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You are all I need

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You are all I need

 

 

 

James Barnes watched his best friend with patience, while the blonde continued to say again and again the same complaints that he had been saying in the last hour. He sighed to himself as he poured another beer. He knew how much Steve hated from him to drink, but he himself needed a drink urgently. 

What had he done to deserve such punishment?

He knew Steve Rogers for a long time. He was his school classmate for years, his protégé during high school, his best friend since they were kids, and he was his brother... He was important for him, and he dared to do this to him?!

Barnes growled slightly when the blonde pushed the can away from his lips way before he could give it a drink.

— That is precisely what I am talking about! God, Buck! You are acting exactly as he does! Have you ever listen anything!?

He wanted to cry with that comment.

Of course he had been listening.

Rogers always had trouble finding girlfriend. Before Barnes knew him before first grade, and even now that he was over 30. Steve was not made to flirt, he just did not have the ability to do it. He was unable to success on that field, no matter what.

The first girlfriend he had left him after a few months, claiming he was too pure. "Someone too innocent" recalls that Steve recited "I don’t want to go out with a man with the mentality of a kid" Bucky could not tell him at the time that, not even now, acting as he was doing in this moment, as he always had, he looked like a little kid, no matter how much he denied being one.

The second girl who came to his life was another scandal, if someone ask Buck. She was a beautiful woman. Barnes seriously questioned how the blond had managed to attract the attention of that model. Because certainly she was gorgeous. When Rogers explained to him — months later, after the embarrassment happened — that she confused him with a porn actor, it all made more sense. 

Then came the third and final girl, a blonde lady who did not finish pleasing the jealous brother. But then again, with his luck, she was the most formal relationship of his best friend.

"I want to ask her to marry"

Oh, Bucky could almost imagine little Steve and little Sharon even now. His stomach churned at the thought. He had nothing against her, but it was simply like seeing his friend going out with himself, it was more than he could assimilate.

But then, somehow, Sharon learned that her beloved fiancé had gone out with her aunt in multiple occasions. — Barnes did not even want to ask anything about it — and the relationship ended. He massaged his temple for hours when they went to the bar that afternoon.

Steve wasn’t able to move on from a break up either.

Maybe God made him unable to flirt because of that.

He was a pain in the ass being dating or after his awful breaks up.

What brought us to now. Steve was going through a phase — Buck could not find a better explanation—. He had met a boy —a man, his friend, the straighter heterosexual Barnes had ever met — and, according to his words, "It was as if a choir of angels came after him"

Bucky would have laughed loudly if it was not because he sounded really convinced of it — and at that time, he had no idea of that guy's identity—. He wished him good luck with it, secretly hoping that neither Steve nor the other man would get hurt. Rogers was his friend, he loved him, but he did not really believe that he could simply say that he loved another man like that out of nothing.

James, openly bisexual since he was in college, had tried in every way to convince him to kiss another boy because a simple “Just in case…”

"I do not try to make you gay, Steve I just want to know if you would ever do something like this…"

Barnes liked to be prepared. The truth is that after seeing so many LGBT films he had the little fear — others would call paranoia, and that was that, really— that, at some point in their lives, Steve would confess to him with some cliché phrase and James would see himself in the painful need to reject him.  He may lose his only brother over a simple curiosity, so he thought that made him kiss another man may help him.

Barnes kept praying not to fall in love with him too, but thank God that the blonde made it too easy.

"You should see it, Buck ... He is beautiful"

God damn Steve was right about that.

The first time James observed the happy boy with the choir of angels was in one of the bars that he frequented — several months before his brother knew the aforementioned man—. At that time Steve, even though was quite at peace with his orientation, was preferred to not to go with him, claiming that he had been uncomfortable enough the first time. James did not insist again, thinking that the fact that he had to clear the circle of men around him had been too crazy on one occasion to even consider one more try.

Since Steve was allegedly straight, what was the point in going out to a gay bar together? Thanks. But no thanks.

Bucky went to the bar, ordered a drink. When he realized that nothing was getting too much his interest took the glass, paid for it and went to the smoking area without second thoughts. He had this little secret. Steve hated cigarettes, and Buck loved to smoke from time to time. So he had to be creative about it.

Barnes opened the glass door that led to the outside, then the noisy atmosphere inside was dimmed outside. He smiles at the calm, unable to avoid thinking that he is aging too fast. He looks no older than twenty-something, and feels he is over seventy. He sighs to himself when he takes the cigar out of his clothes, and curses loudly when he cannot find the lighter.

— You have to be f… kidding — he growled quietly, and he heard a giggle, looked up, found a flame in front of him, did not refuse to use it to light his cigar — Thank you ...

Look at the man in front of him. He is not a young man like most of those inside, he seems older, but visibly uninhibited. As if at the time had been that kind of person called "Soul’s party"

— It seems that you needed — comments the brunette, with an enigmatic smile on the lips.

Barnes thinks he really is beautiful in a very weird way.

— You do not have an idea — admit, while enjoying that moment.

At thirty, he keeps hiding to indulge himself. Pathetic.

— Does someone hit you at home? — the youngest mocks with a smile sideways on his lips

— My best friend lives with me ... He is… A kind of saint, I can swear ... If he finds out that I smoke...

— I totally understand you... My best friend has burned every alcohol reserve that she finds at my place. I think that seeing Pirates of the Caribbean with me really marked her. I never regret anything more than that… She ruined my favorite movie forever.

He laughs willingly. He loved that movie.

— She must have some reasons... Elizabeth had…— answer, fun.

The brunette smiles slightly as he takes another puff on his own cigarette.

— If you only knew... — he murmurs, before they fall silent again.

Since that time, James can feel a spark settle into his chest. He prefers to ignore it. He doubts that he will find him there again, he does not seem to be the type that spends too much time in one place ... He seems as sick as he is… But he hopes to meet him again anyway.

James found the man months later. The youngest recognizes him immediately even when they are meters away. It's a different bar. Something more expensive, something more outside his comfort zone. But Steve has been the one who recommended that site and he decided to check before let him paid the entrance to it. That place was expensive, and his friend wanted to know if it was worth it before bring Sharon there.

— Do you need a cigar again? — he asks, once he gets close enough to look at Barnes with a serene smile.

James cannot nod with more intensity because it is biologically impossible.

— Anthony ... — the brunette says, once they're out of the club, where their voices can finally be heard correctly.

Barnes raises an eyebrow.

"Just Anthony?" he wants to say, but he does not dare to question it.

— James ... — responds, accepting the cigarette he offers. The other smiles. Once there, he takes a pack out of his suit, which seems quite expensive.

"A rich guy ... Not surprising that he did not return there" Buck thinks, realizing why he has not been able to find him again, no matter how much he has been in recent months.

Evidently he does not recognize that so many visits there were just to see him someday.

— I have not seen you here before... Is it your first time? — asks with curiosity the brunette, when they light the cigars.

James denies as he takes a particularly long drag. Let out the smoke with parsimony.

— With the money I spent at the entrance, I could pay a month's rent ...

The other stifles a laugh.

— Fair enough ... An average salary does not allow this kind of places.

It's hard not to feel offended.

— We are not all born in a golden cradle, Anthony.

He sees him twisting his lips.

— Better change the subject now, James or this will end here and now.

James is immediately silent, without knowing why. He only knows that he does not want to stop seeing him right now, not when he can see his face again. The curiosity that he installed in his chest is too much. Just being able to hear Anthony makes him happy. Is that too stupid? Just minutes ago he did not even know his name.

Keep thinking about the matter until he notices the words he other had used. He frowns visibly, while a pair of chocolate-colored eyes looks at him curiously.

— What do you mean by "this"?

Anthony turns off his cigar before storing the waste in his small container. He smiles amused as he approaches the other, who now looks at him intensely. James almost trembles when he takes his face in his hands.

— Are you always that adorable? — questions, while taking the cigarette from his hands and away from his face, before leaving a kiss on his lips.

That relationship is something he has never done before. Have a formal sexual partner and nothing else. Maybe James’ relationships were short, almost non-existent, but there was always some "sentimental partner" there. Maybe one or two formal girlfriend and some boyfriends. Or, in other cases, simple one-night meetings. But of that, to have the same lover for each weekend without a proper title... Buck had never done something like this before.

Maybe it's the feeling of novelty, or the enjoyment of something totally outside of what he knows that gives him so much pleasure in that. Anthony is simply amazing, and sex is spectacular. If he knew him better, he would not have hesitated to ask him to date formally since the beginning.

Then arrived that night.

— I met someone...

— You have to be kidding.

Tony let out a laugh at his attitude. He approached him, letting himself be wrapped in the arms of his jealous lover. He kissed his neck as he buried his nose in his hair.

— I do not think it becomes serious... But I do not want to lie to you either— he admits when he feels that the temperature is rising again.

James growls something he does not understand.

— We'll talk about that later.

Tony does not object to that plan.

When Barnes wakes up a little while later, he has the other on his chest, his hands calmly caressing his back while he feels his breathing calm. Tony was still asleep on his body, and this greatly relaxes the oldest one. Barnes listen to the other's phone vibrate insistently.

"It must be Potts" he thinks, stifling a sigh "But… at this time?" he replies to the other little voice in his mind, and although he should not do it, he reaches the telephone that is a few centimeters away.

As soon as he had to stretch a little — he easily reached it from the bedside table next to the bed — he unlocked without problem and placed it in his ear. He could not say anything when he heard a familiar voice.

  I know we agreed to speak tomorrow, but I really wanted to tell you that I like you a lot ... We don’t know each other that well but I swear you have something that...

The phone is removed from Bucky’s hands before he can react. Tony stands up, with everything, sheets and mobile. Barnes needs just seconds to recover.

— You grabbed me right in the middle of something, dear... I cannot talk right now. I told you before that I... — Tony sighs, runs a hand over his face and James has enough.

He snatches the phone before hanging up.

Anthony looks at him wearily. Roll his eyes and walk to the bathroom with the other following closely.

— Tony ... — warns, annoyed.

Stark stops his steps, making him collide with him by the sudden stop. James crosses his arms, looking at him with jealousy on the skin. The other turns slowly, and looks at him with that smile that had made Barnes fall in love since the first time he saw him.

— You are just my lover, James ... You have no right to be jealous ... Although you have no idea how good you are making me feel ... It is a face that I did not think I could see in you ...

When he takes his face in his hands, he grabs his hips.

— I like you... But we are just that…

— You do not need anyone else, doll ...

Tony smiles in an enigmatic way.

— That's something I should check first — he responds, before kissing him with affection, the softness of the act is such that they feel melt with that touch.

When he leaves, he does it slowly, with extreme patience. He looks at him through the thick lashes and leaves a small bite on his lips when he can. He departs before continuing on his way.

— If you really are the only thing I need, I'll come back to you... You know the way out.

James watched him lock himself in the bathroom with a defeated expression. Drowning a sigh. He returned home with a tiredness that he had never felt before. His best friend had a month already repeating that he had known the love of his life. To know that person was the same person he loved ...

An exact month had passed from that.

— Tony… He… Do not stop drinking, do not let me help ... I tell you, Buck. I love him, but it's impossible for him to give it up, even if it's a little ...

— Once he decides something, nothing makes him change his mind.

— Exactly! Always act as if ...

— He was the owner of the universe, and have your life in his hands.

Rogers nods, while continuing to recriminate Stark’s attitudes. James decides at some point between "If he really wanted me as he says, he would not do this" and "Should I keep trying?" that he has had more than enough. He has endured a month of the same. They are not compatible, not the way they both want. Tony has looked for a reason in his friend not to love James and Steve has simply been too blind to realize it.

If Rogers has really fallen in love with Barnes’ lover in the process of that weird game, he regrets it very little at this point.

— You ruined my relationship with him — James said, before finishing the beer all at once.

Steve, who continued talking, stopped abruptly, before looking at him without understanding. James show then his most guarded secret to the youngest. He pulled the pack of cigarettes out of his jacket, the blond mark like a fish out of water.

— Bucky ...

— I knew that my gaydar was not broken when I met you ... — he says, lighting the cigarette calmly — You're more homosexual than me ... — took a drag — I still do not understand how you managed to look with that intentions at the only one man you will never have.

— What are you talking about?

Buck pulled out his phone. He unlocked the screen, accessed his gallery and showed endless photos to the other. In more than one he and Anthony came out naked from the waist up, wrapped up in the bedclothes of the genius — bed that turned out to be Anthony Stark’s bed, the heir of the New York Empire. Rich guy—. Others in were they both smiling while he kissed him neck, or the other way around. Some he took, others were his from the hands of Tony, who liked to see him as much as take pictures of him.

— You were sleeping with my boyfriend?! — almost cried Steve

Bucky sighed wearily.

— Did you see the dates? You started dating my lover first…

Barnes didn’t see the punch coming, but he accepted it. When Steve seemed to notice, he did not miss his chance. The right hand left the blonde on the floor, while he breathed deeply, trying to calm down. He left the money at the bar before leaving to look for his motorcycle.

He arrived at Stark's apartment in record time.

The doorman did not hesitate to give him access, and soon he was in front of the door of his home. He knocked a couple of times, when the door opened the figure of Tony looked at him with surprise. He could not say a word when James launched himself to kiss him hard, closing the door with a kick as he passed. He pushed him to the nearest wall and devoured his neck with passion.

— Why did it take you this long? — Tony growled when he bit his on the neck, repeating in low murmurs never dared to make that again.

— Idiot ... I really thought you wanted something with him — he growled, irritated. Tony let out a laugh, and lifted his face to kiss him slowly, as on that occasion.

— I lied to you that day ... — confessed, when they separated enough, their arms getting tangled in someone else's neck — I did not talk about me ...

James's hands traveled his body while Tony says:

— In the end you returned to me…

They kissed again, now with less physical intensity, but a strong emotional charge.

— You are all I need ... Is that what you wanted to hear?

— Would it have been easier to ask you to say it?

James chuckled.

— You have no idea...

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