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Mamma Mia

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Spock stood, staring at the door that Jim had just run out of. He stood there for what seemed like forever before scolding himself on how illogical it was to do so. ‘Read the messages’ is what Jim had told him. Logically there was a simple answer to all the questions Spock currently had racing through his mind but a part of him, an illogical part of him didn't want to face it. Just as he did not wish to tell Jim of his bonding all those years ago. Although he was never one to neglect the search for knowledge.

 

Shoving all the unwanted emotions back down, he grabbed his PADD then opened the first message Jim had sent to him ten years ago and began to read.

 

To: S’chn T’gai Spock

From: James T. Kirk

Spock,

I need to tell you something. Please call me. It's important

 

To: S’chn T’gai Spock

From: James T. Kirk

Please answer me. I know I said I never wanted to speak to you again but please

 

To: S’chn T’gai Spock

From: James T. Kirk

I didn’t want to tell you like this but I’m pregnant. I found out a week ago. Please call me. I don't know what to do.

 

To: S’chn T’gai Spock

From: James T. Kirk

Please answer me.

 

To: S’chn T’gai Spock

From: James T. Kirk

I’m dropping out of Starfleet. You can’t have kids on starships and I won’t put him through what my mom put me through. They said I could finish the semester but after that, I don’t know what I’m going to do

 

To: S’chn T’gai Spock

From: James T. Kirk

It’s a boy. Bones did an ultrasound today and it’s a boy. Apparently, Vulcan genes are more dominant than humans so he has copper-based blood. I sent some pictures… I don’t know if you are reading these or not but responding wouldn’t kill you

 

To: S’chn T’gai Spock

From: James T. Kirk

I’ve come to terms that you don't read these so Fuck you. Fuck you for having a wife. Fuck you for never answering. Fuck you for knocking me up. Fuck you for leaving me to do this alone. Most of all Fuck you for making me love you. The sick part about all of this is I miss you every day and I hate the fact our son will never meet you.

 

To: S’chn T’gai Spock

From: James T. Kirk

David. That is the name I’ve chosen for our son. I don’t know if you like it but it’s not like you care anyway so. I don’t even know why I’m writing to you. Dumb human emotions and all that. I’m moving to Greece, to the Inn my Aunt left me. Bones and I are going to fix it up and start a hotel there. That way I can have a way to pay bills that don’t take me away from David.

 

To: S’chn T’gai Spock

From: James T. Kirk

The Inn or villa or hotel whatever is in pretty good condition considering how long it hasn't been in use. Bones and I cleaned most of the main housing out, that is where David and I will live. It’s not big but it’s got two bedrooms and a nice view of the sea. The kitchen and bathrooms all need updating but I’ve got plenty of time on my hands now.

 

To: S’chn T’gai Spock

From: James T. Kirk

This is the last message I’m going to send. I can’t keep dwelling on you, it’s like waiting for rain in a dessert. I can’t keep thinking you’ll come back and we will be a happy family because you have your own family already. I know you didn’t love me but I thought you would love David. So, this is goodbye. I hope you’re happy wherever you are. I genuinely mean that. Don’t let being a Vulcan stop you from doing what you love. Do what makes you happy. Sometimes a feeling is all we humans have to go on.

 

Goodbye Spock.

 

Spock set down his PADD with shaky hands, letting what he just read to soak in. The Vulcan took a calming breath before he started to do math equations in his head, he needed to maintain his control, to go about this situation logically. His brain supplied he call his mother, his mother had a child and therefore logically would know what to do. The video call rang three times before Amanda answered.

 

“Spock what a lovely surprise!” Amanda smiled warmly at her son before her expression shifted to one of concern “Spock what's happened?”

 

“I have a son” Spock blurted out or blurted out in Vulcan standards but any human would say he stated a simple fact

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“I have a son. His name is David”

 

“Spock, honey, please explain”

 

“Mother, I am not food substance produced by bees. David is the offspring of James T Kirk and myself”

 

“Jim? You haven’t seen him in ten years!”

 

“I impregnated him during the duration of our romantic relationship. He attempted to contact me but I did not read or respond. I thought it illogical, I believe I was in error to do so”

 

“Wait wait. How do you know he is your son? Why didn’t you open these messages until now? Where are you?”

 

“I am attending Nyota Uhura and Montgomery Scott’s wedding which is being held in Jim Kirk’s villa” Spock explained the current situation, how he had met David and his encounter with Jim, the whole thing. Afterward, Amanda sat there quietly watching her son with a serious expression as she attempted to figure out her son’s emotions.

 

“I never thought this is how I would get grandchildren” Amanda joked softly to ease her son's tension

 

“Mother”

 

“Yes, I know”, Amanda waved him off, “Well you’ve got yourself quite a situation”

 

“Indeed. I am uncertain how to proceed” Spock admitted, Amanda stared at her son, not seeing the grown man but the child he once was asking for guidance.

 

“What do you want?”

 

“I do not know”, Spock looked at his mother, hoping to find some answers he knew logically she could not provide. He was struggling to find a logical course of action but his emotions flared. He wanted Jim. He had wanted him from the first moment he saw him, the alluring blue eyes and the way his smile lit up an entire room. Jim was the Sun. Over the years, Spock had denied himself the indulgence of thinking of the man, he had not looked him up, he had not looked at the pictures and he had not opened the transmission or answered his calls. Spock knew if he heard Jim’s voice again he would forget Vulcan traditions and go back to him. He had left the next day after telling Jim and ever since that day he had used all his willpower to not think of him. When he started to receive transmissions and calls from him, he ignored them. Now he had wished he had not. He regretted. Illogical. He wanted David, his son. He wanted to know what the boy was like if he took after Spock or Jim or both. He wanted to watch David grow, make mistakes and everything in between. He wanted a family. This family.

 

“How do you feel?”

 

“I do not understand the question, Mother”

 

“How do you feel about discovering your son?”

 

“The question is irrelevant”

 

“Spock, your mind is constructed in the Vulcan way, so you may forget your human feelings, but as my son, you have them. Human’s navigate situations with not only their heads but their hearts. Do you remember the day you bonded with T’Pring?”

 

“Affirmative”

 

“I hated that day. You looked miserable. Don’t get me wrong I was thrilled to have you move back to the same planet as us but you were unhappy on Vulcan, just as you were as a child. You haven’t been truly happy since you left Earth to bond T’Pring, I thought once you severed the bond with her things would get better and they did but you weren’t happy. I want you to be happy. Do what makes you happy Spock even if it isn’t logical. But as always, whatever you do, you will have a proud mother”, Amanda smiled softly as she watched her son process what was said.

 

“I wish to meditate”

 

“Alright. I love you, please call again soon”

 

“Goodbye Mother”

 

“Goodbye Spock” Spock ended the video call, still sitting there as the screen turned black. He needed to meditate. He set up his meditation mat, incense, and candles before settling on the mat.

 

First, Spock filtered through the emotions shock, longing, regret, embarrassment, awe, love. He was shocked at finding out he had a son, he regretted not answering Jim, he regretted not seeing his son grow up, he regretted hurting Jim, he was embarrassed for his actions. He was in awe of Jim and all he had built. He was in awe of his son. Love. He could identify the emotion, he felt romantic love for Jim, during their romantic relationship Jim taught him friendship and love...among other things.

Concluding his meditation, Spock had arisen with a new plan of action so to speak. He would make amends with Jim and if allowed, he would get to know his son. First thing in the morning he would talk to Jim.

 

 


 

Jim knocked on the door of Nyota and Scotty’s house, he needed to apologize for David inviting another guest to their wedding. Nyota opened the door, the smell of food spilling from the doorway.

 

“Hey, Jim we weren't expecting you. Is something wrong?” Nyota asked as she ushered Jim through the door and into the house.

 

“Long story”

 

“I’ll tell Scotty to get the whiskey” Nyota left Jim in the living room while she fetched Scotty and a bottle of whiskey. The two avidly listened to their friend as he explained what David had done.

 

“That sneaky bastard” Scotty took a sip from his drink “He certainly is yer boy”

 

“What is one more addition? I’m fine with him being here but are you, Jim?” Nyota said, watching Jim with concerned brown eyes

 

“Of course. I’m way over Spock” Jim lied and Nyota gave him a look that said ‘yeah sure you are’. “Anyway, I’m sorry David invited someone to your wedding and well sorry for the drama that follows that”

 

“Oh, please weddings aren't weddings without a little family drama” Nyota smiled trying to reassure him “Besides I’ll take this as payback for dumping most of the wedding planning on you”

 

“All I did was carry out your orders that is hardly planning a wedding” Jim returned Nyota’s smile, comforted that they were not upset, “So David is writing both of you a formal apology for inconveniencing you, feel free to act upset so that he learns a lesson”

 

“Naturally” Nyota grinned as she walked Jim to the door “Should there be tears?”

 

“Absolutely” Jim mirrored Nyota’s grin as he waved goodbye and headed back to his house.

 

Later that night once Jim had confiscated his old journal back from his son, he sat on his bed and began to flip through the entries, remembering how much fun he used to have back then. He was in the middle of remembering their tea date when a soft knock sounded on the door.

 

“Hey bubby, are you finished with your meditation?”

 

“Yes…Dad, can I make a personal inquiry?” David was clad in his PJs with a toothbrush in hand and a blanket over his shoulders.

 

“Sure, baby what's up?” Jim putting the journal down in favor of pulling his son on the bed to sit with him.

 

“Do you regret having me?”

 

“Of course not. Was I scared when I found out I was pregnant? Yeah but I never regretted having you” Jim soothed as he ran his fingers through the neatly combed curls. “As a matter of fact, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I would take you over a thousand starships”

 

“Okay” David murmured as he curled into his dad, seeking the skin contact to read his father’s soothing emotions. Jim had taught him all about Vulcan customs and about their control of emotion but David enjoyed showing emotion. He didn’t want to be like a Vulcan, he wanted to be like Jim. Of course, Vulcan’s were telepaths so he had to go through proper training for that but he still chooses the human way of living. David knew how to shield and keep his mind orderly. Jim remembered learning Vulcan as a surprise for Spock, he had learned it with the thought they would bond one day so it was awfully helpful when he learned he was pregnant with one. Jim sang lullabies or read stories in Vulcan to David as a baby, “Can you read to me?”

 

“Sure. What do you want to hear?”

 

“Alice in Wonderland” Jim went to the shelf grabbing the book before returning to bed and letting David crawl into his lap so he could look at the pictures. Jim then started to read the book in Vulcan, David fell asleep quickly lulled by the comfort of his dad’s voice and Jim followed shortly after.