Actions

Work Header

Thottie Protection Squad

Chapter Text

hey fuckers

if u like fangames

go subscribe n shit to @abrokenbloodine bc there's gonna be that stuff over there

i love all of you guys, even though most of you hate me because im a shitty author (and mother, for my discord kids)

thank ya for sticking with me

ALSO CHECK OUT MY CHILD'S CHATFIC ITS REALLY GOOD AND I LOVE MY CHILDREN : god-tier content

bye

Chapter Text

"CLASS 78"

 

Kyoko Kirigiri created "Class 78".

Kyoko Kirigiri added 15 people to "Class 78".

Byakuya Togami: Oh god no.

Junko Enoshima has changed Byakuya Togami's username to "Richie Rich".

Richie Rich: I despise you.

Richie Rich is offline.

Mukuro Ikusaba changed Junko Enoshima's unsername to "junkrat".

junkrat: okay, fair

Richie Rich: Why the shit did you make this hellhole?

junkrat: its finally my time

Aoi Asahina: wait no-

junkrat: hehehehehe

junkrat changed 14 usernames.

cryptid: wwhat the heck iis thiss

doNUTS: toko lmaooooo

doNUTS: 

doNUTS: you think you're sooooo funny don't you, junko

doNUTS changed their username to "h2-no".

junkrat changed h2-no's username to "ahoy".

ahoy: fine whatever 

kiwigiwi: My father informed me that our class needed a way to communicate. And "bond".

kiwigiwi:

lemme see that krussy: ISBDIBSEBS KIRIGIRI'S NAME

h2-no: WHO IS THAT

junkrat: it's leon >:3

junkrat: crab ass bitch

lemme see that krussy: i despise you

like i'm bakugou: hello revyome!

junko 2.0: i.. don't understand these nicknames

junkrat: revyome

lemme see that krussy: revyome

tove lo: revyome

fetus: revyome

cryptid: revyome

like i'm bakugou: oh stfu all of you

kiwigiwi : don't be rude, maizono. you made a mistake and that's your fault

lemme see that krussy: DAMN SHUT DOWN BY KWOKO KIWIGIWI

kiwigiwi: leon, i will take your phone away

junko 2.0: why did the ratchild from class 79 just spray me with pink spray paint and run off yelling "ON WEDNESDAYS WE WEAR PINK"?

leggi my eggi: mean girls

junko 2.0: what?

junkrat: YOU DONT KNOW MEAN GIRLS?

junko 2.0: no?

junkrat: IVE FAILED AS A SISTER

junko 2.0: trust me, we already knew that.

junkrat: :(

junkrat: anyways, we'll watch it later.

junko 2.0: i hate my name btw

junkrat: you have to bribe me to fix it.

junko 2.0 is offline.

junkrat is offline.

kiwigiwi: anyways

junkrat is online.

junkrat changed their username to "sharpay evans".

sharpay evans changed who's a less hot version of ME’s username to “ryan evans”.

 

junkrat is offline.

junko 2.0 is online.


fetus: i think mukuro won that fight 


tove lo: who ARE you

fetus: it's chihiro

tove lo: ah

tove lo: makes sense

fetus: i'm not that short

tove lo: sure jan

like i'm bakugou: junko's clever, i like hiro's name

ryan evans: top 10 things i never thought i would hear


like i'm bakugou: tove lo's most popular song is habits

like i'm bakugou: yknow, "i gotta stay high all the time"

lemme see that krussy: maizono back at it again with the music facts

ahoy: gotta eat pie all the time to keep you off my mind

hot topic: OOOOOOOOOOOOH

lemme see that krussy: celeste shows up once and this is what she contributes to

leggi my eggi: read: leon fell over laughing

fetus: oh so you're with him?

fetus: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

like i'm bakugou: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

kiwigiwi: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

h2-no: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

tove lo: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

who's a less hot version of ME: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

hot topic: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

cryptid: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

leggi my eggi: don't even.

leggi my eggi has gone offline.

fetus: whatever

im rules: i dont understand mine 

i love rules:

im rules changed i love rules's username to "detention, bitch".

detention, bitch: I'll allow it, but you are committing an atrocity against God.

im rules changed their username to “vroom vroom”.

like im bakugou: DID TAKA JUST MEME 

kiwigiwi: oh shit waddup 

lemme see that krussy: KIRIGIRI YOU TOO??

kiwigiwi: get to class.

detention, bitch: Yes! Missing classmates, please head this way and I should see no one on their phones while a lesson is occuring. 

like im bakugo: like thats going to happen

like im bakugo changed their username to "britney spears".

lemme see that krussy: I JUST WOKE UP

lemme see that krussy and 12 others are offline.

kiwigiwi: idiots. all of them.

kiwigiwi has gone offline.

Chapter Text

"CLASS 78"

 

lemme see that krussy: i ignored this yesterday

 

lemme see that krussy: but

 

lemme see that krussy: did you fucking call kokichi ratchild, mukuro?

 

ryan evans: yes.

 

lemme see that krussy: weird flex but

 

lemme see that krussy: okay

 — . . . ✈ 』

kiwigiwi added Richie Rich to “Class 78”.

 

leggi my eggi: if you fuck a clone of yourself, is it sex or masterbation?

 

Richie Rich has left “Class 78”.

 

lemme see that krussy added Richie Rich to “Class 78”.

 

Richie Rich: i hate you so much.

 

lemme see that krussy: bitch.

 

Richie Rich: bitte.

 

sharpay evans: wth you croissant

 

lemme see that krussy: did you just call me a cock

 

Richie Rich: Welcome to franch class, peasants.

 

hot topic: franch.

 

kiwigiwi: franch

 

ryan evans: franch

 

sharpay evans: franch

 

fetus: franch

 

tove lo: franch

 

Richie Rich is offline.

 

leggi my eggi: IS EVERYONE GOING TO IGNORE MY QUESTION

 

britney spears: no one wants to answer that

 

fetus: actually i was just thinking on the answer to your question

 

fetus: it's sex

 

fetus: cause it's more than one body

 

leggi my eggi: thanks cheerios

 

leggi my eggi: *chihiro dammit

 

hot topic has changed fetus’s username to “cheerios”.

 

cheerios: fuck you naegi

 

leggi my eggi: but i didnt change your username? celeste did?

 

eyebrows on fLEEK: chihiro! language!

 

cheerios: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

cheerios: and sorry dad

 

 

leggi my eggi: where did togami go?

 

lemme see that krussy: hol up

 

lemme see that krussy is offline.

 

Richie Rich is online.

 

lemme see that krussy is online.

 

lemme see that krussy: scroll up, bitch

 

Richie Rich: oh

 

Richie Rich: i stopped speaking so i wouldn't be an asshole

 

fetus: worried about your boyfriend, naegi?

 

leggi my eggi is offline.

 

lemme see that krussy: chi u rlly have to stop w that

 

fetus: sorry, ill go talk to him.

 

lemme see that krussy: need help?

 

fetus: nah, but could you pick him up some food or something?

 

lemme see that krussy: ofc

 

fetus is offline.

 

hot topic: topic change?

 

lemme see that krussy: topic change.

 

lemme see that krussy is offline.

 

hot topic: well! togami finally accepted he's an asshole! now let's get him to accept he is gay

 

2d twink: wait what

 

hot topic: am i the only one who's gaydar goes off around him? he's like, the ultimate gay

 

kiwigiwi: he is not the ultimate gay. have you met kokichi from class 79?

 

ryan evans: r a t c h i l d

 

tove lo: 79 is 10 more than 69

 

kiwigiwi: shut up

 

hot topic: i got cut off by a really girly scream from togami's room sorry

 

hot topic: gay of this class

 

kiwigiwi: then yes

 

sharpay evans: did mukuro snipe togami

 

ryan evans: how, if i didn't go into his room

 

lemme see that krussy is online.

 

lemme see that krussy: this sounds like a job for

 

kiwigiwi: don't you dare

 

lemme see that krussy: kowokowo kiwigiwi

 

lemme see that krussy: please don't kil

 

lemme see that krussy is offline.

 

sharpay evans: rip leon, death midsentence, sniped by mukuro. press f to pay respects

 

britney spears: f!

 

tove lo: f

 

2d twink: F

 

kiwigiwi: f

 

Richie Rich: i refuse

 

sharpay evans: streak broken :(

 

sharpay evans: oh wait, you're alive

 

sharpay evans: maizono owes me 6 bucks


britney spears: dammit

 

 — . . . ✈ 』

 

Chihiro silently closed his door behind him, making his way out of their room and over to Naegi's room. He felt really bad, even if he didn't exactly know what was going on with Naegi. Before he knocked, he heard someone clear their throat behind him. He turned to find none other than the SHSL Baseball Player looking sheepish.

"Don't push too far, okay Chi?" The readhead told him, flashing a small smile. Chihiro pursed his lips.

"Do you know whats wrong?" He fidgeted with his hands, stepping away from the door. Leon shook his head.

"No clue. Just feel like me 'n Togami have something to do with it. 'Gami wont admit it, but he feels bad and wants to know. We both do," Leon looked at the clock, "I'm gonna go grab him some stuff so, good luck." Leon reached out and ruffled his hair a bit with a grin before turning and heading down the hall to get to cafeteria.

Chihiro sighed before turning back to the door. He bit his lip and let his knuckles rap against the wood, waiting around 30 seconds before an exhausted-looking Naegi opened the door. Chihiro managed a small smile.

"Can I come in?" Naegi nodded. Chihiro went in and made himself comfortable on Naegi's bed, looking at the other brunette with worry. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you—"

"It's not your fault," Naegi stopped him, sitting beside him.

"What's been going on?" Chihiro took his hand in his and rubbed, a look of concern crossing his face.

"Just... don't judge me?" Chihiro nodded. Naegi sighed, "I like Leon.. and Togami," He looked at Chihiro to judge his expression, which was just a look of understanding. "And it just sucks because I know they don't like me back."

Chihiro didn't start reassuring him, for he had no clue how the heir or baseball player felt about him, but he did offer the lucky student comfort. It's what he needed right now.

Chapter Text

"CLASS 78"

 

ryan evans: junko hasnt done anything in a while, im worried

 

sharpay evans has changed “Class 78” to “Thottie Protection Squad”.

 

ryan evans: nvm perish

 

 — . . . ✈ 』

 

"GAY RANTING"

 

Maizono Sayaka created "gay ranting".

 

Maizono Sayaka added 5 people to "gay ranting".

 

Junko Enoshima: weird combination of people

 

Maizono Sayaka changed 6 usernames.

 

all bi myself: why does this exist?

 

bibibi: the squad can now rant about their crushes w/o said crushes here

 

bibibi: now.

 

bibibi: i'm so gay. and straight.

 

lesbian jesus: you're a thot

 

bibibi: wow 

 

lesbian god: rEPORTED

 

lesbian god: FOR SLUT SHAMING

 

lesbian jesus: THOT SHAMING*

 

wild gay: or both

 

lesbian god: Thlut shaming

 

bibibi: wait i can be the thot

 

bibibi: and leon can be the slut, the naegi slut

 

mild gay: i thought he liked togami

 

lesbian jesus: he likes em both

 

wild gay: I DO NOT

 

lesbian jesus: date already jfc

 

wild gay: oh shut up

 

wild gay: you're the one pining over two girls who both like you back (for some reason) and yet you don't see it

 

bibibi: oh doesn't she liked that cosplayer from class 79

 

lesbian god: yeah and the nurse from the 77th class

 

all bi myself: we need to interact with the other classes more

 

wild gay: agreed

 

 — . . . ✈ 』

 

"THOTTIE PROTECTION SQUAD"

 

sharpay evans: BRUH, I WAS JUST CALLED A SLUT

 

lemme see that krussy: Whomst called you a slut other than us?

 

britney spears: junko, you’re a HO

 

sharpay evans: wHAT IS THIS SLANDER

 

ryan evans: Its called love

 

sharpay evans: thanks i hate it



lemme see that krussy: Get used to it ho

 

leggi my eggi: homework. i’m gonna do u all night long

 

cheerios: Thats gay

 

sharpay evans: anyways

 

sharpay evans: apparently cause i'm poly, i'm a slut

 

vroom vroom: Who called you a slut tho?

 

sharpay evans: one of the kids in another homeroom

 

Richie Rich: thats ...not how polyamorism works?



Richie Rich: I will fight them



hot topic: look even togamis getting mad

 

Richie Rich: IF U WERE A SLUT , THAT MEANS U SLEEP WITH PEOPLE OUTSIDE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

 

britney spears: you dont even have a relationship



lemme see that krussy: ^^ facts

 

Richie Rich: slut
                    /slət/
                    noun
                    DEROGATORY
                    1.
                    a woman who has many casual sexual partners.


Richie Rich: DO YOUHAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS, NO I DONT THINK YOU DO

 

sharpay evans: ONLY WITH MY FUCKING PILLOW

 

sharpay evans: NO IM JK PFFT

 

sharpay evans: NO I DONT

 

lemme see that krussy: junko has a body pillow heres the proof

 

Richie Rich: ARE YOU SEXING IT UP , JUNKO

 

Richie Rich: NO YOURE NOT

 

sharpay evans: you don't know my life

 

ryan evans: JUNKRAT WE’RE TRYNA CLEAR UR NAME STOP

 

sharpay evans: IM JKJKJKJKJKJK

 

britney spears: if u were sexing it up w multiple people, you wouldn’t be on this sad chat rn

 

sharpay evans: wow good point

 

 

sharpay evans: hit or miss ig 

 

kiwigiwi: Stfu or im out

 

Richie Rich: I regret defending you

 

cheerios: hit or miss?

 

leggi my eggi sent a video .

 

ryan evans: god no someone save me

 

 — . . . ✈ 』

 

hot topic: now an important fact

 

hot topic: togami is so gay but he’s in denial

 

kiwigiwi: hes so far into the closet, he's dining with aslan in Narnia

 

kiwigiwi: my phone wanted to correct narnia to marinara

 

leggi my eggi: hot

 

lemme see that krussy: 4 u

 

sharpay evans: date already



leggi my eggi: wait leon did you just say i make u hot that's 👀

 

lemme see that krussy: Woah look at the time gotta blast

 

cryptid: yaint goin tuh  heaven

 

lemme see that krussy: cryptid spotted

 

leggi my eggi: cryptid spotted

 

sharpay evans: cryptid spotted

 

britney spears: cryptid spotted

 

kiwigiwi: cryptid spotted

 

ryan evans: cryptid spotted

 

hot topic: cryptic spotted

 

cryptid has gone offline.

 

lemme see that krussy: f

 

sharpay evans: celeste, i'm failing algebra again

 

hot topic: JUNKO.

 

hot topic: ur grounded from everything

 

sharpay evans: MOM NO

 

leggi my eggi: i thought kirigiri would be the mom friend

 

sharpay evans: no, it's celeste

 

sharpay evans: shes like a really strict and goth mom

 

sharpay evans: togami is our dad and you can't convince me otherwise

 

cheerios: everyone agrees

 

hot topic: begone thot @lemme see that krussy

 

sharpay evans: anyways celeste nO

 

sharpay evans: MOMMY ITS NOT FAIRRRRRR

 

hot topic: leon knows i kid

 

sharpay evans: no fuck leon

 

sharpay evans: i was talking bout my grounding

 

lemme see that krussy: woah pls don't fuck me

 

britney spears: EW NO FUCKING

 

lemme see that krussy: thats kinda gay, junk

 

sharpay evans: im kinda gay leo

 

lemme see that krussy: reasonable

 

sharpay evans: but thats too gaytero

 

lemme see that krussy: U gaytero ho

 

sharpay evans: dont call me a ho

 

lemme see that krussy: sorry ho

 

sharpay evans: MOOOOOOOOM

 

hot topic: i'm so confused, how does kirumi do this

 

kiwigiwi: she told me it's an unhealthy mix of coffee and pure spite

 

hot topic: what does gaytero even m e a n

 

sharpay evans: you will never understand, you thlut

 

sharpay evans changed lemme see that krussy’s name to “thlut squad”.

 

ryan evans: I'm the main character of Kiss Him, Not Me before she turns hot



sharpay evans: imherr when she’s hot ;)

 

ryan evans: we?? look the same??

 

thlut squad: where did u come from where did u go where did u come from cotton eye joe

 

britney spears: wow

 

thlut squad: i dont know what's happening so i

 

sharpay evans: half the time, no one knows what's happening in this gc

 

kiwigiwi: welcome to the thlut squad

Chapter Text

sharpay evans: nudes

 

sharpay evans: nudes

 

sharpay evans: nudes

 

sharpay evans: wow pervs don't look at my nudes

 

kiwigiwi: for a second i thought they were actual nudes

 

ryan evans: wouldn't put it past junko

 

britney spears: my panties are gone

 

sharpay evans: I didn't steal them, I promise

 

cheerios: damn junko ur body is just 100% AMAZING

 

sharpay evans: ikr

 

thlut squad: I platonically nutted

 

cheerios: leon failed no nut november

 

ryan evans: it's january

 

thlut squad: @ junko
There’s a certain amount of respect I would love to obtain with you. But this aspect of respect is produced with levels of understanding and knowledge of each other, I would like to get to know you better in all ways in order to respect you more fuller, ways I can obtain this respect comes with the knowledge of knowing you better physically, mentally, spiritually, and in all other aspects. Shall we start with our physical aspects? Knowledge of each other physically can be accomplished in several ways, perhaps a tactic of understanding can be done in photography of our physical bodies. Perhaps we could exchange detailed photographs of us physically in order to understand each other better, in turn, to set the stage for an even deeper, solid and respectful relationship

 

britney spears: uhhh


sharpay evans: iM C A C K L I NG

 

leggi my eggi: okay idk what that was but it was oddly sensual.

 

ryan evans: o d d l y s e n s u a l

 

hot topic: togami is blushing this is great

 

thlut squad: SKSBKABSKWJE

 

sharpay evans: I SCREENSHOTTED THAT SO UR NEVER GUNNA FORGET IT



cheerios: well guys…..this gc is insane, so now it is finally an official gc

 

cryptid: i came back online and ive been mcspammed

 

sharpay evans: good, go look at my nudes and leon being weird

 

cryptid: that's the weirdest sentence i think i ever read

 

kiwigiwi: trust me it isnt

 

ryan evans: your an author. that can't be the weirdest sentence you've read or heard

 

ryan evans: i mean, i fucking said fuck me with a knife daddy before

 

britney spears: MUKURO

 

hot topic: thats kinky

 

ryan evans: you know it

 

thlut squad: junko how high are you

 

sharpay evans: over 5 feet

 

thlut squad: how much coke did you snort

 

sharpay evans: i only snort sprite

 

sharpay evans: also, i have a response to ur paragraph

 

sharpay evans: @ leo

The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

 

thlut squad: i gotchu

 

thlut squad: @ junk

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why?

 

thlut squad: shit, i reached the limit

 

sharpay evans: i have two responses to this.

 

sharpay evans: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

 

tove lo: that was ghostwritten by mukuro

 

sharpay evans: you come into MY chilis, BARBECUE SAUCE ON YOUR TITTIES, and disrespect MY valentino white bag? fuck, i can't believe you've done this. you're disrespecting a FUTURE US army soldier - i think i know more about american girl dolls than you. ive got the power of god AND anime on my side, and i am gunna say it. I don't care that you broke your road work ahead, and shut the fuck up.

 

sharpay evans: i have more if needed

 

hot topic: no

 

hot topic has muted the chat for 6 hours.

Chapter Text

"THOTTIE PROTECTION SQUAD"

 

thlut squad: GUYS HIFUMI GOT KICKED OUT OF HOPE'S PEAK

 

sharpay evans: can confirm, was there

 

hot topic removed "2d twink" from "Thottie Protection Squad".

 

cheerios: WHAT

 

britney spears: finally

 

ryan evans: what happened?

 

sharpay evans: so

 

sharpay evans: the fucking pig got caught with his hand trying to grab some girls ass. teruteru was doing it too but didn't get caught so they cant kick him out. yet.

  

kiwigiwi: who was the girl?

 

thlut squad: yeah who is it? bc i didnt hear

 

sharpay evans: i think it was mahiru :/ bc hiyoko was being held back by her whole class from punching them both

 

thlut squad: shit, im gonna go check if shes okay

 

thlut squad is offline.

 

britney spears: i hope she is okay :/ mahiru is a really sweet and passionate person

 

sharpay evans: but guys, theres more

 

leggi my eggi: ?

 

sharpay evans: he was already getting expelled but they went to his room and opened his closet and there was a shit ton of hentai

 

Richie Rich: Not surprising

 

sharpay evans: and behind that were hundreds of indecent pictures of girls from HPA that they werent aware were taken

 

ahoy: EXCUSE ME?

 

hot topic: only likes 2d characters, my ass

 

sharpay evans: the pictures were all burned and he was told to leave immediately but like

 

sharpay evans: i think a lot of them were you, celes

 

hot topic: i figured

 

ryan evans: are you okay? 

 

hot topic: im alright, really. i had a feeling when you mentioned it because he was basically like a leech, always by me. he is a shit person but the pictures are gone now and i hope to god someone hits him with a bus

 

ryan evans: brb

 

ryan evans is offline.

 

cryptid: oh shit

 

 — . . . ✈ 』

ryan evans is online.

 

ryan evans: he has been taken care of

 

hot topic: please tell me you didnt commit murder

 

britney spears: mukuro ikusaba, female protector

 

ryan evans: no murder. check the news

 

kiwigiwi: "Hifumi Yamada facing 40 years in prison.."

 

hot topic: holy shit i love you so much right now

 

ryan evans: dont just thank me, togami helped too. couldnt have done it without him

 

Richie Rich: Something happening to anyone in the class is simply less than ideal. So of course I helped where I could.

 

britney spears: byakuya togami, female protector

 

hot topic: thanks togami

 

thlut squad is online.

 

ahoy: leon!! is your sister okay?

 

thlut squad: yeah. she's a bit shaken up but she said it couldve been worse and she's just glad that he is gone now

 

thlut squad: is celeste okay?

 

hot topic: im fine, thank you

 

thlut squad: do you need anything?

 

hot topic: i dont think so

 

sharpay evans: want a hug?

 

hot topic: i wouldnt say no

 

sharpay evans: @everyone GROUP HUG IN MOMS ROOM

 

sharpay evans and 14 others are offline.

Chapter Text

"CLASS 77"

 

Chiaki Nanami created "Class 77".



Chiaki Nanami added 16 people to "Class 77".

 

Chiaki Nanami removed Teruteru Hanamura from "Class 77".

 

Chiaki Nanami: the emoji movie can be described with one word: perfection. This is one movie that changes you within the first seconds of it’s runtime, and one that will continue to change generations and cinema as we know it. It stars three wonderful main characters that show us the different sides of society, with such complex character arcs and the most shocking part of it all is that it’s a kids movie. One of the things that stood out the most to me was it’s beautiful and  groundbreaking animation style, if you are a fan of animation this is a must see because they managed to do something no one had ever done before, emojis dancing, I know it sounds insane, I couldn’t believe it myself when i was watching this film, but they did it. And don’t even get me started on the message oh boy, it teaches kids about the importance of helping others and finding who you truly are instead of trying to be something else to fit in, messages never ever seen in other movies before, and they also manage to tackle important issues of our modern society, such as emoji discrimination, a truly important problem. And finally, what I think wraps everything together and makes this the extraordinary film that it is, it’s the jokes, I spent the whole movie laughing at it’s amazing and clever comedy, with many jokes that definitely don’t feel repetitive and use things like poop, truly amazing. In conclusion, the emoji movie is one that any age demographic can watch and feel different as you leave the cinema, and I truly encourage everyone to go watch this piece of art. I rate it 100/100

 

Hajime Hinata: what

 

Mahiru Koizumi: I want to kill myself

 

Nagito Komaeda: big fuckin mood

 

Hajime Hinata: nagito

 

Nagito Komaeda changed Hajime Hinata’s username to “milknata”.

 

milknata: what

 

Nagito Komaeda changed 16 usernames.

 

all bi myselfie: kudos to you komaeda

 

all bi myselfie: i like this name

 

heelies: i thought you were in the lesbian squad mahiru :(

 

all bi myselfie: srry but everyone has looked at hinata at least one and said, “damn boi”

 

heelies: fair

 

milknata: BJBUEWDICASIN??ihjcweifrejjieefwJ?

 

trashsexual: oh my fucking god he fucking dead

 

helloooooooo nurse: iii don't kknow who tthat iis

 

HORNY: HELLO MIKAN

 

helloooooooo nurse: hhey ibukki

 

minion fucker: oh look her fucking stuttering is now in her texting

 

minion fucker:

 

minion fucker: f uck you komaeda

 

sword play: leave mikan alone hiyoko

 

fridge raider: peko sticking up for her girlfriend is my aesthetic

 

heelies: they're dating?

 

sword play: she's not my girlfriend

 

boss baby oc: they're not dating

 

boss baby oc: wHAT THE FUCK

 

wanna toucha my nuts: hAHAHAHAHAH

 

boss baby oc: SHUT UP SOUDA

 

trashsexual: i hope you all enjoy your names

 

god: would you all stop spamming

 

trashsexual: IZZY

 

god: don't call me that, you twink

 

heelies: #destroyed

 

milknata: who is that

 

heelies: oh! it's sonia

 

heelies: hi!

 

god: shut up dammit

 

 

trashsexual: no.

 

trashsexual is offline.

 

milknata: he's dead

 

tetris mothercucker: i made this for my beautiful paragraph and also to expose people soooooooooo

 

tetris mothercucker: yeet

 

tetris mothercucker changed 16 usernames.

 

unironically wrote 1D fanfiction for years: what?

 

kissing virgin: HAHAHA

 

kissing virgin: WAIT

 

kissed their brother on a dare: LEAVE ME ALONE I GOT FIVE BUCKS AND IT WAS ON THE CHEEK

 

hit a plastic reindeer and cried over it: i was emotional how dare you

 

has a photo of maki harukawa smiling: mine's not bad so like?

 

bet 6,000 dollars on nagito topping: thats adorable

 

bet 6,000 dollars on nagito topping: oh yeah

 

kissed nagito: lmaooooo

 

has a lip ring but doesnt wear it: SOMEONE'S DATING MUKURO?

 

has a mha blog on tumblr: who licked the sidewalk for 5 bucks

 

hit a plastic reindeer and cried about it: thats not enough money ew

 

drew fanart of sayaka: im not ashamed of this!!

 

drew fanart of sayaka: its owari and she's pretty!!

 

drew fanart of sayaka's username was changed to "fridge raider".

 

bet 6,000 dollars on nagito topping: wait i wanna see i bet your art is incredible

 

kissed nagito: sonia, im sure she'll show you it

 

bet 6,000 dollars on nagito topping's username was changed to "heelies".

 

heelies: im not even mad. cant believe chiaki exposed me though

 

kissed nagito changed their username to "tetris mothercucker".

 

tetris mothercucker: i deserved that

 

heelies: @has more makeup than even junko is gundham

 

tetris mothercucker changed has even more makeup than junko's username to "walgreens satan".

 

walgreens satan: curses.

 

fridge raider: i got this

 

fridge raider: nidai, i ate 67 cupcakes yesterday and im going to stop training

 

broke mahiru's camera: YOU DID WHAT?

 

tetris mothercucker changed broke mahiru's camera's username to "MEMEBIGBOY".

 

fridge raider: im surprised mahiru didnt come forward. also can i question you about kissing nagito

 

tetris mothercucker: no

 

fridge raider: aight

 

heelies: these nicknames are hard. 

 

 

hit a plastic reindeer and cried about it: @licked the sidewalk for $5 is mikan and @dared them to do it is ibuki. i was there

 

tetris mothercucker changed licked the sidewalk for $5's username to "helloooooooo nurse".

 

tetris mothercucker changed dared them to do it's username to "HORNY".

 

HORNY: then you must either be fuyuhiko or hiyoko!

 

has a lip ring but doesnt wear it: its fuyuhiko

 

tetris mothercucker changed hit a plastic reindeer and cried about it's username to "boss baby oc".

 

boss baby oc: okay damn souda

 

tetris mothercucker changed has a lip ring but doesnt wear it to "wanna toucha my nuts".

 

wanna toucha my nuts: i thought i looked bad with it on aha

 

boss baby oc: you dont. you should really put it back in more often

 

heelies: didnt know you two were that close

 

boss baby oc: @is dating mukuro is peko, she let me expose her

 

tetris mothercucker changed is dating mukuro's username to "sword play".

 

helloooooooo nurse: iim sorry bbut i wannt this to be overr the kisssing brotherr one iss mahirru

 

tetris mothercucker changed kissed their brother on a dare's username to "all bi myselfie".

 

all bi myselfie: dw mikan its fine. hiyoko is the kissing virgin

 

tetris mothercucker changed kissing virgin's username to "minion fucker".

 

has a picture of maki harukawa smiling: imposter has the mha blog. me and chiaki went through it together. im izuru

 

tetris mothercucker changed has a mha blog on tumblr's name to "ghost".

 

tetris mothercucker changed has a picture of maki harukawa smiling's username to "god".

 

all bi myselfie: these last two are hard

 

heelies: im guessing komaeda is the 1d fan?

 

unironically wrote 1D fanfiction for years: yep!

 

likes chiaki: hajime, you dont have to cover for me

 

likes chiaki: im komaeda, thats hajime lets move on

 

tetris mothercucker changed unironically wrote 1D fanfiction for years's username to "milknata".

 

tetris mothercucker changed likes chiaki's username to "trashsexual".

 

heelies: WE'RE FREEEEEE

 

heelies and 15 others are offline.

 

 — . . . ✈ 』

 

trashsexual changed “Class 77” to “hell”.

 

god: accurate

 

tetris mothercucker: gUYS SOUDA PISSED OFF MIU FROM CLASS 79 AND NOW SHE AND HIM ARE DESTROYING OUR COMMON ROOM WITH THEIR STUPID INVENTIONS

 

heelies: f cuk. omw.

 

 — . . . ✈ 』

 

trashsexual: guys ms yukizome wants to be added yay or nay

 

minion fucker: nay

 

sword play: me, mikan, and fuyuhiko say nay

 

trashsexual: chisa says fuck it

 

all bi myselfie: wh

 

trashsexual has added Chisa Yukizome to “hell”.

 

Chisa Yukizome has changed their username to “teacher runs faster”.

 

teacher runs faster: GET TO CLASS

Chapter Text

"CLASS 79"

 

Rantaro Amami created "Class 79".

 

Rantaro Amami added 15 people to "Class 79".

 

Rantaro Amami changed 16 usernames.

 

dora: guys i had a really fucked up dream last night

 

fuwwy: what about?

 

folklore coont: do explain

 

dora: so like we were in a trial room and it was just shuichi, kaito, maki, himiko, kiibo, tsumugi, and me. but like, yall acted like you couldnt see me so maybe i was a fucking ghost. idk. fun idea tho ngl. ANYWAYS all i hear is shuichi say something about kaito killing kokichi and i was like, “wtfff? kokichi is alive um”. but anyways kaito went up into this spaceship thing and he died in space from sickness or something and this freaky bear that looked like junko’s stuffed bear that gives everyone the heebie jeebies with an annoying voice got mad and the spaceship crashed to the ground and kaito’s dead right? then everything went dark and then im watching kaito go up to this weird hydraulic press. From inside you can hear, "Kaito you f u c k hELp" and "please help I'm stuck" before “IM SCARED OF THE DARK”. And kaito just goes around and gets the lever to like, open it up? theres a flood of pee and the press is just formed around a wide eyed kokichi and he’s just sitting in a dark little coffin and he yells, " FREEDOMMMM I CAN FUCKING PEE" kaito is like, "Kokichi what-" and the panta bitch shoves him and yells, "MOVE" before sprinting down the hallway. and now i question my life

 

ur the piano gay: you made a whole chat,, to say,, this

 

mommy: rantaro, what have i told you about smoking weed at school?

 

justin timberlake: KINKY

 

succi gone sicko mode: everyone in the common room, especially kokichi and kaito, are just staring at their phones in shock

 

panta baby: i

 

panta baby has muted the chat for an hour.

 

 — . . . ✈ 』

 

ur the piano gay: ok now that rantaro is done being a crackhead

 

 

dora changed "Class 79" to "kokichi: become twink".

 

ur the piano gay: nvm

 

shiro nya nya: a dbh reference? in my 2019?

 

furry: s i n n e r

 

dora: yeah im a SINNER

 

dora: S - single

 

dora: I - idiot

 

dora: N - not

 

dora: N - nutting

 

dora: E - entire

 

dora: R - raisons

 

i thought you were american: what the fuck

 

folklore coont: i would like to know, in the history of the world, when anyone has nutted raisons?

 

dora: idk but im not, as clearly stated

 

succi gone sicko mode: mom pls take his drugs away im begging you

 

mommy: amami?

 

dora: yeth?

 

mommy: g r o u n d e d

 

dora is offline.

 

panta baby: haha get cucked

 

i thought you were american removed "panta baby" from "kokichi: become twink".

 

ur the piano gay: yo imagine being kicked out of a chat thats named after you

 

ur the piano gay: f

 

dora: f

 

daddy where's my anus: f

 

jason derulo: Who are we f-ing?

 

fuwwy: kokichi got cucked

 

jason derulo: Oh

 

jason derulo: I refuse to give him an f. He tried to put me in a maid outfit.

 

justin timberlake: pics or it didnt happen

 

dora is online.

 

dora: you just want to see kiibs in a maid outfit

 

justin timberlake: i wanna see anyone in a maid outfit

 

justin timberlake: im not picky

 

folklore coont: then you enjoy seeing tojo everyday?

 

justin timberlake: abso-fuckin-lutely!

 

mommy: i

 

mommy is offline.

 

 — . . . ✈ 』

"HELP HOW DO I GAY"

 

Kirumi Tojo created "HELP HOW DO I GAY".

 

Kirumi Tojo added 4 people to "HELP HOW DO I GAY".

 

Kirumi Tojo changed 5 usernames.

 

disaster: help

 

bi baby: lmaooooooooo

 

gaynado: what'd i miss what'd i miss

 

lesbicon: DID YOU JUST

 

bi baby: kokichi, miu just said she liked seeing tojo everyday bc shes in a maid outfit. tenko, focus. we gotta help our mama

 

disaster: ty kaede <3

 

bi baby: yw mom <3

 

ace of hearts: i see why kaede, ouma, and tenko are here

 

ace of hearts: but why me?

 

disaster: even though you wont confront your own crush, you give great advice

 

bi baby: who's her crush?

 

ace queen: oh thanks mom

 

lesbicon: how do you have a crush if you're ace, maki?

 

ace queen: i'm asexual, not aromantic

 

lesbicon: there's a difference?

 

ace queen: asexual means someone who has no sexual feelings or desires, aromantic means someone who feels no romantic feelings or desires

 

lesbicon: oh okay!

 

bi baby: who's your crush?

 

disaster: anyways how am i going to deal with this im so gay for her its not even funny

 

gaynado: tmw when mom doesnt sound like mom cause she got taken over by the gay

 

disaster: happens more than you think

 

 

bi baby: ur all ignoring my question

 

disaster and 3 others are offline.

 

bi baby: what the fuck

 

 — . . . ✈ 』

"DIRECT MESSAGES: tiny son & mother mother"

 

tiny son: mom i need to talk to u abt something :/

 

mother mother: what is it, kokichi?

 

tiny son: im homoflexible

 

mother mother: oh, im sorry. did i upset you with youre username in the chat?

 

tiny son: no, i loved it dw!

 

tiny son: im just

 

tiny son: i have a girlfriend

 

mother mother: why do you seem so nervous

 

tiny son: its miu, mom

 

mother mother: oh

 

mother mother: im sorry i didnt know

 

tiny son: dont be, we didnt tell anyone 

 

mother mother: still

 

tiny son: i dont mind you liking her though

 

tiny son: just dont know if she's poly

 

mother mother: no worries, i will step back. i apologize for messing with your relationship

 

tiny son: mom thats not what i meant!

 

Direct Message has been deleted.

 — . . . ✈ 』

"KOKICHI: BECOME TWINK"

 

justin timberlake added panta baby to "kokichi: become twink".

 

justin timberlake is offline.

 

 

Chapter Text

Principal Monokuma created “Gay Peak”.

 

Principal Monokuma has added “Thottie Protection Squad”, “hell”, “kokichi: become twink”, and Komaru Naegi to “Gay Peak”.

 

Principal Monokuma: junko told me to creat a chat with all the classes so lol here it is k bye

 

Principal Monokuma has given admin rights to Junko, Kirumi, and Chisa.

 

Principal Monokuma has left “Gay Peak”.

 

Junko removed "Chisa" from "Gay Peak".

 

Fuyuhiko: oh fuck no

 

Junko has locked the chat.

 

Amami: dude! i cant leave!

 

Hinata: we are doomed

 

Kaede: wow

 

 — . . . ✈ 』

 

Chiaki: yo guys we should all get together and play board games or something

 

Kaede: 79th class says yes, we just don't want to all clog up this chat

 

Celestia: everyone besides Togami is in

 

Togami: Because it's such a bad idea

 

Junko: shut up loser

 

Chiaki: dw junko, he just knows i'll beat him so he doesn't want to even try

 

Togami: Hah! That's what you think

 

Chiaki: then show up here like a man and play uno with me

 

Togami: Loser owns the other for a week

 

Leon: that's kinky

 

Togami: shut it.

 

Chiaki: deal

 

Chiaki and Togami have gone offline.

 

Kokichi: 10 bucks on Nanami

 

Miu: ha! 50 on Togami! She specializes in video games, not board games and card games.

 

Korekiyo: if it was celestia, i'd go with her but…. i'll be safe. 5 on togami

 

Komaeda: you all have no hope for nanami and it is very discouraging! 200 on my gamer waifu

 

Peko: holy shit komaeda

 

Kirumi: That is unwise

 

Hiyoko: i wanna watch the trash fail

 

Junko: this will be amazing

 

 — . . . ✈ 』

 

Togami: i

 

Kokichi: miu! kork! pay up!

 

Sayaka: h ow

 

Miu: shitty little twink. goddammit

 

Korekiyo: i'm giving the money straight to chiaki, since i don't trust you to actually give it to her. miu, i advise you to do the same

 

Miu: whatever. at least i didn't put 200 bucks on the line

 

Hoshi: isn't this japan

 

Tsumugi: shhhh

 

Mahiru: komaeda must've known chiaki would win. or he used his bullshit powers or something

 

Togami: f uck you komaeda

 

Komaeda: owo

 

Chiaki: i own togami for a week. this is the best day of my life

 

Togami: Oh no

 

Chiaki: we start tomorrow

 

Souda: dude, run! she already has plans

 

Togami has gone offline.

Chapter Text

 

"THOTTIE PROTECTION SQUAD"

 

leggi my eggi: guys i got big news

 

thlut squad: wat

 

leggi my eggi: the principal notified me that a filmmaking company wants our class as actors for this new show theyre writing

 

cryptid: whats it about?

 

thlut squd: cryptid spotted

 

cryptid: shut up

 

leggi my eggi: i havent found that out yet but the company, Future Foundation, says its a mystery thing

 

ahoy: weird name but ok

 

britney spears: that name strikes fear for some reason

 

cheerios: can we not talk about this its creeping me out

 

hot topic: same

 

Richie Rich: It’s for the best.

 

sharpay evans: lets talk about togami dying by the hands of chiaki

 

kiwigiwi: n o d e a t h

 — . . . ✈ 』

thlut squad: kazuichi souda aka ultimate car fucker

 

ryan evans: lean stop

 

leggi my eggi: lean?

 

sharpay evans: lean cockwater aka ultimate balls

 

britney spears: aka ultimate baseball bat fucker

 

sharpay evans: THIS REMINDS ME OF THE TIME TOKO WENT FERAL AND WROTE SOME FANDOM ASS AND FUCKED UP FANFICS. IN ONE LEON FUCKED A BASEBALL BAT

 

thlut squad: ex cuse me

 

ahoy: proof or it didnt happen

 

sharpay evans: sin

 

leggi my eggi: any others?

 

cryptid: NO

 

cryptid has muted the chat for 12 hours.

 — . . . ✈ 』

britney spears: IM DRUNK

 

Richie Rich: you better fucking not be

 

thlut squad: daddy togami strikes again

 

ahoy: s t o p

 

britney spears: DRUNK ON RESPECT WOMEN JUICE

 

britney spears: ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS

 

hot topic: if she breathes, she's a THOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT

 

ahoy: someone please save us

 

thlut squad: no one can save us.

 — . . . ✈ 』

 

"DIRECT MESSAGES: churro & yam"

 

churro: i think im ready to tell my class

 

yam: you dont have to, just because i told mine

 

churro: i want to

 

churro: wish me luck! <3

 

yam: good luck, kuro <3

 

churro and yam are offline.

 

 — . . . ✈ 』

"THOTTIE PROTECTION SQUAD"

 

ryan evans: guys, can i tell you something?

 

thlut squad: mukuro its 2am

 

thlut squad: but ofc

 

britney spears: yeah!

 

ryan evans: i know not many people are on but they'll see it in the morning

 

ryan evans: im dating peko

 

britney spears: TOKO OWES ME 10 BUCKS HELL YEAH BOIIIII

 

thlut squad: congrats! how long?

 

ryan evans: a few weeks, i was just kinda scared to mention it

 

ahoy: idk why not, we're happy for you!

 

Richie Rich: if she hurts you, we're having problems

 

ryan evans: okay dad

 

hot topic: get to sleep

 

hot topic: congrats muku

 

ryan evans: ty lestie, gn everyone

 

ryan evans and 6 others are offline.

Chapter Text

loser club please come home u dont understand how wack it is with you not saying stuff and being a loser in the server i will sell my soul

Chapter Text

"THOTTIE PROTECTION SQUAD"

 

thlut squad: our dearest möther cannot cook for SHIT


hot topic: shut up, twink

 

leggi my eggi: i can't cook either so i'd eat anything tbh

 

cryptid: I can cook one thing pretty decent. The rest is just kinda sad attempts at food.

 

leggi my eggi: aa

 

leggi my eggi: i can make eggs

 

leggi my eggi: but even then they turn out burnt

 

crytpid: You can burn eggs?

 

Richie Rich: That’s an f kid

 

Richie Rich: Welcome to cooking w dad!! Who wants steak and broccoli

 

britney spears: dad n o

 

thlut squad: did he just meme

 

leggi my eggi: :o

 

leggi my eggi: i only eat gourmet food such as H20

 

cheerios: very fancy

 

Richie Rich: ah yes, a recipe even gordan ramsay cant perfect

 

thlut squad: I can make brownies

 

leggi my eggi: :O

 

thlut squad: but i also burnt water once

 

leggi my eggi: oml sounds like something i would do

 

Richie Rich: You

 

Richie Rich: Burned water...

 

hot topic: im back and the kitchen didnt get THAT burnt

 

cheerios: Welcome back mom

 

leggi my eggi: H e l l o

 

Richie Rich: b u r n t ????

 

britney spears: f for dad

 

leggi my eggi: Whom is the dad

 

leggi my eggi: Ah wait

 

hot topic: f for togami

 

Richie Rich: not very cash money of u

 

britney spears: DAD s t o p

 

leggi my eggi: I got an f because I admitted to burning eggs

 

sharpay evans: lmaooooo you burned urself

 

cryptid: I get an f for existing

 

sharpay evans: edgy

 

hot topic: roast yourself challenge: naegi edition

 

leggi my eggi: I got such a bad grade they didn’t even bother giving me a low grade

 

sharpay evan changed 2 usernames.

 

a literal fucking egg: gdi

 

sugar daddy: gdi

 

『 — . . . ✈ 』

"GAY PEAK"

 

Junko: souda = the baseball bat up leon's ass??? confirmed???? discuss.

 

Rantaro: hey op it’s 4am WTF

 

Souda: …..

 

Souda: Who do you think put it there

 

Chiaki: Probably Toko

 

Chiaki: Or Hifumi

 

Celestia: togami or naegi

 

Celestia: wouldnt be surprised if it was junko actually

 

Souda: IT WAS ME

 

Maizono: Kazuichi = sexier leon

 

Chiaki: That's

 

Chiaki: An interesting perspective

 

Naegi: i-

 

Naegi: ok

 

Togami: ok boomer

 

Maizono: legit who taught him memes istg

 

Toko: Why would I put a baseball bat up Leon's ass?

 

Hagakure: for science

 

Chaiki: To see what happens

 

Naegi: y e s

 

Toko: You got me there.

 

Toko: science makes you do weird things

 

Chiaki: Truly

 

Chiaki: Or disturbing, depending on what you're trying to do

 

『 — . . . ✈ 』

 

(( this chapter features:       ))

(( aka firetruck mom(me), ultimate car fucker(souda), a literal fucking egg(naegi),

sugar daddy(togami), gamer gorl(chiaki), and no manga in my lobby(toko) ))

Chapter Text

tps is going on a hiatus

dont shoot me pls

i'll try to get a few chapters out before we go BUT i make zero promises

also! you may be asking,

"percy/mother, you dumbass, why are you doing this?"

because, my dear readers/children

i am actually attempting actual fanfic stuff

and im not allowed to procrastinate

( btw i will be starting a danganronpa bnha au very soon

and ive already posted the first fankid kg chapter

so if ur interested ;) )

anyways ty for sticking around and this is not

the end of the thotties, i just need time and inspo

ty ily

- ur least fav author

PS - tysm for 500+ kudos and 12000+ views

i never thought tps would get this far

and it's all thanks to you guys <3