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Spiraling down the rabbit hole

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I remember when my mom was a kind gentle soul. When she would tuck me into bed and give me butterfly kisses on the cheeks. When she loved daddy and didn't tell anyone about Wonderland. When she didn't smoke, or drink and we didn't have to worry about the drugs that lingered in her blood stream. When she was a normal mother. Why did she tell anyone? All it ever was after that frosty December morning was WonderlandWonderlandWonderland. It's not like I could help her either. She buried daddy (the man she 'loved') six feet under after he tried to take her to the hospital so I never tried. “Do you see it yet?” The woman behind me screeched angrily, her hand around my neck forcing me to look down and a boot on my back ready to push me into the dumb rabbit hole. God, why couldn't my mom be fucking normal!? Instead she had to fix me up in dresses- now, that doesn't mean they aren't pretty but I don't think holding a struggling child against their will to get dressed in clothes that will get him kicked to death if he doesn't run and she knows is very ethical- and be a schizophrenic, Drug additct with a taste for liquor. Who makes up these combos? She's like the... Hawaiian Pizza of people. Alice, one of my phobias that was probably towards the top of the infinite list and ever-growing list.

“Y-yes! I see wonderland! Now c-can you let me go!” I squealed and struggled under her grip.

“Not until you tell the truth Julie.” But I am, you ass. I could feel her grin radiating off of her and she can feel my defeat."Here, I'll make you a deal if you tell me the truth I will let you go. Free. Completely." The woman cackles lowly. She knows, I know her word doesn't mean shit. Why try?!

"You're an ass." She gradually presses her thumb into one of the newer bruises on my neck from the bottle throwing last night. And her eyes are like lasers, shoot red-hot anger straight into my nape.If this is what love is supposed to feel like I might as well completely give up on it. She grabbed my face smootshing my cheeks from behind. "What did you say?" "I told the truth, Mom. Aren't you proud?!"

"You scrawny little fuck!" She kicks the back of my thigh hard. "This isn't what I raised you to be. Now stop with this attitude and tell the, goddamned truth!" Her voice raised an octave as it got gradually louder.

"ya, know what?" Her hold on my cheeks got tighter. "Bite me and my name is Jeremy!" I pulled my head back and bit her arm taking a wad of meat in between my teeth and spit it out. Her blood was spilling out of the wound by the second but it was satisfying seeing her favorite white jumper's sleeve turn into a dark crimson that cascaded towards her wrist.

“You ungrateful whore!” She was fuming her eyes burning a deep fiery red while she clutched her arm in pain. “You're just like your father. I hope you know, you'll never be worth shit and now you're gonna end up like him, DEAD!” The witch pushed me in fast making sure to get the job done so she would never see me again and live out her days neck deep in Irish whiskey, imported that Monday. I silently fell, accepting death with open arms. It weird, how you think about death like the last hope, the light at the end of the tunnel but most are scared? Alice's words rung in my ears painfully. I neared the bottom covered with new scratches and bruises from crashing into the tree roots that lined the walls. Go Death. One more soul on the scoreboard of eternity. I closed my eyes to sleep cause if I'm going to die I want it to at least feel like a normal, good dream.


I woke up in a flower bed full of vibrant yellows and reds that swirled together nicely. I laid back down into the flowers slowly and let the memories flood back slowly, happy that I was finally dead and away from tha-... "OM MY GOD WONDERLAND IS REAL!?" I fell back onto my ass. It's not fucking possible... No, no, no, this isn't heaven. this isn't what any religion said heaven was like it can't be wonderland. "Wonderland is real." Wait, no. There's no white rabbit to greet me, not wonderland. But, it has all of the wonderland characteristics? I think a small rocking-horse fly flutes in front of my eyes. "This is wonderland." I sigh in defeat. "You were right. Sorry Alice." I stood onto wobbly legs and dusted off the skirt that was almost completely shredded, if I wasn't only wearing pink silk panties underneath it would be pointless to wear. It's weird but I almost wish she was here to tell me how to work through this mess. How to talk to everyone and where to find these 'magical beings'. I feel kind of lost without her. It's kind of depressing.

I look around for an entrance but nothing but thick brush and clear sky, with the exception of the few creatures who took to the sky, surround me. Did the rabbit find her or did she find the rabbit??? So I looked into burrows and bushes and caves and trees, there is no fucking white rabbit. A rabbit in a tuxedo though. That would be a sight. I tore off one of the strips of fabrics and tided my curls back, like a bandana. I probably look like complete shit or a train hit me at full speed. Ya know, which ever is worse. I walked over to one on the fairly tall trees and started climbing. I called out to passing creatures, none of which seemed to look twice at me. Not surprising. And then it hit me, quite literally. A white dragon tumbled out of the sky and crashed into the trunk shaking the tree. Of course, a branch snapped beneath me and I crashed into the earth. The force of the fall shoved all the air in my lungs out of my system with a big ‘oof’ and collapsed into a slightly different pad of flowers.

“Oh geez, that's the thecond time tod- GOODNETH!” The dragon rushed over to me and gawked a little before helping me up. She was wearing a white button up that tucked into a black skirt and a vest with a pocket watch chain that hung a little lower than average. I brushed the dress off and opened my mouth. “OH! Where are my mannerth today, I'm Rich!” And held out a scaley white hand. “R-Rich? I kinda th-thought you were a girl?”

“Okay first of all, rude. And second don't athume my gender, or anyone'th to be honest here, you might be surprised!” Rich took their hand away disgustedly snorting a big puff of black smoke. “ You're lucky I'm running late or I would beat your ath, dipthit” I heard him sniffle a little and then he spat a lava-loogie at my feet and strolled on. I tried to piece together my words to fit the situation but before I could fully understand Rich was out of sight. I always fuck this shit up! It's probably why mom hates me, why everyone hates me, even fucking Rich. I kicked at a rock but fell onto my back with a dull thud. I let the guilt wash over me I sighed before getting up, brushing off and made my way to a forest. I could hear someone singing that I was going the right way, I wouldn't be fucking surprised if it was the flowers.


“Dammit! Why did I listen to those fucking flowers!?” I screeched and gripped my hair and started pacing anxiously. “‘Go through the woods it’ll be fun’ they sang and here I am smack dab in the middle of nowhere! Now where the fuck do I go?!” I had lost the entrance to the crossroad at this point and I probably looked like a great sacrifice for a demon or Jason at this point. How could he pass up me? Just a helpless boy in the woods, lost out of his mind and in a fucking dress with unshaved legs. God, why the hell does this always happen to me?

“Why such a foul mouth on such a pretty boy?” A voice gently purred from behind me. I turned and caught sight of a boy, he sat far up in a tree one leg hanging off the branch the other tucked close to his chest while he was nose deep in a book that I couldn't quite read the title of. With a flick of his hand he made a bookmark appear and placed it in the book before making both items entirely vanish. “Don’t I scare you? Dude, you’re supposed to be three miles that way by now!!” I shook my head, my jaw hanging limply.

“It's a little hard t-to be sc-scared when you-you’ve been through he-hell and back. Yo-you just startled m-me.” His purple highlighted eyes were framed with thick black glasses and his cheeks were slightly rosey in contrast to his milk chocolate skin. He was easily the prettiest person i’ve ever laid eyes on. The boy hopped down from his perch and eyed me like I was candy.

“I'm Michael!” His blue grey tail arched happily like a child's eyes on Hanukkah or Christmas or something…

“Jeremy. S-so are you like,... a-a furry or something?” His bright red hoodie that was littered with neon patches seemed to dim when I asked him. “I-I'm sorry… lemme r-re-restart, you s-seem chill and I could u-use some company.” I sighed trying to wipe away some of the built up anxiety that came with this Wonderland place. “I'm Jeremy! I meant t-to ask if your tail… w-was real?” My cheeks were DEFINATELY a little pink from embarrassment and this guy was looking at me like a predator or a snotty co-worker. I tried to tuck the longer side of my hair behind my ear and failed because it flopped back into my eye. Michael strode up to me with a bobby pin with a red bow on the end and pinned it so it was out of my eyes.

“Your lucky you're cute and yeah all of me is 100% real, ya dorkus” he smiled down at me, a true genuine smile that totally didn't do weird things to my oversized, grotesquely sensitive heart. “Now that I think of it, you look oddly familiar…. Did Alice have a son?!” I nodded hesitantly. “Holly shit! Dude, weren't you greeted by mobs of people once you got here?”

N-no? I'm kind gla-”

“HOW?! You should be able to walk ten feet without an obsessed teenager throwing themself at you!!!” Michael threw his hands up in exaggeration. “We have to get you back on track… if your here then there's gotta be something wrong upstairs with the queen!” His hands were now over his mouth and his tail was all bushy. “What are you still doing in this lame crossroads, let's go!”