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iDaddy

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It was Friday morning, and Sam Puckett ran breathlessly into the Shay apartment. Carly's older brother, Spencer Shay was sitting at the kitchen counter, watching the computer screen, where the iCarly web show would be broadcasting live in fifteen minutes. He was drinking some kind of thick smoothie with a very weird color. Sam stopped at the foot of the stairs, and backtracked to where Spencer sat sipping his smoothie.
“Hey, Spencer?”asked Sam.
“Yuh-huh?”
“What in God's name are you drinking?”
He showed it to her proudly, as if hosting Let's Make A Deal.“A Kiwi-lime protein shake blended with ever-so-sweet-and-salty sweet potato fries.”
“Huh,” said Sam, interested. Then without a second's hesitation, she took it from him, and took a sip. “Thanks.”
Smoothie in hand, Sam hurried up the stairs. Spencer just watched her go as if she'd just stolen his new puppy. “She just stole my Kiwi-lime protein shake blended with ever-so-sweet-and-salty sweet potato fries,” he said sadly, already missing the sweet and salty goodness.

Upstairs in the loft where Sam and her best friends Carly Shay and Freddy Bensen shot their web show, iCarly, Sam burst in the door. She took a sip of her new shake, and said. “Thank God. He isn't here, yet.”
Carly just looked at her funny. “What are you drinking?”
“A Kiwi-lime protein shake blended with ever-so-sweet-and-salty sweet potato fries.”
“Where did you –”
“Spencer,” they said together.
“Freddie should be here any minute,” Carly said excitedly.
“Is our guest here?” asked Sam.
“She's in the bathroom,” Carly told her.
“You know,” Sam said, as she pulled the lid off the shake and chugged the rest of it down. "I still can't believe it's actually happening.”
“I know,” Carly said. “Freddie's finally 18! Now it won't be the weird She's-eighteen-and-her-boyfriend's-only-seventeen.”
“Truuuue....” said Sam slowly. “But you know that's not what I'm talking about.”
Carly's face fell. “I know. But I'm worried he'll be really upset when I tell him.”
Sam laughed. “Are you kidding? The kid's been crazy about you since Kindergarten. He's gonna love being a –”
She immediately shut up as Freddie walked in with a big smile.
“Hey, Fredward,” said Sam teasingly. “You better watch out for rats with a grin full of that much cheese.”
He ignored her – something he got surprisingly very good at it – and walked over to Carly. He kissed her passionately, and Sam grimaced. “Okay, break it up, guys. You get yourselves a room while I go find me a barf bag.”
Freddie just grinned at her. “Jealous?”
“Oh, yeah,” said Sam sarcastically. “There's nothing I would love more than having your tongue shoved down my throat. And just FYI, the show starts in, like thirty seconds.”
“Crap,” said Freddie, totally having forgotten the time. Hell, when he was kissing Carly, he forgot his own name. That's what made him so excited about what he was planning. He hurried over to his sweet, high-tech filming gear, as Sam and Carly got in their places. He started the countdown. “In 5...4...3...2...1...!” He hit the record button, and the show was on.
“Hi,” said Carly. “I'm the lovable Carly!”
“And I'm the hateable Sam!”
“This can be true.”
Chiming in together, they said, “And this is iCarly!”
“As promised,” said Carly, “we have a big surprise today!”
“Huge!” added Sam.
“As a lot of you may or may not have heard,” said Carly, “on Halloween of 2003, a young surfer girl lost her arm to a huge tiger shark!”
“Halloween people,” Sam chimed in. “Talk about irony!”
“Well that surfer girl happens to be a huge fan of iCarly, and is here today! Give a huge hand for –”
“Bethany Hamilton!” chimed Carly and Sam together. Freddie quickly pushed the button that made a sound like people cheering. Then a tall blonde girl in a white sundress walked in, all smiles. Her left arm was gone, revealing just a stump.
“Hey, guys!” said Bethany excitedly. She hugged Sam and Carly with a big smile. She faced Freddie and the camera. “I am so stoked to be a guest on iCarly! I have been a dedicated fan since the very beginning.”
“So, Beth,” said Sam. “What is it like only having one arm?”
“Sam!” admonished Carly. “That is so rude!”
“No,” Bethany cut in. “It's okay.” She turned to Sam. “Well, Sam. It's very different than having two, that's for sure.” The girls laughed. Even Freddie cracked a smile. “When I first came out of surgery, the doctor told me that the list of things I'd have to learn to do differently was very extensive. And he was right. Everything that came so easily to me all my life was extremely difficult with only one arm to work with. I mean, fixing your hair isn't exactly rocket science. Unless you only have one arm. Then it seems like the cow will jump over the moon before you can even make a simple ponytail.”
They all laughed at that. Even Freddie was cracking up.
“So,” Carly said. “I heard you recently had a baby.” Freddie’s smile lit up like a Christmas tree.
“Yes, I did,” said Bethany. “I have an amazing baby boy, and a husband sent straight from Heaven.”
At that, Freddie walked from around the camera with a big smile. “Can I say something?”
“Of course,” said Carly.
Freddie faced the camera. “As many of our viewers know, Carly and I have been dating for almost a year now.” He smiled at Carly. “I've been gathering up the courage all morning, and now I think it's time.”
“Time for what?” Carly asked.
“What are you yapping about, now?” asked Sam.
Freddie cleared his throat. “Carly,” he said. “I love you more than life itself, and by some miracle sent from all of my Guardian Angels, you love me that way, too.” Sam made gagging sounds, but sheepishly stopped at the withering glare from Bethany. “So now there's one thing left to do.”
Sam's eyes went wide. “You're not about to -”
Freddie pulled a small velvet case from his jeans pocket. Carly looked ready to faint. Bethany looked so happy, it was a wonder she didn't explode. Freddie got down on one knee. “Carly Cheyenne Shay, will you marry me?”

Downstairs, Spencer sprayed his new Kiwi-lime protein shake blended with ever-so-sweet-and-salty sweet potato fries all over the computer screen.

On the set of iCarly, emotions were all over the place! Freddie felt nervous enough to piss his pants. Sam felt more shocked than if she'd survived the electric chair. Bethany was so happy, tears were making her mascara run. And Carly felt so excited she wanted to start belting out Britney Spears.
“Yes,” Carly said. “Of course I will.”
Freddie put the diamond ring on her left ring finger. He stood up and – on live broadcast – kissed his new fiance.
“Well,” said Sam, facing the camera. “That's all for today's show!” She looked at the happy couple still kissing. “And I guess we'll have to stick around until our tech geek finishes eating Carly's face.”
“And just so you know,” Freddie said as he pulled away – completely forgetting they were still live - “I'm not proposing just because you're pregnant.”
Carly's eyes went wide. “You know about that?”
“Yup,” said Freddie happily.
“How?”
“I saw a pregnancy test in your trash can when I went to use your bathroom last week. I knew there was no way in Hell Sam was pregnant.”
“Damn straight,” Sam muttered.
“And I remembered last month's activities that aren't suitable discussion in front of our guest.” Bethany laughed. “And I did the math.”
“Well,” Sam said. “I guess the baby's outta the womb on that one.”
“Thanks for the imagery, Sam,” said Carly.
“Anytime.”
Suddenly, Bethany stepped forward to hug Carly. “Congratulations, Carly.”
“Thank you so much.”
“And I'd better get going,” Bethany said. “I've got a heat coming up next week that I need to practice for.”
“We'll be rooting for you,” said Carly.
“Surf's up, dude,” Sam pitched in.
“Thank you guys so much,” she said, giving all three teens a big hug. Then she turned to the camera. “And thank you all for tuning in to iCarly today. See ya.”
“Crap!” said Freddie, as Bethany turned to leave. “The camera!” He rushed over to shut it off. “My mom always watches –”
There was suddenly a loud BANG! as the studio door flew open. “FREDWARD BENSEN!!!”
Freddie’s overprotective mother stood in the doorway, her face red as a fresh apple.
“Aw, crap!” Freddie whimpered.

Chapter Text

Everybody, Carly, Sam, Freddie, Spencer, and Mrs. Bensen, was gathered in the living room. Mixed emotions were all over, the tension of the awkward silence was so thick you couldn’t even cut it with a knife. Carly was nervous. Sam was freaked out. Freddie was terrified. Spencer was worried. Mrs. Bensen was livid.

“This is all your fault!” said Mrs. Bensen, pointing a finger at Carly.

“No it’s not, Mom!” Freddie said, angrily. “I’m 18! Legally able to be a father.”

“But you weren’t when you knocked her up!” Mrs. Bensen said. “You were 17, and she was 18! She could be thrown in jail.”

“Huh?” Carly said, terrified. Mrs. Bensen was mean, but could she possibly be mean enough to throw a pregnant girl in jail?

“Mrs. Bensen,” Spencer cut in.

“Sit!” she yelled, glaring at Spencer. He immediately sat back down. “I’m not going to call the police,” Mrs. Bensen said. “But the baby has to go.”

“What????” said Freddie, Sam, Carly & Spencer at the same time. Was the woman crazy?

“Abortion is illegal!” said Freddie angrily.

“Well so is a 17-year-old having sex with an 18-year-old,” argued Mrs. Bensen. “I happen to have a good friend that runs a private abortion clinic that will make sure everything is taken care of. Ask yourself which is the worst crime? Abortion of a bunch of cells, or pedophilia?”

“Murder,” Freddie said. “Abortion is murder. That is a much worse crime than a 17-year-old…doing the deed….just a few weeks before his 18th birthday.”

Mrs. Bensen looked torn between what to do. “What did I always tell you Freddie? We had the talk when you were 7.”

“Seven?” asked Sam, smirking. “I’m eighteen, and my mom still hasn’t had the talk. You got the short end of the stick on that one.”

“Shut up,” mumbled Freddie.

“I always told you, Freddie,” said Mrs. Bensen, “Wet and sticky is very icky. Sticky and wet makes Mommy upset. Did you really think I was talking about the jelly on your face?”

Sam stood up, “And on that note, I’ll head home. It’s after 10, and if I don’t get home, my mom will start foaming at the mouth.”

“Bye, Sam,” said Carly, Freddie, and Spencer.

“Later, dudes.”

Sam left the apartment, and Mrs. Bensen turned to Carly and Freddie. “Well, if you won’t abort it, then it needs to be adopted as soon as it’s born.”

“Huh?” asked Carly, freaking out.

“You’re only 18,” Mrs. Bensen said. “Both of you! You’re not old enough to take care of a baby. I was in my mid-30s when Freddie came along.”

“Mom,” said Freddie firmly. “This baby is mine and Carly’s. We are keeping it. Not giving it away.”

“Fine,” said Mrs. Bensen. “You think you have what it takes to be parents, you can do it alone. Don’t expect any help from me. Now, Freddie, get to the apartment. I’m scrubbing you down with my Vinegar and Alcohol mixture.”

“Aww, Mom!” complained Freddie.

“Don’t argue with me,” said Mrs. Bensen. “Get!”

Freddie started to stand, defeated. “Bye, Baby,” he said to Carly.

“Bye.”

Spencer looked at Carly. “I’m disappointed in you,” he said. “You should’ve been more careful. So how about we keep this from Granddad Shay? Remember what happened with my hammer wheel?”

“Yeah,” Carly said. “The last thing I need is him to storm down here in the middle of the night, and kidnap me to Yakama.”

“Let’s get to bed,” Spencer said. “It’s been a long, weird day.”

“Yeah,” Carly said. “It has.”

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Carly looked at Spencer, who was almost dead on his feet. “Go to bed,” she told him. “I’ll see who it is.”

“Okay,” Spencer said. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Carly went to the door, and was surprised to see Freddie standing there, holding his suitcases.

“Freddie?”

“Do you and Spencer have room for one more? I moved out to be with my fiancée.”

Carly smiled. “Of course. My bed is always open to you.”

Freddie took her in his arms, and kissed her softly. “I love you,” he said.

“I love you too, Freddie.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Freddie and I walked into school hand-in-hand. When we got to the lockers, I was surprised to see Sam pinning a Sophomore girl to a locker, looking pissed.
"What is she?" demanded Sam.
"Beautiful, talented, and smart," recited the girl.
"And what are you?"
"Ugly, mediocre, and stupid."
"And how sorry are you?"
"Very sorry," the sophomore whimpered.
"Not good enough," Sam snapped.
"Totally sorry!"
"Still not good enough!"
"Completely sorry!"
"Still not good enough!"

I, however, had heard enough. I stormed over, and pulled Sam away by her ponytail.
"Ow!" Sam gasped, as I dragged her over to our lockers. "Hair, hair, hair, hair! What is your Dill Pickle?" Sam asked, as soon as I released her.
I fixed her with a very disappointed look. "Sam, we had the bullying talk," I reminded her.
"Yeah," she replied. "We did. Maybe you should have it with that chica."
I looked at her, confused. "What the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks are you talking about?"
Sam smirked at me. "We'll have the talk about your unfortunate aversion to foul language later. Again. But right now, I need to warn you - today is gonna be a total shit fest."
I gulped, not liking the sound of that. "What do you mean?"
"I tried deleting all the mean comments off the page last night, but it was hopeless trying to get them all, so I just disabled the comments section entirely from that episode. But that Sophomore chick, Sarah or whatever, made it pretty clear that she was gonna turn the whole school against you because you're - and I quote - 'a slutty teenage baby machine.'"
My stomach dropped to my knees. "Oh, no," I whimpered.
Freddie, however, was livid. "I'm gonna kill that bitch," he growled. "I'll rip her apart with my bare hands!"
Sam grinned at Freddie. "Jeez, Fredward," she said. "I'm impressed. I've never seen that kind of fire in you. Looms good on you."
"Let me hear one person talk shit on my fiancee, and so help me God, I'll have detention until I graduate next year!"
"Don't, Freddie," I pleaded. "They're just words. It doesn't matter."
Behind us, a throat cleared. We turned to see Principal Franklin standing there.
"Freddie," he said, "Carly, can I please see you in my office?"
My stomach dropped from my knees all the way to my feet. Freddie looked like he'd rather be force-fed slugs.
"Don't worry," Principal Franklin assured us. "You're not in trouble."
Freddie and I sighed with relief.
"Later, Dudes," Sam said, turning away.
"Wait," I said, turning to Principal Franklin. "Can Sam come, too?"
Sam glared at me. The Principal's Office was her absolute least favorite - yet most frequented - room in the whole school. Principal Franklin nodded. "Yes," he agreed. "Perhaps Sam had better come, too."

We followed Principal Franklin, Sam quite reluctantly, to his office. When we arrived inside it, Principal Franklin closed the door, and motioned to the three chairs in front of his desk.
"Please," he said kindly, "have a seat."
We sat in the chairs, and Principal Franklin sat behind his desk.
"Now," he said, "I have been more than alerted about the situation between Carly and Freddie."
All three of us opened our mouths to defend ourselves, but Principal Franklin silenced us by raising his hand. "I promised you that you aren't in trouble," he reminded us, "and I hold to that. I'm simply wishing to offer my assistance."
"Huh?" I asked, confused.
"Firstly," Principal Franklin began, "and this is my decision, not your choice, if anybody - student or staff - speaks a single word against Carly or Freddie, the consequences will be severe. If any of you hear a single negative comment about the situation at hand, you are to report it to me as soon as possible. Understood?"
We all nodded our heads in understanding.
"Second, my wife happens to be a licensed therapist who specializes in relationship therapy and couples counseling. She wishes to meet the three of you after school, and offer Carly and Freddie assistance with anything you are in need of, anything from counseling to maternity necessities. She also happens to worship iCarly."
"We'd be happy to meet her," Freddie said.
"Excellent," Principal Franklin said with a smile. "So, swing by after the final bell, and we'll be waiting for you."
"Why are you so willing to help us," I asked with curiosity.
"When our daughter was born," Principal Franklin explained, "my wife and I were in our Junior year of high school. So we know firsthand the struggles you will have. It's not an easy road, and with Carly not having actual parental help, and Freddie's mother's tendency to over-dramatize everything, we are worried you won't have very much experienced help during this rough time in your life."
"Thank you," I said sincerely. "This really means a lot."
"Anything my wife or myself can do to help," Principal Franklin told us, "don't hesitate to let us know."
Sam cleared her throat. "Um, Sir?" she asked, tentatively.
"Yes, Sam?"
"I'm not usually one to tattle, but since you offered, I reckon I'll save myself from an expulsion and a prison sentence."
"Is somebody already starting up?" Principal Franklin asked, his eyes flaring.
"This Sophomore girl, Sarah Marshall," Sam explained with a sigh. "She's made some pretty serious comments against Carly. I think I scared her enough to stop her from turning the whole school against Carly, but who knows?"
"What exactly did she say?" Principal Franklin asked, his voice slow, his tone icy.
"She said 'Carly is a slutty teenage baby machine, and the whole school will know by lunch.'"
I'd never seen our principal this angry - and that's saying something.
"I will have a very long talk with Miss Marshall and her parents," he said. "Needless to say, by the time lunch rolls around, she will no longer be attending this school."
The bell signaling the start of Homeroom rang. "I'll call Mr. Myandowski," Principal Franklin promised, "and have the three of you excused for your tardiness." He stood up, and so did we. "Don't forget to swing by after school," he reminded us.
Suddenly, the door swung open, and Mrs. Briggs, the snotty, hateful Scottish teacher, wandered in. "Did you hear about our newest teen baby maker?" she asked with a laugh. She stopped dead in her tracks, as she saw the four pairs of icy eyes glaring daggers at her.
"No, I haven't," said Principal Franklin coldly. "But I have heard about the gossiping bitch that just lost her job. You have till the end of the school day. Enjoy it while it lasts."
I'd never, until that moment, seen Mrs. Briggs cry. But as her eyes began to fill up, Principal Franklin turned to us with a kind smile. "You're excused from English class today. Enjoy your day."
As we left the office, we couldn't help but smile. I guess today wasn't going to be so terrible after all.

Chapter Text

This chapter is coming soon!