, l-like the other Diamonds! Exactly like that!"
"I know! I meant that- ugh," Lars groaned. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound like she's-"
He sighed deeply. How come he was so... bad at expressing what he felt? Well, he understood how Steven must feel most of the time. And the last thing he wanted was to disqualify Steven's anguishes.
"Look, I... I hope I'm not... well, being too partial on this," Lars said. "I don't- I don't understand anything about this Gem stuff, I know, it's- it's just...
"Steven, your mom, she- she did do a lot of bad things," He noted, before anything. "I believe in everything you said. Your friends are hurt, you are hurt, and- I'm not denying that, because I can see that! It's... well...
"She wasn't like the other Diamonds. She might have technically been one, but...
"... she was, like... an Off Color."
Steven's face changed into confusion, perplexity.
"Like- not like... I mean," Lars quickly tried to rephrase it. "She... She didn't... fit the role for a Diamond, Steven. The Diamonds are ruthless, they are cruel, they- they don't give a flying damn about organic life. They only want resources, minerals, whatever. You've seen what Homeworld does to their colonies, right? Like that one planet of that moon you and Connie crashed in? It's what they all seek for- all that material to make new gems.
"When I first saw a Gem Colony myself, I was terrified. Because- the Earth would have ended the same way, Steven! None of the life, the nature- nothing we know about the Earth would even exist!
"If it weren't for your mom... we wouldn't exist," Lars said as the emptiness of space looked down at him, that mere... pink being that, while not even a true human anymore, was still as small.
As he faced the other again, he noticed that Steven's rage was suddenly... not to be found. He was struck by everything Lars was saying.
"And- And why else would she give up her status?" He asked. "Like, a-at least I don't believe she did it just for herself. I think she actually... cared about organic life, you know? Like, she could have just let humans, well, perish, if that were the case. But- ugh, I don't know! I don't know anything about your mom, especially not now after we discover her identity, but-
"Diamonds aren't supposed to hold any- empathy, right? Towards anything - not organic beings, not even other gems! Like, they- would have shattered the Off Colors if they had the chance! And they still do that to many others that don't fit their horrible mentality!
"Your mom could have rebelled against Homeworld without any help because- because she was a freaking Diamond! Like- she had the power to do it by herself, right? If so, then why did she free all those gems? Why did she free the Earth?
"Because... she cared, Steven. Unlike the other Diamonds, she cared. She was the first one to step in, to question it all. Because we, as humans, possibly... taught her that. We aren't perfect and- and... at least many of us still show love for one another. We still care, despite our flaws. Your mother had probably never seen something like that back on Homeworld."
Lars hoped he was... making sense. Everything he said was sort of what he was currently thinking, and he didn't even pause his... his monologue.
"Yeah, she- did make up everything, create an entire unnecessary drama," He said. "But s- she saw it was wrong, she learned that it was all wrong. She gave up on her status, her privileges- she sacrificed everything because of beings that she never... expected to care about."
He... felt something.
Something weird inside him as soon as the last words came out of his mouth...
She sacrificed everything because of beings that she never... expected to care about.
Lars realized he was staring at Steven, nearly forgetting about everything else. He quickly turned around, feeling... weird, for some reason.
He even became quiet for a moment.
He then resumed; though that strange feeling still resonated.
"S... So, she can't be... all that bad, right?" He asked. "I mean, I guess she omitted all that information because she... must have regretted everything she had done, and probably wanted to erase her past; she wanted to live as Rose Quartz and never deal with it again- which doesn't mean it's right, in any way.
"We can't, well... excuse her actions. She might have done something extraordinary, something Homeworld, possibly her friends and... even herself, in a way, would never... understand, but..."
He lowered his head, looking at his own hands.
"She still... hurt people. Like you said, she... she ran away from the truth, from... everything... and she...
"She left everyone that loved her... behind..."
What... was wrong with him?
Why was he...
... feeling so...?
"... Lars?" Steven called him.
Lars was quiet. He didn't even look at Steven. He didn't...
He stared at his own hands. He clenched his fists, then proceeded to look at his feet. He didn't know what was up with him.
He twitched as he felt something... in his eye.
... painful, in a way.
He froze immediately.
Lars quickly reached his eye. His glove was slightly wet.
"Oh, no, no, no," Lars protested. "Am I really-?"
No, why- why was he-?
Why on Earth was he crying?
At a time like this?!
Steven was feeling terrible and- and Lars is the one to-?!
"Oh my god, I'm so-" Lars nearly snapped at himself. But he didn't
Just like that, he... he laughed.
He laughed uncontrollably.
Only for more tears to make its way down his face.
"I can't believe it," Lars said as he still laughed, wanting to freaking punch himself. "I'm- I'm the one that should be comforting you and now I'm-!"
Could- Could someone slap him? He can't believe he was pretty much... being a stupid, emo teenager in the middle of Steven's misery. Could he be even more pathetic?!
"I'm not- W-Why am I-?"
He suddenly felt everything stabbing him.
All at once.
He wanted it to stop.
But it didn't.
Lars hid his face. He- He didn't want Steven to see him like this. Not at a time like this. Not when Steven was suffering, Lars couldn't just- shove his own emotional crap down someone's throat, someone that needed him- why was he like this?!
"L... Lars..." He heard Steven say.
He tried to dry his face, but it didn't stop.
He felt someone wrapping their arms around his body tightly, like a small koala. He knew it was Steven, but he couldn't bear to look at him. It was like... their roles had been switched completely. Lars was the freaking sad bag for no damn reason and Steven had to swallow everything again to deal with his nonsense.
"I-I'm..." Lars tried to say something, but he couldn't, because it hurt.
He was sure Steven wanted to say something, but he didn't do it.
"I'm- I'm sorry," Lars sobbed quietly, not sure at who he was apologizing to, anymore. "I'm sorry..."
He kept on- on crying. He tried so hard to stop it, but it was useless.
Steven tightened the hug more, trying to pick all his broken pieces.
Neither said anything else.
Eventually - meaning a long time had passed - did Lars find himself calming down. His sobs ceased and his nonstop cursing came to an end.
It had been... too arduous.
Too hard to keep with all that pain inside, at first.
Lars had thought he'd get through this. Going to his 'thinking room' had been helpful, clearly. Yet he'd never have a moment like this in front of the Off Colors. He did trust them, of course. Though, he had never… talked about his feelings- even indirectly, like he had just done.
But Lars didn't... want to have this moment right when Steven was feeling bad. He shouldn't have made it about himself again! How selfish of him to ever do that!
Once Lars stopped sobbing and finally revealed his wet face, he couldn't really look at Steven. He was ashamed.
"F... F-Feeling any better?" Steven asked.
The captain sighed. "No."
He could see, from the corner of his eye, Steven's weak smile dropping almost immediately.
"O-Oh, Lars, I'm... I'm sorry," He said.
"N-No, it's not because of you, Steven," Lars tried to rephrase it again. "I wanted to make you feel better, and- and then YOU had to comfort ME because of all my emotional nonsense, like- ugh!"
"But- it's... it's okay, Lars," Steven assured.
He tried to smile at him again, but the older teenager just sighed in response.
"I'm the one that should be sorry," Lars said, after remaining silent for some time. "I just- started having a crying attack when you were miserable. God, I really suck at this- at everything..."
Steven sighed deeply. "I- I don't... think you suck, Lars."
Lars scoffed darkly. "Yeah, even though my selfish ass made it all about me."
"Seriously, like... all those things you said about my mom... I never really... stopped to think about it that way," Steven admitted. "And- And you say you don't know anything, but... but it seemed like you knew a lot more than I did just now.
"You showed me a side about all this that I haven't really figured it out at first, because- because I was mad at her. Well, I still am, but... I think you're... you're right. About my mom, about... everything.
"You didn't- you don't suck at all."
Lars should probably not... be this shocked upon hearing Steven say that. He already knew that the younger boy didn't think he sucked, even though he had every reason to. Nonetheless, he was still surprised.
"Y... You really... think that way?" Lars asked.
Steven nodded without hesitation.
"Yeah, you showed me that... well, Pink Diamond was an Off Color, too. It really seemed she only wanted to do it for herself, but now you made me really... think about it. You made me realize she still... cared, you know?"
Steven... smiled. It did show some genuine joy. Lars felt his own face lightening up a little upon noticing that.
However, he quickly frowned once he thought something.
"Though, um... j-just to remark something," Lars cleared his throat. "I don't, well... defend everything your mother did. I-I've probably said that, but I hope I didn't... sound like I fully support her. I do believe she should've been more honest with your friends and again, she- she still did terrible things. She may have wanted to avoid the past or whatever, but that's no excuse. You guys don't have to forgive her.
"I just don't... I don't think she is- was necessarily... evil... you know?"
"I know," Steven smiled sadly at him, proceeding to squeeze Lars in another hug, much to the captain's surprise... as well as adding:
"I know she isn't."
Welp, this got even longer :I
I really hope the pacing was fine though?? I've had so many ideas for this story, so I hope I could execute the ones in this chapter specifically; for example, I just happened to love the idea of Lars trying to cheer Steven up with that teddy bear Steven gave him in "Lars of the Stars" (if anyone remembers that at all, lmao) and I wanted it to be included there.
... and yeah, I'm one of those that don't particularly /hate/ Rose/Pink, but acknowledges her mistakes. I tried not to fully villanize her, while not necessarily justify all her actions either, you know? I hope I did that well, because I know it's a pretty hard thing to do when it comes to her now
Also, I must say that I have noticed the parallels between Rose and Lars and I kinda appreciate them, in a way; while these characters are not entirely equal, they do have things in common. Which is the main reason why Lars... can't quite demonize her once he hears more details.
idk if that makes sense though; I've seen people comparing Lars to Rose before but I'm not sure if it's too drastic or if I did it well here in the first place, sorry,,,
(btw I finished this at 1 AM so I'm sorry if there are too many mistakes adhgjjhgd)
god, I'm sorry for taking so long to post this one, I suddenly lost the inspiration and everything... but here it is!!
I hope this one is fine :'v This got hella longer, but I chose not to split it up in two chapters again, lmao
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Space was huge. Enormous. It didn't appear that the ship was moving; though it could also be justified by the fact that the engines were still busted, right... anyway.
It was nothing new to him - after having gone to the Moon Base, been stuck in a bubble out there, gone to the Human Zoo in the speed of light, abducted and sent to Homeworld. Nonetheless, space didn't cease to amaze him as his eyes met the countless stars through the window thing in the room. Steven could never deny how beautiful and (literally) breathtaking it was - despite all the negative implications space had upon him. It was frightening to remember; that feeling of butterflies (not good, but bad ones) in his stomach resonated again.
Steven exhaled as he looked at his own gem, located in his belly button. Every time he did so, he would remember that the gemstone wasn't an ordinary Rose Quartz, but a Diamond... he had already taken a long time to get used to being half-Rose Quartz, but now he was half-Diamond. It didn't make it any better.
Steven had barely gotten time to just- breathe it out. He hadn't had space (no pun intended) to put his feelings into perspective. Not when Garnet had split up, not when Sapphire had yelled at everyone and fled to- to who knew where; not when Ruby had nearly burnt the house and was hopeless, lost; not when Pearl couldn't even open her mouth without being accused of hiding everything, when she hadn’t even been physically able to tell them the truth; nor when Amethyst, who had finally come to terms with who she was, now had to accept that the one gem that had told her how beautiful and perfect she was... had lied all along. Not to mention his father, the most loving and accepting person he had ever known, was under a crisis, too.
He knew better, thanks to Lars; that Rose- Pink Diamond wasn't evil by nature. But it would be hard to convince the others as well. Not that they were to blame, anyway.
Speaking of Lars, Steven had just realized that the older teenager had not added anything since... his breakdown. He had stopped crying and cursing himself, but Steven could see how thoughtful the other was. The captain's eyes contained several questions and thoughts, thousands of words that Steven couldn't quite read.
It didn't make the half-Diamond better once realizing this. Steven hadn't... put Lars' feelings into further analysis before. Lars had become this- this awesome, confident space pirate, the captain of a rebellious group of gems and that had done all sorts of amazing things to get back home; deep inside, however… he must have a lot in his heart.
Lars had cried, broken into pieces a moment ago. He hadn't said actual words other than brief apologies, but they had been carried with a lot of sentiment, guilt... remorse...
For him to just let the pain out like this, Steven wondered something.
Holding MC Bear Bear close to him, the young boy hesitated to open his mouth, fearing that Lars might not want to talk about it. He would understand if that was the case, but Steven couldn't help the curiosity that grew inside him.
"H... Hey, Lars?" He called him, as the captain seemed way too out of reach at that moment.
Lars blinked several times, his eyes then catching Steven gazing at him.
"Oh- Sorry, what is it?" The pink boy asked.
Steven looked away for a moment, thinking of the right words he wanted to say.
"D... Do you ever... talk to the Off Colors about... everything?" He asked.
It seemed to have caught Lars off guard at first, but he didn't seem ultimately surprised, as he probably knew what Steven meant. The black-haired boy lied close to his chest, as he was too short to reach his shoulder, and awaited.
"No..." Lars replied, after remaining quiet for a few seconds. "I mean, I've... opened up to them before, but... not like this."
Steven hummed in understanding. He proceeded to make more questions:
"Do you feel like you have to be strong? Since you're... their leader and all?"
Lars shrugged. "In a way... well, it's not actually like that, I think. Since we're all wanted space pirates, I don't, uh, have time to... think about my well-being. All I do is tell them what to do all the time, because we're always on the run.
"Even if I do come down here sometimes, I don't... usually have much time left for myself. It's not that I don't want to, I just... can't have that for me."
Steven nodded in silence, his eyes gazing at the stars outside again. It was practically the only view they had. The only way they could let out all their thoughts and share them with the endless, outer space. And each other.
"It's... tough being the leader," He said. "To keep everyone together when you can't... think of what to do with your own problems."
Lars nodded in agreement, silent.
"I mean," Steven rephrased. "Garnet is the leader, but as I grow up, my role as a Crystal Gem has been... changing a lot. I'm the one that has been looking out for them; and now that Garnet isn't there, then... everything is my responsibility."
He let out a deep sigh, as he remembered his family fighting. There wasn't that same trust and understanding the Crystal Gems had always had. Everything had fallen apart, as their origins were based on the lies of Rose Quartz. They wouldn't look at him the same way; Pearl was the only one that did not wish harm to him, but even then, she was still under... Diamond influence - because Pink Diamond was still there, in a way.
Nobody looked at him as Steven Quartz Universe anymore. He was nothing but Steven Diamond DeMayo now. Or Pink Diamond herself. He had never seen the others look at him, at his gem in a way that looked like he was a monster. That he should... be gone. It was like... they hated him. For real.
"I... I don't know if they can even... trust me, anymore," Steven admitted. "I- can't blame them, to be honest, but... it's just... how am I going to do what I'm supposed to do when nobody wants to be near me?
"How am I going to deal with all this- this Homeworld stuff, everything on my own? W-Without my friends by my side?"
Steven felt tears flooding his eyes again, only for them to roll down his face. He didn't expect Lars to answer that, because... well, he didn't know if there would be a solution for that. It was too much to take in, too much to accept. Even then, Steven wasn't sure he could ever accept it; even if his mother wasn't evil like the other Diamonds. It didn't mean that she had done everything perfectly.
The space pirate sighed, quiet for all that time, but he frowned in realization. Before that, though, he still managed to comfort Steven with a pat on his back.
"Steven, look, I..." Lars began, sounding hesitant for a moment. "I may not know what it must be like to be in your place right now, but I do know that- that if your friends do care about you, they'll always look out for you.
"Yeah, they're... all lost and upset now but- I'm sure they don't hold anything against you. They... They love you, Steven - and they know you're not your mom, even if you have her gem, it- it doesn't mean you're the one that started the war, that hurt Pearl and lied to everyone. It was her. Not you.
"Like you, they just... don't know what to do about all that information, either. Honestly, you should give them time," Lars advised. "I- I doubt you guys can solve everything so quickly when there's too much to process.
"And, most importantly," He placed a hand on Steven's shoulder. "I think you should give yourself time, too. You can't- help anyone when your heart is heavy."
Steven looked at him with admiration. Lars had always been this profound person before, but not so openly - it would still come as a surprise to him how far Lars had come.
"Well, it's- it's not going to be easy, believe me," The older teenager reminded. "But I know you guys can come around with it one day. Like, come on - you guys have been fine without your mom this whole time, right? You've still accomplished many things because- you're the Crystal Gems! You guys can do anything, without Rose, without Pink Diamond, whoever the hell she was!"
Steven couldn't help laughing at Lars' language; but the captain was right. Well, they would have initially become hopeless without Rose's guidance in many instances but remembering how far everyone had come... Steven wished he could show this to them, too; but, like Lars had said, in their own time.
"Alright, but don't tell your moms I said 'hell'. Nor ‘ass’," Lars whispered to his ear, making Steven snort. "They wouldn't let me hear the end of it."
Lars grinned, though there as some hidden sadness in it. The boys gazed at one another, until Steven's own smile faltered at the sight of his own gem, that was uncovered.
"I guess I'm just... afraid of what's coming next," Steven admitted. "Which- Which is weird, because I've always been fine with changes, you know? It's something that I tell everyone! That things would be different, but, in the end, everything would be fine!
"I'm... not certain about it anymore," He sighed. "I'm not certain about many things anymore."
Steven hid his diamond under his clothes, feeling ashamed. He hadn't expected to feel this way about the future. He sure was a hypocrite- for telling everyone he knew about how good differences could do to the world, and there he was, frightened of what awaited him and the Crystal Gems.
"It's- It's okay to be afraid," Lars assured him. "Honestly, I don't think we can always accept changes right in the first time, right?"
He nodded. "I guess so. But it's... a lot to take in, you know? And- And I know they might just need time and everything, but it really seems like they hate me. They... They look at me as if I was their enemy. Even though... I am. In a way."
Lars hummed. Steven dried his face.
"Like, what if they don't... actually accept it? E-Even if they love me, I... I don't know," He sighed. "I-It's probably dumb to think that way, yeah. S-Sorry."
Lars looked at him, apologetic. He seemed… a lot sadder than before. He took some time to continue.
"It's... It's not. Unfortunately, those things can happen in life," The pink teenager said. "Sometimes, even if we do change and prove otherwise, it's... not always going to work. People that once loved us and everything could just... not ever see you the same way again - and maybe they don't want to be near you. Which really sucks.
"In this case, though, you- you're not responsible for what your mom did. But since she's half of you and all that, your friends might still feel some... resentment. And it's- It's not your fault, alright?"
Lars sighed, taking a moment to resume his argument.
"L-Look, I don't- want to be a downer or anything, like I always am," He cleared his throat. "But- I just can't... assure you everything will definitely be fine, all sunshines and rainbows. Because sometimes, it doesn't turn out to be that way. Because life... isn't always fair. And we've... got to accept it one day. Not right now, but in the long way."
Lars sometimes could sound pessimistic, but he wasn't... wrong. Steven had learnt some things about life at a young age – and not to mention everything that had happened to Lars. They sure had both learnt a lot in such... few years of life.
"But hey, this is just a possibility," Lars still tried to look on the bright side. "Literally anything can happen. I guess all you can do right now is wait. And see what you can do about it."
Steven sniffed. "Yeah. Y... You're right."
Lars sighed, as if he wanted to tell him he was sorry for showing him the bad outcomes. Steven silently told him it was alright, giving him a sad smile.
"Don't worry about... accepting everything right now," Lars emphasized. "Because it sure is scary."
Steven blinked, upon certain realization. He looked at Lars, curiosity filling his eyes. A question wouldn't leave him alone, and, while he was sort of afraid to ask it, he ended up doing it anyway.
"Are you... afraid of going back home, too?" Steven asked.
Lars' body froze for less than a second, but he soon let out a sad laugh and stared at his own feet.
"Yeah," He replied, snorting. "I... I am."
Steven nodded; he would have developed the question better, but Lars already seemed to know what were the words he was about to tell him.
"After everything I've been through, I'm... I'm scared," Lars continued. "I don't know how everyone's going to react to me, I'm... I'm so different and- and nothing would be the same thing anymore. And... especially after I've been so- so horrible to my parents and Sadie, after I've run away from the Cool Kids in that potluck thing... would they even accept me?"
Steven was sure they would; his parents were absolutely proud of him. Sadie, too; and the Cool Kids would sometimes ask about Lars, as they had known a thing or two about what had happened on Homeworld. They seemed to be excited to meet him again. They all were.
There was no reason for him to doubt that. At least Lars would be back, right? At least he would go back and try to fix what he had done wrong. Unlike...
Even then, Steven couldn't assure him the exact positive thing would happen, either. He would have before, but... Lars did have a point.
Both boys sighed at the same time, perhaps sharing the same thought. They looked at one another, revealing all that hidden loneliness, everything they had been forced to bottle up inside them.
Lars then broke the silence:
"Hey, even if everything goes wrong when it comes to the gem stuff," He said. "At least you still have your- your other friends, right? Your best friend Connie, for example? Like- she came out here in space, was willing to fight against a freaking Homeworld gem to help you and- and us! I doubt she would ever think differently when it comes to you."
Steven smiled, having not quite realized it, to be honest. Connie was his best friend, after all. It was a shame he hadn't been able to tell her everything. She had always been busy training with him and Pearl that she had barely had any time for her family. Connie also deserved to have some rest, right?
"And, well, I don't know about your dad," He said. "But I've known him enough to feel that he's pretty accepting of your- your gem life, huh? Maybe... Maybe he'll understand, too."
Oh, his dad. His case was the one that shocked Steven the most, honestly. Greg had always been alright with everything - with his mom being an alien, with her keeping secrets from him, but once there was Pink Diamond reveal, he... couldn't take it. Greg had talked to Blue Diamond once and- knew some of Gem history, the motives of the War and things like that. To know that the woman he loved had been one of those giant ladies that had kidnapped him and taken him to a human zoo, that were willing to destroy the Earth because of Rose's lies... it had been the last straw.
Though Steven guessed Greg was also angry because of how it all… affected Steven, right? Like- gosh, Greg had gone to the point of arguing with the gems about it! Steven had overheard it, though; his father hadn't wanted him to see him like that. It just wasn't like him. Could Steven blame him, though? Clearly not.
So, Lars could also be right about that.
"Yeah..." Steven's face lightened up.
"See? It's not so bad," Lars smiled. "There will always be people out there that care for you, no matter what happens."
The black-haired boy looked at MC Bear Bear, with a genuine smile on his face, now.
"And if... if you need to talk about- about everything, I'm- I'm here, too," Lars assured. "I know I may not understand a lot, but you can always count on me. And if those Homeworld jerks come to get you, you can bet that we're going to beat all their freaking asses and kick them right to a black hole!"
Steven laughed, with Lars snorting along. Out of everyone, he hadn't expected Lars would be the one to lift his mood up. It was odd. But Steven could never complain about it.
"Besides, talking about human and gem stuff is hard, I sure know that," Lars smirked. "But you're not alone in that, buddy.
"Us Off Colors," Lars said, his hand aiming for Steven's chest. "Stick together, right?"
It was there that Steven started laughing. Laughing and crying. Lars ended up doing the same and, with this, Steven jumped into Lars' arms, hugging him tightly. The other returned it willingly. Lars sure- sure was amazing. It was good to know that, despite everything, despite all the horrible things that... that could happen, he wasn't alone.
They weren't alone.
The two managed to hug each other tighter. Steven shut his eyes as the tears wouldn't stop falling, but it was- such a great feeling, to let it all out.
Soon enough, however, Steven could tell the room became brighter - brighter than all the stars that iluminated the room. There was... a white light and... and...
He opened his eyes. Slowly, to adjust the weird ilumination of the ship again.
His feet were the first thing his eyes lied on, until he realized they were shown.
That is, the dark boots were lying on the floor. As well as a couple of sandals.
And his gloves, too.
"Wha- my- y... your..."
What- What was with his voice? It didn't sound like... anything familiar. As he aimed for the boots on the floor, he realized that the color of his feet - as well as his hands - was... not too pink. But not... like a normal, human skin color.
His hand felt something on his tummy. Something solid, cold. He could feel the- the diamond gemstone replacing his belly button.
He shrieked, jumping in shock. He stumbled while trying to stand on his feet, realizing there was just one pair of legs there.
"Wha- Woah!" He screamed.
"S-Steven, what happened?!" He asked... himself?
"Oh my god, we... we fused!"
What on earth-? How was that possible? Lars- wasn't even a normal human anymore! He was this... pink, inhuman thing that didn't resemble a gem in the slightest, either. Weird.
The... fusion looked at the stars outside. However, as he analyzed more clearly, he could distinct his own figure. He gasped as soon as he recognized his- his appearence.
He was obviously taller than both Lars and Steven. His hair was... curly, black - but with a pink part filling a great part of what represented Lars' hair. He wore Lars' black cape, that was somehow still big for him. Steven's t-shirt hung under it, the star visible. Lars' space suit was tight, but not uncomfortable. His pants were shorter, with Steven's blue jeans shorts beneath it. His legs, longer than before and his feet, bigger, as he had previously noted.
His stomach was exposed, revealing the Rose- Pink Diamond gem. He stared at it for what- what it felt like forever.
"H-How- come this even happened? I don't- We-!" He tried to speak, but every word that came out of him was weird, was...
Part of him was speechless, unsure of- of how to feel about this. The other...
... felt bad.
"Oh- Oh no! I- I didn't mean to- I-!" He quickly apologized. It... It wasn't coming from Lars.
"I-I just-!" He didn't know what he was saying. There were too many thoughts and feelings, coming from the both of them.
"I-I'm... I'm sorry!" He- started... crying.
He panicked. A sudden, horrible feeling resonated in his gut. The haunting feeling of guilt. Another part of him - Lars, however, tried to... to keep himself together. Somehow.
"W-Wait, it's..." He wanted to say it was okay, but... it was... he couldn't describe it.
"Please, listen to me!"
He couldn't stop crying and- he was trying to tear himself apart. With such force and... and pain.
"Wait, no!" He tried to stop himself.
But it was too late.
"I'm- I'm SORRY!"
Thus, that bright light resumed, blinding him.
It was like- he was thrown out of somewhere and fell with his face right on the floor. It hurt.
Lars moaned in pain, trying to get himself off the ground. He proceeded to stare at his own hands. They were... that same tone of pink again. And the same size.
If that made sense.
It had been so sudden.
For a moment, he had felt... warmth. He had felt his heart beating faster, almost like a normal human pulse. He could breathe like a human again. It was like a part of him had been replaced by... by another, that... had been hidden for so long, until that very moment.
Is that how fusion worked? How you disappeared, but at the same time, you... were there all along? With someone else?
It- It was... was...
He heard someone crying.
"S-Steven?" Lars' gaze was quick to find the younger boy, that somehow managed to get to the other corner of the room and isolate himself there, leaving MC Bear Bear behind.
"I-I'm- I didn't mean to- to do it!" Steven couldn't form actual sentences without sobbing and letting out more tears.
Lars... Lars didn't understand. He- He thought he had helped him feel better? Maybe not- fully better, but-? Like?
"W-What's the matter?" The captain asked.
"I did- I did it again!" Steven snapped, sounding angry but not at Lars.
"You did what?"
Steven growled. "I- I just did- something without your permission AGAIN! Why do I keep messing things up?!"
Steven pulled his own hair with force. Lars grabbed his arms on impulse, perhaps to prevent him from hurting himself.
"Steven! I'm- I'm not mad," The older teenager assured him. "Really! It's- It's okay!"
Lars wasn't exactly... okay. He was confused, if anything. He didn't know what to think about fusion. He had admired it, in a way, as he saw how Rhodonite and Fluorite formed amazing beings. However, it never came across him that he could ever experience it. He had forgotten that Steven was half-human; and he had fused with Connie, right? Lars was no longer human, though. Still...
He might not understand it, but- he wasn't mad. It had just been an accident. It wasn't like Steven could control his powers - the powers of a freaking Diamond, for that matter.
"It's okay," Lars managed to smile, despite all his complicated feelings.
Steven, on the other hand... did not appear to feel better. Not even with Lars' reassurances. He was shocked. Frustrated.
... like he couldn't... accept it.
"What?" He asked, genuinely confused. "W-Why?"
What sort of question was that? It was simple - he wasn't mad!
"Steven, seriously, I'm not angry at you," Lars reaffirmed anyway, though part of him warned him as the other's face shifted into one of... rage.
"Why?" Steven insisted.
"Because- it was an accident, it happens! Right?"
Steven panted and stared at him in downright disbelief. It was like he wasn't- he didn't want to believe that, when Lars was saying the truth. But- why was he doing that? Why wasn't it enough?
"Lars, how come you're- you're not mad?" Steven asked yet again. "How come you don't hate me?"
Lars groaned, losing his patience. "Dude, I'm telling you that it's fine! You don't have to keep asking that, alright?"
"But I don't- I don't get it!" Steven raised his voice. "I don't get why it's okay! W-Why are you willing to- to be my friend after- after EVERYTHING I did to you?!"
Lars was caught off guard by all that, even though part of him knew he shouldn't necessarily be surprised - because he knew he shouldn't, well, blame Steven for feeling that way. He hadn't been the best to him, before. Steven had always insisted on being his friend, even though the older teen had been a huge ass to him. To be fair, Lars should be the one asking that. Yet he knew Steven would always make it so it was his own fault instead, not Lars'.
"Steven, what happened back on Homeworld wasn't your fault," Lars assured. "I'm serious, it's not a big deal anymore-!"
"Of COURSE it is! It- It costed your life, Lars!" Steven snapped. "B-Besides, I'm not even talking ONLY about Homeworld, I'm talking about everything else! I never asked your permission for anything!
"I... I never asked if you wanted my help! Even then, all I've ever done to you was… was to mess your life up."
Lars gazed at him with regret. He despised seeing Steven blaming himself like that. As soon as he opened his mouth, a lot more words smacked him.
"I always thought I was doing something great, I- I believed I was helping you all along but- but I'm so blind," Steven continued. "What's worse is that I've done it more than once!
"I never thought about your feelings, Lars," The captain heard a sniff coming from him. "I possessed you and nearly ruined your relationship with Sadie, a-and then I got you kidnapped, sent to the middle of nowhere, away from home, and- and killed. And I turned you pink and possibly immortal, too!"
"Steven," Lars panted. "I- I know you didn't-!"
"Just- stop," Steven interrupted him before he could even start. "I know what you're going to say- that I 'didn't mean it', and all that jazz, but it doesn't change the fact that I still did all that to you!
"You don't have to do this, Lars! You don't have to- to forgive me, to be my friend- you can still hate me!"
Lars blinked. What- was he seriously saying all that? After everything he had told Steven, he dared to freaking doubt him?
"Are- Are you serious?" He asked, angry. "Do you WANT me to hate you? Is that what I'm hearing?!"
"I-In a way?!" Steven snapped. "You're just- fine with me around you, even though I keep doing things without your consent!"
Lars groaned. "Steven, why won't you just-?!"
"You didn't care before, so you- you don't have to accept me just because I- I revived you! You don't owe me anything!"
Lars gasped without making a sound. "St- Steven..."
The captain only stood there, frozen, dumbly staring at the other boy in disbelief. No, he- he hadn't just heard that, right? He hoped he was wrong, but-
... he wasn't.
"I've only... hold you back this entire time. You don't even have to see me once you guys get home," The younger boy said miserably. "I'm... I'm sorry, Lars."
Steven leaned against the wall behind them, turning his back to him.
"I... I've never done anything right, anyway," Steven muttered under his breath bitterly, but Lars' ears caught that; which only made his heart break even more, if that was possible.
Lars would have objected, but he couldn't. Those last words and the look on Steven's face caused his will to fade. He... He couldn't believe Steven had the freaking gut to say everything he had just said, right to his face. Did- Did he really think that way? Did he believe that Lars didn't truly care about him?
The older teenager remained silent afterwards. He wanted to make Steven believe him when he said he didn't hate him. He could never do so.
Like he had said, Steven might still have done those things, but Lars knew that Steven was trying his best to improve himself. He was willing to help Lars and made sure to never... disrespect his privacy again. Lars couldn't possibly be angry. He- He was better than his mother, if... if that was what he feared; Lars was sure that was the case.
Yet, again, the space pirate couldn't blame him for feeling so guilty. He just... wished he could prove Steven he did care about him. There must be a way to do it, right?
He didn't know.
How could he convince him? If he argued more, he would only repeat the same things and- and Steven would still not believe him.
Lars moaned quietly.
He remained silent as Steven refused to look at him in the face. The stars looked at both boys, possibly waiting for Lars' next move. All of them, with their bright light filling all the blackness of space, giving it meaning, giving it hope.
Much like how Steven had given Lars life. A meaning, a purpose... the pink teen couldn't be any more grateful.
S... Something deep resonated inside him. Something that wasn't negative, but deep... from his heart.
It wanted to get out.
So, Lars, taking a heavy sigh, allowed it.
He wasn't feeling much better now. Not after finally putting Lars in the first plan.
He just didn't get why Lars was never mad at him about everything. Steven had done so many wrong things to him, but the older teenager wouldn't even mention them anymore - instead, he would just push them aside and classify them as not a "big deal".
No wonder why Connie had left him once he had returned home. He was so neglectful about others' feelings...
... just like her.
Steven sighed, concluding that he should probably go back to Earth. He didn't want to bother Lars anymore. He... shouldn't have come.
He would have said something, but soon realized that Lars was the one to initiate the conversation...
"If I could begin to be
Half of what you think of me,
I could do about anything,
I could even learn how to love..."
Was Lars actually...?!
Steven turned around immediately. He found Lars standing up and walking around the room, resuming his...
"When I see the way you act
Wondering when I'm coming back,
I could do about anything,"
Lars grabbed the… the plastic flowers from the left side of the room and looked at them.
"I could even learn how to love...
... like you."
Lars smiled sadly at the little flowers in his hands, only for it to fade.
"I always thought I might be bad,
Now I'm sure that it's true
'Cause I think you're so good-
And I'm nothing like you!
Look at you go, I just adore you!
I wish that I knew"
He turned around, lowering his head.
"What makes you think I'm so special..."
... Steven couldn't...
Stars, not only did he find out who his mother truly was, but now he got to discover that Lars could- could sing, too!?
... but the song...
... wait, it- it wasn't over; Lars... continued.
"If I could begin to do
Something that does right by you
I would do about anything,"
The older boy raised his head, facing the stars...
"I would even learn how to love..."
He caught Steven's reflection on the glass, revealing a rather shocked Steven. Lars smirked at the reaction.
"When I see the way you look,
Shaken by how long it took,
I could do about anything,
I could even learn how to love
Lars turned around once more, facing the real Steven. He smiled at him.
"Love like you..."
He stepped forward, kneeling down.
Then, he handed Steven the plastic flowers.
... like you."
His hand reached for the little plastic flowers.
Yet Steven didn't even... know what to say.
He only stared at Lars, amazed at what he had just watched.
Lars' eyes widened in realization.
He- he had just sung.
In front of someone.
In fact, he couldn't remember... singing at all before.
It had happened so fast...!
He hadn't thought of- of expressing his feelings that way!
And- god, since he had barely practiced (or never, ever), then- then what if, in reality, he had sounded awful?!
Steven was awestruck.
... Lars couldn't exactly read his expression, to be fair.
Except that his eyes... sparkled?
... dear god-
Well, he- he did want to tell Steven he didn't hate him, but- but not like that!
Though, if Steven's reaction meant that it worked, then... Lars should be happy, right? Right!
Yet, Lars could swear his own cheeks turned a darker shade of pink. He couldn't even- well, feel hot or cold that often anymore, but he swore he felt his temperature rising.
This- This was embarrassing.
Lars cleared his throat and proceeded to sit next to Steven again, without adding anything else. It was... the best thing he could do after- after that performance. He screamed internally.
"H... Hey, Lars?"
Lars nearly jumped but tried to take a deep breath and forced a smile.
"Yo," He said, managing to hide his tension.
Steven looked at him with admiration, but with question, too.
"D... D-Did you really mean all that?" He asked.
Lars blinked in disbelief.
"Uhh- yeah?" He groaned. It was obvious that he meant it, or else he wouldn't have freaking sung it in the first place! "Dude, of course I meant it, I- I think you're awesome!"
Steven... blushed? It- It honestly hurt Lars to see how surprised Steven was to hear him say that!
Though after everything Steven had gone through it was understandable. Besides, Lars had never- directly said that to him before. Though he had believed he had made it clear to him.
Even then, Lars was never good at expressing his feelings. No, he was horrible at that! So... yeah.
"I... I never hated you, Steven," Lars sighed. "I know it didn't seem like that before; I guess I was just too caught up in myself to admit it, so I- I don't blame you for not... accepting that."
"I... had no idea," Steven whispered.
"It's- It's okay, I've never been good with... opening up, honestly," Lars cleared his throat again. "But it's true, Steven. I really do admire you, dude. You proved me that I can do- anything, that I can be afraid without feeling ashamed... you taught me that I can... be myself.
"Besides, I can see that you- you try hard to correct your mistakes, so- that's why I'm... I'm not mad at you, because I do see that you're trying."
Steven smiled at him. Lars could feel his cheeks heating up.
"Ugh," He groaned, but he ended up laughing. "I'm sorry you had to get through my horrible singing to know that."
"Don't worry about it," Steven assured. "You did great!"
"You really think so?"
"Yeah, of course!" Steven grabbed MC Bear Bear. "And MC Bear Bear approves it too - you should consider our opinions, because we're both musicians!"
Lars snorted. "Thanks, buddy."
He ruffled Steven's hair, making the other laugh as well. Lars then rubbed his own neck, silent as he couldn't take off the fact that he had freaking sung of his mind.
Suddenly, Steven said something that outright shocked him:
"I... I think you're pretty great, too."
Lars admitted he had not seen it coming. Even though he shouldn't be surprised.
"... yeah?" He said.
"I've- I've always thought you were cool," Steven continued. "Even though you, well... were usually grumpy and everything, but I- I admired how realistic you were sometimes, when everyone else pretty much… sugarcoated life to me, in a way. Besides, you like a lot of interesting things, like- wrestling, cooking- and I really liked that!
"But mostly, I admire how you became this really cool space pirate," Steven smiled tiredly. "Like, you're away from home and you have to guide the Off Colors, and- I think you've been really impressive here, in outer space. I mean- you stole a cool cape, a fast ship from Homeworld, and- done all those other things Emerald said before; stole the 'flotanium' thing off of Yellow Diamond's mine and battled against a whole bunch of soldiers! Like- how cool is that?! Not to mention you can sing, too!
"You're- You're really smart! You might not think that way about yourself, but it's true, you're- you're awesome, Lars!"
Lars laughed, flustered.
"Aw, gee," He most definitely blushed. "Thanks, Steven, I'm- I'm glad to know."
He gave Steven a side hug, in which the short boy wrapped his arms around his thin body tightly. Lars felt squished this time; god, how strong had this kid become...
"O-Oh, sorry!" Steven let out, as soon as he realized that. "Sometimes I forget my own strength."
"It's... fine," Lars laughed.
"Yeah, it's weird getting used to these... features."
Lars realized that Steven stared at his own reflection on the window. Their images were difficult to distinct, in the middle of all those stars outside. The other boy had lifted his t-shirt to look at his gem again, only to lower his head in shame. Lars watched him for a moment, concern visible in his expression.
"W... W-Was the fusion bad?" He asked.
Lars didn't quite expect him to ask that, but... he tried his best to word his thoughts.
"Well, it sure was something," He admitted. "But... not bad."
"It just happens all of a sudden," Steven said. "It happens when people are synchronized in thought and state... s-sorry."
"It's fine, really," Lars assured again.
Silence was their form of communication, until Steven broke it once more.
"And… I’m sorry for saying all that to you earlier," He sighed.
"It's okay, pal... I wasn't any better before," Lars shrugged. "We've both had our fair share of mistakes."
"But you did change for the better," Steven noted.
"So did you," The older boy patted his back, making the other smile.
The two were soon quiet again, meeting all the stars facing them. Lars heard Steven yawning and felt his short body snuggling against his own. It felt... heavy. He couldn't imagine how exhausted Steven must be.
The black-haired boy dried yet another tear but looked much better. Lars was sure he could see the light, the hope in his eyes again. This time, it did not fade into the darkness of space; which was quite a relief. Thus, Steven shut his eyes, with a smile on his face.
In the meantime, Lars faced the communicator near them, realizing it had been quiet the entire time. He hoped everything was fine with Fluorite.
In fact, space had been incredibly calm? There were usually Homeworld ships chasing them down by now; knowing those aliens for as long as he did, he guessed they were still looking for them.
Lars looked at Steven, realization hitting him like a bullet; Homeworld was still hunting the fourteen-year-old boy down. To make matters worse, Steven, in a way, was Pink Diamond!
God, how- how would the other Diamonds react? Would they even believe that Steven was technically one of them? Would they still be willing to punish him since his mother had betrayed her home planet, regardless of being a Diamond or not?
Goodness. Lars clearly didn't know - and, to be honest, he was not willing to know the outcome. Whatever could possibly happen, Lars would make sure Homeworld didn't land their hands on Steven. That moment, a dialogue was- impossible; it wasn't any more soothing the fact that the Off Colors were criminals as well, so nobody would even get the chance to explain anything. The Crystal Gems wouldn't know anything, either.
"Steven," Lars whispered, as to not scare him upon realizing how comfortable Steven felt lying on him. "Steven, y-you should go home."
"You're almost falling asleep, you better do that in your bed," Lars noted. "Besides, you- you're not safe out here, r- remember?"
Steven's eyes widened. "Oh, you're right! If- If they find out, they- shoot."
The younger boy recomposed himself, though looking slightly disappointed to be interrupted. If they weren't in the middle of outer space, wanted by the Diamonds, Lars would have let Steven take a nap, to be honest; it was all he needed at that moment.
"Oh, wait- oh my god, how long has it been since I left?" Steven facepalmed, the question not aimed at Lars; since he had absolutely no notion of time in there.
Space was always deceptive; for instance, Steven had told him that he and the Off Colors had been flying around space for more than a month. He hoped it hadn't been weeks already since Steven left home.
"Did you at least- let the others know you were here?" Lars asked.
Steven looked away, guilty. Lars was incredulous.
"I might have... thought they wouldn't come back for a long time because of Sapphire being gone and all..." Steven cleared his throat.
"Steven..." Lars groaned quietly, but continued, more understanding: "Look, it's okay to have some time for yourself, but you should remember to let them know when you're coming here, okay?"
"Y-Yeah, I... I forgot that, sorry."
Lars didn't say anything else, because he knew that, when Steven had left, it might have not crossed his mind that at least- like, Pearl or Amethyst could check on him. Though, the last thing Steven needed was his family freaking out over the fact he was gone, apart from having to accept the fact that their leader had lied to them for several years.
Though, before any of them could do anything, he heard the familiar, anxious voice of Rhodonite through the communicator. It was louder than he expected, which lead both boys to jump in surprise.
"C-Captain Lars! A-Are you there? It's Rhodonite!" She said.
He pressed the button to reply. "Yes, I'm here. What's new?"
"Ah, yes! I, uh," She cleared her throat. "F-Fluorite needed our help with the nova thrusters, so we left the shields and weapons activated and the autopilot mode on. S-Sorry for not letting you know before, I-"
"No, it's fine."
"Oh? Anyway! I- I have great news!" Rhodonite claimed excitedly. "T-The engines are almost repaired!"
Lars blinked. "I-Is that so?"
"Yes! B-But, uhm, we need your help! T-There's something about the settings that we weren't able to figure it out."
The captain was shocked by the fact that the engines were almost recovered from Emerald's damage. He probably shouldn't be, but there was always the bad ending to it all. He realized he had taken some time to reply his comrade, as she was calling his name.
"O-Oh, sorry, j-just give me a minute!" Lars said.
"Well, I'm afraid we can't give you a minute, we don't know anything about time in space," Rhodonite cleared her throat.
Lars snorted. "Yeah, n-nevermind. We'll be right there!"
He shut the communicator down and stood up.
"Let's go, Steven," Lars beckoned. "We gotta go to the engine room. We're almost heading home!"
He couldn't contain all the excitement, as his body was shaking. Lars was about to warp them up to the engines when he realized that Steven was still standing there, in front of the stars.
"Steven? You coming?" Lars asked.
The other boy didn't answer. The captain sighed and walked up to him.
"Steven, come on," Lars insisted. "We gotta go!"
Steven... sniffed. The older boy put his hand on the other's back.
"Steven," He called him again. "What's wrong?"
The half-gem looked at him, as if he was desperate for help.
"Lars, how... h-how am I going to tell them?" He asked.
God, how- how come that hadn't even gone through his head before?!
How would his crew react upon the revelation? They only had become more confident, which had been a lot clear in their last battle to steal the flotanium, and- to have everything snatched away from them by telling them Rose Quartz never existed in fact...
"Oh, sh-" Lars would have finished that word, but Steven was quick enough to prevent that, thankfully (though Lars didn't know if it was intentional).
"I- I don't want to just- hide from them that my mom was Pink Diamond," Steven said. "But- they all look so happy with- w-with themselves and… for them to know it was all a lie... I..."
Tears formed in his eyes again. "W-What would they think of me? What if t-they also hate me, w-what if- I don't- I-!"
While Lars was unsure of what to do about the topic, he focused on calming him down.
"Hey, St- Steven? Steven."
Lars grabbed him by his shoulders, forcing him to face him.
"Breathe," Lars told him.
"Just- inhale, exhale. Very slowly," Lars managed to sound calm. "Can... Can you do that?"
Steven panted, but gradually started to follow his… advice? Order? Whatever. It was working, at least. The younger boy let out shaky breaths, but soon stopped panting.
"Yeah, that's right," Lars encouraged, breathing slowly himself so it could help him. "Just breathe... keep doing that."
He waited for a few minutes but tried not to stay there longer before Rhodonite thought something happened to them.
"Better?" Lars asked.
Steven nodded. "Y-Yeah, thanks."
"Good," Lars patted his back. "W-We can deal with that later, okay? Now, come on, dude!"
The two rushed to the same spot they came from. Lars closed the window compartment and warped them both to the engines.
Steven had forgotten how green the engine room was. He had gotten used to the stars in that other place they were.
All the Off Colors were there, using the controls of that... huge spherical thing. Homeworld technology was weird.
"Ah, captain Lars!" Rutile exclaimed as soon as Lars approached. "We're almost done! We just need your help with something."
"Right, what is it?"
Steven merely watched them doing whatever they were doing, while he sat on the stairs. He admired that Lars knew enough about alien technology. Steven did know something about gem destabilizers and the effect of gravity and speed of light had in gem bodies. Other than that, he had zero knowledge of their language. He could see those weird letters in all those screens.
The Off Colors all looked out for one another. They were concentrated, working as a team. Steven felt the guilt in a small spot inside him, as he hadn't seen the Crystal Gems working like that anymore. Not to mention that... would they all be this motivated to return to Earth in case they found out who his mom had been? Would they think their fight was worthless, like his family believed now?
Steven tried to keep it together, as to not have another crying attack; especially not in front of the others. If they could only know... what he really was.
He quietly looked at MC Bear Bear, asking him, without making a sound:
What should I do?
Steven hid his face, burying it in the teddy bear's plush. His head was spinning with thousands of questions and regrets and- he couldn't manage to stop it.
Though he would figure it out in his own time.
He couldn't do anything right now. His heart was heavy, full. His mind, even worse. It was lost somewhere. Somewhere in all of those horrible memories Pink Diamond had stored for him. Lost in his friends' anguishes.
He would have to take a while, to go on a slow, painful journey to get it back.
Luckily, he still... had people there for him. He had Lars, Connie, Greg... his human friends.
Maybe this would get better. He would figure out a way to tell the Off Colors. They deserved to know the truth soon or later. Steven was not doing what his mother had done all this time.
He could do this.
On this own time. Yeah. He could do this.
He heard a loud noise, coming from the engines - apart from all the gasps coming from the rebellious group of gems and Lars. A bright, yellow light came out of that weird ball.
"O-Oh my stars!" Rhodonite exclaimed.
"We... did... it," Fluorite smiled, relieved.
Steven rushed downstairs. "W-Wait, so you guys-?"
"W-We fixed the engines!" "They're back online!" The Rutile twins replied in excitement.
"Oh my gosh! You guys will be on Earth in no time!" Steven grinned.
He noticed that the captain was still where he stood. He stared at the screen, that had some weird text. The other gems were all blabbering in amusement.
"The engines will be fixed! We can set the course to Earth!" Padparadscha claimed, leading them all to laugh in joy.
Lars, however... was quiet.
"L... Lars?" Steven called him.
He replied with only these words:
"We... did it."
Steven smiled. "Yeah, you- you did it. You'll finally be home."
Lars turned around, his eyes sparkling. There were tears in them.
"We- We really... we really did it!" He raised his voice, but not in an aggressive meaning.
He lifted Steven suddenly, which lead him to gasp.
"We did it!!" Lars laughed.
Steven laughed along, as well as the other gems. They all celebrated; he figured they had taken forever to get the "flotanium" thing, to finally repair the engines. It had sure been a battle for their lives to accomplish that!
Sometime after, Lars guided them all upstairs. They returned to their posts and were setting the ship to hyper speed mode. Steven watched Lars grin like never before, as he couldn't even stand still on his seat. The younger boy smirked at the sight, but soon, his smile faded again. He... would better get going.
Lars was right about Homeworld hunting him down; and he doubted the Diamonds would believe that he had Pink Diamond's gem. They would still shatter him for what his mother had done. He... couldn't do that all over again. Not... right now.
"Hey, uh, Lars? I... better go back home," Steven handed him the teddy bear. "The Gems might be freaking out if they don't find me there."
Lars had been distracted, so he took some time to process what he had just said.
"Oh, alright, yeah," He said.
The two were silent. Lars noticed he wasn't feeling well.
"You okay?" Lars asked.
"Y-Yeah, of course! It's just... there's too much in my head right now," Steven admitted. "And I wish I could... do something about your friends, y-you know."
The captain's excitement was replaced by concern and... certain guilt, too. Steven didn't want to burden him with that, either.
"I know," Lars sighed. "But you should get some rest before anything, alright? Once we get home and everything's... settled, at least, then you can tell them - hopefully with the help of your friends, too. I'm sure they wouldn't just leave it unexplained.
"B-Besides, if something happens in the way home, I don't want you getting hurt, either," He sounded a bit shaky for a moment, perhaps remembering the battle against Emerald, that had ended up with Stevonnie crashing in the Jungle Moon, having almost died. Steven couldn't blame him. Not to mention the whole Pink Diamond thing...
"Yeah, you're right."
Steven rubbed his own arm, still not feeling quite motivated. He was afraid to just... return home, to go back at everything that had been weighing on his back. He glanced at the Off Colors, who were thrilled to go to Earth. He truly hoped everything would be settled in the end. Even if it meant that the Crystal Gems weren't together or anything.
Lars let out a sigh and approached him.
"Steven," He called him, taking him back to reality.
The fourteen-year-old gazed at him, a tear threatening to fall. Lars dried it smoothly.
"Whatever you're going to do, it will be awesome," The captain said. "I know that. Because you know what?
"I believe in you."
It was enough to have Steven's eyes sparkle. Lars smirked at the reaction, his smile, genuine and encouraging.
"And I believe in you too, Steven!" He imitated MC Bear Bear again. "You kick ass!"
Steven laughed. "Thanks, MC Bear Bear."
Lars snorted and gazed at him in silence.
"Take care of yourself, alright?" He requested, worry clear in his voice.
Steven nodded. "You too."
Lars opened his arms, welcoming Steven into a tight hug.
"Thanks, Lars," Steven said. "You're the best."
"No prob, bob," He replied a few seconds later.
The young boy grabbed his cheeseburger backpack, that had been left next to Lars' seat. He then reminded of the others and turned around.
"Bye, guys!" Steven said, waving at them.
"Oh- bye, Steven!" Rhodonite smiled.
"Goodbye!" "See you on Earth!" Rutile waved... both arms at him.
"Captain Lars will be making an adorable impersonation of the teddy bear to cheer Steven up!" Padparadscha said, leading Lars to snort and blush.
Steven turned back to Lars. "I'll see you home, then."
"Yeah," The other replied with a grin. "I'll see you."
The younger boy cleared his throat. "Now, if you may..."
Lars rolled his eyes and kneeled down, imitating a goofy voice again. "Here, my 'lord'."
Steven frowned a little, though still smiled. "Don't call me that."
"Alrighty. Now go out there and make me proud!"
Steven laughed. "I will!"
He prepared for launch.
"Here I go!"
With that, he jumped (with the precaution to not hyperjump all the way to the ceiling) and returned to the pocket dimension, thus heading home.
"Captain, the ship is ready for hyperjump!" Rutile exclaimed. "We'll be heading towards Earth whenever you're ready."
Lars took a deep breath.
"Right - Twins, let's get outta here!"
"Right away, captain!"
They activated the nova thrusters - shortly, the Sun Incinerator headed in the incredible speed towards Earth, his beloved home.
Lars let out a relaxed sigh as his body felt heavy on the seat. All the struggling had been worth it. He held MC Bear Bear on his right hand while the other had the poster of Sadie Killer and the Suspects he had left there. He looked at Sadie with a smile on his face.
While he was afraid of everything that could happen back on Earth, he couldn't wait to see everyone. He couldn't wait to attend to her show, to explore Beach City and the surroundings with his gem friends. They would love it!
Lars was so deep in thought that he hadn't realized someone was calling him.
"Captain? C-Captain Lars?"
He shook his head, finding Rhodonite and Rutile awaiting; as well as Fluorite carefully watching him.
"O-Oh! Sorry, guys," Lars laughed nervously. "What is it?"
The gems looked at one another, worry and hesitation in their eyes.
"C... C-Could you tell us what happened to the Crystal Gems?" Rhodonite asked. "If- If Steven got to tell you, that is."
Lars' smile faded within a few seconds. He let out a deep sigh.
"Look, guys..." He began, gulping. "I'm not going to lie - the Crystal Gems have found something really shocking and- upsetting about... about Rose Quartz."
The Off Colors gasped.
"Oh no," "Is that so?" The Rutile twins asked.
"Y-Yeah," Lars lowered his head. "They're not taking it very well. Which is why Steven wasn't feeling fine, either. They're going through some hard times now."
"But what did they find out about Rose?" Rhodonite insisted. "Did he tell you?"
Lars paused; He really didn't want to lie to them, to hide things from them, but... he couldn't just- spill the beans to them. Not when Steven felt terrible about it, nor when the Crystal Gems weren't even able to take care of themselves anymore. He would at least need Steven or one of the Crystal Gems to explain everything, but no one was capable of doing so. Besides, he had no idea how his crew would react upon the truth.
His heart ached as he took a deep breath.
"I... I really can't explain it," Lars admitted. "I would need help from Steven and the others, but right now they're not fine. Maybe they can tell you everything once we get to Earth; they'll make it clear to you one day, alright?"
They all looked uneasy, concerned. They didn't push him to say the truth, which, while part of him appreciated, the other was tense, guilty. He pulled his own pink hair, unsure of what to do about it.
"I'm... I'm sorry," He said quietly, but the others caught that.
"A-About what?" The right Rutile asked.
"I- I don't want to hide things from you or anything," Lars clenched his fists. "I really don't, but... but I..." He shut his eyes.
They remained quiet, giving him sad looks.
"I predict that Captain Lars will not feel well for not telling us the truth," Padparadscha said, sounding worried.
"It's... it's alright, Captain" Rutile assured. "If that's the case, then we... we understand."
Lars raised his head. "You do?"
Rutile nodded with a concerned smile. "Of course." "If you believe that it will be better to know everything when we head to Earth, then we believe you."
"We... trust... you... Captain," Fluorite said.
Lars knew he shouldn't be... this relieved. He knew that no one thought less of him. He guessed that because of everything Rose had done, then...
He offered them all a smile. He could have never asked for better friends. Lars hated doing this to them, but he assumed it was the best he could do for now.
"We will take your word, Captain," Rhodonite tried to encourage him as well, which he appreciated very much.
"Thanks, guys," Lars smiled sadly.
"I... shall... check the... engines... again," Fluorite reminded. "Excuse... me."
"Of course," Lars nodded. "You guys can return to your posts. Rhodonite, let me know when we reach the Earth's solar system - and watch out for any threats."
"Right away, captain!" She returned to her seat.
"Padparadscha, you may return to your post, too. And Twins, maintain the speed at this rate."
"Yes, captain!" "Yes."
Everyone returned to their posts except for Padparadscha, who, before reaching her seat, told him:
"You are a great leader, captain," She told him. "I know you are doing what is best for us."
Lars' smile widened. "Thanks, Pad."
She returned to her seat, without adding anything else. He spotted Rhodonite, working as always. He remembered the feeling he had when he was fused with Steven. He had already asked one thing or two about fusion to her, when they had hidden in the Homeworld Kindergarten. Fusion was something deep, personal and that connected two or more beings, in a rather amazing way.
He had felt confused but… secure, when fused with Steven. It had lasted a moment, though; but it was... special.
Lars smiled as he glanced at the purple teddy bear. He and Steven had sure come a long way. From just an annoying kid to a great friend of his, someone he could rely on. Steven surely was a great individual. He taught him so much.
The two of them had learnt a lot. They had to deal with a lot, to remember that they were unusual and not human, but not gems, either. They were something else. That was not quite clear - like their reflections on the window they had faced earlier then -, but filled with all those stars, all the light that, in the end, formed... something entirely new. Something extraordinary. Both had done unimaginable things by just... being themselves.
Lars sure had learnt that the hard way - thanks to Steven and himself, above it all. It wouldn't be easy to get used to all their new abilities, appearances, legacy... but none of that would change what they really were.
He was afraid of what was coming next, but he wasn't alone, at least. He would remember that a fourteen-year-old kid was right there, to support him. He had his friends beside him as well.
Lars faced the grand glass, that showed him how fast they were. He watched the stars all speeding away. He exhaled deeply, his mind transcending to nowhere again.
sooo that's all, I guess! I must say that I'm surprised that many people are still reading this fic, though xD I thought nobody would care about it once the new episodes aired, but I was wrong, I guess.
now I have two Undertale fics to work on, so I can't tell you when I'll be writing for Steven Universe again, but hopefully it will be in the near future! I'll most likely come up with more Steven & Lars stories because these two mean a lot to me :') (AS BROS, please)
[in fact, please don't pull romantic!Lars/Steven in the comments or else I'm gonna punch you- THIS FIC is not meant to be romantic in any way, so respect that!!]
Thank you all for the support and see you next time!