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Chapter Text

Sam: Fuck I’m in hell

 

Michael: It’s going to get a lot worse

 

Sam: How?!

 

Lucifer smirks while climbing chandelier

Lucifer: *Begins singing/screeching* IIIIIIII’MMMMMMM GONNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAA SWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNG FROM THE CHANDELLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR FROM THE CHANDELLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

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John: What did you do?

 

Dean: *Quietly* I sucked dick on accident…

 

John: What?

 

Dean: I sucked dick on accident!

 

John: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SUCK DICK ON ACCIDENT?!

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Chuck: OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE IN TIME OUT GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE!

 

Lucifer: *Climbing Fridge* THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

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Mary: John go be a supportive father before I fuck you in the ass with a bedazzled rifle

 

John: Ugh fine

 

*John tracks Dean down while dragging a piano with him*

 

John: Son

 

Dean: Dad, what’s wrong?

 

John: *Singing off key while playing piano* If you were gay

 

Dean: Oh no

 

John: That'd be okay. I mean 'cause, hey, I'd like you anyway.

 

Dean: Dad what the fuck did you drink

 

John: Because you see, If it were me, I would feel free to say that I was gay but I'm not gay.

 

*John continues to sing Dean calls Bobby*

 

Dean: Bobby you wouldn’t happen to have tranquilizer darts on you…it’s for science I wanna see how many it takes before my dad stops singing If You Were Gay

 

Chapter Text

Dean: Mini-me is about this big *Holds tape measure to show 8 inches*

 

Bobby: *Drunk as shit* HAHAHA! DEAN I’VE SEEN YOUR DICK BEFORE THAT SHIT IS NOT THAT BIG

 

Castiel:…

 

John:…

 

Mary:…

 

Dean:…

 

Sam:…

 

Lucifer:…

 

Raphael:…

 

Michael:…

 

Adam:…

 

Balthazar:…

 

Metaton:…

 

Lilith:…

 

Charlie:…

 

Rowena:…

 

Crowley:…

 

Chuck:…Uh pause

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Ey? Ey?

 

Castiel as Veronica anyone?

 

 

Anyone?

 

 

 

 

The Archangels as The Heathers?

 

 

Lucifer as JD?

 

 

 

Just imagine it

 

 

Let the fanart happen

 

 

 

 

Let the fanfics happen, it’s all good

Chapter Text

This was too strange, way too strange, even for a hunter and a Winchester, Sam’s not used to vomiting but for some reason while doing research about some tentacle-like monster, he felt sick to his stomach. So he ran to the closest bathroom, and heaved his half-digested breakfast, the strangest part, it was all healthy, homemade and organic. Sam stared down the bowl, before flushing away what had escaped his body, he runs his fingers through his hair, as he heard the loud obnoxious footsteps of Yong-Nam Ono, “Sammy! I got snacks!” he hears her yell, he sighs and straightens himself before going to greet the retired hunter.

 

It was so weird to consider Yong-Nam as a retired hunter, considering that she was close in age to Sam, but after resurrecting her dead husband, she dropped her weapons and spell books to run off with her husband. “Hey Samerino! Where’s your brother?” Yong-Nam asked, Sam tells her about how he went off to interview some of the victims’ families, “Well when he gets back I have something to tell you both” the witch said as she began to pull out snacks from her bag, “Let’s start with shrimp chips” she tears open the bag, and the smell of the crustacean-flavored snacks hit his nostrils, and he suddenly felt nauseous. “Oh God. Sorry, Nam but no thanks, I feel really nauseous for some reason” Sam explains, she looks at him with motherly concern, “Are you sick?” she goes and presses her ice-cold hands against his forehead, “I think it’s something I ate” Yong-Nam abandons the chips, and begins to investigate the kitchen.

 

The bunker door opens, Yong-Nam runs back and sees Dean in that stupid suit of his, “Hey Nam” he greets her as he descends the stairs, “Hey Hedgehog your baby brother is sick right now I think you should take care of him right now” she lectures with her hands on her hips. “What’s wrong with Sam?” Dean asked, his smile was now gone, Yong-Nam explains the situation, when they both hear a violent retch coming from the bathroom, and on instinct they ran to Sam, calling his name. They reached the bathroom, they see Sam, kneeling next to the toilet, panting from vomiting, Yong-Nam kneeled next to Sam, she places a gentle hand on his back, she felt him shaking, “It’s okay” Dean said as he joined them. “Well depends on what you consider to be okay” the Winchesters look at her confused, “I have a theory, or more like a conclusion on what evidence I gathered. Sam’s pregnant” she says simply, “H-h-how” Sam managed to choke out before vomiting, “How is that possible?” Dean questioned, “You and your brother have anal sex with angels of The Lord, that’s a lot easier than giving a vagina a handjob”. Sam vomits again, she soothingly rubs his back, “Man, I can’t wait for Gabriel’s reaction” she says jokingly, Sam smiles weakly and Dean attempts to stifle a laugh.

 

Gabriel was happy when he heard the news, so happy in fact that he was able to lift his significantly taller boyfriend in the air; that was until Sam asked him to him down because the feeling made him nauseous. While this was playing out Dean turned to Yong-Nam and asked her what was her announcement, “Oh! I’m the same, except I’m 2 months ahead” she says casually as she shows him her belly that protruded ever-so slightly, “Oh great, I guess you’re expecting me to end up like you two” Dean stated sarcastically, “That would be nice so you can understand our suffering” she says with a smirk before leaving.

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Jack: Hey guys look at what I found *Holds up cat ear headband and buttplug with a cat tail*

 

Sam: *Chokes on salad*

 

Dean:…Fuck

 

Castiel: *Screams in Enochian*

 

-Later that day-

 

Jack: Guys, I found this in Lucifer’s room I think it’s a pearl necklace *Holds up anal beads*

 

Sam: *Faints*

 

Dean: *Goes to jump off a cliff*

 

Castiel: *Internally screaming in Enochian*

 

Gabriel: Oh I think I have one just like that :D

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Charlie: Sure, Sam looks like Jimmy Fallon's butch daughter

 

Sam: *Looks offended*

 

Charlie: But a vote for him would promote another... frank and beans

 

———

 

Dean: *Singing Tik Tok but suddenly vomits violently*...

 

Sam: *Vomits also*

 

Adam: *Vomits, before running off stage*

 

Dean:...Everybody drink responsibly

 

—————

 

Dean: Excuse me can I please talk to you for a minute?


LuciferUm hum sure. You look kind of familiar.


DeanYeah you do too but umm I just wanted to know do you know somebody named you know his name.


LuciferOh yeah definitely I know his name.

 

Dean: I just wanted to let you know he's mine. 

 

LuciferHuh..no no he's mine.

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Dean: Mom, I’m gay

 

Mary: Ok

 

Sam: Mom, I’m also gay

 

Mary: Ok

 

Castiel: I would also like to state that I am attracted to the male sex

 

Mary: Jesus fucking christ is there anyone here that likes girls?

 

Charlie: *Happily raises her hand* Me!

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Dick: Honey, whatchu waitin’ for-

 

Lucifer: SHUT UP DICK! *Starts singing dramatically*

 

————

 

*At Michael’s funeral*

Chuck: I LOVE MY DEAD GAY SON!

 

————

 

Lucifer: Fuck me gently with a chainsaw

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Dean: *Sad and Angery that he couldn’t find a parking spot* ALL I WANTED WAS SOME FUCKING BBQ! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK *Begins screeching louder than Lucifer at karaoke night*

 

Sam: *Is spooked*

 

Castiel:…*Makes a cross with his finger*

 

Dean: THIS AIN’T THE FUCKING EXORCIST, I JUST WANT TO EAT SOME FUCKING BRISKET WITH MY TWO FUCK BOYS, BUT NOOOOO THERE IS NO GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING PARKING

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Sam: Nope, too spooky *Runs away*

 

Dean: It’s a fucking cat!

 

Sam: Nope! too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky, too spooky. Sammy scared of pussy

 

Dean: That explains the boner you got when you first saw David Bowie…

Chapter Text

It was a cold December, winter break was a blessing for a Principal like Harumi Akiyama, and then he was reminded that he had his cousin, well, half-cousin, Marceline Vashchenko. This reminder was a slap to the face when he walked into the basement to find Christmas decorations, but found his 16 year old cousin, shirtless, and wearing cat ears on a maid headband, hard at work on drawing or animating, either way this girl was at work on her next crazy project. “Whatcha doin’ Maru?” Harumi asked as he realized that she had pictures of various actors taped to her wall, these were different from the ones she had on the wall 3 weeks ago, 3 weeks ago it was various pornographic actors, now it was various actors from one certain TV show. “Maru why do you have the faces of the actors from Supernatural plastered on the wall?” Harumi asked in a exasperated tone, Marceline let’s go of her mouse, “Getting ahead of a project for my animation class” she gets up and adjusts her baggy grey sweatpants, “Pick a TV series and turn it into a video game storyline” she explained, “I picked Supernatural, picked a way to the tell the story, loosely basing it on Senran Kagura Estival Versus with way less boobs and more gay shit, made the gameplay like Senran Kagura, with a little Dead or Alive, Street Fighter, King of Fighters and Tekken, then I binged watch Supernatural in English, then in the Japanese dub as a linguistics reference, after that I watched the anime they made for Supernatural-“ Marceline shudders “-in English and Japanese, took notes on each characters dialect, pitch, tone, and how they pronounced certain words, then made a list of lines for each of the characters I chose” Marceline explains shoving a messy pile of papers with scribbles on it in a blend of Japanese and English on it.

 

”I also thought it would be cool that the hunters I implemented in the demo game could have a option of changing weapons, so they can switch between various rifles, handguns, and shotguns” Marceline said stretching her legs so that they wouldn’t fall asleep “…I feel like this is all Dionysus’ influence” Harumi said, Marceline shrugged “Well then again, I have passages on him plastered on this wall, along with sketches of him for my web series all over the damn place” Marceline pointed out, Harumi chuckles as he thinks about the pages and pages of sketches that Marceline has done for her web series, “I liked the Twiggy inspired look the best” he says, he then turns around and begins to leave “I was gonna get some Christmas stuff to put up but that can wait. I’m gonna go to the store instead, want anything?” Harumi asked as he made his way upstairs, “We’re outta carrots and cucumbers” he rolled his eyes, “Maybe if you stop carving them into dicks we wouldn’t run out” he says before leaving.

Chapter Text

Castiel: Going out

 

Dean: You can’t, you gotta watch our son

 

Castiel: We don’t have a son

 

Dean: Uh yes we do

 

*Castiel turns around and sees Dean carrying Jack, who has a pacifier in his mouth*

 

Jack: Dada?

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Castiel: Listen, if you’re gonna kill me you might as well eat my ass while you’re at it

 

Sam: Who needs a vibrator when you have laundry day

 

Dean: Who needs lube when you have cocaine

 

Gabriel: Please don’t get horny

 

Lucifer: First time I sex I didn’t realize I was bleeding until my boyfriend held my hand

 

Crowley: Aye, I’mma have a fatass by the end of the school year

 

Meg: I will suck your dick for that donut

 

Charlie: That’s why your girlfriend calls me dad

 

Kevin: Never have I ever…had an orgasm

 

Chuck: Dude, you can make a career writing gay porn

 

Rowena: *Chanting* Fuck you Aaron, Fuck you Aaron, Fuck you Aaron, Fuck you Aaron, Fuck you Aaron, Fuck you Aaron, Fuck you Aaron, Fuck you Aaron, Fuck you Aaron

 

Jack: GO AHEAD AND STICK THAT VACCUM INSIDE OF ME, MAYBE YOU’LL FIND MY DEAD SON IN THERE WHILE YOU’RE AT IT

 

Michael: *Playing with large scissors* Snip snip bitch

 

John: As soon as my dad left the house I started jackin’ off everywhere

 

Mary: HER LEFT ASSCHEEK BROKE THE DRY WALL

 

Bobby: This bitch had the audacity to pull the curtain back all the way

 

Balthazar: *On the verge of crying*A COCONUT JUST SHAT ALL OVER MY RED BEAN BUN

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Sam: *Sees Dean wearing the same suit that Crowley wears* Uhm…

 

Dean: Ok, I get it, you’re wondering why I’m dressed like a discount Christian Grey

 

Crowley: Well fuck you too

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Dean: Okay, mom if you ever get pulled over, put some lipstick on and stick a cylindrical object in your mouth before the cop comes near your window

 

Mary: Does that even work?

 

Dean:…It worked for dad, you can ask Sammy

 

*Mary slowly turns to Sam*

 

Sam:…He looked terrible with red lipstick on

 

Dean: Uh, rude! I bought him that shade for his birthday! Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑)

Chapter Text

“Most likely to jerk off to dark web porn” everyone in the room bursted out laughing, Balthazar fell out of his chair from laughing so hard, “Who the fuck wrote these?!” Gabriel asked, no one answered but voted on who would most likely perform that action. All club members pointed at Ryona, who was red-faced and teary-eyed from laughing so hard, but stopped when she realized that everyone was pointing at her. “Wow, I see how it is” Ryona grabs the Pocky box and pulls out the pink biscuit stick, she walks foreward to Sam, and looks him dead in the eye, “Just remember if my husband walks in here, run away and change all your information” she tells him, Sam’s mouth opens slightly but realizes what she just said, “Damn, now I’m nervous” he says with a nervous chuckle, she smiles before they began.

Everyone jeered at the two, as they found themselves inching closer and closer, until Sam stopped. He found himself staring at her intense brown eyes, before quickly turning away, “What’s the matter Sam? Embarrassed?” Ryona asked teasingly as she finished the leftover Pocky. “No. Just scared of your crazy-ass husband” he said in a matter-of-fact tone, she playfully punches Sam before returning to her seat.

Gabriel goes and grabs another card, “Most likely to become a pornstar” as soon as Gabriel read that card everyone pointed at him. “You know what, fuck y’all” he said as he selected the cookies and cream Pocky. Gabriel chose his boyfriend Balthazar as his victim, the two didn’t hesitate and began making out after finishing their shared treat.

Chapter Text

Balthazar: *Drunk and crying* Castiel, I FEEL LIKE A HOOOEEEEE

 

Castiel: I mean…when are you not a hoe?

 

Balthazar: *Stops crying* What year is this…?

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Dean: *Whispering dirty things in Castiel’s ear*

 

Castiel: Stoooop! I want you to whisper porn in my ear, but not right now!

 

Sam: *Chokes on beer in the background*

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Sam lets out a big sigh as his character, but internally he’s screaming and he’s shaking but he tries his best to compose himself, “Every Thursday I take Pudge the fish a peanut butter sandwich. And today we were out of peanut butter!” he exclaims, trying to make himself more childlike; younger than his true age, and very breathy.

“So I asked my sister what to give him, and she said a tuna sandwich. I can’t give Pudge tuna!” Sam’s hand gestures, were wild, showing how fustrated he was as his character, his stomps his foot when he said tuna, he leans his upper body towards the audience and asked in a slightly lower voice “Do you know what tuna is?” he waits a moment before yelling, his character is wild, angry, and ranting, “It’s fish! If I gave Pudge tuna, I’d be an abomination! I’m late because I had to go to the store and get peanut butter, because all we had is… is stinking tuna!” Sam lands on his knees, breathing heavily, before composing himself, he gets back up, hands behind his back, and chose a improvised childish stance “Pudge controls the weather” he says in a matter of fact tone.

Silence, before his small audience applauds him for completing his monologue, “You’re weird!” Sam could hear Dean yell, “Shut up Dean!” Sam laughs as he exits the stage.

Balthazar hops onstage, the only things he had on was a pair of shorts that the girls would wear under their dresses, and a pharaohs crown, in his arms was a white and gold gown, that he slowly adorns as he preforms his monologue.

Antony and Cleopatra, Cleopatra’s suicide, beautiful and dramatic, but also creepy.

Everyone was on edge, clinging to their armrest, Gabriel sneaked a glance at Charlie and her jaw was tightly clenched from the tension of the monologue.

“As sweet as balm, as soft as air, as gentle,— O Antony!—Nay, I will take thee too.” Balthazar mimes placing a snake on his breast, he lets out a loud gasp causing everyone to jump in their seats.

“What should I stay—” Balthazar suddenly collapses, he is still like a beautiful marble statue.

Seconds pass, before Balthazar gets up and says “Scene” with a smile.

Everyone is yelling and cheering, Gabriel runs onstage and tackles his boyfriend into a hug.

“If you’re Cleopatra what does that make me, Antony?” Gabriel asked, Balthazar makes eye contact, “Antony was the side hoe” Gabriel looks out towards the audience, “Perfect”.

Chapter Text

Dean: Sam come here that one song you like is on

 

Sam: *Runs into the room while scream singing* ALEXANDER HAMILTON *Runs so fast he crashes into the world map table*

 

Castiel:…Is this a common occurence?

 

Dean: Yes, and it’s fucking hilarious

 

Sam: *Jamming out like there’s no tomorrow* AMERICA FORGOT HIM WE FOUGHT WITH HIM ME? I DIED FOR HIM ME? I TRUSTED HIM ME? I LOVED HIM AND ME?

 

Dean and Sam: I’M THE DAMN FOOL THAT SHOT HIM

Chapter Text

Crowley: *Wearing a neck brace* Hello boys

 

Dean: What the fuck happened to you?

 

Crowley: Bobby happened

 

Dean: Wait WHAT

 

Sam: *Screams in Latin*

 

Castiel: ( ゚д゚)

 

Dean: WHAT THE FUCK YOU MEAN “Bobby happened”?

 

Crowley: Well it all started when I said “Bobby I want you to choke me”

Chapter Text

Dean: Benny was completely supportive

 

—Flashback—

Dean: I want to die

 

Benny: OH MY FUCKING GAWD THAT’S THE LIKE 800TH TIME YOU SAID THAT IF YOU WANT TO DIE THEN HURRY THE FUCK UP

Chapter Text

Rowena: Oh look it’s the Schuyler brothers

 

Dean: *Sings* Angelica

 

Sam: Eliza

 

Castiel: and Peggy!

 

Rowena:Wait, then who’s Sam’s Hamilton

 

Crowley: *Slowly raises hand*

Chapter Text

*Rowena, Crowley, Sam, Dean, Kevin, Charlie, and Castiel are trapped in a very tight space*

 

Dean: Cas put your angel blade up, I can feel the handle pressing against my ass

 

Castiel: Dean that’s not my blade

 

Dean:…

 

Rowena:…

 

Crowley:…

 

Sam:…

 

Kevin:…

 

Castiel:…

 

(To be continued)

Chapter Text

Dean: I stole Benny’s sweatshirt

 

Sam: Oh?

 

Dean: It’s not big enough…I want a refund

Chapter Text

*ABBA comes on the radio*

 

Sam: :D *Suddenly turns up the radio to the highest volume possible*

 

Dean: sAM NO!

 

Sam: MAMMA MIA HERE WE GO AGAIN

 

Castiel:…What is happening?

Chapter Text

Dean: *Singing* I heard that you were talking shit and you didn’t think that I would hear it *pumps shotgun* Bitch!

 

Monster of the week:…Fuck

Chapter Text

Chuck: *Cheerful* Alright Castiel you’re old enough to leave the nest now!

 

Castiel: But father…I can’t fly yet

 

Chuck: LMFAO that sounds like a you problem *Kicks Castiel off the cloud they were standing on*

 

Castiel: Father!

 

*Castiel falls and lands in Dean’s arms*

 

Castiel:…Hello Dean

 

Dean: *Looks up at the sky* Thanks…I guess

Chapter Text

Sam: *Sleeping*

 

Dean: *Burst into the room*

 

Sam: Dean what the f-

 

Dean: *Crying in pain* SAMMY I’M NEVER DOING ANAL AGAIN

 

Sam: Uhm…are you okay?

 

Dean: NO I’M FARTING BLOOD OUT OF MY ASSHOLE *Wheezes* SAMMY DON’T EVER DO ANAL THAT SHIT HURTS

 

Sam: Too late

 

Dean: *Stops crying* WAIT WHAT?!

 

Crowley: *Takes the covers off himself* WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYONE YELLING

Chapter Text

*When a plan doesn’t work*

 

Dean: Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw

 

*When they argue*

 

Sam: YOU CAN SLEEP IN YOUR OFFICE INSTEAD

 

Dean: GODDAMMIT SAM WE DON’T HAVE AN OFFICE

 

*When Dean flirts with an older woman*

 

Dean: Well you can call me Oedipus

 

*Talking about sexuality*

 

Dean: I’M NOT GAY

 

Sam: *Calm and smug* I said “If you were gay”

Chapter Text

Dean: *Following a trail of pies and pieces of Cas’ clothes that leads to a white van* Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Cas, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Cas, Cas, Pie, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Cas, Cas, Pie,  Pie, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Cas, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Pie, Pie, Pie, Pie, Cas, Cas, Cas, Pie

 

Bobby: *Watching in the distance* Sometimes I wonder how you didn’t die at a younger age

Chapter Text

Bobby: Dean what is Sam doing in that tree

 

Dean: Honestly I don’t know, lemme ask. SAM WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THE TREE?

 

Sam: I’M TRYING TO RECREATE DEAR EVAN HANSEN DEAN, LEAVE ME ALONE

 

Dean:…Okay

 

Bobby: What?

 

Dean: He’s gonna recreate a scene in this musical where this guy tries to kill himself by tree

 

Bobby: Someone made a musical about Sam’s life?

 

Dean: I know right?

Chapter Text

Mick: Honey, whatchu waitin’ for-

 

Arthur: SHUT UP MICK *Shoots Mick in the head, before singing* Step into my cANDY STOOOOORRRRRRREEEEEEE 

 

Lady Bevell: Time for you to prove you’re not a lameass anymore

 

Sam: *Standing there with this look of “Bitch what the fuck”*

Chapter Text

Castiel: *Punches down Dean’s door*

 

Dean: Cas what the fu-

 

Castiel: DEAN I AM NOT OKAY *Pulls up a picture of Jimin* LOOK AT HOW TINY HIS HANDS ARE

 

———————

 

Gabriel: SAM YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND I NEED TICKETS FOR THIS BROWN EYED GIRLS CONCERT

 

Sam: DAMMIT GABE FOR THE LAST TIME WE ARE NOT SPENDING ALL THAT MONEY

 

———————

 

Castiel: *Crying*

 

Jack: Castiel, why are you sad?

 

Castiel: I just remembered 2ne1 broke up

 

Jack:…

Chapter Text

Chuck: *Throwing cash every where* Shots on me everybody!

 

————

 

Chuck: I’m only having one beer *Drinks beer* who the fuck drank my beer

 

————

 

Chuck: *Throwing cash every where* Shots on me everybody!

 

————— The next morning——————

 

Dean: I am. So fucking hungover. Chuck please tell me you have something

 

Chuck: *Searches bag and finds painkillers* …Nah *Searches again and pulls out a bottle of whiskey* Perfect! Here you go Dean :D

 

Dean:…What the fuck

Chapter Text

Me: *Points at Dean* No *Points at Sam* No *Points at Castiel* No *Points at Kevin* No *Points at Crowley* No *Points at Lucifer* Perfect *Jumps into his arms*

 

Lucifer: THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I’VE BEEN LOVED SINCE FATHER CREATED ME :D

Chapter Text

Dean: If you move I’ll stab you in the ass *Leaves Crowley in the impala*

 

Crowley: *Waits until Dean is gone before putting on Babymetal, and turning the volume up* This is my shit

 

Sam: *Sitting in the front seat, internally crying*

Chapter Text

Castiel: Hello Dean

 

Dean: *Hugs Castiel* I missed you

 

Sam: TAKE ME TO CHURCH I’LL WORSHIP LIKE A DOG AT THE SHRINE OF YOUR LIES

 

Crowley: *Aggressively plays piano*

Chapter Text

Rowena: *Aggressively dgs up Crowley’s grave, and pulls out his body, begins to slap him* BITCH WHO THE FUCK GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO DIE, I SIGNED A FORM TO SELL YOU FOR 3 PIGS NOT FOR YOU TO STAB YOURSELF, DO I LOOK LIKE A DUMBASS TO YOU

 

Dean: Rowena Pls

Chapter Text

Zeus: *Play accoustic guitar while singing* Carryon my wayward son, there’ll be peace when you are done, don’t you cry no more

 

Jason: Dad that’s not helping

 

Zeus: Well fuck you too

Chapter Text

*Odin locked himself in the closet*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Zeus: Odin!

 

*No response*

 

Ra: Odin can you please come out?

 

Odin: *Muffled* I'm Bisexual

 

Ra: I didn't mean like that, but I still support you honey

Chapter Text

Loki: *Bust into the room, wearing a half-assed Nico from Love Live cosplay while holding a gun* GET ON YOUR NICO NICO KNEES BITCHES

 

*Everyone holds their hands up while getting on their knees*

 

Loki: So guys how does my cosplay look so far?

 

Alex: I wanna fucking shoot myself

 

Magnus: *Too traumatized to say anything*

 

T.J: *Internally screaming*

Chapter Text

*Annabeth, Percy, Jason, Piper, Hazel, Frank, Reyna, the Stoll brothers, Sherman, Billie and Mark look at Nico in shock as the son of Hades sticks a hole Popsicle in his mouth casually*

 

Jason: WTF

 

Nico: *Pulls it out* It's not even that big

 

Percy:...Nico that popsicle is about the same length as my arm what the fuck do you mean it's not that big

 

Sherman: *Too shocked to say anything*

 

Nico: I've stuck bigger things in my mouth

 

Mark: Like what Will's dick or your dad's dick

 

Nico: Yes

 

Billie:......What?

Chapter Text

Thalia: Dad look I found treasure!

 

Zeus: Thalia those are old and broken Buddha statues

 

Thalia: But they're so shiny!

 

Zeus: So is Poseidon's big ass forehead but we don't focus on that

 

Poseidon: *In the background he slowly puts on a hat while looking sad*

 

Percy: *Comforts Poseidon*

Chapter Text

Lucifer: Hey Dean you can have your brother back

 

Dean: *Holding Sam like a baby* This bitch is empty *Turns towards a open field and throws Sam* YEET!

 

Castiel: deAN NO!

 

Sam:…

Chapter Text

Crowley: Smile!

 

Dean: Sweet!

 

Sam: Sister!

 

Meg: Sadistic!

 

Lucifer: Surprise

Chapter Text

Me: Mark Pellegrino has a porno…from the 90s *Slowly turns off iPad, and lays on the floor before singing* All around me are familiar faces, worn out places-

 

Castiel: *Pats my head* There there small human

 

Dean:…

 

Sam:… *Slips away to check it out on his laptop*

Chapter Text

Deans: *Sings* Angelica

 

Sam: Eliza

 

Adam: *Crawls out of hell* and Peggy!

 

Lucifer: *Drags Adam back*

 

Dean: Damn we almost had him

 

Sam: *Sighs* Round 20?

 

Dean: Sure

Chapter Text

Cas: *Excited* Dad I just had sex!

 

Chuck: *Excited* Son that’s great! Sit down and tell me about it

 

Cas: *Happily* I can’t my ass hurts

 

*Record Scratch*

*Everybody looks at Dean*

 

Dean:…Fuck

Chapter Text

Dean: Sam if you don’t shut the fuck up I’ll beat you so hard you’ll call me daddy

 

Sam: How about we don’t

Chapter Text

Cas: So what is Netflix and Chill

 

Claire: It’s when you watch Netflix with a dick in your mouth

 

Patience: Claire!

 

Cas: Well that’s not very convenient, how can I see who the killer is if I have Dean’s penis in my mouth

 

Claire:…

 

Patience:…

 

Sam: *Drinks wine from the bottle*

Chapter Text

Yong-Nam: Fuck You Dean

 

Dean: Nam you’re such a-

 

Yong-Nam: I’m a what Dean? Say it pussy!

 

Dean: You’re a fucking bit-

 

*Cut to Castiel getting off the phone*

 

Castiel changes into a black trench coat, and puts on a black mantilla and red lipstick

 

Crowley: What are you doing?

 

Castiel: I just found out that I’m a widow, okay let me grieve

 

Chapter Text

*Cas does something dumb/dangerous and Dean feels betrayed b/c that’s his man but he won’t admit it*

 

Dean: *Singing-Screaming while driving* I’M SO SICK OF THIS FAKE LOVE

 

Sam: *Somehow calm* Hm. Never took you to be part of ARMY

Chapter Text

Name: Yong-Nam Myung (Hangul: 명용남 ) (Hanja: 溟龍南 )

 

Name meaning: Yong-Nam is a masculine Korean name meaning which comes from the Korean pronunciation of meaning “Dragon” and meaning “South” while her family name comes from the Korean pronunciation of meaning “Sea”. Her American and Japanese drivers license list her last name as Ono, which comes from her first husband, who was Japanese; the name Ono can be written as 小野 or as 大野 , in her case it’s written as the latter and means “Big Field”.

 

Alias/Titles: Nam (Everyone), Ryona Ono (Japanese License), Gongju [ 공주 (Princess)] (by her brothers), Anesama [ 姉さま (Older sister)] (by lower ranks), Nam-Sun the Younger

 

Age: 23

 

Korean age: 24

 

Birthday: May 5 1983

 

Species: Human (Witch)

 

Family: Nam-Sun Myung (Father), Jung-Sook, Hyun-Tae and Tae-Young Myung (Brothers), Shinobu Ono (Husband), Masao Ono (Son), Momoko Ono (Step-daughter), Jae-Woo Myung (Nephew)

 

Appearance: Yong-Nam is a young woman with long silky black hair that reaches her navel with shaved off sideburns, light brown eyes and a fair complexion. She appears very young and child-like, being able to dress like a child to get free meals, or just to scam people, she stands 5’2” which makes it even easier for her, her body is described as androgynous and “boyish” looking, similar to a woman of the 1920s. She dresses in normal street clothes, and men’s clothing, she has a simple silver necklace which has her and her 1st husband’s silver and abalone wedding rings. As revealed in flashbacks, her whole back is tattooed and her hair used to be knee-length and decorated with traditional hairpins. On certain occasions she would wear a traditional kimono or hanbok, especially when she infiltrated a museum as a possible buyer for a kappa arm.

 

Personality: Yong-Nam or more well known as Nam is a rude, rough, brash young woman, she takes crap from no one and is often immature, especially in her younger years, but after she was married to her first husband and had a son, she calmed down, just a little. Unlike most gangster daughters, she doesn’t accept anything her dad spoils her with, and doesn’t behave like a stereotypical mafia princess, self-reliant and vulgar is what she tends to act like, but deep down she’s a wise and mature young woman, who shows loyalty to those she loves and cares about. She’s said to have very strong motherly instincts, as she sensed that her son was misbehaving 3 floors down, and her first instinct during one mission was rescuing a school bus full of children. Despite this she’s shown having a violent side, as she kidnapped and tortured the men that killed her 1st husband, before she had them executed in unique and gruesome ways. She is very casual about her body, having very casual conversations with men about her menstruation cycle, and answering body questions in seconds. It’s also noted that she’s very smart, evidenced with her minor degree in literature, and major in philosophy.

 

Likes- Kong-guksu, her husband, salty foods, wearing masculine clothes

Dislikes- Cramped spaces, cinnamon, fatty meats, Korean-style pizza

 

Abilities: As a witch, she was born with her abilities and uses them very sparsely, when she does it’s mostly plant based magic, or if needed she will preform very deadly magic. She has experience in both armed and unarmed combat, being able to fight off possessed people with enough strength and fight her brother with her hands tied behind her back, as for armed combat she knows how to use pistols and knives but nothing else. Nam is also noted to be trilingual, being able to speak Korean, Japanese and English, being able to carry a full on conversation with Bobby in Japanese.

 

Backstory: (Note: Ages listed here would be her western chronological age and not her Korean age)

Yong-Nam Myung was born in Gangnam District, Seoul, South Korea to Nam-Sun Myung and his unnamed wife, she was baptized and raised Roman Catholic along with her 3 elder brothers. At age 2 Yong-Nam’s father Nam-Sun murdered her mother, after her mother tried to extort the patriarch, her mother was later dismembered based on the bones in her body and scattered across the Yellow Sea.

As a gang leader Nam-Sun didn’t focus on raising Yong-Nam, but did teach her how to be bait, at age 5 he would take Yong-Nam on trips to various southern countries such as Vietnam, Australia, The Philippines, etc. and leave Yong-Nam alone, she would then go and act as if she was lost, when people would approach her she would persuade them to help her find her family, and lead them to a secluded area to be kidnapped by men who worked for her father, the kidnapping victims would later be sold in human trafficking for various purposes. By age 13 Yong-Nam has helped trafficked over 600 people, mostly men and women, from various countries in Oceania and Southeast Asia; in which her father would reward her with large sums of money.

During that same year Nam-Sun made a deal with a Japanese gang

Chapter Text

Ares: I never cry

 

*Sad doggo commercial comes on*

 

Ares:...*Falls down on the ground crying*

 

Zeus:......

 

Clarisse: *Follows suit*

 

Ares: *Starts spinning in a circle while crying*

Chapter Text

Poseidon: Apollo can you help me with something?

 

Apollo: Sure what is it

 

Poseidon: I have a vibrator stuck in my ass and I can't get it out

 

Apollo:...( ゚д゚)

 

Poseidon:...( ;∀;)

 

Apollo:...(・Д・)

 

Poseidon:....°(ಗдಗ。)°.

 

Apollo:...( ゚д゚)

 

Poseidon:...( ;∀;)

 

Apollo:...(・Д・)

 

Poseidon:....°(ಗдಗ。)°.

 

Apollo:...

 

Poseidon:...

 

Apollo:...

 

Poseidon:...

 

Apollo:...( ゚д゚)

 

Poseidon:...( ;∀;)

 

Apollo:...( ゚д゚)

 

Poseidon:...( ;∀;)

 

Apollo:...(・Д・)

 

Poseidon:....°(ಗдಗ。)°.

 

Apollo:...

 

Poseidon:...

 

Apollo:...(・Д・)

 

Poseidon:....°(ಗдಗ。)°.

 

Apollo:...

 

Poseidon:...

 

Apollo:...( ゚д゚)

 

Poseidon:...( ;∀;)

 

Apollo:...(・Д・)

 

Poseidon:....°(ಗдಗ。)°.

 

Apollo:...( ゚д゚)

 

Poseidon:...( ;∀;)

 

Apollo:...(・Д・)

 

Poseidon:....°(ಗдಗ。)°.

 

Apollo:...

 

Poseidon:...

 

Apollo:...

 

Poseidon:...

 

Apollo:...( ゚д゚)

 

Poseidon:...( ;∀;)

 

Apollo:...(・Д・)

 

Poseidon:....°(ಗдಗ。)°.

 

Apollo:...

 

Poseidon:...

 

Apollo:...( ゚д゚)

 

Poseidon:...( ;∀;)

 

Apollo:...(・Д・)

 

Poseidon:....°(ಗдಗ。)°.

 

Apollo:...

 

Poseidon:...

 

Apollo: *Puts on gloves* So...*Holds up a giant thing of lube and Vaseline* How do you feel about fisting? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Poseidon:....°(ಗдಗ。)°.

Chapter Text

Dean: I’m gonna go rewatch Sailor Moon.

 

Bobby: They’re not cousins.

 

Dean: Wait, what?

 

Bobby: They’re not cousins.

 

Dean: What does that mean?

 

Bobby: The English dub lied to you. They’re not cousins.

 

*Bobby walks away leaving Dean confused*

 

Dean:……Wait a minute

Chapter Text

Crowley: What are you doing?

 

Lucifer: *Wearing mini skirt* I’mma go seduce Sam to come back into the cage with me

 

*After Lucifer finds Sam he tries to seductively unzip his miniskirt*

 

Sam: Dean help I’m uncomfortable

 

*A wild Deanmon appears!*

*Deanmon uses foaming mouth*

*Deanmon uses black eyes*

*It is high effective!*

*Lucifer has run away*

Chapter Text

*Just a normal dinner night with the Winchesters*

 

Cas: Daddy can you pass the salt

 

*Both Chuck and Dean reach for the salt*

 

Cas:…

 

Chuck:…

 

Dean:…

 

Sam:…I’mma leave

Chapter Text

Dean: Ah shit we need money

 

Jack: I know!

 

-Cut to Jack, nude and posing like Katy Perry on a cotton candy cloud while a sleezy photographer takes his photos-

 

Dean:…I mean I can’t even be mad

 

Cas: *Screeching in Enochian*

Chapter Text

THIS MIGHT SOUND DUMB BUT...

 

 

 

 

 

 

PERCY JACKSON, BUT HADES HAS BIG CURLY HAIR

 

 

 

 

 

 

JUST STOP TO THINK ABOUT IT

 

 

 

 

 

LIKE ROSE FROM STEVEN UNIVERSE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I WANNA SEE FANART

Chapter Text

Dionysus: *High off of anesthesia, cocaine and weed* Everyone this is my pet tiger Mr. Squishy Paws

 

Piper:...

 

Jason:...

 

Travis:...

 

Connor:...

 

Percy:...

 

Annabeth:...

 

Grover:...

 

Frank:...

 

Hazel:...

 

Thalia:...

 

Nico:...

 

Clarisse:...

 

Reyna:...

 

Octavian:...

 

Luke:...

 

Leo:...

 

Dakota:...

 

Drew:...

 

Lacy:...

 

Piper:...

 

Jason:...

 

Travis:...

 

Connor:...

 

Percy:...

 

Annabeth:...

 

Grover:...

 

Frank:...

 

Hazel:...

 

Thalia:...

 

Nico:...

 

Clarisse:...

 

Reyna:...

 

Octavian:...

 

Luke:...

 

Leo:...

 

Dakota:...

 

Drew:...

 

Lacy:...

 

*Everyone watches as Dionysus squishes Mr. Squishy Paw's paws and rub his face against it*

 

Dionysus: So squishy...

 

Piper: Are you okay?

 

*Everyone then watches as Mr. Squishy Paw licks Dionysus' face*

 

Dionysus: Is it bathtime already?

Chapter Text

Dionysus: I trained Mr. Squishy Paws to rescue my kids

 

Chiron:...How?

 

Dionysus: *Picks up his son Maiko*

 

Maiko: NO WAIT FATHER NO IF YOU LOVE ME-

 

Dionysus: *Tosses him into the lake*

 

*Mr. Squishy Paws jumps in after Maiko and rescues him the way rescue dogs do and sheet*

 

Dionysus: Told you

 

Chiron: Oh shut up

Chapter Text

Thor: *Pouring Pixie Stix into a shot glass*

 

Odin: Thor no

 

Thor: YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO DAD! *Takes the shot, and ends up choking*

 

Odin:......You fucking dumbass

Chapter Text

Persephone: Take off my shirt

 

Hades:...*Takes it off*

 

Persephone: And my skirt

 

Hades:...*Takes it off*

 

Persephone: And my bra

 

Hades:...*Takes it off*

 

Persephone: And my corset

 

Hades:...*Takes it off*

 

Persephone: Heels

 

Hades:...*Takes it off*

 

Persephone: My panties and my stockings

 

Hades: But...

 

Persephone: *Slaps him* NOW

 

Hades: *Takes it off*

 

Persephone: Thank you. I don't want you wearing my shit again

 

Hades: T-T

Chapter Text

Jason: Hey guys I'm going to the store, who wants something?

 

Nico: Chips

 

Thalia: Chocolate

 

Hazel: Custard buns

 

Jason: Percy do you want anything?

 

Percy:......Zeus

 

Jason: Ok...wait...Hold on......What?!

 

Nico:......

 

Thalia: Well then......

 

Hazel: :I

 

Percy: Juice! I meant Juice!

 

Jason: *Sighs* Ok then that makes sense

 

Thalia: *Insert R18 images of Zeus x Percy*

Chapter Text

Rowena: So here’s a very powerful spell that can fuck shit up so do it under supervision

 

Me: I’MMA DO IT AFTER I TAKE MY SPORTS MED TEST

 

Rowena: nO!

Chapter Text

Persephone: Listen Nico, I'm sorry I hit you

 

Nico: Persephone *Holds up a wrench covered in blood* It is not okay to throw this at me!

 

Persephone: But you're fine

 

Nico: I was bleeding!

 

Persephone: But did you die?

Chapter Text

Jason: *Just got off of school and looks up to see Zeus waiting with a boombox* Oh no...

 

Zeus: *Blasting My Neck My Back at full volume with a smirk on his face*

 

Jason: Father why

 

Zeus:...*Turns up the volume while maintaining eye contact*

 

Jason:...I'm living with Percy from this point on

Chapter Text

Yong-Nam: Saranghae Dean

 

Dean: I can’t I’m Sarang-Gay

 

Yong-Nam: Can you just shut the fuck up and accept my love for you dammit

Chapter Text

Me: BABAYYYY I COMPARE TO A KISS ON THE ROSE FROM THE GRAVE

 

Hades: SHUT THE FUCK UP

 

Me: SUCK MY BALLS

Chapter Text

Me: I had a dream

 

Zeus: Of equality?

 

Hades: Of peace?

 

Poseidon: Of love?

 

Me: No of murder what the fuck do you think this is?

Chapter Text

Zeus: Chau

 

Chau: Yes Lord Zeus?

 

Zeus:...Give me your mom's Chè recipe

 

Chau: No...

 

Zeus: Why not?

 

Chau: Because my parents had to flee Vietnam, since everyone wanted it

 

Zeus: Damn can I still have the recipe for Chè?

 

Chau: What do I get from it?

 

Zeus:...

 

Chau:...

 

Zeus:...

 

Chau:...

 

Zeus:...

 

Chau:...

 

Zeus:...

 

Chau:...

 

Zeus:...

 

Chau:...

 

Zeus:...

 

Chau:...

 

Zeus:...

 

Chau:...

 

Zeus:...

 

Chau:...

 

Zeus:...

 

Chau:...

 

Zeus:...

 

Chau:...

 

Zeus:...

 

Chau:...

 

Zeus:...

 

Chau:...

 

Zeus:...*Unzips pants*

Chapter Text

Frey: Ay son! Lemme hear you spell Long Dick

 

Magnus: Dad no...

 

Frey: L-O DICK

Chapter Text

Dionysus: Chiron do you know where Marceline went?

 

Chiron: Nope

 

*Will Solace's terrified screams can be heard in the distance*

 

Dionysus:......

 

Chiron:......I think I do know

Chapter Text

Joseph: *Tries to go down stair but trips and falls* AHHHHHHH! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! COCK! FUCKING COCK! *Lands on his back while lookin like a human pretzel* HOLLY WHAT THE HELL?!

 

~Later~

 

Jotaro: Hey Old Man, come down stairs that gay show you like is on

 

Joseph: Coming *Slowly goes down but ends up falling again* AHHHHHHH! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! COCK! FUCKING COCK! STRETCHED OUT DICK! *Lands on his back while lookin like a human pretzel*

 

Jotaro: Oh my god! Are you ok?

 

Joseph: NO I AM NOT OK! NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS OK!

 

~Even later~

 

Joseph: *Walking towards the stairs* Hey guys was one of the dwarves named Snappy? Kinda well dressed or am I making that up? *Begins falling down the stairs* AHHHHHHH! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! COCK! FUCKING COCK SUCKING WHORE! *Lands painfully on his side while lookin like a fucked up deformed potato*

 

Kakyoin: Oh my god Mr. Joestar!

 

Abdul: Mr. Joestar are you ok?!

 

Joseph: DAMMIT I HATE THESE STAIRS! Yeah guys I'm fine. I'mma just lie here until the pain goes away

Chapter Text

Zeus: Don't worry we'll get it done faster than you can say Road Roller

 

Marceline: ロダロラ

 

Zeus: Road Roller

 

Marceline: ロダロラ

 

*Zeus and Marceline continue to go back in forth between ロダロラ and Road Roller*

 

Nico: *Turns to Thalia and explains every calmly* She got stabbed in the head one time. It was so bad it damaged part of her brain so she can't say Road Roller without a Japanese accent

Chapter Text

Zeus: Hades you have tomato sauce on your face

 

Hades: *Feels around his face* Really? Where?

 

Zeus: I got it *Leans close to Hades and licks it off*

 

Hades: *Looks at him horrified*

 

Zeus: *Being casual about it* What?

 

Hades: There where other options to get it off my face

 

Zeus: Were there other options?

 

Hades: Yes!

Chapter Text

Abdul: Why are your nipples poking against my back

 

Kakyoin: Sorry! They get like that when they're cold

 

Abdul: But why are there 3 of them

 

Kakyoin: They're not. Two of them are moles

 

Abdul: THOSE NUMBERS STILL DON'T ADD UP

Chapter Text

Me: What if Percy had Senketsu during the Titan war?......*Chews*

 

Ares: *Picks me up in the chair I'm sitting in and puts me outside in the freezing cold*

Chapter Text

Jason: Hey can you help me with this puzzle I can't find 「Click」

 

Bopha: Don't worry your dad can't find the clit either

 

Jason: *Puts his pen down* I said Click!

Chapter Text

(You need a basic understanding of Mandarin Chinese for this)

 

Frank is sitting with Marceline and practicing his Chinese.

 

Frank: (In Chinese) One, Two, Three...

 

Marceline: Okay Frank what comes after three?

 

Frank: (In Chinese) Death?

 

Marceline: No! It’s four!

Chapter Text

Rival: Whore

 

Bopha: Listen here you, loose wrinkly vagina, no nipples, no titty, Lebron James hairline bitch! What I stick in my tight pü$$ÿ is none of your damn business. Let it be my fingers, my friend's fingers, a dildo, a vibrator, my ex-boyfriend's dick, my side-dude's dick, my ex-girlfriend's strap-on, my side-dude's brother's dick, my homeboy Percy's dad's dick, Jason's half-brothers' dick or if I'm that desperate Nico's dad's dick. It is not your muhfuckin business *Continues ranting*

 

Rival:......

 

Nico: :I

 

Percy: *Mildly disturbed*

 

Jason: *Went brain dead*

 

Thalia:......

 

Hazel: *Tugging on Marceline's shirt as a way to say "Get your friend"*

 

Hermes: *Looks offended because he knows he's the side-dude*