Jude opened her mouth to gasp for air, but when she did, Cardan covered it with his own, moaning directly into her mouth. Not a kiss, not even the touching of lips, but so much worse.
She hated this. Couldn’t stand it. Of course fucking Cardan was what she wanted, but not like this. Jude wished to be the one making him beg. Making him give up every secret he kept locked up.
But he didn’t. And the moment he pressed her back to the wall, Jude knew she was hopeless.
So she decided to hurt them both instead.
Cardan ripped open her loose shirt, grabbing for her breasts with hunger. His teeth bit into her neck and she decided to strike.
“Is this,” a moan, “how you kissed Nicasia too?”
Cardan paused, taken aback. His gaze met hers, blazing, and he pushed her off the wall and into bed. As she bounced on it, Jude asked, “Before she scorned you, did her tongue taste sweet?”
Hatred filled his eyes. Like a madman, he opened her pants and snatched them off. “Her kisses were more practiced. As were her hands on my cock.” Not bothering with the underwear she had on, Cardan tore it. “She knew exactly how to twist her wrists.”
Jude turned away. Her heart broke at the words, hating how he did not fall for her trap. She wanted Cardan to hate her, to be disgusted and hurt, and pull away. But he didn’t. Couldn’t. She kept trying.
“Well I’m sorry for my lack of experience.” She snarled. “Don’t worry, any day now I can find myself a mortal stranger who will teach me how to fuck good and proper. With my mouth and with my hands and with my entire body—”
“Stop,” Cardan ordered. His hands reached for his back, releasing him of the white blouse. His trousers came next. How could he possibly still want to be with her? Was he not hearing what she was saying?
Even though it tore her chest apart, Jude continued. “Maybe I should’ve let Locke between my legs when I had the chance. I bet he could make me see stars.” Push me away, push me away, push me away, she thought.
“Stop,” he said again, this time pleading. He kissed her, hard. Half hatred and half desperation. For what? He would not say. Jude wanted to cry. She kissed him back just as intensely, gripping his hair, sobbing. Her hand reached down, feeling for his length. As soon as she touched him, Cardan breathed sharply. His eyes were mere inches from hers, and they were full of fear.
Jude started maneuvering her hand over him, spirit cleaved in half. She wasn’t Nicasia, or any of his previous lovers. He was probably thinking of them right now, comparing.
Surprisingly, he shut his eyes roughly, and aggressively pushed her hand away, like it hurt. “No.”
Jude was shocked for a moment, not sure what to do or think. She didn’t have to, though, since Cardan lost no time. After smacking her hand away he spread her thighs, whimpering as he guided himself in, thrusting.
She gasped. It didn’t hurt, where they joined. Just felt different. She remembered, from the first time which was also with him.
He did not move for a time, face buried in her neck, refusing to look at her. Controlling his breathing. Then, finally, still not meeting her gaze he pulled out and pushed back in. Out and in. His pace was normal, his thrusts shallow. With her, then without her, complete, then not.
Jude had to catch her breath, washed with pleasure. It has never been anything but pleasure with him, in a masochistic way. Yet she was still angry. She bared her teeth like an animal.
“How many people have you fucked like this? How many before me?”
He growled. His hands left her hips and traveled to the back of her neck, thumbs at her jaw as if to choke her. Then his pace increased.
Jude was ready to shout. She gripped his arms with her hands, holding on for dear life. After a few seconds of adjusting to the feeling, she could not stop herself from hurting again. “Did you enjoy plunging inside them again and again, as you do with me? Did they scream for you?” Her words came out as rasps.
Cardan didn’t pause, only met his eyes to hers. “Not as loud as you will.”
“I will never—” but she was cut off by his thumb working at the apex of her thighs, circling down so hard it nearly pained her. It brought tears to her eyes, both pleasure and self-hatred, at his expert hands, at her stupid heart and body for loving him. She bit down on her lips to keep all noises within.
He noticed. Stopping for a moment, he reached behind both her knees and angled them higher, so most of her legs pressed against his stomach. With a strength she never knew he had, Cardan pushed her hard onto the mattress and resumed. A loud intake of air escaped her, accompanied by the sound of his skin on hers.
He proved his point. “Guess fucking all those girls taught me a thing or two,” he said while fully meeting her eye. “Since I am so good at getting fae on all fours.” His voice was unkind. His frown was unkind. Yet there was undeniable sadness in his own black eyes.
Jude showed him her teeth again. “I hate you.”
He fucked her harder. His bed was moving. He probably would not care if it broke. She clawed down on his arms, wishing to draw blood.
“Open,” Cardan ordered her, “open your legs.” His right hand was putting pressure on her thigh, willing her to spread wider.
Too lost in the incredible feel of him inside her, she ignored him for a moment. Jude didn’t know why she only loved her body when she was fighting and when she was fucking Cardan. She let out a moan, then did as he asked.
He had learned some things, she realized. By opening her legs wider, the feel of him was deeper, reaching farther. Cardan let out the most guttural groan she had ever heard, his eyes closing.
“Fuck,” Jude shouted. It only prompted him to keep going.
She began shaking. First at her feet, then it spread all over her body until even her teeth clattered a bit. The feeling was too much, too strong. It scared her, and by instinct she clutched her thighs back closed, interrupting Cardan’s pace.
“Open,” he said again, loudly.
Jude was afraid. Afraid of that shattering feeling but she obeyed. Jude widened her legs and Cardan continued to fuck her deep. His tail wrapped around one of her thighs to keep it in place, to press it against the bed and let him inside her entirely.
She was being torn apart. The angle, the heat of his skin over hers, the pleading in his eyes. It’s not that she wanted to stop. In fact, she never wanted this to end. That sensation, it’s one she never had before, and Jude wasn’t entirely sure what it was. And Cardan, he wouldn’t look at her. Instead, he was transfixed down below, watching their joining. He could see every time their bodies met and separated. She started to sob in time with his thrusts, teeth clattering, and her thighs met again.
He looked up at her, eyes lined with silver. “Please,” he whimpered. “Please, open for me Jude, open.”
Without thinking, before she could hold herself back, she whispered into his mouth, “It’s too good.” A shake of her head. “It feels too good.”
Cardan’s full body froze. He never climbed off her. Only peered into her face, trying to read what was there.
He surrendered. “My love,” he confessed, “let me in.”
She decided to surrender too.
Again, she relaxed. Again, he plunged inside her body.
This time he did not hold back. His hands, carefully clutching the back of her neck, pulled her to him with each movement, leaving Jude gasping for air at the same rhythm of their bodies. Cardan’s face hovered just above hers, watching, nothing human about him. He was also gasping, as loud as she. Every thrust brought him nearly out of her, every push filled her to the hilt. Her gasping stopped, her mouth only open in a face of petrified shock. No sound, not even breath coming out of her. Jude’s eyes were fixed on his, unmoving. No part of her was moving on her own, only the movement of him fucking her and the shaking of her hands and feet. Then, before he lost himself, he said, “Only you. It’s only you, Jude. All I ever wanted. Just you.”
Somewhere in the middle of this Jude had started to scream.
His thrusts were heavenly. One second, only the tip was inside. The next, she could feel him somewhere in her belly. This is surely how people die.
One last time, he begged mere inches from her face. “Open.”
She did, and was overwhelmed onto the brink of pleasure. A single, loud, heart-stopping scream escaped her and then silence. That petrification again, eyes screwed shut, the open mouth, her shaking hands. If she could see Cardan amidst the fog of her pleasure, he was probably no better off. His entire weight fell on her, crushing her into the bed. Noises were coming from him. If she were to mishear him, she’d think he was crying. But he was only catching his breath.
Neither moved for a long time. When they did, it was Cardan, leaving his place at her chest and coming up to her. There was so much sadness as he spoke. “They all mean nothing compared to you.”
Jude didn’t want to cry more than she already had. The only thing she wanted was for him to say the truth, if only once. And he had, only after she hurt him a thousand times. “I wish I didn’t have to fight you for you to say how you feel about me.” She refused to let her eyes grow wet again.
Cardan tried to hold back his grief, but it showed. “I’m sorry.”
“Will you say it again?”
“Will it makes things better?”
Her fingers grazed his cheek. “So much.”
Cardan never broke their gaze. “My love. My queen.” He lovingly kissed the hand that caressed him., smiling a little.
Inside both of them, a little something began to heal.