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#AcaDec Squad

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[Liz Allen created the group chat]
[Group Chat was renamed AcaDec Squad]
[Liz Allen added 8 new members]

Liz Allen: hey! I figured for convenience sake, this would be handy

Liz Allen: like if we need an emergency meeting or if someone has any questions

Cindy Moon: nice! Great idea Cap

Flash Thompson: nice

Liz Allen: please don't spam this chat with memes

Peter Parker: this seems cool, thanks for adding me!

Michelle Jones: ok

Michelle Jones: don't blow my notifications up


[Liz Allen was renamed Captain Decmerica]
[Michelle Jones was renamed Mindiana Jones]
[Ned Leeds was renamed (hacker voice) I'm in]
[Flash Thompson was renamed Fastest Man Alive]
[Mindiana Jones was renamed Michelle Jones]
[Peter Parker was renamed Penis]
[Cindy Moon was renamed MoonMoon]
[Penis was renamed Parkour]
[Sally Avril was renamed Avril Lavigne]
[Abe Brown was renamed B-Abe]
[Charles Murphy was renamed Bon Jovi ]

Captain Decmerica: Oh! I'm flattered!

Captain Decmerica: i’ll do my very best to make our team champions

Captain Decmerica: our meets are going to be every Wednesday at 3:30 and our first competition is in 7 weeks time so lets get practising right away!

Fastest Man Alive: ugh isnt that like the same week as that oscorp trip

Captain Decmerica: the comp is the day before the trip

Bon Jovi: 




Captain Decmerica: hey @(hacker voice) I’m in have you heard from Peter at all? He’s been off school since the field trip

(hacker voice) I’m in: idk, May said that he was really ill, probably won’t be in school for the rest of the week

Michelle Jones: good thing the competition was the day before the trip or we’d be down a loser

Fastest Man Alive: penis ran outta that field trip faster than he's ever done for gym it was funny lmao

Captain Decmerica: not really but go off I guess



MoonMoon: you know, if the multiverse theory is real that means it's really likely that there is a universe where spiderman is a pig

Parkour: jfkskdka

(hacker voice) I’m in: did you mean: spiderham

MoonMoon: omg Ned ur right

Captain Decmerica: what,,,,, brought this on,,,,,

B-Abe: me and Cindy were discussing theories about Spidey and,,, we deviated,,,, heavily

Captain Decmerica: how is it when I'm trying to envision this “spiderham” I can only hear John Mulaney making pig puns in my head

MoonMoon: oh my god

B-Abe: what if,,,, john Mulaney is spiderman

B-Abe: Spidey: hey mr criminal u want ur gun? Take it! *launches it* Street Smarts!

MoonMoon: Spidey: there was a criminal loose in the hospital

Parkour: bugle: spiderman is a menace

Parkour: Spidey: I have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair

Captain Decmerica: criminal: *typical bad stuff*

Captain Decmerica: Spidey: that's what I thought you'd say you dumb fucking criminal

(hacker voice) I'm in: that's it we’ve cracked it boys, time to close up shop

MoonMoon: time to tweet him and let him know we've cracked it



Fastest Man Alive: so when are y’all gonna kick penis outta the team since he keeps skipping

(hacker voice) I’m in: he has his stark internship

Fastest Man Alive: uhhuh, ‘stark internship’ like that bullshit is real

Captain Decmerica: i’m frustrated as well that he keeps skipping but i’m sure what he’s doing is important. He better not skip the Washington comp though.

Fastest Man Alive:

distracted bf

Parkour: flash I'm not lying, I've just been really busy with this thing

Fastest Man Alive: sure Jan



 Bon Jovi: this week on Midtown Unsolved we are discussing the mystery: who is Spidey

Bon Jovi: discuss

B-Abe: clearly spidey is a gen z kid, have you heard half the jokes and shit he makes? Millennial at a push but defo a gen z

Bon Jovi: big agree big agree

B-Abe: its prolly someone at our school

B-Abe: ive heard that like he made his webs or smth before he seemed to get a #upgrade so prolly has to be smart and hes based in queens and midtown is the top sci/tech school in queens sooooooo

Captain Decmerica: no offence Abe but i think that’s the smartest thing you’ve ever said

Bon Jovi: oof get rekt

Captain Decmerica: but you are wrong

Bon Jovi: how

B-Abe: *gasp* are you spiderman liz?

Captain Decmerica: no because spiderman is a ghost alien from the lost city of atlantis situated in the bermuda triangle, duh

B-Abe: shit u rite

Bon Jovi: god i want to deny the alien part so hard but i cant because we literally know aliens exist and i hate it because now whenever aliens is a theory we can't say no about it

MoonMoon: ah, u r Shaniac?

Bon Jovi: and what of it????

Captain Decmerica: god i love having unsolved playing as i’m studying, 10/10

B-Abe: the real question is would spiderman fuck mothman

B-Abe: and that's a mystery that’ll have to remain

Bon Jovi: unsolved

MoonMoon: unsolved

Captain Decmerica: unsolved

B-Abe: unsolved

B-Abe: god fucjing dammit u guys



 Captain Decmerica: hey guys, I'm pretty sure you all saw the news.

Avril Lavigne: Liz!! Are you ok?

Captain Decmerica: not really, my mom is moving us away. Dad doesn't want us here for the trial

Bon Jovi: I can't believe your dad was the Vulture

Captain Decmerica: so I have to leave the school/decathlon team. I might join another school’s team so I might see you guys at a competition. Sorry for leaving like this

(hacker voice) I'm in: it's ok Liz

Captain Decmerica: I'll miss you guys a lot, bye

[Captain Decmerica left the chat!]

[DM: Ned Leeds and Peter Parker]

Chair Dude: dude i know youre online whyd u not say bye to Liz?

Man of Spiders: u know why

Man of Spiders: its literally my fault that she has to move and she was already frustrated at me the last time we spoke

Chair Dude: you were just doing your job as a superhero, it’s not your fault

Man of Spiders: sure jan

Chair Dude: hey no no memeing on me now this is serious

Read ✓

Chair Dude: i stg if you leave me on read

Read ✓

Chair Dude: i will destroy you

Read ✓


[Michelle Jones was renamed MJ]

MJ: team meetings start as usual next wednesday, 3:30

MJ: @parkour you better turn up or I will personally kick your ass

Parkour: don’t worry, im planning to balance my stuff better so i’ll definitely come

MJ: good



 MoonMoon: this is your daily reminder that spiderman is our beloved bi icon, big Stan

Parkour: sdjghdsjhgs WHAT WAIT HOW DO PEOPLE KNOW

MoonMoon: chill Peter, nothing official, its just like how the lesbian community claimed Thor as their icon™,,, though if he was bi that’d be hella lit

Parkour: oh

Parkour: wait why isn’t Mr. Stark the Bicon since he’s, yknow, publicly out as bi

B-Abe: you can make more bi puns with spiderman

MoonMoon: ^^^^^^^ exactly

B-Abe: I will sue him if he don't come out by saying “I swing both ways”


[DM: Ned Leeds and Peter Parker]

Chair Dude: how does it feel being your own icon

Man of Spiders: omfg ned shut your fuck up

Chair Dude: pls come out via that joke pls I would die for u if u did

Man of Spiders: god don't fucking tempt me

Man of Spiders: and pls don't



 MJ: ok, we have arrived at the safe zone, are all of you there

Avril Lavigne: I am

Bon Jovi: me too

MoonMoon: what the fuck why are there aliens again

Fastest Man Alive: fucking hell I saw Iron Man following that spaceship up

B-Abe: hopefully he can stop them,,,, where's the other avengers?????

MoonMoon: I saw spiderman going about as well!!!!

MJ: Ned where’s Peter

(hacker voice) I’m in: um

MJ: Ned where the fuck is Peter I saw him go on the bus this morning but he didn't come off with us

(hacker voice) I'm in: I really can't say I have no idea

Fastest Man Alive: goddamn it Penis fucking vanishing all the goddamn time

B-Abe: you know if I weren't on the brink of a panic attack, I'd be calling you out about that message because god it sounds dirtier than it should


[DM: Ned Leeds and Peter Parker]

Chair Dude: Peter where the hell are you

Chair Dude: I stg if you went on that spaceship and now ur stuck in space I will kill you

Chair Dude: I can't access Karen at all, she's saying out of range


[AcaDec Squad]

(hacker voice) I'm in: guys what the hell everyone is vanishing what's going on

MJ: probably something t

(hacker voice) I'm in: MJ????

Avril Lavigne: she,,,, she just vanished,,, I saw it,,,,

Fastest Man Alive: my mom won't pick up the phone

Fastest Man Alive: fuc

B-Abe: flash he just disapp

MoonMoon: guys?


[DM: Ned Leeds and Peter Parker]

Chair Dude: fuck now she isn't even giving a response it's like she's

Chair Dude: Peter please respond please say you didn't vanish

Chair Dude: May’s calling me she's asking about you but I don't know what to say Peter please


Chair Dude: Tony stark just came back where are you

Chair Dude: he's showing some video

Chair Dude: oh my god you’re in it you’re in space god I wish I could scream about how cool that is but fuck

Chair Dude: holy fuck those are aliens and a wizard

Chair Dude: hell ye kick his ass

Chair Dude: what the hell what the hell is that purple guy

Chair Dude: the aliens are vanishing

Chair Dude: oh no

Chair Dude: Peter no

Chair Dude: Peter oh my god please come back



[AcaDec Squad]

Parkour: what happened


Parkour: Ned calm down It's fine, I'm back

MJ: i’m back as well

Fastest Man Alive: what the actual fuck happened to us

MoonMoon: the avengers did it!!! They brought everyone back!!!!


[DM: Ned Leeds and Peter Parker]

Man of Spiders: [sent a photo]

Man of Spiders: i lived bitch




 B-Abe: hey i just thought of this

[MJ was renamed Mmm Whatcha J]

[Mmm Whatcha J kicked B-Abe from the chat]

Bon Jovi:

 mmm whatcha say



 [Michelle Jones created the group chat]

[Group Chat was renamed #Exposed]

[Michelle Jones added 2 people]

Peter Parker: MJ what is this

Michelle Jones: I was fed up waiting for you two to tell me so I'll get straight to the point

Michelle Jones: Parker I know you’re spiderman

Peter Parker: what no I'm not spiderman that's crazy

Ned Leeds: why was I added

Michelle Jones: because you clearly know that Parker is spiderman Leeds you aren't fucking discreet

Ned Leeds: no I don't this is news to me

Michelle Jones: it's the most logical explanation. Every time Parker vanishes or you have your “stark internship” spiderman shows up. You got suddenly more athletic and you’re hiding it. I can see you holding back in pe. I also see you messing with chemicals in chemistry and being sneaky about it, then taking those away with you, though it's less frequent now

Michelle Jones: also you randomly stopped needing glasses even though you’ve worn them since third grade

Peter Parker: I'm not lying

Michelle Jones: Parker telling lies?

Peter Parker: no mj

Michelle Jones: if I open your backpack I am 100% guaranteed to see your suit or your web shooters

Peter Parker:

Peter Parker: fine, you figured it out congrats

Ned Leeds: peter why did u give up so easily

Peter Parker: she wouldn't have done this without the evidence and she’s observant, she clearly noticed

Michelle Jones: which I did

Michelle Jones: also don't loudly discuss your spiderman antics at lunch be thankful im the only one who’s actually listened to you losers

Ned Leeds: so why didn't you do this in person?

Michelle Jones: you two would've avoided it and

[#Exposed was renamed Spider Squad]

Michelle Jones: I want in



 Fastest Man Alive: hey penis @parkour are you ready to fukin die of embarrassment

Parkour: how???

Fastest Man Alive: that ur lie of being Stark’s intern will be found out obviously duh

MoonMoon: flash have u ever considered that Peter was telling the truth? Like, at all?

Bon Jovi: I mean,,, I don't even remember there being applications for a stark internship so…

Fastest Man Alive: get ready Penis

Mmm Whatcha J: sounds like a euphemism

Parkour: wow I am soo excited


[The group chat AcaDec Squad was renamed Spidey Supporters Squad]

[Parkour was renamed Bi-derman]

Bi-derman: um?

(hacker voice) I'm in: Peter u know it's true

Bi-derman: I mean it's true and you should say it

Bi-derman: but honestly no one was meant to know about spidey? Shit

Avril Lavigne: I'm still shook,,, like who’d’ve thunk

Avril Lavigne: like I believed the internship thing but Spidey?? Wrow

Fastest Man Alive: I can't believe I bullied spiderman wtf this is the worst timeline

B-abe: Peter Parker… mr science whiz himself

Bon Jovi: hahaha you said whiz

Bon Jovi: but yeah, big mood to everyone

Bi-derman: it wasn't that shocking, right?

Mmm Whatcha J: y’all’re idiots

Fastest Man Alive: you’re acting as if finding out Parker was Spider-Man wasn't a surprise

(hacker voice) I'm in: that's cause it wasn't

Mmm Whatcha J: that's because it wasn't

(hacker voice) I'm in: same hat

Mmm Whatcha J: it’s bold of you to assume I don't know everything about everyone in our school flash

Fastest Man Alive: fucking hell

Bi-derman: [sent a photo]

Bi-derman: it was a shame you guys couldn't get a pic with Thor, he was really excited to take a selfie

MoonMoon: Peter you are now dead to me

Bon Jovi: blocked

B-abe: and

Avril Lavigne: reported

Mmm Whatcha J: did you guys practice that or something?

Bon Jovi:

maybe so



 MoonMoon: uhhh no offence Peter but htf did u get ur powers like,,, u couldn't even run a lap in gym without dying and now u can literally flex all over us

Bi-derman: none taken, we all know I was really bad at sports

B-Abe: yeah I'm really curious too like??

Bi-derman: uhhhh do y'all remember that fukcin oscorp trip we had

MoonMoon: ye?

Bi-derman: well in the middle of that trip one of the Spiders they were testing decided I was a mcsnacc and boom I woke up sticking to walls and with a six pack

Mmm Whatcha J: so that's why you ran out in the middle of the trip and wasn't at school for a week

MoonMoon: and thats when you started missing practice and leaving clubs

Fastest Man Alive: I thought you knew all this

Mmm Whatcha J: I knew the basics, not the details

Bi-derman: so ye, that's the story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down and that's how I became the Spider-Man of Queens


B-Abe: did you really just fucking quote fresh prince

Bi-derman: yes, yes I did

(hacker voice) I’m in: the spider knew before any of us that Peter was a whole snacc



 Fastest Man Alive: new kid today

MoonMoon: oh do u think they could potentially join the team?

Fastest Man Alive: dunno

Mmm Whatcha J: new kid’s name is Harry Osborn he’s in our English

(hacker voice) I'm in: side note Peter is having a bi crisis because Harry sat next to him, he was dying about when we were at our lockers


B-abe: Parker, the resident disaster bi

B-abe: Cindy is our resident distinguished bi and idk who tf our resident functional bi is

Avril Lavigne: no one because none of us are functional


[MoonMoon was renamed Distinguished Bi]

Distinguished Bi: wow two kids in our class with rich dads lmao what's the odds of that

Bi-derman: wait who’s the other kid

Fastest Man Alive: 3 2 1




Distinguished Bi: lmao



 B-Abe: I heard Spider-Man has an eight pack, that he’s shredded

Distinguished Bi: what the fuck

Bon Jovi: it's not a fucking lie he’s shredded

Bon Jovi: like dudes, I'm straight but when I saw Parker remove his top I think I became gay for 0.2 seconds because DAMN

(hacker voice) I’m in: yeah Peter is swole now and I don't hate it

Avril Lavigne: god damn it Peter stop being adorable I saw him saving a cat from a tree and the owners gave him a hotdog as thanks and he was wearing his mask but GOD I could see the sparkles and the smile

B-Abe: seeing the swoleness reminded me how fucking gay I am fuck

Mmm Whatcha J: you do realise this isn't the thirst Chat right

B-Abe: fuck

Distinguished Bi: FUCK



Avril Lavigne: we made a Chat thirsting over spides ages ago and it lives on

(hacker voice) I'm in: all hail the thirst Chat

Bi-derman: wait MJ how do you know about there being a thirst Chat

Mmm Whatcha J: no comment



 Mmm Whatcha J: this is a public callout post

Mmm Whatcha J: @Bi-derman stop staring


Mmm Whatcha J: now how did you know I was talking about that hmm?

(hacker voice) I'm in: hmmm suspicious

Mmm Whatcha J: see this is why Ned is my best friend

(hacker voice) I'm in: <3

Mmm Whatcha J: friendship revoked

Bi-derman: press f to pay respects

Bon Jovi: f

Distinguished Bi: f

Fastest Man Alive: f

Avril Lavigne: f

B-Abe: press f to play despacito


B-Abe: [sent a link]

(hacker voice) I'm in: hey no this is a Peter call out post

(hacker voice) I'm in: Peter stop being horny on main

Bi-derman: NED



 Bi-derman: hey Karen who can i go to to block having feelings™

Avril Lavigne: what happened Peter

Bi-derman: literally the last two of my crushes have dad's who were villains

B-Abe: explain

Bi-derman: Liz- vulture, Harry- green goblin

B-abe: Oof

Avril Lavigne:

thats rough buddy

(hacker voice) I’m in: bro you’re safe with me, i have two moms

Bi-derman: o shit u rite

Bi-derman: guess im dating Ned now



 Avril Lavigne: hey @Bi-derman !

Bi-derman: yeah Sally?

[Bi-derman was renamed Sero Hanta]


(hacker voice) I'm in: I wasn't aware other people watched it omfg

Avril Lavigne: !!! You got the reference!!! Yesssssssss

Sero Hanta: you do not fucking know how much I died when I saw Sero’s quirk fjdkfksk

Avril Lavigne: peter:

Avril Lavigne:

(hacker voice) I’m in: he's anime Peter oh my god

Mmm Whatcha J: does that mean he's Sero Hanta Kin

Sero Hanta: MJ F U C K

Bon Jovi: god MJ don't fucking call him out like that, let the man live

Fastest Man Alive: who the fuck is Sero Hanta

Avril Lavigne: Flash you uncultured SWINE

Bon Jovi: hello 911, id like to report a murder?

Sero Hanta: hello this is 911

Sero Hanta: p e r i s h



 Sero Hanta: hey mr stark I know you’re in a mcmeeting but why are the other employees calling me stark junior

Sero Hanta: I know Thor and Loki call me tonyson but why are the others?????

Sero Hanta: mr stark?????

Distinguished Bi: why would he respond if he's in a meeting

Sero Hanta:

Sero Hanta: this isn't dms

Fastest Man Alive: nope

Sero Hanta: oh he’d answer immediately in a meeting, he uses any excuse to not pay attention

Distinguished Bi: really?

Distinguished Bi: also Ye sounds weird why'd they call you that?



Sero Hanta: “wait you’re not Mr Stark’s son? He literally calls you his son all the time”

Distinguished Bi: lmaooo

Sero Hanta: you call the man Dad a couple times and now he fucking rubs it in

Sero Hanta: wait no I meant to delete that


Fastest Man Alive: LMAO



 B-abe: @Sero Hanta @(hacker voice) I'm in are you actually two dating or

(hacker voice) I'm in: god I wish,,,, who wouldn't want to date a guy who can literally bench press you

Fastest Man Alive: me

(hacker voice) I'm in: ok but consider: you’re straight™

Fastest Man Alive: that's fair

Sero Hanta: um I should be saying that about u Ned cause like have you ever been hugged by Ned? It's an experience I look forward to all the time

(hacker voice) I'm in: Peter that's so sofyt

Sero Hanta: only for u bro

(hacker voice) I'm in: b r o

Sero Hanta: no homo

(hacker voice) I’m in: no homo

Mmm Whatcha J: its full homo and you know it

Sero Hanta: i mean,,,,,

[(hacker voice) I’m in was renamed full homo]

full homo: rude

Distinguished Bi: I thought he was dating MJ

Bon Jovi: uhhh I kinda thought he was with that Wakandan girl, I've seen like from insta them two chilling

Sero Hanta: Shuri?

Bon Jovi: Ye she

Sero Hanta: idk what to say, I'm a useless bisexual that gets a crush on anyone who’s nice to me

Sero Hanta: with exceptions because Groot is literally a tree and Harley is like a brother and why would u date a brother figure

Fastest Man Alive: wait no go back a bit what the fuck do you mean a literal tree

Sero Hanta: oh Groot’s one of the gotg

Sero Hanta: rocket was pissed that me and Shuri figured out his language really quick considering it took him like years

full homo: rocket’s the raccoon right

Sero Hanta: Ye

Mmm Whatcha J: Peter u haven't introduced me to Gamora yet

Sero Hanta: well I can't fucjing contact them when they’re fuck knows in space can I?

Mmm Whatcha J: clearly you’re not trying hard enough

full homo: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Mmm Whatcha J: I thought you were bae, turns out you’re just fam

Sero Hanta: b r u h



 Sero Hanta: what the hell is this

Distinguished Bi: Peter?

Sero Hanta: ahhhh this is the group chat that wouldn't shut up with notifications when I was trying to get Pete to help me

Fastest Man Alive: um who the fuck are you

Sero Hanta: oh you know who I am

Distinguished Bi: holy s h i t

Sero Hanta: the avengers chat isn't this active but honestly thank fuck for that I don't think I could handle capsicle getting on at me for my job existent sleep schedule

Sero Hanta: Pete won't be online for a while, getting him to work on some stuff so don't distarsttcydydjdkkdsl


Fastest Man Alive: holy shit was that really Tony stark

Sero Hanta: yes but now the jokes on him, I'm only going to be playing meme music from fri for the rest of this lab sesh

Distinguished Bi: play we are number one pls

Distinguished Bi: and bi bi bi

Sero Hanta: ofc, what do you think I am? Straight?

Fastest Man Alive: wait there's an avengers group chat?

Sero Hanta: god don't remind me about it its hellish, you can't message past 10pm or Cap is like “you should be in bed” but good thing the PSAs have made me immune to him

Distinguished Bi: you’re in it????

Sero Hanta: uh yeah, during the infinity war fiasco Tony made me an avenger but like,,, it's not public til im 18 lmao

Distinguished Bi: oh my god



 Avril Lavigne: what I want to know is how we didn't figure out Peter was Spidey earlier because he literally just jumped the school fence in broad daylight yet no one paid any attention

Sero Hanta: I used my secret technique

Avril Lavigne: what

Sero Hanta: being a loser

Mmm Whatcha J: he finally admits it

Sero Hanta: the other response was that being bi makes me invisible but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Distinguished Bi: same worm



 B-Abe: [sent a link]

B-Abe: @everyone do it thots

full homo: if Peter doesn't get spiderman I will riot

Sero Hanta: knowing my luck I'll get cap or smth

B-Abe: I thought u liked cap

Sero Hanta: Ye he’s cool and all but after the civil war thing,,,, #teamironmanalltheway

full homo: but,,,, you were literally on team iron man,,,,, you are literally ride or die for iron man

Sero Hanta: exactly

Sero Hanta: besides he treats me like I'm smol, as if I haven't already kicked his ass and more

Mmm Whatcha J: we get it you stole his shield

full homo: and shot him in zee legs because his shield is zee size of a dinner plate and he’s an idiot

B-Abe: djkfksldks

B-Abe: but ok guys do the fucking quiz


doc str

full homo: IM DYINGG

full homo:



Fastest Man Alive: I,,,,

Fastest Man Alive:


Fastest Man Alive: how????

[Fastest Man Alive was renamed Spidey Kin]

Sero Hanta: as spiderman himself, this makes me

Sero Hanta:


Spidey Kin: as if this doesn't also make me feel uncomfortable Parker

Mmm Whatcha J: see, therefore proving he is, in fact, kin

Spidey Kin:

Spidey Kin:


Sero Hanta: you know what

Sero Hanta: I don't mind this answer

Sero Hanta:


Sero Hanta: name bro name bro name bro

Sero Hanta: I wish I got Thor tho

Mmm Whatcha J: Peter we all know you you’re gay for Thor

Sero Hanta: who isn't gay for Thor though???

Fastest Man Alive: you all know I'm straight

Fastest Man Alive: but I'd still fuck Thor

Bon Jovi: same ^^^^

Bon Jovi:

black widow

Avril Lavigne:


Avril Lavigne: can't believe this entire chat now wants to fuck me >;3c



 Sero Hanta: in rewatching unsolved I see that the Disappearance of Peter Quill episode is actually solved now and I don't know how to feel

Bon Jovi: no it's not??? Quill is still missing??????

Sero Hanta: ohhhh you only heard his ‘outlaw/hero name’ hhhhhh Peter Quill is Star Lord and he was abducted by aliens, we met during the Thanos incident


Bon Jovi: jfc chill

B-Abe: man I wish Liz were here for this she loved unsolved

Distinguished Bi: alright hey uh don't fucking hate me @Sero Hanta

Sero Hanta: ???

[Distinguished Bi added 1 new member]

Liz Allen: Cindy why did you add me back again

Sero Hanta: ah ok that makes more sense now

Liz Allen: ok looking in the nicknames why is Peter’s name that?

Sero Hanta: fucking Yeet I guess, all y’all know and one other won't fucking hurt since I'm probably gonna go public in like a year or so anyways

Sero Hanta: it's me, ya boi, spiderman

Bon Jovi: oh my god why couldn't you say it normally FJDKDKKS

Liz Allen: oh

Liz Allen: ohhhhhhhhhhhh

Liz Allen: thats why you were apologising for seemingly no reason

Sero Hanta: yeahhhhhhhh

Liz Allen: ok, this helps in forgiving you but you are still on thin ice

Sero Hanta: noted

Liz Allen: so why was I added back?

B-Abe: help us convince Peter to go to unsolved and show them that Peter Quill is now #solved

Liz Allen: w h a t

Bon Jovi: Peter knows who/what/where Peter Quill is

Sero Hanta: yeah he's Star Lord

Sero Hanta: and if y'all gimme time to wait for when he's back on earth, get DNA results to prove he is Peter Quill and Tony’s permissions/influence to get on

B-Abe: holy shit are you actually gonna do it


Distinguished Bi: the absolute madman did it

Liz Allen: are they actually doing a livestream for this?????

Bon Jovi: “for the first time ever, Buzzfeed Unsolved becomes… Buzzfeed Solved” I'm gjdkdkalsl


B-Abe: did quill just out you as Spidey accidentally??????

Bon Jovi: “don't worry, we’re blocking your audio now so no one can hear you! We’re big fans too!!” Oh my god if I were Peter I'd be dying

Sero Hanta: bold of you to assume i'm not already dead

B-Abe: お前はもう死んでいる

Bon Jovi: 何?!

Liz Allen: oh my god what the hell did Quill get up to in space??? What he's saying sounds fake but oh my god the pictures he brought with him

Sero Hanta: [Sent an Image]


Bon Jovi: “(wheeze) you guys can't see him but Spidey just took the quickest fucking selfie and has this proud ass look on his face” god I wish that were me

Sero Hanta: time to fucking post this (with a photoshopped Spidey mask on ofc) to the Spidey insta god what is my life now


Distinguished Bi: actually no fuck him he just pulled out a zune that's not valid

B-Abe: “yeah this super high tech thing Kraglin gave me in space for music! It can hold over 300 songs!!!” Who's gonna tell him

Liz Allen: let the man live guys



 full homo: hey @Sero Hanta

Sero Hanta: ye

full homo: I think you may have made an itty bitty mistake last night

Sero Hanta: what did I do

Mmm Whatcha J: you posted a normal selfie of you on your Spidey insta

Sero Hanta: wait what

Sero Hanta: FUCK

Liz Allen: Michelle’s name

Mmm Whatcha J: MJ

Liz Allen: MJ’s name

Sero Hanta: this is it this is the worst timeline fuck Karen told me Tony is coming over fuck fuck fuck I'm off to die shit

Spidey Kin:



B-Abe: oh my fucking god he fucking dead

Avril Lavigne: this is so sad can we get 100 likes?

full homo: at least u didn't put ur name in the post???

Sero Hanta: yes but consider people who know me will be like OWO and then that'll spread to everyone like OWO

Mmm Whatcha J: that's it Peter we’re breaking up

full homo: relationship with Peter ended, MJ is my sole partner now

Avril Lavigne: do we finally have an answer to the saga of are those three dating? Can we finally delete that theory chat? Is this mystery finally #solved?

Mmm Whatcha J: no we three aren't dating we just broke up with Peter can't you read

Avril Lavigne: sorry, Jared, 19

Sero Hanta: so Tony wants to host a press conference to help sort this out but uhhhhhh would I get copyrighted if I did a repeat of his whole “I am Iron Man” thing

Distinguished Bi: nah I think the iron dad would have a proud smile like “look at my boy he's following in my footsteps” and wipe a tear from his eye

Sero Hanta: sounds fake cause he doesn't want me to follow in his footsteps

Spidey Kin: welp Parker ur fucked the school page is already fucking filled

Sero Hanta:

guess ill die

Bon Jovi: we’re gathered here today to honour the death of Peter Parker, who accidentally yote his secret identity out the window and he himself followed suit shortly after

Bon Jovi: may his soul rest in peace and may we also get some f’s to pay respects

full homo: f

Liz Allen: f

Distinguished Bi: f

B-Abe: f

Mmm Whatcha J: f

Avril Lavigne: f

Spidey Kin: f

Bon Jovi: f

Sero Hanta: fuck you guys

full homo: buy us dinner first please Peter, god

Sero Hanta: i hate this fuckign family