It's painful being given something so beautiful and then having it ripped away. The world had been so full of colours and intricate delights. Now, I walk around in fog and shadows.
"I think that you're ready to return home, now." The gentle, soothing voice of Dr. Jensen White had never made me happier. "Your family has moved, but we've arranged for your transportation. Everything may seem new and foreign at first, but you will learn the placement of everything as you have here. Do you have any questions?"
I shook my head. My days with him had been difficult. I had acted out on my anger and frustration countless times and he had been nothing but patient with me. I was feeling embarrassed, now. What must he have thought of me?
To be truthful, I would be happy to never have to leave here. This place had become my home and I at least had a couple of friends here, granted that many of them were much older than me. With my family, it had been a flurry of sorrow and betrayal. We were not particularly rich. Dad's business was slow and mom was jobless after the incident. My little sister, Violet, was a rebel without cause who often got on my nerves. All of this was amplified when mom caught dad cheating on her with one of his students.
The woman with dad was probably half of dad's age. She had reappeared several times after they were caught and when I spoke to her, I was immediately left with a feeling of dislike. She had seemed civil at first, but as the conversation heated up, I realised that she was absolutely irrational. It was ironic that she was a psychology major. I'd prefer it if she was admitted, instead.
Not long after mom had found out about dad's unfaithfulness, I had caught the two in the master bedroom, again. That was when I decided to stay in the institution, indefinitely. I didn't want to deal with them and what would happen if mom saw those two together, again.
Of course, that didn't mean that I never saw them. I was free to visit home anytime I want and they could come visit me, which they did often. One of their last visits, mom was the only one there. She had told me that she was planning to divorce my dad and asked what I thought about it. I eagerly supported her decision. She promptly added that we would be moving to Florida to stay with Aunt Jo.
When they finally decided to move away from the bad memories, the doctor had recommended for me to stay because I was finally getting used to the therapy sessions. I happily complied because I knew that mom hadn't gone through with the divorce and I didn't want to deal with the drama.
Now that I seemed better, I had to return back to the war zone and hope that I was going to make it out of there alive. What I wouldn't give to quickly turn eighteen and become my own person. I may still be dependent on another person, but at least I'd be able to legally leave if I ever had to.
"Dr. White? I'm sorry for being so... so childish during all those times..." I quietly apologised. "You've been nothing but kind to me and..." I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. "Thank you for everything."
I wished that I could gauge his expression. "I can't say that I would ever truly understand what losing your vision feels like, but I know that you would never intentionally harm anyone." Was he telling me the truth or was this just part of his bedside routine? "If you don't have any questions, there is someone I know in LA who can help you and if you need someone to talk to, I will always be here. Just dial for the reverse charge and I will take care of the long distance." He handed me two sets of documents - one was in Braille and the other I could only assume was normal print.
Dr. White led me out of his office and into the care of Dr. Greg Henderson, the man who was going to travel with me to my family's new home. This man lived in LA as a therapist. Dr. White told me that he was going to be the one to see me, now.
I said my sorrowful goodbyes to Dr. White before obediently following Dr. Henderson into a car. The man tried to strike up a light-hearted conversation with me as we travelled, but I was in no mood to speak. I could feel the bubbly sensation of dread at the pit of my stomach. I didn't want to leave the contentment of the therapeutic centre for a life of nothing.
"I thought mom wanted to live with Aunt Jo. She lives in Florida. Why are we going to LA?" I finally spoke to him when I heard the PA of the airport call for us to board.
Dr. Henderson didn't know, but figured that they must've changed their minds. I wondered if he knew about my situation. Did patient confidentiality extend between doctors, as well?
I was left to my thoughts as Dr. Henderson finally decided to take a break with the one-sided conversation.
When we landed, he woke me up. I wasn't sure when I dozed off, but the sleep didn't take any of the weariness away. I felt sluggish and terrible.
"It'll be alright," he tried to comfort me as we got off the taxi. There was something in his tone that unsettled me. What did he know, but wasn't saying? Was someone dead? When I asked, he merely brushed my concerns aside and reassured me that my entire family was alive.
I felt around with my white cane and then with my hands, trying to get familiarised with the environment around the house. There was a tall iron gate and a beautiful lawn. As I looked up, I noticed how large the house was. How did my parents afford something this grand?
As I was lost in thought, the doctor had knocked on the door before I could stop him. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to face them.
"Yes, can I help you?" The sound of father's irritated tone only fuelled my desire to run away.
I saw the dark shadow of Dr. Henderson move to the right. Immediately, I looked down. I didn't want to face my cheating father.
"Oh, my God..." I heard him whisper. "Madi?" I felt his hands on each of my shoulders before he began to call out to mom and Violet.
Only one set of hurried footsteps echoed throughout the house. "What is it, Ben?"
Hearing her voice, I could feel tears prickling my eyes. My mother was always so kind and gentle to a fault. I hadn't realised how much I missed her until now.
"Mom...?" My voice cracked.
I heard a muffled sob before Ben was pushed away and I was enveloped into a warm embrace. "Oh, my baby. You're home. You're home!" She kissed my face everywhere as if I was a young child, again.
With quick words of gratitude to the doctor and a briefing of my situation, I was ushered into the foreign house. When I walked in, there was someone standing in front of me. "... Violet?" Did she cut her hair and grow two feet while I was away?
"Never been mistaken for a girl before." The deep, amused voice definitely didn't belong to my sister.
"Sorry," I mumbled. My face was already burning with embarrassment. "I... I can't really see your face or much of anything else really."
"I can tell." And I could definitely hear the smirk in his voice.
"Tate, get back into the living room." Ben sounded annoyed. "Madi, go upstairs. Violet is going to be excited to see you, again."
I snorted. "Of course, she would..." I muttered under my breath. "I don't really know my way around the house, yet," I told him. From the way Ben spoke, it didn't seem like he was going to help me and mom was still talking with Dr. Henderson.
"I can help her, Dr. Harmon," Tate volunteered, probably jumping at the chance to relieve his boredom.
"No, Tate. Get back into the living room. Madi, just... just wait for us. This won't take long," he grounded out.
I sighed and made my way towards the wall. I might as well start getting introduced to the house. As I travelled down the hall, I bumped into a couple of sharp corners and groaned in pain each time.
I heard a muffled laugh to my left and saw Tate's silhouette leaning against the door frame, just out of eyesight of my parents.
"Shut up," I huffed, but slowly made my way over to him. When I passed through the arch, I immediately felt his hand around the crook of my elbow. He led me to the couch and we both sat down. I folded up my cane and placed it on my lap. "So, why are you seeing Ben?"
"My mom wanted me to see him. I get in trouble at school a lot, so I dropped out, so she isn't too happy with me," he replied nonchalantly before changing the subject. "I take it that your relationship with your dad isn't too great."
"It's difficult getting over what he had done," I started. "Mom may be more willing to forgive him, but I wish that she had just gone with the plan to Aunt Jo's."
"You don't like it here?" Tate sounded disappointed and perhaps a bit offended, so I decided to smooth things over. It was hard to make friends when you're blind and I didn't want to let him go if I didn't have to.
"I just don't want to live with him," I told him. "And I really don't know enough of this place to really make a decision, yet."
"Then how about me? What do you think about me, right now? Is it too soon?" There was a twang of flirtation in his tone.
I smiled politely at him. "I'm wondering what you look like and if I could touch your face to define your features," I replied. "How old are you?"
"Seventeen," he answered, while taking my hands into his and guiding them to his face. "What about you?"
"I'll be seventeen by the end of the year." He felt cold, but his skin was soft and smooth. My fingers trailed up his face. He had a head of silky curls.
When I retracted my hands, he asked, "How does my face feel?"
I played around with the cane. "Nice..."
"I think your face is nice, too."
I gulped as my face flushed red, again. He was definitely a flirt.
I looked up to where I heard my little sister's voice.
"Hey, Vi," I mumbled back. Our relationship wasn't great, but we bonded over our detest for our biological father. She thought of me as an ass kissing over-achiever and I thought she was trying far too hard to stand out, constantly crying for attention with her rebellious attitude.
"You're back." It was a curt statement that didn't warrant any further words nor a reply. "So I guess you don't have to go to school anymore, since you're blind and all."
"Not physically, no," I told her. "But I'm taking courses online."
"Of course, you are," she grumbled.
Our awkward conversation was interrupted by Ben's angry cry. "I am a licensed therapist. We don't need you to help Madi. I'll take care of her."
"Dr. Harmon, not only would there be a conflict of interest, but when you signed the contract with us, it clearly stated that we will be the only ones who are going to be having sessions with her. If this is a monetary issue, I can assure you that it has all been taken care of. See it as compensation for allowing us to use our new... methods."
I was actually never told what the new methods were, but it wasn't as if I knew what the standard was for people like me.
"Tate, do you wanna hang out?" Violet asked the boy. This made me wonder what relationship they had. "They're going to be busy with Madi for a while, so they don't know if we just disappear."
I bit my lips. "Are the two of you...?"
Tate's shoulders moved up and down once. "I would like to think of us as friends, but Dr. Harmon isn't too happy about it."
When it didn't seem as if Tate was going to move from his spot on the couch, Violet went back upstairs to her room. Moments later, I could hear the sound of music blasting through the walls.
"I think she likes you," I blurted out.
We grew silent when the front door finally closed and my parents entered the sitting room.
"I thought I heard Violet, why didn't you go with her?" Ben asked. His irritation was still evident.
"She didn't seem too happy to see me... As always..."
Mom was immediately by my side, reassuring me that that was not the case.
I smiled appeasingly at her before asking where I was going to be sleeping. She slowly led me up the stairs as I gave Tate a farewell wave that he may or may not have replied to.
From what I could tell, the room that I was given was bare, except for the bare essentials. I was probably going t leave it this way, unless I wanted to trip and break my neck the next day.
My first night in the house was relatively uneventful. At least, while I was awake. When I went to bed and fell asleep, however, I had the oddest dream. To say that I had never had a wet dream in my life was a lie, but this one was so vivid and unusual.
I was in my room and I could see a blur of colours, something that I wasn't used to seeing anymore. My vision was still blurred, but I could distinctly see a figure standing by the foot of my bed. The form looked to be male and dressed in all black. The outfit was tight and reflected the moon glow that siphoned into my room. Every inch of his body was covered, except for his eyes. They looked very dark and the skin around the eyes was pale.
I sucked in a sharp breath when I noticed that he was moving towards me. I scooted as far away as I could in my bed until my back hit the wooden headboard. My heart was racing in my chest and millions of questions swarmed my mind. Who was he? How did he get into my room and what did we want with me?
A frightened squeak escaped my lips as he crawled on to the bed. "W-Who are you?"
As I was about to run away, he grabbed my wrists and held me in place. In mere seconds, I was underneath him. I screamed for help, but no one seemed to be coming. I thrashed around as he shifted his grip so that both of my wrists were secured with one hand. His other hand roamed down my body and up my cotton pajama top.
"Stop! Please!" I begged him with tears streaming down my face. "Please! Why are you doing this? Who are you?"
He didn't reply. I wondered if he even heard me as his hand squeezed my left breast.
With a swift motion, all the buttons that help my top closed ripped and flew through the air. He leaned down and took a deep breath as he buried his face between my breasts. I shuddered with disgust. "Let go!"
I felt something rough being wound around my wrists. Where had the rope come from?
He had tied me to the post of the bed. With two free hands, he easily maneuvered himself between my legs. I could feel a bulge through the tight rubbery material. My body began to tremble. I was a virgin and this was not the way I imagined my first time to be. "Please, no." I tried to kick him, but it was impossible.
He tugged down my pants and shifted so that the bottom slid to my ankles. When he was satisfied, he began to rub against the only fabric that kept my innocence safe.
"No... No..." I chanted, shaking my head.
Instead of taking off my panties, he merely moved them to the side. With one rubber-covered finger, he trailed down my navel to a sensitive spot that made me gasp and shudder. Involuntarily, my abdominal muscles clenched and heat pooled down to the intersection between my legs.
He spent several minutes circling the bundle of nerves before moving down further. As the finger brushed along my slit, I bucked my hip and whimpered. He continued to rub and I realised with great embarrassment that the finger was beginning to be covered with clear, slick moisture.
When he was satisfied, he inserted the digit. I yelped and tugged at the rope. A second digit entered me and a third quickly followed. He slid them in and out as I cried, confused on what I was feeling. I squeezed my eyes shut, but couldn't stop a whimper of disappointment when his fingers disappeared from within me.
I opened my eyes when I heard the sound of a zipper. HIs erection sprung out and my eyes widened with fear. There was no way that he was going to fit inside me without tearing me apart.
His body hovered over mine as he slowly guided himself inside me. I screamed again as the head popped in. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. I began to thrash around, once more, but he ignored my protests. He continued to slide in until he hit my cervix.
I could feel him shudder against me and when he began to move, I could feel the pain rack my body. I knew that I had to be bleeding. He started off slow, but as he found his rhythm, he began to increase his pace.
I tried to stop it. I really did, but the next thrust forced a moan of pleasure past my lips. After that, something in him changed. He lifted my legs over his shoulders and began to pound harder and faster inside me.
I gasped and bucked against him as I saw white spots flooding my vision. Pleasure exploded through me and left me completely motionless as he continued to thrust.
Not long after, my body was responding to his assault, again. I cried out as I came a second time and felt him freeze before collapsing on top of me.
One of his hands untied the rope that held my wrists. Sluggishly, I reached for the back of the black, rubber mask and found a zipper there. I tugged at the metal. It moved sleekly upward. Who was he...?
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
I jerked awake and fell off the bed.