Chapter Text
[20biteen letS GET THIS BREAD]
FUCK YOU MJ: ok I really gotta ask it's been bugging me for ages
FUCK YOU MJ: Parker can u describe what ur “spideysense” is??? you mention it a shit ton on your twitter but you've never explained it
Thwip Thwip: ok so
Thwip Thwip: take anxiety
FUCK YOU MJ: yeah?
Thwip Thwip: and put it on steroids
Thwip Thwip: when I'm not fighting it's like that. Useful in fights but out of them? Actual hell
Rip Gene may he rest in peace: do u just hear the kill bill sirens in your head when it Happens
Thwip Thwip: nah it's hard to describe the like noise it makes? It's like when you see ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Thwip Thwip: you make a noise in your head but it's really hard to explain the Noise
Raw me Sasuke: oh that makes sense
Raw me Sasuke: I think
Mmm Whatcha J: it really doesn't but go off I guess
Thwip Thwip: I thot u loved me MJ </3
Mmm Whatcha J: u thought wrong bitch </3
Thwip Thwip: ;((((
Mmm Whatcha J: fuck
[Keeping up with the Starkdashians]
Rihanna: I've never really questioned this before but @Space Lesbian why are you the only guardian who is able to keep in constant contact
Rihanna: I heard from the others that they had to be in a certain distance from earth to be able to contact us but you seem to be able to do it anywhere
We Stan Thor, God of Lesbians: Stark pulled me in to work on it so she can contact us anywhere
OG Child: can't believe father put in all that work to contact his oldest daughter
Rihanna: valid
OG Child: I Stan
Space Lesbian: I appreciated the effort he put in, he truly is a great man
[DM: Sally Avril and Cindy Moon]
Sleeping Beauty: hey uh Cin?
Cinderella: yeah sal?
Sleeping Beauty: I should probably be doing this in person but I am a whole ass coward so yeet
Cinderella: ???
Cinderella: sal? Is everything ok???
Sleeping Beauty: sorry I'm just trying to word it
Cinderella: it's ok, take your time!!!
Sleeping Beauty: ok
Sleeping Beauty: so uhhh
Sleeping Beauty: I think I might be gay and I think I might be hella gay for you
Cinderella: thanks
Sleeping Beauty:
Sleeping Beauty: what the fuck
[DM: Cindy Moon and Peter Parker]
[somewhat functional was renamed BIG FUCKING DISASTER!]
BIG FUCKING DISASTER: PETER HELP
Resident Disaster: what happened?! Are you ok do I need to swing over are you in danger
BIG FUCKING DISASTER: NO IM NOT IN DANGER LIKE THAT BUT I THINK IM GOING TO DIE
Resident Disaster: ??????
BIG FUCKING DISASTER: SO SALLY SAYS SHE LIKES ME AND I FUCKING
BIG FUCKING DISASTER: “THANKS”
Resident Disaster: wow I thought I was the disaster bi in the squad
BIG FUCKING DISASTER: SO DID I
Resident Disaster:
BIG FUCKING DISASTER: PETER THIS ISNT THE TIME FOR MEMES HELP ME
Resident Disaster: it is always the time for memes Cindy
Resident Disaster: and maybe actually, y’know, respond like a person????
BIG FUCKING DISASTER: THAT IS ACTUally a really good idea
[DM: Sally Avril and Cindy Moon]
Sleeping Beauty: cin???
Sleeping Beauty: ah shit I've ruined our friendship yay me
Sleeping Beauty: sorry
Cinderella: WAIT NO DONT LEAVE
Sleeping Beauty: are you ok???
Cinderella: I was just shocked but omg!!!
Sleeping Beauty: good omg or bad omg
Cinderella: good!!!!!!
Sleeping Beauty: oh my god
Sleeping Beauty: because holy shit I didn't realise I liked you like that until you came for me with the “fuck me yourself you coward” and I was like “ok”
Sleeping Beauty: where I had a whole ass identity crisis because like you’re my best friend and I was like “wait whaaaaaat?!”
Cinderella: I can't believe you realised you weren't straight because of a meme
Sleeping Beauty: omg shut up
Cinderella: make me
///
[20biteen letS GET THIS BREAD]
Distinguished Bi: guys big news
Avril Lavigne: me and Cin are dating!!!!!
Thwip Thwip: Nice
Thwip Thwip:
Distinguished Bi: you can go and fuck off
[Avril Lavigne was renamed Functional Lesbian!]
Mmm Whatcha J: that's accurate I did in fact say that when Peter and Ned asked me out
Full homo: can confirm
Raw me Sasuke: how did y'all end up dating from that???
Thwip Thwip: she said that and proceeded to tell us that we needed to make sure the first date is worth it, ergo accepting it
Rip Gene may he rest in peace: ergo, really?
[20biteen letS GET THIS BREAD was renamed gen z really is the gayest generation huh!]
[Justice league]
Fe: sometimes I have to praise tabloids and their ingenuity
Original Spider: what relationship drama have they came up with now?
Murica: What are you talking about?
Fe: well the last ‘big’ thing they came up with was how May and me had Peter while I was cheating on Pepper, simultaneously cheating on you while you dated Bucky. The resulting heartbreak made me pine after Dr Douchebag
Captain Momvel: I fail to see how it can get more… inane than that.
Fe: well
Fe: Bruce and Thor are both cheating on each other with Nat, who is also dating me, Pep, Barnes, Hope, Carol, Barton and Steve. The same relationships as above apply but also includes Rhodey and at the end where instead of me trying to comfort myself from the breakup because of all the cheating by going after Strange, I pursue Loki
Snerson: that's certainly… something
Bom Bom Bom Green Giant: I wish they would learn to give us some privacy, how would I continue to cheat on Thor with Nat if they keep publicising it?
Thunderbolts and Lightning: and likewise!
Falchion: I'm impressed you played along with the joke
Original Spider: what joke
Sting sting bitch: who is going to be the next subjects for relationship speculation?
Fe: my money is on Thor and Barton
Birb: aside from that little adventure, the tabloids seem to be rather focused on me and Nat so I doubt there would be me with someone else
Moira Hills: I am glad I am a relatively unknown name in the press’s eyes, I avoid most of the drama
Bom Bom Bom Green Giant: doesn't it frustrate you that this keeps happening while you have a wife and kids Clint?
Sting Sting Bitch: doesn't it frustrate you/Thor and Tony/Pepper since you are the other married ones?
Bom Bom Bom Green Giant: that's fair
Original Spider: it did annoy him
Birb: but then I had an idea
Birb: we’ve been playing the long game for years but we’ll have a resolution soon
Smol-est Man: uh what?
Original Spider: we’ve been leaning into it, never actually confirming it while making sure that it's highly plausible that we could be an “item”
Birb: so then when we finally decide to end it, the world will burn
Fe: this doesn't involve a shit ton of damages to anywhere right? I will not pay to fix up anything you break over pranks
Birb: no, it's just the Internet mainly
Fe: alright do it
Original Spider: we didn't need your permission Tony
Birb: wow we haven't done this much planning for one scheme since Budapest
Original Spider: we definitely remember Budapest differently
Smol-derman: I'm so confused
Falchion: I figured that the spider-runt would've had his own relationship “theories” and such
Falchion: since he's the young people’s favourite and all
Smol-derman: ehhhhh
Smol-derman: not much, they usually are chill with it being me/Ned/MJ but sometimes they go “Peter and Shuri?!?!” Or “Peter and Harley?!?!?!” And stuff
Smol-derman: but nothing as wild as what you guys get what the fuck?
Murica: Peter, language.
Elphaba: I saw me and Peter once and that was weird, especially since I am with Viz
Smol-derman: oh yeah! That was the one after we went to McDonalds together that one time, right??
Elphaba: yeah
Murica: Also it is getting rather late
Smol-derman: yeah yeah yeah go to bed sure
[Keeping up with the Starkdashians]
His Favourite: mr. America: go to sleep peter
His Favourite: me: and I said yeah, y’know, like a liar
We Stan Thor, God of Lesbians: lmaooooo
OG Child: :)
His Favourite: HARLEY DID YOU JUST FUCKING TELL ON ME
OG Child: uwu
Rihanna: get cucked
Space Lesbian: f
Space Lesbian: did I do that right?
We Stan Thor, God of Lesbians: you did amazing sweetie
His Favourite:
[DM: Miles Morales and Peter Parker]
Arach-kid: hey Peter do you wanna go to another dimension other miles and Gwen are hanging out and invited us
Old man Spider-Man: let's get this bread, where are you guys?
Arach-kid: the hidden bit behind where the tower was that Mr. Stark said we could use when the others wanted to visit
Old man Spider-Man: nice
///
Arach-kid: Peter are you ok??? You seem to be disassociating
Old man Spider-Man: THERE IS NO WAY THAT PETER B IS WHAT ILL END UP LOOKING LIKE RIGHT?!?!
Arach-kid: ohhhhhh
Arach-kid: so nothing majorly wrong then?
Old man Spider-Man: LIKE NO I MEAN IT CANT BE THAT ACCURATE HES LITERALLY ANIMATED WE WONT LOOK THE SAME RIGHT????
Old man Spider-Man: LIKE IF I WAS ANIMATED I BET I TOTALLY WOULDNT LOOK LIKE THOSE PICS OF YOUNGER PETER B????????
Arach-kid: do you want me to draw you animated????? For the fun of it at least
Old man Spider-Man: yeah go for it
///
Arach-kid: [sent a photo]
Arach-kid: sorry to break it to you Peter but I think you are totally gonna end up looking like Peter B
Old man Spider-Man: whaT THE FUCK I CANT BELIEVE THIS SHIT
Arach-kid: watch yo profanity
[gen z really is the gayest generation huh]
Thwip Thwip: what do I do I think all the female avengers adopted me
Rip Gene may he rest in peace: uh what
Thwip Thwip: idk?????? Last mission we did the female avengers all just formed like a big squad around me and the moment the mission finished they were all checking up on me, making sure I was ok?????
Mmm Whatcha J: I will gladly take your spot
Mmm Whatcha J: getting surrounded by powerful, influential women? I'd die for that
Thwip Thwip: I know this and I love you
///
Thwip Thwip: ok now this is getting fucking ridiculous
FUCK YOU MJ: what have the avengers done now
Thwip Thwip: there’s???? A group chat?????????????
Lizzy Maguire: who did?
Thwip Thwip: THE FEMALE AVENGERS
Thwip Thwip: I mean it's not just about me or anything cause y’known but like, they weRE TALKING ABOUT ME
Mmm Whatcha J: you mean to tell me there is a group chat for some of the most powerful women in the world, whom I very much idolise, and you haven't tried to get me added?
Full Homo: Peter how could you disappoint our girlfriend like that
Thwip Thwip: y'all I'm not even in it I only know about it because May’s phone kept buzzing when she went to get herself a coffee
[DM: Michelle Jones and Unknown]
Unknown: you are Peter’s girlfriend, correct?
Michelle Jones: who is this
[Girlvengers]
[Natalie Rushman is a very real person added 1 person!]
Natalie Rushman is a very real person: this is Peter’s girlfriend @Michelle Jones
The strongest avenger, May Parker: welcome to the chat MJ!!
Michelle Jones: oh my god
Michelle Jones: is this the female avengers chat???
Pepperoni: and other appropriate additions yes
Michelle Jones: I think I must be dead because this is what I imagined the afterlife must be like
Move over America, I'M the new Captain: you aren't dead
Hopey McHopeface: I imagine you have to deal with a lot of stuff because of your ties to the superhero world
Natalie Rushman is a very real person: it makes you qualified to be in this chat
Michelle Jones: I have to ask what the FUCK are those names
The strongest avenger, May Parker: I'm sorry! Peter had my unlocked phone so he changed them in retaliation because he saw we had been talking about him and the “momvenger” protocol
Blood orange, so pretentious. It's fucking (scarlet) red: don't worry May, it's fine
Michelle Jones: I look forward to learning more about this chat
Michelle Jones: and if possible would I be able to get interviews with you, only if you are available of course
Pepperoni: I'm sure we can come to an arrangement
[gen z really is the gayest generation huh]
Mmm Whatcha J: I have died and gone to heaven god is not dead my skin is clear my crops are watered this is the best timeline
Distinguished Bi: not to seem mean but what the fuck are you on MJ
Thwip Thwip: I have no idea tbh
Mmm Whatcha J: god is a woman
Mmm Whatcha J: no
Mmm Whatcha J: god is many women
Thwip Thwip: what
Mmm Whatcha J: many powerful powerful women
Thwip Thwip: WHAT THE FUCK MJ NO WAYDHDKDKCKFK
Lizzy Maguire: I heard you guys got through to Washington again!!!! Congrats!!!
Lizzy Maguire: I'll try get time to get through to watch the competition but with college it's difficult
Functional Lesbian: don't worry if you can't make it, we totally get it but it'd be so good to see you again!!!!!
Thwip Thwip: would you hate me if I said I didn't want to go
Mmm Whatcha J: sweetie :) you are going :) on the trip :)
Thwip Thwip: I am horroused
Thwip Thwip: but like, me and field trips are a massive NOTP
Full homo: oh my god Peter
Mmm Whatcha J: Peteld trips is my otp, I want it canon
Mmm Whatcha J:
Thwip Thwip:
- elementary school trip to the Stark Expo that my aunt/uncle chaperoned??? Hammer drones.
- Oscorp? Bitten by that spider
- DC? The Elevator and The Vulture
- MoMA? Fucking Thotos
- Compound? Identity got outed
Thwip Thwip: so I think it's understandable I have a tiny bit of anxiety over field trips and the likes
Full homo: honey, get ur cute butt over here I must give you my Love and Support
Lizzy Maguire: oh, that must really suck Peter :(
Thwip Thwip: eh, that's what the therapy is for
Thwip Thwip: and by therapy I mean sitting at 3am, eating stark raving hazelnut ice cream while I watch the old barbie movies
Lizzy Maguire: at this point I can't tell if you are memeing or not
Rip Gene may he rest in peace: I'm sorry but are we not going to address ‘Thotos’
Raw me Sasuke: you should’ve called him that to his face he would've died instantly
Thwip Thwip: I have many regrets in life and not calling Thanos a thot is one of them
Thwip Thwip: if he was going to kill me anyways I should’ve just done it
[DM: Peter Parker & Tony Stark]
Underoos: hey Tony?
Mr Anthony: yeah kid?
Underoos: I know this isn't really the conversation to be having over text but honestly I don't think I could get the courage to bring it up in person? Idk
Underoos: actually nvm it's not important just forget it
Mr Anthony: clearly it is important
Mr Anthony: you can tell me Pete, I will listen, or well read whatever you have to say
Underoos: so uh… we both know that I kinda somewhat call you Dad on occasion?
Mr Anthony: yep
Underoos: but I figured with the baby on the way it would probably be better if I stopped that? I mean, not get in the way of your family by causing confusion or anything
Mr Anthony: what?
Mr Anthony: you’re kidding right?
Underoos: I mean, the kid will be a big part of your life and everything and I know the Ironfam chat has me as the big brother but honestly I know I'm not so I should kinda keep my distance? So that you can spend time with your kid without me annoying or interrupting it
Mr Anthony: Peter
Mr Anthony: I don't want you to interrupt this
Mr Anthony: Pete, you are my kid. Even if I only came into your life recently and we aren't related by blood, we’re family.
Mr Anthony: just the same as how Rhodey and Happy are like my brothers, you are my kid
Mr Anthony: you, Harley, Nebula, Riri and this kid that's coming along? You are all my kids
Mr Anthony:
Mr Anthony: I'm a bad father
[Iron Fam]
Iron Dad: it has come to my attention that I've excluded many of my children from this chat and that's unacceptable
[Iron Dad added 3 people!]
[Harley Keener was renamed Iron Brother 1!]
[Iron Brother was renamed Iron Brother 2!]
[Nebula “Stark” was renamed Iron Sister 1!]
[Riri Williams was renamed Iron Sister 2!]
Iron Dad: now all the kids are here until baby girl can use tech
Iron Uncle: I was waiting for how long it would take you to add the kids
Iron Brother 2: wait a diddly darn second
Iron Brother 2: thE BABY’S A GIRL???
Iron Mom: Tony you were meant to wait until the baby shower to reveal that
Iron Dad: whoops
Iron Aunt: congratulations!!! Any names??
Iron Mom: Tony is insisting on Morgan and while I was opposed at first, I think I've grown to like it
Iron Sister 2: Morgan Stark has a nice ring to it
Iron Brother 1: I have a suggestion
Iron Uncle 2: they aren't calling their daughter Harley
Iron Brother 1: bad taste op
Iron Mom: I would consider it for a middle name but then it would be unfair to the rest of you if they didn't get any sort of name involved and 4+ middle names is extensive
Iron Dad: but extra enough that it's perfect for the newest Stark
Iron Aunt: Tony no
Iron Uncle: Tones no
Iron Mom: babe no
Iron Brother 2: Dad no
Iron Sister 2: oh have you finally gotten comfortable enough to call him Dad fulltime now?
Iron Brother 2: hush
Iron Dad: you are all allowed to call me Dad I have no reason to say no
Iron Sister 1: except he is likely to suffer a heart attack during each instance
Iron Sister 1: and Stark, won't it get confusing between who the various siblings and uncles are?
Iron Dad: you are correct Nebs
Iron Sister 1: don't call me that
Iron Dad: kids go wild with the names, but try to stick to the iron theme
[Iron Brother 1 was renamed xXx~Iron Harlz~xXx!]
xXx~Iron Harlz~xXx: awesome
Iron Dad: I have regrets
[Iron Brother 2 was renamed Iron Bider!]
Iron Uncle 2: bider?
Iron Bider: 1) brother+spider=bider 2) bisexual+spider=bider 3) pun on my iron spider suit
Iron Sister 2: I have to admit that's pretty smart
Iron Bider: thanks Ri!
[Iron Sister 2 was renamed I-Ri-on!]
I-Ri-on: done
Iron Sister 1: it's stupid to come up with another name
xXx~Iron Harlz~xXx: come on sis
Iron Aunt: Nebula, correct?
Iron Sister 1: that's correct
Iron Aunt: don't feel pressured, you can keep it the same or take your time choosing
Iron Bider: may I larb you so much
Iron Aunt: I larb you too
[Iron Uncle 1 was renamed Fun Uncle!]
[Iron Uncle 2 was renamed Grumpy!]
Iron Mom: honey why didn't you add Shuri?
Iron Dad: I asked and she said no and I won't force her
xXx~Iron Harlz~xXx: I have a suggestion for the middle name
Iron Mom: go on?
xXx~Iron Harlz~xXx: harteburi
Iron Aunt: what the actual fuck is that
xXx~Iron Harlz~xXx: Harley Peter Nebula Riri
Iron Bider: that sounds like the worst portmanteau ever
I-Ri-on: oh look at you using big boy word
Iron Bider: shush
xXx~Iron Harlz~xXx: sometimes a family is a superhero, a business queen, a grumpy bodyguard/driver, another superhero, the best aunt, two mechanic-inclined kids, yet another superhero and a literal alien
Iron Aunt: thank you Harley! I'm happy you think I'm a good aunt!
Iron Bider: May you are the absolute best aunt, worlds best aunt
Fun Uncle: I'm pretty sure May could’ve singlehandedly defeated Thanos the moment she heard that he even was near Peter
Iron Aunt: that's right :)
Iron Sister 1: I believe we would get on well May
[gen z really is the gayest generation huh]
Thwip Thwip: idk what's more embarrassing calling Pepper Potts-Stark mom or calling your aunt mom Karen send tweet
Full homo: you called pePPER POTTS-STARK MOM?!?!?!?!
Thwip Thwip: I did and I want to die of embarrassment
Lizzy Maguire: what caused it?
Thwip Thwip: so I was working on some paperwork that Pepper had given me to finish right? And idk Mother's Day is coming up and stuff, there's ads everywhere for it
Thwip Thwip: so I handed the papers back and said “here you go mom”
Thwip Thwip: I have to go jump off a cliff
Full homo: please don't?!?!
Mmm Whatcha J:
[DM: Peter Parker & Tony Stark]
Mr Anthony: why is Pepper in shock?
Mr Anthony: I tried to ask and all she got out was “Peter said” and then covered her face? But she's also smiling??
Underoos: I uh
Underoos: I called her mom?
Mr Anthony: ohhhhh
Mr Anthony: please say i didn't react like this when you kids called me Dad for the first time
Underoos: you didn't
Mr Anthony: thank god
Underoos: you were worse
Mr Anthony: you’re fired
[Justice League]
Murica: Tony; is there any way that we can decrease the amount of… dedicated fans around us after we do missions. I appreciate the support but it can be frustrating when we are trying to get to the briefing and, for example, get the attacker in custody and they are crowding us.
Moira Hills: you mean fangirls Steve
Fe: no can do cap, they all have crushes on you or one of us
Fe: actually, I’m pretty sure 90% of this chat had a crush on you at one point
Murica: That's besides the point, they could potentially get hurt if something goes wrong.
Smol-derman: wait what do you mean most people in this chat had a crush on Mr America
Smolest man: or has
Sting Sting Bitch: yes Scott we all know you have a crush on Cap
It's Iron Patriot technically Tony: are you ok with that? I know you two are together that is
Sting sting bitch: literally one of the first things he said when we started dating was “if I ever got the chance to have sex with Captain America I would, regardless of relationship status” so I'm ok with it. He's at least open about it
Murica: I'm flattered?
Fe: but to answer your question kid, yep
Smol-derman: I?
Murica: I don't understand, why?
Smolest-man: your ass among many other things
Fe: your ass
Thunderbolts and lightning: your ass Captain!
Original Spider: your ass
Captain Momvel: I'd guess your ass
Snerson: your ass
Magnet: your ass
Falchion: your ass
Nya: your ass Captain
Murica: What?
Smolest-Man: cap your ass is America’s ass
[Murica was renamed America's Ass!]
Smolest-Man: and it is one fine ass
Smol-derman: I???????
Fe: back in those days where I had a small hint of a crush and I decided when I made Cap’s new suit to make sure it did wonders for his ass because frankly his old one did nothing for it
Smol-derman: Dad please I don't want to hear about your crushes?
Falchion: that's adorable that you call him Dad
Smol-derman: shut up your mom buys you megablocks instead of legos
Magnet: haha he got you Sam
Falchion: I hate you so much
America’s Ass: You guys are all joking, right?
Smolest-Man: I am literally not joking
Smolest-Man: if you wanted to Cap ;)
Smol-derman: can you please not I am only a small child??? I don't want to hear about you guys having sex??????
Snerson: Peter you are 18, legally an adult
Smol-derman: no I'm babey
Dumbleydoor: you are all ridiculous
Fe: oh shush my awesome facial hair bro
Smolest-Man: just because you don't have taste
[Bug Squad]
BW: @everyone Nick wants us on infiltration mission this weekend. @SM , it's been cleared with May, Tony and Steve that you can go
SM: awesome!!!
TW: I'll make sure Hank leaves mine and Scott’s schedule free then
AM: I'll be honest and say I didn't expect them to allow this squad
SM: oh big mood
BW: it's always good to have a good stealth/infiltration team, regardless of the operation
TW: will Barton also be joining?
BW: no, Clint is fully retired from active duty, though he has said he'll remain as a trainer for who needs it
SM: yeah!! He's taught me some cool stuff, even some sharpshooting which is really useful for my webs!!! He's an awesome teacher!!!
BW: I'll pass along your thoughts to Clint then Peter, he’ll appreciate that
BW: also, early reminder that you need to be quiet. It's a stealth mission, you can't banter
SM: oops, sorry it keeps slipping my mind
TW: if he just turns off the microphone in the suit that projects his voice it should be fine?
AM: probably?
BW: I will see you all at the compound’s hanger 8am sharp
BW: and we have a little surprise for you for this mission Peter
///
SM: can I just say the stealth suit is one of the coolest things I've ever seen????
BW: I'm glad you like it
BW: fury pitched the idea to Tony and Tony decided to make it
AM: I want a cool ass stealth suit
TW: babe you can literally shrink down to the size of an ant I'm pretty sure that's classed as stealthy
AM: fair
[gen z really is the gayest generation huh]
Rip Gene may he rest in peace: I got accepted into NYU!!!!!!
Distinguished Bi: omg!!! I'm so happy for you!!!
Mmm Whatcha J: good job
Rip Gene may he rest in peace: the rare compliment from MJ, I'm shocked
Rip Gene may he rest in peace: does anyone else know where they’re going?
Mmm Whatcha J: Harvard
Raw me Sasuke: seriously?!
Mmm Whatcha J:
Raw me Sasuke: I set you up waaaaay too easily for that
Mmm Whatcha J: yup
Functional Lesbian: Washington state!
Lizzy Maguire: that's where I study! When you arrive I can happily show you around the campus and where the other stuff is
Functional Lesbian: oh my god thank you so much Liz, actual life saver
Full homo: I'm going to Caltech!!!! I'm super excited!!!!
Thwip Thwip: what no way!!!! How come you didn't tell me earlier?!?!
Full homo: babe you've been out on an Avengers mission for the past week with limited contact
Thwip Thwip: that's fair
Rip Gene may he rest in peace: do you know where you’re going Peter?
Thwip Thwip: I got accepted to MIT
Distinguished Bi: ah, following in your father’s footsteps
Thwip Thwip: yeah I guess I am!
Functional Lesbian: I love how he doesn't deny it anymore
Thwip Thwip: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
FUCK YOU MJ: Columbia University here
Raw me Sasuke: same!!!
Rip Gene may he rest in peace: gonna be honest and say I expected flash to go for a further away university
FUCK YOU MJ: eh since mom got that divorce from dad I figured I should stay nearby so I could help her out
Mmm Whatcha J: I think that's the nicest thing I've ever heard of you doing
Mmm Whatcha J: are you really flash, not some parasite taking over your body??
Distinguished Bi: Is ur mom ok with that??
FUCK YOU MJ: Columbia was my top pick anyways so she couldn't argue that hard about it
FUCK YOU MJ: plus like, a lot of the shit that's happened since we got here??? It changes ur perspective
FUCK YOU MJ: and uhhhhhhhhhhh
Mmm Whatcha J: uhhhhhhhhhhh?
FUCK YOU MJ: I think I'm gonna start going by Gene or smth, flash really is a stupid fucking name, fresh start I fucking guess
Full Homo:
Scott-Man ( @scottlang_actual_antman )
I literally cannot be any further on top of the world right now, I have now lived my best life, I can die happy now
@antmanisthestrongestavengerfiteme replied
> What happened?!?!
@scottlang_actual_antman replied
> I love your @, I heavily approve and it is 100% correct the others just won't admit it
@HopeVanDyne replied
> He's happy because he tapped America’s ass
@avengersASSemble replied
> Who/what's america’s ass???
@thwipthwipman replied
>
@scottlang_actual_antman replied
> :D
@CaptainSteveRogers replied
> It is highly inappropriate to be tweeting about this sort of stuff Scott, especially in regards to this subject.
@youknowwhoiam replied
> Hey no let him tweet it, the world needs the documentation that Cap finally lost his virginity at 100+ years old
@joeyboey replied
> Wait wait wait aRE YOU SAYING THAT ANTMAN HAD SEX WITH CAPTAIN AMERICA
@CaptainAntman4ever replied
> I don't want to say I was right but I was totally right #captainantman #antmerica #avengershipping
@CaptainSteveRogers replied
> What is “Captain Antman/antmerica”?
@thwipthwipman replied
> PLEASE DONT INTRODUCE CAP TO SHIPPING CULTURE
@buckybarnes replied
>What the hell is ‘stucky’?
@thwipthwipman replied
> nO STOP
@theonlylabelonmeisDISASTER replied
>
[gen z really is the gayest generation huh]
Distinguished Bi: I can't believe we’re graduating soon, it feels way too fast?
Functional Lesbian: going into high school I thought I would absolutely hate almost every minute of it but like
Functional Lesbian: I didn't? These years have simultaneously been the best and scariest years of my life
Raw me Sasuke : oh wow is this sad on main hours?
Distinguished Bi: yep
Thwip Thwip: As the source of-slash-involved in half of the scary things, I apologise.
Functional Lesbian: don't apologise Peter
Thwip Thwip: I am still going to.
Raw me Sasuke: why u typing formal
Full Homo: he's having Karen reply for him
Mmm Whatcha J: he's a self sacrificial idiot he won't listen
Distinguished Bi: oh I heard you got Valedictorian MJ!! Congrats!
Mmm Whatcha J: my speech is going to be very inspirational, just you wait
Full Homo: oh my god she just let me read it it is so good guys
Full Homo: perks to keeping an eye on Peter while patrolling: this and we get to see Peter’s fail compilations live
Mmm Whatcha J: nothing says a good date with one of your partners like laughing your ass off at the other one being a total loser when he decks it straight into a wall
[Justice League]
Magnet: oh my god Barton, Romanova
Birb: are you all impressed
Bom bom bom green giant: I can certainly say I am… shocked to say the least
Smol-derman: THE INTERNET IS ALREADY BREAKING
Smol-derman: THE LIVE TWEETS WERE HILARIOUS
Smol-derman:
Thunderbolts and Lightning: that was an entertaining watch my friends!! I particularly liked the segment when Agent Hill came on stage!
Moira Hills: I guess me and Nat are the new hot ticket item
Birb: that's exactly what we were going for
Original Spider: I'm glad our mission went off without a hitch, unlike Budapest
Birb: hey Budapest went really well, barely anything went wrong
Original Spider: barely anything ?!
America’s Ass: Will you ever tell us what the hell happened in Budapest?
Thunderbolts and lightning: Mind your language Captain!
Fe: watch your dirty mouth Steve, there are children here
Smol-derman: yeah this is a Christian minecraft server u can't swear here
America’s Ass:
America’s Ass: what the fuck is minecraft
Original Spider: language!
Moira Hills: you said a bad language word!
Snerson: I cannot believe you, Captain Righteous, would swear so vulgarly here there is an infant here
Magnet: how could you Steve?
[Iron Fam]
Iron Dad: @everyone GET TO THE COMPOUND PEPPERS IN LABOUR
Iron Bider: hoLY SHIT THE BABY’S COMING
xXx~Iron Harlz~xXx: CAN YOU SEND A QUINJET TO TENNESSEE????
I-Ri-on: and to MIT
Grumpy: I've already got one to go pick you two up, it'll be there within an hour
Grumpy: I'm in the car off to get you May and Peter
Iron Aunt: thank you Harold!!!
Iron Sister 1: as I am in space, I cannot make it though I will instruct the Guardians to make a stop to Terra as soon as we can
Iron Dad: we’ll keep you posted Neb
Iron Dad: gotta go, Pep needs me
Iron Bider: aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA
xXx~Iron Harlz~xXx: BIG FUCKING MOOD PETE
///
Tony Stark (@youknowwhoiam)
I'd like to introduce the world to the newest member of the Stark family, Morgan H Stark
[Image]
[image attached of Tony and Pepper, Pepper lying on the bed with baby Morgan in her arms, both of them with weary smiles on their faces]
@potatobutwithaGUN replied
> I'm so happy you clearly went with my middle name suggestion :)
@youknowwhoiam replied
> we didn't but you do you Harley
[gen z is really the gayest generation huh]
Rip Gene mayhe rest in peace: “so you’re graduating. You’ve grown up and you know you've done a lot of stuff but now you have to find a way to make things right for your future. Take it from a person who has been observing you all for four years here…”
Rip Gene may he rest in peace: mj u legend I can't believe you parodied the detention psa
Mmm Whatcha J: they wouldn't let me bring the chair with me but I used the podium as best as I could to do his pose
Thwip Thwip: I laughed at the “so go ahead and eat the rich; Stark, Osborn, you two can decide who goes first” section
Functional Lesbian: the speech was top tier content, I want it on my gravestone
FUCK YOU MJ: it'll arrive tomorrow
Functional Lesbian: SHOULD I FEAR FOR MY LIFE???
Distinguished Bi: I'll protect u <3
Functional Lesbian: thank you <3
Raw me Sasuke: you perfectly balanced a serious/heartwarming and so many memes
Raw me Sasuke: stunning
Full Homo: my moms were so confused over half the memes they were asking me afterwards because I was losing my entire shit
Lizzy Maguire: congratulations!!! You are all now out of school and into adult life!!!
Lizzy Maguire: be ready
FUCK YOU MJ: now I fear for my life
Lizzy Maguire: that's adulthood
Distinguished Bi: I cant believe we don't need this chat anymore, we don't have the team now :((
Full Homo: this chat ain't getting deleted
Mmm Whatcha J: @everyone I've managed to organise a dinner for us, last one as a team. You better all turn up or I'll eviscerate you
Lizzy Maguire: have fun guys!
[9 people logged off!]