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Just Wanted To Say Goodbye

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“They only let me come, inside of your dreams

to see you like this, and it’s because

that sad night I didn’t say goodbye when I went away”.

 

-.Historia de un Sueño; La Oreja de Van-Gogh.

 

The moment Izuku opened his eyes he knew something was wrong.

 

Even when his logic screamed at him that he was on a hospital, due to the white walls and spotless room, Izuku knew that it couldn’t be.

 

He knew he couldn’t be on a hospital bed because he was dead.

 

He had felt it, deep in his bones; when the car ran over him, crushed him and everything went black he just didn’t felt it but knew it.

 

He was dead.

 

He wasn’t being pessimistic but realistic.

 

He, Izuku Midoriya, was dead. That was a fact.

 

That’s why the green eyed boy felt uneasy because, if he was dead where the heck was he then?

 

Izuku was sitting on the bed, decided to find the answers to his questions when someone went into the room.

 

-.Oh! You’re awake. How are you feeling, honey?-. Asked the woman who had entered, with a warm smile on her lips.

 

Izuku looked at her and swallowed.

 

-.I— I’m d-dead…-. Said Izuku. The woman just looked at him in silence-. W-Where am I?-. Asked Izuku.

 

The woman stepped closer to him and sat on the end of the bed.

 

-.Where do you think you are?-. She asked.

 

-.Well, a-afterlife? I guess?-. The woman giggled.

 

-.Not guessing, honey. This is afterlife indeed, you just woke up from your life to your death if that make sense-. Izuku’s mouth formed a silent “Oh”.

 

-.So, like in “Matrix”, more or less?-. The woman tilted her head, arching an eyebrow.

 

-. A “Matrix”?-. Izuku licked his lips.

 

-.Y-Yeah, like the movie?-. The woman hummed.

 

-.Never heard of it, it was probably after my time-. She said in a low, thinking voice.

 

Izuku frowned.

 

-.Before your--? What do you m---?.

 

-.Anyways!-. Exclaimed the woman, interrupting the green haired boy-. My name is Alina and I’m in charge to take you to your heaven and answer almost all your questions-. Said Alina.

 

-.Uhm, o-okay but--.

 

-.Well let’s get going then, Midoriya Izuku-. Said Alina, standing up as she interrupted Izuku once again.

 

Izuku had tons of questions, but he just nodded and followed Alina out of the white room. She said she was going to answer some of his questions so he could wait.

 

He apparently had the time of the world now.

 

+

 

On the way to “Izuku’s heaven” as Alina had called it, she explained to him the basics of the place they were at.

 

It was indeed afterlife, all human beings arrived there once they died, didn’t matter their religion, status or the good or bad things they had done; they all were to wake up in the kind of a hospital bed as Izuku did.

 

“Of course that depending on what bad things they had have done and why, they may have to pay the prize before being allowed to go to their heaven”

That alleviated Izuku; the prize to pay was to do some kind of community service until their “debt” was paid.

 

“Some people pay a few days or years; others though have centuries to make for, but time is usually the least of your worries when you’re eternal”

 

Also, it seemed to be that every single person had their own heaven but there were cases where those heavens were shared by friends, couples or families.

 

“Depending on the person’s wishes they can either choose to share their heaven with someone else or not”.

 

And of course, Izuku being as curious as a cat, couldn’t wait to ask Aline what was she.

 

“Well, I’m human sweetie. I have my own heaven too but after so many decades I got bored and decided to work as a guide, as many others; though in the very beginning other beings were in charge or so I had been told so”.

 

To say that Izuku was amazed when he saw his own heaven was to say the least; the place was practically what Izuku had always dreamed off.

 

He realized he had said that at loud when Alina giggled and said “Well that’s the idea, honey”.

 

Izuku couldn’t help the big smiled on his face. He had always dreamed to have a big house with a big backyard so he could have as many pets as he wanted.

 

A house big enough for him and Kaachan to live in----

 

Kaachan.

 

He had been too busy accepting hs dead and figuring out where he was that he practically forgot about Kaachan, his friends and his parents.

 

-.You’re okay darling?-. Asked Alina. Izuku, with already trembling lips and glassy eyes looked at ther.

 

-.M-My family, my friends… M-My bo-boyfriend… I— I left them all behind-. Said the green eyed boy.

 

-.Yes, I’m afraid so honey.-. Said Alina with a sad smile.

 

Izuku pursed his lips and shut his eyes close in a week attempted to stop his tears and sobs.

 

He was a fucking idiot. He had been told so, he had been warned, not just by his family and friends but from strangers too; He had been told to be careful, to fucking think before acting so impulsively.

 

His mother always scolded him about it, his step-father always tried to talk him out of that impulse behavior by telling him how he had been actually the same as he was and how he had experienced all the bad consequences.

 

“All my family was like that always trying to save everyone; now, they are all gone- I was almost gone too but I got a chance to live… I found my family, with you and Inko, and I don’t want to lose you my boy”.

 

His friends usually got mad at him when he acted like that, even when Izuku explained that he couldn’t control it; he saw someone who was in danger or needed help and he had to do something.

 

Kaachan was the only one who would scream at him about his stupidity with cruel, harsh words and a face full of worry and desperation.

 

“If you don’t fucking value your fucking life then do it for your mother! For your fucking friends! Or do it for me you fucking selfish bastard!”.

 

Izuku tried to keep himself together, to stop his sobbing and crying but he couldn’t… Kaachan… He had told him, clearer than anyone else that, if he kept acting like that he was going to get himself fucking killed——

 

And now there he was, crying his eyes out in his heaven because he had been impulsive and stupid.

 

He truly was a fucking idiot.

 

Izuku kept crying for what seemed a long time. When he finally managed to calm himself down, he opened his sore, bloody eyes and was startled; Alina was still there, but she had her face turned into another direction not looking at Izuku at all.

 

With a hoarse voice he called her name.

 

-.Oh sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt you. Are you okay? Want me to come back later to finish the introduction?-. Asked the woman with a small smile.

Izuku sniffed as he wiped his wet cheeks clean and shook his head.

 

-.K-Keep— Keep going on please-. Said the green eyed boy in a low voice. Alina just nodded and complied.

 

She explained how his heaven worked in general and how he could change some settings if he wished; she told him how he could go and visit friends or family members and how to call her in case had more questions in the future.

 

(She also told him there was a kind of Animal heaven in case he wanted to adopt a pet).

 

-.And lastly, but not less important-. Announced Alina, going to Izuku’s living room.

 

-… A TV?

 

-.Well, yeah! I mean, it is a television, you can watch whatever you want here but it has one of the biggest and most amazing plusses!

 

Izuku’s mouth hanged open and his eyes widened.

 

-.T-That’s— Is that--?!-. Alina nodded. The menu on the TV where she had accessed in showed the name of Izuku’s friends, family and his name.

 

-.You can “watch over” them any day at any time. You can also access to all of you memories, doesn’t matter if you consciously don’t remember them.-. Alina explained-. I must clarify that you can only access to memories that are yours, you cannot access to their memories even if they are about you; also, you can just watch over you actually know.

 

Izuku just nodded, never taking his eyes away from the names on the TV.

 

Alina smiled.

 

-.Well then, here is the remote-. Izuku took it-. If you have any doubts you know how to reach me, okay?-. Izuku nodded.

 

-.T-Thank you-. Mumbled the boy. Alina patted his shoulder.

 

-.I know it’s hard, especially when you leave lots of people behind but I can assure you that patience is well rewarded here.-. Said the woman before exiting Izuku’s heaven.

 

The green eyed boy looked at Alina as she left and then went straight to the couch and began to inspect every single thing the menu offered him.

 

It was a bittersweet sensation to have this chance but Izuku tried not to dwell on that and set his mind into deciding what to do first.

 

+

 

Izuku had been excited for having the chance to watch over his loved ones. He had been nervous as he watched the list of names and idly played with the remote; he knew he was loved by all that people whose name he was seeing on the screen but he was dead, he wasn’t going to see any of them in their normal daily routine, but he was going to see them in that normal routine after his death.

 

Izuku would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little bit happy to satisfied that morbid curiosity of “What would happen if I just die?” though.

 

He knew most of them would be sad or even angry, maybe both and Izuku couldn’t help but to feel guilty that he and his impulsiveness were the cause; but he also knew all of them were pretty strong and they would move forward in no time.

 

Or so he thought.

 

The moment Izuku laid his eyes on his lover he began to cry for the blond’s empty eyes told him just one thing:

 

Katsuki was utterly destroyed

 

And even though Izuku wanted to be optimistic and thinking that it was understandable that he looked like that due to losing his boyfriend in such circumstances, that the blond would be okay in no time—… Izuku knew it wasn’t going to be like that.

 

Katsuki was indeed a strong man in many ways, but he had never been good dealing with his emotions; Izuku helped him as much as he could, listening without judging, giving him advice and reassurance to the blond.

 

But now… now Izuku was gone and Katsuki was left alone to deal with old and new emotions all by himself.

 

Katsuki was broken, and to mend his heart and soul would take lots of effort and time; especially if the blond decided to do it without anyone’s help.

 

Izuku never felt as angry and in despair as he felt in that moment.

 

+

 

As Izuku predicted, Katsuki didn’t deal with his death well. The blond seemed to be “okay” at first but then he began to fade so fast it wasn’t just worrisome but frightening too.

 

What Izuku never predicted, never thought of, was that Katsuki Bakugou would try to kill himself.

 

The first time it happened, Izuku puked right there in the living room’s floor in front of the screen that showed Katsuki being hit by a truck; the blond had lived but that wasn’t enough to calm Izuku down as he cried rivers and rivers while he screamed Katsuki’s name in the hopes that his voice, somehow, would reach him.

 

It didn’t, of course, and so Izuku watched hopelessly as the love of his life, the strong, brave and lovable man he had fell in love with, attempted against his life once again and again.

 

It was maybe a good thing that Izuku had been dead already, for the several sleepless nights and high levels of stress would have killed him otherwise.

 

Thankfully though, Katsuki did go through all of that and began to move as forward as he could.

 

It took medicine, pills, therapists and to drop out of college for almost a year but Katsuki managed to keep going on in the end.

 

Katsuki still didn’t accept his dead completely and so he never put a foot near the cemetery but he managed to keep living and Izuku was endlessly grateful for that.

 

It would hurt, though, when Izuku would have the chance to go down to his grave on his birthday and that there were his friends and family but not trace of his lover.

 

Besides that, Izuku was more at peace; as he had also predicted, his friends and family moved on too –a little faster than Katsuki— and Izuku couldn’t be happier for them.

 

His mother and step-father moved out of their apartment to a smaller but cozy house. Izuku cried when he noticed that they had set one of the rooms as if it was his own.

 

His friends graduated and though some of them had some hard times, they all found a job and little by little began to make their own lives. They also never left Katsuki behind, not even when he had to drop college; they still were there for him and took care of him as much as they could in their own ways.

 

As for Katsuki, he too graduated and found a job. He moved out from aunt Mitsuki’s and uncle Masaru’s house and began his life as an independent young man.

 

He still looked sad and distant –especially with new people— but Izuku was still so proud of him.

 

Katsuki was, indeed, a really strong person.

 

Thing had fell on a peacefully routine and Izuku finally let himself relax a little.

 

Until he appeared.

 

Red styled hair, big scarlet eyes, a bright-toothy smiled… Kirishima Eijirou was one of those people who were noticeable either from their looks or their personalities.

 

IN Kirishima’s case, it appeared to be both; he seemed to be really nice guy and all but still, Izuku couldn’t help but to purse his lips in annoyance at the sight of him, for the redhead had set his eyes on his boyfriend.

 

And Izuku knew, he knew it was irrational to get jealous and angry at the redhead because Izuku was dead and he would stay like that forever, and just because he had fucked it up  it didn’t mean that Katsuki wasn’t allowed to be happy, truly happy once again.

 

Still… It hurt.

 

It hurt because if it wasn’t Kirishima it was going to be someone else who made Katsuki happy once again… and that someone would get to do all the things that Izuku always dreamed to do with the blond: to buy a place, to live together, get a pet.

 

To get married.

 

But what hurt the most and made Izuku angrier was that, that someone would have Katsuki by their side, would have Katsuki all by themselves until they didn’t want him anymore or until Katsuki dumped them.

 

And what could Izuku do?

 

Nothing. Nothing but to watch.

 

He had lost all those chances and he had lost Katsuki the moment he went and found his damn death.

 

+

 

For Izuku peace of mind, Kirishima Eijirou was indeed a good, noble guy but, for Izuku’s broken heart, Kirishima Eijirou was indeed a good, noble guy.

 

Izuku had learned the most he could about the redhead through his friends and Kaachan as he watched over them.

 

He learned that Kirishima lied to train and to do lots of exercise, going to the gym was a hobby for him; he learned that he was an elementary school P.E. teacher and that he liked sweets and salty food.

  

He also— confirmed that the redhead was interest in Katsuki in a romantic way.

Yeah… Kirishima was a cool, nice guy who was truly interested in Katsuki; Izuku had known it for some time now, but it still was hard to accept it. His heart yearned for Katsuki and hurt at the knowledge that he could not be with the blond but that Kirishima did have that chance.

 

Anyway, that didn’t mean Izuku didn’t want to go and strangle the redhead to death with his own hands after he fucked everything up.

 

After he fucked Katsuki up.

 

Izuku knew it was irrational to be so mad and angry towards Kirishima since he didn’t know about his and Kaachan’s relationship due to neither Katsuki nor their friends saying something about it.

 

Nobody, including Izuku, could have predicted how bad Katsuki would take Kirishima’s confession.

 

Katsuki had been through and horrendous hell when Izuku died, but the blond had managed to go on and had been doing so good—

 

And it only took a couple of minutes and a few words to destroy all the progress Katsuki had made.

 

Izuku wanted to find comfort in the fact that Katsuki still woke up every morning and went to work, that it wasn´t as bad as it had been—… but then, Katsuki wasn’t eating nor sleeping and that was not good at all.

 

The green haired boy was worried that he blond would find his death by –accidentally— neglecting himself; for heaven’s sake, he almost got killed at work because he was too freaking distracted and why? Because some Kirishima idiot Eijirou thought it was a marvelous idea to confess his love to Katsuki.

 

Izuku wouldn’t deny that he felt a pang of jealously about the entire confession thing, but hid level of angriness eclipsed all of that.

 

Izuku wasn’t one for violence but he did wanted to punch Kirishima because unknowingly he had made Katsuki relapse into one of his darkest hours.

 

“It isn’t his fault”, the rational part of Izuku’s brain said and the green eyed boy knew it was right but---! Seeing Katsuki go through that state of mind again… It—It was just too much for Izuku to handle.

 

He just wanted for Katsuki to have a happy life; was that a lot to ask for?

 

He thought of calling Alina and ask for a chance to go and be with Katsuki, just once, just this time— but he knew he was going to be turned down.

 

“You’re not allowed, not yet”

 

Izuku sighed and rubbed his already crying eyes.

 

Who could have thought that even when being dead, life could still fuck you up?

 

+

 

Katsuki managed to get out of his hell once again with the help of their friends –honestly, Izuku was in serious debt with all of them—.

 

Katsuki had also accepted Kirishima’s feelings and agreed to go out with the redhead once the blond explained to him with few details that he had just been in one serious relationship in his whole life, so things between them were gonna move considerably slowly.

 

Kirishima had just nodded and hugged the blond as he smiled like crazy.

 

Katsuki eventually hugged the redhead back and smile a little.

 

It had been in that moment that Izuku understood that all his stay on his heaven was going to be filled with the same bittersweet feeling over and over and over again.

 

It didn’t apply just for Katsuki (though, it probably hurt the most) but for his parents and friends too.

 

It was a hurtful fact, but Izuku knew he had to accept it one way or another because that feeling wasn´t going to go away in a –hopefully— very long time.

Not until all the people he cares about it’s in his same situation, at least.

 

It was such an overwhelming situation for Izuku. That’s why in one of Alina’s visits, the green eyed boy ended blurting about that constant bittersweet feeling and that he didn’t know how to either accept it or deal with it.

 

.-It’s not that I’m ungrateful but seing them moving on, experiencing thing I’ll never haver the chance to…-. Izuku sighed-. I do am happy for them but I can’t help to get jealous of them too!

 

-.It’s okay sweetie. You’re not being ungrateful, it truly is a complicated situation you are in and a heavy one to accept too-. Said Alina-. Believe me, you’re not alone in this.

 

Apparently there was a kind of therapy group for people who had a hard time accepting or dealing with their death for different reasons; Alina, of course, recommended him to go.

 

“Talking isn’t gonna solve any of this of course, but I think it can help you to get your thoughts or emotions out and knowing that you aren’t alone”.

 

Alina explained to him that there were several groups so the people in each one wouldn’t get overwhelmed and would have time to talk –If they wanted— too. So Izuku went and for Izuku’s surprise the group did helped him.

 

In Izuku’s group were young and old people; parents, sibling, boyfriends and girlfriends, and once Izuku began to listen to what they had to say he found himself feeling like he belonged, that he wasn’t, in fact, alone in whatever he thought or felt about his current situation.

 

Even if those thoughts or feelings weren’t exactly nice; Izuku had felt his cheeks go red with embarrassment as he found himself agreeing with an angry father in on of the meetings.

 

Alina had told him though, that it was okay to feel like that and that one of the main goals of the groups were that people could voice their actual feelings or thoughts about their situation.

 

“It’s a win-win scenario. Some people get to express how mad, sad or happy they are and other can know if they feel like that too, it’s okay; they get to know that there’s no punishment for voicing their complains and so they may find a little bit of peace of mind and heart”.

 

And it kind of did. With time, Izuku stopped feeling as guilty as he usually felt for thinking this or feeling like that.

 

Izuku was grateful that these groups existed and that he was in one of them, because the group and the people on it became Izuku’s shelter when that happened.

 

As how serious Kirishima’s and Kaachan’s relationship had gotten Izuku was quite surprised it hadn’t happened freaking sooner.

 

 

No.

 

No… Izuku would have been surprise if it did happened sooner.

 

That realization made Izuku’s mouth taste bitter.

 

After a year and a couple of months in their relationship, Kirishima and Katsuki had finally had sex.

 

Izuku spent hours and hours crying and wailing as for his already broken heart was being cracked even more.

 

He knew it was due to happen; he knew it when he saw how Katsuki realized that Kirishima was truly serious about him, Izuku fucking knew it the moment he realized that the blond was beginning to let Kirishima fucking in--!

 

Izuku could just scream and wail his pain away.

 

 

It had been thanks to Nana –a mother in his group that had been killed in a bank robbery many years ago— that Izuku didn’t waste away alone in his heaven.

 

“It isn’t like you to miss the group’s sessions. We all were worried so I asked Alina if I could come”.

 

That’s how, with a warm hug and sweet smile, she dragged the green eyed boy to were the meeting took place.

 

Izuku couldn’t say more than Katsuki’s name before breaking down once again; This time though, he wasn’t alone. His group hugged and comfort him for as long as he needed.

 

Izuku cried and cried, but this time surrounded by everyone he felt lighter with each sob and scream he gave for he knew he wouldn’t face this alone.

 

+

 

It had been hard. Izuku had avoided watching over Katsuki for several days; he even avoided watching over his friends fearing that they would mention something about Katsuki or Kirishima.

 

So Izuku invested all of his time in watching over his parents and in going to his group meetings; he sometimes invited Nana to his heaven or he would occasionally call Alina to say hi.

 

He knew he was postponing the inevitable, but he wanted to be a little bit more emotionally stable before deciding to watch over Katsuki again.

 

Izuku had never had trouble dealing with his emotions or feelings, but this time he found himself unable of acknowledging the mixed emotions he felt about everything; his death, Katsuki being with someone else, his friends moving on, Katsuki loving someone else—

 

It was just too much.

 

-.Maybe you should have a little chat with Dabi-. Pointed a girl a little older than Izuku.

 

-.D-Dabi?-. The girl nodded and there were humms of agreement from the others.

 

-.Dabi is a guy that use to come here a while ago. He stopped coming, hence why you didn’t meet him-. Clarified Nana-. Now that I think about it, his experience with all of this was quite similar to yours, even the boyfriend part. Maybe he can help you better than us.

 

-.N-No! T-That’s not--!

 

-.Look, Izuku-. Said an old man everyone called Gran Torino-. You’re a truly sensitive kind of guy, always in touch with your emotions and an expert in how to deal with them. Your problem right now is precisely the fact that you can´t deal with them because you either don’t know how the fuck are you feeling or you’re being a stubborn dumbass and ignoring those feelings. Dabi is blunt as fuck, he is gonna see what you can’t or don’t want to.

 

So Alina arranged the meeting and after a long and exhausting talk with the man –whose name wasn’t Dabi but a nickname— Izuku realized that his group was incredibly right.

 

Not just in the fact that Dabi’s and his experience in the after-life was similar but in the fact that Izuku was a mess with his emotions because he didn’t want to fully accept them because then Katsuki not being only his anymore would become a reality for Izuku’s heart.

 

“You have to accept those emotions and recognize them, no matter how ugly or unthinkable they are for you. You have to recognize them, to feel them as much as you want or need… You have to be careful, though so you don’t let them consume you. It still gotta take you time to assimilate all of that but it’ gonna get easier, believe me”.

 

So Izuku did that.

 

He went to his home in his heaven and stood in the living room in complete silence; he closed his eyes and took deep and slow breaths; he let his mind wonder and kept taking deep breaths as he felt the emotions flowing in his chest towards every part of his body—

 

Then he snapped.

 

He cried and screamed as he kicked the coffee table, he cursed and shouted as he smashed his lamps and ripped his cushions; he cursed at whoever was in charge to decide that his life had to end when it did, he kicked the walls and almost pull his hair off as he felt pity for himself. He flipped the couch as he screamed in madness, angry at Kirishima for taking Katsuki away from him; he screamed like a banshee demanding an answer from katsuki as for he had let himself being taken away by some stupid idiot--!

He let the jealousy and envy to infest his body as he cried and cursed for not just for Katsuki but all of his friends too were living what he’ll never had a chance to.

 

With a last hoarse shout, Izuku demanded that the stupid driver whom had killed him to fucking die.

 

With a weak sob, as he let himself fall on the floor, Izuku wished to stop feeling altogether.

 

Then the darkness engulfed him.

 

 

Izuku let himself waste away for two weeks, and he would have done it way longer if it hadn’t been for Nana and Dabi.

 

Izuku was aware that the young man and the woman had gave him a prudent amount of time for he to, well, “mourn” but they were not gonna let him stay like that forever.

 

As Dabi had told him, the point of doing all of that ruckus was to heal no to destroy himself even more.

 

So even when Izuku hadn’t been in the mood to deal with people, he was glad that they had come.

 

He was glad he hadn’t been abandoned.

 

-. Come on little one-. Said Nana as she helped Izuku out of his bed-. The session is about to start, so go take a shower and put your best clothes!-. Said the woman with a soft smile.

 

Izuku just let out a long sigh and nodded.

 

-.You think he will be okay?-. Izuku heard Nana ask.

 

Dabi grunted.

 

-.Time will tell, I guess-. Answered the man.

 

Izuku sighed once again and went to the bathroom.

 

+

 

Many months passed by since Izuku’s meltdown. It hadn’t been easy, but the green haired boy worked hard on mending his heart and his mind so he could keep going on.

 

It truly hadn’t been easy, but Izuku was proud to look back and realized how much emotional instability he had overcome.

 

He still had those moments were he would breakdown again or he would just lay in bed not wanting to do anything nor know about anyone, but they were just moments, so Izuku would be up and going after a couple of days.

 

It wasn’t perfect but Izuku was happy that no matter how hard he fell he managed to stand up once again; also he was happy too that those moments were less and less frequent every time, which was progress for the green eyed boy.

 

He, of course, kept watching over his friends, his parents and Kaachan and Kirishima; he even began to actually try to know Kirishima Eijirou from zero, without being totally biased.

 

For Izuku it was the fair thing to do after the redhead and Kaachan had visited his tomb.

 

Izuku still couldn’t help but tos mile when he remembered that warm feeling that enveloped his body from inside-out once Katsuki put a foot where his tombstone was.

 

He hadn’t gone alone, no. He had taken Kirishima with him but for the very first time, the presence of the redhead didn’t annoy Izuku; after the mayor panic attack Katsuki had suffered while he was waiting for Kirishima and the redhead’s honest understanding about Katsuki’s and Izuku’s relationship… well it would have been pretty unfair –or unmanly as Kirishima would often say— for Izuku to still want to hold a kind of grudge against him.

 

Yeah, he still felt little pangs of jealousy but it was mostly because Kirishima had Kaachan there, at an arm-reach an Izuku didn’t so ofr the green haired boy was kind of normal to feel like that from time to time.

 

Kaachan will always be Izuku’s boyfriend in Izuku’s heart. Yeah, the blond had another boyfriend who he loved too but it was a fact Izuku had learned to deal with; also, Izuku couldn’t be mad at the person who with patient and love inadvertently made Katsuki accept Izuku’s death after so many years.

 

Katsuki was finally beginning to truly heal and Izuku couldn’t be happier for him.

 

+

 

Izuku was currently watching over Mina and was having the time of his life –well kind of—; Mina was the biggest gossip encyclopedia out there so If Izuku wanted a resume about his friends or life in general he always opted to watch over her.

 

He was in the middle of shouting “Finally!” –Ochako had just proposed to Tsuyu and she had said yes— when someone knocked at his door.

 

-. Come in!-. Yelled Izuku, not bothering into looking who was coming through the door for he knew the only persons that visited him were Nana, Alina and occasionally Dabi and Gran Torino.

 

-.Hello sweetie-. Izuku turned his head to greet the person.

 

-. HI, Alina! Did something happen?-. Asked the green eyed boy for it was rare for Alina to come to his heaven unannounced, she usually called beforehand.

 

Aina smiled and shook her head.

 

-.Well, yes something did happen but it’s a good thing!-. Said the woman, taking a seat besides Izuku-. Do you remember that some time ago you asked for permission to go visit Katsuki Bakugou?

 

Izuku grimaced at the memory but he nodded nonetheless.

 

-.You also remember that it was denied-. Izuku nodded again-. Well, today I was informed that that permission has been granted-. Izuku’s eyes widened.

 

-.T—That-That m-means--!-. Alina nodded.

 

-.You can go and visit Katsuki Bakugou.

 

Izuku’s mouth opened and closed for nearly five minutes, his eyes beginning to burn.

-.I—I can see Kaachan?-. Asked Izuku with a weak voice. Alina nodded.

 

Izuku gave her a big smile as tears began to stream on his cheeks.

 

+

 

-.Now remember, you’ll have until dawn and you’ll have to accomplish your goal okay?-. Alina reminded him.

 

Izuku nodded as he stared at the door in front of him; the door that, once open, would let him see Katsuki in a whole new level.

 

Alina had explained him everything a few hours ago; Izuku would go and pay a visit to Katsuki while the blond was sleeping. He could tell him about afterlife if he wanted and his time limit would be either until dawn or until Katsuki was about to wake up.

 

Alina also told him that this chance was granted only to the people that died out of the blue or people who died but still had something to do or say, but there were “conditions” for that visit to be granted—well, there were just two conditions but they were important.

 

For one of them to be granted the opportunity to visit someone in the living world –through their dreams--, the person that had died had to be in peace about their own death and the person they wanted to visit had to accept the death of the person.

 

“That’s why your petition was denied the first time you asked, because neither Katsuki Bakugou nor you were in peace and had accept your death”

 

But now, Izuku and Katsuki were in peace with it and so Izuku finally had a chance, after almost seven years, to see Katsuki once again until the blond’s time came.

 

Izuku was scared but incredibly happy too.

 

The green haired boy was put out of his thoughts when Alina touched his shoulder and mumbled a “It’s time”; Izuku looked at her and then at the door which he noticed had a golden knob that Izku was certain wasn’t there before.

Izuku looked at Alina once again.

 

-.Go on-. She said-. He is waiting for you.

 

Izuku turned his head to the door, and took a deep breath as his hands turned the doorknob and the door began to open slowly.

 

At first there was nothing, it was as if Izuku had entered into a completely white room; but then, bit by bit, things began to appear as if someone was drawing and coloring them; a bench, a blue sky, a couple of trees, a fountain and lastly some swings.

 

Izuku frowned at the scenery in front of him.

 

“A park?”

 

Bu as the place came to life with bird noises and the water in the fountain running, Izuku recognized the palce.

 

Yes, it was indeed a park.

 

Their park.

 

The place where they spent practically all of their childhood, running, screaming and playing; the place that watched them as they grew up and that even when they got too old to play in the swings, they still spent some of their afternoons just sitting on a bench together, side by side.

 

Always side by side.

 

Izuku was totally asking Alina, when he came back, if the set-up was on purpose or if it was just a coincidence.

 

-.I—Izuku…?-. A voice called. A voice that Izuku knew so well.

 

Izuku felt his heart pumping loudly and hard on his chest as he turned to where the voice had come from.

 

Izuku’s breath was taken away the moment he spot him.

 

There, near one of the benches with his usual loose clothes and a little bit of bed-hair, was Katsuki Bakugou.

He was truly there; after so many years, Katsuki was at an arm-reach away from Izuku even if it was just for a few hours.

 

Izuku’s eyes began to sting as he looked at those ruby red eyes he had missed so, so much.

 

-.Kaachan-. Said Izuku, transfixed on Katsuki just being there.

 

The blond let out a tiny gasp at hearing Izuku’s voice calling his name and in the blink of an eye, Izuku found himself being hugged by Katsuki.

 

Izuku’s heart skipped a beat at the familiar warm feeling that Izuku was so accustomed to and that he had missed so much.

 

Izuku hugged Katsuki back, nuzzling into the blond’s chest, backing in his familiar scent and the not-so-little changes as Katsuki being taller than Izuku for example.

 

Time has truly gone by, hasn’t it?

 

They kept hugging each other for a while, none of them wanting to let go, but Izuku knew he had a mission to complete so he hugged Katsuki a little tighter and then he began to let go.

 

The blond stiffened at the feeling of Izuku breaking the hug, so he moved his arms from Izuku’s back to the green haired boy’s face, preventing Izuku from making a lot of distance between them.

 

Izuku couldn’t help the blush covering his whole face as he felt his boyfriend’s calloused and warm hands caressing his cheeks for the first time in years as he tilted his head back so he could see Katsuki’s face.

 

Izuku felt a knot in his guts as he watched those red eyes looking at him carefully and tenderly too.

 

People tended to say that Katsuki didn’t express his emotions by any means, but Izuku thought the contrary, for him Katsuki’s eyes express every emotion that the blond felt, and as for that moment he could see love in those red eyes, but sadness too.

-.Ka-Kaachan?-. Katsuki’s eyes widened slightly, he then blinked as a small, sad smile formed in his lips.

 

-.You’re dead-. Said Katsuki in a mumble, Izuku blinked-. And this is a dream, you’re not real-. Said the blond, his hands letting Izuku’s face go.

 

Izuku’s eyes widened, his lips trembling as he shook his head.

 

-.N-No! Kaachan, it’s me!-. Said Izuku in a rush, eyes watering-. It’s me, I swear it! Yes, I’m dead but it’s me!-. Almost screamed Izuku as he took Katsuki’s hands and put them on his face once again.

 

-.It can’t—

 

-.It is real!-. Screamed Izuku, eyes shut and tears already streaming on his face-. It’s real, Kaachan! I am real! You’re dreaming, yes but this is real, I’m real!-. Sobbed Izuku.

 

Katsuki didn’t say anything but he didn’t take his hands hands off Izuku either; Izuku hiccupped, his hands squeezing Katsuki’s.

 

-.It is me, Kaachan-. I am here-. Izuku said in a trembling whisper.

 

A beat of silence passed, and then---

 

-.”There’s not to fear, for I am here”-. Said Katsuki. Izuku gasped and looked at the blond with wide, teary eye; Katsuki huffed-. It was your favorite phrase from that All-Might show, you used it as much as you could-. He gave Izuku a really small smile before licking his lips-. This-This is weird and too much, I cannot be sure my head is fucking up with me but— I’ll believe you, I don’t have anything to lose right?

 

Hope wrapped Izuku’s whole body as his green eyes shed more tears and his mouth transformed into a big smile.

 

Katsuki huffed and caressed one of Izuku’s wet cheeks with his thumb.

 

-.Let’s go sit on a bench, then you can tell me what the fucking shit is going on-. Izuku nodded so fast his curls bounced, the smile on his face getting impossible bigger.

 

+

 

Izuku idly played with Katsuki’s hand as he told him everything since he had died, never taking his green eyes off the blond’s face in fear he would, somehow, disappear if he did –though he knew that that would not happen—.

 

Katsuki for his part listened at everything that Izuku was saying, he nodded at the mention of some stuff and made a comment here and there; he also didn’t take his eyes off Izuku in any moment, basking in the sound of his voice and the warm feeling of his hands on him.

 

For what Izuku was telling him, they had just a few hours before Izuku would have to go back and so Katsuki wasn’t going to waste them.

 

-.A-And that’s it! I-I guess.-. Said Izuku as he licked his lips. He had practically  rushed his explanation, leaving out some stuff some he could have time to accomplish his mission and to just be there with Katsuki.

 

Katsuki sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

-:Well, I think I do believe you now-. Said the blond laughing a little at the dumbfounded look on Izuku’s face-. Everything you just told me—there’s no way I could ever imagine all of those details, we know that.

 

And, indeed, Izuku knew that Katsuki didn’t spend a deep thought about after-life, for him it was heaven or hell and that was it.

 

It was a relief for Izuku, for he now knew that when Katsuki wake up he wouldn’t dismiss seeing Izuku in his dreams as just that: a dream. He would know for sure that he had been with Izuku in a kind of dreamscape.

 

-.I told you, I really am here Kaachan-. Said Izuku. Katsuki intertwined his fingers with Izuku’s and squeezed the green haired boy’s hand.

 

-.Yes, you are-. Mumbled Katsuki with a peaceful smile on his face. Izuku smiled too, and rested his head on Katsuki’s shoulder for a moment.

 

Izuku sighed, he felt quite at lost on how he was supposed to accomplish his mission… It had been a dumb move to jump at the chance to see Katsuki so fast, he should have asked for at least a day so he could come up with a plan on how, well, saying goodbye.

 

Izuku’s mind was berating itself when Katsuki spoke.

 

-.You… You said you watch over us…-. Izuku leaned back so he could see Katsuki’s face.

 

-.Yeah.-. The blond pursed his lips, eyebrows frowning a little; Izuku had known him for so long that he knew that Katsuki was feeling uncomfortable.

 

Izuku could very well guess why.

 

-.That means that—that you---

 

-.Yeah, I know that you’ve been dating one Kirishima Eijirou for quite a while-. Said Izuku as if it was the most casual thing. Katsuki still got tense when he voiced it.

 

Izuku sighed internally.

 

-.Kaachan, it’s okay-. Said Izuku-. You moved forward and found happiness with someone else, that is more than enough for me-. Katsuki visibly swallowed.

 

-.But you still— I mean it’s not like we broke up and I just went and—

 

-.Katsuki-.Said Izuku, interrupting the blond-. I died and we didn’t know that after-life worked like this, or that it even existed for that matter-. Katsuki looked unsure.

 

-.Still--

 

-.Still nothing, Kaachan-. Izuku interrupted him once again-. Look, Katsuki-. Said Izuku letting go Katsuki’s hand and instead taking the blond’s face into his hands so he could see those ruby red eyes-. I died, and while I was on my freaking heaven I could only wish and hope for you to move on and find happiness once again, and you did. After all that suffering you managed to move on and you found happiness, in this case, with Kirishima and-- Kaachan, you don’t’ know how happy and relief I was because all I want for you is for you to be immensely happy all your life!-. Izuku sniffed nd tried to blink away the stinging sensation on his eyes.

 

Katsuki’s eyes became un-naturally shiny.

 

-.Even in a situation like this you can’t be selish, huh?-. Asked the blond with a choked voice. Izuku smiled and let out a little laugh as he shook his head.

 

Izuku knew he wasn’t being completely honest but he didn’t want to spend their few hours talking and explaining all his way into healing and accepting that Katsuki had moved on; they would have eternity one day to talk about all of that.

 

-.It was weird at first, because you were—are still my boyfriend but in the moment I died I stopped being yours-. Explained Izuku-. It was unsettling and weird as heck but I always wished for your happiness and you’ve found it Kaachan.

 

Katsuki blinked and few tears escaped from his eyes.

 

-.I love you, I still do but--.-. Said Katsuki, sniffing a little-. I—I love him too, somehow…-. Izuku smiled and wipped Katsuki’s tears away.

 

-.I know, believe me. I know. I know you love the both of us in a similar but different way-. Said Izuku. Katsuki snidded and brought Izuku into a tight hug.

 

-.I miss you-. Cried Katsuki on Izuku’s ear-. I miss you so much, I don’t know how I fucking did it for it to stop hurting but I can’t stop missing you-. The blond let out a sob-. I’m—I’m sorry, I just--.-. Katsuki tightened the hug and Izuku turned his head slightly so he could kiss the blond’s hair.

 

 

-.You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Kaachan-. Said Izuku in a whisper, Katsuki let out a quiet sob.

 

-.B-But I—I still miss you, even when Eijirou is there with me-. Sobbed the blond, miserably.

 

Izuku found himself frowning at Katsuki’s words because this wasn’t like that.

 

He tried to lean back so he could see Katsuki’s face, but the blond kept his hold on Izuku hard enough do the green haired boy couldn’t break the hug and then hide his face on Izuku’s neck.

 

Izuku pursed his lips at the action, but wasn’t about to give up so he looked for Katsuki’s ear with his lips so the blond would listen to what he had to say.

 

-.Kaachan—Katsuki, listen to me-. Katsuki shook his head. Izuku moved his hands from Katsuki’s back to caress his blond hair-. Katsuki, listen, you still love me and you still miss me, yes but it doesn’t mean that you are ungrateful with E-Eijirou. You love him too, Katsuki, you love him with the same passion you love me with but in a different unique way-. Said Izuku.-. I know it. And I’m more than sure he knows it too.

 

Katsuki’s body trembled as he let out a sob. Izuku kissed the tip of the blond’s ear.

 

-.There’s nothing wrong in you missing me, even if we hadn’t been boyfriends but just friends and I would have died you would still miss me-. Said Izuku-. What I mean is that you’re not being a bad person if you still love me and miss me, you aren’t being ungrateful with Eijirou or cheating on him with me.-. Izuku let out a quite sigh-. So please, please¸ stop torturing youself with all this guilt because not me or Eijirou is blaming you about anything.

 

Katsuki sniffed and nuzzled on Izuku’s neck; the green eyed boy smiled.

 

They stayed like that for a while, Katsuki hugging Izuku and Izuku caressing Katsuki’s hair until the blond was calm enough so he could face Izuku again.

 

-.Better?-. Asked Izuku when Katsuki broke the hug and the green eyed boy could see his boyfriend’s face again.

 

Katsuki noded as he sniffed a little, some tears still falling from his red ruby eyes.

 

Izuku wiped those tears away and kissed Katsuki’s red nose. The blond smiled a little.

 

-.I can’t believe it, I’m the grown up here but still you are the wise one-. Said Katsuki. Izuku laughed.

 

-.You0re okay?-. Asked Izuku again. Katsuki took a deep breath and exhaled.

 

-.Yeah, I—I think so-. Answered the blond. Izuku nodded.

 

-.Uhm, this is just my opinion but I-I think you should tell Kirishima what you just told me?-. Said Izuku-. For what I’ve seen Kirishima is a really cool, easy-going gy so he would understand and he could support you so you don’t feel helplessly alone with all those thoughts…-. Katsuki pursed his lips, pondering the idea and let out a deep sigh.

 

-.I’ll think about it-. Said the blond with a little hesitation. Izuku didn’t say anything-. I mean, I would like to have someone to talk about this kind of stuff and Eijirou’s pretty trustworthy and he took really well when I told him the truth about us and…-. Katsuki shook his head and took a deep breath-. I’ll fucking tell him.

 

-.Good-. Said Izuku as he put his head on Katsuki’s broad chest, bringing his arms to hold the blond’s waist. Katsuki enveloped Izuku with his strong arms and nuzzled his face on Izuku’s fluffy hair.

 

Izuku smiled and closed his eyes basking in Katsuki’s warm presence; the sound of his breathing, the feeling og his heart beating on his chest…

 

Izuku was in a total different kind of heaven.

 

One of Katsuki’s hands moved from Izuku’s back to caress his hair and Izuku hummed pleased at that notion.

 

Then, after what seemed a long moment, Katsuki spoke.

 

-.Hey, Izuku?-. Asked the blond. Izuku just hummed in response-. I—I’m sorry about, you know, that day-. Said Katsuki.

 

Izuku frowned opening his eyes and leaning his head back so he could see Katsuki’s face.

 

-.What are you talking about, Kaachan?-. Asked Izuku, confused.

 

Katsuki sighed.

 

-.That day, the day you died I--- the last thing I--.-.Katsuki tightened his hold on Izuku’s body-. The last thing I told you… I wish I could take it back-. Said Katsuki, his voice defeated.

 

Izuku looked at Katsuki in silence for a moment and then he lightly shook his head.

 

-.Kaachan, you have nothing to apologize for-. Said Izuku. Katsuki’s red eyes widened in confussion-. I’ve known you my whole life and, believe me, I do know when you actually mean something-. Explained Izuku-. I died knowing you loved me.

 

Katsuki pursed his lips, analyzing Izuku’s words.

 

A beat of silence.

 

-.Kaachan?-. Katsuki leaned and Kissed Izuku’s forehead.

 

-.I know that but I still needed-- wanted to apologize-. Said Katsuki-. I love you too-. Mumbled the blond.

 

Katsuki had truly changed, not just physically but emotionally too; he was more mature, which was an amazing thing considering the hell the blond lived in when Izuku died.

 

But now, here he was, willingly talking about his feelings and emotions and---

 

Izuku couldn’t be more proud of him.

 

-.K-katsuki-. Izuku called him and the blond’s red eyes locked into his green ones-. I--- can I--?-. Katsuki seemed to understand him because he leaned forward, one of his hands sneaking to grab the back of Izuku’s neck and at last his lips pressed soflty and sweetly against Izuku’s.

 

Izuku felt like crying and dying all over again. He moved his lips, and Katsuki followed the motion. What began like a sweet, soft kiss soon became a hard and needy one.

Izuku’s hands grabbed Katsuki’s blond hair and pull at it as he pushed his lips harder against Katsuki’s; Katsuki for his part kissed Izuku with the same fervor, opening his mouth and moaning at the feeling of Izuku’s tongue.

 

They kissed, and kissed and a kissed until air was necessity and they had to stop.

 

Both of them were panting, both their faces colored a rosy-red. Izuku gave Katsuki a toothy smile.

 

-.I love you-. Said Izuku, Katsuki smiled as well.

 

-.I love you too-. And they kissed once again.

 

They kept kissing lazily for a while, and whe their lips became numb and swollen, they just held each other, basking in the presence of the other.

 

Izuku was caressing Katsuki’s chest and collar-bones when he felt it.

 

A tingling sensation.

 

“You’ll feel a tingling sensation and that’ll be your cue that time is running up, that he’s about to wake up”.

 

Izuku looked at Katsuki’s peaceful face.

 

It was time.

 

-.katsuki.-. Said Izuku as he leaned back-. It’s time.

 

Katsuki frowned, his eyes turning sad as he understood what Izuku meant.

 

-.I don’t want you to go-. Said the blond, his eyes watering.

 

-.I know. I don’t want to but you’ll see me again, I promise-. Said Izuku-. So go and live Kaachan and when you least think it we’ll be together once again-. Katsuki bitted his lips.

 

-.You’ll wait for me? And f-for--?-. Izuku nodded, taking Katsuki’s hands and kissing his knuckles.

 

-.I’ll wait for you and Eijirou to come home, Kaachan-. I promise-. Vowed Izuku. Katsuki gave him a wavering smile.

 

Izuku felt the tears forming in his eyes.

 

-.I love you, Kaachan.

 

-.I love you, Deku.

 

Izuku smiled.

 

-.See you---

 

As if he had been dreaming too, Izuku slowly opened his eyes and blinked a couple of times until he recognized the door in front of him an noticed its missing knob.

 

Izuku expected to feel his chest and heart aching, or an unpleasant sinking sensation on his stomach but instead he felt light, he felt normal.

 

He felt at peace.

 

A hand touched his shoulder and he turned his head just to see Aline, standing there.

 

-.Everything okay, sweetie?-. Asked the woman. Izuku looked at her and then at the door.

 

-.Yeah-. He answered, and then he turned to look at her-. Everything is fine.

 

And for the first time in a long time, Izuku really meant it.

 

 

“You better wait for me, nerd… And for Eijirou too”

 

“I’ll wait forever until the both of you finally come home”

 

 

“And when I’ll go,

my life on earth will be in peace.

I just wanted to say goodbye,

give you a kiss and see you one more time”

 

-.Historia de un Sueño, La Oreja de Van-Gogh.