Work Header

Will you love me?

Chapter Text

   ''It is time to wake up Tetsuya.'' Akashi voice was sterm and just a inch louder than usual, but just the right ammount to stir the bearly sleeping boy.

     Bearly, because Kuroko had never been capable to sleep when he was staying over Akashi's. It was impossible. He was always only snoozing, so it didn't take too long for him to wake up when Akashi called out for him.

    ''I am awake Akashi-kun.'' Kuroko said, sitting on the bed, looking around for his clothes with eyes, more so he won't have to look at Akashi, than that he actually needed his clothes.

    ''Good, go shower and dress so we can eat and leave soon.'' Akashi was already dressed as he always was up at least an hour before Kuroko. An hour in which Kuroko was forced to pretend he is sleeping, so he can be left alone for a little longer.

    Really, it didn't take long for Kuroko to learn that if he is sleeping his chances to be forced to please Akashi reduced to a minimum. If he was awake, Akashi would make him be ''useful'' and yeah, fake sleeping was much better.

    With that Akashi left the room and Kuroko went to the bathroom and under the shower without even thinking of complaining. He was glad to be capable to finally shower. He couldn't wait to get out of himself Akashi's cum and most of his scent. This was his favorite moment out of the whole night. It wasn't perfect, but still gave him some feeling of cleanness.

    After his shower Kuroko made sure to put on a lotion on his backside before dressing, quietly hissing all the while.

     Last night Akashi had been a little too rough. Ok, a lot too rough, he had even opened some of Kuroko's cuts. He had been upset because of something with his dad and had called Kuroko to come by. That is why Kuroko was here in a school day, something that didn't happen too often for his own happiness. In the most of the time Akashi preferred them to be together on the weekends, when he have more free time, but he always called for Kuroko when he needed release from the stress. No one cared if that meant stress for Kuroko himself. Especially not Akashi. He got what he wanted and that was the important.

    Looking at the clock Kuroko made sure to get ready faster. Akashi wasn't going to wait too long for him, so he needed to be downstairs in a specific 'get ready' time.

    ''Did you put cream on?'' Akashi asked once the blue eyed was downstairs.

    ''Yes, thank you for asking, Akashi-kun.'' Kuroko answered, sitting across Akashi, picking up the prepared for him sandwich.

    ''You can go home today after school, do not worry about practice.'' Akashi stated, not even looking at the bluenette.

    ''But I want to come to practice.'' He said, upset, because he really wanted to go. The basketball was the reason he was in this. If he didn't play then he suffered for nothing.

    ''I know you do, but you need to rest. You are going to catch up with Aomine tomorrow.'' The finality in Akashi's voice was so stern that Kuroko dropped the topic right away. Pretty fast he knows, but if he said something after this he would be in trouble, still he didn't liked the idea.

    You see, the problem wasn't entirely that he would miss practice today. With hard work he could catch up. The problem was that Aomine didn't have time for him anymore. He would spend around extra ten minutes after their main practice tomorrow to tell him what he had missed the day before, but afterwards he would go and practice by himself, completely forgetting that Kuroko was there until a few hours later when he is done for the day and wants nothing more, but water.

    ''Let's go.'' Akashi said, waited for Kuroko to finish everything, before both of them head to the car.

    The drive was quiet as usual, both of them in their own thoughts. Kuroko couldn't wait to go home already while Akashi thought of today's basketball practice and new strategies, so he wouldn't have to think about anything more serious. Something that will get him upset again like his dad or... Kuroko.

    ''Tetsu.'' Kuroko smiled hearing the familiar voice as Aomine was fast to go to him the second he was out of the car, pulling him for a kiss, without even a second thought. ''Akashi.'' Aomine couldn't not say hi and to Akashi, but only after their kiss. Otherwise, well, he would be a dead man. So the moment the kiss broke, he bowed his head in Akashi's direction, his body still firmly pressed next to the shorter boy, he just kissed.

    ''Daiki. How are you?'' Akashi greeted back. Taking his belongings from the car, before locking it.

    ''Mhm, good, and you? Did you take care of my Tetsu? You got everything you were back with?'' Aomine asked looking back at Kuroko, caring his hair.

     ''Yes, Aomine-kun.'' Kuroko murmured, craving the touch with all his heart.

     ''Don't you dare doubt me Daiki. Tetsuya was perfectly taken care off.'' Answered Akashi the same moment as Kuroko did. ''And yes, he is back on track with our studies. I will see you at practice, Daiki. Have in mind that Tetsuya will go home today to finish his assignment.'' With that Akashi left the parking lot, entering their school with nothing as a second look at them even.

     ''He is in a mood today, ah, Tetsu? How are you, my love?'' Aomine asked, putting his hand on Kuroko's lower back, pulling him a little bit closer.

    ''I am good. And how are you, Aomine-kun?'' He asked back, looking up to Aomine with full power love eyes. He missed him, even though they hadn't seen each other only for a few hours.

     ''Amazing, now that you are with me. I hate it when you go to study with Akashi. I feel as if he is gonna still you from me.'' Aomine said, kissing a line across Kuroko's face, between each of his words.

    ''No one can steal me from Aomine-kun, not even Akashi-kun.'' Kuroko let nervous chuckle. It wasn't entirely true, but it wasn't and a lie. He loved Aomine more than he loved anyone else. And Akashi he did own his body to a big degree, but not his heart. His heart was all Aomine's, at least until Aomine don't decide he doesn't want it anymore and breaks it to peaces. Which, if Kuroko is honest, he believes, will happen sooner than later.

    He loved Aomine and Aomine loved him back, he knew that, but still that doesn't mean that things will work for much long. After all, their relationship had changed a lot lately.

     In the beginning it was Kuroko and Aomine + basketball. Now it was Aomine and basketball + Kuroko. That means that Aomine paid much more attention to basketball nowadays than he did to Kuroko.

    Really, he was mainly there when Akashi was there, simply because he was jealous.

    But that wasn't the only problem in their relationship. The second and may be bigger problem was Kuroko. Kuroko knew Aomine wants for them to be more intimate. He wanted to touch Kuroko on places, different than his legs and hands. He wanted to care Kuroko's body properly. He wanted to be capable to touch his stomach, his chest, his collarbones, thighs, hips. To kiss every part of him, but Kuroko wasn't capable to give him that.

    Don't get him wrong, Kuroko did want him to touch him like there is no one else, but he was afraid that the moment he does, Aomine won't look at him a second time. That Akashi doesn't pay attention to Kuroko's body doesn't mean that Aomine won't. No Aomine most like would be disgusted by him and Kuroko couldn't stand that, so he couldn't let him touch him any more intimately. And he knew that that was the reason he would lose Aomine someday. But at least if he never shows his body to him, he could always blame basketball for their break, not himself. He didn't want second Kise. Couldn't take it. Would be a little too much for him.

    ''That is right, 'couse you are only mine.'' Aomine said, kissing him right after, groaning into his mouth. Kuroko loved Aomine's kisses and touch. It was so caring and soft, so much different than any other touch he had received. He could feel loved at that very moment.

     ''We gonna be late for class, Aomine-kun.'' Kuroko said, breaking their kiss, afraid for what could happen if he doesn't. He is been there and he know how easy for them is to lose track of the reality.

    ''Yeah... Ok... Let's go.'' With that Aomine took Kuroko's hand in his and started walking towards the school.

   Inside the school, both met with a  few other of their basketball friends and shortly after everyone went to their first classes, ending the main part of today's Kuroko's interactions.

    He wouldn't say many people paid him attention if they weren't from his team. A very little actually. Even his teachers liked to forget about him pretty often.

     And he did like his ''powers'' to be ''invisible'', but he wasn't always enjoying to be ignored all the time. There were moments where he wanted to have friends outside of his basketball team. Not that he complained, but it still would be nice to have someone to talk to more often than not.

    This time around, he got to answer as well, mostly agreeing with Akashi, because otherwise... well he may end up punished. Ok, the red hair was right if you ask Kuroko, the new strategies sounded good, but he knew they probably won't be used no matter what. So he just went along.

     After that he got to say goodbye to Aomine for the day with a promise for a call after practice. Got secretly reminded to put more cream on and went to his other classes.

     That's how soon school ended and it was time for Kuroko to go home. He took the bus, being a little too tired to walk. He still felt bad about missing practice, but Akashi had ordered him and Kuroko listened. Just like always.

    In a moments like this he hated everything around him. He hated his school, it was too lonely. He hated Akashi for picking up on him. He hated Aomine for leaving him alone so often. He hated the happy people going all around the streets and the teens chatting loudly on the bus. Couldn't they be more considerate of people around them? Not everyone wanted to listen to them. At a moments like this he hated even the weather or the bare thought of getting up from his bed. But most of all he hated how weak he is and how easy was to be controlled by others, but he knew he wouldn't be capable to stand before them. He was way too weak. How could he protect himself when he was way too scared to talk openly about his feelings and thoughts? When no matter what people barely paid him attention or listen to him. Also, it meant bickering and fights and he hated them. They were too troublesome, too energy draining, so he always staid back quiet and forgotten, until it became too much for him to keep it inside.

    When he arrived home, he greeted his grandma pretending for five minutes that his day had been lovely, and went upstairs to his room. Once there, he just curled on a ball on his bed and went to sleep, forgetting for his assignment at once, awaiting for a call from Aomine that never came.

Chapter Text

In the morning when he woke up, Kuroko made sure to finish his essay before he does anything else.

It wasn't that hard, he knew what needs to be done, so he simply did it. Writing nicely and tidy he did everything Akashi had ordered him. It was hard to forget what that order was, as he received it while being whipped.

''You gonna write 3500 long essay on island Kyushu's demography using the information from our textbook and the book I gave you, adding pictures as examples.''

Every word had been separated by whip to his backside and confirmed by ''Yes, Akashi-kun.''

The whipping had ended with a promise for a new one if the assignment wasn't done. So following strictly Kuroko made sure to finish his homework just before his school alarm sets off. His ass still hurts, so he wasn't up for another whipping that easily.

Switching off his alarm, he wondered why he had the alarm on at the first place, as he always was up way before it, incapable to sleep. At least it was like that most of the days.

After his assignment was done, Kuroko took a fast shower, really mainly just wetting himself, too far gone in thought to care about the outcome. Showers like that one were his specialty as he took them pretty often. The water was hot and burned his wounds away and that was all he cared about. The burning feeling in his skin. If he is honest, he loved the itching that came with it. It left in him the feeling of calm. So his showers more often than not were just for the that exact feeling.

After his shower Kuroko went downstairs to have breakfast. Looking in the cabinets, he took an apple and left the house. He had quite the time until school starts, so he opted to walk slowly. After all, the day was warm from the morning and gave him hopes that maybe it will be like that the whole day. Then he would be capable to walk home after school.

When he arrived at school, Kuroko went to the gym, where he tried shooting at the hoop. It was useless, but he still continued. Shot after shot, trying to forget his itching skin, that got worse with every missed one,  until in the end he got desperate and broke to the ground.

His hands were fast to find his tights. The small, but sharp nails scratching with all their might into the flesh. Back and forth, back and forth until in the end there were hot red marks all over his tights. His breakdown calming in a manner of anger and desperation, but not in pain and helplessness, followed by tears, so much tears.

He felt like shit. He couldn't understand why he wasn't improving. He wanted to be capable to play proper basketball. To be capable at least once to get a shot in the hoop that is not completely accidental. He needed to grow, to become stronger in an order to become what he dreamed, but he couldn't. No matter what he did, he couldn't help himself and that was eating him away.

The alarm on his phone shook him out of his attack. It was time for school to start. Switching the alarm off, he whipped his face and stood, taking his belongings. Then he headed to the door and the closest toilet, to clean his face a little bit, so no one could ask him questions.

That's how Kuroko was slowly walking towards his teammates. His head down, dragging his feet, not really wanting to be there. He wanted to see Aomine, but wasn't so keen to see Akashi. Still, he reached his destination way too fast for his own liking, only to be jumped on by Kise.

''Kurokocchi. Midorima is evil to me. He says my essay is childish.'' Kise said, his hand on top of Kuroko's shoulder.

''I can't really help you with that, Kise-kun.'' Kuroko said, taking a deep breath.

''You can tell him that it is not.'' Kise whined.

''I hadn't even read it.'' Kuroko said, looking up at Kise.

''You can read it. I will give it to you.'' With that Kise ran to Midorima fighting to snatch his essay from him.

Kuroko could never understand Kise, even after all this time. He was way too happy of a parson.

The thing is things between them were really strange and at the same time not. First, they were friends, then boyfriends, then enemies, then friends again.

When they broke up, things had been a mess, there was even a short separation inside the team. Kuroko was constantly crying, hurt by Kise, while Kise was absent of school and no more happy with other people's attention, avoiding every person ever flirting with him.

At that time Kuroko didn't want to do anything with him, the only time they met was at the court, where they played as if the other doesn't exist. Until in the end Kise was on his knees crying in Kuroko's feet, begging for forgiveness.

It wasn't easy for him to say 'yes', but he really missed Kise. They were very good friends and Kise was fun to have around, taking Kuroko's head out of his problems. He also missed the blond with all his heart, wanting their relationship back, so he said yes. And it was hard at the beginning, but he didn't regret it at all now. Well, in a moments like this he did just a little bit. Still in the end, there were still feelings for the blond in him, even if they were different, not romantic anymore, but more like sentimental, so he was happy to have back his friendship.

While Kise was fighting with Midorima, Kuroko was pulled for a kiss by Aomine. Their kiss was like always sweet and soft and sparking in Kuroko's opinion.

''Sorry, I didn't call you last night. I intended to do so when I go home, but I had fallen fast asleep.'' Aomine murmured after their kiss, kissing his hair.

''It is ok, Aomine-kun." Kuroko was already used to it, so he can't say he was as hurt as in the beginning. In the beginning he cried every time Aomine had forgotten about him, now he knew it will happen, so he didn't cry anymore.

"It is not. I promised you."

"It really is. I was sleeping as well. I wouldn't have heard you." Kuroko lied, happy to see Aomine calming down a little bit.

"Did you take a good rest?" He asked.

''I did, thank you."

"Here, Kurokocchi, I took it from Midorima." Kise was pretty fast to come back with his essay, big smile on his face.

"Kise, leave him alone." Aomine roared at the blonde, already annoyed by him.

"You don't get involved, Aominecchi. It is nothing to do with you."

"You are disturbing Tetsu." Aomine answered, pulling Kuroko closer to himself.

"I am not." Kise defended himself. "Tell him, Kurokocchi." He looked at him with big pleading eyes.

"I will read the essay later, Kise-kun." Kuroko said with a big air intake, taking the papers, that Kise was holding, incapable to tell him no.

"Thank you, Kurokocchi." Kise smiled at him and then turned around, making face at Aomine, running to not get hit.

"You are too good to him." Aomine commented, kissing him again, just as the bell rang. "Ahhh, I hate that shit. Ok, so I am gonna see you later at lunch, right? Love ya."

"Love you too." Kuroko said, blushing, even after so long, kissing back Aomine, before they separate their ways.

He said goodbye and to the others and headed for biology.


"So yesterday we played mainly the new schema. But it wasn't as well as Akashi would have liked it to be. In the beginning we did it, but then Murasakibara pushed me and then Kise started laughing and yeah... Then everyone was for themselves." Aomine tried to update Kuroko in the practice from yesterday as both stood in the gym, basketball in Aomine's hand. "Today was a little bit better, though. With you here the difference is big." A kiss followed, with Kurooko blushing slightly at the comment. He loves it when Aomine says something like that. It made him feel useful. "So, wanna start?"

"Yean. Thank you." Kuroko answered, smiling at the dark blue eyes.

With that, both started practice. In the beginning they exchanged the ball, trying to steal it from the other and shot, then it was Aomine stealing the ball from Kuroko 90% of the time and at the end Aomine was playing by himself, dribbling and shooting the ball from any angle he possibly can, Kuroko sitting on the bench, watching him.

Chapter Text

   Kuroko can't say he entirely hates just sitting and watching Aomine playing. Aomine was an amazing player, maybe the best he had ever seen. He moved with a perfect synchronization with the ball, grace in every detail as if he was created to just play basketball. To be a winner at the court and show people the beauty of the sport. His play was really breathtaking. So even though he was feeling down for not being on the court with him, he still enjoyed watching him play to a big degree.

    ''I knew he's gonna do that.'' Akashi's voice, even barely whisper, succeeded to startle Kuroko, forcing him to jump on his spot on the bench. 

    "What are you doing here, Akashi-kun?" Kuroko asked quietly, hiding his concern as a normal surprised question. 

     "Checking on you. I had a feeling Daiki would forget what his task actually is." Akashi answered, nodding his head in Aomine's direction.

     "I am just taking a break for a little bit." Kuroko lied, fidgeting in his place, hoping Akashi would believe him. Otherwise God knows what he may say or do. The options were from just leaving, through questioning Aomine, to fucking him. And he hated any other option, but the first. 

     "You are not. You are sitting here for more than half an hour. This is no break at all. Come. I will help you to catch up." Akashi turned around, making sign for Kuroko to follow him. 

     "It is ok, Akashi-kun." Kuroko tried to reason. He didn't want to go. He wanted to stay with Aomine. Practice with Akashi was way too exhausting. If they actually practiced. 

     "I told you to follow me, Tetsuya." Akashi said through his teeth, turning to look at the blueeyed boy.

     Of course that was enough to make Kuroko stand up and follow, no questions asked, no refusing any more. They went to the gym the second team at school trained at. Everyone long gone. 

     ''Let's try your passing. For the next season you need to be faster and be capable to redirect the ball for less time than now. It would be perfect if you are capable to read situations at that time as well, so you can expect blocks. That's how we gonna be capable to make more passes and if the others don't fuck around, more shots." By the time Akashi explained what needs to be done, he took a basket full with balls and passed one to Kuroko, who did his best to send the ball back at the redhead as fast as possible, starting a wave of passing balls at different directions. 

     Akashi threw the balls, one at a time at him, while he was supposed to run around the court and redirect the ball in the direction Akashi told him to. It continued until he was spent and couldn't stand on his feet anymore. Only then he was allowed to rest. 

     "Did you finish the essay?" Akashi asked, giving him a bottle of water. 

     "Thank you, Akashi-kun." Kuroko took the water and drank from it. "I finished it this morning. Already gave it to my teacher." He answered, watching up at Akashi, who was standing right before him.

     "Good. Tell me what your mark is." He smiled down at Kuroko. Not full smile, but smile nonetheless, a one that says 'Good boy.'

     "I will." Kuroko answered, looking down for a second. He didn't like that smile. It scared him. It was a smile that only he received as long as he is aware of. Really there probably wasn't any other person in this world, Akashi would treat that way.

     "If it is B or more, I will reward you with whatever you choose." Akashi said, petting his hair, making him look up again. 

     "This is just a mark, Akasi-kun." Kuroko said, he didn't really want the reward. He wanted to not get whipped again, that would be amazing reward, but as he knew Akashi, the other would tell him that that is impossible and make him choose something material.

     "So, I want to congratulate you for your good job. You know money are not a problem for me." The redhair smirked, still petting the soft blue hair, wanting to reassure the sitting boy that his intention was a good one. 

     "And if I get a bad mark? I will be punished." He had been brave, he knows how easy that can put Akashi off, but he couldn't keep his mouth shut about it. It was true and he needed to make a point that he doesn't want or need a reward. 

     "Of course not. I count that you have tried. If it is a bad mark, I will read the essay and we will see what you need to study more for." With that Akashi leaned to kiss Kuroko, his hand moving from his hair to cup his face. The bluenette turned his head at the last moment, just before the kiss.  

     "Someone may come, Akashi-kun." He said, fidgeting with his fingers, his body leaning backwards.

     "There is no one here at this hour." Akashi said. Everyone has gone home. He made sure of that.

     "Aomine-kun is in the next gym." He was, but as Daiki is Daiki, he wouldn't be out of there soon. 

    "We both know that Daiki won't leave the gym until the janitor sends him away to lock." With that Akashi tried again to kiss Kuroko, but he pulled once more. "Don't annoy me, Tetsuya." Akashi's hand moved down to cup his chin, turning his head so he can face him, his voice becoming cold in a mere second.

     "Please, Akashi-kun. Aomine..." Kuroko tried to explain, to reason, but Akashi cuts him by sharply pulling his hair and painfully squeezing his chin.

    "Daiki doesn't care about you. All he cares for is being the best basketball player." Akashi spat, now fully standing above Kuroko, pulling his hair with all his might. His chin at least free.

     "And all you care for is someone to play with." Kuroko snapped back, loosing control over his feelings. He didn't mind Akashi being bitch to him, but he would always defend Aomine. And what he just said wasn't true. If there is one thing Kuroko was sure about was that Aomine loves him, and love means caring, right? 

    "That is it. You called for it this time." Akashi said, as he started pulling Kuroko at his hair towards the gym closet. "And dare scream for help. I will kill whoever comes, including your beloved Daiki. I thought you knew better than to anger me." 

     His range was full power, radiating through his whole body. He couldn't understand Kuroko. He wasn't in a mood to do anything with him today. All he wanted was to make sure Kuroko catches up on his practice and reward him for his good job at school. He had planned for them to share a nice and soft kiss. A one that would reassure Kuroko that his hard work is appreciated. So what if the kiss didn't come from Daiki? He doesn't even care. He doesn't even care!

     Once in the closet, Akashi closed the door and threw Kuroko onto the wall, starting kissing him forcefully. The kiss wasn't nice and gentle, as planned beforehand, but fast and rough, including biting here and there, especially when Kuroko refused to open his mouth. Something that happened for just a short few moments. His hands were dancing on Kuroko's body, squeezing every little bit he could all the way and pinching his nipples when he got to them, scratching his torso a few times, making sure to bring the bluehead as much pain as possible in this little space. 

     After a few minutes of this he pushed Kuroko to his knees and pulled down his shorts, freeing his cock. Fully erect and leaking. 

     "Make it nice or you will regret it." He said, before forcing his cock into the boy's mouth. 

     Akashi had ordered the bluenette to make the blow job nice, yet, he didn't wait for Kuroko to start sucking him, but simply started fucking his mouth. 

     In just a few short moments the blueeyed boy was shaking in his arms, his air cut, hair pulled, tears in his eyes, saliva down his jaw. All of that muted by Akashi's moans. He was fast in his movements and pretty rough, deciding it would be fun if he choke Kuroko, putting his hand on his throat. 

     One hand was on his throat, the other in his hair, both moving in sync to fuck the helpless boy before him. The grip wasn't the best, he admits, but did the trick to make Kuroko's breathing harder and his throat tighter. 

     This continued for a while. Trust after trust, again and again, until he came in the boy's mouth, keeping his cock in there for an extra few minutes, just to torture him. Making sure he swallows everything. 


Chapter Text

    "You can go and cut your veins now. You little shit. Remember who you are and who I am. You don't get the right to talk to me like that and even more to ever refuse me. If I want a kiss, I will get a kiss. If I want a fuck I will get a fuck. That it is. You are mine to do what I want with you. Be happy that I'm even letting you be with Daiki or anyone else for that matter. Don't forget your place, Tetsuya."

    Akashi had said, throwing Kuroko to the ground, after he was done with him, 'nicely' pressing with his shoe on his chest. Then he left him there, chocking for his breath.

   His throat kills him now, to not talk about his scalp. He wasn't sure what was worse. He couldn't even protect himself at that time. Akashi didn't give him the chance to try and make him happy by making the blow job good. That wasn't even remotely blow job. That was nothing more but face fucking. 

    He felt as he's gonna vomit, even after washing his mouth 7 times already. 

    He hated when Akashi was like that. He felt more than no one. More than nothing. He felt as if his body was a rag doll and he wanted to set himself on fire, just to remove the feeling. Still, he would never cut himself because of Akashi. He could cut himself because of Kise's cheating or Aomine forgetting about him. Loosing a basketball game or a bad school score, but never ever Akashi. He could never give him that pleasure. He knew that this is one of the things the red eyed wants him to do, because if he do that, then he would be entirely his. At least that is what Akashi thought. He thought that the blood would open the way to him. The wound itself would be his signature and the scar would be the proof. He had said million times things like that hitting at Kuroko's insecurity, but Kuroko knew better. He wasn't that stupid. He may not be the brightest mind, but he knew it was a trap from the first moment he heard similar words. Akashi was smart and he knew Kuroko pretty well, he knew what this meant to him and what would do to him. He knew that once Kuroko cut himself, because of something Akashi says or does he won't stop there. There would be a second cut, then third, then more, many more. Suddenly he would be his toy. Even more than now. He would become way too much dependant on him. He would need Akashi's approval and his support. And he would do everything to have them. This was a game and he wasn't going to lose it. This was his body and his pain. He was the one that decided how to express it. What to crave on himself. 

    Even so, he still needed something to get everything happening between him and Akashi out of himself. The same way he couldn't cut, he couldn't talk with anyone. First no one won't believe him, second if they did, they may be in danger, even he himself, so after the first few of their ''dates'', when he had unintentionally cried, he made it his routine. Every single time afterwards he cried. He cried for the pain he was feeling in his body. He cried for the suffering of his heart. For the humiliation. He cried because he was a victim, still he couldn't do anything to protect himself. He cried because he was cheating on the love of his life. He cried, because there wasn't a way out. 

    The truth even through he cried, he wasn't proud of himself for it. He felt as if he was even weaker than usual. A real man would take it better. Would stand for themselves, but he was still barely a boy, a boy needing to get all this negative energy coming from Akashi loose and if he wasn't going to hurt himself to free it, he needed another option. With time he understood the situation better and founded that that was the best way for him, even if it painted him as a crybaby. 

    In reality crying helps him a lot in dealing with Akashi, after all tears were there to express humans's sadness and pain and that is what he did. He used his natural right to cry, and where crying couldn't fix him he used baths. One to clean his mind, the other to clean his body. Just like now. He loved the many bath bombs, creams and oils he owns, as when he mixes them together they completely killed Akashi's scent out of him. He was feeling so much better after one of them. His skin like prunes, smelling on mixtures of fruits and flowers, sometimes even something sweet like chocolate. 

    In short baths were very nice. He could almost forget about what have happened earlier. Almost.

    He sat straighter in the tube, whining softly. He doesn't understand Akashi. Hell, he doesn't understand even himself. 

    He knew he shouldn't be annoying Akashi. He knew what would happen. Still, he opened his mouth. But at that moment he didn't take in account the pain nor the angry Akashi, he just took that he was talking bad about Aomnie and that he was just a meters away from them. He didn't want to kiss Akashi when Aomine was that close. It felt wronger than usual. And more so he couldn't take it if Aomine finds out about them, especially like that. If they had kissed and Aomine had walked, he would never believe Kuroko that this was forced kiss, he would think that he is playing with him. He simply couldn't take it if it happens. Kuroko was sure he would die, the day he and Aomine break up. 

    Yet in the end Akashi still took what he wanted and Kuroko took the risk for Aomine to find out, just with the cost of his voice for the next few days.

    As for Akashi he wondered why it was him. He couldn't understand why he had chosen him. This was something he had asked himself since day one. At first look there wasn't reason for the heir to choose him. Like he wasn't handsome, nor from a good family, nor he was talented by anyway. His life, his future was the one of an ordinary person. He wasn't going to become successful basketball player like Aomine. Nor was he going to be model like Kise or doctor like Midorima. He wasn't good at cooking like Murasakibara and have a chance for his own restaurant, lastly he wasn't heir. He was more likely to play basketball until he graduates high school and then go into some cheep college. He still doesn't even know what he wants to do with his life. He wanted to be a basketball player, but it was obvious he would never be one, so that was out of the way. If he is honest, no matter how much he tried he couldn't image himself as any good professional. He always ended up with a things like cashier or shop assistant, waiter or cleaner, if he was lucky driver. Not that these were bad carriers, he respected people with this professions as they were a big part of the wheel moving everyday life, but none of them looked like something that would make Akashi happy. God, who he is lying to he didn't even know if he is going to be alive long enough to have career, to talk about that. Anyway, the point is that no matter how much he thought about that he couldn't understand why the red head has chosen him. He could have literally everyone else. Girls and boys together were fighting for his attention. He was a dream for many, still he went after Kuroko himself. 

   So after many, many thoughts Kuroko decided that Akashi is simply sadist and is with him, because he is an easy victim. Very few people cared about him and would notice if something is happening or happens to him. His cutting was a perfect proof for that. No one aside from Akashi knows and it has been years since he started.

    All in all he had just his grandma and his teammates. His grandma was old enough, she won't be capable to fight with Akashi. And his teammates- most of them could be lied pretty easily. Aomine would be a problem for a short while, but he was sure that Akashi would lie to him as well eventually. We are talking about Akashi after all. 

     And being the one Akashi thinks is the easiest victim made him understand how pathetic he is. How little he means. He was like an ant. An ant that could and would be smashed in a mere seconds, when Akashi Seijuro gets tired of him.

   "Mine". Akashi had said. He says it over and over again. He calls him his, but Kuroko, he wasn't his. He wasn't an object to belong to someone, even if he could be object and belong to another human being it wouldn't be Akashi. It would be Aomine. He could always chose him. Yet, he actually really belonged to Akashi. His opinion didn't mean anything. The truth is that Akashi really can do whatever he wants to him, after all he is raping him with months now and no one knows, no, even worse, if they knew, they won't be capable to do anything. 

    He hates himself even more when he thinks about that, still somehow he couldn't hate Akashi. Even after he came to terms about what exactly is happening with him, what his captain is doing to him, he still couldn't hate him. He is afraid of him, very much so. And he hates everything he is doing to him, but he can't bring himself to hate him him. He wasn't sure why. Maybe because Akashi wasn't always like that. There were times where he was a pretty nice person and he was nice to Kuroko as well. He took care of him to do his studies and improve at court, even if that was so long ago. There were period when they were friends, like actual friends. They talked and joked and trained and went out together. They were friends, but were, now he wasn't sure what they are. 

    When they were around other people they were almost like before, almost, but when they were alone Akashi was nothing short, but the devil himself. Still, no matter what, Kuroko couldn't hate him. He got really annoyed by him and upset, but no matter how much he wanted he just couldn't hate him, and that made him loathe himself even more. He was so weak that he couldn't bring himself to hate his own rapist and bully. 

    He took a deep breath, his hand buried in his hair. It is being around three hours and a half after he got into the bathroom, and it was time for his grandma to come home soon, so he needed to get out of the bathtub. So slowly, lazily he got up and released the water, stepping out of the tube, right after. He took his tower and dried himself, trying to not pay attention at his fingers and how funny they looked- all mushy. Then he got dressed, cleaned around the tube a little bit with the shower, removing the left bubbles and went to his room. 

    He still has to go through his homework and read for tomorrow, even though he wasn't feeling very much like it. It was kinda good that he had it as it would allow him to take his mind out of things. So he took his school books, sat on the floor of his room, next to his bed and started going through tomorrow's subjects. 

    First was math, he hated it, but he had it almost every day, so there was no way out of it. If he wants to remind in the club, he must keep his grades at a good rate. So he stared reading his homework sheet, everything mixing together into a big number storm. 

    That is how slowly, but surely he did half of it, when his phone went off on his bed, next to his pillow. He looked up from his notes at the screen. He got a new message. 

   Slowly he reaches to take his phone, opening the text. 

    "Do you feel better?"

    It was from Aomine, the 4th message today. He couldn't even tell him goodbye earlier. He was too ashamed of himself to go back into the gym. He looked and felt like shit. He was going to make Aomine ask him questions, so he left the school grounds shortly after Akashi, sending Aomine message, saying he wasn't feeling ok and is going home. Aomine had texted him back around half an hour later asking if he can come to visit him, but at that time Kuroko was still vomiting and trying to scrub his mouth to be capable to see him, so he had told him that it would be best if he didn't. Then Aomine had sent two more messages, telling him to take a rest and to text him if he needed something. 

    "I do. Thank you, Aomine-kun. I took a bath, feeling much better now."

    He typed, tracing with his finger over Aomine's message, wishing to be strong enough to call him here. He needed him, but it was better if he wasn't there. That's how Kuroko has time to sort out his feeling, instead rushing and doing something stupid as telling Aomine the truth. 

    "Glad to hear that. Do you want to go to the cinema this Saturday?"

    A new message came shortly after he sent his, forcing an unintentional smile on his face. He would love to go to the cinema with Aomine. It was always nice when they went there. 

    "I did love to."

    He sent back, biting his lower lip, to contain his smile. 

    "Settled then." 

    "See you tomorrow. Take a rest. Love you."

    God, he loved him too. How could he even be upset with Aomine, when he was always so sweet? Like the only flaw he had was forgetting about Kuroko when practicing by himself. He was perfect and always could make Kuroko feel calm and happy by just being there. He didn't have to even try. He really was just... 

    "I love you too. Have a nice evening, Aomine-kun."

    He sent back, still biting his lower lip. Then he left his phone back on his bed and picked up the math book, trying to go back at the problem he was solving, incapable to concentrate anymore, thinking only how much he loved Aomine. 


Chapter Text

   "What the fuck?... This is my table." Suddenly before Kuroko was sitting a dark red haired male. Plate full of burgers in front of him.

   "I am sorry, but I was here first, you just didn't notice me." It was obvious that this was the case, it wasn't the first time this has happened.

    "What? No way." The male said, his face screaming at Kuroko what he actually wants aka Kuroko to leave the table.

    "I won't stand up." Kuroko said, before the red hair have any chance to tell him to leave. 

    "Why?" He asked, looking expectedly at Kuroko, giving up soon after. "Aaaa. Ok. Whatever." The stranger looked around, looking for another free table, but there weren't any. "The place is full." He murmured under his breath.

    "I don't mind sharing." Kuroko said, sipping from his shake. 

    "Sure about that?'' The male asked, receiving a confirmation nod. "Thank you." The other guy said, after a few moments of thinking, just making sure of himself. "Kagami Taiga." He introduced himself, taking in hand one burger.

    "Kuroko Tetsuya. Nice to meet you, Kagami-kun." Kuroko said, purposely teasing Kagami. He looked like a guy he can tease pretty easily. 

    "Already on kun... Ok then. Same here." Kagami answered, clearly shocked, entertaining the bluenette.

    "You are new in the city, right?" Kuroko asked afterwards, starting small conversation.

    "Yeah, how do you know?" Kagami spoke through a full mouth.

     "I haven't seen you before. And 'Maji Burgers' is a small place." Kuroko said, looking around, most of the customers were regular.

    "So you are native here?" Kagami asked next.

    "As native as I can get." He said, smiling at the thought. He was born here, yes, but it was funny to call himself native.

    "Nice. Can you tell me more about one of the local high schools. Teiko. They say it has a nice basketball team. Is that true?"

    "It is true. Why?" So Kagami was a player as well? He was tall, maybe he was one. One can never know.

    "I want to play there." Came a cocky response.

    "You play basketball?" So he really was a basketball player.

    "Aha. And what do you like?" Kagami answered with a full mouth.

    "The same. I am in the baskteball club actually."

    "You are? Aren't you short? Which basketball club?" Wow, rude. He was short for a player, true, but still Kagami was way too honest about it. They just met, he could save his feelings.

    "I am not that short. I am in Teiko." He answered, the exact moment his phone rang. "Excuse me." He said, checking his phone. He got a message from Aomine.


    'I am gonna be late. Let's meet at the cinema?'




    He typed back, missing the shocked face Kagami had.

    "I apologize Kagami-kun, but I need to go. It was nice meeting you." He politely apologized, before standing up to leave.

    "Same. See you at school I guess." Kagami said, waving his hand, not having the chance to ask Kuroko any more questions.

    "Yeah, most likely." If he showed up to try for the team they may meet, otherwise he was not that sure. But who knows.

    With that Kuroko left the coffee shop, throwing away his vanilla shake. A new message arriving at that very moment. 


    'Don't forget about tonight. I will be waiting for you.'


     This one was from Akashi and Kuroko made sure to delete it straight away, so Aomine never sees it. He wants to have a nice day, so Akashi was out of his plans and mind until the very high point of the evening. 

    After he deleted the message, he walked to the station to take the tube to the cinema, being matters just of a few minutes. When he arrived, he was earlier than Aomine with about 10 minutes, which he spent on his phone browsing his social accounts for something interesting.  

    "Sorry I am late, Tetsu. I couldn't find my wallet." Aomine said, suddenly appearing before Kuroko, leaning for a kiss, the moment he stopped talking.

    "It is ok, Aomine-kun." Kuroko replied after their kiss, putting his phone away into his jeans's pocket. 

    "Did you decide which movie you want to watch?" Aomine asked, his hands at Kuroko's hips.

    "I hadn't. I don't really know which one I like better. You can choose, I don't mind." He said, putting his own hands at Aomine's hips, looking up at him.

    "That is sweet of you, but I want you to choose something you would like." Aomine said, with time he has learned that Kuroko rarely says which movie he actually wants to watch. 

    "I am serious, Aomine-kun. I don't know. I don't like any, but I also don't dislike any. I- I don't know." He was telling the truth. After deciding to go to the cinema, both started looking for a movie they can watch, but nothing could catch Kuroko's eye. There wasn't any outstanding movie for him to point and say 'I want to watch this movie.' 

    "Ok, then." Aomine let out a deep breath showing his surrendering, then he took Kuroko's hand in his and pulled him towards the screen with the movie names on it, reading carefully, then he pointed at a movie starting in half an hour time." What about this one?" He asked, looking expectedly. He likes the summary, but wasn't sure if there would be something for Kuroko inside. Still the movie didn't look bad at first sign, otherwise would be one of the movies starting in the next hour and something. 

     "Seems good." Kuroko answered, a small reassuring smile on his face.

    "Ok, then." A kiss followed after Aomine's agreement.

    With that, the dark blue eyed boy brought two tickets for the movie, after that the two of them went to the till waiting to buy some snacks and drinks, then straight to the screen. 

     Inside it was just the two of them for a while, so Aomine used the time to make out with Kuroko. It was mainly kisses, but he also tracked his thighs above the jeans a few times, Kuroko's hands onto his chest, massaging the muscles they, still nothing too much as it was a public place. In the end, both were out of breath by the time the next person came into the screen. 

    The movie wasn't exactly Kuroko's type, but he didn't dislike it either. It wasn't a bad one, it was just an idea too violent for him, but that made it perfect for Aomine. He still liked the plot, also he liked how Aomine was cuddling him closer on every harsher scene. It was nice. He also liked the way his boyfriend was feeding him popcorn to distract them from the more heated moments between the main characters, so it was alright movie. 

    After the movie ended, they decided to go to "Maji Burgers" again, as they missed having a shake before the movie. It was a stupid tradition for many, but to them was a good way to spend more time together and a nice addition to the movie. There they talked about the movie, about school, and a few other common things laughing all the while. Then it was already dark outside and soon after, it was time to go home. 

    "How is your grandma?" Aomine asked, both walking hand in hand, on the way to Kuroko's house.

    "She is good. Missing you, always asks me when you gonna come to dinner." Kuroko said, smiling, remembering how his grandma buggs him about Aomine. She was as direct as old person can be and was always asking strange questions that don't really concern her, then says something like 'bring Daiki-chan on dinner. He will tell me.' Like he will. He would never, both knew it,  but she still said it to fluster him. Then she would always add 'Seriously, bring him. I hadn't seen him in ages.'

    "I can come this Tuesday. My parents are out. If that is ok?" Aomine said, after thinking things over for a few short moments. 

    "That would be wonderful. I will tell her. She will be very happy." Kuroko answered happily. He also likes it when Aomine comes for dinner, not just his grandma. 

    "Thank you for the beautiful day, Tetsu." Aomine said soon after, both already in front Kuroko's house.  

    "Thank you too, Aomine-kun. I had an amazing time." Kuroko replied, stopping in his tracks, turning to face Aomine. 

    "May I come tomorrow?" Aomine asked. 

     "In the afternoon if you are free." Kuroko answered. He still had to attend Akashi the morning and he wants time to clean himself, before he meets Aomine.

     "Afternoon then. But please, let's not study."

     "We won't, we can watch something or play a game." Kuroko anwsered, laughing at the dark eyed boy and his dislike for studying. 

     "I like the game plan. I am gonna bring my game so we can continue from the place we left it." My game meant 'Mario Kart 8'' Aomine loved that game and played it every chance he have, but to Kuroko that game was nothing more, but a pain. He hates it, mainly because of that Aomine always beats him on it. It was unfair. He wasn't that bad of a player even. It was just that Aomine was too good at it. 

     "So you can beat me." Here he pouted slightly, just to annoy the other. He knew Aomine hardly can resist his pout. 

     "We don't know that for sure yet." Aomine teased, playing with Kuroko's hair. 

     "We do. I always lose at this game." He made his pout stronger. 

     "You will learn, I know." He said, this time seriously. 

     "I hope so. I really want to beat you on it." Kuroko replied smiling, teasing.

     "You wish, but I will teach you how to beat the others." Aomine laughed. 

     "I can work with this." Kuroko said, shrugging slightly. 

    "See." Aomine answered happily.


    "I don't wanna leave." Aomine said, looking sadly at Kuroko's house, then at him, cupping his face. 

    "We will see each other tomorrow." He would like to invite Aomine inside. They can do a sleepover, it would be so nice, but he still needed to go to Akashi's. 

    "I know, but still..." Aomine replied, his voice sad. "Ok, then. I will go, before I give up to my wish to take you with me home." He  adds, smiling this time. Defo dirty thoughts into his mind, making Kuroko smile at how simple his thinking was sometimes.  

    "Go then." Kuroko said, smiling as well, pushing Aomine little to give him a head start. Then they kissed and Aomine left.


Chapter Text

God, he was handsome. So handsome that Akashi couldn't believe it is possible for such a beauty to exist. In a man or a woman alike. 

With a smile on his face, Akashi tracked the air above Kuroko's face. He wanted to touch him, but if he did, he will wake him up and he preferred it when he could watch him sleep, without being taken for a creep. 

Akashi took a heavy breath, smiling sadly. He hated himself for what he was doing to Kuroko, and he knew Kuroko hates him too, still he couldn't help himself. 

This thing... these feelings... he has towards Kuroko were way too strong. So strong that he could feel them in every part of his body, burning inside of him, wanting to take him whole if he wasn't near the blue eyed boy. 

He still remembers the first time he saw him. It was at this exact moment he fell in love with him. Someone, no, most of the people could and would laugh at him for saying it was a love at first sight, but it really was, so he would take any joke about it without any shame. 

It was a little bit after they went into Teiko and Kuroko was still in relationship with Kise. Actually, that was and the only reason he was moving into the first string basketball team players. Kise and Kuroko had been together for a few months, meeting at the second string team play. A friendship was fast to form, especially with Aomine connecting link between the two, then somehow they became a thing. Then Kise had taken him to meet with them. 

Kuroko was sitting all small and fragile among everyone else, smiling happily, teasing Kise. Everyone was laughing, but only Kuroko had that charming aura around himself, and even through the joke was about Kise, everyone was watching at Kuroko.  

At that very moment he knew that all of them wanted him, but to some of them was just a momentary. The 'in the heat of the moment', meeting the infamous Kuroko Tetsuya, Kise and Aomine were always talking about. But to him it was more. To him it was just the beginning of his fall. 

The thing was that every time he was with Kuroko, only one thought was in his mind 'he is amazing'. Again and again until his feelings were so big that he couldn't stop them anymore. 

At first no matter how much he wanted he did nothing to show his feelings or to win Kuroko over, respecting him and his relationship with Kise, then they broke up. That was the first time he allowed himself to have a spark of hope that maybe there is a chance for them. 

So a while after their break up, enough time for Kuroko to forget about Kise, he asked him to go out with him. Receiving the answer that he is not ready for a relationship yet. He was hurt, but he understood, so he left it at that. God knows he never expected what came afterwards. 

Kuroko was in a relationship with Aomine just a month later. 

He was livid. He didn't understand with what Aomine was better than him. That was the first time he felt something break inside of him. He wanted to ask, to shout and force Tetsuya to give him his date, but he couldn't. Not because of something else, but because Kuroko had sought him and explained to him that he himself wasn't expecting for them to end up together. He had said that he and Aomine had gotten together just the day before. He said that they were watching a movie when Aomine had kissed him. He pushed him back, explained that he is not ready, that he can't, when Aomine had answered that he already is. 

The two had always been a good friends. They spend a lot of time together, even before Kuroko and Kise happens, training in the old gym. Then when Kuroko was heartbroken he had sought unintentionally Aoomine's comfort. As his best friend he had started to be more and more dependent on him to heal his broken heart. Both becoming closer and closer until a point where they had behaved as a couple without even realizing it. So after a hard thought Kuroko had given up and decided to try again at love, he was still very cautious, but he felt enough comfortable with Aomine, to not feel as if they were in a different dynamics than before. He said over and over again: 'I am really, really sorry Akashi-kun. I swear I don't want to hurt you or our friendship, please forgive me.'

Akashi would think that this was all bullshit if the one saying it wasn't Kuroko. Because he knew Kuroko, he knew he won't intentionally lie to him when he refused that date with the intention to harm him. So he clenched his teeth and wished them happiness, saying that his question at that time had been momentary, but he is ok now. 

He wasn't ok. He was getting worse and worse by the day. The thing is, seeing Kuroko happy with somebody else, every single fucking day was killing him and if that wasn't enough, he continued to fall for the blue eyed more and more. 

He founded a new part of him, he loved every day, from the way he talked to the way he breathed. He loved his voice, his eyes, his determination, his humor, his boldness, his low presence, his stubbornness, his laugh, the way he scolds the bigger and stronger than him without any fear, he loved even his flaws. How he always fell dribbling, how he forgets about homework, always making this cute face at the same time. How his grades were as average as possible. How he was allergic to cats and hated certain foods and so many more. 

And with every ounce of love he gained towards Tetsuya he felt more broken and more alone than before and nothing could fulfil his void. Nothing, but Kuroko himself. 

He got so bad to the point he started preparing himself and his documents to transfer to another school, so to try and forget all about him. 

That was the moment his luck came. Finally after so long. 

It was really heart breaking moment in Kuroko's life. The trainer had 'advised' him to quit basketball as he wasn't improving at all. The moment the others heard they knew it wasn't really advice, but he was telling him to do so. Akashi hated to see Kuroko cry that's is why he asked the trainer to give him a second chance. After that he went to Kuroko and told him that his training will continue with him for a short while so he can keep his spot on the team. That night he spent looking for ways to help him improve finding his usual admiration to Kuroko's low presence as the key. That's how he gave him his misdirection. 

When he succeeded not only keeping his spot in the team, but becoming one of the first string players, Akashi tricked him into drinking alcohol to celebrate. To Kuroko it was only alcohol, just a tiny drop, in reality it was spiked with drugs. It didn't take much to convince the drunk Kuroko that he owns him, even sober Kuroko knew it, and then he made the deal. If Kuroko wants to stay in the basketball club, he needs to give Akashi what he wants. If Kuroko wants to save his honor and friendships, he was to be good and listens to Akashi. That night he didn't touch him, but he sure made it look and feel that way. 

When Kuroko woke up the next morning and heard the situation he is in, he was a mess, Akashi knew what's gonna follow when he goes home, so he made sure it doesn't. His soul broke even more, but he needed to. He asked Kuroko if he is gonna cut himself for him.

''I want you to come tomorrow to show me your new cuts.''

"W-w-what?'' Tetsuya asked quietly, unbelieving.

''Tomorrow, show me your new cuts. I know you gonna cut today for what just happened, so I want to see my trophy tomorrow.'' He had said. Kuroko's face was full with shock. He shook his head.

''I-I am not gonna c-cut.''

''Why?'' He asked.

''I-I d-don't w-want to-to.'' He sobbed, burring his face in his hands.

''I guess we will see.'' He said, begging Kuroko deep in himself to keep his word. 

He never thought that Kuroko was cutting, he is sure no one knew, so when he first saw it it was a huge shock. It took him quite the time to custom his thoughts and accept what was happening. His heart still hurts when he sees a new cut on the white skin even after so long. 

Afterwards he didn't see Kuroko for a whole week, the former called sick. He never had seen Aomine like this, so annoyed all the time, on the edge of exploding, troubled with concern. He himself wasn't better as no one had any news from him, they knew only what his grandma had told them when they asked. When he came back at school, he behaved normally. 

The next weekend was their first night together.

Kuroko was crying the whole time he was at Akashi's. 

Akashi gave him tea, telling him it will help him relax, but Kuroko didn't drink much of it. He was shaking, silently crying, his eyes directed at the floor. 

Akashi drank his tea in one go and asked Kuroko to stand up and undress. The shock on the other's face was as clear as a day, still with trembling hands he reached for his buttons. 

"Please, Akashi-kun, please, don't..." He begged stopping for a second in his tracks, looking up at Akashi for the first time since he got here. 

"Undress, Tetsuya. You don't want to upset me, you won't like it." Akashi replied, mastering piercing expression, that said how serious he is.

With a loud cry Kuroko started unbuttoning his shirt, then he did the same with his pants, he stopped at his underwear incapable to continue. 

"Go to the bed." Akashi ordered. Kuroko did so with shaking legs, tripping over himself. "How do you want it missionary or all four?" He asked, shocking Kuroko. 

"W-what?" The boy asked, eyes wide and scared.

"You heard me. Choose or I will do it."

"All four." He whispered, after a few seconds of thinking. Obviously he didn't want to see Akashi's face in the act. Akashi was happy about that, he was afraid he may break if he sees Kuroko's face as well. It was the better choice.

When Kuroko took position on the bed, he buried his head in the sheets, crying furiously. Behind him Akashi took down his underwear and processed to prep him. He put a lot of lube and worked his fingers slowly. Only after half an hour did he stoped, making sure Kuroko was nicely prepared. 

"P-please. O-oh, God, please don't Akashi-kun. I-I beg you." Kuroko started crying even harder when he felt Akashi taking position behind him. 

"Stop it, Tetsuya." He said, smacking his ass pretty hard. 

He was going with it, he was way too deep to stop now. He could feel his body burning with desire. He was going to make Kuroko his in just a few seconds. Slowly he pushed his cock inside the smaller boy, letting out a deep breath when the tip of his head was inside. 

"I-It h-hurts, Akashi-kun. Please, I-I can't. Please, please... It hurts so... so much..." He cried stronger, gripping the sheets, his body naturally moving forward to escape the torture. 

Akashi squeezed harder on his hips, pulling him to himself, bottoming. The feeling was amazing. He was the first one to ever taste the sweetness of Kuroko. He was as tight as a virgin can be. He couldn't believe it. The feeling was the best thing ever, it was so good that he forgot everything about Kuroko's pleads. 

He waited for a minute or so before he starts moving. His pace was slow and almost tender, making sure he doesn't destroy this first experience with rushed movements. 

Gradually he picked up the speed, his hands now letting go of Kuroko's hips in order to caress his body. He bended down and kissed all over the smaller boy's back and neck. His hand found it is way to Kuroko's penis, that was nothing more but soft. 

He kissed, and he touch, he tried to make the other erect, he trusted harder and harder, faster, but even after a while he couldn't finish. Kuroko had grown quieter. Still crying, he wasn't begging anymore. He just laid there and took it, his fist going white after holding the sheets for so long. 

At this time Akashi knew he wouldn't come, so he just pretended to make a noise as he had and pulled out of Kuroko. He threw the condom straight away, so the other boy doesn't see it was empty and took a wet wipes and cleaned the boy's rear, his cock going soft soon after. 

"Can you stand up?" He asked, receiving a murmured reply. He waited a few seconds and tried to pick up Tetsuya, but the boy jerked away. "Ok, then. I am going to run out a bath, when you are done here, come in the bath, but don't make me wait too much for you." He said, leaving the bluenette laying on his bed. 


Chapter Text


    The next morning, after that first night together, after Kuroko went home, Akashi locked himself in his room and cried. He cried as strong and fierce as Kuroko did a few hours prior. After that somehow he went into an anger attack, hitting and throwing everything he can see. At that time he broke quite a few of his belongings, some of them he needed to repair afterwards, but he couldn't help it, he was really angry at himself. Then when he was left with no more strength, he broke into the ground and cried some more, until in the end he fell fast asleep, exhausted, on the floor of his room. 

      The next day, at Monday, Kuroko wasn't at school again. This time he was missing only one day. One day in which Akashi was on the edge of a breakdown, itching to go and find Kuroko. 

      The time afterwards, when they were together again, Kuroko didn't cry at all, nor did he beg, nor the times after. Most of the time he was quiet and answered Akashi calmly, as if they were again just a friends studying together at his home, never mind what they really did. No, wait, it was even worse, he was behaving as if they were on the court. Not showing his real emotions, a calm and unreadable face. A face that made Akashi angry and frustrated at some degree. Also, he never looked at Akashi. He looked everywhere else, but at him. Out of everything Kuroko did, that was the worst for the heir.

      Yet, even after all the hard work to hide, Kuroko could never trick him, Akashi still knew he was crying when he goes home, as his eyes were swollen every time he saw him afterwards. For the first month, Akashi cried and got angry all the time as well. It was hard to bend himself to continue, but he knew if he stops, that was it, Kuroko would never be his again. 

      And the feeling when he was with him it was the best feeling ever. Even with the way he behaved. Even with fear and hatred between the two, he still felt better than at any other moment in his life. Kuroko was capable to delete everything bad happening in his life. He gave him power to deal with the pressure coming from his father and the wish to continue forward. He was his everything, just looking at the boy for a few minutes charged him for days on end. And holding him, touching him, Akashi wasn't even capable to express the feeling. It was so strong, made him so happy, that he simply couldn't give up on it. He couldn't give up of Kuroko even if that killed him.

     The problem was that with time he changed for real, not anymore a game, not anymore aware what he was doing. He didn't ask himself what is wrong and what is right nowadays. He didn't fight his desire, nor the darkness inside of him. He even became more cruel towards the blue eyed boy. Especially in the moments he still stood up to him. They were rare, like the one at the gym, the other day, but there were there. 

      Kuroko didn't like to be spanked to make Akashi feel better, even more he didn't like for it to be his punishment. Nor he liked to be tied no matter the reason, when he was tied, he felt even worse than usual. The feeling of helplessness was stronger and that freaked him out. He also hated when he was pulled out of his own plans, when he had ones, because sometimes they were important or he needed to make fake excuses, which was hard for him being bad liar. He also didn't like to be treated as a doll on Akashi's father's parties, when he was Akashi's company for the night. But if he hated something the most it was to be taken pictures off, that made him snap really fast, forgetting in what situation he was. That is how he fought with Akashi most of the time anything like happened plus a few other situations, which Akashi couldn't think of, as they were very rare and short lived. Anyway, all this fight between the two made the red hair more cruel and more cruel. He beat him more, he tied him more, he starved him and locked him in a small dark cabinet for as long as possible. He forced him to do the unthinkable whenever he felt like it. In the end things had gotten to a point that Kuroko barely ever opposed him anymore. Even when he did, he was much more tamer. Most of the time one look and Kuroko listened. He knew now that if he doesn't fight with him the beating would be less, he won't be tied, nor Akashi would pull him out of his plans, if it is not extremely urgent. And when it happened, well it has happened. 

    Now things were better for both of them. Both knew their part and played it. 

    Akashi wasn't sure when he had fallen asleep, but he woke up holding Kuroko tightly around his waist, while the other was trying to get up, Akashi rutting at his rear. He groaned, he had a morning wood that he was trying to get rid off in his sleep. 

     "Don't move, Cherry Blossom, give me just a minute." He said, holding him firmly, moving faster, his mouth right next to Kuroko's ear. His head on top the blue one. He started kissing the line of his jaw, moving faster and faster, the head of his cock hitting the top of his lower back, just on top Kuroko's ass crack, his checks hugging his shaft tightly, pushing him towards his orgasm with the speed of an F1 car. He came with a soft moan, biting at Kuroko's ear. "Such a good boy." Akashi whispered after he came, kissing his neck next.

      "I really need to go to the toilet, Akashi-kun." Kuroko said with a small sigh, squirming under the red hair. His hand was in the rare position on top of Akashi's in a movement to try and free himself.

      "Hurry up." He said, letting Kuroko go.

      "Thank you." Kuroko whispered, walking fast towards the bathroom. 

     The boy took less than a few minutes, then he returned to bed, next to Akashi or more like Akashi had patted the bed with his hand to tell him to go back there. Kuroko did so, laying on his back, his hands on top of his belly, watching the ceiling. It was something as his waiting position. He waited for Akashi to tell him what to do.  

     "What do you want for breakfast?" Akashi asked, hugging his waist, his arm just under Kuroko's, his head on top of the boy's shoulder.

     "Everything is ok." Kuroko answered indifferently, not moving an inch.

      "Tell me." Akashi insisted, squeezing slightly with his hand, just for a mere second, before he let it loose again. 

     "Toast would be nice." Kuroko said. Toast was almost his usual, if he was given the choice he would either eat toast or cereal. Never asking for too much. For what he actually wanted.

     "Sandwich then." Akashi said, kissing his shoulder, before sitting up.

      "Sandwich is not a toast, Akashi-kun." Kuroko let out, moving his head slightly looking up at Akashi.

      "You need to eat more. Also, it is just a sandwich, if you want I will toast the bread a little. Wait here." With that Akashi bend and kissed Kuroko, then he stood up from the bed and headed downstairs to the kitchen, where he made two sandwiches, took a bottle of juice, two cups and went back upstairs. 

     "How is your homework?" Akashi asked, giving Kuroko his sandwich and a cup of juice. 

       "Thank you, Akashi-kun. I did it on Friday." He replied, taking a bite of his sandwich.

       "Did you study?" Akashi asked next, looking for something to keep Kuroko longer here. 

     "Also at Friday." He said, after he swallowed what was in his mouth. He learned to finish all his work on Friday or Saturday, very rarely leaving anything for the Sunday. 

      "Good, so what did you do yesterday? You didn't answer my text. You should have been busy." Akashi half asked half mocked, taking a sip of his juice. Kuroko looked out the window, swallowing his next bite, before murmuring his answer.      

     "I was out with Aomine-kun." The answer barely hiding the fear to be pronounced. Kuroko knew it was a bad topic, but he couldn't exactly lie as Akashi could easily pick up on the lie or later on Aomine would start talking about yesterday and then Akashi would be mad for that he had lied to him. So with almost no choice Kuroko answered truthfully, prepared for punishment for ignoring Akashi.

     "I see." Akashi said. Again Aomine. He was there all the time. He really didn't like Aomine and Kuroko's relationship, not just because of his love towards the blue eyed boy, but because Aomine didn't care properly for Kuroko and that irritated him. 

      Aomine may love him, but he didn't care what is happening to him as long as it didn't disturb him. It was obvious in everything they did, but Kuroko was blindly in love to see it. Never mind that Akashi was also blinded by love and couldn't see properly the relationship between the two. For him Aomine would always be the bad guy. 

     "What did you two do?" He asked as if the topic of Aomine wasn't bothering him at all.

     "Went to the cinema." Kuroko answered, looking down at his plate, afraid of Akashi's next reaction. He really hoped that won't piss him off somehow. He was way too tired to be capable to keep another round. 

     "Sounds nice. Some day we need to go as well. Would you like that, my sweet Cherry Blossom?" He asked bluntly. Both knew Kuroko wouldn't like it, but Akashi did. If just the two of them went to the cinema, he could pretend it was a real date. 

     "If you want to, we will go." Kuroko said, no more hungry. Akashi obviously was in a good mood today, if he had called him 'Cherry Blossom' two times already. He called him like that only when he was in an extremely good mood. Shame for the good pet mane, he liked it, but he hated that Akashi of all people called him like that.  

      "I am gonna keep you to it." Akashi commented, serious in his intention as always, finishing eating as well, not like Kuroko, but for real, he actually ate the whole sandwich.

     "What are the plans for today?" Kuroko asked, leaving his plate on the night stand.

     "Well, we have both done our homework and studies, and I am not in a mood to train right now. I don't have left any work. We also just ate... I don't think there is a lot we can do, at least I am in a lazy mood today, so just stay until my dad goes out. Then you can go." He said, returning back at his spot under the blankets. 

      "Are you sure about that?" Kuroko asked, surprised, unsure. A day like this was rare, super, super rare. Usually if they had done everything else, there would be sex, or other activity. Sometimes Akashi would work, while Kuroko was founded something else to do. He really was in a good mood, Kuroko thought, he needed to remember what he had done to put him in it, so he can repeat it and have this easy days more often. 

      "Yeah. Lay with me. If you want I have a new books on the shelf. Choose something from them to read, I will take a nap." He said, turning on his left side facing Kuroko.

     "Thank you." Kuroko said, standing to take a book, after that he sat back on the bed, fixing the pillow, so he can lean on it. 

    After Akashi was sure Kuroko was comfortably seated, he hugged him, putting his head on his stomach, closing his eyes. 

      This wasn't normal Sunday, he knew. In reality Akashi still had some work to do and knew he was softer than usual today. He could always think of something to do, as he couldn't fall asleep that easily after he was already awake, but he had fallen asleep late in the night and was a little bit tired. As about sex he had just come an hour prior and wasn't in the mood for it. He had been slightly too rough last night. Not as a proper rough, but he didn't stop for a long while and was sure Kuroko was sore. He didn't want to tore him, after all he had been good last night. So lazying around was it then. 

      That's how he could at least spend some time with Kuroko. This was the only reason why he had him there right now really. He also knew that Kuroko prefers it that way anyway, just reading, not being disturbed and as for Akashi himself. This moment right here and now was nothing short but perfect, the only missing was Kuroko's hand playing with his hair. 

Chapter Text

     "So we are in the same class." Kuroko said, making the boy that just sat at the desk before him jump and turn around. 

    "What?... Kuroko! What are you doing here?" He asked, surprised, eyes as wide as peaches.

    "Sitting." Kuroko answered bluntly, like how stupid was that type of question.  

    "What? Wait... Are you in this class?" Kagami asked. Finally remembering what they had talked about just a day prior at "Maji Burgers" and connecting the both ends of the string. 

    "That is what I said." Kuroko replied, still enjoying himself on Kagami's back. If Kagami was going to be like this, Kuroko was going to play with him. He hadn't had that type of person around him since he met Kise. Now Kise wasn't as funny anymore. But now there was Kagami.

    "No, you didn't... So we are classmates. Who would think of that. That is so cool! That makes it at least one person that I know at this school." Kagami said with a smile, truthfully happy. 

    "Yeah. Good to see you again." Kuroko said back. He really was happy right now, even if his face didn't show it much. Thinking for a moment he realized Kagami was the first person he can actually talk with in class. Even if he wanted to be part of the basketball team, he still was someone Kuroko met outside of court and school. If he was careful he may be on his way to find a new friend. 

    "Mnn". Was all Kagami could say before the teacher come in the room.




    "Ahm, Kuroko, you know... what are your plans for lunch?" Kagami asked a few hours later, wondering what to do with himself, now that it was lunch time. He didn't want to eat alone, but he still hadn't made a much of friends in the last few hours to go have lunch with them out of the blue. Not that Kiroko was a much better situation.

    "I will be with my boyfriend and the others on the basketball team. We usually have lunch together. Why?" 

    "Ow, sorry then." Kagami said, looking a little bit down. He couldn't expect that Kuroko doesn't have someone to have lunch with. How stupid he is?

    "You can come if you want to. I am sure they won't mind." Half sure to be more correct. Some of them would, but he felt bad about Kagami. Today he met a few of their classmates more closely that introducing himself, but none of them intended to have lunch with him.  

     "Are you sure?" Kagami asked, receiving a nod. "Thank you." He continued. "So you have a boyfriend?" He asked next as the two of them started walking toward the cafeteria.  

    "Yes. Is that a problem? Like you are homophobic?" Kuroko answered, his tone changing slightly bit on his last sentence, looking up at Kagami, his blue eyes an shadow darker. He didn't want to have to deal with that type of person, especially with someone who was in his class. 

    "What? No! No. I am bi, so I don't care much, it is just a new info about you. You know, something to talk about." Kagami said awkwardly, scratching his head. 

    "I see. I apologise. Yeah. We  have been together for a year and four months now. He is part of the basketball team as well. The ace. He is much better than me if I need to be honest. But.. yeah... And what about you? Do you have a significant other?" Kuroko said, a smile appeared on his face after he started talking about Aomine. He was smiling before that as well, but the smile coming with his boyfriend was much different. As if the sun had appeared in a rainy day. At least that is how Kagami can explain it.  

    "No. How can I with this moving and all? It is way too complicated." Was the dark red hair answer. He wasn't much about this type of stuff anyway. 

     "Well, you can find someone now." Kuroko said, mostly just to continue the conversation. In reality Kagami really can easily find someone girl of boy alike, but Kuroko didn't think that this was something that is his business. 

     "We will see, I really want to get into the basketball team first, so I am more concentrated about it than a partner. Maybe later on." Kagami shrug his shoulders. He really wasn't looking for partner soon, for his happiness the two soon got into the cafeteria and Kuroko lead the way for them to his friends, everyone's eyes on them. 

    "This is Kagami-kun. He is new. I invited him to eat with us." Kuroko said, introducing Kagami, before anyone can confront him why there is a stranger with them, hoping they won't send Kagami away.

    "Nice to meet you." Kagami said, waving awkwardly.

    "Same." Answered Aomine, pulling Kuroko towards him, not really paying attention to Kagami. He didn't even look at him properly. All he cared for was to have Kuroko into his arms. 

    "Mnn" Was Murasakibara's answer, while Mindorima nod his head, both busy with their food, especially the purple giant. Midorima simply didn't want to talk with someone that he doesn't know and most likely won't meet again. 

    Kise, on the other hand was happy and answered with "Are you friend of  Kurokochhi's?" Waving as well, his hand changing direction soon after to invite Kagami to sit next to him. 

    All the while Akashi said nothing. He was just staring at the new boy. He didn't like him already. He wasn't just somebody if he was present there. Kuroko had invited him for lunch, in their group, with them, just like that. This alone was a reason to dislike him, so Akashi was as rude as he can be and didn't acknowledge him at all.

     "I wouldn't say we are exactly friends yet, but we met the other day at 'Maji Burgers' and now turns out we are in the same class, so..." Kagami said, sitting next to Kise.  

     "So there is someone in your class you can talk with now?!" Aomine asked quietly, nuzzling at Kuroko. Kuroko stayed quiet. He wasn't sure how to answer that, especially with Kagami here. He didn't want to show how pathetic he is this fast. 

     Next everyone, ok, mainly Kise, started asking Kagami questions. One after the other. In the end they got to the topic of basketball. 

    "How can I join the team?" Kagami asked bluntly, not even remotely concerned that the topic was better to be saved for later, when the people present get to know him better and be more willing to open their team for him that they were now.  

    "You can't." Akashi answered, talking for the first time since Kagami had come. His tone was extremely unpleasant, rude and cold. 

    "Why not?" Kagami asked, disbelieve clearly written on his face. 

     "Because were are done with our trails." Akashi answered. "You should have come in the beginning of the year."

     "That is not a proper reason, a lot of clubs take new people all the time.  Also I am very good. You won't regret it." Kagami opposed, angering Akashi even more.  

     "That is my decision to do and I said no." Akashi said, with finality, which only Kuroko and Midorima could pick on. 

     "Why not Akashicchi. At least lets see how he plays." Kise interrupt extremely unaware of the position he was putting himself in. 

     "I am curious as well." Aomine added. Just because. He could use some entertainment as today had been more grayish of a day. He would enjoy smashing the new guy.   

    "Don't..." Was all Midorima could say, before he was interrupted by Kagami and his fast mouth.

     "See... Kuroko tell him I am good." Kagami said, suddenly turning towards Kuroko, watching him with pushing, hopeful eyes. 

     "Don't involve me." Kuroko replied. He wasn't going to get on Akashi's bad side because of Kagami. If Kagami gets into the club he can do so without offering his head to the hangman. 

     "What? But we are friends. You need to help me." Kagami continued, confirming to Kuroko that, yes, Kagami was extremely stupid person. He should stop the topic while he can.

     "We are not, I just took pity on you." Kuroko said, his tease thick, his annoyance just under it. 

     "Still, you can back me up. Hell, back me up, because you feel sorry for me." 

    "I hadn't seen you play." Kuroko replied, giving up on their bickering and going for something that could actually get him out of Kagami's mind.

     "So. You can help me out, then I am gonna prove myself and it won't matter." Kagami added, pride all over the place in just a few seconds. 

     "I am not betting my name like this." Kuroko said sternly.

     "But... Kuroko..." Kagami cried out.

     "One game. We gonna play today and see what is gonna happen. If you lose you are not to try for this team ever again." Akashi interrupted. He didn't want to continue listening to this guy pursuing Kuroko. Couldn't he take a hint. Like if he didn't stop him now, they would spend all their break like this. All of them bickering about this guy's desire.

    "Got it." Kagami said, bright smile full with confidence on his face.




     Later on into the gym, after their usual practice, Akashi and Kagami played against each other. In general the game was good, it succeeded fulfilling Aomine's wish for entertainment. Kagami hadn't lied them when he said he is good. He was very good indeed, keeping up with Akashi for a big part of the game, but still the captain won the game without a doubt. Yet no matter Kagami lost the game, he in the the end he let him join the second string. He didn't really care about Kagami at all, still didn't like him much, but the way he talked with Kuroko. Kuroko obviously had fun and Kagami was in the same class as him, that meant Kuroko wouldn't be as lonely as before in his classes. Really the decision was pretty easy. Of course for the others he said that he can see Kagami's talent and that it can be beneficial for the team, no one could see what the decision maker was. He gave the new boy one month to prove himself to keep his spot in the team. A month that was going to change everything between them all.  


Chapter Text

     The month given to Kagami went on fast for everyone, changing the basketball team one by one along the way. The changes weren't big enough at the beginning nor were they easy to notice by the team itself, actually very few people caught up with what was happening or cared about it. Then it was way too late.

     The first week it wasn't much different than the usual everyday life, the only change was Kagami who was trying to fit and get familiar with the school, the people and his new schedule. The team simply got a new guy. Nothing had changed much. Same went for Kuroko's situation. At that time Kuroko was still cautious about Kagami, so the time the two spent together wasn't that much, nor what they did. During that first week they mainly did classes together and basketball practice, combined with lunch, often getting to know each other in the mean time. They talked about school a lot, Kuroko answering Kagami's questions about their fellow students, teachers or anything to do with the neighborhood. 

      The second week, was slightly different. In the second week Kuroko and Kagami started to go to school together as it turned out they actually meet halfway through the way. They also started doing their homework together. The conversations between them became easier and easier, moving to their hobbies, their interests, their everyday life and families, giving the first of the seeds of their proper friendship a life. 

      Afterwards things went pretty fast. In the third week of the given month, Kagami became part of the first string, proving himself at a much better level than the second string players. That is how he and Kuroko started playing basketball together much more often. And if in the beginning, it wasn't obvious how easy they worked together afterwards it was impossible for one to not notice it. Things were going so good that in official games, Kuroko directed half of his passes to Kagami. That week was and the week Aomine started changing as well. 

      Seeing Kuroko and Kagami's relationship he was fast to become jealous of the new student. Kagami not only succeed to become a proper part of the team, but he also became very good friend with Kuroko, as the only person he shared classes with and the only person he walked to and from school. Soon they were almost inseparable, spending the majority of the days together. 

      It was obvious that Kuroko changed once he was there. He seemed happier. He was more happy. Kagami was something he wished for in a long while. Someone to share his classes with. Someone to be his friend and someone to joke around with. That loneliness that was almost always there was almost gone. 

     Aomine couldn't stand the way things were going. He was happy for Kuroko, but he started seeing him less and less. Every day was a fight with Kagami and Akashi for the blue eyed boy's attention, and one would think that the only person he needs to worry about was Kise as his ex. Yeah, right. Kise was the only person he shouldn't have supposed to worry about. Only to him Kuroko paid close to no extra ordinary attention. So seeing the way things were becoming he forced himself to change. He change so much that he was almost stick to his boyfriend. Now he was there more often than not and it was easy for everyone to pick on it. He stepped away from the  basketball and started spending more time with the blue head. He stopped at once forgetting about him when they had practice, actually he was spending every one with him making him stay later on with him as to not go home with Kagami. Kagami of course used every chance to stay behind and practice as well, but Aomine used it as an opportunity to show him how close he and Kuroko were. That is how, because every thought in his mind was that he needs to protect them from Kagami, they spent much more time together.

     He still was shit jealous from Kagami and the way Kuroko was behaving around him so much care free. Seeing as Akashi wasn't enough and now there was and Kagami, both wanting to take away Kuroko from him, he started looking at his back, accidentally making Kuroko the most happiest he has been in a while. 

     Talking about Akashi he could pick up on what was happening as fast as Aomine, even faster, becoming more and more angry with himself for allowing Kagami into the team, but could he throw him out? Of course not. Why? Kuroko wouldn't forgive him if he did so. And Akashi hated the idea of Kuroko hating him even more for a reason as stupid as this. He also couldn't throw him out of the team because the trainer and the team all were head above hills about Kagami's talent. It was hard to throw him out. So he sat at the side and watched his love getting stolen not by one, but by two other people. 

    He still had their weekends together, now demanding even Kuroko's Friday's nights, just so he can spend more time with him, just so he can separate him from the others and try to talk some reason into him. He talked and talked, he told him again and again that he needs to stay away from Kagami more often than not, but Kuroko was stubborn. He said time after time that there is nothing to worry about Kagami. That Kagami was a good person and he wasn't thinking their bad. Akashi couldn't do anything to change his opinion. And this time force wasn't going to fix things. This time he could only hope that Aomine could contain Kagami and protect Kuroko from him. For the first time in his life he was on Aomine's side. Why? Because the devil he knew was better than the devil he didn't. 

    The thing is that Kagami really was an idea too close to Kuroko and he knew it. He was so close that he started actually having feelings for him. He didn't want to be in a relationship, per see, but he could think about it if it was Kuroko. He was something that Kagami thought would be only a dream. He was little and soft, gentle and caring, funny and strange, but still cool and sweet.  He cared about his friends and people in general. Like if it was to choose whether or not to help someone else or help himself he could actually chose the former option. A little people were like that and Kagami couldn't stop admiring him for it. He liked how much they had in common and the spirit the boy cared around. He was there to pick up his teammates when they had lost their spirit or their way in a game. He was blunt as shit and annoyed Kagami everyday, always calling him dumb or moron and being all sarcastic with him. He had the most charming aura and the sweetest smile. On the surface, he was someone people could never notice or cared about, but in reality he was the soul of the basketball team. So day by day he was falling for Kuroko more and more, giving Aomine's jealousy's roots.

     And the last involved Kuroko was as pure as the first fallen snowflake. He got no idea what was happening. He was simply happy to have a new friend. He was simply happy to have Aomine back. He was living the happiest period of his school years. His days weren't as lonely as before. Even if he actually wasn't the one doing the talking or anything much more different than before it was extremely nice. He actually started looking forward to his days and reduced his cutting to a big degree. There wasn't a reason other than Akashi to hurt himself and that meant he rarely did so nowadays. He still did, after all he was addicted to it and the calm it was giving him, but compared to before he was doing much better. As to the question if he liked Kagami like everyone seemed to think the answer was simple. If you ask Kuroko directly about what he feels towards Kagami he would say that he was a nice looking with a good character, and that he is a good friend, more he would say that if he wasn't in a relationship already he could form a crush on him, but that was there for it. In short, there was a part of Kuroko that liked Kagami, he would be an idiot if he couldn't see all the good in his new friend and the way the two completed each other's personality, but that part wasn't big or important to the blue haired boy. He loved Aoimne and in his heart there was no space for anyone else.  

Chapter Text

    Aomine was buzzing with excitement. This was the first weekend he and Kuroko get to spend with each other in a long while. True, he had to beg Akashi to free Kuroko from his studding for just this one night. He begged and begged, he promised to be in his debt if he lets him off the hook for just once. Kuroko was doing really well with his studies, so he could afford one night. It took him two weeks and a half, but in the end somehow Akashi had agreed, so now Aomine and Kuroko had a sleepover date. 

     Aomine took two glasses of coke and went back into the living room to find Kuroko cuddled up on the couch, typing on his phone.

    "Everything ok?" He asked, leaving the two glasses on the table, before sitting down next to Kuroko, hugging him from behind. 

    "Yeah. It is just Kagami-kun. He is bored and is asking us to go to 'Maji burgers' with him." Kuroko replied looking up at Aomine. 

    Kagami again.

    "What did you say?" Aomine asked, cursing Kagami into his mind. 

    "I refused. It can wait 'till tomorrow." Kuroko said, smiling, leaving the phone to cuddle back in Aomine's arms.

    Now Kuroko had said it can wait, but that was rare. In the past two months Aomine got used to be left behind because of Kagami. Was it because Kuroko had promised Kagami to go shopping with him, or because they had homework, or because Kagami is in a bad period and depressed or really any other reason. It all had happened before and Kuroko had always chosen the other. It was Kagami, Kagami, Kagami where ever he went, whatever he did. Now for first time in weeks, Aomine felt important enough for Kuroko to stay with him. He smiled at himself, at least tonight he was staying with him. It would be way too disappointing if he was left alone again, after everything he had done to ensure this night for the two of them. 

    Now, seeing how things are between the two, Aomine felt like shit for ignoring Kuroko for all this time, but he swears he had never ever intended for it. It was just that he wanted to be better at basketball. He wanted to be as good as a professional, before he even become one. He wanted to win a sport scolarship or at least the attention on one of the better sport schools, so he can play into a good team, sooner than later. He hadn't realized until soon how much this desire of his damaged his relationship with Kuroko. And now, now he was loosing both his dream and his love because of a jerk with an ego as high as the skies. That was driving him crazy. Really crazy. Just the thought was enough to make his blood boiling with anger. 

    He kissed Kuroko's temple, turning his attention towards the screen. It wasn't the time to think about Kagami. Today was all about Kuroko.

    As it was a sleepover and a rare free night, both had turned their outside date into a home date and were watching a movie after their dinner. What better way to spend a free night than a cliche, right? This time around Kuroko had chosen the movie and as such he was paying it much bigger attention than Aomine. 

    Aomine himself couldn't stop thinking about his plan. He really hoped it would work out. He knew Kuroko didn't want to have sex and he didn't intend for them to do do it, but he couldn't stop himself anymore. He needed something more. He needed to make sure that Kuroko is really his and only his. He needed some kind of a reassurance. He needed one long ago. This void was the other of the reasons he focused so much on basketball. The more he played and exhausted his body, the more he could forget about the burning feeling deep within him telling him to just take Kuroko. At least that is how he started paying so much attention to the sport, then it turned out as a maniacal dream, drowning Aomine. 

    After many, many thoughts, he discovered that he doesn't want to hurt him, but he needed their relationship to be more intimate. Especially right now with Kagami there, he needed something to make him believe that Kuroko was his and only his and not anyone's else and his melted teen brain couldn't think of a better proof than that. 

    "Are you tired?" Aomine asked, hearing Kuroko yawn. 

    "A little bit." Kuroko almost whispered, tired, but still paying some attention to the movie.

   "Do you want to go to bed?"

   "... Yeah... If that is ok." Kuroko answered, looking up at Aomine, his eyes red with heavy eyelids.

   "Of course." With that Aomine switched of the TV, took Kuroko's hand in his and both headed upstairs to his room. He would clean the living room tomorrow morning, it wasn't that dirty nor that important. 

    Once upstairs one by one both went to the bathroom to change and prepare for sleep. When Aomine came back into his bedroom, he founded Kuroko laying on the bed, his eyes barely open. For an instant he felt bad about what he intended to do, but then again he was also little trilled. He hoped Kuroko would trust him enough to process with his idea. This was his own way to prove himself their relationship was strong. This would prove Kuroko's intentions to him. Otherwise, it may be the end of them. 

    Stepping into the room, Aomine closed the door and switched off the light, then laid down next to Kuroko, kissing him passionately, surprising the other boy.  

    "Do you trust me Tetsu?" Aomine asked quietly, breaking the kiss, seeking the baby blue eyes. 

    "Of course." Kuroko answered, smiling, chasing after Aomine's lips again, already missing their softness.

    "Then may I try something?" Aomine asked unsure, breaking again their kiss, kissing under Kuroko's jaw line.

    "Like what?" Kuroko whispered, still half between sleep and awake, not thinking much about what was really happening. 

    "You gonna see." With that answer Aomine stood on top of Kuroko almost on his hands and knees, starting to kiss down the bluenette's neck. Kiss by kiss on top his pajama he lowered himself following the other's body.

    "What are you doing Aomine-kun?" Kuroko asked with shaking voice, now fully awake, stopping Aomine going lower, holding him with his hands. His body now half way up, looking with fearful eyes at his boyfriend. 

     He couldn't do what Kuroko thought, right? He won't do it to him. Is that why they were alone in the house, Aomine's parents presumably visiting his grandparents? So he and Aomine could be alone. So they can have sex. Was that Akashi's doing? Is that why he was free from him tonight? He wouldn't, would he? They both wouldn't do such a thing, right? Right?

    "I want to make you feel good." Aomine said, looking little upset for being stopped midway. 

    "Aomine-kun..." Kuroko swallowed his tears. He was much better than before if we talk of cuts, bandages and all that, but still there were a lot of scars that Aomine could and would spot without any problem if he undress him. He couldn't allow that. 

    "You said you trust me Tetsu, right? You are not behaving as if you do. I won't hurt you. And I won't undress you. We are males. It is pretty easy to get us naked without... getting us naked. I am not gonna touch any of your insecure parts, I promise. Also, it is pretty dark in here, I can hardly see your face, to not talk about what you don't want me to see in your body." Aomine said, strangely calm to his own ears and even more calm and somehow reassuring into Kuroko's.

    "Do you mean?" Kuroko asked unsure, a hint into his heart and mind what actually was happening. 

    "Yes. So what do you think?" The question was an unsure, but still hopeful whisper.

    "You won't get down my trousers? Or shirt?" Kuroko asked on his own, his voice trembling. 

    "I won't. I promise." Aomine reassured him. 

    "... Ok, then... Ok..." Shaking, Kuroko laid back on the bed, freeing Aomine from his grip. 

    "I love you." Aomine said, kissing on top of his belly, before slowly continuing moving down. 

    This was it. Kuroko had agreed. Aomine couldn't believe it, but he was so so grateful. Right then and there he promised himself that he wouldn't let him down.

    Arriving at his pubic region, Aomine paused, looking up at Kuroko to make sure he was still ok with it. He hoped they could talk with their eyes, but Kuroko had closed his, his hands gripping the bed sheets tightly. Aomine heart skipped a beat. Was Kuroko this afraid of intimacy? But still he trusted him enough to process with it? It was really heart breaking realization to him. Now he was sure he really can't let him down no matter what.  

    "I am gonna lower your underwear now, Tetsu. Is that OK?" He asked gently, receiving a nod. 

    He kissed once more on top Kuroko's penis, above his trousers, before he proceeded to lower them, revealing only the area around his cock, nothing more, nothing less. 

     "So beautiful." He whispered, fascinated by the trembling member. Kuroko wasn't entirely hard, but Aomine had expected as much, still his excitement could only grow. He knew Kuroko was scared, he was as well, but there was nothing for them to be afraid of, right? They knew each other for so long. They were best friends, they were lovers, they were a proper team. They were safe with each other. At least that is what Aomine told himself to calm down his heartbeat. No, he didn't tell himself that to just calm himself as if it was some kind of a lie, so he can just sleep with Kuroko. No, he believed, honestly believed, that they were all of that, even more.

    Slowly Aomine started kissing the upper side of the bluenette's cock. Very, very gently, so he doesn't scare him, carefully, he took the tip into his mouth kissing and caressing it with his tongue, his hand holding the base, massaging it with his long fingers, forcing a small moan to escape Kuroko's throat.  

    That is how slowly but surely with the same tender touch, the same care, Aomine started moving deeper around Kuroko. He took him an inch more with every movement of his head, until in the end he swallowed him whole, gagging himself for a few seconds. He wasn't used to the feeling of a cock hitting his throat, but he managed to hold himself back from vomiting. The feeling itself wasn't bad, it was just new. Then he moved up, tracking again the member in his mouth with his tongue. New moan echoing into the room, encouraging his actions. 

    This wasn't the first time Kuroko had received a blowjob, Akashi had taken care of this. Akashi had taken care to take anything first in sex from him, there was little they hadn't done until now, but this for sure was the first time he wasn't afraid of what was happening. He actually, like actually, felt the pleasure building inside of him. Aomine's touch was so gentle, so loving that Kuroko could almost forget about his fear to be naked in front Aomine. He could forget about Akashi as well. He could forget about everything right now. Now in his mind was only Aomine and the burning feeling in his abdomen. 

    "Aomine-kun. I...I am close. Please be car..." Kuroko wanted to pull Aomine from him so he doesn't cum into his mouth, it would be embarrassing, but his hands couldn't move Aomine's head the slightest, until in the end it was too late.  

    He was shaking furiously, but for a first time ever it was because he was experiencing such a strong climax. Not from fear or pain, nor from disgusts, but because an amazing orgasm. 

    "You are tasty, Tetsu." Aomine said, popping up from his position. He kissed a few times the already softening cock, before gently wiping it with a wet wipe and putting it back into it is trousers. 

    "Aomine-kun..." Kuroko exhaled ashamed, hiding his face with his hands. How could Aomine clean him and tag him just like that? Like no one did such a thing. No one. How embarrassing was that for both of them.

    "How are you feeling?" Aomine asked, moving up to meet face to face with him, kissing his chest, before looking up, waiting for an answer. 

    "Amazing." Kuroko answered truthfully, forgetting his shame, his hands moving to curl up inside Aomine's hair.

    "So you liked it?" Aomine asked next with fearful, but hopeful voice. 

     "Very much so." Was all Kuroko could say. It was the best feeling in his life. Who could think something like that was possible?

    "I am glad... Just give me a minute. I am coming right back." Aomine said, kissing Kuroko again, before standing up, heading towards the door. 

    "Aomine-kun?" Asked Kuroko, sitting up.

    "I just need to go to the toilet real quick, Tetsu." Aomine replied, turning his head, smiling at him, already halfway through the room. 

    "Please let me take care of you." Kuroko said, looking at the floor, ashamed of what he was asking for, but still willing to do it. He could feel Aomine's boner earlier and was sure he was going to the bathroom to get rid of it. 

    "It is ok, Tetsu. This was about you, not me. There is no need for you to feel as you need to give it back." Aomine smiled reassuring. He really felt that way. He wanted to touch Kuroko, to caress him, but he had never expected for Kuroko to touch him back. Not like that. And even if it was painful he could could never force Kuroko for more. He knew that even this was way too much, to seek return on the blow job.

     "But... I want to. I want to know... how... how it feels. I... I am not gonna get the courage to do it again. Please, Aomine-kun." Kuroko pleaded, looking up at the other boy.

    "Are you sure about that?" Aomine asked, stepping back towards the bed.

     "I am." A surprisingly sure voice said, before Kuroko reaches to pull Aomine closer to the bed, pulling down his trousers, exposing his cock. 

     This was the first time he saw Aomine's cock, and he couldn't help but compare it with Akashi's. The shape was different, the length as well, the color was out of question, not to talk about the thickness. Everything between the two boys was different, everything but the taste, the taste was almost similar between them. They had almost the same taste and Kuroko wasn't sure does he like it or not. It was good that the taste was similar as he had gotten used to it, but it reminded him of Akashi. At least until he didn't hear Aomine's moans. 

     This was something entirely new to him. The moans itself and the way they made him feel. Hearing Aomine's moans made his heart tremble with happiness. This was the very first time in his life moans didn't disgust him. For the first time ever he was actually happy with himself that he was capable to make someone feel this big of a pleasure to let out such a shameless sounds. This was not only something new, but also something welcomed, he found out. 

    So enthusiastic, he started moving faster and faster, he gave his best into this blow job, without actually giving his best. He knew how to make the best of best blow jobs, but he couldn't do much as he should be virgin at this. Aomine couldn't know that this wasn't his first blow job, so he gave teeth marks here and there and some sloppy tongue work, yet in the end he brought Aomine to an orgasm. 

    "Tetsu... Tetsu... Fuck... Tet..." Aomine tried to move away from his mouth, just like Kuroko earlier, but Kuroko didn't budge even an inch. He had tasted so much cum before, he needed to taste Aomine's as well. It was the first time he wanted to swallow the cum thrown into his throat and he didn't regret it in the slightest, because it had the best taste ever. He swears in this. Not that in reality it tasted that well, he just really, really wanted it. 

    "Are you ok?" Aomine asked, cupping Kuroko's face with his hands, making him look up at him. 

    "Never been better." Kuroko answered, pulling Aomine to lay on  the bed with him. All he wanted now was for them to cuddle and sleep next to each other, feeling loved and happy, and that was exactly what he got. 

    This was a night when both Kuroko and Aomine felt the happiest they could be. 

Chapter Text

    Where was his phone? Where did he forget it? Where? It wasn't in his homeroom. He is sure of that. He was playing on his phone when he left the room. The cafeteria? He went there a few hours ago and his phone was with him not until around an hour. So it shouldn't be in there either. It wasn't in his locker, he just checked. So after everything else was out of suspicion, there could be only one place it can be if it is not lost forever, which he really hoped it is not. He couldn't deal with buying a new phone. 

    "Guys, I am coming in a few minutes, wait for me." Kagami suddenly said, attracting all the present boys attention.

    "Where are you going?" Midorima asked, moving his gaze from his phone to look at Kagami.

    "I am going to the change room, I think my phone is in there." Kagami answered, adjusting his bag for a run. 

    "You can't. Now is Kuroko's time. Wait for a few minutes." Midorima said seriously, standing from the stairs, he was sitting on, putting his phone down. 

    "I won't disturb him. My locker is far from the showers and I will be very quiet." Kagami said running towards the changing room, before anyone can stop him. 

    "Kagami!" Midorima shouted, wondering to run after him or not. He could easily catch up, but Kagami was an idiot, he wouldn't just give up and in the end, both of them would end up inside the changing room. No thank you, let Kuroko be angry only at Kagami. "Kise, let him be. You won't be capable to stop him." Midorima continued, shaking his head at Kise, who was ready to chase after him.

    Kagami was there in a matter of seconds, running as fast as he possibly can, happy to finally be capable to reunite with his phone. He felt lost without it.

    When he arrived the gym, he entered the change room as quietly as possible, walking towards his locker, one step at a time, as silent as a ghost he arrived at his locker then unlocked it, looking for his phone. It turns out he was right and had forgotten it in there. How strange, he never leaves his phone inside his locker, he always carries it in his back, he had lost his mind today. He thanked all Gods that are out there. What a luck he remembered where it was, he couldn't afford to actually lose it, he needed all his information.

     Putting his phone in his jeans pockets Kagami locked his locker and headed towards the exit, the same hushed way he came in. He was almost there when he heard the water stop, urging himself to leave the room before Kuroko finds out he is in there. He didn't want to disturb him. If you ask him he would tell you that, he was curious as to why the smaller boy never showered with them after practice, but he was told to not dig the topic. Everyone said that Kuroko is shy, but everyone respected his choice, so no one budge him and Kagami needed to follow the rules, like it or not.

    His plan went pretty well for a few short steps before he hear a hiss. He stopped for a second wondering what it meant, before hearing it again, this time an inch lauder. He turned around, stepping towards Kuroko. 

    He wasn't going to disturb him, he just wanted to check if the boy was ok. 

    That is how a few steps later he found himself behind the lockers  looking at Kuroko's locker, then he extended his neck enough to see what his happening. His breath stopped at once. 

    Kuroko, he, he was... Kagami put a hand on his mouth to stop his shout, hiding behind the lockers. He couldn't believe his eyes, he was sure he saw it wrong. This wasn't really happening, right? 

     Kagami turned again, to check once more, to make sure. For his shock, he wasn't wrong. Kuroko really was hurt, he was bandaging his torso, there were two bright plasters on his stomach area, as he was applying a third one. The wounds obviously fresh. He had expected there would be a problem, so not that shocked Kagami. The hiss he heard earlier was apparent of some kind of what was happening, Kagami wasn't that stupid, he expected to see some kind of wound on Kuroko, like a cut on the finger or similar. That is why he came to check on him, to make sure everything was ok. What he didn't expect and what shocked him was the presence of a layer on top of layer of scars, which were covered with a layer of a new red marks, most of them obviously on a few days, already healing, but the few Kuroko was bandaging. Nothing was ok.

    He couldn't stop himself, he wanted to step away and run, to never have come here and find out why Kuroko was always so shy getting naked around people, but his body didn't listen to him at all. Instead of backward, he was stepping forward, shouting with all his power at the bluenette, scaring him to drop the ointment he was holding. He couldn't master his exact words, but he could catch a hint of a fuck and Kuroko's name. 

    "K-Kagami-kun?" Came a fearful whisper, right after the blue eyed boy saw him. 

    He was shocked and surprised, fear crawling up his skin. He didn't know what to do, so he did the first thing that came into his mind. Cover all the traces. Turning around fast he took his shirt and dressed himself, then he bent down to take the dropped item, stuffing it in his backpack.  

    Before Kagami can understand what was happening Kuroko had collected all his belongings, locked his locker and on his way out of the changing room. 

    "Kuroko wait." Kagami said, catching Kuroko's arm when he passed closse by stopping him in his tracks. "You... you... are you ok?" Kagami asked at a loss for words. He wanted to say so much, but he wasn't sure what was the correct thing to say in a situation like this.

    "I am Kagami-kun. Thank you. We need to go or we will be late for the game." Kuroko said, trying to free himself from Kagami, pretending that right now nothing had happened.

    "I don't care about the game, I want to know what is going on?" Kagami asked, his voice a shadow more serious. He wasn't going to leave things just like that, he needed to know that Kuroko is really ok.

    "Nothing. Everything is fine." Kuroko exhaled weakly. "Please let go of me, Kagami-kun." Kuroko pleaded, still trying to free his arm, panic boiling even more into his heart. He needed to get out of here now. 

    "Only if you tell me the truth. Are you... you..." Kagami couldn't find words, no, he could, but he couldn't say them. He took a deep breath, gathering all his courage. "Are you cutting yourself?" He finally asked. 

     "No." Kuroko lied immediately, his eyes filling with unintentional tears. This couldn't be happening. Kagami shouldn't be here. He shouldn't have seen him. The others were supposed to wait for him outside the school. Why Kagami wasn't with them and why he didn't let go of his hand, God damn it? His hold was painful. Kuroko needs to get out of here. He needs fresh air. 

    "Do not lie to me Kuroko, I am not such a big of an idiot. I am not blind either. Your stomach it covered with cuts and scars. You are either cutting yourself or someone is abusing you. Tell me which one it is." Kagami said, moving a step closer towards Kuroko, his hold much stronger now. 

    He couldn't master the thought that someone could abuse Kuroko. He couldn't even think of a possible person. His grandma was a lovely woman and it was obvious how much she loved him, it was impossible to be her. His parents were dead so they were out of question. Aomine was impulsive at times, acting without thinking, but he would rather hurt himself before hurting Kuroko. Kagami was envying Aomine, so he paid close attention to their relationship, he could see clearly the things between them, he refused to believe that he was hurting him by anyway. The basketball team was all nice guys as well, at least the one he knew. Otherwise, if it wasn't any of those people, it could be anyone, but out of them very low number knew Kuroko even exist, so if Kagami needs to bet on option he bets that Kuroko is the one behind all of these scars. 

    "It is not your problem, Kagami-kun." Kuroko said, still pulling his hand, wondering from where Kagami takes all this strength. 

    "You are my friend. Of course it is." 'To not talk that I am in love with you' Kagami thought. He had never imagined being in this situation. What he was supposed to do? "It is you, isn't it?" The problem was out there in the open for many people to suffer from and everyone said it is a bad to hurt oneself, and Kagami thought the same, especially when he put it with the majority of people, but he had never imagined how much it actually hurt to know someone you care about is hurting themselves. All he could think about was that this wasn't possible, that Kuroko doesn't deserve it. But here they were. And Kuroko' face told him everything he needed to know, even though usually his face was as hard and emotionless as a stone, this time it couldn't hide his true feelings. 

    "You can't tell anyone." Kuroko exhaled, giving up fighting against Kagami's grip. He didn't intend to say that, he wanted to deny it again, but his fear overtook him and he said the wrong thing. He couldn't fight against Kagami anymore. He didn't have the strength for it, physical or mental.

    "You need help." Kagami said, moving one step closer to the bluenette, his voice a little bit more steady and much softer. He was right after all, he felt even worse than a second ago, but the most important was that Kuroko can get help, he told himself.

     "I need you to be a real friend and respect my choice." Kuroko bite back, switching off from defence to offense. He didn't need help, he was good. It was his body and he had the right to choose what to do with it.

    "But..." Kagami tried to oppose, but Kuroko didn't agree yet again. 

    "No buts. You need to promise, no swear, that you won't tell anyone, Kagami-kun." Kuroko interrupted him, already almost angry with his friend. 

    "Let me see it." Kagami let in response.


    "I need to decide how deep you are. Let me see it, then I will promise." Kagami continued pressing.

    "First promise." Kuroko demanded not giving as well.

     "Goddamn it Kuroko, I promise." Kagami almost shouted, then taking a deep breath to calm down, he picked up Kuroko's top, looking at the various scars. Taken by the shock of the reality he finally let go of Kuroko's hand, putting it on top of his stomach, tracing the lines there. It was so surreal. So hard to take it all in. "Does Aomine knows?" Kagami asked, swallowing heavily, looking up at Kuroko with eyes full with tears. He couldn't muster anything else to say. It was too much. Kuroko wasn't looking at him, but instead he was looking at the floor, his head turned sideways. 

    "He can never know about it." Kuroko said, turning back to look at Kagami. His wet eyes full with determination.

    "Oh, Kuroko." Kagami said, he let go of the top to cup the smaller boy's cheek, his other hand still under the top, caressing the different scars. Kagami knew already. Kuroko was way too deep. Both of them were at a lost of words. 

     The world seemed as if it had stopped as the two of them locked gazes. There was so much to be said, but none could find the right words. Kagami wanted to make Kuroko take care of himself, to tell Aomine and his grandma as those were the people closest to him, to look for doctors, for help, together with them and him. He was ready to help any way he can. He needed help, the number of the scars was way too big for anyone, still he couldn't force the words out, looking at these scared blue orbits. He felt as if he says anything of this sort the boy before him would break.

    On the other hand Kuroko was so embarrassed, so guilty, so scared and so angry at both himself and Kagami, that he couldn't do anything to move from under the touch. That was the first time someone had touched him there like that. It was so gentle, as if it was meant to remove any scar it touched. He didn't want any of this, he wasn't sure why he allowed it in the first place, but in the end he couldn't move even an inch. This should never have happened. Now Kagami would start treating him as a freak, he would want Kuroko to seek help, but Kuroko didn't need help. He wasn't sick, he wasn't some psycho, it was harmless most of the time. The only real problem was the scars, still Kagami was behaving as if it was so much more. 

    "What the hell?!" Suddenly the world started moving again and it was by the worst way possible. 

    In an instant everything just broke into pieces.

Chapter Text

    This wasn't happening. It can't be happening. No, this was a nightmare. He was in a nightmare and had to wake up... right... now... Oh, God. It was happening. It was real. It was so fucking real. 

    "What the hell?" Came the shocked and exasperated voice, stirring both Kagami and Kuroko. 

    "Aomine-kun?" Kuroko squeaked turning around fast, finally finding the strength to move away from Kagami's touch. Eyes wide with surprise.

    "What are you two doing?" Aomine asked, stepping closer towards them, his hands crossed against his chest, his face dead serious.

    "I-I-I fell. Kagami-kun was making sure I am ok." Kuroko answered fast, trying to look calm and sure in his lie, not that his stammering helped him with that, but what he can do? He got no idea what to say or do.

    "He was hurt." Kagami said at the same time as him, lie close to his, something he was grateful for.

    "Are you crying? Let me see." Aomine asked, after seeing the wet eyes, stretching his arm towards Kuroko, his face softening at the thought, his voice much more gentle, taken over by concern.

    "I am ok now. The fall wasn't that serious." Kuroko said, moving away from Aomine's touch, cleaning his face as an instinct. He couldn't allow him to find the truth, but didn't expect that at his gesture of stepping away, Aomine's expression would grow upset again. Because what the fuck?

     "Are you fucking with me? He was holding you just a second ago, as if... as if...," 'as if to kiss you' Aomine thought, but decided not to voice it just yet, maybe things weren't like this, even if they really, really look like they were a second away from a kiss. "But now you are running from me? Me, your boyfriend!" He asked, his voice once again showing his unhappiness from the situation, his face full with disbelief, mentioning at the same time as he spoke with his hands towards Kagami, then himself.

    "W-what? No. No. It is just... that I really am ok... We are getting late for the game. The others are waiting." Kuroko exhaled, stepping forward, taking Aomine's hand in his, pulling him towards the exit so they can leave the room. They needed to leave and fix this before it becomes too late. Aomine had a different idea of what was happening and Kuroko needed some fresh air and a few minutes to think of a suitable lie. 

   "What shouldn't I know?" Aomine asked, not moving from his place even an inch. His look questioning, but stern, like he knew exactly what Kuroko was hiding, but waited for the him to admit, something he could never do.

   "W-what?... Nothing." Kuroko said, panic starting to eat him again, so much more than before a second ago or three minutes ago. Don't tell him, Aomine heard them talking. He couldn't have heard everything, right? Please tell him he hadn't, please. This was becoming such a mess.

    "About the fall." Said Kagami, again at the same time as Kuroko, winning an angry look from the shorter boy, because he wasn't helping, even though his lie was better.

    "I don't believe you." Said Aomine stepping a step away from Kuroko and Kagami, freeing his hand from Kuroko's hold as if it was poisonous. "I fucking knew it. I am... I am such an idiot. To believe that things can be fixed. Tell me, Tetsu, with what he is better than me?" Aomine asked, half laughing at himself, half full with honest surprise, but still the most strong in him was the anger that has fully taken over his features. He couldn't believe that Kuroko had chosen Kagami out of everyone. So what if he was in his class, this was his only advantage he had. He was nothing better, but here there were, with Kagami touching Kuroko by a way Aomine could only dream.

    "What, I don't understand, Aomine-kun?" Kuroko asked, confused, stepping closer towards Aomine. He really couldn't understand what was happening right now. Why Aomine was behaving like that? What does it mean his question? Why he was jealous? Better in what? What was going on?

    "Don't you dare come near me. You know, you could have just told me. I would have understood if you don't love me anymore. But cheating on me and with this bastard. How could you?" Aomine shouted, forcing Kuroko to jump backwards. Aomine had never shouted at him, never. Instantly the tears in his eyes were back, this time much stronger as he started to see where things were going. 

    "There is nothing between me and Kagami-kun. This right now. It was just misunderstanding. I just fell and hit myself on the bench. I would never cheat on you, Aomine-kun." Kuroko said desperately, trying to choke a sob inside himself, stepping closer Aomine again, his hand stretched out towards the tanned boy.

    "He is right." Kagami got into the conversation again, this time winning dismissive look from Aomine, while Kuroko didn't even hear him.

    "You are lying."

    "I am not. I swear." Kuroko sobbed, now standing right in front Aomine, his hands on the other's chest, looking up at him, scared, desperate, ready to beg. He would never cheat on him voluntarily.

    "Tetsu, I may not be perfect, but I do know you well enough to know when you are lying to me." Aomine replied, his voice strangely calm, while his hands took Kuroko's away from him, stepping again farther from him.

    'No you don't' Kuroko thought, trying to get closer to Aomine once more, but his hands were still held mid air by the taller boy, not allowing him to move much.

    "Your sleepovers with Akashi taught me that much. Tell me, do you fuck Akashi as well?" He asked tired, disappointed, not breaking eye contact with the bluenette, his eyes going teary as well. He could believe if it was true. The two spend way too much time together and Kuroko wasn't getting better at school. That meant he was extremely dumb or he wasn't actually studying when they had a study night. And Kuroko wasn't stupid. Aomine had always thought that it was strange, but he also always choosed to believe that Kuroko wouldn't do that to him. Now, though, he wasn't so sure. 

    "No. Aomine-kun. I swear, I am not cheating on you. I love you so much. There is misunderstanding." Kuroko half sobbed half whined, through tears, still trying to get close to Aomine, fighting in his grip, to touch him, to hug him and beg him, because no this wasn't happening. Not just that he thought he is cheating on him with Kagami, but he knew about Akashi as well. How? Earth can just open and swallow him whole.

    "Yeah, right. Goodbye, Tetsu." Aomine said, freeing his hands, leaving the change room in an instant. He couldn't stand this anymore, if he stayed he would break under Kuroko's cries. He needed to be stronger than that and if Kuroko preferred Kagami, he could free him from himself to be with the other. He better put an end to this and save himself some face, than being cheated on. 

    "Aomine-kun, please wait. Listen to me." Kuroko shouted, running after Aomine. He couldn't lose him, not now, not ever. He couldn't take it. Not Aomine. Not him. Please God.

    Kuroko was almost next to Aomine in just a few steps, but the moment the other saw him running after him, he started running himself, as fast as he can, which really was a lot faster than Kuroko if things are to be honest, forcing the other boy to run at his limits. 

    That is how both passed through the school yard, pass their teammates and towards the parking lot, where Kuroko could finally catch up with Aomine, while the other boy tried to unlock his car.

   "Please, Aomine-kun. I swear there is nothing going on between me and Kagami-kun or Akashi-kun." Kuroko pleaded, still crying, nearing the other boy, breathing fast and shallow, unused to this fast running, his face red and swollen.

    "I don't care anymore. We are done. Go fuck with that stray bastard Kagami and leave me alone." Aomine angrily shouted, unlocking his car, not even looking at Kuroko.

    "Aomine-kun, plea..." Kuroko tried to beg again, his hand landing on Aomine's shoulder, in a weak attempt to keep him from going away, but his hand didn't stay there for long as it was removed by Aomine and he was pushed away with such a force he fell to the ground.

    "Stay away from me. This is your last warning." Aomine spat, getting into his car, driving away just like that. 

    For a few minutes Kuroko just stood there, on the ground, watching at the direction Aomine drove off, frozen in time, until he heard Kagami's voice closing on him. 

    Mustering all his might he stood and started running towards his house. He didn't want to have anything to do with Kagami, even more he wanted to be alone. He needed to be alone right now. How could things turn out that way? He couldn't believe this was happening.

    His chest started hurting almost immediately from the running, but he welcomed the ache with happiness. He preferred them to hurt because he ran than because of his broken heart.

    He ran and ran for more than 15 minutes, before finally reaching his house. His lungs burned, he felt like they really burn inside of him, the breath intake was way too painful, as if needles were punching his lungs. He started breathing faster and shallower with every breath and his legs gave up the second he stepped into his house, allowing him to drop like a sandbag on the floor. His whole body hurt from the running, but he didn't pay it much of an attention, his mind clouded by Aomine's last words. Repeating again and again and again. Then he repeated the moment he walked in on them in the change room. He should have moved. He should have pushed Kagami away, but he was such a pussy. If he wasn't so afraid in that moment he could still be with Aomine. He was so stupid, so, so stupid. 

    "Grandma?" Kuroko called with a raspy voice, standing up from the ground, heading slowly towards his bedroom. "Grandma, are you home?" He tried again. There wasn't an answer, that meant she wasn't at home. Good. He needed to be alone. He needed it more than anytime before. 

    Step by step with new found strength he ran upstairs, locking his door after himself. Then he threw his bag on the floor and went to his pillow, fishing out of it his kit. He awkwardly wiped his face with his top, before he throws the shirt on the bed, unneeded.

    He could finally breath at some extent, his chest was still hurting, but his blades gave him an air much different and important than the one his lungs were giving him. He felt as if his very heart was ripping apart inside his body and he couldn't stand it anymore, the last twenty some minutes were more than enough. He needed it out. All of it. So he forced it out.

    With shacking, but somehow excited hands, Kuroko took the small blade from it is bag and pressed it next to the left side of his chest, slicing it downwards fast, ripping his skin into two. He took a deep breath full with relief and his head flew backwards as the burning sensation in him died down a bit. He started shaking even more, inhaling the beautiful pain for a second longer, before he repeat his action, the new cut right next to the first. 

   He sliced around five times before the pain in his left and middle chest move entirely to his right side. Then without a second thought, he sliced on there as well, this time one line less. The cuts weren't that deep anymore as well, as the first set was, around three millimetres and sometimes maybe even four deep, long almost six or seven centimetres, the middle of course the deepest part of them. The second set was around just a millimetre deep, even if they were just as long, but his need grew weaker by the cut. Then he stopped for a minute or two breathing deep, enjoying the blazing feeling into his flesh. Blood rushed through the cuts, dripping down his torso, the first few cuts bleeding much stronger than the last few. 

    If this had happened a few months back when things between him and Aomine were bad he could understand it easily. Like they grew apart so much at that time that it was obvious where things were going, but then they started being themselves again and they were happy, so, so happy. If they had broken up at that time, the pain would be smaller as well, because he would know it was coming, but now, when he had tasted happiness, he had stopped wondering when and how they will break up, but believed they would never do it and now it was way too brutal for him to handle it. Before he had always imaged how they would break up and he was ready for the moment Aomine stops loving him or wanting something more, but he had never imaged that they would break up that way. That he would hold so much responsibility. That he would break Aomine's heart. And why, because he was a freak? He shouldn't have been with Aomine in the first place, he didn't deserve him at all. Look how he hurt him.

   The pain in his chest now somehow spread all over his body, needing, itching for more. In a mere seconds the feeling of this few cuts wasn't enough to kill his pain. 

     He couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand himself. He didn't want to live like this. To be this shitty useless person. He was useless at everything he did. He was a bad student, he sucked at basketball and could never make his dream come true, he was bad boyfriend, the worst, he was small and easy to fall sick, people rarely noticed him or when they did they only laughed at him. He was such a shit. If he was like this now, what was the use of him? He just lost the only person he ever loved. The only person holding him, apart from his grandma. But his grandma and Aomine were different. She was his parent, he was his love. God, he doesn't even have parents, thinking about that, she was the only family he has. Fuck, he is so useless, he can't even arrange his line of thought properly. 

    The more he thought the more the pain grew. More and more crawling all over his body with every passing second. The cuts he just made weren't enough anymore. He needed more, so he did more, but then it wasn't enough again. No matter how much he cut, nothing helped. He felt lost, more useless, more sad and more broken than before, until suddenly he knew. He knew what he wants to do with himself, but he couldn't do it in here. There would be too much blood and it would be hard for his grandma to clean it. He needed to go to the bathroom. 

   Fast as a lighting Kuroko took his blade and ran to the room next door, locking it after himself. Then he sat in the bathtub, taking a deep breath, to steady himself, thinking. Suddenly he was afraid of what is to come,  but could it hurt more than being here, being alive? He doesn't think so. He took another deep breath, as tears rolled down his face. Should he first write a note to his grandma? But what he could say 'Sorry for being such a shitty grandson, but I love you'. No, it would be better if he doesn't write anything, there wasn't much use of it anyway. Shaking his head, he took another breath, wiping his eyes to clear his sight, before finally gaining the courage to track the blade on his left arm as deep and long as the pain would allow him, starting from under his elbow until he reached his wrist, his hand shaking more and more the longer the blade was in his flesh. When he finished he let out the breath he had taken. God, the pain was incredibly strong. He had never imaged something so painful. It was so painful that immediately dimmed the ache in his heart. It dimmed everything. 

    His breathing increased rapidly, the blood started pouring out of his hand in rivers. There was so much blood, it soaked his jeans just like that and soon he almost couldn't feel his hand anymore. 

    Slowly he felt his head getting dizzy. He was ready to give up, to just lie down and forget about everything, but he couldn't, he needed to make one more cut. The last one ever. For a second he wondered if he is gonna be capable to see his parents at least for a moment, before he goes to hell, his clouded mind much calmer, but unfocused. Then, with a hopeful smile on his face and tears in his eyes, he put the blade into his left hand, gripping it as strong as he could with his jelly fingers, before bringing his right arm on top of it.

Chapter Text

   "I told you not to go in there, didn't I?" Midorima shouted, losing his cool, pushing Kagami, whom stumbled backwards, all the stares from earlier directed at them now. Kuroko and Aomine breaking up, got quite the audience. They were lucky it happened after school hours, otherwise the whole school may have seen them.

   "I-I... It is not like that. It... Everything... happened so fast. How could I know?" Kagami tried to defend himself. He felt guilty, but none of the both listened to him at that time, he couldn't do anything.

    "You are a moron." Midorina said, turning around to leave the scene, angry at Kagami for no obvious reason. It wasn't his relationship, nor it had to do anything with him, still they were his friends and he had told him to not go in there. To wait a few minutes, now, here went their afternoon. Does this count as a reason? 

    Ok, ok, the truth is that Midorima knew about Kuroko. He got hold of what was happening a few months back. It started with a conversation between Aomine and Kise. Aomine was complaining about Kuroko jumping anytime he as much as touch him anywhere where it wasn't his arms. Then he asked Kise if Kuroko has been like that with him too or the problem is with him. Kise answered that Kuroko had started doing this soon after his parents' death, but he hadn't said anything because he felt as this was Kuroko's way of dealing with the stress of it. Midorima was present at that time and heard the conversation, then a while later, he heard that Kuroko's gonna need the change room for himself, before they lock it, realising for the first time ever that Kuroko wasn't actually taking showers at school after practice, nor he changed in the same room as all of them, but rather in the school toilets. Then he started paying attention to what the bluenette was doing, noticing the small details about him. When things got too much of strange he sought his second uncle as a psychotherapist and asked him for his opinion. He mentioned a few possibilities and Midorima looked even more closely which one it is, then he found Kuroko's razor in his backpack. He is not proud of himself for sneaking and looking through his things, but it gave results. He thought of telling Akashi or Aomine, but really it wasn't his business to do so, he didn't knew Kuroko's reasons and didn't want to make things worse for him, so he kept quiet. So now he was little or more concerned that Kuroko would hurt himself in order to deal with their breakup. That is really why he was mad at Kagami. He thought of going to Kuroko's house, to check on him, but he gave up this thought fast as their friendship wasn't like that and it would be pretty strange if he do so. So he just decided to go home and hope Kuroko is ok, not in a mood to watch any basketball games anymore. 

    "You shouldn't have done that, Kagamicchi." Kise turned to him, visibly disappointed with him, even Murasakibara looked disappointed. They all looked like they want to hit him in the face, but he swears it wasn't on purpose.

    "It wasn't intentional. Aomine exaggerated." Kagami said, loud enough for everyone in ten miles to hear him. He was starting to get desperate. No one listened to him.

    "What is going on? Where is everyone? We are late." Akashi asked, letting out a deep breath as the question left his mouth. He just came back, after taking a long and stressful phone call. He wanted nothing more, but to have a good afternoon, but he was met with Midorima walking away, Kuroko and Aomine missing and Kagami shouting around. 

    "Gone." Bluntly said Murasakibara, looking annoyed at Kagami, pointing at him. "Stupid Kaga-chin, went into the gym, Mine-chin went to look for him. Then Mine-chin and Kuro-chin broke up. And now Mido-chin said he is going home. I am going home as well. I am starting to get tired." He waved with a hand, turning around to leave as well, not waiting for anyone's response. He was getting not only tired, but also more and more annoyed with the situation. He wanted to go home, have a snack and sleep the day away, forgetting about all this drama.

     "Tetsuya and Daiki had broken up?" Akashi asked, dumbfounded, looking after Murasakibara, then towards Kagami and Kise, his eyebrows together in confusion.

    "Yeah." Answered Kise, pinching the bridge of his nose. This was becoming very unpleasant day.

    "Where is Tetsuya?" Akashi asked, alarmed, looking around, hoping to find him in the school yard, the heavy words just sinking in. 

    "Most likely home. He ran in that direction." Kagami replied, making a big mistake, because he attracted Akashi's attention toward him. Suddenly he looked very angry.

    "You are out of the team." Akashi barked, punching Kagami hard in the face, his eyes much more bloodthirsty than a second ago, then he turned and ran to his car.

    "You deserve that." Was all Kise could say, before leaving to go home as well, leaving Kagami bleeding from his nose on the ground. 

     God, what was happening? How could Aomine and Kuroko just broke up? Things were good just hours prior. How is that now they weren't? How?

     He was really afraid, if Kuroko and Aomine had broken up, and Kuroko was alone at home right now. God, it was the worst he could do, because he would do the worst. Akashi was sure of that.

     Scared, almost close to panic, Akashi drove as fast as he can go, without breaking the law... too much. To his happiness Kuroko's house was close to the their high school, it would take just a few minutes to get there, but he had a late start, he could only hope to be there before it is too late. 

    On his way there, right after he got in the car, he made sure to call his personal doctor giving him Kuroko's address, telling him to be there immediately threatening the poor bastard what would happen if he is late. He wasn't sure if he would need him, he really hoped he wouldn't, but he preferred to be prepared. For a second he thought of calling the ambulance as well, maybe they would be there faster, but what if Kuroko hadn't hurt himself, how could they explain it to the doctors? Worse, what if he had, the news will travel around faster if the ambulance was there. They not only would help him with his injuries, but they would put him in hospital to seek mental help. It would destroy his life, but then again, if he doesn't call them there may not be a life to protect from destruction. He wasn't sure what to do, it was a fucked up decision that he didn't want to make, so after he fought with himself for a while, he opted for calling them later if needed. 

    After all of that was taken care of, he spent the remaining time of his travel preparing himself for what he may see when he arrive, swearing at everything and questioning himself why all of this was happening? Why he needed to be in love with a depressed self harming boy, that never paid him attention? Why that said boy needed to be in love with an self loving egoist, that didn't even bat an eye before hurting him? He shouldn't be in this position, in this situation, he was Akashi Seijuro, he could have anyone else, so why he did this to himself? He was so stupid, but he couldn't deny his feelings, he wouldn't stop loving Kuroko even if he could. It is just that it is a little bit too much right now, having to prey on every God on earth and heaven to not be late, for Kuroko to not hurt himself by the way Akashi believed he would. He swears if Kuroko dies, he would kill both Kagami and Aomine as painful as he possibly can. These fucking idiots deserved nothing more but that. 

    Fuck, why the time was running so slow, he needed to be there faster, why there was so much traffic this early in the day. It wasn't time for people to get home from work yet or was it. Oh, he didn't know. He didn't care, all he cared about was to be there fast.

    For his own sake and happiness he arrived faster than he thought, even if it looked like eternity. Rushing through the glove compartment, he took the keys to Kuroko's house and ran inside, barely capable to lock his car. You see Kuroko didn't really know that he have keys, but he had succeeded to pursue his grandma to give him a set. He was really grateful to her now. 

    Entering the house Akashi didn't dare shout Kuroko's name or his grandma's, there wasn't much of a use of it, he just asked himself 'His bedroom or the bathroom? Where would he be?' Taking the stairs by two he opted for the bathroom first. He was sure that if Kuroko is going to kill himself, he would be in the bathroom. How? It was Kuroko, he would never do anything to trouble his grandma and if he dies in his bedroom, she would have more trouble than the bathroom as everything would be soaked in blood. With his cutting habits, Akashi already knew what weapon he would use, just because he would be too much into his depression to think of any other way to do things. 

     Arriving before the bathroom, he threw a look at Kuroko's bedroom, just to make sure he isn't in there, but the door was wide open, showing the empty room, with a bed covered with bloody napkins. He took a deep breath, focusing his attention at the door before him. He tried opening it, but it was locked.

     "Tetsuya, are you in there? Open the door." Akashi tried to reason as he started kicking the door, giving all his might. He was sure Kuroko won't open, even if he could, not to him, he was the bad guy after all, right. So he had only one choice, to break the door, so he kicked it and he may be short, but he wasn't weak, after his third kick the door gives up, breaking the lock. 

    In an instant the door hangs open revealing the most horrifying sight Akashi had ever seen. The hair on his body stood. There was way too much blood. So much blood and it was coming out more by the second. He shivered at the sight, his stomach tied itself in a knot, while his heart was ready to give out. Suddenly he got the urge to vomit.

     If he is honest some part of him believed until the very last moment that Kuroko wouldn't try to kill himself. He hoped deep down that he would find him crying in his room, maybe making small cuts somewhere on his body, but until this very moment he hoped, believed, that he is wrong. This was the first time in his life he wanted to be wrong, the first time ever he was mortified to be right. 

    "God." Akashi exhaled, shocked, scared, running forward.

    "A-akashi-k-kun?" Kuroko asked weakly, just now noticing him, his eyes looking up heavily, weak fingers dropping the blade, that they were holding, mouth open, letting short breaths in and out of it, while his head hanging sideways. What was Akashi doing here? He shouldn't be here, he had supposed to be on the game they wanted to watch. Whom was the game with, he can't remember. God, his head hurts way too much. "N-no, no." Kuroko cried, trying again to pick up the blade, forgetting all about Akashi just like that, his fizzy brain focused only on the thought of finishing what he had started. He needed to finish it, he couldn't be useless even now. Where is that stupid blade?

     Akashi didn't wait to see if he successes or not in picking up the small razor, he just looked around the room for something to use to stop the bleeding, taking the hand towel that was right next to the sink. 

    In an instant he was on his knees, wrapping Kuroko's hand into the towel, pressing strong on top of the wound. But it was no use, the blood was too much, it soaked the towel way too fast, he couldn't stop the blood just like that, he needed something more to stop it. He looked around the room once more, but couldn't find anything useful. Out of desperation, he ripped the shower curtain, getting hit on his forehead and shoulder in the process, grateful the iron rod holding it, didn't fall on top of Kuroko. 

    "How could you?" Akashi exclaimed, while wrapping his hand tightly with the shower curtain. He couldn't recognize his own voice, it sounded high and trembling. He was trembling, shaking with fear.

     "N-no, no. I-I don't w-want t-to. I-I wanna die. Let-let me die, Akashi-kun." Kuroko cried, trying to pull his hand away from Akashi, still looking for the blade he dropped, now much more awake than a minute ago. He needed to get away from Akashi. He needed to find his saviour. He needed... He needed...

    "Don't you dare, Tetsuya. You aren't allowed to die, until I finish playing with you." Akashi said, holding Kuroko's chin up so he can look at him. 'You aren't allowed to die at all or I will probably die with you.' Akashi thought, trying his best to be strong for both him and Kuroko. He couldn't break now.

    "Le-Let me go, I wan-wanna die. I wann..." Kuroko cried more, shaking helplessly his head, tears streaming down his checks stronger than before, his vision going all more blurry, his head more dizzy, he wanted to say something more, to send Akashi away, but he couldn't remember what was he wanted to say, the words were all muggy and he couldn't... it was becoming so hard to do anything, even thinking to not talk about fighting with Akashi. In the end he couldn't hold anymore and allowed himself to fall into darkness, the fight exhausting him fast.

     "Think about your grandma. She will be al... Tetsuya?" Akashi went cold when he saw the boy passed out, his heart tight in his chest. He bent down checking the bluenette's breathing, which for his horror was very shallow. "Fuck." This was bad, very, very bad. He didn't have much time. 

    Taking a deep breath, Akashi picked up the pass out boy, taking him to his room, leaving him to lay on the bed. He looked around the room, looking for something to tie his upper arm with, anything would do, but Kuroko's room was way too plain. Ho got desperate by the second, so in his rush he got his own tie. He took it and tied it tightly around Kuroko's upper arm. Then he went to the wardrobe to take all the towels that were in there. He put one of the towels on top the deepest wounds on the his chest, then he climbed on the bed next to Kuroko, on his knees, picked up his arm high in the air, wrapped the remaining two towels around the shower curtain and hugged his forearm, pressing on the wound as hard as he can. Only after he got into position, he texted the doctor to urge him, continuing to press tightly. Ambulance long forgotten.

     "What have you done to yourself?" Akashi asked aloud, no matter there was no one to answer him, not realising he was crying. It painted him to see Kuroko like that. He was going to kill Kagami and Aomine. Both were as stupid as one can get, and none of them actually cared what happens to the bluenette, no matter what they said, no one did care, if they did they wouldn't push him to do that to himself. They would be here to pick up the pieces with him. Fuckers. They were the ones deserving to be bleeding to death, not the sweet Kuroko.

     Akashi shook his head, it wasn't the time to think about them or any of this things, but what he was supposed to think about? How much it was hurting him to have to see all of this? How helpless he was right now? Not being capable to protect the one he loved? How much blood was there? How much pain Kuroko must feel? How pale he was? How cold? That Kuroko was dying? That he could actually die? No. He preferred to think about that how much the other two deserve to die, how he can kill them than all of that. Lost in thought, he didn't notice how his crying had increased, he was breaking into pieces and he didn't even know it. His mind was raising miles going from topic to topic, then back at the former one, all along praying for Kuroko to stay alive, his salvation coming from the door bell announcing the doctor's arrival. Fast he took the free pillow next to the boy's head, put it under his arm, to keep it high, stood up and rushed downstairs to open the door, then he led the doctor upstairs to Kuroko's room. 

    "Wow. The boy had done a number on himself." The doctor pointed out almost laughing, annoying Akashi at his best, before remembering what was his purpose to be here and without any more delays went straight for his arm. 

    "Shut up." Akashi murmured, ignored by the doctor, while he shut the door behind them.  

    With a fast movement, the man was right next to Kuroko, opened the bag that was with him, removed the layers on top of layers of clothing Akashi had used and started treating the wound. 

    With all his will power Akashi tried really hard to not look at his arm, that started bleeding strongly again the moment the fake bandage was removed. He couldn't take it, still he asked the doctor if he needs help. He had supposed to help the doctor giving him his instruments and drying blood so he can see what he was doing. He needed to hold the two sides of the boy's flesh on an occasion or two. Akashi had never struggled so much to not vomit or pass out.  

     It took a little while longer than Akashi would like, but eventually  the doctor finished patching the gaping wound, finally stopping the blood. After his forearm has been taken care of, the doctor took care and of the cuts on his chest, stomach, sides and shoulders. Some he glued together, then bandaged, others he just bandaged, still in the end Kuroko looked like nothing short but a patchwork.

     After he finished, the man gave Akashi a full manual what to do to help Kuroko heal faster. It would be a long process, especially for his hand. He wouldn't be capable to play basketball for a while or use it at all, but he was lucky enough to miss any artery or important muscle connections, saving his arm. Akashi couldn't image what would happen if he had lost the feeling in his arm, it would be like losing it for real, that would really destroy him. The scar he would have to carry for the rest of his life or at least until he goes into surgery to remove it. And the scar would be a very nasty one, still he got lucky the blood loss wasn't big enough to insist for transplantation or at least that was what Akashi was told. At some point the doctor had scolded Akashi for pressing way too hard, while holding his arm up in the air. 'Yeah, like a wound like this could be pressed too hard', Akashi thought to himself. In the end the doctor told him, he will come by later on to check on him and change the system he had him on and left, then the red hair was without an idea what to do with himself. The feeling of helplessness was still there, but he felt slightly more calm, knowing that Kuroko was going to be ok. Most likely, nothing was sure until he wakes up. That thought ate at him, but he tried focusing on believing that things would be ok. 

     So with Kuroko sleeping, his free time and ton of nerves, he went to the bathroom to clean it, if possible, before Kuroko's grandma come home. He couldn't deal with a heart attack on top of suicide attempt. He called people to come and fix the door, as well as the shower curtain, someone to bring him a few of his belongings and started cleaning the bathtub. But in there, surrounded with all the reality of the situation and the strong smell of iron, the dark drying blood that wouldn't move until he scrambled on it for some time with extra force, he simply couldn't contain himself anymore and vomited all the intends of his stomach and then some more, crying and hyperventilating all the while. 


     It was almost nine in the evening  when Kuroko's grandma came home, the house was spotless, all duties done by Akashi as Kuroko still slept, the bathroom door fixed, the blood gone, the washing done and dinner was waiting to be served. 

     "Seijuro-chan? I thought that you boys are going to watch a game this afternoon, so to what do I owe the pleasure?" Kuroko's grandma asked, when she saw Akashi, coming down the stairs. 

     "Tetsuya wasn't feeling very well earlier so I took him home." Akashi said, bowing slightly to the old woman in respect. 

     "Is Tetsuya-chan ok?" His grandma asked, concerned, while getting down her shoes and jacket.

     "He is, he just needs some rest, my doctor had seen him and will pass by later on for a check up." Akashi lied, taking the bags she was carrying, so it wouldn't be heavy on her. "I hope you are hungry, I made myself at home and cooked us something." Akashi said, leading both of them in the kitchen, leaving the bags on the counter. 

     "Oh, Thank you, Seijuro-chan, but you shouldn't have troubled yourself, I could have cooked. But I am so late, aren't I? I apologize for the trouble we seem to give you today." She smiled warmly, putting hand on his shoulder, before starting to put away her shop in the cabinets.

    "Not at all, it is my pleasure to be of help." Akashi replied, smiling as well, even though his smile didn't quite reach his eyes, he really meant what he said, wordlessly he started helping her in her task.

    Then when everything was put away, Akashi served the table, insisting the woman to sit and take some rest. 

    "Is Tetsuya-chan not having dinner with us?" The old woman asked from her spot on the table.

     "He is sleeping right now, I will take care he eats first thing when he wakes up." Akashi placed a plate of rice in front of her, before placing one for himself, the last of the prepared food, everything else already on the table. 

    "I see. Thank you again, Seijuro-chan."

     "Kuroko-san. I need to ask you for a favor." Akashi started the topic that was eating at him for some time now, sitting on the table next to Kuroko's grandma. 

     "Anything for you, dear." The woman smiled again, breaking his heart. She was such a nice woman, he liked her, but couldn't stop wondering what would have happened to her if today went differently.

    "Today Tetsuya and Daiki broke up, which resulted in Tetsuya feeling sick. I am afraid that he is taking it a little too hard and I would like to take him out of the city for a few days, so he can clear his head a little bit. Would that be ok with you?" He asked using as much charm an he can pursue her agreement.

    "Of course. Poor little thing. I understand. Please, feel free to do so. I am ready to do anything to help him feel better. I am sure he is devastated." She exhaled, looking sadder than before, more concerned at the thought, as she knew what Aomine meant to her grandson. She got the wish to go upstairs and see him, but she decided to let him rest first, the day must have been exhausting for him.

    "Thank you, Kuroko-san." Akashi smiled, feeling slightly better for the first time that day. He would make sure Kuroko forgets all about Aomine and his intentions of killing himself. 

Chapter Text

    After dinner was over, Akashi cleaned the table, washed the dishes and "sent" Kuroko's grandma to bed, going afterwards in Kuroko's room, to keep an eye on him.

    There he worked for a while, trying to kill some time, before fixing himself a bed on the floor, late in the night, going to sleep, or at least try to. 

    As he expected, he couldn't sleep much that night. It was hard to do so, when he worried if the bluenette would survive it. The doctor had come to check on him a little before his grandma comes home, saying he was ok, cleaning his wounds and changing the system, so it can hold up the night. The doctor repeated a few times for him to calm down, still Akashi couldn't relax. He wouldn't until the boy was awake.

     He had never thought that what happened would really happen. Like he ran as if he did, but the reality of it was so much worse. And only thinking about the possibility for him not being here to help. What would had happen then? Kuroko would be dead. That is what would have happened. He didn't even want to think about the chance of the boy not waking up ever again. That was eating at him, still he ignored it as much as possible, trying to be positive. Yet in the end he just couldn't bring himself to sleep with these thoughts on his mind and the dread in his heart. 

    When the next morning came Akashi was up before the dawn. He tried once more to fall asleep, but he couldn't, so he opted to kill the time as he takes care of their homework as he couldn't yesterday, paying attention at every detail. Then when he knew there would be someone at Teiko, he called the school to inform them that the two of them will be missing for a while, one due family problems, the other due work. And afterwards, a little past seven in the morning, he went downstairs to prepare breakfast for him and Kuroko's grandma. 

    It was around eight when the old woman joined him, while he was just finishing the last dish. When she saw him cooking again, she started apologizing, then thanked him. She had breakfast with him meanwhile asking him how is he and how was her grandson, ignoring the tiredness in his eyes when he said he is doing well. She didn't feel nice nagging him why he lied to her, so she didn't say anything else, she just told him that he could always use the guest room to rest. No need to sleep on Kuroko's floor. He thanked her, but refused warmly, he couldn't leave the blue eyed alone for long, even now he went upstairs every few minutes to check on him. After breakfast was over the old woman helped him with the cleaning and left for work.

     Akashi didn't know she was working. Turns out she was in a part time job, just three times in the week, to keep Kuroko away from working.

    Obviously her pension wasn't enough most of the time and she stubbornly refused to use the little saved money they have, so there would be a way to send Kuroko into an university. At her words he felt new sadness taking over him. She was too old to work, but he also didn't want Kuroko to work as well. He felt as he needed to take care of this, it would be really easy for him. Promptly he ask her to help them, saying that it won't be a problem, that they won't be in his debt, that he would be happy to help her grandson, however he could, but she refused, no matter what he said, saying she enjoyed her job and that it wasn't heavy at all. All she needed to do was read books to the small kids in the library while their parents dealt with personal affairs or their own work or just for fun. It didn't sound that simple or easy, but she didn't give him a chance to comment on it. She said she feels good at her job, yet it turned out Kuroko didn't know about all of this. He thought she was simply working for her own pleasure, asking her to quit now and then, but she would always refuse. She asked him to keep the secret between the two of them. There wasn't need for Kuroko to know. Akashi felt even worse.  

    After the old woman left the house, Akashi went back upstairs, waiting for the doctor, finishing some more of his work, before he attend the doctor's check up. 

    When he came, the doctor removed Kuroko's system and told the red hair, he should be up soon. His blood loss wasn't a problem anymore, at least not too much. His vitals also were all in a good condition. The colour of his face was almost back to normal. All he needed now was rest. The doctor also left a sling with his visit, saying that it may be useful, that it would be easier for the boy to protect his hand if he use the sling. Akashi agreed with him.

    However, after Kuroko was taken care of, the doctor turned his attention to him asking about his forehead, turns out there was a small bruise, but Akashi told him not to worry and dismissed him, hiding that said bruise under his hair.




     It was around noon and he was in the middle of a book, that he found in one of the desk's cabinets, while looking for a paper clips, when Kuroko started waking up.

     At first he was just barely moving around, showing liveliness after so long, then his eyes started dancing under his eyelids as if he was dreaming, before he finally opened his eyes, but only after a few attempts, slowly taking in his surroundings. 

     His whole body felt heavy and he couldn't quite feel much of it. There was the feeling of a dull pain, but at the same time he couldn't move at all, as if his body was tied down with rope. 

    In the beginning he wasn't sure what was happening. Everything was fuzzy, and aside the heaviness in his body, there wasn't anything different than a normal day. But then things just came back, crushing down at him. He remembered everything from the previous day and the pain in his chest returned instantly, this time stronger that before. His arm suddenly felt on fire even though he couldn't really feel it as his blood system was full with painkillers.

     Not realising it, he started crying again, it was soft and tender, the tears just rolled down his cheeks, without any noise coming with them. There was no sobbing and no heavy breathing, just silent tears, just a small transparent drops. He looked down at his arm and finally realized that yes, he was still alive and his forearm was perfectly bandaged next to his body. 

     He tried to remember what exactly had happened, why he was here. He wondered if his grandma had found him, but the muggy silhouette he remembered wasn't his grandma's. No. It was... it was... Akashi's. Akashi had saved him.  

     Taking a deep shaking breath, his right hand flew to his face, covering the upper part of it, his forehead, his eyes and his nose. He felt regret overcoming his heartbreak. This shouldn't have happened, none of this should have happened, especially Akashi founding him, saving him. Akashi! Why was Akashi in his home, what was he doing there? No. Why he had saved him? It didn't make sense. Until suddenly it made. When he remembered Akashi's words, it all made sense. 'You aren't allowed to die, until I finish playing with you.' 

    He chuckled dryly. He was so pathetic. He was nothing more, but a toy to him, that is why he saved him, so he can continue playing with him. He choked a sob. He was nothing more, but a toy to all of them. To Akashi, to Aomine, to Kagami, to Kise. They all played with him, then when they got bored with him they threw him away. Just why Akashi was taking so long to get bored with him. Couldn't he just let him be? Let him die? 

    He couldn't bear a punishment on top of everything else and he was sure there would be one. He wasn't sure what the punishment would be this time around, but he didn't want to go through with it. Maybe it wasn't too late to do the right thing and end everything now. Maybe he wouldn't be capable to fuck things again, or even if he did, he would try again and again, until he successes. His body was still weak if he judges by the feeling of heaviness. Yeah, that sounds good. He is gonna fix his mistake, fuck Akashi and everyone else.

    "What are you thinking of?" Akashi asked, as calmly as possible, leaving the book on the desk, propping his arms on the chair's hand rests, Kuroko's desk chair, looking expectantly at him. His words, pulling the boy out of his thoughts. 

     When he saw him waking up, he hold his breath is anticipation. He couldn't believe that Kuroko was waking up, that he was awake. Alive. He felt his body shake both with happiness and fear. He was afraid that he may be dreaming, still he couldn't contain his relief. But then suddenly Kuroko had started crying, then he laughed, then cried again, not noticing him at all as if he was invisible. He wasn't sure what to do. What was happening, so he asked.

    "A-Akashi-kun?" Kuroko exhaled weakly, raspy, but obviously surprised. At his voice he jerked his head to look at him, his hand falling on the side of his head, fingers lost in the blue locks. "W-what are you doing here?" He asked, gulping hard, suddenly scared, his crying choked back in. He didn't know Akashi was there. He didn't want him there. 

    "Taking care of your mistakes." Akashi answered, not moving even an inch, his gaze piercing, his eyebrow lifting up. The calmness of his voice fighting with the cold, sarcastic and angry side of him, wanting nothing more, but to show his disappointment.

    "You should have left me to die." Kuroko blurted, not thinking at all, turning his head to face back at the ceiling. "I finally did what you always tell me to do and you stopped me." He choked back half a sob, his voice cold as ice, even colder thanks to the raspiness in it. He still wanted to die. Now more than before. 

    "You are more stupid than I thought you were, Tetsuya. You can kill yourself only if I tell you to, after all I owe you, but you can't do so just like that. I can't believe that you decided to kill yourself over a boy dumping you. Have you even thought of your grandma or that she will be all alone? Of your basketball carrier or your friends?" His heart skipped a beat, Kuroko had actually taken his words seriously, shouldn't he go against them? That is why he had spoken them, to use reverse psychology on him, not for him to actually listen. That was so wrong, all of it. He felt as he can't contain this bitchy behaviour anymore, but he needed, didn't he? For Kuroko's own good. To stop him from hurting himself further.

    "I don't have a basketball career." Kuroko barked after a few seconds of silence, unsure of what else to say. His grandma... she was... she would be... he couldn't comment on this. He couldn't defend himself here as Akashi was right. He didn't really have any friends, but he couldn't comment on this too, he didn't want to think of it nor he wanted to hear Akashi's opinion on the topic. With the other two out of the question, he could only answer about the basketball remark. He was the worst at basketball, he knew that, everyone knew it, so what is the point of talking as if he did have any chance of a career. His misdirection worked barely for half a game, it was a losing cause, especially now without Aomine there. 

    "You don't now! With this arm of yours, you won't be capable to touch basketball in a while. You are extremely lucky you hadn't actually cut your vein or any important muscle. Your hand could be completely useless right now." Akashi raised his voice, his anger breaking loose, still he has been extremely rude, forcing Kuroko to whine loud, surprised and scared. 

    What was Akashi talking about? His arm? He looked down at it on instinct, his crying starting a new, stronger. His arm was still tightly wrapped in the bandages, the feeling of it heavy, but at the same time dull, barely there. He found himself trying to pick it up, but he could barely move it under his elbow. Hitching a breath, he tried to move his fingers next, but they didn't seem to move much, just the tips could hardly only twitch. 

    He took another shakily breath, trying to choke back his sobs, his right arm starting to shake next to his head. No, no, no. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't. 

    He hadn't thought about what would happen if he doesn't success, if he stays alive. There wasn't that option at that time. He shouldn't have survived. He should be dead now. That impossible option was only possible because of Akashi. Because of Akashi he was in this situation. It was all Akashi's fault.

    "You shouldn't have saved me." He muttered, turning to look at the wall opposite his desk and with that opposite Akashi, openly crying now, hiding his face again under his right palm.

     He felt like shit. He lost everything he loved. Everything he cared about. He had always been like this. First he lost his grandfather, then he lost his parents, then he lost Aomine, he's got the habit of losing his friends one by one and he dreaded the day his grandma would leave him as well. He was without people to love and people to love him. He was lonely and tired. He was so, so tired of being such a low being. So miserable all the time. Really, he was better off dead, there wasn't anything to live for. And now, now this was happening. Now he was ever closer to the bottom. Now he wouldn't be capable to play basketball even until he graduates high school. That sport was his only salvation of his loneliness, but it won't be anymore. If he was useless before at it what would be he now? He lost both his light and his misdirection in just a day. He was done for it. Really, what a shameful human being he was. 

    "You need to eat. I am going to fix something fast. Don't do anything stupid." Akashi suddenly said, a few minutes later, standing from the chair, to leave the room. Kuroko pretended to not hear him.

    He didn't know what to do. Kuroko hadn't cried so much in front of him for months now. He wanted to go and comfort him, to hug him, and kiss him and tell him that everything would be ok, that he would be ok. To not be afraid nor sad, but he knew he can't do so. Kuroko would refuse, push him away. He felt as if the boy wouldn't want to be next to him right now. He felt as if he needs to give him some space to himself, to think things over and hopefully calm down a bit. This was the only thing he can actually do. 

    On the other side, he left the room, because he couldn't stand being in there any longer without starting to cry himself. He felt so bad, so horrible, so sorrowful. He wanted to help him, but he didn't know how. No matter how smart he was, how he always knew what needs to be done in basketball, school or work. No matter how he always tended to be right in his doings, he was at a lost what to do to help Kuroko to feel better. 

     So at a lost of the situation at hand, he went downstairs to prepare some food for him. Anyway, he needed to eat, so it was good. 

     Once downstairs he put a rice to boil, prepared a few dry and fresh fruits and nuts and sat at the table waiting for the food to cook, lost in thought.

     Forty some minutes later the rice was ready, so he took it off the stove, added the prepared dry fruits and nuts with some sugar to it in the bowl, took the prepared fresh fruits, a cup of water and put everything in a tray, before going back upstairs.

     When he entered the room a few minutes later, he found Kuroko in the same position as before. Head turned to the far wall, right hand on top of his face, body lying flat on the bed, yet his crying had stopped. Akashi couldn't help, but sign at the sight. 

     Kuroko did what he always does, he closed in himself again, bottoming everything away as if there wasn't any problem he needs to solve. That habit of his had brought up his self harm. He never talked with people, he never sought help, he just closed himself and tried to pretend nothing was wrong. Until in the end he couldn't hold it anymore and self-destroyed.

    The bluenette didn't make a sign as if he had noticed him coming back, so Akashi just went to the desk to leave the congee, the water and the fruits on top of the wood surface, before going next to the bed. 

     "Come, let me help you sit." He said, gently getting hold of his left armpit, pausing for a few moments waiting, until Kuroko turned to look at him. 

     He didn't move at all but his head, eyes looking up at Akashi unreadable, broken, empty, so, so empty. He stared at him for a few moments as if deciding what to do, before moving his right arm to push himself up. At that moment Akashi pulled him up as well, putting his other hand on his shoulders so to not put too much pressure on his left arm. He pulled slowly, gently, until the boy was in almost sitting position. Then the crimson haired fixed the pillows behind him so he can lean on them. 

     When Kuroko was in position, Akashi went back to the desk and took the tray with food, leaving it on top of the boy's lap, careful not to hurt him. There were just a bowl with congee, a cup with water, a bowl with cut fruits and cutlery on top of it, so he hoped it won't be too heavy for the boy. Afterwards he sat on the side of the bed, waiting.

     Kuroko looked at the food for a while, before picking up the cup with water, drinking half of it in one go, before leaving it back down to take the spoon, slowly mixing the contents of the congee around. He looked as if he didn't want to eat it, so he took his time. Akashi waited patiently for him. 

     It took more than five minutes before he picked up the spoon, bringing it to his mouth. The congee wasn't that bad, he needs to admit or he was way too hungry to detect the bad taste. He wasn't sure, yet he ate it.

     Unfortunately, soon enough his hand felt heavy and he could barely pick up the spoon. So his speed slowed by the minute, his eyelids heavier with every batting. He started feeling really sleepy, so he struggled feeding himself more and more. Truth to be told he continued eating just because Akashi sat right next to him, if he was alone, he would have stopped long ago.

     "Let me." Akashi said, seeing how he couldn't move much anymore. He put his hand on top of Kuroko's in a motion to take the spoon, winning new unreadable glare, before Kuroko lets go of the spoon, leaning more backwards to the pillows, incapable to keep his body up. 

     Slowly Akashi took the spoon and lift it full toward his mouth. Kuroko hesitated for a second, before opening his mouth to let the spoon in. His face went red, almost instantly. He was properly embarrassed. Being fed like this, has been something he never thought he would do. Being fed like this by Akashi himself, it was an image no one could believe would ever happen. His face went redder and redder with each mouthful, but he continued eating, looking at his lap, not once picking up his gaze toward Akashi, since the moment he took the spoon. 

      Akashi on the other hand felt quite pleasured with himself. Put aside his happiness for feeding Kuroko or that he actually ate or that it was funny sight no matter how one looks at it. The face the bluenette was making made Akashi want to start laughing on the spot. He hadn't seen him like this in a very long time. It was indeed very rare and beautiful vision. On the pale skin the bright pink cheeks looked as a little strawberry field. Akashi's heart melted under the sign. 'Truly breathtaking' he thought. He could forget everything bad in that very moment, wishing to kiss the strawberries away, still he kept his composure.

    After Kuroko had finished the congee, Akashi fed him some of the fruits, nothing too much or heavy to chew on, nothing to much of a amount. This was even more awkward, as he used a fork and Kuroko had to actually watch where that fork goes or he would get stabbed. However, he made everything in his power to not meet Akashi's eyes.

     "Rest now." Akashi said, when he saw Kuroko barely keeping his eyes open, the eyelids falling down for longer periods of time, leaving half of the fruits uneaten. 

     He left the tray on the floor, and helped Kuroko lay down again, promptly fixing the pillows so he is comfortable. 

     Lying Kuroko turned to the other side, helping his left arm with his right, again facing that wall, instead of Akashi, covering his whole body with the blankets. 

       Akashi singed and took the tray from the floor, heading towards the door, so he can take care of the left food and the dirty dishes. Also to give Kuroko time to rest. He needed it.

      "Akashi-kun?" He asked in a small voice, unhappy somehow, not really wanting to talk, but needing to ask this one question. His voice was scratchy as he obviously was close to sleep.

     "Tetsuya." The heir said back, to let him know he has his attention, voice nothing more but calm and secure. 

     "Grandma?" He asked, sounding small, afraid. Akashi could swear he saw him tremble under the blankets at that instant.

    "She doesn't know. I had told her that you had fainted. No one knows, but me and the doctor that took care of you. That is the reason you are not in a hospital." He answered truthfully, still as calm as a minute ago at least on the outside, on the inside, he felt that same dread that was eating him since yesterday.

      There wasn't an answer from the boy at his words, not that he expected one, so he just turned around again, opening the door to exit.

     "Thank you." Came the small voice. Now even smaller than before. Nothing more, but a barely a whisper, still very much sincere.

     He stopped in his tracks, turning to look at the boy again, that was not moving at all, aside his breathing hiding under that blanket. 

    He nods, but didn't comment on it, just left the room. This thank you wasn't meant to be answered on, he knew. But he felt happy to hear it. It wasn't every day that Kuroko thanked him this sincerely. Yet he couldn't help, but feel bad for being thanked in a situation like this, still in didn't change the fact that his consideration was appreciated and that made him somehow happy.

    When he was downstairs Akashi cleaned the small tray, put the fruits away in the fridge, taking a piece of pear for himself before that and went back upstairs. When he entered the room, Kuroko was already sleeping. 

     He smiled small and sat back on the desk, taking the book he was reading. He opened it on the last page he was on and founded the row he stopped at, before looking up at Kuroko, just to make sure he was breathing. He smiled again, finally calming down a bit, Kuroko was alive and hopefully out of danger.

     He kept his gaze for a few seconds on the small body, thanking all the Gods, he begged earlier, before returning to his book, soon after falling fast asleep himself. 


Chapter Text

     "Bye, grandma." Kuroko said, hugging the old woman with one hand. Both standing at the small corridor connecting the house and the front door.

     "Goodbye, my dear, please take care of yourself and rest." She said in response, squeezing him tightly in her grip. Kuroko needed to bite at his bottom lip to not let out a painful moan at the hug. His grandmother successfully pressed on all his cuts with great power. 

     When she saw him yesterday night she was ready to pass out of worrying. He looked so pale, so sad, yet he smiled at her and reassured her he was ok. She asked straight away about him and Aomine, but he just shook his head saying he doesn't want to talk about it. She asked about his fainting, him feeling sick, but he said it is all thanks to his shock. That he is better now. She was so confused and really scared. She wanted to ask him if he really is ok. She asked a few times, but he would always say he is fine. But she was his grandmother, she raised him, she could easily see he wasn't feeling well, that something had changed in him, but she couldn't do anything to help him out. He was heartbroken and she understood his pain pretty well, so she left him be. She just really hoped that this trip with his friend would help him calm down his pain a bit. She thought she was waiting the trip more than he was, but she couldn't look at him like that, it broke her heart. She wanted him to be happy again.

    "Goodbye, Kuroko-san. Thank you again." Akashi said, bowing slightly toward the old woman, when she turned to hug him as well. She also told him goodbye, before Akashi pick up Kuroko's and his bags so they can leave. 

     The truth is that Kuroko didn't know where they were going, just that there he will receive his punishment. He didn't even know what that punishment would be, but the way Akashi behaved, he was sure he would hate it. He couldn't pinpoint his finger with clarity and say why he was feeling that way, but somehow he felt as if Akashi was more angry with him that he showed. And angry Akashi meant heavier punishment. It is easy to say he dreads this trip, but there wasn't much he can do about it, especially after his grandma allowed the trip and was so happy for it to happen. She even prepared snacks for the way there chanting all along "have a nice time, have fun, don't worry about anything, just enjoy your vacation."

     He felt so low, so sick with himself when he saw her yesterday evening and had to pretend nothing had happened. That he breaking up with Aomine was nothing serious, nothing that made him regret his very existence. That he is just feeling sad, and not exhausted, that he wasn't on the verge of dying just an hours prior without her knowing and was lying to her in her face. 

    He couldn't even explain to her what was wrong with his arm and had to pretend that there wasn't anything wrong with it, while he was at home. Akashi has been his answer again, after seeing his concern of what to tell her. At his worry for an explanation, the captain proposed him to tell her that he had hurt himself on the trip, even though this would put Akashi in a bad light in her eyes. Kuroko has been yet again confused with Akashi and what exactly was on his mind. Why make himself bad reputation when he didn't have any obligation of it?

    It was around two hours later when they arrived at their destination and Akashi woke up the sleeping Kuroko.

    Both left the car and entered the hotel. Akashi checked them in and the two of them headed to their room. 

    Someone would think that Kuroko would look around the hotel with "ah" and "oh" all the way, as this was a pretty prestigious hotel, high and old, but definitely renewed with a lot of new and expensive furniture, but the boy only looked at his feet, picking up his gaze only when they reached the room. 

    Inside was even more beautiful, even more extravagant, still he just took around as if he had seen it before, which was close to the truth. Since Akashi was so much in his life, Kuroko had seen all the beautiful and expensive rooms and buildings he could see. Nothing surprised him anymore, so when he entered the room, more like flat, he just looked around the find where the toilet is. 

    He didn't have any bag with him, it was with Akashi, so he went straight to the bathroom, while Akashi went to the bedroom to leave their bags there. Afterwards, Kuroko entered the bedroom as well, finding Akashi, sitting in the bed scrolling through his phone. The bags on the side of the bed.

    "Do you want to go on a walk or would you like to eat?" Akashi asked, suddenly, when Kuroko entered the room, putting down his phone. 

    "A walk sound nice." Kuroko answered, the fingers of his right hand playing with the jeans pocket. His eyes yet again looking to the ground. 

     Akashi nod in agreement, put his phone in his pocket, took the key card for the room and the two of them headed out on a walk around the town.

    This time around Kuroko took in his surroundings. They were obviously in the province somewhere. The place was extremely beautiful full with trees and birds, there were a lot of cherry blossom trees as well, in the middle of their blooming, making the place more colourful. The people looked nice and happy, pretty chatty as well. It was different that Tokyo and he liked it, he admits, if only the reason to come here was different. 

    "Tetsuya, would you tell me what exactly you are doing?" Akashi asked, stopping in his tracks, amazed, barely five minutes after the two left the hotel.

    "Hmm?..." Kuroko turned to look at him, looking confused. 

    "Why are you making way to the pigeons?" Akashi asked, pointing with his hand at the two greyish birds in front of them. The same two birds whom Kuroko just stopped for, letting pass.

     "Oh, mmm... habit... I guess." He answered, blushing slightly, looking at the ground again.

    "Habit?... You understand that they are pigeons, right? They can fly." Akashi pointed out, putting his hands in his pockets. 

    "Yeah, I know, but... like... it must be hard on them to fly all the time?" Kuroko replied, fighting ashamed smile, looking at the pigeons then at Akashi, before fixing his gaze at the ground once more.

   "Really?" Akashi was nothing short but surprised at the answer. Did birds get tired when they fly?

   "Yeah. Like they get to the ground to seek food and no matter if they find or not, there always are passersby and the pigeons need to fly away again. And I know it is stupid, but I kinda feel bad when that happens. I-I am sorry." He said, hiding his face in his hand at his embarrassment. He felt as a fool, but he did it on habit. He rarely does it when he is with anyone from his school, he is just not really present, his mind miles away. He had forgotten he shouldn't be doing it now.

     "Don't be." Akashi laughed. "It is charming. And somehow... logical." He patted his hair, before the two continued walking as the pigeons before them went to the side of the road. 

    Kuroko was even more embarrassed with himself, looking everywhere else, but the boy next to him, but Akashi could only think how charming he was. How could he believe that the pigeons get tired to fly, he doesn't know, but thinking about it more carefully, he agreed to agree. He kinda liked the idea of making way to birds, it was something only Kuroko would do. So Akashi wasn't going to stop him.

    Walking around for a little while more, stopping here and there to make way for more birds, this time Akashi the main power behind the stops, as the bluenette was utterly ashamed, in the end the two found themselves in front of a park that was close by to the hotel they were staying at.

    It was a beautiful place, both liked it, especially Kuroko. The park was truly big, with an up and downs everywhere, trees all around, as well as benches for people to rest on, a small playground and a lake at the far end with a lot of ducks around it. 

     The moment the shorter boy saw the ducks, his eyes shined like they hadn't for days. He liked ducks or animals as whole and it was a rare sight for him, so he instantly felt some kind of happiness. The sight fast to take his mind out of his problems. 

    He went closer to the lake, watching. He wanted to feed the ducks, but he didn't have anything with him, so after a while of just watching he tried to pet one of the closer ducks, but the duck flew away from him. He bent to another one, but it flew as well. 

    He tried a few more times with different ducks, but the result was a total disaster as they all flew away the moment he tried to even go close to them, still it made him smile a little. To forget about everything else in this world, but the small ducks. It was a short lived happiness, but very appreciated. 

    On the side, Akashi didn't miss anything, watching him tenderly playing around with the ducks. He laughed quietly, this was the same boy that made way to pigeons, chasing ducks. The little hypocrite. Anyway, he was happy to see him like this, enjoying himself even a little bit, he deserved it, so Akashi let him have his little moment, sitting on a bench next to the lake, waiting for him. 

    However, Kuroko got tired pretty soon and left the ducks alone, sitting next to Akashi to rest for a little bit. 

   Both didn't talk, just watched the lake, the ducks and the passing people, until half an hour later, Akashi pat Kuroko's thigh and told him they needed to go. 

     With that they stood and continued walking, past the park and forward until they reached the town center. It seemed Akashi knew where he is going, so Kuroko followed suit. Shortly after they founded the center, they entered the mall, looking around, until Akashi suddenly pulled the bluenette into a shop. 

    "Come, we need to choose something for you to wear tomorrow." Akashi said, completely serious, holding the door of the shop for him to enter.

     "A-Akashi-kun?" Kutoko stammered, looking around the shop, he couldn't wear any of these. No way. Please.

     Akashi didn't say anything, just urged him with hand on his back, entering the shop after him, looking around for something that may catch his eye.

     "I don't think they have anything light blue, it would stay pretty nice with your hair and eyes." Akashi said a few minutes later, when he reached the section with nightwear. "But they do have nice black and blue outfits."

     "Akashi-kun, please." Kuroko cried, not moving from his place in the middle of the shop. He was mortified. "Anything, but female clothes." Kuroko continued, his whole face red. He was so ashamed, this was worse than anything he had thought of. 

    "Why not? It will stay good on you. You have the body for it. I had always wanted to see you dress more feminine. Look, they have some black and red, that would stay nice on you as well." Akashi replied, smirking, taking one of the black and red nighties to look better at it.

    "Please, can't we choose something else?" Kuroko whined, looking around the shop, hoping no one would see them. Yet, he couldn't help but ask himself what exactly was this punishment if he needs to wear this. 

    "There are no sexy male clothes, that can cover your upper body, leaving your bum free to the eye." Akashi said as if this wasn't disturbing him at all. Kuroko shivered in surprise, hearing that his ass would be kinda naked.

    "Please. Anything else, but this." Kuroko pleaded going pale, still he couldn't look Akashi in the eye. This was slightly too much for him to take.

    "Ok. If you give me a kiss I will think about it." Akashi teased, stepping closer to Kuroko, the nighty still in his hand, now the only thing between the two, purposely tickling at Kuroko's skin.

    "You would?" Kuroko asked hopefully, picking up his gaze a little bit, being met with Akashi's lips, before reaching his eyes.

     "Yes." Akashi leaned closer to Kuroko, waiting, teasing, the nighty firmly pressed to the smaller boy's body.

    Kuroko closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He didn't have much to lose. It wasn't like they hadn't kissed before and he could do everything to not have to wear female clothes. He let out the breath he took earlier, closed his eyes and pecked Akashi's lips. 

    "Mmm. I said a kiss, not a peck. Give me the real deal or wear the nighty." Akashi said, after the peck on his lips. He was really disappointed, but it was a reason to tease Kuroko even more now. The smirk on his face got bigger by the second. 

    Full with shame Kuroko looked around before mustering the needed courage, leaning to kiss Akashi properly. This kiss was exactly how Akashi wanted it. 

     In the beginning, it was slow, unsure kiss, very close to the peck before that, but that changed fast, when Kuroko's trembling tongue, tracked the other boy's lips. Akashi opened his mouth, meeting the soft tongue with his, starting a play between the two. His tongue was much confident than Kuroko's but he still let the other lead the way. He needs to say he really liked it. Kuroko on the other hand couldn't be more uncomfortable. 

    "Ok, let's see the play customs." Akashi grinned after the kiss was broken, pulling back a little, before stepping toward a different part of the shop, nighty still in his hand.

    "Akashi-kun." Kuroko whined, holding him for his t-shirt so he doesn't go away.

    "Ok, ok. We gonna get something else." Akashi laughed loudly, returning the nighty back on it is place, pulling Kuroko out of the shop.




     "May I ask what my punishment will be?" Kuroko asked a few hours later when he was told to dress for Akashi, so he can see how the new piece of clothing stays on him. Akashi on his knees before the bluenette.

      "Of course. You will be entertaining my guests tomorrow." Akashi answered, fixing the last bit left of the harnesses around Kuroko's thighs. 

     "E-Entertain them?" Kuroko asked quietly. What did it mean to entertain them? Goosebumps ran down his spine. That was way too scary of a punishment than what he was expecting. Can he take the paddle, even a cage would be better?

     "Yes." Akashi replied, standing, stepping aside, leaning on the wall.

     "How?" Kuroko asked, looking at Akashi, still with nothing more on him but his boxers and the harnesses. Akashi had bought the harnesses, so he can hide all the thigh's scars Kuroko had.

      "However I please. Don't look like that. This is punishment. You shouldn't be liking it." Akashi said, when he saw the look Kuroko had on his face. If Akashi needs to describe it, he looked as if he had eaten a whole lemon and a jar of jalapeno peppers just now.

      "I guest so." Kuroko answered quietly, a few moments later, resigned, reaching to take his top, putting it on as instructed. 

     "You look amazing." Akashi said, when Kuroko was done, the bluenette looking at himself in the mirror, expression unreadable. The crimson haired stepped closer to Kuroko to hug him from behind. "You make me hard just by looking at you." Akashi removed stray hair from Kuroko's face, kissing his cheek, their gazes meeting in the mirror if front of them.

     He caressed his cheek, seeking the blue eyes to look directly at them, just so he can find them closed. He took a deep breath, before letting his hand down Kuroko's body, tracking the path the buttons formed on the white shirt. 

     "First, you are going to greet them." He said, supporting his head on top Kuroko's shoulder, looking down at his chest, unbuttoning the top button. "Then you are going to serve them drinks." He continued, hiding his hand under the white fabric, caressing the tender skin there, slowly fiding his way to the left nipple, squeezing slightly on it. "Mmm, no, first you need to show them to their seats." He retracted his hand after a few moments of teasing the pink bud, his finger writing line up the soft skin, until he reached his collarbones. That same finger moved to the right side until it reached the shoulder Akashi was leaning on. "Then you gonna be nice and good talking with them, complimenting them, refilling their drinks, serving them food." With every word, his finger moved lower and lower on top the white shirt. "You gonna be their lucky charm when they ask about it on our poker game. They will be all allowed to touch you exactly how I am touching you now." His finger already reached the boy's hips, passing them. "They can hold you here." He said as his finger, tickled at his thigh, tracing the lines of the harnesses. "And here." His finger moved past the harnesses to his arse, pinching promptly the right cheek, enjoying the way Kuroko jumped slightly at the pinch. "But... none of them can fuck you. If they try, you are to stop them and tell me right away, understood?" He asked, turning the bluenette's head towards him, with the same hand that danced on his body just a second ago, kissing him, not waiting for an answer. The baby blue eyes still firmly closed. "Understood?" He asked again, breaking the kiss, holding Kuroko's chin, so he can make him look at him. 

     "Understood." The boy answered, the blue eyes finally looking at him, still cold and empty. His voice low, dancing between hot and cold. When he saw this gaze, Akashi couldn't help but hope he could break it apart in the warm gaze it was once.

    "Good boy." He smiled, his finger tracing the red lips, before parting them to enter between them. 

     Kuroko knew right away what he needs to do and started sucking on the finger the moment it entered his mouth, wetting it pretty nice, before Akashi put inside second, starting to play around in his mouth, scissoring his fingers, pulling and pressing at his tongue, poking at his cheeks, exploring every bit of space he possibly can. It took a while before the heir takes his fingers away, positioning them at the hidden entrance. 

   When the fingers touched his pink hole, Kuroko suckined in a breath, turning his head forward again, his eyes flying shut once more. 

     Akashi kissed his jaw, pushing aside Kuroko's legs with his own, starting to massage the small pink hole, wetting it nicely, before pushing his wet finger in, forcing that breath out of Kuroko.

      "This punishment will teach you that I am the one that says what happens to you." He said, pushing in his second finger, exploring his insides, renewing the kisses on his neck. 

    It took a few minutes, but in the end Kuroko started opening nicely at the intrusion, letting in a third finger. When these three fingers started moving freely inside the bluenette, as if this was their home, Akashi pulled them out. 

    He lowered Kuroko's boxers, unzipped his own trousers, lowering them as well and freed his cock, positioning the red trembling head right next to the sweet waiting entrance. 

    Without a further warning, he pushed forward, unstoppable, before bottoming straight away, surprising the bluenette, who fell forward towards the mirror and needed to support himself with his hand on the wall before him. 

     Akashi stopped for a few moments, seeing his surprise, allowing him to compose himself, still kissing his neck and sometimes his shoulder. 

    "You are so handsome." He said, pulling himself out a little bit, before with a hard thrust bottoming out again. The boy's head hanging low at the same moment, his breathing becoming slightly heavier, his body fighting against the sudden stretching. No matter the time taken to prep him, Akashi's cock was bigger than his fingers. Being simply entered in one thrust was hard to take without any "side" effects.

     Akashi started moving slowly, his right hand moving down to wrap around Kuroko's manhood, while his left still held him firmly in place.

    Even if his mind didn't enjoy any of this, his body had long ago learned to enjoy, especially when the red eyed hit at his prostrate, something Akashi enjoyed doing all the time.

    After all it was all biology. 

     His movements were in a perfect synchronisation. His hand moved forward the shaft as his cock buried itself in the other boy, and moving backwards when he pulled. He builds a rhythm pretty fast, still kissing and sucking on his neck, sometimes his jaw and hair, sometimes his shoulder, sometimes he played with his ear. This was something Kuroko liked, he knew, even if the other would never admit it. 

     Kuroko melted every time Akashi played with his ear, sure enough this time wasn't an exception and Akashi heard a very small moan escape Kuroko's lips. A satisfying smile appeared on his lips at the sound. 

    The whole time Akashi watched both of them in the mirror, especially Kuroko, while the other's eyes were firmly shut. He couldn't contain himself. Kuroko looked extremely beautiful, extremely sexy, extremely sinful. He was like no one else. He was unique and irreplaceable.

    His eyes pursued every bit of the bluenette's body, feeling his blood becoming hotter, his thrusts faster, his breathing heavier. Until in the end his eyes fell to the limp arm, next to the one he was holding the small body with. 

    He felt horrible all over again. He knew that this punishment would be something that would make Kuroko feel even worse, even more broken, but this was the only thing he could come up. 

    He needed to break him in order to help him. Kuroko couldn't keep everything bottomed up in himself, he needed to scare him somehow and impact play wasn't going to help this time around. He needed to give him a reason to live on and he couldn't give him anything worthy, but he could give him something good enough.

    He knew it was a sick way. He knew he was sick, but Kuroko was sick as well. They both were and they needed each other to keep themselves in check. What a couple they were?

    God, this was wrong, wasn't it?

    Everything was so wrong. So, so wrong. They were wrong, their relationship was wrong, he was wrong, but... but he loved him, what he can do? It is not like he could order his heart to change direction.

    Everything was wrong, but he was going to fix it. Someday he would fix both of them. He would fix everything.

     He is not sure what he did next, but he heard Kuroko choking another moan, this one much stronger and beautiful. Suddenly the blue eyed boy, threw his head backwards, biting hard at his lower lip, to keep the shameful moan inside himself, coming in Akashi's hand.

    God, he was so beautiful. He loves him. He felt himself getting close to coming just by watching Kuroko come. 

     He also felt himself wishing to tell Kuroko he loves him, but he couldn't, so instead he bit down hard on the shoulder, he was caressing a minute ago, coming deep in the boy. 

    "I will fix it." He said, not realising himself, a minute latter still buried in Kuroko, kissing the spot he just bit. 

      "What?" Kuroko asked, confused, turning toward Akashi, not really looking at him as the angle was impossible, still he could see him in the mirror. Akashi licked and kissed his bitten shoulder without any other care in the world. His question hanging in the air without an answer. 

    Later on, deep in the night, Kuroko found himself smoothed by these confusing words, without even realising the meaning behind them. 


Chapter Text

     "Good evening, gentlemen, please come in." Kuroko greeted, opening the door with a smile, dressed in the white shirt and the harnesses Akashi told him to wear, behaving at his best. Yet his smile wasn't anything more, but a fake. Not that any of these men cared about it. He had a smile on his face, he talked nicely and he was sexy, who cares about anything else, right?


     "Oh, my. What a beauty." One of the men complimented the moment the door was opened and he saw the bluenette. 


     At the words Kuroko had to give his best to not show how much the man's words really disgusted him. This shouldn't be the first thing he is told, where went the polite 'good evening'. 


    The man smiled ominously, hand brushing slightly at his cheek, before entering the room, followed by the other two men that for the boy's happiness didn't say anything or touched him, but sure enough all of them looked up and down Kuroko's body, drinking him with their eyes, not even trying to hide their gazes.  


    He sucked in a deep breath, closed the front door and lead the way for the guests, a total of three men, towards the living room, where Akashi was waiting. 


     It wasn't that much of a walk as the living room was pretty much the space the hotel room opens at when entering, but he was told to do so, so he did it. 


     When the men entered Akashi greeted them, then he sat at the small armchair, while Kuroko showed with his hand for the guests towards the long sofa.


    "Please take a seat." He told them, bowing slightly, before exiting the room, going to the kitchen, taking the tray with prepared drinks. "Would you like a drink?" He asked, returning to the living room, introducing the drinks to the men.  


      "Thank you, sweetheart." Said the same guy that earlier pat his face, taking a glass of wine, followed again by the other two, both of them thanking him with a smile. 


     Kuroko felt pretty bad, like sick bad, doing all of this and it was just the beginning of the night. He didn't have problems with serving, playing a butler, it was just that he didn't want or liked to play butler with nothing more but an underwear and a shirt on. It is true the shirt was pretty big on him, Akashi had taken a two sizes bigger shirt and it covers a big part of him, still the glares he just got forced goosebumps to run down his whole body. Big or small shirt, he was still half naked and to not talk about that... thing... in him. He just really hoped these men won't see it. He couldn't deal with this too. 


     After he served their drinks, he left the empty tray back in the kitchen and prepared a new bottle of wine, all the while the men started talking with Akashi, talking all about work.


    When he returned to the living room, he sat at the armchair's handset, next to Akashi. His eyes on the floor, his thigh constantly caressed by the familiar hand of the red hair. 


     A while later he saw some documents moved around and signed, the four men talked and talked, but he didn't pay attention to it. It wasn't anything that was interesting to him, so he zoomed out for a while. 


     He couldn't help himself, but think about Aomine. He did that every free second he got. If it wasn't for Akashi pushing him around with this and that, he could think about him all the time, but it was hard to do so when he was constantly angry at Akashi or ashamed of himself. Dragging his arm around didn't help either. If he didn't take painkillers all the time he was met with a throbbing pain in his forearm. And taking the painkillers made him forget there is something wrong with it and he tried to use it. It was constant back and forth and he hated it. However, at a free time like this, when he couldn't actually listen to what Akashi was doing as it was kinda personal, not that Akashi cared as Kuroko was sitting next to him, he wondered what Aomine was doing? Was he concerned about him, did he think about him as well or had he forgotten him already? He wanted him back, he felt so empty without him, he couldn't understand why things had turned out that way? 


     He didn't even know if Aomine had called him. Akashi didn't allow him to check his phone. It was so painful not knowing what was going on with the other boy. He needed him, he needed to know, he needed to see he is doing well. He needed to be sure, that even if Kuroko's heart was bleeding, Aomine was fine. He just, he was so lost, breaking in many different thoughts and feelings. He didn't know what he wanted, how to fix things, but he felt that what he was doing with himself was not what he wanted to do, and he doesn't mean this few hours.


     Soon after the business part of the night was over and the others started playing poker. This is when he was forced out of his thoughts and his punishment really started. Turns out he was the bet. Akashi never told him that he would be the bet. He was utterly shocked.


    The rules were simple. One person bets Kuroko, the others bet money. You lose, you lose your money or the bluenette. You win, you win everything, including him. 


     So naturally the first round Akashi bet Kuroko, while the other three men bet their money. 


     For his great happiness Akashi won the first few rounds, but he couldn't win forever. 


     In round six the crimson haired lost to one of the men. Kuroko didn't know his name, but he wasn't someone he liked. Truth to be told he didn't like all three of them, yet this one was the one he liked at a level middle ground. 


     He was just a few years older than him, in his middle twenty if he needs to guess, and the whole night he talked well, all the formalities were met with him, better than the other two, but he couldn't stop watching at the bluenette with a look that was unreadable. He wasn't like the older one of them that screamed he wants nothing more but to fuck him, but this guy that just won him wasn't and someone Kuroko liked. He was nothing more, but well behaved stranger.  


     When that guy won, he started laughing, calling him over. Kuroko was shocked by the turn of events and for a while didn't move from his place next to Akashi, until the heir rubbed his back, telling him to be good and go. 


    Breathless Kuroko looked at him and was met with that usual authority, finality, telling him to follow or else. Powerless, he nodded lightly, stood and went to the man, sitting in his lap. 


      It took him a great deal to hold back his true feelings, composing an indifferent face, fake smile still on his lips, while he wanted nothing more, but to go home. This truly was punishment Kuroko won't forget. For his relief the man was respectful enough to not touch him much this time around, simply putting his hand at the small of his back. 


     The next round was won by the older gentleman. Kuroko couldn't be more upset about it. Anyone else but him. Anyone. He didn't stop watching him even for a second, eating him with his eyes. The look in them was the one of a predator and if Kuroko could, he would do anything else, but sit in his lap. 


      The man on the other hand wasn't even remotely shy about his enthusiasm to win this round. He literally wrapped his hands around the bluenette the second he took a step toward him, pulling him forcibly to sit in the middle of his lap, his bum purposely positioned on top the man's cock. Thank goodness he wasn't hard. However the gesture itself was disturbing enough.


     "I couldn't understand your name, sweetheart, please, do tell me how shall I call the next princess stealing my heart." The man said, kissing his cheek. Oh, God. He could feel the wetness on his cheek, left from that kiss. He shivered, he wanted to wipe it clean, to wash his face this very instant. However, he gave his best to control his face, before it frowns and show his horror. 


      "I-I..." Kuroko stammered lost at what to do, trying to compose himself, looking for a way out of answering him.


    "His name doesn't matter. He is nothing more but our entertainment. He is what we want him to be, so just call him as you please." Akashi interrupted, looking savage. Kuroko wasn't sure should he be grateful or not. Akashi's words were cruel, very cruel, he felt even worse now, just like a toy, like a doll they can play around with, yet he didn't want that man to know his name and Akashi just saved him from it.


     "So I am gonna call you my Princess. Bring me luck and make me win, Princess, I am gonna be very grateful for it." The man laughed, putting a hand on his thigh, squeezing tightly, kissing at his cheek again, before turning his attention back to the game. His hand was still laying calmly on the boy's thigh. 


     Kuroko was ready to stand up from that man's lap and run away, but the look on Akashi's face told him to sit down. Akashi had murderous aura and was watching Kuroko as if he fights against him, he would have hell to pay and he really didn't want to see what worse Akashi can think of, so he swallowed hard and took that man's hand as it didn't disturb him in the slightest. Little did he know that Akashi's look wasn't directed at him, but the old guy and the way he was treating his pressure pearl. Akashi started wondering if that was only punishment for Kuroko or him as well.


      That same man won the next four rounds, happy that Kuroko had actually brought him luck, his hands more daring after every win, his words even more shameless, saying things like 'My lucky Princess', 'So beautiful and so lucky', 'All mine', 'I wanna eat you, so you can be only mine'. It was a very long while before Kuroko could return back to Akashi.


     The more the night progressed the more everyone drank, the bluenette was pouring more and more wine into their glasses, their hands getting more and more touchy. Everyone was fighting to win so they can get hold on him, no one even cared about the money. They even had a favorite place to grab and it definitely was his ass or next- his thighs. When they went for his thighs, they liked to put their hands so high that it was as if they itched to grab at his penis. Thank goodness no one did. Still all, of them squeezed at his ass at least once when he passed by. Just passing by.


     He couldn't stand it. The two younger of them were kinda ok. They touched, but only in the areas allowed by Akashi and didn't do much other than that. They very rarely called him 'baby' or 'sweetie', when they wanted a refill on their wine or when they needed to attract his attention, but that was it pretty much. Still the big mouth, as he liked to call him, was way too disgusting for him.


     He was mid thirty or maybe even forty and this man old enough to be his father, was not only touching his rare or his thighs, he touched him everywhere. His hands were of every possible part on his body, caressing, petting, stroking, squeezing. He pinched his nipples and kissed all over his face, neck and torso. Kuroko was on the verge of hitting that man the whole night. He couldn't stand him. He prayed for the others to win, every time he was with him, everyone else was better than that jerk. 


     That man annoyed and Akashi quite a lot, but he unintentionally made things more of a punishment than they were supposed to be, so he let him be. However Akashi had never said they can kiss Kuroko, but the man didn't stop doing that. In the beginning, it was tolerable, but not anymore, so to show him that he is still the one Kuroko belongs to, he made Kuroko hard. 


    It was a pretty easy task. He won a round and Kuroko sat at his lap.


    The moment he won, Akashi turned on the plug hidden deep within the bluenette, making him trip in his step, before shakily cross the room to sit in him. After he was seated, the vibration was hitting constantly Kuroko's prostate and Akashi used that very moment to kiss him, full mouthed. He simply made a show out of it. 


    Holding his head sternly, his hand under the white shirt, holding the curve of his back he kissed him. He kissed and bit at the soft pinkish lips, his tongue dancing on every part of them and inside his mouth, before their tongues meet mid air, fighting for the upper hand, soft noises escaping the smaller boy's chest.


     Soon enough Akashi's mouth was "fucking" Kuroko's. And Kuroko went with it, kissing as passionately as the crimson haired boy. Saliva dripping down their chins the moment the kiss was broken.


    That was part of what he was told when Akashi buried the butt plug in him. If any of the guests are thinking Kuroko is theirs, Akashi would want him to show full support and play along no matter what he does. Kuroko needed to be 100% on board with it, so the others would leave him be. The signal for this would be when the vibration on the plug is turned on. So the moment the bluenette felt the vibration on, he followed suit. Better be kissed by Akashi than that old big mouthed jerk. 


     After the kiss was over and Kuroko was visibly hard, Akashi stoped the butt plug and started the next round of the game, while flustered Kuroko was sitting on his lap chasing his breath, his hard on dying soon after, but only after everyone in the room has seen him.


     Afterwards that man was little less touchy, but much more talkative. He didn't stop saying how much that kiss exited him. How sexy the bluenette was when he is hard. How much he wants to have him for a night, asking for his price. Akashi refused straight away. 


     But that wasn't the worst part of the night, nor it stopped the desires burning within the few guests. No, the worst part of the night for Kuroko came when Akashi went to the toilet a little while later. That old guy, pulled Kuroko into his lap again once more, holding him tight. 


     When he was pulled down Kuroko instantly tried to stand up, saying that he needs to take care of the drinks, while Akashi is in the toilet, this is what Akashi ordered him just a minute ago in front of all of them, but that man refused to let go of him.


     His hand got a hold of Kuroko's chin, pressing hard on it, turning his head so he can kiss him. His tongue running straight forward, fighting against the soft lips, but Kuroko refused to open his mouth and used his right arm to try and fight back, but his arm wasn't that strong. He couldn't do much and by now everyone in the room knew he can't use his left arm to protect himself so he was at a loss. 


     "Please, sir. Akashi-kun won't approve of this." He tried to reason with the man, breaking from the forceful kiss, winning only a loud laugh from the other. 


    "If it is such a problem, I will simply give him a few bucks more and we will be ok." He said, his hand moving down to cup Kuroko's ass cheeks. The boy let out a shocked whimper, still trying to free himself.  


      That man didn't wait at all and after the hard squeeze he went straight away and put his hand under the boy's underwear, looking for his hole. Seeing where things were going Kuroko started fighting stronger. Fighting both the man's grip and his own tears.


     This was worse than any other party he is been at with Akashi. On the other parties he was always next to Akashi, talking only with him and his father, looking good and obedient. Akashi's little significant other, charming everyone around, pursuing them to give their money away to Akashi's family and the new charity they support.


      Whenever he went to one of this parties people looked hungrily him and talked about him constantly. He had heard a lot of things, about how Akashi is lucky to have such a boy next to him, that they would also want to have him or what he needed to do to be allowed in there, but no one ever outside Akashi had touched him, but a handshake at these parties. They talked, they looked, but none touched. He had never been naked and never he had his personal space intruded like this.


    "Oh, my. You have a butt plug in you. How we hadn't notice until now?" That man asked, his finger finally finding the small treasure within the blue eyed boy, while that same boy was still chanting that Akashi won't like this, begging them to stop. 


     The man started laughing and turned Kuroko to his front, he himself standing from the sofa, so he can look at his rear. 


     "Really, I wanna see as well." One of the others said, Kuroko is really not sure which one it was, standing from his seat, coming closer, followed suit by the third one, now the whole sofa free for them to lay him there and make things easier for themselves. 


      "No, please. Akashi-kun sa..." Kuroko tried to pull away, to turn and stop them, but this guy was pretty strong. The other two didn't waste time and helped holding him down as well, their hands on his shoulders and legs, pinning him to the sofa without any mercy. 


      "Be good, Princess." The man said, slapping his ass, before letting go of him. 


     Kuroko's heart started pounding faster and faster. He start praying Akashi would come back faster, because he wasn't sure what these guys would do if he didn't. But would he stop them? Yesterday he said that he is the only one allowed to fuck him, but who knows if he had changed his mind, yet Kuroko still continued speaking as if he didn't doubt in Akashi. He couldn't doubt or he could lose his mind right on the spot.


     "Stop, Akashi-kun said that you can't..." Nothing more got out of his mouth as it was blocked by the hand of one of the younger two gentlemen.


     He felt that old guy's hands stroking at his hips, before pulling up the white shirt, revealing his ass for everyone to see. His heart started racing faster, panic taking over his very being. The man got a hold of his boxers and pulled them down, slowly revealing his arse cheeks. 


     This was inappropriate, this was illegal. He was just a teenager and they were grown up men, did they really thought of processing with this? They couldn't, could they? They totally could. If they work with Akashi no one won't care what he has to say, how young he was or did he agree with any of this. Until this point in the evening he was their entertainment, he not only poured them drinks, he sat on their laps more than once, he allowed them to touch him everywhere they wanted, he had a fucking butt plug in him, he was half naked and got hard in front of them. Everyone would say he begged them for it. But he didn't want it. 


     He could take Akashi. He could deal with him, with what he did to him. It was sick, it was strange, but even though Akashi raped him constantly, it was Akashi doing it. It was somehow different than being raped by them, by that old guy. He could feel his skin burning with horror, he felt more dirty that ever before.


     Is that why Akashi saved him, so he can kill him from inside out? This was too much, way too much. He couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't, he wanted to be far away from here, he wanted to be with Aomine, not this men. Even more he wanted to be at home and be happy, not knowing this type of life.


     "Gentlemen, I am afraid it is time for you three to go home." Akashi said finally returning from the bathroom, his words stopping the guy in his track. His voice was ice cold, the look in his eyes bloodthirsty. He could end them then and there. Seeing him the other two instantly let go of Kuroko, stepping backwards, hands high in the air, murmuring 'sorry'.


     "Ah, Akashi, we will, just a second to see what is hiding down here." The older of them said, still trying to pull down Kuroko's boxers. 


     "I think you are forgetting what I said at the beginning of this event. Leave now or deal with the consequences."


     At his words the younger two were fast to move even further away from the sofa, even they knew they shouldn't be fucking around with the heir. Yet that guy took his time thinking what to do. In the end seeing things won't go his way he took a deep breath and let go of the clothing, slapping the boy's ass.


     "Shame." He said, stepping away from the bluenette as well.


      The moment he was released Kuroko hurried to pick up his underwear properly and cover himself with the shirt as much as it allowed him as the three men gathered their belongings and were sent out by Akashi. 


      When Akashi came back in the living room Kuroko was nowhere to be found, heavy sounds of breathing coming from the bathroom. He headed that way, finding Kuroko vomiting and crying, folded into a ball before the toilet bowl. He kneeled down next to him, caressing the baby blue locks. 


     "Are you ok?" He asked, his voice soft. 


    "N-No!" Kuroko murmured, hiccuping because of his cries, not even looking at him, fighting a new wave of stomach liquid down his throat. 


     "I am sorry. This shouldn't have happened. I had warned them beforehand." Akashi said, still petting the boy's hair, feeling like shit. He did warn them. He told them what was allowed and what wasn't, he also told them that if they do something to Kuroko they would pay with their lives. They weren't even swimming in their waters, so why so much interested in Kuroko, as he was a male?


      Kuroko didn't answer him. He just stayed on top of the toilet bowl, fighting between waves of vomiting and crying.  


      "Wanna take a bath?" He asked a few minutes later, when the vomiting was reduced only to empty wheezing.


      It took a few moments of silence before Kuroko nod ever so slightly.


     With that Akashi stood up and went to the tube, switching on the water, he poured in the available bath cream they had, prepared a sponge and returned shortly next to the blue eyed. 


     While the bathtub was still filling he helped Kuroko stand up and undressed him, gently removing the plug at the end with a quiet 'sorry', when the boy let out a whimper. By the time he finished the tube was full. 

    He helped Kuroko in, then processed to undress himself as fast as possible. When he was done, he entered the bathtub and sat behind the smaller boy, taking the sponge, starting to wash both of them, especially Kuroko who was still crying, even if now it was less fierce than before. Akashi soothing him with soft words, all the while. 


    "W-why it hurts so much, Akashi-kun?" Suddenly Kuroko asked, a long while later, unintentionally moving towards Akashi, seeking some warmth. 


    "What hurts?" Akashi asked quietly on his own, tracking the sponge on the soft skin for a third time, trying to hold back his shock at the small movement of the bluenette.


     "Everything. Everything hurts. My chest hurts. I-I want Aomine-kun back. I love him so much. I can't live without him." He sobbed, scratching at his chest, not anymore conscious of on what he was saying or doing, going entirely with the instincts of his heart, unable to deny his pain anymore. By now, he was simply swallowed by all his pain and was incapable to keep in inside of him anymore. It was just way too much for him to fight against. 


    "I know, I know." Akashi replied, stopping the hand that was scratching at the already wounded chest, pulling Kuroko into his arms, hugging him tightly while the boy cried wholeheartedly. "It is ok, let it out. Let it all out." He said, petting his hair, fighting his own tears.


     Around half an hour later, when the water went cold, Akashi helped Kuroko out of the bathtub, dried both of them, cleaned and bandaged the boy's wounds, then took him in his arms bridal style and carried him into the bedroom. He laid him on the bed and moved to lay behind him. 


    "Don't worry about that." Akashi whispered, stopping him with a hand on the small body, when Kuroko tried to take his position on all fours on the bed. 


     Akashi had talked the whole day how he can't wait to fuck him deep in the night, after the guests leave, but  Akashi didn't want sex from him right now. No, he wanted him to take everything that what was inside of him out the right way, not by cutting himself or trying to hurt himself in any other way, but by crying and he knew his way was brutal, but he himself wasn't enough anymore. He needed help and he got one. Now Kuroko was getting everything out of himself the way he should. 


     He may have started crying because of the men that tried to undress him and do to him who knows what more, or simply because of his punishment, but right now he was crying for his suicide attempt and the loss he felt after Aomine. So all was good, at least for now. 


     After Akashi's words, the boy laid down, still crying, even if it was less severe and cuddled himself in Akashi's arms, hiding his face in the other's chest, crying himself to sleep, chanting non-stop 'I want Aomine-kun back'.


     His last words, before falling into deep sleep, words he won't even remember the next day, ripped at Akashi's heart, finally releasing his own tears, being 'Why you are the only one here? Why?'


Chapter Text

    "So, will you tell me what happened?" Akashi asked gently the next morning, standing next to the bed, where Kuroko was sitting under the duvet, back next to the headboard, knees up, shrunken in himself, giving him a cup of coffee. 


     Akashi had been up for a while, mainly working, trying not to think about last night, waiting for the other boy to wake up. He needs to say it took more time than he expected, however he was happy that Kuroko could rest properly. Never before had the bluenette slept this good when he was with him, but these few days. 


    "Thank you." Kuroko said quietly, taking the cup, blowing slightly on the surface of the black liquid, before taking a sip. 


    He woke up around ten to fifteen minutes ago, going straight to the toilet, then he dressed himself as last night he had fallen asleep naked, returning to bed shortly after, still somehow depressed and tired from the day before, more tired than depressed. All this crying drained the life out of him. He thought of trying to sleep once more, wishing to do nothing else, but Akashi didn't give him the chance, offering him this coffee. 


     He took a deep breath, looking down at his cup, shaking it lightly. "Kagami-kun found out about me and made a fuss, wanted to see 'better', started touching and talking, I was frozen shocked, this is when Aomine-kun walked on us in the most improper moment and thought I was cheating on him. Then... he broke up with me." Kuroko continued, his face dropping at the memory, yet his voice was nothing else but dull, empty of any feelings, same goes for his eyes. He was tired of all of this, ready to forget it. He wanted nothing more, but to forget.


     "I see." So that was it. Aomine exaggerating again and Kagami putting his nose where it didn't belong. These two, how could they be like this? Yet... "Why you don't tell Daiki the truth?" He asked as a matter of fact, not blaming, just asking, taking a sip from his own coffee.


     "No!" Kuroko exclaimed momentarily, finally looking up from his cup, out of his thoughts, at Akashi, determination written all over his face. No way he is telling Aomine the truth.


     "Why not? I am sure he will understand." Akashi tried again, sitting on the bed next to the bluenette. 


     "He won't. He will think I am a freak." 


     "I think you underestimate Daiki." Akashi said sincerely, putting his hand on top of Kuroko's knee, rubbing small circles on it, with his thumb, trying to comfort him.


    "He will want me to seek help." Kuroko replied, turning to look at the far wall, not willing anymore to talk about this, but Akashi hadn't finished with this issue yet.


    "Is the thought of getting help that bad for you?" Akashi asked, voice soft. It shouldn't be like this. Kuroko shouldn't be afraid to seek help.


    "I don't need help." The boy said solemnly, still watching the wall, fingers clenching at the cup in his hand.


    'But you do.' Akashi thought to himself. 


     Kuroko really did need help, and if Akashi knew he would listen to him, he would have found him one long time ago, but Kuroko fought every time the subject was brought up. Like he couldn't live without it. Truth to be told he was looking like addicted when it came to this, but this addiction of his was dragging him down.


     "If you tell him, you two will get back together." The captain tried to coax him again, not sure why he was helping him to get back with Aomine, but if happy Kuroko meant Aomine in the picture, so be it. He couldn't watch Kuroko suffer like this. 


    "Maybe it is better if we don't. I won't be capable to go through this again. Also, you were right all along. He doesn't care about me." Kuroko murmured, finally looking back at Akashi, then down at the hand on his knee as if he just noticed it, before leaving the cup of coffee at the close nightstand. It was better if they stayed separated. They wouldn't hurt each other again that way. 


     "I... He does care about you, he just needs... answers." The crimson hair peeped, squeezing gently on his leg. Akashi being right or not didn't matter right now, what mattered was Kuroko's happiness.


     "Please, Akashi-kun." The boy said, looking directly at the red eyes, begging for the subject to be dropped.


    "If you are sure." Akashi nod, letting out a deep breath, moving his hand to the boy's face, to fix a stray strand of hair.


    "I am not sure of anything anymore." Kuroko breathed, looking up at Akashi's hand, closing his eyes for a brief moment. 


    "Are you ready to go back or would you like to stay a few more days?" The crimson haired asked a while later, sipping on his coffee again, his hand long ago back on the other boy's knee.


    "Yeah. I am ready." Kuroko said, sounding sad somehow, receiving a nod. Ready or not he needed to go back to face his problems. "Akashi-kun... thank you." He added, catching Akashi's hand when the other stood, stopping him, looking up at him with a grateful eyes, something that hadn't happened in months, warming the otherwise cold heart of the heir.


    "No worries." Akashi smiled small, cupping his face, rubbing gently with his thumb on his cheek, before he bends down to kiss his forehead. Strangely enough Kuroko didn't shiver at the gesture as he would do in the past. Somehow this time it didn't feel forced or sexual, it was just... warm.


    Afterwards Kuroko finished his coffee, still sitting in bed, while Akashi ordered them food. They had breakfast and afterwards they went out, going to the park that they found the other day, this time with some corn and apple pieces with them, so Kuroko could feed the ducks there. Akashi landed him a helping hand, holding the food for him, while he gave small portions of it to the birds, succeeding after a while to pet one of them. The smile on his face was something Akashi would never forget.


     In the afternoon they returned to the hotel and Akashi packed up their luggage, soon after both finally heading back to Tokyo. 


    On the travel there Kuroko slept once more, while Akashi drove, lost in thoughts. 


    Once in front Kuroko's house Akashi told him to wait a few days before returning back to school. One so his hand can have time to heal better, second so less people can question why the two of them missed school at the same time. 


    He also asked should he come inside with him, but the boy refused, wanting to be alone so he can arrange his thoughts and collect himself, not that he told Akashi the last part. Nevertheless, Akashi promised to come check on him later in the day. 


    At that time, right before they separate Akashi also told Kuroko the lesson of his punishment. If he tries to kill himself again, Akashi would force everyone he know and care about into a life full with what he just went through, but a little bit more colorful and heavy. He didn't use much words, nor he sounded angry, but he had been very serious and the meaning under his words was easy to be understood. Kuroko knew right away that Akashi would make it living hell for them and make sure Kuroko regrets his decision even in death.


    With mouth suddenly as dry as a desert Kuroko said goodbye and left the car, entering his house, full of horror. After a few minutes to fight over Akashi's threat, he headed straight to his bedroom, left his bag on the bed and sat on it, suddenly feeling lost. The last time he was here was a day or something after his suicide attempt. All he could see was blood, all he could feel was desperation. 


    He hid his face in his hand. How could he do that? What if he succeeded? His grandma would be dead with him, fallen from shock or sadness. He was such a jerk, an idiot, yet he still didn't wish to be alive. 


    He understood very well what Akashi had done for him and especially his grandma, saving him, he was grateful, somehow, yet he couldn't help himself as he really didn't want to be here. To be alive. He wanted all of this to end. All the pain and suffering to be gone. He wished he could feel nothing at all.


    Being out there was easy for him to forget everything, to not think about any of his problems, but being back here, his skin felt that familiar itch yet again.


    He held his breath, thinking about what Akashi just told him. He can't give up on the itch now. If he did so, he would end up finishing what he started. He needed to keep it at bay for a while, if he makes even the slightest cut, that was it, he wouldn't stop there, he knew it. He needed to think about the others, about Aomine. Akashi would keep every one of his promises and most likely Aomine would get it the hardest. He couldn't do that to him. Or his grandma. She was so old, how could she survive if Akashi forces her to... this? He was sure her age wasn't problem for him or any 'friend' of his he can find her. Oh, just the thought made him feel sick, the itch suddenly gone, replaced with goosebumps running all over his body.


    Looking for a distraction, he looked at the side on his bed, finding his phone next to his pillow. Right, he hadn't checked it for a while. He took it and unlocked it. The battery was very little and the light on top was twinkling, still it allowed him to see if he has any missed calls. 


    There were more than fifty, but all of them had been from Kagami, not even a single one was from Aomine. There was a few from Kise and one or two from Murasakibara, from the morning after he left the school grounds. He also had a few text messages, again all of them were from Kagami. He wasn't sure shall he read them or not, but they were there and weren't going nowhere, he may as well see what they said. So with this decision at hand, he opened to read them, when his battery died. 


    He inhaled annoyed, throwing his phone on the bed, once more lost at what to do with himself.


    He looked around his room, there was not a trace from the blood, everything was gone. Surprised, he stood and went to the bathroom. It was clean spotless. Nothing showed what had happened there, the only difference was the shower curtain, that was changed with a new one. 


    Had Akashi cleaned all of this, all by himself? Kuroko felt embarrassed all of a sudden. Why did Akashi help him so much? He couldn't understand. He really couldn't understand why he did so much to cover for him? It wasn't only for the sake of sex, that much was clear. His toy or not, what Akashi had done to clean after him was too much. No one would go this much miles for a sex alone. It sounded extremely strange and he was at lost at the reasons behind all of this. Akashi was indeed a strange person.


    Back here, he felt he couldn't stay still, his body trembling to do something, to remove this uneasiness, so he did the only thing that he thought may help him get a hold of himself. He cleaned. He cleaned the bathroom and he cleaned his room. Again and again, until he was left with no energy. Then he ran a bath, but not to himself, but to the bathtub. He put all kinds of bath bombs and oils inside and kept in on for around an hour, then washed it once more. Only then he could stand in his own bathroom without wanting to run away. He still could see blood all over the place, but he could at least take a piss inside now. 


    When he was ready with the cleaning, he went down to the kitchen, making dinner, just to busy himself. 


    That was and when Akashi came to check on him, knocking on the door, making the other boy jump in surprise. When he heard the knock, Kuroko left the veggies he was cutting and open the door to let Akashi in, both going to the kitchen. 


    Akashi asked him how he is and offered him to help him with the cooking, yet Kuroko refused. He wanted to do it himself. He needed the distraction.


    At his words, Akashi could do nothing, but agrees, Kuroko seemed distant, not in a mood to talk, so Akashi stayed around for a while, doing nothing much, before he gives him the sling, as he had forgotten to give it earlier, helped him put it on, reminding him about the lie they thought of and went home, promising tomorrow to come back with their homework so they can catch up with school. Telling him in between everything else to call him if there is something.


    Soon after Akashi left, his grandma came back home, hands full with shopping bags. When she saw him she was terrified, asking again and again about his arm. He lied and reassured her he was ok every single time she asked, until she calmed down, starting to believe him. 


    Then when the food was ready, they sat in the living room eating dinner, watching a movie. She didn't ask about Aomine, nor she tried to confort him about him. However, she asked about his trip and he lied about it, telling her only the normal things like the park or the town, nothing about Akashi's punishment and incident at the poker game. She laughed when she heard about the ducks and the pigeons, knowing her grandson, hiding her concerns about his wellbeing. She knew he didn't need nagging nor shouting, but someone that would be there for him, supporting him, even in his lies, so she just asked him to be more careful in the future, cuddling him after they finished eating. 


    The two of them stayed cuddled on the sofa, watching movies until late in the night, his grandma falling asleep at some time, while he watched a movie and a half afterwards, just so he doesn't go to his room. However, he couldn't leave his grandma to sleep seated on the sofa for the whole night, otherwise her back would be killing her tomorrow, just to make himself feeling better, so after the second movie ended, he woke her up and helped her to her room. 


    After his grandma was in bed, he went back downstairs to wash the dishes and cleaned spotless the ground floor until in the end he didn't have an excuse why not go to his room and went upstairs restless. He tried to go to sleep, but the key word is try, as he couldn't close his eyes for longer than a few minutes without seeing what had happened. Once he saw Aomine shouting at him, once he saw his bleeding forearm, once he saw the old guy forcing himself on him. 


     He couldn't sleep no matter what. Worse, he couldn't stand to be alone, he felt so lonely, so empty, so desperate, so worthless and somehow unloved. He felt the same way he did the night his parents passed away. The difference was that he wasn't alone that night, he was in his grandma's arms, reassured that things would get better, that his parents were happy in heaven, that his pain would fade away, yet there was no one to hold him now, no one to tell him he would be fine, no one to collect him. He was all alone in his dark, blood soaked room, feeling like nothing more, but a broken shell of his old self.


    All these feelings were driving him crazy. In the end he couldn't stand it anymore and took his phone, dealing Aomine's number on habit before he remembers he couldn't call Aomine anymore, no matter how lonely he was, no matter how much he missed him. He lost that right, still he couldn't hang up the phone. He hoped Aomine would pick it up, just this once. He hoped he could give him another chance, forgetting his words from this morning, swallowed by his sadness, so he waited, hopeful, but the phone went off on it is own, when no one did pick it up. 


    Unintentionally he started crying again, his fingers roaming over Kagami's number, but he stopped himself, he couldn't call Kagami either, could he? He couldn't look him in the eye, Kagami was the responsible one for his breakup with Aomine. He took a deep breath, wiping his tears, this bridge was burned as well. 


     In his desperation, his fingers ran around his contact list, rejecting every single name in it. It was four in the morning, he couldn't possibly wake up any of them. What he would say. 'I am lonely, wanna hang out, so what if you are on school and it is the wee hours of the night?' 


     Suddenly the tip of his middle finger stopped at Akashi's number, trembling. He could call him, Akashi would pick up his phone, it was always right next to him, but... but... he stopped himself.


    What was he thinking? To call Akashi. Such a stupid idea. He better be alone, than call him. Better be alone. Another movie should do the trick, he just needs to stay away from the romantic and the sad ones.


    It is a good plan... or at least it was until 47 minutes into the movie when he couldn't endure it anymore. Desperate he switched off his computer and sneaked into his grandma's room and under her duvet, cuddling himself at her back until the sun arose.


Chapter Text

     In the beginning of the next week Kuroko went back to school. 


     In the morning of that first day he made sure to go out early enough so he doesn't bump up on Kagami on his way to school, nor anyone on the basketball team once there. So once at school grounds instead of going at the gym as he would have done in the past for an early practice, he went to the library to read until it was time for his classes to start. 


     One hour later, he made his way to his homeroom pinpointing the time so well, so he entered his classroom right before the teacher does so, so no one would have a chance to talk with him, as under no one understand Kagami Taiga, otherwise known by the bluenette as his ex best friend.


    Kuroko really wanted to change his seat, even better his class, but their classroom was completely full, there wasn't a free desk for him to move to nor he could find someone willing to change seats. He already tried yesterday. He spent his day calling all his classmates to ask them if they are willing to relocate their desks, half of them could hardly remember who he was, refusing, while the other half even though knowing very well who he was, still said no. Same happened when he called the school's reception asking to be moved to another class. Not even listening to him, they refused to move him, telling him he needs to make an official request and wait. So after blood and tears to find another seat or class, sitting at his own desk was still unavoidable. 


     Anyway, when he sat at his desk, Kagami didn't waste even a second, extremely fast to turn around and try to speak with him, hope shining in his eyes, but the only thing he got the chance to say, before the teacher comes in was Kuroko's name. This was and the only thing the other could say and when the class was over, before Kuroko leaves the classroom, disappearing in the school hallways. 


     This scenario repeated itself when the next class started, then at the end of it as well and continued for the whole day.


     Every single class they had, like every single one, Kuroko would come in the classroom right before the teacher and leave right after the bell rings. Again and again and again, agitating Kagami extremely much.


     The tall boy tried talking with the bluenette in class, when he saw he wouldn't be capable to do so out of it, however he didn't achieve much, but a detention. Next after this plan of his was a failure, he tried to run after him in the end of one of their classes, but he was too slow and the other students blocked his way, causing him to lost track of the smaller boy. Changing his plan, he tried to meet him before their class starts, waiting in front of the classroom, but Kuroko would always take the door he wasn't guarding or the teacher would push both of them inside, before he can do as much as open his mouth. Class after class, Kagami chased after Kuroko fruitless, until it was time for lunch. 


    Not that Kagami succeeded catching up with the bluenette, it is just that he had been hoping to confront him in the cafeteria, but at lunch time Kuroko hid himself in the library once more, having a mere apple as his lunch, so the librarian doesn't see him and send him outside, while reading a book. 


     In short, this is how Kuroko spent his day. The whole day he ran from everyone, avoiding everyone, not only Kagami, but every person that may show interest in talking with him, hiding in the small corridors of his high school that no one used or blending with the crowd, for once grateful for his invisibility. It made hiding easier. Much easier, but not less exhausting.


    Everything was good until it was time for his basketball practice. 


     There is no need to say how scared and anxious he was to go to practice. He was a ball of nerves, shaking and trembling, pulling at a stray thread on his sling, he spent half an hour hidden in one of the toilet stills, in the most desert toilet in the school, trying to prepare himself mentally for what is to come.


    He would see Aomine for the first time after they broke up. True, he had seen him once or twice in the school corridors today, but every time he ran as far away from him as he could, forcing himself to hide somewhere instead of running towards the other boy, crying unstoppable afterwards. Now, though there wasn't anymore hiding. He needed to collect himself and face him. However, he couldn't face him. He was afraid Aomine would should at him again, he was afraid he wouldn't want to talk to him, he was afraid he would break all over again and start crying in the middle of the gym just the moment he sees the other boy, he did that already, nothing was stopping him to repeat it.  


    After ages in the toilet, he finally got the courage to go to his practice. Slowly, quietly, he entered the gym, going to the very end, where no one was practicing, next to the benches, to leave his bag, hoping no one would see him. The practice had started a few minutes ago, he intentionally waited for it to start, and everyone was busy with their own business, so he hoped, really hoped, they won't see him until the practice was over and he would be capable to go home not having to talk to anyone on the team. The only person needing to know he was there was Akashi so he doesn't go after him again. 


    "You are late." Talking about the devil himself. Hearing him, Kuroko couldn't help himself but jump in surprise, turning to look at him, dropping his bag, instead of putting it down. He didn't think Akashi would come so fast. "Make ten laps around the gym to warm up and when you are done do five more for being late." The captain said, hands crossed before his chest, voice cold as usual when they were with the others from the team, eyes burning holes in the bluenette. Akashi gave his best to keep his voice at bay to sound unaffected by Kuroko's behavior, but his eyes were saying everything for him.


    He was pretty concerned and angry to the blue eyed for hiding the whole day, not even answering his phone. He hadn't expected that, he hoped Kuroko would come at least to have lunch with them as he still was part of this team, but he should have known better, after all we talk about Kuroko, of course he would hide himself when there is a problem.


     This is why their coach didn't like the guys from the team to date each other, not that the whole team date themselves, there was barely a few gay guys and a few bi in all of the three strings, half of them all in the first one, yet the coach always was unhappy and repeated to them to be careful. When there was a couple and they broke up, the game in the same team became impossible.


     Hearing Akashi talking everyone's attention was on them in an instant. On Kuroko. In a mere second all the boys noticed him, killing his hope to go unnoticed. Instinctively he looked towards Aomine, he held his back at him, obviously clenching the basketball in his hands, as the veins and the muscles in his arms were all visible. He felt his chest hurts all over again, his boyfriend didn't even wish to look at him. No, wait, he wasn't his boyfriend anymore.


    "Kurokocchi!" Came Kise's excited shout, before his body crushed in the bluenette's, squeezing him tightly, attracting the boy's attention back at the crowd that was in front of him for a very short while, just a blink of an eye, before he looks away again. "Are you ok, I haven't seen you in days? What is wrong with your arm?" He asked, pulling away, no more happy, his eyebrows knitted together, looking down at his arm, holding him firmly for his shoulders. 


    Yet, Kise or no, squeezed or no, Kuroko couldn't separate his eyes from Aomine. He was ready to start crying, he wanted so bad to cuddle up and beg for forgiveness, however he forced himself to not do so. It was better not to try and fix things between them.


   Watching at the other, he saw Aomine turning to look back at them when he heard there was something wrong with his arm. Kuroko saw his body tense, he was obviously shocked, his jaw clenched together, his eyes were wide, but unreadable, looking down at the arm that was in the sling. He took an unconscious step forward and Kuroko couldn't himself, but tremble with hope.


    "I am fine, Kise-kun." Kuroko answered, still looking at Aomine, paying attention to nothing else, no one else.


    When he heard him speak, the other looked up at his face, their eyes meeting for a brief moment, before Aomine breaks the eye contact, throwing the basketball in his hands backwards, turning to chase after it.


     Suddenly Kuroko felt his heart clench, then rip apart, all the hope that arose within it killed instantly. Aomine didn't even want to look at him anymore, to not talk about anything else. He just pretended Kuroko wasn't there. If he couldn't believe things were over before, he could do nothing, but be crushed by that realization now. Everything between him and Aomine was over. 


     "How are you fine, look at your arm? What happened?" Kise demanded, shaking him at his shoulders, Kuroko blinking up at him, out of his thoughts, out of his small AoKuro world, he was met by Kise's concerned eyes. He felt himself getting dizzy at the shaking, incapable to talk.


    "Let him go, Ryota. He needs to do his laps." Akashi interrupted, before Kuroko can answer, when he saw that Kise doesn't have any intentions of letting him go soon, pretending he didn't see the exchange between Kuroko and Aomine just now.


     "Yes, Akashicchi... Sorry, Kurokocchi." Kise said, releasing him, patting his shoulders to straighten the clothes he just rustled around.


    "I-I will... just..." Kuroko said, looking around awkwardly, wiping his palm at his shorts, not that it was dirty or wet, he just needed to do something with his healthy limp, eyes cast downwards. He took another deep breath, nod to himself and started running. 


     He felt extremely awkward, but he ran anyway. All eyes were on him, even as his teammates started returning to their activities, but Aomine's. The only ones he cared about didn't even spared him a look, after that brief moment when he heard about his arm. Every time Kuroko passed by him, Aomine would always look at the other side as if Kuroko didn't deserve even to be looked at, as if he was some kind of a dirty spot on his carpet he was ashamed of. He could at least send him hateful glares. It would be less painful, than this now... it was killing him. He was going to break on peaces very soon. He felt it. That itch at his skin to cut, that dread in his very soul, that pain in his chest and body that shouted to him he have to be careful otherwise he would go into a full breakdown episode. His day had been hell, and even though he was prepared for Aomine's behavior toward him, he still couldn't help himself, but feel betrayed and hated.


     He was so swallowed by thoughts of Aomine that he didn't even pay attention at that how hard it was to run with just one arm, nor the way he wasn't capable to take a proper breath for a while now, nor that he ran more than fifteen laps and Akashi had to stop him. 


     When he finished running, Akashi asked of him to try dribbling, shooting, catching and passing with only his right arm, it was hell running without using much of his left arm, to not talk about anything else. He always caught the ball with his two hands in the past, it was much easier to catch a basketball with two hands, than one, especially when one's hands were as small as his, so when he was told to cstch the ball, he accidentally did it with both hands a few times at the court today and was met with a hell of a pain in his left arm. It was so much he could feel it, even with the painkillers in his blood stream. He could barely move his fingers, he couldn't possibly take the power of the impact when the ball was coming at him, nor he could catch it with only his right arm. Is was pointless even trying.


    It was in zero time before everyone started asking him again what had happened to his arm. He tried to avoid the issue, but the others didn't give up, they just didn't stop asking. In the end he accepted he needs to explain, he dreaded it, really, but there wasn't way out. He started talking, trying to explain, but no matter how much he tried he couldn't establish any proper words, all that left his mouth was 'um', 'it', 'yeah' in repeated motion, so in the end Akashi explained for him. Just when he stammered to find the words, the heir saved him once more. Not that Kuroko realized it. 


    The captain told everyone what was the lie they made up a few days ago, or more like the lie Akashi came up with, the same one he told his grandma. Devastated and angry at his break up with Aomine, Kuroko had slammed pretty hard a glass door, breaking it from the force, accidentally hurting himself.


     Kuroko felt ashamed at the explanation, not wanting to put Aomine in a bad situation. Not wanting Aomine to be in any way connected to his "incident". He tried to change Akashi's lie, to something more not Aomine connected, but the crimson haired wouldn't hear about it. Kuroko didn't even want to think about where that glass door had come from or how Akashi knew what had happened to him, but half of the team saw Akashi chasing after him, so it was no secret to them, they just didn't know the details. In the end not wishing to bicker with Akashi anymore, he had given up to use this lie. Nonetheless, his concerns, no one actually seemed to pay their break up attention, everyone was going with 'oh Kuroko, are you ok?', 'I am sorry to hear that', 'get better', Murasakibara said he doesn't have the strength for it, being too small, while Midorima looked really concerned and Kise was somehow close to tears, hugging him once more, leaving him without any breath in his lungs, yet no matter what any of them did or said, he couldn't concentrate on anyone else but Aomine. He swears he saw him stiffen at the news, his body tensed as if radiating anger, ready to hit something or someone and stayed that way until the end of their practice, now with Aomine barking rude words or hitting the passersby teammates with his ball or shoulder. 


    He felt even worse now, he wanted to go and talk with him, to tell him that what happened to his arm was not his fault, to apologize for breaking his heart, but he couldn't. Not really. So he tried to compose himself and continued with the practice like nothing was wrong, while everyone else seemed to dote on him, sending him easier balls, making way for him when dribbling, telling him to take it easily. He hated it. 


     In the end, just to make the day better, he found out that he not only sucks at running, dribbling, shooting or catching the ball, but also at passing, directing the ball to the side he wanted, as his posture wasn't the right one without his left arm. He really couldn't take it anymore.


     After practice was over, Kuroko left the gym in a rush, wishing for nothing more but to go home, his breakdown coming at full power, yet luck wasn't on his side anymore and the moment he stepped outside, he was met by Kagami, right in front the gym entrance. His only relief was that everyone else was still inside, changing and Aomine couldn't witness this.


    The moment he saw the taller boy, he tried running again, but he couldn't even take three steps, before he was stopped in his tracks. This time around what met him was pure ambush, he really didn't have any chance of running. Kagami had the upper hand and caught him without any problems. 


     "Kuroko, wait! We need to talk. Are you alright? I haven't seen you in days. Why you are avoiding me the whole day and what have happened to your arm?" Kagami said, somehow sounding panicked, holding tightly Kuroko for his wrist, to stop him from running away.


     "Yes, I am all good. I need to go Kagami-kun." Kuroko said, trying his hardest to free himself from Kagami. 

    "No, we need to talk." The taller boy demanded, stepping extremely close to him, still holding him, Kuroko could only be happy that he wasn't between Kagami and the wall of the gym, but the free air. 


    "There is nothing to talk about." Kuroko barked back, pulling harder at his arm, stepping further from the other, trying to run away and free his wrist at the same time, incapable to move much as Kagami's huge body was like a fucking anchor. Why did this seem like deja vu?


    "There is. Kuroko be my boyfriend?!" Kagami blurted, when he felt that his grip was getting loose. This wasn't the way Kagami wanted to bring up the subject, but Kuroko was going to run away and he didn't have time to waste with empty words. He needed to act fast.


    "W-what?" The bluenette couldn't believe what he was hearing. Kagami couldn't be serious. He just broke up with Aomine, because of Kagami and here he was asking him this? Kuroko would never say yes. "No! No!" He shouted, pulling his arm away with all the strength he could muster, stumbling backwards at the open space before the gym, luckily for him there wasn't anything to trip him further and he could keep his balance. 


     "Please listen to what I have to say and then if you still say no, I will accept it." Kagami insisted, catching him once more, this time for his bicep, his grip firmer, tighter, their faces inches away, bodies pressed together, while the wine red haired boy was hovering above him dangerously.


     "Let go of me, Kagami-kun, you are hurting me." He exclaimed, the look on his face becoming painful, his eyes filling with tears, he was breaking down. He didn't even lie to Kagami, the grip on his bicep was way to hard. He felt as if Kagami would break the bones in just a mere seconds if he continued pressing this strong.


    At his words Kagami instantly let go of him, stepping backwards, hands at his sides, eyes large with the shock. His intentions had never been to hurt the shorter boy, but he was afraid he would run if he is careless and he had hurt him that way. 


    "I am sorry, Kuroko." The other squeaked, the only thing that Kuroko allowed him to say, before he starts running away for a last time that day. 


Chapter Text

     Since that ambush at the gym and Kagami's question, added by his breakup with Aomine and the situation with his arm, things slowly, but surely got out of hand for the bluenette. 


      Right now Kuroko was like nothing different than a hurt animal chased by a hunter, having to run for it is life. And that first day of school got to repeat itself constantly becoming Kuroko's new daily life. 


     Every day, every class he had, Kuroko would always come last in the classroom and leave first, then hide somewhere in the school, more often than not in the library, where thank goodness, Kagami never seemed to think to look for him. Or other destination was the back of the school, where the only students daring to go were the problematic ones, but they never seemed to care or notice him, so he could calmly enjoy his lunch break, undisturbed by no one.


     He lied to himself constantly telling to his own image in the mirror that he enjoyed spending his days that way, that they were pretty quiet and there wasn't anyone to make extra problems for him, yet the truth was that this made his days rushed and stressful to a big degree, having to watch behind his back constantly, trying to think a step before everyone else. It was tiresome in itself, yet no matter what did or didn't happened the worst part of his days was without a doubt the basketball practice and there weren't enough lies in this world to change that. 


     At practice things were slightly different. In practice he had to pretend his life wasn't at the shitiest point yet and deal with everyone he didn't want to deal with. It was like a circus. Kise was constantly asking him if he is doing good. Akashi was always at his tail, pressing him to do this or that. Murasakibara was as honest and bold as one can be telling him to give up already and drop the sport at least once a day, laughing at his incapability to even run properly, asking why he is even trying, when it was obvious he couldn't do much, Kuroko finally losing their years old fight about which was more important talent or love. Aomine looked as if he wants to kill him, while he pretended he doesn't know who he is. His other teammates looked at him with pity and behaved as if he was five years old needing babysitters, a position which was taken by Akashi already. The coach was nice enough to suggest a few times for him to take a break, while his arm gets better, his eyes between the lines of truth and lie and Kuroko wasn't even sure that if he leaves the team he is gonna have a spot to come back to. And on top of all of that he had to deal and with Kagami every time he as much as passed by the gym. Really Midorima was the only one that didn't pay him any attention and Kuroko couldn't be more grateful to him for it.


     Thanks to all of this stress he started leavening the gym the moment they were free, slowly but surely starting to believe that Murasakibara and his coach were right and it would be better if he drops the team.


     In the beginning, the first few days, he was still naive and used the door to leave the gym, but he was met every time by Kagami, having to bicker with him or running at the best of his abilities, once or twice he even  used Kise as an excuse to avoid Kagami, at that times the blonde was rushing to go to one of his photo shoots and was out of the door with him. Kise was happy to help out, sending Kagami away fast and efficient, but Kise couldn't be there every time and Kuroko was ashamed to seek anyone else to help him sneak out of Kagami, especially after he tried to sneak out of them as well.


     So desperate he changed tactics, just like a wild animal in cage he started scratching at the wall, looking for a weak spot. There wasn't a back door in the gym, so he needed to be creative, after careful examination of the building, he found out he could use the back windows in the locker room. It wasn't the easiest task, but it wasn't impossible, he was small enough to pass through it, so he did it. All he needed to do was leave the building first or last. 


     It wasn't easily doing so first as everyone would see he doesn't use the door and question him, but last was something different. So after practice was over, he stayed behind playing with the ball, more than training, just to waste time until his teammates leave. When he saw the last of them leavening the change room, he went there himself, sneaking through the windows. He felt bad about not locking it, but the janitor should be there soon after him to do so, so he always left it at that. This also turned into a routine and repeated every day for around a week, until in the end Kuroko didn't have where to hide as Kagami started coming to his house.


     Every day before school and everyday after school, he would stay at his doorstep the whole day, until it was late in the evening. Sometimes he would do his homework, sometimes he would beg Kuroko to open the door for him, sometimes he would do nothing but eat snacks, sometimes he drifted into sleep at his doorstep and do whatever more.


    Exhausted Kuroko needs to say that all of this was driving him crazy. He was so sick of it all, wanting his old life back, that he started thinking of dropping everything here and moving away, shame it wasn't only his decision to make nor they possibly had the money to move away. He couldn't do anything without having to watch his back, without hiding from one person or another, even when he was at home. Yet, happy or not he grunted his teeth and went on with his everyday life as if it wasn't the hardest part of his life. 


    However the worst part of all of this wasn't what he thought all this hiding, no the worst was that he didn't even realize what he was doing to himself with all of this, he only knew he felt more distant from the world with every passing day. 


     Kuroko never really realized that avoiding everyone around him, left him with a hole. He didn't speak with many people, even more than before, before he had at least the basketball team to be friends with and Aomine was there for him whenever he needed him, but now, now he talked with people less and less, the only constant presence left in his life was the one of his grandmother and the stubborn Akashi. And he felt more lonely and more lonely by the minute. He couldn't spend even five minutes by himself anymore, not doing anything, nor he could find himself a place to stay still, so he tried his best to busy himself. 


     That is how he took all the responsibilities in the house: cleaning, cooking, shopping, washing, ironing, fixing things and everything else one could possibly think of, constantly playing playlist after playlist, just to silence his thoughts. 


     He did everything he could think of, but in the end of the day when he was in his bed, trying to fall asleep, nothing could stop him from feeling the heaviness of the situation, even the loud earphones in his ears and the stuffed dog in his arms, leading to almost restless nights and utter feeling of emptiness. 


    He hit the bottom at the end of the second week, finally realizing the situation he was in, after he spent 15 minutes wondering which outfit to wear later that night, when he was supposed to visit Akashi. 


    Suddenly he watched at the clothes laid on his bed, wondering why he wanted to look good? This was a first. He sat on his bed, holding his head in his hand, elbow laid at his knee. Was he so excited to go out that he didn't even care where he was going? 


     He shook slightly his head, no, it was impossible. Or was it? He hadn't went out, but school or the close by shop in days. He hadn't talked with many people aside his grandma, mainly "ok" and "thank you" left his mouth in the duration of days. And thinking about it, he loved his grandma, but she wasn't a friend. He couldn't go out to the mall with her, he couldn't play video games with her, nor basketball at the nearest park, she couldn't go to the cinema with him, nor "Maji Burgers". No matter what she couldn't give him any of this, nor could Akashi. Not in his opinion, also he would never call Akashi to play video game with him or for hanging at the mall, going from one shop the other complaining how expensive everything they want is, ending up in a coffee shop. Even if the last time they both went out he had somehow nice time with that ducks, for him it was different and he couldn't really trust that going out with the heir would end up well, yet going to his house was somehow going out even if it was forced.


    In Akashi's house he would meet up with the few familiar faces there and maybe even have dinner or breakfast with his father, and this wasn't the best thing ever, but it would be the longest he had spoken with anyone for a while, so somehow he ended up looking forward to it.


     However, he didn't want to look forward hanging out with Akashi's father or butler or chef or security or Akashi himself. Was this the best he could do, he could get? Wasn't this the same as talking to the cashier at the shop? Oh, he was pathetic, wasn't he? He was so lonely, so deprived, that he started enjoying having to go to Akashi's, just so he can talk with someone. Just so he won't be alone.


     Thinking about it now, some part of him looked forward even at the moment when Akashi would hold him in their sleep, just because it would make him feel wanted and cared for and he started getting afraid of this. He started feeling sick at his stomach.


     Finally, he was falling in Akashi's trap after keeping sane for so long and he was the only one to be blamed for it, not even Akashi himself. 


     Everything was becoming so hard, so complicated, so exhausting. He couldn't stand it so much he was going deeper again. If it wasn't for his still fresh hurting arm, he would start cutting his flesh on the spot, now though this was taken away from him as well, just like everything else. He needed to get everything out of himself, but he didn't know how. Everything he had was stripped away from him, like everything and he was utterly lost. Panic raisin in his heart.


     He sighed heavily, standing from his bed. He reached out at his nightstand and took his phone, wallet and keys heading out. He needed some fresh air. He needed to think and calm down and just be away from all of this even for a little bit. Just for a while until he forgets what was the problem in the first place.


     "Kuroko." Kagami said, standing from his doorsteps, hopeful gaze painting his wide with surprise eyes. It was easy for the bluenette to see he wasn't expecting him to go out.


    Goddamn it, he had forgotten about Kagami. 


     "I am sorry Kagami-kun, I need to go." He said, locking the door, turning to leave soon after, not even sending a second glare at the other boy.


     "Kuroko, please. Don't run from me!" Kagami called desperately after him, putting a hand on his left shoulder to try and stop him. 


     However who knew that at his gesture Kuroko would jump backwards, eyes wide with something close to fear mixed with disgust and pain. 


    "Don't touch me!" He shouted, stumbling a little bit, before catching control over his feet, starting to rub his shoulder so he can remove the  feeling of the touch of his skin, shivers running down his back. 


     And the fuck had just happened? Why did he jump like this? This was Kagami, even if they don't talk to each other anymore, he knew him and he was sure Kagami would never hurt him, so why did he jump like that? What was this feeling eating at him? What was going on with him?


    "I am sorry, I am so sorry, Kuroko. Please..." Kagami begged, hand reaching out to seek for the smaller boy, stoping mid air, afraid to progress forward.


     "I-I am sorry." Kuroko said, shaking his head, still rubbing his shoulder, stepping one step backwards, just in case.


     "Don't be." Kagami, said, looking as apologetic as one can be. Right now both of them were sorry for their behaviour, yet they still insisted on their own wishes, ignoring the other by their own way.


     "Okey." He said then, after a while, breaking the awkward silence. Kagami nods, thinking that Kuroko's is talking about not apologizing. "I will listen to you." He added, releasing his shoulder, nodding to himself. He was tired of running, he didn't have any strength left in him, he wanted this nightmare to be over with and if that meant talking with Kagami, so be it. He wasn't a little kid to be afraid of feelings's talk, right?


     "You will?" Kagami asked, not really believing his ears. Who even would believe it just like that after such a long time of avoiding.


     "Mnn." Kuroko nodded, turning around, not waiting for Kagami at all. "But not here."


    "Where are we going then?" Kagami asked, chasing after him.


    "Maji Burgers." The bluenette answered after a while. It was better than going anywhere else he could think of, it was quiet enough to talk and at the same time there were more people to keep Kagami at bay. Maybe him as well. 


     On the way there, none of them talked, both walked side by side, watching at their feet, awkward to do anything else much. 


    When they arrived at "Maji Burgers" Kuroko bought himself a vanilla shake and fries, while Kagami bought a whole menu with a few extra burgers, both of them sitting at the table they met at. 


     Quietly Kuroko sipped from his shake, looking out of the window, thoughts distant from his real surroundings. On the way here he made sure to bump into a person or two, taking close attention at his very first reaction and for his horror, it wasn't only Kagami, he didn't want to be touched by anyone, even now at the counter he avoided directly touching the cashier when they gave him his change. He wasn't sure what it meant or why it was happening, but he felt horrible the moment he was touched as if his skin was on fire and he wanted to peel it off. It was mortifying feeling. How did he end up like this? Why he was suddenly like this?


    "How are you?" Kagami asked, bringing Kuroko back from his thoughts to the present.


    "I am... fine. And you?" He asked back, just to be polite. He wasn't sure if he really cared about Kagami's answer.


     "You seem distant." Kagami comment, looking at him with pure concern, yet purposely not answering how was he.


     "Just a long day is all." The bluenette lied, looking out the window once more. "So you wanted to talk?" He said, returning his gaze at the wine colored boy, tired, but expectant. 


    "Yeah... I-I am sorry, Kuroko. I shouldn't have asked you to be with me like this, but you were slipping from my hold and I got scared that I won't get a second chance. But I wasn't right, I should have been more patient and talk with you properly, but I couldn't help myself. I am really sorry." Kagami said, looking sincere, being sincere, eyes begging for forgiveness, hands on his tray, yet not touching his food, body slightly tensed. 


     "Mnn." Was everything Kuroko could reply with, his gaze dancing inside the restaurant, just so he doesn't look at Kagami. What was he expected to do? Kagami was right, he did wrong, but could Kuroko say anything to change it- he couldn't, so...


    "I would understand if you decide to say no, especially after what happened the other day, I know I am the reason you and Aomine broke up and I..."


    "You think? I don't even know why you were there?" Kuroko rudely cut him off, finally meeting his wine eyes, his blue dark like a well, his voice cold. Suddenly he got angry at Kagami- if he knew he was the responsible one, then why did he talk and behaved like he wasn't? 


    "I-I was looking for my phone, it turned out I had forgotten it in the locker room. My intentions were to come and get it and leave without you finding out I have ever been there. But then I heard... I heard a hiss and I needed to make sure you were ok." The taller boy murmured, sounding even more sorry than before, eyes cast downward, something he rarely did.


    "I was, now though, is another question." The bluenette barked, teeth meeting in a tight embrace. Kagami could have told him to bring it using someone's else phone, he would have fetched it for him.


    "I am really sorry Kuroko if I could I would turn back the time and fix all of it, but I can't. I am so, so sorry. Please believe me, forgive me." Kagami begged, really begged, making Kuroko feel bad somehow. 


     "I thought you didn't want to go out with anyone, how come you want me to be your boyfriend?" Kuroko changed the issue, voice still little too sharp, not wishing to talk about that day at the gym anymore. He could feel himself getting more agitated the more they talked about it. 


    "Yeah. I don't... I didn't want to. It is not about being with someone... It is about being with you. It is you that I want, not anyone else. When I moved here and we talked about this, I wasn't expecting... you. I have never thought that I would meet anyone that have in them everything I am looking for, but you are and you are even better than I had ever imagined anyone. You are like a dream come true. And even though I carry guilt towards you, I can't not ask you to at least consider giving me a chance."


     "What do you like about me so much?" Kuroko asked, surprising the other with this question. He was really curious as to why Kagami was 'so' into him. He couldn't believe it was possible and he needed some kind of reassurance. A dream come true, did he mean nightmare, because if he did Kuroko could easily see it.


    "Everything. I like your smile, your goodness, your love for basketball and that no matter how bad you are at it, you still try to improve and you work harder than many others. I also like how you don't stop teasing me, even though I shouldn't be liking it, because sometimes you are really bold and kinda evil to me. Also, your eyes, they are the most beautiful thing in this world, so big and so blue. And... I just... I like everything about you."


     So Kagami liked all the trivial things about him. All the trivial things one can like in another. That was calming, it wasn't a big heartbreaking love, just Kagami mistaking crush for something more, yet Kuroko couldn't be entirely indifferent at the words. In his mindset right now, they succeeded making him feel better. 


    "I..." He started, stoping wondering what he wants to say. He didn't have any feelings toward Kagami and he didn't feel nice lying to him. "I still love Aomine-kun, I can't possibly forget about him this fast. I am sorry, but I don't have any feelings for you, Kagami-kun." He finished, looking down at his tray, picking up at a stray fry, just so he has something to do other than face the disappointed Kagami. 


    "That is ok by me. I don't expect you to have feelings for me now, but I am begging you no matter that fact to give me a chance. A chance to prove myself to you. Allow me to show you I can be someone worthy of your affection, maybe someday even love, even if you don't feel anything for me now, let me court you. Please, Kuroko."


     "It doesn't matter that I don't have feelings for you?" Kuroko asked disbelieving. What was up with Kagami? What sort of person won't want the one they like to like them back, but still would want a relationship?


     "No. All I ask for is a chance."


     A chance? Should he even consider this?


     Kagami wasn't half bad, really he was lucky to have someone like him liking him, yet he didn't feel the same way. 


    He liked Kagami as a friend and he could easily see all his good characteristics, he wasn't blind, Kagami was a catch. A very nice one at that. If the circumstances were different he would be honored, but he wasn't sure what to do now. 


    However, he knew he couldn't continue like this anymore, he was getting really bad, he could feel it and he didn't know what to do. Avoiding being touch was a new low, even for him, but would being with Kagami help him with it? If he fix their friendship or relationship or whatever they are now, he could stop hiding in school, most of the time, and that would be nice. It would take a huge amount of luggage out his shoulders and maybe that itself would help him. 


      There we benefits for him to agree to enter into a relationship with Kagami and if Kagami himself didn't care if Kuroko likes him, did it matter much what his reasons to agree were or did it made him horrible person? Wouldn't Kagami be more disappointed if he refuses and not agree? Would he be happy if he says yes, maybe, he didn't know, but if he didn't love Kagami he wouldn't get his heart broken again, yet he would get someone to be there for him when he needed it. Simply he would be less lonely and that seemed pretty good reason to him, even if it made him a horrible human being. He couldn't bring himself to care, he didn't want to continue suffering like how he is now.


     "Okay." He murmured after a while, stuffing a fry in his mouth. 


     "Really?" Kagami exclaimed, shocked.


     "Yeah. If that is what you want, I will give you a chance." 


     "Thank you... May I ask you why did you agree? What changed your mind?" Kagami asked quietly, leaning slightly forward.


     "I can't mope around forever." He lied, looking out the window once more, already somehow regretting his decision, yet dedicated to move forward with it. 


    "When can I ask you out?" Kagami asked next, big smile on his face, voice excited, almost buzzing from happiness.


     When? Aren't they out now? Eating together and all? However, it wasn't an official date, was it? 


     He took a deep breath, returning his eyes at Kagami, wondering why the other was so happy, his mood becoming slightly better at the huge smile before him. Maybe, just maybe this wasn't the worst decision he had ever made if the other was so happy already.


     "I will be free Sunday afternoon."


Chapter Text



     Kuroko's body suddenly hit the wall so hard he could see stars for a brief moment, his body going numb from the impact. 


    After the surprise from the hit passed a little bit, he took a shaking small breath, trying to fix his gaze, to see what have happened. 


     When he succeeded, he wished he hadn't. Before him was the heavy body of Aomine, radiating nothing but pure anger. It was so strong, his eyes were black from the force of it. 


     At the realization why his body hit the wall, Kuroko was even more shocked. He tried to move and allow himself to take a better breath, because he couldn't really breath in the position he was in right now, but he couldn't, yet he was forced to a new realization. Aomine's left forearm was pressing hard at his throat, keeping him where he was, while his right was next at his head, the other's body solid rock before him. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't move even a centimeter from his spot next to the wall. Stripped from any choice he stayed there unmoving looking shocked at the once familiar eyes of Aomine. 


     "You fucker... or should I say a slut?" Aomine spat the same moment the boy opened his eyes, pressing harder at the spot his arm lay on. 


     "A-A-Ao-mine-k-kun?" The bluenette tried asking what was going on, putting his healthy hand on top of Aomine's arm on his throat in an attempt to ease his breathing. Aomine was pressing really hard on his throat. So hard he started having troubles swallowing or taking a breath.


    "Don't you dare kun me. I can't believe you." The taller boy barked, pressing harder on Kuroko's throat, body closing on him to keep him better in place on the wall. His face inches from the bluenette's, hot breath hitting lightly at the soft light skin. 


    Goosebumps ran down Kuroko's body, consuming for a second every other emotion in him or even the sudden pain in his body. For the first time ever he had seen Aomine this angry, anger that was obviously directed at him. And he shook with the fear coming with this anger. He was afraid from Aomine, something he never thought he would be. Not until this very moment. However, in front of him right now wasn't Aomine he knew and loved, no, it was a wild animal that was ready to kill him. He couldn't help the tears that filled his eyes.


     His fear wasn't something Aomine missed either, for a split second his eyes went wide with the surprise after he got a hold of what was happening, before they returned to their original shape. This one was a first for him as well and the tanned boy was hit with millions of feelings at once. One part of him felt horrible for scaring Kuroko, his arm trembled, ready to let go of the boy, but ther part of him was happy, excited, because at least now his frustration had found something worthy to feed on and he easily got a hold of his body. 


     And in case someone wonders Aomine was really, really angry and frustrated at the moment, fierce with the rage burning in his veins. Truth to be told he was like this since the minute they broke up.


    For the past few weeks he had been nothing but angry.


    His hurt and disappointed with Kuroko were too big to bear, he couldn't keep up with them, no matter how much he tried. The pain of the betrayal was killing him, like a poison eating at his very soul, but for his happiness, these feelings weren't the only one burning inside of him, no, there were also hate and despair and fury inside. 


     He didn't want, no, he couldn't hate Kuroko, no matter what or at least he couldn't hate him until a few hours prior, but he could be angry at him, so without a second thought he chose to be angry with Kuroko and the situation he was in. Anger was easier to deal with than hurt. 


    He licked his lips unintentionally, so close to the other, he couldn't escape entering his personal space and Kuroko's familiar scent hit his nostrils like the smell of just out the oven pie, strong and tasty. 


    He choked a breath, he had missed this scent. It was the sweetest thing ever. Like a mixture of fresh spring flowers and a cookie dough, dancing together under the bright sun, right now there was and the smell of old books lingering around and Aomine started getting lost in the scent, his mouth wetting at it with the combination of the Kuroko's scared gaze. The bluenette was incredibly sexy right now. The big clear blue eyes looked scared, yet they danced all over his face like never before, drinking every emotion written on it, the mouth in a slight gape, fighting for a fresh air, lips dry, yet bright red and kissable, cheeks bright red, just like the first time they kissed or the first time Aomine admitted his love for the boy before him, body trembling under his touch, just like the night they spent together in Aomine's own bed.


     In this mere seconds, in this slight contact between their bodies, in this sweet moment, Aomine was ready to drop all of his anger, all of his frustration, just so he can enjoy this moment. He was so into it, he even started forgetting why he was angry in the first place. 


     Tempted, he bent down a little more, ready to kiss at the bluenette's neck on an instinct, ready to start something new and better, ready to forget the past, yet the exact moment his lips were to touch the soft skin, he smelled that disgusting heavy perfume lingering right on the surface. His lunch returning up his throat. 




     Suddenly he remembered why he was angry. All the fury was back in his chest, ripping him apart, begging to be set free, fighting at the same time with all the love, hurt and betrayal he tried to forget, yet they crawled at his skin, stronger than ever before.


       He couldn't wrap his head properly around what was happening. He couldn't, didn't want to believe that Kuroko was cheating on him with Kagami, at least not before today. He was always ripped between yes and no until the truth slapped him in the face.


     Today, a few hours earlier, out of the blue, while he walked towards his homeroom Aomine were met in the hallways by a classmate and was told that Kuroko and Kagami had been seen together holding hands in the their classroom, Kagami kissing the back of the bluenette's hand.


     Turns out earlier today one of their classmates had seen them together and told to a friend about it, that friend told to a few more friends, and these few told to some more and words travel fast, especially when it was something that got involved someone like Aomine and Kagami. Both were one of the more nice looking and desired guys in the school, no matter their sexual orientation, so when one of them stole the boyfriend of the other everyone knew by lunch time, that include the basketball team and Aomine himself. 


    There is no need to say he couldn't even have a proper lunch after they broke the news to him. 


     He was livid. Kuroko had the face to actually become a couple with Kagami so shortly after they broke up. After he was crying and swearing they had never been a thing. Yet the proof of the opposite was right in front of everyone's eyes.


     The last two weeks and something were nothing short of hell for Aomine, yet everyone were dotting over Kuroko and no one paid him attention. He was the one that was cheated on, however no one behaved that way. No one.


     No one asked him how he took the news. No one knew or cared that after he left Teiko that day, he almost got in a car crash, stupidity driving in the state he was in or that he broke a hoop at the local basketball court, while trying to contain himself from killing someone, trying to lose his mind in the game, not in the pain he was feeling. No one asked him if he can sleep properly or even eat properly, dreaming only about Kuroko and Kagami fucking, no wait, his "favorite" dream was one where he and Kuroko were making out on his sofa. He was telling Kuroko how much he loves him, his words separated only by the kisses he was placing on the soft lips, only to be laughed at in the face by his lover and shortly after pulled from the bluenette by Kagami, so the two of them can start kissing in his own house, pointing at him laughing unstoppable. Not only he couldn't sleep because of the repeating dreams, he also couldn't eat properly, because he had memories of Kuroko and every food he could think of. When he tried to eat rice, he remembered every dinner the two have had in Kuroko's house. Meat- he remembered how Kuroko would always say it is better roasted than boiled, especially the chicken.  Noodles reminded him of the fast food they made for themselves while their parents were out and they were spending the day at one of their houses, he couldn't eat cereal because his favorite one was the choco rings with prices in it, prices he used to give to Kuroko, because the other had a habit of collecting them. He couldn't eat even fucking veggies and fruits because he had story for almost every one of them and he couldn't put anything in his mouth without thinking that Kuroko loves it or hates it. Put aside his natural missing appetite, provoked by his depression.


      No one even jokingly asked him how he felt when Kuroko didn't came to school with days, ripped between worrying and not caring. One minute he spent wondering if he is fine, while the next he scold himself telling to his own heart to forget about the shorter boy, that it is not his concern anymore. Every day he was on the bridge of asking where Kuroko was, yet he couldn't ask anyone, because that would mean he still cared and he couldn't care anymore. No one asked how he is doing, literally not even one of his friends stopped and asked him how was he, everyone was talking, concerned, only about what was going on with his ex, barely keeping their mouths shut while he was there. 


     He tried, really tried to keep his shit together, he tried to not think about Kuroko, to not think about Kagami, nor the fact that Akashi missed school at the same time as Kuroko, he tried to be better than that, yet he couldn't, because with every passing day that anger that took place in his heart, that despair, became stronger and stronger, piling up inside of him, without a way out.


     He loved Kuroko so much, so fucking much, he was ready to die for him. His heart belonged to him, it wasn't even Aomine's anymore, yet he was taken for a fool. 


    Truth to be told Kuroko wasn't even the best boyfriend in the world. First, he was depressed for not having parents, then he was gloomy for being bad at basketball. He was even jealous of Aomine's talent, Aomine could see the jealousy in his eyes with clarity, yet he pretended he didn't, so they can be happy together. He flirted with way too many people, saying he had only been friendly, he spent too much time with people he shouldn't, like Akashi or Kagami, ignoring the dark blue haired boy. It took him weeks, before he even pecks Aomine's lips, to not talk about a real kiss, when he did kissed Kise in their relationship. He never allowed him to touch him, using silly excuses, like that he is sweaty or that someone can come, or that his head hurts and wasn't that only females's excuse? Aomine didn't even wanted sex, he could wait for it as long as needed, even if that meant he would never be like that with Kuroko, but he wanted to be capable to hug him through his stomach, without the other jumping backwards as if Aomine had stabbed him. He wanted to kiss his chest and his abdomen, his tights, to caress his body and love it, just for the sake of it, he wanted to suck on the pink buds, hidden under the bluenettes's top, so he can see if he is sensitive there or not. He didn't want to fuck him senseless or anything like that, he wanted only to be allowed to show his love to him, yet he couldn't, but Kagami was allowed to touch him just like that in the fucking locker room. Yet out of everything Kuroko was, the biggest thing he was he was selfish.


      It was always about him. He needed, he wanted, he demanded, he wished, he refused, he dreamed, he suffered, it was always he, he, he. 


      He wasn't the only one with problems in his life, Aomine had a lot of problems as well, he fought with his younger brother constantly for big and small. He always had to find a way to please his parents, because they were never happy with him, pressing him to drop basketball and find himself a proper carer, blind for his talent. He had problems with his grades as well, having to keep them high, even though he wasn't the fondest of studying. He suffered from muscle pain constantly and was forced to play at half his abilities so he can have an opponent to play against, instead of facing lifeless puppets at the court. He also was depressed half the time, yet problems or no, he always dropped whatever he was doing, whatever troubled him, whatever he wanted to do, running to aid to Kuroko when the other as much as just asks him. That was everything he needed to do, ask and Aomine would be there in an instant. He soothed him every time Kuroko needed someone to be there for him, telling him how much he loves him, that he is not alone, that he would be always there, that everything would be fine. He helped him overcome Kise, helped him train extra, trying to teach him how to shoot properly, held him when he was sad and cooked chicken soup when he was sick. He rushed at his side whenever he needed him, just like that, his only flaw was the few months he put the basketball before Kuroko, however he still was there when Kuroko needed a shoulder to cry on. Kuroko never ever did the same for him. Not even once he had dropped his doing to run to Aomine's side. Not even once. 


     Tell him, didn't he have a right to be angry? To take all the shit in the world by the selfish boyfriend he had, only to be cheated on in the end.


      He tried extinguishing his anger one day when Kagami came to seek Kuroko in the gym, both started a fight, winning them both a few bruises and detention, but the fight worked, he got better afterwards. He had beaten Kagami, he had punished the man that stole his lover and he was getting better. He was calming down until Kuroko didn't come back to school and made himself the victim. When Aomine heard the words "devastated and angry", he flipped once again. It costed him everything to not attack Kuroko and Akashi on the spot. Devastated, devastated! What a joke was that?!


      Kuroko was the one that ripped them apart, yet he used Aomine as an excuse to make himself the victim and Aomine couldn't be more livid about the fact, how could he use him like this? He didn't care what have happened to his arm, he didn't want to be used as an excuse. If he wanted to seek empathy, he shouldn't be using Aomine's name. 


     And if Aomine had doubted before if there was something between Kuroko and Akashi, he was sure there is something after he heard their captain protecting the smaller boy. The way he talked, the way he protected him from everyone's questions, the fact he knew the reason behind Kuroko's injury, the way they missed school together. It was really easy for one to notice after they knew what to look for. It was especially easy after Aomine knew about Akashi's feelings. 


      He wasn't that dumb, he had noticed long ago the way Akashi looks at Kuroko, his gaze becoming extremely soft after it fixated on the bluenette. Aomine knew, it was the same look Kise gave him, the same look he was looking at him with, the same look Kagami wore. Yet he never had proof. 


     His doubts doubted, he was sure now that Kuroko had cheated on him with Akashi at lease if not with Kagami as well, yet Kise didn't left him alone, washing his brain, telling him again and again to give Kuroko another chance to explain. Kise didn't stop repeating that Kuroko would never cheat on him, and the fool he is, he started believing him or at least considering the option, because he himself wanted it to be true. 


    A very big part of him wanted Kise to be right and that part was eating at him, making him doubt his doubts. So lead by this part of himself he wanted to talk with the bluenette, to give him a chance to explain and maybe if there really was misunderstanding they could get back together. He wanted to talk with him for a while now, but he was way too angry and exploded every time he thought about him, about them, so he wanted to wait a few days to calm down enough before he talks with the other. He was almost there, he couldn't think about Kuroko without wanting to hit him, same went for Akashi and he just really couldn't stand Kagami, but he was trying, really trying to become capable to talk with Kuroko calmly for at least five minutes. Yet he didn't have the chance to calm down, forced to explode in a boiling volcano by that nasty news. 


    He was really disappointed by Kuroko, yet he was yearning for him. He was ripped between hate and love, but he also was a time bomb for the last two weeks and something and he finally snapped. There was no going back for him, for them. 


     "You are disgusting me. My spot isn't even cold and you are already in s relationship with that bastard, yet you go telling me you hadn't cheated on me." Aomine hissed, pressing even harder on Kuroko's throat, forcing his face to start turning a shadow bluer, his breath hitching in his throat incapable to move in or out. His big eyes were getting fuzzy, letting the tears run down his cheeks. Aomine felt his anger getting deeper, while Kuroko felt his head getting dizzier, sharp pain consuming his lungs. 


      Somehow this feeling was familiar.   


     "Daiki, what are you doing, let go of him?" Both heard Akashi exclaim, before strong hands pull Aomine away from Kuroko, holding him for his armpits meters away from the bluenette. Without no one to hold him, Kuroko slid down the wall as if he was coat which hook had just been broken and there wasn't anything to keep it up the wall. However, his body was caught before it can hit the floor.


    "Let go of me, Murasakibara. This is none of your business." Aomine shouted, kicking at the giant holding him, trying to free himself. Now he was even more angry. It wasn't these idiots's problem to get involved.


    "No, you are going to kill Kuro-chin! He is turning blue." Murasakibara replied, holding him stronger. He didn't intend to leg go of Aomine soon. Not in the state Aomine was in.


     "That is my point, you idiot!" Aomine shouted even louder, kicking successfully at the purple boy's shin, but even though in pain, Murasakibara made sure he won't run away that easily. "Oh, look the lover is taking care of the trash." He half spat, half laughed, seeing Akashi holding Kuroko, in an attempt to stop him from falling. Aomine was even more furious now, he was so out of it, he didn't even notice the way Kuroko was chocking for breath or more like he wanted him to be incapable to take a breath ever again. 

     "I don't understand what you are talking about, Daiki." Akashi replied, voice perfectly composed, pretending he didn't know exactly what was saying the other. He was going to deny it until the end. It would be fun to simply admit, but he didn't want to play around with angry Aomine until they graduate high school.


     "Are you a threesome? Can I at least watch? I have worked hard to deserve it." Aomine laughed, calming down a little bit with satisfaction after he saw the way Akashi's eyes trembled at his words. He was going to make him regret being with Kuroko, Akashi Seijuurou or not.  


     "That is enough, Aominecchi. Kurokocchi hadn't cheated on you! Why can't you see it?" Kise suddenly jumped in the fight, defending the bluenette, standing in front of him and Akashi, while Kuroko was folded on the ground, choking for breath, crying at the same time, yet he still tried to move away from Akashi and stand up.


       "Shut up Kise, this is none of your business. It is none of you all business." Aomine shouted a new, trying to hit Murasakibara stronger so he can free himself. He couldn't understand why Kise was protecting Kuroko so much? First, he was telling him to reconsider their break up and talk, now he was protecting that piece of shit saying he was innocent. Was he fucking him as well? And what about Murasakibara? How many of their so called friends had been with his ex?


     "It is our business. You are both our friends. Think for a change, don't rush around from anger." Kise add, stepping close to Aomine. Hand reached out to him, body radiating calmness, trying to affect the other. This fight was ridiculous.


      "P-P-Ple-Please... do-n't... fi-..." Kuroko chocked, coughing constantly, still chasing his breath, yet already free from Akashi's hands, trying to crawl closer to the others.


     "Yeah, so how is that he is with that bastard now? I don't need to stop to think to see the truth." Aomine barked back to Kise, not paying any attention to Kuroko, nor Akashi, who was trying to hold him down, telling him to stay still.


     "He can date who ever he wants to. That doesn't mean he had cheated." Kise continued defending the bluenette, annoying more and more Aomine. There was logic in both their arguments, but none were willing to listen to the other, both frustrated at the situation.


    "You are one to talk, Kise. Yo..."


     "Exactly! He knows the pain to be cheated on. He would never do it to some else. Especially not to you." Kise shouted back losing his calm, stepping even closer to Aomine, hitting him slightly in the chest with his palms. 


    "Can you all stop behaving like a little kids?" Midorima asked, fixing his glasses on the side, trying to be a barrier between the few of them and the other part of the basketball team. Trying to contain the fight at the shorter range possible.


     "Fuck you, Ryota." Aomine said, finally freeing himself from Murasakibara, hitting him in the eye to do so, using the opportunity Kise opened with the hit of his chest, before he punches Kise. Instantly Kise fell to the ground, holding his jaw, looking disbelieving up at Aomine. No one could believe what Aomine had just done, but he didn't give them time to react, looking over at Kuroko. His eyes were full with hate, yet his body didn't indicate any intentions to attack him again. "I wish I had never met you." He said, spitting at Kuroko, the spit hitting the top of the boy's shoulder, while he watched him from the ground, eyes still letting tears loose, mouth heaving for air, chicks wet, but already returning to their natural colour. Their eyes met and Kuroko could see clearly the pain and the hate in the eyes of the other. Aomine shook his head, somewhat disappointed, he was done with this charade. The way things were going, Kuroko was going to do the whole basketball team and Aomine didn't really want to be part of the bluenette's game anymore. He looked for a second longer at the bluenette, then he sent a meaningful glare at Akashi, just for the sake of it, before he turned around going to collect his belongings, which was an easy task as today he still hadn't changed and needed only to take his backpack from the benches.


     "I... am... s-so-rry, Ao-mine-k... It... is... not..." Kuroko tried to apologize, crawling closer towards Aomine. He was going to tell him the truth, he didn't care anymore about what the other would say, it would be better to hate him for being freak than for cheating on him, yet he couldn't say much as Aomine was fast to leave the gym not paying him any attention. He tried calling after him, but his throat was still hurting, incapable to do much talking. 


       Kuroko couldn't grasp what exactly was happening, nor he could pay attention to anyone else around him. He didn't notice the hands on his back, holdind him, cleaning him and soothing him. He didn't notice Midorima asking Kise and Murasakibara if they are alright. He didn't notice Kise's ripped lip, nor the way the others started talking about him, starting to take at attention what Aomine had said, wondering if he was an easy fuck. He definitely didn't notice the chach's disapproval. All he could do was cry, looking at the gym's entrance and Aomine's back, trying to crawl closer to him, to chase after him, regretting every one of his decisions until this point in his life.


    That was the last time he saw Aomine, before the other boy switches schools.


Chapter Text

      "Break up with Taiga." Akashi repeated his request the moment the door of his room closed behind his and Kuroko's backs, finally releasing Kuroko's bicep. His voice was nothing short of rude and ordering, showing exactly how mad he was and he wasn't even sure how things ended up this way, he knew only that right now he was in the same boat Aomine was earlier today.


     Just an hour ago he was helping Kuroko collect himself after the way Aomine blow out at him in the gym and now he was the one losing control. But really it was all Kuroko's fault. 


     Akashi had simply asked him and he asked him nicely to leave Kagami, telling him that Kagami is going to hurt him more than anyone else, that he will leave him at some point. Telling him that he is not worthy to lose Aomine over him. Yet Kuroko wouldn't hear anything about it. Stubborn as always.


     And Akashi is really not sure when it happened, but at some point his anger wasn't about anything else, but his right to be with Kuroko.  


     In the beginning he was upset from the news just like Aomine, and he wanted answers as to why Kuroko is with someone like Kagami, but he still controlled himself and didn't make a fuss about it in front of everyone like that idiot Daiki. He thought of talking with Kuroko afterwards, later in the day or even in the week. He thought maybe the weekend would be a good chance to talk with him, get some answers and see how things could go, there should be a good explanation for this all, yet Aomine couldn't keep his shit together. 


      He really wanted only to make sure the bluenette was fine, that he won't repeat the accident from that day before and he just spoke his honest opinion, yet Kuroko suddenly started shouting at him and defending Kagami as if his life depended on it and just like that in a few small moments he got really angry. 


      He was angry at Kuroko's behavior, he was angry at Aomine's behavior and in the end he was somehow thinking only about the fact that Kuroko didn't choose him again.


     After Aomine it had supposed to be him. He was the one that was always there next to the bluenette. He was the one that was always helping him. He was the one that loved him endlessly. He was ready to give everything for him. He broke himself for him. He had supposed to be the one in a relationship with Kuroko, he waited for so long, that it looked as eternity, not some monkey from America. He has waited for so long, yet he was thrown away once again without even a glare at his direction. 


     He understands he is not perfect, he understands Kuroko doesn't have feelings for him nor he sees him that way, but why Kuroko never even thought about the possibility of them, even if it was on a joke. Why everyone else was good for Kuroko, but him?


     "I am sorry, Akashi-kun, but my answer is still no." Kuroko answered calmly, turning around to face Akashi, shaking his head slightly, his eyes red with the tears that still run down his cheeks, even if they were silent small tears, leftovers. 


    "Break up with him or take the punishment!" Akashi threatened, hoping Kuroko would listen. Hoping the idea of the lash would change his mind. In an attempt to make himself looking more threatening he stepped closer to the bluenette, hoovering dangerously above him with ice cold eyes.


     "I will take the punishment." Kuroko insisted, not trembling even a muscle at Akashi's posture or threat, sure of his decision. He wasn't going to be alone again and the punishment, right now, he wasn't that much against it.


     "Tetsuya!" Akashi warned one last time, losing the last of his composure. Kuroko was unreasonable. Akashi was way too angry to let him go with little, he would lose control of himself if he starts and the other knew this. He could feel already his rational mind leaving him to his furious self.


      "My answer won't change, Akashi-kun." Kuroko breathed, looking determinated in the other's eyes, his tears coming slowly to a stop. Akashi could swear he saw a small spark flashing in the otherwise cold blue, but he didn't pay it much attention as his temperament got the best of him the moment he was refused.  


      "Get naked and into position on the bed!" He barked, clenching his hands into fists, the crimson in his eyes giving way to the black in them. He was lost. A sight that was more than familiar to Kuroko, yet this time around instead of fear it gave him reassurance.


     "The punishment position?" He asked, just to be sure.


      "Now!" Akashi hissed, barely containing himself from hitting the bluenette in the chest to push him towards the bed. So punishment position it is then. 


    Without needing further instructions, Kuroko wiped his face clean from his tears and undressed himself, soon after bending over the bed. His feet were firmly pressed into the floor, knees straight, ass high in the air, while his chest laid on the soft mattress, arm under his head, while the other one was still in the sling, face hidden in the soft covers, waiting for Akashi while the other looked for toys he likes.


     He waited laying there calmly for around two minutes, before he feels Akashi coming back behind him.


      In an instant his hand was locked into a pair of handcuffs, and a collar was fastened on his neck, then the collar and the handcuffs were connected, the free handcuff acting as a keyring. The new bondage was keeping his arm right next to his face, incapable to move it in any attempt to protect himself and stop the impacts that were awaiting him. 


     When his upper body was taken care of, Akashi knelt down and fastened an iron bar around his ankles, making sure he doesn't kick or close his legs no matter what, then he left him there bound on the bed.


     For a while there wasn't any impact on his ass after his body was bound, yet Akashi wasn't passive for a long and while Kuroko laid there spread and bound on the bed, the heir poured cold lubricant directly into his hole. Kuroko jumped slightly, surprised from the cold feeling, yet he reminded pressed firmly on the bed.


     Right after the lubricant tickled down his ass crack, he felt the icy steal of a butt plug, soaking in the wetness for a few seconds, before pressing firmly into his opening. 


     He clenched his cheeks in an instinct, before he relax them, clenching his teeth instead. There wasn't preparation this time, just harsh pressing and the plug's spinning around to ease a little the entering process, while Akashi kept his ass cheeks apart. 


     He hitched a breath, the plug was entering in him unstoppable like a drill making it is way in a soft wood. He swallowed heavily, his breathing becoming faster until finally the plug was buried deep within him, the hard metal leaving Kuroko with the impression his hole was ripped apart. He couldn't help himself, but choke a muffled sob, biting the covers under his face.


     "You gonna get 50 hits, do not move or I will start from the beginning. Count." Akashi warned, the moment the butt plug was buried properly in the bluenettes's hole, the first hit coming right after the words left his mouth, not allowing the boy even to answer. After all, it wasn't really a question, but a statement.


       The moment he felt the paddle landing on his ass cheek, Kuroko let out the breath he was holding since the plug's invasion. Akashi used a lot of strength and Kuroko couldn't help himself before rolling his eyes in half enjoyment half pain, yet he didn't let even the slightest sound to leave his chest, teeth biting even harder at the covers. He wasn't going to squeak at the first slap.


     "O-one." He said breathlessly a second later, a second he used to collect his breath and swallow his sob.


      "Two." He said right after. Ok, there wasn't break between the hits. That made it hard to keep long without screaming with the pain or even counting properly. He wouldn't hold more than 10 hits if they were with that speed, especially with the force Akashi puts into every swoop.


     "Three." The third one came right after the word 'two' left his mouth, his chest moving fast up and down, fighting for air. 


     The fourth, landed on his rear while he was still pronouncing the number 'three'. The same happened and with the fifth.  


     "S-six." Kuroko stammered. He could barely keep up with the speed of the spanks. He didn't want to count, it was happening too fast for him. He wanted to close his eyes and just take the hits, allowing them to free him from the heaviness in his chest. He needed to stop counting in order to enjoy the punishment at it is fullest potential.


    Yet Akashi didn't care, he didn't even wait for him to count, he was just concentrating on delivering the harsh swoops on the boy's rare. He smacked and smacked and smacked a few times without a break, the leather paddle landing every time on one and the same place, right on top his slit, right on top of the butt plug, stopping everything in him, but the wish to run from the bed. 


      The spanks on his slit were the worst ones and with the butt plug in him it was even worse. He could feel the steel moving inside of him, in and out, in and out, while his slit burned with the pressing against his soft flesh head of the plug.


     Kuroko couldn't keep it within him anymore. He screamed with the pain, moving slightly his arse to the side, his legs shaking in different directions, toes curling in the soft carpet, trying to escape the cruel hits. This pain was both amazing and unbearable, he didn't want to run from it, it was his own punishment, but it really was way too much.


     "Count!" Akashi barked, pinching hard his right cheek, forcing Kuroko to jump at the pinch. It was somehow even worse than the paddle, especially after his skin was already in great pain, he could feel the pinch spreading over his tortured flesh, making the burning in it even stronger.


     "S-se-se-seventeen." He half sobbed, half moaned, breathing heavily for a few seconds, before he forced himself to murmur 'eighteen, nineteen and twenty', finishing the first quarter of the spanks.


    The twenty one slap came in the middle of his last number, it happened to every single one of the numbers until now and it was going to happen with every after it. He got hit before he could say the number resulting in a constant counting without a moment of rest, yet he couldn't get used to the feeling.


    Spank after spank, the padding continued for a while as Akashi rarely changed between his checks, most of the time he hit on one and the same place, right in the middle on one of his cheeks or worse on both, catching his ass crack again and again, causing him even greater pain. 


    At the fifty spank, Kuroko was a sobbing mess, barely capable to comprehend words. His ass hurt so much. He was sure it was dark red, if not purple by now. And he was right. His rare was becoming deep shadow of the purple colour. After all, he just took fifty spanks with a paddle, but with the force of ten paddles. One could easily see the shape of the leather on his skin.


     Right now Akashi was really, really angry. He could see only red, feel only red, wish only red. He wanted revenge and he was getting revenge, yet his intend didn't have the same effect on the bluenette he hoped for. While Akashi hoped for the boy to think things over, Kuroko could only feel the guilt leaving his heart. His mind becoming clear.


     This time around the punishment Akashi offered him was indeed a true punishment, cruel and heavily. And by the way Akashi treated him, Kuroko could easily feel exactly how angry the other was from the beginning, even though he didn't understand his reasons. Yet he didn't mind Akashi being upset with him, because he was upset at himself as well. He had been since the moment he saw the hurt in Aomine's eyes, masked behind his fury.


     When Akashi had asked him to leave Kagami, he never had expected things to end up this way, but he can't break himself and lie. It was indeed a punishment that awaited him after he refused, but it wasn't a punishment he didn't crave with all his being. 


     Truth to be told if he was alone at home, he would cut again or burn his skin under the hot water of his shower until he got a bubbles formed on his skin, or maybe he would even finish what he started before, he wasn't sure, but he wasn't alone. He wasn't at home and he couldn't do much to stop the ache in his heart, to be honest, even if he had been at home, he wouldn't be capable to clean himself properly, but Akashi could. 


     Akashi could easily help him get redemption for his sins. After all, he was expert in torturing Kuroko, it was an easy task for him to help the bluenette pay back for his mistakes and if he offered to do so just like that, just when Kuroko needed it, who was he to stop him. 


     This punishment was exactly what he needed. He needed to be punished for what he did to Aomine. He needed to be punished for being such a coward. He needed to be punished for agreeing to be in a relationship he didn't even care about. He needed to feel pain. He needed to feel every ounce of pain Akashi could offer him to redeem himself. And the angrier Akashi was the harder the punishment, the harder the punishment the bigger his redeeming would be.


     "Break up with Taiga!" Akashi ordered, finally leaving the paddle on the bed, pulling Kuroko's head up by his hair to look at him. 


     "I-I can't... I-I... I won't." He said, still sobbing, still panting, still stubborn. His face was covered in tears, snots and saliva, his lips red from biting the covers, that were soaked wet at this point, his eyes swollen from all the new crying.


      He knew it was stupid to refuse once again, the rational part of him was telling him to say yes and then say something to Kagami so they are not open to everyone, however the masochistic part of him was at it is peak and refused to hear any rational thinking. Even if his brain shouted him to obey, his body was burning with the desire for pain. He could feel his flesh hurting without even being touched, even if he wanted he couldn't deny his body the craving.


     As expected, his refusal angered Akashi even more and without any warning, he picked him up by his hair and dragged him across the room, until they reached the middle of it, then he threw him to the ground. 


     He left him there for a few moments until he goes to take a rope, then he tied his ankles together, removing the iron bar. 


     Next Akashi used a chair to step on and drew the rope into a hook on the ceiling, then he pulled with all the force he can, pulling Kuroko to hang in the air- his ankles high, his head down. 


     After he was in the position Akashi wanted him, he gagged him. Then he took a new flogger, this wooden one with holes on it. 


     Then he swinged and hitted. 


     The gag positivity quieted the scream that followed. The power of the hit was the same as the ones before, but now Kuroko was hit with a wooden paddle with holes on it while hanging from the ceiling.


     The holes itself were enough to bring double the pain, especially taking in account the fact they made the paddle's resistance against the air less, but also the meeting point of the holes's edges and his skin was terrible.


     The swinging of his body after the first hit, the already existing pain in his ass, the dynamic of the new paddle against the air and Akashi's own force into the paddle as he sloshed it forward for the second time. It was triple the pain. 


     Kuroko screamed with all his might into the gag and started squirming around, trying to escape the next hit, however his attempts were more than fruitless.


     But... Oh, God... The pleasure... The pleasure was the best thing ever. 


      The more Akashi hit, the worse the pain was, the worse the pain was, the more concentrated and calm became Kuroko. 


      This time there wasn't counting, there wasn't a chance for the pain to stop sooner than later, no, Akashi would stop only when he feels satisfied and Kuroko was more than happy with this. 


     However Akashi couldn't feel satisfied, no matter what. He felt as if his very heart and soul were ripped out of him for a million time. Kuroko again choosed someone else, this time someone worse than ever before. Kagami was so much worse than Aomine or even Kise. 


      He could understand it back then, he could understand why Kuroko chose Aomine. They had history, they had a connection, they had what was needed for a relationship. But Kagami, he was nothing more, but an intruder. He showed up out of nowhere and stole Kuroko from Aomine and now he stole him from Akashi. It wasn't fair. When was going to be Akashi's turn? When Kuroko would see him, choose him? When? 


      At that moment Akashi's eyes shone brightly for a second. He hoped Kagami was at least worth the punishment, because Kuroko would remember this punishment for a long while. However, he also hoped Kuroko enjoys this relationship of his at it is fullest, because this was going to be his last relationship with anyone who wasn't Akashi himself. Akashi was going to make sure of it. 


     Kuroko would be only his or he would be alone for the rest of their lives.


     He hit and hit and hit, until in the end the skin broke under the pressure, small drops of blood colouring the purple skin in red. Then he hit one last time, the strongest he could muster, before dropping the paddle on the floor. 


      He moved to face Kuroko and unzipped his trousers, releasing his hard cock. The thought of him being the only one in Kuroko's life exciting him. Pre come was leaking strong from the tip, his shaft dark red, hard as iron. 


     He knit his brows for a second, he hadn't noticed when Kuroko had lost conclusion, but he was breathing, so all was good. 


     He shrugged at himself and without further waiting, he took Kuroko's head and removed the gag, throwing it to the ground, before thrusting his cock inside the wet mouth. Then he started fucking him. 


     He didn't care that Kuroko was unconscious, he forced his mouth open and he forced his teeth away and fucked his face with all the force he can. 


      The position was perfect for deep penetration, so his cock went inside the tight throat without any problems. He was so deep he could see the budge it made right next to Kuroko's Adam's apple, every time it slid in. It was so hot, he couldn't help himself, but stay inside for a few moments, just buried deep within him, not moving, but enjoying the muscles's impulsive gagging, tightening around his shaft, adding to the impressive sight and the feeling of his cock under his hand, that lay somewhat sideways on the other's throat.


     He stayed there, until Kuroko's face became dark red, with a shadow of blue. Then he pulled back and stayed away, rubbing his cock all around the other's face, until the colour of his skin was back to normal.


      He checked his breathing once more and it was normal, so he moved on, continuing to fuck him, repeating a few more times the little chocking game, until he felt himself nearing his orgasm. He stayed buried inside until he felt his orgasm taking over him, then he pulled out, coming in Kuroko's open mouth, before he colours his whole face white. 


       He shuddered with his orgasm, closings his eyes with the enjoyment, before he comes back to the reality.


      Tiredly he checked if his nose was clean and when he made sure it was he left him alone, going to his bathroom to take a shower and something to clean the bluenette's cuts.


     This is how Kuroko spent a big part of the evening and the whole night hanging up from his ankles, head down, hands cuffed, arse bandaged, but swollen, his face covered in come. 


     He woke up a few hours later from his loss of conclusion, yet he continued to dance between sleep and awakening for the whole night, while Akashi tried his best to sleep a few meters away from him on his soft bed. 


     Between the both of them Kuroko being the one to take the better sleep. 


     In the morning, after they both were awake, Akashi asked once again Kuroko to leave Kagami, but received the same answer as the night before. 


      Outraged, he lowered Kuroko down, laying him on his belly on the floor, removed the butt plug and fucked him brutally for more than an hour. He bit his neck and he pinched his thighs, he slapped his ass, returning the reddish color on it amongst the purple and gripped hard at his hips, leaving deep marks of his fingers there, before finally coming inside of him, shortly after returning the plug back inside the bluenette.


        Done with him, he didn't ask again of Kuroko to leave Kagami. It was more than clear that no matter what he did to him he won't leave the bastard. So after he finished, Akashi left Kuroko on the floor not caring for him at all and went to take a shower and prepare for his day. 


       He soaked under his shower for a while, the whole time crying, using the water to hide his tears, while regretting his luck in life and love, before he was ready to pretend he was fine. Then he left the shower and returned to his room, to dry himself and dressed, before going downstairs for breakfast. 


       He ate with his dad, talking about work, pretending he didn't just beat and raped his friend and love, that his heart was hurting as hell. His father pretending he didn't know about any of this, explaining to his son about the old secretary two floors down he had to fire, before both went their separate days.  Akashi taking a sandwich after he finished his breakfast, returning to his room. 


      Only after his return, he let Kuroko out of his bounds. 


      Not even looking at him, he told him to take a shower, put on a cream and eat, so they can go to school and while he waits for him he did his studies from the day before.


      Finally free, Kuroko could only lay on the ground for a few moments collecting his strength, before he can limp toward the bathroom to wash himself. 


     Once inside the bluenette couldn't help himself, but go straight to the mirror to look at his ass.


     It was hurting just to stand and walk, he needed to know how he looked like. 


     Stumbling, he put his hand on the wall for support and turned around, looking at his rear. The sharp intake of air was hidden almost instantly by the smile that appeared on his face. 


     Akashi had done an amazing job. His ass would hurt for at least a week and a half. 


     He touched his right cheek, hissing quietly, yet he was still smiling, thanking Akashi in his head. 


     His sin was redeemed. Not entirely, but at least in half. At least he was in double the pain for his stupid choice to be with Kagami than Aomine.


     He signed happily, dragging his body towards the shower. 


    And if he had jerked under it, enjoying the pain in his rear and his inner walls being almost ripped by the butt plug, before he gets it out of himself, no one had to know. 


    Later on, before they start school, Akashi still repeated to him what he said the day before and what the bluenette didn't want to hear, warning him about Kagami.


     "You are making a huge mistake. Remember my word."


    Akashi had warned, looking darkly at Kagami, who waited for Kuroko before their classroom, waving his hand high in the air as an idiot. 


    However, no matter the punishment or the warnings, Kuroko made sure to forget everything the moment the last of his bruises healed and with them all his guilt lightened his heart.


Chapter Text





     Dating Kagami was quite different than what Kuroko had expected it to be.

    First Kagami was a pretty lively person, he knew that in the beginning, yet he had never expected that the other would always try and push him to be more like him one way or another.

    He must say he hated it in the beginning, however, he also must admit that he wasn't that sure about this nowadays. Turns out he liked being capable to be more active and have more fun. This side of life was much more addicting.

    Second being in relationship with Kagami meant he not only wasn't alone anymore at school, but he rarely was alone at all.

    Since Kagami had become his boyfriend, he was constantly next to him and they literally spent every day together, not only that, they were together in every possible minute.

    First, they arrived at the school building together, second they were sharing every moment of the school hours with the other, then they went home together and they studied together. They played basketball together and stayed in the other's house until late in the night. They shared their weekends as much as possible and talked on the phone when they weren't in the other's company, which was mainly their basketball practices- Kuroko at school, Kagami at a private club.

    They were simply always together. Every minute of every day. And even if in the beginning the bluenette didn't like the other boy that way, things were starting to change as Kagami wasn't nothing short of perfect with all his nice, cute and kind behaviour towards him. He showered him with all his attention and that was everything Kuroko needed.

    He was so nice he helped him constantly. Sometimes he carried his books, sometimes he cooked lunch for him, sometimes he went shopping for him, sometimes he gifted him small presents just for the sake of it, like a vanilla shake in the middle of nowhere or a new key chain. He taught him new tactics and new schemes, helping him develop his basketball skills.

    He was really nice, and he was so goddamn cute when he couldn't contain his smile, every time Kuroko offered him one.
He really liked being in relationship with the wine haired boy as it was an easy relationship at the most of the time. The only problem they had in between them was his cutting. Kagami was really against it and didn't stop repeating to him to stop.

  These conversations were ultra awkward.

    Kagami constantly promised to help him anyway he can and asked of him to seek profeshional help, yet he couldn't do anything he was asked and could only beg of Kagami to leave the issue alone and Kagami would always promise he will.

    However, Kagami didn't really leave the issue alone. He didn't talk about it every day anymore, however, he checked him up or asked him if he had cut often enough, calming down only when there wasn't anything new.

    And when there was- Kagami was really sweet as he would hug him and kiss him and tell him that it is still good. He ensured him that he is doing amazing, sweetly asking of him to call him next time he needs to cut, so they can talk and see if Kagami can help him somehow, anyhow.

    If Kuroko is honest Kagami's comforting had the opposite effect on him and only made him feel more upset with himself.

    He wished, really wished to stop, he tried so hard to stop, not only because of Kagami, but also because of his arm, but he couldn't. His body was screaming at him, needing the pain or he was in a much bigger one. He couldn't spend more than a day without it.

     He got so much desperate with every passing day, looking for a way to stop himself, yet he ended up trying new things instead.

    With Kagami always there, always looking at him it wasn't easy to keep up at all, so desperate he tried to use methods that were less likely to attract Kagami's attention.

     He tried pinching himself and biting his arms, which was good at moments Kagami was right next to him. He tried using a ribbon to pull at his wrist, which was kinda effective, very close to cutting, but it left deep red marks on his skin and was best to be used when he was further away from the other boy, so he didn't use it often. He tried scratching and starving as well, he showered with burning hot water every time, but nothing wasn't as satisfaiting as cutting, until one day he found the burning. 

    Burning his skin was as satisfying as cutting, leaving his body and mind clean for hours and rarely left any scars on him. Especially if he used hot iron, more often than not, his blades, not a simple flame. The first few times it left a small bubbles, he admits, but then he learned how to burn his skin without actually burning it. So slowly, his cutting was reduced to a minimum, making Kagami extremely happy, while Kuroko was ripped between happiness and guilt.

     He felt horrible lying to him like that, but he was relieved that the other seemed to think he was better and with that their relationship was much easier.

     Yeah, their relationship was easy and lovely, but also and very hard working. Thanks to Akashi and his unstoppable demands towards Kuroko. The bluenette had to work really hard to hide every one of the marks the captain was leaving on his body. And unknowingly why to him this demands had grown more than ever before and now Kuroko had to be there in the wee hours of the night or for a whole weekend. The marks Akashi left on his body were doubled as well. Huskies and hand marks were covering every corner of his body, there was some even on his neck and he had to put makeup on constantly so he can hide them. It was so exhausting. 

    The good thing was that Kagami was really easy to lie to and deceive. He was naturally more naive and easily distracted and knowing Kuroko had studied with the captain for years, it was way too easily for the bluenette to attend Akashi's needs.

     Paying close attention, Kuroko started realising that Kagami was really something else. Something that made Kuroko feel happy almost effortlessly.

    "What is wrong?" Came Kagami's voice, getting Kuroko out of his thoughts.

     "Nothing. I just got lost in thoughts." He answered, shaking his head to himself, so he can leave the daydream he was in and return to his studies.

     "Thoughts about me?" Kagami asked, smirking, joking.

     "Mmn." Was all Kuroko said, not really thinking about his answer and if he should lie, before he returns his eyes at the textbook in his hands, not even realising he is blushing.

    "What thoughts about me?" Kagami asked this time more serious, leaving his own book, so he can come closer to Kuroko next to the bed, instead the desk.

     "Just thoughts." Kuroko answered, finally taking in what was going on and the mistake he had done.

     "Aaa, not gonna happen. If you think about me, you are gonna tell me what exactly you are thinking, what if it is something bad?" Not even waiting for an answer, Kagami started poking at his sides, pretending to tickle him. The key word-pretending.

     "God... Ka-Kagami-kun. Don't..." Kuroko screamed, trying to move further from the other, without much of success. "Stop it, Kagami-kun."

     "Then tell me and I will stop."

     "Oh, God. Oh, God. I... I just thought that..." Fuck, the poking was getting even stronger. Kuroko didn't really want to admit the truth, but he wasn't sure his ribs can take much more of it. "I love you... That is all." He breathed deep, enjoying the freedom he received after Kagami fell in shock.

     "W-what?" Kagami asked unbelieving, eyes wide as golf balls. "Really?"

     "Mmn." Kuroko nod, looking tenderly up at the taller boy. He regrets admitting less than he thought he would.

    "Say it again." Kagami demanded, leaning dangerously down, breath tickling the other's skin.

    "I love you." Kuroko smiled, not having the opportunity to say anything else afterwards before Kagami connects their lips in a hungry kiss.

      Of course Kuroko didn't deny him the wished and the two kissed for a while, their kiss getting deeper and deeper, their hands dancing on the other's body, thoughts hungry for more, bodies in a sync, lost in the present. The moment was perfect on it is own, but both felt something was missing, at least until Kuroko felt a budge in Kagami's jeans, rubbing itself in him.

     Suddenly lost at what to do, Kuroko hitched his breath, stopping the kiss, surprising the other boy.

    Not understanding what was going on, Kagami looked puzzled at the bluenette, moving unconsciously his body around a little bit, before he realises himself.

     "I am so sorry, Kuroko." Suddenly the feeling of warm left Kuroko's body as Kagami stood up from him. "I am so sorry. It won't repeat, I promise you. I don't know what took over me just now." Kagami felt like shit. He knew how thing were with the bluenette, he didn't mean to do it, he just got lost in his happiness.

    He had never believed that he would hear the other tell him he loves him. It was such a surprise. The best surprise he had ever had. And he just lost control, but he knew he can't continue. He didn't want to continue if that would make the smaller boy feel pressured.

    "I... It... It is OK. I don't... I don't mind." Kuroko said, pulling slightly at Kagami's shirt, so the other can't go further away from him.

    "You-You don't?"

    "N-No. The only reason I even opposed it with Aomine-kun was that I didn't want him to know... about... about me, but you... you know, so I... I wa-wanna try."

     "Are you... sure?" Kagami asked, slightly leaning down once more, yet not enough.

    "I am." At his answer Kagami smiled painfully wide, renewing their kiss.

    Slowly, after a while, he started moving his kisses down Kuroko's body. First, he kissed his jaw, then his neck, his collarbone and his chest, then his stomach, until in the end he reached his lower abdomen. There he kissed the line on his sweatpants, slowly lowering them.

    He placed a kiss on his skin with every inch he uncovered, until in the end his shorts were down, his legs bare, both their breaths heavy with anticipation.

     Hungry Kagami took with full attention at the pale flesh, trying his best not to make any strange face at the scars decorating the soft skin. He didn't want to scare Kuroko away. He was still beautiful, so very beautiful, even with the scars on, the only problem was that he wanted to kiss every one of the marks, believing he can cure them, but he was really afraid of Kuroko's reaction. He knew how hard the issue was for the bluenette.

    Unsure of what to do next, he took care of his own clothes so the two can be in even state, before returning down to remove Kuroko's t-shirt.

     However, his hand was stopped midair, before he can do much.

     Surprised, he looked up at the smaller boy who only shook his head.

    "Please." He pleaded with a small voice, eyes burning with fear and shame.

     "Of course. I am sorry." Kagami apologised, letting go of the fabric, leaning down once more kissing the soft pink lips.

     "Do you have lube and condoms?" Kuroko asked, breaking the kiss, surprising at the same time the other.

     "Y-yeah." Fast Kagami moved a little bit from him to reach towards his night stand, taking out of it the items he was asked for. With shaking hands, he opened the bottle of lube and poured some on his fingers. "Are you really sure about this?" Kagami asked, patiently waiting for an answer.

     Sure? Of course he wasn't sure about it. He was afraid of what is to come, he didn't even know why he said yes in the first place. It just was the first answer he came up, but he wasn't sure why he processed with it. It wasn't his first time, he knew what is to come, but at the same time it was the first time he actually agreed to it, also it was with a new person. A person he cared about and that scared him double more. What was he supposed to do? Would he do good? Would Kagami like it? Would he himself like it?

    He was so scared, yet he was buzzing with desire.

    He had imagined this for a few days now. It just happened. In one moment he was watching Kagami sweating after basketball practise. In the next they were kissing. And the second the kiss was broken, he couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like if Kagami was sweating on top of him, instead after practice, kissing him passionately, while buried deep in him.

   This thought gave him goosebumps, some cold, some hot.

    He was shit scared, but God, did he want to do it.

    He tried answering, but not much came out of his mouth, all he could do was nod furiously, pushing his bum closer to Kagami.

      "Fuck!" Seeing Kuroko like this made Kagami shiver. He had never felt the need to fuck someone so strong before.

     Without any more hesitation, he fixed his hand on top of the small pink hole and start circling around it, rubbing the lube properly all over it, before he slowly push inside the tip of his middle finger.

    Both boys let out a heavy breath at the same time.

     Kuroko bit his lower lip, Kagami's fingers were slightly bigger than Akashi's.
Slowly, but steadily Kagami stared moving his finger around, sometimes in circles, sometimes in and out, sometimes the two were mixed.

     He took his time preparing the boy, fascinated by the sight that was opening before his eyes. It was really gorgeous. The way the muscles were giving to his fingers, eagerly swallowing them, made him impatient for the moment when his cock gets buried in the warm body.

     He stopped his actions only after he heard Kuroko's breathing change rapidly.

     The moment the light moans started increasing he removed his fingers and rolled a condom on himself.

    If he needs to be honest, he wanted to do the boy raw, especially as he thought this was his first time, but he decided to follow Kuroko's direction. It was their first time together and if he wanted a condom, Kagami wasn't going to be a baby and disappoint him.

    "I am putting it in." He warned, fixing his head at the entrance, not pressing before he gets a confirmation. 

    The confirmation came pretty fast under the form of murmured "mmn" and he pressed gently forward. 

    And fuck, his brain just shut itself down.

    Kuroko was breathtaking. His hole was wet and warm, kissing his shaft beautifully inside of it, a little tight, but not too tight, just enough to make the sensation an idea stronger. It was fucking perfect.

     Kuroko himself was even more beautiful. He was making the most intoxicating sounds, lips wet and red from all the kissing, eyes rolled back in pleasure, the same way his back was making a rainbow. He was melting under his touch and that made Kagami almost lose his mind. 

    Yet, he didn't, with all of his willpower, he gave his best to not just start fucking the boy fiercely, but build his rhythm steady.

    Kuroko could barely remember where he is and what he was doing. Kagami was way too big, even for him. He was too long and too thick. Kuroko though he is gonna pierce through him and go out of his mouth every time he bottomed out. He felt him hit his stomach.

    He couldn't. He really couldn't take it for much longer. It was maddening. He wanted more, yet more looked like too much. This was addicting, especially after Kagami entered a steady rhythm.

    Kuroko couldn't help himself, but let his body rest on the pillows behind him, so his hand would be free.

     With his hand free he pulled up slightly his t-shirt, revealing only a small part of his abdomen, looking down at his belly.

    Fuck his scars, he needed to see it, it is not like Kagami hadn't seen them before. He was sure the sight would be unforgettable.

    He was right. He could see the bulge that was formed every time Kagami penetrated him.

     He heard the other taking a deep breath before the budge stopes moving, now, one with his body. He could feel his own breath becoming harder as his insides were forced together, yet he couldn't remove his eyes away from the sight. He had never even thought his body can do that. He had never even thought what amazing the feeling would be. A perfect mixture between pain and enjoyment.

    Fascinated, he put his hand on his belly, the same moment Kagami put his own there. Both looking for a short moment at his abdomen, before their eyes meet in a sparking contest. They both felt it. The need to share a new kiss and they did so, not wasting another moment.

    They kissed for a few short seconds, both their hands still one on top the other on Kuroko's overfilled belly, before Kagami renews his movements.

    He started slow at first, both enjoying the feeling of the come and go budge, before he starts moving faster, almost animalistic.

    Even if he wanted to, he couldn't move slower. He needed this. Kuroko needed this. Both were on the same page about this and none of them wanted the rhythm to be slower.

   It was just perfect.

    It was so perfect that Kuroko didn't even need to touch himself to come. All he needed was to feel the pulsing of Kagami's cock deep inside of him, making his insides vibrate with it, before he spill his seed on their hands.

   His whole body shaking with his orgasm.

    The feeling was so good, he couldn't even stop the whine that left his mouth when he felt Kagami leaving his body.

     This emptiness was something new. For the first time ever he didn't want to be this empty. He wanted Kagami back inside of him.

     After Kagami left his body, he leaned down, kissing him once more, hand still on his lower belly, while the other holds his body up.

   "I love you. I love you like no one before. Thank you for trusting me." Kagami breathed after their kiss, before resting his head on the boy's chest, constantly kissing his neck and collarbone. 

     Hugging him with one hand, Kuroko smiled to himself, closing his eyes.

    Yeah, loving Kagami wasn't that hard.

     And loving himself, when he had Kagami next to him didn't seem that hard either.


Chapter Text

     Kuroko couldn't wait anymore to finish his basketball practice so he can finally reunite with Kagami.

     After what happened between them a few days ago, he couldn't stop thinking about the other boy. Worse, he couldn't get enough of him. He needed him like the air in his lungs and every minute they were separated was more painful than the one before.

     "You are free to go." He finally heard the coach shout, letting them go. Letting him go. Without a second thought, he left the gym as fast as he could, literally running towards the exit.

     "Kagami-kun!" He exhaled, hugging the other the moment he saw him waiting in front the gym.

     "Kuroko." Kagami said quietly, returning the hug, kissing gently his hair, yet his smile was more tamed one, not reaching his eyes even a little bit.

    "Kagami-kun, are you OK? You don't seem good." Kuroko asked once they broke their embrace, his smile gone, replaced by concern.

    "I-I... Yeah... I... Uh... The... There is something we need to talk about." Kagami said, fidgeting around, not looking at the bluenette at all.


    Kuroko thought. It was enough just hearing the way Kagami talked for him to feel his heart sinking into the ground.

     This didn't sound good. At all.

    "Yeah... O-OK. W-what it is?" He asked, trying to keep his calm, he needed to be calm. There wasn't a reason for him to think that what they needed to talk about it is something bad.

     Except the look on Kagami's face.

     "I-I... Let's go somewhere else? Somewhere more private."

     That was it. Kagami was going to break up with him. He just knows it. He knows it.

     "No." He said, stepping aside from Kagami, looking at the ground, waiting. What was the use to go somewhere else? It didn't matter if he breaks up with him here or some other place. He was still going to break up with him. If it needs to happen, he preferred it to be faster.

     "Kuroko, please. I don't think this is the proper place to talk about it." Kagami begged, stepping closer to the other boy, starting to panic.

     "No. Just say what you have to say!"

     "It is not that easy, Kuroko!" Kagami whined, trying his best to hug the bluenette, who was taking a step backwards with every step forward he took.

     "If you do not wish to do it, why then you are doing it?" The smaller boy asked, looking angrily at his soon-to-be-ex.

     He couldn't understand what was happening. They were happy, he knew it. Kagami didn't stop telling him how much he loves him, how happy he is. He is sure, Kagami didn't lie to him about it. He may have lied about his feelings for him, but he hadn't lied about being happy. He looked happy. He felt happy. So why was he breaking up with him?

     Was it Kuroko's fault? Did he do or say something wrong? Was it because of his self harm?

    If it was Kuroko's fault he can work to change it. He would change himself, he promise. If it is for Kagami. He could do it. He would do it. He would change himself. Just, please, he can't go through another break up. He can't.

     "That is the thing! I don't want to do it! But it may be my only chance. I-I don't know what to do, Kuroko!"

     "I was offered a scholarship in America from my basketball club. If I do good, I will be having a chance to be recruited the in NBA. And this... This is my dream, Kuroko. We both dream to play in the NBA someday. I want is so bad, but I also love you so very much. I love you so much. You are my heart. My everything. I don't know what to do?" Kagami cried out, tears starting to color his wine eyes. It was a painful decision that he didn't want to make, but more painful was seeing Kuroko like this.

     "Is there even a point of asking me? Of course you need to go. Like you said it is a once in the life opportunity." Kuroko replied after a few seconds of thinking.

    He understands... If that was the reason why Kagami is leaving him, he understands.

     Wasn't he the one that was ready to do everything just so he can continue play basketball for longer?

    If he is honest, he would do the same without even thinking it over. If he was just a little bit better at the sport.

      "I don't know if that is the right choice! I don't want to leave you just like that. I don't want to leave you at all, especially now when things between us are so good. I can feel it in my heart and soul that you are once in the life as well. I can feel that you are the love of my life. How do I choose between you and basketball?" Now Kagami was full power crying and that made Kuroko want to cry even more. Wanting to take the hug the other was so desperately trying to give him.

     How really???

     For Kuroko, Kagami would be right only if he chooses him. Only if he decides to stay by his side. He wanted him, he needed him. He wasn't ready for their break up. Not now when he just started finding happiness. When he fell for him.

     It was so hard to fight against his feelings for Aomine. To try and move on. He was just starting to see Kagami as someone good enough to be capable to help him to move on. He finally felt as the hole Aomine left after him was starting to close.

       He couldn't deal with losing two lovers and his best friend one after the other. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to stay in relationship with Kagami and fight for his happiness. However here he was, losing him over a sport.

    Suddenly basketball felt as the root of all his problems.

     How more cruel the world needs to be to him? Why no one was allowing him to be happy? Why they were taking even Kagami away from him?

     However, no matter what he wanted, he knew what was the right choice Kagami had to make. If it was him he would definitely choose this as well. It was once in the lifetime opportunity. Love was something momentarily. He may love him now, but what was the possibility he would still love him in a few years time? And when he stops loving him, he would start blaming him for missing this chance.

    No matter how he looked at things, he couldn't really stay between Kagami and his career.

     "You need to go, Kagami-kun. We both know that this is the right choice!" He stated, choking on his own words. He could do this. He will do this. For Kagami.

    "But I don't want to leave you." Kagami choked, breaking worse than Kuroko and shouldn't it be the other way around?

     "It is not a choice you can make yourself, Kagami-kun. If you chose to stay here, then I will be forced to leave you and you will be left without the dreamed career and without me." He stated, collecting all the strength he had in himself to not collapse right now. To force those words to leave his mouth. He could do this. For Kagami.

    "Kuroko... you wouldn't."

    "I will." For Kagami.


    "When you need to leave?" For Kagami.

    "In few days time."

    "I see. I wish you all the best. You can become pro if you really try." For Kagami.

    "A-actually I was thinking... Would you want a distance relationship?... I know they don't have a good reputation, but I want to be with you. I will do my best for it to work out. I will come back to see you constantly. I will come back to you every vacation I have. And I will call you every day. Can we please do that? Please." Kagami asked, wiping away the tears in his eyes, looking down at the bluenette with hope.

     "Of course." Kuroko promised, not sure was that a good or a bad promise.

     Distance relationship. It didn't sound good, but it didn't sound bad as well. At least he had a chance to keep Kagami for longer. Maybe if they tried their best they will reunite soon. Maybe he can try and move to America as well after high school. He needed to talk with his grandma, but there was a chance.

     God, how could Kagami be this perfect.

     "Thank you. I love you so much, Kuroko." Kagami squeaked happily, hugging him tightly, kissing every part of his face and hair he can reach.

    "I love you too, Kagami-kun... But do you mind if I go home alone today. We can meet later in the day, please? I just need some time for me." He asked after a few minutes. He needed to be capable to cry properly for a while. He couldn't keep his tears much longer, but he didn't want to cry in front the other.

    "Y-yeah... Of course. I will be waiting for you... Just..., please, don-don't hurt yourself because of me, yeah? I am not worth it!" He asked quietly, so none of the passers-by don't hear him.

      "I won't. But I need some time to arrange my thoughts." The bluenette promised, pushing to the side his thoughts that Kagami was more than worth it. More than Aomine or anyone else.

    "Yeah. Not a problem. I understand." He replied, leaning down for another kiss.

     If Kuroko is being honest, this kiss was the worst one in his life. It was like a spirit on a fresh wound. He couldn't stop thinking how this is the first of their last kisses.

    "Now, please."

    "Of course. I am gonna see you later, right?"


     "OK... OK... Yeah... OK..." With that Kagami finally left, turning around to check up on him a few times, while waking, forcing the other to stand on his feet longer than it was possible for him.

     Kuroko didn't even felt his body when it dropped to the ground, nor the tears that started rolling unstoppable down his cheeks, nor the way his breathing increased to heaving in a mere seconds.

     He couldn't believe this was happening.

    Why did Kagami need to be this good at basketball? Why he was this good to him? Why he couldn't be like Akashi or Aomine or Kise? If he was more like them, he would be hurting less now.

     That is why he shouldn't have let himself be happy. Now his heart was double more broken.

    What an idiot he was. Such an idiot. To think he can be happy.

    "So he left you?'' Akashi asked, sitting next to the crying boy. His voice full with 'I told you so'.

     And fuck, what was he doing here?

    ''What do you want, Akashi-kun?'' Kuroko asked, turning his head to the other side, away from the other male.

     He didn't need him to see he was crying, nor he needed him to be there as well, but it was his own mistake, he had forgotten where he is. They really needed to talk somewhere else. See. An idiot.

     ''What is mine. I want you, Tetsuya and you know it.'' Akashi answered, voice full with confidence.

     He was sure Kuroko would be his now that Kagami was out of the way. Now that Kagami broke his heart, just like Akashi had predicted.

     ''That will never happen.''

     'Would' the right word to use was 'would', not 'will', he scolds himself, but he was really angry right now and he couldn't give less of a shit about what was the right word to use. The meaning was one and the same in the end.

     Also, he wasn't his, when is Akashi going to understand this? He was never going to be his. Never!

    Now even more angry he wiped away his tears. Somehow he wasn't anymore in the mood for crying.

     "Why not? Don't you see everyone else leaves you. Also the right verb is 'would' not 'will'." Akashi corrected him, putting his hand to rest on the bluenette's shoulder.

    "Better be alone than be with you. You are the worst choice for a date. Look at you all mighty fixing my spelling mistakes in a moment when I need this the least. Not everyone is as perfect as you are. Mister top student. Mister I am an heir. Or how was it... an absolute?! Mister Perfect, I am gonna say it once more just because you don't seem to stuff it in your head. I am not yours! I am not a fucking object!" Kuroko shouted, standing from the ground, so he can run away from Akashi's hand, full with anger now.

    "I am not the perfect, you are the perfect one. This is the problem! You do not see how amazing you are and you go into relationships with people that simply cannot appreciate you." Akashi replied calmly, standing from the ground, stepping closer to the other, hands in his pockets, calm and collect. Just like always.

     "And you can appreciate me?!" This wasn't real, right? Akashi appreciating him! What type of a bullshit was that? Him being perfect! That was even worse. Kagami is perfect. Aomine is perfect. Not him.

     He couldn't believe the other was using this chance to play with him. Why he can't leave him alone at least for a while? How is that that out of all people he was the one that heard them? Like seriously Akashi was everywhere and that was so fucking annoying.

    "Yes. I can! Better than anyone else. After all, I had loved you for years!" After his words Akashi took a step back. He shouldn't have said that. Why did he say it?

     "Oh my fucking God! Are you for fucking real? You love me? What the fuck?" Even if he wanted to, the bluenette couldn't contain his snore. Akashi loving him! He knew the other thought he is stupid, but he obviously took him for dump at Kagami's level or even lower.

    "Goddammit... I shouldn't have supposed to say that, not now at least, but it is true. I do love you. I had always loved you." Akashi admitted, hoping that his mistake wouldn't cost him too much. Even if he wanted to deny it things would only get worse the moment he says he is joking, Kuroko would go into even a deeper outrage. It was better to admit everything.

     "You really are something else! You... love... me! Ha ha ha ha. You love me! In what fucked up world your behaviour is the behaviour of someone in love? Love me. Ha ha... Let me tell you something, Akashi! You do not blackmail the one you say you love! You do not threat the one you say you love! You do not beat the one you say you love! And most of all, you do not rape the one you say you love!" The boy really couldn't help himself. He was blinded by hurt and didn't even realise when he had started yelling, nor when he had started hitting Akashi in the chest.

     "I think you need to calm down, Tetsuya!" Akashi warned, looking slightly around. Most of the school was empty and most of their teammates were still inside, but there were still people around, that could easily hear what was said between the two if Kuroko continued shouting.

     "You think I need to calm down? And what you gonna do to me if I do not calm down? Beat me right here on the spot or will you first drag me to your house so you can torture me for hours? No, wait... To show me your love!"

      "You know what. I am done with you. You can do whatever you want to me, I do not care anymore. Go and show everyone the pictures you have of me. Go and sell me to your new business partner. Or even better go straight ahead and kill me. There is nothing more for me to lose so I would be afraid of you. I lost Aomine-kun. I lost Kagami-kun. I lost any chance to make it in the basketball. All I have left are teammates that hate me and school mates that don't even care I exist. I have no friends to lose anymore. No loved ones are left. You see. You can't break me anymore. There is nothing left for you to break. You destroyed me ages ago." At that stage Kuroko was shaking with anger, his voice becoming louder and louder.

     Right now he really didn't care about Akashi and his threats. He was sick of him and his games. He was sick of Akashi always telling him what to do. Always being there to control him. Always stealing his choices. He hated him. He couldn't stand him. He wanted him out of his life. For good.

      "Calm down, Tetsuya. People are starting to look at us." Akashi tried to warn once more, doing his best to switch off every hurtful word the other said. He was going to deal with it later on. Now he needed to calm the other down.

     "Let them look. You are the one that have what to lose, not me. Let them know the truth about the infamous and perfect Akashi Seijuurou." Kuroko shouted, not caring at all about what Akashi was saying.

      "Tetsuya, I am warning you!" Akashi warned, his usual commanding tone out. He stepped closer to the boy, finally catching the hand that was hitting at his chest for the last few minutes.

     "Seijuurou... I am done with you!" Kuroko hissed, not batting an eye at the fact his wrist was in Akashi's grip.

     "You don't know what you are saying. You are not yourself right now, because of that fucking creature. You need to calm down a little bit."

     "No! I am completely myself. I should have done this long ago. Maybe if I had I still would be with Aomine-kun." Kuroko cried angrily, keeping his cool.

     "Daiki! This person couldn't care less about you. Why can't you see it?" Why Kuroko was like that. Why he couldn't see the truth?

      "You are right, he had never shown me his love. He never raped me, how could anyone believe he cared about me?" At his words Akashi took a deep breath, doing his best to not hit him right here and right now. How dare he say this? It was the plain truth, yes, but Akashi had his reasons. How was he supposed to put reason in someone like Kuroko? Now or before? He is so goddamn stubborn. If Akashi tried talking with him, they would still end up in this situation. However, Akashi hoped, Kuroko would give him at least the chance to explain.

      "You won't even let me explain myself, would you?" Akashi asked, his voice, a little bit softer. The question wasn't even properly directed at the other. He was just stating what he already knew. How can he make Kuroko understand him? There wasn't a way.

     "There is nothing to explain!" The boy spat, pulling his wrist away from Akashi's grip, instantly turning around to leave. He was done with all of this.

     "Tetsuya, wait!" Akashi called after him, catching his arm once more, however, he couldn't establish a proper hold on it as Kuroko was fast to step aside.

     "I am serious! Leave me alone! I promise you, the next time you touch me, nothing won't save you! I may not be capable to sue you, but I will still revenge myself, even if it takes me years to find a chance to kill you! Once you are not here, I would be capable to end myself as well! There won't be anymore a chance for you to destroy me! To keep me alive to be your pet!" He was so, so done with all of this. If he was forced to lose Aomine-kun. If he was forced to lose Kagami-kun. If he was forced to lose basketball, he was going to cut all ties and end the only relationship in his life he actually wants gone.

     "If you are going to behave like this, I would prefer it if you kill me right now." Akashi replied, unbelieving what he had heard. He couldn't allow Kuroko to die. Never. Not because of him. Not because of anyone else.

      "Ha ha ha... Oh, God... Ha ha ha..." He couldn't, he really couldn't believe all the shit Akashi was saying. Now he was sure it was all a game. That this was all to entertain the heir. Maybe he was the one that got Kagami into this program as well. So he can fuck with him even more. To play with him more. To completely destroy him and make him his slave once and for all.

      "What is going on? Why are you two fighting? Kuroko are you ok? " Suddenly came Midorima's voice, that was just stepping out of the gym, followed by Mirasakibara and a few of their other teammates, all meet with the scene of the two fighting.

      "Nothing." Kuroko answered, stepping backwards, turning to leave once more.

     "Tetsuya, you can't..."

      "We are done!" Kuroko shouted, looking at him for a last time with bloodthirsty eyes, before he starts to run.

      No! They are not done! He won't allow it! Never!

     Lost, Akashi tried running after him, not accepting that everything is over, but was fast stoped by Midorima, who catched him for his arm, holding him tight. A little too tight for Akashi's liking.

      "Leave him be, I don't know what is going on, but I think that if you go after him things will get worse." The other whispered. Honest words of advice.

     At his words, Akashi stopped moving all together, yet couldn't help himself, but continue watching in the bluenette's back.

      Would things get worse if he follows him or if he doesn't?

      And more importantly, they would be worse for who- him or Kuroko?


Chapter Text

    Kuroko really hates his life. He really, really, really hates it.

    He can't help himself, but think God hates him or that someone had done some black magic on him, if magic existed. And at this rate he is starting to believe it did exist and that he was under the strongest one out there.

     He really don't care what was the case, God hating him or black magic, or just ultra bad luck, but he hates the closed circle he is in.

    It is literally a bad thing after bad thing after bad thing. Shit increases from bad to worse to worst in a mere seconds, repeating itself day after day after day.

    And no matter how low his self-esteem is, he still knows that not everything happening is his fault. How could it be his fault, when he didn't even do anything for things to go wrong this time around?

     Everything he did these days was holding dearly for his sanity, for his breaking at pieces life as a drowning man for a straw and he swears his hands were starting to hurt way too much for him to even try to move anymore.

    Fuck the depression he have, fuck the love sickness after two guys dropped him, fuck the problems he have with a certain heir, fuck everything else and everyone else. Just why, why in all Gods out there, why? Why the fucking hell does he have supposed to be here in this place out of everything else?

    He can take everything, fucking everything else, but this. Not this. Not now. Not ever.

    Why did God hate him that much?

    Why he doesn't just kill him and end this cursed existence?

    He started crying even stronger.

    He didn't want to be here. He didn't want this to be true. He couldn't lose his grandmother like this. Or any way. Ever.

    She is still young enough to be capable to live for at least 10 more years. She is healthy enough. She must be. She must be.

     He still hoped. He told himself again and again that this was a lie. That the doctors were wrong and she was going to be just fine, but every time he told himself that, their words rang even stronger in his ears as if he was in between two loudspeakers.

    The horrific truth was that his grandmother has only a few hours left.

    Standing in front of her hospital room, his crying didn't stop, but increased even more.

    He was shaking. He couldn't go inside. He wasn't ready to see her on a bed, fighting for her life, but he didn't want to be away from her as well.

    He needed to see her. To be with her. For as long as possible.

     With shaking hands, he wiped his eyes and pressed the door knob, entering the room his grandma was in.

    Unfortunately, his body didn't move further from the entrance for a few seconds, but it stood there looking at her, not even breathing.

    She looked so weak and pale. He felt sick and he started shaking even stronger.

    His fears all turned out true.

    "Te... tsuya... Fi... Finally..." His grandma murmured, pulling down her oxygen mask. "Come... Here... My... Child..." She said between heavy breaths, barely capable to move her hand to call him closer.

     "Grandma, don't remove it!" He sobbed, getting out of his trance, hurrying to her side to put the mask back on.

     "It... is... Useless... Anyway... Lay... Next... To... Me..." Leakly, she shook her head, trying to pull at his hand, while moving her body slightly so there is some space for him.

    "Grandma!" He squeak, afraid she will be in pain, shaking fiercely his head, still crying, trying at the same time to stop her so she doesn't hurt herself further.

     "Come... I said..." She pulled at his hand again, dropping the oxygen mask on the side.

     Wiping his eyes once more, Kuroko, didn't though twice, before crawling on the bed, lying in his grandma's embrace.

     Just looking at her determined eyes, he knew she wouldn't give up, so he did it. He couldn't allow her to be in more pain because of him.

      "Now... I need... You... To... Listen... Carefully! ... When... I die... Don't cry... Now... Shhh... It is normal... It is the life..." Life was a shitty thing. He didn't want his grandma to die. Weren't his parents enough already? He hates all of this. He hates that she must talk about it even more. "When... I... Die... The house... Will be... Yours... Mr. Ito... Is paid... To make sure... Of it... But you... Can live... On your... Own... Only... After you... Come of... Age... I am sorry... My child...Also... Mr. Ito... Will take... Care... Of my... Funeral as... Well... There is... No need... For you... To... Worry... About it." She said, wiping away some of his tears. She felt bad, for telling him all of this, but she also felt at ease having taken care of all of these details a long ago, afraid she may be too late if she doesn't. Her fears were true, unfortunately. Good thing Mr. Ito was there to help. He was a long time family friend, as they were living in the same neighbourhood, for their happiness also a very good lawyer.

     "I don't want the house, I want you!" He cried stronger, seeking the warmth of her hand, before it has the chance to leave his side. About the funeral he didn't even want to think. No funeral, please. He has been to enough funerals.

     "I know... Darling, but this... Is life... I don't want... To leave... You alone... As well... I hoped to... Live... Until you... Turn... 18..."

     "Tetsuya-chan... You need... To... Be strong..."

     "I can't, grandma!" He doesn't want to be strong. He wants to be happy.

     "Yes, you can... You are the... Strongest boy I... Know... We count... On you... You are the... Last Kuroko.... You can do... Everything... You are... The Strongest... One of us... Also... We will be... All cheering... For... You... And I... Will always... watch... Over you."

     "Grandma, please don't talk! " He begged, trying to put the mask back on her face. All this talk about her dying was making him even more scared.

     "I want to... It is my... Only chance..." She joked badly, refusing the mask, forcing a new wave of tears in the sky blue eyes.

     "I can't, I really can't do it on my own. I love you so much. I can't lose you!" He couldn't lose her. How was he supposed to live without her? She is the only person that had been with him since his birth. The only warm touch he knows. The only person he can go to, when he wanted to be himself and nothing more. She understood him and loved him. He needed her so he doesn't break down completely.

     "I love you... Too, dear. ... My dear boy... You can... Think of... The good side... Of things... At least... My back... Won't... Hurt... Anymore..." She laughed slightly, soon starting to cough because of the scratch the laugh created in her throat.

     "Grandma!..." It wasn't funny. It was better her back to hurt and she would be alive, than the other way around.

     "I know... I know... Anyway... It will be... Hard, but... Don't give up... I am gonna... Wait for you... To tell me... Millions of... Stories... Someday... But be sure... To be... A far... Away day... Or I... Will... Kick you... Very bad..."

     "But... Enough with... This sadness... I want... A happy... Few hours... Tell me... How is school... Going?"

     "I thought you want to talk about something good? " He said sarcastically as he was sure she knows he hates his school. They talked about it just two days ago.

     "Isn't... School good?" She still asked him, just trying to have a proper conversation, as if the two were on the dinner table.

    "Not very. I hate it." He exhaled, shaking his head.

     "Why?... Is it... Because... Taiga-chan... Left?"

    "Yes... and no." One part of it was because of Kagami, but the other was because of Akashi, third because of Kuroko himself.

     His school was worse than usual. Thanks to his fight with Akashi many of his school mates started different kinds of rumours, and were constantly looking for the other person in the fight aka him, so he needed to try extra hard to hide himself. And without Kagami there it was so lonely. He couldn't even call him because of the time difference, which made him even more love sick. He was struggling with his grades and the wish to study whatsoever. In short, he was in a moment where he hated his school life even more than usual.

      "Please... Bear with it... You have... Left only a... Few months. Oh... Yeah... That reminds... Me... How stupid... Of me... To forget... I have... Saved money... Not much... But enough... For you... To go... To university... A good one... I hope... Mr. Ito... Will take... Care for. .. The documents... But... You should... Be capable... To get... The money... Fast and easy... When you... Turn 18... Use them... To study... What you... Want.... Something... That will... Make you... Happy.... These... Money are half... Left from... Your parents... The other... Part I saved... There should... Be enough... To pay... Some bills... As well... Like transport and... Food... For a little... While."

      "Grandma!" Why did she do that? Was she still working trying to save money for his school? That was wrong. He could have worked. He should have worked for it, not her. He really is a horrible grandson.

    "If you don't... Want, no need... To study... But please... Be smart... There is no... Much I can... Leave you... But I want you... To have... A good life... I want you... To be happy... Promise me... You will try." She said, patting lightly his hair. She knew him well enough to know he wasn't going to try at all if she doesn't push him. Not Tetsuya now. Tetsuya from a few years ago yes, he would have fought for his dreams, but he hadn't been like this for a while now. She needed to force it out of him.

     "I promise." He promised, not really caring about the money or even more about school. There wasn't any use of them. He wanted his grandmother, not some papers. But no one asked him what he wants, right?

     "Good... And you... Still have... Your debit... Card?" At her question he nodded, while his grandma closed her eyes for a second longer showing her relief. "Good... Use it... For you needs... Until they... Give you... The other... Money... It is not... Much inside, but... I hope it... Helps you... At least... They can't take... It away."

     "You shouldn't have done so much for me. I could have worked too. If I knew you are still working to save money for me, I would have stopped you. I am so sorry, Grandma. It is all my fault." Kuroko sobbed, finally fully understanding why his grandma was still working. It wasn't because she enjoyed it, it was so she can save money for him. Working at her age is most likely the reason why she is leaving this world so young. Him being lazy and self-centered was the reason she is dying. He was wrong. In the end it is all his fault. All.

     "Nothing is... Your fault.... I have done... What I... Have Done... Because I want... To... I want... To give... You more... Everything I... Can... Also... I really... Did enjoy... Working... It was... Nice... Being helpful... That reminds... Me... If you... Need help,... You can always... Call Mr. Ito... I am... Sure he... Will help... But... Enough now... Tell me... How is... Basketball?... Better than... School... I hope."

      "I..." He stopped himself, thinking what should he answer. He was sure his answer would sadden his grandma even more, but he didn't want to lie to her at her death altar. Not about this. "I quitted."

     "But why?... You love... basketball." She asked, shocked. She had never thought he would quit playing basketball. He loved it so much.

     "I kinda got in a fight with Akashi."

     "Akashi?" No kun. Surprising. Kuroko had always called Akashi with the particle. "What for?" She asked, disappointed she was founding out just now.

     "He did something that hurt me." He said, simplifying his answer. It was the plain truth, just not all of it.

     "May I... Ask... What?" Seijuurou-chan hurt him? But he had always been so good to her grandson. He helped him so much, he cared about him and looked out for him. She couldn't believe the other would do something to hurt her Tetsuya. At least that is what his eyes told her, every time he looked at the bluenette. She remembered his arm and that he hurtl it while being away with the other, was it part of that? Was she wrong to allow her grandson to be away from home and alone with the other boy?

    "Nothing important." Right now, it really wasn't important. In fact, he couldn't care less about the heir. Even the fact he saw him earlier in the emergency room was something he didn't care about. He doesn't even remember what the other tried to tell him, he was too busy running towards his grandmother's room. Right now to him, Akashi was nothing more, but a fly on the window.

     "It is... Important... Enough for you... To quit... Your favorite... Sport."

     "I didn't quit because of him... Not entirely at least. I quit because it is useless to continue playing. I have been training for years and I have gotten no where. I don't improve at all. Continuing to play is useless. The fight with him only open my eyes." At first he didn't go on his practice because of Akashi, but then he just didn't have the wish to play even in the local park. It was just that whenever he looked at the basketball, he felt only despair, that have been building up inside him for months now, there wasn't any trace of love left. When he asked himself why he was playing and he didn't get any answer, he just resigned his spot in the team.

     "That doesn't... Sound... Like Tetsuya... - chan...I know... My grandson... loved playing... Because it... Was fun,... Not for... The win."

      "I hadn't had fun playing basketball in a long time. All I can see there now is despair. Playing basketball just makes me feel even weaker than I already am." He admitted, not really looking at his grandma, so he doesn't see the disappointment in her eyes. However, how could she be disappointed in him, for feeling this way. She was only upset that she hadn't noticed earlier he was suffering this much. Just now did she understood how much she doesn't know about him. And she couldn't help the sadness that overtook her already damaged heart. The worst for her was that she couldn't be there for him, nor help him anymore.

     "Shame... I see... My time has... Come in... The worst... Moment... I am... Sorry, my dear... You have... Lost your... Way... But I... Believe you... Will find... It again... I am... Gonna... Take care... Of it... I am... Gonna make... The whole... Kuroko clan... To fix... That glumsy road... You are on."

     "Grandma." Kuroko squeak, smiling slightly in between his tears. The thought of her dying was still the worst, but he hoped she really continues to be with him, even if he can't see her. He needed her as the air in his lungs.

    "There it is... your beautiful... Smile..." At her words, his smile grew wider. Watching at her grandson she couldn't stop herself, but kiss his forehead, remembering the times he was still a little boy. Both of them in a similar position, most of the cases reading a book. "What was it?" Suddenly she asked, knitting her eyebrows, thinking.


    "Your favourite... Bedtime story... Jack and the beans... And the other... with the wardrobe..."

    "They are not! I don't like them." He insisted, knowing very well he is lying. Why was she suddenly thinking about it?

    "You did... like them... when you... were... little."

    "I didn't. I liked more... manly... stories." He continued to lie. Was there even a story that was capable to pass as manly?

     "Did you?.... But I... Remember... You made... Me read... One of the... Two... Every night... One night you... Wanted to hear... Both stories... But it was... Late... So I combined... Them... You were... Fast sleeping... Before the end... Never again... Asked for... Them together... Don't know... Why."

     "I don't remember! I am sorry, Grandma." Now he wasn't lying. He really didn't remember this. He knew he had liked the two stories, but he didn't know he had asked to have them together, nor that his grandma had told him a new version of them.

      "No need... To be sorry... It was fun... Let me see... If I remember."

      "There was... Once upon a... Time a boy... That was very poor... When that... Boy grew older... His mother... Gave him.... Their only cow... To sell... In the near... Town... Asking him... To bring home... Good money... So they can... Hold the winter... The boy... Took their cow,... Promising his... Mother he will... Come back... Soon... That boy's name... Was... Jack..."

     "Grandma, please, save your strength." Kuroko cut her, trying to put the oxygen mask back on her face. He was afraid she would grow weaker faster if she doesn't use it.

      "Don't you... want to hear... My story?"

      "I do, but I don't want to lose you, because of it."

     "Oh, my... Tetsuya-chan,... you think too... much. Just... Enjoy my... Story... I promise... It will be... A good... One."

     "So...Jack was on... His way... To the town... When he met... An old man... That gave him... A magic beans... At least... That is what... The man... Told him... Poor Jack... Simple boy, believed him... And took the beans... Giving the man... His only cow... Happily starting... His way... Back home... At the same... Time Jack walked... Back home... Just a few miles... Away... But a hundred... Of years later... A mother of four... Left her children... At the house... Of a relative... To protect them... From the dangerous... Times they lived in... "

      Listening carefully to every word that his grandmother said, Kuroko didn't remove his eyes off her face even for a second, trying to memorise every single one of the moments they spend together.

     He didn't care about the story, not really, he didn't understand why his grandma was wasting her strength on this, but he still listened to the new tale as if it was the best thing in his life, allowing the storyline to take away all his bad thoughts and keep him in this moment, enjoying his most loved one's last words, the tears in his eyes finally growing quieter.

     He could see why as a child, he had been entertained by the story. His grandma took all of them in one place, where time runs differently and Jack, Edmund, Peter, Lucy and Susan, all fought together against a frozen giants made by the White Witch, but he didn't really get how in the end Jack would fix his money problems if he was in Narnia, but he knew his grandma would make that possible one way or another.

      It was a fun story, he must admit, but as the story progressed, he could see the time needed for his grandma to take a breath was much longer, she even needed to use the mask a few times, when struggling for longer, yet she didn't give up on telling him this story, making his heart hurt even more.

      Closing the end of the story, when his grandma was telling him how they fought a grand battle, he couldn't take it anymore and begged again the woman to stop, yet she didn't budge at all, shushing him once more.

     But he knew, her time was coming faster with every word she spoke and couldn't help, but start crying again. This time his tears were much quieter, not even asking for his permission to fall down.

     "I love you grandma." He muttered, kissing her cheek, breaking the story, afraid he may not be capable to tell her how much he loves her. He tightens his grip, hugging her a little too tight, than the needed, praying he is wrong and she have long enough time to tell even a second story, or maybe third.

     "Always and forever, my dear." She replied, kissing his forehead, while patting weakly his hair, before returning to her previous sentence as if nothing hadn't happened just now.

      She talked for a little while more, got the villain beaten, when she suddenly stopped talking, letting go one last breath out of her mouth, the hand hugging Kuroko, falling down on the bed, yet her head was still in the same position, resting on the pillow, looking up at the ceiling, her eyes wide open, still in a beautiful blue shade, but a much colder than before.

     Then the life support machines started screaming in alarm, becoming the last noise Kuroko could register, before breaking down in a horrific wail.

     That very moment the only thing he could feel was the almost literal breaking of his heart.

     His grandmother was dead. His only family left in this world was gone. Really gone.

     From this moment on nothing couldn't get him out of the pitch he fell, because his brain couldn't think of anything else but his grandma's death.

     Only one sentence ringing in his whole being.

     His grandmother is dead.

     And he wants nothing more, but to die with her.

Chapter Text

    After his grandmother passed away Kuroko just shutted himself down.

     If you ask him he won't be capable to tell you much about what happened after she took her last breath.

     He remembers- vaguely- things from here and there, but not too much, just the main events.

      His most clear memory from the last few weeks is that he laid next to his grandma for a while, without anyone disturbing him, crying in her chest, murmuring different things, until they finally took him away from her, way too soon, in his opinion. 

    Then he knows there was some strange woman, which later on he found out was a social worker, that took him to his house to collect his most important belongings, before leaving him in an orphanage. Shamefully, he also remembers that he was crying just as strong as he was in the hospital, while he was at home. He couldn't help himself as where ever he looked there were memories of her, of them together. So many memories. 

     Once in the orphanage, he was forced to meet a few of the employees there and his so called new roommate, but if he is honest, even if he remembers the main, he didn't know nor what their names were, nor how their faces looked like for a while, 'till he met them a few more times. He still doesn't know the name of the social worker that is responsible for his case, even after so long. 

     His next big memory was his grandma's funeral, where he had to pretend he wants to talk with countless people, he didn't really care about. Meet a few of his ex school mates, including Akashi, whom he tried very hard to avoid and Kise that didn't stop hugging him, while crying. God bless the others that were there for being just normal human beings, not making much of a fuss. However, no matter who had come, the only one of his school he actually wanted to see, wasn't there. Aomine wasn't there. He still remembers the disappointment he felt then. He really hoped that the tanned boy would come at least to show his respect to his grandmother. She loved him very much and he knew she would be happy to see the other boy. He didn't even wanted for them to talk, he just wanted to see him. But he wasn't lucky enough, like he had ever been lucky. And last, but not less important to him from that day, was that he got to see Kagami for a first time, after the other had left the country.

     This is his next most clear memory. He remembers he was relieved to see the taller boy. At least he was there. He was grateful to him for coming, even though he didn't know how he had found out about his grandma, surely he wasn't the one to tell him, but he was so, so grateful to him for being there. With him there, there was at least one person's shoulder he could count on. A shoulder to cry on. 

     Unfortunately, Kagami couldn't stay for long and after the funeral was over, he once again had to say goodbye to the other boy. This time around, he didn't found it this painful.

     Then he was alone once again.

     Strangely why, this time he didn't care about this as well. 

    So what if he was alone? 

     If that was what was meant for him. If he couldn't have even the slightest of hope and happiness. If he couldn't be with his family and loved ones, he wasn't going to fight for it anymore. He gives up. It was useless. Things ended one and the same way, no matter what he did, so why should he even try changing his destiny. 

     He was better off alone if he thought about it. If he was all by himself, then no one won't have the opportunity to hurt him anymore. No one would die and no one would break his heart. No one would make him hurt. And God, who would have thought that there would be a day when he would be grateful to his "talent" to be invisible. 

     Why no one told him that life was much more easier when no one knows you exist? And why did he appreciate it only now? 

     Fine, he knows that even if they had told him all of this, he wouldn't have believed it, but still. 

      Anyway, everything started after he arrived at the orphanage, almost no one knew he had been there and with that no one disturbed him at all. With nobody there to pay him attention he got so much freedom. A freedom he never knew can exist. A freedom he never wanted to have, but that made his sorrow easier to bear.

     First of all, no one tried to talk to him with the only purpose they lie him that his life will become better. Second, no one paid him attention if he cries or not. No one scold him to go to school as they did with the other kids in the orphanage. No one asked of him to be nice and meet potential new parents, even foster ones. He wasn't forced to lie to anyone or pretend he is something he is not. No one cared if he eats or not, nor if he hurts himself. No one told him that he needs to get up from his bed or asked him to be back before the curfew. The other kids didn't have the chance to pick up on him as well or fight with him as they tended to do between themselves and so on. 

     It was amazing. The feeling of freedom to sulk as much as he wants to was really nice. The only thing in his life at the moment that gave him some kind of peace, because he really couldn't deal with people right now. 

      It wasn't long before he understands that being alone made life easier not only as a way to comfort himself or hide, but it turned out that even fighting with his own demons was easier like this. Much more easier as there was no one to witness his shame. No one to count on to fix his problems for him. 

      Let's face it, how could his fears hurt him if he was at the bottom? How could they destroy him if he had given up? How could they chase after him, if they had caught him already? 

      They couldn't! 

     He was living in his own nightmares. There was nothing else left for him to be afraid of. There was nothing else to feed his demons with. 

    He won't lie. There were still moments where he felt like there is more to be taken away from him, more to be hiding from, but then he was fast to remember that there was nothing left to be protected. His life was in ashes and he was drowning in them. 

      Thanks to these moments, there were still a lot of days when he wanted to take away his life, just like before, he really did, especially in the beginning. The guilt and the loneliness were so strong, he could barely take a breath. He couldn't stop blaming himself for what have happened. He believed that he was the guilty one for her death. If he has been a better grandson, things would have never ended up like this. She could still be alive. He deserved to die, not his grandmother. He couldn't get these thoughts out of his mind and that lead him to spend hours upon hours looking at his still healing, at the time, arm, thinking how much he wanted to just rip the flesh back open and leave his blood to drip away. But he couldn't. 

      However, not because of the promise he gave to the old woman. If he could, he would have broken his promise long ago. Trust him. 

      He preferred being with his family better than keeping the promise he gave to his grandmother, yet when he tried to rip his arm open and end all of this, he couldn't. 

     Turns out that if his body didn't scream for the pain, it was much harder to drag the blade deep enough. And no matter how much he begged it, his body didn't ask for anything, even pain. It hadn't asked for it since that dreadful day, he lost and the last member of his family. Even if his mind was in a deep pain, his body was nothing else but numb to everything happening around him. 

      It was horrible, horrible realisation.
      What an irony really. His parents' death had started his cutting, his grandma's death had stopped it. 

      He couldn't believe himself, he was such a clown. Such a coward. Who was doing this? How could he be this weak? How could he not want to express his sorrow by the best way he knew? He couldn't leave things like that, so he tried again and again, yet, no matter if he wanted it or not, that was the harsh reality and after a countless tries to change it, he gave up. 

      The truth is that, ever since his grandmother died, the bluenette didn't have the wish to do absolutely anything. Everything, but sleeping and crying felt too much of a hard work. Too much of a headache. Cutting wasn't an exception to his great disappointment. Hell, if he could, he would stop crying as well. 

     Before everything in him was yearning for the sharp razor, especially after some of his hardest days. For so long cutting was his best friend, his way of forgetting about his pain. He wanted it back. He wanted to cut as much as possible so he can let the dread eating at him to leave his chest. However, now he not only felt numb to the "call" to cut, he also felt guilty just thinking about it and even more doing it. Every time he let the small blade kiss his flesh, he felt as if he was hurting his grandma instead of himself. He felt like he was letting her down every time he slides the sharp object across his skin, double more when he did it with the intention to leave this cursed world. 

       He really got no idea why he felt like this, but it was stronger than anything else he felt at the time, so this plus the way he didn't really felt the need, he reduced the habit to barely one or two shallow cuts in a more than a week at a time, before eventually he stoped it at full. 

     However, even if he cared about his cutting and he wanted it back, he didn't care about anything else. Not be it eating, showering, talking, changing clothes, going to school, starting his life at a new, hobbies and even more thinking or feeling. Now these things were all in the bin for him, especially thinking. It was just too much. It was too much for him to bear. Just imagining himself doing any of this was like walking on a broken glass. Unnecessary. In the end everything was useless existing he didn't want. 

      He really, really didn't wish to do anything. He hasn't even noticed when he stopped eating, becoming unhealthy skinny. He drank water rarely, mainly when his throat was way too dry. Lying for the big part of the day, he didn't change his clothes for days upon days, nor he showered or left his room, but for the moments he needed to use the toilet. And about school, he pretended it doesn't exist. Just thinking of going back made his empty stomach hurt double more, not that he paid any attention to the pain. It wasn't long before he stopped doing anything and everything. In a mere days things got so bad, he stopped checking or even charging his phone, and with this calling or accepting any calls, including Kagami's. 

      In fact, he hadn't talked with Kagami since his grandma's funeral. 

      In the beginning he wasn't in the mood, bussy crying his eyes dry. Afterwards he believed it is too late to return the calls, in the end, he decided that they were gonna break up anyway, so better do it sooner than later. With these thoughts in mind, now he was just waiting for Kagami to get sick of him not picking up his phone and leave permanently. 

     This is how with nothing better to do, and not really wishing to even try to be active in anyway, he spend the main part of his time sleeping. 

      Sleeping was good, even though it wasn't perfect. Sleeping helped him deal with his pain to a big degree. True, he had nightmares quite often, but even these nightmares were still good enough for him to wish to go back to bed as soon as possible. At least they were going to end, unlike his reality. And for good or not, when he was sleeping, he dreamed almost every night.

       After a while he separated his dreams to good, normal, and nightmares. 

     In his lucky nights he dreamed about his grandma or his parents. They were all happy, living together in their house, spending the days playing games or watching TV, sometimes he was playing basketball with his father, while his mother and grandmother cooked his favorite dishes, that he enjoyed at their fullest, still capable to feel the taste on his tongue for a while after he wakes up. 

     He loved these nights, they were rare, but so happy, so peaceful, like another universe, where he was allowed to be happy. He didn't want to ever wake up from these dreams. These nights really were his favourite, despite the fact that they were leaving him crying for hours for the family he misses. 

      Unfortunately for him, they weren't a constant. As a contrast with the good dreams, his bad nights were the complete opposite. He hated them as he always woke up already with burning tears in his eyes, his breathing heavy and unstable, his body shaking from the horror. He was sure that many times he not only cried, but also screamed in his sleep, as every time he was brutally woken up by his roommate that was complaining he couldn't sleep because of his screams. Really, these moments were the only ones his roommate showed any interest in him. 

     In his bad nights, he pretty often dreamed about death. His parents' death, his grandfather's death, his grandmother's death, his friends' deaths, his ex- lovers' deaths, sometimes it was Kagami or Aomine the one dying and other times it was Akashi (the only dreams that didn't leave him with bloody eyes) or even someone else from his school, sometimes he dreamed about strangers being the hurt ones, however, more often than not it was he himself that died. 

    Those were the dreams that confused him the most, that left him without a breath for the longest. He couldn't understand why he was afraid to die in his dreams, when he wanted so desperately to do so in the real life?

    Every time he died in his dreams he was shaking as crazy when he woke up, still feeling the fear running through his veins. 

    He thought and thought for hours about it, until he was capable to fall asleep again and dream about something else. However, he still couldn't stop analysing these dreams. In the end they helped him realise that he was, one way or another, afraid of dying.

     The realization was heartbreaking. 

      He was afraid of his death, no matter what he wanted to believe, he was afraid, that was the plain truth, maybe that was and the reason why he couldn't press the blade deep enough to end everything. If begging for your life to complete stranger in your dream and the fact he was every time more afraid of dying than the previous one could talk for themselves, the message was pretty clear. He didn't want to die not even knowing he is dying. 

     He didn't want to have a meaningless death, but even more he didn't want to have a meaningless life. He didn't want to exist at all. He wanted just to disappear in thin air. It would have been so much better if he hadn't been born at all. 

     However, the more the time has passed since his grandma's death, the more colourful his dreams got, especially the ones including specific someones or more like someone. 

     He still got the nice family reunion and the dark crime scenes, nowadays sometimes he even dreamed about aliens or zombies or unicorns or dolphins. Running here and there, living the adventure life, however many nights he dreamed about nothing else, but sex. 

      In this new type of dreams sometimes he had sex with Kagami and sometimes with Aomine, once or twice it was the two of them fighting for him, both ending up fucking him (he really enjoyed this dream), but more often than not it was none other in his dreams, but Akashi himself. 

      Like he couldn't understand why he was dreaming so much about him, nor he could understand the meaning behind half his dreams. This was harder for him to understand than anything else. He knew he hated Akashi, however, he was dreaming about him pretty often. Some of his dreams weren't nothing new, many were old nightmares he has had and before, stuff Akashi had done to him or may do. But there were also a new dreams, dreams where Akashi wasn't that evil bastard he grew to know, but someone nice he could talk with. Sometimes in his dreams they talked really a lot and it was so nice. They played basketball and studied together just like before, but it wasn't by the way he was used with, but the way things were years ago. But to his great disappointment, these weren't the strangest dreams he had about him. They were good to ignore, nothing out of the ordinary. No, what scared him the most were the nights he dreamed how he begs Akashi to fuck him. How he asks of him to be rough with him and spank him, while fucking him like an animal or when Akashi was nothing short of loving to him. Soft kisses and tender touches, whispered sweet words, hands holding him as if he is a porcelain doll, hips moving slow and gentle. He didn't have this type of dreams not even with Kagami, and he knew from experience that Kagami was gentle to him. 

     However, the worst part was that when he had these dreams he would wake up with a wood on, his whole body sweaty and his hole hungry to be filled. 

     The first few times left him horrified, he couldn't even touch himself as this was way too abnormal. He couldn't understand himself, like why would he dream about his ex-captain, he didn't even think about him when he was awake. He did everything to forget about the heir and move on with his life. Was he so used to being fucked and beaten by Akashi that he wanted it voluntary? 

     He couldn't be, right? 

     But then again, he couldn't not admit there was a part of him that somehow missed Akashi, even before the dreams start it was there, just barely lingering, but then again a part of him missed Aomine and Kagami just as much, if not more, much more. The truth is there was a part of him that missed all of his old acquaintances and his old life. It was only natural.

     If he is right, the first and only time after the funeral, he thought of him was when his arm was completely healthy and he threw away the sling, incapable not to not remember why his arm was like this in the first place. But that was it, the dreams had started quite a few days later. It took him a while to connect the two occasions. 

     Of course he did his best to bury the part of him missing Akashi deep down and pretend it had never existed, just like he did with everything else that he didn't like nowadays, but he did so only after he got to the conclusion there was nothing more to it but a nostalgia.  

    At the end of the day Akashi had been a big influence in his life, but for his happiness he wasn't around anymore. Things between them were over and Akashi wasn't part of his life. Just like he wanted it, so there wasn't a reason to think about him. Also, after the initial shocked passed, he didn't really care. It didn't matter to him. He took it as a teen hormone that were taking Akashi as the most repeated sex partner and moved on with his more important problems. 

     Not that he intended to do anything to fix his more important problems, all he did was to move through all of it as it didn't happen. No matter how many bad dreams he have, or strange ones, he was going to have and a good dreams someday, all he needed to do was continue to sleep, pretending nothing else matters. Same went for his school and his roommate, or for the way the social worker was always after him for one or another reason. Same went for everything in his life. He ignored it all. 

     At this point in his life he believed, that if he spends 90% of his time sleeping, he was going to dream about something happy at least once in the week and that made his sleep the most important thing in his life. Fuck everything else. 

     So he did exactly that for as long as he was capable to. He laid there, spending all of his days only by himself, cuddled in his bed, sleeping or trying to fall asleep, pretending there was nothing wrong with his life. He didn't care how much time had passed since he became like this, the important was to continue on with it, until he turns 18 and can leave this shit hole. 

     However, being by himself for so long, even though it was slow, very slow, in the end he got used to it.

     The loneliness that was eating at him until this point of his life, slowly stopped mattering. 

     Turned out that after he got to know his demons, they stopped being demons, but become part of him, that he don't even care about. All that needed to be done was for him to stop being afraid of them. He was already living in his nightmare, what could his loneliness and insecurity do to him now? 

     And it took him a while, slow and painful a while, followed by a lot of bad thoughts, but eventually his terrors stopped being something he was afraid off and became part of him, one that lived barely on in the back of his mind. Ready to surface any moment, but powerless over him unlike before. 

     All he needed to do was face himself. 

     He was skinny and short for a guy, so be it, it was his parents's DNA, he was going to be proud with it. He was ignored and rarely noticed, so, that way at least he could observe people easier. He was bad at basketball, but he was good at other things as cutting veggies nicely. Not everyone could cut tomato in a perfect circle. He was average at school, but not the worst. He didn't have luck with guys, but he was still young, there would be at least one relationship he would be happy in,... hopefully. He could always try with a girl? Not really, he was gay all around, but the point is he wasn't going to look negatively at his future relationships, because of his past ones. He was self harm, he wasn't proud with it, but it was his way of dealing with the stress and he was working his way out. Many people didn't want a way out or had the strength for it. He had scars, but they were his own history. Every scar told a story, many were bad ones, true, but were part of him. He wasn't the most handsome, but his face, just like his body was a combination of his parents's DNA. He was a rape victim, that was his largest luggage, but there was nothing he could do to change it. There was no use in blaming himself for trusting a friend. Was that same friend innocent- not. Was he going to get any punishment for what he had done- not legal one, but Kuroko believed that the karma was going to give him some justice. Did he want answers as to why him- yes, but he could live and without ones. He didn't have friends, but it was mainly his fault as he was more introverted than the needed, however, none of that meant he won't have any in the future. He was suicidal, he tried once, but he learned his lesson (for now at least), his scar was just another story. He hated himself, true, but he was going to work hard and change everything he didn't like and accept what he couldn't change. 

     He had a lot of things he didn't like about himself, but he was ready to face them all, unlike before when he was ashamed of himself. 

    He was his own demons and the only one who can defeat them. 

    Don't get him wrong, the fact he was clear now with many of his feelings and thoughts, didn't change the fact he was still depressed, or that he still wasn't entirely happy, he still felt broken and he still missed his family. He still felt like no one won't love him, and he still was feeling like nothing most of the time, but he wasn't anymore afraid of being alone, he still felt lonely, but it wasn't as strong as before, he was starting to find what he needed in himself. He wasn't afraid anymore of the horrible truth of his existence. 

     He felt so stupid because of the way he behaved before. Like he was ready to do anything to have some company, to have always someone next to him and that behaviour of his got a lot of people hurt, just look at Kagami. He needed someone to take away the loneliness, but now after so long all by himself, he felt pretty nice in his own company and he was content with it. 

     Being forced to be alone, was actually better than he thought it would be. Not because of something else, but he learned so much he hadn't realised before about himself. Being his only company, he found out he wasn't the worst in the world. He wasn't the best, but he was getting better at being capable to stand himself. 

      Also being here, he started asking himself why did he care about other people's opinion about him and his life in the first place. It didn't really matter what they thought, they didn't know him, they weren't him. He shouldn't be taking in account their opinion, because it was his life, his pain, his problems, his happiness, not theirs. They didn't matter. Just look at his roommate, if he cared about his opinion, he would be in a worse place now. He would be hating himself even more and live under a bridge, just to not disturb him. 

    So, slowly, after a lot of thoughts, he stopped blaming himself for everything happening in his life and with that he actually started doing a little bit more with each day. 

     Not much, he still hid himself from the world as whole, but he started using his phone, mainly to watch movies, play games or listen to music. He started showering, enjoying the hot water just like before and he started eating just a bit more. He was still skinnier than before and didn't have proper meals, but he wasn't starving himself like the weeks prior. 

      Then, after a while, he started going out. Okay, it was mainly when the orphanage's staff asked him to go to school, but he still left the building, unlike before. He never actually went to school, but he did spend quite a lot of time walking around the city, something he never did before. Before he always thought it is stupid to go on a walk alone, but now he didn't mind it. It was peaceful. 

    That is the thing. 

     Being by himself was peaceful. 

     He was free to do everything he wants to, without anyone judging him and that was the best thing ever. The fact he was invisible for the most people was even better. 

      He got to go and spend his day at the swings in the park or have a free entry at all the museums as no security guard saw him. He could sit in one place for hours, looking at the old paintings, just observing the brush's movements or to watch the people around him, without them feeling discomfort from his stare. The only bad side of solitude was that there wasn't anyone to talk with when he felt the need to.

     Like there was once, when he got to beat a really high rank monster in a game he played and he wanted to tell people about it, to share his joy, but the only person he could talk to was his roommate, which wasn't going to happen, so he kept it to himself. 

      For a while he felt a little sad and disappointed, but after a few more of these situations, he got over this as well, allowing the joy to flow around him, entering the atmosphere as if it was a cigarette smoke. 

      Anyway, everything else aside, there was one best thing about his newly founded peace with himself and that was the fact he actually found the strength in him to visit his grandmother. 

     It was on one of his walks, he didn't want to be in the orphanage that day as it was a bank holiday and all the kids were there, screaming, shouting and fighting, being intolerable, reminding him why he hates them all so much. With all this noise he couldn't really concentrate on his sulking so he was forced to leave the building. 

    All was good, but the fact he didn't even want to be outside. He wanted to be in his bed, watching movies and hiding from the world until the end of the week, but he couldn't really do that. 

     Once outside he took at a nowhere, walking aimlessly until in the end he just turned around and walked towards the cemetery. 

     It was a spontaneous decision. He wasn't sure if he was ready to go there, he didn't feel ready to do so, but he felt the need to talk with his grandmother. He missed her, so he collected all his courage and went to the cemetery.

    On the way there he brought a fresh flowers. Nothing fancy, he is afraid, just a small bunch of roses, but to him it felt as something big, as this was the first time he was using his debit card after his grandma's death.

    He felt really weird, ripped between hundreds of thoughts and feelings. Should he go or should he not? Would she be happy to see him or would she be angry with him? He hoped she would be happy as he was going to visit her. It was about time he does so. Not going there at all showed only disrespect toward her. And he may be everything, but he loves and respects his grandmother. 

     It took him two hours to walk there, as it was pretty far, but he didn't mind, he wasn't in a rush for nowhere. In the end he still arrived there.

     His tears started a few miles before he arrives and the moment he did they were even stronger.

      There was a dread in his heart, he didn't want to go inside as this was the moment when everything was going to become more than a bad dream. He cried and walked back and forth for a while, telling himself he can do it, before deciding he can't, before changing his mind once again. In the end, however, he still entered the cemetery and went to see his family.

     At first he didn't knew should he go visit first his parents or should he go first to his grandma, but something told him to go to his parents. 

     The wound left after them was doing better than the one left after his grandmother. Slightly easier to deal with as it was already an old one. One he was used to. Even though it took him more than half a year to come here when they died.

     He still remembers it. It was exactly his grandma that helped him when he broke before their graves. Holding him, conforming him, telling him that they were in a better place. 

     Now he was all alone.

     No one was there to witness his shame nor help him deal with all the emotions in him, he is grateful that at least he came to see her, sooner than he did with his parents. 

     Standing before their graves, he took two roses out of the bunch and placed one on each side of their graves, greeting them, telling them a little about how he is and asking how they are. He ended the conversation pretty fast, quietly just sitting there for a while, just so he doesn't have to move on. When he started feeling a bit awkward, he told them goodbye and went to his grandfather to tell him hello as well, leaving one more rose, before continuing to his grandma after another short moment. 

    He felt sorry, a little like a bad grandson, when he was with his grandfather as he didn't really know what to tell him or how to behave around him as he had been very little when he have passed away and he didn't have much memories of him nor did he miss him that much, yet he still gave the best he is capable off to show respect and love. 

    Once in front of his grandma's grave, Kuroko's tears started a new, much stronger than half an hour ago.

    Her grave was obviously the newest and was kept tidy for some reason, with fresh flowers next to it. 'Someone must have been taking care of it', he thought. He smiled slightly, he felt grateful to that person, not even asking himself who it was. He didn't care to care as long as her grave was loved and not destroyed. 

    Wiping his tears away, slowly, he placed what was left from the roses on the grave and sat down, starting to talk to his grandma through his tears.

    First, he told her how much he misses her, then he apologised for coming to see her this late, then he asked how she was, in the end he just stayed there crying for a while. He laid next to her, until his tears calmed down a bit. When that happened, he started telling her a little by little about him and his life now.

    He talked for a while until he was fast asleep from exhaustion, waking up a few hours later, when it started raining. 

     With no other choice he told his grandma goodbye, promising to come back soon, before he says goodbye to his parents and left the cemetery, hiding his phone so the rain doesn't get to it and walked back to the orphanage.

     That night he dreamed about his grandmother.
     In the morning he couldn't remember his dream, but there was a feeling of calmness in his chest. 

    Afterwards things changed drastically. 

    After the first visit, he started going to his grandma every few days, slowly beginning his life at a new. He took care of his school and he got to talk with Kagami again, even if the other didn't like the topic at all. 

    It was just two days later when he got a new call from the taller boy. At first he left his phone ringing, before he changes his mind, taking the call. 

     He was amazed by the fact that Kagami hadn't given up already. It has been weeks since they last talked, yet the other still cared enough to call him. 

    At the beginning their conversation was really awkward, none of them knew what exactly to say, apart Kagami's relief to finally hear a news from the other. He was happy to hear the bluenette's voice, to make sure he is doing good, before Kuroko breaks the news to him. It was better that way, for both of them, especially for Kagami. It is not like Kuroko loved him properly. He had feelings for him, but they weren't strong enough to make this relationship work out. And even if he wanted to see if his new self can love Kagami properly, Kagami didn't deserve this. He deserved someone that was going to love him for real, be good and kind to him, showering him with lots and lots of love, because Kagami was the best person Kuroko knew. However, he kept the right for them to stay friends. 

     From this day on, after closing and the last that was keeping him in the past, Kuroko started living only for himself and what made him feel happy and content, not looking up to others to give him happiness and love nor their opinion of him, fighting with his fears and weaknesses, becoming a version of himself he liked better that the previous. A version of him that was at peace with it is past and present, looking up at the future and the ways he can make his grandmother proud with him. 

    It wasn't long before he was standing at the local park with a basketball in hand.