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The Cooking Fiasco

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Regina lays in bed next to her wife trying to get to sleep over the annoying sound of pages being aggressively turned. She can feel the spines of the cookbooks littering the bed digging into her back, where normally her wife would be moulded, holding her tightly in her arm.

One more day and then this will all the be over, Regina thinks to herself, by this time tomorrow night she will have her wife back cuddled around her.

Emma's new found obsession with cookbooks started with a simple family discussion at Friday night dinner with the Charming's. The topic of Henry's schooling has come up, he had practically bounced out of his chair as he excitedly shared that he had gotten 100% on his hospitality assignment.

This of course had lead Snow into opening her mouth and once again destroying Regina life or at least her sex life. The comment that Henry's cooking skills were clearly not genetic given Emma's lacking skills in the kitchen, had set Emma on a war path announcing that this coming family dinner she was going to cook. This had of course made everyone at the table chuckle thinking Emma was kidding.

Boy were they wrong. The entire week Emma has been researching, head in mountains of cookbooks, kitchen off limits as she practices. Regina made the mistake of peaking in, nearly having a heart attack at the state of her poor kitchen, before leaving the blonde to her own devices.

Everyone had tried to stop the blondes obsessive behaviour with little results, but Regina was taking it the hardest, she missed her wife, Damn Snow White ruin-er of lives, Regina found herself mumbling on more then on occasion during the course of the week.

The dinner:

Regina sits at her allotted place as she waits patiently for her wife to serve dinner, glaring at the empty seats around her.

Snow had come by earlier that morning claiming that Neal had come down with the flu and they wouldn't be able to make it.

This lead the Regina and Snow fighting in hushed tone “You did this you are not getting out of it”, “Food poisoning Regina! Food poisoning I was off work for two days last time”,

“Do you really want to disappoint Emma, she's worked so hard” Regina tries going for the nurturing side of Snow, she nearly has her too, that is before a loud bang resonates from the kitchen. “Yep tell her we're sorry” before Regina can even blink Snow is running out the door “Get back here Snow! Coward!” She says in a hushed voice.

“Who was at the door?” Nearly jumping out of her skin Regina turns to face Emma putting on her most neutral loving expression. “I'm sorry darling Snow can't make it Neal's come down with the flu, apparently” She mumbles the last part.

“Oh that's all right looks like its just you and me” Emma says wrapping her arms around her wife.

“Wait what, what about Henry?”

“Oh he's at a date with Grace he asked me not to tell you in case you went all mother bear on him before he left” Emma says before leaving to go back into the kitchen.

Regina had stood their shell shocked for a minute, “that manipulative little”, knowing the only reason Henry had gone on the date was to avoid this meal.


That's how Regina had found herself, sitting at the table with a plate of food and her wife watching her intently, wide eyed waiting for her to eat her creation. Regina has to admit it doesn't look bad a nice looking casserole with a side of salad, ribs, fried rice and spring rolls odd combination Regina has to admit but she knows Emma's putting out all the stops to prove herself and show how far she's come.

Regina takes the first bite of her meal and hides her reaction well as the overpowering flavour of salt hits her tongue as she forces herself to swallow what in her opinion could pass for a salt lick “Emma! This is really good” The smile that breaks out on her wife's face is adorable and well worth the little white lie.

“Are you sure Gina your not just saying that, you can be honest” Regina smiles at her wife before placing her hand on her cheek “I am darling it tastes amazing” The smile doesn't leave Emma's face, permanently etched throughout the rest of the meal.


Regina's smile does falter however, it happens after she takes a bite of her spring roll after dipping it into the homemade dipping sauce. It all happens so fast the itching feeling as hives start to take hold the tightness in her throat. Instantly she realised that her wife must have used something with peanuts hidden in it, she knows her wife would never have used the ingredient unless it was hidden in a bottle of something.

She still remembers when she first told her wife, then girlfriend at the time, about her allergy she had banned all peanut related items from the mansion as well as the station.

She even went as far as trying to petition Granny's to stop using peanuts, walking into the diner one day to find her wife in a heated argument with granny, who looked about two second away from reaching for her cross bow, was not how Regina had seen her lunch break going.

Pulling herself back to the present she watches her wife happily eat her dinner. Years of being Queen has given her the ability to hide her emotions well, but as her throat starts closing more Regina decides its time to make a discrete get away for her Epi-pen.

Entering her bedroom Regina can feel the panic rising, in the process of reaching her purse of the nightstand she manages to knock it onto the floor.
Tipping the insides of her purse out looking for that damn thing Whale had made her carry everywhere, due to her panic she doesn't hear her wife enter the room.

“Omg Gina whats wrong” Emma says as she shoots beside her wife on the floor who currently has one hand at her throat looking an uncomfortable shade of red. That's when it clicks for Emma, Shit Peanuts.

Pushing her wife's frantic hands aside she reaches into the purse re-checking every compartment, in one of the side panels she manages to feel it, its not that hard to miss but she understands that in Regina's current frantic state its no wonder her wife, whose currently leaning back against their bed looking exhausted and seconds from passing out, missed it.

Emma quickly reads the instructions before stabbing her wife in the thigh with the pen, watching as her wife's breathing evens out she hoists Regina into her arms, halfway through carrying her wife to the car she nearly hits herself You have magic swan how could you forget that.


About and 30 minutes later both Swan-Mills are sitting on a small hospital bed waiting to go home.
“I mean besides the nearly dying thing I really did enjoy dinner” Regina says leaning into her wife's side.

“Emma?” Looking up at her wife, concerned when she didn't respond

“Why didn't you say anything, do you really think I'm that shallow that I would have been offended that my wife told me she was having an allergic reaction to something I cooked, Dammit Regina you could have gotten really hurt” Emma says anger and sadness leaking into her voice.

Taking a deep breath Regina sits up looking straight at Emma “Emma I have known you long time, we share True love for god sake's. I know you like the back of my hand and I have never seen you become this obsessed with proving people wrong, do you know why that is? why you were so desperate for this dinner to work out?”

“Because everyone was making fun of me” She says trying to keep the whine out of her voice

“You make fun of David everyday at the station and you constantly pick on Henry for being a nerd”

“He gets that from you”

“Emma! Our son is not a nerd, neither am I, we just happen to enjoy a higher level of thinking”

“Pssh Nerds” Winking playfully at her wife who smirks back.

“Emma my point is you all tease each other, its never bothered you before, so why is it after you and I decided we would start trying for a baby, you decide to go on a crusade, you're really telling me that has nothing to do with your sudden need to prove yourself?”

Looking at her wife and seeing the tears that start to well absolutely break Regina's heart, resting her palm on her wife's cheek she forces her to look at her.

“I'm not like you Regina”

“What do you mean by that” Regina says rubbing a soothing hand on her wife's arm.

“I'm not perfect like you are, the way you interact with Henry, I gave Henry up to give him his best chance at life and a family and you Regina Swan-Mills gave him that. “ Looking deeply into her wife's own teary eyes.
“I just feel like when we have a baby, one that I get to raise from the start, that I'm going to stuff it up, I clearly can't cook, I was horrible in those pregnancy classes Snow made me go to when she was pregnant with Neal”

Yes Regina does remember having to fork out over a hundred dollars to replace an fake baby, why those things were so expensive and how her wife had managed to break it in the first place Regina still can't understand.

“Plus we all remember the last time I did the washing and flooded the entire laundry or when I turned everybody's washing pink, which was so not my colour or Henry's for that matter” pulling a small chuckle and smirk from her wife beside her,

“I just I want to be the best for him or her, I just I'm not mother material”

“Emma Swan-Mills you are the most loving person I know, you care so much about the people around. And we're not even pregnant yet darling, we can work on those things I can teach you how to do all the domestic stuff If you really want me to, but in all honesty I think your panicking for no reason, just have a little trust in yourself. We're a team Emma, If and when we get pregnant, we will make this work.” Placing a firm kiss to her wife's mouth pulling away before saying ”But when this one reaches puberty you are definitely doing the talk, having that conversation with Henry nearly scarred me for life” Both women chuckle before cuddling up to each other.

“I still can't believe the women who was ones the Evil Queen refused to look her son in the eyes for a week, because of a little sex talk” This sent Regina blushing besides her wife before swatting her arm

“Shut up” Regina mumbles yet again causing her wife to laugh

“But your right Gina,I really did go a bit overboard didn't I”

“You wouldn't touch me for a week Miss Swan, to focused on those damn cookbooks, Yes you went overboard”

“I'm sorry” She says before placing tiny kisses all over her wife's face

“It's all good dear how about, after I get discharged, we can go home and you can make it up to me” She says with one of those damn smirks and a wink.

“Damn, your going to be the death of me women”

“And you my dear are going to the best mother ever, you already are” She states with so much conviction it makes Emma's heart flutter before placing a loving kiss on her wife's lip.

“I love you”

“And I love you” Regina says before going back for yet another kiss.

“Umm so could we maybe not tell anybody about the whole accidentally poisoning you thing” Emma says wish a sheepish look on her face, Regina chuckles before getting up to find Whale for those discharge papers.


A couple minutes later they're ready to leave, just as they move to leave Emma's phone buzzes, looking at the familiar name of her son before reading the text “Heard you tried to poison Mum with your cooking , Snow and Charming must be happy they missed this one lol” followed by a tone of crying/laughing emojis

“GOD DAMMIT REGINA!” shouting before ending in a whine and pout “You're supposed to be on my side!”

“Well you did try an poison me dear” Regina smirks playfully at her wife

“It wasn't, I didn't Aghh” She says releasing a frustrated cry, just as her wife disappears in a cloud of purple, but not before an evil cackle comes piercing through the air.

Great now she's never going to live this down and she's turned on, damn evil queen cackle, damn wife, she mumbles to herself as she poofs herself back to the mansion to find her wife and make up for the week of insanity.