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Gritty Kills Tony Stark

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"Noooo!" Tony Stark yelled as Gritty pulled him by the hair toward the towering wooden guillotine that had been constructed by pure Communism. "How are you doing this to me? I am Iron Man!"

"The toy-soldier metal weapons of Tony Stark are nothing against the great machine of progress," spoke Gritty, his thudding booted steps advancing inexorably toward the great weapon of revolution.

"I am a good guy," Tony snapped up at the hairy orange beacon of antifascism and Pennsylvanian hockey. "I am one of the Avengers!"

"Your hands drip with the blood of foreign children, and can never be scrubbed clean. Your vast fortune is carved out of the bones of weeping mothers. Your fantasy-suit was forged in a crucible of blind imperialism. And you contributed to people thinking Elon Musk was cool."

"No," Tony repeated. "This is wrong!!!"

"I am beyond right and wrong," Gritty replied, and soon the man and the great orange beast had both reached the tall guillotine. Gritty, his hairy arms strong and thickened from decades of Nazi punching and slapshots, easily strapped Tony down so that his neck was resting against the dark lunette. The eldritch creature pulled on the guillotine's rope to raise the sharp blade, which glinted and shone like a beacon of revolution.

"Let your billionaire brothers weep and tremble. May their fear-sweat and piss run down their skin like the blood of the slaughtered poor. May the workers rise," Gritty proclaimed.

Tony fell silent. Perhaps, in those final moments, he contemplated the wisdom of the words the black-helmeted sage had spoken. Perhaps he made peace with his God. Perhaps, poisoned even in his last seconds by the acid sweetness of late capitalism, he thought only of all the really nice cars he owned.

Gritty's great furry orange hand released the blade, and hot blood splattered over the Flyers logo on his jersey.

"Your powerful empires will fall, and my comrades will rise from their ashes like a spray of ice to the face of God," he said over the billionaire's corpse, and then he ate Tony Stark's head, because it turns out that Gritty also eats people's heads.