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keeping secrets

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“Okay, let’s go over it one more time”, Kevin pressed and Jacob rolled his eyes as they stepped into the apartment. The first few times Kevin had said that sentence, he’d seemed fond, but now he just seemed annoyed. They both pulled off their jackets.



“Oh my god, Kev. Stop freaking out. I know what’s gonna happen, okay? We’ve gone over this literally fifteen times”, he said as he poked Kevin’s side, it didn’t have the usual effect of Kevin giggling and batting his hand away, because he was so tense he hardly even felt it.


“Just one more time, Jake. Please”, he asked nervously and Jacob sighed before putting his hands on Kevin’s shoulder.

“Alright, so when it’s midnight you’ll first start to get really fidgety”, he started and when Kevin nodded encouragingly he went on. “Then you’ll start to change. At that point I won’t be able to talk to you anymore. The change is painful, but doesn’t that long-“



“How long at most?”, Kevin interrupted, feeling strangely as though he was testing Jacob before an exam. Except he was the nervous one.

“The longest it’s ever taken is two minutes”, Jacob said immediately. Before Kevin could even open his mouth he went on. “The shortest half a minute.”


“Alright awesome”, Kevin nodded and he ignored the snort Jacob let out. “Then?”


“Then you’ll have changed and you’ll kinda look like the werewolves from Twilight and not from Harry Potter”, Jacob said, seemingly pained. Kevin had shown him all the twilight movies in preparation.


(“But why? It’s not the same at all!”, Jacob had wailed in the middle of New Moon. “Also, you’re not a vampire, so why did we even watch the first one?”
“I need you to know how I’ll look”, Kevin had tutted, as if the reason that they were doing a marathon was because of that instead of him actually liking the movies. “Now, keep watching. Bella is about to see Edward again.”

“Oh my God.”)



“Right. And if you’re scared and want to leave, I’ll completely understand. So don’t worry about hurting my feelings. I’m used to being alone and-“, Kevin was cut off when Jacob used his grip on his shoulders to pull him closer, so they were nose to nose.



“Don’t even think for a second that I’ll leave. I’ve told you, you don’t have to be alone anymore”, Jacob said quietly, before pressing a quick kiss on Kevin’s nose. Kevin scrunched it and laughed. The heavy feeling fell from his shoulders upon hearing that. This entire month he’d been stressing out over the thought of Jacob being horrified upon seeing him when he’d changed and bolting out of the apartment (and then breaking up with him the next day for good measure probably).



His arms snaked around Jacob’s waist and he pulled him closer. “Thank you, Jake. I appreciate it. I really do.”

“Don’t be silly. I love you, it’s the least I can do”, Jacob said and the fondness was back. Kevin smiled and pressed his lips to his.

“I love you, too.”






Kevin still felt anxious waiting for midnight, but the fact that Jacob had confirmed that he had no intention in leaving was grounding. He’d only spent one full moon with someone else and that was his mom, who’d been freaking out at the time. After that she’d made sure to never be in his close proximity when he’d changed.


He made sure to undress and put a towel around his shoulders (he didn’t want another set of clothes ripped to pieces) and about a minute before midnight he started bouncing his leg. He felt the upcoming change in his bones, making him restless.

Jacob looked away from the tv and over at him, no sign of discomfort or fear on his face.


“The fidgeting?”, he asked and Kevin nodded.


Jacob took his hand in his and squeezed. Kevin gave him a small smile, before he felt his bones start to shift a couple of seconds later. He let out a small whine and pulled his hand out of Jacob’s. Not wanting to risk hurting him when his nails inevitably started sharpening. He closed his eyes, grit his teeth and tried to focus on Jacob’s soothing voice, whispering sweet nothing.

When the change was finally done after about a minute of excruciating shifting of bones, nails and teeth he opened his eyes, vision clearer than it was when he was just himself. His eyes immediately settled on Jacob, who’d stopped talking and was instead studying him closely. His face was carefully blank and didn’t betray how he felt.



Kevin let out a small sound of distress and nosed at Jacob’s hand. To his immense relief he quickly started petting him as he let out a breathless giggle.

“Sorry, that was kind of overwhelming. I didn’t know what to say for a second. Your eyes…”, Jacob’s hand stilled for a second, quickly beginning again when Kevin nudged it. “They’re still the same, did you know?”


Kevin let out a affirmative sound. “It’s crazy. It’s literally you, but in wolf-form.”


Then he stifled a laugh, his eyes twinkling and speaking when Kevin gave him a questioning look. “Sorry, I just realized you’re kind of like a furry.”


Oh my fucking god.



Kevin glared at him and stepped away from him, to the other side of the couch, where he curled up. If he could he’d be pouting. Jacob was now full on laughing, clearly having a grand ol’ time. Clearly Kevin shouldn’t have fucking worried so much.


Like a furry, he’d said. He couldn’t believe this.


“I’m sorry. Just…”, Jacob giggled. “Don’t be mad. It’s not like being a furry at all. Sorry.”

When Kevin ignored him he kneeled down I front of him.



“Kevin, baby. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call you a furry. This is our first full moon together, let’s not be mad at each other. Come on”, Jacob said as he poked his side. Kevin looked up, looking at him quietly, before abruptly licking Jacob’s cheek, letting out a sound akin to a chuckle when the older boy let out a shriek.


“Kevin, what the hell”, he whined, standing up and wiping the spit away before sitting down next to him. “That’s gross.”


Kevin simply blinked innocently at him and Jacob let out a snort and affectionately rolled his eyes.


After a couple of seconds Kevin moved over to him to nose into his neck. As he did so he suddenly realized how good he smelled. Jacob had always smelled good to Kevin, sweet because of the vanilla-scented shampoo he always used. But now, with his sharpened senses, he smelled something else. Something he’d sometimes gotten a whiff of when he was alone in the cottage, something that smelled like home.


And when Jacob put his arms around him and started petting him again he closed his eyes and let himself be lulled to sleep with Jacob’s sweet scent surrounding him and his calm heartbeat in his ears.




When he woke up again it was because of the all too familiar shifting of his bones. He bit his teeth and groggily opened his eyes when he was sure it was over. He found himself sagged against Jacob, who was blearily bilking back at him, clearly also having just been woken up by Kevin’s change.


“Did we just both sleep through our first full moon together?”, Kevin asked disbelievingly.


Jacob nodded as he wiped one of his eyes, clearly not believing it himself. “I guess we did…?”


“What the fuck”, Kevin muttered and he let out a small noise of protest as Jacob started detaching himself from him.

“No offense, Kev. I like cuddling with you, but I’d prefer it if we’re either both wearing clothes or both naked”, Jacob said amusedly and Kevin looked down at himself.





“Well, then take off your clothes”, Kevin said with a small eyebrow wiggle and Jacob laughed as he stood up.

“Not on the couch, we let other people sit there.”


“They don’t know that”, Kevin said with a small wink, but he was already getting up and going over to the bedroom to get some clothes. When he came back Jacob has set two bowls on the table, getting some cereal from the cabinet.



“You want special K?”, he asked when he noticed Kevin walking over to him. The answer got stuck in Kevin’s throat when he took in Jacob, illuminated by the sunlight peeking through the half closed blinds and looking at him with affection and love in his eyes, despite the fact that he was anything but normal. He didn’t have to stay with Kevin when he was changed, there wasn’t a single drop in Kevin that would’ve blamed him if it turned out he wasn’t comfortable with him.



But he’d stayed and he was still looking at Kevin like he held the entire world in his hands.

He walked straight past the table and his awaiting bown and instead over to Jacob, whose eyes widened slightly. As soon as he was stood in front of him he reached out and pulled him forward and into his arms. For a second the both just stood there. 



“You’re my home”, he said then, feeling more sincere than he ever had. Jacob’s arms immediately circled around his neck.

“And you’re mine”, he said, sounding a bit choked up as he pressed a kiss into Kevin’s hair. Kevin's arms tighthened around his waist, pulling him even closer. 


And as they stood there, pressed together, Kevin swore he could smell home.