Izuku wakes up, quite exhausted from the previous day’s work. He is quite active in volunteer work in his community, picking up dog shit and throwing it at strangers with his masterful Quirk usage. It’s dirty work that someone must do. Today is going to be a wonderful day, and first he must get ready for the day.
When he was done, Izuku was dressed in a black shirt, black as the blackest black (fuck you Anish Kapoor) with bright green text saying ‘FUCK’ in English above a graphic of Peppa Pig. He had black jeans made of denim, which is a sturdy cotton warp-faced textile in which the weft passes under two or more warp threads. This twill weaving produces a diagonal ribbing that distinguishes it from cotton duck . He had on his ugly ass shoes, which he had owned from the ripe old age of negative five, which were painted with the blood of his enemy, Dog Shit . The laces were as white as fallen snow that had been trampled by a pair of boots drenched in grease. The soles were scuffed from walking, which is shockingly something that he used his shoes for— scandalous! He had on a thick jean jacket, wearing double denim like the god of Canadian Tuxedos he was, which was emblazoned with this words ‘Kacchan is a Punk Ass Bitch’ in literal 24 karat gold text. He had on a fedora, a hand me down from his loving father before he just yeeted out of his life, which covered his emerald jade viridian green hair. The greenette reached up and brushed his curly strands of keratin out of his glittering pine-needle, shamrock, parayeet dappled, smaragdine eyes, pursing his dry, crusty-ass lips like an instagram girl posing for a photo.
When he came into the kitchen, his mother was cooking up quite a meal for breakfast. She was such a loving mother, supporting his endless fight against Dog Shit in every way she could. Sadly, he was running late, so Izuku yeeted the succulent, nourishing food into his mouth as he sprinted out the door. Inko called to him, waving her hand like a princess in her tower. “Goodbye sweetheart!” Izuku could not respond, only food fell from his orifice.
He went to school, not even bothering to use the door and smashing through the wall. His teacher cried silently in the corner, staring at the Izuku-shaped hole carved perfectly into the wall like that one 2010s gameshow, and Izuku paid him no mind as he yeeted himself to his seat.
The day was filled with Learning and Excitement, which is to say absolutely fucking nothing happened. Eventually, Izuku just got up and left, ripping the door off its hinges and sledding down the stairs.
Later that day, Izuku ran into his childhood friend turned maximum edgy rival named Bakugou Katsuki. Bakugou was dressed in all black, but instead of looking emo, he just looked like a nun. Or someone from Homestuck. He sucks so much that he doesn’t deserve more description than this.
“What’s up, you bitch fucker, ” Kacchan said, flipping Midoriya off with his hands and his feet. “I’m gonna ruin your fucking day.”
“Joke’s on you, bitch, I’ve already ruined my own day,” Izuku replied snarkily, flexing his massive beefy eye muscles.
“Odd flex, but okay,” Kacchan said, flexing his pathetic teenage muscles. “God, I can’t wait until it’s legal for me to yeet you through walls again.”
“Hm! I feel threatened!” Izuku said, smiling. “I’ll see you later, Kacchan! you fucking twink-ass bitch motherfucker ass bastard. Fuck you. Perish, you absolute cunt. ” His face stretched into a smile, almost as wide as Cheshire Cat, almost as charming as well~.
“Holy Shit,” said Kacchan. “Calm the fuck down.”
“I can’t,” said Izuku, panting heavily. “I am a cool ass anime character ,” and then he flexed so hard his shirt just ripped into fucking shreds, and Peppa Pig wept in joy as she was destroyed by his sheer might and power.
“Uahh!!~” she exclaimed as she fell to the floor, face now in pieces of pathetic fabric which is made of cotton, a soft, fluffy staple fiber that grows in a boll , or protective case, around the seeds of the cotton plants of the genus Gossypium in the mallow family Malvaceae .
“I’m just gonna… go,” Kaachan whimpered. “I’m lowkey scared. What the fuck is going on.”
“Try and run,” Izuku said, posing like a JoJo character. “I’ll see you soon.”
“That’s so ominous,” said Kacchan. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Can’t you see?” Izuku said, sneering. “ I’m a God. ”
Across the street, Uraraka saw all this, and the power of heterosexuality made her swoon so hard she swayed on her feet. Luckily, she caught herself using her Wonderful Quirk that Needs More Development, Horikoshi , and then keeled over and vomited all over the sidewalk. Izuku saw this and nodded approvingly, clapping like a white man at a golf tournament.
While Kacchan was sprinting away in complete and utter terror, Izuku crossed the street in a single Massive Leap of Power and stood in front of Uraraka. She swooned again, but this time, Izuku caught her. Due to the Heterosexuality flooding the air, his muscles thickened in girth, and he gasped.
“My quirk!” he exclaimed. “It makes my muscles grow every time I experience something straight, but it makes me… want to… yeet .” He wiggled his manly eyebrows.
With that groundbreaking, earsplitting word, he drew back his huge, ballooning arms and flung Uraraka straight into the fucking sky. Immediately, with a weasley whine, his muscles deflated into twigs, revealing the Twink he truly was. He gasped and sank to his knees, and he prepared to cry, but then he remembered that he was a big strong anime character and rose once again, his eyes completely dry. So dry, in fact, that they began to water. But anime characters couldn’t cry, and God prepared to smite him down.
But Izuku flexed so much that the street beneath him shattered, and God said, “Aight. Fair.” and left.
Suddenly, Izuku sensed Something Terribly Wrong. He had no clue how, but he just knew . It was probably God. Looking around frantically, he cried out (without tears, that’s Not Manly ) “Ooh~..My spidey-sense~!” He moaned.
“That’s a copyright strike,” said Stan Lee, descending from the sky like a dead bird, flung from the heavens by God Himself. Upon further inspection, it really was just Uraraka falling back down as she was possessed by Stan Lee, him-godly-self.
Izuku fell to the ground, shaken by what he just unleashed upon the Earth he didn’t even initially know existed.
“Uh~” He turned and gasped, in utter shock.
“That’s your third copyright strike!” The physical manifestation of the Red Play Button showed itself on Ururaka’s unworthy little bitch-ass face and shunned Midoriya in his twig, skinny ass string bean lookin’ wack ass arms.
Izuku’s organs immediately combusted under the sheer wrath of copyright, causing him to perish instantly. A national holiday in remembrance of this mortal god-being was made, a statue of his bulging, sizable, burly arms and 12-pack abs was erected.