Chapter 1: begin.
It gets better by chapter 3.
August 21st 9:38pm
Such a strange word.
One word, four letters yet, it has so much meaning.
It causes the pulse to rise.
Palms to sweat.
Temperature to increase - it gets higher and higher until you're fuming.
Butterflies to be bursting in the stomach.
The heart beats faster and faster and faster until you feel so, so completely dizzy.
It's like an illness.
A viral disease.
Love for me feels foreign, it is just how I was brought up.
I can't say it to anyone without feeling strange. So strange.
Not even my parents.
But my family is something else.
My mother says she acts as she does because she cares, but she never says it's because she loves me.
Well she does sometimes, but I can't feel it. The sincerity that word used to hold. The validity, the preciousness and importance, the blossoming beauty has seemed to be washed out, completely drained from it.
Yes, I know love has teeth and it bites hard - but that's partner love not parent love.
Parent love should consist of actually telling your children you love them, and not saying it because its required of you - saying it because you mean it. Really, really mean it. It's about always being there for them and treating them as your equal, not your property.
They should be people you trust and can talk to, someone who does not judge you and helps you.
I don't get any of that.
I almost get the complete opposite. I say almost because I know they care, that's why they don't let me go and do everything I want.
But the lack of this feeling of love - that precious love, the feeling of warmth washing over you like a wave - a blue wave on a tropical island, caressing you, cooling you against the heat, surrounding you in it's welcoming embrace. Of feeling protected and safe and at peace - it leaves a scar - an invisible scar that makes me feel alone in the darkness when something goes wrong because there's nobody I trust enough to talk to - I'm just completely and entirely isolated in my own thoughts, an abyss of thoughts I can't escape from.
I don't trust anyone who says they can help the ones who are lost.
I don't trust anybody to help me when I feel like complete crap, letting all of this out is something I could never do. Ever.
It's because I don't expect anybody to be able to navigate through the storm in my mind, the whirlpool in my heart, the vast universe in my soul. It's too complex, too tiring. I haven't even figured out every route, how could anyone else? It's something I have to do on my own.
I could never ask someone to help me. I would never put someone through that.
But I've adapted. I'm fine, I can deal with this by myself. I'm stronger now, I don't need anyone, only myself.
I know now how to push through the straining winds in my mind, the cold, deep whirlpool of my heart. I have almost learnt how to navigate each and every galaxy, every constellation, every star, every planet in the universe of my soul. I'm still finding myself.
I would share the small secrets with my good friends, but I will never reveal this side of me to anybody. They don't need to know. I don't want to bother anyone - why should I? I'm just me. Not anyone special.
I'm strong. I can handle emotional pain. I know how to deal with myself.
Everyone in school knows me as quiet- as I am in class. But if they talk to me they would know me as a completely happy, weird, random, crazy, strange, funny daredevil with an innocent touch.
Nobody sees me this sad.
Nobody sees me cry.
And I don't think I can trust anyone enough to find this side of me...
You know... Love doesn't seem real sometimes.
I don't think it exists in all situations.
Agape - unconditional love for all, in every situation and circumstance. "The highest form of love" my ass. It's just something to get us by. Something that shapes todays society, it creates our personas so we can socialise in harmony, to create ethics and laws to control how we behave...It's just an excuse, it justifies our wrongs.
Love is merely a chemical reaction if anything. It doesn't take up any space, we can't physically see it - how can it be so real?
But sometimes -
Sometimes, it does seem real but it doesn't last a long time.
Something always, always drags me back down from the height. So if it is real, Love is intangible, too perfect for this imperfect world, too far to reach.
The concept of love, something so beautiful, so pure is impossible to be grasped by a sinners hand - a humans hand.
If it's real, it is just a word that nobody really means. And I have to remember that...
I tend to forget. I tend to get too caught up.
They say love is patient, love is kind, but when it is present it usually has teeth and claws that scratch and bite.
I finish writing and put my pen down by the sink of my bathroom. I look into my reflection in the mirror, taking a long jittering breath. There is a loud bang against the door that shakes my entire body.
"Get out now, do you hear me? NOW!"
This has been going on for the past five minutes but she's too determined to get her way.
I take another deep breath, looking straight ahead at myself as I remove my glasses.
I am not going to cry.
I can't cry.
I am not allowed to cry.
I will not cry.
Not now. Not today. Not ever.
Tears start to brim the corners of my eyes as I lean against the cold marble wall blinking them away, looking up at the bright stoplights which line the ceiling, lighting up the bathroom above me.
I am not going to cry.
I am not.
Tears start flooding in again, blurring the bright light shining down from the ceiling, making them into speckles. Like stars - yes stars, beautiful stars!
The door shakes again with mighty force causing my body to shutter and the tears to almost overflow.
"Get out now! who the hell do you think you are acting like you can speak to me however you want? There is no point in loving you is there? Remember that this is my house, you own nothing here, that bedroom is not yours, the food you eat is not yours ,you have nothing here, do you hear me? NOTHING!" The raging voice of my mother follows with another slam, shaking the door yet again.
What about the air? I'm pretty sure I have air.
"It's a privilege for you to be living under this roof, if I had my way I'd have you out of this house and freezing outside in the cold. Understand that I control things around here - not you!"
I know she doesn't mean it, not entirely anyway. Tomorrow she's going to be all happy and fluffy, I know this storm will pass, but it still hurts. No matter how many times I've been in this situation, it still hurts, it still rips me up every time.
But it makes me stronger.
" Get OUT!" My mother screams pounding yet again at the poor wooden door.
" I have a stomach ache" my voice is calm, normal and steady.
"Does it look like I give a damn? You can crawl to the hospital later if you need to, but I want you out here NOW!" her shrill voice muffles through the thickness of the oak door.
Does my mother know that words can kill just like a gun can?
Does she know how many times I've wanted to be gone because of her?
Does she know how many times she's made me feel like I was nothing?
Of course not.
Because I'm an actress. I can hide my emotions, sometimes don't feel them - I always seem perfectly normal or a sociopath, one of the two.
But how tempting it is to have the thought of escaping and never looking back.
But I know that I will be back here in no time, whether by force or not. I'll be back in this house, in this damn bathroom, probably in a situation similar to this one - with my pen and my book to calm the nerves.
To drain myself from this emotion.
To feel alive.
To feel like me.
Chapter 2: friend.
September 7th 1:45pm
COMPONENT 1:DEVISED THEATRE
40% OF FINAL GRADE
~Find a group which varies from 2-5 actors
-2 actors = 5 - 10 minutes
-3 actors = 6 - 12 minutes
-4 actors= 7 - 14 minutes
-5 actors = 8 - 16 minutes
~Choose a stimulus to base your performance on
-The closed door
-painting of the scream
-George Orwell's 1984
-'big yellow taxi'
~Choose a practitioner
~CREATE A MASTERPIECE
The rest of the lesson is given to choose groups and start planning our 'masterpiece'.
"You are all going to smash this" Mr Jung, our drama teacher exclaims. " I can feel it in my waters!" He yells to the class who are shuffling around, trying to find their groups.
I look around, not knowing anyone here as Rhea, my idiotic friend, has been put into a different drama class so I've ended up all alone.
Part of me regrets changing schools but at least I have Rhea. Besides, everybody was leaving my old school, as soon as they got the opportunity they took it - who wants to be cooped up in an all girls school for 7 years anyway? I’ve been suffering for the past 5 years.
I observe the black studio with its long curtains lining the ceiling, the bottom of the rough material brushing the smooth tarmac like floor. At the back of the room the pale rays of the afternoon sun spill in from the open windows sending in a breeze, cooling the students who are moving around, creating shadows on the dark floors.
Near the windows a desk sits, served with machinery which controls the spotlights dangling neatly in rows, spilling light on the drifting people below, some, who have finally found their groups and have settled down on the smooth ground, planning their performance.
I look around, not wanting to invade other groups which probably consist of friends who have possibly known each other for years.
"I don't think I can do this anymore" a loud voice echos from my right.
It had come from a boy.
His blonde hair shimmering in the yellow spotlight, highlighting his handsome features - plump red lips prominent against his milky skin, white button up shirt clinging onto his broad shoulders as he speaks again.
"I think we should see other people" his brown eyes look down at the boy sitting at his feet - his skin a honey glow, ash brown hair messy as his tie hung loose around his neck, white shirt untucked as he begs the other to stay.
The blonde turns around and walks away, leaving the the honey skinned boy with his arms outstretched, trying to reach for his blonde friend, a pained look on his face.
"Mother" he calls out, but it's too late, his friend is gone.
I bite my lip to suppress laughter, unlike the other students as the boy gets up, slightly annoyed, dusting his trousers off before looking around to find a new group.
His eyes catch mine for a fraction of a second before I turn away, focusing my attention on three girls cautiously coming my way - each with a kind smile, a welcoming look.
"Would you like to join our grou-"
"Sorry ladies, but we're a two for this" a velvet like voice cuts them off. An arm gently slings around my shoulders.The sent of vanilla mixed with something strong, musky, works so well for the boy with the honey skin.
The girls retreat, looking flustered and I can see clearly why as I look up at him - his features symmetrical and beautifully crafted.
Large eyes stained with the colour of hot chocolate on a frosty winter night, his crimson lips curl into a smile - friendly, warm.
"Taehyung" he removes his arm from around my shoulders and holds it out for me to shake.
"Nova" I smile shaking his hand before we take a seat on the floor, heated up by the strong sun rays.
"You're one of the new people right? Which hell hole did you crawl out of?" He jokes, accepting mint green sugar paper and coloured markers that are being handed out.
"USI Academy" I say, taking the lid off one of the markers.
"No way, that all girls school filled with snakes?" He looks at me aghast.
Girls from USI have fights with people from every other school so we have a bad reputation to other students, however, we are academically amazing so the parents still willingly send their daughters.
"The one and only" I respond, drawing stars at the corners of the paper.
"How have you been surviving for the last five years?" He seems concerned.
"It's not that bad, sure there are a lot of fights and drama but that's what makes it so entertaining" I explain.
"Ooooooh tell me some juicy stories" he rolls onto his stomach, chin resting in his hands, eyes intrigued, excited.
"TAEHYUNG - get off the floor sweetie, your shirt will get dirty" the blonde haired boy calls out, scaring the living crap out of everyone as he continues to discuss something with Mr Jung, loving the effect he on the whole class.
Taehyung now lays on his back, a hand over his heart, laughing.
"I hate Jin" he jokingly throws a dirty look at the blonde who I'm sure is Jin.
"Idiot thinks he's a king - he's been the same for the past 7 years - can you believe that? Not a single change in personality" Taehyung shakes his head with a loving smile at Jin.
"Wow, 7 years?" I don't even talk to anyone I knew 7 years ago.
"Yeah, but it isn't just us two, my other two friends where supposed to land yesterday- they visited Korea - but they got in an argument about who has a small 'pepper' so one of them accidentally broke the seat and they got kicked out the flight ... but they're coming on Thursday so you can meet them!" He seems excited to show off his friends, his eyes squint as a boxy smile appears on his face.
He is adorable, no denying.
"Sure" I smile at him.
"I think you'll like them, one of them has small hands just like you"
"My hands are not that small" I argue as Taehyung takes my right hand, a sudden rush runs through my body as he examins it closely.
"I think yours are smaller than his" he concludes. " let's compare" he holds out his pinky as I do the same, mine seems to be half the size of his which causes him to burst out laughing at my "tiny baby hands"
I pout pretending to be annoyed, I turn around, away from him and cross my arms to add effect.
"Aw, come on, I'm only joking, you're just really small, it's cute" he tries to get my attention but I don't budge.
"I promise I won't make fun of your hands ever again"
I turn to him " pinky promise?" I see him trying to keep a straight face as I struggle to do the same.
"Pinky promise" he confirms linking our fingers, the two of us trying our very best not to burst out into laughter.
I think I made a friend.
Chapter 3: adventure?
September 13th 2:45am
I step out of Namjoon’s house which is shaking with the music blaring out of it as he celebrates his birthday, even though it's past 12am so it is now the 13th day of September.
The air is cool outside. The gentle breeze caress my face as I breath in, trying to take away the smell of alcohol and sweat.
Namjoon is nice, really a lovable person as well as Jimin, both of whom I met a few days ago and have come to adore, but these types of parties are definitely not my thing.
I look up at the gleaming windows, painted with dancing shadows of the moving bodies inside.
I wish I could go back to Rhea’s but if I turn up without her - her parents are going to ask questions as she is not allowed to attend these parties, however, she is allowed to stay out late - god knows where the logic is.
But in my case, I'm not allowed out full stop. It's just how my parents are - overly protective and unnecessarily strict. To escape to this party I told them I was having a study sleep over with Rhea. After hours of non stop begging I was set free and now I'm here almost regretting that decision.
The jet black sky is dimly lit by the illuminating face of the moon and dull street lights.The trees cast shadows over the five bedroom house, with its lawn trashed with paper cups. Coloured light spills through the windows, inside where I lost Rhea hours ago in a sea of dancing bodies.
"Full moon" a velvet like voice echos from behind me, a familiar scent dances through the air as I turn slightly, towards the voice.
"You better watch out" I warn Taehyung "the Werewolf's will be hunting" I catch a small glimpse of his smile before I turn around again, staring up at the dark abyss.
"Rhea was looking for you, she got a little drunk and some girls from your old school took her home an hour ago - we were all looking for you" He speaks.
"I was out here" I mumble annoyed that now I have to find my own way back to Rhea's.
"How are you getting back?"
"Uber, taxi - trains run all night long - maybe steal a car?" I list my options.
"Or" Taehyung says.
"Or?" I question, looking into his deep brown eyes, his ash brown hair glimmers in the moonlight , his honey skin glowing and prominent in his white button up, the top buttons undone with a brown jacket hanging loosely around his frame.
"Or we could have an adventure" he stuffs his hands in the front pockets of his black jeans, rocking back and forth on his feet, shrugging his shoulders in the process.
"It's 2am" I look at him as if he's crazy.
"Actually it's 2:48am" he corrects.
"And that makes anything better how?" I laugh - he is crazy.
"Oh come on, it'd be fun"
"Yeah. But I'm hungry" I try to make an excuse.
"London is as alive in the dead of the night as it is in the day - Cafes are always open"
"And what exactly are we going to do there?"
"It's an adventure, the possibilities are endless"
"Rhea would be worried"
"I'll leave her a message, besides, what are you going to to back at her place? She's gunna be sleeping like the dead"
"True..." I say debating whether or not I should go with him. It's late, really late - it could be dangerous for the both of us to be frolicking around the streets.
But I have this weird feeling when I'm with Taehyung - I trust him - it’s weird, I know - I don't know why or when it started happening, we've only know each other for a week but I trust him for some weird, unknown reason. Not with everything of course...but things like this, the small things.
Perhaps it's because of his lovable, boyish demeanour or his genuine care for everyone, how friendly he is to anyone whether he knows them or not - he respects people, shows them care. It's not awkward to talk to him, he loves talking. Especially to me.
"Come on" He holds his hand out, a warm smile on his face. "Come on my new friend, my drama buddy, the pretty girl that sits next to me in English, the one I take the bus with? Don't you trust me?"
"Nope" I reply immediately, just to see his reaction.
"But why?" he pouts, his plumb red lips standing out in the darkness.
I try to think of an excuse.
"Because calling me pretty is untrue, why would I trust someone who lies?" I fold my arms, looking up at his face , which, from time to time, gets the shadow of the colours of the light seeping out through the windows of the booming house, washing over his face.
"I think you're pretty but if you want to be called a kamja I shall call you kamja"
"Kamja?" I question, confused.
”Now we’re talking" I smile grabbing his left arm "lead the way peasant" I joke.
"Of course my Queen" without warning he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder.
"HEY!" I scream.
"Yes my Queen?" He replies innocently.
"Put me down peasant!" I yell, half enjoying the experience.
"My Queen, you need not walk" he replies beginning to walk himself.
"I'm not enjoying the view of the floor peasant" I start wiggling in his grip.
"Well I'm loving my view" I can literally feel his smirk.
"Listen pervert" I start, trying not to laugh "You're fired"
"You can't fire me, because I quit" he puts me down and starts running, and I follow to catch up.
He stops, linking our pinky fingers "So you don't get lost" he explains.
He leads me into the roads without street lights, into the abyss of darkness, into the city I have lived in my whole life but never got the advantage to explore in the dead of the night.
Chapter 4: adventure.
September 13th 3:07am
I feel my heart banging against my chest as I breathe in and out heavily, filling every inch of my lungs before letting the air out again.
I try my best to catch my breath as I press my back against the wall, supporting one of the lion statues in Trafalgar Square.
I listen out for any signs of footsteps that are close by, any heavy breathing from the predator, but all I could hear was the light pitta patter of the fountains, the distant chatter and footsteps with the occasional honk from the roads.
That's when I hear it.
A low growl.
I slide my body along the wall as quietly as I can, trying not to make a single sound.
I peek around the corner observing the surprisingly serene environment with only a few people shuffling around, drunk.
I let out the breath I wasn't aware I was holding, turing around to the other side.
"Don't - fucking - scare - me - like - that" I hit Taehyung's chest at each syllable.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he laughs, raising his hands up in surrender "but I am supposed to be the werewolf hunting you - the innocent civilian... that's two games I've won"
"Yeah, yeah" I mumble, walking over to one of the two large fountains and sit at the edge. "You know... werewolf's usually rip apart and eat their pray"
He joins me.
"I mean, if you wanted me to eat you, you should have just said" I look at him for a second, his smirk suggesting that this isn't an innocent comment but I can't be completely sure.
I squint at the water, glistening in the moonlight, lights at the bottom of the basin making the water glow blue in the dark when I reply "jokes are definitely not your thing"
"Sorry, I didn't think you'd take it like that" he presses his lips together, suppressing a laugh.
"So you meant it like that?" I raise an eyebrow amused, biting my lip to suppress a laugh - he's so strange.
"Not entirely" he sends one of his smirks my way and I can't help but laugh. "You know, I do have some amazing jokes up my sleeve"
My eyes widen "you do?" I ask grabbing his arm and stuff my hand up his sleeve. He pushes me off, playfully rolling his eyes at my stupidity.
"You know what I mean"
"Tell me" I start to play with the water, watching the ripples spread across the glowing surface, bouncing off the sides and disappearing.
"Knock knock" He imitates the knocking with a smile on his face.
"It's open" I respond with a cheeky grin.
He glares at me as I take my hand out the fountain and flick some in his face, he batts my hand away.
"My eyes! You've blinded me!" He sways his arms around frantically.
"King" he corrects, finally calming down, rubbing his eyes with his oversized coat sleeve.
"Shall we carry on our adventure my Queen?" Taehyung holds out his hand.
"Of course, peasant" I hold onto his index finger. Like a little girl I shuffle behind him with an occasional little bounce of excitement as the adventure continues.
September 13th 4:23am
"Why are we in sex town?" I wonder out loud, looking around the fairly busy pavement with its many flashing theatres lighting up the entire street.
"What do you mean? This is Soho"
"This is were all the prostitutes where during the Victorian era" I respond.
"We aren't in the Victorian times anymore sweetheart, this place isn't based around sex and prostitution" he says.
"Yeah?" I say stopping in front of a shop "how do you explain that then" I tilt my head to the side where an adult toy store stands high and proud.
Taehyung's eyes immediately widen at the sight of all the toys and costumes decorated at the display window. He covers my eyes with his hand and leads me away from the store, back towards the station. "Let's ... let's go eat" He links our pinky fingers, dragging me along.
September 13th 5:02am
We are now in Whitechapel in one of the all night coffee shops, both of us indulging in our large slice of carrot cake and hot chocolate.
"You know, I love the history in this area" I say into the silence. Nobody else is in the small cafe but us and the lady at the counter, the entire places smells of coffee beans and cigarettes.
"What? Jack the Ripper?" Taehyung replies with his cheeks full of cake, making him look like some sort of chipmunk as he slides off his jacket.
"Yeah, I love his story - it's what made history lessons so interesting" I take a sip of my hot chocolate, enjoying the creamy sensation and the weird look on Taehyung's face.
"You're the type to watch horror movies alone in the dark, aren't you?" He asks.
"I've done that. May times." I use my finger to wipe off the cream cheese frosting from the cake and let the flavour dance across my tongue. Suddenly, a thought occurs to me. "Do your parents know you're here?"
"They think I'm at Namjoon's but they don't really care where I am, as long as I'm safe" he shrugs.
"You're lucky your parents let you out so late, you don't know what I have to do to even step foot out the house without parental guidance" I roll my eyes as I remember the promises I have to keep when I arrive back home.
"Yeah well, they're young so they understand" he explains and I can't help but get distracted for a second when he runs his tongue over his bottom lip, no doubt in search for crumbs left from the cake. How can someone be so effortlessly handsome?
"How young?" I ask, diverting my eyes away while I drink my hot chocolate, trying to keep the conversation going a little longer.
"They got married at 17 and had me at 18" he tells me as my eyes widen.
"Wow, that's a long time - it's so cool how they've been together for so long" I say as he starts to laugh.
"That's funny" his smile fades slightly.
"What's funny?" I ask in confusion.
"That you think that their still together" he finished his food and wipes his hands, resting them on his thighs before looking up at me again with his intense brown stare.
"Oh, I'm sor-"
"Don't be" He cuts me off straight away, smiling to reassure me that he was completely fine, still, guilt creeps inside me. I shouldn't have assumed. I shouldn't have said anything. Why must I say something so stupid? everything was going perfectly until now. "It was years ago, I stay with my mum, so it's fine, we're fine"
"Okay" I say not knowing what else to do so I give him a small smile which he returns happily.
"Where to next, peasant?"
I kick at the rubbish as we walk through Westminster, past Big Ben, down the level concrete ground in comfortable silence. Simply taking in the sight.
The sky was not a a jet black anymore, but a ombré of blues getting lighter and lighter as the streetlights dim.
"So tell me about your family" he asks out of nowhere, taking me by surprise.
"Oh, well... I have a 4 year old sister - she's 5 in December- an actual Satan spawn, a 13 year old brother - parents like to show him off because he got into this well know private school, my dad is a lawyer and because of his occupation, my mum doesn't have to work, so she doesn't and she is a complete pain in the ass"
"She can't be that bad" Taehyung tries.
"Sometimes she's just..." I try to think of a nice word " a bitch" his eyes widen at my statement.
"Maybe you're exaggerating?"
"She's just so hard to put up with sometimes, she's so unsupportive, always shouting, always complaining, always setting me targets too high for me to reach, it goes on and on and the next second she's all hugs and jokes and laughter... I don't even blame men for calling women complicated because I can't even understand my own mother" he laughs at my last comment.
"Don't worry" he slings an arm around my shoulder, pulling me close to his side. He's a very touchy person. "It'll all work out, always does because you're family, no matter how much you fight, there's always love" I smile, he should quote that and post it on tumblr.
"What's the time?" He asks.
I look down at my empty wrist "hmm, I'm not sure how to read this" he laughs at my stupidness before pulling out his phone.
"You're kidding" I take his phone and see that the time was indeed, 6:20am - we've been out for so long... how did time fly by so quickly, without either of us noticing or acknowledging that the sun was raising? It seems that we where caught up in our own world until this moment. " I need to go back to Rhea-" I start.
"Let's see something first, come on" his hand cups mine as he pulls my arm, leading the way.
We stand on Tower Bridge, staring out into the city as the darkness surrenders to the light illuminating the clouds, splashing them with endless rays of pink. It gifts the sky with a heavenly glow.
The sky suddenly blushes scarlet as the sun peeks over the skyline in its blazing white form. Like a flower, it opens its petals, letting it's orange rays kiss the earth. The orange hues bleed through the east, taking over the sky, like fire, the sunshine spreads through the city and beyond. Illuminating every surface, spilling its light into the darkest corners.
The muddy river Thames is now a liquid gold, so are the windows of the glass structures, reflecting the light back into the world.
The sun has ignited the birds into a chorus of sweet melodies as a cool breeze brush's my body, sending a chill down my spine.
This is dawn.
"The universe is so beautiful, so intricate, it always shocks me" I breath, eyes wide in awe of all the colours in front of me. I look to the side to see Taehyung, staring out, looking breathtaking as the rays make him glow, as if he had bathed in liquid sunshine.
He can't seem to take his eyes off the rising sun.
The sky slowly attains it's powder blue appearance as women and men in professional suits begin to take over the streets, their footsteps no longer echoing as more and more people and cars pass by. They seemed to be too busy to appreciate the beautiful display right in front of them.
The peaceful quiet of dawn is interrupted by the sounds of chatter and vehicles, bike bells and heavy footsteps. The birds chorus is almost impossible to hear as the city awakes into liveliness.
"Come on sunshine, I'll take you back to Rhea" he smiles, finally tearing his gaze away from the sunrise.
"Sunshine?" I laugh at the name.
"You don't like it? I thought you'd see the connection" he refers to the raising sun. "You seemed to enjoy the 'beautiful and intricate universe' as I believe you said" he beams at me.
"Yeah I get it, I like it" I reply with a small smile.
We are about to descend down the steps towards the train station, however, rush hour has sent a wall of people stomping up those steps with great speed, not leaving a single path for a way down.
Taehyung moves himself beside me, lacing our fingers together in a tight grip. "Hold me tight and we won't get separated okay?" I give him a small nod before we fight through the crowed, accidentally elbowing a few people as we struggle to keep together. We are almost half way down when Taehyung grabs my waist in a tight grip with one hand, putting me in front of him, the other still clasping my hand.
Finally down the steps, his hand leaves my waist as we wait for our train while catching our breaths from all the pushing and shoving.
I'm tired, god I'm so tired. Everything hurts, everything aches. But it was worth it. I feel so free.
I look up at the board showing when all the trains go and when they are due to arrive, looking intensely for the train we are about to take. But my eyes land on a name that makes it almost impossible to breathe for a second.
A snort escapes me before I cover my mouth to hide my stifled laughter. I look over at Taehyung, looking down at me utterly confused before I point up to the board the first line reading :
CockFosters due 1 min.
And now he's laughing, eyes squinted as he bites down on his lower lip, trying to suppress it, but failing. We practically crawl onto the train in hysterical laughter. I lean my back into the corner and he stands in front of me, his hand on the glass beside me to keep me from tumbling when the train starts - still laughing, tears swelling in our eyes.
"Do they like, foster cocks?" I cry out. "Like - imagine - fostering a cock, putting a leash on it a-and taking it out for a w-walk a-"
"Nova, please shut up" His voice thick from laughter, squeezing my hand, still holding his own, fingers still laced together with neither of us having the intention of letting go anytime soon.
We stop at the side of Rhea's house, under the window in which I had escaped from hours ago.
Finally letting go of Taehyungs hand, I take out my phone and text Rhea to throw down the ladder, hoping she's up because I don't want to keep Taehyung too long - I know he won't leave until I'm inside.
"Well thank you for all ... that" I'm not completely sure what to call it, but it was fun, the best time I've had a while. I felt to free. So alive.
"Well, you're welcome for all ... that" he laughs "best adventure I've ever had" he adds which causes me to feel giddy with happiness.
I put out my hand for him to shake, he rolls his eyes before grabbing my wrist and pulling me into a hug. I let myself enjoy his warm embrace, taking in the sent of musky vanilla before he lets go.
"Oh, hello, nice of you to finally stop by" I hear Rhea before I see her looking down at us from the window.
"Yep, I'm just dropping off your delivery" Taehyung jokes.
"Which has been long overdue" Rhea reminds, giving me a smirk.
"See you Monday, sunshine" he laughs before walking away, giving me a final wave.
"See you" I whisper with a small wave, watching him disappear into the maze of streets, now lit up, gleaming in a golden light.
"Hey, Juliet" I turn to see Rhea had thrown down the ladder. "Why don't you climb up my tower and tell me what you where doing all night with Romeo over there?"
I can't help but laugh while climbing up the ladder.
"We had fun.”
Chapter 5: family.
November 2nd 8:29am
A single golden leaf twirls down in a delicate spiral, letting itself be blown gently by the invisible breeze.
It looks so peaceful in its slow dance towards the surface of the earth, that I'm worried for a second that it may be whisked away by the grips of the icy wind. But it keeps twirling in circular motion until it lands lightly amongst the rest of the caramel leaves.
Autumns sweet breath sends chills through my body, wrapped in a thick black coat. The pavement is drenched and the threat of rain looms through the sky with its heavy clouds scuttling across it, blocking much of the suns rays creating a dull grey filter.
I walk alone towards the schools high gates, shuffling through the crispy dead leaves. Inside, I am flooded with warmth as I head toward my locker.
Autumn truly is beautiful with its naked trees looking as if they are dancing in the sea of amber, yellow leaves. Their branches swaying in the hands of the mighty winds.
The thing that we don't realise is that everything is decaying. Dying. And the fact that humans find death beautiful can show how twisted our race is, after all, the human brain is the most terrifying thing of all. We can't see the minds construction in the face - that's the dangerous part - we don't know what anybody is really thinking, what their real intentions are. We only see what they want us to see.
The locker door suddenly slams shut , wrenching me from my thoughts.
"Namjoon you piece of fuck, you scared the crap out of me" I punch the shoulder of the tall boy leaning against the locker, hard, wiping the smirk off his face as he grimaces in pain.
"I think you dislocated my shoulder" He chokes out before following me down the hallway as I mumble things about stupid egg heads.
"I was going to ask if you wanted to revise philosophy during our free period after lunch" he says.
"Can't, I'm so far behind in English lit and and Tae said he'd help me" I reply.
"Oh, Tae, said did he?" Namjoon smirks at the nickname, teasing me as he has been for a few weeks now.
"Do you want me to dislocate your other shoulder?" I threaten before I look ahead to see Jimin, smiling as he talks to none other than the king himself - Jin.
"JIMIN" I gasp, pretending as if I haven't seen him in years. I run and jump into his open arms as Jin does his squeaky laugh.
"I talked to you this morning on the phone, why are you this excited?" Jimin questions laughing, but not letting go.
"I missed my brothers" is all I say, causing the rest of the boys to join in hugging first Namjoon, then Jin so we cause a line of hugging with me at the end.
Suddenly, I feel someone wrap their arms around my waist, their vanilla sent prominent as they press their body onto me.
"FAMILY SELFIE" I open my eyes just in time to see Jin snapping a picture on his phone.
"HOLA buenos dias, que tal?" I ask in the little Spanish I know, turning around to face a beaming Taehyung. He pulls me into his chest for a warm hug, his sent almost distracting me from his reply.
"Bien, gracias, y tu?" He replies, I feel the vibration of his voice on my cheek.
"Bien, merci... that's not right" I try to think of how to say thank you as he lets me go, trying not to laugh unlike the others. "listen, I haven't done Spanish in 4 years I don't know everything okay?" I pout "stop judging"
"Aw, you're an adorable idiot - and so are your dimples wow" Jin says grabbing my face to examine it. He turns me around to the others and I smile at them.
"Oh, they are deep, I can eat my cereal from that" Taehyung mumbles to himself while poking my dimple.
"You're so strange ... just like me, high five" but he is still fixed on my face.
"They should be illegal" Namjoon butts in, pocking my cheek with a weird smile.
Jimin suddenly gasps " WE CAN CALL HER ILLE - GIRL" he looks from side to side with a wide smile, waiting for everyone to applaud him on his genius play on words but all he receives are blank looks.
"I'm leaving" I start to walk away before Jimin pulls me back.
"Oh, she's sick" I answer.
"We're supposed to all go to Starbucks today, we're only going because she likes it" Jimin reminds.
"Let's go without her and send her pictures so she can suffer even more" I suggest.
"Sounds like a plan"Jin confirms laughing at the evilness.
"Gotta go to form, see you guys in English, and I'll see you Namjoon, in first period - hope you did the philosophy homework" I chirp before grabbing Taehyung by the arm "you're in my form" I remind him before pulling him along.
"Unfortunately" he mumbles.
"Fine, walk by yourself" I say leaving him in a strut.
"No, no, no - I'm sorry, don't leave me!"
"Goodbye peasant" I start running away from him, down the crowded corridors, slipping past bodies in the process.
Somehow Taehyung catches up to me "tag" he pokes my back.
"I don't play such childish games" I announce in a matter-of-fact tone, flipping my hair back.
He calms down, walking beside me. I quickly tap his arm.
"HA, BITCH YOU THOUGHT!" I turn, running down the empty corridor, speeding past door after door - turning a sharp corner until I'm almost at my form room.
I head toward the door, reaching my hand out towards the door handle, shaking in feverish excitement - I beat him!
My hands barely brush the handle before Tahyung suddenly grab my waist pulling me back into his warm body, panting from exhaustion.
I would push him off, but then I wouldn't have any energy in my body to hold myself up.
He leans against the wall next to the wooden door of the classroom we are currently supposed to be in, not letting his hands leave my waist as I rest my head back on his chest for a second before turning to face him in his embrace.
He leans his head back against the wall, closing his eyes for a second, breathless. And I’m staring. I shouldn’t be staring.I finally come to my senses and begin to feel strange, being this close to him.
He finally opens his eyes, looking down at me, biting his crimson lip before letting out a sigh. "that was way too much exercise" he half laughs.
"Agreed" I breath out, feeling my heart jolt at his every move.
He opens his mouth to say more when the the classroom door opens - we instantly jump, separating from each other as Mr Jeon opens the door.
"Ooookay, Are you going to go in and get registered or stay here all day?" He says trying to be stern but it comes out in an awkward, yet cute manner, he opens the the door wide for us to enter.
He's a funny one.
"Can I have two small hot chocolates with cream please" Jimin orders for the both of us as I slip him my money, refusing to let him pay for me.
"Do you mean tall?" The lady at the counter corrects.
"Would you like a shot of caramel?"
"Almond milk, carrot milk or normal?"
"Carrot it is-"
"Signature or classic?"
"Eat in or take out?"
"What - "
"I just want hot chocolate" Jimin seems as if he's on the verge of tears and I can't help but laugh before making my way from the counter, towards the rest of the boys waiting for their drinks further down.
This is the only thing that I dislike about Starbucks - when you want a simple hot chocolate you need to order some Himalaya blah blah blah shiz.
The cafe is quiet with a few people tapping away at their laptops, sipping their drinks and chewing their cakes. The smell of coffee beans waft through the air as I skip right up to Taehyung and tiptoe to get as close to his face as possible.
"I'm a very tall midget" I whisper making him laugh.
Then he does something a unexpected.
My body freezes as he turns me around and wraps his arms around my waist, holding our bodies together before he rests his chin on my shoulder. I still haven't gotten used to how touchy he is, it's sweet, I guess, but I'm not used to it. It makes me feel ... breathless? I don't know, it's a foreign feeling.
"And I'm a very small giant" he whispers into my ear, hot breath sending a chill down my body. Weird. Weird. This is weird.
"Haha shorty" Namjoon mocks, messing up my hair. I take this as an opportunity to break out of Taehyung's grasp and punch Namjoon's shoulder.
"Dude" he exclaims, pained as he watches me smirk at him evilly.
"Hot chocolates for TAE, RM, Jin, CHIM and ... SATAN?"
"Aw Jimin, you know me so well" I slip to the counter, collecting my drink before heading towards two comfy, ebony coloured sofas facing each other with a low oak table in-between.
"Ooh you have a forehead" Taehyung pokes my forehead.
"Ooh you have a nose" I say poking it.
"Ooh you have a finger"
"Ooh you have a middle finger" we both hold up our middle fingers.
"Ooh" we say simultaneously.
I slowly look around at the others who are staring at us dumbfound.
"Listen, just because you're not at the same wave length as us, doesn't mean you can judge us" I pout at them, crossing my arms.
"He's like your soul mate" Jimin laughs.
"Yaass, my platonic soul mate!" I hold out my finger as he does the same, touching fingertips.
"How DARE you" I hear from from the my left, causing us all to jump in surprise.
I look up to see Rhea, wrapped in a fluffy white blanket, sniffing, one hand holding a mug of coffee, the other showing us the picture we sent her of us enjoying our hot chocolates.
She furrows her eyebrows, sniffing again "scoot" she pushes me to the side, right up against Taehyung even thought there is plenty of space for the three of us to sit as Jin, Namjoon and jimin fit perfectly on the seats across from us.
She's managed to sit comfortably as she had moved me half onto Taehyung's lap.
I know exactly what she's doing.
I look up at Taehyung with a shy, apologetic smile. He, however, doesn't seem to mind at all when he pulls me right onto his lap and keeps his arms around my waist. My eyes squint at the others, glare at them - daring them to say something. Nobody does, only small smirks and cheeky grins are thrown my way.
My back is straight, rigid, hoping that I'm not crushing his legs.
Rhea is jokingly glaring at the boys as they shower her with apologies and blaming me for the entire idea, which they aren't completely lying about.
It's hard to concentrate when I'm trying to make myself an easy passenger, I almost don't hear Taehyung calling my name.
"Say ahh" he holds up a fork full of brownie to my mouth.
"No that's okay" I say, not wanting to add weight and murder his legs.
"Please, for me?" he tries with a pout.
"Nope" I say before I'm pushed, my back leaning against the arm of the sofa, I'm no longer seated on Taehyung who is slightly looming over me waving the entire brownie in front of my face.
"Eat up princess"
"Excuse me, but I am a QUEEN, don't disrespect-" I am cut off when he shoves the entire brownie into my mouth before leaning away.
"I said I'd be home by five" he jumps up, drowning the last bit of hot chocolate before grabbing his coat.
“I'll see you Saturday for drama rehearsal, 1 - 2 pm" I remind him, with a mouthful of brownie.
"I'll be looking forward to that, take care my Queen" he plants a kiss on my forehead.
”Bye guys” he waves before leaving, hurriedly.
Well, that just happened.
"He never kisses me like that" Jimin mutters whilst sipping his drink, breaking the silence held by my friends, staring at me with a questioning look on all of their faces.
"What?" I ask them, tilting my head to the side in complete confusion.
"Oh, nothing, I mean, he kinda just pinned you down on the sofa... in front of us..." Rhea tries not to laugh.
No he didn’t.
"He did not, he just pushed me back a little"
"Looked intimate" Namjoon sips his empty cup while looking at me over the rim of the cup.
"Oh, shut up" I roll my eyes at their assumptions.
They don't know what happened, because what their imply is too weird to even think about. I ignore their stupid faces, going back to my brownie.
Chapter 6: daddy.
November 3rd 12:43pm
I slam the door of the car as hard as I can, just to annoy my mother who had just given me a whole lecture about how inconsiderate I am for having a 20 minute shower.
"Your dad is under so much stress working for that client, so I think he'd appreciate it if the bills aren't sky high is all I'm saying" she says, rolling down the black tinted window.
"Well maybe if you focused on your education, you'd at least have a job so you could buy your own fucking things and not be like some kind of leech to his wallet" I mumble under my breath, making my way towards the school for the Saturday drama rehearsal.
I plod into the reception, just to see Taehyung slouching, legs apart, on one of the two leather armchairs in the waiting area.
He is dressed in a plain white long sleeve shirt, creased in some places with black ripped jeans, clinging to his legs - his face wears a look of anger as he furiously taps away at his phone. Jaw tightened, eyebrows furrowed, he slams the phone down onto his lap. Slowly, he looks up, finally noticing my presence - his hard look immediately softens as he sends a award winning smirk my way.
"15 minutes early? You must be so eager to see me"
I send him a disgusted look before collapsing in the arm chair next to him, a loud fart like sound is exerted from the impact followed by Taehyung’s laughter.
His snickering immediately stops as I raise one eyebrow at him.
"I'm not laughing, I swear, I'm not" he assured me before turning his body away, covering his own mouth to stop the laughter, his shoulders shaking.
"I hate you" I resort with a sigh.
"Aw come on, what's bothering you? Are you off your period or something? You're like this other happy, fuzzy person when you're on, it's weird"
"How do you even know when I'm on, I've only known you for 2 months!" I exclaim, though, it was a weird thought - its only been two months, it feels like so much longer.
"Because you always skip over to me and ask if I could keep your pads for you" he breaths a laugh, running a hand through his hair.
"Oh right, I do, do that don't I?" I say with an awkward smile which he returns, shaking his head.
"And it's been 57 days" he adds into the silence.
"Knowing each other" he responds with a small shrug.
"It's so weird to talk about, it seems like so much longer" I mumble, resting my back against the leather.
"It feels like forever" he leans back in his chair, imitating me with a small smile, staring into nothingness, a dreamy look on his glowing face.
"We spend too much time together" I shake my head "it's almost unhealthy”
"Yeah, we walk to school, we're almost in all the same classes, free periods together, break and lunch together and we also walk back together" he lists on his long fingers.
"And talk on the phone after" I laugh at the memories we've made so far.
"Also because of that night" he reminds me, not that I need it. It's one of the most memorable nights of my life.
"Yeah, all those feelings shared ... I'd never say any of that in broad daylight" I mumble as Taehyung laughs.
"Loads of weird ass memories in 57 day"
"Oh! Remember when we all went to the library after school to study, looking all business like in our clothes but then we ended up re-enacting Harry and Voldys last battle?" I burst out laughing while speaking.
"Yeahh, the librarian had to kick us out and ban us but we just kept screaming 'Avada Kedavra’ at her" Taehyung clutches his stomach just thinking about it, tears sparkling in his eyes.
"We are actually such losers" I smile, calming down.
"We are the best losers" he corrects, pointing his finger at me.
"I like that" I beam, looking at him. It's so strange how close we've gotten, how he is here and real and my friend.
"Me too" he responds smiling, eyes crinkling in happiness.
"Okay guys, your turn" Mr Jung announces, opening the door of the reception to lead us into the main school and let Jimin and Jin out.
"Hey weirdo" Jin ruffles my hair before Jimin gives me a quick hug.
Before Jimin walks fully out the door, I kick his butt so he stumbles forward and sprint off to the drama room hearing laughter and Jimins yells "HOW DARE YOU KICK THE JIBOOTY?!"
"According to the script you created, you, Nova, are the child that Taehyung’s character killed and blamed the mother for, you have come back in this simulation to haunt him, hurt him - act like it - FROM THE TOP!" Mr Jung exclaims dramatically.
Taehyung is on his butt at this point in the play and my character has to be sitting behind him, wrapping her arms around him. I still find it a little weird, awkward touching him this much all at once, but I do it anyway.
My hands carefully hover over his broad shoulders, and around him, pressing my body lightly to his, resting my chin on his left shoulder from behind.
I take a small breath before beginning, preparing myself, setting myself into my characters shoes.
"Why did you do it daddy ?Why dad-" I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't carry on as Taehyung had bust out laughing, yet again we are both in stitches, tears in eyes, doubled over in laughter.
"Alright, your hours up" Mr Jung shakes his head, trying his very best not to let out a laugh, but failing slightly. "Get out you little rat bags."
We collect our things and head back to the reception, letting the group after us inside.
"I'm sorry I couldn't - we've made too many jokes" I bend over with laughter as Taehyung uses the wall as a support, tears forming in his eyes.
"Yeah, but you didn't have to say it that way"
He wipes a tear, not being able to stop laughing.
"What? In what way?" I calm down, curious.
"You just have a really smooth voice, and you didn't even try to use a innocent, child-like voice..."
I raise my eyebrow at him, trying to get him to elaborate.
"...you sounded...seductive" I push him as hard as I can as he starts laughing again.
"I wasn't going for that! I wasn't even acting properly!"
"You weren't acting? So you where actually calling me daddy?" He questions, a smirk on his face as he leans down to my height.
I could feel my face burning already.
"Do you want to die?" I threaten.
"I mean...you can call me daddy from now on..."
"Taehyung I swear to god-"
"As long as you’re my babygirl " he purrs, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me into him, making the musky vanilla scent stronger.
My stomach flips.
"I - hate - you - stupid - fuck - tard" I smack his chest at each syllable making him snicker but not let go.
"Why did you stop? Hit me more I like it" he teases, pulling me closer, pressing me against him, arms tightly around my waist, a smirk playing on his lips.
What's he doing to me?
I raise my hand making him flinch back, letting go, still laughing.
"kinky ass..." I mumble, annoyed, as he opens the door for me.
As I move out into the open air, a breath of cold air overcomes me, I turn my head to the side, immediately recognising my mother's white jeep.
Taehyung promotly walks off towards the bus station, leaving me to make my way to the car. He knows how my mother would take it if I was skipping out the door with him - by pretending to be strangers was the best thing he could have done - thank god he had the sense to do it.
"Who was that?" She asks, she probably saw Taehyung smiling at me as I take a seat in the warm car.
"I don't know he just opened the door for me" I respond casually.
"He seems familiar..." she seems to be implying something so I just keep my mouth shut for the rest of the journey.
Chapter 7: babysit.
November 8th 12:00am
Midnight falls like a thick blanket of darkness, drenching the sky in pitch black ink, swallowing the light. Everyone is asleep.
My room is drained of every speckle of light as I lay awake, eyes open - seeing nothing but darkness.
I can't sleep. I'm clouded in the thoughts about what had happened today.
"As long as you’re my babygirl " His purr lingers in my mind.
With a huff I tug the duvet over my nose, so only my eyes are out, ignoring the twist in my stomach and the raising heat in my cheeks.
A soft buzz from my phone hums through the still air as the room is lit with a dim glow, bringing me out of my trance.
"I just called to say goodnight, babygirl" a deep, seductive voice comes out of the speaker of my phone.
"Taehyung, I swear to god I will not hesitate to strangle you tomorrow" I whisper.
"Can you even reach my neck?" I hear him laugh quietly.
"Watch me climb motherfucker"
"Don't swear" he groans.
"Im sorry, is the profanity making you uncomfortable?" I mock, turning to my side to hug my pillow, a sudden happy warmth spreading over me.
"No...it just turns me on babygirl" he says with the same seductive tone.
"I'll make sure to leave marks on your neck" I grumble before immediately regretting my words, knowing he'd take it out of context.
"I'm hanging up"
"No wait!" He exclaims.
"Whattt?" I pretending to be annoyed.
"You're going to the Devon trip right?" He asks in a hushed whisper.
"Yeah, do you understand how much I had to beg to go?"
“But it's only two nights?"
"My parents love me too much" I explain with a small laugh.
"Must be nice" he says with a sigh.
"We're staying in cabins right?"I ask.
"Yup. Grab your bug spray kiddo!"
Did... did I just get... kid zoned?
"Kiddo? What happened to babygirl?" I complain.
"I mean... if you want me keep calling you babygirl I ca-"
"I like trains, do you like trains?" I burst out trying to change the subject of the conversation.
"I adore them - just like how I adore you babygirl" he teases not letting go of the subject.
"Stooppp" I groan, turning to lay on my back.
"Okay, okay, what are we doing about our performance for drama anyway - what song should we use?" He asks on a serious note.
"Hmm..." I hum as I think about the question.
"Sunshine?" He asks.
"Yeah?" I respond thinking it was his other stupid petname.
"No." He snorts. "I meant the song. Sunshine."
Embarrassment floods my mind as I cover my whole face with the duvet, hiding from god knows what.
"I knew that. Yeah! Yeah okay let's use that." I say with too much enthusiasm.
Why the fuck am I so embarrassing?
He snorts again, knowing that I actually didn't know that.
"So you want me to call you sunshine now?" He asks in a smug tone and I can just see that godforsaken smirk on his face.
"Meh... I prefer babygirl." I say before I end the call swiftly.
He will never forget this will he?
November 8th 8:19am
Winter is coming.
It's obvious as the cold air penetrates my skin, like the fur of a frozen creature, it brushes against my limbs, jangling my nerves, seeping into my very blood.
I drag my legs, one after the other, ploughing through the dead, sodden leaves of late autumn.
The icy wind cuts through my body as I make my way towards the bus station, approaching Rhea and Taehyung - both in hysterics over something on Rhea's phone.
As I approach, she immediately hides the phone, making it as if they weren't dying a second ago.
"You where showing him those mugs of me weren't you?" I shake my head laughing.
"How - " her face is in shock as her breath warms the icy air, a puff of white dances through the air before disappearing.
"Because I know you" I smile, hopping onto the bus that has just pulled to a stop.
"What? No hello for me?" Taehyung grumbles as we move down along the bus, towards the standing section. I lean against the cushioned area - Taehyung stands in front of me, holding the orange pole while Rhea leans against the window to my left.
"Wanna help me after school?" I ask them, hoping they have the time.
"Can't, I have tuition" Rhea sighs as the bus starts moving.
"What are we doing?" Taehyung gleams.
"Babysitting my Satan spawn of a sister" I huff.
"She's only 4" Rhea pulls a face, something in between confusion and laughter.
"Evil" I hiss jokingly.
Taehyung gasps "You mean I get to go to your house?" his eyes light up.
And he's calling me a kid.
"Why do you have to babysit her?" Rhea questions.
"My mum is at my aunts, my brother is on a residential trip and my dads going to be working late so there's nobody to pick her up" I explain.
"How are things at home anyway?" Rhea asks cautiously.
"Fine, my dads working hard, he'll be fine"
"What did the client even do to put your dad under so much pressure?" Taehyung questions, curious.
"Police think he's the kingpin for the drug empire they've been looking for years for" I tell them as we proceed down the road, towards school. They look at me in shock, not expecting it to be that extreme.
”yeah” I agree with the look on their faces.
"What does your dad think?" Rhea asks, intrigued.
"He's not allowed to speak about it... but, he never loses a case, and he's losing this one, even though he doesn't admit it - they just have too much evidence against his client, my dad can't get him anything less than a life sentence if this keep going on" I sigh.
"It'll pass, just watch, your dad will win" Rhea reassures.
"He has to win" Taehyung smiles, letting his hand go of the pole to rest on my shoulder, comfortingly.
Just then, we arrive at our stop.
The driver presses into the breaks and Taehyung is pushed forward. His body presses against mine for a second, one hand still on my shoulder, the other rests on the right side of my head, eyes wide with redness rising to his honey cheeks.
"Oh Tae, I don't like you like this" I joke in a flirty voice, pushing him off me, while wiggling my eyebrows as I get out of the bus.
The icy air cools the heat raising to my cheeks and puts my heart rate at ease.
I walk towards school, ignoring the fluttering in my stomach.
November 8th 3:51pm
On the way home
"Who is that?" my little sister whispers, looking at the giant - Taehyung - in front of her.
"My friend" her eyes immediately light up as she runs to Taehyung with open arms and he picks her up swiftly.
"Hello, I'm zawa and I'm 4 years old and I'm wearing blue Cinderella underpants" she states proudly to a laughing Taehyung who is looking at her with adoration.
"Hello Zara, I'm Taehyung and I'm the same age as your sister, I don't know what colour underpants I'm wearing...maybe your sister can check?"
My eyes widen at his comment before I flick his neck as hard as a can.
"Come on NoNo, check his colour" Zara commands.
"No, you poo" I reach up to ruffle her short brown hair before she beats away my hand.
"I'm not poo, poo goes to toilet and it flushed to Nemo" she reaches down to tap my head "you gotta think NoNo, you gotta think" she shakes her head in disappointment.
"Yeah NoNo" Taehyung high-fives the little girl in his arms.
"Don't encourage her" I mumble as the duo stick out their tongues in my direction.
This is going to be a bloody beautiful evening.
November 8th 5:03pm
After playing many games of tag and hide and seek with many strange stories Zara told us about her adventures with 'handsome prince Taehyung' which almost always included the duo shopping and fighting off huge marshmallow people upstairs, in Hawaii - she finally fell asleep.
Silence has filled the house without Zara's frivolous screaming and laughter. It was peaceful now. Calm.
We leave her on the sofa, wrapped in her favourite blanket as we slip upstairs, into my bedroom.
Tahyung strolls in, observes the pink room with revision notes, butterfly stickers and cat stickers dancing across the baby pink colour.
Teddy bears and gift bags, still full of untouched gifts, shoved into a corner near the radiator and the chest of draws with its Disney princess stickers and odd scribbles here and there from years ago.
"I was supposed to get it redone over the summer..." I say, quickly kicking one of my bras under the bed before he sees it.
"I like it" he smiles, slipping off his blazer and loosening his tie before walking over to the window. "Oo you have a flat roof" Taehyung presses his face against the window, squishing his face. What a dork.
"Yeah, I sit there during the summer when I write"
He makes his way over to the bed "You write?" He asks, seating himself across form me.
"Yeah, you've read the monologues for drama - I'm not good, its just for fun" I shrug.
"I thought those monologues where written by JK Rowling" he gasps, clearly exaggerating but making me smile nevertheless.
"It helps with English you know? Writers techniques to intrigue the reader and what not" I shrug.
He crosses his legs "Like what? Tell me a technique" he implores, sounding genuinely interested.
"Cockblockers and cliffhangers are the best combinations" I tell him.
"When something, you know, sexual is about to happen but doesn't" I explain but he looks at me in confusion. "So it's something like this" I place my hand on his knee, slowly, I graze my fingertips up his thigh as I feel it stiffen under my touch. "It looks and feels really sensual right?" The shocked expression on his face is priceless.
"What have you been writing?" he mumbles under his breath, seeming to have lost control for a second.
"But my real motives are very different" I move my hand higher and higher, making sure my fingers brush his inner thigh and I swear I could hear the faintest sigh leave his mouth before slipping my hand in his pocket, pulling out a packet of gum.
"I actually thought you were going to do something" he lets out a breath and his body immediately relaxes.
Good, because this is exactly how he makes me feel at times.
"That was the point of the demonstration" I laugh at his shook state before giving him a small bow.
he scoffs, rolling his eyes - probably still embarrassed. Suddenly, he looks up, a dark, mischievous glint in his eyes. It’s as if a miraculously evil plan had crossed his mind.
"Say we are two characters with a little...sexual tension through this, uh, 'book'" he leans forward. "And we're on a very dangerous mission...and I do this."
He grabs my wrists and pins me down onto the bed. A huff leaves my lips as my eyes expand, the sight of his body hovering over mine leaves me completely breathless.
He leans down and whispers into my ear "your character would think that I'm about to kiss her" his lips brush my skin as his hot breath tickles my neck, making my breath hitch, draining my body from all control, stiffening every muscle.
He leans back, his face centimetres from mine."But my characters actually just saving yours from a bullet" he says with a soft voice.
He’s supposed to move away now.
But he doesn't.
Not an inch.
I am mesmerised by the deep swirls of brown that stain his pupils, how they bore into mine with such intensity that, for a second, I am completely lost for words.
"...Yeah,yeah, that would be a good...yeah"I breath, completely dazed. "Would be better if you move away now..."
He doesn't move.
"...to enhance the effect of a cockblock..." I mumble.
His tongue slips out of his mouth, brushing along his bottom lip as his eyes trail down my face. My eyes at first, staring into them, and end to linger on my lips as I find it harder and harder to catch my breath, to stop my fingers tracing the curve of his smooth cheek.
"I don't think I want to, sunshine " he almost purrs.
I could feel my heat jolt at his comment, every single pound to my chest spreads throughout my heated body.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know if he's joking.
Completely and utterly breathless.
The doorbell must have a new battery because I have never shot up in terror by it before.
White hot fire spreads through my body as Taehyung rolls off me, we sit up now, eyes wide, bodies jittery in fear of being caught by my mother.
"Hide" I mouth to him.
Chapter 8: devon.
November 8th 6:30pm
"MOTHER!" I beam at her as I open the door letting her walk in, surprised by my warm welcome.
I clutch at my hands to stop them from shaking, the fiery heat taking over my body.
"DAUGHTER!" she responds before I take her hand and start pulling her into the living room, where Zara lays asleep, taking her as far away from Taehyung's only exit as possible.
"Nova - you haven't closed the door- " she begins.
"I'LL DO IT" I exclaim, closing the living room door behind me, sprinting back down the hall way where Taehyung has already snuck out the front.
"It's been fun, my lady" he whispers as I poke my head out the front door so he is not in view.
"I'll see you on Friday for the trip" I whisper back, ushering him to go.
"I-" he starts.
"Nova close the door already, it's getting cold inside!" I hear my mum yell from the living room.
"Kayy! - hurry up I'll see you" I turn back to him.
He leans in, placing his lips on my cheek for a second before turning, sprinting down the street, out of view.
I press my lips together, suppressing a smile. Why does he make me feel so giddy?
November 9th 6:55am
A frosty chill hangs in the air, I can even feel it with the doors of the car shut tight and a warm coat clinging to my body.
Yet, the sun is still out, casting the early morning streets of late autumn in a golden filter.
How deceiving the weather is.
"Have fun okay? Relax. But don't stay up too late, you need rest" my dad advises as we stop at the traffic light.
"How's work going?" I question, finally getting the courage to ask.
"Good" he smiles, looking at me for a second before he turns his eyes back on to the road.
"Caught in a liiieeee~" I sing as he laughs, trying to lighten up the mood.
"It's actually going better than usual, they're running out of evidence and I'm going to pull out the big guns" he makes a gun with his left hand, shooting at the window.
"Family" he states proudly.
"Oooh, get them to cry in front of the jury - especially if there are any kids"
"He has one kid, charming, might win the hearts of the jury" my father considers.
"Nice" I high five him as he pull to a stop outside school.
Across the road, an enormous coach sits, students surrounding it, waiting to stash their luggage.
"Goodbye father" I say formally, bowing to him as he takes my suitcase out front the boot of the car.
"Goodbye you freak of nature" he ruffles my hair before poking my nose. "Have fun" is all he says before stuffing money into my hands and leaving.
"I'm rich" I mumble to my self, looking at the two £50 notes.
"Hey weirdo" my heart gives a small jolt when I turn to see Taehyung, looking as if he was going to be walking a catwalk rather than through the woods.
"Look who's talking" I poke his chest before walking past him, placing my suitcase in the bagging area before walking up, into the coach.
Warm air engulfs me and I couldn't be happier.
"I haven't seen you in ages and that's all I get? You always do this to meee" He pouts, whining as we make our way to the back.
He lets me take the window seat.
"What do you want? My blood? I saw you yesterday!" I scoff as he takes the seat next to me.
"Why do you hate me" he groans, his face scrunches up as he pretends to cry.
"Oh Tae Tae, how can I possibly make it up to you?" I respond in the same dramatic manner, clinging onto his arm to add effect.
"Look me in the eye" his voice changes, becoming low before turning to look at me.
I let go of him, turning my body to fully face him. I bite the inside of my cheek as I stare right into his eyes, I feel my face warm up as I remember the last time we where this close.
He leans forward and whispers "say something that will turn me on babygirl" his mint breath brushes my face.
I push him playfully, knowing his goal was to annoy me. He's not serious.
"Can't you just let that go?" I groan at his snickering.
"But you said - "
"I didn't mean it" I vent at a laughing Taehyung. "Fine" I say, grabbing his chin to face me, looking him intensely in the eye.
"Wanna slither in my chamber of secrets?"
"Seriously?" He bursts out laughing, eyes crinkling.
"That's the most sexiest thing I've ever herd you say to me princess" he responds, trying to hold back his laughter.
"Thank you" I flick my hair with a proud little smile.
Jimin and Rhea join us shortly after, seating themselves in front of us, apparently Namjoon and Jin have something to take care of and would not be accompanying us on the trip.
"You know, there's only four people per cabin - apparently the teachers are choosing" Jimin informs us.
"Mr Jung better pull through" I grumble, annoyed that I'll be put into the cabin with all the other girls who perv on my boys, especially Taehyung.
The smallest compliment given to him by some of the girls just ... irritates me, the flirtatious glances they throw at him irks me to the point of wanting to throw them off a tree.
A very tall tree with lots of branches and prickly bits.
The engine of the coach roars to life as everyone has been checked and buckled in.
The two teachers that are leading this trip is Mr Jung and Mr Jeon with the help of 3 insignificant others.
We finally start to move.
"I bet I can fit this all in my mouth" I say, staring at my banana intensely. It is tiny compared to other bananas.
"Go on" jimin encourages, both him and Rhea turning around to see.
I engulf the entire thing, looking up with a proud face, to my side, Taehyung is in a coughing fit.
"Wut" I say with a mouth full of banana.
"Nothing" he looks away, eyes wide, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck with a small blush on his face.
I swallow my banana.
"What where you thinking about?" I narrow my eyes at him teasingly.
"What? Oh,um, nothing, it's getting hot in here huh?" He pulls at his collar, completely flustered as the redness in his cheeks become more prominent.
Dirty boy, I know exactly what he was thinking.
I catch eyes with Jimin, receiving a wink and a small smirk which is followed by him wiggling his eyebrows. I make a face at him, knowing what he's implying.
"Hey Taehyung" Jimin whispers loudly.
"Hmm?" Taehyung turns his face towards the small, innocent looking boy.
"Do you want me to suck you?"
"OH MY GOD NAMJOON COME AND COLLECT YOUR CHILD!" Rhea screeches, pointing at Jimin, trying to suppress laughter but ultimately failing.
Rhea feverishly fumbles for her phone “NAMJOON - JIMIN SAID - NO I DONT CARE IF YOURE BUSY WITH JIN! COME COLLECT YOUR CHILD BEFORE SATAN DOES!”
I throw my head back, then turn to the side to clutch my seat handle,shaking with laughter.
"I ship it" I come down from my high, wiping a tear from my watery eyes, seeing that Taehyung and Rhea are doing the same.
But then I look at Jimin, sitting with a small mischievous smile looking calm, unbothered.
"What?" I ask him, confused by his serenity.
"You didn't let me finish" his grin gets bigger.
"I was about to say...if he did want me to...I couldn't, because..."
"Because?" I unwillingly ask, dreading the answer.
"Because that's your job Nova"
November 9th 11:29am
The forest is like a droplet of paradise.
Shafts of sunlight spill in from the gaps of the canopy, flooding the forest floor, scattered with amber leaves and twinges with golden light.
Warmth is all I feel with Taehyung's arms wrap around me from behind, holding me tightly so as not to let me free and attack Jimin.
And as much as I want to do that, I'm happier in his embrace than I would be getting revenge on that idiot.
Twenty wooden cabins, each with stone steps leading up to the dark wooden houses stand high, facing me. In front of them, Mr Jung and Mr Jeon usher the class for silence.
"Welcome Year 12 to Devon! You'll be staying in these cabins for the next two nights, you guys can venture the forest today but we have lots planned for you tomorrow! But don't go too far, you may get lost!" Mr Jung starts in his usual enthusiastic manner.
"Y-you have to be back at your cabins before dark and if you're caught out later we will send you home...well if we find you...the woods can be hard to circulate in the dark" Mr Jeon continues, playing with his lanyard nervously.
"I have decided that, as we are all mature - I'm looking at you Taehyung" Mr Jung gives him a pointed look as Taehyung raises his arms up in defence, a boyish grin on his face.
"... and responsible adults, you can have the privilege to pick four people - anyone you wish to share the cabin with, boys, girls, Aliens, whoever" Mr Jung continues.
"HEY MR JEON, WANNA SHARE A BED?" someone calls out form the back.
"No." Mr Jeon states plainly.
"Oof, sir, you could have been more gentle on that" I say to him, jokingly.
"Gentle is not really my style" he says with a small smirk which is followed by a 'Ooo' from the class.
"Rightt" I laugh, eyes wide at his sudden burst of confidence as Taehyung's arms hold me tighter against his chest.
"So, um - s-should I say it?" Mr Jeon's head turns to a nodding Mr Jung.
"O-okay" I cant literally see the confidence draining out of the man.
"C-can you guys please not have s-s-se-sex-"
"IF I HEAR ANY MOANS, GROANS, GRUNTS, WHINES, WHIMPERS, PANTS, ANY SCREAMING FOR DADDY, SOUNDS OF SKIN SLAPPING TOGETHER, ANY DIALOGUE SUCH AS "FASTER" OR "IM HARD" OR "IM CUMMING", I SWEAR TO SWEET BABY JESUS ALMIGHTY I WILL DROWN YOU IN THAT POLLUTED MUDDY ASS LAKE WE SAW ON THE WAY DOWN HERE, UNDERSTOOD?" Mr Jung cuts in, spitting fire at us, shocking us all into silence and disbelief.
"UNDERSTOOD?" He reiterates, making us all nod our head vigorously, in fear.
"Okay! Go venture my little explorers! Your cabin keys can be found at the side, Dinner is at 7! Go go go!" He shoos us away with a sweet smile.
November 9th 11:11pm
The cabin is small, once you enter there is a short, narrow path - bathroom to the right and ahead a door. Once through door, to the right there are two doors, about a meter apart from eachother, leading to the two bedrooms - one consisting of two single beds, the other a bunk bed.
To the left, the living room, served with a sofa in the shape of an 'L' made of a rough orange material, shoved to a corner, ahead, a TV held to the white painted walls.
The floor is lined in a soft brown carpet, until it reaches the kitchen and dining table, seating four to the left, where the floor is wooden and smooth.
The entire wall of the front of the cabin is lined with windows and a double door leading out to the balcony where tables and chairs set outside for the summer months.
It also gives us a beautifully clear view into the deepest parts of the woodlands, now pitch black in the hours, ticking close to midnight.
It has been figured out that since I have wanted to sleep in a bunk bed since, forever, Rhea and I would take that room while the boys occupy the other room consisting of two single beds.
Unluckily for me, Rhea had called dibs on the top bunk so I now lay grumpily, trying to sleep at the bottom.
Arms crossed, eyebrows furrowed, body in warmth under the covers, I still could not drown in my thoughts, I simply can't get lost in them, I can't sleep even though I'm completely exhausted from chasing Jimin through the woods when Taehyung had slipped away to go to the toilet.
I swing my legs out of bed, I slip my glasses on before I carefully opening the bedroom door, not letting it creek as moonlight spills into the room.
"Yes father, sorry, I mean sir but - yes it's going fine - yes, just as we discussed- hold on a second - " Taehyung whispers into his phone, voice hoarse from sleep as he slips on his shoes, exiting the cabin, not noticing my presence.
Oooo someone's getting in trouble.
I wait for his return, purely to tease him about it or say 'I told you so' when Mr Jung drags him in by his ear.
I wait 5 minutes.
He hasn't come back.
I creep, silently to the door, grabbing the handle before opening it.
Instantly, the sting of the nights air hits my face, like a blade, the cold cuts through my skin.
Where is this idiot?
I look around the clearing, all the cabins have their lights off, everything is silent, calm.
The woodlands look ominous with the trees looming overhead, the canopy does not let a single drop of moonlight through its leafy prison.
There is no sign of Taehyung.
Is he lost?
My heart beat increases at the mere thought of Taehyung being lost.
Worry floods through my veins as I picture him, running endlessly through the forest, tree after tree - a never ending cycle, a horrible labyrinth.
He won't be able to see anything, he won't be able to find his way out till dawn which isn't until 7am which means he'll be out, alone, cold for the next seven hours.
Suddenly, it's impossible to catch my breath, I quickly dial his number, holding it up to my ear.
"Pick up pick up pick up you stupid idiot" I mumble under my breath, teeth chattering form the cold.
It is sent straight to voicemail.
Does this idiot not charge his phone?
I put on my shoes, closing the door behind me, walking down the stone steps, debating on whether or not to inform the teachers.
I shake my head.
No, he'll get into trouble, it'll be easier if I find him - he can't have gone that far.
I try calling him again as I enter the darkness, my breath shaking, puffs of white air leaving my mouth as my body starts to shiver.
“The number you have dialled cannot take your call right now-"
"The number you have dialled cannot take your call -"
"The number you have dialled cannot take -"
"The number you have dialled-"
"The number you have-"
"Fuck" I mutter, ending the call yet again as I trace the perimeter of the woods, my hands clutching my phone to my chest, slowly becoming numb with the cold.
"Taehyung?" I call out into the dark, not caring that I get caught, as long as I find him.
"Taehyungie?" I try, looking around, but I can't tell where I am now, everything is drenched with a horrible black ink.
"Taehyung!" I yell, looking around, trying to focus on my breathing as it gets harder and harder to catch my breath.
"TAEHYUNG!" I scream - I can't even tell if my eyes are open or not.
"TAEHYUNG?" I screech, desperate now. Desperate to find him, to hold him. To be in him warm embrace, away form this place of never ending darkness.
I start to walk back, the way I came - but it's no use, I don't know where I am, which way is which.
I stumble blindly through the shrubs, twigs cutting into my calves, numb with the icy air, oozing into my skin, my blood, my very bones.
"Taehyung" I almost cry in defeat.
I hope he's back at the cabin, I hope that's why he's not answering.
"T-TAEHYUNG" I try one last time, holding onto my self, trying to stop the shivering, but it's no use, I'm freezing.
Chapter 9: stone.
November 10th 1:57am
The forest is filled with an ominous, brittle silence after his name leaves my trembling lips.
My phone has run out of battery.
I take deep breaths, calming myself. If I just keep calm, I'll find my way out.
I wrap my arms around myself, ignoring the cold gnawing at my insides - I have to get out.
Fog has built up on the forest floor, the grey mist curls around my legs as if about to engulf me, drag me down into the grounds leafy depth.
The sound of a twig snapping crashes through the silence of of the forest, like a gunshot it cracks through the air like thunder, freezing every bone in my body, in fear, in hope.
Another snaps, the sound of heavy footsteps follow, getting closer and closer and I have no idea if I should run away or stay.
Suddenly, I can't breath, it's as if I am being choked by the pitch black darkness. My heart beat increase and all I want to do is curl up into a ball, wait for someone to find me, to save me from this approaching predator.
But nobody is going to save me, I can't even feel my limbs - how am I going to make it till dawn? How am I going to save myself?
I keep moving, running.
Twigs lash at my limbs as I blindly plough through the shrubs, invisible in the fog, away from the vigorous crunching of dead leaves behind me.
I fight the urge to turn around as I run through the twisting branches towards light.
My eyes brighten as I see a clearing up ahead - the cabins!
I'll be safe, I won't get murdered, I just need to get to that clearing.
The footsteps approach faster followed by yelling, yelling for me to stop.
"NOVA!" I hear my name in a velvet bawl, I finally turn around.
"Taehyung" his name slips from my mouth almost as a whimper as I let myself fall into his arms, finally warm in his embrace.
"I'm here baby, I'm here" he mumbles into my hair, pulling me as close to him as possible.
"I got you, you're fine, you're safe"
"You idiot, why did you leave for so long?" I clutch onto him, shivering.
"Why did you come out to find me?" He resorts, rubbing his hands up and down my arms, trying to bring warmth into my frozen skin.
"You were taking so long I thought you - I couldn't bare it if you - I needed to make sure you where okay because - "
"Because?" He asks, voice low.
His hand travels up my arm, sending a shiver up my spine, which, I'm pretty sure, had nothing to do with cold.
His hand rests on my cheek. He caresses my face with the pad of his thumb, soothing me.
"Because I care about you, idiot" I breath.
A small smile appears on his face as he pulls me into his chest again.
I close my eyes, feeling at peace, in warmth, in happiness.
"I knew it was you calling my name, what other idiot would follow me out?" He mutters into my hair.
"Mmm" I hum into his chest, feeling comfort in his familiar vanilla sent.
"Let's go back now, you must be freezing - why didn't you bring your coat?" He scolds.
"Sorry, I was too busy worrying about your sorry ass"
"Yeah, but I wasn't lost, I know my way around - we just did orienteering"
"You weren't picking up, it went straight to voicemail" my voice quivers as we approach our cabin.
"My phone ran out on battery, I was speaking to someone" he opens the door of the cabin, immediately, I am flooded with heat.
I leaning against the side of the sofa, my lips pressed together as he locks the door as a stare at a spot on the floor just thinking...why must I be such a dumbass? Why did I run out in search for him without informing a teacher?
Because I’m stupid and I care for this little shit that’s why.
Taehyung walks towards me "Hey" he whispers, placing his warm hands against my frozen cheeks.
"It won't happen again baby, I promise you that" he leans in, placing a soft, lingering kiss to my forehead, I close my eyes.
"Okay?" He whispers,
"Mmhm" I give him a quick nod.
"You're freezing" his eyebrows furrowed as he takes my hand between his, trying to warm me up. "Let's get you cleaned up"
Within minutes, I'm in a fresh set of pyjamas, the small amount of blood from the scratches have been wiped away and my hair has been unknotted and tied back.
Suddenly, the door of Taehyung's room opens revealing Jimin, holding a teddy under his left arm and a blue blanket in his right hand looks at us with sad, watery, sleepy eyes.
"Jimin? What's wrong? Are you okay?" I walk up to him, Taehyung right behind me.
"N-no I - I - " he starts.
"What?" I take a step closer to him as if he where a fragile creature.
"I - I dreamed that I punched a pigeon in the face" a tear falls from the boys eye as I look back at Taehyung, neither of us knowing what exactly to do.
"That's okay honey, you're good" Taehyung ruffles Jimins fluffy blonde hair.
"Go to sleep so you can apologise" I tell him.
"Kayyy" He turns and walks into Rhea and I’s room instead.
"No - "
"Just let him" Taehyung half laughs, leading me into his room instead which is small, dimly lit by the moonlight rolling in from the blinds.
Taehyung rolls into his bed, laying down under the duvet before turning to me.
"Lay down" he pulls the covers up, patting the place next to him. My heart jolts at his suggestion - it’s a small bed, there won't be any space between our bodies.
I can see him pouting in the moonlight "I need to know that you're okay - how can I do that when you'll be so far away?" Jimin's bed is just across the room, it isn't far away.
I sigh, ignoring how hot the room had suddenly gotten “Fine."
I slip in, facing him with the intention on turning around but I am stopped when he lowers his arm, covering me with the duvet.
His hand rests on my arm "You're still cold" he murmurs. I could see his face clearly filled with worry.
"I'm fine" I whisper back, closing my eyes.
His hand travels down my arm, his long fingers brush my palm before intertwining our hands and I feel every muscle in my body tense.
Slowly, he brings our hands up, pressing his warm lips to my knuckles.
My heart gives another jolt.
"You're still freezing" he mumbles against my skin.
"I'm completely fine, Taehyung" My voices quivers as I open my eyes and smile at him, reassuring him.
He gives a deep sigh "If you say so" he unlaces our hands before curling his arms around my waist, pulling me into him.
My hands lay on his chest as his chin rests on my head, my right thigh has slipped in between his - I’m still completely stiff.
Hesitantly, I move a hand away from his chest, placing it carefully around him, resting it on his back. I relax slightly, feeling his chest raising and falling next to me.
He pulls me even closer, holding me tight against him.
His fingers start to play with strands of my hair, running his fingers through them as I feel my eyes get heavier and heavier.
"Goodnight sunshine" he whispers, but I'm already long gone.
November 10th 6:29am
The feeling of something hard poking at my thigh cause me to be in this state of mind: half asleep.
What a strange place to be.
I know I'm awake, but I don't, not really.
I try moving my thigh around to get rid of the perturbing object poking me - I don't even know if there is something there at all, it may be just an obstacle my current state of mind is putting me through.
The more I move my thigh the more sounds I start to hear, soft groans, heavy breathing, a whimper from time to time, but they are almost immediately cut off as soon as they start as if forced to stop.
I groan, annoyed as I turn around.
The problem now is that it's poking my backside.
I shuffle around, trying to get rid of it yet again, but the sounds start getting louder.
A hand grabs my waist, stopping me from moving.
Realisation floods my half awake mind - Taehyung is behind me - did I hurt him?
A puff of warm air hits my face as I turn into his embrace, slowly I open my eyes, reluctant and heavy in the early morning hours.
His face is flushed with a deep crimson undertone, hair sticking to his forehead, glistening with sweat. Eyes filled with a flurry of an emotion that I can't exactly pinpoint.
"Art thou okay?" I mumble, fighting to keep my eyes open.
"Yeah, yeah, sure" he replied somewhat feverishly.
It is now poking my stomach, annoyed I reach down, my fingers wrap around the hard object.
"I think there's a stone in your pants" I tell him as his body stiffens, something between a gasp and a groan leaves his lips before he shoots out of bed, stumbling a little before disappearing into the pale light of dawn.
I am left in warm, sweet smelling vanilla blankets as I doze off once more.
The intensity of the sunlight grows, making sleep impossible. I sit up in the now empty bed, rubbing at my blurry eyes.
"Rhea?" My voice comes out hoarse as I question why Rhea is sitting at the edge of the bed.
"Taehyung told me what happened last night - he went to go set up the equipment for horse riding so now I have to babysit you" she ruffles my hair as I nod, yawning.
"You're an idiot you know that right? Why would you go out without a coat?" She looks at me in disappointment.
"Sorry, mother" I roll my eyes, trying to hide the fact that I'm a little upset Taehyung isn't here.
"I'd offer you the pancakes Jimin and Taehyung made but they've gone hard"
The word triggers what my mind has been hiding from me.
I could feel the heat raise to my face.
How stupid am I ?
Not only because I rubbed against his...
But I touched it...
Worse, I held it.
I run my fingers through my hair - what is wrong with me?
That's what explains the groans and the sweat and the blush, that's what explains why he's not here.
I hold my head in my hands "God, Rhea" I sigh, pulling at my hair "I gave him a boner"
"You gave him a what?" Her eyes widen.
"I didn't mean too - " I am cut off as she bursts into laughter.
"Wow, thanks, thank you for the support - appreciate it - I feel great, really!" I say sarcastically at her laughing figure.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry...but...did you fix it?"
"Fix it? I don't even know how to fix it" I whine, falling back into the bed, looking up at the ceiling.
"You have to suck - "
"NO STOP POLLUTING MY VIRGIN EARS" I yell covering them while screwing my eyes shut.
"Oh stop being dramatic, you already know this stuff" she rolls her eyes. "stop acting innocent, just get ready, we're doing horse riding in an hour and then we're off to the shooting range after lunch"
"But what am I supposed to say to him?" I bite my lip in worry.
"Nothing. That's what I'd do, pretend you don't remember"
I press my lips together - it's going to be so awkward.
"Or you could ask him if he wants the blowjob, doubt he'd decline - "
November 10th 3:45pm
"CLICK CLICK BANG BANG!"
"I SWEAR TO GOD JIMIN IF I SEE YOU DOING ONE MORE BODY ROLL WHILE SHOOTING-" Mr Jung starts.
"YOU'RE NOT MY DAD" Jimin resorts, hiding behind Mr Jeon who laughs and protects the boy from an annoyed Mr Jung.
"We're not doing that type of shooting - We're using actual guns so please act mature or I'll - no Nova, honey, don't aim at Jimin - Rhea, Rhea, please stop screaming 'MIN YOONGI' AGUST D is mine - JIMIN! AIM STRAIGHT! AIM STARIGHT !- RHEA, LISTEN TO THE INSTRUCTOR AND STAY BEHIND THE WOODEN BARRIER! - Nova, stop shouting 'Wingardium Leviosa' it's a loaded gun not a wand!"
"Shut up Malfoy" I mutter under my breath, aiming at the target.
"What was that?" Mr Jung raises an eyebrow.
"Nothing" I turn to smile at him innocently, with the right touch of sweetness.
"Why can't you be like Taehyung? Look at him - he never misses the shot and he's behaving" he points over at him.
Taehyung's eyebrows are furrowed in concentration, his jaw clenched as he sends bullet after bullet at the bulls eye of the target, cold sweat tracing the side of his face, hair held back in a red bandana, eyes glazed over in concentration.
"He's actually so hot"
"He's so thick"
"Yeah, but Taehyung ass is - fuck - and his thighs"
"Yes, like, take me daddy "
"Why don't you talk to him?"
"Because he has a girlfriend"
"Nova and him are a thing?"
I haven't talked to him all day - we've been in different groups and the slightest mention of him has brought heat to my face. I try to shut their voices out, I focus on the target.
Slowly, my eyes shift to Taehyung, my eyes following down his side profile. I shake my head, I need to concentrate.
My eyes deceive me yet again as I find myself looking down his body.
My eye widen seeing the thick muscle wrapped in denim, a perfect curve.
My eyes begin to move down to his thighs and it takes everything to tear them away and focus back on the target.
I shake my head more vigorously this time, trying to get rid of Satan's beautiful thoughts.
What? I can't appreciate my best friends body?
I hold up the metal, taking a puff before shooting.
It just misses bullseye.
"You want to keep tension here” Taehyung's hand slips over my stomach, deep voice rattling in my ear as my spine stiffens, a puff of a white air leaves my mouth, disguising my sigh.
"Take a step forward and then shoot" he mumbles, keeping a hand around my waist, the other adjusting my targeting.
”Step” he orders and I follow without hesitation.
"Aim" his whisper brushes against my neck, making the sensitive skin tingle.
"Take a deep breath" he leans his chin upon my shoulder.
The bullet flies out the chamber with great elegance, fighting through the cold air, pushing through it with ease before striking the target.
"Well, you're awfully good at this" I breath, placing the gun down onto the wooden rack.
"I've had practise" he smiles as I turn to face him. "How are you feeling?" His eyebrows furrow as he places his palm onto my forehead, checking my temperature "good, you didn't catch a fever" he mumbles before poking my forehead, hard, making my head roll back as I stumble a little "Idiot" he says.
I slap his hand away sneering at him.
"Ah, at least you're cute" he sighs, tucking loose hair behind my ear before poking my nose.
I grab his finger before he pulls away, I hold onto his warm fingers as his hand holds mine, swinging it back and forth.
"You okay?" He raises an eyebrow at the sudden affection.
"I'm fine, but...are you okay?"
"Of course, I didn't get lost - " I let go of his hand, tucking it into my coat pocket instead.
"Not exactly what I meant..." I look away from him, biting the inside of my cheek.
I shouldn't have asked.
He looks at me in confusion for a second before his mouth forms a shape of an 'o'.
"Oh, that, don't worry about that" he brushes it aside.
"But - "
"Do you really want to talk to me about how you groped my - "
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I wasn't okay in the head but when am I ever right? I didn't mean to, I didn't hurt you right? You're okay right? You don't hate me right? You don't think I'm weird right? Well I am weird but - " I stop as I see the expression on his face, a small smile, on the verge of bursting out into laughter.
"No, keep going this is adorable" he takes out his phone, beginning to record.
"I hate you" I mumble as I realise that he really doesn't think much of the situation, in fact, he probably couldn't care less - does he find my panic mode that amusing?
"This relationship is over, we are no longer friends" I state.
"But - "
"Oof" he places his hand over his heart "that hurts my heart sunshine"
"Take your heart and stuff it up your ass" I mumble - he knows I'm just playing.
"Ahh" Taehyung hisses in pain, falling to his knees as I turn and walk away from him with a small smile.
He makes every problem so easy to resolve.
November 10th 11:59pm
"Truth or dare?" Rhea asks.
"Are you kidding me? Are we actually playing this stupid - " I'm cut off.
"Truth" Jimin answers, taking a seat on the rough, dark orange sofa.
"So We're doing this? We're actually doing this? Ok." I mumble under my breath.
"Hargrid, Dumbledore or Dobb - "
"HAGRID IS A TWELVE COURSE MEAL" Jimin declares to the light bulb hanging over head causing me to conceal a laugh.
"Truth or Dare?" Jimin asks Taehyung who is sprawled on the couch, next to me.
"Pussy" I whisper to nobody in particular.
"Oh! I got one" Jimin shakes with excitement.
"Mr Jeon or - "
"I'd suck Mr Jeon anyday" Taehyung confidently states, taking us all by surprise.
"Oh my god, Taehyung, seriously?" Rhea almost cries out in laughter.
"Any - day" he laughs along with us.
"Ok Nova, Truth or Dare?" Rhea smiles not so innocently.
"Dare" I want to take back the words as soon as they fall from my lips.
"I dare you to..." she pats her chin, pretending to think before looking mischievously at Jimin who smirks back.
"What?" It honestly can't be too bad.
"Lick whipped cream off Taehyung’s neck"
Chapter 10: dare.
November 11th 12:12am
Heavy silence settles over us, thicker than the sudden tension in the atmosphere.
They planned it.
Those little mitochondria heads planned it, and now Taehyung is sitting, a few of his shirt buttons undone with whipped cream down his neck, completely flustered. He sits in the same sprawled position on the sofa as Jimin and Rhea left him in with whipped cream now sprayed messily from the start of his collar bone to his jaw.
I chews nervously at my bottom lip, seeing no getting out of the situation as the duo visit Mr Jung to give us 'space'.
Our unsettling eyes glance around the room, doing everything to avoid eye contact. I shift uncomfortably, playing with the hem of my shirt while tracing my foot along the soft carpet.
I try to ignore the fact that Taehyung is right beside me. I try to forget the fact that our legs are touching.
The sound of the wind knocking at our cabin and Mr Jung's joyful laugh seems to become of my interest, far more then the task that I have been dared to do.
"Are you going to do it...?" I can feel Taehyung look over at me "It's melting" he explains.
"I - um..." I try to find something to say, fumbling for words.
"Come on, it's just licking stuff off my neck, no big deal"
Yes big deal.
Very big deal.
I bite my lip slightly before I turn to my right, looking up at him with an uneasy pout.
"Here" his hand grabs onto my left thigh, pulling it over himself so I'm on top of him, straddling him.
The sudden action sends a rush through my body, my mouth gapes open and my hands to clutch his shoulders, stabilising myself.
Is he serious?
He places his arms around my waist, apparently not noticing my shocked figure as he leans his head back on the sofa, closing his eyes.
I can feel the heat burning through my body as I place my hands on my cheeks for a second, cooling myself before wiping my palms on my thighs. Slowly and awkwardly I rest them back on his shoulders.
The whipped cream has indeed melted slightly along his collar bone. I gingerly move his shirt away from the white fluffy liquid, careful no to touch his skin.
"I don't know why you're being so shy" he murmurs, not stirring from his position.
Maybe because you look sexy as hell right now?
"I'm not shy" I resort, annoyed that he can see right through me.
"The other day you where talking about leaving marks on my neck and now - "
"I was talking about strangling" my arms fly up in outrage as his eyes open.
"Not to mention last night..." he continues, a dark smirk forming on his face as he looks at me through those hooded eyes.
"You know I was half asleep, I didn't know" I whine as another rush of heat hitting my body.
I'm on fire.
"Mmhm" he runs his tongue along his lower lip before leaning his head back again, eyes closed with a small smirk still playing on his lips.
This isn't helping - first the soft looking honey skin, then the razor sharp jawline, now that god forbidden smirk - I can't take it, this is torture.
I bite the inside of my cheek.
I can't think of him like that, he's my best friend, I can't think like that, he just needs to stop, whatever this feeling is just needs to leave. A huff leaves my lips before I place my hands back onto his shoulders.
I got this.
I lean down, quickly, I lick up his collar, to the bottom of his neck, cleaning the thin strip that has melted and travelled down. My eyes look up at him for a second, face calm. he seems to be at ease. Looking down at the fluffy substance, I lean down again, starting slowly, trying my very best not to let my tongue touch his skin completely, just enough to remove the sweet, soft cream.
I feel Taehyung's shoulders tense as my tongue traces his skin, his grip on my waist tightens a little as his jaw clenches.
This is torturing him.
I go a little slower to make it easier for him, but his breath has begun to get heavier, hitching from time to time. Slowly, I make my way up his neck, letting the bittersweet tase of the cream, mixed with his cologne melt on my tongue. He doesn't let his stiff body rest, his bottom lip has slipped in between his teeth, biting down hard as if to keep something in.
With a quivering breath, his long fingers tighten around my waist "Just finish" he breaths desperately, voice raspier than usual.
I finally get to his jaw, removing the last smear of the fluffy substance. I pull back, looking at his clean honey skin as he lets out a deep breath.
"You did that on purpose" he accuses, folding his arms and leaning back, looking straight at me.
"Did what?" I ask in a quiet tone, tilting my head to the side. I need to get off him.
"Don't play dumb" he shakes his head, laughing at what he thinks is fake confusion.
"I'm not?" I ask, completely confused now.
His face straightens "Don't you know how it feels like to have someone touching your neck that slowly? That softly?" He questions.
"No, I don't let anyone near my neck, it's sensitive - you know that"
He looks at me for a second, as if considering something before he reaches to the side, grabbing the can of whipped cream Jimin had carelessly thrown to the side before hastily leaving.
He begins to shake it as I realise what he's going to do.
"No" I protest, my hands immediately covering my neck, protecting it.
"Oh come on, it'll be an experience" he smirks, removing my hands so they fall to my lap.
"Taehyung - " But it's too late, a second later, whipped cream has been splattered down my neck., the cold staining my skin.
"Oops" he pouts, looking at me innocently.
I know what he's doing, of course he would get his revenge for last night. This is the perfect opportunity to make me as uncomfortable as possible and he's taking it like it's an early Christmas present.
"Tae" I try again, pleading.
He ignores me, pressing his hands on my lower back, pushing me close to his musky vanilla scented body.
I feel hot breath on my neck, then the tender brush of his lips leaving a burning feeling from when they have touched.
I draw a sharp breath in, preparing myself.
He presses his tongue against the soft cream, making sure to touch my skin, making shiver run through my body. I can already feel my pulse pounding through my entire body as my breathing becomes rapid, shallow.He uses small, gentle strokes which hitch my breath, quicken my pulse, set my body on fire, send my mind into a daze. And suddenly I feel myself melting, melting against his velvet touch.
He takes his time, lingering at the curve of my neck, leaving tiny kisses over the sensitive skin. And it takes everything to keep my mouth shut, I don't dare let out a single noise, but it's so hard to control my hitching breath.
"Stop sucking you fucking vampire" I mutter to disguise the sigh about to escape my lips.
"Oh, so I'm a Vampire?" He mumbles against my neck, sending goosebumps down my body, knocking the breath out of my lungs. "So I can do this?" He takes my skin in between his teeth, a loud gasp escapes my mouth before he releases.
Red hot fire is all that runs through my veins as my fingers clutch the material of his shirt. "Taehyung" I hiss "I swear to god if that leaves a mark - "
"I barely bit down, this is nothing" he whispers, warm air brushing over the place his teeth had grazed.
"This is nothing" I mimic his deep voice.
"Babygirl" He purrs " you have no idea what I could do to you if you'd let me"
I try to ignore the flip in my stomach, but I can't because it keeps happening, again and again, a repetitive cycle.
He really is taking this revenge thing to the next level.
"You're annoying" I breath. "Like really bloody annoying, you know that right? More annoying than those people who are on the bus at 8 in the morning stinking like they swam through a pile of shit, like how are smelling this bad at 8am? And don't even get me started with those pigeons, they're getting so brave, I stand next to one and it just stares at me, like, um, no, leave - they manage to enter the school at least twice a year and what does it do when it squeezes itself through those tiny windows? Park its feathery ass in the middle of the hall way, terrorising the year 7s - is that the only purpose of pigeons? - and those bloody seagulls squawking like their being strangled - during my maths exam last year, all I hear are these strangled cackles for a good 5 minutes like, I’m trying to be a successful student but this crackhead is just screeching - how am I not supposed to laugh? - first of all why are they even here? London is no where near the sea, its not fulfilling its purpose of being a seagull if it's not near the sea - it's should just be called a gull but no, it's a sea-gull, second of all why are they always shitting and flying around the courtyard in school, like - "
"Nova?" His full toned voice vibrates against my skin, stopping me mid sentence, making it a little harder to catch my breath.
Yes, but if I don't speak other noises will come out.
I open my mouth to talk again, but it seems that he knows how to shut me up. His fingers start to move up my back, a small whimper leaves my mouth as he traces his fingertips along my collar bone. A shiver runs down my spine as he continues to remove the creamy liquid. His fingers graze up my neck, slowly stroking me, making me feel light headed.
"Taehyung...stop" I murmur, I don't want him to.
"Why?...I haven't finished" his voice is so low, so luscious that my eye close in bliss as he continues brushing his lips, his tongue, his fingers against my sensitive skin, exciting every nerve.
He takes his time, finally reaching the top, up to the skin right under my jaw and I try my best to keep my mouth shut. His hand curves around my nape, pushing my neck closer to his mouth.
I roll my head to the side, unintentionally I give him better access to every part of my neck, feeling his tongue twirl around the last smear of cream - I feel his lips close around my skin, sucking the last bits off.
I bite my tongue but that still doesn't hold back the small moan that escapes my lips, right into Taehyung's ear.
"Enjoying yourself?" He laughs teasingly, lips still against my neck "Oh...it looks like I've missed a bit...I'll just have to..." his lips trace down, a shiver runs through my body as I let out a shaky breath "Fix it" he mumbles against the soft curve of my neck before letting his lips suck tenderly at it.
"Asshole" I mutter under my breath.
"What was that?" He asks mockingly.
"Nothi - "
His teeth suddenly starts tugging at my skin, pressing down hard, making me draw in my breath.
Is he being serious?
That's going to leave a mark for sure.
"Now we're even" he smiles gleefully, pulling back from me.
Chapter 11: rehearsal.
December 21st 12:20pm
"Without darkness, one cannot know light. Without light, one cannot know darkness" Namjoon states.
"Oi Socrates, we're talking about Dalmatians I - "
"Did you just call me ugly? "
"No, idiot - " I start, furrowing my eyebrows.
"Plato's better anyway" Namjoon crosses his arms with a matter-of-fact shrug.
"What? You like frolicking around in the world of forms? Please, Aristotle is the shit" I resort.
"Well... " Rhea jumps in.
I jump up from my seat "Do you want to fight me?" I challenge her jokingly.
Taehyung laughs in the chair next to me, he wraps his arms around my waist, hugging me while still sitting, he looks up "Aristotle said 'I think therefore I am' right?" He smiles brightly, resting his chin on my chest, doe eyes waiting for my answer.
I ruffle his silky, ash brown hair as his nose scrunches up - how can a person be so adorable?
"No, Descartes said that" I poke his nose while he pouts.
So friking cute.
"But Plato - " Namjoon starts again.
"Hey, nerds" Jimin calls out. "This is an English lesson, we're supposed to annotate the quote as a group"
"Read out the quote then" I huff sitting down. I lift my legs up and resting them on Taehyung's lap.
Two more lessons.
That's all I have to endure before sprinting out the gates at the end of the day.
Two more lessons and then the two week Christmas holiday starts.
"...beasts nor women equipped with the flimsy, insubstantial things - " Jin starts to read out.
"What does flimsy mean again?" Rhea cuts in as Taehyung starts to hold my legs so they won't slip off him while we all turn our attention to Namjoon.
"It's like this" Namjoon stands up to demonstrate by moving his limbs around in the most absurd way, the black sleeves of his turtleneck wave around.
"Namjoon, sit down please and discuss with your group" Mr Jeon mutters, not even looking up.
"Sir, you can't simply limit our education to just discussion" I argue.
"Well - "
"JEON, DO I HAVE SOME TEA TO SPILL TO YOU - " Mr Jung bursts in with a huge smile, stopping for a second to look at us "do carry on" he says before whispering to Mr Jeon with huge hand gestures.
"AGUST D! MIN - FRIKING - YOONGI IS COMING HERE!" Mr Jung whisper shouts.
"He's so whipped for AGUST D I love it" I laugh. "Okay, back to it then...what's Carter describing as flimsy and unsubstantial?"
"A dick" Jimin announces a little too loudly as the other table giggle at his comment.
"Language" Jin warns.
"A penis" Jimin corrects in his sweet little voice, smiling.
"How the fuck - " I start.
"Language" Jin's eyes widen at me from across the table.
"Whom the fuck?" I tilt my head to the side, confused.
"Jimin is right, 'beasts nor women equipped' beasts and women don't have dicks" Rhea explains.
"How do you know beasts don't have doodlers?" I point a ruler at her accusingly.
"Because it's not human" She flicks the ruler so it wobbles, so I start shaking it making it move more.
"It's flimsy" I almost giggle. "Like you" I add looking at Taehyung.
"You'd know" he coughs.
I look away trying not to give him a reaction, I pretend like I didn't hear as I watch Rhea get up and try to copy Namjoon's flimsy dance move.
"You'd also know when it's not flimsy at all" he whispers into my ear.
"Alright, you already got your revenge for that, you know that hickey lasted a week? Do you know how annoying that was?"
"Mm, no - how about you give me one so I can find out?" He wiggles his eyebrows jokingly. I remove my legs from his lap with a pout.
"No no no, I'm sorry, I won't bring it up again - your reactions are just funny that's all" he picks up my legs, putting them back across his lap, holding them secure.
Rhea raises her hand up"SIR! JIMIN TOOK MY SPINNY CHAIR!" she announces to the entire class.
"Jimin, give back the spinny chair" Mr Jeon demands, looking away from Mr Jung who has perched himself on the teachers desk.
"But I never get the spinny chair" Jimin pouts, bottom lip trembling.
Rhea turns to Mr Jeon when he doesn't tell Jimin to listen a second time.
"What? That's adorable, you want me to fight with that?" Mr Jeon points over to a now very happy Jimin spinning in circles, making himself dizzy.
"Back to the discussion" Jin subverts the conversation.
"What were we talking about? Oh yeah! Dicks!" Rhea seats herself onto a normal chair with a large smile on her face as she clasps her hands on the desk.
"Language" Jin utters for the forth time.
"Sorry, we're talking about peepees" she corrects.
"Doodlers" I mutter.
"Testicles" Namjoon adds.
"His Mr" Jimin whispers.
"His South Pole" Taehyung snickers.
"His dingle dangle"
"His sosooguè "
"What's a sosooguè?" Namjoon questions me.
"Its 'sausage' but in a french accent" I explain.
"Enough" Jin hisses, leaning back in his rightfully earned spinny chair.
"Sorry" we apologise, all in sync, not really meaning it at all.
"AGUST D can put the 'D' in me"
"Nova" all eyes turn to me, widened with shock.
"I'm not even sorry"
December 22nd 12:21pm
I throw a punch at Taehyung but he manages to block it with his forearms, lifting them up to protect his head.
He tries keening me but my hand, just in time, pushes his leg down roughly. He stumbles slightly as we switch sides, arms up in defence.
My fist collides with his jaw making his head roll to the side, he staggers back, clutching at his jaw as he turns his back to me.
I grab his collar, pulling at it, making his weak body smash to the ground.
He tries getting up, now on all fours but I slam my foot down onto his spine, making him collapse once again.
I bend down next to him, suddenly, he roles over, getting up he tries to swiftly remove the mask away from my face, unfortunately, it gets caught in my glasses.
"Shit, sorry" he pulls the mask off carefully "we need to work on that bit" a huff leaves his lips.
"I'll wear contacts on the day of the drama exam it's fine" I assure him. "I didn't hurt you did I? You fell pretty hard on the floor..."
"It's called acting Nova, sometimes you've got to get hurt to make it believable"
"I'm sorry, I didn't - "
"You didn't hurt me idiot" he laughs, he tries to ruffle my hair, I move back trying to avoid his hand which is trying to mess up my hair.
My leg collides with one of his gaming chairs. A sudden rush of panic flows through me as I trip backwards, ready to plummet to the ground.
Luckily, Taehyung grabs my arm just in time, and, just like in the movies, he pulls me into him. Into his vanilla scent, the intoxicating smell filling my body.
I've stared into these chocolate stained eyes about a billion times already, but this time I feel like I'm drowning, drowning in the warmth, in the sweetness.
I'm drowning and it feels like I have no escape. I'm suffocated, breathless, completely breathless that, for a second, I lose the ability to even think, to breath, to move.
The two of us, like dolls, like statues, stand as if frozen for eternity. As if time had stopped, as if it had been abolished. We stay there, in that position, as if the two of us want to, just for a little longer.
A little longer to be in his arms.
A little longer to be so close to him.
A little longer to breath in his sent.
A little longer to feel his skin on mine.
A little longer to feel his breath on my face.
A little longer to memories every part of him.
To calm my heartbeat.
To catch my breath.
To live in this beautiful moment.
That is what I want anyway.I'm not sure about him. I’m never sure about him.
So I do what anyone who is at the same wavelength as me would do.
"Boop" I poke his nose, the two of us breaking from this trance.
"Lunch time?" Taehyung suggests after pushing me away, laughing.
He always likes to brush these moment off.
"What are we eating?"
"Wanna bake cupcakes?"
December 22nd 1:34pm
"TAEHYUNG NO, TURN THE GAS OFF DO YOU WANT TO KILL US? - Tae, no, don't put that in your mouth - BECAUSE I SAID SO - I need the spoon give it to me - this is bullying you know I can't reach that - STOP DISRESPECTING THE VERTICALLY CHALLENGED - NO TAE THE BAG OF FLOUR IS UPSIDE DOW- just clean it up - I said 200 grams not 2000! - no, fish isn't vegan - because it's an animal - YES IT IS - I am this close to disowning you - LISTEN YOU LITTLE SHITHEAD - Pass me the flour" I instruct him, exhausted.
I just need to add this before putting them into the cases and shoving them in the oven.
Please lord, give me strength.
"You mean this stuff?" He blows some into my face.
"Taehyungg" I whine, taking off my glasses, wiping the white powder from them.
"Let me just finish or we won't be able to eat anything, I have to go at 4" I remind him, turning to pick up the flour and place it into the cupcake mix.
"But I wanna help" he pouts.
"No, you're distracting me from putting the right ingredients in"
"Am I that handsome?" He smiles smugly at me.
I roll my eyes before beginning to fold in the flour the mixture. I feel Taehyung slowly approach me from behind, I don't think much of it before he wraps his arms around me waist, resting his head on my shoulder.
"Taehyung" I warn.
"What? I'm helping" he mumbles softly, placing his hand over mine as I continue to fold in the flour. His hand follow mine, copying my actions.
I try so hard not to think about the hand he has resting over my stomach.
Or the brush of his sweet mint breath against my ear.
Or his occasional hum of a delicate melody.
I try to forget about his entire existence but it's just too hard.
I could never.
"You're annoying" I breath, pushing him off me as the mixture is ready to be separated into the cupcake cases.
Within 20 minutes, the cupcakes have been thrown into the oven and the icing has been made.
"Where's the spoon I used to mix the icing?" I turn to see Taehyung licking that very spoon.
"Princess, it's either you or the spoon" he shrugs, continuing to devour the metal.
As I don't necessarily want to be in that situation again, I use a different spoon to mix in the blue food colouring.
I sigh jumping up to seat myself on the counter, there is flour spread across it but I couldn't care less.
"Yeah?" I look at Taehyung who has licked the spoon clean.
"You're really pretty"
My heart did not flutter.
I refuse to accept it.
"Did the icing do something to your eyesight?" I look at him, head tilted, confused. Where is this even coming from?
"No, but I just think that you're really pretty"
I don't understand what he's trying to achieve - is he distracting me from something? Is there a murder behind me?
I turn to check.
I look back at him, deciding to play along.
"Is that why you're friends with me? Just because you think I'm pretty?" I joke.
"No, your personality is my favourite quality - you're beautiful but wow, you're weird and completely insane" he laughs.
"Just like you" I remind him.
"Just like me" he confirms.
"So what's your favourite thing about me?"
"Mm...What if I say I don't like anything about you?" I smile cheekily at him, swinging my dangling legs.
He slowly walks up to me, expression darkening into something mischievous.
"Then princess, I'd say that you're a liar" he places his hands on the counter, one on each side of me, body in between my legs as he slowly leans in.
So we're playing this game again?
"Fine" I smirk at him this time.
I can play too.
I slide my hands down his back, tracing his spine, feeling satisfied as I feel him shiver.
"What are you - "
I slip my hands into the back pockets of his black skinny jeans.
"Nova - "
I look right into his eyes as I let my fingers curve and clutch at the thick muscle.
A sharp gasp elapses his lips, his eyes enlarge, not believing what had just happened.
"I like your ass"
His face is a mix between shock and confusion as a soft blush spreads across his cheeks. He opens his mouth to speak but no words come out as my hands haven't left his pockets.
He starts to lean in, his tongue running along his lower lip as he does so.
Brown eyes turn from shock to something else, darker.
The closer he gets the more I can feel my heart beat, first my chest, spreading to my throat as I try to control the flutter in my stomach.
Suddenly, water is thrown at my face, splattering across my glasses.
"Oh my god Tae - "
"Oh Lord Jesus Christ, Redeemer and Saviour, forgive her sins, just as You forgave Peter's denial and those who crucified You"
He sprinkles my face with tap water again.
"NO! I'M NOT CHRISTIAN IM A PRACTICING SATANIST YOU RACIST SHIT!" I joke, covering my face, my hands leaving his pockets.
"Count not her transgressions but rather her tears of repentance" he carries on in a serious tone.
"HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW THIS? YOURE A SATANIST TOO!" I try moving away but one of his arms curve around my waist, holding me tightly against his chest while the other one flicks some more water my way.
"Remember not her inquiries but more especially her sorrow for the offences she has committed against you" I can see he's trying not to laugh as I squirm for escape in his tight hold.
"IM NOT SORRY YOU FUCKER, IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT GOD GAVE YOU SUCH A FINE ASS!"
"She longs to be true to your words - "
" - and I pray that you love her and make your dwelling place within her"
There is no way out of this so I stop fighting to escape and decide to play along.
"She promises to give you praise and glory in love and in service all the days of her life, Amen" Taehyung finishes.
I shake my body, roll my eyes back making it out as if Satan himself is leaving my body. I keep this up for a few seconds, letting him enjoy the ridiculous view before suddenly stopping.
"T-Tae? What happened?" I look around the kitchen as if lost, confused. I lift my glasses up, resting them on my head as I dry my face.
"You have been cleansed my child" he cups my cheeks in his hands.
"But" I mumble, breathing heavily.
"What is it child?"
"I still like your ass..."
"OH LORD JESUS CHRIST, REDEEMER AND SAVIOUR - " he starts again, flicking the tap water into my eyes.
"Taee, stopp" I laugh, my arms are around his neck as I burying my face into his neck to protect myself. My legs cling to his waist as I conceal myself away from the water. His hands suddenly grip my thighs, he lifts me off the counter and starts running.
"SATAN IS CLUTCHING ONTO ME SOMEONE HELP!"
Chapter 12: birthday.
December 30th 12:55pm
The Christmas holidays so far can be described with only one word.
So completely dead as I have been buried with work for the mock exams to come that talking on the group chat or going out was impossible. I have not had a proper conversation with anybody since those last few golden hours at school.
My sister, Zara, has not made this any easier for me as she constantly reminds me of the existence of Taehyung.
'When is Taehyung coming again?'
'Taehyung is a handsome prince!'
'I like touching his hair it's fluffy!'
'where is prince Taehyung?'
'Is he upstairs in Hawaii?'
She goes on and on all day, everyday - I'd let her talk to him on my phone but the last time that happened it lasted for hours and she would scream every time I attempted to retrieve the phone from her tiny clutches.
I miss them, all of them. But I miss Taehyung especially.
I'm not used to being apart from him for so long, it feels strange, weird.
It's weird not seeing his face everyday, hearing his voice everyday, having his weirdness around me.
But I'm seeing them today, it's Taehyung’s birthday.
Warm water falls onto my skin, the droplets run through my hair, down my body. The smell of cranberries and sweet soap fill the air as I look up, the water caressing my face.
A sudden knock causes me to open my eyes and try to look through the thick steam, dancing through through the air, blurring my vision even more as I try to see if the door is locked.
"NoNo?" Zara's voice is muffled by the door. "Mummy said you need to get out"
But it hasn't even been 10 minutes?
"Taehyung is here" I say, hoping that would excite her enough to forget to report back to my mother.
I hear a loud gasp from outside and Zara's excited squeals.
"Taehyung in there? HELLO TAEHYUNG!" she screams, banging on the door.
"What? No." I say confused as I hear her little feet scurry away.
"Mummy, mummy, Taehyung in the shower with NoNo!"
I want to scream.
"What's a Taehyung?" I hear my mother ask from the other room as I turn the knob, shutting off the water.
I place my hand over my mouth to stop myself from screaming, laughing, crying all at the same time.
What even is this child?
"ITS MY BIRTHDAY ITS MY BIRTHDAY ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW YOU SILLY SAUSAGE!" I hear Zara's voice rage.
December 30th 1:30pm
The lighting is dim, the shaded lamps casts an amber glow over the happily chattering crowed all either waiting, eating or are completely stuffed, sitting with a satisfied smile.
The air is thick with the scent of a thousand different mouthwatering spices and the sizzling sounds against the burning grill, the smell wafting around the entire restaurant.
I walk down the crowed restaurant, avoiding a waitress holding large platters of steaming spiced chicken before turning right.
At the back there are a few steps leading up to a raised platform. Seven four seater tables are displayed there with a large booth centred at the back where many people are crowding around - must be where Taehyung is.
I move up the wooden steps, onto the platform and tiptoe to see over the crowd.
This boy is popular off course, with his charm and weird remarks during class.
"Where's Nova? I'm not cutting the cake without her" I hear Taehyung sulk.
I take out the bouquet of purple roses I got him and stick them in the air.
"IM HERE!" I yell over the cluster.
People turn around, slowly they separate, making a small path for me to the booth.
Rhea sits at the end with jimin to her left, next to him is a cheery Taehyung with Jin to his left and Namjoon sitting next to him looking as happy as ever.
An enormous red velvet cake sits in the middle of the round table which reads: 'Happy Birthday Taehyung' in sparkling golden icing.
Many gift bags and helium balloons have been stacked up at Namjoon's end so I take a seat next to Rhea who pulls me right onto her lap.
"What - "
Rhea then passes me onto Jimin's lap.
"Why - "
He then passes me right onto Taehyung, who is wearing a gleeful smile.
"Happy birthday" I chirp, flashing my dimples in a smile so wide that my eyes crinkle.
I hold up the flowers as he wraps his arms around me, hugging me while swaying side to side, his smile radiating pure elation.
He kisses my cheek which receives an 'aww' from the small crowd as I press my lips together, heat flooding my veins, forcing my heart to beat a little faster.
I scowl at him.
"Aren't you going to let me go?"
"No, never, you're staying right here" he mutters into my hair.
"But I'm blocking your view?"
"Be gone" he pushes me off his lap, onto a laughing Jin, whom I side hug. I wave at everyone, happy to finally see them after so long.
"Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday Dear TAEHYUNGGGG
Happy Birthday to"
I take a deep breath before finishing.
"YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" I finish last as laughter and clapping follow.
Jin takes the knife and small plates and begins rationing out the cake so everyone doesn't come hounding us for it at the end for it.
The cake is passed out before everyone goes up to order their main food.
"Jimin, order for me as well?" I ask him as he is ordering for the lazy birthday boy too.
"No, you didn't say hi to me properly"
"Well I didn't really have the chance with you and Rhea playing pass the parcel with me and all"
"Fine" he laughs, taking the money I pass him. I kiss my finger and poke his cheek.
"Why?" He gives me an amused look.
"It's how I show affection"
"Well I love you too" He pokes my nose before leaving to place the order. I sit back down next to Taehyung at the now empty table.
He has a soft smile playing on his crimson lips as his eyes examine the beautiful purple roses. He takes his index finger, stroking the petals as his smile grows, reaching his eyes.
"Like them?" I ask.
He looks up, his curly ash brown hair bouncing slightly, the smile not leaving his face.
God, he's gorgeous.
"You know what purple means?" He begins as shake my head, completely perplexed.
"Purple is the last colour of the rainbow, it means I will trust you and love you for a long time" His voice is soft as he looks into my eyes, he seems to be full of adoration.
"Well it's true" I shrug.
A little sadness stains his doe like eyes as he looks down, breaking eye contact with a faint smile.
Was the too much? Too cheesy? Was that flirty? Does he think I like him? Why is he sad? Or am I reading everything wrong?
Icy fire spreads through my chest, clogging my throat. Did I just say something I wasn't supposed to?
Quickly, I pull out his actual present to try and escape this confusing situation.
"Ta da!" I present him the collage I made up of all the photos of everyone I have, all surrounding the 'family selfie' in the middle.
"How many mugshots of us do you have?" He stares at work with awe mixed in with a little horror.
"An entire folder" I smirk evilly as I pat my fingertips together to add effect.
"I love this, beats all the perfume sets I got - what are people trying to tell me? That I stink?" He jokes as he pulls me in for another hug.
"No you smell nice, like vanilla" I sniff aggressively against his shoulder to amplify my point, making him burst into laughter.
He pulls away before holding my face in his palms, squishing my cheeks.
"Aw look at your face, ish so cute and squishy" he says in a baby voice "mwah!" He places a wet kiss on my forehead.
"Dude that's disgusting" I whine pushing him away from me, wiping my forehead. "I don't appreciate your saliva on my face"
"Well my saliva appreciates being on your face so too bad"
"Your annoyingly annoying" is all I say as slowly, people start to returning to their tables, waiting for their food to arrive.
"What did your mum get you?" I ask him but everyone starts to snicker.
"What?" I ask confused, looking form side to side.
"I'll show you when we go outside" is all Taehyung says.
"What did you get him?" Namjoon asks places his elbows on the table, putting his face in between his palms, fluttering his eyelashes.
"She got me flowers and this" Taehyung holds up the collage for all to see.
"You. Did. Not"
"Wow I'm handsome"
"How could you??"
"Why couldn't you have gotten him a teddy bear like you got me?" Jimin complains pouting as the waitress finally arrives with our large platters of luscious steaming food.
December 30th 3:54pm
"I'm so full" Taehyung complains, yet he still stuffs a large portion of red velvet cake into his mouth, sighing at the delicious taste. "But this tastes sooo good" he almost cries.
"I think I might have developed a food baby" I poke my stomach which feels like it may burst at any moment.
"It's okay, me too" Jin pulls me into his side, nodding understandingly as Namjoon stares at his now empty plate, annoyed as the large slice of cake has now disappeared.
One by one, people start leaving, wishing Taehyung a happy birthday as they do so until only Namjoon, Taehyung and I are the only ones left.
"Are you guys coming to Jackson's New Years party tomorrow?" Namjoon asks as we get up, pulling our coats on to fend off the icy air outside.
"Nope, my sister's birthday is tomorrow...and I'd never be allowed out that late"
"Still a baby" Namjoon ruffles my hair before I slap his hand away, glaring at Taehyung's laughter.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry you're not a baby" Taehyung tries hugging me but I push him away, but he doesn't give up, he fights me until my back is pressed against his torso in a tight embrace.
"If Nova's not going, I'm not going" he declares, resting his head on my shoulder.
"Dorks...anyway, happy birthday Tae Tae have a good one, I'll see you at school" Namjoon wipes a non-existing tear before he starts walking backwards, one arm stretched in our direction as we do the the same, fake crying as the distance between us and Namjoon lengthens. Namjoon laughs, finally turning around, almost knocking over a chair as he walks out the door of the restaurant.
"Help me take the gifts to Jimin?" Taehyung asks, beginning to lift up a few of the many gift bags.
"But Jimin already left - "
"I'll explain when we get there" Taehyung laughs handing me some the gift bags to carry and a one of the helium balloons that reads 'happy birthday you sexy beast' - no doubt Jimin got him that.
We head out the door, leaving the warmth, into the bitter cold of late December. We trek through the car park, fighting against the wind, piercing our skin, drilling into us.
"This way sunshine" Taehyung takes a left.
"I'm not your sunshine" I mutter, teeth chattering.
"But you are my sunshine, my only sunshine~" Taehyung starts singing.
"Oh God" I roll my eyes.
"You make me happy when skies are grey - like today"
"I don't like you" I mutter, huffing at the weight of the gift bags and the icy cold.
The sudden gush of wind sends my hair flying backwards, causing me to squint my eyes as the ribbon of the ballon tangles around my throat.
Taehyung laughs at my sudden shock of being strangled by his birthday ballon. He sets down all the gifts and balloons around his feet.
His silky, curly hair tosses in the Decembers icy breath as his slender fingers untangle the ribbon from my neck, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.
The soft brushes from his fingertips against my tender skin send sighs to flow from my lips, the soft sound thankfully carried away by the gushing din of the bellowing wind.
"There" his whisper barley audible as the ribbon is now untangled and set free into rough breeze.
He doesn't step back.
He doesn't remove his hands from my sensitive skin.
Instead, he steps closer, thumbs caressing my cheeks, long fingers curling around my neck, to my nape, tilting my head to look up at him.
His eyes gaze into mine, as if he is in a dream, a wonderful dream, making his pupil widen with awe and sparkle even in the dull, frosty sunlight.
I stay motionless, not being able to move, my arms still by my sides, gripping at the gift bags, fingers numb with cold as they weigh my whole body down. The wind whipping at my hair as the balloons now dancing viciously in the frigid air around our bodies.
And I can't help but look away, out of shyness, now I focus on his lips.
His lips, so plump, so soft, so inviting.
His lips, darkening the rest of the world as this is all I focus on now.
His lips, parted slightly as my stomach turns over, as heat is restored to my cheeks even in the sharp numbing winds.
I open my mouth, but the words that are meant to leave get lost in the swirl of darkened hazel of his eyes.
The pad of his thumb grazes my lower lip as now his focus is all on my mouth.
I want him to kiss me.
Who cares if we're out in public? The only thing that exists right now is us, only us.
Kiss me, I want to say.
Because I want him to, I really want him to, I've wanted him to for a long time.
The colour white catches my eye, and the dreamy look is struck from my face, replaced with a look of deep rooted terror as I break away from Taehyung's hold.
My fluttering heart feels like it has stopped, the little warmth I have is drained from my body, ice like fire runs through my veins as I see four familiar figures getting out of a white jeep.
"Nova?" My mother calls out.
Chapter 13: happy.
December 30th 4:08pm
I am frozen.
I can't move.
Words are beyond me as I stare, dumbfounded into my mother's raging eyes, burning with pure anger.
As if I am underwater, everything slows down, every step my mother takes towards me ripples my vision, making it unclear, nightmarish.
My brain is blank, completely blank that it cannot register anything but the fact that I am shocked, absolutely shocked by her sudden appearance.
She's not supposed to be here, I'm not supposed to be here, I am supposed to be at the local library, not here, not anywhere near Taehyung, a boy, in front of my overly protective, arrogant mother.
There is unquestionably no escape form this. At all.
I lied to her, deceived her.
And now I'm screwed.
How am I supposed to explain to her that I did not just lie to her?
How am I supposed to explain to her that Taehyung is just a friend?
How am I supposed to tell my overly protective, strict mother that Taehyung is definitely not my boyfriend when he was holding me the way he was?
His hands cupping my cheeks, head bent down, faces inches apart - how am I to explain that nothing has happened and nothing was going to happen when I don't even know what was going on myself?
I am completely and utterly screwed.
"Well the library isn't anywhere near here is it?" Her voice is cold yet so tranquil as her eyes look back and forth between the two of us.
"I - I was just helping - " I can't think, not a single excuse makes any sort of sense.
She raises her eyebrows, ushering me to go on, to explain myself as my father puts my siblings back into the car.
"I trusted you to go to the library, to study and all I see is you hanging around with a boy - did you think lying would help you?" Her head tilts to the side.
"We're just friends" I say, feeling the need to clarify this. Because I need to clarify this, not only to my mother but to myself as well.
"Just friends?" Her eyes piercing dangerously into me as she spits out her words.
"We're going home. Now" she grabs a hold of my wrist, tugging me so I stumble a little before pulling my arm back - she does not let go.
The more I fight to get out of her clinched grip the tighter her fingers become around my wrist, her nails slowly beginning to dig into my delicate skin.
"You're hurting her" Taehyung finally cuts in, recovering from the shock, trying to stop the horror show in front of him.
"We are going home now" she seethes through her teeth, ignoring Taehyung's comment, trying to keep her calm.
I wince in pain as her clasp gets tighter, but I refuse to be pulled away from Taehyung.
"We will be having a little talk at home, so get in the car - now"
"No" I shake my arm aggressively, trying to break free from her.
"No?" Her eyebrows raise in disbelief, her eyes enlarge, pure fury burning in the tattered jet black depths of her dilated pupils.
"No, I am spending the day with my friend, and yes he is a boy, I don't think having a male friend is illegal" I speak calmly, confidently.
"Car. Now" my mother declares.
"No" I state, trying not to move my arm as her nails have definitely made marks.
"No, I am spending a day with my friend"
"I said now"
"No" I state calmly as I see my father making his way over to us, and with one quick move, he pulls my mother back - separating us.
I stumble back from the release of pressure and Taehyung's hands quickly stabilise me, holding onto my shoulders for a second before quickly letting go.
My mother gives me a look of annoyance, my father however, is not looking at me. Instead, his eyes focus on Taehyung.
Expression blank, eyes glazed over as if in some sort of trance as he bends down, whispering into my mother's ear. Her mouth gapes open for a second, closing immediately before she gives me one last blank look before returning to the car.
"Be home by six okay?" is all he says before he returns to the car.
My siblings are out now, following my mother towards the supermarket, being forced not to look back in my direction. Yet my brother looks back, giving me a pitiful stare before catching eyes with my father and turning back quickly.
I watch in silence as the four of them disappear through the sliding doors, out of sight, out of reach.
They seem perfect together, the just four of them. At peace.
Peace is the last thing that will be happening when I return home.
The stinging in my forearms and the salty water flooding the brims of my eyes bring me back to my senses.
I turn to see Taehyung.
It's his birthday, he's supposed to be happy - but he is not. No happiness is in the crease between his furrowed eyebrows or between the lips of his sorrowful frown. Worry is all I can see in his eyes, he shouldn't be worrying over me, I'm fine. Completely fine.
I blink away the tears - no way in hell am I ruining his birthday with the drama I always conceal from others.
"So what did you want to show m - "
"Don't" he interrupts me.
"What?" I tilt my head to the side. My voice doesn't crack. Not one bit. I've been in too many situations where I had to pretend I was fine - this isn't any different.
"Don't act as if you're okay, you're not" he takes a step forward. "I can see the tears in your eyes Nova...it's okay to cry" he whispers, resting his palm against my cheek, his other hand around my waist.
"Stop" his thumb gently strokes my cheek, still cold from the biting air.
"Tae, I'm - "
"Hurt, you're hurt" his hands now hold my wrist, four crescent marks are sinked into my skin, thankfully they are not very deep. Not much blood, they seem more like scratches than deep wounds.
In a tender manner, he blows onto them, caressing my wrist as he does so.
White tissue is wrapped around my wrist as a temporary bandage as I look up at the wispy grey sky, trying my best to control my tears, practically begging my eyes to stop producing the salt water. I am not crying. Not in front on Taehyung. Not on his birthday.
I feel his hand leave my wrist, instead his fingers interlock with my own.
"Nova" he speaks softly.
I can't look at him. I simply cannot as what he just witnessed is very embarrassing.
"Look at me"
I bite my lip, stopping them from trembling.
"I want to see those beautiful eyes, look at me"
"For me?" He pleads.
I force myself to look at him, my eyes pierce into his chest, avoiding his eyes.
How weak he must think I am.
"You know" he uses his free hand to lift my chin, making me peer into those warm chocolate eyes. "When I was younger, and whenever I was sad, my mum used to do this thing to make me feel better"
"What?" I let my voice come out in a croak. There's no point of hiding anymore. He knows.
"When I say 1 2 3, forget it. Erase all the sad memories. Just hold my hand, smile and hope for more good days"
I give him a look.
"Say it with me" he declares, interlacing both of our hands, swinging them back and forth.
"1 2 3" We say simultaneously.
"Forget it. All of it, all the sad memories - bye bye, ta ta, buenos dias, au revoir, anyong, hasta lavista baby, in the trash, gone, bye" I try not to react to his little speech, biting my lip to stop smiling as I roll my eyes at how extra he is.
"Now you have to smile for me, not the fake one you gave a second ago or to all those girls that try to put their hands down my pants - I want a real one with your dimples...or you can cry whatever works for you"
"I can't cry I have contact lenses in" I start laughing.
"There's my beautiful girl" he beams, pulling me into his chest. I nuzzle my face into him, enjoying the vanilla aroma. I feel his unusually fast heart beat against my cheek as his long fingers brush through my hair, holding it down against the strong winds.
"It's my fault you got in trouble today, I shouldn't have - " I feel his chest vibrate against my cheek as he speaks.
"Finish that sentence and I'll slap you in the neck with a spoon" I threaten as a titter leaves his lips.
"I honestly don't know how you do it, I'd be crying if I were you - you didn't even shred a single tear and you were acting as if nothing had happened" He seems .
"I'm still waiting for my Oscar" I shrug, smiling. I let go of him, now colder as I have broken away from his warmth.
We collect the gift bags and balloons, ready to go who knows where.
"Where is the present your mum got you anyway?" I say before stopping in my tracks, perplexed as to why we are not at the bus stop but still in the car park.
"Ta - da!" Taehyung takes out the keys, pushing a button that opens the boot of a shiny black Porsche.
"No way" my mouth hangs open, eyes widen at the expensive car.
"I named it" he gives me a weird smile.
"You named it?"
"I named it" he confirms.
"What did you name it?" I ask, he looks as if he will burst into a fit of laughter at any moment.
"Jimin" he says "so I can Park Jimin" he starts to die of silent laughter, using the side of his new car for support.
"You can also go inside him" Taehgung's laughter immediately stops, he turns his head, giving me a terrified look.
I shrug, putting the presents into the boot before seating myself into the passengers seat, the 'new car smell' wafts in the air.
"I can't believe we're inside Jimin" I say, looking around excitedly at the smooth black leather and an aghast Taehyung.
"Why are you like this?" He shakes his head, sighing before turning on the growling engine.
We drive into infinity.
It's just us, the music, the food.
It's like living in a movie scene, a make believe world where everything is perfect.
Like a dream.
It's like a never ending dream - the roads twisting and turning as we speed down them, leading us to who knows where.
And we're hiding here, in this dream where it's safe, where it's calm, where we don't have to worry about anything but each other. Because he's got me and I've got him and that's all that matter right now.
"TAE WE'ER GOING TO GET ARRESTED" I scream in excitement rather than fear as he slams his foot down on the pedal.
I clutch onto my seat as we hit the red lights, bolting down the empty street in light of the dying rays of the winter sun, melting away into the smoky sky.
He slows down now, flicking on the headlights.
"Stop there, stop there that's perfect" I point to the edge of a cliff side, overlooking all the shops, their neon signs prominent against the navy vault of heaven.
The thick grey haze of the day has lifted like a curtain to reveal the moon, the stars, the universe beyond.
Its like we need the sunshine sometimes, to conceal us from the rest of the universe, to keep us safe, to help us forget about the vastness of space and remind us of the coziness of home.
The moon sails across the cloudless sea of stars, streams of moonlight wash over the screen on his car bleeding silver.
"Did you know that the universe is within us?" I speak softly.
"What do you mean?" Taehyung whispers, not taking his eyes off the starry sky.
"Hydrogen, Oxygen, Carbon, Nitrogen - these elements are chemically active in the universe but its also active within us" I follow his gaze, admiring the perfection of, not only the god given display of constellations, but also this very moment.
"Our molecules are traceable in the cosmos, we are made of stars that have burst, died, its in our very atoms - we live in the universe, but the universe lives within us...and I find that beautiful"
"Is that why I see galaxies whenever I look into your eyes?" he turns his head to look at me now.
"You just ruined the moment!" I start to laugh at his comment, laughing away my fluttering heart beat.
"How did I ruin the moment? you're the one who burst out laughing" and now he's laughing too, trying to hold it back but ultimately failing.
"How cheesy can you get? 'tHe GalAXies iN YoUR eyEs'" I mock his deep voice.
Taehyung presses his lips together, narrowing his eyes at me in annoyance.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" I hold onto his arm, hugging it "I didn't mean to offend you"
"yeah, yeah" he sighs.
"No I swear, my heart did a little back flip"
"Did it now princess?" he smirks as I let go of his arm, biting my tongue in realisation.
"Oh - I mean" but I've completely lost my train of thought.
"Mean what?" he moves closer, tilting his head to the side.
"I don't know" I sigh, because I honestly don't anymore. Or maybe I do, but it would never work out, so why bother even acknowledging it?
I look down to his hand resting on his thigh. I reach out, holding in, his hand cupping mine.
"What? Are you okay?" his eyebrows suddenly furrow, a worried expression replacing the teasing.
I nod my head with a small smile.
"Then what's this?" he asks referring to our hands, but all I do is shrug.
"Okay" a smile appears on his face as we both turn back to the view of a darkening canvas which almost steals every thought from my mind, the world around me almost forgotten.
Almost, as the feeling of Taehyung's lips brushing along my knuckles bring me back from the stars, into him instead.
And the thought of him completely consumes me.
"You're not in trouble because of that boy, I understand that you can have male friends but -" my father starts.
"YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED OUT BY YOURSELF AGAIN, YOU HEAR ME?" my mother bangs on the door.
"HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT? HOW DARE YOU LIE, HOW IMMATURE CAN YOU GET? GROW UP AND THEN ILL THINK ABOUT LETTING YOU OUT AGAIN!"
"YOU ARE A COMPLETE EMBARRASSMENT -"
"Thats enoug -" my father cuts in, trying to calm her down. But I know she won't be tames until she wants to be.
"NO, IT'S NOT ENOUGH, IT HASNT SINKED INTO HER THICK SKULL HOW IRRELEVANT AND USELESS SHE IS - WHAT WAS THE POINT OF GIVING BIRTH TO YOU, HUH? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF GIVING BIRTH TO A LIAR? A CHEATER?" the door shutters again and my body shakes.
"NO FUCKING POINT OF HAVING YOU AS A DAUGHTER - YOU'VE DONE NOTHING BUT DISAPPOINT ME - YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT YOU USELESS GIRL"
Ignore it, I have to ignore the tears, I can't let them fall.
"NO PHONE, NO IPAD, NO SOCIAL MEDIA UNTIL I SAY SO, UNDERSTAND?" she seethes.
"DO YOU HEAR ME?" my mother bangs the door one last time, although the sound lasted only seconds, it sits in my mind like a shard of glass, something that would remain, hurting me from the inside.
"Yes" I manage to choke out, my throat tight.
Please don't fall.
"You should just leave. It would make our lives so much more easier, we don't need a liar"
I take a deep breath, calming myself, resting my back against the wooden door of the bathroom. The cold marble tiles now warm from my body, sprawled across it.
I fucked up this time.
But it was worth it. To see him. To be with him. To make him happy.
I place my quivering hands against the marble, slowly getting up, looking into the mirror as I have a thousand times, grimacing at my tear blurred reflection.
"1,2,3" I whisper to myself, shaking my head slightly to get rid of the tears brimming my eyes.
"forget it" I close my eyes.
"Erase all sad memories" I take a small breath.
'Smile' I hear Taehyung's voice in my head, and almost immediately, a smile appears on my face, my heart does a small flutter.
I open my eyes, feeling happy now.
"Hope for more good days"
January 4th, 9:00am
We made up.
That is how it is and that is all it has always been. No apologising - just carrying on as normal. Ignoring the entire situation rather than forgetting it.
And honestly, I prefer it like this because these days the word ’sorry’ is absolutely meaningless and overused. Saying sorry doesn't fix the damage caused, the added fear and hurt - sorry is just a word, an excuse for causing pain.
But its fine.
I have to be because today is our drama exam : Component 1, devised theatre.
Taehyung and I have spent hours upon hours after school, perfecting our piece, polishing it to be the best.
It will be recorded, marked by Mr Jung and sent off to the examiners who assess our work and agree or disagree with Mr Jung's mark. And one thing I've learnt since I've been here is that Mr Jung is rarely ever wrong.
Jin and Jimin are put first to perform and are currently running through their technical rehearsal before they start performing for the camera. Taehyung and I are performing after them, right before break so they have time to clear up - we're going to be a little messy.
My back is resting against Taehyung's chest. The two of us seated on the floor like the rest of the class with my body in between his legs, his arms around my chest as we all watch the fiasco in front of us.
"Hey you! You!" Jin yells, pointing at jimin - I can't tell if the older is angry or happy.
"I can't hold my fart" Jimin responds with all seriousness, sadness in his tender sweet voice.
"Jimin, me too." Jin responds with a soft expression, empathetic towards little Jimin.
I don't understand. But I love it.
"I'll let it out lightly" Jimin whispers before covering his mouth with his arm, letting out a small 'pfff'.
"THIS SMELL?!" Jin sounds absolutely in shock, his eyes widened, looking around as if searching more for the invisible scent. Its like the smell is everything to Jin.
"Oh my go -" I whisper to myself, mouth hanging open.
"I've held it in for a 1000 years just so you can enjoy it" I couldn't help but crack up as Jin moves closer to a smug Jimin, sniffing him aggressively while holding his arm.
Jin then swoops down, sniffing the miraculous Jibooty with such admiration and longing in his eyes that Taehyung and I are shaking in silent laughter, clutching onto each other. "I can't watch anymore" I whisper, holding his arms wrapped around my stomach which is hurting from all the laughter.
"Mr Jung is laughing too look" Taehyung whispers, voice thick with trying to control his laughter. I follow his arm to see Mr Jung covering his mouth, shoulders shaking with controlled laughter, eyes crinkled.
"Oh my, did you...did you eat trash?" Jin looks at Jimin in shock, mouth open in anticipation of his answer.
"Yes, just for you" Jimin takes steps towards Jin, a seductive look in his eyes.
Jin turns around, releasing his own little 'pff' before turing back round to Jimin, using his slender fingers to lift the chin of the younger, making him face him.
"I did so myself" Jin whispers while looking deeply into Jimin's eyes.
They stare at each other for a second, as if they are about to kiss but instead, they pull each other into a hug, waddling in a circle as they fiercely clutch onto each other.
"Okay cut" Mr Jung yells over the hysterical laughter, secretly wiping a tear of laughter of his own before bringing the class back to all seriousness. "This is not in your script"
"Lets just be glad that its the technical rehearsal then" Jin laughs.
Their real performance is beautiful.
Its about two boys - one who knows that he may never reach the sky, that he may never achieve what he wants to achieve but he tries no matter what others say. Still, he wants to stretch out his hand, he wants to run, just a little bit more.
The other believes in everything bad in himself. He is living in depression,in a lie, in no hope until Jin's character pulls him from his hell, saves him, frees him from pain and teaches him to love life - giving him back his smile.
"BEAUTIFUL! THATS MORE LIKE IT BOYS! WELL DONE!" Mr Jung yells over the cheers as he applauds enthusiastically, jumping in his seat.
"Taehyung, Nova - set up"
There isn't much to set up beside the two buckets of water.
The technical rehearsal is quick as Mr Jung only needs to check the lighting and camera angles.
"Component one, group 2 : 'Forgive me', stimulus chosen : George Orwell, 1984, practitioner chosen : Artaud - Theatre of cruelty, candidates are as follows..."
"Nova, candidate number 9154 playing the best friend - Lilly, the wife - Nia, the daughter - Dawn and the neutral voice at the end" I say looking into the audience - Rhea and Namjoon have joined along with a few others who are in their free period to support their friends.
"Taehyung, candidate number 9125, playing the husband, Dylan"
The lights go down as we get into position.
The camera's rolling - Its showtime.
Finally, the last scene - the hardest we have found to do.
The lights are down, the studio is in blackout as we use our voices to give the audience a glimpse of the murder of Dawn - they are now drowned into darkness, just like 6 year old Dawn was.
"Daddy, look daddy! Its a rubber ducky! Quack! Quack!" I giggle like small child as I splash the water in one of the two buckets - the audience listening in the darkness.
The light splashing suddenly turns to violent thrashing, some of the water spilling over the edge of the bucket.
"Daddy, d-daddy, stop! -I can't - I - I can't, I can't BREATH" I yell, tipping the bucket over my head causing the audience to gasp, hearing the loud splash.
The lights instantly raise, revealing Taehyung waking up again in this torturous loop, with my drenched body looming in the background.
My white mask is secure around my face.
"Please, please I can't take it anymore" pure agony is herd in his breaking voice. He takes a few gasps of breaths before letting a few tears leave his eyes "I never meant to cause so much pai -" Taehyung abruptly stops, his hand shakes as he looks down at it resting in water.
I slowly walk over to him, my long wet hair swinging around the white mask as I fall to my knees behind him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders.
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows Dawny will drop!" I burst into a fit of giggles as Taehyung tears himself away from my clutches.
Slowly, I take the mask off my mask, seeing his body begin to trembling in terror of seeing his dead daughter alive.
"No, no" tears form in his eyes "please. please, no."
"No, you're not real, you're not" His voice cracks as he closes his eyes, shaking his head, refusing to believe it.
"Why daddy? Why did you do it?" I cross my legs, looking at him to my left. My face filled with childish curiosity.
"I - I didn't, you slipped, you - you slipped" his voice brittle, thick - eyes wide, tear stained, scarlet.
"You held me down daddy...why did you do it? Why didn't you love me daddy? Why did you want to get rid of me?" My voice cracks, my lip trembles and that is all it takes for Taehyung's character to pull me into him, holding me to his chest.
"Im sorry, my beautiful girl, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry - please, please forgive me-"
"No, daddy" Im trying so hard to keep in character, to not burst into laughter.
I take a breath.
"No - you did this to me daddy, you held me down, you drowned me, you murdered me" my voice transforms from small and innocent to almost demonic as I burst out of his embrace.
I start to drag the second bucket towards me.
"...and now you're going to know how it feels like to drown too daddy" I pour the water slowly over Taehyung's head as he chokes, drowning as the lights start to flicker.
The water in the bucket now travels down Taehyung's body, soaking him as I stand above his withering figure, choking in a puddle on the floor.
His body lays still.
I replace the mask over my face, looking right into the camera.
"Prisoner 1-9-8-4, your loop will recommence in 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 -1 - "
The lights go up one last time in full power, ending in Taehyung, waking up again screaming as he starts his loop yet again and the sound of the camera switching off.
"ARTUDIAN THEATRE EAT YOUR HEART OUT - FULL MARKS!" Mr Jung screeches as the audience burst into a round of applause.
I pull Taehyung up before he wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me into his chest - we did it!
The two of us are completely wet as we hold each other, looking into the still cheering audience.
I turn my gaze towards him instead, cheeks tinted with a pink undertone with a box-like smile on his face, eyes sparkling in happiness.
We did it.
I tiptoe to kiss his cheek.
The roaring gets louder and a couple of wolf whistles are given as Taehyung's head turns, just as I lean in, my lips meeting his instead of his cheek.
His lower lip is in between mine.
Both of us frozen in shock.
Thank you for reading :)
Chapter 15: locker.
January 4th, 10:37pm
It may have lasted seconds, minutes, hours or, perhaps, several sunlit days. But like every dream, every nightmare - it ends.
We break apart as the audience make their way towards us.
Go away, leave, let me think...let me figure this out right now or I won't be able to face him later.
The crowd separate us, congratulate us as the teachers begin to clean up the water cascading across the stage.
"Nova? Nova!" Rhea and Jin call, dragging me back to reality.
"huh?" I can't concentrate, I'm dazed, my mind is racing and slowing down at the same time - the world is blurred in the intense spotlights speckling my vision.
"That was a...very emotional performance...the ending was completely unpredictable" Rhea tries not to grin, but she is, like she was expecting this to happen all along. As if this is her dreams have come true.
"Uh-uh" I look over at the swarming bodies towards the back of the studio where Taehyung is talking, smiling, laughing with Namjoon's arm around his shoulders.
I stared for too long.
I know I did because his eyes catch mine for a heartbeat of a second before I turn back to the duo in front of me.
"Aww you're blushing" Jin pinches my cheek.
"What? No! I don't blush, I've never blushed" I clutch my burning cheeks, "Can we go? Has the bell gone?" and right on cue, the bell rings over head.
I link my arm with Rhea before pulling her out with me, the cold air soothes my burning skin, calming my vigorously beating heart.
"That was amazing Nova, really" Jackson, a class mate shouts out as he sees us leaving in the opposite direction.
"Thanks" I smile.
"I felt chills, I swear!" he rubs his arms to emphasise this, forming his lips into an 'o' while furrowing his eyebrows.
"Really? I mean - the ending...it got a bit heated didn't it?" Jin throws an arm around me, a knowing smirk crossing his plump lips.
"It was a peck" I exclaim, throwing my arms up in the air.
"so it was intended"
"Seokjin" I widen my eyes at him threateningly, he only raises his arms up in defence, not even bothering to remove the smirk.
This is serious - I basically ruined our friendship, distorted it to he point that it can never go back to the way it once was.
Because I kissed him.
And yes I grabbed his...but I wasn't fully conscious then, I didn't know what I was doing...but I was fully conscious just now - we could have pulled apart sooner, but I stayed - I could have moved, but I stayed.
Even if it wasn't intended it happened. And here everyone is making a joke of it.
I turn, marching off, away from the giggling teens.
I need to clear my head.
It wasn't intended. It shouldn't have happened. So why am I so happy that it did?
I turn a corner, entering through the doors before heading up the stairs. Nobody is ever here, nobody will bother me in this tiny hallway leading to the gym.
I sit on one of the steps, my back leaning against the yellow walls - the school has weird taste.
I don't like Taehyung. I can't. This feeling, this bubbly weird feeling in my stomach is only happening because he is a boy - a very attractive boy - and I'm not use to very attractive boys.
That is it.
That's all there is to it - no feelings. No real feelings.
I'm just a boy deprived girl.
I can't like him because there is no chance between us. Someone who looks like that will never, never in their right mind will ever even think about going out with someone who likes like me.
He has so many beautiful girls waiting for him, and although he doesn't seem interested now - he will be one day and it will be one of them.
And I just have to accept that.
I always try to ignore it - but I crave this feeling...I crave being close to him and I know I shouldn't - I really really shouldn't.
I can't like him - its like some unsaid rule, a secret that everybody knows: the ugly girl does not end up with the good looking guy.
Prince charming didn't end up with the ugly step sister.
Im not getting my hopes up, this isn't a fairy tail or a movie.
This is my life.
And my life doesn't like me being truly happy.
Every good thing seems to have to be traded with a bad thing - the nicer the gift, the worser the aftermath.
And even if there is a slight possibility of Taehyung and I...he would be the best and worst thing to ever happen to me.
So there will be no chance between us - zero, zilch - none.
All that has to happen now is for Taehyung to stop...to stop being so...Taehyung.
I bite my bottom lip, a sweet mint taste finds its way onto my tongue.
And suddenly I feel his soft lips against my own, remembering the feel of them even though it may have lasted a mere second.
A burning sensation spreads through my body and I feel as through my heart might just escape my body and my stomach might just explode with butterflies and my entire body may just spontaneously combust because I like Taehyung.
I really like Taehyung.
I shouldn't, but I do - no matter how hard I try to ignore it.
And I can never let him find out.
The icy sharp coldness of the back wall in the Drama studio seeps through my shirt, numbing my shoulder blades.
The studio starts filling up again as another group go up for examination.
I wait quietly, trying not to be noticed at the back, in the darkness of the room I pray that Taehyung won't see me when he enters because I cannot face him right now. I can't face him until I clear my head, until I come back to my senses.
And surely enough, he bursts into the room.
Those chocolate stained eyes, prominent even in the darkness of the studio scan over the entire room. He's panting, lips apart, cheeks red - sweaty, he's searching for me as I stare straight forward, begging that his senses deceive him, praying that I blend into the black walls.
But, of course he sees me.
Panicking, as I see his figure making his way towards me I pretend not to notice him before swinging an arm around Jacksons shoulder.
"Did you know that carrots are 20% vegetable" I say the first thing to come to my head which thankfully makes Jackson laugh loud enough to make Taehyung stop. To notice that I'm in the middle of a conversation that is just between Jackson and I.
"Did you know that you're 50% bullshit" he says back as I smile at him gleefully - I'll take that as a compliment.
"And what is the other 50%?" I ask, genuinely curious.
"Annoying adorableness" He responds, shrugging as I force a believable laugh, sneaking a glance at Taehyung. His eyes still on me, a look of hurt on his face as his eyebrows are slightly furrow and the sides of his lips are turned down - the small glint in his eyes distinguished.
"Quiet, technical rehearsal for group 3 starting in 3 ,2, 1 - "
The lights go down as everyone focuses on the next group. Except I turn to look at Taehyung properly.
He is not smiling or laughing or talking. He stares at the floor with a frown, the hurt flicking in his darkened eyes is like a spider web, intricate, yet strong. Did I really just hurt him? How can I just suddenly ignore him? Talk to some other boy to avoid him? But I know in time it will pass and the sun will regain its warmth, it will all be okay within a few days.
I just need to collect myself.
These feelings just need to go.
Why can't they just go?
I'll fix this. I'll set things right.
What a mess I've created.
January 5th, 12:09pm
Shit, shit, shit.
I quickly pull on my clothes , running out the house, away from my mothers yells.
Im late, Im late, Im so so so late.
Last night was sleepless - tossing and turing, I couldn't find peace. I was about to call back Taehyung, try and fix everything right at that very moment so I could find some peace, get some sleep - but it was 3am, he was probably sound asleep - I couldn't ruin that for him too.
I enter school, signing in late, saying that I had an appointment rather than telling them I over slept - it'll look better on my student record.
I'm completely booked on Fridays - no free lessons and there is no point in going into lesson now, its almost over so instead I head towards the study rooms which is really just used as a hang out room if anything.
Taehyung is in lesson. Im safe for now.
I enter the cafe study room, it's quieter here, only a few students are studying - including Jin.
"Hi" I breath, breathless from all the speed walking. I collapse in the seat in front of him, stealing some of his sweet&salt popcorn, letting the bittersweet taste dance around my tongue as he sets his pen down.
"Where've you been all day?" He questions, head tilted to one side - worried, confused.
"I overslept and no one bothered to wake me up" I shrug.
"Awe, how come"
"Couldn't sleep...and I forgot to set my alarm" I wave my phone at him
"Not the only thing you forgot to do" Jin sips his coffee.
"What d'you mean?" I act oblivious - off course he told Jin, I bet the rest of the boys know too.
"Lets go for a walk" he suggests, packing his things away and leading me out towards the main building.
The wind that almost rocked me back on my heels this morning is now no more than enough to make my coat flap. We move through the grounds as the whispy dark clouds lower, threatening a downpour. Inside, the warmth conceals me, leaching away the coldness and bringing feeling back to my limbs.
We pass classroom after classroom of yelling lower years, trying to find an abandoned classroom I presume.
"You didn't answer any of Taehyung's calls or texts - he thought you hated him" Or maybe he just wants to get to the point.
"I don't hate him - I just...I just need to clear my mind" I open my mouth to speak again but a familiar smooth voice takes me off guard. I turn to the side, Taehyung and Namjoon seem to be in deep conversation, too deep to even notice me pulling Jin into an empty classroom.
"Seriously?" Jin groans, slumping down in a chair while rubbing his wrists, a small pout on his lips as I close the door, listening too check if there are any footsteps. Once I'm completely sure the boys have passed, I turn back to Jin.
"I'm sorry I can't face him right now - I think I'll explode...just give me till the end of the day, I'll fix it at the end of the day" I assure Jin, although, I may not be 100% confident I will.
"Let me give you some advise: stop avoiding, just go up to him now, he already knows it's an accident - what's with all this being shy crap you're pulling? Its as if you like him" Jin almost laughs, as if this idea is impossible.
I bite the inside of my cheek, seating myself in front of him with a small pout.
"Oh" Is all he says with enlarged eyes, finally realising the situation.
"He's one of my best friends...but I can't help but like him as more than a friend...and I always have this weird feeling inside of me whenever I'm with him or even think about him - I hate it and love it all at the same time...but I know that its better if it just stops" I speak quietly, looking at the door in the dimly lit room rather than Jin.
"Make it go away Jin" I whisper, annoyed, finally looking at him.
His expression is soft, somewhat understanding. Empathy shown in those sparkling dark eyes.
"I can't - I can't control how you feel, silly...neither can you"
"But it hurts" I turn my gaze back to the door.
"What hurts?" his eyebrows furrow in worry, he takes my hand in support, holding it tightly between his.
"The handsome prince gets the beautiful princess - not the ugly step sister...there is no chance between us"
"Bullshit" Jin lets go of my hand, shaking his head as he leans back in his chair.
"Language" I say to him as he always says to me.
"Bullshit, you're beautiful"
"Bullshit" I say back to him.
"You're an idiot Nova, you really are - beautiful but a complete and utter idiot" Jin massages his temple, sighing.
"Wow, thanks, really needed that in this moment - appreciate it!" I almost spit sarcastically.
"Think about it - he calls and texts 24/7, he's always putting himself around you, always finding ways to touch you -"
"He's a touchy person!"
"But have you seen him do that to other girls? Have you even seen him hold Rhea the way he holds you sometimes?"
"They hug -"
"Yes, hug - not cuddle, sit on each others laps, sleep in the same bed, pin each other down right in front of me by the way, they don't give each other hickeys -"
"How did you -"
"Mr Jung -"
"But how does Mr Jung -"
"See! This is what happens when you have thin lips - stuff just spills out" I say, exaggerating my hand gestures of the stuff spilling out of my mouth to amplify my point.
"That's beside the point I'm trying to make - people who are 'just friends' don't act like you two do...I mean - you guys have a little...'tension' sometimes" He says the words like it's naughty.
"What? what 'tension' what are trying to impl-"
"Oh come on, you've read books, seen movies" a smile forms on his face "How are you this oblivious?" he laughs.
"Maybe because of the mixed signals?"
"Mixed signals? Mixed signals? How many times have you come close to kissing this boy?" He looks like I've driven him insane, completely bonkers as his stares at me wide eyed, grabbing my shoulders.
"A...a few - but he always pulls away or something happens -" I can't believe it. I can't believe what Jin is trying to tell me...he can't like me, no way.
"Mixed signals my arse Nova, Imagine being gay - now that's mixed signals - If I can get a boyfriend you can" He points at me.
"So you're gay?"
"All people who are 20/10 are gay" He shrugs, stating facts.
"Ugh, I owe Rhea £10" I whisper to myself, annoyed that I lost the bet.
"What?" He didn't hear me did he?
"Listen, I'll let you just figure the rest out - It'll be entertaining" he smiles " just...do it soon okay? clear things up quickly so neither of you get hurt"
"End of the day. I'll tell him at the end - everything will go back to normal" I say in confidence.
"I hope it doesn't" Jin shrugs.
The classroom door suddenly busts open.
"Jin, baby, I was looking for you everywhere -" Namjoon freezes seeing me. "Noovaaa, heyyyyy, uh...baby?" he tries covering it up but its too late.
I try my best to stop pointing back and forth between the two with an open mouth but I can't help it.
Namjin is real.
"Are you...you're not gunna tell anyone right? Only the guys know...we where planning to tell you and Rhea soon but - are you okay?" Namjoon looks at me, eyebrows furrowed as I sway with the most largest smile looking at them.
"I'm great" I think I might burst in happiness - this is the cutest thing - who cares about Taehyung when you have Namjin?
I get up and pulling the curtains down so only very little light is allowed into the room.
"What are you doing?" Jin questions as he watches me log into the computer, entering youtube.
"Just, ah, putting on some Mozart to, um, get you in the...mood" I walk over to Namjoon, pulling his arm towards Jin before pushing him onto his lap before I walk out the door.
"Have fun guys~" I snicker, giving them the most perverted look I could muster before closing the door.
"JIMIN! BEST FRIEND!"I yell as he makes his way over to me smiling sweetly. I throw my arm around his shoulders, or attempt to - I really am that short.
"NONO! you should be with taetae" Jimin smirks.
"Mmm, maybe later - spend lunch with me?"
We spend all of lunch together, messing around in the near by shopping centre. He tries his very best to avoid the topic of Taehyung, tries to get my mind off everything by making up Namjin imagines.
"And then they get married, and AGUST D can send us all to Hong Kong with his tongue technology so we all live in this massive castle for the after party!" Jimin spreads out his arms, emphasising the size of the castle, walking backwards as we head back to school.
"Then?" I ask, laughing.
"Then we can go to Macbeth's castle but we don't find Macbeth in there" Jimin shakes his head as we head into school, his face expressionless...a little creepy.
"uh-oh, who do we find?" I cover my mouth, acting scared as we make our way to the lockers - we're late everyone is in class, but who cares about education and getting a good life right?
"Mr Jung" Jimin whispers.
"So he's Macbeth?"
"MR JUNG SHALL SLEEP NO MORE! MR JUNG HATH MURDERED SLEEP! Cause he's that cool" he exclaims, throwing his arms in the air as I laugh at his stupidness.
"Go now, you'll be even more late"
"You don't want me to drop you off? I can if you want" He offers with his puppy dog eyes. He is so sweet. A little annoying and perverted, but sweet.
"No, no it's fine - I have to get my folder from my locker - double Philosophy" I explain, rolling my eyes as he gives me a terrified look.
"Good luck" he gives me a small hug "Don't worry about Tae, you guys will fix it and get married and AGUST D can send you to Hong Kong too"
"Oh shut up" I laugh, letting him go.
"See ya NoNo" he ruffles my hair before turning and leaving the hall way.
I sigh before twisting in my code into the locker, opening it up before pulling out my heavy folder and text book.
End of the day.
I'll find Tae at the end of the day and everything will be okay.
It has to be okay...I can't lose him - and I won't.
I just have to keep calm and say what I have to say - he already knows its an accident.
Why do I have to be such a pussy when it comes to these situations?
I can turn up to prom in a unicorn onesie but I can't tell a guy that I kissed him by accident and that it just felt a bit weird so I couldn't face him...no I can't tell him that - I'll say my phone went weird so I couldn't answer and that I wasn't ignoring...I was...I don't know, I don't know...at least I have up until the end of the day. It'll be fine.
I attempt to stuff the textbook and folder into my bag, struggling by the thickness of the two. Stupid book. Stupid folder. Stupid lesson. Stupid philosophy.
Fuck you Plato.
Socrates is a bitch.
Aristotle can suck my dick.
'Philosophy is the way' my fucking asshole.
The locker suddenly slams shut, adreline rushes through my veins as I jump slightly, feeling my heart beat as it is trying to escape the cages of my ribs.
My eyes widen as hands grab my waist turning my body before being shoving me against the ice cold metal. I feel it freezing my skin as I let go of my bag, feeling it drop to my side, the zipper scratching my ankle.
In shock, I put my hands up by my side in surrender while staring wide eyed at Taehyung.
His arms rest on the lockers, trapping me, not letting me escape from him.
"What are you do-" I start but I immediately close my mouth. The feeling heat raises to my face as I realise the closeness of our bodies, our faces, our lips. I remember the feeling of them, the taste and its all I can do to keep my cool right now.
His eyebrows are furrowed, jaw set, determination in those chocolate eyes as his cherry stained lips part to speak, bringing me into silence.
"You've been avoiding me sunshine"
Chapter 16: genius.
January 5th 1:41pm
His mint breath brushes over my face as he speaks in his surprisingly serene voice. The look on his face seems almost intimidating as he gazes down at me through those determined narrowed eyes.
"I haven't" I breath, eyes still wide as I start regaining my senses. "I haven't been - "
"I thought you hated me because I didn't pull back"
He didn't pull back?
"I don't" I assure him, my voice panicked "I really don't, it was my fault anyway I just..." I bite the inside of my cheek - I'm completely lost for words.
He tilts his head to the side, as if he is considering his thoughts for a second. I hold my breath as his face inches closer to my own.
Not being able to bare the closeness, I turn my head to the side focusing on one of the classroom doors, hoping against hope that nobody sees us like this. Mr Jung's classroom is right behind Taehyung, if he walks out - we're done for.
"I know that now" His voice seems deeper than usual, soulful. Hot breath fans over my neck, and its like he knows that this effects me - off course he knows, his lips have been all over my neck, he knows how it makes me feel and now he's taking advantage of it.
I gulp, pushing myself back harder against the lockers, feeling the knobs painfully push into my skin, but I can't face him. He's too close. Way to close.
I don't dare to move, I don't even dare to breath - I'm frozen as he moves even closer, lips grazing my skin. All I can feel is my heart pounding in my chest, my ears, rattling my very bones.
"I also know that you like me" my eyes widen at his words as I turn my face to him. Burning fire spreads through my veins.
"Of course I like you, you're a good friend" I try, but he doesn't buy it. Instead he shakes his head, a small smirk curling his lips.
"You know what I mean" he looks right into my eyes as he speaks in a confident voice, pure glee in his dark eyes.
"I don't" I protest too quickly, too forcefully. I need to get away, I can't handle this - what is he trying to do? Make me spontaneously combust into billions of tiny little pieces?
"Mm, yes you do" he says in a matter-of-fact voice, nodding - not letting the smirk leave his face.
"I have to get to class, I'm already really late" I try pushing him off me. My hands press against his shoulders but he doesn't budge, instead he grabs a hold of my wrists and pins them against the ice cold of the metal lockers on either side of my head.
Is he being serious? How many movies does this boy watch?
"Taehyung!" I exclaim while looking at his smug face with absolute disbelief, my eyebrows furrow in confusion - why is he so intent on getting an answer? Can't he tell how uncomfortable I am?
He watches me for a second, eyes travelling down my face, my neck while his tongue glides along his lower lip before he takes it in between his teeth.
Ouch, my virginity.
"You're not leaving until I hear you say it" he declares in all seriousness looking back up into my eyes "I need to hear you say it."
"I..." My cheeks burn up again and the feeling of being set on fire from within takes over my body.
I can feel my heartbeat in my throat now.
I can't say it, I can't just say something like that - especially because it's true - if he already knows that why does he need clarification? Why can't he accept that I like him and let us move on away from this? He doesn't feel the same way. He can't...so why is he doing this to me?
I can get over him. Easy. He just has to let me - and pushing me up against a locker is definitely not helping.
"Just admit it, princess" Taehyung whispers leaning down again, closer. But I can't - I won't, it makes my heart ache whenever I think about it. So I just turn my head away again, hoping silence will persuade him to stop.
"Tae" I gasp as my body tenses up, completely taken by surprise by the sudden feeling of his lips brushing against my jaw line, so soft it almost feels like feathers. Those delicate brushes turn into sweet little kisses as my mind is driven into panic mode.
"I'll stop " He murmurs against my skin. "If - you - admit - it" He presses a kiss to my jaw at each word, moving towards my ear.
"Just say it and I'll let you go" Taehyung purrs into my ear as I clench my fists, now warm against the metal. I bite my lip to stop myself from reacting, but its almost impossible.
"I swear to god Taehyung, I'll poison you" I threaten, still looking at the classroom door, scared to think what would happen if I turned my face towards him now.
I open my mouth to talk again but I immediately stop as the feeling of his plump crimson lips on my neck, the soft grazes of pleasure completely take over my body, my mind, my very soul.
My breath is jagged as he lets my arms fall to my sides. His hand instead curl around my waist, pulling me into his warmth, the other traces up my spine to rest on my nape.
His lips don't miss a spot, not one. There will be no part of my neck that Taehyung's lips have not touched by the end of this.
His blazer is crumpled into my fists as my eyes flutter close, both hating and enjoying the experience while being completely and utterly confused.
Why? Is the only question I have. I don't know why he's taking this so far, I don't want him to continue...but I really don't want him to stop.
"Tae" I bite my lip, cringing at the way I sighed his name. I really can't control myself can I? Clearing my throat I try again - "Taehyung?" my voice comes out as normal.
"Mmm?" He hums against my neck, lightly nipping my skin. I bite the inside of my cheek so hard, making sure I don't give him the satisfaction of how much I'm enjoying this. Because I am, oh god I am.
I just have to say it and it'll all be over.
Just say it.
I need to get to class - Just say it.
What harm could it do?
Say it and all of this would be over - everything can be forgotten about - Just let this dickhead have what he wants this time.
"I like you" I say curtly.
The reply must have taken him by surprise as he staggers backwards when I push his chest away from me.
I must look like a mess.
"I like you, happy now?" I fake a smile at him before squatting down, stuffing my folders into my bag, my neck tingling from those delicate kisses.
"I like you too" Taehyung says in a small voice, almost inaudible. My ears perk as I register what he had just said, slowing down my actions, my body, my mind. Instead it takes all that energy into speeding up my thundering heart.
He likes me?
He likes me?
This can't be real.
It's too perfect - he must be joking, trying to make me feel better, playing some kind of prank because he can't like me. He can't like me - I'm just me. Just Nova, just his friend. Nothing more.
I stand up, looking at him unsure. My breath caught in my throat, mouth slightly open. I hope that my heartbeat is inaudible to him because it is all I can hear.
"I thought I made it obvious but you're completely oblivious, Nova" he lets out a small laugh, slipping his hands into his pockets, a flurry of emotion on his face as he looks down - relief, worry, panic all swirling in those brown eyes.
But why is he lying?
"You're just saying that" is all I can say. I can't believe this. Life can't be this utopian. This euphoric. This perfect . It just can't.
"Seriously?" He looks at me, offended as he takes a small step forward with his furrowed eyebrows.
"It's a little out of the blue, I mean - " I stop when I see the absolute confusion on his face.
"All the pet names, all the midnight calls, morning texts, all the hugging, the forehead kisses, neck kisses, all the teasing, all the touching, all the flirting - you think I'm still making this up? 'Little out of the blue' my ass Nova - you're just oblivious" he takes another step forward, taking my hand into his own. I don't think my heart has ever beaten this fast, I don't think I've ever been so breathless.
Instead of interlacing our fingers, he takes my hand to his chest, right over his heart. "Feel my heart? It's only beating this fast because of you - only you, nobody else"
"Not even the pigeons?" I smile as he lets out a small laugh, looking away for a second.
"Not even the pigeons" he looks back at me before pulling me into him, one hand around my waist, the other now resting on my cheek. The pad of this thumb caresses my skin as he tilts my head up while examining my face, the smile not leaving his lips, the sparks in his eyes inextinguishable.
He looks at me in awe as he leans forward, so close that our noses brush, leaving a tingling feeling everywhere. On every inch of my skin.
"When you tried to kiss my cheek...I turned my head on purpose, just so I could kiss you" he confesses with a cheeky smile, his lips lightly brushing my own as he speaks.
"Nice timing - right in front of the whole class" I try my best not to breath too heavily - not that I could exactly - I'm breathless.
"But you enjoyed it, you can't lie - you did" the cheeky smile doesn't leave his face as he leans away slightly, brushing his thumb along my lower lip.
I'm on fire, my heart is fluttering and it feels like the entire cast of the lion king is doing a dance number in my stomach.
I avoid his eyes, I feel like I might just drown in those sweet chocolate stained irises.
"I would have enjoyed it better if it was just us" I shrug, regaining a little confidence.
Wow I just said that too him.
"Yeah? Then what are you waiting for?" He licks his bottom lip, now resting his hands on my waist.
I look at him confused.
"I'm not waiting for anythin - "
" Kiss me genius "
January 6th 11:54am
"Hey" his tone is low and soft but powerful enough to send chills through my body. Yet there is something else there as well...shyness, vunerability in his silky rich tone as it travels into my ear, through my phone, resting next to me on my pillow.
I can't help but smile before I answer, I can't help but really enjoy the feeling of the butterflies bursting, fluttering in my stomach.
"Hi" I breath in a hushed voice, trying not to draw any attention from my family, all tucked away in the dawning darkness of the midnight hours.
"Hey" he repeats, as if he had forgotten his lines out of nerves.
"You called?" I breath a laugh, he's adorable.
"I just wanted to hear your voice"
"Cut the cheesy shit Tae" I advice him while tapping the warm surface of my phone, trying to contain my smile.
"You love it" he states with a small snicker.
"Idiot" I mutter.
"Loser" he resorts.
"Pencildick" I hiss.
"Mm...are you sure about that princess?" His low tone has deepened, becoming more alluring, seductive.
"I'm a Queen" I correct him, pulling away from the topic he is steering towards in full winds.
"After all those times you've -"
"Fucktard" I cut in feeling my face heat up, I am not talking about this in bed.
"Jin would skin us alive if he heard us talking so late" He lets the topic slide for now.
"Ahh, it is late isn't it? We have school tomorrow"
"I can't sleep anyway, you give me weird feelings that make me stay awake while smiling at the ceiling - I swear my mum thought I was high" He sighs and I can't help but laugh silently, clutching my duvet.
"Then what should we do? To pass the time?" I whisper.
"Hmm...lets play a game"
"What game?" I question, waiting for his answer.
"How about...I ask you questions in Korean and you have to answer with a 'yes' or no' okay?" He suggests.
"Sure" I turn so I am facing away from my bedroom door, snuggling into the blankets.
"Na meossiseoyo?" His words roll off his tongue so smoothly, as if it were honey, I have no idea what he said but all I know is that he sounds amazing.
"No" I whisper somewhat confidently, oblivious to what he just asked me.
"Awe" Taehyung whines in sadness, adding a small huff of frustration at the end.
"What? What did thy ask?" I slip in some Shakespearean.
"You weirdo" he laughs before answering the actual question "I asked thy if I was cool, you said no."
"Stop stealing my Shakespearean you spagoot" I insult him.
"Spagoot?" Taehyung bursts into laughter, the sweet angelic sound rippling through the silence of my dark room, bringing a smile to my own face.
"Italian noodle" I explain.
"You mean spaghetti?" His voice is thick from holding back laughter.
"I don't know how to spell that" I resort, holding back my own snicker.
"This is a verbal conversation!" Taehyung whisper shouts. "I'm crying Nova, you made me cry" he laughs so hard that I'm laughing too, my cries muffled into my pillow.
"Okay, okay, ask me another question, ask me another one" I try saying without laughing but failing horribly.
"Okay, alright, umm..." Taehyung slowly calms down, thinking of the next question to ask.
"Narang daeiteu galae?"
"Yes?" I question, unsure this time.
"Yes, yes, yes, yes " I hear him cheer in whispers with the sound of the springs of his bed creaking as he jumps in excitement.
"What did I just agree to?" I furrow my eyebrows, suddenly worried that I accidentally joined a satanic nun cult again.
"No, I just...I just asked you on a date...you said yes" he whispers gleefully, sounding accomplished. I bite my lip to stop smiling, but I can't - I really just can't.
"When?" I whisper back, trying not to sound overly excited as I turn on my stomach, holding back a scream.
I'll sneak out or whatever I need to do to go with him. Plans start to form in my mind as I wait for his answer.
"Wednesday - we don't have lessons after 11:00am sooo...we can escape and get to the place by around 11:40 and I can get you home by 4 easily" he is so considerate.
"Another adventure it is then peasant - our acting skills will come into handy"
"Yes indeed they will be my Queen"
"Okay...um, where are we going?" I ask out of curiosity, trying to stop myself from bouncing in feverish delight.
"Surprise " I can literally see the smirk on his smug face.
"I swear if you're going to take me to see Peppa Pig the movie or - "
"No, no, no - no movie - it's...something else, you'll love it"
"And how do you know that?" I raise my eyebrow even through he couldn't see me.
"Because I know you princess" he simpers.
"Queen" I correct him, although...being his princess doesn't sound like a bad deal.
"So it's settled then?"
"I'm paying if there's any paying involved" I quickly add, turing flat on my back.
"No" he replies bluntly.
"Then I am not attending this said 'date' mister" I threaten.
"Wha-? No" he complains, sounding annoyed - I love annoying him.
"Then let me pay" I shrug.
"Can't, already paid" he makes a mocking sound, no doubt sticking his tongue out on the other end.
"And you just knew I'd say yes?"
"No...I didn't...that's why I'm doing it all while we speak" he says in a small voice.
God, he's so precious.
"I don't like freeloading, let me pay you back" I grumble.
"You can pay me back another way" he insinuates in a shamelessly perverted voice.
"IM NOT MAKING PORNOS OF NAMJIN FOR YOU IF THATS WHAT YOU'RE ASKING FOR" I whisper shout as loud as I can into the microphone of my phone, making sure my voice is as breathy as possible to make him uncomfortable.
"Eugh - Nova, no - you just ear fucked me" I hear him groan in disgust.
"Sorry daddy" I joke in an innocent voice.
"You know, I used to like that - after the drama play...you ruined it for me"
"How about papi?"
"What even, Nova stop - "
"You're my sugar plumb cherry bitch pumpy umpy ump Cunt, you're my dickhead Pieee~" I sing.
"Stopp" I hear him laugh.
"How am I paying you back then you spagoot" I resort.
"Did you seriously just call me spaghetti?"
"Yes you sexy, sexy, sexy spagoot" I'm going to regret saying all of this later.
"What am I supposed to do? Reach into the phone and - "
"Nooo" he laughs "that's how you can repay me - kiss me"
"But that's not - "
"Do you know how good it feels to kiss you sunshine? You're priceless"
"You are so dramatic - it hasn't even been 24 hours yet!" I exclaim in whispers, holding back a scoff.
"It feels like a life time babygirl" he purrs, trying to annoy me.
"Dis - cus - ting" I exclaim in an accent, turning back to my side, hiding a small smile.
"But you're the one calling me daddy" he resorts in laughter.
"Because you're daddy material" I claim. I'm going to throw myself off an elephant later.
"Is this why you go to bed at 9 usually? The later it gets the weirder you get"
"Yeah, so when I see you on Monday - I never said any of this" I point at the phone, an weird look on my face.
"Yeah, yeah" He sighs, laughing under his breath.
"And don't tell Taehyung I said it either" I add hoping to confuse him.
"But I'm Taehyu - You know what? Taehyung isn't going to know, I promise"
"What am I supposed to do? Reach into the phone and -" he steals my own words before I cut him off.
"IM LEAVING, NIGHT FUCKFACE MWAH" I say in the same breathy loud whisper, hearing him groan before throwing my phone to the side.
"YESYESYESYESYES" I whisper-screech as I move around, punching the air in triumph.
I'm going on a date.
I'm going on a date with Taehyung. Tae-Freaking-Hyung. My former best friend, now my...boyfriend? I guess?
Oh my god.
Taehyung is my boyfriend. My boyfriend. Finally this is happening - I think I died a little inside.
I scream into my pillow - DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE.
"Um...Nova, are you okay?" I turn my head slowly toward my phone, still flashing Taehyungs name.
Dreams love to shatter into billions of little pieces.
"No, no, yeah, spider, bye" I quickly hang up, just as I should have the first time - my cheeks burn in embarrassment as my heart hammers against my chest.
You know what? He already knows I'm stupid and weird and he has accepted it so its fine. I just called him daddy this is nothing compared to what just happened.
But why must I be a living, breathing dumbfuck?
"Nova? Are you still awake?" I turn my head to see my father - his figure blurred without my glasses as he pokes his head through the door that now stands ajar. Light from the hall way seeps into my room, illuminating his face - it seems worn out, tired - he just got home.
"Yeah...there was a spider...I killed it" I lie to save myself some explaining.
"Go to sleep, wake up early tomorrow and we can all go out - shopping sound good?" He suggests, rubbing his droopy eyes.
"Yeah, okay" I shrug nodding. "How was work?" I slip in.
"I've had worse days - The evidence against him is still very strong" My father plays with the door handle, not looking at me. It was probably worse than he was letting on.
"Are you allowed to tell me anything about the guy?" I lean forward, hoping for answers.
"He loves pizza"
"A drug Mafia who loves pizza. Nice"
"Hey, he may not be, he may just be in the wrong places at the wrong time - he's my age you know - we're old but we do make mistakes"
"Why did you take the case dad? I mean...you must have seen what was at stake when you agreed..."
"I like challenges" He shrugs with a sleepy smile "and money...lots of lots of money money money" he adds in as a small laugh escapes me.
"How's that friend of yours by the way? Taehyung?" My father changes the subject quickly, folding his arms over him chest.
"He's okay I guess" I purse my lips, not wanting to lie about him. Not wanting to talk about him.
"Remember what I said Nova - even if he is just a friend - don't...just don't get too attached, don't let him in too deep - The deeper you let him in, the more painful it'll be to dig him back out"
"Yeah, I know"
Way too late.
"I just don't want you hurt"
He won't hurt me.
"I got it under control" I lie through my teeth.
"He just...boys just...act different, put on a mask sometimes - I don't want you to fall into that"
"Don't worry, I only tell him the gossip I over hear in the girls toilets that's all" I laugh, not completely lying.
"Be careful you unique child...and goodnight" He gives an over-dramatised low bow before leaving the room, closing the door onto my quiet laughter.
"Night!" I raise my voice a little so he hears.
No matter what my dad has said about boy's in general - Taehyung is something else.
He is something euphoric, ethereal, intangible - yet I got to him somehow. And if I get hurt, I get hurt. I got myself into this - I want this - and I'm going to suffer any of the consequences.
I stare up at the ceiling, watching the streaming sliver rays of moonlight seep in from the small gap between my curtains. Guilt starts bubbling up inside of me, spreading from my stomach to my throat, my head - I shouldn't be lying. But they would never approve of Taehyung - of any boy.
But I like him. I really do like him.
And I never thought I would have let him in so deep, I never knew or intended for us to become so close. But we did.
If I had chosen a different school, if I didn't choose drama - if I had chosen to go with the girls on that first lesson instead of Taehyung - none of this would have happened.
It's so perfect, the way we seem to just fit. How everything just flows.
I used to think of being in love as a sort of disease, an illness...but I wouldn't mind it now.
I want it now.
My phone starts to ring into the witching hour, I squint answering the blurred number.
Taehyung's face pops onto my screen, right next to my own. He's under his covers, looking up into the camera, a wide smile on his sleepy face, eyes half closed.
I quickly cover my face, not ready for this sudden FaceTime call. I hear him laugh at my reaction as I hide under my covers, so the only thing he sees is the darkness.
"I'll protect you from that spider" he declares .
Chapter 17: boyfriend.
January 9th 11:43am
Taehyung's car engine sings to the lone early afternoon roads as the midday sun beats warm against my skin. It's a hoax, a trick as the warmth of the rays surrender to winters chilling breath, leeching its way into the car, freezing my fingertips.
The ride has been anything but silent as I cry out yet again "This isn't normal! Normal people don't do this! It's ...its so dark...I can't deal with this any longer, Tae - I can't! I can't see!" I exaggerate, poking at the red bandana he had tied around my head, drawing my world into a red blur - as if I were looking into strawberry jam, or swimming perhaps, in a sickly sea of fresh blood.
"Almost there! Few more minutes, I promise" Taehyung chirps in thrilling excitement.
"I swear, if I take this off and we're at some kinky diner - "
"Kinky diner? Seriously?" He questions in laughter, the soft titter tangles with the sound of the car wheels rolling smoothly over the roads, getting closer and closer to the unknown destination.
"You blindfolded me, what am I supposed to think!?"
"Not what you're thinking! Remind me to bathe you in holy water later you dirty girl" Taehyung scoffs.
"Only for you" I purr jokingly, I can't even hold back the small laugh at the end.
"I am currently shaking my head in disapproval" He announces his actions.
"Listen Shakespeare, you wouldn't have to read out your own stage directions if you'd just take the blind fold off me" I groan.
"No, it'll ruin everything"
"What's next? Tie me up and build a wall around me?"
"Yup. It's gunna be huuuuuuuuge" he bawls in his best Donald Trump impression.
"You're a biotic factor that is invading my environment with nonsense" I mutter, crossing my arms across my chest.
"I'm not as bad as you" Taehyung argues.
"That it very true" A sigh escapes my lips because he speaks truth. Fax no printer.
"WE'RE HERE!" He suddenly announces, his deep voice making me jump in fright and for a second I am strangled by my own seatbelt.
Taehyung is the definition of a little brat.
"Are you going to park Jimin?" I joke, hoping he didn't hear me get choked by the seatbelt.
"Yes, yes I am" He says, bringing the car to a stop. I hear him open his door, leaving.
"You're just gunna leave me?" I let out a dramatic cry. "Lonelyyyyy, I am so lonelyyyy ~ " I sing in sadness.
The crisp breath of early January begins to gnaw at my exposed ankle as Taehyung had opened the door for me. I hiss at the sudden exposure as the cold seeps into the car, battling the warmer air inside as if seeking vengeance.
"Come on" I wrap my coat around myself tightly before taking his hand, allowing him to guide me to wherever he wants to take me...as long as I can hold his hands. He is so warm.
The gravelled floor of the car park suddenly turns to a smooth rubber flooring, small squeaks are issued as my trainers slide across it. The sound of harsh wind is replaced with chatter, screams of laughter in the distance.
"Stay" Taehyung orders letting go of my hand, brining us to a halt. A frown forms on my face from the removal of the warmth and the softness of his skin.
"Do I look like a dog for you to be telling me to 'stay' " I stick my tongue out at no particular direction. I can't see him from the blood red of the bandana.
"Yes" he ruffles my hair. I try beating his hand away but he grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers before I feel him lean in. "You're my adorable lil dog, so stay here" he pecks my cheek and disappears.
"Woof" I call out before biting my lower lip, trying not to let a squeal of happiness out. It was a peck on the cheek but it still makes me so giddy that I'm practically swaying.
How can a little peck make my stomach burst with thousands - no - millions of butterflies?
"Okay, sit down I need to put these socks on you" Taehyung is back, taking a hold of my shoulders and pushing me back, seating me down before carefully taking off my shoes and socks, replacing them with new soft cotton socks. I stand up, feeling some sort of rubber padding at the bottom of them. Strange.
"This way my Queen" he announces in his booming voice as I shake my head, smiling at how extra he is before taking his hand once again as he leads me to who knows where.
The sound of chatter, of screams, of laughter, the pattering of feet and the sound of squeaking springs dawns upon us, getting louder and louder until it is all I could hear.
Within a second Taehyung unties the bandana, my eyes slowly adjust to the neon lights before the feeling of adrenaline rushes through my entire body and the largest smile makes it's way across my face.
He brought me to a trampoline park.
It's massive, trampolines line almost every inch of the ground, except the obstacle area and the cafe.
I scream, jumping as I throw my arms around his neck, taking him completely by surprise as he staggers back by the sudden force. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you" I hear him laugh as I latch onto him, hyperventilating almost.
"You're welcome sunshine" he doesn't stop laughing at my excitement and he doesn't let go.
"BEST BOYFRIEND" I almost screech before letting go.
"Did you just call me your boyfriend? Is that what I am?"
"Um" I wasn't supposed to say that. Seriously how am I messing up when it hasn't even begun yet?
"Hm?" He bends down with a blank stare, tilting his head to the side, hands behind his back.
"I, um...n - yeah? I don't - " I stop once I see the cheeky smile on his face.
"So I'm your boyfriend" he says in a teasing voice, not leaning away "good to know" the smile still etched upon his face. "What does that make you?" He straightens up.
"I'm your Queen, thot" I declare, gaining back confidence.
"Ah, and can the Queen spare the peasant a kiss?" He pats his cheek with his finger, pouting his lips slightly, puppy dog eyes and all. I can't help but smile - he's too perfect.
I tiptoe, closing my eyes, ready to peck his soft skin.
Instead of the smoothness of his cheek my lips meet the warmth of his own for just a heartbeat of a second.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Taehyung runs off like a child down towards the trampolines.
January 9th 1:28pm
"ARE YOU OKAY?!" I scream, running to Taehyung who now lays back on the trampoline, body bouncing from the impact of my leg knocking him down as I attempted a backflip.
He sits up now, knees sinking into the stretching material as he looks up at me - doe eyes glimmer in purity, in innocence as I look down at him in guilt.
"I fell for you" He whispers, turing my guilt into pure confusion as I question how somebody can be so damn cheesy.
He bursts out into laughter seeing my sour expression. I try to keep a straight face but just looking at him rolling around on the trampolines spring material, eyes squinted shut, mouth open in silent laughter - practically dying - it could bring anyone into a smile at the very least.
Two small boys waddle over to us, twins presumably as they both are dressed in the same jeans and shirts, their hair bouncing at the same time as if mirroring each other purposely. They are about 4 or 5 and they are absolutely adorable.
Taehyung has stopped laughing, he crosses his legs as he sits at my feet, now staring at the kids in awe.
"Hello small children" His voice is soft, so soft as he waves as them. They don't react at first, just stare at us as if debating if we are cool enough to talk to.
"EW, TEENAGERS!" one of them suddenly screeches, making me jump slightly from fright as he points his accusing tiny finger at me.
"Ew, children!" I exclaim, playing along.
"CHEIF! CHEIF! WE NEED THE BACK UP! THERE IS TWO OFF DEM TO BEAT UP!" The boys pretend to be on the phone.
"Are they talking about us?" I mouth to Taehyung who shrugs with a small laugh.
"WE NEED TO GO NOW!" they say in sync "NEE NAW NEE NAW VROOM VROOM VROOMM" they screech, running away "BIG LOSER TEENAGER NEEDS TO BE ARRESTED FOR SAYING HELLO WITHOUT PERMISSION!"
I slowly turn my head to Taehyung, the two of us stare at each other with confused expressions before bursting out into laugher.
"Hey" Taehyung tries to stop laughing, his voice thick as he continues "wanna try out the obstacle course?"
January 9th 2:53pm
"Scared potter?" Taehyung mocks as the two of us edge closer towards each other on the pole wrapped in a black sponge material, a meter or so under us is a sea of large black and purple cube shaped sponges.
"You wish" I tighten my grip around my sponge bat as he does the same, the both of us ready to push the other down, however ruthless we must become to claim victory.
I take a swing which he immediately dodges, almost losing balance. The next few minutes consist of vigorously whacking, or attempting to whack each other, laughing at the others pain. A small crowd of small children and parents have surrounded us, cheering us on as we fight like savages.
"Come on princess, give up already - you know you can't beat me" He lowers his voice so only I could hear him speak, however his words gave me an idea.
I inch closer to him, lean in slightly before speaking "I had sex with Jimin" I whisper sweetly as his smirk falls into a shocked gape. I take this opportunity to knock him sideways, he loses balance before plummeting down into the cluster of black and purple sponges. I raise my bat over my head, victory in clearly mine as a cheer is earned from the crowed.
I make my way off the pole, down to the edge where the two little boys from earlier are helping Taehyung out of the pit.
"Haha, you lost" one squeaks.
"You're a loser" the other snickers gleefully.
They blow a raspberry at Taehyung, but before they could run to safety, Taehyung grand them and has them both shrieking in laughter as he tickles the kids who look so tiny compared to Taehyungs hight and broadness. "Who's the loser now, huh?" he laughs as he lets the kids rest, panting.
They get up slowly, one puts an elbow on Taehyung's left shoulder while the other leans his elbow on his right. "You are still a loser, but you are a cool loser" they explain to a perplexed Taehyung. Before they leave, the boys lick Taehyung's cheek, giggling as they sprint off, getting lost in the crowd.
"I think they claimed me" Taehyung mutters to no one in particular.
"Oh, look! It's the loser!" I greet him with a smug look on my face.
"Haha" he makes a face.
"Never underestimate me" I help him up off the floor before poking his chest.
"Did you really have sex with Jimi -"
"We did ride him all the way here" I smile as an expression of relief washes over his face.
"I hate you, I thought -"
"Oh Taehyung, oh sweet gullible Taehyung, does it look like I've done anything other than lose my lip virginity to you?" I tilt my head to the side as he looks away with a small laugh.
"Lip virginity" he mumbles under his breath before turing back to face me.
"Yes! its a thing and you took it!" I try convincing him.
"Oh I'm sorry, it won't happen again" he smirks at me as I roll my eyes.
January 9th 3:59pm
Near Nova's house
"And that is my theory on why I think Jesus was actually a snowman" I conclude my argument with a sweet smile.
"Nova, shut up and eat the last bit of the noodles" Taehyung laughs as he prods his chopsticks against my lips, ushering me to open up and eat the noodles hanging from them. I have been talking so much that he has taken it upon himself to feed me.
We didn't have time to eat at the restaurant so we've parked a road away from my house as we finish the food.
I open my mouth, the taste of spices brings me to silence as I stare at him with the noodles hanging out of my mouth for a second before I quickly slurp them up.
"So that's what that mouth can do" he smirks and it takes a second before I start chocking on my food, realising what he had implied.
"You can't say stuff like that when I'm eating!" I cough, swallowing my food before shoving him playfully.
"What else can it do?" he asks as I place a mint in my mouth.
"It can bite your dick off" I threaten him.
"Ooo, yes ma'am"
"Okay and you call me weird" I shake my head at him, trying to stop laughing.
"I mean you are weird, it's your best quality" he smiles, poking my noes which I scrunch up. His eyes widen all of a sudden in absolute awe, as if he is looking at the most precious thing in the universe.
"Aww, you're so fucking adorable sunshine" his eyebrows are furrowed as he rests one of his elbows on the arm rest before cupping my cheeks. He brings my face closer to him, stroking my cheek with the pad of his thumb. "Can I kiss you?" his voice carries a sense of longing, his eyes bore into mine with almost a craving, a deep desire. The fact that he asks is something so pure and precious in and of itself that I can't simply refuse. Not that I want to refuse, his kisses are luscious.
I don't answer him with words. Instead I press my lips against his slowly, feeling it burn against mine as he places his hands on my hip then slowly making his way up my back and I can't help but shiver from the gentle touch. He presses me towards him as I place my left hand against his chest, feeling giddy and overwhelmed by the sudden heat of the kiss, burning through my body - Im on fire. He starts moving his lips. My lips follow his slow pattern, moving in perfect harmony. And the taste, the cold - sweet mint taste and his scent, god his scent - the musky vanilla is so intoxicating, so electrifying. Im lightheaded, so lightheaded that I'm totally in his control and there is nothing I can do to break away - nothing can convince me to break away unless he does it first. Im so powerless, and this is only a simple kiss.
He is the one to break the kiss. His eyes are still closed, hands still in the same positions as he leans his forehead against mine. It's as if he's trying to savour this beautiful moment.
"It's 4:17, you should go, I don't want you to be in trouble" his voice is so soft when he finally opens his eyes, moving back in his seat with a small smile.
"Yeah...yeah okay" I shake my head to try and bring myself back to my senses, I'm probably blushing and I never blush - the red never turns up on my face but the way that Taehyung looks at me in my flustered state tells me otherwise.
He reaches over and places his finger on my burning cheek "ahh, ouch!" he hisses taking his finger away and sucking on it with a pout before bursting out into laughter at my death glare.
"Leave me alone" I pout and cup my cheeks, my cold hands cooling them down.
"I’m only joking sunshine, you're just so pure, its adorable" he pokes my nose.
"Yeah, yeah" I bat his hand away. How the hell am I pure? "I'll see you tomorrow, thank you for today" I drop my hands from my face and smile at him.
"And you are very welcome for today" he smiles back, taking my hand in his own before placing a soft kiss upon it. "My Queen" he adds.
Can I kiss him again? Is that allowed?
I quickly peck his lips "see you tomorrow" is all I say before exiting the car.
"Get home safe" he says in worry that I won't.
"It's a minutes walk, I'll be fine Tae, you remember to drive safe okay?" I smile before closing the door.
It only really does take a minute before I enter the soothing warmth of my home. I smile to myself, thinking of all the things that happened today - I want to scream in happiness - I need to tell Rhea all about it - she'll scream with me I know she will. I slip my shoes off, biting my lip to contain my smile before I face my parents.
I walk down the hall, my happy thoughts shattered by the sudden shouting I hear from the living room.
"I can't do this anymore! He's threatening me, threatening her - and now she's wrapped around his fingers and theres nothing I can do about it" I hear my fathers voice, he sounds so defeated as I peer into the room. He collapses on the sofa, my mother seating herself beside him, comforting him.
"It'll be fine, he won't do anything rash, he's trying to keep you in line that's all - you'll win this - we'll win this and all of it will be over" My mother suddenly notices me at the door, eyes widening slightly but her voice is calm, steady as he she casually asks " revision go well?" as if everything is okay. But it's not. I now know it's not.
"Yes..." I look between them but neither can look me right in the eye "Who's threatening you?" I question.
"Nobody, just...just go to your room" He keeps looking down, messaging his temple.
"Go to your room."
January 11th 2:18pm
"Taehyung leans in, breath tense as he looks down at Nova's petite figure, his lips grazing her neck, a moan escapes her just before he whispers - "
"Oh my god, Rhea shut up" my face burns up, feeling embarrassed, so completely embarrassed because Taehyung is right next to me. I shouldn't have told her anything.
All I can hear is laughter, Jin's laughter most distinguishable, fists banging on desks, wheezing, choking, crying, practically dying. And Taehyung and I are in the midst of it all, eyes avoiding each other, sitting up straight, faces fuming - completely and utterly flustered.
" 'He whispers, breath tickling her ear,' " Namjoon continues, trying his very best not to shake from laughter as he delivers his words " 'Nova, babygirl, I want you so bad-" Namjoon continues, eyes squinted, watery.
"Oh my god" I cover my ears, cowering back in my seat, face twisted in discomfort. I am not listening to this.
" '- let's get out of here and do something fun' " Jimin says in a deep voice. "He looks at her with pure lust 'like what?' She asks innocently" Jimin continues with the most high pitched voice he could muster.
"Stoooppp" I whine, but he doesn't listen, nobody listens.
" 'Something like frickle frackling across the circumference of the moon' " I couldn't help but burst into laughter at Namjoon's words - god, what a moron.
" 'Ah! Yes, mmm, fuck me harder daddy - " Rhea exaggerates, groaning like there's no tomorrow.
Mr Jeon is not present for today's double period of English and no teacher has come by so naturally everybody is messing around.
But I've had enough.
I pick up a ruler laying on the table and point it right at her. I stand up "AVADA KEDAVRA!" Rhea collapses dramatically onto the hard flooring of the classroom.
"AVADA KEDAVRA! AVADA KEDAVRA!" Jimin collapses in his spinning chair which rolls back, tripping up Namjoon.
"AVADA KEDAVRA!" I yell at Namjoon who immediately plays along, landing face first in a pile of books...well...I think he's playing along.
"CRUCIO!" I seethe at Jin, I watch the boy knock back against the wall, sliding down it with a hand over his forehead.
"Oh ma', cuts 'n' bruises" Jin cries out in a southern accent, before his body becomes limp on the floor.
The entire class is watching the fiasco, confused but enjoying it all the same.
I turn to my side, now pointing my ruler at Taehyung with an evil smirk.
"Any last words peasant? No? AVADA KE - "
"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Taehyung roars, pointing his own ruler at me.
Rhea resurrects looking at Taehyung with an 'are-you-fucking-kidding-me' expression on her face. "She's Voldemort you dipshit, not a bloody Dementor" she then collapses back onto the floor, eyes closed.
"Then I'm a Dementor" Taehyung insists.
"No you're demented if you think that you don't have to do any work this lesson" The head teacher, Ms Rylee has walked in, her mere radiance of power bringing the class to silence. "Mr Jung will be looking over you for the next hour"
And there he is, shining in all his glory - Mr Jung, a contrast to Ms Rylee - her thin frown is his bright toothy grin, her bulging body and waddle is his slender figure and long stride. Her narrowed eyes are his brightest stares - her structured lessons are his chaotic wonderland of freestyle teaching.
He's an amazing drama teacher, but he's a chaotic cover teacher.
And honestly, I don't mind The next hour will be quite eventful.
It's even more than enough to keep my mind at bay, to keep the smile on my face.
To make that smile real.
January 11th 3:01pm
"HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT? THE LETTERS ARE CAPITAL, BOLD AND FONT SIZE 24, ARE YOU LEGALLY BLIND?" Mr Jung looks at our table in disbelief, mouth gaped open, eyes screwed up in utmost confusion.
"Oh look I'm on 69%" Taehyung smiles gleefully looking at his phone, completely ignoring Mr Jung as it seems his phones percentage is more important.
"Me too!" I exclaim before rubbing my phone screen against his.
"That's a bit too much honey, that's a bit too much" he tries removing my hand with an uncomfortable smile.
"Taehyung, move to the empty table"
There are three sets of large tables spanning across the room, we are at the furthest from the door, in the middle is the teachers desk with a small table, now vacant but soon to be occupied by Taehyung.
Taehyung only pouts, sulking to his new seat before collapsing on to it, looking longingly at his old beloved table.
"Ha, Taehyung's on the naughty seat" Jimin giggles to himself, poking at my side making me yelp.
"Stop, I'm sensitive!" I exclaim, hugging my physique.
"Don't fucking touch her, Jimin" Taehyung threatens, sending a death glare to Jimin who raises his arms up in defence, completely taken aback from the boys sudden roughness.
"Yeah, don't touch Daddy's little girl" Jin begins to shake with laughter, holding onto Jimin's shoulder for support. Idiot.
I grimace in a hot blush. "Listen Seokjin, just because you like to take it up the arse - " I start.
"I'm clearly a top"
"I beg to differ babyboy" Namjoon cuts in with a small smirk directed at Jin who is blushing crimson.
"Am I missing something?" Rhea looks between the two, perplexed.
"Jin, swap seats with with Taehyung" Mr Jung looks at Jin who stares back, eyes wide, threatening almost. "Jimin, switch with Taehyung" He lets Jin have his way.
"Asking me to migrate form one side of the room to the other..." Jimin grumbles under his breath as Taehyung jumps up from his seat and switches with Jimin.
"Hello sunshine" Taehyung slips into the seat beside me before throwing an arm around my shoulder.
"No, there will be none of that in my classro -"
"HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIIIIDDDEEE" Jimin unexpectedly wails, hands stretched out towards our table with a pained look in his sparkling puppy dog eyes.
"I MUST HAVE CALLED A THOUSAND TIMES" Taehyung shrieks back with perfect pitch. His holds the same expression, reaching out to his brother.
"I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU GUYS DON'T SHUT UP I WILL MAKE YOU ALL SIT IN ONE LINE ON THE FLOOR LIKE PEASANTS, and Taehyung, you are two seconds away from sitting outside by yourself" Mr Jung directs our attention to the gloom of the afternoon sun.
"Okay, let's do some work then" Jin smiles, nudging Namjoon who had his face squished against the table, resting his eyes. "Joonie!" Jin pokes his cheek, awakening him.
"ARISTOTLE!" Namjoon screeches, shooting up with a sleepy expression. "This isn't Plato's rave..." he looks around, perplexed.
"You where flirting with me two seconds ago how did you fall asleep so - "
"Okay, wait - am I missing something? - is the whole world missing something? I - " Rhea's words have made the entire room fall into silence, all eyes on our table.
"Tea?!" Someone exclaims as everyone turns their seats to face us, eyes bright, waiting in anticipation for it to spill.
"Okay fine...I have a confession to make" Jin says sincerely, Namjoon nodding along. Jin stands up and lifts himself onto the table. Everyone stares at the tall boy, his figure now towering over the entire class all sat in their seats - Mr Jung doesn't even question it.
Jin clears his throat "It's not that hard to say, I mean...love has no gender, no age, it's timeless and unconditional- it's natural - we live so we love and that's beautiful. It's the 21st century and the LGBTQ + community is stronger than ever. Everyone is so open minded in this school, this generation is thriving because of it. And I've still been hiding something because it still takes courage and strength to admit. I was never planning of making a big announcement like this - well I'd prefer to do this to with the entire school watching but you guys basically forced me - "
"You're the one who climbed onto that table like a spider - "
"NO ONE ASKED YOU NOVA! - Anyway, I just wanted to say that...I just want to come out and say that...I love myself, I love myself so much and you all should love me too - I'm so amazing, literally the most perfect human being in the entire world, I mean - "
"SEOKJIN IS GAY!" Namjoon decides to declare, clearly having enough of how extra his boyfriend is.
"What no, what the fuck you're gay" Jin squeaks, still standing up in the table, suddenly panicked, arms wrapped around himself.
"We're both gay" Namjoon confesses "for each other, we're dating" a soft smile plays on his face as the two stare into each others eyes, as if staring at the stars in our galaxy, so deeply in love.
"We've been knew sis, just annotate the quote in the board" Mr Jung collapses in his seat, bored.
"I - what? You knew?" Jin gasps, mouth hung in shock as he takes a seat on the edge of the table.
"I mean...you guys weren't very discreet...you do realise that classrooms aren't soundproof right?" Jackson bites his lip awkwardly.
"Oh my god, is that why you guys didn't come to Devon with us? 'busy' my ass, you guys were doing the freaky deaky!" Rhea mouth gapes open.
"Ok lemme get this straight, you all knew -"
"Yes" the entire class says in union, cutting off Jin mid sentence. Jin looks down at Namjoon who gives him a little shrug.
"At least we can make out in public now" He smirks at Jin.
"Wait - Nova - we made a bet that you'd give me - how much was it? if jin was ga-"
"What? I don't remember" I act clueless.
"No, you said that -" I cut Rhea off again.
"lets annotate the quote on the board" I say over excitedly, changing the subject. I'm broke.
"Can you make the words bigger?" Namjoon asks in a small voice.
"Honestly, y'all need to go to the eye dentist" Mr Jung sighs making the class fall into a sudden fit of non stop laughter.
"The eye dentist?" Jimin squeaks before falling into a silent fit of laughter himself, eyes squinted as he throws his head back, falling off his chair. Taehyung follows Jimin, both frozen in a laugh, shaking on the floor.
"Yeah, specsavers, vision express, whatever you call it" Mr Jung tries making the font size even bigger.
"I still can't see it" Namjoon sulks to himself before his eyes suddenly widen. He digs in his coat pocket before whipping out a magnifying class. "Perfect!" He looks through it at the board.
"I -" I decide not to question it and carry on with the task. " I think...that this poem...is about...trees and bushes and carbon dioxide" I conclude after reading through the entire thing.
"What?" Taehyung looks at me with a confused face, waiting for an explanation.
"The leaves represent the 'husband' of the speaker of the poem - the husband is a leaf"
Taehyung looks at me through narrowed eyes, mouth gaped open.
"Look" I try to explain, pointing at quote on the board "something about a tree which had connotations of leaves which have connotations of oxygen which had connotations of photosynthesis...oh my god. The poem is about photosynthesis" I slam the desk before looking at him. Now, he is no longer confused but rather trying to hold back a choke of laughter.
"It's called natural imagery" he bites his lip, restraining himself.
"It's called Valentines Park."
"This poem is not about photosynthesis!" Taehyung bursts out, no longer able to hold back.
"Fine! It's about respiration in the mitochondria of eukaryotic cells!" I exclaim.
"You don't take science how do you know this?" He continues laughing, his hand cupping mine for support.
"I'm an educated dude" I shrug which makes him shake with even more before burying his head in my lap.
I purse my lips.
His face is on my thighs. HIS FACE IS ON MY THIGHS. HE KNOWS IM SENSITIVE WHAT IS HE THINKING? Panic mode activated.
But before I know it he's up again, leaning on the table now while wiping a tear form his eyes. I let out a deep sigh of relief. Why must he be so touchy?
"How's your stomach? You said it was hurting earlier" Taehyung straightens up, putting a hand over my lower abdomen. I have trampolines to thank for the pain.
"It hurts, my abs are forming" I wiggle my eyebrows at him which earns a soft smile from him.
"Oh my god" Rhea looks at the two of us with such intensity that Taehyung slowly removes his hands from my stomach.
"What?" I look at her, unsure of what she's thinking.
"Did you guys...frickle frackle?" She whispers in all seriousness.
"What?" Taehyung and I gasp at once.
"So Namjin is real and my friends are doing the tunnel of friendship already? What an eventful day" Rhea speaks to herself.
"Wha - no it's been a week, Rhea" I look at her aghast.
"Give it another few months and we'll see" Taehyung smirks before I flick his forehead, ignoring the flip in my stomach.
"But her birthday is tomorrow" Rhea offers an earlier date.
"Guys!" I exclaim in disbelief.
"I'm joking princess" he pokes my nose.
"I'm not a princess"
"How about my babygirl then?" He suggests with a leer.
"How about drinking some bleach?" I say sweetly.
Instead of arguing, he grabs my chair, pulling me closer to him.
"We're in a classroom" I remind him, looking around at everyone else talking, hoping they don't notice the sudden burst of tension.
"No shit Sherlock, if we weren't I wouldn't have given you anytime to run that pretty mouth of yours" His raspy whisper makes my skin tingle and burn.
"It's been a week" I remind him.
"Sure, but it's been a long five months of longing, sunshine, of thinking, of caving, of dreaming" he tucks a loose strand behind my ear.
He's felt like this for five months?
"You sir, have a very valid point" I'm making this awkward.
Five months. I don't even know when I began...
"Nova, what's the time?" Jin calls out.
"Oh, um..." I push myself away from Taehyung, avoiding his stares as I dig into my blazer pocket before pulling out a calculator. "Sorry, hold on"
"But you don't take math or science? How did that even fit?"
I pull out an orange, laying it next to the calculator "one second" I plead.
"What's next? A kettle?" Namjoon snorts.
I pull out a large silver spoon and lay next to the other objects.
"What the fuck"
"It's somewhere in here" I dig in deeper.
"Okay, Mary Poppins"
"Here!" I whip out my phone and read out the time "3:19, we have a minute left" they stare at me, not reacting. "Listen, I can't be asked to be clearing my pockets, deal with it"
The sudden silence is filled with soft music, delicate and alluring - the sound of a happy tune on a piano.
"Is that an ice cream van?" Jimin questions, catching the attention of the entire class.
"But it's January?" I question as the music becomes louder and louder.
The entire class seems to freak out all at once, all jumping into the air before sprinting out the class, leaving Mr Jung to carry on reading a copy of Macbeth, shaking his head in laughter.
We run out of the high gates of Silverlake academy, to the left the ice-cream van is parked with a swarm of students surrounding it.
I look at them.
So thoughtless, so carefree - everything I want to be.
"Hey!" Taehyung and Rhea have grabbed my arms, turning me around. I turn to see Namjoon, Jin and Jimin holding gift bags, god knows where they got them from.
"We won't be seeing you tomorrow on your birthday and we finally came out so...let's celebrate now!" Jin cheers.
January 11th 3:59pm
"Happy Birthday too you, Happy Birthday to NoNo-"
"- And happy coming out to Jin and Namjoonieee~" I add in quickly.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOO YOUUU"
The frills from the party poppers fill the air for a second, the light burning smell brings back the memories through all the birthday's I've enjoyed as strings of every colour float back down in spirals. They land everywhere, tangling in our hair, landing in our eyes, in our mouths, up Namjoon's left nostril and all over the chocolate ice-cream cake we have ordered for this beautiful occasion.
We sit in a booth. The smooth black leather is comfortable, soft as the six of us surround the dark wooden table. The wall behind us sprouts with plastic green leaves in every shape imaginable, surrounding the blazing white capital letters spelling out 'SWEET' in a thick font in the middle.
Above us are the lights looking like giant lollypops, hanging upside down as they glow in their soft pastel colours, enhancing the beautiful artwork of green scenery, of freedom painted across the otherwise midnight black walls.
The cafe holds a sense of peace and class, it seems out of place in the busy high street of outer London.
I am seated in the middle with Taehyung to my left and Rhea to my right. Jimin sits beside Rhea, staring up at Jin who is holding his phone and taking pictures enthusiastically.
"Okay, okay, now...feed each other" Jin instructs, looking intensely into the camera while positioning himself in a strange angle to capture the perfect shot.
I take one of the spoons set out in front of me and scoop up some of the ice-cream and hold it up to Taehyung who leans forward, smiling, almost shyly. Before he even gets the chance to open his mouth, I wipe the brown cream onto his nose and see it drip onto his upper lip. "Ha" I smile at him gleefully, watching his eyes expand at the sudden coldness on his nose.
Pouting, he takes the spoon from my hand before digging into the cake and pulling out the largest chunk the tablespoon could handle to carry. "Say 'ahh'" His face is smug as I try to refuse the mounding pile of chocolate heaven.
Taehyung wipes the ice-cream across my mouth and nose, the coldness prickling at my skin "Ugh, Tae, why?" I laugh, pushing him away.
"What? Just eat it! Like this!" He then open his mouth, devouring the entire thing.
I playfully roll my eyes before reaching out to take the tissue a giggling Rhea has offered, only to be stopped by the sudden feeling of soft lips on my own.
Taehyung pulls at my lower lip for a second, sucking a little before pressing his lips harder against mine. I can almost feel the ice-cream melting away from the heat fuming from my face.
"Awe, that's disgusting" Jimin says sweetly, clapping his hands.
I pull back, licking the remainder of the chocolate away from my lips, laughing at the way Taehyung attempts to remove the cream from his nose with only his tongue. Jin changes from position to position to catch every single angle of my laugh.
"Oh my god, Tae, wait" I take a fresh tissue and wipe his nose, polishing it from the sticky substance.
"Thank you, beautiful" he smiles before Namjoon grabs him, putting him in a head lock.
"Namjoon, no!" I try stopping it but it's impossible to do when my entire body is struck by uncontrollable laughter.
"Namjoon, yes!" Namjoon starts ruffling Taehyung's fluffy ash brown hair besides the younger's half hearted protests.
"Let us scarifies him!" Rhea declares standing up, pointing to the ceiling as Jin and Jimin record the randomly occurring event.
God, what idiots.
'He's threatening me, he's threatening her' My fathers voice echoes through my memories. My smile slowly melts away as the sound of his pain leaks through his words, staining my every thought.
I have questions, so many questions that I know he would never answer.
I want to know what's happening, who is it?
Could it be the client? - the man that has been kept well in the shadows - even now his trials run nameless. Did new evidence come through? Is he guilty? Is he threatening my father?
Or maybe perhaps it's someone at work, possibly threatening my fathers job? His position perhaps. He's losing this case, maybe they want to remove him from the firm - but they can't, he's to experienced, to professional to let go.
Maybe they are threatening his pay, docking the numbers down because this case seems to be getting worse and worse. He's losing so they need to motivate him so he get's better at doing what he is best know at doing, maybe.
And who is 'her'? A member of Jury? Another attorney? A witness? A victim?
All of my hypothesis would make sense, but the problem is that I don't know.
Im practically blind. Oblivious.
I have no information, no background story - nothing to go from. And I'm worried, so worried because if the assumptions are true - any of them - they can only be catastrophic, damaging to my family.
"Nova? Sunshine, are you okay?" Taehyung peers down at me with large eyes, his eyebrows furrowed in sudden fret.
"No, no I'm fine" I crack a smile, I don't want to worry them. I don't want them to worry over me. I'm not that important.
"Nova, what's wrong" Jimin asks again, Namjoon, Jin and Rhea all wearing the same expression as Taehyung.
"I - I just really want to be a fidget spinner when I grow up, you know?" my voice thick with exaggerated emotion as I wipe an invisible tear from my eye.
"Me too" Rhea suddenly wails as a ripple of laugher runs through us all.
"Heres to becoming future fidget spinners!" Jin stands up, his glass of water held high.
"Fidget spinners unite!" Taehyung growls, voice raspy from virtually being choked.
"League of the fidget spinners!" Jimin joins in.
"The battle against the racist carrots begin now!" I declare as we clink our glasses with a little too much force. Water spills all over the table and part of Namjoon's glass is cracked.
I look at them.
All five of them - now wearing bright smiles that can elevated my spirit, lift me from whatever I'm concerned about, whatever is bothering me completely disappears when I'm with them and I couldn't be any more grateful.
In this moment I am present, fully present, my senses memorising each and every little detail from the sound of the sudden outburst of laughter to how the lighting hits each one of them so perfectly.
My heart, no, my soul feels like its bursting, its full with so much happiness and respect for these people that I'm practically overflowing.
And I love it. They make me feel so amazing, it's as if I can do anything.
I could decide to jump off a building and they'd happily join.
They don't even know what they're doing, how happy they make me feel.
It's like every worry, every little bit of tension, the very last drop of anxiety is all lost, locked away, thrown into an abyss, a labyrinth where it can never to be found again...
God, they make me feel so free.
Chapter 19: outside.
January 12 8:30pm
The living room is dimly lit with lights that curl into transparent flowers, they hang on the mute cream coloured walls. Curtains designed into small strips of brown velvet hide the long window across the back wall of the lengthly room. To it's side, a large table full of snacks; a small chocolate fountain, plates full of doughnuts, marshmallows, carrots, crisps, chocolates, Doritos, dips, bottles of drinks, plastic cups and half eaten pizza - an aftermath of a small party.
An arm chair of deep brown leather lines the side wall, accompanied by a long sofa of the same design in which my back rests against as Rhea and I judge our remaining friend.
"I MISS GEORGE!" Sami cries out, her brown hair a mess. It falls on the beige skin of her face as she rolls around the floor of my living room in her cozy sweater. "The floor is so warm" her cracked voice mumbles as she squishes her face against it "JUST LIKE GEORGE!" her body jolts up so suddenly that Rhea and I almost scream.
"Sami, that wasn't the question!" Rhea exhales "The question was truth or dare stop trying to avoid - "
"GEORGE!" Sami howls in pain of the traumatic experience. She's just the same as she was when we where starting secondary, frail little 11 year olds with personalities bigger than our own bodies. She still has the same glint in her eyes - that mischievous sparkle, that stupid grin, the Gucci perfume scent.
"George was just a ketchup bottle for gods sake, it's expired now so forget about it!" I exclaim, raising my hands in such great exaggeration that the first few buttons of my purple unicorn onesie become undone.
"IT WAS NOT JUST A KETCHUP BOTTLE! IT WAS GEORGE!" She bellows at me.
"I LEFT YOU WITH IT FOR ONE BLOODY SECOND AND YOU NOT ONLY NAMED IT, YOU DECIDED TO DATE IT! WHO EVEN DOES THAT??" I scream back, I can tell she is trying to hold back laughter.
"I WAS YOUNG! VULNERABLE! GEORGE WAS THERE FOR ME WHEN NOBODY ELSE WAS!" Her voice cracks with a drop of laughter spilling through.
"YOU WERE A 13 YEAR OLD DUMBFUCK WHO GOT ATTACHED TO A KETCHUP BOTTLE!" I screech at her.
"GEORGE WAS NOT JUST A KETCHUP BOTTLE, HE WAS MY -"
"GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER WOMAN - IT IS AN EXPIRED KETCHUP BOTTLE! FORGET ABOUT IT!" My body aches and I feel so light headed from all the yelling, we both feel dizzy but that doesn't stop us from doubling over in high pitched laughter.
"Okay so, you guys just got drunk off oxygen" Rhea confirms "Why did this have to happen when everyone else left? Why do I have to deal with this?" she asks no one in particular.
"Shh Rhea, this is the best birthday I've been too - Nova had 4 outfit changes, the food tastes sexy as fuck and it was a reunion of the snakes of USI academy - HISS HISS FUCKERS!" Sami downs a cup of coke.
"That's literally what every school knows us as, Taehyung even called it that" I laugh.
"He went to Silverlake for secondary, right?" Sami asks.
"I...I actually don't know, I think so because he knew his was around in the beginning..."
"Wow, and he still associated himself with you? Is he stupid?" Sami squeaks.
"Yes, stupidly sexy" I flick my hair, proud.
"Okay true - if I ever see him I might just nut right there and then" Sami shrugs, not seeming to notice Rhea's internal screaming and my external screaming.
"The floor is warm"Rhea tries removing the distressing image from our minds by changing the subject.
"Underfloor heating" I explain.
"Ohh, that's why my buns are toasty" Sami clicks her fingers as if the most complex question ever asked has been answered.
"Okay, okay, so - it's Nova's turn"
I groan. This is only going to be painful.
"Okay, I dare you to call your -"
"Boyfriend" Rhea cuts Sami off with a tiny little smirk, just visible.
"Yes, call that pretty boyfriend of yours and -"
"And?" I almost don't want to know.
"Like a ghost?"
"No, Nova like -"
"A zombie?" I try.
I click my fingers "A fridge" I point at Rhea.
"No, like you're about to nut"
"Humans don't turn into nuts silly" I shake my head, face turing hot because I know exactly what they want me to do.
"Oh my god, let me put this simply - he's got you pinned down by your wrists on the bed, he's between your legs thrusting into you like theres no fucking tomorrow - "
"Ouch" I squeeze my legs shut, trying to rid that image she had described so discreetly but it looks so detailed in my mind.
"NOVA JUST MAKE SEXUAL MOANS INTO THE PHONE FOR GODS SAKE!"
"I don't wannaaa" I whine like a small child being forced to go to school.
"I licked the toilet seat because you told me too - you can do this" Rhea pokes my shoulder.
"But it's been a week"
"And? He's already made out with you, slept in the same bed as you, given you a hickey, pinned you against the locker -"
"HE PINNED YOU AGAINST THE LOCKER? LIKE IN MOVIES? OH MY GOD HOW DID IT FEEL?" Sami suddenly bursts out.
"It's actually scary and the lock was cold and it hurt because of those knobs they have" I answer while massaging my back, the feeling of the cold lockers returning for a moment.
"And then what happened?"
"Rhea, you know what happened shut up" I implore her, not wanting to recite the event ever again.
"Ooo what happened" Sami's grin grows.
"I - he said he liked me and yeah" I shrug, trying to avoid all eye contact.
"But you wouldn't say it easily...how did he persuade you?"
"Shhhhut up" is all I say before pulling out my phone and ringing Taehyung's number from my contacts.
"Squishy?" Rhea snorts, looking at his contacts name.
"Tell him and i'll kill you" I threaten her, but she only laughs.
Silence falls over the three of us as we wait patiently for him to answer. The hum of the phone, that light sound is what bring the rest of the world around me to life.
The sound of the whipping January winds suddenly clasps my attention as it catches garbage bins, little flower pots in its stormy grasps, throwing them, breaking them in its belligerent manner. But I can't see what its doing exactly, the din of struggle is coming from the world outside this room.
The world beyond the covered windows we are oh so close to.
It seems that I'm the only one who is frightened all of a sudden.
Of being alone in this large house, with parents to arrive after midnight and siblings upstairs asleep.
So completely alone.
Anything can happen - anything.
"Novaaa, how's your party going sunshine?" his voice brings me back to my senses, the feeling of sudden protection and safety.
I'm ridiculous - nothing's going to happen - all the doors and windows are locked, the phone is close by and the neighbours are ringing us up every hour to check. We're fine. Safe.
"Nova?" His full toned voice calls again through the speaker - loud and clear.
Panic. Sudden pure panic is all I feel when I look over at Rhea. The worries I had washes away with a sudden surge of adrenaline ignited by the task set.
"Go on" she mouths with a thumbs up.
I hate myself for doing this.
I moan into the phone, except, it sounded more like a sigh than anything else. I cover my mouth, biting my palm and waiting for a reply.
The thing with Taehyung is to expect the unexpected, yet I would never for even a fraction of a heart beat of a second have imagined that he'd moan back.
Moan, not sigh.
A long and deep sound that causes my every muscle to tense, my skin to tingle before my heart jolts as it sends fire to flow through my very blood.
I look up at the girls. Mouths hanging wide open, eyes glazed over in pure shock.
"My ass just clenched" Sami whispers as quietly as possible, making it almost impossible to hold back a snort.
Annoyed. I'm annoyed that he sounded so much better than I did. I moan again, louder than he did but the problem is that he does it back - even louder. I huff, taking a deep breath before almost yelling into the phone but he does it back even louder and suddenly it becomes a competition - who can be the loudest.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" I screech into the speaker of my phone, having endured his yells too.
"What are we doing" his voice is raspy now from all the shouting, even his laugh is huskier than usual.
Just kill me.
"His voice is so sexy, what the fuck?" Sami whispers a little too loudly.
"Thanks, Nova's friend" His voice is cheerful as he lets out another husky simper.
"He knows who I am!" Sami exaggerates, fanning herself.
"How many of you are left?" Taehyung asks, curious.
"Just the three of us left, we're staying over" Rhea explains, stuffing popcorn into her mouth.
"No parents?" He questions.
"No they're coming back after midnight or something, they went out for dinner to relax and give us some space" Rhea speaks with her mouth full of popcorn.
"And Zara? Where is the little madam?"
"She feel asleep ages ago, she had too much food" Sami explains.
"Awe, so what are you doing"
"Making Oxygen into Carbon dioxide" Rhea answers.
"Ha-ha-ha, I was actually asking my lil' sunshine as she has more significance"
"Sassy little fucker -"
"I'm wearing a unicorn onesie because I'm magical!" I exclaim in babyish excitement, but I don't care because I'm wearing a unicorn onesie.
"Awwe, you probably look so adorable sunshine" absolute adoration in his voice is what makes the biggest smile make its way onto my face and makes me bounce on the spot with giddy.
"He calls you sunshine? That's so precious" Sami awes.
"Am I on speaker?" he asks me all of a sudden.
"Yep" I pop the 'p' before placing the phone of the floor as the three of us surround it, assuming that he wants to tell us all something.
"Nova calls me Daddy" The smile is completely wiped off my face.
"NO I DO NOT, WHAT ARE YOU -"
"Yeah, and she loves it when I call her babygirl -"
"OH MY GOD, TAE STOP" I try reaching for my phone but Rhea had beaten me too it, holding it above my head.
"Thats not what you said last night" Taehyung teases, the girls dying of the look of horror on my face as I stop jumping for the phone.
"I wasn't with you last night!"
"She loves using ropes and cuffs and blindfolds and vibra -" I end the call.
This little shit.
"I hate him" I declare, tossing my phone to the side. I try using my hands to cool my burning cheeks, covering my entire face out of embarrassment. Off course they know he's joking, but still.
"You cant hate him - he gave you that necklace" Rhea gestures toward the light gold chain around my neck. From it hangs a tiny pendant of the sun with yellow garnet in the centre of it. Sunshine.
"I don't care, I can do what I want - I hate him" I mutter before stuffing an entire jam and cream donut in my mouth.
January 12 9:03pm
Eerie. The room is eerie, dark as the lights have been flicked off absentmindedly a few moments ago, not for a second did the thought of the sudden change of atmosphere it would bring occur to us.
Loud. It's loud outside, worryingly loud as the wind continues to whip and lash out in all its hostility and anger, the racket slightly dulled by the slab of glass that separates us from the outside world.
The room drenched in dire darkness, concealing, caging, taking our minds into hostage to only focus on the little light leaking from the phone that the three of us surround. I can't see anything but the light, the luminous glow.
Breath tense, weary as the screech of off-tuned violins bend through the air, shivers crawl up my body as the music softens into a ominous melody, screams of the deceased loom in the background as harsh drums beat low, hard.
"I just put satanic music on, I'm scared"
I hear Rhea sigh before whispering back"Sami, shut up"
"Are there any spirits that would like to communicate with us?" I ask.
"Bitch, I know you're here"
"I don't think we should be using the Ouija board from google images" Sami's hush voice comes from beside me.
"Sami, you seriously think thats the problem?" I can see Rhea roll her eyes even in the soft light, the shadows playing around her face.
"Yes, the problem is that spirits don't trust us" Sami continues.
"No, its because we're using a broken triangular piece of Oreo to summon them" I huff.
"Lets try one more time!"
"Fine, fine - Nova you speak" Rhea adjures.
"Hey demon, what pussy size you wear?"
"WHAT THE FUCK IT MOVED!" Sami exclaims pointing at the Oreo, illuminated on the surface of the phone.
"WHAT SIZE ART THOU TIDDIES?" I continue my droll questions, almost wheezing.
"NOVA! SHUT UP!" Rhea begs in screeching laughter.
"DRAG ME TO HELL PAPI!" I screech at the Oreo.
Sami cries out, arms in the air "I SEE ORBS!" her face stricken with utmost terror and exaggeration.
"ORBSS I SEE THEM, I SEE THEM!" Rhea joins in, the duo walking around blindly, bumping into the sofas and tables, toppling over, tripping.
"PARANORMAL ACTIVITY!"I screech, hearing the sudden crash of the two bumping into each other, falling in a great ruckus.
"OOOORBSSS, I SEE ORBS!" Sami kneels, arms up in the air over Rheas shaking body. "SATAN, SATAN, SATAN!" she starts chanting, banging her fists on the floor to make a beat.
tap tap tap
"What was that" Rhea jolts up, muting Sami.
"Satan calls upon thee!" I joke, playing along.
"No I'm being serious -"
tap tap tap
"That!" she exclaims, voice high pitched, face loosing colour in the phone light " What's that sound?" she stands up now.
"Maybe the wind?" Sami tries, voice small, hopeful almost. But thats definitely not the wind.
tap tap tap
It's coming from the window. The large window we happen to be so close to.
Heart pounding, nerves tingling to ignite the icy cold fire in my chest to rise to my throat, choking me with worry and panic.
I start moving toward the glass, hands lightly shaking with the sudden rush of adrenaline. Could it be thieves?...or, perhaps, someone else?
Could it possibly be the person threatening my father? Are they here? Real?
Are they here to do damage? Give a harsher threat? Hurt us?
We jolt backwards, shaken - there is definitely someone outside.
Panic, panic - I'm panicking, virtually shaking - what do I do? God, what do I do?
"Rhea, get the phone" I keep my eyes on the window, covered in the thick velvet strips, covering every inch of the glass, trying to peek through - but there is no use - all I see is darkness, no light.
"The phone, call the police - now!"
Curiosity. I'm filled with curiosity and for a second it outweighs my fear.
I reach out, grabbing one of the velvet strips of curtain before moving it ever so slightly to peer into the world outside.
Chapter 20: baby.
Sorry for the late update, I've lost all ability to write - hope you guys still like it!! ENJOY ;)
January 12 9:21pm
"I hate you, you all give me crippling depression and make me want to throw myself off a giraffe" I mutter curtly, crossing my arms as my eyes narrow into a dark glare aimed at the three smiling faces - Jimin, Namjoon and Taehyung.
"You love us~" Jimin sings pinching my cheeks before skipping into the house as Namjoon slides the large window shut.
"Happy Birthday you dwarf" Namjoon ruffles my hair. I scoff in laughter, pushing him harshly , my eyes following him as he stumbles over to the girls.
"RHEA!" Jimin screams "AND OTHER HUMAN!" he greets Sami enthusiastically.
"Happy Birthday, loser" Vanilla. Musky vanilla. So sweet, intoxicating, strong yet it's as soft as the grip he has around my waist, hugging me from behind before I turn into the embrace - cheek against his chest. Warm. His lips are warm against my forehead.
"I thought I was going to get robbed or something" I grumble into his chest, eyes closed - enjoying the feeling of him, that homely, tranquil feeling.
"Sorry, I just really wanted to see you today - we'll go before your parents come back, promise!"
"How did you get into the back garden?" I say looking up at him, his hair a mess, falling in soft ash brown waves over his forehead. Perfect.
"The side door was open" he shrugs "I'm just glad you didn't call the police before you saw us"
"Ugh, you're annoying" I sigh, my hands too busy around him to face-palm that I bang my head against his chest instead.
He laughs, putting a finger under my chin, lifting my head up to face him. His eyes examine my face with great concentration, taking in the sight of eyeliner and golden glitter outlining my eyes and the soft blush of pink on my lips - "You're wearing makeup?" he seems genuinely surprised - I never wear it, it's a first.
"Yeah" I look down, away from those marvelled eyes - my voice coy.
"You look nice"
Why is my heart sinking?
Taehyung leans down, lips tenderly brushing my ear as he purrs ever so softly "But I prefer you naked"
I burst out into a giggle. A giggle. I never giggle. But here I am giggling at his over dramatised actions.
Hot. My face is hot, boiling in fact as I pull away from his embrace to fully face him.
"That's a pretty necklace you got there" Taehyung hums, long slender fingers reaching out to play with the gold chain hung around my neck "wonder who bought that for you..." a playful smile curls at his lips. I let out a soft huff, biting my lip for a second to suppress a smile.
"Hm, I can't really remember his name...Taemin? Taylor? Table? I'm not sure" I pretending to think, tapping my chin while looking into the distance.
"Oh, then how did he look like?" Taehyung tilts his head to the side, the smile still etched upon his face.
"SHE THINKS YOU'RE STUPIDLY SEXY!" Sami shouts out from the other side of the room. Whatever I was about to say gets lost into the choke that leaves my throat at Sami's sudden outburst. I turn, shooting her a death glare as heat begins to creep up to my cheeks again.
"Does she now" Taehyungs voice is teasing as his hands wrap themselves around my waist from the back "Hm?" he hums against my neck. I fight to keep back a sigh - he knows - knows that I'm sensitive - especially there - what the hell is he thinking?
"Shut up, no I don't!" is the best response I can muster in the sudden gush of heat and pleasure, but it only causes the others to laugh at the sudden panic in my tone - the urge to notify everyone that I definitely do not, and I repeat - do not think Taehyung is...okay maybe I do but nobody needs to know!
And the fact that Taehyung keeps his lips against my pulse point as the deep rumble of his laughter vibrates against my neck definitely doesn't help me in any way possible. I'm a blushing mess.
"let's go sit with them" Taehyung finally pulls his head back, not letting his arms fall as the two of us waddle to the circle the others have formed. He sits down in between Rhea and Jimin, dragging me down onto his crossed legs, almost cradling me.
"Where's Jin anyway?" I change the subject, hoping it could divert the attention away from me and to the fact that the most important person is missing.
"Oh" Taehyung catches eyes with Namjoon who cringes. "He, ah - got into a little accident he won't be in school for a while..."
"Oh, is he okay? What happened?" I look up at Taehyung, my eyebrows furrowed in worry as he refuses to meet my gaze.
"He snapped Jiniver" Jimin explains, grimacing.
"Jiniver?" Rhea asks, perplexed.
"His, uh, dick" Namjoon puts plainly. I catch eyes with Rhea, and at that moment I couldn't help but double over into wheezing laughter because, honestly - what the hell.
"It's not funny! He's been hospitalised - he's staying at home for three weeks" Namjoon huffs, annoyed at our reaction.
"I'm laughing because he named his dick Jiniver " Sami wheezes.
"How can someone snap their dick? Oh god, Namjoon, please tell me you didn't -" I choke out, looking at Rhea beating the floor with her fist.
"He ran into a door with a Boner! I didn't touch him!" Namjoon defends himself, hands in the air with a harsh blush burning his cheeks.
"Oh, wow" I feel tears in my eyes, an ache in my stomach as I fall back into Taehyungs chest, trying to control my hysteria. "Are they putting a cast over it? Like a permanent boner?"
"What even - Nova no, you idiot" Jimin squeaks.
"But he broke his dick?" Rhea finally manages to let out in a guffaw.
I clamber off Taehyungs lap, crawling to Zara's toy area and pull out her flexible ruler. I cross my legs, tears in eyes as I beckon their attention.
"So it's like if I do this" I whack the ruler against the wall, the loud 'smack' causes the boys to shoot up with a violent flinch, closing their legs as tightly as possible with a grimace and a shudder.
"Yes, yes - like that, okay - put it away -" Jimin starts, hands trying grab the ruler, but I start playing with it, bending it it half before the sound of a loud snap cracks through the tense air.
"Oops" I purse my lips, looking down at the two halves.
Taehyung squeaks, clutching his pants with a pained expression - the other boys looking away in pain as I smile at them sweetly - even the girls have looks of horror and shock against their faces.
"Taehyung, I...be careful with her, yeah?" Jimin whispers to a still traumatised Taehyung.
"No, she's my baby, she won't hurt me it's fine" he shakes out of his horror, looking at me for reassurance.
"Grrr" I growl at him, pulling my unicorn hood up and making my meanest face.
"See - she's just a little ray of sunshine"
January 12 10:01pm
Namjoon breaths heavily, hands jittering in the dimmed room "I really, really don't think this is a good idea guys..."
"Shh, we did this before you came and interrupted us" Sami reassures him, patting his head reassuringly before focusing back on her hand crafted Ouija board she had conjured up with newspaper cuttings and a glue stick.
Rhea silently cuts an Oreo into a triangular piece as Namjoon watches her "No, it's too dark, at least light some candles!"
"Shut it you egg!" Rhea groans.
"We have exams that lasts for three whole weeks in just a weeks time - have you revised? Yeah, exactly - we could use all the luck we can get" Rhea shrugs, Namjoon however, still looks weary.
"Let me try talking this time!" Sami exclaims, ignoring Namjoon completely, not even bothering to look his way as he fumbles for words to make her stop.
"Go Sami!" Jimin, who has taken a backseat throughout the creation of this board, finally cheers in excitement, seeing as Namjoon seems to be scared shitless.
"Ehem" Sami clears her voice, she hold the triangular Oreo piece, staring at it intensely. "Namjoon. Tiddies."
"I don't have tidd-"
"IT MOVED!" She throws herself backwards, terrorised by the sudden jerk of the Oreo.
"HIS TIDDIES ARE MAGICAL!" Jimin insists, looking at a very confused Namjoon who had hands over his chest, protecting himself from Jimin's prying hands.
"ALL HAIL NAMTIDDIES!"
I narrow my eyes at them, still cradled in Taehyung’s lap as I judge them from afar. "I - I don't understand" I finally breathe, trying to process the words I'm hearing.
"It's okay, just drink your Capri-sun" Taehyung tries suppressing a laugh as he lifts the half full pouch of orange juice.
"Ah, Tae, that's my nostril!" I exclaim as I feel the straw completely miss it's target.
"Oh! Sorry! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry - does it hurt a lot?" He panics, cupping my face, trying to examine it with the dull glow seeping in from the slits of the curtains. It's just a small thing, a tiny mistake and he's acting as if he's slashed me with a sword, shot me with a gun.
He's so lovely, so precious, God my heart feels like its swelling - actually swelling with the amount of adoration I have for him. The concern in his voice is real, he cares. He actually, really cares for me, no matter how big or how small the situation is he cares - he always has.
"No, no - I'm fin -" He leans down, pecking my nose multiple times until I have to hide my head in his chest, laughing, begging him to stop.
"Mmhm" I smile up at him, the biggest, brightest, least freakish smile I could muster.
"EW, THEY'RE KISSING!"
I groan, rolling my eyes "Suck a dick, Sami"I throw a pillow at her for directing all the attention to us.
"I'll suck your dick if you -"
"Guys, let's watch something!" Namjoon claps his hands, eyes widened in worry that Sami might carry on and say something that he really doesn't want to hear.
"Like, what? A comedy?" Jimin pips up, getting up from the starfish position he was in on the floor.
"Annabelle and The Conjuring are so funny!"
"Nova. Sweetie, those are horror movies" Rhea sighs.
"I refuse to believe that, with shit floating around everywhere, they're treating it as if Harry Potter whipped out his trusty phoenix feather core wand and did a little 'Wingardium Leviosa!' It's hilarious"
"Black Mirror it is then" Sami confirms pressing on the Netflix icon on the TV. She was there during my horror phase - she's used to it.
"USS Callister!" Rhea exclaims, snatching the remote out of Sami's hand and pressing the episode.
"EVERYONE ON THE FLOOR! I DON'T WANNA BE NEAR THOSE TWO! - THEY DO WEIRD THINGS IN THE DARK!" Namjoon exclaims, everyone following his order while giggling.
"Won't wanna catch Herpes from Joon so I guess it is better for us two to stay on the couch" I shrug.
"Hey! Jin and I have only done it twice!"
"That’s enough times to catch Herpes and Chlamydia" I argue, watching Namjoon laugh and shake his head. I turn to see Taehyung makes himself comfortable on the sofa as the movie starts and I collapse next to him.
Five minutes in and my eyes have been switching from watching the movie, the quick action space fight and glancing at Taehyung. He has a pout, almost glaring at the TV, annoyed at whatever is conflicting his mind.
"You're too far away" He growls, finally dragging me closer so my head rests on his shoulder, a hand on his chest with one of his arms secure around my waist.
"Did you just growl?" I whisper, looking up at him, amused.
"Mmhm" He twirls his finger around a strand of my hair, seemingly enjoying being this close to me.
"You're an animal" I state with a small smug smile, meaning to offend him in the nicest way.
"Like a puppy?" he suggests, voice low, deep.
"Mm, no" I shake my head, my chin rubbing against his shoulder "A Tiger"
"Oh? So I'm dangerous?" He perks an eyebrow, a small smirk playing at his lips which are still a deep pink in the soft light.
"Dangerous is an understatement" I shrug, trying to look into his eyes rather than his lips - but it's almost impossible. Impossible now more than ever because at this moment, his tongue runs along his lower lip, almost knocking the breath out of my lungs.
"Ah, you're right - I'm a little reckless too aren't I?" He moves his free hand to my knee, letting his fingertips slowly graze over the soft fluffy fabric of my onesie, his touch causes my legs to suddenly tense as his fingers move high up my thigh. I bite my tongue, holding my breath, refusing to let my breath hitch with so many people in this room, regardless of the noise from the episode.
"Tae " I warn, but there's no point - in all honesty, I'd let him do whatever wanted.
"I guess we really do like doing weird things in the dark" His hand moves to my waist, that shit-eating grin not leaving his face as his leans close, my eyes flutter close. I wait to feel his lips, those soft pink lips that always taste sweet, minty. Excitement bubbles inside of my stomach waiting, waiting, just waiting for that luscious feeling.
"What? Did you think that I was gunna kiss you?" I open my eyes, seeing his head tilted to the side, the smirk still present on his lips.
"Wha -? No, no, I didn't - no -" I shake my head vigorously, ignoring the heat raising to my face. I'm an embarrassment. A complete embarrassment.
"Do you want me to?" He hums, and I nod without even processing his words.
The sudden warm feeling of his lips makes my body completely burn up. His lips leave mine and I can barely look him in the eye, so I look away, face hot as I finally concentrate on the movie. He laughs at my reaction - amused by my sudden shyness...so he kisses me again. Softly, for longer, enjoying the sweet taste, the addicting feeling.
"Is there more popcorn?" I jump away from Taehyung, my heartbeat in my throat as I look down at a smug faced Rhea. She rests her head on her palm, fluttering her eyelashes mockingly.
I clear my voice, looking down to see that the rest are still so fixated on the movie that they didn't witness a thing. "I'll - I'll, um, go and make more - I'll be right back..." I get up, pulling myself away from Taehyung quickly and start heading for the door with swift steps, careful to make as little noise as possible.
"I'll help her" I hear Taehyung mumble as I slip out the door, his shuffling footsteps following right behind me, closing the door to the living room.
I turn left toward the kitchen, my hand is on the handle when I feel a tug at my wrist "Uh-uh, this way" Taehyung shakes his head, leading me to the right, towards the open glass-windowed doors of the dining room.
"What do you mean 'uh-uh'?" I whisper, a smile tugging at my lips at his little shrug and boyish smile. He holds onto my forearms, backing my body through the doors, kicking it shut behind him. Cheek and mischief in those dark eyes.
"What?" I tilt my head to the side, acting clueless, innocent. He says nothing, instead his hands cup my cheeks as his teeth grazes his lower lip. Oh god, my heart is quaking.
The pale rays of moonlight slice through the half closed blinds and embed themselves onto Taehyung’s skin, making it look as if he had wounds dripping with silver blood. It pales his honey skin, illuminating his beautiful features with those beauty spots patted under one of those gorgeous doe eyes, on those soft, perfect lips, dabbed onto the tip of his nose.
Those eyes. Those eyes look down at me, the black pupils dilate, taking over the soft brown as they drop down to my lips.
"God, you're beautiful" he breathes, staring at me as if entranced, awed, voice filled with pure feeling, honesty.
The way it makes my eyes widen a little, heart race a little, I know he means it. Never in my life had I felt beautiful, never in my life had I accepted those word thrown to me until this moment. This beautiful moment.
"Tae?" I mumble, wrapping my arms around his neck.
He slips his hands down to my waist, gripping firmly before answering "Yes, sunshine?" voice as soft and smooth as ever.
"I really, really, really like you" I gush "Like, really, really, really -"
He leans down, placing a soft kiss against my lips. He pulls away quickly, resting his forehead against my own. "Yeah? Well guess what?"
"What?" I bite my lip, waiting for the answer.
"I really, really, really, really, really, really like you too" his lips brush my own as he utters those words and god, I can't wait any longer. I tiptoe, tightening my arms around his neck as I enjoy the minty-sweet taste of his lower lip and the burning adrenaline gushing through every vein in my body.
It's slow, sweet, so, so very delicate. I could never have guessed a kiss so innocent could be so intimate, so euphoric.
His lips. Those perfect pink lips move in perfect sync with my own. He obliterates my every thought with every brush of his lips, leaving me to think of only him. Only Taehyung. Every thought that crosses my mind in this moment is filled with his velvet like touch - the warmth, the softness, the dash of lust all in one. His scent - that addictive scent of musky vanilla, a floral hint ignites an exhilarating feeling. It causes my mind to lock itself into the present, to memorise the feel of him, the scent of him, the sound of him. The sound of that soft, jittery breath he takes when my hand slips under his shirt, my fingertips tracing up the soft skin of his spine and back down again.
His hands harshly grip at my waist - I gasp against his lips when he picks me up, twirling me onto the smooth glass of the dining table, cold from the lack of use. He stands in-between my legs, pressing the heat of his body close to mine. His teeth gently bite down onto my lower lip, causing a soft mewl to elapse me and I can't help but be shocked by the unfamiliar sound that escaped my lips without my consent.
He starts to move away, slowing down the kiss to a mere lip lock as he begins to withdraw.
I swiftly wrap my legs around his waist, tightening my grip around him, pressing my lips harder against his as I pull him back to me. My hands run into his hair, tangling my fingers into those soft curls.
More, I want more of this feeling - I can't let him go, not yet.
"Baby" his sultry voice vibrates against my lips in a deep rumble. I physically feel myself weaken as the deep groan rolls off his lip like warm, sticky honey. "Babygirl" he moans, his fingers tracing up my spine - most likely enjoying the fluffy fabric of my unicorn onesie and my sudden shiver.
And now I'm lightheaded again - completely under his spell - I don't even think I can open my eyes.
His right hand leaves my waist, instead his fingers now trace along my jaw and gently caresses down to the base of my neck. I sigh against his lips as his fingertips trace my collar bone, slowly prying off the onesie from my shoulder with ease as the first few buttons have come undone.
His lips finally leave mine and replace themselves at the base of my jaw. He leaves my neck burning, tingling, wet from those lustful nips as I roll my head back, his left hand supporting my nape. I can't seems to keep my mouth shut - every time his lips capture my skin I heave an ecstatic sigh, grasping his shirt into my clenched fists because, holyshit, it feels so good.
"Taehyung" my voice is below a whisper as he buries his head in the crook of my neck, attacking my sensitive skin, sucking harshly. Unlike the small, innocent nips before, this time his teeth bite down. "Tae" I whine at the feeling of pain and pleasure all bundled up and served as one. God knows how I kept so quiet the last time.
"Mine" he growls, kissing my lips before tugging at my lower lip, dragging his teeth across it again "You're mine" he rasps against my lips in that husky whisper that could drive anyone insane. It's driving me insane.
The kiss is rough, harsh but passionate with the sudden rushing drive of bursting lust, desire. I'm completely out of breath but I keep going, kissing him deeply, keeping up with his fast pace.
Even in this euphoric lightheadedness, shutting out reality with the sinful sounds of our mingled heavy breathing, hitching breaths, his low grunts and my soft sighs I can still hear the light buzz, the soft vibration of a little melody against my calve pressed against his back pocket."Tae...your phone" I manage to breath before he presses his lips harder against mine. The melody continues as I slip my hand into his back pocket, pulling out the buzzing phone while pushing away to hand it to him.
But he doesn't answer it, he doesn't even look at the caller ID when he declines the call, throwing it to the side. He wraps his arms around my waist again, holding me tightly against him as his lips move with mine, completely ignoring his phone as it starts buzzing again.
"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA - NOT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD" I hear Sami's shrill voice and Jimin with his soft, yet quite obviously embarrassed giggle. I feel Taehyung being pulled away from me by Namjoon, holding him by the shoulders before pushing him away. He staggers back onto the sofa where he collapses as Rhea flicks on the bright white spotlights, piercing my eyes which have become accustomed to the dark.
"What's going on? The episode is finished" Rhea seems to be the only one who is oblivious to the fact that anything has happened.
"Jin warned us..." Namjoon shakes his head, stopping as his eyes fall to my neck, he scoffs, turning to Taehyung with a disappointed look "Oh my god, Taehyung - you had - what? An hour? And you only managed one hickey? I -"
"Okay - wow, Joon - lets take you back" Jimin drags the disappointed boy out the room, leaving the the two girls to tender to my 'wound'.
"She's infected!" Sami insists "Rhea, get some ice!" she ushers a smug looking Rhea who skips out after sending a wink and thumbs up.
My mind seems to be finding it hard to suddenly keep up with the reality it had just escaped and now has been dumped right back into. It takes time to process everything around me. It's like the effect he has on me is like a drug - strong, addictive, long lasting, head spinning, euphoric.
And now I'm craving it - that velvet like touch from those delicate hands, those soft lips that ignite that elevating feeling. And those sounds, those elongated sinful sounds of bliss that drip from his lips like morning dew. I crave more, I want more.
My eyes wonder over Sami's shoulder to Taehyung. He sits with his legs wide, his head rolls back onto the sofa, exposing his entire neck as he looks at me through those hooded dark eyes which reflect lustful desire. His hair is a mess, those neat curls that fell over his forehead now swept messily backwards. His lips are as swollen as mine - red now with smudges of soft pink lipstick. His breath is heavy, his shoulder heave as he runs his tongue along him bottom lip - eyes piercing into my own as he takes his lip between his teeth. My breath suddenly is stuck in my throat as I feel a pule in-between my legs.
Sami turns around, yelling as she hurls a pillow at Taehyungs face "STOP BEING SINFUL FOR ONE DAMN SECOND YOU FUCKERS! IT'S NOT THAT HARD!"
January 12 11:32pm
We've been dragged back into the living room by Sami and Rhea to join the boys. The warm lights of the room has finally been switched on as we enter the warmth given by the god-gifted underfloor heaters to see Namjoon and Jimin sitting upright, staring intensely at the TV turns onto the news channel.
"...a gun battle had erupted during the arrest of a second potential suspect in the search for DDK Cartel leader at 10:39pm in a warehouse in Hackney, East London. This has left eight police men and one member of the drug cartel that has entered our boarders dead, proving members of DDK Cartel to be an elite group of military trained men and women, rich with military graded weapons.
The suspect unidentified for the sake of witness protection has been taken into police custody and escorted to a high security prison where all potential suspects are held, awaiting trial.
This is the second compound found brewing drugs ranged from Cocaine to Crystal Meth in the UK and the seventy-third one found across the globe which bares the mark of DDK Cartels black wings.
Drug trafficking is a global black market and this criminal transnational co-orpiration's toxic remedies are spreading across every continent with little of the governments notice which have been fixated on Mexico's new CJNG, Sinaloa Cartel and BLO. DDK Cartel have completely taken over these Cartels, in the annual $321.6 billion market. Drug trafficking routes mainly occur in South America, Asia, Eastern, Southern and Western Africa but also online on the internets Dark Web. This Cartel has broken through into Europe and the US through the means of internet communication and high demand.
The leader, unknown and unnamed has been placed at number 1 on the 4 Narcotic Kingpin list in Europe, US and parts of Asia which grant these countries the right to cease any Cartel property and also prohibiting citizens to do any business..."
"Shit, Nova - isn't that the case your dad is a part of?" Rhea gasps at the sudden reality of it. Covering her mouth as images of the aftermath and pictures of the different compounds found around the globe show up on the screen. One by one, as each image crosses the screen I feel a dose of fear enter my body.
DDK Cartel. It has a name. It has an elite group of trained people. It has powerful weapons. It has a leader capable of organising it all. It feels so, so very real. It is real.
But that doesn't mean that my fathers client has anything to do with it. There is a huge chance for that person to be innocent, perhaps involved in a smaller crime. They can't have caught the main culprit on the first go. That's impossible.
"Yeah...this is a good thing right? Another person means another possibility that the first suspect - the one my dad is defending is innocent! And they're making this public even though the trial is anonymous - more awareness and more proof!" that man is locked away he can't do anything. I'm safe. I'm fine. We have nothing to do with it.
"Are you sure? I'm sorry I should have changed -" Namjoon starts apologising.
"No, seriously, I'm fine - there must have been a chance for the first suspect to be innocent for my dad to even think about defending him - this is good! Really good" I feel like cheering - we're not in danger - I misinterpreted whatever my father was talking about that day.
Taehyung holds a small smile, pulling me in for a hug.
"I said I'm fine" I laugh into his chest.
I'm fine. We're fine. We're safe.
Chapter 21: post.
feel free to read Nova as y/n - whatever tickles thy fancy
February 8th 10:13am
Under the trees
I wonder if anyone noticed how pretty the sky is today.
How in the time of winter approaching spring, the sky could be such a pure, uninterrupted blue - that blue vault of heaven with the sun's angelic shine pouring through the empyrean, the azure mingling with a dusty periwinkle puff.
The park is pretty today.
I can feel the grass gently grazing my skin as I lay upon it, head resting against Rhea's arm with Namjoon snuggling his cheek against my shoulder. The surprisingly warm breeze sweeps across my face, cool and soft as I watch it ruffle the leaves above me. Branches swaying lazily against the blue, blocking the harsh rays from our faces - holding us in its shadowy shade.
This part of the park is always quiet, the luscious green with its sparsely scattered trees which blossom flowers of a blushing pink during the spring - a drop of heaven on earth is almost hidden from the outside world with it's armour of prickling bushes.
"This planet is broken" I state, closing my eyes. "It's February. February! And look at the weather! DAMN YOU SUN!" I curse, pointing up at the fiery ball of gas who's rays tear through space and time to scorch the earth.
"At least today is the last exam for everyone" Namjoon lazily murmurs, half asleep.
"Taehyung and Jimin. Those lucky dicks finished yesterday! I should have taken music" Rhea seems to be regretting all of her life decisions at this very moment.
"And Jin - he was supposed to be off bed rest last week but suddenly Jiniver needs more time to heal" I snort.
"Yeah, but the three of them are coming today - well I hope they are - we where supposed to meet outside school after the exam finished but nooo, they had to wake up late didn't they!"
"They said they'd call when they're near" I shrug, letting out a huff of laughter at Rhea's little outburst.
"Why is it so hot?" Namjoon groans, rolling to the side and getting a mouthful of grass "Ugh, how do cows eat this?" He sits up, scarping the taste off his tongue as he ignores our laughter.
"Nova told you - the planets broken" she turns to me "remember last April?"
"Oh, that was so annoying - It was freezing and raining all morning, then the dumbass sun decided to come up. But then, it started snowing and it was so hot and there was a rainbow in the sky and I'm still so, so confused"
Namjoon looks at me for a bit, perplexed before finally speaking "This planet is broken" he confirms, laying back down.
"And then sometimes, the weather is a reflection of people" I say, closing my eyes to protect them from the sudden gushing brightness pouring through the gaps of the leaves.
"Reflection of people?" Rhea questions.
"Yeah, you know when you look outside and the sun is shining and bright and it look so hot - it's luring you outside. And once you're outside and it feels like an actual betrayal because yeah, the sun is out but its absolutely fucking freezing " I explain.
"So people are like the typically unpredictable British weather?"
"Yes! They're all warm and fuzzy, inviting, welcoming and once you pass through the safe walls of your house towards them because you trust them - they betray you. Just like that. With no warning and no remorse. They set the cold upon you and you can't do anything about it because you let that happen. You trusted them and you fell into the trap of not brining that coat out. It's all you"
Namjoon lets out the loudest 'HA!' he could muster "Who hurt you?" he coos, mockingly pinching my cheek.
"I've been re-watching the Harry Potter movies again and JK Rowling is evil, she kills everyone - but I love her" I explain to him "RIP Severus Snape" I sniff.
"RIP Severus Snape" the two say after me in union.
"But imagine being Snape - imagine being a double spy - really imagine it." I huff, opening my eyes to look up at the fluttering leaves.
Rhea gets up with a dreamy expression, big brown eyes glazed over as she muses in a light, airy tone "That would be cool."
"Yeah, but you'd have to put thousands of different masks on. For those you are loyal to, those who you are not then the ones you put on with the people you like then the ones you dislike - the people you don't mind, the people you don't know. The people you have to sacrifice the people you have to let go of, with friends and family - you're getting buried in the mounds of masks they have to put on. Imagine how easy it would be to loose yourself - your actual self and confusing it with the mask you artificially constructed, one that is made from all that people expect from you" I mumble softly.
"See, this is what happens after every Philosophy exam. We get in too deep with little things - it's almost unhealthy" Namjoon laughs at my saddened expression.
"Poor Snape" I pout.
"Poor Snapey" Namjoon nods.
"Hey! Did you hear about DDKC?" Rhea suddenly shoots up.
"Woah, what happened" My eyes have widened at her sudden transition from dreamy to fully awake and almost hyperventilating.
"You know how they where in a gang war in Mexico with CJNG and Sinaloa Cartel for land and stuff - "
"Why do they want their land?" I cut in.
"Because then they can manufacture the drugs - the soil is good to grow poppies for opium, marijuana, and whatever - but thats not the point - they've taken over both of them!"
I take a second to process this."What do you mean 'taken over'? Like they took their land?"
"Yeah they took the land...but they also took the people - everyone from CJNG and Sinaloa is now working for DDKC - those groups don't exist anymore" Rhea continues.
"You're kidding" I start, eyes widened in shock.
"No, but...that's impossible - isn't Sinaloa Cartel the biggest, most organised criminal group in the world? I literally read about them last year - they've been around for decades - they have territory everywhere - all over the world" Namjoon breathes in disbelief.
"Yeah...ah, I forgot their names - but the leaders of those cartels willingly joined - it's like some business deal they've negotiated to end the fighting."
"Is it bad...that I find this really cool - I mean, they got the rival groups on their side and now they have even more land, people, equipment - everything." I tilt my head to the side.
Namjoon nods, sitting up "It's impressive."
"It's really fascinating how fast a younger group is growing internationally" Rhea reassures me "but, wow - I would not want to be caught up in that" she shudders at the thought.
"Where did DDK Cartel originate from?" I suddenly question. "What does it even stand for?"
"No idea...we can google -"
"NOVAAAAAA!" Rhea is cut short from the booming voice from a figure running towards us with great speed. Every time his foot hits the grass with the blunt thud crashing through the serenity, the clearer Taehyung's face becomes.
I sit up as he nears us with the looming silhouette of Jin and Jimin walking slowly behind him, further away. He throws his bag to the side as he slows down into a jog, hair windswept with his white V-neck half tucked into his jeans.
There's a huge smile on his face. A smile that I rarely got to see for the past few weeks with exams giving us time to only greet each other minutes before and after the long tedious hours under the precise timer and dull invigorators sweeping past our separate desks.
"Hey - Oof " I am tackled backwards, back into the embrace of natures sweet greenery with Taehyung's arms secure around my body, his knees resting on either side of me.
"I've missed you" Taehyung breaths into my hair, his grip tightening as he utters those words that make my heart pound.
"I can tell" is all I say into his chest, glasses askew as I hold him tight. I breathe that pretty scent of musky vanilla, inhale the addictive smell that always draws me deeper into him.
He pulls away, moving so we're face to face, eye to eye before he pulls the biggest, most adorable puppy face imaginable. His doe eyes shimmer as his rosy lips turn down into a pout, highlighting those squishy golden cheeks which look like they have been stained by an accidental spill of red wine. "That's all I get? No 'I miss you too' ?" Those pretty wide eyes stare at me with such innocence I can't but feel myself melt at his sudden purity.
"Yes, of course I've missed you" I say in all seriousness, eyebrows furrowed to assure him - because I did. I really did.
A grin tugs at his lips - he's acting like a child with the amount of giddy happiness shown on his face.
"Hey!" I exclaim, watching Taehyung as he slides my glasses off my face. "What are you - " He starts showering my face with kisses - my cheek, my nose, my chin, my eye lid - wherever he could plant those plump lips as I squirm under him, almost shrieking as I move side to side - trying to avoid those ticklish pecks.
"Taehyung!" I laugh - but he doesn't give up "Tae - stop - stop!" I try removing the smile from my face, the joy of getting all his attention from my voice - but I can't. It's impossible. "Please ~" I beg with laughter as he manages to kiss my eye for the third time.
I finally give in and stop trying to dodge him, instead I lay still "Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah" he repetitively kisses my forehead.
"GET A ROOM!" I hear jimin grunt before hurling the football he has towards us. It bounces off of Taehyung's back before he rolls off me.
"Oh, come on Park - you can kick better than that" Taehyung teases with a small shrug, a smirk tugging at his lips as his hands play with the black and white ball.
"One on one?" Jimin suggests, rolling up his sleeves.
"Hi Jimin!" I cut in, sliding on my glasses as I greet the guy who says nothing back. Instead he sends a wink my way - the act so absurd, so foreign to me that I burst out laughing - and I'm not the only.
Taehyung gets up, starting the one on one match with the smaller boy by setting the goal posts with our bags. I turn my back to them, finally being able to talk to my favourite person. Seokjin.
"How's Jiniver?" I try to say without letting a single snicker leave my lips.
"He is thriving " Jin informs Namjoon, Rhea and I.
"Yay! Now Namjoon can ride it till it wrinkles like a raisin!" I clap enthusiastically, bouncing on the spot.
"Nova, sweetie, no" Namjoon cuts in, looking traumatised as Rhea hastily changes the topic - "Why did you miss four weeks?" she questions, eager to know why Seokjin removed himself from the face go the earth for an entire month.
"Um...because I can?" he says seeming unfazed by my own comment as he answers Rhea's question, acting as if the answer was obvious. "Anyway, I've missed a lot, so tell me, Nova - how are you and Taehyung doing? I need details" Jin continues, looking at me intensely for answers.
"Oh" my eyes widen a little as the three focus their attention on me "Ah - It's been...nice..."
Namjoon scoffs, looking at me in disbelief "Just nice?" he lets out a laugh as he watches me hide my face in my hands.
"I don't like talking about feelings leave me alone" I whine as Rhea forcefully removes my hands from my face.
"Wow, Nova when did you get so vague? Give me details you heathen or so help me -"
"Fine! fine, it has been nice - like - really, really nice. He's so - ugh - I can't explain it. He's just perfect, you know? He acts the same as he always has but it's just better now - he's a fucking tease, but god, he makes me so, so so happy. He just - he makes everything seem like a dream - a euphoric dream - everything is just so perfect " I gush as I roll onto my back, staring up at the sky with a dreamy look.
"Because he gives you hickeys?" Rhea snots.
"Listen demon, that only happened twice...but yeah, that too" I shrug, ignoring Jin shaking his head in disapproval and Namjoon's chocking laugh. "And he's so cute and hot at the same time, like how are you even real? And he's so caring - he always makes sure I'm comfortable and, and he always makes dumb excuses just too hold my hand which is so cute? Oh! And he always calls me beautiful and I actually feel pretty? Like, I don't even avoid the mirror anymore! And he makes me lunch sometimes with heart shaped Nutella sandwiches - like how adorable can you get? And, and - ahh, I don't deserve him..."
"Somebody is beyond whipped"
"HA! BITCH, TAKE THAT!" Jimin shrieks suddenly interrupting my thoughts as I turn around to find him jumping up and down shooting a goal, sending Taehyung plummeting sideways into the grass. " 4 all -ONE MORE ROUND BUDDY! NOBODY CAN BEAT THE JIBOOTY!" Jimin turns around, repeatedly slapping his ass in Taehyung's disgusted face.
I get up, turing around to them "YES JIMIN! YOU GO BABY!" I cheer, clapping vigorously, face twisted in admiration for the lil'bean who is now kicking grass at Taehyung's fallen body. Namjoon, Rhea and Jin stare at me with a perplexed expression as I carry on cheering Jimin.
"BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?!" I hear Taehyung whine in annoyance.
"JI - MIN, JI - MIN, JI - MIN" I start chanting, the rest following eagerly, finally realising my intention as we all support the smaller boy, enjoying the irritation on Taehyung's face.
Taehyung frowns, frustrated that I, his girlfriend is cheering for a boy that is not my boyfriend. He grunts with his eyebrows furrowing, blood boiling as the redness of his cheeks suddenly darken. He gets up from the ground, brushing the grass off his clothes and burning holes at the back of Jimin's head with his cursing eyes.
"Again ." He states, the serenity in his voice almost alarming.
Jimin is smiling, amused by the fact he got Taehyung so riled up. He starts the match, dribbling the ball around Taehyung, teasing him.
"YEAH! GO JIMIN! YOU'RE MY BABY!" I scream at the sidelines, throwing my arms in the air and grinning like the cat who got the canary. I know exactly what I am doing. And I am loving the outcome. Watching Taehyung get jealous, get heated. Perfect.
"THANKS BABE!" Jimin plays along in my little facade, enjoying the show.
Jimin is about to score the winning goal, but Taehyung shoves past him and takes the ball for himself, moving it to the goal. Finally, he kicks it - the perfect aim.
But I sprint, blocking it - protecting Jimin's side of the goal.
His face falls, the corners of his lips turned down as he watched me kick the ball back to Jimin who scores again - winning.
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Jimin imitates an airplane, zooming from side to side before he crashes into Namjoon who shoves him off his lap and onto the grass. "WHOOP" Jimin punches the air before his body goes limp and his eyes close.
Rhea pokes him repeatedly, checking his pulse "It's sleeping" she confirms, moving Jimin's head onto her bag instead of the floor.
"That was cheating" Taehyung informs me, placing his hands on his hips as he takes deep breaths, regaining his energy.
"Yeah?" I raise my eyebrow, turing to face him. He is striking, dressed simply - comfortably but he still looks so undeniably, so effortlessly handsome. His broad shoulders heave against the clutching white top he wears as it clings to his body. The V-neck showing off his collar bones and those pants most definitely prove he has the ass of Pangaea. He looks good. Really good. "What are you gunna do about it?" I continue, tilting my head to the side.
He looks away, giving a small scoff of laughter as a sheen of sweat glistens against the sharpness of his jaw line before turning back to me, running a hand through those soft locks. His tongue runs along his lower lip as his eyes darken. He grabs my waist with both hands, roughly pulling my body against his - my breath is completely knocked out of my lungs in shock and with the sudden gurgling rush of desire. Hot breath, the ghost of his lips brushing against my own tingles every nerve in my body. My eyes flutter close, waiting, breathless...
But it's gone, the feeling of his hands and his body - his warmth disappears. I look to see him walking away from me, towards the group under the tree.
Taehyung turns around, a smirk plastered against his lips as he calls out "Hey Nova, maybe you want to take off that hoodie - your face is turning red" he shrugs before taking a seat next to Jin.
That stupid, dumbass fucking tease.
I sulk, dragging my feet towards the tree. I sit next to Rhea who is using a black sharpie to draw a moustache on a snoring Jimin. Poor kid.
"Ahh" Taehyung sighs loudly, resting his head on my lap, eyes closed with a satisfied smile.
"Who gave you permission?" I grumble, lightheaded from the sudden gush of warmth. He doesn't answer, not that I mind.
I run my fingers through his hair, tracing his eyebrows, the bridge of his nose, the curve of his cheek. I admire the resting boy with those perfectly symmetrical features - a representation of his beautiful mind. The beauty inside of him - his thoughts, his personality is so strong, so powerful that it shines out onto his exterior self. And here he is. The most beautiful person in the world, laying on my lap. Choosing me. Me out of every other soul in this world, this universe.
"Ew, look at them" Rhea shudders in disgust.
"Shhhhut the fuck up" I advise while playing with Taehyung's hair.
"Nova, aren't you hot wearing that hoodie? It's boiling - wait - are you wearing a long sleeve under that as well? Are you crazy? Take the hoodie off!" Jin's eyebrows furrow in worry.
"I'm fine" I almost laugh at their appalled, yet caring faces "And no, I will not take the hoodie off - the neckline of my top is wayyy too low - I'm just a bit warm, but I'm fine"I assure them.
"How low?" Taehyung's eyes are open and are as mischievous and perverted as ever.
"Lower than Jimin's grades" I reply with a shrug.
"So you're basically naked" Namjoon snorts.
"Basically" I nod along "Ahh, I'm so tired - that exam drained me" I suddenly groan, taking my fingers away from Taehyungs hair and stretching.
"You can come back to mine" Taehyung offers, getting up and crossing his legs - hair messy and fluffy - bouncing as he sways side to side with a soft smile.
"M'kay, but I have to drop off something at the post box first" I smile lazily.
"Should we go now?" Taehyung tilts his head to the side.
"Yep, let's ditch these losers" I stand up, grabbing his hand and pulling him up with me.
"Wow, you haven't seen me for four weeks and you're just leaving me? How rude" Jin grumbles, pouting which only causes me to laugh.
"Don't you and Joon have catching up to do?" I smirk, grabbing my bag from Taehyung's hand. "Rhea - I'll see you on Monday - tell Jimin that he's a brat for me, gracias~" I wave, walking backwards.
"See ya" Taehyung salutes, swinging his bag around his shoulders as he follows me out of the park. "You walk too quickly" He runs, catching my hand in his own, intertwining our fingers and relaxing in a comfortable stride. I can't help but smile at his actions.
"The post box is there" I point towards the bright, thick red free-standing pillar that reads: 'Royal Mail'. I slip the long sand coloured envelope through the slit, happily watching it being engulfed by the darkness within.
"What's inside?" Taehyung asks in curiosity as we walk towards his car which is not parked too far away.
"Dunno, my dad asked me to send it off - court stuff probably" I shrug, skipping a little, swinging our arms lightly.
"Why didn't he send it himself?" Taehyung lets go of my hand as he unlocks his car, the two of us simultaneously opening the car door and climbing in.
"He left for Amsterdam this morning, and then he's off to Paris and then...Ireland?...I think? I don't know - work stuff I'm presuming" I secure my seatbelt.
"Ah, okay" he nods, starting the engine "he must trust you a lot - if I was you I would have opened it as soon as I was alone"
"Yeah, I just don't want to involve myself with his work life - I hear snippets and I just assume the worst when in reality it's probably a harmless matter - so I decided to get on with my own life"
"That's very mature of you missy" Taehyung pinches my cheek as he begins to drive down the road.
"I am mature" I slap his hand away and cross my arms over my chest.
"If you where actually mature you'd take that hoodie off" Taehyung shrugs, turing a corner.
"You just wanna see me in that top" I accuse, rolling down the windows because damn, its getting hot in here.
"I get to see you in that top and you get to cool off - I mean, it's a win-win situation if you ask me" he coaxes with a light snicker.
"You're annoying" I shake my head. It's boiling in here.
"But isn't that why you wore it? For me?"
"Bold of you to assume that I'd dress for you" I scoff at his cheeky reply "I wore it to sleep and I was running late for the exam so I just threw a hoodie on over it and ran" I explain myself.
"I'll get it off of you - just watch"
"Is that a challenge?" I raise an eyebrow at him, amused by his words.
Why must it be so hot today?
He grins, shaking his head softly "No, not at all" he's laughing at me. Laughing at how flustered I'm getting.
"Then what is it?"
Chapter 22: lightsaber.
Not my best writing, I'll do better next time. Still, I hope you enjoy it!
February 8th 12:02pm
The strong aromatic fragrant of the flower perfumes the air with it's heavy scent. It's almost unsettling - how strong it is, how luring.
But then, the sudden gush of sweet vanilla and exotic musk is all I could focus on, is all I want to focus on.
The feeling of hands, Taehyung's soft hands cupping my own. He takes mine above my head, making me spin on the spot before pulling my body against his. I bite my lip, concealing a smile as he guides my hand to rest on his shoulder, walking backwards with a smile that reflects pure happiness on his face. Taehyung takes my waist, collapsing onto the couch and pulling me down with him so I rest in a comfortable straddle.
"How is everything? The exams? Home?" Taehyung asks, playing with a strand of my hair.
"Exams... let's not talk about that situation" I say, earning a laugh from him - it's okay to do bad on the first try "Home, however... is surprisingly good now that I think about it"
His eyes brighten "Yeah?" A smile grows on his face as he stops twirling my hair in-between his fingers to look up at me.
"Yeah, I mean - I'm not being treated like a little kid anymore because they're actually letting me be more independent - trusting me to do what I'd like and I don't even remember the last time I've had a argument with my mum - she's much more - I don't know - loving? Like, she asks me about my day, she doesn't complain when I talk about the dumb stuff we've all been up too - she usually turns all our talks into a big ass lecture. It's so much more comfortable to talk to everyone now. It's weird - we've become so much closer"
"Aw, that's amazing... but... when you say 'dumb stuff we've been up too' does she know -"
"Yeah, she know we're all friends and she literally doesn't give a damn which is great " I throw my head back in dramatic relief.
"And Zara? You're brother? I don't even know his name you never talk about him"
"Zara is as bossy as ever - my brother, Zachariah - we call him Zac - is as quiet as ever - he's 13 and going through that phase. He's always on his Playstation or playing his guitar in his room. He's not a bother, really." I shrug.
Taehyung thinks for a second, looking up at the ceiling as he gathers his thoughts, patting his chin with his index finger "Zara and Zac... then you have Nova. You're an anomaly" he pokes my nose.
"It's because my grandma named me, she loved astronomy"
"Well she chose a beautiful name" the soft smile on his face is wiped off as soon as he hears my stomach rumble. He looks up, eyeing me suspiciously "Did you eat today?"
"Nope, no sir, I did not."
Taehyung lets out a sigh, furrowing his eyebrows as his hand cup my cheek, gently caressing my skin with the pad of his thumb "baby, you need to eat" his voice as soft as ever.
It's cute how he cares, but he really doesn't have to worry. "I didn't have time this morning, I was running late" I mutter, playing with the material of my hoodie.
"Don't starve yourself - I know you do it sometimes... that's why I make you those sandwiches, it's not smart to do it during exam time - you won't perform at your best"
"But I do eat! I just forget to bring money sometimes" I argue, crossing my arms.
Taehyung presses his lips together, unimpressed by my resort "You know I could buy you food right?"
"Yeah, but you don't let me pay you back so I feel bad!"
He takes my face in-between his palms, looking me right in the eye as he talks "Nova, sweetie - I'm your boyfriend, okay? You don't owe me anything - I have money and I want to spend it on you so don't feel bad, okay?"
"No 'buts', just accept it and go"
"But Tae -"
"What did I just say?"
"I still feel bad!"
He throws his hands up in dramatic frustration "you're impossible - listen, I will buy and make you food and you will eat it"
"Stop being difficult and accept it, you brat"
"Listen hoe" he points at me as I burst into laughter, muffled by my hands "You will eat what I buy you or I'll feed you myself"
"Only if I don't have money" I negotiate, pointing at him with a stern look.
"Only if you don't have money" he accepts. "You got lots of rest though right? You slept well?" he's acting like I never take care of myself.
"Yes" I almost laugh at his concern "I fell asleep at 9pm - I had plenty of rest" I assure him.
"Tsk, and you still woke up late - you're a complete disappointment" he jokes, shaking his head in dismay.
"Shut up... what about you? Did you rest? Eat? How was exams? Home?" I throw his questions back at him.
"Oh, as you said - lets not talk about exams" He breathes a laugh. "I did rest and I did eat because I'm not stupid like you - Home? Well, my mum is abroad in Brazil - business stuff - she's a shareholder for a company there so I guess everthings fine" he explains.
"So you're alone? Here?"
He shrugs, lowering his gaze to focus on the strand of my hair he is weaving through his fingers again "Nothing that I'm not used to"
"Aw, Taehyung - you should stay with someone" I furrow my eyebrows. How could someone leave their child alone for so long? Especially when his father isn't around to keep him company. I have a full house of people - getting the groceries, cleaning up, cooking - we all do it together and it's fun sometimes as crazy as that may sound. But Taehyung ... Taehyung does it all alone - all by himself.
Taehyung shakes his head with a small smile "I wouldn't want to feel like a burden, besides It's fun being alone - I can walk around the house wearing my Marvel underwear and eat a big bag of Doritos without being scolded at" he shrugs, making me laugh at the ridiculous image. "Plus, I can have you over whenever I want" his voice lowers.
"Yeah, and we can do whatever we want" his whisper ripples through my mind as he tucks the strand of hair he's been playing with behind my ear, then, tracing his fingertips along my jaw.
"Whatever we want?" I breathe.
"Mmhm" he hums, eyes lowering down towards my lips.
"Like celebrating failing our exams with Tequila?" I gleam hopefully.
"Yes - no, no - what?" He snaps out of his daze, moving away from me as his eyes widened at my suggestion.
I smile enthusiastically "Lets get drunk!"I cheer.
"Uh-uh, no way" Taehyung shakes his head.
"But whyyy?" I whine, pouting like a child denied candy.
He raises an eyebrow "Maybe because you're batshit crazy sober - imagine you drunk" Taehyung shudders at the very thought.
"For your information, my buzzfeed quiz results say otherwise."
"Taehyung? Tata? Pretty please with whipped cream and a cherry on top?" I cup my hands together, pouting, fluttering my lashes.
A burst of laughter leaves his mouth "Tata? Pretty please? Whipped cream? Cherry on top?" He's almost crying "You're such a kid"
"Please" I bounce on his lap "I wanna do it with you and not at some dumb party because I trust you " I suddenly take ahold of his top, clenching the material in my fists as I get right up into his face "SO STOP HOLDING ME BACK IN LIFE AND LET ME LIVE A LITTLE!"
"Sunshine" He answers calmly, an amused look on his face "it's not a good idea"
"I'll strip if you don't let me drink" I shrug, looking at his baffled expression - enjoying the look of absolute confusion.
"Did it not cross your mind that maybe I'd actually like to see that?" He drops his hands to rest on my thighs, tilting his head to the side.
"You don't think I'm gunna do it, do you?" It's obvious, I can see it in his expression - the smugness inched across his face.
"Nova, I know you're not going to do it - you can't even take that hoodie off" he moves his hands around my waist, the smug expression still on his face.
I perk an eyebrow at him. My hands grasp the hem of my hoodie, pulling it over my head and cast it aside.
I am left in a long sleeves top with a plunging neckline which Taehyung takes a single glance at before he loudly clear his voice, shuffling under me as he looks to the side - a pink undertone appearing on his cheeks.
"Tae, look! I'm wearing the necklace you got me" I wave the sun pendant in his face so he is forced to look at me.
"That's - that's great" his eyes focus on the pendant as I let it drop back onto my chest, his eyes widen as he looks away again, the pink on his cheeks darkening to a red.
Using my fingers, I start to move the material off of my shoulder, exposing more skin and a flash of a crimson bra strap -
"Okay, okay" Taehyung grabs my hand, eyes screwed shut as he stops me, fixing my top with fumbling fingers. He uses my hair to cover up as much as possible before opening his eyes, pushing me off of his lap and hastily getting up.
"I thought you wanted my hoodie off, wasn't that a promise?" I tilt my head innocently.
"I wasn't prepared!" he's blushing. Actually blushing - and I did that. I got him all flustered, all worked up. And I'm loving it. "I - I'm not drinking with you and, just...just take off the necklace before you drink, you might strangle yourself"
"Noted." I smirk - he avoids all eye contact before practically stumbling out the room to get the poison.
February 8th 12:55pm
"Love. It's just a chemical reaction. You know? It doesn't take up any... any space... we can't physically see it - how can it be real? It's just something to get us by...it, it's something that shapes our society, it creates our - our... personas so we can, we can socialise in harmony - you know? It's just an excuse, it justifies our wrongs"
"Is... is that really what you think, sunshine? Or is it the alcohol speaking?"
I roll over onto my back, resting my head on his lap "It is what I think - I - I could never ever ask someone to help me when I feel like crap because nobody could love anyone that... that much to listen to them all the time... because love - it - it doesn't exist because people get bored and tired of listening. I would never put someone through that"
"You can speak to me about anything, you know that right?" he runs his fingers through my hair soothingly, reassuringly.
Vigorously, I shake my head - I'm lightheaded - dreamy " I'm fine, I can deal with everything by...by myself. I don't need anyone, only me" I mumble. "Nobody can see me sad or - or crying - nobody"
"Oh, baby - you know it's okay to cry, right?" His voice almost cracks, eyebrows furrowed as he looks down at me, stroking my hair as if I were a cat, his kitten.
"I don't want to look weak. I'm not weak" to prove it I get up, grab the glass of alcohol and gulp down as much I can before Taehyung snatches it out of my hand.
"But sometimes... Love. It does seem real. It gives... hope. And I guess I'm stupid because I'm holding onto that... that hope"
"So you're a sad, philosophical drunk. Noted." he fixes my top, covering as much as he can.
"Philosophy? I - I study philosophy...you know Plato...had - had a theory of 'The World Of Forms' it's very...very inter...esting" I slur, looking at him. He stares at me while cupping his cheeks, just taking in whatever I am saying.
"Yeah? Tell me about it"
"In this world, everything we... we see is an imperfect... imi - imitation of the perfect concepts that live in The World Of Forms."
"That totally makes sense."
"It's not... not as convincing as Aristotle's argument..."
"You're so cute" he gushes, not understanding a word of my mighty philosophical knowledge I have acquired through paying absolutely no attention in class.
"Plato's analogy isn't... that great, you know?" I blink a few times, clearing my vision before lazily resting my head on my palm, my gaze lowering to Taehyung's lap, his jeans clutching his physique. "You have a nice penis" I slur.
"What?" Taehyung almost jumps up at my words, surprised apparently.
"You have a nice pe-nis" I point down towards where the material of his jeans clutches the area between his thighs "And thighs, sexy sexy thighs"
"I didn't know you had a thigh kink" Taehyung almost chokes on his own laughter "And how would you know how my penis looks like, huh?"
I point at him, squinting "Because...I saw the concept of it in The World Of Forms!" I throw my arms up.
"Oh, so you're saying it's perfect?"
"No, but it's a good penis ya know - KUDOS TO THY PENIS!" My arms fly up again before flopping back down to see Taehyung harshly biting his lip, concealing his laugh. "You know...you know AGUST D? Rapper guy?"
"Now his penis... is bigger than yours" I point down to his area, left eye twitching "Penissssss"
I hiss meticulously.
"I - " Taehyung closes his eyes for a second, sighing "Okay, okay - sure, sunshine - be delusional and believe whatever you want"
"AGUST D is huuuuuuuugge" I do my best Donald Trump impression - closing my eyes as I look up with my hands making various ridiculous gestures.
"How do you kno - "
"BECAUSE I SAW IT IN THE WORLD OF FORMS!" I screech, which only makes Taehyung press his lips together in a stifled laugh - the sight making me giggle, swaying, lightheaded.
"You're so annoying but so adorable - how does that work?" He wonders to himself with a tiny pout.
I ignore him. I ignore him because a instantaneous surge of loss overcomes me. I feel my shoulders slouch and my lips turn down into a frown. Sudden discontent runs through my very veins as I look up at Taehyung with widened eyes, glazed over with absolute sadness. "Taehyung?" I whisper softly.
As soon as he hears my tone, his eyebrows crease "Are you okay? Do you feel sick?" He rests a hand on my shoulder, the other curves around my cheek as those dark eyes frantically examine my face, struck with concern.
"Tae, I - I don't have a penis" my voice breaks as I watch the worry drain from his face, leaving him expressionless.
He massages his temple for a second "baby, you don't need one"
"But... but I want one" I screw up my face in dismay, hoping that I'll get my way as I roll back onto the sofa and lifting my legs to rest across Taehyung's lap.
He's shaking. He's shaking so hard that I have to look up, and as I do I hear him laughing uproariously - head thrown back, eyes tightly shut. His teeth in perfect rows shown shining, white as the deep laugh rumbles through the empty house.
"Why are you laughing at me?" I sniff, heartbroken by the fact that he isn't taking this dreadful matter seriously.
Taehyung wipes a tear before answering with his voice thick, heavy from laughing so hard "because you're so fucking adorable" he reaches to pinch my cheek but I slap his wrist, moving him and his deceiving hand way from me.
"Fuck you" I pout, crossing my legs as I sit in front of him - pointing an accusing hand to his smiling face. "Oh wait... I can't" I sigh, looking down at my trousers in pure discontent which only makes him laugh harder.
"T-tae?" I call out after a moments silence.
"Yes, my beautiful, gorgeous sunshine?"
"I - I still want a penis" I look up at him with large, hopeful eyes to see him suppressing yet another laugh.
"But baby - " he stops mid sentence, letting out a yelp as I cup the area between his thighs. "Nova - " he gasps, lost for words.
"Please let me borrow yours Tae, please" I beg, as if I am a child in need of a new teddy.
"Nova - let go" his arms spread, one hand grasps a hold of the top of the leather sofa the other clutches at the armrest, knuckles turning white.
"Please Tae? I'll give it back, promise!"
He looks at me with absolute confusion "how are you giving me puppy eyes when your touching my - ah, ah - no - don't put any pressure - "
"Why me?" Taehyung groans, looking up as if looking for answers, lost in the swirls of the paintbrushes on the ceiling.
"Pleassse" I pout, getting impatient - I really want one.
"Baby, please let go"
"But - "
"Taeee" I whine, not budging.
"DON'T STROKE MY - "
I gasp loudly "Oh my god it's hard! It became a lightsaber!" The excitement in my voice ever so present as I try to obtain the weapon.
"Why doesn't it come off?"
"Lord have mercy" he rasps, finally managing to gather all his brain cells and remove his hands form the sofa to grab my wrist, taking my hand away from his enlarged lightsaber. "Stop." He orders, looking me dead in the eye, holding both of my wrists tightly in his hands. "Do. Not. Touch."
"Because sunshine, if you touch the lightsaber - it might explode - okay?"
He gives me a pointed look "Are you fucking with me or are you really that wasted?" He examines my face as if to verify my drunkenness before giving a small sigh, accepting that the look of childlike innocence I wear is what my mind has been submerged into.
"Nova" he breaths, looking at me intensely as both of his hands interlace with each of my own. "If you touch my lightsaber, many chemical reactions start in my brain and with you still in that top - lets just say it makes it really hard for me to control myself." I nod along to what he's saying, eyes large as I stare into his as he carries on "...and if I can't control myself and I let you carry on, it will explode and your hand will be covered in sticky stuff - you don't want sticky stuff on your hand, do you?" he shakes his head and I copy his actions.
"I want sticky nut juice"
Taehyung almost collapses in a choking fit "WHAT?!"
"Peanut-butter!" I punch the air in a cheer.
"For gods sake, I - you killed all my brain cells. I'm dead. I'm gone" he falls back, exhausted with a loud grunt - hair tangled, brushed to the side as his eyes flutter close - finally, finally relaxing.
I roll off the sofa, falling onto the floor before crawling to the armrest on which Taehyung's head rests. His skin practically glowing in all its honey glory - eyes closed, a sense of serenity in his slow breaths, tranquility. Even his lightsaber has disappeared, disappointingly.
Ethereal. He looks absolutely ethereal. I'm awed, completely starstruck. My mouth hangs open, appreciating the sight in front of me - how is he real? Is he real? Or am I imaging him?
I rest my chin on the arm of the sofa just as his head turns to face me, finally opening his eyes - soft. He looks soft, as soft as the smile playing across his lips. His face is close, so close - I feel the warmth of his mint breath, the sweetened undertones.
"What? Still want that sticky nut juice?" His fingers brush through my hair soothingly.
I almost don't catch what he says - "No..." I can't seem to concentrate on anything other than his lips - the way those pink, bow shaped lips move so softly - a complete contrast to his voice. His full resonant voice that suddenly takes over my very being.
I kiss him.
I kiss his lips delicately, just trying to get a feel of them - the softness almost surprises me, the way they meld into mine so easily. It's sloppy, wet but oh so enjoyable, so enjoyable that I feel his hands fastening around my thigh, pulling me over him so he rests beneath me. His fingertips trance up my back, making me exert a long, breathy sigh against his lips as my legs straddle his waist, the pace quickening, breath quickening with my hands clasping those broad shoulder - thumbs brushing along his collar bones, his velvety skin burning up under my fingertips, the sound of his hitching breath and the feel of his heart hammering against my fingertips as they reach his pulse point - his heartbeat matching my own and oh my god I can't breathe.
Taehyung suddenly pushes at my shoulders, away form him "you're drunk - you're not - you're not in the right mind-set" he pants, holding me back.
"So?" I daze, lightheaded - the kiss felt good, so good - I'm enchanted, bewitched by him to the point I want more, more, so much more -
I lean back down but his hands stop me "Sunshine, we can't" Taehyungs voice holds a sort of determination - he doesn't want me.
He doesn't want me.
I sit up on his lap as he follows my actions, getting up - both of us still completely breathless.
I'm upset. I'm confused - I have to ask him, I have to so I do - "You... you don't like me?" I ask, feeling my throat tighten.
His eyes widen at my question "What? No, no - sunshine, thats not what I -"
"It's okay if you don't" I hear my voice crack, bottom lip tremble as I look down at my fumbling hands - why am I suddenly so emotional?
"Hey" He cups my cheeks, forcing me to look up into those large doe eyes "I like you. I like you Nova - so much, for so long. Ever since that night we had that adventure, right at the moment the sun started to rise I knew I was completely fucked - god, I think I'm in - I - I like you, okay? I really, really do" He gushes, reassuring me with his wide brown stare. "But I'm not doing anything without your sober consent, okay?"
"But it's just a kiss..." I say in the smallest voice, biting the inside of my cheek.
His hands drop from my cheeks to interlace his fingers with my own "Sunshine, you don't know what your kisses do to me - what you do to me. God, you drive me crazy, Nova"
Taehyung lets out a husky laugh, nodding "Lightsaber crazy" he confirms and suddenly I feel better, warm, mushy.
"Let me bring you some blankets, you can go to sleep for a bit -"
"I don't wanna sleep" I huff.
He smiles softly while wrapping his arms around my waist "What do you wanna do then?" he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.
"I - I wanna be a pigeon" I declare, pointing to the ceiling, but a sudden feeling of something sickly crawling up my throat, rumbling in my stomach makes me hunch over, holding my stomach.
Taehyung stops laughing as he watches my facial expression fall to a frown, instead he's eyebrows furrow with great concern "What happened? Are you -"
"I - I don't feel so good Tae" I roll off on him, standing up just to see if it would make a difference. But no, I still felt something gnawing at my insides, raising in my throat.
"This way sunshine" Taehyung places his hand on my lower back, guiding me with his soft, soothing voice.
"I got you"
okayyy but this is my first time writing smut so I'm hoping its okay for a first try...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
February 8th 3:13pm
It's beautiful here.
The grass, the luscious green grass that cradles my body, helps me sit up right with my legs crossed, swaying, eyes closed.
The breeze is delicate, humid - yes, but comfortable, lulling. As lulling as the soft rustle of birds souring from tree to tree singing their sweet chorus as lilies sprout like white stars, glowing as they bloom from the earth.
I open my eyes, the sun almost blinding me as it spills its shimmering rays across the greenery. I look down, smiling, calm, warm and at peace - but I see crimson.
My hands are bright crimson, sticky, wet.
It smells metallic, the pungent scent hanging thickly in the air - but no, it doesn't just smell metallic - it tastes metallic – I can taste it – the smell, the sickly red that drips off my fingertips, my palms – I can taste the tang of it all.
It surrounds me, pooling around my body -
But it's not my blood.
I feel no pain, see no wound to indicate that it's mine at all. It's not mine – the guilt clasping at my throat shows me that it definitely isn't mine. But I'm guilty of it.
Deep breaths, I take deep breaths as I follow the trail of blood, ebbing and flowing thickly as if it were wet mud. It flows across the bright green, staining it with its menacing colour until my eyes find the source.
I see a tree. A large, striking tree gifted with leaves drenched in emerald with lilies blossoming from the branches, strange. It's so strange.
Lilies don't grow on trees.
But here they are, the lilies' petals curling outwards, up high on the tree - some being carried off by the gentle breeze, sending the white petals to float down, down onto the soil in which the tree is rooted too. The soil, black, rich yet so saturated it can't seem to take in any more of the oozing red liquid that rests in a puddle of icky goo.
A single silver petal twirls down in a delicate spiral, letting itself be blown gently by the soft wind.
It looks so peaceful in it's slow dance towards the surface of the earth, that I'm worried for a second that it may be whisked away by the grips of the breeze. But it keeps twirling in circular motion until it lands lightly in a pool of cerise blood, staining its pure beauty.
Another fall's, following its twin in a graceful dance, descending slowly. The petal lands... but it lands on a boy.
A boy dressed in white, a beautiful boy with striking features which have paled in the sudden cold air. His feet bare, half sunken in the fresh soil as he holds his legs to his chest, cheek resting against his knees as he lets out jittering breaths. Tears the shade of obsidian as salty as the taste of water from the dead sea leave black trails down his face, they fall like rain, cascading down those deathly pale cheeks from misty glazed eyes, masking the dark colour of life from his iris'.
His entire body - feet, ankles, legs, arms, torso, neck, the corners of his lips, his nose, his ears ,his head - all covered in marks of dried, flaky red, smudges of black dirt, skin sliced revealing gashes oozing with fresh thick liquid trickling down his body - mingling with those black tears as they drop into the soil in which his shaking body has embedded into, the mixture pooling around him.
White clothes ripped in the places of gashes, wounds - stained red with blood, blackened by tears and black earth.
Lilies start curling around his figure, the white stars, the strong aromatic fragrance concealing the smell of blood with its heavy scent.
The chorus of sweet melodies ignited by a group of tiny song birds is disrupted, shattered by my scream.
I'm screaming, screaming but he can't hear me - the boy with black hair can't hear me.
"Taehyung!" I screech, trying to get up from the grass, warm from the sunshine but I'm rooted, rooted to the spot by those damned lilies curling around my wrists determined to keep me in the sun as I try so hard to reach the boy in the shade, in the darkness cast by the lily tree.
His blood drenches my clothes as I scream out to him, wailing his name repeatedly but he can't hear me - he can't.
He stares into oblivion - those tears in the colour of obsidian fall from those glazed over eyes, wounds dripping, body shivering and petals flutters down onto him from that beautiful lily tree, the white hitting the red, the black as the flowers continue to curl at his sunken feet, his quaking arms blooming, blooming...
My eyes open.
Eyelids heavy, droopy, body stiffened in shock - breath heaving as my hand wipes the cold sweat that lines my forehead.
I'm exhausted, completely worn out but I don't recall moving a single muscle.
I groan, shuffling my shoulders on the couch, moving the fluffy blanket away from my boiling body, cooling myself as a low groan exerts my lips. There's a sweet taste in my mouth - hot chocolate, creamy, sweet with a bitter touch.
I reach to the side, my hands blindly looking for my glasses before lazily sliding them on. Staring up at Taehyung's living room ceiling, looking at the brushes of white paint as I try to remember what had happened.
Nothing, absolutely nothing comes to mind besides Taehyung. Sitting with Taehyung, talking to Taehyung - about what? I have no clue.
Stupid. This is stupid. Why did I even suggest getting drunk? What's the point if you can't remember a single thing?
"Oh hey, you're up" he speaks softly, kneeling at the foot of the armrest "you okay? You look... overwhelmed"
I get up, sitting on the edge of the sofa, stretching "Yeah - no, I'm fine... bad dream I think - um, I can't remember it - can't remember anything, it's all... blurry"
Taehyung's positions himself in front of me, still kneeling. He rests his hands on my shoulders, looking into my eyes intensely, fearfully "Nova, it's me! It's - I'm your pet turkey, I - you remember me right?" Voice so thick, face so hyperbolic I couldn't help but feel my eyes crinkle into crescents as I laugh at his eccentric way of making me burst into life after practically being limp, lifeless for god knows how long.
"How could I ever forget my pet turkey?" I ruffle his curly ash-brown hair as if he were a little puppy, though he does look like one with those big dark eyes which sparkle - actually sparkle as if dazed in a dreamy wonderland. "I didn't do anything stupid did I?" I have to ask.
"You don't - you don't remember anything?" He tilts his head to the side as my hand drops from his hair, guilt bubbling up my throat.
"I did something dumb didn't I? I'm sorry I -"
"You didn't do anything, don't worry" he laughs at my culpable face, shaking his head and waving me off.
I squint at him "you sure?"
"You sure you're sure?"
"You sure you're sure that you're sure?"
"Oh my god, yes" he laughs at my twitching eye and mean look.
"M'kay then" I crack a blindingly bright smile while I stretch my arms, feeling relief.
"Sorry, your back must hurt - I would have let you sleep in my room but you said you wanted to drink your hot chocolate like a pigeon on the couch and also I didn't want you to get the wrong idea..."
I raise my eyebrow at him, watching the colour drain form his face for a second.
"Not that - not that anything did happen because it didn't - I wouldn't, you know, let that - I stopped it as soon as I realised that - but it was just kissing, I swear - we didn't, I didn't - I would never ever touch you like that without your permission. I would never ever take advantage of you like that - " he's rambling, and honestly absolutely adorable.
"You're so cute" I pout, pinching those squishy golden cheeks, tainted with a pinky note.
He continues speaking - "I didn't even know what to do when you decided to... doesn't matter - "
My eyes grow wide at his words, completely shocked "Woah, what did I do?"
"I - nothing" he blinks a few times, the colour rising into his cheeks.
"Tae, please tell me"
"Don't worry about it, sweetheart"
"You said I didn't do anything stupid!"
"Tae!" I give him the look. The look your mother gives you to leech out every last detail of any of your wrong doings. A look that causes a pained expression to twist at Taehyung's face.
"Ah..." he decides there's no getting out of this as he gives in "Well, you kinda, sorta touched my lightsaber and my lightsaber kinda sorta went phew and then you kinda tried to detach it from my body and I made you stop by telling you that you'd get sticky stuff on your hand if you didn't stop so you stopped. Yeah."
I couldn't help it, my amusement outweighs the embarrassment to the point that I throw my head back, my body crashing against the couch cushions as I choke on my own laugh because holy shit, what even is wrong with me?
"You're not annoyed?"
I sit upright "Taehyung, I am so sorry that I put you through that" I try saying without laughing but I fail. Badly.
"You don't seem sorry" he huffs.
"No, it's just - lightsaber?" I try stifling my guffaw, biting down on my palm as I cover my mouth, looking into those unimpressed eyes of his.
"The shit I do for you and you just laugh in my face" he shakes his head, pretending to be exasperated.
"I'm sowwy" I poke his nose, trying to cheer him up with a light pinch that makes his nose crunch up like a little baby tiger.
"No, no it's fine, I'm okay" the drama queen lifts his arms up "I'm great" he acts diligently.
"Oh shush, it's not like you didn't find it amusing" I roll my eyes with a small smile.
"True..." he laughs " so you're seriously not annoyed at me?" Those puppy dog eyes return.
"Taehyung, I trust you - so what if we kissed and I touched... it's - it's nothing that hasn't happened before - can't remember it anyway" I shrug because I honestly can't remember a thing - is that normal?
"That's the problem" he sighs "I want you to remember. I want you to remember the way I make you feel - I want you to remember everything, each part of it" his voice is barley below a whisper when he suddenly pulls back "but you're too pure, I don't want to ruin you"
"I'm not pure! I understand every innuendo you guys make" I hit back, throwing my hands up in annoyance.
"Yes but that's your mind, your body however..." His eyes trail down it, eyes lingering at my neckline as his tongue traces his bottom lip before looking back up into my eyes "You're pure" he shrugs.
"No - "
His eyes widen, as if he had remembered something important "Actually, you didn't know what thigh riding was and I even had to FaceTime you and explain with my hands and you still didn't understand it!" He accuses with a pointed finger.
"But it doesn't work! How does - "
"It's like riding a horse! I told you!" He gets up from his knees, collapsing next me with a huff of disbelief.
"But is your thigh a horse? No! Exactly!" I fume dramatically - I know exactly how it works, it's just funny watching him struggle to explain.
"Nova, you have a thigh kink, how do you not know how this works?"
"I - how do you know?"
Taehyung shrugs smugly "Drunk Nova is my favourite Nova" he muses, pinching my cheek.
I batt his hand away "Still, it doesn't work"
"Oh my god - do you need a physical demonstration?"
"I - what? No?" It's something I should have expected, not that I minded - it's just - he was acting so cute a second ago and now...
But then again, that's Taehyung - changing his demeanour in mere moments is second nature to him.
"Come here" he pats his lap as he moves to sit on the edge of the sofa, widening the gap between his thighs as his stare becomes subtly more intense, dark.
Coughing almost, I clear my throat "No, no, I'm - I'm good" stuttering, I getting up from the seat next him, staggering as the sleepiness completely drains from my body, replacing itself with... I don't know, almost a sense of arousal.
"Come here, Nova" his low-pitched voice lures my attention, the way my name drips from his lips so smoothly, so lusciously -
But I can't, I can't just go and - fuck, it's boiling.
"I'm good" my voice almost inaudible, lost in the sight of him. That face, that enticing look of his: hooded eyes that trace down my body, capturing every aspect of me - I should feel self conscious, I should - but those eyes, those dark eyes hold so much admiration, carnal passion that I want him to look at me, I want him to.
"Babygirl, now." His parted pink lips that hold just a mere ghost of a smirk send fire to burn through my very skin, blood rushing fast through my veins, sending my heart pounding, pounding all because of him.
Those collar bones on show, that glowing honey colour of his skin sends a gulp down my throat that blooms into a colourful array of butterflies in my stomach "I don't..." I'm lost for words, awestruck by his godlike appearance, that golden glow around him - the perfection. How could someone look so titillating, so seductive by just breathing?
His voice thickens, deepens, becomes more raspy and I can practically feel myself quaking "You really don't want to?" those jeans are so tight, outlining those thick thighs so perfectly that it makes my insides twist with a surge of yearning, craving, thirst.
Shit, I want it, that pleasuring feeling - I need it "I - I mean, if you, uh" I gulp "maybe?" I fumble for word as I stand in front of him.
He's smirking "I didn't hear a no" his head rolls to the side. Eyes on me, only me as he reaches out, taking my hand in his own and pulling my body towards his seated self. His slender fingers curl around my waist guiding me, parting my legs so I have his right thigh in-between my own "See, not bad right? Now ride it"
The tension so thick that I can't even look him in the eye, so I do the only thing I know would calm me down"GIDDY UP!" I lightly bounce, trying to make light of the situation.
Taehyung's lips twitch as if holding back a smile that his unamused face refuses to show "No! Am I a bouncy castle for you to be jumping on? I said ride"
"And I said 'giddy up' - it's like a horse, right?"
"Nova" He gives me a pointed look.
"Row, row, row your boat ~"
"I am not a boat - Nova, do you even know what ride means?" He's on the verge of laughter - you could see it, it's coming - any second now.
"Yeah? So show me"
"I'll show you ~ " I sing, smiling, smiling because I don't know any other way to react.
I'm panicking - I can't deal with the way he's looking me right in the eye, with that look. That erotic stare intermingled with the aroma of the creamy richness of vanilla, blended with an exotic musk, undertones of soft floral notes of jasmine which submerges my body, my mind, my very being into his grasp, his control - he can do whatever he wants to me and I couldn't give less of a damn because I want it. I want it. Even though I do my best to avoid it, no matter the amount of times I hesitate, no matter how shy I seem to be - I want it.
"Like this" He takes my waist, fingertips gripping onto my skin as he drags my crotch against his thigh, pulling me so close that my lips brush his ears as a long, breathy moan elapses my lips. "What? Does that feel good?" He rasps in a teasing tone that only makes me shiver.
I pull away slightly, moving to look right into those dark brown eyes.
"Hmm?" Taehyung hums, enwrapping my skin with his hot breath. His eyes, those earthy hues of deep brown, darkened by the first rain of spring blend into the sinking black of his pupils, dilated. Those black holes drag me into their depths, exposing me to pure lechery, a thirst so strong it grasps me into a daze as those eyes move down my face, now staring at my lips.
His hand leaves my waist to instead rest on my nape, pulling me down to his lips slowly, sensually. It's soft, sinking, leaving my body trembling in his gentle hold. His lips move in a perfect pace, head tilted to the side as his taste fills my mouth - that divine, sweet mint. The strong sexual pull behind Taehyung's low sighs enhances the feeling of warmth pooling into my stomach, a sudden gushing amatory pull, a pure rush of sexual desire takes over my mind, a thirst for it.
Taehyung drops his hands back to my hips with those long, slender fingers digging into my skin. Gently, he starts tracing my lower lip with the tip of his tongue before delicately taking it between his own, sucking lightly as he sends a wave of pleasure through my body. Taehyung lifts his leg slightly, pushing himself into my core just as he drags me across his thigh. I let out a involuntary moan, gripping at his shoulders, my eyes screwed shut as I enjoy the addictive feeling.
"Baby..." he whispers, leaving my lips and moving close to my ear, biting my earlobe lightly before finishing his sentence "Try moving by yourself" he mumbles, leaving a kiss on my jaw before resting his forehead against my own.
Slowly I begin moving back and forth, rocking my hips just as he had shown me and already the hardness of his thigh has me shivering and taking short, hitching breaths. I take small whimpering breaks, clutching my thighs together for a few seconds as these silent moans slowly become loud and clear - and there's nothing I can do to quieten down.
"Good girl, just like that" lips brushing agaisnt my own as he whispers in that sultry tone "You're such a good girl, look how pretty you look" he coos, praises in admiration, moving my hair back, out of my face. It's hot, so hot with his breath mingling with mine my very skin burns and tingles in passion, a yearning for more.
He begins tensing his thigh, putting pressure onto my core every time I drag my stuttering hips over him and I can't help but completely lose it "Fuck, Tae..." I breath out, head rolling back as my eyes flutter close, mouth open as a sinful string of moans escape my lips. God, it feels so fucking good.
He watches me, taking note of my every expression as my stomach gets tighter and tighter, the fire igniting, intensifying within me - waiting, just waiting for that gust of relief, the ending pleasure, that hedonic pleasure I just need. He flexes again making my body quiver at his action and grip tightly onto his shirt as he guides my head to rest on his shoulder.
I let out a muffled whine against his collarbone "Please" I don't even know what I'm pleading for but that's all that I say, all that runs through my mind, I just want more.
The atmosphere is so hot, so sensual - the sound of my jiggered breath, my panting and whines complimented by Taehyung's encouraging seductive purrs and low, sultry moans each time I call his name.
"Babygirl, the sounds you make" he groans, letting my nape rest against his palm, my head tilting to the side "so sweet and whiny, just for me, all for me" Taehyung leaves soft kisses down my neck, letting his tongue trace along my skin, sucking, nipping at all the right spots which only makes me cry out for him even more "baby, just listening to you is enough to drives me over the edge" he lightly bounces his leg against my core, knocking out the little breath I have left.
I feel myself tremble with a shock of pleasure as I let my pace pick up "Fucking hell, Tae" my cry pulls a rich, sonorous moan from Taehyung's throat to vibrate against my neck before he moves to rest his forehead against mine again, eyes open, dark. We share the same hot breath which flush our cheeks, tinting them into a rosy pink - he removes my steamy glasses, letting them rest on top of my forehead as he zeros in to focus on me, only me.
"This is just my thigh you're whining over but babygirl, imagine what I could do with my fingers, my lips, my tongue" my breathing has gotten heavier, stomach tighter at his words - I'm panting, cheeks darkening into a red, heat oozing out of my body - I'm fuming, flustered by those words that drip from his mouth so easily, so seductively.
I'm lightheaded from pleasure, drowsy - all of my senses are in overdrive - I'm completely in his control, he can tell me to do anything and I wouldn't even think to hesitate. And all I can think of is him. Taehyung, just Taehyung, the feel of him, the sound of him, the words that flow from that filthy mouth of his.
"You're doing so well sunshine, you've been such a good girl for me" he purrs, lips brushing against my parted mouth before dragging his teeth across my lower lip and I can barely keep it together when he lightly begins to suck.
His hands, those teasing fingertips move down to my stuttering hips as my actions become weaker, more desperate as an unfamiliar feeling starts to dawn upon me. His fingertips grip into my skin, helping me quicken my pace against his flexing muscle as my stomach begins to tenses against the flow of pleasure.
I call out in a whimpering mess "Oh my god, Taehyung" my hands move to his shoulder blades, gripping tightly, forehead against his own as I let him do the work - hands helping me grind now onto his thigh as he thrusts his leg up, tensing, flexing - doing all he can to bring me into pure elation, a beautiful rhapsody.
My burning body suddenly awakens, my stomach tightens, building pressure as I come closer and closer to the feeling, the feeling that I need to get to - my vision blurs and suddenly I'm gasping, gasping to catch my breath.
He growls at each time he pulls my body back to his, whispering filthy little promises that I didn't think for a second would ever fall from those perfectly innocent pink lips - and suddenly the pressure inside my stomach snaps -
"Tae" I gasp against his lips as my body arches, cowering into Taehyung, my forehead leaving his as I whimper through my release, muffling the sound of sensual bliss into the curve of his neck, limbs trembling as he helps me ride out my sinful rapture, slowing down his pace until I come to a breathless stop, heaving, eyes closed, at peace...
"Lets see; love bites, thighs and praising - anything else I should know about?" he teases, shattering the tranquility of the moment.
"Really, asshole?" panting, I lightly flick his flushed cheek for ruining the moment. But all he does is smile as he pulls my legs to rest on either side of his waist.
The smile drops from those full lips as soon as I wrap my legs around him firmly, as soon as my core pushes right up to his hardened shaft. Taehyung's jaw tightens, body tenses to stifle the jerk of pleasure "Fuck, babygirl - you shouldn't have done that"
A thousand thoughts cross my mind all at once, what am I supposed to say to the? It didn't hurt him did it?
"Uh, did you know that penis in latin means tail?" I start, cringing at the words that slipped past my mouth "A-and did you know that an average woman eats 2 to 3 kilos of lipstick in her lifetime? I mean I, personally can't relate - I hate that stuff but -"
A soft huff, the sudden feeling of air being knocked out my lungs and the oozing heat of Taehyung's body over mine sends me into yet another daze.
I look up at him with widened eyes as my body sinks into the warm leather of the couch - watching those pretty lips move as he speaks "Tell me more" his fingers press into my waist, hands trancing down my thigh. Lips move down my neck leaving a trail of wet kisses as I try gathering my thoughts, trying to concentrate through the fluttering pleasure.
"T-the Kalam argument s-states that infinite regression shows - ah" his teeth tugs at my breast, biting down onto my soft skin as I struggle to stay focus "it shows how there must b-be a first - ah - first cause because Aquinas states in his five ways that - oh my god" I whine as he makes yet another mark, my eyes widen at the feeling of him moving the rim of my top down, fingers tracing over my crimson bra as he does so. Goosebump form all over my skin as I take heavy, heaving breaths -
"Elephants are so cool" I squeak, cringing yet again - embarrassed because I can't talk as smoothly as he does, my words can't be as sexy as his - I'm awkward. So, so very awkward.
"So cool" he agrees anyway, face flushed and now looming over my own looking as surreal as ever with his beautiful features and golden glow.
I clear my throat "Do you - do you want me too..." red hot fiery blood rushes to my cheeks, heat practically radiating off my skin as I press my lips together timidly.
"Too what, beautiful?" he wears a smug look, knowing exactly what I am offering.
"I... you know, do you want me to fix..." I gulp at the look he gives me with those hooded eyes, that pink tongue tracing his lower lip before biting down.
"Fix?" he's teasing me now, it's so very obvious - the look on his face says it all. He's loving how flustered I am, how flushed my face must be right now. "No, you don't need to do anything for me sunshine, don't worry" Taehyung's smirk turns into a soft smile, pecking my nose to reassure me.
"But do you want me too?"
"You don't have to-"
"Do you want me too, Tae" I look at him with a burning look of intensity.
"Yes of course I want you too, I want you to do a lot of things for me sunshine" his hot whisper, his cracking deep voice brushes over my skin as he yet again leaves me breathless.
"Then let me"
He groans "Nova, you can't just say stuff like that" his hand cups my cheek as he leans down and locks our lips "You don't know what you do to me" my eyes flutter close, kissing him back, feeling him trying to pull me on top of his body as he continues to-
"Oof" Taehyung falls off the sofa, landing on his back with his eyes widened, shocked by the sudden impact. A hand clutches his heart, resting over his heaving chest.
I bet my hair is a mess, I'm guessing my clothes are dishevelled and my lips puffy - I most definitely look crazy while laugh at Taehyung pouty face and furrowed eyebrows.
"Aaaaaand I'm limp" he pops his 'p' with a sour expression.
I can't help but snort, almost falling off myself as I stumble to the floor to straddle his waist because he is, in fact, limp. "So the lightsaber deflated? I didn't know it could do that" I look down at him, ashy brown hair swept back with those swollen pink lips, those deep black pools of his pupils that I feel like I'm already drowning in compliment his cheeks stained in a rosy glow. He sits up so unexpectedly that I can't help but jump at the sight of his face so suddenly close to my own.
"Someone has gotten their confidence back" he twirls a piece of my hair behind my ear, pulling my glasses back down to rest on the bridge of my nose " tell me, where was it when you were whining my name?" his fingers trace down my neck to pinch the hem of my top, moving the fabric to reveal all those reddish marks he made.
Taehyung's had cups my breast as he presses his lips over those love bites so delicately I almost lose focus "hmm?" he hums against my skin.
"Speak up sunshine, I can't hear you"
I groan, closing my eyes, half in annoyance, half in pleasure of his lips tracing my skin "You're an asshole" but that only makes him snicker against my chest. "A big apple crumble ass, bitch ass, dog ass asshole" I emphasise.
"You're saying that as if you didn't enjoy it" he looks up, staring at me with those doe like eyes - that wide brown stare "because sunshine, I know for a fact that you had such a good time" his fingertips trace up my thighs and I can't help but quiver with my jagged breath "the evidence is all in the wet patches on my jeans" he whispers in that smooth velvet voice of his.
"Oh" is all that leaves my mouth. No other words leave my lips as I am yet again left in shock by his words.
"In fact" he continues is that low pitched voice of his "I do want you to do something for me" his breath brushes against my lips as his finger glides along my jaw.
my voice is below a whisper, I doubt I can muster anything over this with my heart hammering against my ribs, sending blood to burn through my views "What is it?" I try not to let my voice quiver.
"Baby, order me some pizza"
HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!
Chapter 24: feather
HELLO LOVELIES!! Sorry for the long wait, but exams are finally over so here, I present to you this poorly written chapter! I hope you enjoy it!
February 11th 9:43am
"How do I ejaculate this?"
"LIKE THIS!" Rhea slaps her hands together, the sound echoing through the classroom, almost like she's announcing the fact that she would show me how to ejaculate this. She rubs them together, while holding the most scariest smile I have seen in my 17 years of existence in this miserable world, eyes wide as saucers, looking like they're screaming into the void - begging for help, begging for the salvation they will never receive.
"N-no, I mean how do I ejaculate the USB from the computer..."
She flicks my forehead "EJECT! IT'S EJECT! E-J-E-C-T! IS THE USB A DICK FOR YOU TO EJACULATE YOU WET LETTUCE??"
"No?" I wearily question, confused by the sudden attack.
"You're actually so innocent" she pinched my cheek before ejecting the USB out.
"Everyone says that but I'm not! I know things - too many things, and because of the fall of Adam and Eve we are filled with concupiscence in our human nature meaning that it is in my nature to have these thoughts and urges - "
"Nova what the actual fuck are you on about?"
I sigh at her confusion "St Augustine's theory about human nature. Duh" my eyes roll before suddenly growing wide in a sudden epiphany - "Did you know that in Eden, Adam could control his dick with his mind?" I pipe up with a huge smile that contrasts Rhea's concerned grimace of absolute disgust and confusion.
"I feel sorry for Taehyung" she mutters under her breath, packing away her books in her sleek black bag as she follows me out to the surprisingly vacant hallway.
"Why? He has nice thighs! I RODE IT INTO THE SUNSET!" Rhea immediately claps a hand over my mouth with large eyes, almost restricting my oxygen supply.
"You can't say shit like that out loud!" She aggressively whispers, looking at me as if Im crazy. "Oh shit" her face rests, letting go of the tight grip she had around my mouth as her eyes fall upon my collar bone. "What's that?" Rhea's wise brown stare fixates on the spot of a purple blush that is Taehyung's 'art work' as he puts it.
"Hickeys" I gush joyfully, rocking on my heel with a wide, childish grin.
"Welp, I didn't know Tae was vampire"
I start pulling down my shirt "wanna see mor -"
"Stop! What's wrong with you today?" She half laughs at this absolute stupidity, pulling my shirt up and securing all the buttons.
"Ehem." I clear my throat with an unnecessary dramatic flare "I RODE HIS THIGH INTO THE SUN-" the rest of my sentence becomes a muffled blur of nonsense as Rhea covers my mouth, yet again while looks from side to side, hoping against hope that nobody is around to hear the crap spilling out of my mouth as we turn a corner.
"You need to STOP! What if he hears - "
I come to an abrupt stop and, with electrifying energy, I raise my arms to point out the impeccable beauty that is a few meters away from us - leaning against the lockers, deep in conversation with Namjoon in all his glowing mighty form"Oh my god - do you see that?" I squeak.
"See wha - Nova stop running, you ass!" Rhea wheezes, trying to catch up with me in my sudden sprint towards those blue lockers on which he leans against, his back to us in those glorious tight black trousers.
"We just have to be careful" Taehyung mutters in that rich velvet voice of his " plan it all carefu -" that careful whisper turns into a panicked grasp -"Oh my god who's touching my -"
"This ass" I marvel, crouching down to present the structure that seems to have been crafted ever so beautifully in perfect curves by what seems to be God himself. "This. Ass" I emphasise, holding Taehyung's hips in place as he tries turning around, clearly still shocked by my sudden presence.
Namjoon bursts out into laughter, Rhea following as their rhythmic tune carries itself down the hallway as Joon bends down teary. "Nova what the actual fuck are you doing" the boy tries containing his laughter as he watches Taehyung's face, cheeks looking as though they have been stained by the redness of a single pomegranate seed, growing darker by every second that passes by.
I ignore his remark, instead focusing on my fingers tracing up and down those hills that are Taehyung's ass. "Oh my god - Nova don't do that!" he tries turing away from my grasp, muscles tensing under my touch.
"What do you think the tangent of these plumpy curves are?"
"Honesty, just shut up" Rhea covers her eyes filled with tears of laughter, using Namjoon's arm for support.
"How about the circumference of the entire thing?" I continue pondering despite the howling laughter initiated by those two babbling idiots.
"Sunshine, are you high?" the seriousness in Taehyung's voice, the sincerity and concern it holds truly is heartwarming. But that ass. If I touch it... will it move? It must, right? Otherwise it will defy the laws of physics!
I tap his ass. "It wobbles" I conclude as my eyes follow the movement his butt.
"Nova? Seriously? I -" Suddenly, I get an idea - a miraculous idea that spins, whizzes, explodes into an array of colour in my mind that I have to, no, need to carry it out or the world will fall apart - seas will freeze over and life would seize to exist -
I smack his ass.
My palm, flat on his ass. The feeling of softness surrounds my hand as it sinks into his backside, a slight sting prickles across my palm from the forceful action which blossoms the loud sound of what seems to be a booming firework exploding against the the stars of the midnight sky, followed by a yelp of a helpless puppy and the howling laughter conjured up by the two by standing madmen.
"FOR FUCKS SAKE DON'T DO THAT!!!" Taehyung's voice, absolutely shrill in shock which plasters itself through his turned down lips and large eyes with those pretty, perfect hands clutch his ass in pain as he turns, looking down to face me.
"The wave length of these ripples must be -" Rhea bursting into a coughing fit distracts my focus of attention towards her cowering figure instead.
"Honestly, what is wrong with you today?" She wheezes, supporting herself with the help of Namjoon's shoulder " You're worse than usual - not that I'm complaining- that was quite a show" she coughs, wiping a tear from the inner corners of her eyes.
"It wasn't entertaining for me" Taehyung's whines rubbing his gluteus maximus "My bum-bum still hurts" he pouts like a toddler with those berry stained lips of his which match his rosy cheeks, furrowing his dark eyebrows as those earthy eyes now land down at my standing figure. He looks so pure, so adorable and innocent with his big brown stare.
Pointing up in a form of rare salute I declare "It 'twas a punishment" not even thinking for a god damn second that it could be taken entirely out of context, which, of course - it does.
"You're punishing me babygirl? Me? For what exactly may I ask?" His tongue, his sinful tongue outlines his upper lip as that soft innocent look darkens into that all knowing seductive glare - the change of demeanour occurring within milliseconds of each other has my heart racing as I suddenly realise exactly what I had said and exactly what he is saying.
"I don't think we should be here" I see Namjoon urgently whisper shout to an almost terrified, nodding Rhea of which whom immediately complies to Namjoon's suggestion of awkwardly backing away and disappearing out of sight in an odd and strange manner.
"Ok and they call me weird" I scoff at their audacity.
"Mm, you didn't answer me sunshine" that voice - that deep, rumbling voice he has enforces that addicting lulling sensation - the feeling of airiness and delight.
Taehyung leans against the locker with his head tilted back to rest against the cold blue metal, looking, as always, so effortlessly handsome with his eyes, hooded and as curious as ever. "Punishment for..." I tap my chin, thinking with my lips pursed and eyes narrowed. Locker, he's leaning against the locker in which he decided to slam me into to acquire my attention -"slamming me against the locker! It was cold and those knob things hurt my back!" I take my chance to complain having never really thought about doing so this entire time.
"Oh, you mean like this?" my breath, all of it, every last bit of it is knocked out of my lungs from the impact of the cold metal hitting my skin. I cringe, feeling the icy sting numbing my very nerve as I open my eyes to glare up at the smug looking boy. His ashy brown hair falls over his forehead in a total mess which, surprise, surprise, makes him look even more appealing as he eyes bore into my own.
I scoff "Asshole" the word causing the smug look to look - if possible - even smugger. I hit his chest lightly enough to not cause any permanent damage, hard enough to make him huff in discomfort.
"Baby" he pleads with a tiny pout, his arms caging me in as he steps closer - the vanilla musk devouring my senses, the lull of it all strengthening at each inch he closes in on.
"Asshole" I breath, trying to keep focus, because honestly - its so hard to when he's this close. Palms against his chest, I push lightly, not really wanting him to move away but to come closer, even closer. But his chest is hard. His chest really hard, firm - the surprises pushes me out of my trance. "Shit Tae, what's this?" I continue pressing my hands against him as he looks down in confusion.
"What do you -"
"Have you been working out?" the look of amazement on my face leaves an amused expression on his face as I take this opportunity to trace my fingers down his chest, enjoying the firmness.
"I've been going to the gym for ages now - how do you not know this? How are you calling yourself my girlfriend? You're fraud!" he dramatically declares.
"Yeah, well, I don't really feel you up -"
"Well you really did 'feel' my thigh up on Friday sooo..."
"That was your thigh! Not you chest you spangaloid!"
"Yeah but if my thigh is all thick and hard you could have deduced that 'Oh! Maybe TaeTae works out to have such a sexy body with a plumpy butt I just looove groping !' " he mocks in the most squeaky, slow voice he could muster.
"I don't talk like that!" I try to contain my laughter at his poor attempt to mimic my voice "And yes, yes sure I should have know, or at least guessed because oof, those thighs and ugh, that - freaking - ass" I groan, rolling my eyes back to emphasises my point.
"Leave my ass alone, its been though so much today" he says softly, immediately rolling his eyes as I look up at him with a wide, innocent smile while slipping my hands into his back pockets - letting my fingertips grasp the softness, the plumpness. "You're a dickhead" he concludes, forming his lips into a thin line.
"And you're a puddle of goat semen" I cheer brightly, watching his face switch to something in-between a grimace and a smile.
"What the fuck" he almost chokes of his laugh "why goat?' Taehyung ponders, looking down into my eyes.
"Fine, racoon semen" I shrug, letting each one of my finger push down into his backside and back up, as if I were playing the piano.
"Ew, ew no, goat is fine, ugh" he rests his forehead against my own, grimacing - possibly trying to rid the image from his mind.
A moment of silence, comfortable and peaceful. We share the same breath, just holding onto each other as he presses his lips against my forehead as I let my eyes flutter close - heartbeat in my throat.
"You know when we're all going to the beach before the Easter holidays?" Taehyung's voice is as low pitched as ever, yet calm, soft as he talks. Not joking around anymore.
"Can we - can we ditch them? Go on all the fun rides at the adventure park - just us?"
"You want too?" I question, grinning like an idiot as he shyly looks down.
"Only if you want - we could go on rides right up until it gets dark and then we can walk along the beach, hold hands, I - uh, I don't know..." he gives a shaky laugh before carrying on "The moon would be out, you know... and god" he breaths, taking a break to tuck a small strand of hair behind my ear" I can just imagine how beautiful you'd look in the moonlight, how pretty your hair would look in the sea breeze - I mean, it's not going to be perfect - you can't get sandy beaches here unless you drive out to cornwall or something but -"
"Taehyung, that would be so perfect" I try catching my breath in awe. The fact that he has thought about this, thought about me - the fact that he seems so very nervous to even suggest this idea with his cheeks reattaining that rosy colour just makes my heart swell, I feel it grow with the amount of adoration I have for this boy. "It'd another adventure" I chime.
"The adventure of the Queen and the peasant continues" He pulls back up with a large smile that matches mine exactly, finally looking me in the eye. "Oh! I, uh - I got something for you" those earthy hues grow shy again as he pulls his blazer back and reaches into an inner pocket.
"But why - oh - oh, wow Taehyung, it's so beautiful" my eyes brighten as I watch him hold a single short emerald stem that holds a rose. A rose the colour of the sky at sunrise. The tips of the petals a brilliant red bleeding into a glowing orange, finally draining into a pastel yellow. It's beautiful. Intrinsically crafted into it's gorgeous blossoming state - different form your regular red rose. This one is unique, it stands out.
"It - uh, caught my eye on the way to school - reminded me of you..." he gives a small shrug, fixing his eyes on the rose he still holds "because of our first ever adventure back in September - I - I don't think you remember me telling you because you were shitfaced drunk" I laugh at his emphasis, biting my lip to stop smiling at his sweet words. "But, um -"
"You're so freaking adorable -"
"No, let me finish first!" he whines, placing a finger over my lips and looking up as he continues "I knew I liked you then sunshine - when we were watching the sunrise I just - I just felt it crashing down on me all at once" he lets his hand drop from my lips.
"You're so freaking ador -"
"Oh, be quiet" he laughs, rolling his eyes with a small shake of his head at my attempted humour. "You know" he says in a matter - of - fact tone, moving my hair to one side before tucking the stem behind my ear, letting the flower rest against it "I also bought this because... it's ethereal, singularly beautiful - just like you - only, you're better"
"I'm better? How am I 'better'?" I ponder, looking up to him as he closes in on me again, hands gripping at my waist as my fingers play with black tie.
"Hmm, maybe because you're my sunshine, my only sunshine ~"
"Oh that song" I look away in a laugh.
"Yes because it was definitely written all about you - imagine how dim the world would be without your funny lil ass" his hands leaving my waist to boop my nose before cupping my cheeks "I just know my world wouldn't even exist without you sunshine" his sweet mint breath playing against my smiling lips.
He doesn't have to ask at this point. He just knows its the right moment. The right moment to lean down and let his lips capture my own in a soft, sweet motion before pulling away ever so quickly, leaving my heart jittering - craving for more.
I sigh, softly "You're being so fluffy today, what's gotten into you?"
"Um, a baby?" A cheesy smile spreads across his lips as he jokes... well I hope he's joking.
Playing along, I crinkle my eyes, turning my lips down into a grimace of sadness as I let out a convincing sob "H-have you been cheating on me??"
Taehyung catches along, throwing his arms up in defence while backing away "ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, I SWEAR! JIMIN JUST -"
My gasp so loud, so hyperbolic that I almost choke on the sudden rush of intake of air - "OH, JIMIN? YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH JIMIN?"
"NO! I WOULD NEVER!" Taehyung spins around, dramatically looking up at the ceiling with a deceased look before letting his gaze fall back down to me " H- his dick just... kinda slipped in... and then out... and then in again - THE FLOOR WAS SLIPPERY I TELL YOU!" he crys, falling to his knees in a screaming sob that will almost definitely disturb the neighbouring classrooms.
But his words, I can't help but burst out laughing at his words "What?" he looks up, confusion replacing his dramatic stare as he breaks out of character.
"Oh, wow - you're a bottom?" I wheeze, using the lockers for support "Never would I have ever though that Jimin out of all people could dominate you -"
"Shut up, I'm a top, I am d-o-m, dom" Taehyung stands straight up, wearing the most adorable pout with those plump pink lips of his.
"You must have been pretty loose for him to be just 'slipping in'"I lean my head back against the lockers, trying to to laugh at his shocked expression.
He shivers in disgust "Ugh, I just imagined it - ew, no" he pats his body down, removing what seems to be invisible dirt " the only person who is allowed to dick me down is Mr Jeon - otherwise - I'm top" Taehyung he urgently informs me these so called 'facts'.
I, however, am not ready to let him go yet without teasing him a tiny, little bit more -"Hmm... but you said -"
He huffs "Never mind what I just said, I wasn't thinking about -"
"If you weren't thinking that means that even your subconscious knows that you're -"
"Nova, shut up before I bend you over my lap and smack your ass" whatever I was about to say next gets lost in the sudden rush of prickling heat that gushes through my body, embedding colour into my cheeks.
"Ouch, ouch" I whine, cupping my ass - protecting it at all costs.
"Who knows? You might like it" he's smirking now, knowing he's getting me all hot and flustered.
He decides to slowly approaches me - my back ridged against the now warm metal, just watching him. Staring in awe as he walks in his tight white shirt that embraces his broad shoulders perfectly, sleeves rolled up to expose those tanned forearms. I watch him reach to his black tie, hand slowly loosening the fabric from around his throat as I forget how to even breathe.
"Ouch, ouch" I repeat like a glitch, not being able to form a single sentence in my mind - its all fuzzy, complicated.
He breathes a husky laugh, letting his breath brush against my ear as he speaks ever so softly "You okay there, sunshine?"
We're in school. We are in school and he decides to act like this? Act like there aren't any teacher in those classrooms near us? Is he stupid? Because he knows, he most defiantly knows how helpless he makes me - how I fall completely under his spell just by listening to his low whispers of pure ecstasy.
"Mmm" I finally answer him with a light hum, taking in a deep breath of his lush vanilla scent. All of a sudden he moves, resting his forehead against my own and I can't help but think of the last time we were like this. The sounds, his voice, his words, the feeling, the pleasure - the entire experience darkening my blush.
"You sure?" his lips ever to lightly brush against my own as he speaks in that hushed rasp that is slowly driving me insane.
"I, uh..." I feel myself gulp at the moment his fingertips trace down my sides, curving around my waist as a single shiver runs down my spine. I try to think - I try to think about anything and everything - I try but I simply can't focus because suddenly, he's kissing me and the only thing I can think about is how fucking amazing Taehyung's lips feel against mine. How pleasuring it feels when he drags his teeth across my lower lip, sucking on it ever so gently that I can't help but -
"Oh my my my, what do we have here?" Taehyung freezes, my lower lip still in-between his teeth as the oh so familiar voice fills up the empty corridor. Simultaneously, we turn our heads, still pressed up against the lockers as we stare at the face of none other than Mr Jung himself - a hand in his pocket, the other holding a mug of coffee as he gapes at us absolutely disgusted.
"Oh, s-sir - sorry I -" Taehyung panics, mouth fallen open, eyes enlarged as he pushes himself away from me until he is standing at a respectable distance. "How long were you..."
"A mere second - and I could already tell that your technique is weak" Mr Jung insults mercilessly before turning towards me with the most genuinely sympathetic look he could muster "you deserve better, sweetie" he pats my head with a little shake of his own before leaving in his dramatic strut, just as the bell rings to indicate fourth period rings overhead, igniting the chorus of chatter and scraping chairs as lessons come to an end.
"Right" Taehyung breathes, his furious blush betraying his somewhat calm demeanour.
"I should, uh, get to class -" I mutter, biting my lower lip to conceal my laugh as students start spilling out of the classrooms, heading to their next lessons.
"Why are you smiling?"
"I'm not!" I laugh, immediately covering my mouth as I do so.
Taehyung points at me accusingly, eyes as wide as ever "There! See! You're laughing at me now!" Taehyung sulks.
"No! I'm not!" I try convincing him, but failing as somehow a smile creeps across my lips - the look of offence on his face is priceless.
He crosses his arms, looking like a giant next to those 11 year old girls and boys skipping by him, giggling as they do so "You think my technique is weak, don't you?!" he takes no notice of them, or anyone but me for that fact as he shouts out his quires.
I almost snort, how petty can one be to shout out such trivial matters in front of the younger students passing by?
The second bell rings as the students disappear into their classes and leave me alone with this big pouty baby, still sulking with his arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed.
I take his hands, intertwining our fingers as I rock on my heel with an amused smile "Your technique isn't weak, idiot" I flick his forehead.
"Ah, that hur-"
"You're - incredibly - sexy" I awkwardly whack his chest at each word, seeing him wince before taking a hold of my wrist.
He smirks before answering, the pouty face gone as he utters ever so confidently "Yeah, I already know I just wanted you to say it" he shrugs with a smug look, laughing as I scoff, hitting his chest again - even harder this time.
"Unbelievable" I sigh at his accomplished look, seeming unfazed by the amount of force I had used.
"Baby, the way I had you whining for me just proves -"
"Oh shut up" I mutter, pushing myself away from him while scowling at his words "I'm late for class, I need to get going" I turn to leave with a flick of my hair, making sure it swats across Taehyung's face as I do so.
But - unluckily, before I could get away, I feel his hand crack across my butt. It stings. My ass stings as I almost scream in fright from the sudden impact. I clutch my butt, turning around to glare at the boy with a shit-eating-grin "It wobbles" he concludes, imitating my words as he calmly leans his side against the wall now, arms crossed in accomplishment.
"You're a dick" I inform him, covering my butt with my backpack for extra protection.
"And you're my sunshine, my only sunshine ~ " he sings while points at the rose still resting by my ear.
I turn, not looking back as I waddle away to philosophy class."Shut up you ninnyhammer! " I shout the insult as I turn the corner holding a small smile as I listen to his hearty laugh quieten with distance.
February 11th 9:55am
"In the name of the father, the son and the holy spirit" Namjoon does the sign of the cross as he sits next to me at the front of the classroom.
I look at him in confusion - "are you not atheist anymore or -"
"I am, but I need protection from you, you demon child - I don't have time to pull out a prayer mat or visit the local temple now do I?" the boy spits, pointing at me with an accusing finger.
"What did I ever do to you?" my voice raising an octave as I furrow my eyebrows, ushering him to elaborate. He turns to me in disbelief, no doubt ready to list all the crazy things that I have done in these lessons while sitting by his side.
"Do I have to remind you of the time you started stabbing a picture of Descartes with your scissors? Or when you started laughing like a shitbag and rolled around on the floor when we were supposed to be talking about Anselm's argument? Oh! Or when you started pulling out your eyebrows -"
"That bitch was driving me crazy! Two hours. Two hours, Namjoon! I had to listen to her saggy ass talk without a single break, a single breather for two - whole - hours!" I defend myself with my arms swaying above my head, not caring if I seem insane to the 10 others in the class. "She talks like that slug lady from monsters inc - It's enough to drive anyone crazy!" the rose almost falling off my ear from my hyper actions.
"You kinda drive her crazy too" Namjoon mutters, fixing the rose before slipping on his reading glasses as he takes out the homework that I, of course, did not complete but he, of course, did.
"And how do I do that?" I smirk knowingly at an unbothered Namjoon, flipping through his pages of neat handwriting.
"Immanuel Kant" Is all he says, smiling a little as just at that very moment - Ms Lo enters the classroom in her plain white clothes which are as crinkled as her face. Blonde hair brushed down, held away from her face with the help of her silver spectacles.
"Right, get out your homework - lets go through -"
"Missss" I pip up, turing to buy myself some time before bestowing the truth of not having written a sentence, let alone a word of the essay she had set last week for homework.
"Yes, Nova" she doesn't even look up from shuffling and organising the handouts she has prepared for this lesson.
"You know your favourite philosopher, Immanuel Kant -"
"Kunt, it's pronounced Kunt" she emphasises, earning a giggle from the class and a loud sigh from Namjoon.
"Here we fucking go" he mutters under his breath, resting his chin on his palm - partly disappointed, partly amused.
"Kant?" I ponder, pretending not to have herd her very clear voice the first time.
She sighs, triggered that I cannot pronounce the name of her beloved idol "Kunt."Ms Lo states lazily.
"So he's a cunt?" I question, eyes widened and twinkling in innocence in the most soft, curious voice I can muster at this very moment - earning a twitter of laughter to ripple through the class and a nudge from Namjoon which sends my pencil case plummeting to the ground.
"That's what you get hoe" He whispers as Ms Lo indicates that she will not be having this conversation again, finalising that his name is 'Kunt' and that it does not have such an awful meaning in german so it is completely okay to say it.
The giggles eventually die down as I reach down, submerging myself under the table to retrieve my pencil case. Grumbling, annoyed that Namjoon has added such a painful quest to my day I decide that the best way to return the pain is to inflict it physically when he is not prepared - like he is now. I turn to his leg, ready to pinch his calf, fingers set, ready in position -
But thats when I see it - a saturated, black ink designed in the shape of a wispy feather. It's tiny, curving to outline the bone of Namjoon's left ankle bone. It's pretty, so pretty that I decide to pinch it instead of his calf.
"Ouch, ah - seriously, Nova?" He whines as I sit back up with a proud smile spread across my face, hair in front of my face - looking like an absolute mad women.
"Since when did you have a tattoo Mr Namjoon?" I question, quickly copying down the date and title for todays lesson.
"A while" he answers plainly, not looking up from his writing, almost reluctant to answer.
"Does it have a meaning?" I pester, turning to him.
"Yeah" he smiles at me brightly, eyes crinkling into crests - sparkling like the moon at midnight. "It means shut the fuck up and do your work or I'll eat your rose."
Chapter 25: blue.
I'm sorry its been a while!! A word of advice: don't talk to boys they're evil, that being said - I hope you enjoy this chapter!
April 13th 5:03pm
The jagged stone walls are bathed in a soft glow of warm candlelight which illuminates the room into a dim ripple of life.
It's eerie, dim. An uneasy breeze blows down through the narrow corridor, banishing the candlelight - bestowing darkness as it grasps me with it's chilly brush. Its fingertips tenderly trying to fondling every inch of me as I gasp tightly onto Taehyung's arm, feeling his fingers intertwine with mine.
"It's really dark" he whispers, almost short of breath - perhaps wondering if this is supposed to happen as he looks side to side, anticipating a sudden attack.
"I got you!" I stamp my foot, the sound echoing against the stone as my shoes light up in an array of differ colours, seeming out of place in the well constructed haunted house.
"For gods sake" he stifles a laugh "Why do you even own those?!"
I open my mouth to answer with a witty reply but the words are suddenly lost in a second coming of a chilly breeze which lowers my voice into a mere ghost of a whisper as a sudden figure materializes from what happened to be the concept of darkness itself, blossoming behind Taehyung.
"Tae -" a screech so shrill leaves my throat aching and dry as hands, large hands grasp at my waist and pull me away from Taehyung in a matter of seconds. He yells out as I try reaching out for him in the darkened hallway as cackling and snarls full the air.
But then I hear a laugh.
A laugh so fake yet it's so real - a laugh that can only belong to Namjoon himself.
"You fucking asshole" I turn just as the candles seem to regain their flare, enhancing the smirking face of Namjoon.
"Boo" is all he says before I push him away, his body not prepared for the immense force that had struck it leading him to tumble back.
A squeak is herd "Ouch!" A whine follows with grumbling and giggling.
"Jimin? Rhea?" Taehyung calls out wearily, as they take a step forward into the light - Rhea with a large smile, Jimin with a little grimace on his face - glowering at Namjoon while rubbing his head in pain.
"Wait, where's Jin?"
"BAH!" A figure jumps out and grabs Taehyung, his face falling into what seems to be the epitome of pure terror as a clamouring yell pours from his lips.
"DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING DIE SEOKJIN?" Taehyung turns, heaving at his attacker. "I WAS ABOUT TO HAVE AN ACTUAL HEART ATTACK YOU FUCKING BURNT DICK" he tries amplifying the seriousness of the situation, clutching his heart as he looks at the defeated Jin who rolls around in blithering laughter.
Rhea throws an arm around my shoulders, looking at Taehyung with a small smirk, pleased to see he still seems to be trembling "See, this is what you get for ditching us at the rollercoaster" she says in a-matter-of-fact tone.
"I wanted to spend time with Nova! I didn't know that was illegal!"Taehyung grunts in annoyance "why are you laughing" he turns to me with his famous little pout.
"I just - " I press my lips together for a second, composing myself. "No, it's not you it's just -" I point down to Seokjin, weeping in silent laughter - face red, sweaty and looking absolutely hilarious. But suddenly he stops, face dropping into a sullen grimace at the sudden screech that catapults through the air, fracturing it with a ear splitting chord coming form none other than Namjoon himself. Dark figures move, some running others limping - growling, grunting. The actors have arrived dressed in ragged clothes, makeup so real it really does seem as if their skin has faded to a peeling rotten grey.
"I am so sorry" Joon apologies to the zombie as he yells again as it approaches him, closer "I don't mean to yell! you're so scary I couldn't help myse -" he decides to stop speaking and dashes down the corridor, not looking back as he is chased.
We scatter, a burning excitement buzzes through my body, powering my limbs to move quickly, swiftly and strengthening my senses as I hasten down one of the many candlelit corridors. The din of feet pounding against the stone, the snarls and growls, the shrieks and screams slowly start to shrink to rest at the sound of my feet pounding to create small echos and my panting breath and beating heart. Everything else is silent.
Its eerie again. The little twists and turns - the dark corridor in which I stand in reminding me of the night I almost lost myself in that forest - that canopy prison drenched in absolute darkness. The only difference now is my stupid light up shoes. How stupid was I to let myself pulled into that darkness? That leafy maze. And now, here, I'm lost again in the dark - by myself this time - but it mustn't be that hard to find my way out this time. This place is built to escape - its monitored unlike the forest that is natures own labyrinth.
Left, right, left, left - the floor changing from a smooth stone to speaking floor boards, the walls still jagged but the candles seem to be missing their light and suddenly I've lost my way - but I'm not panicked. The darkness is almost calming in the way I feel like I'm almost floating in it's cold embrace. I turn what seems to be the thousandth corner, eyes wide in search for something - anything - I find a door.
A little ahead, there is a door left ajar, allowing a dimming grey glow to meander like a tapering stream across the hall. Curiosity grasps my mind, the little fear I have washing out as I stare intensely at the light. People say 'curiosity is what killed the cat' but my mind is so engulfed by the sight that my body drags itself towards the light like a moth to a flame. Every step I take is met by a discordant shriek from the floor boards.
The floor gets dustier, the floor boards got creakier as I pull the handle to enter the room. And before I could even get a proper glance at what it holds I feel my body snap back in fright as the door slams shut behind me. A rush of panic is what has me yanking at the handle and breathing a sigh of relief when it opens with a squeezing cry. I let it close, taking deep breath of relief before turing around.
Spacious, is what the room is with its flooring the colour of sticky tar, barely visible under swirls of silver smoke, slow dancing just above my ankle. The room is glowing in a grey filter, reflected by seven large mirrors hung up against the peeling white paint of the left side of the room.
It's like a place out of time, out of reality. There is something special about this room - a certain presence within it that makes its heart beat with life. Its almost ominous, the feeling but there is a sense of beauty in it.
Cautiously, as if not to wake up a slumbering spirit, I step towards the mirror closest to me - expecting to see a distorted imagine of myself or perhaps just my regular reflection.
But instead there is a garden.
A garden with beautiful green Ivy twisting up its caging stone walls, spilling and curling across the grey stone slabbed floor, damp perhaps from the rain from the power blue skies before twisting up a tiny clay water fountain. The water turned emerald green with time as it rests still, at peace in the two bowls carved to perfection, placed one above the other. Dew drops drip from lilies, roses, honeysuckle - flowers I cannot name but all are drenched in the colours of white or red. They decorate the secret garden with their soft petals helping to give off the impression of a heavenly escape. It looks as ancient, as timeless and as far away from reality as one could possibly get.
Perhaps they are not mirrors but screens.
They most definitely are screens as the second mirror holds the view of Egypt, the raging heat of the historic land can almost be felt as I near the screen - eyes growing in wonder as I stare in awe at the definition of the great pyramids of Giza standing tall against the clear blue dome. The view given from high above, perhaps from a hotel building to issue the perfect view of the city and beyond. The sound - I can hear it - the honking, the chatter that falls silent as soon as the beautiful call for prayer sweeps the land - its alive - I can feel it.
Excited to see more I cross to the next mirror to witness the busy streets of New York, Brooklyn - the next London then Seoul - then a little village in what seems to be set back in the olden days of modest dressing and posh talking - finally I reach the last one at the end of the room. A second door way right beside it.
My smile of excitement fades as I sense something strange about this screen, something so ominously familiar I can feel a chill running down my very spine as a gust of wind captures my breath.
I gape at the familiar view of a lily tree. A large, striking tree gifted with leaves drenched in emerald with lilies blossoming from the branches. I've seen it before, I know I have. But it doesn't seem to be in this lifetime, in this reality. It seems so out of reach but so very close all at the same time.
The soil, black, rich - just as I remember it - but how on earth do I remember this? I've never been to this haunted house before. It's soil still so saturated that it can't seem to take in any more of the oozing red liquid that rests in a puddle beside the boy. The boy.
The boy with covered with cuts and blood and dirt, face hidden with shaggy black hair - but theres isn't just a single person here anymore, no there are several curled beneath the tree. Several who hold their damaged selves with their feet buried in the rich soil, several who cry in tears in the colour of obsidian.
And then I notice another difference.
A small pale figure dressed in white is seated on the emerald grass, far from the pools of blood with its wispy back turned to me as he watches them shudder in the cold, suffer alone under the lily tree.
Shaking, body trembling as my throat tightens and I stare, slowly reaching my hand out - expecting it to rest against a warm screen, instead it pass through - a gush of wind hits my skin -its real, its all real - how is it all so so very real?
The figure airily turns it's head as I freeze, as if paralysed by its sudden stare. I am so distracted by the sudden eye contact with this - what seems to be - divine being that I don't notice the boy with the black hair has moved. He has crawled out the soil towards the screen, the door way - body mangled and bending in strange ways as he nears.
A strangled cry rents the air that I only recognized as my own voice, the wispy smoke seems to have risen strangling me, causing my lungs to contract, throttling my voice in pain.
I need to get out, I need too - I have too, I can't be here, I can't -
I run, yanking the door open and slamming it right behind me, I run as fast as I can down the corridors, not caring whether they are candlelit or not - I run through darkness and light, I run through it all to get away from whatever I thought I saw.
It was just a screen, just a screen - it's just there to scare people - it has no other meaning - it's not real - not real - they were just actors it was just pretend its not real.
It's not real.
Panting, I turn another corner dashing past an actor dressed as something with peeling red skin who doesn't seem all that bothered to let out a snarl as I pass them, heading towards yet another corner -
"JIMIN!" I yell in relief, watching the boy turn to the sound of his name as I run to him, catching him in a tight embrace. "God, are you okay? You're shivering" he speaks in his soft voice, hugging me back tighter.
"I'm fine, I don't - it's really creepy here"
"It is! I've been wondering around for ages - had a good conversation with a demon about the Bolsheviks and Mensheviks, anyway, Rhea texted - they've all made their way out and that demon said the exit is around that way" he points to the right with a light smile "the rest of the guys are outside - we can meet them unless you want to look around -"
"NO THANK YOU, LET US GET THE FUCK OUT!" I declare, regaining myself "This deserves an award its hella creepy."
"I was two seconds away from crying when I went into that executing room - the blood looked so real" Jimin almost whimpers at the memory.
"Oh god, that sounds way better than the room I went in - there where these mirror/screens things and people were crawling out" Jimin shudders as I speak.
"Well, at least this planet has Namjoon"
April 13th 6:30pm
It's getting close to sunset but the stalls and booths set beyond us vibrate under the dying rays of the sun. Most people wonder from stall to stall, blaring music is heard with the occasional happy scream suddenly piercing the air.
The massive structures of the rides varying from rollercoasters, a giant wheel which begins to alight in an array of colours, a helter skelter and more surround us with the haunted house tucked away to the side. Below them, lines are formed with younger children stood watching to the side, eating their cotton candies and giant coloured lollies. Their sticky fingers covered in Ice creams that pour over the cones and dripped down their small fingers as they melt. The smell of sweet donuts, the tang of fish and chips and cotton candy all bundle together to gift us the adventure park.
"DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE!" I yell over the din of the crowds as Taehyung uses the nerf gun to aim with furrowed eyebrows, looking incredibly adorable as he drowns in his grey turtle neck tucked into black jeans all while shooting down three piles of yellow stacked cups without any struggle.
"How? - so easily? How did - how?" I stammer, trying to find words as he cheers in victory, throwing his head back to keep his hair out of his face.
"I told you, remember? I've had practice" he gleams, bending down a little to come to my hight as I nod, remember how easily he had hit the target at the shooting range all those months ago.
"Yeah, that was the day I let myself perv on your ass" I admit.
He laughs, leaning back "Oh god" he runs a hand through his hair.
"And thighs" I sigh.
"I really can't blame you, I probably looked so good shooting that gun" he makes his fingers into a gun and pretends to aim and shoot at my heart "pew pew".
I roll why eyes, laughing at his little sound affects "Yeah you did you cocky bastard"
"Hahaha, here you go Ms. Dumbfuck" he kneels down, presenting me the Mike Wazowski plush toy he had won "for my Queen" he adds.
I take it into my hands, beaming down at it and stroking the green fur - being with Taehyung is so movie like, so unreal that I can't help but just smile. "Hey do you think he blinks or winks?" I ask, holding up the one eyed monster to Taehyungs face which drops into a grimace.
"Don't even start" he points a finger with a smile he is trying so hard to hide as he gets up. "Ah, shit" he suddenly breathes, taking out his buzzing phone from his back pocket "I - I'll be right back, sorry, I really have to take this"
"Oh, no its fine don't worry about it, I'll wait here" I wave him off with a smile as I watch him walk to the side, finding a quieter place to talk on the phone.
"SHIFT CHANGE" the man at the stall suddenly yells startling me, I turn to meet a man no older than 40. His accent is heavy, from somewhere in Asia - Korea perhaps, China? His skin pale with sleeves of tattoos of flowers, skulls, feathers and various different patterns- he looks exhausted with his brown hair sticking out it multiple places - but what catches my attention is how very blue his eyes are.
"You and your boyfriend are cute " his happy tone doesn't seem to match his somber expression, something dark dances through those piercing eyes, something not so right but I can't seem to put my finger on it.
"Ah, thank you..." I smile kindly, holding onto the doll a little lighter as he smirks a little.
"Have a nice evening ma'am" he nods, taking off his cap and switching places with another employee, walking away into the crowed as he pull out a pack of cigarets.
"Nova!" I turn to see Taehyung holding two chocolate ice creams and a large boxy smile. "I got ice cream as an apology!"
"Honestly Im getting so fat -"
Taehyung raises an eyebrow "Finish that sentence and we're going to have a few problems sunshine" he says in a sickly sweet tone.
"no but -" I try protesting again, holding the plush to my chest.
"Nova" he warns, handing me the ice cream and bringing it to my lips.
"fine. I was going to eat it anyway" I grumble.
"Good girl" he teases patting my head with his free hand, enjoying the way my mouth falls open and cheeks taint a rosy pink colour. "What you liked it before - hey!" he laughs while I playfully elbow him.
"But you were like - ahhhh, Taehyung, mhhhhmmmmmm, fuck, shit, balls -" he screws his face up to mimic my own, exaggerating his expression.
"Can - you - not!" I hit his chest with Mike Wazowski at each syllable, hoping nobody is listening to the crap pouring from his mouth. He continues moaning in a strange strangled way, leaving me half offended, half amused "you're a dick, an actual dick" I confirm.
"No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry - I was just messing around" he slips a hand around my waste, pulling me into his side. "You sound like a melody to me, fucking heavenly" he places a kiss on my forehead, lips cold from the ice cream.
"And I can't wait to hear you whimpering for me again"
"You're full of shit Taehyung."