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Bitter Nectar

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Sawamura Daichi’s fatal flaw was his constant yearning for love. It’s there, inside him, flowing in his veins. Cut him and it would bleed out, thick droplets would fall, staining the ground with ugly and red. It was rooted in his spine, plaguing his body like a relentless weed, tendrils bursting in his stomach, flowers clogging his lungs; because nothing breaks like a heart, and nothing kills like an unrequited love.

The room was in hues of champagne, blue and orange. Soft cold wind bellowed from the closely parted windows; white curtains flying gently; and silence, frail, deafening silence. Long before, a figure of a man was in front of him. He was tall and he smelled like flowers. His name was Tetsurou.

Tetsurou leaned down until his lips touched Daichi’s – a sudden intrusion of his solitude. They kept their lips pressed together while the rest of their body remained motionless, sealed in that moment like an aging sculpture.

Tetsurou ended the simple dreary kiss, leaving the other man into another dream of the indefinite. His face was holding little traces of tender that Daichi had never seen before. “Come to the bed with me, Daichi.”

Daichi found himself neither questioning nor protesting. It was as if some sort of an outside force possessed him, gaining control on his body. As they walked, Daichi did not take his gaze away from Tetsurou’s amber eyes, they were too pretty.

Some time in those moments, they managed to reach the bed, sitting together in ceremonial silence. Daichi felt his shirt being lifted. Pliant as a bamboo, soft as silk, Daichi placidly raised his arms and let the piece of fabric slipped away from his body. Tetsurou moved forward attempting for another kiss when Daichi jumped at the sudden electrifying sensation. It was a moment of awakening – to break the spell casted on him by those gentle eyes, by those delicate fingers, and by those rozen kisses.


Daichi pushed Tetsurou. His heart was racing, his breathes were harder, and he was sweating like he had been running from a nightmare. He could not find the right words to say as he stood in bated breath staring at Tetsurou.

“Please tell me what is happening?”

“What do you think is happening, Daichi?” With those intense yet warm eyes looking down at him, Daichi felt his walls coming down.

“Well, whatever we are doing, or about to do, we should stop it.”

“I know you’re in love with someone else,” Tetsurou said, looking at Daichi, “but I’ll be here to love you the way he won’t.”

“The way who won’t?”

Tetsurou held Daichi’s hand. He offered light feather kisses from one knuckle to another. Daichi felt his body slowly being soaked up by the same spell casted on him just moments ago.

“Do you want me to say his name?” was the frail reply from Tetsurou.

Daichi wanted to weep. If he thought that he would never get into more delicate position, he thought wrong, because this was more than just delicate. This was shattering. The man in front of him already knew the most fragile secret his heart kept. He was like a well-kept book, and Tetsurou opened him effortlessly. Daichi felt scattering like stardust as he listened to the man reading his soul right in front of him – exposed and crumbly – caught in a resilient web, nowhere to run.

“I will love you the way he won’t,” Tetsurou said, lips rubbing tenderly in his hand, “if you would just give me a chance.”

Daichi felt that he was going to dissolve into sweet oblivion when Tetsurou touched him again. But a part of him still wanted to rebel from those touches. This man is Kuroo Tetsurou, he’s a friend, not a lover.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Daichi muttered in between breathes. “Someone’s going to get hurt.”

Tetsurou chuckled, a soft sound of amusement. “I had always known you will not agree to this easily.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I just noticed, among all the people I met,” Tetsurou whispered, “you are the hardest to fall for my charm.” Daichi closed his eyes, and their lips met into another quick chaste kiss. Tetsurou’s kisses tasted like nectar, as sweet as those that came from the wild flowers he gathered in his wilder days. “But please, trust me.”

Daichi’s eyes remained closed as he spoke, “Give me a reason why I should trust you.”

“You might be right, this may not be the best idea,” Tetsurou said, “but won’t you grant this dying man his very last wish?”

“Shut up, you’re not going to die. And that is very cheap way to gain sexual favors.”

“Well, not today. I won’t die today.” Tesurou muttered tonelessly. By the next second, his lips immediately curved, switching to a face of familiar mischief. “And I’m cheap when it comes to you.”

“I’m not going to have sex with you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Then, we won’t.” Daichi’s voice croaked louder. He needed to hear his voice, hear himself speak. This is his choice. “But this, I like this.”

It was a bad idea, Daichi was convinced with that. But when he hooked his fingers through Tetsurou’s, he realized how much he badly wanted this.Tetsurou was so sexy, like a beautiful stranger who left the faraway land with his only cause was to wrap Daichi in those strong muscular arms till he was breathless and helpless under his touches; but it was Tetsurou’s strong sincerity that had been Daichi’s undoing. Tetsurou came tonight like a mighty angel going for his rescue, wrapped him around those strong wings, securing him with a promise of warmth. Daichi couldn’t say no to that.

Daichi moved towards the bed. Tetsurou moved with him as their hands still clasped tightly. Daichi laid in the sinking cushion, presenting himself to his conqueror. Tetsurou smelled like beer and a bit of sweat, but under that was a sweet fragrance of flowers. He leaned down closer like he was waiting to see if the man lying in the bed would turn away from him. Daichi didn’t. Instead, he tilted his head and closed his eyes as the taller man brushed his lips over his – nearly a kiss but not likely.

They stayed like that for what seems like hours. Then, Tetsurou pressed on and initiated a dewy kiss. Daichi answered back with the same fervour. It was a lover’s kiss, full of unspoken feelings and lust. Daichi could taste the sweet nectar from Tetsurou’s mouth, and in Tetsurou’s breathe he inhaled fragrant passion of roses.

Daichi opened his eyes as Tetsurou pulled back from the kiss. He didn’t know how to act from the look in those deep eyes when Tetsurou gazed at him. He thought that he didn’t know what sort of ‘man’ Tetsurou really was. It never occurred in his mind that Tetsurou had the capability to be this sensual and bold. His chest almost ached at the thought that someone had seen this side of Tetsurou other than him.

“I’m just wondering.” Tetsurou started to speak in casualness. “How long are we going to stay in this position? Because my legs are starting to cramp.”

“You’re the one who offered your body. You do all the labor.”

“Didn’t expect you to be a dictator in bed.”

“My bed, my rules.”

“Alright, alright.” Tetsurou grumbled. “Well, can’t say I’m not loving the view from here,” Tetsurou spoke in affection – that voice, that masculine voice and those softly spoken words that crawled in Daichi’s skin sending electrifying vigor in his nerves.

Daichi wrapped his arms around Tetsurou, pulling down the taller man closer to him. “I’m not in love with you, Tetsu.” They shared another lover’s kiss.


The sun had fully risen when Daichi woke up. He sighed when he noticed Tetsurou was beside him, wide awake and sitting with his back leaning against the headboard. He had the remote in his hand while skipping through the channels. Tetsurou felt the sudden movement beside him and looked down at his side. He smiled when he saw the half conscious Daichi.

“Good Morning, Sunshine,” Tetsurou said with a warm and mischievous smile.

Daichi blinked. “What time is it?”

Tetsurou motioned at the alarm clock in the desk at Daichi’s side. It was still nine-twenty in the morning.
“I’m going back to sleep.”

“What’s with this pig lifestyle? All you do is eat and sleep.” Tetsurou commented.

In annoyance, Daichi threw a pillow at Tetsurou. The taller was quick to block the attack with his arm. Daichi grabbed another pillow and started hitting the muscular man. Tetsurou’s arm remained raised to shield him as Daichi continued his assault. Daichi hit him several times, and Tetsurou was chuckling. He was chuckling like how he always did – that ugly and annoying cartoon villain lackey laughter of his.

Daichi’s hit became lighter until it halted from the realization before him. His eyes were focused again on the supposedly trustworthy friend who offered to be his substitute lover. Tetsurou was acting like usual, like this was a regular morning and they spent the night playing videogames instead of kissing games – the same familiar playfulness.

How can Tetsurou act like that when Daichi was here about to burst from their deed? Was last night just a casual thing to Tetsurou? Did he regularly kiss all his friends? Was Daichi not special at all? Why was he overthinking their situation? Why did he feel like he wanted last night’s affairs to mean something?

“You should leave.” Daichi said coldly. He turned around, facing the opposite direction. He wrapped his body in thick blanket, hoping to protect him from Tetsurou’s possessive presence.

He heard the sound of the television being turned off. He felt the bed shifting again and the blanket moving. He was aware that Tetsurou had settled himself beneath the covers beside him. But Daichi, did not want that. He did not want Tetsurou to stay with him. He wanted to be alone, forget everything and sleep to an endless sweet slumber.

“Why are you still here? Get out of my room,” Daichi said grumpily. “I still want to sleep.”

But Tetsurou did not waiver. Instead, he wrapped his right leg on top of Daichi keeping the shorter one in place. With their skins touching, Daichi realized that they were still only wearing underwear beneath the sheets. He felt the weight and heat of Tetsurou’s thigh in him, the warmth of his skin and the scent of flowers. He wondered if Tetsurou’s kisses still tasted like nectar in the mornings.

“I’m sorry,” Tetsurou whispered softly in Daichi’s ear. He felt Tetsurou’s fingers gently caressing his face, unto his cheeks and partially on his lips. Daichi kept his eyes closed, trying to find the sleep he wanted. It wasn’t that easy with Tetsurou this close enough to trigger memories of the previous night. But he tried not to show response, he maintained his composure, hoping that it would discourage the other man.

“I know I said that I’m fine with just your kisses,” Tetsurou went on, “but I’m so fucking horny right now, I’m dying to fuck you, Daichi.”

Daichi’s opened his eyes widely. He rolled back only to see a large satisfied grin painted in Tetsurou’s lips. And those playful eyes, damn at those playful feline eyes.

“The taste I had last night was not enough for me,” Tetsurou’s hand was moving under the sheets touching Daichi’s body deliberately. “Your body is addicting. I want more of you. My rocket is on fire and is desperate to land inside your tunnel. ”

“God, you’re gross. Please lay-off with those bad dirty talk?” Daichi spat with obvious irritation.

“I was just teasing you.”

“Tetsu,” Daichi sighed. “Let me sleep.”

Tetsurou’s face softened. Daichi felt a thump in his heart. He realized that Tetsurou’s face was far too close on his. And something told him that the proximity of their bodies and faces was not the only cause of his fast beating heart. He tried to ignore that something.

Tetsurou’s face was clearer at this hour that he could examine it better. With his hair tousled from sleeping, and his half-lidded eyes.Tetsurou looked far more mesmerizing in the morning. There was something raw and alive in him. He had seen the other man’s face too many to count; but never was he this captivated by it.

‘Such a masculine and handsome face.’

“You smelled like flowers.” Tetsurou told him.

Daichi’s body took over his being, getting its own liberty to move. Daichi touched Tetsurou’s face like examining a sculpture from the old age, eyes mesmerizing the façade in front of him. When he was no longer satisfied with simple caresses, Daichi placed a gentle kiss on the other man’s lips. Tetsurou did not hesitate to respond. He engulfed Daichi with his wet lips, pressing them and pulling back, pressing and pulling back, turning it to a long kiss. Tetsurou still tasted like nectar in the morning.

It was a surreal moment, fluid and spontaneous. Everything was going way too fast.

“Don’t you have any other things to do today?” Daichi asked.

“None, I have some time to spare.”

“An extra job?” Daichi pegged another question.Tetsurou simply shook his head “Doctor or dentist appointment? Kenma’s birthday? Nyannyan’s appointment to his veterinarian?” In every question Daichi threw, Tetsurou would simply shook his head with total delight. Daichi surrendered, as much as he wanted to avoid to be caught in another losing-myself situation with the other man, Tetsurou was there to stay.

Tetsurou smirked with perverse mischief. “Looks like lady luck is in my side, I’m all yours, babe.” Daichi had no time for Tetsurou’s games. If the taller man thought that he could even get a make-out session through his playful charms; Tetsurou, among all, knew that it won’t work on him. Daichi forcefully slapped Tetsurou’s thigh under the covers.

“Owwww-ch.” He hissed with a pleasured smile that was obviously the result of overacting trying to impersonate the best of the best porn star. He started rubbing the spot that Daichi hit. “Oh yes! Hit me, papi! I’m a naughty boy, papi!”

Daichi glared at him. Tetsurou swallowed, almost looking fearful. “Okay, I’m going to stop now.”

Daichi’s menacing eyes relaxed. He can never really stay mad at Tetsurou for so long.

Tetsurou sighed, a smile escaped in his lips, and with that, he raised his white flag. “No more games, I promise.”

Daichi really liked that part of Tetsurou. How the persistent man who would do anything to get what he wanted would suddenly surrender in peace. His gaze would always be of child fully understanding and accepting that he couldn’t get the toy he wanted. But this gaze he was witnessing, although the same, was not of a child, nor directed to someone platonic. Almost romantic – but unlikely.

Daichi could melt at those soft amber eyes that could speak a thousand words of affection. The way those eyes would assure security, of warmth, of care. The way those eyes surrender to him. And the way those eyes were always so honest. Indeed, he truly liked that part of Tetsurou. And Daichi had no intention of telling that to anyone. It would be his deepest kept secret. He would look for the hardest chain and a lock without key, just to keep the secret buried within him.

Tetsurou wrapped his arm over Daichi’s, pulling the shorter male closer to him. Tetsurou laid a gentle kiss on his lips and moved their body to get more comfort, wrapping themselves into a cocoon under the blankets – two heads settled on one pillow, their foreheads touching each other.

“I’ll be gone before you wake up,” Tetsurou said softly. “Just let me pretend you’re mine even for a few hours.”

Daichi shivered inwardly at Tetsurou’s words. There was always something so blunt, so brave, yet so artless in the way Tetsurou spoke that could pierce right through his heart – and even quiver a little pain. Daichi wanted to believe in every single word he said, if only those words could save them.

Kuroo Tetsurou’s fatal flaw was his constant yearning for love. It’s there, inside him, flowing in his veins. Cut him and it would bleed out, thick droplets would fall, staining the ground with ugly and red. It was rooted in his spine, plaguing his body like a relentless weed, tendrils bursting in his stomach, flowers clogging his lungs; because nothing breaks like a heart, and nothing kills like an unrequited love.