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Sometimes You Learn Things about Yourself That Make You Uncomfortable But That's A-Okay

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“Make sure you behave yourself.” Gintoki said, for the sixth time, his voice taking on a nervous waver that Shinpachi didn't fail to notice. “You need to use 'please' and 'thank-you' and 'yes ma'am' and 'yes sir'. This is the Shogun's house. If you get arrested for being an impolite pleb, it sucks to be you.”

Kagura yawned, waving a hand at Gintoki, silently saying 'I know, I know'. Kagura had been personally invited to the Shogun's Ballroom party by the Princess herself, the invitation extending to all of the Yorozuya. Decked out in a puffy pale pink dress with a seashell tiara, Kagura strutted ahead like she owned the world, her red hair curled into waves so she could claim to be the mermaid princess, Ariel. She was lazy though, the hem of her skirt dragging across the ground as they neared the front door. Lazy and vulgar; Gintoki was so worried they were going to get arrested that night simply because Kagura didn't understand 'proper etiquette'.

Shinpachi was wearing a charming black suit, his hair slicked back and too shiny. He had been excited up until now. Now, he had his arms crossed and a line in his forehead. Now, his tone was scolding and he was playing the role of mother hen. Again. Gintoki would have gladly stayed home, but the kids had been so excited.

He had nervously laughed the whole way there.

“Gintoki, you need to behave yourself too! Don't just stick all of that responsibility on Kagura, she's not the only concern here. It's just a ball dance. We'll be fine unless you get into trouble!” Shinpachi said, not failing to sugar-coat Gintoki's most reoccurring flaw. Trouble magnet.

“It's the Shogun and his rich acquaintances' ball dance.” Gintoki said with a nervous chuckle, trying to fix his red tie, the only splash of colour in his outfit. He too had slicked back his hair, but it was already starting to come undone, curly springs popping up here and there. “You can bet your Glasses' human that I will be on my best behavior. It's Kagura we need to worry about. Don't eat too much food, we can feed you more later. Don't be impolite and don't run around without looking. Don't knock into anyone, I can't afford to replace their shoes if you scuff them. And if you get arrested for treason, I don't know you. You're just an illegal Amanto immigrant who happened to be squatting in my house.”

“I'm underage so I can claim you kidnapped me, you old pervert!” Kagura yelled, much too loudly.

“I am a human, not glasses wearing a human!” Shinpachi tried to argue. “Gin-san, you need to calm down! You're going to cause trouble just by being nervous. You're going to knock into a waiter and spill all of the drinks just because you're so fidgety! And then everyone's going to notice you and get mad! And speaking of drinks, don't drink too much! Try not to even start!”

“Eh, but Gin-chan needs a free drink or six.” Gintoki said, giggling from the sheer discomfort. “For the nerves.”

They were let in by the front door security after showing off their invitation. Shinsengumi lined the entrance both inside and out, meaning Sougo was hiding out somewhere in the castle, just waiting to antagonize Kagura into throwing a fit. That also meant Hijikata was skulking around, meaning something disastrous was bound to happen. It was like Gintoki's fate had been sealed. Kagura couldn't be within screaming distance of Sougo, and Gintoki couldn't be in the same building as Hijikata without getting into trouble. That was just unheard of.

Gintoki entered the building knowing something was going to go wrong, but he did nothing to stop it. Just laughed nervously to himself like a mad man and accepted his fate. Perhaps he had lived too long after all.

Briefly, Gintoki left the kids once they were inside, snagging a fancy looking flute of champagne off a tray, following the flow of the crowd until they entered the massive ballroom. He had the feeling tonight was going to end with him lying in bed with hands covering his face, wondering where along the line he had screwed up. His premonitions had never quite been this ominous.

There were people packed in the room all dressed in designer suits and dresses, loudly socializing and elegantly dancing. Dubstep was playing loud enough to echo off the walls, an odd choice given the fact that it was the Shogun, but Gintoki accepted the weirdness readily. A butler gave Gintoki and Shinpachi a pamphlet as they entered the ballroom, listing off the nights events. Kagura found the Princess in only a few seconds, skipping off with her into the crowd and disappearing from sight.

Suddenly, it was just Shinpachi and Gintoki, standing in the middle of the room awkwardly. They couldn't dance with each other, that would just be weird.

“See, you don't have to worry about her.” Shinpachi said. He was staring after Kagura fondly. “The Princess will take good care of her, and even if Kagura acts out, it will be okay because they're friends. Don't worry Gin-san. Tonight's going to be one of the best nights of your life. Just relax and enjoy yourself!”

Gintoki shot back the flute in one go, champagne bitter on his tongue and doing nothing for that foreboding flutter in his stomach. “I hope so.”

Shinpachi started to say something, but Gintoki was immediately distracted by a woman moving elegantly in a pale green dress, the skirts thick around a slim waist line. The dress was shimmering with a low cut back, flashy enough to catch Gintoki's attention, but not the flashiest in the room. Gintoki's heart suddenly constricted painfully in his chest as he realized who he was looking at, a blush rising to his ears. It was the long black hair pulled back into a high ponytail and the sharp cut of their perfect jaw when they turned ever so slightly, that gave it away. The way the person moved through the crowd, unnoticed by most and instilling jealousy in the few who did, hips swaying in a practiced fashion to look more feminine. It was that stupid waistline accentuated by the puff of the dress, giving them the illusion of curves.

Oh no. Gintoki needed another flute of champagne.

 

-

 

It was later in the night when Hijikata finally left his post for a bathroom break. The Shogun's speech was in process, meaning that the chances of mayhem or civilians acting out was low. Hijikata could afford a moment of privacy, a moment to relax his rigid shoulders. He trusted his men to keep order and pay attention to their surroundings while he was gone – hell, Sougo was probably already out in the courtyard having a nap.

When he was done, he took the long way back, walking down through one of the residential floors after his too-quick trip to the bathroom. The night was already dragging on, so he took a detour just to lengthen his walk, to stretch his legs. It was his duty to stay until every guest left, including the rowdy drunks, ensuring the safety of the Shogun. He still had a long night ahead of him.

He had seen China girl skipping around with the Princess. Had also caught sight of Glasses earlier, all by himself in the crowd and frantically searching the crowd for his companions. Gintoki was nowhere to be seen, a problem all on its own. Who knew what that bastard was up to. All Hijikata knew was that he couldn't be in the same building as Gintoki without getting dragged into trouble. Remaining innocent on the sidelines was just unheard of because that bastard had a knack for dragging Hijikata into his funny business.

Hijikata was lost in thought (lost in thoughts of Gintoki) as he made it halfway down the long hallway. A finger touched his bottom lip because he needed a cigarette. He almost stopped to pull one out, when he heard a noise that sounded suspiciously like a couple doing things they shouldn't be doing in one of the guest bedrooms.

“Shh!” Came a hiss, a slap, and then a muffled moan in pain.

Hijikata clicked his tongue as he paused, eyes narrowing at the sliding door. He didn't even hesitate, had already prepared himself for what he was about to see. It wasn't like this was the first time he had walked in on people having sex in indecent places. Probably wouldn't be the last time either. He was the Vice Chief because he could easily deal with things like this.

With his shoes silent on the carpet, he moved over to the door where the soft noises were coming from. Clicking his tongue, Hijikata slid the door open violently, exposing the couple inside. He was about to yell 'you're under arrest for indecent exposure' but choked before he could.

When he recovered a second later, Hijikata was instantly horrified and furious. His ears burned red at the tips and his teeth clicked as he clenched them. “G-Gintoki?”

“Hi-Hijikata?” Gintoki froze like a deer caught in headlights, caught in the act. A grin twitched on his face, from sadistic to downright stricken. His suit jacket was on the floor by the doorway, carelessly discarded. His shirt was undone and hanging open as he hovered. His hair was messy and disastrous from sweat, slick gel clinging to the curls but doing nothing to control them anymore.

“This- It's not what it looks like!”

Gintoki, that indecent bastard, had a woman bent over the end of a western-style bed with a huge, pink canopy. Long, silky black hair was splayed out on the blankets in front of her, a handful of it mussed at the base of her neck from where Gintoki had previously grabbed it. Gintoki's right hand was holding on to her hip in a bruising grip, his left hand wrapped tightly around her mouth to keep her quiet. Forced to arch her back, her head was firmly tipped into Gintoki's shoulder even though he was pressing her down into the mattress with his body.

The fucking bastard.

Her face was turned away from Hijikata, but he could hear her panting through Gintoki's hand. Olive skirts were pushed up around her slim hips to the small of her back, Gintoki pressing hard into her. She was white-knuckling the duvet beneath her, hands trembling. Red bite marks littered her neck, a hand-print bruise forming on her slender thigh. One knee was propped on the bed like she had tried to crawl away, her body language screaming distress.

Hijikata wasn't stupid. This didn't look consensual in the slightest. He didn't think Gintoki was capable of something like this, but at the same time, it was fucking Gintoki. Anything was possible, and everything had some long, drawn out, ridiculous excuse as to how and why. Well that bastard wasn't getting away with it today.

“Get the fuck off her.” Hijikata snapped.

“You- you don't understand!” Gintoki said, letting go of the woman's mouth and hip, hands in the air in surrender as he ever so slowly shifted his body off of her. Whimpering, the woman's face fell forward now that Gintoki wasn't holding her, bangs shielding her face until her forehead hit the bed. There were red marks on her cheeks from Gintoki's firm hand, fueling Hijikata's fury.

Gintoki's eyes were wide, smile twitching in the corner still as he tried to form words. His hips were still pressed into her, the bunched up skirts at least giving her some privacy. Gintoki's gross ass, on the other hand, was on full display.

Hijikata slid the door closed behind him with a resounding slam. He made direct eye contact with the bastard, right hand dropping to the hilt of his sword. “You're under arrest for rape. If you don't get off of her, this sword will be up your ass.”

“Wait! Wait, wait!” Gintoki said, chuckling nervously, waving his hand. He didn't look drunk, so he knew exactly what he was doing. Didn't have an excuse, not that Hijikata would let him make one anyway. A vein pulsed in Hijikata's forehead.

“Just wait, let me explain! We're just playing rough, is all! But! Um! Uh….”

“You're telling me she agreed to being manhandled like that?” Hijikata asked sharply, enjoying the way the color drained from Gintoki's face. “She looks distressed, Gintoki.”

“I'm not distressed, I'm Katsura.”

Hijikata's eyes widened, jaw dropping slightly open as Katsura Kotarou lifted his head, sweaty bangs plastered to his forehead. His olive green eyes were half lidded, lips wet and kissed red. A sharp jolt shot down to Hijikata's groin, his ears instantly burning hotter.

“Heh, looks like he has the same effect on you as he has on me.” Gintoki said, chuckling nervously. “Now. Back to what I was saying. This isn't what it looks like...”

“You're-” Hijikata stuttered, eyes averting from Katsura's prone form. How had he not seen it? The hair, the toned muscles – fuck who was he kidding. Katsura was an underweight pretty boy. Everyone at the party had mistaken him for a woman!

“He's just really sensitive and noisy is all, and how was I supposed to resist the stupid dress? It's so fluffy.” Gintoki said, right hand suddenly sliding up Katsura's hip and sliding under the skirts, exposing more skin and Katsura's ass, as well as where they were connected. “And I was being serious about playing rough. This guy loves manhandling.”

Katsura inhaled audibly at the light touch, eyes fluttering shut and lips parting.

“Stop! Stop!” Hijikata put a hand over his eyes, taking in a deep breath through his nose. “Oh my God.”

“You know, you could just turn around and walk away.” Gintoki said. “You can just walk away and pretend like you never saw anything, and then we can finish and I can go home in shame.”

“Shut up!” Hijikata yelled.

“Shhh!” Gintoki hissed. “Shut up before someone else walks in on us! What do you think they'll think if they see you here watching us?”

“Watching you? I'm not watching anything!” Hijikata hissed, voice lowered because Gintoki had a point. If someone walked in on the three of them – Hijikata wasn't even doing anything, which was probably the problem! - what kind of reputation would that earn the Vice Chief? What if Kondo saw them? What if Sougo saw them! “Oh shit!”

“Just leave Mayora!” Gintoki hissed.

“Don't call me that! And I can't just leave, that would be a crime!” Hijikata hissed back. “You're under arrest for indecent exposure!”

“Then I'm obviously going to at least finish and make this all worth my while!”

“Oh hell no!”

Katsura groaned, shifting against Gintoki, causing him to suddenly moan. Katsura's cheeks were dusted red, one shoulder ever so slightly shifting to shield himself from Hijikata's gaze. He huffed, flashing Hijikata a wary look. But his lips were wet, his eyes half lidded. Those stupid red marks from where Gintoki had been pressing his hand over his mouth.

Hijikata licked his lips. Oh shit!

Katsura spoke to Gintoki after slowly raising his head, “If you're going to fight, at least let me up.”

“That would be too easy. Hijikata isn't getting off easy for interrupting us. You are a terrorist after all, I'm sure the Demon Vice Chief has had some wet dreams about finally getting his hands on you, yeah?” Gintoki said, the hand that had been on Katsura's mouth suddenly sinking into the fine hair at the back of Katsura's head, fingers curling and gripping. Katsura made a high noise in the back of his throat, head lifting and eyelashes fluttering when Gintoki pulled at the strands.

“Don't you dare.” Hijikata warned, face suddenly burning.

“Don't I dare what?” Gintoki asked with a coy smile, hips slowly thrusting forward. Katsura whined, hand clenching in the duvet. Gintoki's grin suddenly showed off most of his teeth, rivaled one of Sougo's more sadistic grins. “Is this what you'd do if you caught him, Mayora? Sink your hands in his hair and force him down, giving him a nice slow fuck so he knows who's in control?”

The imagery had Hijikata shivering. “D-don't you dare do that! I will arrest you!” Hijikata hissed, trying to keep his flustered voice down. He glanced to the door nervously, but his eyes flickered back just in time to see Katsura silently moan, eyebrows knotting, mouth opening.

The next thrust had Katsura moaning loud, Gintoki's hand disentangling from his hair to cover his mouth once again. Gintoki leaned forward, chest pressing into Katsura's exposed back. The next thrust – Hijikata really needed to stop this - was harsher and Katsura cried out, his head getting pulled back into Gintoki's shoulder with one hand firmly covering his lips.

“I told you, he's noisy.” Gintoki said, drawing long, low noises out of Katsura's throat. “He never stops.”

“I will arrest you!” Hijikata threatened again. But he was watching. Watching the slow roll of Gintoki's hips, watching the way Katsura, lithe and thin, shifted under his weight. High noises muffled by the large hand were sending confused messages straight to Hijikata's groin. Katsura was shifting in pleasure, hips moving and hands clawing at the blankets. He was whining, high pitched and breathy, back arching as Gintoki kept a slow, even pace.

“Fuck,” Hijikata whispered, white knuckling the hilt of his sword. It was that hand over the terrorist's mouth, making it look bad. It was the size difference, the obvious control Gintoki had over the situation and the fact that Katsura had let him have it. It all gave Hijikata an odd sense of content.

“If you pull out that sword, you'll just make him noisier.” Gintoki warned, hand going firmly to Katsura's hip to keep him still. “You're talking to a couple of Joui rebels, after all. A drawn sword makes everything more exciting!”

“Shut up!”

Gintoki paused, out of breath. “And then he'll have a hard-on for you. What will you do with that?”

“Arrest his ass and throw him in jail!” Hijikata whispered heatedly, heart pounding in his chest because he was embarrassed and disgusted and turned on all at the same time. Katsura kept fidgeting, moving his hands and undulating his hips and- fuck. Gintoki swore at the fidgeting. He sunk his toned stomach to exposed back again, securely holding Katsura down as he firmly rocked into him once. Twice. Katsura's cry was silent, the breath knocked out of him.

Gintoki picked up from where he had left off, his forehead pressed to Katsura's shoulder.

Hijikata hummed at the sight, wondering what kind of joke fate was playing on him. He had to close his eyes to stop himself from getting too into it, but ended up imagining himself knocking the breath from Katsura's lungs. Down in the cells below the barracks, cuffing Katsura's hands to the bar above his head as he protested. Pressing a hand against his mouth hard enough to leave red marks as he mounted him from behind, Katsura's head tucked back into his own shoulder. Katsura trying to keep quiet, but ultimately failing. Hijikata had to open his eyes.

Gintoki had taken up a faster, steadier rhythm, eyes half lidded as he fucked Katsura senseless. “Tell you what. If we make you come from all the way over there, you let us go. Okay?”

“No!” Hijikata whispered. “Shut up!”

Katsura suddenly turned his head away with a groan, Gintoki chuckling quietly. Hijikata's face only burned hotter, his body on fire. He didn't want to admit that his blood was rushing south at the idea, but Gintoki eyed him and the problem in his pants before smirking back at the terrorist beneath him. Hijikata didn't move from the doorway even though he should have. Stayed put, just like Gintoki knew he would. Hijikata just watched Gintoki nuzzle Katsura's hair, the permy bastard chuckling in amusement.

“Playing shy all of a sudden?” Gintoki asked, his right hand sliding up Katsura's hip, disappearing beneath the skirts and under his lower belly. Katsura whined, voice way too loud in the room even with the hand muting him. Gintoki's hand tightened over his mouth. The dancing fingers under Katsura's belly suddenly plunged lower between his legs. Katsura keened, eyebrows scrunching and back arching. He cried out an octave higher than before when Gintoki snapped his hips forward, firm hand still working beneath his slim hips.

Hijikata put a hand over his mouth.

Gintoki leaned forward, whispering with a shit eating grin. “The officer here is going to arrest us after. He's planning on manhandling you into your cell with your hands behind your back, pressing your face up against the wall. Or would you rather him spin you around and pin you there, hands above your head? You'll try and fight him, surely?”

Shut up! Hijikata wanted to say, but he didn't dare remove his hand from over his own mouth. Gintoki glanced over, a smirk plastering over his face.

Hijikata remained silent, just watched in silence with his hand pressed firmly over his mouth as the bed frame began to rock noisily into the wall. He wasn't even worried about the attention that would draw.

“Oh!” Katsura suddenly threw his head back, hips jerking hard enough to throw off Gintoki's tempo. Odd Jobs groaned, loud and low, pace slowing pleasurably.

Gintoki hushed Katsura, fingers sliding from the base of his neck to clench the hair at the top of his head. He roughly pressed Katsura's face into the bedding to muffle him, his free hand digging into Katsura's thigh and coaxing his ass higher in the air. Katsura only moaned louder, fingers sliding over the blankets looking for purchase. Hijikata wanted to grab them and hold them still, wanted to move closer but didn't dare to. He never imagined someone could be so fidgety during sex.

Gintoki rocked a few more times, skin slapping against skin, before Hijikata felt like he was going to implode from embarrassment. Why was this so hot? Hijikata's other hand came up to cover his mouth, pants painfully tight. Hijikata took a step back, leaning against the wall.

“He likes it right here.” Gintoki said with effort, the nails on both hands dragging down over Katsura's navel. Katsura yelped, head raising from the blankets and back arching into Gintoki's rough treatment, red lines trailing over the terrorists hips. Katsura's hips suddenly snapped back again, a loud keen tearing from his throat.

“Gin-!”

Zura.” Gintoki purred, pace quickening. His right hand slid up beneath Katsura's jaw, pulling him firmly back against Gintoki's chest. Katsura's arms were shaking, Gintoki's name falling from his mouth as he gasped. They rocked together into climax, Gintoki's hand instinctively tightening on Katsura's neck, Katsura choking on his cry as they came together.

The rocking slowed until Katsura eased himself onto the blankets with a content sigh. Gintoki waited for him to settle before slipping out, adjusting the skirts and his pants as he went. He was wearing a smug grin, lazy red eyes seeking out Hijikata's.

Hijikata still had his hands pressed to his face just as Gintoki bent over to pick up his jacket. When Gintoki straightened, Hijikata couldn't help but glance down at Gintoki's exposed torso, toned abs marred with angry red streaks. Gintoki smirked, eyeing the Vice Chief up and down, confidently stepping into his personal space. Hijikata shuddered.

“Good thing about leather pants is that no one will ever know, right?” Gintoki said, pinky finger ever so gently pressing at Hijikata's hip.

Hijikata scowled. His pants weren't tight anymore, were wet instead. He was mortified.

“Anytime you want round two, just come to good 'ol Gin-san.” Gintoki said, grabbing his red tie from where it had been hurriedly thrown to loop over the bed post. He also picked up a tiny pair of lacy black boy-shorts, tossing them in a ball at Katsura. The cloth hit Katsura square in the face before falling to the bed, the other man too exhausted to even flinch.

Gintoki smirked at Hijikata, whose eyes were locked on Katsura lazily rolling onto his side, movements graceful and cat like. The dress fit him nicely, the skirts puffing from his waist to give him the illusion of curves and not just skin and bones. The terrorist looked wrecked, eyes tired and fluttering. Hijikata got the feeling he had only showed up for the last round.

“You got him good.” Katsura said, lazy eyes flickering down to also stare at Hijikata's crotch. “Shame.” He said suggestively, filling Hijikata's head up with absurd ideas like having the biggest terrorist in the country arching into him with a breathy gasp while Hijikata held him down, hands pinned right beside that pretty little face. Maybe he'd even say please.

Hijikata's face turned bright red.

Gintoki snorted, patting the Vice Chief on the shoulder with a heavy hand. He leaned in real close, lips ghosting over the shell of Hijikata's ear. “You should come over after this ball dance fiasco is done with. Our treat.”