Peter Parker - Cute nerd, rolled a zero on athleticism, shy awkward (Sophmore)
Thor- Hot jock that everyone wants to fuck. Star athlete, kinda stupid, loves his brother but Loki doesn't really care (Senior)
Loki - the school goth, most people are scared of him--Thor thinks he's super cool, drinks Capri Suns without the straw (Senior)
Tony Stark- Snarky, gets detention alot but he’s really smart. Rich boy of the school and is a big theatre nerd. Only gets good parts because of his daddy and is threatened by anyone who is a better actor (Almost Everyone), secretly has a crush on Steve, but has his head too far up his ass to admit it (Junior)
Steve Rogers- preppy, athletic, goody two shoes, “hello my fellow classmates” (Junior)
Bucky Barnes- loner, listens to Metallica, always has dark circles under his eyes, never sleeps, has a huge crush on Steve (Junior)
T’Challa - respected among all his peers, valedictorian probably, gets roasted by his friends too, foreign exchange student, always fucking wears socks and sandals (Senior)
Drax- always eating chips loudly in class, very dumb but he means well (Junior/supposed to be senior)
Rocket- Furry, draws furry porn of his fellow classmates and tells people to fuck off (Sophomore)
Groot- Vegan Hippie (Freshman)
Bruce Banner- Super weeaboo, if you insult anime he will hulk smash, has a big dick (Junior)
Peter Quill- T poses in front of his “friends”, loves shitty memes, closeted brony, “this generation's music sucks” kinda annoying (Junior)
Hawkeye (Clint)- no one talks to him so we don't know much about him, likes to pretend to shoot arrows at people in class (no comment) (Junior)
Steven Strange- super smart kid, top of his class every year, got into Yale and Brown, has like 30 scholarships, has a rivalry with T’Challa (Senior)
Antman (Scott)- He gets his nickname from having a tiny dick. Will ask for a pen and never gives it back. The gossip king (Junior)
Thanos- Bully, also thicc (Senior 3rd time)
Nick Fury- Principal
Vision-Creepy math teacher, strokes the wall and his head
Natasha Romonav- PE
Spidey’s Sophmore Year
“Mr. Stark, for the last time, if I hear of you asking the poor lunch lady for fucking gourmet pizza during lunch I will have you suspended for three days! Do I make myself clear?” Nick Fury folded his arms, and squinted at the school play boy Tony Stark, who was leaning back in his chair and adjusting the cuffs on his sleeves. He rolled his eyes and looked at Principal Fury.
“Do you see what I'm wearing today, Mr. Important Principal Man? This shit is Gucci. Don't talk to me like those peasants in the halls you call my classmates. You're not worth my time. May I leave now?”
Nick rolled his eyes and rubbed his forehead. “..Yes, you can leave. But if you don't keep out of trouble for the rest of the week I won't hesitate to boot you from the school play this year.”
Tony jumped out of his chair and slammed the door behind him. “Yeah, fuck you too old man!”
Little Peter Parker squeaked as he saw Tony’s tantrum. “Sorry, I was just coming to see the principal.” Peter smiled but quickly shrunk into his turtleneck when he saw Tony’s enraged expression. “Oh...uh maybe I’ll see you next time.” Peter stepped aside and stepped into the principal’s office. “Hello, Mr. Fury. I’m Peter Parker, I’m the transfer student from Ouran High.”
Nick smiled, and shook hands with Peter. “Please, take a seat. I've heard good things about you, young man. Tell me, why did you transfer to MCU high? You're a sophomore, right?” The man reached into his drawer and pulled out a cigar. He looked at Peter who had a concerned look on his face. “Don't worry, I just like to hold it.”
Peter nodded and sighed with relief. “Oh that’s good. Uh well you see, my parents passed away recently and I had to move in with my aunt May.” he started to tear up as he wiped his tears on his sleeve. “I’m sorry sir, I don’t feel so good...Um could we please talk about my schedule?”
Nick smiled, and put down his cigar. “Yes, of course. You'll be taking 6 courses this year. Math, English, Science, Theater, P.E., and History. Is this to your satisfaction?”
Peter nodded eagerly and smiled, “Yes sir, I love theatre. I can’t wait.” Peter shook hands with him and started to walk through the halls, “Okay looks like I have math with Mr. Vision, room 231” Peter meandered through the halls, becoming startled at the sudden bell ringing. He gasped and ran towards his algebra class and yanked the door open. “Im sorry I’m late, I got a little lost.” he glanced at his classmates who continued to stare at him.
Mr. Vision sighed, and looked back at his whiteboard, which had multiple difficult looking equations written down on it. “Yes, Mr. Parker. Wait you know this is a junior class...Nevermind, you can take the empty seat next to Bucky, in the back of the class. Run along now, child.”
Peter hurried over to his seat, and nervously sat down, glancing over at Bucky Barnes, who had a cool looking metal arm. “That’s a really cool costume, Bucky.”
Bucky looked at Peter in confusion. “What? This isn't a--oh, nevermind. Thanks I guess.”
Peter smiled and pulled out his yellow notebook and put his black rimmed glasses on. Tom sped through the assignment and crossed his arms with confidence. “Well that wasn’t too hard.”
Bucky turned to him and cocked an eyebrow. “You know this is calculus right? You’re not supposed to be done with it that quickly.”
“I know, but over the summer I really enjoy doing math problems on Khan Academy. It’s a ton of fun and keeps the brain working.”
Bucky rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say kid.” As Bucky continued to struggle with the assignment, he couldn't help but think how weird this kid was.
Vision crossed his arms, “Is that talking I hear in the back. You boys better be done with that assignment or it’s lunch detention for you both.”
Peter frantically started writing out his math problems and made sure to show all his work on his paper. Bucky glanced over at the younger student, and scoffed. “Why are you in such a rush? You know, the teacher never means what he says. He's too much of a coward to actually give us detention.” Peter blushed, and continued to work on his assignment. He didn't want Mr. Vision to give him detention on his first day, so he kept on writing.
RING! The students jumped from their seats. Vision crossed his arms and stepped towards the boys in the back. “Okay let me see your homework.” Peter nodded and handed his paper to Mr. Vision. Vision glanced at the paper and smiled. “Very good Peter, I expect great things from you. As for You Mr. Barnes you get lunch detention for a week.
Peter was too scared to look at bucky and dashed towards his English class. “Okay my teacher is gonna be Ms.Maximoff...I hope she nice.” he stepped inside and glanced at the grinning teacher.
“Hello. Are you a new student?” Wanda was writing her name in cursive on her whiteboard, and drawing small flowers next to her name. Peter nodded, and held onto his notebook tightly. “Yes, ma'am, my name is Peter. Peter Parker.” Wanda smiled, and directed him to an empty seat next to none other than Mr. Peter Quill.
“Yo, what's up! Let's be real good bros, okay, amigo?”
“Nice to meet you Quill. Wow thanks for being so nice to me.” Peter Parker sat beside Quill and started working on his short story. “Hm Quill what do you think sounds better, a mystery or a fantasy?”
Quill looked at Peter, and pondered for a moment.
“Hmmm. Maybe you should write a My Little Pony fanfiction? Haha, just kidding. Only I can write those.”
Peter looked confused, but shrugged Quill's remark off and started to write. He decided to write a sci fi story, where an alien falls in love with a dog. The alien’s name was Kirk, and the dog's name was Spock. It was going to be a beautiful love story. Peter's eyes welled up with tears as he wrote his paper.
From across the room Drax and Rocket whispered to each other before throwing a wrinkled up piece of paper at Peter Parker’s head. As the paper hit him, Peter gasped and looked at the wrinkled up note. Inside he saw a drawing of him as a frog. Peter tilted his head and walked towards The furry and the idiot. “Um excuse me but I think you dropped this.” Peter smiled.
Drax and rocket looked at each other before bursting into laughter while eating stale doritos. Wanda growled and threw a whiteboard marker at them. “That is enough you two! Don’t treat the new kid like that.”
Rocket and Drax laughed in unison.
“Haha, shut up bitch, we know you won't do anything about it!” Rocket smirked, and high fived the obnoxiously-cackling Drax, who has gross Dorito dust on his grubby little fingers.
Wanda slammed her hand down on her desk, and the entire class went silent. Peter could feel his heart beating so hard that it felt like his chest was going to explode.
“Excuse me…” Wanda walked over to Drax and Rocket’s desks. She held a ruler up to Rocket’s throat. “What did you say again, Rocket? Care to repeat that? I don't think I heard you right.”
Drax pissed himself on the spot, and ran to the restroom. As he tried to head out to the door, Wanda sealed the door shut using her powers. “You didn't ask to leave, Drax. What a bad student you are. I'll have to teach you two a lesson. See me after class.”
Peter squeaked and cowared into his turtleneck as the bell rang. “Oh...Um it was nice meeting you all.” Peter ran like the wind and felt some tears building up in his eyes. “Why doesn’t anyone like me...Well I guess I will have a chance in science. Science is good place to have intellectual discussions.” Peter sadly dragged himself into his science class and looked at the man in a red and black suit. “Wow! Your costume is amazing! I saw something like that at Party City. You must be Mr. Wilson, I’m Peter and I can’t wait to be a part of this class.” Peter said with a smile, despite feeling a little broken.
Deadpool patted Peter on the back, and pointed him to his seat.
“Of course you do, everyone loves this class! Isn't that right, you little fuckers? I love you guys! Now take a seat so we can begin our lesson! Today, we're going to talk about sex! Plant sex!”
Peter hurried over to his seat, where Loki the God of Mischief sat. Peter sat down, and felt nervous when Loki started to stare at him.
“Uhh, excuse me, do you need something?” Peter said, in a shaky voice. Loki squinted at him, and looked away without saying anything.
Peter gulped and tried ignoring Deadpool’s talk on how pollen was basically plant semen. Peter licked his lips and started working on the lab assignment. “So uh My name is Peter what-” before he could finished, his beaker puffed out a thick cloud of green smoke that stained his baby blue turtleneck. The entire class started to laugh, including deadpool.
“Haha! Now thats how ejaculation works you fuckers!” laughed Deadpool. A few tears trickled down Peter’s face as he looked at Loki, practically pleading for help.
Loki looked at Peter indifferently. He didn't want anything to do with the new kid, but he felt bad for him, because he could relate to how Peter was feeling on some level. He walked out of the class and returned with some damp paper towels so Peter could wipe himself off.
“Here. Take it.” Loki handed the paper towels to Peter, and sat back down at his desk. Deadpool clapped.
“Now that's what I call being a good sport! Write that down in your notebook, my little fuckers! <3”
Peter wiped off of most of the powder, but he still had a bit of a stain. “Thank you…” The bell rang and now it was time for lunch. Peter handed off his lunch to some random kid before hiding the rest of his break in bathroom, trying to clean off more of his sweater. His phone suddenly buzzed and he looked at text from his Aunt May.
May: Hey Peter how’s your first day? :)
Peter: It’s great, everyone’s so nice so far.
May: That’s great. You are really gonna enjoy sophomore year. I promise, well I have to go back to work. Love you my little Peter bear xoxo
Peter teared up, he hated lying to her, but he couldn’t make her worry again. The bell rang and a ray of hope shined on him. His favorite class, Theatre with Mr. Wolverine. He ran to class and noticed the snarky boy he ran into at Mr. Fury’s office.
Tony Stark raised his brow at Peter. He didn't like it when people stared directly at him.
“What are you looking at, kid? You in love with me or something? Too bad. The only thing I love is money. I'm in a serious relationship with my bank account. Well, my daddy's bank account.”
Peter tried to ignore him, and walked over to his seat. Wolverine clapped his hands together, causing everyone in the class to immediately stop talking.
“Okay, kiddos, I need you to get in two lines. One line is for people who think they're good dancers, the other one is for people who think they can sing. If you're feeling especially bold today, there's a third line for people who think they're good at both. Hurry up.”
Peter remember that time he performed Umbrella at his school talent show, and he was in Billy Elliot. He thought he’d had a chance. He moved into the third line stood behind Tony; the only other person in the line.
Wolverine smiled. “Alight kids, great job. Now our school show this year is going to be Hamilton so show me what you got. You will each be going in pairs of two. Singers you will pair up and pick a song to sing together. Dancers you will improv a dance. And for my bold two, you will sing and dance...at the same time.”
Peter squealed “I've always wanted to be in Hamilton, I hope I get a speaking roll. Oh what if I get Hamilton, won’t that be cool Tony.”
Tony smirked. “Oh yeah, that would be so cool! You know what would be even better? If you stopped talking to me. I need to focus right now, kid.”
Peter felt a bit disheartened at Tony's response, but he felt like he had a chance at impressing Mr. Wolverine, so he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. As the line got shorter and shorter, Peter could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He looked over at Tony, who was adjusting the cuffs on his sleeves again. Wolverine shouted across the room.
Peter watched Tony confidently walk up to Mr. Wolverine.
“I hope you're ready to have your socks knocked off, pointy.”
Wolverine looked unimpressed.
“If you're performance is anything less than amazing I'll knock those fancy sunglasses off your face, pretty boy.”
Tony scoffed. Tony coughed into his fist and did the cheesy jazzhands. “ If you like to talk to tomatoes. If a squash can make you smile. If you like to waltz with potatoes.Up and down the produce aisle' Have we got a show for you! VeggieTales'! Broccoli Celery Gotta' be VeggieTales! Lima Beans Collard Greens Peachy Keen VeggieTales!” Tony bowed and clapped his hands.
Wolverine rolled his eyes as his eyes kinda bled “Thank you but you used that song last time Mr. Stark. OKay next we have our precious lil Peter, come here sonny.
Peter smiled and started dancing and singing like a precious angel. “Spiderman, Spiderman Does whatever a spider can. Spins a web any size Catches thieves just like flies. Look out, here comes the Spiderman. Is he strong? Listen Bud He's got radioactive blood. Can he swing from a thread ? Take a look overhead. Hey, there! There goes the Spiderman. In the chill of the night At the scene of a crime. Like a streak of light He arrives just in time. Spiderman, Spiderman Friendly neighborhood, Spiderman. Wealth and fame, he ignores Action is his reward. Look out, here comes the Spiderman. Spiderman, Spiderman Friendly neighborhood, Spiderman. Wealth and fame, he ignores Action is his reward. To him, life's a great big bang up Whenever there's a hang up. You'll find the Spiderman!”
Wolverine teared up and clapped along with the other students, except for Tony. “That was beautiful my boy, well I think we all know who’s gonna be Hamilton Mr Parker.”
Tony folded his arms, and scoffed. “You guys don't know what REAL talent is. Figures you'd root for the underdog; they always do. I'm out of here. My daddy will hear of this!” Tony stormed out of the class, and slammed the door behind him. Wolverine rolled his eyes, and shook hands with Peter.
“Make sure to come to all my classes, kid! We're going to start rehearsals tomorrow!” Wolverine smiled, and dismissed the class.
Peter skipped all the ways to the lockers room to get ready for P.E.. Despite it was least favorite class nothing could rain on his parade. He meandered towards a vacant locker and looked and the nearly naked beefcakes standing in the steaming room. The blonde dude was practically a god, One dude looked like a stripper soldier, one was like a prince from another country, then stupid drax, and last there was some bald purple dude who looking like he was on steroids. Suddenly Peter felt self conscious.
Thor was massaging his calves when he noticed Peter looking around the locker room. He walked over to Peter, and smiled, wearing nothing but a small towel around his waist.
“Hello there. My name is Thor Odinson. Are you new here?”
Peter smiled back, and shook hands with the ripped man. He glanced down at his bulging pecs, and blushed. “Wow, Mr. Thor That's a lot of muscle. I wish I looked like you.”
Thor chuckled. “Yes, well, perhaps we can work out together sometime? I go on jogs every day before and after school. You're welcome to join me if you'd like. Here, let me give you my--” Suddenly, Thor's towel fell off, and Peter accidentally saw Thor’s massive hammer. Peter screamed, and Thor summoned Mjolnir to cover his huge wee wee.
“Sorry. That happens a lot. Pretty much everyone here has seen it.”
Spidey gulped and muttered “What would Caillou do?”
Next time on this piece of shit….honestly we don't know. Tune in next time.