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Bitter Frost

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“Spock? Hey. Spock. You okay?”

Spock started at the sound of Jim’s voice. He stared down at his station and then started breathing again as gold came into view.

He looked up into the gorgeous, intense blue eyes of his captain. Cerulean. Breathtaking. And that smile. Though at the moment it was quizzical as he gazed down at Spock.

“Mister Spock?”

“Yes, Captain?”

“Everything all right?”

He could not tear his gaze away to even look at his instruments. Jim was there, real and so beautiful, Spock found it hard to maintain control. He wanted to hold onto him, pull him near, by the gold tunic, and hold him with him for eternity.

“Everything is…perfect, Jim.”

That got him the full force of the Kirk smile, which had been his desire.

“When our shifts are over, Captain, if you would indulge me for a private audience?”

“Sure, sure.” The smile slipped a fraction. “But everything is all right?”

“Very much so, Captain.”

Jim put his hand on Spock’s shoulder and squeezed. It was brief and hardly could be felt through the material of his shirt, but illogically, it felt like home.

His gaze remained on his captain as he turned to return to his captain’s chair. The whole bridge was abuzz with energy and harmony, all because of their affection and admiration for their commanding officer.

“Mister Sulu, lay in a course for Genovia 5.”

“Course laid, Captain.”

“Warp 2.”

****

When Spock stood at the door to the captain’s quarters he felt extremely nervous and he did not understand why.

Yes, he was about to confess his love for Jim, but there was something in Jim’s smile, something that had been there for long before the Marconians, that assured Spock his declaration would be welcome and even returned. But he supposed this moment had been so anticipated by both of them it was natural to have some trepidation.

“Come,” Jim’s voice called to Spock to enter.

The door slid open and Spock stepped inside.

Jim had already removed his gold tunic and boots. He stood in the middle of his quarters, barefoot, and only in the regulation trousers and black undershirt that clung to him like a second skin.

“Hey, Spock. You want something to eat or drink?”

He shook his head. “Only if it is you.”

Jim cocked his head. “What?”

Spock took several steps forward until he was within touching distance of his captain. “I…find myself at a loss for words.”

“You? Tongue tied?”

“It occurs more often when I am around you than you realize.”

Speaking of tongues, Jim’s came out to trace around his lips, a habit Spock had long found fascinating.

“I’m guessing that continuing our chess game wasn’t what you had in mind.”

“I love you,” Spock heard himself blurt out. And he realized then that he really was ridiculously nervous and perhaps not as certain of his captain’s response as he had assumed he was.

Those blue blue eyes widened and Jim’s mouth opened slightly.

“I have surprised you,” Spock surmised.

Jim nodded. But his mouth now curved into the gentlest of smiles. “But only how easily that came out.”

“It was not easy.”

He laughed. “No, I guess it wouldn’t be. For either of us.” He took one step forward and placed his hand on Spock’s chest, just under the collar of his tunic. “I’m so crazy in love with you I can’t even think straight.”

And Spock could not help it, he smiled, for those were probably the most precious, spectacular words he had ever heard. Jim was staring at him again, somewhat in awe.

“Forgive me, Jim. I am experiencing a large sense of relief at your declaration. In human terms, I am…giddy.”

When Jim’s hand came up to cup Spock’s cheek he leaned into it, basking in the touch, of the feel of his…T’hy’la.

“You’re shaking,” Jim whispered.

“I am…overwhelmed.”

Jim’s lips were a mere half an inch from his, he could feel his warm breath. “I should have told you before. I’ve been holding this secret in my heart and I was going to tell you, but then there was the battle and…”

Spock touched his mouth to Jim’s. “Someone told me that we should waste no more time and I could not agree more.”

Jim closed his eyes, his lips softening under Spock’s renewed assault.

This was so right, so intense, it shook Spock to his core.

He drew back, long enough to look in those familiar blue eyes, his thumb grazing over plump, moistened lips. “You have no idea how much I feel for you. It borders on obsession, which I know is not at all healthy or logical, but—”

“Spock,” Jim interrupted with an unsteady laugh. “Me too. And maybe it’s not, I don’t know, and I don’t care. I just know I don’t want to spend another moment without knowing how it feels to have you all over me.”

“Whatever you desire is yours,” Spock said, roughly. “There is no one and nothing that means more than you.”

Jim’s mouth found his. “Show me.”

Spock knew he would like nothing better and he quickly maneuvered Jim over to the bed. This was his T’hy’la, precious and pure in a way no other could ever be, and Spock intended to be careful with him.

“There’s lube in the drawer over there,” Jim told him.

Spock nodded but didn’t move immediately to the drawer. Instead he lingered over Jim’s lips and jaw, his mouth trailing over the slightly stubbled chin. He slid his hands up under Jim’s undershirt, his thumbs indenting into the flesh at his sides, memorizing each line, each mole, each muscle along the way.

Touching Jim, learning what he reacted to and how, was one of life’s greatest pleasures, Spock decided.    

When it was time, Spock shoved the hem of that black shirt up Jim’s abdomen, fingertips grazing over the fur-lined stomach and up towards Jim’s sculpted pectoral muscles.

“You are magnificent,” he breathed out, reverently. So much perfect, golden skin.

Jim’s eyes grew even bluer and Spock had not thought that possible, but he was ready to drown in them. Those lips, sensuous and plump from kissing, curved upward, causing a dimple to appear. He brushed Spock’s hands away to tug the undershirt off over his head himself.

It was barely discarded across the room before Spock seized hold of him once more, his hands caressing Jim’s biceps, drinking in every part of him.

Then he went to undo Jim’s pants, but Jim shook his head.

“Not yet. Your shirts first.”

Spock was fairly certain that no one had ever looked at him the way Jim looked at him. With such unbridled passion and love that it stole his breath and made him feel so incredibly special. That he might not have had this was mind-boggling.

“Spock?”

He shook his head. “I simply must state that once more I am…overwhelmed.”

“Me too,” Jim admitted, but to Spock he looked anything but. He simply looked as poised and together as Spock had come to expect from him, but then, he knew Jim hid a lot on the inside.

His captain helped him to remove his undershirt and tunic all at once, and Spock felt just a bit intimidated, for he knew he was skinny compared to Jim, but that love and passion didn’t diminish from those blue eyes one bit as Jim looked at him.

“Glorious,” Jim said and Spock felt that it was true. His hands closed over Spock’s biceps drawing him in for a long, lingering kiss that had Spock’s penis rising painfully in his trousers.

“I have never wanted anyone more than I want you,” Spock told him.

“Then come…have me.”

Spock quickly removed his own boots so that they could now concentrate on getting off their pants, which had definitely become a priority for both of them.

Now naked, they fell on to the mattress together, tangling limbs and reaching hands as they found each other’s mouths again.

“I could kiss you forever and never get tired of it.” Jim cupped his jaw, kissing him over and over as if to prove it.

The words were completely illogical and yet Spock found himself treasuring them, cherishing everything Jim said or did, every reaction, every breath, every look.

He was lost in this human and he had no intention of ever getting out.

It was Jim who crawled on the bed toward the drawer that held the lubricant he had referred to earlier. Spock watched him, his mouth dry and his breathing heavy, as Jim’s rounded buttocks wiggled slightly as he moved. Spock’s phallus jumped between his legs.

He reached for Jim and tugged him back.

Jim laughed as Spock pushed him down flat against the bed. “Somebody’s anxious.”

“Eager. And you have no idea.”

Jim’s hand slipped between their bodies to close his fingers around Spock’s erection. “Oh, I have a pretty good idea.”

Jim.

Suddenly Spock found himself on his back with Jim looming over him.

“I want to ride you,” Jim said, hoarsely, wantonly. “Prepare me.”

Spock squirted out a generous amount of the lubricant, thoroughly coating his fingers. Jim kept his gaze on him the entire time. He slipped two fingers between the round mounds of Jim’s ass and into his puckered hole.

“Yes,” Jim groaned out. “Oh God.”

“You. Are. So. Wonderfully. Tight.”

“Mmm. Going to feel real good when I squeeze down on you.”

Spock barely maintained control as he scissored his digits inside Jim.  Jim leaned up on his haunches and spread his legs out further, allowing Spock deeper access to finger him.

“Next time I wish to place my tongue here,” Spock advised, surprising himself at how bold he had become.

“Yeah? Next time I look forward to it then.” Jim moaned loud and decadent. “Right now I really want your cock inside me.”

“Believe me, Captain, I want the same.”

“Oh, fuck. That’s really hot.” Jim pushed down on Spock’s fingers, causing Spock’s eyes to roll back and his cock to jump again. “Better hurry.”

“Yes.”

Spock pulled out his fingers and managed, somehow, to coat his erection without exploding and ruining everything. He then pulled Jim’s cheeks apart, gripping a cheek in each hand.

Jim stared down at him, straddling Spock, pupils blow wide, swallowing all the blue except a little round rim around them, his mouth open as he panted.

Spock’s cock slowly penetrated him, pushing up deep between the plump cheeks, past the tight ring of muscle. He was close to coming undone, it was so intense, so shattering.

When he was fully imbedded in Jim, he changed the position of his hands to Jim’s hipbones, holding him in place, as Jim frantically fucked himself on Spock. The bed rocked and creaked with their motions. Spock lifted off the bed to pound up and into his T’hy’la, over and over.

Jim’s leaking cock, heavy, long and thick, bobbed between his legs, the pre-cum streaking across Spock’s stomach. Spock freed a hand from Jim’s hip and wrapped around that pulsing cock, slick and hot like steel.

Jim cried out, grounding down on Spock’s shaft as he thrashed and thrust over and over, cum splattering Spock everywhere.

It was more than Spock could handle.  His whole body feeling shocked and buzzed as he screamed his own release, pumping into Jim deep and thoroughly as he filled Jim’s clenching channel.

His captain collapsed upon him, limbs heavy and worn out. Spock’s arms wrapped tightly around the human, who now stretched across him, warm and soft, and so wanted and needed. And loved.

“I love you,” Spock whispered against Jim’s sweat soaked hair. His fingers spread across Jim’s psi points, seeking every touch, every connection he could have with this amazing being.

Jim nodded his permission, his acceptance. “I love you too.”

****

It was two days later when Spock came into Jim’s quarters, he hoped that they would be his too, soon, as he had no intention of ever sleeping alone again, and not thinking of the quarters as theirs, was just a formality at this point, they were both thoroughly and firmly committed to each other and always would be.

Jim greeted him with that beautiful smile Spock would never tire of and held out his hand for Spock to take. “Come here. I want to show you something.”

Over the last two days they’d talked of many things, hopes dreams, bonding formally, marrying, talking to Starfleet, Pon Farr, any and all futures.

But still Spock was surprised when Jim drew him to his desk, and to his terminal.

“Sit.”

Spock shot Jim a questioning look, but he did as Jim said. And then as Jim leaned past him to type something, Spock could not help but pull his captain on to his lap. Jim laughed, but did not protest.

“What is it I am to look at?” Spock wondered. He adjusted Jim so that he sat upon Spock’s lap a little more comfortably for them both. He saw Jim looking at him. “What?”

“You are just…way more touchy feely than I thought you’d be.”

“I will never tire of touching you everywhere,” he admitted, his fingers finding bare skin under Jim’s shirts.

“Later. Look.” Jim leaned forward and brought up a file that he clicked on.

Spock looked at the screen and gasped a little when he saw what was clearly an old wedding photograph of a man and woman in formal dress.

“It is…”

“Jim Kirk. Yeah.” His captain smiled. “And his wife Sadie.”

Spock swallowed as he stared at the photograph of another Jim he had loved. He was smiling, bright and happy, his eyes soft with love for the woman in his arms.

“They look happy,” Jim murmured.

“Yes.”

“And there’s more.”

Jim clicked and another photograph came up of Jim and Sadie poolside with another couple, laughing and posing for the camera. Then he switched again to the Kirks with their children, beautiful children, who resembled their parents. And pretty soon Jim had shown him many photographs of Jim and Sadie Kirk and their children through the years, as they aged, and shared what was clearly a wonderful life together.

He turned to Jim, who had been watching him with a gentle smile. “How did you know?”

“Bones. Mostly. And I figured some stuff out myself. Scotty and Giotto filled me in on the Marconian stuff.”

Spock blew out a breath. “It was not my intention to keep secrets from you.”

“I know. I didn’t think that. I just…I wanted you to see, what you did, not just for me, Spock, but for him. He had a good life. And they were happy.”

“Yes,” he agreed. “Does…does it bother you that I loved him?”

Jim shook his head. “I’ve loved other Spocks.”

Spock looked at him in surprise.

He shrugged. “I’m pretty sure I love all the Spocks in all the universes and all the timelines.”

“I would do anything for you. I would die for you. Kill for you. There is nothing I would not do, no timeline or universe I would not cross.” Spock stared at him intently. “Always for you.”

“I know.” Jim kissed him. “Thank you for saving me. Thank you for loving me.”

“You do not understand, Jim. It is you have saved me.”

 

 

Sadie Kirk looked at the time on the clock on the wall. It was getting late and her husband was still outside. With a sigh, she flung down the dish towel, and went to the front door.

“Jim? Are you coming inside?”

“In a minute, honey.”

Sadie walked off the porch and into the yard, where her husband stood, looking up at the sky.

“What are you doing?”

He smiled at her and drew her into his arms. “Wishing on a star, like always.”

“Come inside. It’s getting cold out here.”

“All right.” He put his arm around her as they walked to the front door. He stopped on the front step and looked back up at the sky, eyes narrowing. Then he shook his head and walked into the house with her.

“I know what I’m getting you for Christmas.”

“Yeah?”

“A telescope!”

He laughed then and picked her up off her feet and spun her around until she was giggling like a school girl. He always did that to her.

“Jim! Put me down,” she finally pleaded, breathless.

“Come on, honey. Let’s go to bed.”