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The Misadventures at Overwatch High

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(Insert Spongebob voice) - The next day

Genji got up the next day, sobbing like a little bitch. He felt like that one dude from goosh goosh video...only he really liked it. He stood up from his bed and screamed at the massive bloodstain on his mattress. “Ahhhh!!!!I GOT MY PERIOD...IM PREGNANT!! THIS IS NOT EPIC NANI!” Genji started crying but he was kinda happy at the same time. “Hanzo must never find out about this.” Genji ran to his parent’s bathroom and stuck a tampon up his butt to hide the bleeding. Genji may be Asian, but he is a little dumb...okay a lot dumb. He’s the Carl Wheezer of this story.

Hanzo was in the kitchen, making himself a pot of coffee. He saw Genji walking out of the bathroom, and he noticed that Genji was walking a bit strange.

“Brother, is something wrong with your back? Did you get your ass kicked or something?” Hanzo poured himself a cup of coffee. “You should drink some of my coffee, it will help you feel better. And maybe help you stop being such a pussy.”

Genji nodded, “Ya that par-- I mean project really kicked my ass. I fell on my needles and now my butt hurts.” Genji grabbed a mug and poured some coffee and two percent milk. He took a sip, the flavor reminded him of McCree’s lips. “Yummy for my tummy.”

Hanzo eyeballed Genji from across the living room. He sat down on the couch, and turned on the news. “THIS JUST IN--FORTNITE HAS BEEN DELETED BY ELON MUSK!! WHAT WILL WE DO WITHOUT OUR BELOVED FORTNITE? TUNE IN AT 11 AM FOR MORE EPIC--” Hanzo quickly turned the TV off. He sighed, and walked over to his room. “Brother, if you ever pour milk in your coffee ever again, I swear to god I will game end you. Now go get ready for your classes. I don’t want to be late, fucking milk-drinker.” Hanzo slammed his door shut.

Genji ran to his room and stuffed all of his shit in his bag. “Fucking bitch...doesnt let me drink milk. I’m a growing boy. Maybe McCree will come save me.” Genji’s butt was really hurting from that random tampon he stuck up his butt, but he has to go to school. He can't afford to be held back...again.

Genji kicked down his door with false confidence and shit and crossed his arms “Ok bitch lets go!”

Hanzo kicked down his door, and grabbed Genji by his hair. “Bitch, call me bitch one more time and I’ll run you over with my Prius.” Hanzo walked out to his car, and shoved Genji into the backseat. “I don’t want you to sit next to me today, little brother. You need to learn some goddamn manners.”

(Insert Spongebob Voice)-- Ten minutes later

    While Hanzo pulled into the school parking lot, and started to back up into his parking space, he suddenly felt something slam into the right side of his car (It felt like that time McCree rammed into his baby brother’s butt). He looked up, and saw McCree, driving his big ass Ford F-150 Truck. Hanzo jumped out of his car, and grabbed McCree by his shirt. “What the fuck are you doing, you dumbass bacon-loving cowboy motherfucker!? I’m going to take your sorry ass to ninja court!”

McCree chuckled, and blew smoke into Hanzo’s face. “Calm down, darlin’, it’s just a scratch. I barely even did any damage. See?” McCree tapped the side of the car, and the front bumper fell off. McCree scratched his head, and tipped his hat. “Well, I oughta be gettin’ to class. See ya!” McCree took his cigarette, and put it out on Hanzo’s collarbone. “There. Now maybe you’ll be more popular, if people think that you’ve been getting laid.” McCree flipped him off and rolled away to class.

Hanzo was ready to ryuuga wagateki wo kurau that bitch into oblivion, but he was already late for his class. “Genji, get your ass to class, I’ll see you after school. Don’t be late.” He ran towards McCree hoping that he could smack the dumbass cowboy before going to class.

Genji’s cheeks grew pink as he saw his baby daddy and his brother arguing. It was like they were family already. So ya Genji jumped out of the window and ran away before Hanzo could catch him crushing on a cowboy like that Brokeback Mountain movie. Dat shit is good.

Genji’s heart raced, his mind was filled with images of McCree’s rock hard body. First he had to take French, sadly McCree wasn’t in that class. As he was strutting like he was on America’s Next Top Model he noticed a bunch of girls giggle and pointing at him. Lol they think I’m Kawaii nyan. Too bad I’m with senpai. He thought. A few minutes later he managed to take his perky ass and plop it at his desk. In the corner of the room he noticed some people at the party watching a video and giggling. Wowza it was Sombra, Tracer, and D.Va! The coolest girls in school. Well except Tracer...everyone found her a little annoying tbh. “Hey guys or gals as I should say. That was an awesome party wasn’t it!?” said Genji. The girls looked up at Genji, and immediately started to yell.

Sombra grabbed Genji by the arm, and laughed. “Ay dios mio! I can’t believe you hooked up with that dipshit cowboy! I never found him attractive, but that’s great that you have more of a social life now!”

Tracer looked visibly annoyed, and muttered under her breath. “Jeez, I can’t believe that McCree decided to sleep with a shitty twink ninja. I’m way better than he could ever be!” D.Va smiled nervously, as she has no idea how to react to the situation. She slowly pulled out some Doritos from her backpack and started eating them while the others talked.

Suddenly, Genji wanted to throw up. But he had to play it chill...he didn’t want to lose his chance of becoming popular. “What are talking about?? I didn’t hook up with anyone, I was trying to make sure he wouldn't throw up.”

Windowmaker suddenly swung into class and threw her gun on the desk. “No social media unless it is in French!” her eyes squinted at Genji and she shook her head “I expected you to be braver...your heart is weak...like Napoleon.”

Tracer laughed and pointed at Genji. “Haha, dumbass, even the teacher knows what a fuckin ho you are! You should have never went to that party, that could have been me with McCree!” Genji looked down at his hands, and tried not to cry.’

Widowmaker 360 noscoped Tracer from across the class. “Don’t speak when you’re not spoken to, shitface. Class, turn to page 345.”

Genji was really confused, he grabbed his phone from his hello kitty backpack and opened his social media shit, but not deviantart because that shit is private. He opened his snapchat and when he saw the video. His baby butt and McCree’s godly ass giggling in unison. It was so melodic it was like the choir at the Vatican. I...I uploaded the wrong video….FUCK MCCREE CANT FIND OUT. Our baby...must have his other father in his life… He thought as he deleted the video.

(Jumping to Hanzo in his fucking Chemistry class...Moira’s Chemistry class)

Zarya was sitting next to Hanzo, because they were lab partners and shit. McCree was across the room smoking a joint with his boys while flirting with Brigitte. Zarya glanced at Hanzo and whispered to him. “I heard about what happened to Genji last night...How is he feeling, I heard last night was really rough on him.”

Hanzo smiled, and nodded. “Yeah, he said he was going to work really hard on his project. I’m glad that he got it done.”

Zarya’s eyes widened, and she scratched her head. “Uh, what project? You--You haven’t seen the video he uploaded last night? When he was at Doomfist’s party?”

Hanzo slowly turned his head. “Excuse me? What party are you talking about? Genji never gets invited to parties.”

Zarya laughed nervously. “Uh, well you might want to watch the video then. It’s pretty intense, man. Even I couldn’t watch it, I was laughing way too hard. Here. Look.” Zarya pulled up her email, and downloaded the video that Junkrat had sent to her. The video started playing, and Hanzo could clearly see McCree and Genji fucking each others’ brains out. There was some Power Rangers figures in the background, and animal furs everywhere.

Hanzo put his hands over his head, and started to sweat. “No fucking way...no fucking way! McCree, you son of a bitch! I’ll rip your dick off and feed it to the wolves! And Genji, I’m going to kill you--again!” Hanzo slapped the phone out of Zarya’s hand. “Please, I don’t want to see that anymore. Just get it away from me.” Hanzo could feel a pain in his heart--he was pissed at his brother for acting reckless, but he was upset that McCree never recognized his feelings for him.

McCree cocked an eyebrow as he watched Hanzo throw a tantrum like Caillou. McCree forgot about everything from last night. Don’t forget he was drugged...and he didn’t see the video. Stupid bitchass cowboy. “Da fuq did I do to you? Ripping my dick off would destroy me, how could I fuck any ladies without it.” McCree stepped toward Hanzo and Zarya’s table and and pulled a cig from pocket. “Hey loosen up a little, you need it if you want people to fuck you.” He pushed the cig into Hanzo’s mouth and lit it for him. “There ya go big boy...Now who’s your mcdaddy. It’s me...now...dont...you...forget...that...bitch!” McCree rolled away before class was even over.

Moira suddenly smelt smoke and her head spun around like a weird-ass owl. “HANZO! No smoking in class! Go to the principal's office! Only McCree is allowed to smoke.”

Hanzo chucked an arrow at Moira, but Moira has Naruto reflexes, so she caught it mid-air. “Hanzo, you will get minus 10 points today for acting like a little bitch. NOW GET YOUR ASS TO THE FUCKING PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE GODDAMMIT!” Moira slammed the door, and Hanzo began to walk towards the principal’s office. He didn’t feel like getting a lecture from Ana, who acted extremely polite in all situations, even when you knew she wanted to strangle someone.

(Insert Spongebob Voice)--One hour later, at Genji and McCree’s PE class

McCree was changing his clothes in the boys’ locker room, while Genji continued to stare at him from afar. McCree noticed Genji staring, and smiled. “Hey now, mister, you can look, but ya can’t touch. Anyways--that party last night, how crazy was that, huh? Did you hook up with any hot chicks?”

Genji’s heart suddenly shattered, McCree doesn't even fucking remember their intimate moment together. What a bitch. It was probably for the best though, Genji really didn’t want to ruin McCree’s reputation. He continued to stare a McCree’s half-naked body. Fuck, that guy should take Matthew McConaughey's part in Magic Mike. “Oh ya it was a great party. I uh actually did hook up with someone special. They made me feel something I never felt before. What about you, did you make love with anyone?”

McCree shook his head and put on his Summer Games skin and lit a cig. “Pumpkin, I don’t make love, I bang.”

Reaper walked in and saw McCree and Genji talking. “What the hell do you guys think you’re doing? I took attendance five minutes ago, ya little bastards! Get the fuck onto the field and play some sports!” Reaper left, and McCree and Genji were alone again.

McCree took a puff from his cigarette, and put his hand on Genji’s shoulder. “Listen, buddy. I’m sure if you hang out with cool guys like me more often, you’ll get to fuck anyone you damn well please. Now let’s go play some good ol’ fashioned American football.”

Genji smiled and followed McCree to the field, but instead of playing the game he sat on the bleachers. Reaper suddenly shadow stepped behind Genji and smacked him. “Why are fucking sitting here you little bitch! If you don’t get out there, you are going to die! Die! Die!”

Genji nearly pissed himself and suddenly started crying like D.W from Arthur. “Oh Mr. Reaper I cant play...I have a reason too, but it is too personal.”

Reaper got into Genji’s face and growled at him like some crazy lunatic man.”You better tell my why you can’t play! Or I’ll shove my guns down your fucking throat!”

Genji whimpered, “I...I...I...I’m Pregnant.”

Reaper’s eyes widened. “YOU WHAT? Boy, you better not be making jokes in my fucking class! Now get your ass on the field and play ball! I don’t have time for this shit.” Genji quickly ran onto the field, and immediately walked up to McCree.

McCree was chatting with Doomfist and Lucio. Genji waved at them, and Doomfist and Lucio stared at him. McCree smiled, and slapped Genji on the back. “Were you trying to get out of this? I saw you over there sitting down on the bleachers. Football is fun, but I guess ninjas don’t have an appreciation for it.” Lucio blushed, and averted his eyes from Genji.

Genji noticed this, and scratched his head. “Hey, you okay Lucio?”

Lucio started to sweat, and slowly backed away. “Oh--Uh, yeah, I’m good! I just, uh, need to go, to...to take care of my Grandma’s dead cat! Bye!” Lucio ran off, and Doomfist gave Genji a side eye.

Doomfist crossed his arms and pulled the two of them to the side. “Hey I need to talk with you both. I know about what you did in my parent’s room, but what did I tell you about touching their Power Rangers shit?! They know someone took the lube and a condom, but now I’m fucking grounded from my Xbox.” Doomfist turned to McCree, showing him the pain in his dark eyes. “How could you fuck this dude on my parents bed!? I thought we were friends!”

McCree looked confused and he growled, “I didn't fuck no one! I’m just as disappointed as you are!...Fuck, you knew I was sick, I wouldn’t do that to you!”

Doomfist wanted to do a rising uppercut...but was still on cool down. “Explain this!” Doomfist pulled out his phone and showed McCree the sextape.

McCree gasped, and slapped the phone out of Doomfist’s hand. “What the hell is this!? I don’t know what your problem is man, but that shit could be fake, or animated, or something! I would never fuck a guy! That’s gay, and I’m not gay!!” McCree lit about 10 cigarettes, and smoked them all at once.

Genji blushed, and died a little bit on the inside. Part of him wished that McCree would acknowledge what had happened last night, but another part of him wished that people would stop making a big deal about his sexy time with McCree.

Genji took a deep breath and gazed at McCree, “Can I speak with you for a second...alone.” Before McCree could even reply, Genji dragged McCree to the boy’s bathroom. Genji started to tear up, and he struggled to look up at McCree. “That video...It’s real. Yes even the part when you wanted me to call you Daddy. Someone drugged your drink and while I was taking care of you, we got intimate. I recorded the moment because I wanted to remember this moment, but I never intended to share it with anyone. I was trying to post my drinking video, but I was tired and worn out I ended up posting the wrong video.” Genji fell to the ground a covered his eyes as he sobbed. “And now...Now I’m pregnant. I understand if you hate me and never want to speak with me again. But I want you to be there for our child McCree. No one knows I’m pregnant except you...well and Mr. Reaper. McCree I’m so sorry I did this to you.”

McCree’s eyes widened. He scratched his beard, and leaned against the wall, lighting another cigarette. “So, you’re sayin’....that we….fucked? For real? And you’re tellin’ me I got ya preggers? Like, you got a baby in your ass or something?” McCree looked in a mirror, and squinted. “Yeah, that baby’s probably gonna pretty damn handsome, if it inherits any of my good looks. I’m not too keen on changin’ any diapers, mind you. Maybe one day, when the kid is about 8 years old, I’ll go out to 7-11 to buy a beer and never come back. Isn’t that what most dads do nowadays?” McCree was chuckling, but he tried to hide it from Genji, who takes everything seriously.

Genji gasped and crossed his tiny arms, trying to hide the fact he wanted to punch McCree’s pretty face. Genji got up in McCree’s face and scrunched his nose. “You know, you got some real nerve to say you are going to abandon the kid. Fuck, everyone told me that you are just a cheeseburger bitch looking to get his dill pickle wet! I wanted to prove everyone that you were more than just a man-ho but I guess I was fucking wrong as always! Fuck you McCree! I understand if you didn't want to speak with me ever, but to fucking joke about abandoning a child is pretty fucking low...even for you! I feel sorry for the next person whose life is ruined by you!” Genji faced was flooded with boo boo tears and he bitched slapped McCree. “Goodbye Asshole!” Genji felt his heart shatter as he stormed out of the bathroom. He wanted to run away...but he doesn't have any money. He ignored his classmates who were staring at him and he ran to hide under the bleachers to cry it out. Frankly, he felt like part of him died.

McCree stood in the bathroom, alone. He stared at the floor, trying to figure out what had just happened. He never expected Genji to get so emotional. Although it was fucking hilarious that Genji thought he was pregnant, McCree felt a bit guilty for saying the things he had said earlier.

Suddenly, Reaper ran into the restroom, shoving McCree into one of the urinals.  “Move, bitch!!” Reaper kicked down one of the stall doors, and started to take a massive shit. “Ohhh shiiiit bitch, I’ve been holding this in for like, 6 fucking days! Leave while you still can, ya Brokeback Mountain lookin-ass.” McCree started to smell the awful shit smell from Reaper’s ass. He ran outside, trying to cover his mouth so he wouldn’t taste the shit smell. When he got outside, he could see Doomfist playing football with the others on the field. McCree knew he had to apologize to Genji, and explain that he was joking about the whole 7-11 thing. “Genji? Genji! Where ya at buddy? Listen, I didn’t mean nothin’ when I said those things to ya, I was just yankin’ yer dick!”

Genji stayed concealed behind the bleachers as he whispered, “Conceal don’t feel, don’t let them know.” He eyed  McCree with his eyes full of hatred and heartbreak. This boi made the wise decision to do his ninja run away from the football field. He grabbed his shit from the locker rooms and and timidly made his way to the nurses office. He didn't care he was ditching his next class, he didn't want McCree to come looking for him like he was a lost cow or something. He knocked on the nurse’s door and peeked inside. “Ms. Mercy...um can I have a pregnancy test?” whispered Genji.

Mercy looked at Genji in confusion. She had always known that Genji wasn’t the smartest guy alive, but she wasn’t expecting him to ask for a pregnancy test. “Uh, Genji, you know, actually…” She fidgeted with her hands. She didn’t have the heart to outright tell him that it was impossible for him to get pregnant, so she looked in her drawer. She pulled a pregnancy test out, and handed it to Genji. She thought it would be better for her to tell him the truth after he had taken the test. “Here. Just piss on it in the bathroom, and it should tell you the result within a few seconds.” She handed the test to him, and directed to him to the restroom. “Just let me know when you’re done, sweetie.”

“Thank you.” Genji wiped his tears with his sleeve and went to the bathroom.

(Meanwhile, Genji was peeing. Writing about that is a little weird, but it’s ok if you like to write that stuff)

Genji stared at the negative sign that popped up, showing he was not pregnant. He was really upset, but happy at the same time. He blew his nose into his sweater and meandered back to the office and sat on one of the beds. “I...I don't understand. I got my period and everything, my butt was bleeding. I was emotional.” Suddenly, Genji broke down in tears, because he started thinking about all the events that just happened.  “What’s wrong with me!”

Mercy smiled softly, and patted Genji on the back. “Genji, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you can’t get pregnant. You’re a guy, and guys just...well, they don’t get pregnant.” She averted her eyes. She almost wanted to ask who Genji had been with, but she knew that was an inappropriate thing to ask a student. “Genji, I think you should talk to the other person about this. I don’t want you two to be confused about all of this, especially since the other person might be worried about you. But I can assure you, you’re not pregnant.”

Genji scoffed and tired to hold back the water works. “You don’t think I tried talking to him? Why do you think I came in here crying? He laughed at me and started making all these jokes. Oh and guess what!?He’s not the only person who knows, half the school knows about what happened! I thought I could trust him to support me but he’s like everyone else at this fucking school! I should just fucking drop out, I mean my life if already over! I'm already being made fun of, and this will give people more reason to do so!” Genji started crying even harder and feel to his ground and buried his face into his knees. “I’m sorry Ms.Mercy. I shouldn’t have yelled...can I please be excused. I just want to head home.”

Mercy sighed, and patted Genji on the head. “That’s alright, dear. Just follow your heart, and everything will be okay. I hope you do make up with your friend--err, partner.” Mercy handed Genji a lollipop for being so brave.

Genji smiled and ate the lollipop and swallowed the stick. He meandered to the parking lot, he saw McCree’s truck was still there. He glared at the truck and kicked the tire, but it hurt his toe “Son of a sushi boi! That hurt!”He waddled to the rolled down window of Hanzo’s car and jumped in. he sat in silence, waiting in silence for Hanzo. His heart shattered and he started crying...again while he deleted all of his social media. Except for facebook. He was following too many sushi pages to delete that.

Hanzo walked out to his car, and saw Genji crying. He got inside the car, and started the engine. “Brother, what’s wrong? I’ve never seen you like this before...did something happen? If anyone is fucking with you at school, I’ll kick their ass.” Although Hanzo usually teased his younger brother, at times like this, he felt very protective over Genji.  

Genji continued to cry while Hanzo was driving. “You...you have to promise you won’t get mad at me. Um the other night I went to a party...instead of doing my project...the project was fake anyway.” He started crying even harder as he began to think of McCree. “I...I got intimate with someone and the entire school knows! My dumb ass accidently posted a video! These girls made fun of me, my teacher even fucking know about this! I tried talking to the person, but he made fun of me and he started saying some of these really mean things. Hanzo… what's wrong with me?! Why do I always have to mess everything up...why can’t I be happy like everyone else. I just want to have friends.” Genji gasped for air because he was crying so hard. “Hanzo I don’t want to go to school anymore...please don’t make me go. I can go online or something.”

Hanzo pulled the car into a 7-11 parking lot. He hugged Genji tightly, and sighed. “Brother, I’m so sorry. I wish you had told me this sooner, but I’m glad you told me. If there’s anything I can do for you, tell me. But...I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave school. You’ll only get more sad if you’re at home all of the time. Do you need me to to talk to the Principal?” Hanzo wasn’t amazing at comforting people, but he wanted to be there for Genji, no matter what.

Genji shook his head and glanced at the 7-11 sign. “No you can’t talk to the Principal! That will make everything worse! I can’t go to school either! Everyone will make even more fun of me.” Genji was too emotionally drained and his face was just blank :(. “I just want to go home…”

Hanzo put his seatbelt back on, and started to drive home. “Well, you can take the next day off from school if you need to, little brother. Just try to consider what I said, okay?” After a few minutes, Hanzo and Genji arrived at their house. Hanzo got out of the car, and walked inside with Genji. Hanzo wanted to cheer Genji up, so he walked into the kitchen and grabbed Genji’s favorite mug. It had a fat dabbing cat on it. Hanzo looked in the pantry, and found some packets of hot chocolate. He put on some gloves, and poured milk into the cup. He didn’t like the idea of doing this, but he wanted Genji to feel better. He warmed up the milk, and mixed the hot chocolate in. He handed the mug to Genji. “Here you go, brother!”

Genji smiled “Thank you Hanzo…” He drank the whole thing through his nose and waddled to the bathroom without saying another word. He looked at his green hair in the mirror and pulled out a random thing of L’oreal hair dye that was in the trash for some reason. “Brokenhearted emo kid black...the color’s name fits me.” So this bitch dyed his hair an awesome angsty black color. When he went back to his room, it was already 1 am. WOWZA that's late. Suddenly, a bunch of anger bubbled through his skin. He grabbed all of his McCree fanfics, poems, and drawing from under the bed and carried them to the living room. One by one, two by two he threw the papers into the fire place with quiet tears dripping down his face.