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King of Silence

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Kagami was so occupied with his own thoughts that he didn't really hear the door of La Salle open until Tendou said, "What the hell are you doing here?" His voice was still a little rough from tears, and his eyes were a little swollen, but he was otherwise completely composed.

"I thought," began Kagami, and then stopped. "I just ..."

"If you don't have a reason to be here, just leave," said Tendou, beginning to turn away.

"I didn't want to leave you alone!" blurted out Kagami, feeling ready to sink under the weight of his own embarrassment. "It's really hard! Things like this, I mean," he added, looking away from Tendou's eyes boring into him. "I know," he said in a lower voice. "If just a little. Losing a sibling again ... it really hurts, doesn't it."

There was a long silence. When Kagami dared look at Tendou again, his eyes were shadowed, unreadable. "I forgot," said Tendou, his voice low. "You also..."

"So I know," said Kagami, ducking his head. "It's not the same. But I know it hurts." He looked up again. "So if there's anything I can do --"

Tendou was right next to him, less than arm's-length away. His eyes were dark and intent. "Make me forget," said Tendou. It wasn't a request, but a demand. Kagami tried to take a step back but Tendou's hand shot out, gripping his arm like a clamp, or Gatack's mandibles.

"Okay, whoa, slow down, what do you mean, forget?" said Kagami, reaching up to put his hand over Tendou's. He meant to lift Tendou's hand off his arm, but Tendou took another step forward.

"Make me forget," he said again, his voice low and hard, and slid his free hand around Kagami's neck, pulling him closer. Kagami tried to resist, but Tendou's grip was unbreakable.

"I don't think this is a good idea," babbled Kagami, vaguely aware that he was being ridiculous, especially with, oh God, Tendou's mouth within a few centimeters of his own. "I really think you should calm down, Ten--" Tendou's mouth closed over his and Kagami's mind went into fizzy sparks. Tendou kissed like he did everything else, focused and terribly sure. By the time he'd recovered from the shock, Tendou had backed him against the wall and his own hands were in Tendou's heavy hair and sliding under his shirt. Oh God, thought Kagami, somewhere between 'horror' and 'yes, more, now' and somehow managed to break the kiss. "Tendou," he said, and moaned as Tendou bit his neck. "Tendou, you need to stop, we need to stop, this is a public street."

"So?" said Tendou. His hand was under Kagami's shirt.

"And we are not doing this in the shop," said Kagami, correctly guessing what Tendou's next move would be. Tendou made a tiny annoyed sound against Kagami's skin. "Tendou, seriously, you need to calm down."

"I don't see why," said Tendou, his hand sliding down. His leg wedged between Kagami's, and he rubbed himself luxuriously against Kagami's thigh, one hand sliding down into Kagami's back pocket. Kagami made a low, animal sound in his throat. Tendou looked up at him through his lashes, his eyes gleaming jet in the dim light of the street lamps. "It seems to me you like this just fine."

"That is not the ---" began Kagami. "Oh my God," he added, shivering as Tendou's nails scraped up his back, and then, "Look, if you really want to do this, we can go to my apartment!" And maybe by the time we get there, you'll have stopped freaking out like this, he added silently. Tendou's hands stopped. "You can spend the night," said Kagami desperately, and somehow his hand was petting Tendou's hair, a long, smooth movement. "Even if -- You don't have to be alone tonight, all right?"

Tendou's head fell against Kagami's shoulder. His body was still, but not quiet, filled with energy trembling on the verge of explosion.

"You don't have to be alone," said Kagami again, softly.

Tendou shuddered once, deeply, and his fingers curled into Kagami's skin. Kagami gasped, his hand digging into Tendou's hair. "If we're going to go," said Tendou, "hurry up."

Kagami didn't even try to hide his relief. "Okay," he said.

They took the train part of the way and walked the rest of the way to Kagami's apartment. Kagami didn't dare trust Tendou to ride his bike in the mood he was in, and his own bike only had one seat. There was no way in hell Tendou would let him drive the Kabuto Extender, even in the state he was in. Tendou stood close to him the entire way there, his eyes fixed on Kagami as if he was going to disappear.

When they walked in the door of Kagami's slightly dusty and plain apartment, Kagami kicked off his shoes, turned around to offer Tendou a pair of slightly grubby slippers, and found himself against the wall, Tendou's mouth on his own. "Mfft!" said Kagami and pushed away. "Holy shit, Tendou, calm down!"

"You said," said Tendou, and slid his hand into the back pocket of Kagami's jeans, as if he was trying to find a piece of candy in it. He began to slide to his knees and Kagami grabbed at his shoulders.

"Oh god," said Kagami, his voice cracking. "We haven't showered or anything!" This seemed to get through to Tendou, if even slightly. He pulled back and frowned at Kagami. "Okay," said Kagami, who was horribly turned on and scared out of his mind and frantic with worry all at once, "look, you can use the shower and I'll, er, just go down to the store and --" He swallowed as Tendou's eyes sharpened with interest. "And if you're done before I get back," he finished, "you can, er, make tea?"

Tendou turned and looked at his kitchenette. He didn't say anything. He didn't have to.

"I have real tea!" said Kagami, insulted.

"Huh," said Tendou, and then something must have reminded him that he hadn't turned Kagami's higher brain functions to goo within the last five seconds, so he bent his head and licked Kagami's throat. "Hurry up," he breathed against his skin.

"Right," said Kagami, trying to hold onto a thought that wasn't Tendou's teeth scraping slowly against the nape of his neck. "Let me get a towel. And um. Oh, God, Tendou, stop that." He broke away from Tendou with a strong effort, stumbled to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. He took out a towel and a pair of sweats and carried them into the living area. He pushed them at Tendou.

"I'll be back in a minute," said Kagami, and fled without shame. Outside, he hesitated, torn between the danger of leaving Tendou to his own devices and the certain crushing embarrassment of Tanaka-san asking him for the next month how his night had gone. The need to keep an eye on Tendou won. It wasn't, he assured himself firmly, any of his neighbors' business, and anyway, even if they put two and two together with this stop and Tendou in his apartment, what could they do? Tell his father? He spent a moment imagining his father's probable reaction to that piece of gossip, and then reluctantly pulled his mind back to reality. Supplies (his mind shied away from actually naming them), maybe beer? but Tendou really really didn't need to be drunk in the state he was in, and something to eat. Tanaka-san's store had pretty good nikuman. He didn't think Tendou had eaten all day. He hadn't eaten all day, either, he realized suddenly.

Luck was with him, and Tanaka-san's store was being minded by a sleepy-eyed college student, who rang up his purchases and got his buns with no interest whatsoever. He hurried back to his apartment, cramming a bun into his mouth.

When he got back to the apartment, his kettle was steaming on the stove as Tendou methodically washed two cups. They were perfectly clean, if a little dusty, already, but that was Tendou for you. They weren't even the nice china his father had tried to give him, but two heavy, slubby mugs with drips of glaze down the sides. He'd bought them at a pottery sale in college. Tendou had a towel around his neck and was wearing Kagami's sweats, which looked markedly different on him than they did on their owner. Kagami's eyes were drawn to the line of Tendou's hipbone that showed above the slipping waistband. He looked away, swallowing hard.

"I'm back," he said, kicking off his shoes and coming into the living area, dropping his bag on the low table. "I got nikuman. They only had curry and pork. I hope you don't mind. You should eat one while they're still--"

"Is that the only thing you got?" said Tendou, with his occasional, terrifying directness. He dried the cups and put them on the counter.

Kagami's face flamed red. "Tendou!"

"Good," said Tendou. He came to Kagami, standing so close that Kagami could see a bead of water where his wet hair had dripped onto his bare shoulder. "Hurry and shower," he said. Tendou smelled like Kagami's shampoo, which was really hot in a way that Kagami wasn't willing to think about. He backed away from Tendou and almost bolted into the bathroom, stopping only long enough for another towel and sweats. He washed up quickly. He stared at the tile in front of him for a minute, trying to not think of anything. Then he took a deep, deep breath, lifted the shower hose above his head and twisted the tap viciously, all the way to COLD.

Tendou was just pouring out the tea when Kagami came out of the bath. He'd taken the towel off his shoulders and put it in the laundry basket, and put the buns on a plate. He'd eaten one, at least, and Kagami let out a relieved breath. Tendou looked up and offered him a mug of tea silently. Kagami accepted it and took a small sip. He looked down at the mug, puzzled, and tried another sip. It wasn't badly made, exactly, but it tasted strange; bitter as grief.

"I guess that tea was really old," he said. He tried to remember when he'd gotten it. It hadn't been too long ago -- it had just mysteriously appeared at his doorstep in a box of other foodstuffs. He knew that it was probably from his father, but if he didn't acknowledge it, then his father never brought it up.

"No," said Tendou, "It was from this year's crop."

"Huh," said Kagami, and essayed another sip. He didn't want to upset Tendou, so he took another drink.

"Is it bad?" said Tendou, staring at him.

"Not exactly," said Kagami.

Tendou frowned and took a sip. His face changed slightly. "You don't have to drink it," he said.

Kagami hesitated. He didn't want to hurt Tendou's feelings but the tea was really kind of horrible. "It's not too bad," he said.

"Don't lie!" said Tendou sharply. He reached out to grab the cup from Kagami's hands. Kagami jerked back in surprise and the cup slipped from his hands. It fell, almost in slow motion, and shattered on the linoleum. Kagami hissed at the splash of hot tea on his skin.

"Shit!" he said, and tried to jump over the shards of broken pottery to the towels in the kitchenette. As he turned around he saw Tendou sink to his knees and begin to pick up the shards with his bare hands. "I've got a broom," he said. "I'll get it."

"You'll probably cut yourself," said Tendou, just as Kagami knelt down beside him and put his hand on a particularly vicious shard.

He sucked in a breath at the pain. "Oh hell," he said miserably. Tendou took the dustpan and brush from him and swept the shards up as Kagami clutched his hand and felt useless. Tendou tipped the dustpan into the trash and turned toward Kagami.

"Let me see it," said Tendou. Kagami held his hand out. It wasn't a bad cut, but a line of blood had seeped out and shone against his skin. Tendou examined it carefully, and then, before Kagami quite realized what he was doing, lifted Kagami's hand to his mouth.

Kagami shuddered hard. His face flushed deep red. "Tendou," he managed to say, his voice raw. "What the hell--"

"It's not very deep," said Tendou. His voice had gone all soft and liquid. His eyelashes dipped over his eyes. "You'll be all right." He kept hold of Kagami's hand, sliding his fingers in between Kagami's own. When he looked up at Kagami again, his eyes were black, the pupils wide. He looked almost feral, like he could do anything at all and not regret it.

Oh God, thought Kagami, terrified, the more so because he really wasn't scared at all. He wanted to fling himself after Tendou. He wanted Tendou, all of him, the aggravating parts and the hidden parts, and the arrogant parts and the part that had curled in on himself in silent agony in La Salle. He didn't know if he wanted to keep him to himself or share him with the the world. "Tendou," he said, and it was either the beginning of the stupidest thing he'd ever say or else something really profound. He didn't know, and would never know, because Tendou said,

"Are you scared?" and lifted his eyebrows, and Kagami's competitive streak came flaming out.

"I'm not," he said bluntly, "but I think you're kind of crazy."

"Of course I am," said Tendou. His voice was totally calm. His hand slid up Kagami's bare arm, raising goosebumps.

"I wish you wouldn't say things like --" began Kagami, but Tendou flowed up to his level and kissed him, soft at first and then aggressively as Kagami kissed him back. His body was pressed against Kagami's, his warmth soaking into Kagami like sunlight. Kagami shifted closer, one hand splayed against the hard planes of Tendou's back, his fingers digging in a little. Tendou arched into it like a cat, making a sound deep in his throat. Kagami pulled his mouth from Tendou's with an effort, and sucked a kiss onto the corner of Tendou's shoulder. Tendou's hands tightened on Kagami and his breath caught. His hips canted forward, into Kagami's. The jolt of contact almost brought Kagami back to his senses, but it was too hard to think anything but Yes, please, more, want you with Tendou's hands moving restlessly over his body and Tendou's throat beneath his mouth and Tendou making tiny, sweet noises. Tendou's hand slid into Kagami's hair and tugged him up for another kiss. His tongue did something indescribably filthy as he began to grind himself against Kagami. It was slow at first, and then increasingly urgent as Kagami put a hand on Tendou's hip and thrust back.

"Bed," said Kagami, pulling his mouth away and grasping at a fleeting second of clear thought. "Oh God," he added, as Tendou made that sound in his throat again and began to back them toward Kagami's bed. "Wait, where's the --"

"By the bed," growled Tendou, clearly annoyed. He bit Kagami's neck, not gently, and pushed him against the edge of the bed. "Where it belongs."

Kagami would have rolled his eyes, but Tendou licked the spot where he had bit and distracted him, and by the time Kagami got two brain cells firing at the same time in approximately the same direction, Tendou was sliding to his knees. Kagami's eyes bulged out. "Hey," he squawked. "What --"

Tendou slanted a look up at him from under his black lashes. Kagami snapped his mouth shut. Satisfied, Tendou leaned closer, one thumb stroking above the waistband of Kagami's pajama bottoms. Kagami shivered. Tendou turned his head toward Kagami's hipbone and nuzzled against it, pushing at him so Kagami sank onto the bed. His legs fell open as Tendou hooked his finger into Kagami's waistband, pulling it down and encouraging Kagami with his hands to lift up enough to let the fabric slide down over his thighs and calves. All the while, his lips and tongue traced over Kagami's stomach and thigh. He put small, biting kisses over Kagami's hipbone, and Kagami fell back on his elbows. Outside he could hear the sounds of the city, but here, in the room, there was only his harsh breathing and the small sounds of Tendou's mouth sucking kisses onto his skin.

Tendou's hand slid around him, slowly, and Kagami moaned. Tendou sighed out in response, and then all at once his mouth was on the head of Kagami's cock and his hot tongue was lapping at it as he liked the taste. Kagami jerked up, held in place by Tendou's arm. Tendou ran his tongue up the underside of Kagami's cock, followed by his long fingers. Kagami closed his eyes, because if he watched this he was going to be gone in about five seconds, instead of thirty, but Tendou lifted his head and growled. "Watch me," he said.

Kagami opened his eyes and looked down at Tendou. Tendou's mouth was still hovering by his cock as he stared up at Kagami. He bent his head again and began to suck in earnest. His mouth was stretched around Kagami's cock, and Kagami fought for breath in shallow pants as Tendou's hair fell down over his stomach and thighs.

"Tendou," he said, and he didn't know what he was going to say next, but he fell back on the bed so he could reach out and run his fingers through Tendou's disordered hair, stroke his face and pet his shoulders and arms. "Tendou, I'm going to --"

Tendou moaned, and the vibration made Kagami shudder and try to push Tendou away weakly. Tendou's grip tightened and Kagami came, hard, as Tendou lifted his head so that it splattered half on his face and half on his tanned neck, gleaming like scattered pearls.

Tendou dragged his thumb through the white stuff on his jaw, regarded it with heavy, hooded eyes, and then licked his thumb deliberately, staring at Kagami. It didn't seem possible, but it turned Kagami on a ridiculous amount, even after. After that. "Tissue?" he managed, and Tendou flicked him an annoyed look, even as he reached by the bedside table and produced a damp towel. "Oh my God, so weird," said Kagami, as Tendou cleaned himself off and slid up to the bed, kicking off his sweats as he rolled closer to Kagami.

Tendou chuckled, more of a pleased rumble than anything else, and kissed Kagami. It should have been weird, but tasting himself on Tendou's mouth made him growl and push Tendou down, chasing the flavor until it was gone. Tendou went willingly, his body yielding to Kagami's like a fighter using someone's momentum against them. Kagami kissed him for what seemed like forever, until Tendou's hands treaded impatiently into his back and ass and his body moved restlessly against Kagami's.

Kagami touched his shoulders, the smooth muscles of his chest, Tendou's nipples, hard and flushed. He stroked down his side and palmed the line of his hip. He kissed his face, his eyelids, ran his tongue over Tendou's nipples. Tendou tilted his head back and Kagami kissed his throat. "Tendou," he said, "Tendou."

Tendou shivered at the sound of his name and looked at Kagami. His eyes were black with arousal. His arms tightened around Kagami. "Don't keep me waiting," he said.

Kagami said, "All right, all right," half on a laugh. He reached for the the tube and one of the foil packets on the bedside table. Tendou's hand closed over his and Kagami looked at him, surprised. Tendou smiled at him, a little twist of his mouth, and sat up. He picked up one of the packets, tore it open, and then reached down, rolling it onto Kagami's cock, not his own.

Kagami made a noise somewhere between "EHHHHH?" and "oh my God" and grabbed Tendou's hand. "Hey," he babbled. "Are you sure? Because I don't --"

Tendou said, "If you want to use your mouth that badly, you could kiss me," and finished rolling the condom on.

"I really really --" began Kagami wretchedly. It wasn't that he didn't want to fuck Tendou, it was just. He'd spent the entire night under the apparently mistaken impression that Tendou was going to fuck him, and he'd sort of gotten used to the idea -- and if he was perfectly honest, had really liked it. "You did that on purpose," he said accusingly and pushed Tendou to his back.

Tendou smiled and Kagami gave up. He tried to kiss the smirk off Tendou's face, but he knew it was something destined to failure. Tendou drew one leg up so Kagami was lying almost on top of him.

"You could go more quickly," suggested Tendou, only it was more like an order. He snapped open the tube and held it out.

"I should make you wait," grumbled Kagami, biting Tendou's collarbone just for the sheer vindictive pleasure of Tendou gasping and tilting his head back. "Hey," he said seriously. "Are you sure?"

"Kagami," said Tendou, between his teeth, and maybe Kagami was freaking out a little, but Tendou was really annoyed at him for some reason, "if you don't want to do this, I can just --"

Kagami hastily kissed him before he could finish the sentence, because knowing Tendou, it was something like "just leave right now" or "just do it myself" or -- Kagami's imagination failed him. He took the open tube from Tendou and squeezed out a generous amount. Oh God, he thought, a little terrified, and then took a deep breath, sliding his hand down between Tendou's thighs as Tendou slid his leg up further, opening himself. Kagami watched Tendou's face carefully as he prepared him. There was a line between his eyes that tightened, and then smoothed out as Kagami went slower. Tendou sighed out a long, shaky moan and tightened his grip on Kagami's shoulder.

"You don't have to be scared," said Tendou, and gasped, his head arching back. "You don't have to be so ... ah!"

Kagami pressed in deeper and slowly Tendou's stillness changed to restless motion, slight at first and then harder, pressing himself down against Kagami's fingers.

"Hey," said Kagami, leaning over him, speaking against Tendou's ear. "I'm going to do it, okay?"

"Finally," snarled Tendou. Kagami laughed helplessly. It was just so Tendou. He was rewarded with a bite, not a gentle one, that made him shudder, and he quickly slicked himself up and began to slide in with slow care. Tendou pushed against him, trying to get him to move quickly, but Kagami distracted him with a sucking kiss to his throat. "Hurry up," said Tendou, and shifted around so Kagami was sliding in a lot faster than he had planned.

Kagami moaned, and Tendou smiled, sharp and pleased. He flipped them around in a movement that Kagami couldn't describe, so he was kneeling on top of Kagami. He slid down, not slow, and stayed there for a minute, as Kagami gripped his hips and tried to catch his breath and even Tendou seemed to be trying to calm down. He began to move, a little slowly at first and then more and more quickly.

Tendou's face was half-shadowed by his hair falling over it. His mouth was red and slightly parted. His face and neck were flushed deeply under his tan. Fine shivers ran through his muscles. Kagami felt suddenly like something here was a mistake, that someone like Tendou couldn't be doing something like this with a person like him. He felt absurdly plain and ordinary. Tendou opened his eyes and stared down at him, and it was like Tendou could read his mind. He smiled at Kagami, not his smirk or his false charming smile, but a real blinding one, sweet as summer sunlight. "I want you," said Tendou, and Kagami grinned back at him, suddenly lightheaded.

"Well, come on then," he said, like a dare, and wrapped his hand around Tendou's cock, stroking to match the pace Tendou had set. Tendou made a raw sound in his throat, and in the next moment they were both coming hard. Kagami fell back onto the pillows with a gasp. He was sticky and sweaty and if he didn't reach over and get the towel, Tendou would probably bitch for the rest of the night. Tendou was just slowly, slowly slumping down onto Kagami, his hair sticking damply to his neck and his eyes almost closed. Kagami sighed and reached over for the towel, coaxing Tendou off him enough to clean the mess and take care of the condom. Tendou was pliant, allowing Kagami to move him as he wiped his stomach and thighs. Like a big cat sleeping after a hunt, Kagami thought.

Kagami laid back down and hesitantly put his hand on Tendou's shoulder. He kind of wanted to kiss him again but he didn't know if Tendou would allow the liberty.

Tendou said, "I still haven't forgotten," and something in his voice made Kagami's heart break a little. He surged up and pulled Tendou into his arms tightly, rocking him. He stoked his hand down Tendou's back and kissed his cheek, the tender skin behind his ear, the nape of his neck.

"It doesn't get easier," he said in a low voice, resting his forehead against Tendou's. "You just get used to it."

"I know," said Tendou, half on a bitter laugh. "I know."

you are the king of silence
you don't need one word to talk to me
all i know is we have sympathy
close your eyes and lean your head on me

-- Cibo Matto, King of Silence
[lyrics] [youtube]