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Dont You Let Me Go

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Stiles was scared! Ok... Maybe it was kind of cool. But he was still freaked out of his mind. In all his life he never ever thought that he would be supernatural. That he of all people would have powers. Maybe they weren’t as cool as Scott's or Derek, or Lydia... wait, Lydia's suck sometimes... damnit! He is going off topic. Point is he never thought it would ever in a million, gazillion, trillion, google years, that he would wake up in the morning and say, “hey... I'm Stiles Stilinski, confused teenager (sexually and sometimes even literally), and now part of the supernatural fang gang.  

Ok! He had no fangs he got it. And maybe he really should talk to someone about the nightmares. Maybe he should have talked his dad about them, but it just seemed like much more stress on the poor guy when it all came crushing down that he had in fact (thank you very much I am an upstanding citizen) not been doing drugs (like seriously dad!). Instead he had been doing something much cooler (“this is so much worse, Stiles. Why couldn’t you just do drugs like a normal teenager?” “Dad it’s saving people’s lives” “You could have come to me, learn a little self-defence” “I’m sorry” “you are right though. It is kinda cool.” “yeah!” “you’re grounded for a month and only out in case of any supernatural interference. If you try to counteract me Stiles, so help me, I will ground you for a year.”) that his dad almost didn’t let his continue doing.  

But seriously. What else was he supposed to do. He is the one who dragged poor unsuspecting Scott to the murder scene, (well, burial scene, considering the lady was buried) and he had been bit by rabid Peter. And he had to figure it out for him. He is the one who had to endure the hard times so he wouldn’t and now he was practically ignoring his.  

Actually now that he thought about it, he couldn’t actually go to the pack. if anything they had been acting as if hanging out with his was always a chore that they had to do. Erica had stated that now that he was a ‘wolf, Stiles was no longer on his radar. He had moved on to Boyd anyway. And Isaac had this crush thing on both Allison and Scott and it was weird. But even he wouldn’t hang with Stiles on a good day. Jackson was still a douche, Lydia hated him for some unknown reason.  

Derek was in Mexico visiting his sister’s pack. Peter was in rehab at Eichen House. He was doing great. Stiles had seen him a couple of times and they had actually had amazing conversations. They even played chess and Stiles won. He was going to see him again on Christmas eve for a rematch. His birthday had passed and not even Scott had remembered (it’s been a month since the 15th of November and he still hadn’t mentioned it). Malia had ended up resenting him when Stiles had told her that he wasn’t really into her the way that she thought.  

Ever since Derek left, with nothing but a kiss on his cheek, Stiles had never felt so alone. The pack no longer called him for pack meetings. His dad didn’t really talk to him anymore, choosing to get drunk some days than talk to his son about his issues. And it had been happening for 6 months. Derek hadn’t talked to him since he left. His phone went to voicemail after the first month. And Stiles had thought they had developed a great friendship over the three years. Enough for him to text once in a while. 

Derek had been in contact the first month. He made Stiles feel special and on one occasion Stiles had been trying to get him to come back for a few days and Derek had said, “Baby I can’t. Cora needs me for a few days. But I'll try next month OK?” And Stiles had been stumped. And Derek had called him baby for one more week and then he had disappeared.  

But Derek had been in contact with the rest of the pack. Even /Stiles’ dad. He was just on voicemail. When Stiles called. He had blocked his number.  

It really hurt when he realised that. And the memory brings him to panic attacks now. Like right now it feels like he is drowning. Like all the air has been punched out of his chest and he can’t breathe. He can’t even remember why he was excited earlier, all he wants to do is breathe. He just wants to belong to the pack like before. He wants his best friend and his dad back. He wants all this to me over. He wants Derek to call him baby like he did 5 months ago. But that wasn’t happening. 

Everyone in his life left. Everyone in his close circle could barely stand to be with him, to be associated with him. It was time he made a decision and stayed away from them like they wanted. Now that Scott was Alpha and he could do without his friend, Stiles had to find another way to cope. 3 more weeks to finals. 3 more weeks to graduation. 3 more weeks and he can enter into early admissions at Stanford. 3 more weeks and no one would have to see him again. That's all he needed to endure. 3 weeks.  

In that moment, he had never missed his mother’s hugs as much in his whole life. He wished she was here. She would have known what to do. She would never have left him. She would have figured out the nogitsune wasn’t him. He passed out with a final thought: he wanted his mother more than anything.