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Part 2 of Full Circle
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2018-12-06
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2023-11-28
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47/47
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Snapshots

Chapter 19: The Wedge

Notes:

So, after the previous snapshot, there were a couple of comments about potentially doing a follow up where the DPG actually gets some messages that are cause for concern. And, well, I can't get it to make sense in the timeline, because of how close the last chapter is to when FC happens. I think it would change the whole dynamic. The idea is still percolating, and something might happen.

But, as Elise and I were discussing the idea, she said "I’m more curious, with the current snapshot being a year before FC but after Sanctuary, what “tipping point” event(s) occurred to lead Owen to be open to the job opportunity without telling Claire? What miscommunications/misinterpretations happened?" On top of that, Claire-Grady143 had me thinking about, well, a topic that I haven't actually shown Claire and Owen discussing. After a lot of brainstorming and bouncing around of ideas... here's the result.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The Wedge

Owen felt bad that he wasn't at all excited about the DPG picnic. He knew he should be happy that they'd chosen to celebrate their second year of running the sanctuary with a family picnic instead of a more formal, adult-oriented event like they had the previous year. At least he wasn't required to dress up this time. And Maisie would be there too, which meant there were now three people he was willing to talk to (okay, four, Franklin would do in a pinch).

He'd quickly realized, however, the hidden downsides to a public bbq. First, because the DPG was too big to easily host at someone's house, they had rented space in a city park, which meant no alcohol. And second, because it was a bbq in a public park, just because the invite said the event was from 11-3, it was actually unlikely to end by then. He had a bad feeling it was going to drag on all afternoon, and probably most of the evening. What a waste of a Saturday, as far as he was concerned.

Of course, he kept his thoughts to himself as he lugged cooler after cooler from the back of his truck over to the area they'd rented. After emptying his truck, he helped Zia with unloading her car, before following Claire's instructions on getting the area setup. He took over the grill, knowing that would eliminate most of the small talk people would want to make.

The first part of the event went by pretty quickly, with Owen manning the grill and dishing out countless hotdogs and hamburgers, as well as a grilled cheese for one particularly particular toddler. When the lunch rush was finally over, he turned off the grill. He hadn't had a chance to eat yet, so he took the opportunity to make his own burger, and while he ate, he surveyed the crowd, searching out Claire and Maisie.

He found Claire quickly, she was sitting at a picnic table crowded with Zia, Ally and some others, and they looked to be having a heated (but friendly) discussion. Turning away from that, he continued searching until he found Maisie. She and a bunch of the kids in attendance were kicking a soccer ball around. It looked like they were using sweatshirts or jackets to sub in as goal posts. He watched them play for a bit, debating if he could go over and join in. He knew he probably wouldn't be turned away, but they were having fun and no one seemed to be getting left out, so it felt sort of wrong to intrude.

They didn't need him.

The thought struck him, sudden and unexpected. He took a bite of his burger, chewing slowly as his gaze flicked between Claire and Maisie.

Claire was independent. He knew that, and it was one of the things that had attracted him to her in the first place. He hadn't wanted someone who would need him all the time. He was equally independent and had had previous girlfriends who'd couldn't tolerate that aspect of his personality. They felt like his independence kept him distant; like him choosing to do things on his own was a sign that he didn't want to be with them. It wasn't, but he'd given up explaining that after a while, realizing that it was never going to work with someone who couldn't or wouldn't get it.

It was something he hadn't had to explain to Claire. From the very start, before their first awful date back on Nublar, they'd both seemed to just get that about each other. That they had their own lives and made their own decisions. In the fallout of Jurassic World, figuring out how to be independent together, especially while living in a shared van, had caused its share of friction. But they'd managed (until they hadn't). And post Lockwood, as they adjusted to having Maisie with them, someone who needed them and wasn't as independent, they'd adjusted again, sharing the balance and providing opportunities for the other to get the space and time they needed. It probably helped that they had a house with a backyard, and everyone had space within it to which they could retreat.

Maisie had definitely been an interesting addition. From the start, she'd been an intriguing mix as a very independent dependent. She was capable of entertaining herself and was perfectly happy to do so. She believed herself capable of much more than either Claire or Owen were comfortable with, partly due to her naivete and lack of real world experience. But, losing her family and discovering a massive secret about her origins all in one night had also made her needy. She was happy to be on her own, as long as she knew exactly where both Claire and Owen were. And, being a kid, she still needed parents – she needed people to take care of her when she was sick, to provide her with the necessities, and to love her. Something Claire and Owen had both been happy to provide.

Taking on parenting for Maisie, Owen had realized that while he loved his independence, he also thrived and was at his best when he was needed. His raptors had needed him, and his dolphins before them. Claire, well, in the aftermath of Jurassic World she had. Or, more accurately, they both had needed each other; a touchstone in a world falling apart around them. However, their paths to recovery from that experience had been what had separated them in the end, as Owen worked to avoid another emotional entanglement with the dinosaurs, and Claire, in his opinion, was blinded by her need for redemption. Their independence and stubbornness drove them apart, no longer feeling needed by the other, as they pushed forward on their separate paths.

Owen had been content building his cabin and living a quiet life mostly off grid in the months leading up to the Lockwood incident. He hadn't felt like his life was incomplete. Sure, there were moments he'd missed Claire, but he'd missed her not the life they'd had in the lead up to their split. It had felt easier to just be by himself than to rejoin the world.

Claire pulling him back in had flipped his world upside down, and it had taken a long time for the dust to settle. Everything had moved at warp speed, from setting foot back on Nublar, to the Indoraptor, and then getting married and settling down. He didn't regret any of it. At least, not how they'd dealt with everything post Lockwood.

But, now that the dust had settled, now that their life felt very much routine, he had been finding himself feeling introspective. He had time to step back and evaluate everything now. What did he like about his life? What did he want to change? What could he change?

Owen had thought that it was the routine that was getting to him. The lack of the ability to just pack up and go, like he had done for years in his van. That he was tied down now, committed to being there and to be living by others' schedules.

But, standing there, gaze flicking between Claire and Maisie, he was starting to realize that it was something bigger. Something deeper.

"Hey, Owen, right? Claire's husband?"

Owen glanced to the side, just as he put the last bite of his burger in his mouth, and he nodded as he chewed. He couldn't remember the name of the woman beside him, but he recognized her from previous DPG events, and as the mother of the grilled-cheese requesting toddler.

"I left his diaper bag in the car," the woman said, gesturing to the young baby she was cradling, who was asleep in her arms.

Owen swallowed, before offering, "Did you want me to go grab it for you?"

"Actually, could you just hold Ryan for a minute?"

"Me?" Owen looked around, unsure why the woman had approached him, and not Claire, or at least that table.

"Please? It'll just take a minute."

"Sure," Owen reached out. He had very limited experience with babies, having only a small age gap between himself and his brother, and so no memory of his brother being that small. And neither he nor Lucas had ever had kids. The woman helped him adjust Ryan, and Owen felt kind of like he was holding a football. A warm, squirmy football. He'd always thought of babies as being pretty still when they were sleeping – the whole "are they still alive" concern he'd heard new parents had. But, in his arms, Ryan definitely didn't feel still, even if he remained fast asleep.

The woman was back quickly, but as she approached him, the grilled-cheese toddler came running up, insisting he had to go to the bathroom now, and she looked at him apologetically.

"Don't worry about it," Owen brushed aside her concerns. While he still felt a little unsettled holding the baby, it was a nice distraction from where his thoughts had been taking him. "Ryan and I are just fine."

As he continued to hold Ryan, Owen let his gaze circle the area again, checking in on Maisie, who was still playing with the other kids, before settling briefly on Claire, catching her eye when she looked up, her own widening when she took in the baby. He gave a slight shrug, before looking back down at Ryan, his face peaceful in sleep. Holding a baby wasn't so bad afterall.

x x x

"Aw," Ally cooed. "Look."

Claire watched as everyone at the picnic table turned to look at Owen, who was standing and talking with one of the DPG volunteers, Megan. But she knew that wasn't what they were looking at, instead, all the gazes were focused on baby Ryan, looking tinier than usual, as he lay cradled in Owen's arms.

"I swear, there's nothing more attractive than a guy taking care of a kid," Lori, a volunteer who was sitting at the table commented, getting a bunch of sighs of agreement.

"Add a pair of glasses and…," another sighed, getting a few murmurs of agreement.

"Okay, I knew he was in good shape, but… the size of his muscles? His bicep is like the same size as Ryan," came from someone else, and caused most of the table to burst into laughter.

The laughter caught Owen and Megan's attention, both looking over at the group, most who quickly swung around, pretending they hadn't been staring. Claire caught Owen's questioning gaze, but she just gave him a small head shake in dismissal, and he turned away. But her gaze lingered on him a little bit longer.

"How come you guys have never had one?"

Claire didn't realize at first that the question had even been directed at her, until Zia gave her a nudge, bringing her attention back to the table.

"Had what?"

"A baby," Lori said, taking a peek at Owen again.

"Oh, no way, no thanks," Claire shook her head hurriedly. "Babies have never been my thing."

"But you're such a great mom," someone else said, and Claire's gaze darted over to Maisie, who she'd been keeping an eye on.

"Maisie's different," Claire said after a moment. "She was nine when we took her in, almost 10. It's not the same."

"Still," Lori said, a bit wistfully, "If I had a husband who looked like that…"

"He looks like such a natural," Ally admitted, her gaze still on Owen.

"I don't think there's anything he's not good at," Claire joked, trying to hide her discomfort at the topic. "Except maybe being on time." Owen did look natural holding Ryan, and he didn't look uncomfortable at all. When working at Jurassic World, Claire had never had much interaction with children, her job always keeping her separate from most direct guest interaction, unless they were VIPs. And then, afterwards, neither of their friend groups had young children. The most time they'd ever spent around kids, were around Zach and Gray. Claire was realizing she'd never actually seen Owen hold a baby before. Listening to the chatter around her, she was wondering if there was something wrong with her, that she wasn't feeling a tugging on her heartstrings, and that it wasn't making her even remotely reconsider the idea.

Claire was happy with her life as it was. She felt more than complete with Owen, and the addition of Maisie was a bonus. No, she still firmly fell on the side of not wanting a baby. It wasn't something they needed or wanted.

Her gaze was on Owen when he glanced in her direction again, raising an eyebrow in question when he caught her staring. She just gave him a half-smile, which he returned, although she could feel his gaze becoming more inquisitive, and she forced her own smile bigger, before turning back to the others at the table, tuning back into the conversation at hand.

x x x

It had been a week since the DPG picnic, but Owen found that his thoughts had been swirling ever since that day. He'd been watching Maisie and Claire over the week, and had been realizing just how true his initial thought had been – they don't need him. He knew they wanted him. He definitely didn't feel unloved or unwanted. But he didn't feel needed, not the way he had at first. Not like when Claire was scrambling to get the DPG in place to take on the sanctuary. Not like when they were restarting their relationship, buying a house, getting married and stumbling around trying to understand how to be parents. Not like when Maisie still had nightmares and would get anxious when she didn't know where they both were at all times.

No, the DPG had finally found its footing, and Claire, while busy as ever, always seemed less stressed about it all. And Maisie had more than settled into their home life and was excelling at school, having made some solid friends. She no longer preferred that he or Claire walked with her to school or picked her up after; in fact, she'd recently talked about how "uncool" it was that another kid in her class was met by his parents. Maisie was definitely growing up, and no longer the scared kid they had initially met.

He was happy about that. It made him feel good to know that he and Claire were partly responsible for the way she was turning out. But he wouldn't deny that there was a (fairly large) part of him that missed when she would be excited to see him after school. When she wanted to have him volunteering on field trips and special activity days. Now, she was just as likely to arrive home from school, drop off her backpack only to turn around and head out on her bike again, often riding away with friends.

Unless they somehow ended up chased by dinosaurs again – and god, please no – he couldn't foresee anything going forward that would make Claire need him. And really, he didn't want that. He loved that she didn't, that when they were together it was about both of them wanting to be there, choosing to be there. That made him feel so much better than her needing him ever could.

However, he still wanted to be needed. Wanted to feel like there was an area of his life where him missing would be noticeable. Where he couldn't be easily replaced. He knew he was being melodramatic, but he'd been wallowing in his thoughts all week and couldn't help it. He needed something to change. That was the big thing he kept coming back to. That he wasn't actually happy with the way things were. It's not that he hated his life, but he needed… something. He was just having trouble identifying exactly what that something should be.

Owen wasn't sure how to explain his thoughts, but he knew he had to try. That it was eating him up to be stuck with these on his own. And Claire always saw stuff so clearly. Not exactly black or white, but with a clarity that he often envied. Maybe she could help him sort out what he was thinking. Help him figure out what he wanted or needed.

"Hey, do you have time to talk?" Owen asked, leaning against the doorframe, watching as Claire dealt with the laundry, moving a load from the washer to the dryer.

"Talk?" Claire asked distractedly, starting the dryer and piling a new load into the wash.

"Yeah," Owen said, wringing his hands. He still wasn't even sure where he wanted to go with this. How to bring up the topic and his feelings. He couldn't even get them straight in his head, how was he supposed to articulate them to her?

"What's up?" Claire turned to him after she started the wash.

"Well…" Owen stumbled, his thoughts scattering. "I've been thinking and I just– Well, things– Ever since last weekend– At the picnic, when I was holding that baby, Ryan–" Owen stopped, letting out a long breath as he looked down, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand, annoyed at his inability to voice his thoughts.

"You okay?" Claire asked, her voice concerned, as she propped her hip against the machine.

"Yeah, mostly," Owen gave her a wry smile. "I'm not really sure how to start this, my thoughts are a mess."

"What's wrong?" Claire pried, moving closer to him. Owen knew his inability to articulate what he wanted was going to get her worried. It wasn't like him, as he'd always had more of a speak first, think through the consequences later approach to his conversations with Claire. Which, in hindsight, probably explained a lot about their relationship.

"I guess last weekend just got me thinking," Owen finally said. "You know, we've never really talked about kids before. We just ended up with Maisie. And, don't get me wrong, I love her and I know you do too, but…"

"But what?"

Owen could hear the hesitancy, the weariness in Claire's voice, but he forged ahead anyway. "It's just, I guess part of me has been just sort of wondering why?"

"Why we have Maisie?"

"Why we've never had a baby," Owen corrected, his gaze dropping to the floor.

"A baby?" Claire exclaimed.

"Yeah, you know," Owen looked up at her, meeting her gaze, gesturing loosely with his arms, like he was rocking a baby back and forth.

"I didn't know you wanted a baby," Claire said, sounding stunned, and taking a step back from him, leaning against the washer.

"I've never really thought about it before," Owen admitted. "Not until… I'd never even held a baby, before this weekend. But… we've never even talked about it," Owen shrugged weakly.

"I don't… Owen," Claire looked pained, and it was her turn to be unable to meet his gaze, while Owen desperately sought out hers, trying to understand what she was thinking. "I've never wanted kids, you know that. Maisie's… Maisie's different. I wouldn't trade a thing. I love her. But… a baby? I don't–"

"We both grew up with siblings," Owen said, desperately fishing for a way to save the conversation. "Maisie–"

"Maise's 12, Owen," Claire reminded him. "Even if I wanted a baby, it's not like they'd be close, not the way you and Lucas are, or Karen and I. She'd probably be 13 before the baby was even born. And that's assuming there are no issues. By the time the baby would remember anything, she'd be off to college. I'm not– It doesn't matter, anyway," Claire shook her head, biting her lower lip for a moment. "I don't want to have a baby, Owen. I just… I don't." She shrugged, her gaze finally meeting his, and Owen could see evidence of tears, although he was pretty sure they were brought on by frustration, not sadness. "I'm sorry."

"You're right," Owen sighed, his gaze breaking away, darting around the room, although not focusing on anything. "It was a stupid thought. Nevermind."

"What's bringing this on now? What's changed?" Claire asked, taking a step towards him, reaching for his arm. Owen couldn't help his reaction, his body flinching backwards from her touch, Claire's own hand falling to her side in response.

"Nothing… it's… nothing," Owen shook his head, meeting her gaze just long enough to give her a weak smile before he had to look away again.

"Owen…" Claire started, taking a step towards him again, but he moved aside, and she let out a sigh. She hesitated for a moment, before passing him. "I love our life, Owen," Claire said, pausing in the doorway to look back at him. "I love you, and Maisie, and everything we've built here. I don't understand… what's wrong with the way things are?"

x x x

A baby? He wanted to have a baby? Claire was tucked away in her home office, collapsed in the chair behind her desk just feeling stunned and disoriented. When he'd said he'd wanted to talk, that topic had not been something that had remotely come to mind. She'd thought he wanted to sort out groceries, or homework, or some other trivial thing. That maybe he wanted to vent about something that had happened at the DPG picnic. She'd noticed that his mood had seemed to sour over the course of that day and had felt bad that the event had dragged on all afternoon and over dinner, knowing that he hadn't really wanted to be there in the first place. She'd been so relieved and happy that he'd put on a smile and just powered up the grill again.

She'd thought everything was fine. And now, now all she could think was what had she missed? Had he always wanted a baby and just never said anything to her before? Had he been hoping that she'd just change her mind on her own? Had he been waiting for the right time to bring it up? Or talking to Karen? Where had it come from?

Did he… did him wanting a baby, and her not wanting, not willing to give him one… this was the sort of thing people broke up over, right? Was he… is that something he was thinking about? Is it something he'd consider?

Claire paled, and she was grateful that she was already sitting down; sure that her legs wouldn't be able to support her at the moment.

It couldn't be. No. They were solid. Things were good, weren't they? She had thought they were happy. They had started to get good news about the adoption lately, and while it still looked months away from wrapping up, their lawyer didn't seem to have any doubts that it wouldn't conclude in their favour. The DPG was going strong, the animals thriving on the sanctuary, and there had been no news about the ones that had been sold, and as the years now passed without news, Claire was starting to think that there never would be, that those who had bought them would've discovered they were harder to keep alive than they'd expected. And that they weren't as easy to train as they'd hoped.

Sure, they'd had their differences in the past, and they had broken up before. But things were different now. They'd both gone into this eyes wide open. They knew what it was like to be together and also be apart. And they'd both agreed that they were stronger together. That they wanted this.

What had changed? She didn't think he'd found someone new… No, she pushed that thought aside. He wasn't the cheating type. Hadn't in his past, and she couldn't see him doing so now. But if it wasn't someone else… that meant it was her, right? Was she no longer enough?

x x x

He felt stupid for thinking that the conversation was going to go well. He knew Claire didn't want a baby. Sure, they maybe had never actually discussed it. But they hadn't needed to. He'd known from watching her interact, awkwardly and with unease, with her nephews. He'd known watching her cringe every time Karen would hint or imply or straight out suggest it, and Claire would immediately change the subject. He'd known because if she had, if Claire wanted anything, then she went for it. She wouldn't have kept her desire hidden from him, especially not now, now that they were married and already had a kid.

But, he was also mad. Mad that she didn't seem to get what he was saying. That she wasn't willing to understand where he was coming from. Didn't she know him well enough? Shouldn't she know him well enough, to realize that there was more to the story? That he was trying and floundering at figuring out how to explain himself, and that asking about a baby was just him, awkwardly, trying to open the door, to start a conversation he wasn't even sure himself how to have. That he was trying to say that he needed something to change?

Pacing the garage, he wished, not for the first time, that he had room for a punching bag. Something he could take out his anger and frustration on. He wanted to punch something so badly. Often, going for a run was enough to take the edge off, to help him cool down. But right now, he felt to tense and wired, like an elastic band stretched to its snapping point.

His phone ringing startled him, but he reached for it, happy for the distraction. He didn't recognize the phone number on the screen, but, well, if it was a telemarketer, he had plenty of anger he could work out on them.

"Hello?" Owen answered tentatively, relieved when the other caller immediately introduced herself and it wasn't a telemarketer. He quickly got sucked into the conversation, listening intently to what was, essentially, a sales pitch, but one he was actually intrigued to hear. When he finally hung up, he set his phone down, a bit of a thrill chasing through him.

Maybe this is what he needed. Maybe it wasn't about a baby or finding something at home to change. Maybe the real change he needed was work. That it was finally time to get back to doing what he'd always wanted to do – working with animals. Time to put his degrees to use. He couldn't wait to tell Claire.

The smile that was starting to spread across his face faltered, as he heard Claire's words ringing in his ears: "I love our life … what's wrong with the way things are?"

Notes:

So... thoughts? It's the start of the tipping point. I'm considering some more snapshots in this time period between this fic and FC. Are you hear for the potential angst?

(By the way, if you're looking for fluff... have you checked out Elise's recent Turn! Turn! Turn! or Claire-Grady143's Mother's Day?)