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When Past Meets Fate

Chapter Text

 

“It’s alright, you’re getting better. Give yourself some time”

 

”just let me go!.. What the fuck are you doing, No!”

 

”you think anyone noticed you’re not around? Nobody did, and no one will, you could rot here! piece of shit”

 

Takanori woke up in his new apartment, disturbed with a slight heartache at the memories that became a routine to wake up to ever since his mind captured reality again.

Lazily and lifelessly he had breakfast and changed to go to work, the job that he was given out of sympathy he thought, to meet with people he doesn’t wanna see, fake lots of smiles in the process of moving on and force himself to interact.

 

It’s not like he had many other choices anyway.

Chapter Text



“Morning! So you’re the new waiter right?” Said the shift manager patting Takanori’s shoulder welcomingly with a smile
Takanori nodded with a confused smile. Although that wasn’t his first job, he still had issues interacting with people but he could tell how much he improved, at least he doesn't leave a bad impression anymore.

“Let me introduce myself first and then introduce you to your workmates. I’m Eiji, your manager, unless you get your shift changed” he said shrugging then leaded Takanori to meet the rest of his workmates while he mumbled a ‘nice to meet you’

“Attention everyone!” He yelled when he entered the kitchen with his arm still hanging around Takanori’s shoulder and Takanori held his breath as he was stared at by few people who now are supposed to be his workmates.


“This is the new waiter, Takanori Matsumoto. treat him well!” He said patting Takanori’s shoulder once more before he bowed with a ‘nice to meet you’, receiving the same from them across the room

He then left him and got back to work, so he headed to the changing room of the restaurant and put on the uniform he was given and when he walked out he was met by a grin on a face he didn’t recognize.

“So, do you know how things work here? Did he talk to you about what to do?” That person said, walking next to Takanori who stopped to take in the question.

“Uhm.. no, not really”

“I expected so” he said with a chuckle.

“I’m Akira, I work in the kitchen, I’m a cook. I’ve been working here for a long while, can’t help it, my uncle’s the owner. My career is dead locked here in that restaurant” he said laughing. Takanori smiled at the atmosphere that person was creating around him, making things go easy on him already.

“Nice to meet you...um, It’s not bad to work with your uncle or at a restaurant, unless you don’t feel like you belong to it” Takanori said, trying to start a conversation which kinda worked.

“Aah I don’t know, i feel home here” Akira said with a sigh.

“Then you have nothing to regret then”

“Yeah, i guess” He said and after a few moments of silence he spoke again, telling Takanori exactly what to do.

“Hello, Takanori” he heard a soft voice speaking beside them so he lifted his head up just as Akira did to find a girl around his age smiling at him.

“Oh, hello” he nodded politely in a welcoming manner with a light smile.

“This is Mei” Akira said pointing both of his hands at her as if he were introducing a new product.

“I can introduce myself you know” she said slapping away his hand jokingly with a blank expression then returned back the smile on her face when Takanori chuckled at their act.

“Nice to meet you, hope that moron didn’t get on your nerves already” she said ignoring Akira’s protesting expressions, pointing her head towards him.

“Oh no, not at all” he said laughing and waving his hands in front of him.

“Great, excuse me then” she said and turned on her heels to go continue her work ignoring Akira who’s still frowning.

Takanori couldn’t wipe away his smile, watching these two which caused Akira’s frown to be replaced with a smile followed by a giggle.

..

Takanori walked into his apartment, took off his shoes and rested his back against the door, sighing.

His first day at work did go well but he still felt drained.

He headed to the kitchen to get some leftovers heated for dinner while he changed his clothes. He turned on TV and ate his dinner lonely but peacefully.

The 23 years old young man had no relatives, no friends, and also no family. He did have an uncle but he doesn't consider him or his kids family anymore, not that he did anyway. He wasn’t always an orphan, but life has took a big step in stripping off everyone he once loved from around him mercilessly and all at once.

He lazily stood and headed to his room praying to have some peaceful sleep before he’s back to work tomorrow morning.

“You know that you’re worth it all, you know how much i love you, My dear”

Takanori’s eyes fluttered open to the memory of his mother that popped into his sleepy mind, he was tiredly getting himself ready to leave the bed but he froze as he realized how dark the room was and that it was a few hours past midnight and not the morning yet.

He smirked sadly to the thought of him wishing for a good sleep, he should’ve known better.

He curled into a ball hugging himself trying to shake off his memories, he didn’t want any of them, not the good and not also the bad. He just wanted to sleep peacefully.

He couldn’t help the tears forming at the corners of his eyes and sliding down over his nose and down to his ears, he was afraid to look around, he was so lonely, he’d forgotten how it felt like to be close to someone, to hug someone, to be accepted by someone. It’s been years since he felt any of that.

Small sobs began to escape his mouth as he let more tears wet the rest of his face, he was too drained to stop the huge waves of memories that shattered down his walls and cut mercilessly through his heart with a dead blade, all he could do now is cry silently, wish for the night to be over with good or no sleep, he just wanted it to end so that his demons could leave his sides and let his mind out of that black cave called night.

The sound of his alarm going off mixed with some calls and sentences ringing in his head from the deepest part of his memories woke him up. It took him a few minutes to grasp what he’s supposed to do, where he is, and what time it was.

He stretched his body before stepping on the ground to head over to the bathroom.

“Today’s your second day, please don’t screw up” he murmured to himself while putting on his sweatshirt

He left without having breakfast, he was too lazy to make one and he ate the leftovers yesterday night so he just headed to work, it wasn’t like his appetite was anywhere to be found anyway.


“Morning!” Akira’s greeting warmed him as he stepped inside the kitchen after changing to his uniform.

“Morning” he replied back with less excitement but with a smile.

“Hey i skip a day due to some flue and get back to find a new member!” A voice said from behind that wasn’t familiar but Akira’s laugh assured him that it was okay

“Hey there!” He was hit on the shoulder from behind as a welcoming gesture which caused him a flinch

“Hey have some manners! He’s not your childhood friend” Akira scolded jokingly with a frown taking the guy’s arm off Takanori

“Oh, hey.. um it’s okay” Takanori spoke with a low tone and a smile

He didn’t receive any bad vibes until now from anyone around here so he was fine, he just needed to cope. It also felt like they all were family and he’s an intruder so he had to accept their atmosphere, specially that it wasn’t effecting him in a bad way, it actually was welcoming.

“I’m Kagemori, or Mori, I prefer that.” He said holding his hand up to shake Takanori’s hand, he didn’t sound so formal which confused but didn’t surprise Takanori, he should’ve known from his welcoming gesture that he’s so not formal, but until now it didn’t get on Takanori’s nerves, he was fine.

Takanori shook his hand politely with a smile

“I’m Takanori Matsumoto”

“Don’t tell me, you also like to be called Nori?” Mori burst out in laughter which gave Takanori some weird vibes.

“Um.. no, I don’t have a nickname” he said with an embarrassed chuckle.

“What, are you kidding? What about your mom she doesn’t call you something, or are you just too shy to share it” Mori said, laughing lightly elbowing Takanori in his right side which made him move a bit to the side.

His face fell and he felt his stomach flip at the mention and a lump formed in his throat. He swallowed thickly and was about to excuse himself before Akira interfered.

“Kage, cut it out and get back to work!” He said turning him to the other side and giving him a slight push.

“Don’t call me that!” He whined before heading to the changing room.

“Nice to meet you, Takanori” he said before closing the door.

“Oh hey, don’t mind him, he could be hard to handle but believe me he’s not a bad person” Akira said hurrying in his steps to catch up with Takanori who was heading out to welcome customers and take their orders.

“Ah, it’s alright” he said shortly and he could tell that Akira noticed his mood swing and he cursed himself in his mind and then left the kitchen area to start working.

‘Control your fucking mood, it’s normal! Nobody knows about your sorrow, just stop it’ he said to himself heading to the table he was told to go serve.

“You really don’t know when to shut up do you?!” Akira said slapping the back of kagemori’s head in a scolding manner.

“What did i do?!” He said and Akira facepalmed in disappointment
“Just don’t treat the guy like you were raised together, you just met him, you don’t know if he’s okay with this kind of interacting”

“And I don’t mean to treat him like shit either, just be polite and don’t say whatever that jumps in your mind, got it?” He said and Kagemori nodded.

“You mean i should apologize?” He said tilting his head to the side while serving some noodles in a bowl.

“No, don’t bring it up I guess.. Just know what to do.. Or you should, I really don’t know”

He said and received a confused look from his friend standing next to him.

“Okay if you find him upset then you should apologize?”

“Alright”

“He seems to be a good guy, I don’t think he’ll just hate you” Akira said and moved to the side to put on some spices on the chicken he almost burned.

“Good work everyone, time to go home” the manager said and everyone mumbled a ‘good work’ and finished what they got in hand before heading to the changing room.

“Takanori!” A call rang from behind after he left the changing room and was heading to the door to leave the restaurant.

“Oh, hey” he said smiling at Akira who was panting from jogging after him.

“Why leaving so fast, we were gonna go have dinner together, don’t you wanna join?”

Takanori felt happy to be invited but also anxious if he should really go or just decline politely.

“Do you have any plans? It’s just dinner, c’mon”

“Uhm.. i don’t know-“

“It’s just me, Mei and Mori”

“I’m not really sure, guess i should go home, I’m a bit tired, didn’t have a good sleep last night”

“Oh” he watched Akira’s face fall.

“I’m sorry, maybe next time” Takanori said with a smile so Akira nodded at him, returning him a kind smile.

“Lets go!” Mori said from behind rounding Akira’s shoulder with his arm and looking at Takanori in excitement.

“I’m sorry, i’m not coming. Maybe i’ll follow next time” Takanori declined again with a polite smile and watched Mori’s expression change.

“Oh hey, are you upset about my act this morning? I’m sorry i-“

“No, no, not at all, I’m just tired, I need some sleep” Takanori said cutting the other’s speech as if he could believe that he can really escape his overthinking and have some peaceful sleep.

“Okay, see you tomorrow then” Mori said, waving his hand at Takanori who waved back for both of them and turned around to leave.
With a sigh he put his keys and bag down and took a seat, thinking that he now has to cook and thought that maybe he should’ve went along but eventually he put some rice in the machine and started cooking some chicken with vegetables.

“Shit!” He yelled out when he got the side of his hand burned from the frying pan and he panted in panic as the heat sent waves of pain and he shuddered holding his hand close to him as he rested on the floor trying to calm his breathing and stop the shivering.

He tried to wash away the ghosts that started popping up in his mind, holding his hand against his stomach and swallowing repeatedly to push down the lump in his throat.

He fears heat, he hates fire. He thought he overcame it by time but every time something happen he falls into one of his old panic attacks that thankfully now aren't as bad as it used to be a year ago but unfortunately still exists.

After a few minutes he managed to stand up again, turned the stove off and went to the bathroom to treat his slightly burned hand then went back to the kitchen to serve himself his meal, sat down and put on a movie to watch.


“Please, let me go! I can’t breath!”


“You’re worth nothing! My brother and his wife have always been burdened with you.. and now it’s my turn! Just go die already!”

“Let me go! Let me go!.. let me go!”


A loud knock on the door woke him and pulled him out of the darkest and deepest hole in his mind, his memories. It took him a minute to realize what’s going on and to recall what happened but he didn’t remember falling asleep on the couch. He jumped off the couch and hurried to the front door and opened with confusion on his face, specially that he wasn’t expecting anyone.

“Mr. Takanori Matsumoto?” He froze to the sight of a cop at his doorstep and nodded

“Yes?”

Chapter Text

 


“I’m here to report about your safety after you moved from where you were living. And also to mark your new place out in our records.” Said the cop in a formal tone and Takanori exhaled in relief. It’s not like he has something to hide or to be afraid of, it was just like seeing a living part of his past which caused his heart to shrink.

“Yeah, sure. Come in”

“So, you moved here two months ago right?”

“Yes” Takanori said sitting down the glass of water he brought to the cop.

“How’s your new job? I believe Mr Katsuji led you to it?”

“Right, he called me and told me about it, just started yesterday.”

“Okay great, have you received any kind of threat or felt a kind of weird behaviour from someone around you?”

“No... I thought the case was... dropped?”

“It wasn’t, you’re still alive, the criminal too but we can’t reach him yet unless we find out they’re dead and... then It’s closed, but as long as the threat is still on, the case is open unless you want it over?”

“No!... I mean, no surely not”

“Alright then”

After 15 minutes the cop left and Takanori was alone again but this time he was left with a huge wave as big as a tsunami of flashbacks that tore him to pieces. He wished he could get back to sleep but then he realized that he’s not safe from his own mind not even during his sleep. Night fell and he felt trapped in his apartment so he put on a jacket and his sneakers, took his phone and keys and left, not knowing where to and not knowing what for. He just headed to the wide noisy streets of the place he barely knows and let his legs lead the way to wherever he reaches.

“Did you make any contact with any family member recently?”

'Yeah, a lot in my head...'

His mind kept recalling the conversation and he couldn’t help but frown.

'Family. That’s bullshit'

He remembered when he was young, and felt odd whenever he heard about someone who’s totally alone, he thought it was impossible. He also couldn’t believe that people could have sorrow in their hearts at an early age. He should’ve known better.

He noticed himself going further than he was supposed to go as he found himself in a calm narrow street and remembered that the danger was still on and his heart shrank, recalling the memory of that day four years ago. He turned around and jogged back in his tracks with a hammering heart he refused to look around.

“Takanori” he heard from a person he just passed by and he froze in fear, panting for a moment before he raised his head to looked at the familiar voice with panic written all over his face.

“A-Akira?”

“Takanori, what are you doing here?”

“I... I was...”

“Hey, are you alright? What’s the matter you’re so pale... is everything okay?”

“I-I’m fine.. what are you doing here?”

“I live in that house... I was just returning home” Akira said pointing somewhere Takanori didn’t care to check.

“Oh, alright I guess I’m leaving then” Takanori said and was about to walk away before he stopped again.

“Hey, are you feeling well? Did something happen?” Takanori didn’t know why did he care, they’re not even friends but he also tried to calm his anxiety.

“I-I’m... I was just leaving, s-see you tomorrow” he said and hurried away before he heard his response.

He locked his apartment’s door behind him and breathed heavily, maybe it wasn’t a great idea in the first place.


'He must be thinking how an asshole I am, why do I have to act so weird. He could never have anything to do with me, he’s kind, he was just trying to help and I shut him out rudely!'


"Damn" he murmured, looking at himself in the mirror.

'I surely don’t look fine'

He looked at his bed sadly, oh how he wishes he can sleep but at the same time, he knows what he’s gonna suffer if he tries, but also he’s had enough of today and wanted it to end so he had no other choice but to give in, sink in the sheets and in a bottomless ocean of dreams and unwanted memories.


“You know you were gonna have to pay for what you did, don’t you?”

“What did I do? Let me out!”

“I’m not sure anyone is bothered to find you, guess you’ll never leave”

Takanori’s woke up with burning eyes that flooded with tears right after they opened, an aching heart and a non-swallowable lump that choked him.

He sat up letting out sobs in hopes it might push down the lump and give him a gab to breathe in but he couldn’t stop sobbing once he started, he cried for a few minutes before his mind captured his setting, he wiped his face and sat in silent for a couple of minutes staring into nothing.

Dreams make things look and feel so real, and in his case it couldn’t help but scratch open his old wounds, no matter how hard something hurts, by time you forget the feeling but you remember the impression it left on you, but to be in it again, live it again, feel it again... It was a torture. He wishes for oblivion to hit him, he has nothing in his memories to care about, he wished if he just could erase it all and start new.


With a heavy movement, he headed to the bathroom, too drained already to start the day. He made himself a plain breakfast forced himself to eat after changing his clothes then he left. His swollen eyes blinked a few times when it faced the sun and fresh air he managed to shut his mind down until he reached the restaurant.

“M-morning” he heard someone clear his throat next to him and say with a low voice, not an upset tone but a worried one. He looked up to find Akira so he smiled at him with a ‘good morning’ and continued putting on his shoes.

A silent moment passed awkwardly while they both were getting themselves ready.

“Listen... I’m sor-“

They both spoke the same words at the very same moment so both couldn’t help but giggle.

“I’m sorry... for acting weirdly last night, i-“ Takanori said but was cut off with Akira waving his hands in front of him.

“No, no it’s okay, I was pushy and you didn’t expect to see me... I’m sorry I just got worried, you looked like you were running from something I couldn’t help but ask if you were alright... or if I could help, especially that my house was nearby”

“T-thank you... I understand. My mind was out of it then, I just didn’t grasp what was happening, no need to apologize... I should actually thank you” Takanri said, looking down.

“No, it’s alright” Akira said with a smile.

“Akira!” They heard from the kitchen and Akira looked at his watch and his eyes widened.

“I need to go, see you in the lunch break!” He said hurrying out of the room and Takanori nodded even if he knew that he didn’t see him.

He felt relieved, that he made things kinda clearer and also that Akira didn’t think that he was a weirdo.


Lunch break was soon and he couldn’t wait to feed his poor stomach that barely had anything for breakfast.

“23! Order's ready” Takanori heard so he took the order and headed to the table number 23 to serve it.

“Your food’s here, anything els-“ Takanori froze as he lifted his eyes up to meet a guy he never wished to see again and his eyes widened as he took a glance at everyone who’s been sitting.

“Oh my, and I wondered where would it end up with you, of course here” a voice that never leaves his mind echoed again but now it’s out of his imagination.

“U-uncle?” He said and noticed the mean look and the smirk on his younger cousin’s face who was five years younger than him that sat next to his elder brother.

His cousin hit the bowl with the back of his hand causing the soup to splatter all around the table with a chuckle.

“How dare you!” His uncle’s wife shouted with a gasp at him and he still was trying to grasp any of what was happening and trying to stay still with all the eyes on him now.

“I need someone in charge!” She yelled throwing her hand in the air while Takanori gasped as he got a hold on the silly act that was going around now.

“What-“ Takanori said before he was cut by his boss from behind.

“What’s the matter?”

“Look what your servant did!”

“Servant?!” Takanori deprecated but was hushed by his manager.

“I didn’t do this” Takanori said through the lump forming in his throat.

“You mean I’m lying?!” She said in a fake shock.

“Takanori!” His boss hushed him in a strong accent and he couldn’t believe what was going on.

“We’re very sorry... Takanori?” He said then looked at him waiting for him to apologize.

“B-but I d-didn’t” he said a bit higher than a whisper but the glare his boss was giving him forced him to bow down in apology seeing the smirk on his cousin’s face and his uncle’s hating looks, he then was driven to the kitchen by his manager who ordered someone else to clean up the mess.

“How coul-“ Eiji started with anger.

“I didn’t do that!” Takanori cut him off yelling with tears forming in his eyes.

“What do you mean?! They were filling up their time making problems out of nowhere?!”

“Exactly!”

“Matsumoto are you out of your mind?!” Their voices now were loud enough to grab the staff’s attention.

“That’s my uncle and his family! He did that on purpose to put me in trouble! Didn’t you see his smirk!” He cried out and now tears were blurring his vision.

He then noticed how loud he sounded and that the staff was watching before he looked back at his boss in shame with tears still blinding him. He hated how easily he cries, he wished he could stop it forever, he’s had enough of his weakness and his tears and people's looks.

“I-i’m sorry” he spoke, looking down in shame before someone walked towards them and stood between them, not caring to know who it was he kept staring down, wishing he could just disappear.

“Mr Eiji, please” he now could recognize who that person was by his voice and it was Akira.

He didn’t know if he should feel relieved or ashamed he just stayed silent for the sake of his embarrassing state.

“We’re gonna need to talk” Eiji said before he turned around and left and of course Takanori could know that he's the one Eiji said that to.

Akira put his hand on Takanori’s shoulder drawing comfortable circles as he led them to the changing room that was empty by now.

“What happened out there?.. it’s okay no one’s around” he said and watched Takanori’s head lift slowly.

“I see it’s personal?.. If you don’t wanna talk about it it’s fine, I just wanted to know if you're okay”

“I haven’t seen them in years... They just hate me and now they know where I work they won’t leave me alone” Akira’s lips parted as he was gonna say something but fell back shut when Takanori started talking again, angrier.

“I hate the sight of each one of them... Here’s where he thought it would end up with me! That bastard doesn’t know anything! He has no fucking idea what the fuck happened to me before I ‘end up here’... I was almost dead in a hospital with everyone trying to find a family member to save my fucking life and they were nowhere to be found” He lowered his voice in the last part and sounded hurt with his tears streaming down and with his fists clenched.

Akira stayed silent for a few moments, he wasn’t expecting any of this as he also had no idea what he’s supposed to do.

“Well... that sounds... terrible, but listen we can cover up your absence when they’re here if they ever show up again”

“I’m sorry... it’s fine, I don’t want anyone to go through problems-“

“That’s not a problem, it’s fine really... and don’t worry so much about Eiji, he will understand. Just tell him everything and he won’t go against you”

After a few moments of silence, Takanori wiped his face in embarrassment as he realized that he just cried in front of almost everyone and now spat out pieces of his shitty past to a person he just met two days ago so he tried to avoid looking at Akira who noticed so.

“It’s okay.. don’t worry no one’s gonna know anything, I promise” He said patting the other’s back reassuringly.

Takanori looked up at him and was met by a kind smile that he hasn't seen in ages so he tried to return it with a faint one.

 

..

“So please don’t let them know where I live or give them any information” Takanori said who was now standing in front of Eiji.

“Takanori those are private information that nobody gets to know any of, so don’t worry... But you know this whole thing is more complicated than it looks”

“I know, I’m sorry”

“No, you shouldn’t really apologize, I’m sorry that you had to apologize to them. My situation was-“

“I know, sir... it’s alright. Thank you”

“It’s okay” Eiji said.

“Now go get back to work” he said patting Takanori’s back who slightly bowed to excuse himself.


“How did it go?” He flinched to the sudden voice that popped up from behind.

“I-it went well”

“He understood, didn’t he? He’s a good man” Akira said, smiling.

 

“Good job, everyone!” A voice from across the kitchen said as everybody finished their shift and was getting ready to leave.

“Hey, Takanori” Akira said following Takanori to the changing room.

“You don’t wanna go home do you?” He said and Takanori gave him a questioning look with a little smile.

“We were gonna go watch a movie, maybe have dinner together, and you’re coming”

“I don’t know I’m-“

“C’mon you said you’ll tag along this time, didn’t you? It’s just the three of us and you, it’s gonna be fun I promise”

“T-that was just yesterday, I didn’t know you guys go out a lot” Takanori said with an awkward smile.

“We don’t usually but today’s been shitty for all of us so we thought why not wash it off with some fun?” Akira said, shrugging.

Staying home alone with his mind didn’t sound like a good idea especially after what happened today but at the same time, he felt out of the mood and didn’t wanna ruin their night by going.

“I really don’t know, my mood is... Not so good you see” Takanori said looking down.

“Yeah, that’s why you should come... Today seemed to be tough for you too and maybe it dug in unwanted memories of yours?.. Just give it a go?”

Takanori’s eyes locked on Akira’s for a few moments which relieved him and made him feel less stressed which Akira understood and could see.

“Alright... I’m in” he gave in, shrugging and decided to give it a go as he watched Akira’s face light up.

“I’ll just need to go home to change”

“Yea, yea sure.. take your time, we’ll meet up at 7 is that alright?”

“Yeah, cool”

“So you’re coming along?” Mei showed up from behind tilting her head with a smile and Takanori nodded.

“Awesome’” she said then turned around to get her bag and leave

..

Takanori walked out of the shower, moisture skin and flushed cheeks and lips from the heat. He left the restaurant after exchanging numbers and now he started looking for something to wear. He dried his hair completely and then looked at himself in the mirror one last time before leaving and anxiety wore all over him and before he could think about it he was answering his phone call. He closed the door behind him, shaking his anxiety off for the moment and heading to where Akira mentioned in the phone.

“Here you are” Akira said as Takanori walked towards them.


“I’m not late, am I?” Takanori said and they chuckled on how serious he was so he let out a slight laugh as they started walking.

“So now we’re going to the movie first!” Mori said receiving a lazy ‘yeah’ from Mei.

..


Unexpectedly Takanori enjoyed every moment of their time together, he sighed as he took off his shoes and headed to his bedroom. It almost felt like his mind was frozen for the few hours he spent with them. When was the last time he even laughed? When did he last go out with someone? And also feel.. wanted?

Takanori changed and sank between the sheets of his bed, thinking, but this time he wasn’t afraid, he wasn’t at the edge of breaking down, he wasn’t hearing the sounds that used to drive him insane, instead, he was still hearing their laughs echoing in his head, the movie, how Akira turned out to be so funny and also did noticeable efforts to lessen Takanori’s anxiety around them, how Mei and Akira could never stay in the same boat, how Mori was out of earth most of the time focusing on food.

The thought of all what happened at the restaurant was far behind in a dusty corner in his head now as he was too busy recalling the night he spent with his new friends.

He found himself smiling to the memory and for the first time in years he was gonna go to sleep with a smile. For the first time in years, he felt happy, even if the reason wasn’t much of a deal, but he was thankful that he didn’t decline. He also felt the gap between them closed already and didn’t have his fearful attitude towards strangers for them anymore. His lips stretched once again forming a peaceful smile before he closed his eyes and let his mind rest as well as the rest of his body for the first time in a while.

 

 

Chapter Text

A sound came from afar pulling Takanori out of his peaceful sleep as he opened his eyes slowly after his hand found its way to his phone to stop the alarm.

He sat there for a few moments before realizing that he just woke up only to the sound of his alarm... He didn’t have disturbing dreams, he didn’t hear anything but his alarm and at the same moment he recalled last night and smiled like a child as the excitement he felt yesterday washed over him again and pushed him out of bed.

He wanted to go to work, he wasn’t just moving because he had to, he wanted to go again, to see his friends.

 

“Morning, Takanori!” He heard as soon as he stepped inside the kitchen.

“Hey, morning” he said with a warm smile, looking around for Mori and Mei.

“Where’s Kagemori and Mei?” He said fixing his uniform.

“They’re not here yet” Akira said, preparing to start cooking.

“Am I early or something?”

“Well, yeah. You’re pretty early, didn’t you sleep well?” He said taking out some bowls and placing them on the counter.

“No, I actually had a pretty good sleep.. for the first time in a while” Takanori said resting his back to one of the counters, and his hands in his lap.

“Oh, really? That’s good to hear” Akira said, looking at him shortly with a raised eyebrow then looked back at the food he’s been preparing and Takanori nodded with a smile even though Akira wasn’t looking.

“T-thanks for inviting me yesterday, I had much fun”

“You did? I’m glad you did! Don’t make it the last then”

“Okay” Takanori said almost to himself with a little smile.

“Um.. so they didn’t mind?”

“Didn’t mind what?” Akira said looking at him for a few seconds with a confused look.

“Me.. joining” 'damn it shut up what are you even saying'

“Of course not! They like you and I also do, don’t fill your head with such things” he stood next to him and patted his shoulder for a couple of times, Takanori grinned happily and pushed himself off the counter and was heading to the door when Kagemori walked in and his face changed into a smile as his eyes met Takanori’s.

“Hey, good morning!” He said waving to both of them as they waved back with a ‘morning’

“I gotta go” Takanori said and turned around to leave.

“Good luck”

“You too” Takanori pushed the kitchen door open and headed to the family that just walked in to greet them and give them their menus.

 

...

Placing a pot on the stove Takanori sighed and started cooking himself a proper dinner for the first time in a while.

He tried not to recall yesterday’s incident so that sorrow doesn’t flood over him and was just thankful that they didn’t show up again also not to waste the unexpected progress that he experienced this morning of waking up without any sorrowful memories or dreams and surviving the whole day without panicking over some stupid things or recalling an unwanted memory.

He rested on his couch with a tray on the coffee table and started switching between channels to find something to watch.

Tomorrow’s his first day off and he sat there lazily having no idea what to do in a day off, it sounded unusual but he likes working, at least he had something to sink his mind into during the day, he was too afraid that his nightmares will come back if he spent a whole day alone with his evil memory.

He finished his meal and tiredly headed to his room to shut the day down.

 

•••

Akira placed his bag on the table then walked inside, his grandmother was asleep already cause he arrived later than his usual.

He made his way to the kitchen to find a note on the fridge about where and what the food was, he smiled and took it off, opening the fridge to take out his late-night meal and place it in the oven.

His extra shifts drain him but he doesn’t complain, he can’t help but feel that it’s his duty, or at least until a new cook joins their little community.

He’s been living with his grandmother since he can remember and his mom used to live with them before she passed away ten years ago when he was fifteen, his father abandoned him in the age of seven but he didn’t feel like he needed him once. His mother’s always been there for him and she’s the one he misses.

He sat in the kitchen eating his meal with half-closed eyes and a sleepy mind.

“Aki-chan... You’re home?”

He flinched when he heard his grandmother’s voice from in front of him, then realized he was chewing, eyes closed so, of course, he didn’t see her coming in.

“Grandma! You’re awake?”

“I heard you coming in” she said walking towards him and then started drawing comforting circles on his back.

“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up” he said turning around to face her with his reddened half-closed eyes.

“No darling, you didn’t” she said, still trying to comfort him.

“Oh you keep working yourself day and night, you know Keiji won’t mind if you declined the extra work” she said taking a seat next to him.

“I know.. but no one could stay today, I had to. And also that means more money” he said shrugging.

“God bless you, my darling” she said smiling at him with sad eyes on how tired her grandson looked.

“Thanks for the food, granny. Love you” he said and stood up, kissed her forehead and received a kind smile in return. He then took his plate to the sink and washed it.

“Aki-chan it’s okay leave it, I'll do the dishes they’re few”

He declined kindly and murmured ‘it’s okay’

He then headed to his room, his legs barely carried him enough to change his clothes and then he fell on his bed, not bothering to grab the blanket over his body as soon as his head touched the pillow his eyes closed and he drifted away immediately.

 

•••

“Morning, everyone” Akira said as he stepped in the kitchen wrapping the apron around his waist.

“Did you take yesterday’s shift?” Kagemori asked, worriedly as soon as he noticed his tired eyes.

“I did” he answered shortly taking the last sip of his lukewarm coffee and started cutting the washed vegetables.

“You need to stop overloading yourself.. look at you”

“Hey, I'm fine” Akira said, frowning.

“Three shifts can’t be fine, you should take advantage of your uncle, if I were you I'd take four days off”

“You’re the laziest creature on earth, I won’t be surprised” Akira said with a tired giggle.

“I know, I know” Kagemori said as if he had been praised.

 

A few hours passed and it almost was the lunch break when a voice came into the kitchen and asked “where’s Takanori?”

“Takanori? He’s off today, why?” Kagemori said putting some noodles into the boiling water.

“Someone’s asking about him out there”

“Didn’t he tell you who he is?” Akira asked.

“No, he didn’t”

“That person was on the table with the family that made the fuss the other day, did he ask to see him?” Mei said joining the conversation as she stepped into the kitchen.

Akira frowned, put down the bowl in his hand, and headed to the door that leads out of the kitchen to peek.

“Where is he?” He said and looked back at his workmate.

“You won't see him from here” she said.

 

“I'll go tell him he’s not here today, then” the waiter said, turning back to leave.

“No, wait, wait.. tell him he’s busy” Akira said and received a confused look from the three of them.

“Just don’t tell him he’s off today, also don’t give him any information about him”

“Why?”

“Just go tell him that” Akira said and the guy left.

“Why did you do that?” Mei asked tilting her head.

“First of all, we shouldn’t give information about any of the staff to a customer, and also Takanori knows that family and expected them back and wouldn’t really be happy if he knew that we told him anything about him” Akira said seriously.

“Aah, I see. That sounds serious”

“It is” Akira said and got back to his work remembering how in pain Takanori was when he talked to him in the changing room and couldn’t help but hate those people he never met.

“Just shut them out if they ever ask about him again” he said serving chicken and putting them on the ready-to-go counter.

The guy walked inside to take the orders out to the customers.

“Did he say something?” Akira asked as soon as he caught a glimpse of him.

“Well, yeah.. he insisted on seeing him so I told him that he can’t, he just frowned and stormed out of the place”

“What’s with him?!” Kagemori said in disbelief.

“I don’t really know, what business does he have with the new guy anyway?”

“Let’s drop that already, get back to work everyone” Akira said and clapped his hands twice.

After the not very long lunch break, everyone got back to work. Akira panicked for a second when his vision blacked out when he stood up to get back to work but as it cleared again he took a deep breath and went to continue his work as if nothing happened.

An hour passed and by time Akira’s exhaustion wore him down more and more but he was too busy to notice how his body pleaded for rest.

“Shit” Kagemori heard Akira curse under his breath beside him.

“What is-“ he stopped when he saw blood flooding out of his friend’s hand and him holding it close to his body, looking at it in disbelief.

“Damn, did you cut yourself?” He said moving towards him.

“I.. I don’t know what happened” Akira said and sounded so out of it.

“That looks deep, it might need to get stitched.. let’s get you to the clinic across the street” he said patting Akira’s back trying to calm him down and doing his best not to freak out so he doesn’t make it worse.

“Mr. Eiji, we’re heading to the clinic, he’s got a deep cut” Kagemori said dragging Akira with him as he was still in shock, staring at his hand and trying to stop the bleeding.

“Oh god, what happened?!” Mei asked when she saw both of them and her eyes widened at the sight of Akira’s blood.

He felt like his mind was too tired to react to the pain, he just didn’t react at all, before the doctor started stitching the side of his index finger, he shuddered in pain as his eyes watered, trying to look away.

 

 

“Hey, have some rest, and don’t forget what the doctor just said... Eat well and don’t come tomorrow, I'll tell Eiji, have no worries” Kagemori said in front of Akira’s front door, then patted his back gently.

Akira tiredly smiled at him and thanked him quietly before his grandmother opened the door.

“Oh, Aki-chan what happened?!” She asked worriedly as her eyes fell on his bandaged hand and super tired face.

“Mori, what happened?” She asked again when she received no answer from Akira as she pulled him in a hug with worry written all over her face.

“It’s okay, he’s alright, he just needs to rest, I'll pass by to cook you something don’t bother”

“No dear, it’s alright... I knew I should’ve kept him home, he doesn’t listen no matter how many times I tell him to rest... Oh poor Aki-chan” she said sadly, patting his back as he now was sitting down on a chair near the door.

“I’m not dead, I can still hear you” Akira whined with a smirk.

“Okay, I'm gonna have to get back to work, if you need anything call me” he said before he turned around and left.

 

“It’s okay, I'm fine” Akira said, pulling away as his grandmother tried to lift him off the chair.

He stood up and headed to his room, he couldn’t manage to change his clothes this time and he fell on his bed and just closed his eyes and all it took was a few seconds before he nearly fainted.

 

...

Takanori’s thoughts on how bad staying home alone for a whole day weren’t wrong, he ended up breaking down in the shower and crying for so long as the hot water overheated his naked body. He didn’t know when it started, he didn’t know when did he pull the trigger, he just found himself in tears while watching a movie that he didn’t know what it even was about and realized he was too busy thinking to watch even a minute of it, he decided to take a shower, maybe it might refresh him and wash away his sorrow but it only made it worse, or it was gonna go this way anyway.

Back to his room he walked, absent-minded, swollen eyes and drained mind.

He didn’t bother putting clothes on before he fell on his bed feeling the burn in his eyes again as tears continued their way down and sobs shook his whole body in agony, he thought he could get over it, he thought he might feel happy again, he thought he was gonna start having some peaceful sleep, but he needed to know better than to expect happiness and peace ever again, he convinced himself that he wasn’t worth being happy, not anymore, never again, and that’s how he thought he was facing his sorrow, but once happiness hit him again, he felt he was wrong, but now he doubts all he ever thought, decided and felt. There was a storm inside of him that tore him to shreds and ate what’s left of his sanity.

In a blink of an eye, he was on his feet throwing whatever his hands landed on, screaming his confusion out, suffering the repeating voices in his head. He held his head with both hands blocking his ears and screaming even louder in hopes it blocks away the voices he never gets rid of but they were louder, nearer and thicker than to go away by his drained, weak screams.

His legs gave up as he kneeled beside his bed and rested his head on the mattress, too tired although he literally didn’t do a thing since he opened his eyes in the morning. With sobs interrupting his breath he had no power left to cry and what’s left in him could only slide down with his silent burning tears as he started shivering while his eyes fell closed without his permission.

Chapter Text

 

A strong ache hit Takanori’s stomach as his eyes flew open to realize it was a part of a dream, although the pain felt so real. His mind took a few moments to function and realize that it was still dark, that he was still on the floor beside his bed with his upper body rested on the edge of it, that his body’s temperature was high and that he had a blocked nose.

He crawled onto his bed and covered his naked, sick and shivering body with the blanket and curled his body in hopes to gain warmth, as he drifted back to sleep so fast almost as if his mind didn’t wake up at all.

“And I wondered where it’d end up with you, of course here!”

“I knew you had something to do with it, you filthy creature!”

“Now I'm up to something you either will enjoy or hate it, you choose..”

“You’re so weak and ignorant”


Takanori’s eyes snapped open with his hammering heart he sat up straight and started panting.

He woke up an hour before his alarm and didn’t find the courage to get back to sleep.

He sneezed and realized that he didn’t even dry his hair and slept naked, most of the night without even the blanket and he surely knew he was gonna catch a cold if not a fever. Everything almost felt like a dream, the breakdown, the screaming, the voices... but the mess in the room and his aching body proved him wrong, he hardly got up, headed to the bathroom and realized how miserable he looked, when he was back to his room, he covered his body with some clothes finally and combed his messy hair.

He felt terrible, he was afraid he might have a fever and his body was sore but he’d do anything rather than to stay home alone again. He ignored his aching body and made a plain unhealthy breakfast just to shut his hungry stomach that’s been empty maybe since yesterday’s evening. Before he left to his work he put on a mask not to spread his flu everywhere and chose to walk rather than taking the bus just to waste some time or he’d arrive really early.

He made it to the restaurant and changed then headed to the kitchen to find everyone but Akira.

“Akira’s late? That’s strange” he said to Kagemori who just greeted him.

“No, he’s not coming today, he’s been overworking himself lately and yesterday he hurt his hand badly so Mr. Eiji gave him a day off”

“He did?... Is he alright now?” Takanori asked with a worried frown.

“I don’t know but I guess so, I walked him home yesterday and his grandmother will take good care of him”

“Oh..” Takanori said looking down as he felt bad for his friend, he maybe was expecting to see him today, maybe to lighten up his mood as he always does, or maybe cause he’s not used to be at this place without seeing him around.

“You don’t look good yourself.. are you alright?” Kagemori said placing the pot in his hand on the counter and looking at Takanori.

“Yeah.. maybe I’ll have some flu”

“You really look tired, you should’ve stayed home, if you don’t feel well you can tell Mr-“

“No, no I'm fine I can survive today” Takanori said with a chuckle as his stomach turned to the idea of going home.


•••

Akira opened his eyes slowly and shifted in bed before jumping to his feet, looking at the clock with widened eyes before a sharp pain climbed up from his finger to his whole hand then he realized that he’s off today. He sighed and walked out of his room looking for his grandma.

“Granny, why didn’t you wake me up?” He said rubbing the back of his head, yawning.

“Aki-chan, you’re up!.. you needed some sleep so I let you have it, do you feel better?”

“Yes, it’s like I haven’t had a good sleep in ages” he said and walked over to her.

“What are you doing, your grandson is a cook and you still make breakfast yourself?” He said playfully, trying to reach the bowl she had in hand before she pulled it out of his reach.

“You’re injured, stay away”

“Grandma, I'm injured not paralyzed, I’ll have to get back to work tomorrow anyway”

“Fine, have some rest today before you’re back to work”

“I’ll do the dishes then” he said heading to the sink before she seized his shoulders from behind, turned him around and drove him out of the kitchen.

“There’re no dishes, and you shouldn’t wet your hand, go take a shower and change those clothes”

“The shower is gonna get my hand wet too” he said trying to escape her grip but received a light slap on the back of his head as a scolding gesture.

“Put on some plastic bag or something” she said so he gave up and headed to the bathroom and as soon as the hot water ran over his half-sleepy body he realized that he did really need a shower.


•••

The heat of Takanori’s body rose and the pain crawled over his body as he entered the locker's room and rested his drained body on the nearest chair his eyes fell on and rested his head to the wall, breathing heavily and closing his eyes.

“Takanori, you should really go home, you’re not doing fine at all” he heard a feminine voice before he opened his eyes to see Mei standing in the doorway of the room that he forgot to close.

“I’m okay, I just need to rest for a few minutes”

“No, you should rest for a few days.. look at yourself” she said walking towards him and placing her hand on his forehead.

“You’re burning!.. Takanori go home an-“

“I don’t want to” he cut her off honestly and she looked at him worriedly.

“But you need to so someone could take care of you”

“It wouldn’t matter, I live alone anyway” he said and rested his head to the wall again to avoid the sympathy on her face.

“Okay, then stay here. Don’t get back to work, change and stay here. I’ll tell Eiji for you, the restaurant isn’t crowded anyway” she said and he looked at her and couldn’t help the smile that found its way on his face, it’s been ages since he had people who've been nice to him.

“Thank you.. b-but you don’t have to-“

“Just change and I'll go tell him, maybe bring you something to drink too” she said and left the room.

Takanori rested his head back, closed his eyes and the smile took a while to fade away.

He didn’t realize that he fell asleep until he heard voices over his head so he opened his eyes to see Mei and Kagemori.

“Hey, are you alright, buddy?” Mori said patting his shoulder as Takanori nodded and adjusted his body that slid down a bit on the chair.

“Here, drink this and take that pill afterwards” Mei said handing him a bowl of freshly made soup and a pill then placed a cup of water next to him.

“T-thank you guys” he felt a shrink in his heart as he smiled at them, feeling their kindness. It felt like someone tenderly was patting his aching heart and it didn’t help but push tears to his eyes.

“Stop it, That’s what friends are for, you know” Mei said and Kagemori slightly laughed while Takanori stared at them speechless as a tear almost escaped his eye before he smiled and lowered his head, wiping it away.

He didn’t notice the time as they checked on him every now and then and before he knew it, it was the end of the shift and everyone was back in the changing room getting ready to leave. He had to leave, he had to go home, it’s not like the problem was in where he was, the problem was his mind, something he couldn’t get rid of.

Walking through the back door and into the street Mei, Mori and one of his workmates came along as they were heading to the bus stop at the end of the road.

“Are you gonna be alright?” He heard Mei from beside him.

“Yeah I will” he said smiling tiredly.

“Thank you, Mei” he continued and she nodded with a smile.

 

“If you needed anything call me” Mori said as Takanori’s bus arrived and he nodded then waved at them before the bus started moving.

The moment he stepped in his room he felt his body hit the bed as he laid there, barely able to move and felt the heat over all of his body from head to toe and his eyes fell shut before he could stop it.

 

•••

“How’s our little beginner cook” Mori said, teasingly as Mei laughed, putting down the bags of ready-to-eat food while Akira started protesting

“Grandma, here’s your favourite soup” Mei said handing her a bag as she smiled at her.

“You didn’t have to, darling I was gonna make us dinner” she said with a smile, patting Mei’s back as Kagemori and Akira were still yelling at each other about whatever they were talking about, Mori really enjoyed teasing Akira and he was fast to get teased.

The four of them had dinner together and chatter filled the Kitchen before the grandmother went to make some tea.

“What, you didn’t like his cooking?” Akira asked Mei who was seated next to him and was staring at nothing.

“At least I don’t serve pieces of my hand with the food!” Kagemori said from across the room causing Mei to laugh and Akira to curse him.

“What is it?” He asked her again.

“Nothing, I was thinking if Takanori’s fine”

“Takanori? What about him?”

“I wish he had someone to take care of him” she said.

“Is he ill?”

“He was so sick today, he had a fever and refused to go home that he spent the rest of the shift on a chair in the changing room, instead of going home..” she said and Akira’s face turned to a frown before it turns to a sad one when she continued. “He also mentioned that he lives alone, he just looked so tired and sad... I don’t know anything about him, but I don’t think he’s okay”

“He’s alone?..” Akira asked in a sad tone, looking away before his eyes met his grandma who was coming towards them with a tray in her hands and the warmest smile on her face, he returned her smile with a broken one.

“I think we should call him?” Kagemori said joining them so Akira took his phone out.

•••

Takanori opened his eyes with a gasp as tears welled in his eye fast with a burn and his lower lip started trembling as his mind collected the bad dream he’d just had.

The vibration of his phone in his pocket disturbed him as he blinked repeatedly to realize that it’s dark already and that he slept for more than a couple of hours.

He took his phone out tiredly as the ache in his body rose in every movement he did.

He squeezed his eyes shut when he looked at the bright screen of his phone before he reopened them and cleared his vision.

“Hello?” He heard from the other side.

“Oh, hi” he replied with a hoarse voice then tried to clear his throat away from the phone’s mic.

“How are you?.. did I wake you up?” Akira said on the other side after hearing Takanori’s sleepy voice.

“Well, yeah.. but I was gonna have to wake up anyway” he said with a clearer but still deep voice.

“Oh, I'm sorry... I just knew how sick you were today.. I just wanted to know if you’re alright?”

“Yeah kinda.. thanks “ he said and Akira could see smirk through the phone.

“I’ll be alright.. And I'm sorry for what happened to your hand, hope you’re better”

“Ah, it’s not a big deal I'll be back to work tomorrow.. but you should stay home, eat well and take medicines, maybe have some tea for your throat”

“I think I might come tomorrow, hope my body doesn’t fail me”

“No, you shouldn’t... m-maybe after work tomorrow we could bring you some food and check on you, if you don’t mind” Akira said, shrugging and Kagemori laughed at him from across the room as he didn’t stop doing weird facial expressions due to nervousness ever since Takanori answered the call.

“Oh, no you don’t really have to, I'm gonna be fine. T-thanks for your concern” Takanori said smiling at the end of the sentence.

“Just expect us tomorrow, okay? It’s fine, isn’t it?” Akira said as Takanori looked around the dark messy room with a shock.

“I-it’s fine”

“Just try to rest and don’t overload your body” he said then snapped quietly at Mei as she said from beside him ‘look who’s talking’

Takanori heard her and couldn’t help but laugh.

Akira laughed embarrassedly before saying goodbyes with Takanori who he asked again if it’s okay and received a welcoming reply from the other side.


“What is your problem?!” Akira snapped at Kagemori who burst out in laughter followed by Mei’s giggles.

“Your face” Mori said between waves of laughter.

“I woke him up, that was rude” he said trying to explain himself but it was no use, he expected his friends to laugh till the end of time.

“Oh my god, did I force us on him just now? Why didn’t I ask him first? What if he tries to clean the place? And he has a fever?.. or maybe he’s not ready”

“Stop! It’s okay what’s done is done” Mei said holding her hand in the air to shush him.


•••

Takanori knew he wasn’t gonna make it to work tomorrow, he could barely move.

He tried to clean the mess he made in his room and felt the unbearable heat melt his bones before he gave up. He barely had dinner so that he could take some medication.

His whole apartment was a mess and it took all of him just to clean the living room. He sat down with a bowl of ice and water, wet a cloth and placed it on his burning forehead, whining and groaning in pain and discomfort then he turned the TV on to distract himself but he ended up sleeping in front of it as usual.

 

“You will be alright sweetie, I’m here”

He opened his eyes to the sun hitting his warm skin with a single tear on his cheek to the sweet sound of his mom that was still ringing in his ears, he felt so heavy to even adjust his almost cracked back from sleeping in such a position.

His eyes wandered the room to realize that he slept in front of the TV that was still on.

As soon as he tried to sit straight a sharp pain shot through his neck causing him to grab it and moan in pain, in failing tries to massage it he headed to the bathroom, stumbling. He felt thankful for his temperature going down and he no longer felt numb but it only gave him a better chance to focus on the ache in his whole body.

He drank a cup of tea with some leftover rice and chicken, opened up all the windows in his apartment in order to let in some fresh air to replace the smell of sickness and sorrow that filled the place and rested on the couch.

A couple of knocks on the door sneaked into his dream as he again fell asleep, he felt stupid and childish for sleeping too much but he couldn’t help it, he doesn’t even see it happening he realizes he’s been sleeping only when he opens his eyes.

Another knock caused his eyes to flutter open, he only slept for less than an hour so he wasn’t as heavy as this morning.

He checked the door and when he saw the three familiar faces he opened excitedly with a smile as the three of them returned it with warm greeting smiles.
Taking off their shoes, they walked in, Takanori led them to the living room that wasn’t so sunny now and smelling fresher than it did in the morning.

“Were you sleeping or something?” Akira asked and Takanori shook his head with a chuckle.

“Did you get any better?” Mei asked as they sat down.

“Yeah, the fever’s gone” he said with a faint smile.

“I’m sorry if you weren’t ready to expect someone i-“ Akira said rubbing the back of his neck as Takanori cut him off.

“Oh, no it’s really fine. I actually wanna thank you for your concern and your visit” he rushed at first then he finished with a slower tone, smiling unsurely.

“Oh c’mon of course we are” Mori said, tilting his head with a frown.


“Where to?” Akira asked when Takanori stood up.

“Nothing, will just bring some drinks and snacks”

“Let me help, then” Akira said standing up.

Takanori headed to the kitchen followed by Akira to bring something to drink.

“Did um.. your cousin show up again?” Akira said after a moment of silence and wasn’t sure if he should start this but he did anyway.

Takanori stopped for a second before looking at him with a confused expression.

“What do you mean?”

“He came back looking for you, in your day off. We sent him off telling him that you were busy, he insisted on seeing you but eventually he left angry..” Akira said as he watched all the colors fade from Takanori’s face.

“I don’t think he’ll know your address but, just wanted to make sure”

“W-what did he want?” Takanori asked with fear clutching around his whole body.

“He didn’t say... It’s okay, don’t be so worried. I just wanted to let you know what happened. He won’t reach you that easy, maybe he’ll just give up?”

“Not before he does what he wants to.. which probably is no good” Takanori said as he felt a lump preventing him from breathing well.

“Did you have some serious problems with him?”

“No, he just hates me. I just don’t understand why he has anything to do with me after all these years”

“Could he possibly hurt you or something? .. I’m sorry if I'm being pushy i just don’t know where his limits are”

“He could, but he has no reasons to do now”

“Well, shouldn’t you call the cops?” Akira said so Takanori remembered.

“Yeah... I think I will” he said placing a bottle of soda on the counter.

“Good, just take care of yourself. And don’t worry he won’t reach you from the restaurant it’s a dead-end”

“Thank you, you don’t have to do any of this but you still care to... ”

“Hey, people don’t have to be all assholes, there are some good people you know” Akira said, shrugging causing a warm smile to lighten up Takanori’s face before they walked out with chips bags and soda.

 

..

“Look, I hope these are enough for a couple of days or something so you don’t have to cook” Me said placing two full plastic bags on the coffee table.

“Y-you didn’t really have to! I’m fine i-“

“These two are the ones who made the food, if it tastes terrible I'm out of it” She cut him off with a shrug so he chuckled but still looked unsure.

“He’s gonna love it, won’t you?!” Akira said facing Mei then turning to Takanori who’s seated next to him.

“Y-yeah sure.. but you really didn’t have to”

“Hey, we’re around for a reason, just rely on us for now” Akira said patting Takanori’s shoulder.


“Thank you..” he said looking at Akira then to the three of them.


“If you need anything just call okay? I’m serious” Akira said, standing up after putting on his shoes as Takanori nodded with a smile before he bowed with a ‘thank you’ for the millionth time as they stood in the doorway saying their goodbyes before they leave.

Takanori sat on the couch smiling at the unusual amount of fun and kindness that lit up his mood before he frowned and placed his phone against his ear.

“Hello?”

Chapter Text

 


“Takanori?” He heard on the other side of the call.

“Yes,” he exhaled to calm himself a bit.

“Takanori how are you, is your new job going well?” Katsuji’s usual caring voice sucked all Takanori’s anxiety away.

“Yeah, thank you so much”

“Did they report your new setting?”

“Yes, a few days ago” he said staring at his feet, trying to prepare in mind what he’s about to say.

“Great”

“I just... something’s happening and I... I don’t know what I’m supposed to do”

“What? What is it about?” The man’s concern was clear in his voice when Takanori started talking.

“My uncle showed up at the restaurant with his family a few days ago... you can imagine how the situation went... They made up some stupid shit to embarrass me but they left eventually and it was over. In my day off, Yutaka came to the restaurant looking for me, and they told him that I can’t meet him and he was insisting but he eventually left angry... I don’t know why he’s looking for me after all this time... I don't know if I should be worried I just...”

“This is strange... I need you to be careful who you open your doors to, also he might sneak behind you and know where you live, he doesn’t have to ask someone” he said and Takanori’s heart dropped.

“W-what am I supposed to do?” He asked worriedly.

“I can’t predict what he’s after.. so just be careful and you know there’s always a cop near you. Call me if anything happens, anytime and anywhere. Let’s just hope he gives up or that the whole thing is a matter of time”

“W-what if he showed up at my door do I just shut him away?”

“I don’t think so, who knows what his intentions are? I doubt them being good but still, it’s been a few years you know” he finished and Takanori’s heart shrank.

“Yes”

“Takanori listen, put a possibility of all of that being just our cautious imagination, but also don’t let your guard down. What I wanna say is please don’t let it get to you and waste all that you went through to reach where you are now. I’ll make sure that your apartment is safe.”

“Thank you..” he almost whispered.

“Takanori? Promise me you won’t let it get to you, I got your back” he said and the lump in Takanori’s throat grew thicker.

“I.. promise”

Putting the phone away he covered his face with both hands rocking himself back and forth for a couple of times trying to get his mind to wrap around all that he heard just now.

Lying down on the couch Takanori felt something behind his back, it was a strange key holder that he haven’t seen before, he thought it must belong to one of them and was forgotten so he put it on the coffee table to remember taking it with him tomorrow if he could go to work.

He felt so tired and heavy, his illness drained him and he barely could move his aching body to his bedroom.

He didn’t know when did he even close his eyes as his thoughts mixed with dreams.

“You ain’t good for no shit, go get lost already!”

“You son of a bitch you think you can do whatever you want?!”


The sun sparkled against Takanori’s pale skin as his eyes slowly opened with the usual slight heartache at the voices that echoed in his head.

His burning nose and dry throat painted a frown on his soft features as he sat up, rubbing his eyes. He slept past his alarm and could barely move to the bathroom. He closed his eyes as the hot water soothed his aching muscles and rested his head to the wall then stepped out fully dressed and started drying his hair to avoid any more fever.

Eating silently he checked his phone as he received a message from Akira ‘did I forget my keys at your place?’ He noticed from the time how late his day started before smiling at the text.

‘Fine, I'll pass by after work to grab it, thanks!’ He received a couple of minutes after telling him that they were at his place.

He was slowly getting better that he barely could feel the progress, he tried to clean the mess in his room and kitchen, washed his clothes and washed the plates he just used.

He didn’t notice it was the sunset already so he rested in his living room, turned the TV on and expected Akira to come at any hour.


His eyelids were falling heavy and his thoughts started swallowing him as he felt the heat threatening to control over his body again. He heard a knock on his door, so he took the key holder and headed to the door and didn’t even bother checking who’s out. He opened the door with a smile.

“I thought-“ his tongue froze when he didn’t see Akira.

“Yutaka?” He said in shock as the other smiled at him a smile he used to hate so much.

“Hey, Takanori”

“What are you doing here?” Takanori asked warily.

“I came to say hi... it’s been years, right?”

“How did you know my place”

“I just did” he said with a shrug, still smiling.

“What the hell are you here for?” Takanori asked feeling his heart beating in his throat.

“I’m here to talk” Yutaka said as his face darkened and the smile was no where to be found.

“There’s nothing to talk about” Takanori said still standing in the doorway, holding the doorknob as tight as he could.

“There is.. shouldn’t we take this inside?” He said and the smile returned at the end of his sentence.


‘I can’t predict his intentions’

‘don’t let your defense down’

‘Promise me you won’t let this get to you’


He hesitantly stepped aside letting his cousin in and with a hammering heart he closed the door and didn’t walk inside.

“Talk”

“Haven’t your rudeness change? Not even for a bit” Yutaka said smirking, pulling a chair and sitting down where he stood.

“What do you want?” Takanori asked dryly and intended to show no emotions at all, still standing.

“Have a seat you’re getting on my nerves” he said rolling his eyes.

“You know we’re not gonna have a nice chat about our childhood right” Takanori said narrowing his eyes as Yutaka gestured him to the chair near him not caring about what he just said.

“Where have you been?” Yutaka spoke as dry as Takanori sounded and looked as emotionless as Takanori looked.

“Why do you care? Didn’t you always tell me to get lost? I did”

“I don’t give a fuck, I want to know where the hell did you go? You disappeared all of a sudden!” His emotionless features started turning to anger that reminded Takanori of a lot of things he wished he could forget.

“Then it doesn’t matter, does it?” Takanori tried his best to keep his emotionless expression, to hide his anger, disappointment and fear.

“It fucking does, you lived in our house! And you fucking ruined our life with your disappearance. I think I deserve to know!”

At this point, Takanori couldn’t hold his emotions in any longer and his eyes widened in disbelief.


“YOUR life?! You’re saying your life?!” He yelled at him and did his best not to scream at his face... yet.

“You piece of shit just disappeared and everyone accused us of doing terrible shit to you! We were the talk of the town because of some worthless dick like you! We moved out after two weeks of the police looking for you with no trace! You son of a bitch destroyed our life with your disappearance and now you live peacefully out there having no regrets! I fucking deserve to know where the fuck have you been!” Takanori felt paralyzed and blood boiled in his veins as his anger reached its top

“How dare you, you fucked up piece of shit! Peace?! I’m living in peace with no regrets after ruining your lives, you poor creatures?! I’ve never seen peace ever since my parents passed away and don’t think I ever will! Do you think I fucking ran away causing your innocent souls to be accused of doing shit to me? Like you didn’t do already?! You couldn’t bear to be the talk of the town for two weeks and that’s how my whole life’s always been because of you!”

“Look how an unthankful bastard you’ve always been! You should’ve been thrown in the streets for wild animals to spend their money on you! Were you taking revenge, huh?! Did you fucking plan this? What did you do to get someone to spend their time and money on a bitch like you, huh?! Where the fuck have you been!”

“I was kidnapped!” Takanori shouted his lungs out and his whole body started shaking while his vision blurred with tears and both of them stood the opposite of each other now.

Silence controlled the situation for a few seconds with disbelief on Yutaka’s face and sorrow mixed with anger on Takanori’s.

“What the fuck are you saying?” Yutaka asked in a lower tone with a nervous smirk, shaking his head in disbelief. “You disappear for more than three years and appear all of a sudden to tell me that you were fucking kidnapped?! You expect me to buy this bullshit of yours?!” Yutaka spat out as Takanori lost his shit, pushing him against the nearest wall, clutching his fists around his collar.

“Bullshit?! My life’s been sucked out of me slowly for twenty fucking days you bastard and no one bothered to wonder what could be happening to me! All you fucking thought of was me taking revenge?! For fuck's sake!” Takanori yelled out as all Yutaka’s face showed was a surprise.

“You’ve always hated me from the bottom of your heart but I never imagined how heartless you all could turn out! I was dying in a fucking hospital needing the sign of a fucking family member to save my life and you never answered your phones! My father’s always been there whenever you needed something! What are you made of?!” Takanori’s face was burning as tears traced his cheeks and his sore throat hurt even more from yelling too much before he was pushed away by his cousin who’s eyes were wide in shock and Takanori didn’t know if that was disbelief, or because he never had the courage to act like that against him before or because he wasn’t expecting any of what he said, he didn’t care much he just thought he shouldn’t hold his anger in any longer, for what reason? For who’s sake? He held it in for years and all it did was eat him alive.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Yutaka asked more seriously and lowered his voice.

“You think you can appear after all that time angry and seeking explanation claiming that you deserve it? You don’t deserve to know anything about me.. just go away, get back to where you’ve been... leave” Takanori said in a low, hoarse tone as his sore throat could barely let out his words.

“Why didn’t you try to find me?” Yutaka asked as he tried to sound caring, mentioning only himself, but he only made things worse

“Find you? What for?... I don’t have a family, all the family I had were my parents who died lots of years ago, I don’t consider you family anymore, none of you... you're telling me I should’ve just left the hospital and tried to search for the ‘family’ I had left? For the one that knew absolutely nothing about me for almost a year? Not knowing that I almost died? Not caring to see where the fuck I was? No thanks, I had enough to deal with”

“Cut the shit I told you the police couldn’t find you, was I supposed to wander the streets looking for you?”

“When did you even notice I wasn’t around? Two, three days later? You just moved out and left no trace, I bet you were all feeling better that I was finally gone... don’t you dare try to act like the good guy here”

For a whole minute nothing was heard but silence and loud breaths.

Yutaka’s face now turned into a frown as he stepped closer to Takanori who sat down resting his forehead against his hand and his elbow to his knee, breathing heavily and barely holding himself together.

“Leave... please, enough” his voice didn’t sound more than a mere hoarse whisper as Yutaka took another step before grabbing his chair closer to Takanori’s and set down.

“Takanori” Yutaka’s voice went out calmer and deeper as he looked at his cousin who just raised his head to look at him, looking so tired with puffy eyes and veiny neck.

“I don’t know what you had in mind all these years.. but I didn’t know any of this”

“So you now only speak of yourself?” Takanori said and low anger burnt behind his words as Yutaka tilted his head with a frown.

“I moved out a year later and we barely saw each other, I know you don’t give a fuck to know that, but my life wasn’t as easy and comfortable as you think it was after you, it wasn’t even when you were there, we were never a happy family, were we?”

Takanori kept staring at him with his tired, dead eyes without speaking a word as the other was still looking at him.

“I had nights when I couldn’t sleep, not knowing if it was my fault or what happened. If you’re dead or alive... There was nothing I could do, I swear” Yutaka said and Takanori raised a brow at his now gentle tone and words that he never heard before.

“What? Did you care even for the slightest? Did you forget what you did to me ever since the first day I moved to your fucked up house? Did you forget how you hated and treated me?”

“I didn’t... and that’s what made life hard afterwards, you didn’t just move out you fucking disappeared, and now after all this time, I know you’ve been kidnapped and been suffering for so long! Did you think that this shit ever popped in my mind before?! It doesn’t happen everyday you know!” Yutaka said throwing his hand in the air with a frown of deprecation as Takanori remained silent not believing any of those caring, sneaky words even though he never saw that expression on the other’s face before, regret? It could never be...!

“And all you ever thought of was me running away, I wonder why..” Takanori said smirking.

“Okay I get it, what now? You want me to apologize?” He mockingly pointed out as Takanori’s eyes darkened.

“I mean, you made it clear. Okay, you're saying that I fucked up your life then and didn’t try looking for you cause you fleeing was the thing that made sense the most, right?”

Takanori remained silent, glaring at his cousin as he tried to see behind his words but failed. He never had a similar conversation with him ever before, never seen that side of him, if it’s been there or if it’s real now.

“Takanori... I’m sorry” Yutaka said avoiding eye contacting the other as Takanori’s eyes widened and he didn’t know where that conversation was heading and he never thought it’d end up here.

Apologizing? Did he know such a thing existed?

“You don’t really expect this to change anything, do you? You know it means nothing” Takanori said and Yutaka looked up at him and seemed like he expected that already.

“I know” he said shrugging.

Silence controlled the scene once again as Takanori felt the heat crawl down his body with a sore throat and an aching head that made him feel heavy and dizzy.

In an instant, his bowed back was pushed against the chair and he felt a heavy figure holding him down and a hot moist and soft skin on his lips and before he realizes it he was punching Yutaka and taking a few steps away to recreate the distance that’s been swallowed down a few seconds ago.

“W-what are you doing?!”

Chapter Text

 

“W-what are you doing?!” Takanori said, stumbling in his steps backwards with a shock.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Yutaka snapped, standing up and holding his jaw in pain.

“Are you out of your mind?!” Takanori fired back with his eyes still wide open in shock as Yutaka started walking towards him.

“You can’t be... you still didn’t get over that bullshit in your head?!”

“You fucking left me no choice!” Yutaka said and Takanori couldn’t read him anymore he barely grasped what was happening.

“What are you talking about? Stop! Don’t you dare step any closer!” Takanori snapped, holding his hand in the air causing Yutaka to stop only for a moment before taking two other steps.

“I swear if you don’t get the fuck out right now I'll call the-“

In a blink of an eye, heTakanori was turned and pushed against the wall with an arm twisted behind his back and cheek pressed against the cold, hard wall.

“Let go of me bastard!” Takanori wanted to sound harsh but the thud caused by his head hitting the wall made him sound weaker than he intended as his vision blurred for a moment before a sharp pain spread through his skull causing his eyes to uncontrollably roll to the back of his head for an instant.

“It doesn’t matter what I try to do you always fucking do this, what are you fucking made of?! You never understood and you still as dumb as you’ve always been” Yutaka spat his words out in a low tone as he did his all to hold Takanori still.

“What are you even talking about? Let go of me what the fuck is wrong with you?!” Takanori yelled but he almost pleaded as every time he was held still in that position flashed in his memory and pushed panic all over his heavy body.

“Didn’t get over the bullshit in my head? The only bullshit here is your stupid ass” Yutaka said, pushing him further against the wall.

“You never understood me no matter what I do, you had no idea what I went through because of you all this time and even now you won’t let me make it up!”

Takanori’s movement stopped along with his painful flashbacks for a few seconds trying to get a hold of what’s just been said before trying to flee again.

“What are you talking about?” He asked again and panicked as he felt the other's hot breaths near his ear.

“You never gave me a chance” he heard a whisper beside his ear and his body froze as his heart hammered against his chest and almost felt painful.

Yutaka’s hot breath brushed against his neck sending unpleasant shivers down his spine as in no time what he felt against his skin wasn’t just his breaths but also his lips so Takanori gasped sharply trying to get in some air in his chocking lungs.

Takanori's body didn’t obey his orders anymore and his tongue didn’t seem to work either as all he could do was try to let in some air through his sore throat and before he realized it one of his panic attacks was knocking his doors as every awful memory he had in mind flashed like neon lights right before his eyes and tears formed in his tired eyes.

“Stop!” He shouted all of a sudden that he felt Yutaka flench behind him then he uncontrollably started moving as his mind shut off and all what he saw now was that dark place he spent the worst days of his life in.

“No! No, let me go!” Takanori started screaming hysterically that Yutaka let go of his arm with a confused look, he sounded as if Yutaka was gonna bite life out of him any moment.

Stepping back to avoid Takanori’s crazy arms that are flying around randomly, Yutaka's face frowned then he again stepped closer and slammed Takanori’s back against the wall with each of his hands holding one of his up against the wall, hearing his moan of pain.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“Let me go!” Takanori screamed again with horror written all over his face as he couldn’t draw a breath in. His face reddened and his watery eyes started pushing out tears as his whole body started shaking and its temperature raised.

“Stop it!” Yutaka yelled at him tightening his grip around his wrists.

Yutaka was too blind to notice that Takanori was chocking as he kissed him again before Takanori’s knees gave in from the lack of oxygen.

He pulled away to finally notice how the red shade in Takanori’s face was starting to turn darker to a purple one and his hand felt heavier in his as his whole body gave in on the ground.

Yutaka stood there for a couple of seconds not understanding what was going on before he kneeled beside him.

“Takanori? What the fuck is going on?.. Takanori?” He shook his shoulders as he watched him choke.

“Fuck.. since when do you have these?” he asked, sounded and looked confused not knowing what to do.

“What do I do? Take in a breath for fuck’s sake!”

“G-get out” Is all Takanori managed to say in between his gasps and coughs.

“How do I fucking leave you like this?!” he snapped and worry started showing up on his face “Thanks, I don’t wanna spend the rest of my life in jail for murdering you” he said as he carried Takanori and put him on the chair he was just setting on.

“Just.. l-leave”

“I fucking will just take in a god damn breath!”

In a few seconds, Takanori started panting fast before he could slow the pattern of his breathing gradually and until he could take in long breaths without interruption

“Get out” he said, panting with a red face and tears blurring his vision, his lips were trembling as he looked up at him with hate exploding out of his eyes before lowering his gaze to the floor.

Without another word, he watched as Yutaka walked away and to the front door to hear the sound of the door shutting.

He stood up and tried to reach his phone in the living room before his legs gave in and he fell next to the chair. He rested his back to the wall still panting as he closed his eyes and let tears slide down peacefully.

His eyes snapped open to the sound of his ringing phone in his living room so he grabbed the chair to help him on his feet and stumbled to reach his phone.

“Hey, sorry I just finished my second shift is it late or I still can pass by?” He had no idea why but he felt relieved when he heard the very familiar voice of Akira.

“No it’s fine.. you can pass by any time” he said and tried to sound as normal as he could but failed terribly.

“Are you alright?”

'Of course you’d ask' “Yeah, I'm fine... I'll be waiting”

“Okay, I’ll be there in a few minutes”

Takanori hung up and barely made his way back near the door with the keys in hand so that he doesn’t have to let him wait.

He sat there with a blurry mind not knowing for the slightest why didn’t he tell him to pass by tomorrow? Why did he feel relieved after hearing his voice? Why didn’t he try to hide away as he always does?

The knock on his door after a few more minutes shook him out of his unstable state before he got on his feet.

He felt like a weight was pushed off his heart when his eyes fell on his friend, it felt like a hand from his present pulled him up and out of his dark past that swallowed him as soon as he saw the face of his cousin.

“Takanori?” Was the first thing Akira said after his eyes laid on his friend.

“What happened to you, are you alright?” He asked stepping inside afterTakanori opened the door for him to get in.

“I’m fine” Takanori said in a raspy voice then cleared his throat in hopes it might change the tone of his hoarse voice.

“Fine? I don’t see that.. you can tell me, it’s okay” Akira said with worry written all over his face so Takanori looked at him through his sorrowful eyes and before he could stop himself he found himself speaking.

“He was here” his words sneaked out low and raspy and he had no idea why did he just speak, why did he tell him, why didn’t he just give him the keys with a smile and send him off? Why did Akira care in the first place and why does he have to see that something is wrong?

“Who? Who are you talking about?” He asked with a frown before his eyes widened. “Your cousin was here?!” He asked with a low gasp as he watched Takanori nod.

“C-can we set down” Takanori said and his voice cracked then he received a fast nod from him.

He couldn’t prevent his body from sliding against the couch so that he wasn’t setting straight anymore... he rested his head to the backrest of the couch and closed his eyes for a few seconds trying to breathe normally before he could say anything.

“What happened, are you hurt? Do you need to see a doctor?” Akira asked, noticing how drained and tired Takanori was before he opened his eyes and looked at him tiredly.

“Hey, it’s okay. Take your time, I'm listening” Akira said as Takanori’s eyes looked at him with a silent plead for a few seconds before he could talk.

“Holy shit” Akira cursed in shock when he touched Takanori’s shoulder to try and comfort him, feeling the heat of his body.

“Did you just finished running a marathon?! You're burning!” he asked in disbelieve.

“I don’t know” Takanori barely spoke as Akira placed the palm of his hand on his forehead.

“Damn” He said under his breath as Takanori stared at him helplessly.

“Hey, I’ll bring some iced water and a cloth, okay?” He informed him, asking for permission as Takanori was still staring at him with half-closed eyes, receiving a weak nod from him.

He returned as soon as he found what he was looking for and placed a cold wet cloth on Takanori’s forehead as he adjusted his position a bit.

“Thank you” Takanori's voice went out deep and low as he rested his eyes for a couple of seconds before he looked at him again.

“Did he hurt you?”

“He was attacking me... I don’t understand what he was here for.. I don’t understand him”

“Damn, didn’t you call the police? Why didn’t you even call me?”

“I couldn’t flee his grip... we were talking before he went out of his mind... I don’t understand” he said, closing his eyes again holding the cloth against his forehead.

After a few minutes of Takanori's silent groans, his head swung to the back and his vision completely blurred that he chose to close his eyes.

“Your temperature’s not going down, do you have a thermometer?” Akira asked so Takanori nodded then he bowed forward, holding the cloth against his forehead to find the thermometer on the low shelf of his coffee table.

Shaking it a couple of times he placed it in his mouth and laid his head back and after a couple of minutes, Akira took it out and frowned when he saw the number.

“That’s unusual... what happened? It’s about to cross thirty nine” he said brushing Takanori’s hair strands off his forehead, taking the cloth off.

Takanori started mumbling random things from what happened with Yutaka and even let some tears slide down his closed eyelids and his random mumbles didn’t stop.

“I don’t wanna sleep, I don’t wanna stay alone” His mind was slowly shutting off as he started repeating with an absent mind.

“Look, I don’t understand what happened, but that bastard needs to pay for what he’d done” Akira said patting Takanori’s shoulder and his eyes widened when he saw his neck.

“Takanori, what did he.. what the-“ he was cut off after seeing teeth and red marks around his neck and shoulder then covered his bruised neck properly before Takanori’s hands found its way to hide it, squeezing his skin that the cloth of his t-shirt entangled between his fingers.

“I-I'm sorry” Akira whispered when he saw the frown on Takanori’s face and Takanori didn’t have the energy to speak so he just looked away.

“Did he just appear out of nowhere to attack you?”

“No... we were arguing, he just... I thought it was.. I didn’t think it was real” Takanori’s words were barely heard as he opened his burning eyes to look at him.

“What’s real? Did you not believe he was here?” Akira asked in confusion so Takanori shook his head.

“Wait a minute.. did you look like this when he attacked you?!” Akira asked in surprise but Takanori shook his head again before he tried to set straight.

“I was in a bad state but it’s worse now” he said, holding the cloth against his forehead.

“His feelings... I never thought they were real” he continued, resting his face in the palms of his hands before taking off the cloth to place it in the bowl of cold water.

“W-what feelings?” Akira asked, narrowing his eyes not sure if he was supposed to know.

“I rejected him twice and he still doesn’t get it... it’s been years and he still thinks of it”

Akira remained silent as he tried to collect things together.

“Rejected him?... Oh god” he murmured looking at Takanori who was still bowed to the front, hiding his face as the back of his neck was visible.

“What are you gonna do?” Akira asked and sounded unsure just as he looked.

“I have no idea..” Takanori said inhaling, resting his back to the couch.

“Of course he didn’t change... he’s always been a lair, I shouldn’t believe any of his words... if that was his intention from the start... of course he’d sugarcoat his language, of course he sugarcoated the truth as well... m-maybe none of it happened” Takanori looked and sounded as confused as ever, facing the ceiling before he held his head with both of his hands, tugging at his strands.

“Hey, you need to rest. Stop thinking about it or about anything else, would you?”

“I can’t.. I can’t stop thinking, I can’t sleep, if I tried to run away I’ll still have it all in my sleep.. it’s endless” he said and his voice cracked as he hid his face again.

“It’s always been endless... my sorrow is endless” he spoke and silence regained over the situation for a couple of minutes before he wiped his face and looked at him.

“I’m sorry... I don’t know what I’m saying, you have nothing to do with all of this, and you might catch a cold, you better leave” Takanori said and his lips formed a smile that was coated with visible sadness.

“I don’t care if i have nothing to do with it.. I don’t wanna leave you.. like this” Akira said with a frown.

Takanori looked up at him for a minute before he looked away with a broken smile.

“This time.. you really shouldn’t get involved, I mean it... I’m just an endless loop of complication you will definitely regret it... and leave... i’m not looking for the day you’d just realize that you shouldn’t have interfered and go away”

“I won’t”

“You don’t know” Takanori said at the same moment.

“You don’t know me” Akira said, receiving a questioning look from him.

“You can’t be so sure that I’ll leave.. you don’t know me” Akira said seriously then sighed.

“I’m sorry if i’m being pushy... it’s okay if you don’t wanna let me in, I understand.. but I wanna help you, I wanna be there” Akira said and Takanori just kept staring at him for a while with a blank expression before his lips parted.

“Why?”

“I don’t know honestly... but I feel like I won’t be able to go on leaving you behind, you know pretending like I never knew all of that and just receive fake smiles from you everyday at work pretending that you’re okay... I don’t think I’ll be fine with that”

“Just because you can’t unsee this?... I’m pretty good at disappearing... I know how shitty it could feel like, if I were you i’d hate it, but you don’t have to do anything, i can just leave”

“No! No, that’s not it.. I mean I can’t just, sleep peacefully knowing you’re in such a state... I’m considering you my friend, and that’s what I do for my friends, I just wanna help you get over this if I could, and if you let me” Akira said so Takanori wiped his face with both hands, sighing and looking at him.

“I saw that from the very first day... the thing isn’t about me trusting people, I’m just afraid you may regret it. I don’t wanna be alone again” Takanori said and whispered the last part.

“I don’t want you to be alone either” Akira said smiling with a shrug causing a faint smile to form on Takanori’s lips.

“You don’t have to overthink the simplest things, you know. Don’t you think things might go right for once?” Akira said and Takanori’s smile grew as he looked at him.

“I just think that asshole need at least a punch” he continued so the other chuckled and threw his head back to rest on the backrest.

“Just push all of that for tomorrow at least? You need to sleep and take your medication, you’re getting worse” Takanori’s smile broke at the mention of sleeping but tried to smile again for his concern.

“Will you be alright?” Akira asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I hope so” he said with a smile as he felt that he should try, he felt that someone cared and that was enough for him to try.


“A-Akira, thank you”.

Chapter Text

 

“A-Akira... thank you” Takanori said with a smile, looking him in the eyes for a few seconds.

“Now I want you to rest okay? And take your medicine” Akira said with a hand on his back as he grabbed his keys with the other and Takanori nodded with a faint smile before he frowned when his eyes fell on Akira's hand

“Hey, your hand... did it get any better?”

“Oh it’s fine, supposed to take off the stitches next week but that only if the wound is healed and I don’t think it is” Akira chuckled looking at his bandaged hand.

“Weren’t you supposed to stay home and rest it?”

“I took a day off, I’m not overworking myself anymore it’s not allowing me anyway”

“I think you shouldn’t actually work at all”

“No I can’t” Akira said with a chuckle, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Alright, anyway I just hope it gets better soon”

“Well, same for you” Akira said, patting his back before he got up.

“I’ll check on you tomorrow?” Takanori nodded with a smile and waved at his friend, closing the door behind him.

A million feelings jumped at Takanori when he looked around and found himself all alone again. He headed to his room and decided to end his day at this, taking his medication and changing to some comfy clothes he buried himself between the sheets, feeling a shiver sneaking into his body and before his mind could start finding things to overthink about or remember today’s details he almost fainted as soon as he closed his eyes.

 

His eyes slowly opened to the sun that lit up the whole room and reflected its rays on his pale skin. The heat was gone and so was the headache but his sore throat remained the same as he thickly swallowed, sitting in the middle of his bed.

A flashback of yesterday flickered through his mind leaving a small smile at the memory of Akira’s words followed by a frown when his hand found its way to his neck where he still felt the traces Yutaka left while actually the colour was nowhere to be found but the feeling was still there as if it just happened.

 

•••

“Morning”

“Takanori? You’re here!” Mei yelled when Takanori stepped into the kitchen and all heads turned to her loud tone.

“Y-yeah I am” Takanori said shyly when all eyes stared on him.

“You’re better?” Akira said from behind so he turned to face him to find the same warm welcoming smile on his face.

“I am” he replied with a thankful smile then everyone started welcoming him back before getting back to their work.


Opening a lunch box, Akira handed Takanori the extra chopsticks he brought putting the box on the bench between them.

“What-“

“Just start eating already, we don’t have much time the restaurant is getting crowded” Akira said shoving a big piece of egg rolls in his mouth.

“You didn’t even know I was co-“

“Shut up and go on” Akira said with a mouth full of food causing Takanori to chuckle. He gestured him to start eating raising his chopsticks in the air then their boss entered the room and yelled at them to hurry up.

 


“Thanks for the food today” Takanori said, taking a seat next to him on the bench of the bus stop, waiting for their buses to arrive.

“You’re gonna have to learn to stop using that with me”

“Using what?”

“Thank you, thanks, stop thanking me all the time” Akira said mockingly causing him to giggle.

“We’re past that already, I didn’t save your life yet, thank me then” he said ironically, looking away then he saw Mei and Mori coming from afar.

“What took you so long?” He said when they took a seat next to them.

“That idiot slipped and scratched her hand” Kagemori said laughing, receiving a murderous-intent-look from her while Akira burst out in laughter while the only worried face around was Takanori’s.

“Are you alright?” He asked looking at her hand.

“I am, thanks” she said looking away in embarrassment with a frown on her face.

“Stop that” Takanori said, slapping the back of Akira’s head in a scolding manner cause he was still laughing.

 

•••

Closing the door behind him, Takanori stood there for a minute before putting his keys and bag with a smile before he passed by the spot were he was held against the wall a couple of days ago and his heart shrank before he shook it off heading to his room to change.

•••

Drying his hair Akira sat on his bed checking his phone before putting it aside and remaining silent for a couple of minutes.

When he first met Takanori he felt he shouldn’t interfere, he did know that there was a lot behind that calm face and polite smile, he just didn’t expect it to be out that fast and he had no idea that there was yet more to come.

As he rethought his words ever since they spoke in the changing room after the incident in the restaurant he never regretted a word, especially their conversation in Takanori’s place. He did not expect that of himself, didn’t expect that they might get close that fast. Takanori’s words were logical he didn’t blame him but his were too. As he got closer to him, he could see clearly the foggy darkness that surrounded him which made him think twice before walking through it but eventually he did and inside he saw a pure, sad presence that pleaded for help, and the closer he stepped the darker it got and he couldn’t turn around and leave, he’s been swallowed by it.. not that he tried to leave anyway.

Akira lied down and played some music through his headphones staring at the ceiling quietly.

 

He heard a sound coming from afar and didn’t realize he was asleep until he completely opened his eyes.

“Grandma?” He called, getting up in the dark.. complete darkness that almost felt void.

His wide pupils wandered the place looking for a source of light or the sound he heard.

Sobs? It was a low weeping.. a familiar voice.

Turning around he tried to know where it was coming from but it was everywhere, it rang in his ears and almost felt sourceless.

A step. Two steps. Three.

A familiar smell drew him closer until he could see a curled figure on the ground as he walked closer the voice became further and the dark felt colder until he was right next to it.

As soon as he touched it a pair of sad and lonely eyes looked at him, a calm face was facing him and it was the source of the weep.

“Akira”

“Takanori!” He yelled jumping in his place, looking around then realized he was still in bed with the songs playing in his ears and his grandmother in front of him so he flinched again at the sight of her out of nowhere so he took off his headphones trying to catch a breath.

“Aki-chan are you alright?” She asked sitting next to him, patting his shoulder.

“I’m fine I'm fine” he nodded.

“I was calling you for if you'd want some tea with me but you didn’t respond, I had no idea you were asleep”

“It’s okay, I didn’t know I was asleep too” he said chuckling, wiping his face and sighing deeply.

He rested his head to the headboard and remained silent for a couple of minutes capturing his settings after she left.

•••

Takanori woke up after an interrupted sleep frowning at his phone as he saw the clock, it was earlier than his usual so he decided to stay in bed for a while.

As his eyes were just about to close he received a message and his eyes fluttered open at it and his blurry vision cleared slowly.

‘Hang out today?’ -Akira

His memories from his day off last week didn’t give him a choice and before thinking for another moment he agreed in a reply throwing the phone aside then closed his eyes again.

Going out seemed like a pretty good idea, he spent almost a week at home and also didn’t see them for a while before yesterday so he felt excited.

He spent a few hours lazily in front of his TV after he had a plain breakfast then he got dressed, brushed his hair after receiving a message from Mori that they’re waiting for him.

 

“There’s nothing worth watching, what about a bar?” Kagemori suggested raising a hand.

“Sounds fine” Mei said and Takanori nodded.

“A bar it is” Akira said with a shrug.


Nodding along with the music, Kagemori brought their drinks to their table and sat down.

Taking the first sip of his drink Takanori felt a refreshing shiver, he hasn’t had a drink out with someone in years.

His tension melted away with the ice in his glass as he finished his first drink and joined the conversation.

Not knowing the time or how many hours passed nor how many drinks he had, he stumbled on his way to the toilets before the blood in his veins froze, his heart dropped and his eyes widened.

 

'It’s not him it’s not him it can’t be true, you're drunk... it’s not happening' Takanori repeated in his head, closing the door behind him and stood behind it as his legs started shaking violently and threatened to give in any moment.

He panted heavily before he couldn’t let in a breath without a gasp or a cough.

His legs took shaky steps to the sinks and without a warning, he fell and couldn’t find the strength to stand up again.

He crawled back to rest his back to the wall as he gasped violently. His head spun around and he couldn’t see but the person he never expected to ever see again, a person he could choose death over having a glimpse of again.

Tears formed in his eyes as his face reddened and the heat reached it. He was too afraid of going home, too afraid to even leave the restroom.

His gasps turned into sobs and his tears started sliding down mercilessly, still struggling to take in a straight breath.

“Takanori?” He jumped to the mention of his name before the terror in his eyes turn to a plead for help.

“What the hell! Takanori what’s the matter?! Did you drink too much?” Akira hurried inside and kneeled beside him, seizing his shoulders to fix his gaze on him.

“He’s outside.. they found me” Takanori’s voice went out shaky and terrified, lower than just a whisper.

“Who is it? Who found you? Hey, it’s alright just calm down” he said drawing comforting circles on his back as his voice sounded a bit nervous as well.

“He’s gonna come for me”

“Takanori who are you talking about? Just calm down, please” he said and started shaking him in hopes he could pull him out of his hysteria.

“I need to leave” Takanori said jumping to his feet that were unfortunately not ready to carry him. He fell back down, his gasps mixed with his shaky sobs as he tried to pull himself up again.

“Takanori stop!” Akira yelled holding him down, staring him in the eyes.

“Who is it? Your cousin?” Takanori shook his head and started weeping quietly as if he was afraid to be heard.

“Takanori maybe you drank too much, maybe you just imagined someone? Just calm down, please” he said patting his shoulder, letting in a new possibility in his head.

A sharp cough stopped his gasps as he tried to breath normally looking at him.

The look on his face made Akira’s heart shrink in pain as he remembered his dream... the same look, the same voice. What was he supposed to do..?

As Takanori's breaths calmed he remained silent for a couple of minutes, looking down feeling the numbness in his mind and whole body.

“Let’s just get out of here?” Akira said and saw the fear sink his fangs in Takanori’s eyes as he started panting again with wide eyes, pulling away from his grip.

“What? It’s okay” he said with a confused look getting ahold of Takanori’s wrist again who started shaking his head repeatedly.

“Y-you don’t know” he snivelled, trying to pull away, shaking his head.

“It’s gonna be okay, I promise” Akira said looking at him in the eyes for a moment.

“There’s no one outside anyway, but don’t worry I’m here, nobody’s gonna hurt you okay? Shall we leave?” Akira said and Takanori’s eyes looked at the door for a moment as his mind swallowed in the idea that he might’ve imagined something, he hasn’t been drunk in years so it could be possible. His body’s so not used to too much alcohol that it’s acting weirdly.

He swallowed and followed Akira who’s hand still wrapped around his wrist and as they stepped out Takanori’s eyes started hysterically wandering the place looking for a certain face.

When they reached their table Akira turned to face Takanori who’s eyes were still looking around.

“I have to leave” Takanori whispered as he hardly could fix his gaze to look at him.

“Yeah alright, wait I’m coming” Akira said and turned around to take his belongings.

“Where to?” Kagemori asked with a raised eyebrow and Mei’s expression was also confused.

“He’s not feeling well, I’ll walk him home” he said taking Takanori’s phone and keys as well.

Their eyes stared at the confused face behind but Takanori was too distracted to notice.

“Takanori are you alright?” Mei asked tilting her head as he kinda flinched at the mention of his name before he nodded repeatedly without a word.

“Are you coming back?” Mei asked Akira that just turned around to leave.

“I don’t know, just continue your night” he said raising his hand with a wave before walking out of the place followed by Takanori.

The cold air of the night gave them both shivers as Akira put on his jacket, turned to face Takanori who’s still hysterically trying to find someone.

“Hey... no one’s around, just calm down already” Akira said seriously, gaining Takanori’s attention. “Just breath, nobody’s gonna hurt you”

“You don’t know-“

“I know that you’re drunk and panicked and need to rest” Akira cut him off with a serious expression and a strict tone that was followed by silence as he watched Takanori’s face fall before looking down.

“Y-you don’t understand, he’s dangerous”

“Takanori please, enough, who’s dangerous? Who did you even see?” Akira’s brows furrowed as he stood there waiting for an answer while Takanori’s lips parted to speak something but fell back shut and he looked down for a few seconds.

“I’m sorry” he whispered looking down with a frown.

“It’s been a while since I last had a drink”

“Don’t apologize it’s fine, let’s just take you home” Akira said quietly.

“I’m fine, just go back inside... I’m sober enough to get on a bus” Takanori said as his facial features turned to dead, expressionless ones.

“Takanori I’m sorry, I didn’t know you might not enjoy here, I thought-“

“It’s not the place, it could’ve happened anywhere”

“But not today if we didn’t come here, right?... let’s go” he said placing a hand on Takanori's back before they started moving.

Takanori was too afraid to insist on going home alone although Akira’s company wasn’t his best choice now.

 

“You’re coming tomorrow right?” Akira asked in front of Takanori’s front door receiving a silent nod.

“I’m sorry for ruining your night, please don’t invite me again” Takanori said, turning around to unlock his door.

“What? No, hey it’s okay I-I’m not upset”

“I know, I just don’t seem to get along after all”

“Takanori you know that’s not right, what happened?”

“I’m sorry I need to sleep, goodnight” He said closing the door before he was stopped by Akira holding the door open with his hand.

“Takanori wait I'm sorry, I didn’t really mean for my words to sound mean, I just-“

“Don’t apologize, you didn’t do anything, and thanks for tonight” Takanori said with half-closed eyes. Tired, drained and sad eyes rather than sleepy ones.

“See you tomorrow” Takanori said with a slight nod closing the door as his hand wasn’t stopping him anymore.

Standing there, Akira remained silent for a couple of minutes with a deep frown before he hissed a curse and started walking away.

Tears, sobs, screams, fear, a breakdown. None of that happened, none of Takanori’s expectations happened, he headed to his room and fell on his bed after changing.

The dead expression he had on his face wasn’t superficial. He was dead inside out. He expected at least some silent tears to wet his pillow but his eyes remained dry as ever as he closed his eyes, killed his thoughts and fell asleep. Emotionless for the first time in his life.

Chapter Text

 

 

“Hello?” Akira said, sounding unsure when Takanori walked past him without a word.

“Oh, hey.. morning” he said without even looking.

“Morning-“ Akira’s words fell on the ground as Takanori stood up and left without looking at him once, leaving a frown on his face.

The whole day went on like this, even in lunch break Takanori left the room as soon as he stepped inside followed by confused and sad eyes.


“Takanori?” Akira said from beside him before he could turn around and leave again so he turned his face to face him with a humming sound.

“What’s wrong? I didn’t know you get really upset, is that because of yesterday’s conversation?”

“No, I’m just in a bad mood, sorry” TAkanori said taking his bag and leaving.

“See you later” he said before leaving the room and a mix of confusion, sadness and anger behind.

“What’s with him today?” Akira flinched to the voice from his left so he cleared his throat, looking away.

“I don’t know”

•••

With a tired sigh Takanori sat on his bed, feeling terrible and a frown clung at his face.

'What’s wrong with you! You’re a freak deal with it! If you were him you’d just let yourself go rot in hell not walk you home, what on earth is wrong with you?!... Oh having too many friends makes you push some away? The fuck are you doing! You peace of worthless shit have somebody that gives a fuck about you but you just have to be a dick'

Takanori groaned at his own inner voice and let his back fall on the bed, holding his face with both hands.

He grabbed his phone and found Akira’s name on the screen before he realized he was calling him. He touched the red button with a frown after the first ring, cursing his stupidity and wishing for a miracle to blind Akira to his name in the missed calls list.

The knock on his door made his eyes flutter open after a short nap so he got up on his feet with a frown, he wasn’t expecting someone. Could it possibly be Akira?

With lazy steps and sleepy mind he opened the door and... it wasn't Akira.

It took his mind a few moments to recognize who’s the figure that’s standing in front of him and he could swear that his hears stopped for a second.

All the colors ran away from his face and he froze before pushing the door closed again but was pushed with the door strongly with a familiar force to the back.

His back hit the wall but he wasted no time in trying to close the door again but it was no use, he knew he could never escape that grip that was placed on his wrist now.

“No! Let go!” He yelled, desperately trying to pull away. Heart hammering against his chest, heavy breaths leaving his lungs as panic and horror clutched at him recalling an unwanted feeling, a feeling he thought was gone forever.

‘No, wake up! Wake up! Wake the fuck up! Please be a dream.. wake up!’

His conscious pleaded as he tried to push the strong figure away or escape the firm grip around his wrist desperately as deep down he knew he can’t and never could.

“No, let go of me” his yells turned to pleads as his tears welled in his eyes and his voice chocked, trying to pull away, avoiding the dead stare on him.

A very familiar feeling of terror and darkness clutched at his heart as his body slowly remembered that force and gradually stopped obeying his orders, just as it used to act back then causing fear to paralyze what’s left moving of his body and pushing tears down his cheekbones uncontrollably.

“Why... how did you... no, no you can’t fuckin-“ he was silenced with a punch to his right cheek, with a force that slammed his face against the wall to his left.

With his head spinning and a sharp pain in his face he tried to look at him to evade the next punch he knew was on the way.

“You remember that face don’t you” he said, squeezing Takanori’s face in his huge hand and tears covered his hand in an instant.

“Let me go” Takanori snivelled and could barely talk as the grip on his face squeezed above the cut on the inside of his cheek causing blood to run down the inside of his mouth and on his tongue.

Another punch laid him on the ground so he started crawling backwards as fast as he could with his eyes focused on the huge angry figure in front of him with terror in his eyes and strong sobs that interrupted his breath. When he almost got the chance to turn his body around and try to get up he was dragged to the back from his ankle that was forcefully twisted causing a scream to escape his trembling lips, he was turned around and held down in the worst way as violent waves of flashbacks and memories drowned and chocked him, remembering the very same position and screaming in horror and pain with two knees setting with a huge weight on both of his palms to prevent them from resisting and a hand crushing his shoulder down on the ground as he started screaming hysterically before the other hand silenced him, blocking his mouth and nose so he started kicking and his face reddened in need for oxygen.

He took in a sharp breath as soon as his nose had the chance while his mouth was still blocked with the hand that covered the lower half of his face.

“Shut the fuck up you little filthy brat” he snapped and Takanori’s screams continued but was only muted with his palm.

“You’re gonna shut the fuck or i will make you” he said placing his hand beneath Takanori’s shirt on the bare skin of his stomach and pinching a certain spot that silenced Takanori and widened his eyes the his body started acting as it used to whenever he was in that position.

Paralyzed.

His fast and heavy breaths did not fit only though his nose and he felt like chocking while his eyes wandered around hysterically, his mind was desperately trying to get his body to move and convince him that he was in his apartment not in the same old, dark room his body’s convinced to be in right now.

A few punches that felt countless to Takanori followed as he remained paralyzed and silenced beneath him receiving his merciless beats and only responding with tears.

“In case you did not remember me well” he hissed lifting Takanori’s whole body against the wall that did not resist not even for a second in one move, aiming a couple of punches to his stomach.

“Stop” Takanori’s only moving organ was his tongue and he thought he could plead for mercy before he received a sharp slap that started a whistling sound in his ear.

“I see you don’t remember yet”

“I do I do!” Takanori sniveled holding a hand in front of his face in terror.

“Listen up, bitch... that face you remember so well, you did not see. Not yesterday, and not today. If you dare to tell a single living creature, I swear you’ll be dragged to the bottom of your hell again and this time you won’t get out alive” he said squeezing Takanori’s face with a hand and crushing his shoulder against the wall with the other.

“I see you’ve got an amazing memory, you remember very well and you know I’m not talking shit.. speak out a word and you won’t even get the chance to say goodbye to your friend” he finished throwing him away, wandering the place in front of Takanori’s eyes, closing all his windows and curtains and turning off all light switches before he finally reached the light switch beside the front door and Takanori’s heart nearly stopped to the sight of his dark apartment and he understood.

“No! Please!” He screamed, trying to reach him to make him stop but stumbled down holding his reddened ankle, receiving a kick to his shoulder that threw him against the wall before he heard the loud thud his head made hitting the wall.

“No” he whispered in tears, watching him turn off the last lit lamp in the whole dark apartment now and leave as the last thing he saw was the evilest smirk his eyes ever witnessed.

..

Panicked gasps filled the silent darkness that surrounded him and they mixed with violent sobs before he started chocking as his body shivered in cold.

The blood taste didn’t leave his mouth as the inside of his cheek started bleeding again. His widened eyes and big pupils looked around in search of any source of light that his mind now failed to separate between his imagination and reality as the place he could see a couple of minutes ago that was the last thin string that tied him to reality faded and now he was stuck in the darkest and deepest parts of his memories that he no longer think are only memories.

Darkness. Pain. Tears and blood. Breathless weeping.

 

'Did i ever leave in the first place?.. had any of that been real? I’m still stuck here ever since then, nothing’s been real.... Akira?'

 

 ..

“Mom did you see the goal i just scored? We won because of me!” Takanori’s little voice rang in the numb emptiness in his mind.

“I did! You were awesome my little star” she said hugging him tight as he received a gentle pat on his back.

“I knew you were gonna make it! I knew my son could save the game!” His father said punching the air causing Takanori’s smile to widen.

“Who’s ready for the biggest celebration?” His mom whispered in a teasing tone so he gasped and started jumping around.

“Yes! I am!”

 

“I received my last test grades today! Everybody’s been jealous” Takanori said taking a bite of his burger with a snobby smile.

“Oh look how clever my little peanut is!” She said and his father laughed.

“Mom i’m not five anymore you know” he said puffing his full cheeks out with a frown.

“Oh i missed six whole years of your age? Excuse my weak memory” she said placing a tender kiss on his cheek.

“Can I pick up my man tomorrow from school for the doctor’s appointment?” She said in a playful tone, combing his hair with her fingers receiving playful nod from him.

..


“Won’t you come and pick me up already?” Takanori’s voice went out broken as he sniveled alone in the dark and his tears fell in defeat as the only light he could see was his old days with his parents before life could take a hold of his heart and squeeze it mercilessly.

Was he home? Did all of that just happen? Did he even have a home anymore? Was he still abandoned in the dark, cold room alone and was never rescued? Was somebody gonna look for him? Did he care? Did anybody care?

He sank in a sea of warm memories that his subconscious choose to drown in instead of the dark, cold ocean of reality. As he closed his eyes and drifted away, wishing deep inside to never come back.


•••

“Takanori?” Pushing the door open, Akira stepped inside with a confused expression as he saw the darkness inside and realized that the door was left open.

Turning the flashlight of his phone on, he searched for the nearest light switch on the wall with a racing heart.

 

He returned the call after his shift was over but got no respond so he called again after a while and still got no response so he called for the third time and started worrying as he also got no response.

Not getting a response on seven calls was not normal, it drove him to Takanori’s place with all bad possibilities in mind.

“Takanori! Oh my god!” He gasped as soon as he turned the light on and saw his lifeless body on the ground with his back against the wall and his bruised face and bloodied lips.

“No wake up, please” he begged, stroking his cheeks.

“What happened, oh my god” his voice went out worried as he was still trying to wake him up.

“Takanori, wake up” he repeated again and again with a racing heart and glossy eyes until Takanori’s eyes moved under his eyelids then fluttered open slowly.

The first thing his eyes landed on was Akira’s worried features before his eyes wandered the place, blinking repeatedly before falling back on the tensed presence in front of him then moving around again to make sure where he was.

He closed his eyes again and his head fell forward before it was held back up by an unfamiliar, gentle touch.

“Takanori look at me, what happened?”

“I told you... he was gonna come looking for me” he said in a hoarse voice looking at him through his half closed eyelids and thick lashes.

“What?...Oh no”

Chapter Text

“Oh no” Akira’s eyes widened a he realized what he just heard.

“I told you they... were gonna come for me” Takanori spoke and his mind was still absent as he stared at nothing, lowering his head.

“W-was that the same person you saw last night?” Akira asked with a shaky voice, afraid of hearing the answer he already knew.

Takanori nodded as he now was looking at him in the eyes and tears started welling in his expressionless eyes.

“Why are you here?” Takanori asked and kinda tilted his head.

“I-i tried to call you but you didn’t answer. My phone was in the locker I didn’t know you called until I finished my shift” Akira explained nervously before continuing. “Takanori i swear I’m so sorry i thought you were drunk, I didn’t mean to make fun of your fears or anything and I didn’t know you were in real danger, i’m so sorry” he apologized with a deep frown before seeing the smirk forming on his face.

“It’s fine.. I saw that coming already” Takanori said trying to get on his feet before he winced and moaned in pain forgetting about his ankle that turned purple now.

“W-wait don’t move... oh god it’s swollen” Akira said with a gasp.

“You need to go to the hospital, just let me help you up”

“No! No I won’t go anywhere” he snapped as fear found its way to his face again.

“What? Why not, you should’ve called the police too, just let me-“

“No! No, don’t!”

“What? Why?”

“Just don’t” he said trying to stand up again taking the wall as support before he was held by Akira.

“Takanori, I don’t understand anything, and please don’t act like that, I meant everything I said that day and I‘m not taking back my words” he said, slowly setting him down on the couch and taking a seat next to him as Takanori looked at him with a mixture of confusion, fear and sadness.

“Let’s just hold that for later, okay? Why don’t you want to call the police? Somebody just attacked you in your apartment and left you with many bruises and a broken ankle, you need to go to the hospital too” he said but Takanori kept shaking his head.

“All of that is just a warning, if someone else knew, you’re never gonna see me again”

“It’s not that easy who the fuck he thinks he is, you-“

“They can.. and they will. If I called the police, i’m doomed” Takanori’s voice went out shaky as he bit his tongue in pain.

“Now just tell me what’s going on I can’t understand anything, is he a person or a group, and warning of what?”

“He’s not just one person, but he’s the one that found me... they disappeared ever since I was rescued three years ago and no one could find them... but now they found me again” he said hiding his face in his hands.

“Rescued?”

“I must tell Katsuji.. but I‘m not gonna spend another hour alive if I did.. I don’t know what to do” his voice chocked as tears threatened to fall.

“What the fuck, I never knew there could be something that dangerous behind it all.. a-and who’s Katsuji?”

“The officer that’s been helping me ever since then and who’s in charge of my case” Takanori sniffled wiping away his tears.

“Officer?... oh” Akira said with shock on his face.

“So you’ve been abused before and now there’s an officer that’s taking care of your case?”

“I-i understand if you wanna leave, but could you please stay for a while? I don’t know what I’m gonna do and he could come back” Takanori’s eyes pleaded as he suppressed his sobs.

“I’m not going anywhere.. and you can’t keep that to yourself, if there’s a case, someone waiting for you to tell them any changes and a criminal out there fleeing with his crime, you must do something”

“But.. they can take me and I won’t ever make it out again, i’ll just be gone forever” he whispered in fear.

“I think police is supposed to protect you? What are you so afraid of, if you report, you’ll be protected... look I won’t leave, call him now and tell him everything” AKira said seriously.

Takanori coughed then got up.

“Where to?”

“I need to go to the bathroom”

“Wait let me help you... you shouldn’t walk, it may be broken” he said holding his arm around his shoulder and grabbing his waist, pointing to his ankle.


Spitting out his bloodied saliva he wined as he accidentally bit on his wounded cheek and spat more blood.

“A-are you coughing blood or is that a cut in your mouth?” Akira asked worriedly at the sight of blood then he saw Takanori shaking his head pointing at his mouth.

He washed his face and dried it carefully before placing a couple of bandages on his wounded cheek and forehead.

 

“Takanori?” He heard through his phone and swallowed the lump forming in his throat as he looked at Akira who nodded at him.

“O-one of them was here” was the first thing Takanori spoke in the call that was met by silence.

“What do you mean? Who are you talking about?” he asked with cautious as Takanori swallowed nervously.

“K-Kamenari” Takanori whispered and  he saw the worried look on Akira’s face.

“What do you mean was here? Where are you?!” Katsuji’s tone changed and Takanori could see the anger on his face through the tone of his voice.

“When did that happen?”

“I- I don’t know what to do.. h-he threatened me not to tell anyone, I can’t head to the station, he might see me i-“

“What the fuck they think themselves doing, i swear to god they’re not gonna get away this time” he snapped as Takanori heard a thud on the other side.

“Where are you? I’m coming”

“I-I’m home.. please d-don't bring other cops or -“

“I know. Are you injured?” He asked and Takanori could hear a door falling shut.

“Nothing serious” he said, ignoring the killing pain in his ankle.

“Stay where you are and don’t let in a single person” he said before hanging up while Takanori’s heart shrank as he put down his phone.

“What?” Akira asked confusedly.

“He’s coming”

“Good, now calm down and wait”

Almost fifteen minutes of nervous silence passed as Takanori buried his face in both of his hands.

The door bell made him jump to his feet and hobbled to the door not waiting for Akira who followed him and tried to grab him.

“Shit what did he do?!” Was the first thing Katsuji said as he walked in and closed the door behind him.

“Uncle Yakimura?” Akira said from behind before Katsuji’s eyes wandered around to notice the third figure in the place.

“Akira? What are you doing here?” He said as Takanori’s eyes wandered between the both of them 

“You know each other?” Takanori asked confusedly.

“He’s my uncle” Akira said stepping towards them.

“So you know each other as well” Katsuji said before his eyes was fixed back on Takanori.

 

“I need you to tell me everything”

“S-should I leave?” Akira whispered behind Takanori unsurely as he led Katsuji to his living room then he shook his head.

 

“He then turned all the lights off before leaving, then I woke up to Akira’s voice. I don’t really know what would’ve happened if I woke up in the same state I don’t know if I was gonna even wake up” Takanori finished and a shock was written all over Akira’s face and anger on his uncle’s.

“That son of a bitch!.. and why didn’t you call me yesterday and tell me that you saw him?! We could’ve prevented this from happening! Maybe we could arrest him as well! You think this is a game of some sort? Didn’t i tell you to inform me if anything happened?!”

“Of course I don’t, I-i thought I was drunk and seeing things, it was impossible to believe, who thought he would just bump into me in a bar after three years of disappearance!” Takanori yelled the end of his sentence as they both stayed silent for a few moments and Akira’s expression stayed the same.

“T-Takanori I didn’t really know there might-“

“It’s not your fault, you wouldn’t be out with your friends after work for fun and guess that one of them is cursed like this” Takanori said with a smirk before sighing and hiding his face in his hands.

“And Yutaka also was here the very same day you called me and you didn’t mention it until now! What if he has something to do with it?!” Katsuji said in anger and Takanori looked at him in shock before looking down with heavy breaths, trying to push back his tears.

"He can't have anything to do with this" Takanori said and almost directed his words to himself, trying to push away the possibility.

“Takanori look. I told you ever since the first day I meet you, I’ll help you through this, and I‘ll make them pay for every day you spent in hospital loosing your mind. I won’t give up, but you also need to help me, I can’t do it alone, I can take care of what happens outside, but inside your house that’s your responsibility and I can’t learn about it on my own” Katsuji said with concern, patting Takanori’s back as Takanori looked up at him with a frown and glossy eyes.

“I know, I just.. I thought I was.. I never thought of it this way, could he possibly be aware of it all?” Takanori said in fear, looking away, wiping his face as Akira sat there watching in silence.

“Listen, you better stay home more often, he’s been near and until we find the thinnest string that leads us to him you’re not safe out there”

“What about work? I can’t just stay home”

“It’s alright.. my brother’s the owner of the restaurant, and I already told him about you before recommending you his restaurant, if he knew it’s something this important he surely would understand”

“He’s your... brother?” He said before looking back and forth between him and Akira.

“Ah.. right” he said, getting a hold of the whole thing.

“You can’t go to work at least for a week, his ankle’s bruised and maybe broken” Akira said, looking at Takanori then at his uncle.

“Let me take you to the hospital” Katsuji said, standing up.

“N-no it’s fine i-“ he was cut off by a firm grip pulling him up and leaning him against his side.

“I’ll accompany you there and you walk him home, I’ll have to get back” Katsuji said looking at Akira who nodded.

“You don’t have to, I can-“ he said to Akira then looked at Katsuji who was still holding him.

“Takanori” he silenced him in a strict tone, with a side look causing him to shut his mouth as he saw a smile on Akira’s face before his face froze then turned serious with an apology.

 

"Try not to walk a lot or stand. You'll keep that on for a month and take these pills.. use the ointment twice a day" the nurse said, putting on his ankle support while he kept nodding and repeating 'okay' as Akira who's standing next to him kept drawing soothing circles on his back.

"You take it from here, I’m gonna have to get back to work" Katsuji said to Akira who nodded to him.

"Take care and call me if anything happened and before going anywhere" he said to Takanori, patting his shoulder then they went their separate ways.


"You can walk? or we better take a taxi?"

"No, I’m fine.. we're not that far though" he said with a faint smile as Akira took his arm and wrapped it around his.

..


“I think I don’t know anything about you”Akira said after a break of silence.

“You don’t” Takanori said, smiling as he hobbled next to him.

“Hey, I really am not sure if that’s a good timing, but I don’t want you to be upset, I’m  sorry”

“It’s okay” Takanori said with a faint smile.

“Just don’t feel curious to know more about me, nothing’s pleasing in my story” he continued mockingly.

“You’re interesting” Akira said chuckling as Takanori’s smile didn’t fade.

“You seem to know my uncle for a long while tho”

“Three years.. yeah that’s long, I never thought you could be related”

“When you mentioned Katsuji I never thought he could be him, I feel stupid” Akira said giggling.

“He’s treating you like he does with my cousins”

“He does?” Takanori said, looking at him with the remains of his smile that still didn’t leave his face as the other nodded at him.

“He’s a good man.. he cared when nobody did, i was totally alone and he helped me. Even when he didn’t have to, even when it had nothing to do with him or the whole case..” Takanori said with a smile.

“Yeah, he is..” Akira said, sighing.

“When my father left, he took care of me, it’s hard to believe they’re brothers, they’re the complete opposite of each other, he’s been always there... my other uncle’s also kind, they took care of me when I was young” Akira said then looked at Takanori who smiled at him warmly.

“What?”

“Ah, nothing, go on” Takanori said looking away with the smile he still had on his face.

“That’s it.. why did I even start this, I wanted to know more about you”

“What’s so interesting? I told you nothing’s good”

“It doesn’t have to be..”

“Well, maybe next time” Takanori said with a smirk as he pointed his head to his front door so Akira wined with a chuckle.


“You want me to stay?” Akira said, resting Takanori on his couch who replied with a giggle.“No, that’s enough for you today”

“Thanks, for everything.. I’ll be fine” he said, nodding as Akira kept staring him in the eyes for a few seconds.

“Are you sure?” He asked and Takanori nodded so he sighed deeply.

“Take care of yourself... and please just call if anything happened” he said so Takanori nodded with a faint smile.

"See you later!" Akira said from near the front door loud enough for him to hear from the living room before closing the door behind him after hearing his response, leaving Takanori all alone with his demons.

Takanori sat on the couch with the smile that Akira left on him before it faded with the passing seconds and was replaced by concern, fear and sadness.

He tried to fight away his demons that wrapped him in a foggy fold of memories but couldn't and eventually he got swallowed by his darkness and gave up as it started eating him alive.


Silent weeps filled the room as he curled in his bed and covered his whole body, the silence wasn’t his best friend now, he didn’t even dare turn the light off, his wide open eyes wandered the place the whole time and focused on the closed door of his room.

He spent the night shivering in fear, sobbing and shuddering from touches he felt every now and then on his whole body that were never there... tears wetted his pillow and he couldn’t close his eye not even for a moment.

Voices stated creeping around and sneaking to his mind as they grew louder with the passing time that it raised the pressure on him gradually until it was unbearable.

Touches. Screams. Voices. Ghosts. They all chocked him, pushed him over the edge that he fell and had no one to catch him.

He broke down hard, cried out loud as his eyes wandering around in fear following all the moving presences that didn’t leave his sight while his whole body shook and winced from all the touches he felt on him.

His loud pleads and weeps filled the room as he grabbed the blanket tighter around his shaking body, trying to hide his face to avoid seeing everything his mind visualized before going crazy.

The sight of darkness while he closed his eyes was way too unbearable than to stare at some moving presences so his eyes flew open and his fear reached to the level where it paralyzed his body completely and silenced his cries, left him unable to move or scream for help as they all gathered around him causing his heart to beat crazily, his eyes to glare in its widest, and his breaths to hardly leave his lungs.

Muted gasps and uncontrollable shivering took all over him before his body and mind gave up and he closed his eyes, fell asleep or fainted, it didn’t matter much to him causs he finally could rest his tired body and mind for a while.


•••

Chapter Text

“You chose fire”
“No, I didn’t! No, let me go! Please don’t!”
“A good boy doesn’t..?”
“A good boy doesn’t..?”
“A good body doesn’t!”
“Scream!”

A scream rang in the silent warm room as Takanori got up, breathing heavily and holding his neck and stomach before looking around as his breath slowly calmed and his scared face and wide eyes were back to normal. He turned around to face the window as his thick lashes closed on each other to lessen the amount of light that hit his wide pupils. His hand reached his nightstand to check his phone that just got a notification

‘I’ll pass by in lunch break’ he read Akira’s message and raised a brow in confusion but put the phone aside and made his way to his bathroom. He wrapped a plastic bag around his ankle and sat down inside the bathtub under the warm running water, resting his head and body to its cold walls as he hugged himself, trying to find comfort to start his day with. Unexpected tears made their ways down his chin, mixing with the shower’s water on his blank and sad face.
Without memories, flashbacks, or any sorrowful thoughts he would just find himself crying, with a blank mind he would still feel the ache in his heart.

He remained still for a couple of minutes before he started bathing in his sitting position.

His almost broken ankle hardened his movement and made him choose to set down doing nothing over suffering his way around.

He sat on bed with shorts and a plain t-shirt, drying his hair and staring at nothing

 


“I was sure you’re gonna need one of these, my grandma had an extra one so I borrowed it from her and she didn’t mind at all” Akira said, stepping inside as Takanori closed the door, and handed him a crutch

“You didn’t have to” Takanori said with furrowed eyebrows as a smile sneaked its way to his lips

“Just take it, I was worried you might slip before I could give it to you, but you look fine.. did you fall or something?” He said putting down his backpack as Takanori shook his head with a smile

“Great.. you know how to walk with it right?”

“I used them for months” Takanori said with a sad smirk before looking at it as if it was the last thing he could wish for

“Ah... I see” Akira said looking down

“I doubt that you had anything for breakfast, did you?” Akira said taking out two lunchboxes from his bag

“Why are you doing this, I was gonna have some leftovers or something” Takanori said, trying to wipe off his smile

“Do you even have leftovers?” Akira mocked, putting the bag aside

“And these are not yours” he said holding the two boxes in front of him

“This is” he moved one towards Takanori who giggled

“That’s my lunch break, you’re gonna have to have lunch with me or breakfast in your case” Akira said as they both took their seats on the four-chaired dining table in his small kitchen as Takanori murmured a ‘thank you’ and received a joking narrowed look from him that caused a laugh to escape his mouth

“What’s the matter?” Akira asked as he saw him staring blankly at the food while chewing

“Nothing.. I just like your cooking” he said, raising his head up then smiling as he made the other grin before shoving a piece of his food in his busy mouth and looked down on his own food

“Did you sleep well?” Akira asked and got no response for a few moments from him who didn’t even look up

“Takanori?” He asked again tilting his head, trying to get a glimpse of his hidden face

“Yeah kind of” Takanori said, raising his head and faking a smile

“What happened?” He asked, ignoring Takanori’s answer as he looked at him and put down his chopsticks

“What? Nothing happened, why are you asking?”

“Because I know something happened”

“What makes you so sure” Takanori said and forced a laugh, trying to change the subject

“Takanori, what happened? I should’ve stayed, right?” Akira said seriously looking him in the eyes which erased Takanori’s fake smile, where his real sad and scared expression found a room on his face as his eyes chose to look down rather than take the pressure from the eye contact

“I couldn’t sleep” he said quietly

“Do you.. wanna talk about them?” Akira asked causing Takanori’s face to suddenly look up at him with sad and surprised eyes

“Your dreams.. anything” he continued as Takanori looked away, shaking his head

“Your eyes are puffy and sad.. I can assume that you didn’t have a peaceful hour of sleep... I’m listening, you can tell me anything” Takanori looked at him with his sorrowful eyes, not able to take more pressure, he needed to talk, he needed to be heard, he needed help

“You’re gonna be late to work” He said, seizing his last chance of changing the subject or just running away but he failed

“I can excuse myself, i have only a few hours left anyway and everyone’s there today. It’s gonna be fine” he said as Takanori’s eyes pleaded for him to stop, to leave. He didn’t wanna break down again, he didn’t wanna cry again, he didn’t wanna expose himself. Not in front of him.

Akira’s patience and kindness only pushed Takanori closer to his cliff. This time he was sure he will fall, but at least he’s gonna be caught instead of crushing his bones.


“I can’t control my mind.. I see, hear and feel things. No matter how hard I try, they don’t go away, and if I sleep they’re still there, but stronger, more visible and louder” he said almost whispered, his voice cracked and chocked with every word he let out, with every bit of him he exposed.

“It doesn’t stop... I’m suffering” he said and tears welled in his eyes as he looked up at him

“Didn’t you think of seeing a psychiatrist?.. you need help this is serious” He said and sadness took control of his face

“I did.. for years. And I got better, it stopped... kind of, but.. they’re back, as bad and as strong as it used to be”

“That’s because you meet him again?”

“Maybe” He said, shrugging as his vision blurred completely and his tears threatened to fall

“You shouldn’t stay alone, it’ll only make it worst.” He said taking a seat in the chair next to him instead of the one on the other side

“I have no one to go to” he said looking down as he felt a hand on his back

“I can stay if you want me to, or you could come to stay with me, you’ll love my grandma, she’ll take care of you while I’m out” Takanori looked at him unsurely then looked down as tears started falling on his bare knees

“Hey, don’t feel bad about it.. when somebody tries to help you, it doesn’t mean you reached your weak point, it means you should take their hand so they can pull you up, so you can get stronger, it doesn’t mean you’re weak or needy.. and even if you was.. it’s alright”

Takanori’s eyes looked up at him for a few seconds before they looked down once again

“It’s also fine if you don’t want to, sometimes help comes from the wrong person” he said, chuckling

“No, y-you’re not the wrong person.. you’re... also the only” he said and a faint smile appeared on his face at the end of his sentence

“Okay I’ll take that as a compliment not that you don’t have a choice”

“It was supposed to be!” Takanori said chuckling as Akira grabbed his food from the other side of the table and continued eating gesturing him to eat too


“Well, I still have time to get back to work, I’ll pass by on my way home. You decide until then what do you wanna do, alright?” Akira said, standing up as Takanori nodded at him with a smile

“See you in a few hours” Akira waved, taking his bag and putting his shoes on before smiling at him as he stepped outside

“Akira.. thank you” he said as Akira turned around and smiled at him once again before leaving

Takanori closed the door behind him with a smile that took a while to go away

Looking at the crutch that’s rested on the wall he sighed before grabbing it and heading to his living room, accepting its existence as it did really help him around.

Tiredly he sat down, turned the TV on and luckily found a movie he loves so he just sat there peacefully letting his mind drift away with the movie

An hour later he was alarmed to his knocking door, taking his crutch he stood up and headed to the door with a racing heart that hammered against his chest with his blood boiling as he checked the door first and saw an unwanted presence

He angrily opened the door, threw the crutch aside as he grabbed Yutaka’s collar, pulled him inside and pushed him against the wall

“Did you fucking lead them to me?!” He yelled at him as he stared back at him with wide eyes that turned from surprise to anger in less than a second

“What the fuck are you talking about, let go of me!” He yelled back trying to get rid of Takanori’s grip

“You disappear and then he shows up two days later, what do you have to do with them?!” Takanori yelled again before he was forcefully and unexpectedly pushed away that he fell on his back with a loud groan as he held his lower back and frowned in pain

“What the fuck is going on, what.. what happened to you?” He yelled before his eyes fell on the crutch on the ground and the bandages on Takanori’s face and the support around his foot then his tone changed

“What’s that? What happened” he asked as he kneeled down beside him, receiving a hateful look from him

“What are you doing here” Takanori asked as he tried to grab the crutch to stand up

“I left you in a bad state last time and I wasn’t sure if I should show up at your doorstep again but I just came to say sorry”

“Oh, did you know such a word existed?” Takanori said with a hateful smirk as he stood up followed by his cousin who closed the door

“Why did you close the door?” Takanori asked as Yutaka’s hand found its way back to the doorknob wordlessly and opened it again with a confused look

“Takanori who did that to you? Who were you talking about? I didn’t lead anyone to you, I didn’t even talk to any of my family about you”

“Forget about it, just leave”

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to push you, you just caught me off guard and-“

“It doesn’t matter”

“Would you stop acting like an ass?” Yutaka snapped narrowing his eyes

“Oh sorry, am I not returning your kindness?” He said as Yutaka rolled his eyes with a sigh in return

“What happened to you?”

“It’s none of your business!”

“You just accused me of leading someone to you who obviously smashed your fucking face, who the fuck were you talking about?”

“I said it doesn’t matter!”

“And I said who the fuck was it?!” Yutaka yelled back at him, louder.

“What is your damned problem?! You’re creeping me out! You never gave a damn about me and you hated me from the bottom of your fucking heart that’s if you have one, and now you pop up in my life acting like you fucking care?!”

“I always cared! That was your problem being too blind to see”

“Oh sorry?! What part of making fun of me, my whole life and bullying me with your shit eaters every fucking day was “caring”? What did I miss? Oh, where you treated me with full kindness at home? Or when you used to turn everyone against me even your fucking dog!”

“Oh and before that happens, don’t you remember what you did?” Yutaka replied with a disgusted look

“So you ruined my life because I broke your heart?! You fucking harassed me!” Takanori’s yell was followed by silence and a dark hateful glare from Yutaka

“Your kind heart didn’t bear to be rejected? I ruined your pureness, i’m sorry” Takanori said as Yutaka’s look darkened and he stepped towards him

“I swear to god if you fucking touch me” Takanori warned warily, stepping backwards

“Why do you have to drive it this way every time, fuck you” he said still stepping nearer before he stopped right in front of him with a few inches between them

“Y-yutaka.. leave” Takanori said with a shaky voice due to the strong eye contact Yutaka was locking him in, he then sighed looking away, then back at him

“It took me a lot of thinking and time just to decide to come here to fucking apologize not to be kicked out by a brat that obviously did not deserve it” he said staring at him in the eyes before his gaze shifted to his lips for a few seconds in which Takanori’s heart stopped, then he turned around and left without a word, leaving Takanori’s racing heart and shaking legs behind

He let out shaky breaths and relaxed his tensioned body resting his back to the wall and looking at the crutch on the ground helplessly before he bent forward to grab it.

He threw his exhausted body on his couch back to how he was setting before he was interrupted.

Could he possibly be honest for once? What made him change, did he even change? He’s always been a liar could he just be sneaking around to reach something?.. should I ever trust him? Believe him? Let him ever near me again? Is he the same person? Yutaka never apologized, not to me and not to anyone else. He never felt guilty, he never regretted anything. Of course my disappearance didn’t matter that it’d change him that much, not even for the slightest. He could’ve never been serious about what he used to say, could he? Did I hate him so much that I couldn’t see? Did he really change?

Takanori cut the shit did your darker days make you forget how miserable he made your life? Did you forget how many nights you couldn’t sleep because the shit he did? At school, at home, and everywhere he could possibly be near you. Did you forget how many times he made you wish you could die, how many times he told you to die. How could he possibly care? All of a sudden?.. no, it’s not... it’s been three years, you just was out of it for a few years doesn’t mean everything has to be the same when you’re back.. but that doesn’t mean he could be a good person. He’s evil, he bullied, hated, harassed, and beaten the shit out of you all the time. Don’t you dare trust him.

Takanori held his head with a frown and wished he could just shut his mind up or go to sleep, he knew he could stay like this for the rest of the day if he didn’t stop it somehow.

 

“Takanori Matsumoto, please head to my office”
Takanori looked up from his textbook as he heard his name, looked around to find all eyes on him in curiosity.

He closed his book, stood up and left the class making his way to the office.

“Did i.. do something?” He asked in a low tone as his teacher walked in and sat on the opposite chair.

“Takanori.. you are fifteen, you are old enough to.. know that sometimes life doesn’t go the way we wish, right?”

“What have I done wrong?” He asked with his worried tone and fearful eyes

“You didn’t do anything wrong.. I just..” he kept his eyes fixed on his teacher who was in lost for words

“You know your parents were out today right?” He nodded at him with a confused look, not understanding anything

“They.. didn’t make it home”

His heart dropped to his feet and his eyes widened

“They had an accident”

“What?” He asked in disbelief as he stood up and tears welled in his eyes

“Takanori, calm down”

“W-what hospital are they in? What happened?” Takanori blurted out as his mind spun around

“They’re not in the hospital”

“They’re.. no longer alive”

Takanori’s breaths stopped as his eyes widened and he fell back to his seat with his eyes staring in disbelief

“What are you.. talking about” Takanori’s tears slid down his cheekbones as his eyes started looking around randomly as he tried to take in the truth

“Takanori look at me”

“What.. what do you mean they-“ he stared down and squeezed his pants as he placed his grips above his knees

And here started Takanori’s first panic attack. The first, the hardest, and the most painful.

He started gasping for air as he felt pain in his guts and head, his head spun around and his tears went out like a waterfall, he started coughing and crying and his hands started shaking, his heart hammered inside him as his vision blurred and he started screaming.

He woke up in a strange room on a bed with an oxygen mask. He walked outside to find himself still in school, it was the students’ health care

“Takanori you’re awake? Just rest, don’t move around suddenly you could faint again. Mr Toshiro is coming just wait inside”


“Takanori I’m sorry..your uncle’s on his way to pick you up.”

“You’ll live with him for now”

Tears.

Tears were the only response Takanori’s body did to anything that happened afterwards.

The sight of his uncle assured him that his happy days are over and that now suffering begins.

He went with him, his uncle’s wife tried to comfort him but he avoided everyone, ignored all conversations and remained silent.

“Takanori.. you can stay with me in my room” Yutaka told him as he patted his shoulder with sadness in his eyes.

He broke down in his arms for the first and last time, didn’t know that his cousin’s pats were gonna turn to punches a year later.

He shared him his bed, fell asleep for the first time with an aching heart of a loss, fell asleep broken and lonely in his new home.

He closed his tearful eyes to the picture of his parents before drifting away in sleep, that was never peaceful again.


Takanori’s ringing phone snatched him out of his painful memories to realize that he’s been sitting still for almost an hour and realize how wet his shirt was from his continues tears.

‘I excused myself early, I’ll be here by an hour or so ^ ^’

He smiled at the text before locking his phone and sighing deeply as he stared at the ceiling with a broken smile at the picture of his mom that flashed before his eyes.

“I miss you”

Chapter Text

“It’s me again” Akira said as he stepped inside, looking at his friend that welcomed him with a grin, as he closed the door

“So, what are you up to?” He asked, tilting his head as he watched Takanori smile unsurely at him with his eyes wandering around

“Hey I told you, you don’t have to if you don’t feel comfortable about it”

“No that’s not it, I just didn’t decide.. didn’t really think about it."

"Why?"

"Umm Yutaka was here.. he came a while after you left”

“What? What happened?” His face became more serious waiting for an answer

“Nothing.. we argued”

“Just this? Did he just pop up at your door and went like hey I came to say hi and fight?” Akira said with a frown causing him to chuckle

“No.. he said he was here to apologize, I don’t know I couldn’t believe him, and I couldn’t tell if he was lying too. But he left after a not too long argument.. upset”

“So he didn’t do anything?” He asked as Takanori shook his head

“I did” Takanori said as they sat down so Akira looked at him with furrowed eyebrows

“Did what?”

“I almost punched him.. pushed him and yelled at him so I was pushed to the ground” he said receiving an angry expression that was gonna be followed by a protest

“I did something that I’m not sure if it was.. okay or did I make a mistake” he continued with a frown

“That asshole didn’t see your foot?.. and what could possibly be a mistake”

“Well, I accused him of leading them to me.. I don’t know if he should’ve known at all I was angry.. I hate him but I don’t think he has anything to do with this. He would never go that far”

“Oh i see.. did you call my uncle?” Akira asked and Takanori shook his head

“I was thinking and I forgot to do so” he said then stood up and grabbed the crutch

“My battery is dying I’ll plug my phone to call him and I’ll be back”

“You need any help?”

“No I’m fine” he said with a faint smile before heading inside leaving Akira alone to stare around before he grabbed his phone to distract himself


“Am I late?” Takanori said a few minutes later, placing two soda cans on the coffee table, opened one and placed it in front of Akira

“Not at all.. how did it go?” He said locking his phone and placing it on the table before murmuring a ‘thanks’ and taking a sip of his soda

“He didn’t yell.. guess I didn’t make a mistake after all?” Takanori said shrugging then giggled, grabbing his own drink as the other chuckled

“That’s good”

“Look I’m not sure what to do yet.. “ Takanori said after a couple of minutes of silence

“Could you um.. stay tonight maybe I’ll just be better tomorrow and we wouldn’t need to think much of what to do later?”

“That’s if you’re fine with it and don’t wanna go home of course” he continued fast before he could talk yet

“I told you it’s fine, and yeah sure I will. It’s gonna be fun” Akira ended with a cheerful tone taking the last sip of his drink

“Will your grandmother be fine? She’s alone isn’t she?”

“Yeah but she’s already asleep, I was just gonna go sneak to my room and sleep” he said shrugging

“It’s fine, really” he said again in hopes to comfort his friend a bit

“I didn’t bring clothes along, wasn’t sure if you’d want me to stay.. do you have something to lend me or am i gonna have to sleep in jeans” he said mockingly receiving a chuckle from him as he stood up

“Come I’ll give you something to wear” he said standing up, still slightly chuckling and headed to his room followed by him

“Don't mind my messy place” Takanori said opening his closet with an embarrassed giggle

“You should see mine”

“Are those fine?” He said handing him a t-shirt and sweatpants

“Sure”

“I have a spare room, it’s clean but kinda empty” he said leading him out to the other room

“Here you are.. and that’s the bathroom” he said opening its door then pointed at the bathroom on the other side

“Alright... now go sit down, I’m feeling guilty for making you wander around” he said as Takanori chuckled with a nod before leaving

 

“Takanori?” Akira called as he reached the living room to find it empty

“Over here” Takanori said from the kitchen causing him to turn around

“What are you doing? Didn’t I just tell you to sit down?” He said walking into the kitchen

“Chill, it’s not broken.. and I’m not sitting all the time anyway” he said placing two bowls on the counter

“Okay just come here” Akira said, seizing his shoulders and driving him to the chair next to him

“Now give me that” he said pointing at the apron he’s wearing

“What’s wrong with you” Takanori said as he untied it from around his waist

“Didn’t you say you like my cooking? Were you lying?” He took it from him and placed it around his neck

“No I wasn’t but what does that have to do with this?” He complained as he took the knife from him

“What do we have here?” Akira said looking at the ingredients on the counter with his back facing him completely ignoring what he just said

“Why do you have the attitude of a mom” Takanori said giggling

“Oh you should see my grandma, if you spent two days with her you’d go nuts”

“Then why are you doing the same?”

“Cause she’s right” Akira said, still not facing him as Takanori rolled his eyes at him with a smirk, giving up the debate


“It’s been ages since I had a sleepover with someone.. like 8-10 years ago or something” Takanori said, resting his chin on the palm of his hand

“Oh wow.. I don’t have much of a choice i be just sitting in peace and I find Mori on my doorstep with his video games and food” Akira said, laughing causing him to chuckle

“He always acts like a 16 years old, can’t believe he’s a grown ass man”

“You seem like you’ve been friends ever since you were little”

“No not really, we met in high school, also Mei. They’re childhood friends, she’s his neighbour. I was the intruder”

“That sounds cute, I find childhood friends cute.. so you’ve been friends for.. hey how old are you?” Takanori asked as he furrowed his brows

“24.. it’s been almost 10 years.. wow that’s more than I thought”

“That’s really amazing..and you’re a year older than me”

“Really? Oh, I thought you were younger.. like 21 or something” he said chuckling

“Yeah I’ve been told so a lot, you gave me a closer number to my age.. I was told I looked 18 before” Takanori said with annoyance as the other’s laughter rang around

“You shouldn’t be annoyed, you’ll never age”

“I hope it has a profit other than being treated as a stupid teenager my whole life” Takanori said with the same tone causing him to laugh again


“So.. you just moved in here right?”

“A few months ago”

“What about before? Did you have friends back there?”

“Actually I haven’t had friends there, nor in the place I was in before and also not while I lived in my uncle’s house, last time I had friends were while I was still living in my home, with my parents but then when I moved to my uncle’s I lost them,..not just them, I lost everything that day, we lost contact and never seen each other again” Takanori said with a sad smirk, shrugging

“What happened? Why did you have to move in the first place?” Akira said, resting his back to the counter and now facing Takanori as he let the food cook on the stove

“They died.. and I wasn’t old enough to live on my own” he said as he watched Akira’s eyes widen and a deep frown clutch at his face

“They died in an accident.. losing both of them at the same time was unbearable..” he said as the smirk faded and his eyes overflew with sorrow

“Atop of that, they didn’t even let me grieve in peace, they weren’t even sad. It was one of the worst times of my life” he said and stared down and silence filled the room

“I’m sorry” Akira said with a frown as Takanori raised his face with glossy eyes, smiled and with a slight chuckle he spoke

“Told you nothing’s interesting”

“My mom is dead too” Akira spoke out with the same expression he had on his face causing Takanori’s expression to change back to a serious one

“Seven years ago I think.. it was just me, her and grandma. Now it’s just the two of us.. I kinda know how you felt... My dad wasn’t there, he never was, he left before he could even hear me talk” he finished with a low chuckle

“But i never needed him.. mom was all I needed, and also my uncles were kind to me” he said and watched Takanori’s frown deepened as he looked down once again

“She was sick, she suffered a lot. It really hurts so much when you miss someone that’s no longer there, it’s unbearable”

“It is..” Takanori looked at him sadly before Akira turned around to check on the food

“Do you believe in them.. you know, watching over us?” Takanori asked as he drew circles with his finger on the top of the table

“I do” Takanori looked at him for a few seconds although he didn’t turn around

“They are.. somewhere and somehow watching and even helping us”

“Oh, that’s bad..”

“What part of this exactly isn’t good?” He turned around with a question mark on his face

“The poor people, I thought they were resting in peace.. they turn out to be witnessing how miserable their son’s life went” he said with a low, sad chuckle

“But you don’t know when they helped, something might’ve gone terribly worst than how it went but they made something about it”

“You think so?”

“I’m sure” he said still facing the stove before he got serving plates out after looking for them for a while as his friend was too deep in thoughts to inform him of their place

“I just hope they’re together.. happy” Takanori said, still deep in thoughts, staring into nothing


“Time to stuff that complaining mouth of yours with some of my perfectly cooked food” he said, placing the plates and bowls on the table as Takanori blinked a few times to fix his sight and looked at him then back at the food

“That took you no time”

“Of course.. these are my secret abilities” he flashed a snobby smile as he sat down

“No, seriously”

“It took its time, we’ve been talking for a while.. you were too busy talking to notice so” Akira said chuckling

“Ah really?” He grabbed his chopsticks and started eating with a satisfied expression

“Takanori... it’s okay to have a sad soul.. life isn’t easy for everyone. You don’t have to be happy to be accepted, I don’t know much yet but i can tell you’ve went through a lot in such a young age” Takanori raised his head and looked at him with a blank expression before a little smile stretched his lips

“I’m not sure of my guesses i could be wrong but, i feel like you’re.. not accepting who you are.. if that’s because of something that happened in the past, i just want you to know that the harder it was, the more you should be proud of yourself that you’re over it, you know.. that you survived” Akira said as Takanori’s smile slowly faded and his eyes were glossed with tears

“You’re not wrong” he said as he looked down

“Look I’m not that serious the whole time.. and I didn’t mean to remind you of an unpleasant memory, I just.. I don’t know” he said, looking at him who’s face was down before it rose to show slightly reddened eyes and a broken smile

“Takanori I’m sorry, i-i won’t talk ab-“

“No, it’s okay.. I just don’t get to talk to people like this a lot.. not at all actually” Takanori chuckled as he wiped his face

“I’m sorry if I crossed the line, if you don’t want me to talk about it again I won’t” he said as Takanori smiled at him

“I didn’t complain”

“I wanna cook that myself later, I didn’t see how you made it I’m gonna ask you later.”

“My cooking’s shit” he continued as Akira smiled at him and nodded

 

“Oh I’m off tomorrow I won’t have to wake up early” Akira said, yawning

“That’s good, you’re gonna make breakfast” Takanori said as he turned the living room’s light off, hearing Akira laugh behind him


Takanori laid down and his heavy eyelids didn’t take long till it was closed peacefully

It was his first time in years to sleep and feel another presence in his apartment.. he was still alone in his room but could still feel some company after all.


Akira sighed as soon as his body laid on the single bed covering his tired body with the blanket as his eyes uncontrollably wandered around for a couple of minutes before it got used to the dark and to the new place he was in

His eyes closed and he let out a deep breath allowing himself to sink away in his sleep

Silence and darkness filled the whole apartment before it was interrupted with a terrified scream that was followed by another and another which also interrupted Akira’s random dream and pushed him off the bed

“Takanori?” He called out as he opened the door but his eyes were only met with darkness and the screams turned to a barely heard weeps

His hands found the light switch as he looked around before he headed to his room, knocked and opened the door to hear another yell before his hands could find the light switch in the dim light coming from outside the room

“It’s okay, I’m Akira, calm down” he said raising his hands in defeat as Takanori placed his hand over his mouth to hold back his sobs and looked down, panting as he felt the side of his bed sink due to the figure that just sat down and a hand drawing soothing circles on his back

“Are you alright?”

“I’m sorry” Takanori repeated between his breaths as he was still looking down

“It’s okay, it’s okay” he assured him as he was still patting his back, trying to give him comfort.

“I’m sorry I forgot you were here” Takanori almost whispered and his voice cracked as he wiped his face with shaky hands

“It’s alright, just take a deep breath” he said as his hand stopped but remained in place on his shoulder as his whole arm now surrounded his shoulders

“I’m really sorry I thought I wouldn’t-“ Takanori said as he raised his head and looked at him with his puffy eyes and wet cheeks

“Just stop it already, what are you apologizing for, it’s okay just calm down” he held him closer with a frown that formed after witnessing the state he was in

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He asked after a few moments of silence as be watched Takanori shake his head repeatedly

“Okay, okay forget about it.. are you okay now?” He said then tilted his head to take a better look at his face

So he moved to sit in the opposite of him

“Alright look at me then”

“Does that happen a lot?” He asked and Takanori nodded

“I don’t really know if there’s something you could do to make it stop... but it’s okay. Do you wanna get back to sleep now?” He asked as Takanori looked at him unsurely

“I don’t know” his voice went out as a whisper as he looked away

“You know what.. you reminded me of something that happened to me once while I was young” Akira said chuckling, grabbing his attention as a faint smile appeared on his lips due to the sound of the bright chuckle from in front of him

“I once had a nightmare and I woke up screaming as I ran to my mom’s room, I can’t help but laugh at what the nightmare that made me scream was” he said and laughter coated his words

“There was a couch I hate so much at our house, I don’t know why on earth would someone fear a couch!” He said in laughter causing Takanori to start chuckling at the sight of him

“It was chasing me in my dream and it looked hilarious” he continued as his hard laughter loudened his gasps

“Oh god that’s ridiculous,” Takanori said as he started laughing as well

“I wish it was a couch chasing after me” he said chuckling as the other tried to calm down himself

“I don’t really remember my dreams but this particular one never leaves my head, it’s been ages” he said as Takanori chuckled again resting his hands in his lab as his tensioned muscles relaxed and his shivering body stopped.

“I remember once running to my mom crying after a stupid dream I was really young I don’t even remember when was that” he said, resting his back to his pillow

“She used to laugh at me whenever she remembered” Takanori sighed with a smile as the image of his mother flashed in his mind causing his smile to grow and his eyes to gloss

"I miss her a lot." Takanori smiled then looked at him who smiled back at him and patted his knee with a squeeze

•••

Chapter Text

Akira opened his eyes to the warm ray of sunshine that sparkled against his skin as he blinked repeatedly with a frown before his eyes wandered around, sitting up wiping his eyes while his mind started collecting things together as his eyes fell on the figure sleeping in front of him

He didn’t even remember falling asleep, all he could remember was talking a lot with him.. maybe until the sun came out, but he doesn’t remember falling asleep. He found himself sleeping on the other side of the medium bed where he was sitting last night and also found Takanori sleeping where he was sitting on the opposite of him.

He took off the blanket that he doesn’t remember pulling over his body and stood up stretching as he jumped in horror when he turned around to see him already sitting up and staring at nothing

“You scared me!” He sighed, placing a hand on his chest trying to catch a breath

“Yeah I can see” Takanori replied in a sleepy tone with a smirk as he stretched

“When did I fall asleep?” He asked, yawning

“I have no idea, I don’t remember falling asleep at all”

“Neither do I” Takanori said, standing up and stretched one more time

“Sorry.. it must’ve been so uncomfortable” Takanori smiled at him unsurely

“It’s a bed... I wasn’t sleeping on the floor you know”

“I mean the position” he laughed before he gulped down the water he just poured

“No I’m fine.. it was a fun chat tho. I hope you had a good sleep” Akira said as he walked past him to reach the bathroom

“Oh I did”

 

“Didn’t you try to do something about it?” Akira said, opening the fridge and taking out some ingredients

“About what?”

“Your dreams.. I mean, talk about it.. change your sleeping position or place, anything”

“Oh I did.. everything I think, but I didn’t try to change my sleeping place here. It wouldn’t matter anyway. My head’s the problem, what am I supposed to do with it” he chuckled and took a seat on one of the kitchen’s table chairs

“I mean.. I changed my sleeping places along with the apartments and rooms and it still was the same.. also talked about it a couple of times with my psychiatrist a couple of years ago it just made me miserable awake or asleep”

“That’s bad.. I mean there have to be a solution of some kind” he said looking at him for a couple of seconds

“Are they nightmares?.. like annoying dreams or do they have something to do with reality? Memories or something” he said resting his back to the counter and pouring his attention on him

“Memories.. they’re all memories or either something that has something to do with memories.. it revolves around it” he said drawing a circle on top of the table with his finger as he stared at it blankly

“I haven’t had such an experience before.. I used to get rid of my bad dreams after telling my grandma about them” he said shrugging with a chuckle as he watched him smile

“That’s good.. I don’t know if it has something to do with the person you talk about it to, but I guess they just don’t go” he said heading to Akira who turned to the counter so he can prepare two mugs to make coffee

“You don’t have to find me something to do, it’s okay” he said with a light chuckle

“What are you even doing?” Takanori asked with a sided smile looking at the salmon and vegetables he’s preparing then at him

“Breakfast is on the stove, I’m preparing you lunch”

“No.. You don’t have to” Takanori smiled and stopped moving for a couple of seconds, looking at him before he got back to the process of making coffee

“Are you gonna be surprised every time?” Akira raised a brow at him chopping some onions with a smirk

“It doesn’t have to be a routine or something”

“Drop it” he placed the fish in the frying pan along with the butter and chopped vegetables

“But that’s just for me? You’re leaving?”

“Hm? Yeah, that’s for you, I have something to do, did you want me to stay today? I can come back if you want”

“No, it’s okay.. You just said you don’t have work today”

“Yeah, it’s not for work.. today’s mom’s birthday.” He said flipping the sliced fish over as Takanori took a sip of his coffee

“Oh..”

“I’ll go home have lunch with grandma and.. just spend some time with her, celebrate mom's birthday” Akira said with a slight smile, shrugging

“Why don’t you come?”

“What? Me?... that’s something private I think i-“

“No, I’d like you to meet grandma and also... why not celebrate mom’s birthday with us. It’s not a sad ceremony. She was cheerful especially on her birthday so she must be now too, we wouldn’t want to ruin it with our tears, right?” Akira said then looked at him as he hummed in agreement and stared into nothing, holding his mug still in the air

“So.. are you coming?”

“I don’t know” he said as he blinked a few times to fix his sight at him

“Leave that for tomorrow and come have dinner with us” Akira said pointing at the lunch he just cooked, serving their breakfast and placing the cooked fish in a lunch box

“I.. haven’t celebrated any of my parent’s birthdays ever since they passed away.. not even mine”

“It’s okay.. they sure are not upset with you, and I can guess why you didn’t even celebrate yours”

“Yeah” he slightly chuckled as he looked at his food for a few seconds

"When is your birthday?"

"it was six months ago" Takanori giggled  him as he stared at him in surprise

"Why didn't you mention it?!"

"I don't know... should I just go around telling everyone that it's my birthday?" he giggled again and continued eating

"I even forgot about it myself and noticed a couple of days later"

"what day is it?"

"I'll tell you then.. I hate surprises they never go well" he chuckled as he elbowed him with a frown

"I'll know myself" he said and Takanori smirked as he looked at him from the corners of his eyes before silence took over the conversation

“What happened to your old house? Why didn’t you go live there again?” Akira broke the silence after finishing his coffee

“They sold it” he said and watched the frown on his friend’s face grow deeper

“Why?!.. that was supposed to be your house now”

“I had no control over anything then, and when I had, it was already gone, it’s his brother’s house and he took me to live with him so he just sold it”

“Oh god that’s.. ridiculous”

“I just had to watch him throw away everything and grieve in my room silently..”

“Did he not give you the money?”

“He did.. not all of it but he did give me most of it, saying that what’s left was spent on me..it’s gone now anyway, it all been spent on my medication and surgeries, hospital care and so, although your uncle did really help me through that a lot too”

“Oh my god..”

“Yeah.. I do really hold a grudge against them all” Takanori said with a smirk


“My parents’ graves are in my grandpa’s village.. he’s too far from here I don’t know anything about him, we didn’t have a strong bond before anyway so I never visited them after the funeral”

“Oh, i see..”

“And most of my things were thrown away and what’s left must be all thrown away as well, my uncle moved and of course he threw them all away, I don’t even have photographs of us”

“I’m sorry.. that’s really shitty”

“It’s okay” Takanori said with a smile, looking at him then back at his food

“I’m sorry I keep taking things to a dark cave every time” he said, with a smirk, looking at him then at his almost empty plate

“Won’t you ever stop apologizing?”Akira groused as he heard Takanori hum as he chewed.

•••

“I look stupid hobbling around” Takanori whined as they stood at Akira’s doorstep

“Did you tell her I’m with you?”

“Takanori she knows and she wouldn’t be annoyed and she wants to meet you and you don’t look stupid” Akira stopped his movement for a couple of seconds looking at him and blurting this out then got back to the keys in his hand to open the door.

“I’m home!” Akira called out as he closed the door behind before bowing to take off his shoes. He then helped Takanori to set down so he can take off his

“Aki-chan” an old, warm feminine voice said from inside as she walked towards them to hug her grandson who’s arms been open in the air

“Takanori? How are you?” She said, turning to face him, shaking hands with him

“I’m fine, nice to meet you” he replied fast and politely as he bowed

“Hope your foot is getting better” she said patting his back softly causing him to smile and bow his head with a ‘thank you’

“Did he tell you that we have a special event today?” She said walking inside followed by the two of them

“Ah he did.. I hope I’m not interrupting something” he said with an unsure chuckle as he received a warm smile from her

“Of course not... she’s gonna love it” she said with a broken smile before turning to head to the kitchen

“C’mon set down” Akira led him to their living room helped him sitting down and took a place next to him

“See? She doesn’t bite” Akira said then chuckled as Takanori furrowed his brows then smiled

“Hey, I didn’t say that”

 

•••

“Why don’t you stay tonight, do you have to go home?” Akira said, throwing himself down on his bed

“Oh, no I’ll go home.. I think I should leave now actually” Takanori grabbed the crutch to help him up while he watched as the other sat up straight

“Why now? Don’t mind her she sleeps really early”

“No, it’s not that..”

“If you’re not gonna sleep over at least don’t leave early” he said patting the spot next to him as he looked at him who’s still standing

“But I don’t want to be late.. I’m gonna-“

“I’ll walk you home.. or you can simply stay and leave in the morning” Akira cut him off, ending his sentence with a shrug

 

“What would you like to say to your mom if she was here for a few moments” Akira said after a couple of minutes of silence turning his head to Takanori who was sitting next to him with his back rested to the headboard unlike him who was laying on his back with crossed legs

“I wouldn’t really waste those moments in talking I’d rather hug her” Takanori said with a faint smile.

“Or I could talk in the hug.. but I’d probably cry” he continued then ended his sentence with a chuckle

“What would you say?”

“That’s really hard.. I can’t sum up everything in a few moments.. that’d be impossible. I rather not talk at all”

“What about you?”

“I guess a few moments are too short.. well, it’s not gonna happen anyway why am narrowing our choices.. okay let’s make it a day. If you had her back for a day what would you say to her?”

“A day is still short though, but it’s better. I guess I’m just gonna set down with her, cry my eyes out telling her how terribly her son’s life went and hug her for hours.. I’d also like to tell her about you, that her miserable lonely son’s finally been accepted and having friends” he ended with a sided smile as he stared at the ceiling

“Don’t worry, I’m planning on sticking around until you meet her and tell her that yourself” Akira said with a smile that painted a grin on Takanori’s face

“Oh I’m afraid that’s not as long as you might think it to be” Takanori chuckled as Akira’s face turned to a frown and he pushed his upper body up using his elbow as support and looked at him

“What do you mean?”

“I just mean it might not be that long”

“What would make it short?”

“Nothing, I’m not sick or something.. we’re talking about the unknown, that’s it” Takanori said receiving a narrowed-eyes look from him before he laid back down with a sigh

“So you’re just looking at the dark side? I’ll bring a huge fucking torch and direct it right at your eyes so you no longer see that shitty dark of your vision”

“I’ll no longer see at all” he said with a laugh causing Akira’s frown to be replaced with a smile as he chuckled

“Good... I’ll describe life for you from now on then”

“What about you?” Takanori asked after a few moments of silence after their giggles died

“I don’t know.. I do really believe that she’s watching over me.. I feel her around, I feel her presence. I think I might chat with her for the whole day as we used to.. hug her till the time is out, I might want to share a part of my day with her with grandma too” he said then looked at him to find a warm smile on his face

“You won’t really take it for yourself?”

“She’s a sad, old, kind-hearted woman she deserves to see her too”

“Oh god where do we find you in stores” Takanori said mockingly causing him to look at him with a confused smile

“I mean, why would you share your time with her, you could just assume that she might have her own day with her or something” Takanori said with a chuckle as he saw his friend roll his eyes with a smirk


“What would you do if you wake up and find yourself alone on earth?”

“Why are your questions so random?”

“I’ll schedule them next time” Akira said causing him to roll his eyes with a chuckle

“I don’t know.. I’ll be afraid.”

“The earth is yours.. why would you be?”

“Because an empty earth is never safe.. what made it empty could never be a good thing. It’d really suck, I’ll die alone.. it’s not like I have many people I did actually believe that I’m gonna die alone one day but alone on the whole earth, that’s sad”

“You watch a lot of movies don’t you?”

“I do” Takanori said, laughing


“You won’t die alone” Akira said after a minute of silence

“Maybe”

“What about you?.. I think you’ll just wander around freely, eat, watch movies, play games and own a big expensive car or something”

“What? Why would you assume that?.. well yeah food is a possibility.. no, I’ll actually eat everything” they both burst out in laughter before he could continue

“And.. I don’t know guess I’ll have fun for one day.. but it’ll be really boring after that”

“Of course it will... it’ll be scary actually not just boring”

 

“Do you have something you regret so much?” Takanori asked tilting his head over to look at him after a short period of silence

“Regret? Hmm yeah.. I regret leaving first in a relationship I once had”

“You didn’t think enough about it? Rushed things?”

“Not really.. it was right, I had the right to leave but I shouldn’t have left at that time”

“Is that guilt?”

“Yeah.. that was a couple of years ago or something, I kinda got over it but it keeps popping up in my mind every now and then”

“I know when that happens.. you still love her? Or is it just guilt”

“I don’t know.. but no it’s over, I left because it was over. I feel shitty about myself every time I come to think of it.. she was passing a hard time and I left, that was so selfish”

“Oh.. I don’t know I think you had a strong reason, you don’t look like the person to break people and leave.. or maybe you was”

“No I don’t go around and break hearts I just.. it was complicated.. I almost..” Akira said as his eyes wandered the ceiling

“If you don’t wanna talk about it’s okay, I don’t wanna stick my nose in your business”

“No, you’re not.. it just can’t be told in a couple of minutes it was complicated but I was guilty and she wasn’t.. it was over because it kinda became meaningless so.. you know” Akira finished as he heard him hum in understanding

“What about you?”

“Hmmm... I’m not sure.. well, I had something that I used to regret for years but now I don’t”

“You forgot about it?”

“No, I just think it didn’t deserve all that regret it happened for a reason”

“And what is it?”

“Can we skip that? I don’t wanna darken the atmosphere” Takanori said with a light chuckle as he received the narrowed look he gets from his friend often

“I’m listening” Akira said turning his gaze back at the ceiling

“It’s not that important really”

“You’re feeding my curiosity” Akira said as Takanori giggled before he took a breath and rested his back to the headboard

“I’m a coward, but I tried to commit suicide a few times before but they all failed.. I would always end up fainted or something.” He said with a faint chuckle as Akira’s expression changed and he sat up

“But once I had the chance and I could do it and put an end to everything but.. I hesitated and couldn’t make a move until I was interrupted and ever since then I never had a similar chance. So after that I always regretted not taking the chance, because I never had the courage to even try again... but now I think it’s meaningless, I shouldn’t have regretted it that much, or maybe because I’m seeing life differently now?” He said and stared into nothing as he didn’t notice Akira’s sad and shocked expression

“I actually am kinda thankful that I didn’t do it.. I got to see a new side of my life. I’m really thankful to you.. and the guys, the job” he said then turned his head to finally lay his eyes on Akira’s sad and shocked ones

A few seconds passed in silence with an eye contact that changed Takanori’s expression due to Akira’s look and before he realizes it his chin was resting on Akira’s shoulder as he unexpectedly pulled him into a tight hug. His lips parted in surprise as his eyes slightly widened before he blinked the surprise away and hesitantly raised a hand and placed it on Akira’s back as a smile took its place on his face. He just can’t remember the last time someone hugged him.

“I’m sorry I know that wasn’t expected” Akira said after pulling away without looking at him as he sat back in his spot

“It’s okay” Takanori said and a big smile sparkled his eyes as he looked at him before their eyes met again

“Takanori are you really over it?” Akira asked in the same tone too anxious to see Takanori’s smile or hear his response

“I am.. I don’t think of it anymore. Not that I could do it ever but still” he answered as the other turned his head

“Hey, I didn’t wanna talk about it so this doesn’t happen” Takanori commented with a frown pointing at his frowning face

“Akira?” Takanori called to grab his attention that’s been nowhere to be found as the other looked at him with questioning eyes

“Did you even hear me?”

“What did you say”

“I do really hope that you’re not thinking about what I just said.. I knew that was gonna happen that’s why I didn’t feel like talking about it” Takanori frowned and looked down

“Was I pushy?”

“No.. why are you acting like that, I’m no longer suicidal. You won’t do something that’ll make me go kill myself” Takanori said, chuckling as the other showed an uncertain smile

“Why does it sound like a camp bottle game by the fire” Takanori said, giggling as the other laughed

..
“But That wasn’t the case then I had to accompany him and it turned out to be-“ Akira said with laughter but was cut off by Takanori’s gasp

“It’s almost three in the morning!” Takanori said looking at his phone’s screen

“Oh wow” “What are you doing?” Akira asked as he watched him get up and grab the crutch

“Leaving..?” Takanori said ironically

“C’mon you don’t have to, just leave in the morning.. I have work tomorrow I’ll walk you home in my way”

“Oh shit I have work tomorrow” Akira continued with a shock on his face after he realized

“We need to sleep” He said and buried his body under the sheets leaving Takanori standing there with a blank expression

“Take anything from the closet”

“What?” He tilted his head and stood there still when he got no response

“That’s my first time at your place, get me something to wear!” He protested as he took the blanket off him causing him to flinch

He groaned as he got up and started looking in the closet for something that would fit him

“Satisfied?”

“I could still leave you know” Takanori said with furrowed eyebrows pointing his hand in the air

“No you won’t” Akira chuckled before getting back to sleep

“Where am I gonna sleep?” He asked holding the clothes and looking at the dead body on the bed as he patted the bed at the empty spot next to him so he sighed, putting the crutch aside

“Where are you going?” Akira asked, raising his head as he heard the door crack open

“Bathroom”

“Why aren’t you taking the crutch? Would you need help?”

“I’ll just change”

“Change here” he said and heard the door fall shut with an eye roll as an answer so he chuckled and put his head back on the pillow

After a few minutes, his eyes opened to the bed sinking beside him and that’s when he realized that he already fell asleep

“Sorry I’m fast asleep after midnight” he murmured with half closed eyes as Takanori pulled the blanket over him as well

“Yeah I can see” he said mockingly before resting his head to the pillow

“Good night” he heard a low murmur on the other side so he just smiled and closed his eyes as the already warm blanket warmed him up and helped him drift away faster

•••

Chapter Text


“Takanori?.. Takanori” he heard from afar as he felt a hand on his shoulder before his eyes snapped open with a low gasp looking around before his eyes fell on Akira

“Chill, it’s me... good morning” he smiled so Takanori’s wide eyes softened and a sleepy smile tugged at his lips as he murmured a ‘good morning’

“Breakfast is ready, get up” he headed to the door and left to the kitchen without waiting for a response

“Good morning... excuse me I didn’t feel the time last night and he made me sleep over” Takanori who’s now back in his yesterday’s clothes nodded politely to Akira’s grandmother as he walked closer to the dining table watching Akira sigh, rolling his eyes

“It’s alright dear, you can stay as long as you want” she said with a warm smile, gesturing him to set down so he did and received a resting stare from him so he just smiled and starting to eat


“Did you have a good sleep?” Akira asked as soon as they started walking outside

“Oh I did”

“Seems like you have a good sleep when I’m around, thank the fairy that I am” He laughed so Takanori giggled

“Your grandmother’s really sweet, I loved her”

“Yeah she is, isn’t she? She also loved you.. you better pass by often”

“I will”


“See you later” Akira said, getting on a bus as Takanori waved at him before heading to his apartment


“I remember agreeing on informing me if you leave the house, am I wrong?” Katsuji said through the phone as Takanori sat down on his bed

“No, but I was with Akira I didn’t go anywhere alone”

“I said out of your house. Your phone’s location’s changed a couple of times without any previous informing, I might send cops next time what if he showed up again and tried to kidnap you? I will not talk to you again about it” he spoke strictly so Takanori looked down and sighed

“Alright, I’m sorry”

“Take care, Takanori. Bye” the call died after his words so he threw his back to fall on the bed and threw the phone to the end of the bed as he stared at the ceiling for a while before his eyes heavily closed to catch up what he missed of good sleep, did he need to know better? He thought he should prove Akira wrong

He slowly drifted away as a lazy smile stretched his lips before his face turn blank

••

“Do you know if Takanori is getting better?” Mei asked from behind so Akira turned around to face her

“Yes, I don’t think he can make it to work yet but he’s getting better”

“I miss him around”

“Yeah” Akira smiled faintly as a picture of him flashed before his eyes that widened his smile.


Most of the time Akira would find himself thinking of him, remember a part of their chats or just overthinking something he said to him, sinking in an ocean of thoughts about what could’ve possibly happened to Takanori.. and that very dark part of his life, when was it and what was it about.

He never thought about asking him about it at all, it seemed like the most sensitive part of him that he preferred not to go near.

On his way home his thoughts tangled in his mind as he shook his head with a frown not understanding what was going on, his head’s got in deep thoughts about him today, not just today, yesterday, the day before and the day before. He didn’t realize how often he thinks about him and how much space he’s taking of his mind.

He wants to see him more often, to talk to him, to know more about him, to hear him say whatever he would want to share of his past, to see him smile more and to cook for him.

He knew he was the kind to get attached to his friends, he is with Mei and Mori but when it comes to Takanori he feels something different, maybe cause Mei and Mori have been friends before they meet him and always had each other's backs? They always had each other while Takanori had no one. Was that the case? It was possible.

He felt the need to fill the void around him, to give him company and to warm his cold, sad heart, to make him laugh and not to eat alone all the time, have some chats too. He felt like he could do anything and he had no idea why and how did he get so close to him that fast and why does he feel this way although they’ve only met a few months ago.

“I’m home” he said as he closed the door behind him to be welcomed by his grandmother’s warm smile

“Welcome home, dear”

••

“Where do you think yourself going? I’m always here, you can never escape, you little filthy rat”

“You know what? You belong to me, and nobody gives a shit about you!”

“I’m gonna rip that skin to pieces! That body’s mine!”

Takanori’s eyes dryly flew open with a gasp as he sat up straight and the surprise on his face was replaced with deep sorrow as all the pain in his heart showed through his watering eyes that started letting out loads of tears. He placed his hand over his trembling lips and sobbed quietly

“Get the fuck out of my head” he snivelled quietly as a loud sob escaped his open lips

He frowned in anger and his breaths went out louder as he stared uncontrollably and painfully scratching every inch of his body he could lay his nails on

He tugged at his hair violently that a few strands remained tangled in between his fingers. He stayed still for a few moments, shivering in anger and panting as he looked at his arms and frowned, looking away and wept silently before he found himself dragging his legs out of bed and to the bathroom.

He glared at his reflection with hatred before he stood under the hot running water, his rough and careless movement placed a couple of cuts on his arm and shoulder. He avoided staring at himself in the mirror once again and just headed to his room and sat on his bed glaring at his scratched body with disgust before closing his eyes shut and holding his head with both hands as every terrible memory of what he dreamed of a couple of hours ago flashed painfully in his mind causing loud weeps to echo in his empty apartment.

His swollen eyes burned as they felt hot and dry as he watched the TV. He closed them and rested his head back feeling hot tears run through his eyes as it burned more, it ran down his cheekbones and a lump formed in his throat.

He opened his eyes, violently wiping his face as he sniffed and poured all his attention on the show that was on before he heard his doorbell so he got up, hobbled his way to the door and opened carelessly

“Takanori I brought-“ Akira said with a smile as his eyes met Takanori’s before it faded and was replaced by a concerned look

“Are you alright?.. what happened?”

“I’m fine” Takanori forced a smile as Akira handed him one of the two plastic bags of food with their restaurant logo on it

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, thank you” Takanori said with a smile as he looked at the bag and back at him

They stared at each other for a couple of minutes, Akira’s looks kept questioning and flooding concern while it studied Takanori’s as his look didn’t change, just smiling and looking away and then back at him

“Don’t you wanna come in?” Takanori said stepping aside as Akira blinked a few times, taking a step back and chuckled embarrassingly

“No, I gotta go have dinner with grandma” he said as he waved the other bag and shrugged

“Oh, sure.. enjoy then” Takanori smiled at him as he nodded

“Are you.. sure you’re okay?” He asked unsurely but got the same response so he sighed and waved before turning around to leave.

His smile faded immediately and was replaced by a deep sad frown just as Takanori who’s smile was nowhere to be found and his sad eyes kept following him as he walked away while his vision blurred until he couldn’t see anymore.

He walked inside, closed the door and went back to the living room and placed the bag on his coffee table. He wiped his tears and stared at the bag for a while before more tears made their way down.


“I’m home” Akira almost whispered with a choked voice as he took off his shoes, placed the bag on the table and kissed his grandmother’s forehead before silently heading to his room.

“Aki-chan is everything alright?” He stopped then turned around to face his worried grandmother but smiled at her with a nod

“I’m just tired I’ll take a nap, eat without me” he said before turning his head and continuing his way to his room

He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t upset he just felt.. sad.

It didn’t make sense to him but he felt like he couldn’t be what he wished to be for Takanori, he felt he was not enough to trust at all times and with all matters, he did not blame him for the slightest but he was sad, he felt a shrinking in his heart as the picture of Takanori’s red and swollen eyes shone before his eyes.

He threw his body on his bed as his sad eyes chose to close and put an end to his overthinking

..

Takanori opened the packed food and started eating as he watched the television with a dead expression.

‘Thanks for the food’ he texted Akira in hopes to push away some guilt but it didn’t work.

His eyelids felt heavy as it was already dark outside and he still got no reply from Akira so he made his way to his room and laid his heavy body on his bed staring at the wall until his vision blacked.


Akira woke up to a hammering heartbeat after an expected dream that embodied his feelings.. he washed his face as his grandmother put his dinner in the oven to heat. He checked his phone and a faint smile stretched his lips before he sent a short nice reply then headed to the kitchen to finally eat.


Takanori’s eyes fluttered open and he sat up straight in the middle of his bed as his eyes wandered the room and noticed it was still dark, his hands found its way to the lamp on his nightstand and his heart stopped at the touch of skin under his fingers. His head turned in an instant to see the face of one of his kidnappers smile terrifyingly at him so he let out a terrified scream.

He woke up to his own screaming as his eyes widened in shock when he found it was still dark, his heart shrank as he grabbed his phone from beside the pillow and lit the flashlight and looked beside him.

He hesitantly looked beside him and let out a deep sigh of relief after he noticed he was holding his breath

His hands safely reached the lamp and turned it on as the other switched the phone’s flashlight off.

He rested his back to the headboard panting as he placed a hand on his crazily beating heart and closed his eyes for a while to calm himself down.

It was still 3 in the morning and he was too scared to get back to sleep. He kept the light on and stared at nothing as his body slowly slid down a bit and his tired and heavy eyes eventually closed.

 

•••••

“I need to get back to work, I can’t stay home more than that I’m losing what’s left of my sanity”

“But what about your injury?”

“It’s fine, I can walk”

“It’s not two months yet, it surely didn’t completely heal and all your work is on your feet, and apart from that it’s safer for you to stay home for now”

“Isn’t it funny? Safer for me at home while he actually attacked me at my house” Takanori said ironically

“That was because you let him in!”

“Would my door stop him if he wanted to reach me?! I can’t stay home more than that I’m losing my mind.. everything’s got worse than it used to be, at least I used to have work that swallowed most of my day but now I’ve got nothing.. that nothingness is eating me alive!”

“Haven’t you meet Akira?” Katsuji sighed through the phone

“Haven’t seen him in a few days.. I don’t know if he’s busy or what. I can’t keep clinging my hopes on his existence, he has a life!”

“Right now I can’t let you out-“

“Am I in prison or something?!”

“Takanori listen to me! I’m doubting something, it could lead to him or it could not. Don’t ruin everything and stay home for the love of god!”

“What am I supposed to do?!... I can’t, I just can’t take it, you don’t know..” Takanori’s voice choked and cracked in his last word as he felt the burn in his eyes

“Takanori I know how hard it is, and believe me I’m trying to protect you as much as I can” he said and silence took over the conversation for a few seconds

“I’ll pass by Akira’s”

“Why don’t you call him better t-“

“For god’s sake, he’s two blocks away!”

“Okay.. don’t go anywhere, I’m tracking your phone if your destiny changed I’ll send-“

“I know.. can I go now?”

“Bye Takanori”

He threw the phone on the couch as he let out his anger in a scream through the pillow.

He didn’t know what would he pass by Akira’s house for and if he should at all. Feeling eyes on him got on his nerves and drove him crazy.

His eyes fell on the crutch that’s resting against the wall so he grabbed it and left

In his way, he felt stupid for not calling him first but he would give it to his grandmother if he wasn’t there so he continued his way.

The door opened after a bell ring and was met by the face he missed the most

“Takanori!” Akira’s surprise rang through his voice as he was met by Takanori’s unsure smile

“Come in” Akira said, stepping aside and pointing his head to the inside

“Oh, um... no thanks I’ll just bring that back, thank you and thank grandma for me”

“What? But don’t you need it? And why did you take the ankle support off?”

“It’s fine I don’t need it anymore, I can walk”

“But you shouldn’t” Akira’s concerned look silenced him for a few seconds

“It’s not like i walk that much anyway..”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been calling or passing by i was just-“

“It’s okay, it not like you have to every day, I know you get busy.. don’t apologize” Takanori rushed his words out as Akira looked down for an instant

“Oh right.. Mori and Mei’s been worried about you, but Mori’s grandfather passed away last week and he hasn’t come to work and Mei’s been with him so they couldn’t pay you a visit”

“Oh.. I should call him then” Takanori’s smile was replaced with a frown as he looked down

“Why don’t you come inside?”

“I’m not really supposed to be out for long-“

“You won’t be out... I don’t think he’ll tell you to leave if you told him you’re here”

“Maybe next time” Takanori said smiling after a few seconds of silence as he watched Akira’s face fall

“See you later” Takanori said and turned around to leave before turning back to his friend’s call

“Takanori”

Are you no longer wanting me around?

Have I done something wrong?

Are you okay?

Don’t you wanna talk?

You don’t look fine

Should I not call again?

“Take care”

Takanori nodded at him with a warm smile and walked away as his smile slowly went away

Akira’s eyes followed him for a minute before he looked down and closed the door

“Who was it?” His grandmother asked from behind so he turned around

“Takanori”

“Why did he leave so fast? Didn’t you invite him in?”

“I did.. but he wanted to leave” he said making his way back to his room

He started one of his video games and started playing with an absent mind while on the other side Takanori made his way home and sat silently in his living room with his thoughts that crept around him and darkened his vision, crawled up his body and paralyzed him.

“You’re so fucking stupid!” He yelled out as he felt tears fill his eyes again.

He felt like he renewed the guilt that started to go away and also felt stupid for pushing him away.

He wanted to talk, he wanted to be heard, he didn’t wanna stay alone, he didn’t wanna stay home, he needed someone to talk to.. he wanted to talk to him

He cursed himself, his dumb mind, his tongue that speaks shit he didn’t even think about.

He sighed as he wiped his face and grabbed his phone.

His call with Kagemori wasn’t long, he asked about him and so he did.. he felt good that he was fine after his loss so he breathed and was about to put down his phone before he hesitated and held it back staring at it blankly

 

“Takanori?” He heard on the other side as his heart pulse went high

“Hey”

“You’re good?” Akira asked awkwardly

“Um.. yeah, I just..”

“I..” He bit down on his bottom lip hard as his words vanished like they were never there

Akira on the other side could hear his nervousness through his interrupted breaths so he gave him time and remained silent

“I-I’m sorry I don’t know why I called, I’ll go”

“No, no wait!... Takanori do you want me to come over?”

“No.. you don’t have to I’ll just waste your time”

“You don’t wanna talk to me?”

“I do... I meant why wouldn’t I?... I just don’t know I think I just have nothing to say, it’s ridiculous, I’m... I’m sorry”

“I don’t get paid for my time you know.. you don’t need to prepare a speech to talk to me.. what’s wrong with you? Even if you had nothing to say we still can talk..” he said ironically before his tune turned to a scolding one

“And you don’t look or sound fine to me, spit it out already!” He said after a minute of silence

“I don’t know.. I just don’t know” he spoke unsurely as he looked down with a frown and a sting of guilt

“Would you mind if I come over now?”

“No, it’s okay.. but hey you really don’t have to-“

“Alright, see you in ten minutes” he said and the line died before he could let out another word

He sat there still for a few minutes staring at nothing before he made his way to the bathroom to wash his tear-stained face.

 


“Hey” Akira walked in then bowed to take his shoes off before heading with him to his living room.

“Hey.. would you stop being nervous around me? I really don’t know why you are, what's with that atmosphere?” Akira raised a brow at him as he sat down followed by him

“Now tell me what’s going on?”

“I just.. can’t stay home anymore” Takanori almost whispered as he avoided looking at him

“Why?”

“Nothing in particular... I just can’t handle myself anymore, the thing is that I used to have work that takes most of my day and I’d be back tired every day to eat and sleep, I wasn’t in total peace but we could even sometimes go places, at least I met people and talked” Takanori’s voiced started choking as he swallowed repeatedly

“Now I’m home alone all the time... ever since I open my eyes till I close them back in bed at night, I can’t shut my head off, I can’t stop the things I’m seeing and hearing, it’s killing me... and I didn’t mean to shut you away, I just.. I don’t know what I’m doing i... don’t know anything anymore, I’m losing my mind”

“Why wouldn’t you talk about it all that time?” “Don’t make big deals out of small things, why’d you think twice before calling me? Why don’t you just pass by telling me that you don’t wanna stay home, or call me so that I come over.. i told you being alone won’t help, it’ll make things worse” he said patting his shoulder as Takanori kept his gaze downwards as the water gathered in his eyes for the millionth time.

“I really thought you didn’t feel like opening up to me or talking with me... ever again” Takanori raised his glossy wide eyes and stared at his

“What?.. No”

“So I kept a distance although I didn’t really want to.. I didn’t want to leave last time, knowing that you’re not okay and seeing your swollen and sorrowful eyes that smiled at me, you clearly didn’t wanna talk so I thought I shouldn't push you, I just went home and waited for you to call but you didn’t, almost a week passed and I didn’t hear from you and even this morning you kept your shell around and just smiled at me and left. Then I just thought I shouldn’t really interfere anymore.. but..”

“I-it’s not like this” Takanori said, still looking at him with his glossy and sad eyes.

“Well yeah, I can see.. I was pretty anxious myself..”

“Look, for whenever such a situation happens again i just want you to know that all the time, I never feel like not listening to you or that I have my own shit to deal with... I do have things to deal with but I’m always gonna have time for you”

“Even if i had a hard time, I’d have grandma, maybe Mori would talk to me.. but you’d just stay alone and let it swallow all of you and I hate the thought of that” he continued honestly as they kept their eye contact going

“You don’t need to know what exactly to say, and there doesn’t have to be a big deal so we can chat or something”

“I’m sorry”

“Takanori I’m not telling you any of that so that you apologize, you did me no wrong.. I just wanted to be honest with you and let you know that this is what I might think in such a situation... it’s okay... why are you feeling like this?” He continued while the other remained silent as he looked down.

“Aren’t you gonna say something?” He asked after a minute of silence, bowing forward, tilting his head to look at him as he placed a palm on his knee. Takanori raised his head and stared him in the eyes for a few seconds before his lips parted to speak.

“Akira.. there’s something I wanna talk to you about”

Chapter Text

“I’m listening” Akira said and turned around in his spot to face him and poured all his attention on him.

Takanori looked at him for a few seconds before looking down nervously

“I..”

“I just want you to know something.. it’s... it’s about me.. my past”

“And I don’t know why I’m telling you this or why now..”

“It’s okay.. go ahead”

“Three years ago, I met your uncle for the first time in a hospital.. I was dangerously injured, barely conscious, almost not recognizing myself... he was there to hear what I got to say in the case he was responsible for.. the case of my abduction”

Akira’s eyes widened as he gasped lightly. Takanori looked at him for a couple of seconds before looking down again.

“A psychopath that I never met before destroyed every tiny bit of my sanity, was wealthy and strong, didn’t kidnap me for the sake of money or revenge, he just... wanted to have fun”

Disbelief was written all over Akira’s face as his sad, wide eyes didn’t move for an instant and kept staring at him.

“While i sit here and hate those twenty days and the awful things that have been done to me in them, I’m totally ignoring the fact that if I wasn’t found that day, there could be more to come, maybe they could slice my skin or rip it off.. their fun was endless. He never got bored” he said as he slowly blinked with a smirk that hid too much anger behind.

“An orphan that’s unwanted that lives with six people that are supposed to be his family but gives no shit about him as the whole town says and who gets home late every day.. perfect”

“I went through the most unbearable shit a human could witness.. cutting, burning, humiliating, raping, beating, they’d cover me in shit and leave me overnights, or drag tens of insects all over my tied body, feed me some rotten food and watch me throw up, and a good boy doesn’t scream!”

Takanori cried out his words as his blood boiled inside of him and tears rushed through his angry eyes.

“He made the difference between what’s real and what's not a mere thin line and then cut it! I-I couldn’t separate my nightmares from reality.. they both were terrible but at least you’d know when you’re awake!” He took in a shaky breath and bit down on his bottom lip that it turned white.

“I wasn’t mine, I hated myself more and more, with every touch, with every scream I couldn’t suppress with every time I pleaded for mercy and for every tear I couldn’t hold back.. every time I closed my eyes I truly wished to never open them again.. he made me wait impatiently for my death every passing minute!” His voice cracked and a tear slid down his cheekbone as he swallowed his lump in order to continue.

“I was always surrounded by darkness, I could barely see him, but one face I never forgot.. the one who used to put me in the dark, the one who starts everything, the one who knew how to torture me and could control every bone of my body.. and ironically he’s the one I accidentally see after three years” he ended with irony and a sad smirk before wiping his face and looking at him for a few seconds.

“I could predict what was coming from sounds.. it was so hard to live normally after that, every sound meant something, every touch meant something.. something that was never pleasant.."

"first two years after and especially the first year... I was a total freak.. I feared sounds, I couldn’t stand anyone to touch me, I barely could look someone in the eyes, I suffered unbearable panic attacks over the silliest shit which sometimes still happen.. back there I’d have them and I’d end up fainting I don't know for how long.. time wasn’t existing there actually”

“Every single word I was told there still rings in my ears until now and wakes me up in tears.. I sometimes still see and hear things in the dark.. I used to pass out in fear back then.. just imagine living alone after all of that..”

Akira’s trembling lips were tugged in a thin line in order to control them and a loud inhale was heard from him that drew Takanori’s sight over to him.

“I lost all meanings of dignity, all self-respect, I was.. nobody. My body wasn’t mine, my voice wasn’t mine and at a point, my mind was no longer mine.. oh that motherfucker knew what he was doing” he spit out angrily as a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth

“And I thought that living with my uncle was the worst part of my life..” he said ironically wiping his face and looking down.

“Even though I hate every one of them from the bottom of my heart.. I wished they showed up, I wished they came to see me, I wished they picked up their phones.. I wished they cared”

“I wanted someone to tell me that they were worried or that they even noticed, I wanted someone to tell me that I was doing okay forcing myself to accept medication and fighting my inner suicidal thoughts.. that I was doing okay for speaking again and capturing reality, that I was no longer trapped in that nothingness.. but I was only told that from doctors who pitied me..” Takanori's frown deepened and he clenched his jaw and remained silent for a few moments.

“I was told most of what happened in my first two months in the hospital.. I wasn’t conscious to remember on my own even though I was awake..”

He wiped his face and hid it in his hands for a few seconds before looking up at him to see his wide, red eyes and see the shock written all over his face and see his tears for the very first time.

“And he wasn’t found.. he’s out there free” he said with a deep sigh, still looking him in the eyes as his own let out more tears that slid over his sad smirk.

“None of the four of them was found.. and when I found one of them I thought I was drunk” his voice went out in sorrowful laughter that cracked at the end as he looked away after watching as Akira’s lips started trembling again and more tears came out of his eyes.

“Takanori..” he spoke out in a raspy voice that cracked, then wiped his face with a hand and with the other he pulled him against his body and tightened his arms around him in a long hug and this time Takanori’s wide eyes didn’t take long to close and his arms didn’t hesitate to wrap themselves around him as tight as he was held as his head fell tiredly on his shoulder.

He buried his face in his shoulder as his weeping came out low before he burst out crying loudly with sobs that shook his whole body and that he terribly failed to suppress.

His crying filled the silence while Akira’s tears slid down silently as his heart ached with every sob that shook him in his arms.


“I know I’m late.. I know I’m too late” Akira spoke, barely could sound strong and collected

“But I won’t leave..”

“ I won’t leave you”

“I won’t let you go through this alone”

“I won’t let you suffer anymore”


He knew.. he knew he had loads of hidden terrible memories, he knew he was suffering, he knew he was lonely but he never thought it could go this far, he has always wanted to be there and help him but at that moment he felt helpless, guilty and unimportant. What could he possibly do to heal him? What could he afford him? He felt weak and useless, his wounds were deeper than to be healed with some kind acts or sleepovers.

His heart shrank and ached for every time he smiled at him, laughed with him and just acted tough and fine when he was never fine and for every time he believed when he smiled with an ‘i’m okay’.

His loud weeps and violent sobs shook him to the core and tore through his heart with a blunt blade.

After a few minutes, Takanori pulled away, wiping his face as he looked everywhere but him. He sat back in his spot, wiping his eyes and getting himself together before he dared to look him in the eyes for a few seconds as a sad smirk tugged at his almost torn lips.

“You.. didn’t see that coming, did you?” he sniffed, looked down and back up to him.

“I didn’t too.. I wasn’t planning on telling you any of that anytime soon..but it just came out” he said and tried to sound normal, adjusting his facial expressions while the other didn’t move an inch or even look away, concentrating his sad eyes on him.

“You don’t really have to keep those promi-“

“You’re so strong” Akira’s raspy voice cut him off and grabbed his attention

“You’re anything but weak..”

“And I’ll keep my promises”

Takanori’s smirk was gone and replaced by a glum as he looked him in the eyes

“If I stayed that day.. if I believed you” Akira’s voice choked as tears slid down his wet lashes with regret that darkened his bright usual eyes

“What? No.. now you don’t blame it on yourself! I was drunk and you were being reasonable, who the fuck would believe a drunk, panicked asshole that’s deliriously raving about a dangerous man”

“I should’ve believed!”

“No, you didn’t have to.. it’s unexpected and-“ Takanori said before he was cut off by Akira’s guilty voice

“You said he was dangerous and I didn’t listen”

“Look, it’s over.. even if by any means it was your fault I can’t blame or be upset with you” he said with a smile and looked down

“What are we even talking about. It’s okay it really is..” he said inhaling and blinking widely before looking at him

“Please don’t blame yourself for anything and apart from that, i also wanted to tell you that.. meeting you were the only good thing that happened to me in years, it’s been ages since I last had someone to care about me that I almost forgot what it felt like not to be a burden and forgotten and to actually have someone around that.. cares”

Akira’s guilty eyes stared at his for a few seconds before a beautiful smile broke his frown and their eye contact

“Well.. I’m glad then” he spoke in his deep voice as his eyes wandered around, causing Takanori’s expression to grow in a grin


“I didn’t think for an instant before talking.. I don’t really open up to people that easy” Takanori said with a low chuckle and a snobby smile

“But please don’t act differently, don’t make me regret it, don’t pour all your affection and kindness on me now that u know that i was a victim” Takanori ended ironically with a smirk, looking at him as he looked back at him and opened his mouth to say something before getting interrupted

“No I mean, you’re always kind.. just don’t change any-.. well, just forget about it”

“I wouldn’t really forget about it unless you regret.. talking to me about it”

“I don’t.. I mean.. I just don’t want you to change anything based on what I just told you.. I mean-“

“I get it.. I wouldn’t really change a thing..” he said with a reassuring smile and tired eyes before silence took over the place for a few minutes.

“And there was Katsuji’s turn” Takanori spoke with a sigh after a long pause of silence as he rested his back to the backrest of the couch looking at him.

“He couldn’t do much while I was still in hospital but when I got out he was there.. he helped me find a place to stay in and find jobs.. I messed up in all of them until this one I’m in right now” he ended with a chuckle as the other chuckled as well

“I kept seeing a psychiatrist for a year and a half I think until I felt it was okay to handle things by myself.. but I needed to know better..”

“But it could’ve been meaningless anyway.. I didn’t really need a psychiatrist as much as I needed company.. I’m better now” he said as the other patted his knee with a warm smile.

“A lot of other things happened and that he did for me and until now he still is trying.. I don’t know what I did to deserve him”

“You did a lot.. and you do deserve all the kindness and happiness in that world” he wiped on his back up and down, receiving a grin from him that sparkled his eyes

 

“Thank you” Akira’s voice broke the silence that lasted for a couple of minutes grabbing his attention as his eyes looked at him questioningly

“Me? What for?”

“Trusting me.. i... I won’t let you down, I promise”

Takanori’s questioning look was replaced by a warm smile that was followed by a nod

 

••

“Now I’m just trapped home.. it made things worse, I can’t go to work if not because of my foot, it’s because I can’t, I’m not allowed to..” Takanori spoke, resting his head against the bus’s window as he got a pat on his knee from beside him

“If it’s just because you’re not allowed to be out alone, then we could just hang out or something.. or I could come along if you have something you wanna do”

“I don’t know really.. I don’t think he would’ve let me go if it wasn’t for the doctor and you coming along.. do you think Kaminari might ever pop up again?”

“I don’t know.. I don’t even know why he did the first time”

“Cause he knew that I saw him and was afraid I might tell the police.. but why didn’t he kidnap me while he could?”

“Maybe they’re not planning on doing so again?.. maybe they split up? Argued over something, or to just disappear so they’re never found again?”

“But he also could’ve killed me” Takanori spoke as his eyes stared into the nothingness as his mind sank in possibilities.

“Of course he knew he could kill or kidnap you but I think those people don’t just do what they feel like doing.. maybe he has something in mind.. a plan? Who knows” Akira shrugged and heard him sigh deeply as he rested his head to the back of the headrest of the seat in front of him


“You took off the ankle support earlier than you should.. it could’ve been almost healed by now.” The doctor spoke as he checked him and he tried to avoid looking at him or Akira, expecting the scolding look he might receive.

“You better put it back on.. and don’t walk much, also keep using the same ointment twice a day”

Takanori nodded silently as he stood up, taking Akira’s hand as support before thanking the doctor with a nod

“Don’t say it”

“What?”

“I told you”

“What?” Akira looked at him questioningly with a smile as he Takanori rolled his eyes

“Ugh I mean don’t go like.. see I told you and so”

“No, I wasn’t gonna say that” he said giggling as they sat down, waiting for the bus

 

•••

“He’s gone as if he never showed up.. I was told that it’d be fine if it’s just work for now.. my phone is also tracked so I think I’m not in danger” Takanori said shoving the last piece of bread in his mouth as he watched Akira’s serious look

“Well that is good I guess? Just don’t let your guard down.. keep an eye open” he said closing his lunch box as he stood up followed by Takanori’s eyes

He headed back to the kitchen and Takanori got back to his work as well.

It took him a whole week after his visit to the doctor before he was assured that he can now get back to work without overloading on it to avoid any pain.

 

“Take care!” Mei yelled with a wave as the bus that Takanori was in started moving as he waved back to them.


“Hey is everything okay?” Mei asked Akira who’s been staring at nothing for almost two minutes now waiting for the bus

“What?” He flinched and stared at her blankly

“I’m asking is everything okay? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You’re so out of it.. what’s on your mind?”

“Ah, nothing.. just didn’t sleep well.. need to sleep soon”

“Just that?”

“Yeah” he said, standing up and raising his hand to both of them without even turning back to face them as he got on the bus

“Something’s on his mind” Mei said, resting her back and tilting her head as her eyes followed the now far gone bus while Kagemori hummed in agreement.

 

Akira’s dreams revolved around him that past week.. his thoughts and mind too, he was either with him or thinking, dreaming about him and it didn’t bother him, it’s not like he even noticed but when he did he started seeing things differently, he noticed the changes that occurred on his behaviour and the way he saw him and the way he thought about him and he gave more attention to his feelings and behaviours just to clarify things to himself.. he didn’t know what was going on with him, he knew he was getting closer to him and that’s what he wanted but it went faster and farther than he intended.. at least from his side, he was having more feelings than the other and he wasn’t sure what it was and what to do and if he alone who has it and is it even there.

 

“I’m home” Akira murmured loud enough for his grandmother to know he’s home

Avoiding long chatting he headed to the bathroom took off his clothes and let the running water cover his numb body.

Now that he has it in mind, now that he thinks of it specifically he can’t stop it, can’t get him out of his head.. what was it even he’s thinking about?

He rested his forehead against the wall and let the water numb his mind as he closed his eyes to snap it open at the familiar sight of him again.


‘Now what is it.. what are you gaining of this? What do you even want? What do you feel? What’s wrong with you?.. everything was normal and fine, why’d you have to make it hard for no reason?.. is it just because you’re thinking too much of it? That you’re focusing all your attention on it?.. but it was happening even before I notice it was strange... it formed while I wasn’t looking, it’s been there already. What is it even? What am I even panicking about? My feelings changed? Or just because he’s too often on my mind... what’s wrong with thinking about him a lot? I love him and we’re friends and he’s passing a hard time, where’s the deal? Why and what am I overthinking?’

‘What feelings could I possibly be having? I just feel the same, right?’

A loud sight left his blushed lips as he opened his eyes and wiped his hair to the back and off his forehead as he noticed the lack of oxygen in the bathroom from the steam of the hot water that numbed and overheated his body.

His hands reached the tap and closed it before he sat in the bathtub and rested his spinning head to the wall, breathing heavily as he felt the heat hold him down and prevent him from moving along with the lack of oxygen.

As his eye began to close his hand reached the tab and opened the cold water to cool down his body that flinched from the sudden change of temperature.

He closed it in a minute and remained there, watching the steam that’s moving around, trying to soothe his breathing pattern.


He held the edge of the bathtub for support as he stood up and reached for his towel and opened the door after putting on his clothes to feel the difference of the air’s temperature.

He threw himself on the bed and dragged the blanket over his body as he closed his eyes, took in a deep breath and let the thought of him wash over his whole existence.

Chapter Text

Quietly, Akira stood in the kitchen and cooked.. for the whole shift, he didn’t wander around and talk with his workmates as usual, didn’t share the lunch break with Takanori as he usually do, didn’t joke around with him whenever he came in to take an order. 

Mei was watching him and could tell that he had a lot in mind, Kagemori also noticed the lack of interaction and so did Takanori.

After the shift was over he silently headed to the changing room, took his stuff and turned around to leave 

“Hey, wait” a voice that didn’t leave his mind for an instant rang behind him as he felt a hand tap his shoulder

“What? Are you just leaving?.. are you okay?” Takanori asked with a slight tone of worry as he looked him in the eyes. 

“Yeah? I’m fine.. and yes i’m leaving, why?” 

“You don’t look fine.. did you sleep well? Are you sick?” 

“No I’m fine.. i’m just tired”

“You used to take extra shifts and you never kept your mouth shut the whole day like that, what is it? You seem deep in thoughts” Akira’s eyes blinked at him for a couple of times before looking away

“Not really.. I’m just not in the mood”

“So you don’t wanna talk about it” 

I want to.. but i’m not sure you’ll stick around anymore..

 

“It’s fine really” 

“Alright, don’t you wanna hang out?.. I don’t wanna go home” 

Takanori was never the one to suggest that so Akira didn’t think twice, also thought it might bring back things to how they were and it might change his mood

“I asked Mei and Mori already and they’re not coming.. you’re stuck with me” Takanori said with an idiotic grin that made Akira chuckle but think again about now that he’ll be with him alone and if it was gonna make things worse but Takanori’s expression and grin didn’t give a chance for a second thought

“Why aren’t they coming?”

“It’s Mei’s friend’s birthday and she left early.. you didn’t notice that as well. And Mori is gonna go home”

“Oh..”

“Alright then, call me when you’re ready” Akira said and received a nod from him

“Where are you going?” Takanori asked stooping by the bus stop

“I’ll walk home”

“Why?”

“I just feel like walking.. you stay here and get on your bus, you’re not supposed to walk a lot” He said as he walked away leaving him standing with confusion written all over his face

‘What’s wrong with you?’ Takanori whispered as he watched him walk away before setting down and staring blankly into nothing. 

He thought it might be him who’s getting on his nerves, that he might’ve done something wrong but he wasn’t just ignoring him, he didn’t talk at all and now he just left.. it was so not him.

What’s even more confusing was that he wasn’t against going out, if it was Takanori who’s annoying him he would’ve definitely declined but he didn’t even try.

He gave the fact that he might be out of mood or something a chance and tried to stop thinking until he made it home.

 

Every step Akira took filled him with more regret that he was too deep in thoughts than to even interact with his workmates or even Takanori. He was afraid that eventually he’ll have to talk to him about it, it sent shivers down his body to even think of bringing it up, Takanori was always the one worried about him leaving but in that case Akira was scared of the possibility, so he tried to get rid of his one sided, unreal feelings that he himself doesn’t understand before it’s too late, and things then will get back to how it was.. all the suffering and overthinking and change of feelings will exist only in his memory and that’s what he did think of the most and was intending to start doing.

 

 

 

“Let’s see what we have here” Akira said walking inside as he eyed the movie’s posters in the cinema

“You have other plans?” He asked when he heard nothing from Takanori who stood next to him. 

“Nah, i have absolutely nothing”

“Alright this one looks interesting” Akira said, taking a sip of his soda and pointing his head to the poster of the movie he’s talking about

“Hmm.. okay, anything’s fine” Takanori shrugged not really having something in mind so he decided to go along. 

 

Almost an hour passed of the movie, Akira’s senses were all attracted to the movie while it didn’t turn out to be Takanori’s favorite but he just sat there and watched.

Violence became above Takanori’s liking that he felt uncomfortable and shifted in his seat a couple of times trying to comfort his tensioned body as he tried looking anywhere but the screen but the screams weren’t helping as the main character was being almost tortured 

He looked at Akira from the corner of his eyes and saw how into it he was that he didn’t even notice him moving, and that was it when the character got burnt in her stomach.  

He inhaled a bit loud, loud enough to break Akira’s attention. He placed his hand on his stomach and panted lowly as he stood up nervously before leaning close to him. 

“I’ll go to the restroom” he whispered and hurried out trying to block away the voices in the hall.  

He rested his body on the nearest seat he found as soon as he walked out of the hall.

He sat down, panting as he rested his elbow to his knee and hid his face in his hand while he was still holding his stomach 

“Takanori” he flinched out of his thoughts when he heard his name from the most familiar voice at the moment

“Takanori i’m sorry, I didn’t- Are you sick?” His sentence was cut off as his eyes fell on Takanori’s hand that’s holding his stomach tightly

“What? No.. no i’m fine” he smiled and took off his hand as Akira looked at him unsurely with worry 

“Takanori, I didn’t know the movie would turn out like this, I didn’t know anything about it i just thought it looked interesting.. i-“

“It’s okay, why did you get out? I-i was coming inside”

“You don’t have to.. you don’t seem to enjoy it that much.. I didn’t too it got me nervous” 

“Oh, c’mon you didn’t even move your eyes the whole movie” Takanori said ironically before his smirk faded as he noticed what he just said and looked at him as the other looked back at him for a few seconds 

“No, i was watching.. i mean, whenever i looked at you, you’re too focused to even blink” Takanori blurted out embarrassedly as he watched the other smirk before giggling at him

“Yeah it grabbed my attention but I don’t like it anyway.. “

“I’m sorry I didn’t notice the plot, it must’ve made you uncomfortable” 

“Hey, it’s fine.. i’m okay, i was really gonna come inside, I don’t wanna ruin it. Let’s get in” Takanori said as he patted his back and tried to lead him inside again but was stopped by his stillness  

“No, I’m serious” he said looking him in the eyes for a couple of seconds. 

“I’m starving don’t you wanna eat?.. let’s find somewhere to eat” Akira said changing his tone along with the subject as he received a confused look from him

“Um.. okay” 

“Next time, you pick the movie.. now let me make up for it, i’ll pay your food” he said as they walked out to be welcomed with some fresh air

“Hey! It’s not that big of a deal, stop it”

“What do you wanna eat?” Akira said, ignoring him

“I don’t know..anything”

 

Takanori’s tensioned body was no longer nervous as his mood changed along with the atmosphere of their conversation.. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Paying obviously.. i said I’m making up my terrible choice. End of story” Akira said handing the cashier their meals’ cost as Takanori kept looking at him before he started giggling as he sat down

“What?”

“Nothing”

They finished their meals, all giggly and talkatively. It didn’t take Akira a lot to change his mood and see his grinning face.  

It took him a minute to realize what was happening after Takanori left to the restroom during the movie and he cursed under his breath as he collected things together and his heart dropped to the thought of Takanori having one of his panic attacks once again so he hurried to the outside making his way to the restroom before his eyes located him on a chair not so far from the the door so he approached him and his concern grew, as his eyes fell on his grip on his stomach.

 

“See you tomorrow?” Akira said as they almost reached Takanori’s place

“Yeah, where would i go you think” Takanori shrugged with a giggle before getting his keys out

“Alright” Akira smiled with a lazy tone as they waved at each other before he unlocked his door

Until Akira made it home the sound of their laughter rang in his ear, drawing a faint smile on his face

His grandmother was already asleep so he made it to his room and changed to his comfy pajamas and laid on his bed tiredly then a smile stretched his lips that gradually widened 

“The look on your face when they were caught was idiotic”

He chuckled at Takanori’s statement that just popped in his mind followed by his giggling

His eyes sparkled as he stared at the ceiling with a grin before it slowly faded away and was replaced by a deep frown as his hand crawled to his chest and squeezed his shirt above his heart hard that his skin got scratched. 

He sat up as tears gathered in the corners of his eyes and threatened to fall and wiped his eyes then hid his face in his hands.

He thought things might get back to how they were, he thought he could just get rid of all what he’s been overthinking, but things only got worse 

‘I shouldn’t feel like that.. I shouldn’t feel this way’ he sniveled out as tears didn’t wait and slid down, wetting his cheeks and hands  

He weeped silently, feeling the pain inside that now hurts just as much as he was happy a few minutes ago.

He laid back and hid his face in the pillow as he started thinking

What was he supposed to do? What is he gonna do? 

Everything was fine, he could just stay like this, but he’s hurting, not just because he can’t and won’t have him, but because he’s feeling this way towards his friend in the first place who trusted and loved him, and because that might be it.. what ends everything, and he’ll never regret something more. He already started hating himself. He gained his trust that he dared to talk to him about his past and that’s how he feel towards him!

Now the ringing of their laughter and Takanori’s comments only brought more tears and pain as he hugged himself and buried his face in his pillow, wishing he could just wake up to find everything was fine and back to how it was.

 

 

 

“I thought yesterday lightened up your mood even for the slightest” Takanori said from behind causing him to flinch 

He looked at him to find a frown so he smiled “why’d you think that i’m still down”

“No I don’t think you’re down.. i’m sure you are” Takanori said with the same facial expression and tone 

“It was fun.. and i’m okay, why are you assuming this?” 

“I’m not assuming.. also one more thing i’m sure about is that you’re insisting on not talking.. and i thought we’d be there for each other” 

“Takanori it’s not like that i-“

“You seem to like to keep things to yourself.. anyway i-“

“Wait wait.. aren’t we past this already? It’s not like that i’m just.. it’s not that I don’t wanna talk to you.. it’s just that.. it’s making me uncomfortable to even think about and i’m trying to stop but it’s not going away and bringing it out will just.. make me so uncomfortable and wouldn’t really help it’ll only make things worse, you.. did help yesterday to make me stop thinking and i did have fun but it’s clinging in my mind and I can’t shake it off” he spoke seriously as he looked him in the eyes

Takanori sighed, looking down for an instant before looking back up at him “alright then..maybe if I can’t be there to listen i can be a distraction?” He said with a shrug as the other grinned at him

“If you wanna hang out again or come over then why not?.. I don’t like staying alone anyway” he said as he turned around to take orders out to customers leaving him in a mix of thankfulness and and sadness. 

 

Takanori closed his apartment’s door behind him, took off his shoes and sighed, putting down his keys.

He did his all to push away the feelings he was getting from Akira refusing to talk to him and just gave him his space and respected his wishes but he couldn’t help feeling unwanted.

He finally drifted away in sleep after a long night of overthinking and regrets, while on the other side Akira almost didn’t sleep at all, he was doing all that he could to prevent his feelings from growing any deeper but it was harder than possible.

The fact that he identified his feeling and knew what he felt towards his friend made everything harder and made him feel worst.. made him rethink their friendship. 

Was he even the friend he claimed to be? Was he that friend Takanori saw in him and trusted? Was he even a friend?

 

•••

 

“So how’s grandma?” Takanori asked on their way to the bus stop

“She’s fine, she wants to see you”

“Really?” 

“Yeah.. why don’t you come over?”

“You don’t really seem in the mood for me to come over”

“Well.. i’m not always in that chatty funny mood, you know”

“No I didn’t mean that, I don’t care.. i mean you maybe want some time alone?”

“Ah.. well, no. That’s the thing i want the least”

“You’ll lighten up my mood, give me company,  meet grandma, and we get to spend time together” he continued with a shrug as he heard the inside of him screaming against his talk and begging him to take back his words, but he knew he had to make things normal again or either he’ll be stuck with his thoughts and feelings forever. 

“Won’t you give her a call?” Takanori said as they sat down, waiting for their bus

“Don’t worry she wouldn’t mind” he responded with a sided smile as he saw the other smirk from the corner of his eyes. 

 

 

“I’m home!” Akira said as he took off his shoes and heard from the inside

“Aki-chan! Welcome home”

“Oh, Takanori! It’s been a while, how are you?” She greeted and approached them 

He bowed to her with a greeting smile as he shook her hand. 

“Why don’t you come more often and have dinner with us, you shouldn’t eat alone” she said, smiling warmly at him that a smile made its way to his face

“T-thank you.. i will” he smiled politely and bowed his head again as she chuckled. 

 

 

“That name is cute” Takanori said as he took a seat on Akira’s bed 

“What name?” He replied, taking off his jacket before joining him 

“Aki-chan” Akira’s heart bounced in his chest at the sound of his name from him and he looked at him for a couple of seconds before grinning and looking away

“Yeah” he chuckled shyly “her and mom used to call me that ever since I was a kid, but she seems to like it cause she’s sticking to it” 

“I like it too” he giggled as Akira’s heart felt heavier at the sight of his giggling face but his face couldn’t hold in the grin that spread the corners of his mouth

“Hey, is that you?” Takanori said as his eyes fell on a framed picture on his nightstand

“Yeah”

“May i?” He asked, pointing his finger at it 

“Of course”

“Oh, look at you!.. is that your mom?”

“Yeah”

“She looked like your grandma a lot.. but you don’t look much like her”

“Yeah i look more like.. my father” he said with a smirk as he looked down before looking up again and watch Takanori’s focused eyes on his picture with his mom

“There’s no much difference except you looked cuter back then” he chuckled, looking at him and Akira joined him before he looked back at the photo “how old were you?”

“Around 12 or something”

“She seemed lovely”

“Yeah.. she was” he said with a sad smile as he looked at the picture in Takanori’s hand

“I’m sorry”

“No, don’t be” he said smilingly before laying his back on the sheets then looked up at him who’s seated next to him

“You look exhausted.. wanna sleep Aki-chan?” Takanori said mockingly as Akira sat up straight with furrowed eyebrows and a smile

“What!” Takanori bursted out laughing as he saw his reaction. 

“You know if you call me that in front of the guys, i’ll be made fun of for years” 

“Alright but we’re not with the guys now” Takanori said between his giggles as the other sighed with an eye roll, throwing his back down on the sheets once again. 

“Just stop”

“Why wouldn’t Aki-chan want to be called Aki-chan?” 

“Oh my god” Akira face palmed as the other’s laughter rang in his ears.

“I’m gonna have to find something embarrassing about you one day” he said narrowing his eyes at him as the other smirked

 “Pick whatever part of my life and you’ll find it embarrassing”

Akira smiled at him, elbowing him away jokingly so he swayed to the other side and then back at his spot.

A knock on the door pushed Akira up before the door was opened

 “I baked you a cake” Akira’s grandma said as he stood up and took the tray from her  

“Oh, thank you so much” Takanori smiled widely at her receiving a nod in return.  

“See if he wants anything, Aki-chan.. i’ll go to bed in a while” she said, patting Akira’s shoulder and he nodded at her

“Expect something delicious on tomorrow’s breakfast” she said, looking at Takanori 

“But i’m no-“

“Yeah he will”

“Goodnight” she said to both of them and they both replied with a head bow and a ‘goodnight’

“Hey I wasn’t planning on sleeping here”

“You never do.. it’s okay what’s the problem” he shrugged then took his plate and sat back down next to him 

“Not a problem I just didn’t-“

“It’s okay, just take anything from the closet” Akira said with a stuffed mouth, pointing his finger to his closet. 

After they finished their cakes and chatted some more, Takanori took his change of clothes, changed and went back to the room to find him changed as well. 

“Wanna play some video games?” Akira suggested from his spot on the ground in front of his flat screen. 

“I haven’t really played any before, guess you’ll just make fun of me the whole night”

“I’ll teach you just come here” he said, patting the spot next to him and starting a game. 

  

“Hey what’s wrong with you! You moron sure  never played before?!” Akira snapped as the other laughed for winning for the third time

“I don’t know i thought it’d be harder.. that’s fun!”

“Yeah.. winning all the time is fun, huh”

“What!.. okay pick something else”

“I’ll make you pay”

...

“That was fun” Takanori said as he stared at the dark ceiling of the room after the lights were turned off already

“Yeah” he heard from beside him and smiled 

“Next time i win, you do me something”

“What?”

“I don’t know yet.. but you’ll do something” he chuckled and Akira joined him before silence controlled the conversation 

 “Are you asleep?”

“Not yet”

“We’re gonna have to wake up early tomorrow.. we’ll suffer” Akira said, chuckling as he heard Takanori groan

“I almost forgot”

“You better sleep right now”

“Goodnight” Takanori said as he closed his eyes at the sound of Akira’s reply before he felt him turning his back to him. 

 

Now that he’s alone with his thoughts, Akira’s eyes couldn’t close peacefully. His thoughts chocked him once again and he didn’t dare to turn around and look at him.

His heart shrank as his feelings shone again in his heart, sadness took over him for the fact that he can no longer enjoy their time together peacefully.. he turned around and stared at his peaceful, soft face.

He felt tears willing in his sad eyes so he looked away and breathed heavily as the lump in his throat grew thicker.

He stared at the ceiling, letting his tears slide to the sides of his face.. minutes passed, was it an hour yet?.. he didn’t know. But Takanori’s calm, still body and steady breaths informed him that time did really pass that he’s already deep asleep.

He couldn’t prevent his eyes from looking at his peaceful face again any longer and he stared, not noticing his tears that wetted his face and pillow.

He didn’t know when he moved closer, didn’t notice himself when he brushed away his feathery strands off his forehead or when his fingers traced his cheeks, he didn’t feel himself moving his face closer to his and feeling his breaths brush against his skin.

His eyes were locked on his lips and his tears didn’t stop not even for an instant. And before he could stop himself he felt his lips on Takanori’s and his heart and stomach shrank but at the same time he could’ve sworn that his heart was beating loud enough to wake him up.

He didn’t move, didn’t breath, and also didn’t pull away.. he closed his eyes for the few seconds it was but felt like a decade. He felt how warm, soft, and full his lips were and it tugged at his heart but cut through it at the same time.

He pulled away as his eyes opened slowly to recognize his face again, his eyes moved to the soft lips he just kissed and his eyes moved back and forth from it to his closed eyes.

He went back to his spot, trying to calm himself and his breathing pattern before his eyes widened and his heart almost dropped as he realized what he just did. He covered his mouth with the palm of his hand in shock as his breaths became faster and heavier and his eyes widened more as he moved them to look at his sleeping friend that didn’t move not even for an inch.

He got up and hurried out of the room and to the bathroom before he closed the door behind him and stare at his reflection in terror. 

He held his head with both of his hands as his fingers tugged at his strands, throwing his back to rest against the wall and hearing the thud of the back of his head hitting the wall but he couldn’t care less. 

Tears fell drop after the other on the floor as he suppressed his sobs, banging his head against the wall repeatedly while his weeps and sobs went out as heavy breaths.

 ‘How dare you.. how dare you’ he repeated as he tugged harder at his strands, feeling the guilt squeezing his heart.

  

He made his way silently back to his room and bed, laid back next to him without even looking at him for once, he turned his back to him and let his tears fall silently as he let his guilt swallow him completely.

Takanori’s eyes opened slowly to the bed sinking next to him, when he noticed it was him he closed them again and was about to drift back away in his sleep before he heard a suppressed sob, he opened his eyes again with a frown as he poured all his attention to the sound and after a few seconds he heard it again.

“Akira?” 

Akira’s eyes widened and his heart stopped at the sudden touch he felt on his shoulder and Takanori’s sleepy voice 

 He closed his eyes and slowed his breathing pattern in hopes to look as if he were actually asleep. 

 His heart hammered in his chest as he felt a pressure on his shoulder from his touch and felt a weight on the mattress behind him before realizing that Takanori’s head was a few inches above his.

Takanori leaned closer, checking his face with a frown and was about to get back to his spot before noticing his cheek and lashes sparkling in the dim light.

He touched his cheek and deepened his frown as he felt it wet.

“Akira?” He called again looking at him with concern but went back to his spot as he got no response and decided to close his sad eyes and try to drift back to sleep with that shrinking heart of his. 

 If he chose to keep him away and suffer alone, he will have to just stay away as he pleased. It just made him feel that he’s not enough and unfit for his trust and slowly ate at his confidence and comfort around him and he didn’t know what more to do.

The night went on heavily on both of them on each side of the bed. Two minds that are suffering silently. Two hearts that are uncomfortably twitching, and two sad faces begging for sleep to come and stop the suffering.

Chapter Text

 

“Takanori.. Takanori wake up” 

He opened his eyes to the touch on his shoulder and the voice that didn’t leave his head last night. 

“I’m awake.. i’m awake” his voice went out deep and raspy as he barely opened his eyes. 

When he opened his eyes properly and sat up he was alone in the room so he got up, changed and headed to the bathroom

“Takanori?” He heard the grandmother call from where the dining table is so he made his way there. 

The way Akira almost avoided him made everything worse.. it made all his doubts sound true and made sense. He felt a very weird atmosphere and felt that Akira also felt it, they both made it and he could see that, but they also both acted super normal with her and even with each other.

It was an uncomfortable start for the day for both of them, after breakfast Akira went to change and after a few minutes they both were off to work.

“Did you have a good sleep?” Akira asked, obviously trying to start a conversation 

“Not really..” Akira looked up and then at him before he looked away trying to get a hold of himself.

“Why? You were exhausted”

“Yeah, I don’t know either” Akira’s heart was almost shaking to the the possibility of Takanori being awake last night and he wanted to disappear.

Until they made it to the restaurant they barely talked and even when they went to the lockers’ room it was the same.

They talked more with the others than they did with each other and by the end of their shifts and after too much thinking and stressing Akira couldn’t handle it anymore, not just the overthinking and feelings, he couldn’t bare his guilt eating him alive, he was on the edge of breaking down any moment and he did know what to do. 

All the thoughts he had only lead to one road that he wished from the start to never use but eventually he had to. He had to talk to him.

About what? What to say? Or even when? He didn’t know. He also didn’t know where it might end or how it will go, all he knew is that he has to talk to him and that he doesn’t wanna lose or hurt him under any circumstances.

 

“See you later” He heard from behind so he  looked back at him 

“Y-yeah sure” he replied and couldn’t look him in the eyes so he just looked wherever his eyes landed except him 

“Alright.. bye” Takanori said and sounded unsure as he looked at him for a couple of seconds before leaving, wishing for the last time to be called from behind, he was giving up on trying to understand anything or keep holding onto his comfort around him, he couldn’t help the anxiety that’s creeping back to him whenever he sees him.

But he had nothing to do about it, not anymore. He made his way home on his own and drowned in his merciless thoughts of him finally leaving as he feared.

The moment Akira’s head touched his pillow he remembered his selfish act and shuddered, got up and just stood in the middle of the room before tugging at his hair. 

‘Now what?! You couldn’t even keep it to yourself! You kissed him. YOU KISSED HIM. You betrayed his trust, you pretend the whole time to be the friend you can never be! You destroyed everything! Those stupid one sided feelings destroyed everything! All you think about is your fear of losing him, Haven’t you thought for an instant on what that’ll do to him?! You’ll make his fears come true! You’ll destroy what he’s been building all that time! 

And now what? Keep it inside? Just live like this? As if he didn’t notice your shit already?.. talk to him?

What am i gonna say? What should i talk about? Do i tell him that i have feelings for him and that I can’t get him out of my head! That i kissed him in his sleep?! That I can’t look him straight in the eyes anymore because i love him?!’

 

He fell to his knees as he held his head with both of his hands, blocking his ears, trying to get his inner voice to shut up

‘Love him? No.. i loved him as a friend.. but not like this.. i can’t tell him that.. I’m gonna lose him, I’m gonna hurt him. I’ll destroy everything!’ 

“Takanori, i’m sorry.. I’m sorry” He sniveled as he bowed till his forehead touched the ground. 

“I never meant to hurt you.. i’m sorry I couldn’t get rid of it”

“I don’t know why i had them in the first place.. I’m sorry”

“I’m sorry”

 

••••

 

“Aki-chan? Are you okay, my dear?” His grandmother’s voice pulled him out of his dark ocean of thoughts. 

“Yeah.. yeah i’m fine” he said as he forced himself to eat the breakfast she made for him

“Aki-chan.. look at me”

He raised his tired eyes to meet hers and she frowned. 

“Your eyes are telling me things.. don’t you wanna talk?” He shook his head and and sighed deeply before she sat down next to him

Her kind touches and comforting vibe pushed tears to his eyes and he swallowed thickly, trying to push them away

“Everything will be okay.. trust me” she patted his back, looking at him sadly. 

“It doesn’t have to.. not this time” he spoke with his choked voice, looking down

“Oh darling that’s how you see things when you’re in it.. it’ll be alright. You’ll see”

“You’re not just tired from lack of sleep, you’re sad. You’re so sad, I haven’t seen that in your eyes for years” 

He looked at her in the eyes with his tired, sad ones and tried to smile but failed

“Do i better not know about it?” She asked, drawing soothing circles on his back and he nodded at her 

“It’s okay.. it’ll be alright”

“Do i risk and talk?.. or stay silent for safety?” He spoke after a few minutes of silence and now that he no longer is pretending, his voice went out heavy, so heavy that she had tears willing in her eyes

“I can’t stay silent.. I can’t talk too”

“I’m afraid..”

“I’m terrified”

“I’m..losing”

“You don’t need to be told what to do.. I don’t know and I can’t assume. You know what to do but you’re afraid.. of the result? To admit?.. you’re just afraid”

“I believe you can do what’s right” “I will always love you” 

He couldn’t hold back his tears longer and they slid down his lashes as he looked at her and smiled before she wrapped her arms around him, letting him rest his head on her shoulders 

“You’re not a bad person, Akira” 

He broke down, resting his head on her shoulders and feeling her arms around him. He didn’t know anything anymore. He felt tired and exhausted to even think any longer... he just let it all out with his sobs and tears and prayed in his heart for things to go right.

 

 

•••

 

“Hello?”

“Takanori.. hey” Akira spoke through the phone then didn’t talk

“Is everything okay?” He heard Takanori’s unusual tone from the other side.. the tone that sent him loads of uncomfortable vibes and guilt.

“Ah.. yeah. C-can you pass by? Are you done with your shift yet?”

“Yeah.. i was on my way home, are you alright?”

“I-I am.. just wanna talk to you” Takanori stared blankly at nothing for a couple of seconds, not expecting what he just heard.

“Okay.. I’m coming”

Takanori’s head raged with millions of possibilities and scenarios that all made him feel uncomfortable but he only had to wait until he sees him and know finally what was going on.

Akira’s mind spun around as his anxiety ate him alive and his nervousness made his stomach cramp and his breath to get heavier.

Akira waited in his room as his heart hammered in his chest and his breaths went out shaky and heavy.. he thought, he thought a lot of what to say but now his mind went blank, completely blank that he didn’t even know what to talk about.

His heart dropped to his feet as he heard the sound of their doorbell. He made his way to the front door with shaky legs and heavy heart, trying to pull the best smile he could or even look normal but he had to know better than to try and fool him.. not with that state of his.

“Hey” Takanori said with a faint smile that instantly faded as he laid his eyes on him. Dark circles rounded his tired, heavy, reddened eyes and his pale skin.

“Hey, come in” he said, looking down as he stepped away ignoring his worried and questioning glances. 

“Takanori! welcome, dear” the grandmother said, greeting him warmly as usual before they headed to Akira’s room

 

“Akira.. what’s going on”

“I-i’ll tell you”

Akira took a seat on his bed and was followed by Takanori who sat in the opposite of him, staring at him with a frown.

“Look.. first of all. I’m sorry”

“What for?”

“For the last few days and how I’ve been acting.. i’m sorry”

“Akira, what are you apologizing for, look at yourself.. when was the last time you had a good night sleep in?”

“I’m fine i-“

“No, you’re not.. and no matter how many times i tried to reach to you, you just stepped away. What’s happening with you?”

“Well, i actually brought you here to tell you..”

“But i’m sorry for making those walls, i’m sorry for acting weirdly, i’m sorry if i made you doubt anything.. i tried to get over it myself but I couldn’t”

“What is it?.. tell me” his anger and concern were replaced by kindness and worry in his eyes and voice that pierced through Akira’s heart.

“I just want you to promise me something” “Please don’t hate me”

“What.. what are you talking about?.. I can’t hate you”

“I wouldn’t really hate you unless you have something to do with the people that kidnapped me, other than that i’d never hate you” Akira thought he’d be smiling sarcastically or something but when he dared to look him in the eyes, he was serious 

He looked down and took in a couple of deep breaths not knowing what to say as he felt Takanori’s sharp stare on him. 

“I.. i was dealing with.. some.. uncomfortable thoughts and..” he was lost for words and stuttered as he looked down. 

“Takanori look.. i know that’s so stupid and ridiculous and you might want to never see me again.. i just had to let you know.. I couldn’t just..”

“Oh my god what is it, Akira? Don’t do that to me, just talk”

He looked at him before looking down again, swallowed for the millionth time, feeling as if he had his tongue glued in his throat, he felt the ache in his stomach grow with the passing minutes and couldn’t help but feel sick.

“Akira are you alright?.. if you don’t wanna talk right now, it’s okay” he patted his knee as worry filled him up and beat his curiosity.

“I-i can’t live with it.. i have to tell you”

“Tell me what?!”

“That i have feelings for you!”

Takanori’s face fell and he kept staring at him blankly while Akira’s heart almost stopped for a moment and his eyes widened, looking at his.

That was it. It was too late to think for something to say, he spoke. He let it out. No matter what he had in mind now, all what he had to do was wait the respond he knew and feared.

“What are you talking about?... w-what do you mean?”

“O-of course you’d have feelings for me w-we’re friends” Akira’s eyes overflowed with his sadness as he heard his words and didn’t know what to do anymore. 

“Not those.. i-i mean..” Takanori’s blank expression remained the same as he stared at him trying to understand while Akira’s nervousness and anxiety barely allowed him to talk

“I-I’m having feelings.. a friend shouldn’t have” 

“What.. feelings” Takanori asked in disbelief as he watched Akira’s nervous movements before he hid his face in the palms of his hand 

“I.. like you” he raised his head and with his glossy eyes he looked at him, barely drawing a breath in as he watched Takanori’s expressionless face stare at him blankly and right into his eyes.

He looked away, not baring his heavy stare on him and decided to not wait his response as he already could tell what it was from the look in his eyes but he had to get it off his chest. He already brought it out and what’s done was done.

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot.. I didn’t even notice that, but when i did i found you always in my mind, i see you in my sleep.. i cared so much that now I can’t hold it back, i tried to make things normal and ignore it but it only grew, i’m no longer able to spend some fun time with you without having my thoughts eating me at night.. i hate the way i’m feeling towards you, i hate that I didn’t turn out to be the person i thought i was with you, i hate that i betrayed your trust” his voice choked so he stopped, swallowed and tried to calm his breath before continuing  “I Haven’t had sleep in days, I can’t stop thinking.. the last thing i wanted to ever do is talk to you about it, not that i wanted to hide, but i wanted to get over it on my own and bring things back to how they were without telling you, cause I don’t wanna lose you, and I didn’t wanna hurt you i’m sorry.. i’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me, don’t leave, I don’t wanna lose you” by the second he finished he found his tears already sliding down and the lump in his throat barely allowed him to talk.. he fixed his blurry vision on Takanori’s eyes that were shocked and slowly that shock turned into sadness as he looked back at him straight in the eyes. 

Takanori’s mind was confused, he didn’t know what to think, say or feel. Akira’s eyes filled him with pain, he looked sad, tired and drained.. he felt terrible for his friend, wanted to hug him, tell him it’s okay and wipe away his tears, but he can’t, he can’t touch him, he felt hurt and confused, he can’t comfort him and he also can’t handle witnessing him in that state.

“Takanori i’m sorry” he said with pleading eyes before Takanori break their heavy eye contact and stare down, trying to get himself to speak.

But what to say? How to speak something that could break that already broken heart in front of him, how to let out any harsh words to that exhausted mind.. how to add more tears to those red and puffy eyes.

“But.. b-but i never thought of you like that, i never saw you this way.. i-i thought we were friends”

“We are.. and I know.. i know that I shouldn’t have, it’s my fault and i’m sorry” Akira’s broken voice spoke as he suppressed his sobs

“Would you please stop crying? I can’t stand seeing you like that” Takanori spoke and felt the shrink in his heart to what his eyes are witnessing as he watched him nod and wipe his face.

“I.. don’t have that kind of feelings for you” “I love you.. but only as a friend, a close one... god knows how dear you are to me, and i can never hate you and I don’t wanna lose you too, and you know how terrified i’ve always been of this possibility”

“I just can’t do this” Akira nodded, still looking down as Takanori saw his tears falling silently to the mattress. 

“I’m sorry that i.. hurt you... but i just can’t...you have to forget about it”

“I-i don’t feel.. attracted to um..guys, I didn’t know about you”

“Neither do i.. I just don’t know what happened to me” he said and his voice cracked so he hid his face in his hands and his body shook from a sob that escaped his mouth. 

“Akira, i’m sorry”

“Don’t be.. don’t. It’s not your fault”

“Akira, I wouldn’t just throw everything you’ve done to me away and leave for such a thing.. my bond with you is stronger than to choose to run away over helping”

“You can’t help that, what would you do” Akira sniveled, raising his head and looking at him with furrowed eyebrows and sad eyes. 

“Anything.. what do you want me to do? I’d do anything, but if it’s not me that you want in that situation, and i understand if you do, it’s okay.. i-I’d still be there”

“I don’t deserve that”

“You do.. and i’m sorry that i broke your heart. I can see all the suffering you had, lack of sleep and confusion in your eyes.. I could tell that there was something wrong but you didn’t wanna open up to me and I didn’t know what to do. I felt guilty and sad to see you like this and not being able to do anything while you never leave me alone in my darkest days. I could’ve sworn to do absolutely anything but what you need is...far from my reach.” “I want you by my side, I don’t wanna lose you, i wanna be there when you need me and just.. stay friends”

“I knew, I didn’t expect anything from you and i knew this was gonna be it.. I expected worse than that. I Just couldn’t hide anymore, I couldn’t keep it, I couldn’t sleep.. i felt insincere and two-faced”

“No you’re not.. and thank you.. for being honest” “You didn’t betray my trust. I see you tried and it’s not your fault”

“What do i do.. you’ll never feel the same about me, you’ll always keep a distance, you’ll separate yourself and things won’t be the same again” Akira spoke and tried to sound normal before his voice broke. 

“I’m .. not sure about that” Takanori said, took in a deep breath and moved closer to him.

“You wouldn’t bite, would you?” He said in a playful tone as he wrapped his right arm around him, pulled him closer and saw his head rise in surprise and look at him

“Do i.. need to get away?” He asked, looking him in the eyes as he saw his surprise but watched him shake his head. 

“I don’t know how things will go.. I don’t know how am i gonna feel like when i leave” Takanori said as he stared at the wall with a pout

“I-i’ll get rid of it.. i’ll do. I’ll do my best, i’ll forget about it. I don’t even feel anything anymore, guilt has already taken over” he said, pulling away and looking him in the eyes 

“Don’t feel any different.. everything will be the same, I promise” he almost pleaded as he watched up close what was written in his eyes 

Takanori looked at him with a sad smile and nodded “Will you promise me something?”

“When i leave, have some rest. Just sleep and stop thinking, and eat if you haven’t, please just sleep” 

Akira wiped his face and nodded as a sad smile tugged at the corners of his trembling lips.

Takanori kept staring at him for a few seconds, feeling a sting in his heart “I’m.. sorry”

“It’s okay” Akira nodded to him then he stood up so Akira followed

After he left, Akira made his way back to his room, locked himself inside and stood behind the door staring blankly into nothing before his tears made their way down his chin again so he rested his head back to the door and tried to swallow his lump but as the seconds passed, his knees felt weaker and he squeezed his eyes shut as his knees gave in.

His grandmother passed close to his room and heard her grandson’s weeps that cut through her heart and had nothing to do but share him his pain on the other side of the door.

He finally broke down, he crawled to his bed and let it all out in his pillow, he let his sobs violently shake him and his screams to hurt his throat and his crying to harden his headache.

He cried all he had inside, his anxiety, pain, sadness, confusion and fear. He poured it all on his pillow. Minutes? Hours? He didn’t know how much time passed, he just cried and cried until it drained him. Eventually he remained a still weak, shaking body on the bed, with unbearable headache, trembling lips and interrupted sobs. 

His weak, sad eyes stared tiredly into the nothingness that he was and thought of him one last time before his body gave in finally and decided to put an end to it all. 

He fell asleep with a broken heart, tired mind and wet cheeks. Was it the end? He didn’t know. Was everything over? Is he gonna regret it when he wakes up? Did he have the energy to even care anymore? He chose to keep those away for now and drift away..

Chapter Text

Now what.. you broke his heart. He must’ve cried himself to sleep... but what else did I have to do?... now if things got a bit awkward, guess we’ll get over it, but if it happened and we break up or something, that’d be it.. forever!
I-i can’t risk something like that.. w-what am I even thinking about..!
I can never see him like this! I can never want anything from him other than his time and support! I can never want to kiss, sleep, cuddle or whatever the fuck that’s done in these matters, no.

Did he.. did he think of that whenever I was near him?.. when I sleep next to him or hug him?
No.. no, no, no, that’s what he’s been afraid of, the way I’m thinking now, that’s what he assumed I’ll lock myself away for.

That’s Akira.. of course things didn’t go this way with him.. he.. he can’t be feeling this way for me, can he?

He did.. or else he wouldn’t feel that bad, right? No how could he.. want me for.. this?
Am I overthinking it? This way it’ll be awkward for real and I wouldn’t feel comfortable near him.. but that’s Akira!

The problem probably is that...he is Akira...

He promised.. he’ll try. He needs me and I have to be there for him, that’s what he would always do... I can’t leave... I can’t get back to how I was before him, I can’t give him up.. it’ll be alright, won’t it?


•••

It was an unusual coincidence but it was needed. Takanori had his day off after their conversation and after it when he went to work it was Akira's day off and after it, it was weekend. He wanted to see him so that things don't become awkward when they meet after a few days but he just thanked the coincidence and let things go the way they were meant to be.


...

“Takanori where have you been last week didn’t you go home straight after work?!”

“I’m sorry I was at Akira’s” he said and heard Katsuji sigh in annoyance on the other side.

“Now listen.. stay home this weekend and until I tell you if it’s okay and you can leave or not. No work, no hanging out, don’t leave your place”

“W-what happened?.. did something happen? Did he show up?” Takanori’s heart dropped to the thought of Kamenari

“Yes.. and you’re not safe outside, take care of yourself and keep your entrances safe”

“I need you to listen to me... I can’t meet you so I have to tell you this through the phone, listen Takanori, he’ll make his way back to your apartment soon, your place is under watch, we’re gonna capture him this time no matter what, listen.. you’ll let him in after you call me. We’ll surround the place he’ll have nowhere to go to, this time he’s gonna fall”

“What! No, wait a minute! He’ll make it back to my place and you want me to let him in?!”

“You have to, or we’ll never get a chance like this again”

“You’re risking my life here!.. he’ll be back to kill me! That’s what he promised last time! And who knows if he’ll even be alone!.. no! No, no, I won’t”

“Takanori listen! There’s no other way, we’ll be around and-“

“I don’t care! By the minute you get to him I’m certainly gonna be dead! It would take him a minute to finish me!.. what are you thinking! You’re too concentrated on capturing him that you’re no longer thinking about my life, no thanks I wouldn’t be happy if you capture him and I’m dead”

“And then what, you’ll live in your house forever?! Cause he’s out there and might get to you?! Think about it Takanori, we’ll be around and will get to him before he hurts you.. don’t you trust me?”

“I don’t trust circumstances...and why are you so sure that he’ll come in the first place?”

“We saw him near the restaurant and near your house a few times... that’s the biggest possibility”

Takanori’s heart hammered against his ribcage and he swallowed his lump, trying to think of what he should do

“That’d be so stupid.. you want me to just open my door peacefully and welcome my own death?”

“It’s not gonna go like this.. when he’s around I’ll inform you, but you’ll let me know when he’s inside”

“He won’t give me a chance to even move! What would I do?! Oh, hold on a second I gotta make a call?! He could just hunt me down from a window or something! It’d take a second for him to shoot me in the head and it’s over!”

“The plan is done and I’ll call you again later today”

“What if he showed up before?!”

“Takanori, your house is under watch... I’ll know when he does before you”

“It’s alright.. we’re putting everything in mind.. he won’t make it today.. there are no signs and in worst cases, I’ll tell you what to do. Take care”

The call was over, he ended the call and left him alone with his thoughts that overwhelmed him and tightened his throat and made his breathing heavier and harder.

Flashbacks fought their way to his mind and flashed brightly right in front of his eyes, he placed his hand over his stomach and held himself tightly before he gagged twice as his breaths went out faster and heavier and tears blurred his vision. He stumbled his way to the bathroom as he placed the palm of his hand over his mouth before he made it to the toilet seat and threw up, he had nothing in his stomach so he kept on gagging out nothing but his stomach’s secretions that burned his throat.

He rested on the floor and took the wall as support while his tears made their way down his chin and to the floor.

He kept his stomach surrounded by his arms as last time’s flashbacks flooded him over the edge and he broke down right where he was seated, his cries’ eco filled his apartment and he remained still, wishing for sleep to take him or even death.. at this point it didn’t matter much to him anymore.

...

“Takanori’s late, is he sick or something?” Mei asked as she adjusted her uniform, facing Akira

“Not as far as I know” he said avoiding looking at her as he started preparing ingredients

“Are you alright?”

“Yep, never better”

“Did you guys have a fight or something?”

“No, why’d you say that”

“Nothing, never mind” she said, totally not buying his words then she headed outside the kitchen leaving him there with his thoughts.

‘He’s just late... it’s okay. He wouldn’t skip his shift, he didn’t take it this way, did he? Just a couple of minutes and he’ll show up.’

“That friend of yours, doesn’t he respect his job even for the slightest to tell me that he can’t make it today?” Eiji said an hour later to Akira who’s eyes widened for a second.

“He didn’t come?”

“No he didn’t, isn’t it obvious?”

‘He doesn’t wanna see me? Did he think about it?’

Akira dropped the knife on the counter and his heart fell to his feet.

He was too busy thinking about himself than to think of the possibility of him being in danger.

His heart shrank as he made his way to the lockers. He called and with every ring, his heart banged against his ribcage. He inhaled deeply as he felt concern eat in him after two calls with no response.

“Sir, can I leave early today?... I wanna go check on Takanori, he might be sick.. he doesn’t usually do this”

“It’s alright, Mr Ryu just called me and told me that he’ll stay home for a few days due to some circumstances, you can go after your shift, now get back to work”

‘Circumstances? Stay home again? He’s either sick or in danger, right?...damn’

“But, sir i-“

“Back to work!” He turned around and left him angry behind.

He made his way back to the lockers and called once again but till the end of it, he got no response so he had to make his way back to work.

Lunch break was still half an hour ahead and yet after it still three hours of work, he cursed under his breath as he chopped on the cutting board letting out his nervousness.

After his shift was finished he changed, took his things and sprinted out making his way to Takanori’s before his phone rang in his pocket.

He hurried, taking it out before his face fell to his uncle’s name on the screen

“Hello-“

“Akira, where are you?”

“I just finished my shift and left”

“If you’re thinking of going over to Takanori don’t.. just stay away for a couple of days, he’s fine, don’t worry about him”

“What the hell is going on?! He’s fine? Then why isn’t he picking up his phone?! I called him a lot this morning and a while ago and he doesn't answer.. why don’t you want me to go? What happened?”

“I’ll tell you later.. just go home and don’t go to him today or tomorrow... I’ll tell you-“

“What are you talking about? Is he imprisoned or something?!”

“You’ll put yourself in danger if you did so, so just go home, Akira I have no time!”

“I’ll be in danger?.. is he even safe?!”

“I got no time for this, if I find you there I’ll drag your ass home”

“What?! Wait! At least tell him to answer his damn phone!... Hello? Hello!”

He stood there staring blankly at nothing as he slowly lowered his hand with the phone. It didn’t help, of course it didn’t...

‘Now I’d just go home have a lovely dinner with granny and have some peaceful sleep not knowing what the fuck is going on with him and he’s alone and obviously in danger!’

..

Takanori opened his eyes slowly to realize that he was still in the bathroom on the floor, his eyes widened as he remembered the call and he jumped off the floor before falling back down after his head sharply hit the sink.

He winced, moaning in pain as he held his head with both of his hands as tears willed in his eyes from the pain but his fear pushed him up again as he dizzily made his way to the front door, locked it and closed the balcony and all his windows except his bathroom’s window that had bars.

He sat in the living room with his eyes crazily wandering around, checking for any open entrance and cursing his foolishness cause all windows are just glass and could be broken, he was not safe.. he’s trusting his life for the unknown.

He jumped off his seat as he heard his phone ringing in the kitchen and when he saw Katsuji’s name his heart almost stopped.

“Takanori, keep your phone next to you, keep it charged and loud.. there’s no chance of him showing up today but don’t let your guard down. I’m sorry I know I’m pushing you over the edge, just bear with me... it’s this time only and you’ll be free”

“I’m afraid”

“I know.. don’t be, we’ll get to him this time, Takanori, I promise you”

He nodded silently as fear clutched at his heart and left him hopeless.

“Wait for my call, and if there’s anything call me immediately”

“Okay”

“Take care”

Takanori stood there still for a few minutes after the call, thinking and trying to calm his fears down. The thought of seeing him again weakened his knees and made his heart shrink. How was he supposed to survive it, just one move can end his life, one minute is all it might take.. last time was a threat, this time he’s gonna take action. Kill him.

The ringing of his phone snatched him out of his thoughts after a while and made him flinch but he sighed in relief and intimacy as he slid the green button to answer.

“Takanori! Where have you been?!”

“Hey, Akira”

“Are you alright? What’s going on?”

“I’ll... I’ll tell you later”

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine, I’m not hurt...yet”

“What? What’s going on, I tried to pass by but I received a call from uncle warning me not to as if my life’s depending on it.. are you safe? What’s going on?”

“Yeah, don’t come.. h-he’s coming anytime and you shouldn’t be seen around or you’ll be targeted and I’ll never let that happen”

“What? Who’s coming?”

“K-Kamenari”

“Kamenari?...What! What the fuck are you just waiting for him?! Does uncle know?!”

“H-he does and t-they’re supposed to capture him here at my place... I’m gonna be a bait”

“What the fuck! Did he plan this?! But how? What if he hurt you?!”

“He’s coming to kill me... he threatened last time, and him coming back can’t mean anything else but this... I don’t know if they’re gonna make it while I’m alive..”

“What?! No, no, no... o-of course he knows what he’s doing, he won’t let you die, t-this isn’t gonna happen, that’s impossible”

“I’m terrified...I can’t take anymore, I’m not sure if I can survive this...I’m losing my mind just sitting here waiting for my death! I started seeing things! I can’t stay like this, I can’t”

“Takanori.. for god’s sake stay strong, I can’t make it to you but please, you’ll be alright, quit thinking like this... I-It’s gonna go right just.. just be careful”

“What do I do, he could just shoot me and they’d have nothing to do... I don’t wanna die”

“You won’t! D-don’t say that, please” Akira said on the other side and his voice started shaking.

Their breathing was the only string that’s tying them to the call as a long pause of silence occurred after Akira’s shaky words.

“Akira.. please forgive me, for if I ever did you wrong, and for breaking your heart...I’m sorry” “No, no, no” “ you’re the best person I’ve ever met in my whole life and you’re-“

“No, Takanori stop! Cut that shit what are you talking about.. you’re not fucking dying, stop it!” Akira snapped at him with his trembling words.

“Say whatever you want when we meet okay? Save it for later” he said, trying to calm and comfort him and also himself.

“And.. you are the best person I’ve met in my life”

Takanori smiled as his eyes glossed and felt the warmth in his heart grow.

“I...I gotta go”

“You’ll be alright, yea?”

“Yeah”

“I’ll call you in the morning... call me if.. you can’t sleep or if there's anything and if something wrong happened, call my uncle”

“I will”

“Take care”

They both hung up with shaking hearts, Akira’s of worry and Takanori’s of fear.

He didn't eat since yesterday but he still didn't feel like eating or drinking anything, his stomach was shrinking and hurting already so he made his way to his room, closed the door and lights before burying himself under the blanket. His wide eyes wandered around in the dark while his heart hammered inside, he held his phone close and squeezed the blanket around him before voices started repeating in his head, and it only made it worse and tightened his lungs.

His eyes uncontrollably started closing while he fought to keep it open with ever passing second before he gave in and almost fainted from his mind’s pressure.

 

“Be a good boy”
“Hnnngh!!”
“Shhh what did I just say”

 

“What? You wanna talk, nah I don’t like my pets to talk to me”

 

“What do you think about yesterday’s lunch? I got you something for today”
“Fuck! Take it away! No, stop it!”

 


The sound of Takanori’s ringing phone mixed with his dream as he woke up gasping loudly.

“Takanori wake the fuck up! He’s up there! He’s coming from your balcony get out right now!”

“What?! How did- oh SHIT!” The call went off as the phone dropped from his hand after he saw him breaking in, in a blink of an eye.

“No!! No! Let me go!” He screamed trying to push him away as he grabbed both of his wrists then punched him all of a sudden before pushing him to the wall hard and wrapped his hand around his neck, choking him.

His mind was still confused, he didn’t know if he was still dreaming he was as terrified as he was in the dream and couldn’t move or think straight.

He felt a hard object pushed to his stomach before his hand made its way to it and his heart stopped. Kamenari raised the gun to Takanori’s head and looked him dead in the eyes with bloodlust and rage.

“I ain’t losing my life for a worthless piece of shit like you!”

“Let me go!” Takanori cried as he felt his fingers pinch that spot in his stomach mercilessly that he felt his skin tearing.

“I finally get to escape his grip to be imprisoned for the rest of my life or even end up dead for such a fucked-up brat like you! This isn’t happening!”

“You fucking destroy my life and finally kill me?! What have I done for all of that?!” Takanori screamed before he was silenced with a strong punch to his eye that blacked his vision and burned like hell.

“And what have I done?!.. oh you thought I liked cleaning your shit?! Did I enjoy your vomit everywhere?! Fuck you and him and everyone I’m sick and I WON’T LOSE, you hear me?!” He yelled at him, hitting his skull with the gun repeatedly causing him to lose his balance then pointed it to his neck right under his jawline.

Takanori felt a sharp pain in the side of his skull near his forehead where he hit him and felt the warm liquid slide down his face. His head spun around that he almost fell if he wasn’t pressed against the wall by him.

“That’s it, bitch! Go fucking hell! It was my fault that I didn’t kill you when I got the chance!” A scream escaped Takanori’s mouth when he felt him tear his stomach’s skin and again his scream was met by a punch.

“But now I have it and I won’t lose it! Not again!”

“You.. fucker think if you kill me... you’ll get away with it”

“Bitch I know they’re outside” he chuckled psychopathically and Takanori’s eyes widened and if he still had a bit of his sanity he wouldn’t say that he had tears in his eyes.

“I still won’t let you see the sun”

‘He knows it, he’s here to kill me. He knows he won’t get away with it, he knows he won’t flee, he’s here to kill me and he has nothing to lose. I’m gonna die... that’s it for real.’

“Freeze!” Takanori heard a familiar voice that saved him or that’s what he thought.

“Fuck!” Kamenari cursed as in a blink of an eye he ran back to the balcony and before jumping he randomly shot towards Takanori who was still standing where he was, shocked, frozen and crying with shaking legs and screaming to the sound of the gun firing towards him before his knees gave in and he fell to the ground as the sound went out again but this time he didn't scream from the sound only he also screamed of pain, an unbearable pain that burnt on the flesh of his side.

He screamed in pain as he felt his head hit the ground and watched everyone follow him after he jumped.

He cried harder and his breath went out heavier as he squeezed his side in pain, wincing on the ground.

“Takanori!” The dim light in the room didn’t help him see so much around but the voice he heard coming closer to him and the figure that kneeled beside him was enough.

“Takanori, let me see” Katsuji took his hand off his wound and watched Takanori panic at the sight of his blood covering his hand and clothes.

“It’s fine, you’ll be alright... it’s not deep, don’t worry you’ll be alright, hold on...you will be alright” he wiped on his head and brushed his hair off his forehead and Takanori saw the worry and shock in his eyes and for an instant, he saw his father in him.

“I won’t let him get away, I promise!”

“He.. knows..he knows” he tried to tell him but he didn't hear him, his words were swallowed by his loud pants and gasps. His eyes begun slowly falling to the back of his head as he fought to keep it looking straight forward but couldn't and his swollen punched eye closed already.

 

‘Is that it?.. no, no wait.

Not yet. Am I dying?

Is that how it feels like?

...

Akira’

his opened eyelid felt heavier and heavier as the sounds went away gradually until darkness took over his vision and blocked all his other senses but this time was for his good.

Chapter Text

“I won’t let you see the sun again”
“And what have I done!”
“Takanori I won’t let him flee”


‘I’m dead.. is that it, is it over? Oh... it is.’


‘Akira, I’m sorry’

 


Takanori opened his eyes that closed immediately from the light above his head. He frowned and forced them open then looked around him, tried to move his limbs, toes and fingers, he then tried to raise his arm to take what’s on his face off but winced in pain so he stayed still, looking around to see a very familiar view. A hospital room.

‘I’m alive...in a hospital again... alone’

His eyes wandered sadly around one last time as he saw the big bandage on his side and bare pale skin and the cannula on his hand with its transparent tubes that reached up to his elbow then he closed them hopelessly before snapping them open after a few minutes to the sound of the door opening

“Takanori” Akira whispered as he walked in, covering his mouth with his hand, walking closer to the bed.

“Oh my god, what happened?! A-re you alright? Oh my god” he blurted out as he stood right next to the bed where Takanori’s body laid still with concern written all over his face as he watched the bandage on his side, his bruised face, bandaged head and purple circle around his eye.

Takanori looked at him with his empty eyes before they flooded with sadness a few seconds later and tears welled in them.

“Y-you’ll be alright, it’s okay, you’re safe here” he tried to comfort him as his own eyes glossed, looking at his. He held his hand and with the other, he wiped on his hair a few times. Takanori held his hand and squeezed it hard as if it was the only part of him that could express his feelings.

“Hey.. are you in pain?” Akira’s kind, sad tone pierced through Takanori’s heart who nodded at him with his tearful eyes.

“It’s okay.. you need the doctor? Do I call someone in?”

Takanori shook his head before a tear slid from the corner of his eye that deepened Akira’s frown. His tears continued falling as his grip on his hand tightened.

“Does it hurt that much?”

Takanori nodded again as Akira held him tighter and drew soothing circles on the back of his hand. Takanori’s eyes started closing slowly but he didn’t loosen his grip so Akira took a seat on the chair next to the bed and sadly watched as his teary eyes closed completely. His thumb found its way to Takanori’s face and wiped his tears then wiped on his hair once again.

He rested his head on the edge of the bed to calm himself and rest his mind. The sight of Takanori alive relieved his heart but broke it at the same time when he saw all his bruises and sorrowful eyes. The call he received from his uncle at seven in the morning frightened him and in a few minutes, he was in the hospital looking for him.

Takanori’s words in his last call repeated in his mind and prevented him from resting his eyes for the few minutes he intended to but in a few more minutes he raised his head to Takanori’s moving fingers around his and his loud breaths under the mask.

He let go of Akira’s hand and raised his own to take off the oxygen mask

“No, no, keep it”

“It’s fine” Takanori said and his hand went back to rest on his stomach.

“Haven’t you heard from Katsuji?”

“I haven’t.. he called me for less than a minute and told me that you’re here, hung up and didn’t call again” he told him and watched him nod and look away with a frown.

“What happened? Are you still in pain?”

“Yeah... but it’s numb”

“I knew it.. he came to kill me, and he tried but didn’t have enough time”

“W-what did he do?!”

“He shot twice towards me when he was trying to run and one of them hit me in my side”

“That’s a shot?!” He said in shock looking at his side and blinked a few times “Oh my god”

“I thought I was gonna die, I don’t believe that I woke up”

Akira’s hand found his again as he patted his shoulder with the other.

“Mr Matsumoto.. how do you feel?” A female voice spoke after the sound of the door opening.

“Pain...I can’t move my right arm or even take a deep breath. It’s a bit numb now but I still feel it”

“It’s alright” she said and checked his blood pressure.

“Is he gonna be alright?.. is the wound deep?”

“Yes, he’ll be alright and can go home in a matter of days, but he needs good care. The bullet did not go through any dangerous spots thankfully it cut through the outer flesh only and didn't harm any organs”

Takanori adjusted his position with a frown as he tried to raise his right arm but put it back in pain.

“You may stay for a couple of days, and maybe less, and you can stay with him if you want” she spoke to both of them before giving Takanori a couple of pills, then checked his temperature and left.

“Thank god” Akira said sighing

“I thought of you...” Takanori snatched his attention after a few seconds of silence and looked him in the eyes.

“When my vision turned black... I saw you” Akira smiled sadly as he looked him in the eyes

“and I thought I couldn’t keep my promise and I wanted to apologize” he continued, staring blankly at nothing before his eyes moved to meet Akira’s sad ones again.

“Y-you don’t need to anymore I guess” he chuckled softly as he wiped his eye, looking away.

...

“Hey Takanori, how are you feeling?” Mei said quietly, touching his hand and standing close to him while Kagemori and one of their workmates walked in before Akira closes the door and heads back to his seat next to his bed.

“I'm fine... better than before” his voice went out deep and raspy but he smiled genuinely to the sight of his friends caring enough to pay him a visit in the hospital and also bring him flowers.

“I can't believe someone could get that far to rob a house!” Kagemori said with a frown confusing Takanori who looked at Akira questioningly, Akira slightly nodded at him so he looked back at his friend and nodded.

“I can't believe it either”

“I'm really sorry you're going through this, hope you get well soon” his workmate said with a sad frown so he smiled at him.

“We'll wait for you to get back, get well soon” Mei said with a warm smile and sad eyes.

“Thank you” he smiled faintly at all of them and felt Akira's pat on his shoulder so he couldn't help but smile more despite the pain he felt and the pain in his face that his smile increased but he felt warm and safe.


They left after a short while and Akira stayed when Takanori asked him to.

He spent two days in hospital and his pain wasn't as hard cause he still was taking pain killers but he was told that after returning home he'll have to take them less.

“Robbing? what do they know?”

“Uncle said I can't tell anyone so when they asked I made something up... and they don't know you were shot either”

“Oh...okay”

“You didn't hear from him yet?” He asked and Akira shook his head so he rested his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes.


•••

Takanori stopped walking and looked around his place as he got a questioning look from Akira who was holding his arm around his shoulder and wrapping his arm around Takanori’s waist to help him walk.

“It’s okay... I’ll get this done just let’s get you to bed” he said as he led him to his room.

They both stopped at the sight of messed up furniture and broken glass, Akira was shocked but Takanori was actually just recalling that night.

“Um.. just sit down” Akira put him down on his bed and watched him stare at the wall so his eyes followed and he couldn’t help the gasp that left his mouth.

A hole in the wall with a blood stain on the carpet and around the hole.

It was dark, Takanori barely saw anything that night so the sight of the bullet hole in the wall and his own blood made him sick and put him in a shock.

“H-hey, it’s alright.. do you wanna go to my place?” Akira said, trying to snap him out of his dark thoughts.

“No, it’s fine”

“Alright, let's get you to the other room for now, yeah?” he said taking his arm and wrapping it around his shoulder then pulled him up.

Takanori’s suppressed moans of pain and heavy breaths as he moved made Akira want to take his pain away or just fly him to the room instead.

The sight of blood and the mess in the room made a scene in his head that broke his heart to imagine Takanori in such a situation.

“You’ll be fine.. just rest” Akira put him in bed and covered his body with the blanket before heading to the door.

“Are you leaving?”

“No.. just gonna see about that mess outside, just rest for now”

“Hey, no... don’t, just leave it, I’ll take care-“

“Shhh, I’m outside if you need something”

He tried to keep himself awake, but his eyes refused to stay open, his heartbeats softened and slowed down as his body settled in bed and his eyelids closed slowly then he fell asleep.


Akira’s heart shrank as he walked into Takanori’s room again, he picked the broken lamp up and took it to the trash before he started cleaning the mess on his bed and sort things out a bit until finally he cleaned the wall but rolled the carpet and placed it in the bathroom for until he sends it to some cleaning unit or something.. he wandered in the room to make sure everything was fine, and as he did so. he didn’t find anything like a picture, any sort of a memory, nothing...if he didn’t know him he’d say that he’s a man without a past, or either hate it so much that he erased it, but he didn’t have any good or bad part left of it but the memories in his head that never leave.

He wandered in the apartment and picked all the things that fell to the floor, cleaned the mess before he finally made it back to the guest room to take Takanori back to his room.

“Taka-“ he was cut off by the sight of him asleep already

“Takanori?” He called a bit softer as he approached the bed but he didn’t even move so he just stood there not know what to do, he stared at him a bit and then turned around to leave but stopped and went back there next to him.

‘I can’t share him a bed.. but what if he was in pain all alone? What if he needed something?... I’m tired and I’m gonna sleep fast anyway...but what if I make him uncomfortable, what if I hit him accidentally in my sleep, I’m gonna take space and that might annoy him...’

He sat there on the bed and kept staring at him with all of his thoughts fighting in his mind, not knowing what to do but eventually decided to stay beside him for if he needed anything.

The sound of Takanori’s fast breathing that was going faster and heavier with every passing second woke Akira up, he turned around to find a frown on his sleeping face, he kept moving his head to the sides and then started moaning and murmuring before he took one sharp breath snapped his eyes open.

The first thing his eyes recognized was Akira’s face that softened his sharp gaze and helped his wide eyes close slowly as Akira touched his cheek before wiping on his hair until he fell back to sleep in a few seconds.

He didn’t even know when did he sleep, he wasn’t supposed to. He sat up and tried to stay awake as he stared at him with half-closed eyes trying to wash away his sleep.

Takanori’s eyes opened to the warm light of the sun and looked around to find Akira’s soft sleeping face a few inches away from his. He stared at him from the corner of his eyes for a few seconds before turning his head to face him as his eyes stared at his closed ones with his lashes peacefully closed on one another. His eyes wandered the rest of his face before a faint smile appeared on his, he looked so peaceful, his eyes, his rounded cheeks, his full lips and curved chin, he kept staring before looking away with the smile he still had on his face.

A few minutes later he felt a slight movement so he turned his face to look at him again to find his eyes blinking at him this time so he smiled

“Oh...hey.” He spoke with his sleepy, raspy voice, wiping his face

“Wait, I didn’t intend to sleep here, when did I even...ugh” he blurted and sat up then looked at him.

“I’m sorry.. did I hit you in my sleep or something? I didn’t really intend to sleep here, I finished yesterday and tried to wake you up but you didn’t so I just left you.. didn’t really know when I fell asleep”

“It’s okay.. people fall asleep, what’s wrong with that?” Takanori smirked at him causing a smile to show up on his concerned face.

“You’re not taking my space on bed, I don’t move that much in my sleep anyway”

“You don’t”

“Plus... I really don’t prefer sleeping alone anymore” he said with a chuckle.

“I also don’t...or wait... did I have a dream or something?” He asked with furrowed eyebrows and Akira nodded.

“Oh, I did? Anyway.. just feels safer, you know, when I wake up and I see someone i just calm down and get back to sleep.. but when I’m alone it takes me time to figure out if I’m still asleep and I don’t get back to sleep usually.. maybe I stay up till the sun's up”

“Really?.. oh so I’m the fairy I thought I was” Akira chuckled and smiled as Takanori’s giggles rang around before he winced in pain.

“How are you feeling today? Any better?”

“Oh yeah better than yesterday... but still hurting. What time is it?”

“Time? Oh, I hope we’re not past your medicine dose!” He said and jumped off the bed reaching his phone.

“Oh thank god it’s not... it’s 10 AM” he sighed in relief then looked at him “What are you grinning at?”

“You’re acting like a mother”

“Okay.. I’ll take that as a compliment”

“Yeah” Takanori let out a deep chuckle as he helped himself up to sit before putting his feet on the ground.

“You need help?”

“No, I’ll just sit for a few minutes”

“Alright” he headed outside and made his way to the bathroom while on the other side Takanori sat down with a dumb smile as he stared at nothing before he decided to stand up and his smile was replaced by a frown of pain.


•••

“Morning” Akira said after knocking, then opening the door of Takanori’s room.

“Had a good sleep?” He asked making his way to sit on the edge of the bed as Takanori smiled at him with a slight nod.

“Oh does my magic work through walls as well? I’m awesome” He grinned with furrowed eyebrows watching as Takanori laughed before he winced in pain then giggling again with the frown still on his face that made him laugh as he patted his back.


“Now look, look you’re moving on your own, that’s my boy” Akira said with a chuckle when Takanori sat down on the chair in the kitchen after taking his coffee mug off the counter.

“Alright now let go of this and start with this” he took the mug to his side a bit as he moved the plate nearer to Takanori.

“I wonder how much they miss my cooking in the restaurant” Akira chuckled when he heard his phone ringing in his pocket with Mei’s name on the screen.

“Akira, are you at Takanori’s?”

“Well, good morning too”

“Can you make it home now?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Grandma is not feeling well and the doctor just left.. she fainted and she just woke up, asking about you”

“Oh my god, what?!” He stood up and his face gradually changed to concern and his eyes glossed as he felt his heart drop.

“I’m coming”

“If Takanori’s still in need for help stay and I’ll stay with her, she's gonna be okay, the doctor said”

“No, no, no, I’m coming!”

“Akira? What happened?”

“Grandma is sick.. she fainted and she usually doesn’t... I don’t know what happened”

“Oh my god, no” Takanori placed the palm of his hand over his mouth and frowned.

“Takanori, I’m sorry I gotta go” he blurted in confusion not knowing what to do.

“Just go. I’m sorry you had to stay with me and didn’t check on her”

“No.. no don’t. Just e-eat this and I’ll pass by at night to check on you.. and...I’ll send you food”

“Hey, hey... I’m fine don’t worry, and stay with her, take care of her and please call me, tell me she’s fine”

“I.. I will... Takanori please take care... I’ll be back”

“Akira you don’t have to, just go I’m gonna be alright don’t worry...you just said I was getting better” he assured him with a faint smile.

He kept staring at him for a few moments before nodding and hurrying out of the apartment.

Takanori sat down blankly staring at nothing as he started worrying and feeling guilty with every passing minute as Akira’s terrified expression didn’t leave his mind.

 

“Grandma!.. grandma what happened? Are you okay, what do you feel?” Akira rushed through the door and approached the bed, not giving Mei much attention.

“I’m sorry, Takanori was in a bad state and-“

“Aki-chan... I’m fine, why are you apologizing” she smiled at him warmly as she wiped the tear that rolled down his cheek with her thumb.

“I’m fine it’s not a big of a deal.. how’s Takanori? Is he getting better?”

“He is, and he’s worried about you” he sobbed as he talked so she held his face.

“If he needs you, go. I’ll be alright, I’m not sick, it’s just my age, darling” she said as she watched him sob harder and hold her hand on his face.

“I’ll check on him, he’s getting better but I gotta stay with you”

“What did the doctor say?” He asked Mei who was patting his back

“She needs to rest more and not move around a lot cause she gets dizzy.. and whenever she feels dizzy she must rest”

“How can I leave you, no I won’t” he moved his sight back at his grandmother and wiped on her hair so she smiled at him.

“He said just for a while.. why did you scare him so much...come here” she said with a grin, looking at Mei then opened her arms to him so he hugged her and cried louder.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I’ll be alright” she kept drawing soothing circler on his back as he slowly stopped sobbing

 

“I passed by to spend some time with her since you’re not here, she fainted out of nowhere so I called Mori and he got her the doctor” “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you, she’s fine it’s not something dangerous” Mei spoke as they sat down in the kitchen after leaving the room when she fell asleep.

“Thank you... thank you so much”

“Hey stop it, just take care of her and yourself. How’s Takanori?”

“He got better, but I still don’t know if he should be left alone yet, he still has an appointment in the hospital too”

“If you want to go I can stay with her”

“No.. I can’t leave” he said then looked down for a while “but I’m also worried about him”

“Hey, that’s a lot for you to handle at the same time, contact Takanori every now and then and stay with grandma if you want or stay with him and I’ll take care of her but don’t do that to yourself” Mei patted his back as he raised his head suddenly at the ringing of his phone

“It’s him”

“Hey, Takanori. Sorry, I was just gonna call you”

“No, it’s fine. Is she alright?”

“Yeah she is.. are you?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I? I told you don’t be worried I can move on my own and pain is so much bearable than before.. just take care of her and I’ll call you if I needed something. Thank god she’s alright I was really worried”

“Yeah me too... please if anything happened, call me, and keep the phone near you”

“Alright, fairy... now just calm down everything is fine, your voice is still shaking” Takanori said with a smile that Akira could hear in his voice.

“Okay I will, take care”

“Alright, bye bye”

 


“Hey, you’re awake?” Akira said, walking towards his grandma’s bed and she nodded.

“Did she leave?”

“Yes, why did you wake up?”

“I don’t know.. come here you were so scared my dear, I’m sorry” she patted the spot next to her so he laid down and she hugged him again and patted his hair repeatedly.

“You’re a good boy Aki-chan, you’re a good boy”

•••

Chapter Text

“How do I make you feel?”
“Hm? Oh, you can’t tell me?”
“Ah, do I have to take the cloth out? No, I won’t”
“I see the answer in your eyes and I love it... I'd die to see this every day!”
“Oh wait I don’t need to die I have it the whole time and damn how it makes me feel.. I want more”
“I want more”
“I want more!”

Takanori’s gasp filled the silence as his hand automatically reached to the nightstand to turn on the lamp while his other reached his mouth to make sure he was free. He forgot that the lamp was broken that night so his hands kept searching for the switch hysterically so that he can convince himself that he’s awake.

As his breaths got louder and heavier he started looking around randomly and the lamp not existing where it should, confused him and drove him somewhere in his mind that made his heart drop.

His hand touched his phone so he grabbed it and lit the flashlight, looking around the room before he sighed disappointedly after remembering that the lamp is no longer here.

He rested his back to the headboard, trying to catch his breaths, grabbing his burning side in pain.

“Now what? You seriously can’t sleep without the fairy?” he murmured to himself, smirking sadly before turning the flashlight off and laying back down, hoping for sleep to come and silence his head.


...

“Oh I don’t wanna ruin your victory but if you’re happy that you got to me so that you can find the others then it’s a hopeless case!” Kamenari yelled and laughed hysterically as the officers watched including Katsuji

“You don’t think this is gonna work, do you?”

“Even if it doesn’t you can suck a dick I escaped and I’m not coming back! I don’t wanna have any shit that ties me back to him! Don’t you fucking dare include me in this or I’ll fucking kill him!” He yelled again as tears rolled down his face before he got a punch in the face.

“Who the fuck are you threatening to kill?!” Katsuji’s anger flooded out of his face as he slammed his palm on the table.

“Your little injured dog! I don’t fucking know where they are and I don’t wanna know! I finally got to have a life of my own only to be fucked by that piece of shit!”

“So you just wanna have your peaceful life, don’t get disturbed and it’s totally fine to get away after destroying an innocent life, how fucking dare you!”

“I wasn’t free to do or not do whatever the fuck I did! I was just as captivated as he was! That motherfucker didn’t give a shit about anyone but himself!”

“You now will tell me everything about him and the others and answer all my questions, or else you won’t really be pleased”

 


•••

The sound of silence at night didn’t leave Takanori’s hearing.. it surrounded him completely and captured his mind, he didn’t want this, he didn’t want to be alone anymore, it hurts and chokes him.. hearing his voice for a couple of minutes on the phone wasn’t enough, he still felt abandoned and left out, not even his friends’ calls made any difference.

Although his wound was healing he felt it hurting so much more than it ever did when he was still in the hospital, he felt weak and fragile, he felt heavy and burdened, every inch of his body was sore even if he didn’t move.

His nights are back to not having a full peaceful hour of sleep, he hasn’t heard from Katsuji ever since he saw him in hospital.

Days felt the same and with every passing day he felt vacant and neglected, he didn’t know what to do or even what he wanted, Akira’s voice was what he wanted to hear, the sound of the night ate him alive and tore his sanity...he wanted him, he wanted him by his side, this isn’t how things should go for him... he needed him the most but felt ashamed, he broke his heart when he came to him exposing his feelings, he turned him down and made him cry, and he still did his all to support him, he felt ashamed and unworthy of his care or time, he found this torture to be the perfect punishment and endured it until it chocked him that he would wake up in the middle of the night just to cry and apologize until he falls back asleep. He wanted him to be there and tell him he’ll be alright, he wanted him to cook them breakfast and joke around about being his sleeping fairy, but he didn’t deserve it, he chose to endure it and isolate himself and not drag him down his hell any deeper.
...

Takanori’s ringing phone drove him out of his bedroom where he sat down still and silent for almost an hour, he took a deep breath before holding the phone against his ear after seeing the name

“Takanori, how are you?”

“I’m good.. thanks... what happened?”

“It seems that they weren’t working for him as we thought...he held something against each of them to keep them by his side, he killed one of them after we rescued you back then and Kamenari escaped afterwards, he said he went out of his mind and if he stayed any longer he might’ve been killed too”

“So you’re saying he’s a victim as well?!”

“Of course not...if we’re not talking about him being a part of kidnapping you, he attacked you in your house twice and also shoot you, he’ll never get away with it, it’s just that we thought something else and now we have to find him... thought he could make it easier, but it’ll take time” Takanori smirked sadly as a couple of tears fell to the floor when he tried to swallow his anger.

“It’s hopeless...he’ll never pay for it, he’ll never be judged... you won’t find him” he spoke and his voice choked and more tears slid down his wet lashes.

“Takanori why are you talking like this, we got to see-“

“It’s no use don’t you see?! You’ve wasted your time on me for no reason...and all you’ll try will be just a waste of your time and effort”

“Takanori I don’t want to hear that from you.. you’re not thinking straight”

“What do you think is left to be done! It’s been years and no use!” He cried out as he heard Katsuji’s sigh on the other side.

“Takanori I’ll need to meet you, I can’t today, I’ll see if I can tomorrow, calm down and stop thinking this way until we meet, okay? Take care”

Takanori threw his phone against the wall and growled loudly feeling the pain in his side that matched the pain in his heart. He broke down in anger, kicking the chair next to him and pushing whatever his hand could reach away. He eventually sat down sobbing, feeling like exploding of anger and disappointment. The hope he was living for flown away, faded like it was nothing and he was left empty and hopeless, it felt so dark inside of him now, he felt unworthy, unimportant and broken. All the waiting is gone for nothing, all the tears, torture and pain.

He rested his head to the wall as he stared blankly at the nothingness he've become, disappointment and despair took over him and it felt like the end, he once again started regretting not taking the decision that day when he could. He closed his eyes and for the millionth time, he wished to never wake up again, holding his aching side in pain and squeezing it.


•••

“Aren’t you gonna check on your friend? I’m okay now you can go today and stay there if you want”

“I called him a couple of times... I want to check on him and was gonna accompany him to his doctor appointment anyway, I’m just worried about you”

“It’s alright, you can see if Mei-chan is free to spend the day with me” the grandmother said with a warm smile as she patted Akira’s shoulder.

“I have Mei-chan and Mori that could stay with me, but if you’re not there he’s alone.. and it’s been days”

Akira felt even more worried especially after his last call with him, he sounded so off but kept pretending, the thought that things might’ve gone bad or that he might be in pain all alone made his heart shrink, he still couldn’t take it, to see him broken or in pain.

He called Mei and she happily agreed to accompany his grandmother for a couple of days cause she’s always so sweet with her, and after a while, she made it to their house and he could then leave.


“How are you now did-“ “are you alright?” Akira was cut off by the sight of Takanori’s emotionless, empty eyes that did not show any emotions even after their eyes met.

“Yeah sure.. never been better” Takanori said and avoided looking him in the eyes as he stepped away to let him in.

“How’s grandma now?” Takanori asked as they entered his living room, changing the subject.

“She’s fine.. she’s been worried about you”

“Thank her for me, she’s really sweet”

“Takanori what happened? Are you alright?” Akira asked, ignoring his pretending, looking him in the eyes as he saw a totally different soul, he looked back at him with a big fake smile and nodded as he took in a deep breath.

“Yep... I’m good”

“Takanori?”

“What?”

“What’s going on?”

“You tell me” he said sarcastically with a smirk.

“I’m serious...you’re acting strange”

“Am I?”

“Takanori, yes you are” he said and frowned as he saw his smirk grow.

“It’s just.. all useless. I just want it all to end. That’s it” he said, trying to keep his smirk on but failed and also failed to keep his emotionless face.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I just want to die...all the wait was for nothing, all the hopes were just a lie...it’s enough, I’ve had enough, I have nothing to live for...not anymore”

“Nothing?”

Takanori’s dead expression and emotionless voice stabbed Akira right in his heart, his words made his heart shrink and formed a lump in his throat that he tried to swallow thickly.

“But I was trying...you said I made a difference” Akira’s shock sneaked into his voice and eyes and he sounded broken.

“Yeah you did.. but I’m not worthy of your effort, I don’t deserve it... I need to fade away, this time forever, it’s gonna be better for you, for me, even for Yutaka, and your uncle, he’ll no longer fight for me, he’ll be free and so am i...I just need it to end”

“How dare you?” Akira felt hurt, angry and disappointed. He didn’t believe him, he didn’t want to, it was all surreal, it was too much to take at once, it broke him.

“Better for me?! How fucking dare you assume that! You just wanna leave me?! Do you want to die?! Oh, how so relaxing that would be! To cry and regret my whole life that I wasn’t enough! Yeah, that sounds so fucking better!”

Takanori’s eyes widened to hear Akira yelling at him and see him in that state for the first time.

“You can’t be that selfish! What about me?! I didn’t know you care that much” he yelled again but he couldn't help his tears that sneaked to his eyes or the crack in his voice.

“What happened for all of that?!” he asked and sounded broken just as he felt.

“They’ll never be found... one is dead and the other’s never gonna be found, my life was a joke, my pain was meaningless... all that I endured this shit for is gone and I’m just nothing! I am nothing!”

“You’re my everything!” Akira yelled louder as he watched Takanori stare at him in shock and saw tears well in his eyes.

“And how could you be so sure! Isn’t he captured now? Isn’t that a good thing?! He, of course, gave them information no matter how few, it matters! You don’t decide if it’s never gonna work, you don’t know!” Akira yelled his thoughts out, trying to add some sense to their conversation.

“And don’t you dare speak that shit about yourself again! You’re worthy of all my fucking time and effort! Who am I to be too much for you?! What right did you give yourself to decide if you were worthy or not?”

Akira’s anger was melted away at the sight of Takanori’s tears that started uncontrollably falling as he started looking around randomly.

“Stop it”

“What are you-“

“Just stop it!” Takanori screamed and saw his wide eyes stare at him in disbelief.

“Don’t.. don’t talk like that! Stop caring! Stop talking like that!”

“Takanori why did you change so much?! You can’t just-“

“I already decided and you won’t change a thing so stop!” Akira’s heart dropped to Takanori’s expression that he never witnessed before. The hurt, the anger, emptiness and despair all showing in his reddened eyes that stared widely at him.

“Decided? Decided what?”

“Whatever I just-“

“What did you decide that I can’t change?!” Akira said in a low, terrified tone as he moved closer to him.

“Akira, just stop...please” Takanori pleaded as tears continued falling mercilessly exposing his feelings that he gave his all to hide at first.

“Takanori talk to me... I beg you. Don’t do that, don’t think of it, I swear I won’t survive it, just talk to me” Akira's anger was nowhere to be found and all Takanori could hear in his voice and see in his eyes was terror, as he heard his shaking voice beg him.

“Everything is going worse...I can’t take it, not anymore. I fought against it all for the hope that I might ever get back any of my dignity...that the people that did that to me could pay for it, that I can sleep knowing all my pain hasn’t gone for nothing... but it took too long and it won’t happen eventually” Takanori tried to sound collected and swallowed repeatedly to proceed to talk but he still sounded choking “You’re holding me back and I don’t want this! I just want to go, I’m tired! Let me go!” Takanori’s painful yell pushed tears to Akira’s eyes that stared at him in disbelief and reflected the hurt he felt.

“You’re the only thing that’s holding me back, but I can’t... I just can’t, let me go, I want to stop it I want to leave” he begged and suppressed his sobs, lowering his voice and looking down, not baring the judgment in his eyes or his heavy stare.


“What are you.. what are you t-talking about?” Akira’s tearful eyes continued to stare at him in disbelief as he watched despair, hopelessness and pain in his reddened eyes.

“I couldn’t make it alone, everything went worse than I thought it will...I couldn’t sleep I wanted you around, all my body was aching and I couldn’t stop thinking all the time, and now I get to know this” he snivelled and gave up pretending and just let his voice and eyes expose him.

“I.. I just can’t.. and I feel so ashamed that I need you this bad after I turned you down and broke your heart that I chose to just lose you instead, but I need you” Takanori snivelled and hid his face in his hands to hide his sobs and tears while Akira only stared in shock as tears streamed down his face.

“I need you so bad... I want you to be there and hold me, I want you to sleep next to me and tell me it’s alright when I can’t even tell if I’m awake, I feel empty when you’re not around, you make me feel wanted, you make me feel worthy and I don’t want this feeling to go away” he cried, looking down, not having the courage to speak this out in his face or see his eyes.

Takanori looked up expecting judgment only to see his tears and feel his arms surrounding him in a bone-crushing hug that felt nothing like his usual hugs, nothing fraternal...he broke down on his shoulder and clung to him as if he was his last hope in life only to feel contained deeper by him.

“I’m sorry” Takanori cried on his shoulder as he felt him pat his hair, hushing him.

“I’m not going anywhere... I need you as well, I won’t leave”

“I can’t do it, I ca-“ Takanori’s sobs interrupted him and shook his body in his arms

“Shhh..I won’t let you go through this alone, I won’t let you down.. and I won’t let you go Takanori, I won’t” Akira comforted him as he felt him pull away. He held his face with both hands and wiped his tears with his thumbs as he stared him in the eyes to see his hopelessness fall down along with his tears.

“You shouldn’t have been left alone, you deserve much more love and care, you’re worth every beautiful thing in this world” he whispered, cupping his cheeks and looking him in the eyes

“I wish I could believe you” Takanori snivelled and felt his thumbs wiping his tears.

“I’ll make everything that I can to make you happy...I promise” he said, looking him in the eyes and smiling faintly.

“You’re so tired, why don’t you get some sleep?” Akira spoke after a few minutes of silence and voiceless words that have been said in their eye contact then he helped him up and they headed to Takanori’s room, he laid lifelessly on his bed then Akira covered his body with his soft blanket before he sat on the other side of the bed so Takanori turned to him and kept staring before his eyes slowly fell shut to the sight of Akira right next to him.

Akira kept staring at Takanori peacefully falling asleep and couldn’t help his tears that brought soft sobs along, he felt guilt scratch on his heart as Takanori’s words kept playing on repeat in his head, he turned the lights off and sat there silently weeping and suppressing his sobs as the thought of Takanori taking his own life out of despair and hopelessness tore his heart apart and was too unbearable for him to survive even in his head. The thought of how he felt alone in the night with all these dark thoughts eating at his heart and mind thickened his lump and choked him.

He felt weak and useless, he didn’t know what to do, he swore to himself to make him happy, to do whatever it takes, but the thought that even this could be not enough frightened him, he was too afraid that he might be far too gone to be brought back, he too wasn’t sure that he’ll accept help, that he’d give therapy another chance, he just didn’t know what to do.

He drowned in an ocean of thoughts and deficiency, fear of loss and incapability.


Takanori’s eyes searched the place around him in the dark for a few seconds before recognizing heartbreaking low weeps. He didn’t know what time it was, but it was dark, and the silence was all around the place, he shifted in his place to see that the source of those weeps was Akira next to him.

His hand found its way to his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze causing him to stop and to turn around.

“Oh god, did I wake you up?...I-I’m sorry” Akira said after clearing his throat to sound completely fine but got no response from him, he felt Takanori move closer and wrap his arm around his torso as he hid his face in his neck instead.

“I’m sorry... I never meant to make you feel like this, never meant to make you question yourself if you were enough, you’re more than just enough... I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” he spoke in his sleepy voice right next to his ear and heard him sob in his hair before he felt him pulling him closer.

“Promise me, Takanori...to never think of this again, please”

“You’re so important to me.” He said as he left a kiss on his hair and tears continued their way down.

Takanori felt guilty, his heart ached in his chest and he wanted to cry, he still felt unworthy of Akira, he was too much for him, he wasn’t sure if he himself was enough.

“I promise” he whispered and hid his face in him, feeling his arm tighten around him.

“I love you” Akira whispered almost to himself before closing his eyes to the feeling of him in his arms, for the first time he wasn’t afraid to hold him, he wasn’t afraid to lose him, he didn’t fear to show his feelings anymore but he still felt confused, he didn’t believe all of that, he didn’t know if he was dreaming.

He just let go of everything but him, he let himself sleep peacefully in his arms and chose to feel his presence and hear his peaceful breathing pattern for now above anything else, it was all he needed, it was all he wished for.

Chapter Text

Takanori opened his eyes to the sight of sleeping Akira whoes arms were around him still. A faint smile showed up on his face as he stared at his closed eyes and peaceful face for a while before he looked the other way and sighed deeply.

A few minutes later he felt his arm move a bit so he turned his face to look at him to see his sleepy, warm smile welcoming him and causing his smile to grow wider.

“Did you have a good sleep?” Akira asked in his sleepy voice and Takanori nodded at him with a smile before it faded away

“Um... Akira” “thank you.. for not questioning me yesterday, and for taking all my shit, I’m sorry” he paused unsurely looking around before continuing “I’m sorry for how I made you feel, I’m sorry that I was rude and that i-“

“It’s okay, I don’t need your apology.. there’s nothing you need to apologize for”

“No there is.. I can’t forgive myself for making you feel this way or cry... I’m sorry”

Akira looked him in the eyes for a few seconds before chuckling “Okay... I forgive you”

“I-If there’s anything you wanna talk about, you can now... I’m... sorry, yesterday I must’ve confused you” “do you still have your feelings for me?” Akira took a deep breath as he looked at him

“I do.. to be honest, I tried my all to get rid of them, to just see you the same as I used to and to forget about them, but it turned to be harder than I ever thought..”

“I kinda was shocked yesterday, you first was angry, then disappointed, then just...lost. I didn’t know what to feel or what to do, I just tried to hold on for you, to take it all and don’t protest, I never saw you like how you were yesterday, never seen this despair in your eyes, I was terrified of losing you, I didn’t demand an explanation, you didn’t seem to bear anything anyway, so i just.. held you until you could sleep”

“I’m sorry.. yesterday I just received that news and it shattered my hope and just... slapped me, and before it I was already in a bad state and about to lose it, then you came and I didn’t know what to do or say all I did was.. cling to you in hopes you could save me, but in the process I hurt you, I just poured all my despair, hopelessness and pain on you” Takanori was interrupted by the lump in his throat choking him but swallowed repeatedly to continue

“That was too much for you to take and you still was there for me, you hung on and endured my shit even though it was too much for you to take that you cried... I don’t deserve you... I’m so sorry, Akira, I keep hurting you and you keep holding on for me... I don’t deserve you”

Akira smiled at him and stared him in the eyes as he saw tears gather in the corner of his eye “me? You don’t deserve me?.. all I wished for was for you to accept me and to let me make you happy.. not to be told from you that you don’t deserve me, well maybe yeah you don’t deserve a confused anxious mess like me but, won’t you give me a chance? I can try.. I want to make you happy” Takanori sat up and looked at him as he stared at him in surprise in return.

“Why do you care so much?... I’m too broken to be fixed, I might just hurt you and keep hurting you and I don’t know if you’ll still want me...why?.. why are you trying so hard? Why are you staying?”

“Because... I think I love you”

Takanori’s eyes widened as he looked at him in shock only to see his loving smile in return. His eyes flooded with tears as he started sobbing so he hid his face in his hands and cried loudly before he felt his arms around him, pulling him close and patting his back gently. Takanori broke down once again in his arms too overwhelmed to speak or think straight, he held Akira’s shirt with both hands and tugged at it.


Ever since his parents passed away and he was left alone, he never felt kindness, he was never told that he was loved, he never felt this way, he never met someone that wanted him this bad and was ready to do anything to keep him by his side. He couldn’t believe it, he got used to feeling the other way around, that he thinks that he didn’t deserve Akira’s affection and love, and the fact that he rejected him before without even giving him a chance broke his heart and planted a seed of shame and guilt inside.

Akira pulled away, held his head with both of his hands and kissed his forehead then smiled at him

“Shhh, Takanori it’s okay... I do love you and I’m ready to do whatever it takes to bring back happiness to your heart, that heart struggled and suffered a lot and needs to rest and get some love and care.. will you allow me to?” Akira spoke as his hand cupped his cheek and his thumb traced his trembling bottom lip

Takanori sobbed, nodding at him, barely seeing him due to his blurred vision.

“Hey, won’t you please calm down? I can’t stand seeing you like this”

“I just.. I don’t deser-“

“Takanori you’re worthy of my love and my all, you deserve to be happy and you deserve to be loved and taken care of.. you’ve survived a lot and you’ve been strong for so long, it’s okay to break, it’s alright, you can fall now and I will catch you.. you need to rest your aching soul, let me take care of you”

Akira’s loving words touched Takanori so deep that he cried louder and couldn’t look at him, he touched the deepest part of his soul and reached to his hidden self-doubts.

He hugged him tight and held him close, so close to his heart, held him like he was his most precious thing in life. He let him cry, he took all his doubts and fears and let them sink away, he promised himself to never let go, to never hurt him and make things worse, he promised himself to take care of his damaged heart and to mend him.

Akira rested his head on his shoulder and patted his hair, smiling and breathing in his hair.. his shaking and heated body from too much crying pushed tears to the corners of his eyes as he rocked both of them to the sides slowly in order to soothe his body and after a while he calmed down until silence took over the place. He kept hanging onto him while Akira kept holding him tight as well.

He moved his head away to have a glimpse on Takanori who’s eyes were closed but opened to his movement. He looked at him for a few seconds before kissing his forehead once again.

“I.. can’t speak... I don’t know what to say”

“You don’t have to.. it doesn’t have to be right now, you have all the time” Akira said with an assuring smile before it turned to an unsure one

“But.. you... you want me?”

“I need you... I wasn’t blurting meaningless things yesterday... I still need you and I still feel the same”

“I’m here... I’m never leaving” he said and hugged him again feeling his arms surrounding him in return.

“Hey how do you feel?.. your side” Akira asked as he placed his hand on his side and pulled away to look at him.

“It’s better... it doesn’t hurt all the time, just if I move suddenly or accidentally hit it or something”

“You have your appointment tonight, I hope it’s gonna be alright”

“Appointment?.. oh I forgot about that... you remembered?”

“Of course.. how can you forget” he chuckled as he watched him smile and shift in his spot so he doesn’t practically sit on his lap.

“Oh.. K-Katsuji said he wants to meet me, maybe today... I don’t know” he wiped his face and sighed deeply to the cruelty of his reality welcoming him back.

“It’s alright... don’t think much, just wait until you meet him and then you can talk things through” he said, patting his shoulder before Takanori looked up at him for a couple of minutes without a word, just staring him in the eyes.

Takanori’s hand reached to his face, traced his face with his fingertips before cupping his cheek and pulling him close as he moved closer as well. His eyes moved to his lips before they fell shut along with their lips together.

He felt his heart skip a beat to their lips touching for the first time and to Akira’s arms surrounding him, he kissed him passionately and gently as he kissed him back, pouring all his love and affection out on him. He didn’t want to pull away, he didn’t want to miss that feeling, he wished he could stay like this forever.

Their tongues touching sent shivers down Takanori’s spine so he pulled his face closer and sighed in their kiss. Akira hugged him close as they shared their first kiss, his heart was pounding in his chest and his mind went so far away, somewhere where nothing in this world bothered him, somewhere where only they existed...

Akira pulled away and rested his forehead against his to catch a breath as his arms kept holding him and Takanori’s hand stayed in its place on his cheek before he moved it to his neck and dug his other hand’s fingers in his hair.

Akira’s lips found him again and sucked on his full bottom lip before their tongues met again as he tilted his head and deepened the kiss. Takanori sighed in his mouth, moving closer as he felt his hands wander his back and shoulder before jumping in his arms to the sound of his ringing phone next to them.

He panted, looking around shyly before he looked at him and pulled away embarrassedly watching Akira’s smirk grow to his nervous state.

“Hello” he cleared his throat, placing the phone against his ear

“Hey Takanori.. how are you now?”

Takanori sighed, wiping his face “I’m fine”

“I want to talk to you... you’re home right now?”

“I am”

“Alright, I’ll be there in a while, okay?”

“Okay, I’m waiting”.


“He’s coming?” Akira asked tilting his head and received a nod from him.

“You want me to leave?”

“No!.. why?”

“I don’t know.. if you wanna talk privately”

“No.. stay” “Hey, what about grandma? Is she okay? Did you leave her alone?”

“She’s better, Mei is with her”

“Why don’t you take a nice warm shower until I make breakfast?” He kissed his cheek and got up as Takanori smiled and nodded to him with a faint smile.

“I’ll go make a call to check on grandma, you go relax your tensioned body a bit” he said, stretching before leaving the room, heading to the living room to find his phone.

Takanori sat there still for a few moments staring at nothing but smiling before he stood up, took a change of clothes and made his way to the bathroom, still having the same smile on his face.

He stared at his reflection blankly before smiling as he touched his mouth. He stood under the shower and sighed as he felt the hot water run down his body, he still felt his touches on his skin and his breaths on his face, he never thought things might go like this, he was too afraid to admit even to himself that he did need him so much, needed his voice and touches so much.


“Is she alright?” Takanori said, stepping in the kitchen and drying his hair before laying the towel around his neck

“Yeah she’s fine” he answered, looking at him from the corner of his eye and looking back at the stove before fully turning his face to look at him again and stare.

“What?”


“N-Nothing” Akira smiled, looking away instantly so Takanori just checked his clothes and hair in confusion

“Hey, what is it?”

“Nothing.. you’re just” Akira looked at him and then back at the stove with a grin.

“What?!”

“Nothing you just look cute and.. blushed” he chuckled then looked at him for an instant before his gaze shifts to his lips to watch him blush even more and look away.

Akira approached him, stole a kiss and returned to his spot with a grin as he saw him froze from the corner of his eye.

“I thought i... might lose you and ruin everything if I talked about it, but I felt like choking that I just said it all and... couldn’t stop myself, I didn’t... see that coming”

“You thought I’ll leave?” Akira stopped moving and looked at him and saw him nod.

“Why would I?”

“Cause.. I r-rejected you and.. broke your heart, didn’t give you a chance and turned you down... I.. expected you to leave angry” Takanori said, looking down in shame.

“Well... I won’t deny how relieved I was that you wanted me as well, but... I kinda.. I don’t know, not angry but... maybe a bit upset, but not anymore, I couldn’t hold it against you, to be honest, you already feel bad about it and about loads of things so... I wouldn’t really just add on them, it hurts me to see you like this”

“Look I’m-I’m sorry... I really am... I didn’t mean t-“ Takanori’s voice chocked as he apologized before he was cut off by his lips pressing on his gently.

“It’s okay... you didn’t break me, you didn’t do anything wrong, you just didn’t see me this way then and that’s not something to be angry about and you shouldn’t apologize... if you’re insisting that you broke me then you mended every bit of my soul already... so won’t you stop feeling this way?” He spoke as he held his face with both hands and rested his forehead to his.

Takanori threw his head on his shoulder as he hugged him tight and felt his hands wander his back in circles to comfort him.

“Akira.. thank you for existing in my life” he spoke on his shoulder and got hugged tightly in return so he smiled on his shirt before pulling away.

“Now have something to eat before he arrives, I bet you’re starving, when did you eat last?”

“Don’t remember” Takanori said with a smirk before he was led by him to sit down. He served them breakfast and sat next to him, eating quietly.


“I love your cooking” Takanori spoke with a smile, looking him in the eyes so he smiled back and pinched his cheek to hear the brightest laugh ring in the air.

“Think I’ll make you laugh more often, I wouldn’t mind hearing that all the time”


..

“Glad to see you here” Katsuji said after he took off his shoes, looking at Akira

“I wouldn’t trust you alone in such times” he said to Takanori who looked at him hopelessly then headed to the living room followed by both of them.

“So.. I hope you tell me that you are no longer thinking the same”

“Didn’t really think about it anymore... thanks to him” he spoke in a low tone, pointing to Akira with his eyes.

“Look, I know that I crushed your hopes, that this isn’t easy.. but you don’t just assume something like an inevitability when it’s not, we don’t know yet what’s to come, okay? We did have a lot of information about him from Kamenari and we knew things that we didn’t have a clue about so if the old hope is nowhere to be found then why don’t you look at the new one?”

“I had only one hope, just for him to pay for what he’d done to me... there are no such new and old ones” he said almost emotionlessly with a smirk

“I mean the hope of him leading us straight to him.. I didn’t waste three years of my life investigating something impossible, okay?! I promised you and i-“

“You don’t have to keep that promise anymore it’s not gonna work anyway!”

“And why are you so sure?! You think I’m all full of positivity and certainty that I’ll get to him in a matter of days?! I’m holding on to the slightest hope in finding him so that I can go on! You just want me now to give up? And how can I get your pleads and cries out of my head?! How can I get your screams in the hospital out of my head?! How can I give up my will in crushing his bones for what he’d done to you! How do I erase the scene of you bleeding naked and out of consciousness in that dark, dirty room you were in?! It wasn’t hard on you alone!”

Takanori’s eyes glossed as he stared at him in shock. He started looking around confusedly not knowing what to say and trying to hold back his tears.

“Takanori... what do you want me to do?” Katsuji asked in a low, serious tone as he looked at him with disappointment.

“You want to forget about it? Do you want to go on with your life like it never happened? Do you want the case closed? You want to let him go with it?”

“Of course not!” Takanori cried out as a tear fell to the ground from his angrily widened eyes.

“And you don’t want to wait?!”

“I just don’t know what to do anymore! Is it even worth it?! I’m not so happy that I tied you to it for years, I’m not glad that I concerned you with my problems and struggles all that time!... I just don’t have the power to have hope anymore, I don’t have the energy to wait, I just... got it all crumbling on me at once and..” Akira started patting his back when he started sobbing as Katsuji looked down in frustration.

“I’m so sorry... I didn’t mean to throw your years of working away like they were nothing, I’m sorry.. you never had to hold on to it anyway, but you did and.. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said all of that”

“Takanori, I know how you feel, you’re not alone in this.. he’ll pay for it, I promise”

“Thank you” Takanori looked down and closed his eyes to push out tears that blurred his vision as he still felt his hand on his back.


“We’re still investigating him for some more details.. he gave up and is not trying to resist anymore, I’ll tell you if there’s something new.. your phone is still tracked, we don’t have to trust his words, after all, he might be in contact with him somehow.. but take care. Take care of him” Katsuji spoke after he put on his shoes and opened the door to leave, looking at Takanori before fixing his gaze on Akira in his last sentence.


“Hey, it’s okay” Akira patted Takanori’s back after he closed the door behind his uncle.

“I don’t know until when I’ll keep ruining everything”

“What? No.. you didn’t. He understands, please don’t burden yourself with such thoughts”

“And please have some mercy with those beautiful eyes of yours and stop crying...let them and my heart rest, please” he said, tracing his cheek before placing a kiss on it to see his tearful smile.

“Have some energy, we still have a doctor to see” he said, squeezing his cheeks with his hand and kissing his pouted lip to once again hear his laughter that sounded and looked adorable to witness with those tearful eyes of his.

..

“Hey I have something to tell you” Akira said stopping the movie they were watching lazily on the couch, getting his attention.

“What?”

“Today isn’t the first day I ever lay my lips on yours”

“Huh?”

Akira chuckled before he looked at his confused face again “I wouldn’t call it a kiss tho... I just kind of touched you”

“What? What are you talking about? When was that even?”

“Once in your sleep, you were next to me... it was.. first when I had feelings for you, but guilt ate me up ever since then and I couldn’t forgive myself... I wanted to tell you but I was afraid of your reaction”

“You.. chose the right time” Takanori said then laughed, covering his mouth.

“Hey.. it wasn’t a kiss okay? I barely touched you”

“You’re a pervert! How dare you steal a kiss from someone in their sleep” Takanori elbowed him jokingly with a frown.

“I didn’t think about it, I don’t know how I even dared to.. ugh it just happened, okay!” He pushed him away embarrassedly, hearing his laughter grow louder as he grabbed him and kissed his hair.

“You won’t get to touch them again” he said in his hair then stood up to flee but was pulled back down so he fell on his lap, still trying to run away.

“Let me see for myself” Akira chuckled, holding him tight and leaning over him.

“No..Stop!” He laughed out, moving his head away as his hands were held down next to his sides and his legs were trapped between his.

“Uh! Wait, wait ah!”

“Oh, shit.. sorry sorry... I’m sorry” Akira jumped up and away from him watching him smirk.

“What? You didn’t stab me” he sat up, resting his back to the backrest, untangling their legs and holding his side as he watched him carefully move around him so he chuckled.

“I could’ve opened the wound or something” he sat down with a frown so Takanori looked at him playfully.

“No you didn’t, it’s healing well”

“Can.. c-can I see it?” Akira asked awkwardly causing him to chuckle again with a nod.

He raised the t-shirt above the bandage and took off its tip carefully not to remove it to reveal his reddened, scarred skin and watch his reaction change.

“Oh my god...doesn’t it hurt as much now?”

“It does.. but it’s a million times better than before so I wouldn’t complain” he covered his side again after putting back the bandage and rested his back to the couch.

“You’ll be fine.. you will” “you’re really so strong, I don’t know what I might’ve done if I were you” he patted his knee so he looked at him with a warm smile before resting his head to his shoulder as he played the movie.

He was overwhelmed.. in a good way. It was just that he never saw that coming, never expected it not from him and not from anyone else. It just seemed to him that Akira was the good part of his life, that he’s the one that’ll bring happiness to his dark, unhappy world. It was more than what he could ever wish for, and for that, he was the most thankful, for that he’ll do his best to become better, he just thought that maybe life could go right with him for once.

Chapter Text

 

“Are you gonna be fine walking to the bus stop or do you wanna get a taxi?”

“No I’m fine, it’s not much”

Takanori sat down, sighing with a frown waiting for the bus

“It’s more tiring than you thought right?” Akira asked with furrowed eyebrows taking a seat next to him watching him nod, holding his side.

“I’m sorry, think I should’ve got a taxi anyway”

“It’s fine.. the bus is here anyway” Takanori said, pointing at the bus that just arrived.

 

Takanori frowned and clenched his jaw and fists as the nurse cleansed his almost healed wound and changed the bandage, Akira gave him a gentle squeeze on his shoulder watching him wince in pain as he laid on the clinic bed.

“You’re doing good, and not getting infections or bleedings is a good sign, you’ll have to stay home and better if you stay still in bed or wherever just try not to walk or move around a lot... keep taking your medicines the same and I’ll see you in a week” the doctor said as he nodded to him before thanking him and leaving.

“It’s supposed to hurt less” Takanori growled with a frown as he held his side in pain, walking out of the hospital

“It’s okay.. you’ll go home and rest, it’ll be alright” he said, patting his shoulder as he held his arm for support.

“I’ll cuddle you until you sleep” he added and watched Takanori look away with a blush that he tried to hide so he chuckled and stared at him.

Takanori rested his head on his shoulder, feeling his arm surrounding him and patting his shoulder in their silent trip home.

“I feel so drained” Takanori stumbled in his steps inside so he rested against the wall then bowed slowly to take off his shoes before he was stopped by him who held his foot and took off his shoes for him.

“She said don’t move, right?” He scolded him as he put down his barefoot and held the other foot up.

He stood up, looked at him and watched him stare in surprise before a warm smile took over his face and glossed his eyes so he kissed his cheek and smiled at his blushed face and his eyes that are looking around randomly.

“I.. won’t be doing anything today I guess, will just sleep so... you can go home and rest, take care of grandma maybe Mei has something to do” Takanori said, sitting down on the edge of his bed.

“Rest? Am I in a military duty or something?.. do I have to be around only when you have something to do?”

“N-no I mean.. you can go-“

“I know, just kidding... Mei loves grandma she’s fine staying with her and I’d love to stay around having nothing to do” Takanori smiled at him but looked down unsurely for a few moments.

“I just.. don’t wanna keep you by my side the whole time you could-“

“You’re not tying me on a chair I can go home if I want to.. I wanna stay, okay?” “Or if you want me to leave I-“

“No.. I don’t”

“Alright I’ll go make a call for a couple of minutes” he smiled at him before heading out of the room.

Takanori headed to the bathroom, washed his face and teeth before heading back to his room to change to his comfy pyjamas and bury his body under the blanket.

“Oh look at you” Akira walked in with a grin after he saw him curled under the cover and staring at him lazily.

“Don’t look at me like that you piece of marshmallow”

“Excuse me?” Takanori protested chuckling as he took the blanket off his shoulder and rested on his elbow before wincing in pain and falling back to his laying position.

“What did you just call me, Aki-chan?” He continued with a grin but held his side in pain to hear his laughter ring across the room as he took his change of clothes and headed out of the room still laughing, leaving him with an aching side and a wide grin and glossy, lazy eyes.


“Now come here” Akira said, taking a place next to him and covering himself as he opened his arms to watch him blush again before moving close to him.

“So, you don’t like marshmallows?” He spoke, looking down at him, raising his upper body and resting his head to his fist as Takanori slept close to him with his head near his chest, looking up at him.

“I don’t hate or like it.. but most definitely not a fan of being called one”

“You don’t think you’re a marshmallow?” He said, squeezing his cheek and watching him frown

“Stop it, why are you calling me that?!”

“I don’t know.. but you are just as soft and squishy and I love marshmallows”

Takanori laughed, looking away before feeling his lips on his cheek, kissing his way to his lips and causing him to smile with a slight shiver, kissing him back lazily.

Akira pulled away for a moment and was about to bend down for another kiss before noticing his half-closed eyes staring at him with a sleepy smile so he kissed his forehead instead after brushing away his hair strands with his fingers.

“Now close those tired eyes of yours and have some sleep” he whispered and adjusted his position to sleep next to him and have his head facing his. He smiled at him and slowly closed his heavy eyes and it only took him a couple of minutes to hear his uninterrupted breathing to make sure he did fall asleep already.

He was happy, so happy that he couldn’t believe it, but he also was worried...his mind never let him enjoy the thing to its fullest, whenever he was happy he immediately start worrying, it’s like his subconscious believed that he always has to pay for his joy. The room was dark but the dim light coming from the balcony and window above their heads was all he needed to stare at his calm, peaceful and beautiful face.

He stared at him for a long while, he didn’t know for how long but he didn’t care, it brought him inner peace and made him feel secure, he didn’t feel tied, he didn’t get bored but what he was sure of was that he stared for so long.

His hand found its way to his face and caressed his face fondly, he didn’t smile, he didn’t frown, he was far deep in sleep already. He quietly moved closer, left a light kiss on his mouth before returning to his spot with a smile.

His mind flooded him with thoughts, he kept staring at him as he also thought about a million things, all revolved around him, it’s not like he cared about much beside him anyway... The more he stared at him the more he felt lucky to be in his life and the more he felt the urge to make him happy.

The faint frown that’s forming on his face caught his attention so he patted his hair gently not to wake him up but in a few seconds he saw his frown deepen with an expression of pain or annoyance, he didn’t know so he kept his eyes on him, caressing his hair in hopes he could sleep peacefully and get rid of whatever’s annoying him, be it a pain or a dream, but with the passing minutes he started shifting in his place and winced repeatedly with a change on his face that expressed obvious pain.

He wasn’t sure if he should wake him up or it might just stop but he started moaning and breathing heavily so he thought he should do something.

“Taka-“ the moment he opened his mouth to wake him up he snapped his eyes open that flooded with tears and looked terrified, he jumped to a sitting position suddenly that he almost screamed of pain, holding his side and crying.

“Hey hey, it’s okay” Akira turned his chin to look at him and patted his shoulder but took him in his arms after he saw how terrified he looked. He started weeping loudly on his shoulder so he held him tighter as he whispered comforting words near his ear.

He wasn’t fully awake yet, he was still trapped in whatever terrible world he just woke up from which urged him to keep speaking near his ear just to let him know he’s here and that he’s awake.

After a couple of minutes he calmed down completely and his head fell heavily on his shoulder so he slowly moved him away to see that he already fell back to sleep so he gently placed him back on the pillow and laid back next to him and kept caressing his hair while staring at him until he himself fell asleep.

 


Takanori opened his eyes to the sunlight filling the room and the now shared bed. He turned his face to see Akira’s back turned to him so he just stared and a smile found its way to his lips and the longer he stared the bigger his smile got.

He raised his hand and was about to touch his hair before he felt him moving to turn around so he rested his hand on the mattress instead as he watched him turn around lazily with his closed eyes that opened slowly with a smile to the touch he felt on his cheek.

Takanori caressed his cheek with a warm smile that got much wider when he grabbed his hand near his mouth and kissed his fingers murmuring a ‘good morning’

“Good morning” he replied with the same grin as he placed his hand on his chest after kissing it and kept holding it.

“Ah, I woke up earlier than I should, my alarm didn’t go off yet” he spoke after checking the time and received a frown in return.

“Did I wake you up?”

“No.. it doesn’t mean I’ll miss more than an hour of sleep it just means that I have more than an hour to spend with you only before I’m off to work” he spoke, caressing his hands that’s still on his chest and smiling at him whose frown melted away

He leaned closer and started kissing him lazily before he adjusted his position and raised his upper body off the bed a bit, and as he heard his sighs louden in the kiss he parted their lips and placed his knees around his torso one on each side and sat on him to see the most adorable reaction he ever witnessed from him.

He froze and his body tensioned under him as he looked at him with surprise and a deep blush before looking away randomly until their eyes met again so he smiled shyly.

“A-aren’t you gonna have breakfast?” Akira laughed to his nervousness and touched his cheek

“I have time for breakfast after the alarm, that hour is yours, gotta charge me before work, I’ll spend eight hours there you know” Takanori’s chuckled and looked away, trying to partly cover his face in the pillow to hide his blush that made Akira chuckle and kiss his cheek before their mouths met again.

Takanori kissed him with passion as he placed his palm on his thigh that’s protecting his side and started moving his hand up and down slowly as the kiss was going before he let out a moan in his mouth and squeezed his thigh after he moved his body on top of him and their members touched, receiving a bite on his lip in return as Akira pushed his lips harder and farther on his before kissing his chin and his way to his neck causing his breathing to become heavier as he looked the other side to give him access of his whole neck, rolling his eyes to the back of his head as he felt his tongue on his neck licking his skin and his teeth gently biting every inch he kissed. His hand found its way to the back of his neck and tugged at his hair lightly as his other hand crawled from his thigh and up to his back.

He sucked the thin skin of his neck repeatedly before kissing his way back to his lips and bite on them as Takanori’s hand remained on his head, tugging at his strands and pushing him closer and his other hand kept wandering his back up and down. He moved his lips around Takanori’s before moving down to the other side of his neck and hear him moan and breath loudly as he started sucking his neck feeling his moving hands on his back that turned him on.

Takanori hugged him tightly as he kept breathing heavily and moaning to the feeling of his kisses on his skin.

“Ah-Akira” he moaned his name when he moved his lower body on him again while sucking his neck harder.

“Your voice is driving me crazy” Akira whispered in his ear before taking it in his mouth to hear another pleased moan after he unwrapped his arms from around him and his hand kept wandering the rest of his body.


Akira pulled away and stared at him for a few moments to see the desire in his eyes and also laziness before a smile stretched his swollen lips as he looked him in the eyes. He raised his upper body up and got back to his sitting position right on his pelvis.

“Oh damn” Akira whispered as they kept their eye contact going while he sat back on him to feel his bulge under his as he traced his lower lip with his thumb and rested his hand on his cheek for a bit.

“Such an energy to have in the morning” Takanori noted with a giggle as he watched him chuckle.

“Oh excuse me, I don’t wake up to this everyday” he said eyeing his body underneath him with a smirk causing him to look away unintentionally.

“Oh my god” Akira almost said to himself as he looked at his embellished neck.

“What?” Takanori raised an eyebrow at him as he touched his neck

“Nothing I just-“ he got cut off by his gasp

“Are there a lot of marks?”

“Well.. um..”

Takanori was about to get up before he held him back down with a chuckle.

“They’re not that much though.. I’ll tell you where they are”

“I left one here, here, here..” he kissed every spot, one after the other watching his eyes widen to their amount.

“See? Not that much” he said, making his way to his lips.

“Ah really?” He furrowed his eyebrows before smirking and trying to flip him over and moving his body to top him before squealing in pain and falling back to his place causing him to jump worriedly before smiling.

“Hey, are you okay?” He chuckled as he watched him curse and wince in pain, holding his side.

“I’m sorry” he leaned in and kissed his forehead

“Stop laughing at me, fuck” he bit down on his lip, moving his head to both sides.

“Hey, is it hurting that much?” He spoke more seriously, placing his hand on top of his on his side.

“It’s fine” he said tiredly

“I’m sorry” Akira said before kissing him

“Yeah, you should be” he pulled him in for another kiss and tugged harder at his hair. As the kiss got deeper and made them both move against each other they both jumped to the sound of his alarm going off causing him to giggle, leaning close and stretching his arm to reach his phone and getting a kiss on his collarbone from him in the process.

“Do I really need to have breakfast?”

“Get off me you pervert!” He laughed, pushing him to the side and getting out of bed

“I’m not fully charged yet!” He yelled at him after he hurried out of the room.

“I don’t care!” He yelled back before closing the bathroom door and made him laugh.

Takanori gasped as he stared at his reflection, realizing how many love bites he had on his neck and collarbones before smiling for a moment.


“Hey, wait!” Akira jumped in surprise from suddenly feeling Takanori’s mouth on the back of his neck, sucking hard on a visible spot.

“Shit, that could’ve left a mark”

“Well... I was leaving a mark”

“Damn! But I’m going to work in less than an hour!” He panicked, massaging his neck as he watched him laugh and head back to the bathroom.

“Great, so everyone knows you’re not single anymore!” He yelled from inside before he closed the door and left him whining with his hand rubbing his neck.


“You’re happy now?” Akira whined watching him hungrily eat the breakfast he just made.

“Very” he smirked at him and continued eating

“What do I do, they’ll make gossip out of me”

“Put on a bandage or something” he shrugged with a chuckle and took a big bite of the sandwich

“If it wasn’t my side preventing me, I wouldn’t have let you go” he smirked at him and watched him tilt his head in return with a sided smile.

“Oh I see someone’s in a good mood.. and hungry too” he stated, resting his chin on his palm and staring at him with big heart eyes

He stopped chewing and looked at him for a while before smiling so wide that his eyes almost closed and then continued eating and made him start eating as well.


“See you later today” Akira said, putting his shoes on by the door as he watched him jump to get his shoe on with a sweet smile before he grabbed his face and closed his lips on his.

He pulled away and took his bag as Takanori stood there with a bigger smile as he watched him then waved one last time before he headed to work and left Takanori a shy, smiley mess in his spot.

He kept smiling at the floor and touched his shoulder where Akira placed his hand a moment ago and smiled widely before heading to his living room.

He turned to put on a movie and played it but after a few moments, he was already out of the earth, all smiley and shy from the thought of his lover.


“Hi, I’m Akira! I work in the kitchen, I’m a cook”

He grinned warmly to his memory of the first time they met and a fast play of memories played in his mind until this morning’s special one.


Due to his side, he didn’t really move much, he just remained on his couch, watching movies and blushing every now and then to their make out session flashbacks from this morning.

He didn’t notice the time, he didn’t care much about it, but he knew that it was the end of the shift when his phone started ringing.

“Hey, babe”

“Hey” Takanori blushed and a grin covered his face, thanking God that he wasn’t able to see him

“I just finished and left work but I was gonna go check on grandma, I’m gonna get to you a few hours later this evening”

“Y-yeah sure, you don’t even have to make it here today, I’m fine you see”

“No, I don’t wanna leave you alone” another smile brightened up Takanori’s face as he tried to get himself together and not fall for his words.

“But.. you shouldn’t leave her alone too, right?”

“She sleeps really early, I’ll have dinner with her, make sure she’s fine and when she goes to bed I can come over so she doesn’t have to spend time alone since Mei had work today and returned home”

“Oh.. alright then take your time, but really if you think you should stay, do it, I’m really fine”

“Did you eat even?”

“No, not yet-“

“See?! I gotta come” Takanori chuckled to his fake anger and heard him slightly chuckle as well.

“Okay I’ll wait for you, say hi for me”

“Okay, go eat don’t wait for me, I’ll be late try to eat anything”

“Okay... bye”

“Take care, bye”

He let out a soft chuckle after the call ended before putting the phone down and making his way to the kitchen to see what he could stuff his stomach with.

Akira had dinner with his grandma, chatted a bit and spend some time with her before she went to sleep. He took a shower and stuffed his backpack with some comfy clothes before leaving and making his way to Takanori’s place.

The shy smile that welcomed him on Takanori’s face made his heart jump inside and couldn’t help pulling him in for a hug.

“Did you eat?” He asked after pulling away and watched him nod with a grin before they both headed to his living room.

“What about you? Want something to eat?”

“No, I’m fine, just had dinner with grandma... she asked about you”

“She did? Aw thank her a lot” Takanori slightly tilted his head and smiled cutely at him

“So, what were you doing?”

“Watching TV.. don’t even remember what was on” Takanori took the controller and frowned at the TV trying to find something to watch.

“Is there someth- what?” Takanori turned to him to see if he wanted something specific but found him staring at him already so he blushed and frowned.

“Why are you staring at me?”

“I want to”

“No, don’t... you’re making me uncomfortable”

“What? Why?” He chuckled as he watched him look away to hide his shyness.

“Just don’t”

“Okay, give me this” he said, reaching for the controller in his hand before turning the TV off.

“Why did you do that?”

“You said you didn’t even know what was on, why don’t we have a night chat instead” he said, placing it on the coffee table and resting back to the couch but closer to him as he rested his elbow to the backrest and rested his head on his palm, staring at him.

“Okay, what do you wanna talk about?” He smiled and tilted his head.

“I don’t know, don’t you have something you wanna talk about?” He chuckled with a shrug and watched him shake his head so he moved closer with a smirk.

“Alright then... guess we can also do something else”

“Such as?”

“Let me tell you” he moved forward aiming at his lips before he held his hands up to his chest and pushed him with a giggle.

“Stay away you pervert”

“Why” he kept the smirk on his face and didn’t move away, instead he stared him in the eyes.

“Oh my god, who believes that’s the same Akira... never seen that side of you!” He kept his hands up against him and chuckled again.

“Why would I stare at your lips or touch you like this while we’re friends?!”

“I don’t know.. you never seemed to be like this” he tried to push him away as he watched him bite his lip in response.

“Aren’t you going to move?”

“No, I will” he said ironically before pushing himself with more power on him till his lips locked themselves on his.

He kissed him slowly and bit gently on his lips before pulling away with a smile to see him beaming with a grin.

“You look adorable” he chuckled and kissed the tip of his nose before moving back to his spot, hearing him chuckle.

“Mei insisted to see the ‘bug bite’ under the bandage on my neck and I could get rid of her insistence with a miracle”

Takanori burst out in laughter to the mention of his hickey and watched him look at him with revenge and hold a mischievous smile on his face.

“You know what? A fairy never do its magic if it’s not getting enough care and attention... just to let you know” he said seriously and shrugged, looking the other way only to look back at him after he let out a high pitched laugh and kept giggling for a while, trying to cover his face.

“What?!” Akira asked, already grinning himself but got no response, he looked at him after swallowing down his laughter but only to burst in laughter again.

Akira actually kept staring at him in surprise, not to be dramatic but he never witnessed his laughter, not like this, he never laughed so hard, he didn’t know what he was laughing at but he hoped it would stay to make him laugh longer.

In the middle of his laughter, he looked him in the eyes for a couple of moments with his tearful eyes before laughing again, holding his side in pain.

“Oh my god you’re crying, what is it that is that funny?!”

“Nothing...I’m just happy” he said with some light chuckles, wiping his eyes.

Akira’s smile widened and he felt a wave of happiness strongly hit him that he felt his eyes glossing.

“I cry when I laugh hard, and I cry when I’m sad, I’m just a crybaby, you’re gonna have to deal with my tears” he giggled again, wiping his face before staring at him in silence with his shiny eyes and flushed face.

“I’m just... glad that I have a fairy of my own” he bit on his fingernail and tilted his head with a chuckle.

“Wow, I’m... gonna be a full-time fairy then” Akira whispered on his hair after he pulled him in for a hug and immediately felt his arms wrapped tightly around him.

“I love you”

 

Chapter Text

 

“I love you” Akira said in his ear and felt him tighten his arms around him in return and bury his head further in his neck.

“Do you wanna go to bed?” He spoke in his hair and heard him hum on his shoulder so he pulled away and wiped his hair off his face to kiss his forehead.

“Let's get you to bed then”


“Aren’t you sleepy? Did you take a nap at your house?” Takanori said in a sleepy voice after they settled in bed but found him staring at him still.

“No I didn’t, I’ll sleep, but you’ll need to get used to my staring cause I’ll do that a lot”

“Why?” His voice went out in almost a whisper with a lazy smile.

“Apart from your beauty, I feel like I wanna keep looking at you the whole time”

“My beauty?” Takanori giggled lazily then smirked at him “okay”

“What? You don’t think you’re beautiful?”

“Huh? No, not really” he mocked and looked away then felt his lips on his cheek.

“You are... believe or not”

“Well, thank you.. but no I still don’t think so” he chuckled and watched him frown.

“Okay shut up or I’ll eat those marshmallow cheeks of yours”

“Oh god stop it” Takanori groaned and flipped himself so he was laying on his stomach with his face buried in the pillow.

“Fairies are not cannibals” he raised his head and spoke facing him before throwing his head back to the pillow, turning his head so that he could look at him and watch him laugh.

Akira held his face with his hand and squeezed his cheeks pulling a duck face himself as he did so “I love your face”

Takanori stared at him with a shy smile then closed his eyes, placing his hand around Akira’s waist and adjusted his body to sleep.

Akira stared at him until his eyes closed, still feeling his arm around him as he held him close as well. His heart wasn’t beating crazy but he felt alive whenever he laid close to him, he felt happy and in love, he wanted to stay with him till the end of his time, he wanted to die in his arms.

 


“You lose a lot of good time by screaming and crying like a bitch, try to move your body that you know you can’t... I wanna fuck your face until you throw up”

“Let me go! Please, let me go... you-hnngh ah!”

“Stop that nonsense shit and let me hear more of those”

 


Takanori’s body shivered strongly as his eyes flew open and his heart went crazy as if he just was woken up from death. He let out a sigh of relief when he looked beside him to find Akira still sleeping so he turned around to try and get back to sleep but couldn’t help the shiver that took over his body as he still felt every touch he saw in his dream, he felt sick, he wanted to cry, he wanted to throw up and rip off his filthy skin.

He couldn’t stop the memory from playing on repeat in his mind, he even remembered things he thought he forgot. He didn’t notice his tears going down continually and his sobs loudening as all he could hear was the same disgusting talk playing on repeat and didn’t feel Akira shifting next to him cause all he could feel at that moment was these touches he wanted to skin himself alive for.

He felt so unclean for Akira to touch, felt so impure to deserve his love, and again, he felt so unworthy of him in his life.

“Takanori? Baby, what’s wrong?” Akira leaned over so he can take a look on his face cause he stopped moving and didn’t turn around.

“Takanori?” He tried to turn him around but pulled his hand away as he flinched under his touch.

“Baby, what happened?” He got no response so he sat up and leaned a bit to look at him and turned him around a bit from his shoulder to see his tear-stained face and feel a squeeze on his heart.

“W-what happened? You.. you were so happy, what is it?” He patted his shoulder but was shocked when he squeezed his eyes shut before pushing him away.

“Stop touching me!” Takanori yelled and Akira got taken aback for a while before he felt a shrink in his heart.

“W-what?”

He again leaned over to look at him after he turned around, hugged himself and dug his fingernails deep in his own skin, shuddering and moaning loudly in his pillow...in pain?

“Takanori what is it? Is it a nightmare? Are you okay?... Takanori talk to me, please”

He didn’t turn around, he kept suffering closed eyes and his hand made its way to his shoulder and started scratching his skin repeatedly that he left red traces. He dug his fingers deeper every time he tried to pull his hand away until Akira almost yelled at him, snatched his hand away and turned him around.

Takanori resisted for a few seconds before he calmed down slowly, looking him in the eyes.

Akira caressed his scratched shoulder with his hand and held his hand with the other.

“You’re so sweet” Takanori spoke after two minutes of silence, out of the blue and got him confused.

“You’re kindhearted, funny, beautiful, loyal, caring and patient... all of that and you end up with me”

“Ugly inside out, angry, dark, an embodiment of bad luck and tears, filthy body and scarred skin... that’s not really... the body you should be touching, or even wanting to touch... you shouldn’t be kissing that mouth, you’re just... too good to end up with such a broken bag of garbage like me”

Akira’s eyes stared at him in shock as the pain he felt choked him and squeezed his heart painfully. His hand reached to hold his before he flinched away.

“S-stop touching me... I’m... I’m so filthy”

“W-what are you talking about...no you’re not”

“I’m too fucked up and broken, I don’t wanna be with you!” He yelled at his face before squeezing his eyes shut, leaving Akira in shock.

“Aaah take it away!” Takanori held his head with both of his hands and shivered, tugging at his hair, crying loud and moaning repeatedly.

Akira took both of his hands away from his head and held them down begging him to open his eyes and talk to him while he only shuddered and resisted, still moaning in pain with the suffering written all over his face.

“Takanori, please I can’t take anymore, talk to me, what is happening to you?” Akira broke down when Takanori snatched his hand and started squeezing his wounded side painfully and screaming.

“No! No, what are you doing?!” Akira snapped in fear, holding both of his hands aside and calling his name loudly and repeatedly.

Takanori suddenly stopped moving and opened his eyes and stared at his for a while before trying to move his hand but couldn’t due to Akira’s firm grip on it.

He kept trying to move it slowly as he looked him in the eyes so Akira let go only to feel Takanori's arms surrounding him in a blink of an eye.

He shivered in his arms but rested his head on his chest as Akira’s tears fell silently down his chin not understanding what just happened.

“Takanori... what do you mean you don’t wanna be with me? Why did you try to hurt yourself when I touched you?” Akira barely got his words out as he didn’t even blink for a few moments before he felt him tighten his arms around him in response so he hugged him back but his tears kept falling and his heart kept aching.

Akira unwrapped his arms from around him but he didn’t move, he tightened his arms more around him and buried his face deeper in his chest.

“Don’t let go... Akira, please”

He wrapped his arms around him again and sat there still and silent for a few minutes before he felt him sob.

“Why are you crying again?” He looked at him then sighed deeply “I don’t understand anymore”

“I’m sorry...I’m so sorry” He snivelled and hid his face in him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you” Akira pulled him away and looked him in the eyes.

“That’s not it... I just can’t believe you called yourself that and that you want to hurt yourself... why, Takanori? You said you were over it”

“I was... I swear I was but it keeps coming back... you don’t know what happened, I hate my body so much and I hate myself and I just thought you don’t deserve to deal with this much of hate and disgrace with that pure heart of yours”

“Takanori I’m not an angel! Nobody is! We’re humans and humans do mistakes, but you didn’t do any! All you did was existing in that fucked up world that tore you apart and took away your happiness and self-esteem, it’s not your fault, none of it is your god damn fault, just stop!” He said sharply, seizing his shoulder and looking him in the eyes.

“You’re not filthy... you’re not ugly not inside and not out, you’re not dark or any of that bullshit, you’re so god damn precious and pure, you’re the one who’s too pure to be with me! You’re so fucking beautiful inside out and I love you, you make me happy! You make me love myself and have hope in me, I deal with a lot of doubts and self hate myself but you make it stop, you make me feel like I’m worth loving you and that I’m not as bad as I think I am... I can’t take seeing you like this, you broke my heart, that body is beautiful and is the body i want to touch, and that mouth is mesmerizing and the one I want to kiss endlessly... Takanori don’t hate yourself, talk to me baby, tell me what happened, tell me what you remembered and I’ll take it away, just talk to me”

Takanori’s tired face turned to a glum and his eyes started letting out more tears as he looked down before his hand reached to his chest and he rested his head against him.

“You’ll hate me... you’ll be disgusted and leave me” he snivelled and heard him sigh deeply.

“You still think I will? You still think I think this way?”

“I’m sorry, I’m afraid”

“I won’t be disgusted with you, my love... I won’t leave, I swear for the millionth time” Akira said and cupped his face and caressed his cheek with his thumb before leaving a little kiss on his trembling lips. “Talk to me, baby”

Takanori’s eyes turned from sorrow to emptiness for a couple of seconds before it revealed his shame and disgrace and his broken heart reflected in his eyes as he looked down.

“I just... keep remembering all the times he raped me in, I thought I forgot but I didn’t... I can’t forget about it and I can’t help feeling this way... I was in rehab and a vortex of therapy, thought I was over it but It came back... it’s not that you remind me of him or anything like this, it’s just that... I feel guilty and disgusting, feel like I should stop you” Akira’s heart shrank to his mention and he tried to blink away the tears that welled in his eyes.

“But.. you shouldn’t feel guilty, guilt is what you feel when you do something, but you didn’t do anything... you didn’t, you’re not disgusting, love... I don’t mind seeing the rest of your scars and kiss each one of them, it just shows me how strong my man is and I fall for you even more” he caressed his hair and held his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as he talked.

“I love you” Takanori confessed for the first time and watched Akira’s eyes widen before he pulled him in for a hug a kissed his hair. “I swear I love you” He snivelled and clenched his fist on his shirt, too afraid to let go but also too ashamed to keep holding on.

“I love you too... I love you too Takanori” he rocked him gently and rested his head on his hair for a few moments until he calmed a bit and started breathing steadily.

“I’m listening... say whatever comes on your mind, whatever you remember, I don’t care what it is”

He pulled away with a look of disbelief and guilt, he felt bad for thinking this way about him, he felt ashamed but was still afraid of spitting it out.

“I... still can feel his hands on me from time to time... he.. used to tie me a-and... g-grab my hair to..” he breathed louder and kept swallowing before he covered his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. Akira patted his back and rubbed it repeatedly to soothe him, feeling anger creep in him.

“It... happened for four times maybe, not sure if he left me alone after I pass out...”

“I wish I wasn’t innocent” he smirked before looking down, placing his hand on his scratched shoulder and rubbed it.

“He didn’t allow me to scream not just in this matter, but always... if I scream I get punished, and I couldn’t just stay quiet so... I usually would end up raped until I pass out two.. three times or he could beat the shit out of me.” He held his arm and stared into nothing and on the other side Akira’s anger filled him and shock controlled his face.

“I can still... taste it” a tear made its way down his cheek as he shuddered with an expression of disgust and placed the palm of his hand over his mouth again after he slightly gagged.

“He did everything to me... everything... there are even things I still can’t believe were done to me, and there are others that were in my last days after I lost my mind... I’m not sure if it was real or hallucinations” he said, staring at nothing and stayed silent for a few moments before continuing “I remember him making me come repeatedly until I can’t anymore then he fucks me after he makes sure it’s just pain but he will still enjoy it...” Takanori’s emotionless face turned to a glum before he was about to burst in tears again but held himself together, swallowing repeatedly.

“He meant it.. he searched for what hurts the most and did it... he.. never cared about my pleads, and I cheapened myself begging him all the time” he snivelled, looked down for a while and cried before shamefully raising his sight to meet his eyes.

“I just... feel used, badly used that I turned to garbage... I’m afraid I can’t make you happy, I’m afraid I’m never gonna turn out to be what you wished for... I’m afraid i-“ Akira's fingers hushed him and stayed on his lips for a few moments as he stared down, then touched his hand and caressed his cheek, swallowing down his rage.

“Then don’t... don’t be afraid of such things cause I don’t give a fuck, we’re not together so that you can please me, but just to let you know... you already drive me nuts and I’ve never even seen your body yet... your touches and kisses are my heavens” Akira said honestly and seriously as he looked him in the eyes before swallowing and continuing “but are you really not wanting me to touch you? Do you hate it? Because of this? You don’t feel safe around me?”

“N-no! I-I’m not traumatized anymore I guess.. cause... I can really find comfort when you touch me, I love it and... I’m not afraid or worried when I’m alone with you, I feel safer in fact... it’s... m-maybe cause I just woke up from a dream.. that I was acting like that” he stuttered in shame and looked down before staring hesitantly at him who was still silent, taking in unnoticeable deep breaths and clenching his jaw.

“I’m sorry I ruined your night... can’t believe I just talked about that”

“Shhh... it’s okay” he traced his lips with his thumb then kissed his forehead.

He took him in his arms, rested his back to the headboard and leaned him on his body.

“You’re a hero... you survived, you suffered and stood up again, with all of that in your heart, you could still smile, kiss me...and love me... and you went through it all alone”

“Not.. all of it i-“

“I don’t think anyone was there at night with you when you’d wake up in tears or when you have a breakdown like that just a while ago... I don’t think anyone was there... I don’t even think I could’ve survived half of that”

“I know this might sound meaningless by now that I said it too much but... I love you with every bit of me, and I love all of you... quite thinking of this bullshit of not being enough for me or of feeling like I shouldn’t touch you or that you’re not what I wished for, well yeah, you actually are more than I wished for”

Takanori smiled and hid his face in his chest as he wrapped his arms tighter around him.

“If one thing I do wish for at this moment... is to rip that motherfucker’s head off with my bare hands... and I swear that wouldn’t be enough”

Takanori looked up at him in surprise only to see wrath and sorrow in his eyes.

“I wish I could do something... I wish I could change something” he continued with a sense of uselessness.

“You are... changing me” Takanori whispered as he stared at him straight in his eyes seriously for a while before Akira leaned and kissed him, kissed all his self hate and insecurities away with all of him, he kissed him passionately and felt his hand on his cheek, rather than pushing him away, pulling him closer and caressing his skin.

Takanori pulled away but before resting his head back on his chest he left a little kiss on his chin then laid back how he was, leaving a big smile on his face.

Akira patted his back repeatedly until he felt himself drifting away as he already fell asleep on him so his eyes fell shut in a few moments with his arms tightly still holding him.

 

Takanori’s eyes opened and wandered around before locking on his beautiful sleeping face and touched his cheek so he blinked his eyes open and smiled at him.

“Hey” he smiled and said in his sleepy voice.

“Hey” Takanori replied with a warm smile as he touched his face again.

“Akira”

“Hmm?”

“What do you do to me?”

“Huh? What do I do?” He tilted his head to look at him with a smile.

“Ever since the very first time I met you... you always pull me out of my mess and overwhelming thoughts.. and you just manage to make me have hope... you pat on my heart and leave your traces... how do you make me love myself, even if it’s for a little while but you do, you make me wanna be good, you make me wanna try... you have my heart in your hands and I’ve never felt safer”

He whispered out his words warmly while he stared him in the eyes and let all his feelings show. Akira’s heart flew inside and his eyes glossed to his words as he couldn’t hold back his smile.


“I do?”

“Yeah... you certainly do” he said with an assuring smile as he saw Akira's eyes shine with tears and his face flood with love.

“I... guess that’s love?” Akira inhaled and looked him in the eyes as he smiled at him lazily before turning his face and resting his head back on his chest.

“I’ve never been in love... is that what it is?” Takanori spoke as he stared blankly at the balcony across the room.

“What did you think it was?.. is that disappointing?”

“No... it’s actually better than I thought” he chuckled slightly and with the smile still on his face he continued “I’ve never really thought about it, never witnessed it... just my parents, they loved each other vividly and it planted warmness in my heart that grew cold after them..” his smile faded as he talked but the kiss he felt in his hair brought it back.

“Never thought I was gonna be loved... never even imagined, couldn’t help believing what people always told me so I just.. I did really believe I was too shitty to be even liked” he chuckled again.

“But um... guess I’m not that bad after all?” He turned his head to face him and saw the warm smile on his face.

“Yeah, you’re not... you’re not bad at all, baby”

He turned his head again and hid his shy smile in him as he held him tighter and remained like this for a while.

“Your alarm... didn’t go off, what’s the time?”

“I’m off today”

“Eh? What’s today?”

“Wednesday” he responded with a chuckle to his confused face so he let his head fall again on his chest and chuckled.

“So, you’re staying?” Takanori hummed and played in his hair with a grin. “And you don’t mind staying like this a bit longer, do you?”

“I don’t mind staying like this forever”

“Oh come on that’s too much, we’ll rot in here” he commented in irony and heard him burst in laughter and felt the vibration in his chest but remained still, close enough to hear his heartbeat.

“I hear your heart”

“Hm?”

“I heard several beats”

“What? How could you? I’m not even moving it must be so low to be heard”

“You just laughed, idiot”

He giggled and shifted in his spot causing him to move his head off of him and look up. “What? I’m just shifting”

“Did I numb your chest?” He sat up and faced him, bending one knee under him.

“No, you didn’t” he tilted his head with a frown.

“My head must be too heavy” he held his head tilting it both sides as if he was measuring its weight.

“No, it’s not, c’mere” Akira chuckled and opened his arms so instead of laying back beside him he kind of let his body fall and slept on top of him so Akira opened his legs and bent his knee up around him to contain him more.

“Never knew you could be that cute in mornings” Takanori mocked and chuckled to his confusion. “Feels good to have a cute fairy of my own”

“You know fairies aren’t cute all the time”

“But they are now so let them be” he furrowed his brows with a smile as he kept staring towards the daylight that's coming from the balcony.

“Give me a kiss” Akira whispered so Takanori raised his head up and in a blink of an eye he was closing his lips on his before pulling away shortly with a smile.

“No, that’s not my type of a kiss” Akira grinned and grabbed his face with both hands and pulled him in for a kiss where he bit his bottom lip as a welcoming gesture then kissed his lips repeatedly before opening his mouth for his tongue and to let his out as well.

As Takanori let out a sigh in their kiss Akira’s hand didn’t hesitate to grab his butt with his free hand as the other was on his lower waist and unlike him Takanori was kissing him lazily and slowly, forcing him to calm his growing excitement, but he didn’t feel like lazy kissing, so he pushed his tongue in as he squeezed his butt and pushed his waist closer to his all at once, causing him to chuckle.

Akira moved his lower body beneath him repeatedly, causing him to smirk in their kiss as he grabbed his thigh before his hand travelled to his hips to excite him further.

Akira widened his legs a bit more and rested his calf on his back to push him further between his legs, feeling his smirk on his lips. Takanori pulled away to catch a breath and looked him in the eyes to see his mischievous smirk grow as he looked back at him through his half-closed eyes, firing him up on purpose.

“What are you trying to do, huh” Akira’s voice went out deep and hoarse.

Takanori tilted his head with an innocent smile in response and moved comfortably on him, still feeling his leg around him.

“Well, I have no shit to push me outta bed today, you better keep that smirk on” Akira said with a dark smirk before Takanori bent down and attacked his mouth first.

In a matter of minutes, they both were moving against each other and their hands wandered each other’s bodies as the sound of their kisses loudened and their breaths as well.

It only took Akira Takanori’s first moan to flip him over and reach down to his neck to leave more of his marks down with his hands pushing his pelvis up against him and squeezing his thighs that he wrapped around him coaxing more moans out that didn’t help but turn him on even more.

“Uh... I wish I have half of your energy in the morning” Takanori almost moaned with a chuckle feeling his hand on his butt again, and his teeth on his skin.

“Akira, fuck” he threw his head back but felt his lips moving away so he turned his face to look at his

“I’d love to” he smirked and stayed still as he looked him dead in the eyes watching his eyes widen and his face blush before Akira giggled and kissed him again.

“W-wait I didn’t mean-“ Takanori pulled away embarrassedly and stuttered, shifting underneath him.

“I know I know I’m joking” he giggled then kissed his nose then sat on him, shifting his weight on his knees not to crush him underneath as Takanori kept looking around randomly, trying to swallow his embarrassment so Akira bent down and took his lips in, then felt Takanori's hand slap his hip to scold him so he chuckled in the kiss but didn’t break it.

“Oh god, you never blushed that deep!” Akira chuckled, pulling away and watched him look away in annoyance.

“Shut up” Takanori said, slapping his thigh with a frown as he watched him giggle so he sat up and wrapped his arms around him and smirked. “Such a pervert”

“Such a shy bean” Akira teased mischievously with a giggle so Takanori hushed him with a kiss before pulling away with a smile.

He flipped him on his back and left a little kiss on his mouth before getting out of bed.

“Where to?” Akira sat up with a pout.

“Bathroom? Breakfast? Are you gonna sleep here the whole day?” He mocked him and left with a shrug so he fell to his side on bed and watched him walk out of the room with a lazy smile.

Chapter Text

“How are you feeling today?” Akira asked as he sat down on with his plate in the opposite of Takanori who started eating already.

“Hm? Ah, it’s um... better I think” he said as he felt his side and squeezed it gently to check if it still hurts.

“It still kinda... hurt but not as much” he furrowed his brows at him then nodded and continued eating.

“Your appointment is a few days from now.. I hope by then it’s all healed.”

“I hope so too” he sighed then smiled as he saw his warm smile lighting up his face.

•••

“It’s been a long time no see! I missed you around man!” Kagemori greeted Takanori who just opened the door to them and welcomed them with a big smile.

“I missed you too, come in” he chuckled and stepped away to let the three of them walk in.

 

A couple of days later after Akira’s day off with him, Mori called Takanori and asked if they could visit him and he happily agreed so Akira tagged along and came with them after they told him to.

“How’s everything going? Does it still hurt?” Mei asked worriedly as they sat down in his living room.

“Oh, no it’s better now... hurts much less” he assured her with a nod and a smile.

“Days aren’t the same anymore, dude I really hope you heal and get back to work also so we can hangout again and see you around more” Mori said in a less excited tone.

“Staying here wasn’t the best, I wanna get back to work too, I missed hanging out after work and being around you” he smiled at their memories together at work and felt like it was ages ago.

“You’ll get back soon, don’t worry I believe you’re healing good” Akira patted his knee and gave him a gentle squeeze so he smiled at him then looked away.

After a long chat of unimportant stuff and the missed good laughter, they ordered some food and after their good meal, Takanori took their plates and headed to his kitchen followed by Akira to clean the plates and get something to drink.

“You look happy” Akira almost whispered to him with a smile so he turned to him then grinned widely that his eyes closed.

“Yeah.. I am” he said so Akira grabbed his chin and kissed his smile before he started kissing him back.

The gasp at the kitchen door made them both flinch away before they realized that Mei just caught them kissing.

Takanori blushed and looked away instantly before trying to cover his face.

“I-i’m sorry... oh my god, guys I didn’t know you were um.. t-together” she stuttered and blushed so deep before turning to leave after putting down the tray in her hands.

“Wait wait” Akira grabbed her arm so she turned around and her eyes fell on Takanori who was melting from the heat in his face.

“I-I won’t tell anyone, don’t worry” she chuckled embarrassedly.

“Well... that’s not it but... thanks”

“It’s um... i-it’s not a secret we just... didn’t tell any-“ Takanori spoked in a low tone, trying not to look her straight in the eyes not to blush deeper so she chuckled at his shyness.

“We just don’t wanna be the gossip of the kitchen” Akira told her with an annoyed frown so she chuckled.

“Trust me they won’t know” she assured him with a smile before looking at them both back and forth

“You guys are cute look at you both” she giggled as Akira facepalmed, expecting her lovebirds jokes on them from now on.

“Ehh” Takanori tried to giggle but it went out in an awkward chuckle.

“What, Takanori are you alright?” Mori asked with a concerned frown when the sat down so he looked up at him with a questioning look.

“Did you eat a chilli pepper?”

“What? Why?”

“You’re tomato red”

“Ehm... I... yeah, kind of” he chuckled embarrassedly as the other two burst out in laughter.

“What are you laughing at? Give the man some water or milk” Mori frowned at them but they laughed even more so Takanori hid his face in his hands for a few moments.

“I’m fine, I'm fine” he chuckled embarrassedly and poured a drink for the four of them.


..


“I never knew you were that shy!” Akira said as he took a place next to Takanori on his bed.

“Shut up that was embarrassing”

“It was.. but you were flushed as if you were caught having sex”

“Okay shut up!” Takanori hit his face with a pillow but was pushed to the back that he fell on the mattress.

“Get off me” he whined with a frown.

“Nope”

“Ugh Akira get off me”

“No” Akira leaned in and kissed him repeatedly until he stopped pushing him and kissed him back.

“You’re adorable”

“And you’re a moron, stop making fun of me”

“Okay, I’m sorry” he chuckled and tilted his head at him playfully.

“No, I don’t take that”

“What do you take then” Akira smirked then grabbed his hips and pulled him underneath him.

He leaned in and started leaving moist kisses on his neck.

“Hngh.. Aki-chan”

“Aki-chan’s gonna make Taka-chan feel good” Akira raised his head and stared him in the eyes with a smirk that held back a laugh.

“What? What’s with that name?” He giggled and heard his laugh.

“Takanori is long for me now gotta shorten it don’t you think so?” He smirked and went back to the same spot on his neck to hear his laughter mixed with his little moans.

“Tomorrow is your appointment” Akira spoke in a low voice as they both were now laying still with Takanori’s head on his shoulder.

“Hmm”

“Mind if we go to my place after? I wanna spend a day with grandma and you... it’s been a while”

“Yeah, why not”

“And... are you gonna be fine, if I... told her about us now?”

“Huh?” Takanori raised his head and looked at him nervously.

“What?”

“I don’t know... I'm afraid she would hate me”

“Hate you? Why would she?”

“If she didn’t like it she may hate me... I don’t want this to happen”

“She never hates”

“Okay, she may not like me anymore and-“

“No, baby listen.. it’ll be alright, she’ll still like you and things are gonna be fine, why are you assuming this?” Akira said, shifting in his place to raise his upper body a bit.

“Did you date a guy before?”

“Um... no?”

“That’s it”

“I think she wouldn’t try to control me... she-“

“Not this... I mean... if she didn’t support our relationship ship she may also be mad at you... I don’t want this to happen i-“

“She wouldn’t... don’t worry I can make things up with her always... even if it happened it’ll only take her little time” Akira smile at him as he looked back at him unsurely before resting his head on his chest.

“I’m afraid”

“Well... I’m kinda nervous too, to be honest, but, it will have to happen one day, right?” Akira said to assure him and at that moment assure himself as well. “I don’t think I can have something that important in my life and keep it from her.. I don’t know”

“No, I’m not telling you to not tell her... I'm just worried”

“It’s okay... everything will be alright” he rubbed his back and kissed his hair as he stared at the ceiling that has street lights reflected on, thinking himself how things might go with her.

 

..

“That scar’s gonna remain forever, right?” Takanori asked the doctor who took off his bandage, looking at his scarred skin sadly.

“It won’t stay the way it looks now, but w can’t guarantee you a clear skin... just use the ointment w write down for you, it will help and hopefully it will make it fade by time”

Takanori nodded at him with a glum as he felt a slight burn on his exposed flesh after the bandage was taken off.

“Try not to wear tight shirts, it’ll be better if you wear cotton more often to lessen the friction’s infection.

“Then why do I have to take the bandage off?”

“It needs to be exposed to heal completely, also don’t get water near it, cover it the same way if you’ll bath or something and clean it every now and then as I showed you and call me or come here if you noticed any pus or unusual redness.”

Takanori nodded to every word he said with the glum still on his face.


“Baby what’s wrong? Does it hurt?”

Takanori turned his eyes to look at him sadly but smiled and shook his head.

“What is it then?”

“Nothing”

“You don’t feel like going anymore? You wanna go home? It’s okay”

“No, no... it’s fine, I'm fine”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“Nothing really... it’s just...so ugly... I thought it will look better after it heals... it looks like shit, it’s so disgusting”

“What? Hey didn’t I talk to you about that?” Akira said, looking at him with a frown.

“I know... I just can’t help nausea”

“Taka, don’t feel this way about yourself.. you took a fucking bullet and you’re healing, you should be proud, not disgusted... baby, don’t think like this, please. You’re doing great already, so don’t feel like this”

He squeezed his knee so he looked at him with a faint smile at his nickname then rested his head on his shoulder, waiting for their stop to come.

“Thank you” Takanori whispered so he squeezed his hand and leaned his head to rest on his.

 

“Takanori! How is your wound dear” Akira’s grandmother approached him and took him in her arm and sounded worried.

He froze for a moment until she pulled back and patted his hair so he smiled at her and felt his eyes burning for a second.

“I’m fine.. I’m better, thank you”

“I told Aki-chan to take good care of you”

“Oh he.. did take good care of me” he looked at him and smiled so he smiled back at him.

“Go rest, my dear, I cooked you a good meal”

“Why didn’t you wait for me?” Akira frowned at her so she chuckled and patted his shoulder.

“You take care of your friend, I'll take care of your meals.” She smiled warmly at him and headed to the kitchen as he led him to his room.

“Put that on, it’s more comfortable” Akira said, handing him a hoodie.

“No it’s fine, this one is fine”

“Wait let me spray that on” Akira took a bottle of sterilizing spray out of the medicines bag and took off the lid.

Takanori bared his side and held the shirt up so he could spray his wound and put the lid back only to hear his gasp. He blew out and started fanning his side and biting his lip.

“What? What? Is it hurting?”

“It’s burning!” He kept fanning over it and clenching his jaw until he held his hand and let his t-shirt cover his skin again.

“It’s okay.. you’ll be alright, it won’t hurt the whole time, just give it a couple of minutes, it’s okay” Akira said as he looked him in the eyes before they were called from outside.

“Coming!” Akira yelled and helped Takanori up and to the dining table.


“Thank you so much, grandma. The food was really good” Takanori bowed his head as he thanked her after they ate.

“Where do you think I got it from” Akira commented with a giggle so she chuckled and thanked them both.

..
“Hey, you’ll stay, okay? Put those on. Medicine’s here and everything’s gonna be fine, I’ll take care of you so stay, okay?” Akira said, handing him comfy clothes.

Takanori nodded at him with a smile and felt his eyelids getting heavy.

“Baby, you look sleepy... why don’t you have some rest?”

“But it’s not even 9 yet”

“It doesn’t matter, have some sleep and I’ll go take care of the house and see if she wants something. Just rest okay?” Akira leaned in and kissed his lips then his forehead and wiped on his hair so he smiled back at him as his eyes started closing already.

“Thank you” Takanori smiled a sleepy smile and tilted his head a bit so he caressed his cheek before leaving the room.

Takanori put on the change of clothes and turned the light off before making it back to the bed and lay there for less than a minute before his eyes closed.


“Hey, lovely” Akira said as he walked into his grandmother’s room so she smiled at him.

“Aki-chan, come in, dear” he walked in and sat next to her.

“Did you leave your friend alone?”

“No he’s sleeping... he’s tired”

“Oh I hope he feels better soon, that’s a lot for the kid” she said with a sad frown.

“Yeah...”

“Um... I wanna talk to you.. aaa... about something... you know”

“Talk all you want, Aki-chan” she patted his back with a warm smile, trying to ease his nervousness that she felt.

‘I can’t predict her reaction... I don’t know if she will hate it, I don’t know if she’ll be angry, I don’t know if she’ll be disappointed or not.
I’m afraid, Takanori feels like home here and he loves her, he feels warm and I don’t want him to lose that, I don’t want him to ever feel unwanted, I don’t want his fears to happen, I’m afraid she’ll get really disappointed that she may stop talking to me or something and then he’ll suffer his guilt and... god I'm afraid.’

“Takanori”

“What’s with him?”

“We’re... kinda... no longer friends”

“What? Why? Did you argue? You want me to talk to him? But he seemed fine and you were nice to him what-“

“No, no, we’re fine... I mean we... are kind of... over this now... s-something more is going”

“What? I don’t understand, make it simple, darling I’m lost”

“Okay I... we’re... having deeper feelings than just... friendship” he tried to speak it out but found himself going far from the simple, straight way and she looked confused.

“We’re... in love”

“What?”

“Me and Takanori... w-we’re together... I-I love him... we are um... dating?” He stuttered and looked everywhere randomly trying to avoid her piercing stare.

“Aren’t you straight?!”

“I-I am... I-I mean I was... I didn’t see this coming, it just happened, I denied it for so long but I couldn’t change it... that I fell for him”

“You? You fell for him?”

“Yes, it was me who felt this way first... and it was eating me alive, I kept denying but... I couldn’t, I loved him so deeply than to just try to forget about it”

“Aki-chan... what are you saying”

“I’m sorry if this is disappointing you or.. making you uncomfortable, I’m sorry. He’s so important to me, he’s my everything and he loves me so much and he gives and gives all the time, he never wait for something in return... he’s so pure and lovely but life wasn’t fair with him... he’ve seen a lot and he didn’t deserve any of it, he’s so nice and kind, so loving and caring, he makes me happy and takes away my anxiety and worries... and I just want to make him happy, make him feel loved and just... worthy” he felt his eyes burning as pictures of him shone right before his eyes as he talked about him but his heart shrank to her reaction.

“Before you judge just know that... he was too worried when I told him that I’ll talk to you about our relationship, he loves you and is too afraid of losing the warm feeling of home you give him, he’s too afraid you might hate him and not want him around again or that you may have an argument with me because of this... I didn’t even tell him that I’ll talk to you now or he wouldn’t have been able to sleep... all he cared about was your relationship with me and the way you’ll see him after you know, he cares... please grandma just know that before you judge”

“I... never expected this from you” she spoke with an obvious shock in her voice and eyes.

“Akira I thought you knew what was wrong and what is not”

“But what is wrong with loving him? What about it? I understand you may not like it but... don’t tell me that my feelings are wrong?”

“And why Takanori? Why him?... this isn’t love, Akira, you’ll be burdened with it for the rest of your life... you won’t be happy, you were his friend, with him in his hard times, supporting him, but as a partner? A lover? This is different, this will always be your problem and you’ll always have to deal with it... I don’t wanna sound as bad as I do, but you know that I want you to be happy, I don’t want you to be burdened this way”

“Burden?... is that how you see him?” Akira’s voice went out broken as he felt a lump forming in his throat.

“I told you it was different, a friend is not the same as a partner”

“A burden? He was never and will never be a burden... how could you say that? He’ll make my life miserable? Takanori?... I never felt loved and cared about as much as he made me feel! I was never happy about myself until I met him... I was never this happy before”

“You don’t know what you’re saying, you’re in love and-“

“No! I know too well what I'm saying! I’m not a teenager who’s excited about his first love, I know what it means to be truly happy and what it feels like to be wanted or just filling a space... I know he’s sad, and he’s broken, and he has a terrible past that you don’t even know half of and that he could be so moody and sharp, and that’s what he hates the most about himself and what worries him the most... but I love him! He’s got too much love in that broken heart of his, a huge amount of kindness and pureness, he’s broken... he survived a lot and his soul is weakening and is drained.”

“He needs me, he needs my love and affection he needs to feel wanted, he needs to be told that it’s okay to be broken, and that’s what I already feel for him! I love him, I want to let him feel this, and I care and i’m so fine with his scars and I want him to know this! He’s not burdening me, I was a burden on myself all the time but he made me feel otherwise, I’m not a happy ray of sunshine all the time! I’m not perfect myself and he took all my shit and loved me! I don’t tell you every single problem I go through or every battle I have with myself over my weaknesses but that doesn’t mean I’m so fine and that I’m so ready for the perfect happy partner that is obviously not him in your opinion, right?... I find my happiness in his and I wanna give him my all and not just take... I wanna pat his broken heart and cheer his sad soul, he deserves to be happy, he deserves to be loved... I can’t believe you’re just acting like ‘sad, he is broken, good luck for him, but don’t be the one that takes away his sorrow, stay safe’ no!”

He cried... cried so hard and his sobs made him stutter and broke his voice repeatedly, he was frustrated and broken, he felt broken for him, he heard her words with Takanori’s ears and felt it with his heart and it broke him.

She stared at him sadly as he sniveled and cried his disappointment out, surprised of his feelings and the way he talked, never knew he could feel this way for someone or that he could ever want to give his all to someone this badly.

“Akira” she placed her hand over his thigh and patted him so he looked up at her with disappointment and sorrow in his eyes.

“You know how much I love you, dear, don’t you?” He looked at her and his tears kept falling but he looked down again.

“And that all I ever care about is your happiness... but what I just heard is giving me a huge wave of feelings... I never knew you could love that big, I knew you had a big heart, but I never saw this in you, in your eyes... your voice and your words are giving me no way of rethinking the honesty of your feelings... I do not hate him, I just thought it would be too much for you... to be in this all your life” she spoke quietly as she patted him.

“I can’t believe it... he loves you so much, why’d you think of him this way?” His voice broke and hurt was written in his eyes as his tears fell while he looked at her and his eyes cried in pain.

“Akira, I don’t hate him, I loved him as if he was my grandson... but... I may have sounded selfish but that’s because I’m out of the relationship, because I’m trying to just use sense in this conversation”

“All my fears were that you might hate it because he is a man... not that he’s Takanori” he spoke without looking at her.

“I’m still not fine with you loving a man in the first place, you’ll never have a family, you won’t get married and have children”

“Is that all you care about? I don’t wanna pretend to love someone for the rest of my life! He is my everything, I don’t need this if he’s with me... he is my family” he spoke sharply and looked at her.

“Akira...”

“I understand if you’ll need time to be okay with my sexuality, but I guess that’s not your problem even, is it?”

“Akira this is too much to take... don’t pour all of that out all at once and ask me to be fine with all of it! I just want you to be happy, I just want to make sure that you are before I die! I love you so much and I’m afraid” she almost yelled before her voice broke.

“No... d-don’t cry, d-don’t say that” his heart dropped and he felt a knife twisting in his heart as he heard her choked voice and saw her tears.

“This is what you will say if you are in love, you never see what things are truly like”

“B-but grandma, I’ve known him for a while and I knew about all of that before I confess my feelings even to myself before him... I’m not blinded by my feelings I know that it’s not gonna be all happy and lovely and that I’ll be with him in all his falls but that’s what he will also do for me... he feels the same for me, he wants to make me happy and he always doubt himself and feels unworthy and not enough for thinking that he may not make me as happy as he should, he doubts himself, his body and his everything, he wants me the best and wants to give me his all that he even doubts if his whole existence is enough for me, do you expect from a person like this to make me sad? He never drags me along in his problems, I go after them and support him through it... I swear he’s not like this, please.” His seriousness and sharpness were melted away in the end where his voice actually begged.

“If you truly want my happiness, give him a chance... I love him and he’s all I ever asked for. He loves you and cares too much about what you think about him... give him a chance for god’s sake. If it’s about my sexuality I was never attracted to guys, he’s the first and it was never about his body, I still don’t see any other guy differently... about women, I think I still feel the same about them but I don’t care about either anymore... I’m just letting you know.”

“So.. you love him that much?” She asked, looking him in the eyes so he nodded.

“Please, I don’t want you to be disappointed in me or upset, I’m sorry for the way I talked to you and for pouring all of that on you at once, I couldn’t keep it from you and I had to let you know but... I’m sorry, I love you, please... just give him a chance, don’t feel this way towards him, don’t see him like this, he’s much more than this” he begged again as his tears continued their way down.

“I don’t think I can change anything anyway... you already are too in love to be warned, and seems that you already know and still chose to... if this is what you want, I can’t change your mind, it’s not like I ever could... my dear, you grew up and started making your path... I just pray that you never regret a thing... I can’t make you do what I want, I just... wished for something else, but if that’s what you want... I hope you don’t regret it. And for Takanori... apart from this, I still love him, but just... give me some time” she said as she wiped his tears and watched him shed more.

“Thank you” he said on he shoulder after she pulled him in a hug and patted his back.

He sobbed and hugged her back for a couple of minutes before pulling back and looking her in the eyes to see her sad ones staring back at him.


After their goodnights, he headed back to his room with an aching heart and a tear-stained face and just wanted sleep in his arms and apologize for his heart.

He sat next to him, barely seeing his peaceful face but caressed his cheek and kissed his forehead as his tears kept going.

Takanori opened his eyes and blinked a couple of time until he fixed his gaze on him, barely seeing him in the dark.

“Akira?”

“Yeah, baby it’s me” he smiled at him even though he knew that he won't see him but he did and raised his hand to his face and his eyes widened with a frown to his wet cheeks.

“Akira? Are you crying?” He asked worriedly and sat up in bed.

“It’s okay, I'm fine, babe, get back to sleep” he said calmly, trying to sound normal not to worry him.

“What happened are you okay?” He asked as he now could see him clearer and his heart dropped to his swollen eyes.

“D-did you talk to her about it?” He asked in fear, hoping the answer is no although he knew deep down that it is not and made sure it’s not when he nodded at him with a sad smile.

“It’s okay, nothing happened, I told her and it’s fine”

“Fine? What is fine? Look at you, you’re still crying” Takanori’s voice flooded with fear and concern as he looked at him. “She hated it right? S-she couldn’t take it and hated me right? S-She doesn’t want me around anymore, does she? D-did she argue with you? Was she hard on you? I’m so sorry Akira, i-“ he broke down as he spoke out possibilities and felt his heart shrinking with every word.

“Shhhh, it’s okay, honey, it’s okay my love, she doesn’t hate you, she doesn’t hate me.. i-it’s just something between me and her... you have nothing to do with it, she’s fine with you, and things are okay... we didn’t argue, baby don’t apologize” Akira said and wiped his tears, praying that he couldn’t see his. His heart was flinching in pain with his words and his feelings, he just wanted to take his worry away, he wanted him to sleep in peace.

“Are you trying to make me feel good?... s-she hated it, didn’t she?” He sniveled, looking him in the eyes.

“She didn’t take it with open arms but... she still doesn’t hate it.. she just needs some time, okay? Everything will be alright, just please don’t cry, please, Taka” he kissed his tears and hugged him as he felt his own heart twitch in pain and tried to keep himself collected for him even though all he wanted to do was break down in his arms and apologize.

“Let’s get some sleep, okay?” He pulled away and wiped on his hair then wiped his tears away.

Takanori kept sobbing repeatedly before he laid him down and laid next to him and in a few minutes, he was back asleep that tore deeper in Akira’s heart.

He didn’t even wake up completely, he already had it in mind to guess after he barely opened his eyes, he was already worried.

He wrapped his arms around him and held him close as he silently weeped in his hair before he himself drifted away in sleep.

“I love you”

Chapter Text

“Morning, love” Takanori heard as he opened his eyes slowly to realize that the sun’s out and Akira is next to him with his arms around him.

He smiled at him and sighed deeply before closing his eyes again for a while before they flew open and he almost gasped.

“What.. what happened yesterday?” He looked at him with panic and felt his heart shrinking.

“Huh?”

“I-it was real right?”

“What?”

“You talked to her, didn’t you?”

“Um, yeah” he nodded at him then noticed his breathing becoming heavy so he frowned and was about to cry.

“No, no, no, don’t, don’t cry, sweetie, it’s fine nothing happened” he caressed his cheek, trying to calm him down.

“Then why were you crying?”

“We talked about a few things... it didn’t go smoothly I gotta say but it’s over and eventually... she said she needs some time”

Takanori felt tears running down his eyelashes so he tried to hide his face in him before Akira seized his shoulder and stopped him so that he could look at him.

“Why? Why are you feeling this way? Why do you feel like it’s your fault or that you’ve done something? Nothing’s wrong, Takanori and you did nothing... that’s just the way she took it and it changed nothing in my feelings for you, please don’t feel like this” he said seriously, looking him in the eyes.

“I don’t want you to have to choose one day, I don’t want there to be a problem caused because of my existence in your life... I don’t want you to-“

“No, Takanori, stop. It won’t reach to the point where I’ll have to choose, I told you it’s okay... and baby, your existence in my life has only brought me warmth and love, please stop thinking this way and don’t you ever take that out of my life.” Akira said and traced his lips with his thumb looking at it then his gaze turned to his eyes before he moved closer till their lips touched so that he could take his lip in.

He kissed him slowly and passionately, holding his shoulder with the palm of his hand and held his chin with his other one’s fingers.

Without him noticing it, Akira felt his eyes burning under his closed eyelids as he felt Takanori’s weakness and guilt, remembering her words about him yesterday that tightened his lips around his and his hand on him. Takanori pulled away and looked him in his tearful eyes “Akira... talk to me, wha-“

“I just love you so much” he said with a smile, collecting himself and blinking his tears away.

Takanori looked at him for a couple of minutes then caressed his cheek before feeling Akira’s mouth on his once again but shortly.

“It’s okay, I just hope breakfast isn’t awkward... let's just get ready I’ll get you home and go to work” he kissed his forehead and smiled at him before getting out of bed.

..

‘It was unexpected... she was quite but just as warm and friendly as ever! She didn’t avoid looking at us or at me specifically, it was just so normal that I doubted that they even talked.

Akira walked me home and left after a kiss. He too wasn’t expecting her to act so normally.

“I’ll be back at night, baby. Take care and take the medicine, you want me to apply you the ointment and spray?”

“Um... no, it’s fine, I can do it” I couldn’t hold the chuckle at his soft worried face, he was usually tough, maybe funny, but that lovely side of him is what melts my heart.

“And... you don’t have to come back here, go home it’s fine, i-“

“I don’t wanna go home” he sounded serious and down so I just nodded and kissed him back before he left and I couldn’t stop my mind from thinking that something serious happened in their talk.

And with that, he left, and I remained home alone again... but this time, I'm waiting. I’m waiting my love to return home.


I found myself curled on my sofa with a cup of vanilla milk and a random movie on after I suffered bearing the burn of that damned spray and ointment. Every time my head blacks out of reality I find him on my mind instead of the shit I used to think of. I also don’t know why on earth I felt proud after waking up from a nap in front of the TV without a single nightmare... it was just peaceful.

I’ve always heard about love... watched it in movies and smiled but never really knew what it felt like. I sometimes catch myself worrying if there was something that I can’t see cause... he’s my first love, but he always takes away those worries, not with his kisses, not with his touches or even with his existence but with the things he does and his feelings that reach me and with his love that he doesn’t hesitate to show. Whenever I find myself worrying I always shut my mind up cause reality is that Akira is the one I always wished to have, because he’s so perfect with me. He completes me.’


Akira couldn’t help feeling shitty during his shift. He was out of mood cause his head was raging with thoughts, guilt and possibilities. He felt hurt, felt disappointed, two-faced and ungrateful.

He couldn’t find a reason for any of these feelings but he couldn’t get rid of them either. The thought of abandoning Takanori wasn’t even possible, it shattered his heart. He also felt broken, it hurt him to know that he was seen as a burden, it made him cry inside, he just felt like telling the world what a precious human he is and what beautiful soul he has. He wanted to shout it out to that cruel world they live in that he doesn’t deserve any of what happened to him and deserves love, but he couldn’t, so all he could do is give him all his love and affection, hoping it was even near enough.

Mei approached him in lunch break cause she could clearly see he was off and tried to bring it out of him.

“It’s nothing... I’m fine”

“Is Takanori okay?”

“Yeah he is”

“Did you fight or something”

“No?” He looked at her confusedly before she asked again.

“There’s nothing going between the two of us”

“Then what happened?”

“I talked to grandma about it” he eventually said and looked down at his food as her face fell and she understood what his glum was all about.

“And she... didn’t accept it?”

“Him... she didn’t accept him.”

“What? But... she loves him doesn’t she?”

“I thought so... I don’t know anymore”

“Does he know?”

“No, not all of it... I couldn’t tell him, I can’t break his heart he was already worried about what she might think of him when I tell her... I can’t just tell him ‘yeah your fears were right, she thinks I shouldn’t be with you’” he said then looked down “The whole thing for her was... a shock I can tell”

“What are you gonna do?”

“About what?”

“Her... Takanori”

“Nothing... she said she wants time, I’ll give her all the time”

“Are you... upset?”

“I am... and I feel bad about it but I can’t help it”

“It’s okay... it’s okay, Akira it will be alright, things take time. It just was unexpected, give her time and... just excuse her”

“She didn’t hate the fact that I'm dating a guy as much as she hated that it was Takanori! I never thought she may be thinking this way, I’m... hurt”

She patted his back and stared at him with concern. “Why did she think this, what did she say?”

“I-I don’t wanna talk about it”

“Okay, okay... it’s fine just... don’t think much of it, if you don’t want him to know then don’t make him see that” she pointed at his face with a smile so he smiled at her before lunch break was over and they had to get back to work.

“Mei... thank you”

She smiled at him then winked before leaving the room, leaving a faint smile on his face.


..

“Akira” Mei called from behind as they left after their shifts were over so he turned to her.

“You know you can call me any time right?”

He smiled at her and nodded then thanked her quietly before leaving.

He made it to his house walking, he was exhausted and drained, physically and mentally, he was barely moving but he still chose to walk.

“I’m home” he said dully as he took off his shoes and headed to the kitchen.

“Aki-chan?”

“Yeah, I'm here” he said from the kitchen so she made her way to him.

“I’ll go sleep over at his place, I'll leave after dinner” he spoke but his voice went out emotionless as he started preparing food to cook them dinner.

“Alright... you don’t have to make it home every day to cook for me, it’s okay”

He wished she was sleeping or that she would just ignore him rather than make guilt eat him alive.

“No, it’s fine” he said, still hasn’t made any eye contact with her until she left.

Without much talking, they had their dinner together before he made it to the bath to relax his exhausted body then made his way to Takanori’s.

 

There on the couch, Takanori was sleeping for a couple of hours before the doorbell woke him up. He made his way to the door before a smile made its way to his sleepy face after he checked who’s outside.

He opened the door with a smile and as soon as Akira’s eyes fell on his cute, smiley face he too smiled before coming in and without a word he took his lips in and his arms surrounded him.

Takanori kind of pulled back after a short while but Akira held him closer and pushed his mouth further so he didn’t break the kiss but it was closed mouths and he was standing there still with his lips on his as he hugged him. After a few moments, Takanori kindly held his face and pulled away, looking him in the eyes.

“What’s wrong, babe?” He held his face and saw his blank, sad eyes staring back at him.

He didn’t speak a word, didn’t move he just kept looking at him the same before kissing him again but this time he bit his lip and pushed his tongue in as he held him closer and moved his hands on his body hungrily.

Takanori kissed him back but he still didn’t understand what was going on as he kept kissing him hard and pushing him to the back.

“Baby, what is it?” He pushed him gently away after he moved his mouth to his neck.

“Did you drink?” Takanori asked only to be met by his dead eyes before he shook his head.

“Why aren’t you speaking? Are you okay?”

“I don’t know” He said and his voice went out raspy as he kept staring him in the eyes with his needy ones, he didn’t speak another word, didn’t even look away. His eyes were begging him silently but disparately so Takanori didn’t really speak another word and instead he kissed him and wrapped his arms around his neck as he felt his hands on his butt so he jumped and felt his hands holding him up against him so he wrapped his legs around him without breaking the kiss.

He didn’t notice that they were moving until he was laid on bed with Akira on top of him and the kiss still going.

He felt him needy and hungry more than passionate and loving as usual, he felt heavy and burdened more than wanting and mischievous. He gave him no chance to talk again as he took his own shirt off his head in a blink of an eye before bending down again to devour his neck. Takanori felt his hands under his shirt and felt his heart drop as he touched his bare skin and squeezed his hips.

He didn’t want to push him away, he felt his need and didn’t want to be selfish but as his hand touched that spot on his stomach he flinched but didn’t do much cause he held his body down with his weight.

“A-Akira” he gave it a shot, maybe he didn’t notice, maybe he’s too upset... but he wasn’t even heard.

The moment Akira’s hand slipped under his sweatpants’ waistband he flinched and pulled away, looking him in the eyes with concern and a bit of shock.

Akira stayed still and didn’t move an inch before his half-closed, desiring eyes blanked then widened as he noticed his hand still on his groin.

He took it out and jumped off of him and was getting out of bed before Takanori held him from his waist and hugged him from behind.

“Don’t you wanna talk to me?”

Akira stayed still as he felt his tears well in his eyes and felt a huge lump in his throat.

“Aki-“

“I’m sorry I don’t know what the hell I'm doing” he tried to take off his hands but he held him tighter.

“What happened?”

“N-nothing I just..” Takanori almost flinched after feeling moist drops on his arms so he turned him around a bit and his heart broke to the sight of his tears.

“B-baby what is it? Akira, please talk to me” he shook him and wiped his tears as he raised his chin to look at him but he kept his head down.

“I’m sorry Takanori, w-why didn’t you push me away, fuck I don’t know what’s wrong with me” he snivelled and a sob ended his sentence.

“N-nothing’s wrong... baby look at me” he tried to raise his chin up again but he didn’t lookup.

“Aki?” Takanori’s voice begged and his eyes flooded with worry and sadness.

He looked up to his voice and the name he called him with and saw his eyes tear to the sight of his tears.

“There’s just... too much inside, I don’t know what to say... it’s choking me”

Takanori’s arms didn’t hesitate for a moment before they wrapped themselves around him, ignoring the fact that he’s never seen or touched him shirtless and ignoring all physical matters but just holding him as close as possible to his heart and hearing his tired breaths.

“It’s okay... it’s okay my love” he started sobbing on his shoulder as he felt him rest his cheek on his shoulder.

“Do you... do you need it?” Takanori asked in a whisper near his ear but he pulled away and shook his head repeatedly, looking down in shame as he apologized again.

“Why are you apologizing, it’s okay... honey it’s okay” he pulled him again and hugged him then started rocking both of them gently to the sides.

“It’s okay, baby... it’s alright, everything will be okay” Takanori whispered repeatedly as he rocked him and rested his cheek on his bare shoulder, staring at the wall for a while until he felt his quiet sobs gone and his body calmed but he didn’t pull away as he felt his hand rub his back gently so he kept his arms around him.

“I love you” Takanori whispered with an absent mind and felt him shift a bit and then pull away.

Takanori held the hand that touched him with his both hands and caressed it then gave him a little squeeze. Akira looked at him with a frown of shame and slowly pulled away from his hand, looking away so Takanori moved closer and kissed his cheek.

“You wanna sleep? Want to um... maybe go watch something? Wanna eat? Cuddle? You don’t wanna talk? Want to chat? Wanna flirt?” Takanori asked quietly but playfully as he tilted his head watching him grin in return then looked down.

“You look beautiful... sexy if I gotta say” Takanori said smiling mischievously after a couple of minutes in silence as he touched his chest and traced his skin down to his bellybutton so Akira looked up at him and couldn’t hold his smile and grinned at him but found him too busy staring at his bare chest to look at his face.

After Takanori’s hands wandered his torso and his eyes stared at his broad shoulders Akira approached his lips and rubbed the tip of his nose against his with a smile before he took his lip in and started kissing him with his hand on his chest.

As their kisses got deeper Takanori pulled him gradually to the back and until he laid down so he laid on him and raised his upper body with his elbows as he kept their kiss going. They both pulled away a couple of minutes later to breath so Takanori adjusted his sitting and placed his knees around his torso, one on each side and sat down on his pelvis staring at him with the same mischievous smile.

Akira was quiet but smiley, he spoke his feelings through his eyes and Takanori could read this. He couldn’t really know but he could feel. His confusion, guilt and sadness, he was never the best to take away someone’s pain but he didn’t feel like Akira wanted to talk, and just sitting around begging him to talk wouldn’t change a thing, he learned this about him once, he only talks when the time comes and if he didn’t then it was not necessary to be brought out anyway, so he decided to wait and just be his sweet distraction.

 

“What do you want?” Akira asked with a lazy smile and tired eyes watching him tilt his head in response with a shrug as he rested both of his palms on his stomach.

“Want to wipe this away” he said, imitating his frown and watching him smile at his cute imitation.

“C’mere” Akira opened his arms with a lazy grin watching him smile before bending down to lay in his arms as he rested his cheek on his chest, feeling his tight arms around him.

“You’re a sweet toasted marshmallow” he mocked him and heard his giggle on his chest.

“My sweet toasted marshmallow” he tightened his arms around him and heard his chuckle before he felt his lips on his skin. Takanori spread a few kisses on his chest before resting again and closing his eyes with a smile still tugging at his lips.

Sadly, Akira’s mind didn’t rest that fast. He kept thinking and thinking but that beautiful presence stopped his tears, whenever he looked at his sleeping peaceful face his tears freeze and he smiles.


‘He’s the same sad, broken and lonely person I met months ago... but now he’s smiling, he’s happy, he’s not burdened and less depressed, he’s no longer lonely and he loves himself more... he loves me. I can’t break him now, I can’t make him sad, I can’t see a glum on his face because of me... I won’t let my tears down, I won’t let my fucked up head get the best of me and drain my mind, I’ll be there for him, I’ll get myself together for him and stop my sick mind... I don’t care what she thinks of him... I shouldn’t. It’s just a matter of time, don’t let him feel it, she acted super normal not to let him know... she will be fine, just a bit of time, I'm not lying to him or hiding, am I? It’s just that... honesty in that matter is... not necessary and will hurt him, I just... don’t wanna hurt you Takanori please don’t hate me for this.

“Takanori... I love you” I said after he shifted on me and smiled in his sleep, patting my heart with his peacefulness and wiping away all my doubts and conflicts with that adorable smile that took a while to fade away. I love him... I love him so much and I'm willing to do anything just to see that beautiful smile always.’


Akira’s eyes heavily closed as he stared at him until they finally closed along with his busy mind to the sight of his love, peacefully sleeping on his chest with his steady breathing pattern and soft face.


Next morning Takanori opened his eyes lazily to find his head still on his bare chest. He raised his head up a bit to look at him and found him asleep so he smiled, bent down and kissed his skin.

"Morning" he heard Akira's sleepy and deep voice say so he looked up at him and smiled wider before bending down again to leave more kisses on his chest.

"What's with that look" Akira mocked him with a smirk so he looked up and tilted his head. "What?"

"Someone's horny in the morning and who's surprisingly not me" he said with a chuckle so Takanori giggled and traced his chest with his hand as he moved his upper body up a bit to reach his lips so that he could kiss him.

Their teasing kiss deepened and their breaths loudened as their hands wandered each other's bodies. Takanori pulled away and started kissing his neck and slightly sucking his skin while his hand still caressed his chest. He gradually moved his mouth down and left wet traces in his way till he reached his nipple and licked it with a smirk, feeling his shiver. He kissed it repeatedly before moving down to his stomach as he felt his hand in his hair so he looked up at him, smirking mischievously.

"What are you doing?" Akira asked, furrowing his brows with a smile so he smiled back and shrugged. "Making out?"

"It's not even nine yet, why so excited" Akira slightly giggle and watched him raise an eyebrow. "Look who's talking"

Akira laughed to his expression and threw his head back on the pillow to feel his lips on his skin after a couple of seconds.

"You're so hot" Takanori said on his skin.

"All of that just becuase I slept shirtless? What if I slept naked? Will I wake up to you inside of me?" He mocked him so he looked up with furrowed eyebrows and a smile before he bit his lip and slapped his head. "How dare you" Akira laughed before he bent downa again and starteed kissing his chest and felt his hand in his hair once again so he moved up to his mouth and kissed him hard with his hand wandering his body till he made it to his groin. Akira bit his lip in response and slightly moaned when Takanori moved his palm.

He started moving his hand on him over his pants and felt his hands on his hips, pushing him down on his body so Takanori moved upon him and sat on his pelvis without breaking the kiss. He felt his moan in his mouth after their erections touched so he moved on him repeatedly in order to tease him so Akira bit his lip before pulling away. "I don't know where you're taking this" he breathed on his lips so Takanori smirked and kissed him again then started moving on him and felt his hardness under his as he rubbed himself on him.

In a matter of a couple of minutes, they both started moaning between their kisses after Akira started moving against him as well. Takanori pulled away and looked him mischievously in the eyes as he kept on moving and saw his heavy, desireful eyes stare back at him emotionlessly before he bit his lip and looked at Takanori's.

Takanori pulled back when Akira tried to kiss him again and instead he made it to his neck and started kissing him with his hand on the back of his neck, tangling his fingers in his hair. He sucked his skin harder and heard him moan his name as he kept on rubbing himself on him, so he smirked on his skin then bit him before he jumped off to the sound of his alarm. He pulled away and was about to get up before Akira held him tight and brought him back on him with a dark desireful look in his eyes.


"What? You'll be late and-" Takanori tilted his head and spoke before he pulled him in and started kissing his neck hard so Tkanori's words faded in moans.

Akira's hand reached his phone and locked it to shut the alarm while his lips were still doing their job on Takanori's skin, leaving marks.

"You'll miss breakfast" Takanori said but it sounded more like a moan because of Akira's continuous moves under him.

"I don't give a fuck" he said on his skin and pulled him down on him.

"But you'll be late and-"

"Shhh, you started this" Akira hushed him, pulled away from his neck and started kissing him deeply so again Takanori moved on him but faster.

Takanori rested his head on Akira's shoulder and squeezed his body against him, trying to suppress his moans but failed when he felt Akira's hand on his ass under his shorts. "You're so fucking soft" Akira said hoarsely on his skin so Takanori pulled back and looked at him with a smile before he took his lips in once again.


After a couple of minutes of moans, whispers and excited, continueous moves against each other, Takanori's moans loudened and his face changed as he kept looking at him and panting due to their heavy movements. Akira too started groaning so
Takanori hugged him, kissed him and swallowed his groans as he himself became a moaning mess on him, feeling himself moving closer to the edge.

Takanori's moans softened as he came undone and felt Akira's arms tightening around him while he almost growled as he too reached to his cliff.

They rested their heads on each other's shoulders and panted together in sync. In a minute, Takanori pulled away and looked him in the eyes with a lazy smile.

"That was good" Akira whispered, resting his forehead against his.

"What was good? I only came on you" Takanori said playfully and watched him bite his lip hard.

"C'mon let me go to work" he said and heard him giggle as he got up.

"Go take a shower and I'll wait, Just hurry, you're running out of time" Takanori said as he took out a change of clothes from his closet.

"Why wait? Wanna join?"

"Shut up"

..

"I didn't notice my movements... it hurts now" Takanori said, touching his side.

"It should... You were wild" Akira said, putting his shoes on so Takanori looked away and smiled.

"Don't worry, maybe next week it will almost heal, just give it time" he said so Takanori nodded with a faint smile.

"Don't rush your lunch break and eat well, you didn't have breakfast"

"But I had something better" he said with a grin and kissed his lips before leaving.

••••


“It healed i think... don’t need this anymore” Takanori said, putting down the ointment as he looked at Akira.

“Did the period the doctor warned you about end?”

“Yeah, i think... I'm free” he chuckled, raising his sweater up to look at the scar.

“Fuck, it’s so ugly” Takanori said with a frown.

“It’s getting better... just don’t forget about the cream, it should help fading it”

“It wouldn’t really matter anyway” he shrugged with a smirk before heading to his room.

“What?” Akira tilted his head as he followed him and found him standing in the middle of the room, staring at nothing with an absent mind.

“Taka?” He approached him and touched his shoulder so he looked at him.

“What is it?”

“Um.. nothing i just... was thinking” he slowly moved to the bed and sat down.

“Katsuji... all that time, didn’t call me, what could’ve happened? It's been weeks”

“Are you worried about something? I’m sure if there was something you should know he would’ve called” he said, taking a seat next to him

“Or you can call him” he suggested and saw concern sneak its way to his face.

“It’s okay, babe, you don’t have to” he patted his knee when he saw the frown of concern on his face.

..

“Hello Takanori” Katsuji sounded off not his usual and it deepened Takanori’s concern.

“Hello... um, you didn’t call in a while, are things going the same? Um did something happen?” He asked awkwardly and heard his sigh.

“Well about that...”

“What?”

“Bad news”

“W-what happened?” He swallowed as he felt his heart shrink.

“Kaminari killed himself”

Takanori’s eyes widened in shock and burned as he felt his heart drop.

“What... w-what did you say?”

“He killed himself two days ago... he died before we could save him”

Tears started dropping on his t-shirt and sweatpants as he tried his hardest to swallow his lump, feeling Akira’s concerned stare on him and felt his arm around him.

“And... and you didn’t... didn’t get to know anything, d-did you?”

“Not much”

A glum took over Takanori’s face as he was a tiny bit away from crying and he felt the lump choking him.

“And... you weren’t planning on telling me? Just let him dream and imagine something that will never happen”

“Takanori i was going to tell you in the right time”

“It doesn’t matter, does it?” Takanori smirked and wiped his face and sniffed “I didn’t have much hope anyway”

“We did know some information and it will help... so just, don’t sound like it’s the end of the world”

“Yeah... sure” he smirked and suppressed a sob.

“Takanori take care of yourself”

“Okay” he wasn’t sure if he heard him but he took the phone off his ear and covered his face with his other hand as he suppressed his sobs that shook him inside but couldn’t hold back his tears anymore as he felt him pat his back and wait him to talk.

“Baby, what happened?... Takanori?”

He slid his hand a bit down so that his eyes appeared as he looked at him from the corners of his eyes. He wiped his face and tugged his lips in a thin line, shaking his head.

“Nothing” his voice was choking as he tried to hold back his sobs and get himself together. “Nothing will change”

“But what happened?” Akira’s heart was aching to the sight of his hopeless, tearful eyes and all he could do was wait for him to say anything.

“He killed himself... we’re back to where we started... he’s dead” he spoke with disbelief written all over his face as he stared at nothing “He didn’t even spend a year in jail... he didn’t get punished... he ran away... forever”

“Oh my god” is all that left Akira’s mouth in shock as he looked at him not knowing what to do, not having a word to say so he just moved closer and wrapped his arms around him and heard his sobs go out gradually until he broke down.

He cried out his despair and disappointment, he shouted his sorrow and heartbreak on his shoulder, his humiliation and degradation that ate at his heart.

“He didn’t pay for anything” he snivelled and sobbed out in agony.

“He fled with it forever” he cried out and his voice broke, feeling his arms tightening around him, containing him, his sorrow, his pain and agony.

He felt those tight arms that always took his agony away and let it contain all of him as he let out all the disappointment, frustration, anger and hopelessness he had in his heart out on his shoulder.

Chapter Text

Takanori’s weeps lowed and his sobs weakened as Akira pulled him back and held his face with both hands and saw his despair and hurt. He felt tears well in his eyes as he stared at his helplessly. He approached his lips and touched them with his then he took them in, slowly kissing him before Takanori bit his lip and pushed his tongue in as his hands reached to his body and grabbed him firmly.

Takanori pushed himself on him as he kissed him harder and deeper and his hands wandered his neck and back eagerly and reached under his t-shirt before he tried to take it off of him as he pushed his lower body on his so Akira grabbed his hands and pulled away.

“B-baby, don’t rush yourself if you’re not ready... It’s okay look at me” Akira said gently and caressed his skin.

Takanori’s eyes glossed and his lips started trembling as he looked him in the eyes and felt his touch on his body.

“I feel hurt... I feel so terrible... I feel like I’m unworthy and unimportant... that I’m a joke” Takanori said and started crying and saw him frown before hugging him.

“No, baby... please, don’t say that, please” he said in his hair and hugged him tighter, feeling pain clutching at his heart.

“You’re worthy of every good thing and you’re so important to me... I wish I could show you my feelings, I wish I could give you my heart for you to see for yourself... you hurt me so much when you feel this way... I feel your pain and I want to take it away” Akira said, feeling tears well in his eyes and a lump in his throat that he tried his best to swallow.

Takanori pulled away so Akira cupped his cheek and caressed his skin looking him in the eyes. “Baby please, it’s not the end of the world, he’ll be found, all these years of pain and tears won’t fly with the wind, you’ll get to see him pay for it a way or the other but it will happen, he won’t get away with it... just have some hope, baby, please”

Takanori’s hands crawled up his chest, rested there as he slowly moved his head till it reached his shoulder and he rested his forehead on his shoulder and moved a hand up to his shoulder so Akira wrapped him in his arms, pulled him closer and laid down with him, feeling him rest his cheek to his chest and clutch his fingers to his t-shirt and hearing his weeps going out although he tried to suppress them but failed eventually.

He cried himself to sleep on Akira’s chest, tearing through his heart and pushing tears to his eyes with he every sob. Akira too fell asleep eventually with tear-stained face, hugging him tight and resting his head on his hair.

..

Akira woke up to the sound of a voice talking in his head but when he opened his eyes he found no one and nothing. Takanori was sleeping still next to him and sun was up but it was a bit early so he looked at Takanori’s calm, sleepy face and saw his puffy eyes and lips and freshly tear-stained face and knew he cried in the middle of the night while he was asleep so he caressed his cheek and wiped his hair strands off his face before he felt his eyes moving under his eyelids so he pulled his hand away and stared at him for a few minutes till he woke up.

“Good morning” Akira said with a smile, touching his face but Takanori’s emotionless face didn’t change and he didn’t say anything for a minute. His lips then tugged in a faint smile and replied “morning” quietly and emotionlessness made it back to his face.

Akira moved closer and kissed him but he realized that he barely was kissing him back so he pulled away and looked him in the eyes and saw emptiness and lack of interest in them so he awkwardly pulled away and back to his spot.

“Are you okay?” Akira asked with a tone of concern and Takanori nodded, closed eyes with his arm resting on his forehead.

“I’ll be at work today, will you be alright?” He asked and Takanori nodded again without opening his eyes so he sat up and looked at him.

“I’ll go to the bathroom” Akira said and was about to get up before he felt him getting out of bed too.

“Wait, I’ll go first” Takanori said and left the room so he sat back down and looked at him as he walked out of the room and to the bathroom.

Takanori made it out and to the kitchen while Akira headed to the bathroom and then to the kitchen too. Takanori was standing with his back facing the kitchen’s entrance and he didn’t see him coming in so Akira took a few steps towards him and calmly hugged him from behind and was about to kiss his neck before he snapped at him “What are you doing?!” And turned around to face him with a look of annoyance that faded away after seeing his flinch and embarrassment. He turned back to preparing the coffee mug and Akira did the same as he also prepared himself a sandwich.

They both stood in awkward silence, waiting for the coffee. Akira looked at him from the corners of his eyes and saw the deep frown on his face as he stared at the floor and took a few moments to move after the coffee was ready.

Takanori took his mug of coffee and sat down with his back facing him while Akira ate his sandwich and drank his coffee while standing up and in silence.

“Do you want me to stay?” Akira asked quietly and saw him shaking his head so he looked down and stared at the floor for a while.

“Takanori... don’t you wanna talk?”

“Obviously not” Takanori said dryly without turning around to face him that made Akira feel a shrink in his heart and keep his silence until he finished and was ready to leave and in silence he put on his shoes and left under Takanori’s emotionless gaze that broke the moment he stepped outside, looked at him one last time, saying “if you needed anything call me, I’ll have my phone with me” and closed the door.

Takanori’s empty eyes dropped a few tears as he stood there where he did before he leaves and his face still didn’t show any emotions but his eyes kept letting tears down. He moved his feet to the living room after wiping his face and turned the TV on, sat down and decided to just pour out all his attention on whatever that was on but in a few minutes he didn’t realize that his tears didn’t stop and that he’s been crying for nearly an hour so he wiped his face and stared down then felt his eyes tearing again without his face even frowning so he made it to his bed and laid there quietly.

He spent hours silently in his bed just thinking and didn’t realize that he was still in tears until he sat up and saw his wet pillow. He felt guilt sneaking to his heart and mind, remembering this morning and the way Akira looked after every word Takanori said and how he kept trying even though he pushed him away. He realized that he’s been harsh and emotionless for no good reason and made him leave with a broken heart and that pushed more tears to his eyes so he headed to the bathroom, turned on the water to fill the bath and sat there watching it running down.


Akira on the other side didn’t understand anything and knew that it’s okay to not be the first thing he wants or the one he would want at some times but he still felt hurt cause he never talked to him like that or treated him this way or even looked at him the way he did and that made him think if he used to push himself to it whenever he was down but this time he couldn’t and that’s how he actually feels when he’s down, don’t feel like being with someone or talked to or touched not even by him.

Mei and Mori could clearly see that he wasn’t okay but he didn’t talk, he just started working without a word and all he could hear was his thoughts that went further and further with the passing minutes. Lunch break was over and his shift was ending in a couple of hours when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket.

‘I’m sorry’

was the only thing written in the message from Takanori that has just arrived.

He felt a wave of concern shake his body to the core after calling and getting no response but put his phone back to check the food that was almost burned and after an hour he excused himself to the changing room and called Takanori again and with every ring, he felt his heart shrinking harder. His breathing went a bit heavier and he felt his eyes burning and his heart beating strongly after three calls with no response. He called again and again and again and with every call, concern was eating at his heart harder.

“Akira, what are you doing here? The- are you okay?” Mei said, entering the room but was interrupted by the look of worry on his face and the phone in his hand.

“Y-yeah, I’ll be back, j-just a few minutes” he said and looked back at the screen wishing to see the word ‘ringing’ change to minutes count.

“What’s wrong? Is everything alright?” She asked and he looked up again, stared at her for a few moments before nodding hesitantly.

“Akira, what happened? Is Takanori okay?”

“I... I don’t know” he stuttered and put his phone away as he sat down.

“Calm down... when did you last see him?” She asked, patting his shoulder and taking a seat next to him.

“This morning”

“And... how was he?”

“I don’t know... he wasn’t okay, he was terrifyingly emotionless and annoyed and... I don’t know, he texted me an hour ago and isn’t picking up the phone I called a lot and he’s not answering”

“Calm down, maybe he’s showering or asleep”

“No, I need to leave” he said standing up.

“What? But you can’t now, Rina’s day off is today and it’s just you and Mori and Kito’s not coming now, his shift starts in a couple of hours”

“I-I know but I have to leave now, where’s Eiji?”

“He went home a couple of hours ago for an emergency call” she said and watched him curse and facepalm. He took off the apron and took his phone, called again and left her calling behind and ran out of the restaurant, took a taxi and kept calling his whole way there.

 

“Please open for god’s sake” Akira said out of breath after making it to his doorstep, running. He knocked and rang the bell a couple of times but he didn’t open so he swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and knocked again with his fist and rang the bell a lot.

After minutes of knocking and ringing the doorbell the door opened and he saw Takanori standing in front of him with a bathrobe and wet hair. Akira stood there silently and still for a few moments before he took him in a tight hug and panted on his shoulder while Takanori stood there not understanding what was going on but hugged him back and patted his back gently.

“A-Akira, what is it?” He asked but he didn’t say a word and just kept breathing heavily and tears welled in his eyes as he did while Takanori still didn’t know what happened.

“Akira, what happened, are you okay?” He asked again so Akira pulled away, seized his shoulders and looked him in the eyes.

“A-are you okay?”

“Yeah... I’m fine, just calm down what happened?”

“Why didn’t you answer the phone I called for over ten times”

“What? You called?”

“You texted and worried me so I called immediately and an hour later but you still didn’t answer and for the past forty minutes I’ve been calling in a row, did you ignore me?” He stuttered and said his last sentence, looking him sadly in the eyes.

“No, I was in the bath... I snoozed for a while and woke up to the sound of your knocks”

“You were?” Akira asked as he started collecting things, looking at his bathrobe and wet hair then looked down, hiding his face with his palm.

“What could you possibly be sorry for?” He asked, looking up but Takanori moved to close the door so he turned to him.

“Cause I... was rude this morning and... I-“ Takanori said quietly then Akira hugged him tightly again and kissed his wet hair so Takanori hugged him back.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so rude and I’m sorry for worrying you... did you think that I was gonna kill myself?” He asked on his shoulder so Akira pulled away and looked him in the eyes after a tear slid down.

“No, please, I’m really sorry, don’t cry” Takanori said cupping his cheek and wiping his tear.

“Did you think about it?” Akira asked hesitantly, afraid of the answer.

“I... did” he whispered but when he looked up at him in terror he blurted out “I didn’t think of killing myself, I just... wished I could die soon” he said and saw Akira’s face fall.

“You still want to?” He asked in disbelief and sadness.

“I’m not planning or thinking of doing anything, believe me, I just get these thoughts every now and then... when I reach my limit, b-but I don’t wanna die and leave you, d-don’t cry please, I beg you” Takanori said and Akira’s face planted bigger guilt in his heart.

“You scared me to death” Akira said, taking him in his arms once again, breathing deep and tightening his arms around him.

“I’m sorry... I just don’t feel well” Takanori said and felt him pull away.

“I don’t know what to do and how to get you out of it especially if you don’t want me to-“

“I want you to be around, I’m sorry for this morning... I didn’t want to push you away but I did and...”

“I’m sorry but I’ll have to go home, cook and have dinner with grandma, I can pass by tonight... If you want me to”

“Yeah... please” Takanori said quietly and then blushed after realizing his barely knotted bathrobe and Akira’s eyes on him so he adjusted it and looked up shyly at him who faintly smiled before leaving a kiss on his lips.

“I’m sorry, you left work early and-“

“It’s fine... it’s alright, thank god you’re okay” he said, caressing his cheek before turning around to the door. Akira looked at him one last time and saw his smile before he turned around and left.

Takanori made it to his room and put on clothes, dried his hair and sat down on his bed, staring at nothing and remembering the bath nap’s bad dream.

“I should’ve killed you when I had the chance!”

A sharp familiar pain hit his senses and echoed through his whole body and reminded him of the pain that he felt that night in his side but at this moment he felt it in his head and that’s when his eyes snapped open and he shook violently that his head hit the wall.

He shook his head in hopes to shake the pain and memories away and stood up, made it to the kitchen and started eating some leftovers and snacks with an absent mind.

Akira made it exhaustedly home and just told his grandma that he left early not to worry her and started cooking them dinner with a tired mind while on the other side Takanori’s ringing phone in his room pushed him off the couch and to his room and his face fell to the caller ID but he swallowed his concern and answered anyway.

“Hey, Takanori”

“Hey”

“How are you doing? Feeling any better?” Katsuji asked and Takanori sighed deeply, taking a seat on his bed.

“Not really... but yeah, I’m fine”

“At least you’re not thinking the same right?”

“I’m not thinking at all... trying”

“That’s better, I Just wanted to make sure that you’re fine”

“Thanks”

“You’re still at home? Or are you back to work?”

“No, not yet” he said and heard someone talking near him.

“Alright then good, I’m sorry I have to go now, take care”

“W-wait... isn’t there anything that you knew? Anything?”

“We knew a few things that are helping us find answers now but we didn’t reach something clear yet”

“What did you know? What did he say?”

“Takanori don’t fill your head with this, don’t think of it... you’ll burden yourself for no good reason, just take care of yourself and I promise you to tell whatever I know”

“Okay..”

“See you later”

Takanori remained silent and still on bed. Absent mind and aching heart, confused thoughts and angry disappointment. In a few minutes, again he felt tears falling down without him even noticing but this time his head was filled with memories and he felt too tired and exhausted to push it away or resist so he just let them in, let them all into his heart and mind to cruelly eat him alive and cut again his barely mended wounds.

He gave in and laid down with pain pouring out of his eyes along with his tears. His eyes widened to the sight of memories he thought he forgot. They came back in violently just as an angry ocean that flooded him mercilessly with all his unpleasant memories. His breaths became gradually heavy as he stared at the ceiling and his hands felt heavy and convulsed while his head uncontrollably started imagining the place he spent the worst twenty days of his life in.

It wasn’t dark and sun wasn’t completely down yet but he saw darkness creeping all around him again, he couldn’t see well and he smelt the same smell of that tight corner he hid in, smells of rotten food, dead insects, dust and gasoline. He remembered the scents so incredibly realistically that he gagged. His eyes were still wide open but he didn’t see a thing, the darkness in his mind sneaked to his eyes and blinded him. He then understood the effort he did for all of that time not giving in and resisting, he understood how strong he’s been and how hard he was trying but it was too late now to turn back or to lock the door where all of these unwanted things creeped out from.

And again, he started seeing and hearing things to the point where he could even feel touches.

The scents, darkness, sounds and pain tied him down that he started shivering and couldn’t talk. His eyes could physically see his room but his mind refused to let anything else in.

He started quietly weeping with his eyes still widening at the ceiling and his lungs still trying to draw in a straight breath. His quiet weeps turned to groans and he ended up in a crying fit where his whole body shook and shivered from his violent sobs and he begged inside for anything to pull him out of this visual hell he let his mind drag him back into.

His body started resisting as if it was tied down and he couldn’t move his limbs and started screaming and his hand reached to the blanket and squeezed it on both sides before he stopped for an instant and felt the fabric under his touch and his mind started collecting reality slowly as he felt light sneaking back to his vision again so he looked down and saw the blanket in his hand and saw the warm ray of the sunset that lit up his room so he laid there, panting with tears flooding silently out of his eyes and a tear stained face.

A nightmare. It was just like a nightmare. But it’s been ages since he last had one of them while he’s awake and truth is that he never wished to try or remember that feeling ever again.

He sat up, looked at his phone and then stared at nothing for a while until he felt his phone vibrating in his hand for a reminder to a movie he waited for on the TV so he got up with shaking legs and barely made it out of his room and to the living room without grabbing things for support not to fall from his weak knees and heavy head.

He threw his body on the couch and turned the TV on, praying that it will take his mind away and cheer him up even for a bit or for until Akira makes it back and sleep in his arms.

Akira took a shower and made it out and to Takanori’s place, feeling a bit better after eating and showering. He rang the bell and in a moment the door opened and Takanori stood there with dead tired eyes with black circles around them and a pale face, messy hair and a faint smile.

He stepped inside and looked at him worriedly, tracing his cheek with his thumb and looking him in the eyes.

“Baby, are you alright?”

“Yeah” Takanori said and smiled so Akira put his hand on the back of his neck, caressed his hair and then pulled him to kiss his forehead so Takanori’s smiled widened and he hugged him.

“Have you been crying?” Akira asked worriedly on his shoulder.

“Yeah” he replied quietly with a faint smile that Akira could hear in his voice.

“Honey, what happened?”

“Bad things” Takanori said and felt him pull away but he held him still.

“I want you to tell me that things are gonna be okay, I want you to stay... I want you” Takanori said quietly, closing his eyes and feeling the warmth of his body.

“Taka, what happened?” He asked with concern filling his voice.

“Just my mind... my mind’s been fucking me up. I gave in and it dragged me back there again too quickly that I couldn’t stop or run back... I came back by a coincidence, I might’ve been stuck there until now”

“Where, baby?”

“Somewhere bad” he said lazily and tightened his arms a bit.

“I wish you stayed this morning” Takanori said and his voice broke then he hugged him tighter and squeezed him the tightest his weak arms could allow him to before he loosened his arms around him a bit and sigh deeply then stood like this for a while.

They headed to the living room and sat down for a minute before Takanori laid his head on Akira’s lab and rested the palm of his hand on his knee then felt his fingers in his hair.

Akira caressed his hair for until he turned his face up to face him so he leaned down and kissed his forehead with a smile before their mouths connected.

After a few minutes, their kisses loudened so Akira pulled away and kissed his cheek. He helped him up and to his room, laid him down and covered him then sat there next to him for a few moments and when he was about to lay down next to him Takanori got up and started kissing him so he hugged him and kissed him back passionately, wrapping his arms around him and finding safety and comfort in his arms and in his touch.

Chapter Text

 

Takanori's soft kisses turned to hungry and needy ones. He grabbed Akira's body firmly and pulled him closer, tightening his grip on his body and digging his fingers in the back of his neck.

Akira pulled away to catch a breath and looked him in the eyes and saw unfamiliarity, need and despair. He furrowed his eyebrows a little and touched his face.

“Baby... are you alright?” He asked him and watched him shake his head with pouty trembling lips and glossy eyes.

Takanori didn't give him much of a space to talk anymore and attacked his mouth once again, biting his tongue and squeezing his arms, moving gradually to his neck. Akira didn't pull away again but he felt that he wasn't okay and that these bad things he talked about didn't just happen and leave peacefully but at the same time he was worried that he might've thought of this to be his only escape while deep inside he still feared it.

“Baby hey... wait, look at me” Akira said, pulling him away and holding his face with both hands, watching his tearful eyes look at him blankly.

“Honey, give yourself a chance...think about it, you don't have to okay? Just-”

“Love me!” Takanori yelled at him and his tears slid down his wide, needy and desperate eyes before his lips trembled and his tears went down faster as he looked him in the eyes.

“Take me... take this nothingness away” he snivelled and tried to keep looking him in the eyes but failed as his tears blurred his vision so he kept looking down then back up at him.

Akira saw, felt and heard his need and it tore through his heart, he hated to see him this desperate and see this pain and self hate in his eyes, if he was the one to help take this away, if he needed him, if he could love him enough, if he could take his emptiness away he didn’t want to hesitate and didn’t want to wait.

Akira looked at him and touched his hand, not expecting any of it and at the same time not believing it.

He wiped away Takanor's tears and kissed his eyes and moved to his lips, kissing him slowly, passionately and let out all his feelings in it.

He felt Takanori’s tears on his cheek while they kissed so he held him closer and kissed his pain away, tangling his fingers in his hair and pushing him closer.

Akira touched his back under his t-shirt and slowly moved his hands around to his hips and sides feeing him flinch with every touch so he gently laid him on his back, laid in between his legs, continued kissing him and felt his legs wrap around his hips and pull him closer to him along with his hands that pulled off his t-shirt so he pulled away, took it off and bent back down on him, feeling his hands on his back hungrily squeezing his flesh so he pulled him up with him so that they were sitting now and his hands made their ways to Takanori’s back and pushed his t-shirt up before he pulled away and pulled it down with both hands.

“What is it, babe?” Akira asked him confusedly and watched as he squeezed the cloth of his t-shirt and kept pulling it down on his body, looking at him with his tearful eyes.

“It’s okay” Akira said, reading his eyes so he moved his face closer and placed his hands on top of his, trying to take them away but he clenched them on the cloth and his eyes begged him not to.

“You’re beautiful, baby... they’re not ugly, I wanna see them” Akira said near his ear before kissing his cheek as his hands remained on his. Takanori shook his head and felt tears on his cheeks again.

“Let me love you” Akira whispered on his lips before kissing him and feeling his grip lighten on his t-shirt so he squeezed them gently and pulled them away, placing them on his sides instead as his hands made it to his t-shirt and pulled it up and over his head to see his wide and terrified eyes stare at him and his hands try to cover his stomach before he held them both and caressed the back of each one of them with a smile then kissed his forehead.

“It’s okay... it’s okay, I swear you’re beautiful” Akira whispered as only a couple of inches separated their faces and watched his tears continue their way down.

“Don’t say this... don’t say it, you don’t mean it” Takanori snivelled and shook his head, pushing him away and grabbing the blanket before he took it out of his reach and held his hands.

“I mean it, stop it, stop hiding yourself, what are you trying to hide?” He spoke gently, as he held Takanori's chin up to face him.

“You’re gorgeous... I love you” Akira said and Takanori sobbed a few times and started crying out loud so he kissed his cheeks, laid him down and kissed his neck, down to his collarbones and to his chest, kissing every inch of his skin and caressing the rest with his hands, his eyes frowned as they fell on the big burn on his stomach and his heart ached remembering every time he held his stomach right at that spot and how his hands always made it there whenever he freaks out. He felt tears well to his eyes as he leaned in and kissed it, leaving wet traces all over it before moving to his freshly scarred side, hearing his continuous sobs and feeling his body flinching under his touch.

Akira kissed his every little scar and every small burn, he made it up to his neck again and sucked on his skin before making it back to his mouth and silencing his sobs with his mending kisses. He felt Takanori’s arms hug him so he broke the kiss, looked him in the eyes but was pulled in again but in a tight hug, hearing his agonized weeps on his shoulder.

“Don’t... d-don’t leave... don’t leave me” he cried and tightened his arms around him as he wept louder.

“I won’t, baby, I won’t leave... I can’t make it without you... I’m here darling, I’m not leaving” Akira spoke gently in his ear and caressed his hair and cheek.

“Do you want me?” Takanori whispered on his shoulder and heard him whisper in his ear hoarsely “I want you so bad”

“You still want me? With all of those?”

“I still want you with your everything”

“You’ll get disgusted”

“Never”

“There are a lot more”

“I don’t care”

“They’re everywhere”

“I couldn’t care less” Akira said and pulled away, sat on him and stared at his chest and torso, touched his skin and smiled at him tracing his lips with his thumb.

“You’re hot” he smirked at Takanori and kept caressing his skin as he stared at him with his trembling lips.

“Don’t give me that look... you have no idea what you’re making me feel” Akira almost chuckled with a smirk as he adjusted his body on him.

“I don’t wanna sound ridiculous but I love your crying face... that one you have now” he pointed at his pout causing him to smile and kissed his pouty smile before loudening his kisses and deepening them as his hand touched his nipple and caressed it between his index finger and thumb and heard him moan in his mouth.

“May I show you what your body does to me?” Akira whispered in his ear causing him to twitch in need and feel the shiver down his spine. He moaned in response and Akira didn’t ask for more.

Akira started devouring his neck and moving his body on top of his, hearing his moans and feeling his hands on him that drove him again to his chest and to his nipples. He kissed each one of them before sucking on one and caressing the other with his fingers hearing his loud sighs, he licked it repeatedly before moving to the other, doing the same. Takanori felt himself hardening more with every touch and with every kiss and before he could stop himself he found his hands roaming Akira’s lower back and slipping under his shorts’ waistband and reaching his butt, squeezing him before he felt his hands on his pants, pulling it down and felt his heart drop and felt the urge to push him away but he bit his lip instead and opened his eyes to see him.

‘It’s Akira... he’s Akira, he won’t hurt you... get your shit together, you want him.’

Takanori’s inner voice repeated as he kept his eyes open and looked at him to help convince himself but his body didn’t obey his inner voice and pushed him away hard with a frown before his face blanked for a moment after seeing his confused face until he realized what he just did.

“I’m sorry... I-I am, I didn’t want to push you, I’m sorry” he blurted as he saw his confused frown.

“It’s okay, it’s okay... want me to stop?” Akira said as his face softened.

“No, no... don’t” Takanori rushed out then looked down in shame “Hold me down or something I'm acting stupidly”

“What? No, baby, it’s okay you’re not acting stupidly” he smiled and approached him and held him gently down then moved his face closer until their lips touched but didn’t kiss.

“Baby, don’t push yourself if you don’t completely feel like doing it... don’t challenge yourself, I don’t want it to go this way” Akira spoke and Takanori felt his breaths brushing on his lips.

“I’m... I’m not, I want to... I want you but my body is acting strangely, It’s... supposed to be my first time but...I’m sorry... just... just go on, I wanna do it tonight” Takanoi said looking him in the eyes and swallowing down his nervousness and worry, seeing the unconditional love in his eyes.

“It is your first time... it’s never been sex before, you’re still virgin to me” Akira whispered seriously as he looked him in the eyes and saw tears well in them again.

“You’re my first time as well” Akira said so Takanori blinked and asked with a faint smile “is it?” So Akira nodded, smiled at him and left a short kiss on his lips, resting his forehead on his “I've never done it with a man before”

Takanori smiled lightly before he felt his lips on his cheek that moved to his lips again. Akira pushed his tongue in to move along with his, moving his fingers on his hair roots so Takanori kissed him back and wrapped his arms around him.

Akira moved his hands back to his hips as he felt him bite his lower lip and wrap his arms around his neck. The sound of their kisses raised along with their excitement as their erections touched while they moved their bodies together and their sighs and moans became heard around the room.

Akira’s hands pulled Takanori’s pants down slowly and as his hands touched his bare thighs he felt his heartbeat go heavier and faster with every inch he touched as he pulled it down until it almost reached his knees so he pulled away, took it off and bent down to spread his kisses and licks all over Takanori’s chest and stomach while his hands roamed his thighs and gently squeezed them as his mouth left marks on his pale skin before he pulls back, looks at him to see the desire written all over his face and in his half-closed eyes.

Akira eyed his body with his dark eyes full of desire and need before getting off him to take his pants off and sit back on him again to feel his erection harder and closer under his.

“Fuck” Akira cursed under his breath before Takanori sat up with him on his lap, wrapped his arms around his neck and attacked his mouth, as Akira felt his arms hungrily wander his body and leave light scratches.

Takanori started tugging at Akira’s hair roots, tilting his head and deepening the kiss even more until he heard Akira’s moan then his mouth moved to his neck biting and sucking every spot his mouth touched, hearing him breathe loudly and whisper his name, turning him on even more and making it so hard not to touch him.

Akira threw his head to the back, feeling Takanori’s tongue on his skin and his hands in his hair before they crawled down his back and to his boxers tugging at its waistband with his thumbs so Akira pushed him with his weight down to lay again on his back as he licked his way down to his belly before he moved lower and lower with every moan Takanori moaned until his mouth touched his groin above his boxers and heard him slightly gasp.

Akira looked up at him, licking his lips and kissing his hardness before he moved in a blink of an eye to his mouth, kissed him then whispered with his deepest and sexiest voice.

“You want me to make you feel good?” Akira kissed him shortly a few times only getting his loud breaths and his wanting eyes as an answer so he made it back to his stomach and down to his growing erection and spread a few kisses on him before his hands held his hips and his fingers dragged his boxers down slowly revealing his hard excitement. He looked up at Takanori and saw his blushed face, half-closed eyes and his hard lip bite and couldn’t stop his teeth from biting his own lip hard as well, feeling a painful twitch to the sight of him naked for the very first time.

“Holy fuck” Akira whispered as he eyed his body while his hands wandered up and down his skin only receiving a confused look from him.

“What? What’s that look?” Akira asked and seized his shoulders and pulled him up to sit.

“Fuck you’re driving me crazy” Akira said, moving on him and pulling him closer with his hands that caressed his skin and watched his eyes squeeze shut and his lips tug in a thin line. Akira then moved off his lap and pulled his hips on his body, leaned down and kissed his tip then heard him moan his name loudly that he took him in immediately and heard his gasp that was followed by his long moan as he moved his mouth on him and felt his hands on his back and hair, hearing his light moans as he wrapped his tongue around him and rubbed him with his hand.

He then pulled away and laid Takanori down, kissed his chest and down to his groin again before spreading his thighs and holding them both with his hands. He then started kissing his inner thigh and felt a sting in his heart to the number of burns and scars on his soft and squishy thighs and near his groin.

He swallowed his lump and kissed his every scar and sucked on the thin, soft skin of his inner thigh, licking his way up and down then pulled away and touched his cock, wrapping his hands around him and stroking him lightly before his fingers slowly moved up and down, squeezing and rubbing him with his palm then he kissed his tip again and licked his length before taking him in, moving his head back and forth, licking him in and out with his hand still wrapped around him. Akira rubbed him a few more times before taking more of him into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks and sucking him in and out with his eyes on him watching his face that drove his hand to touch himself.

He pulled away and licked his way up to his mouth, took in his stuck-out tongue and sucked on it before pushing his tongue in. He felt Takanori’s hands on his butt before they slid down his boxers and heard him moan in his mouth as their hard cocks touched so Akira started moving on him, rubbing their cocks together before he pulled away, sat upon him and watched his chest rise and fall heavily from his heavy breathing just as his.

Takanori’s eyes were so lost in him and needy, half-closed and mesmerizing. Akira couldn’t look away, he stared at his reddened, swollen lips, blushed cheeks and watched the desire in his eyes that dragged him deeper under his control.

Akira wrapped his fingers around him and started rubbing him again, looking him in the eyes and breathing heavily as his hand touched his own erection as well in the process.

Takanori opened his legs wider, feeling his hands on his balls before he touched Akira and felt a shiver of excitement to the feeling of his length in his hand for the first time as he looked him in the eyes and saw his darkening orbs that ate him with looks.

Akira bent down after spreading Takanor's legs wider and placed them above his shoulders, looking him in the eyes as he bent down more and more to make sure he wasn’t in pain from the sudden stretch to his muscles. He started kissing Takanori when he saw his relaxed face, still feeling his hand rubbing him between their stomachs and as they kissed, his hand made it to Takanori’s palm on his cock and squeezed it around him before pulling it away and placing it on his shoulder then moved his cock to touch Takanori’s balls then rubbed it against his entrance and felt the vibration of his moans on his tongue.

“We’re gonna need something, do you have any?” Akira spoke on his lips, still moving his erection around his entrance.

Takanori’s closed eyes opened slowly then he took in a deep breath before nodding and moving his legs off his shoulder to get up so Akira got off him and watched him get out of bed and move slowly to his dresser before getting back with an unopened bottle of lube and handed it to him.

Takanori sat down and stared at Akira through his heavy lashes and watched him cut off the plastic wrap and smile at the strawberry scented gel. He opened it and passed Takanori a short look to see his lazy smile that faded away to the sight of Akira slicking himself that drove his hand down to touch himself before Akira kneeled between his spread legs, left a kiss on his tip before moving his slicked fingers around his entrance and watch him throw his head to the back with an eye roll.

He moved his head closer to Takanori’s to watch him as he pushed in his finger and moved in and out slowly before adding another finger and hear him moan out his name and widen himself to give him space for an addition.

He captured his open lips with his and sucked on them as he fingered him to stretch him before he pulled his fingers out and directed his cock at his hole and rubbed his tip against him to hear another long moan.

Akira then started pushing himself in to hear his gasp and feel his fingernails dig in his back feeling him tightening himself around his tip coaxing a moan out of him before he pushed in deeper and remained still for a few moments, looking him in the eyes as he slowly pushed in deeper until all of him was inside.

Akira leaned in, rested the weight of his body on his elbows as he started thrusting in and out, gradually raising his pace and felt his arms tighten around him with every thrust.

“Baby... you feel so heavenly good” Akira said, out of breath as he kept thrusting in him, watching his pleased face and hearing his soft moans.

He hid his face in Takanori’s neck and let his body fall on him as he started kissing his neck and raised his pace.

“Aki... A-Aki, I love you ahh... mhmm”

“I love you too... I love you so much, you're my everything” Akira whispered repeatedly as he made love to him, feeling so safe in his tight arms.

“Uhmm” Takanori moaned as he started moving against him to meet his thrusts.

As they whispered in each other’s ears and moaned each other’s names Takanori’s moans loudened and turned to yells and Akira couldn’t tell anymore if they were moans of pleasure.

Takanori’s moans sounded like pleads of pain and as they loudened Akira tried to pull away but he held him against his body and sobbed.

“Speak to me... don’t stop, let me hear your voice... Akira, talk to me, let me hear your voice, don’t stop... please” he snivelled and sobbed on his shoulder, holding him tight and thrusting against him, trying to push away the image in his head and see him instead.

“Taka? Baby, what is it? Takanori, what is it?” Akira stopped moving and asked with concern eating at his heart but Takanori was down too deep in a black hole of unpleasant memories to respond to him.

“Baby what happened?” Akira pulled away and looked him in the eyes and saw tears fill them again as he kept moving himself against him although he stopped.

“Don’t...no, don’t stop” he begged him in tears and pushed himself on him as Akira sat there watching in disbelief.

“Please don’t... don’t leave me, don’t stop... I felt your love, don’t let him ruin it, don’t let it ruin my happiness, please don’t stop” Takanori begged and sobs interrupted him and he couldn’t move his body on him anymore.

“I’m sorry... I’m sorry I ruined it” he cried on Akira’s shoulder as he felt him pull out of him and wrap his arms around him instead.

“Baby, It doesn’t have to-“

“I loved it, I felt your love I didn’t see him in you it’s just... I... my head can’t seem to let me be happy for once... it’s destroying my happiness... I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” Takanori snivelled in his hair and felt him pull him away and hold his face.

“It’s okay, my love... it’s okay, it’s just me alright? And you didn’t ruin it, okay? Just stop crying” Akira kissed his tears away and laid him down, caressed his thighs and held them against his sides before holding one upon his shoulder and with his other hand, placed his tip on his entrance once again before pushing himself in slowly then leaned closer to his face.

“Open your eyes... look at me, it’s just me, honey, it’s just me” he said as he started thrusting slowly so Takanori opened his eyes and smiled through his tears and wrapped his arms around his shoulder.

“I know baby... you’re so...gentle and loving... so soft and caring... you’re nothing like anyone else, I wasn’t confused with you... you’re loving me... a-and I never felt this love before... I’m sorry baby, I know it’s you”

“Shhh... don’t apologize” Akira shushed him with a kiss and smiled at him as he moved gently in him before raising his pace and looking him in the eyes.

He heard his long moans loudening as Takanori kept looking at his cock moving in and out of him so he reached to Akira’s ass and squeezed his cheeks as he started clapping against him coaxing a lot of moans out and making him yell his name out.

“Aah Aki ah-oh my god... fuck”

“Baby look at me” Akira held his face and looked him in the eyes as he watched him turn into a moaning mess underneath him.

“You’re so good... you’re such a good boy” Akira said out of breath biting his lip and thrusting faster in him, suppressing his own moans as he felt his hands on his chest and felt him tightening himself around him.

“Ah fuck!” Akira yelled to the sudden tightness and tried to suppress his rough and raspy moans.

Takanori started biting his lip hard, squeezing the sheets and kissing him to suppress his moans so Akira pushed in a strong thrust but Takanori clenched his jaw and fists, biting his lips instead of moaning so Akira leaned down, still moving in and out and kissed his ear before whispering with his heavy breaths and raspy voice “Baby... let me hear you, I love the way you sound, d-don't suppress it” and licking his earlobe but all Takanori could hear at that moment was an old phrase he failed to forget.

“A good boy never screams, shut the fuck up!”

“Baby, let it out” Akira moaned, looking him in the eyes and kissing him, hearing Takanori's soft, little moans barely going out.

“It's okay baby ah... i-if you wanna scream... uh- go ahead, I wanna hear you” Akira said, moaning again and looking him in the eyes as he thrusts in him deeply.

“I love you so much!” Akira groaned loudly and as he said so Takanori let out a long, loud and soft moan that was followed by many more as he let himself feel him inside and feel his love.

In a matter of a couple of minutes, Akira leaned down on him, hugged him and felt his arms tightly hug him back as they both moaned their pleasure out, feeling themselves getting closer to the edge.

Takanori started moaning his name hoarsely and repeatedly with his hands digging in his skin, hearing his groans that pushed him to his limit.

The sound of Takanori's moans drove Akira's hand down that wrapped around Takanori’s cock and stroked him between their stomachs before he started rubbing him, matching the speed of his thrusts in him.

“Aki...Aki, I’m so close... hnghh I can’t” Takanori moaned loudly, moving his head to both sides on the pillow, biting his lip hard.

“Me too baby... I’m almost-ah!” Akira said with his raspy voice before he felt Takanori tightening around him.

Akira started kissing his neck and started biting and sucking his hot skin, feeling him hugging him tighter against his chest as Takanori felt his palm on him, driving what’s left of him insane. “Come inside... ah! Fill meh” Takanori groaned, gritting his teeth and throwing his head to the back, rolling his eyes.

Akira's thrusts went on fast and strong that Takanori screamed his name and let out a strong raspy moan as he came undone beneath him, moaning his strong orgasm out, arching his back to the feeling of his teeth, biting his shoulder hard and to the feeling of him filling him up at the same time while his thrusts slowed and stopped after his last bit.

 

 

Quiet. It was so quiet, just the sound of their panting. Akira’s body fell on him, trying to catch a breath after his heavenly orgasm. After a couple of minutes, he pushed himself up on his elbows, pulled himself out and looked at Takanori. Sweat covering him and the heat of their bodies flushed his face.

Takanori looked at him through his heavy, wet lashes and a faint smile made its way to his swollen lips before he closed his eyes.

Akira leaned down and kissed him shortly and his hand made it to his face, wiping away his sweaty hair and caressing his blushed cheek “I’ve never felt so good before” Akira smiled at him and watched him smile back, melting what’s left of his heart.

“And I’ve never felt loved like that before” Takanori said with a warm smile and loving eyes. “do you really love me this much?” he asked with a little smile and sad eyes then watched him get off him and sit beside him.

“I love you much more than what I can ever show” he traced his bottom lip and smiled at him and watched his smile grow but saw tears well again in his eyes. “I’m sorry... I’m sorry that I let it creep in my head while I'm with you... that was disrespec-“

“No, no, no, don’t... don’t do that, don’t apologize. It’s not disrespect, it’s not like you remembered your ex while I'm with you... you had nothing to do about it” he smirked sarcastically before his face fell “I’m just... I’m just a bit sad that even now, I couldn’t stop it from happening, I couldn’t make you forget, I... I couldn’t love you enough”

“Is that what... it made you feel like?” Takanori said and felt his words squeeze his heart.

“No... no, no, baby, you loved me just enough, you flooded me with your love I felt it with every touch and with every word you said, it’s not your fault, please no... don’t feel this way it’s not your fault that my head is fucking me up and ruining my happiness... it’s not your fault” Takanori snivelled, cupping his cheeks after he sat up to face him.

“But it’s not yours too... I should’ve made you happy” Akira said with a sad smile.

“You made me the happiest I ever felt tonight... I never felt so happy, I never felt so wanted or loved, I never felt so worthy... I can love my body again now that I have traces of you all over it” Takanori caressed his cheek before kissing him shortly.

“Thank you for existing in my life, Akira, and for loving me... thank you for tonight” Takanori whispered as he rested his forehead to his and closed his eyes.

“I love you.”

Chapter Text

‘I can’t get a hold of all of what happened today... I’m overwhelmed.

Did we just make love? Did I really make love to Takanori? And he was happy? Did he feel my love?

Did I make him happy? Did I love him enough? Did I take his emptiness away? Does he really love his body now? Because I do... so much.

He fell asleep on my chest... so peacefully touching me and letting me touch his bare skin, he trusted me with his body, he let me take him tonight... he loved me too.

His touches were so gentle yet so full of desire and need. His kisses were so loving yet so hungry... I’ve never seen that side of him until tonight, and I loved him even more.

I’ve never heard something as beautiful as his voice moaning my name, never loved my nickname this much before... never heard a voice as beautiful as his soft moans.
I kept my eyes on his smaller figure, resting on mine, watching his beauty and feeling his soft breaths on my skin.

I took a moment of honesty with myself, watching his scars in his sleep, I didn’t shudder, I didn’t feel nauseous I didn’t look away, I didn’t feel like covering them or looking away, I found my hand touching them one after the other, caressing them and letting them make me feel the pain... how many screams did he let out while they were being made? How many tears did he shed trying to sleep with their pain? How many nights did it take to stop hurting? How much did it hurt? Each one of them... tens of them. He’s growing more and more in my eyes and I respect him more with every passing day. He’s a strong man and I feel blessed to have him.

He may have seemed weaker to me once... back then when I knew nothing about him. I didn’t think he should man up and stop complaining when I first saw his tears but I thought he was easily hurt, didn’t know he had too much inside, didn’t know he took too much that he couldn’t anymore... didn’t know he’s been strong for so long that he broke down and couldn’t take anymore.

He needs to cry, he needs to complain, to get angry and refuse reality, to rebel and stop taking medicines. He has the right to do it all and I'll be there.

“I’ll be the shoulder you cry on, my love. I’ll always be there so have no worries. I’ll love you with my all and I’ll stay with you. I love you”

He was too deep in sleep to hear me but I don’t care. I’m ready to tell him that every day, all the time and make him feel it not just hear it.

I caressed his face and back one last time before i felt my eyes closing and couldn’t keep them open any longer.

I’d love to close my eyes to his presence every night and I'd never get bored.’

 

Takanori opened his eyes with a deep sigh, looked around for a bit until he recognized his settings then his eye fell on Akira’s peaceful sleeping face so he smiled genuinely and stared at him for a while then he moved his body a bit on him and felt their skins and members touching so he blushed and rested his forehead on his chest, hiding his face away even though he was still asleep and didn’t even open his eyes yet.

“Morning, babe” Takanori heard his deep voice say above his head so his heart fluttered as he looked up at him.

“Hey” he couldn’t help his idiotic happy grin as he looked at his sleepy face that formed an immediate smile right after seeing his.

Akira moved his head closer to his face and kissed his forehead, breathing in his hair and holding him closer with the arm that’s surrounding his shoulder “did you sleep well?”

“So well” Takanori smiled at him and kissed his collarbone before resting his cheek back on his chest.

“Me too”

“Good... a fairy needs to rest well in order to spread magic and power” Takanori said, adjusting his head on him, hearing his giggle and feeling his calf touching the back of his thigh.

“What are you doing?”

“I don’t know... fairy stretches”

They both laughed before Takanori raised his upper body above his and smiled adorably at him so Akira giggle and placed his hands on his hips.

“May I wake up to this every morning?” Akira giggled again, watching his smile change to a questioning look.

“What exactly?”

“You” Takanori smiled at him, feeling his large hand caressing his skin.

“But you gotta go back home, you can’t leave her alone... I can’t be everyday”

“You still can be every day if you come with me”

“Hmmm... I prefer keeping it here”

“Yeah... yeah sure” Akira said and smiled at him with a bit of disappointment.

“Thank you” Takanori whispered with a smile so he smiled back at him before his smile turned to a smirk as he eyed his body.

“Don’t you wanna have another round?”

“Shut up” Takanori giggle and looked away, slapping his head lightly.

“What? No, you brought your shy self back? Excuse me, where’s that beast I saw last night?”

“He’s asleep don’t wake him up” Takanori chuckled and pushed his hands off his hips before Akira got up and faced him, holding him down on his lap.

“I wanna make sure he’s okay” he smile and bit Takanori’s lower lip.

“Oh my god, he is” Takanori said, breaking the kiss.

“Akira, let go, I didn’t even clean myself yet” Takanori laughed moving away as he started kissing his neck.

“I’ll clean you”

“Oh god, Akira-“

“Akira? Oh no, c’mon bring him back! I don’t like my name this way” he said pulling away and looking at him with a frown.

“Shut up, you pervert fairy” Takanori said, chuckling and pushing his face away.

“Didn’t you just say fairies need to rest to do their work? They need other things too”

“Never heard of it”

“Lemme tell you”

“Oh my god why are you always horny in the morning?!” Takanori’s laugh rang out as he tried to push him away but didn’t have much strength to.

“I wake up to you on top of me what do you expect me to do” Akira furrowed his brows and touched his chest “I don’t jerk off when I wake up alone at home or something... it’s your fault”

“It’s not... you’re an idiot” Takanori pushed him away and got out of bed before he went back to him, held his face and touched his lips in a blink of an eye and whispered on them “you were so fucking good” and felt a slap on his butt before hurrying out of the room leaving a dirty smirk on Akira’s face.

 

“What! No, no, get out, get out!”

“Oh my god, you need to see yourself” Akira laughed to his expression as he closed the bathroom door behind.

“Ah, no, g-get out”

“Why are you blushing, idiot?” Akira said as he stepped in with him and saw him glare at him in disbelief.

“What? What are you shy about? I’m just gonna bath as well, maybe help get you cleaned”

“Fuck, you won’t help cleaning me, you’ll only make it worse” Takanori said, furrowing his eyebrows with a smile.

“Hey, don’t assume bad things, strawberry ass” Akira chuckled, cupping his cheek and squeezing his butt then turned the water on above their heads and heard his gasp “are they even that bad?”

“See?! Get out”

“Shhh let’s get clean before I go to work okay?” Akira spoke on his lips before leaving a kiss.

“Shit, my back is sore” Takanori whined, trying to reach his hand to his back.

“Lemma help”

“Ah no no, just do your thing” Takanori moved away as the other giggled and continued rubbing the soap bar on his skin.

“Wait, I'll just help” Akira said when he saw his face as he struggled to turn his shoulder a bit to the back so he held his hand while his reached to his ass and watched him blush again.

“It’s just a shower, okay? Just let’s get this done, you’re torturing yourself” Akira mocked in irony as he passed the soap bar on his back and on his ass before passing his hand in the middle repeatedly, watching him bite his lip and look away with a smirk.

He touched his entrance a couple of times in the process and noticed his flinches and couldn’t help but giggle.

“Are you sure you don’t want another round?”

“You have work in an hour, leave my bath” he faked annoyance as he rubbed his stomach to wash his own dried sperm off.

 

..

 

“What is it, babe?” Akira whispered on Takanori’s neck after he walked into the kitchen and saw him staring into nothing with a frown.

 

He turned around with a smile and kissed his lips “nothing”

“Sure?” Akira tilted his head at him and watched him nod so he joined him to make breakfast but saw the frown clutch at his face again from the corners of his eyes so he stopped moving, turned to him and stood there waiting for him to look or talk.

Takanori slightly turned to reach a spatula so his eyes fell on him and he smiled “why are you staring like this?”

“I’m gonna leave in a while... you’ll stay alone, maybe if you didn’t talk about it, it will just clutch at your mind and eat at it” Akira said with a serious face, looking him in the eyes so Takanori looked at him and his smile faded as he looked down.

“You don’t have to talk about it of course but... don’t think that hiding will keep my morning happy okay?”

Takanori looked up at him then looked away, lowering his head a bit before he felt his hand on his shoulder. Takanori turned around, rested his lower back to the counter and stared at the floor.

“It’s... nothing. I just... remembered” he said quietly, still staring down.

“I shouldn’t be angry... but I cannot help it” he blinked repeatedly and looked to the other side before he stared back at the floor.

“The guy’s dead what’s worse than that?! Why am I frustrated?” His voice rose as a tear slid down his cheekbone.

“I feel evil... that death isn’t enough for me” he raised his gaze shamefully and looked at him for a second before looking back down.

“I wanted him to suffer... physically just as much as mentally... J don’t care what he did to him I don’t give a fuck about it I... I wanted him to suffer” he said and clenched his jaw as his face darkened and his eyes flooded with hate before it blanked and he stared blankly at nothing then at him again.

“Why do I sound so evil..?” Takanori whispered as his vision blurred completely before tears made their way out so Akira wrapped his arms around him and pulled him so close, resting his head on his hair.

“You’re not evil you’re just angry... you were just wishing for some justice, I’m sorry, Taka... I’m sorry, baby” he rubbed his back as he held him while he let his tears of anger fall silently, trying to swallow his frustration.

“I’m sorry” Takanori pulled away and left a kiss on his mouth with a smile “I fucking ruined my happiest morning” he giggled and turned back to the counter as he felt Akira’s hand on his lower back.

“You didn’t” Akira kissed his neck and smiled to his description of their first morning after sex.

“You want me to fix it?” Akira said on his neck and licked him causing him to flinch away and laugh, hiding his neck.

“C’mere” Akira grabbed his waist and pulled him against his body, pushing their lips together and feeling his hands on his ass.

“You do like my butt, don’t you?” he chuckled on Takanori’s lips and watched him grin.

“A lot” Takanori said on his lips with a smile.

“You can have it” Akira smirked as he lifted him up, holding him against his body and squeezing his ass, feeling his legs wrap around his torso and his arms around his neck as their kiss went on.

“Too bad you’re leaving soon” Takanori said, breaking the kiss.

“Well, I can stay if you want” Akira whispered on his mouth and bit his lip.

“You’re a bad fairy” Takanori unwrapped his arms from around his neck and jumped down, pouring them coffee with a smile.

..

“See you tonight” Akira kissed him before bending down to put his shoes on.

“Aren’t you going home?” “It’s been a while” Takanori asked, looking at him “Aren’t things getting any better since you talked to her?” He asked with a sad frown, watching him stand straight again to look him in the eyes.

“There’s nothing... it’s just me, I...” Akira said and sighed “Look, don’t feel bad about it okay? Nothing’s your fault, I’m just a bit uncomfortable going back home”

“But you should... you left her alone for a few days, listen if she hates me she still doesn’t deserve to be left alone”

“What? No, first of all, she doesn’t, second, it’s not like I’m punishing her or something it was just some kind of an argument and I'm taking time to be okay with it... I do already feel bad for not returning home.”

“I don’t wish to be left alone but why don’t you go home today? And just... talk with her better than keeping things inside, you don’t usually solve things this way”

“Yeah, but... it’s kinda different this time” Akira said and sighed deeply again, looking down then back up at him “Okay, i’ll go back home today, will you be alright?”

“Hmph sure” he smiled at him and saw him smile back before taking his lips in one last time and hug him before pulling away.

“You won’t miss me, I'll be back to work tomorrow” Takanori chuckled and Akira raised an eyebrow.

“You decided to get back tomorrow?”

“Yeah I’m fine and it healed so why not” he said with a smile.

“Okay baby, take care” Akira kissed his cheek and opened the door “see you tomorrow then”

Takanori nodded and waved to him with a smile and watched him leave until he couldn’t see him anymore so he closed the door, took a few steps inside and stood in the middle with a big smile before he made it to his bedroom.

He stared at his empty, messy sheets and smiled, rubbing his shoulder then sighed and took off the sheets to the laundry and replaced them with new, clean ones and started cleaning around when his eyes fell on his bottle of lube and chuckled with a blush before throwing it in the nightstand drawer.

He made it to his living room, played a random movie and sat there quietly before he started remembering the things he whispered in his ears yesterday that turned him on so he hugged a pillow and raised the volume to distract himself with an adorable, idiotic grin.

 

Akira finished his shift and as he got ready to leave Mei approached him “you were in a good mood, what is it?”

“Nothing I’m just going home” he chuckled and watched her tilt her head.

“Did you talk to granny?”

“Um... no, look I feel bad about it and I don’t know why I feel uncomfortable to talk to her after that day, I don’t know how she’s seeing me”

“Hey, don’t overthink it... just go home and stop overthinking, she doesn’t see you differently”

“Why are you so sure”

“Cause I’m talking from the third point of view and I see the whole thing with my mind not my heart and I know you both well”

He smiled at her then looked away, taking his bag and closing his locker. “Okay”

 

“Takanori’s getting back to work tomorrow” he said as they stopped to wait for the bus.

“He is?! Oh I missed him”

“I missed him around there too”

“We should welcome him warmly then” she smiled, nudging his side so he giggled with a nod before she got on her bus so he waved at her before the bus started moving.

He sat there waiting and thinking until he made it home. She welcomed him with a hug and a warm smile that he didn’t realize how much he missed.

“I’m sorry” is the first thing that left his mouth when he pulled away and saw her eyes, so happy seeing him.

“Don’t be, Aki-chan, welcome home” she patted his hair and smiled again before walking away and heading to the kitchen.

“There’s a good meal waiting for you, change and join me”

 

..
“Aki-chan... I’m sorry” she said after they sat down to have dinner. He looked up in surprise with a sad frown and a questioning look.

“I judged you and him, not considering your feelings... and I hurt you”

“No, please don’t apologize, I’m sorry for leaving you alone, that was ridiculous... just don’t say that, it’s okay I... was just taking time but... I-I’m fine” he found all his frustration and negative feelings gone and just wanted to apologize all day to take away the look of regret in her eyes.

“He is still always welcomed, bring him here with you again” she smiled warmly at him so he stood up and went to her across the table and hugged her tight. “Thank you... I’m sorry”

“It’s okay, Aki-chan... it’s okay” she patted his arm and smiled at him watching the relief on his face that reflected the feelings he had in his heart.

 

...

Takanori was a bit nervous when thinking about going back to work, although he missed his workmates and actually got bored of spending all his days at home.

He spent his day calmly on his couch until he felt sleepy and before he made it to his room his phone vibrated on his lap so he answered with a smile, waiting for his voice to start the call.

“Hey baby, what are you doing?” Akira spoke, throwing his body on his bed and staring at the ceiling.

“Nothing... been on the couch all day, how are you?”

“I’m good, you’re coming tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah... how was your day? You’re home?”

“Was fine... and yeah I’m home”

“Uhm... how did things go?”

“It went better than my gloomy expectations” He chuckled and could imagine his smile on the other side.

“Really? Oh, thank god” Takanori said with a clear relief in his voice causing him to smile.

“Did you eat?”

“Yup”

“Alright, babe. Gotta go, my eyes are falling shut” he said, yawning and wiping his teary eye.

“Sleep well, fairy” he said with a grin and his heart fluttered to the sound of his laughter.

They hung up then he made it to his bed and wrapped his body in his blanket and with a genuine smile he closed his eyes to the picture of him in his mind before he drifted away.

 

..

“Welcome back!” Akira, Kagemori, Mei and a few more of their workmates cheered when Takanori stepped in the changing room.

He looked around in surprise before a smile made its way to his face and his eyes sparkled to their reaction to his comeback.

“Hey” he said awkwardly with a big grin watching as they approached him and shook his hand.

Akira surrounded him with his arm and patted his shoulder.

“We’re out for a drink after the shift to celebrate!” Kagemori said cheerfully to him, hitting his shoulder playfully and watching as he smiled and held his shoulder, faking pain.

“Thank you guys” Takanori smiled genuinely, looking at everyone, slightly bowing to them.

Akira gave him a look with a loving smile before returning to work, leaving a smile on his face and warmth that wrapped his soul and patted his heart.

He didn’t feel the time, didn’t feel like work exhausted him, he didn’t realize that his shift was over until he was told to get ready to get wasted.

Mei, Takanori, Akira, Mori and a couple of their workmates headed to a karaoke bar and had their drinks while enjoying their time and trying to survive Mori’s terrible singing skills

Takanori was overwhelmingly happy, he drank a lot like he never did and felt his heart bounce with every beat of the music and every breath he took. He sang along with them and didn’t know he’d enjoy singing so much, didn’t notice he never sang like this, he wrapped his arm around Akira’s shoulder and held him close as he sang and laughed his ass out.

He could’ve drunk more and more if Akira didn’t slow him down and told him not to. Their night’s been long but Takanori barely noticed the time. He was so happy, too happy to think of anything else, he enjoyed his time, lived the moment. He wasn’t in pain, not physically and not mentally. He didn’t feel alone and among them all he could feel Akira’s looks on him and see how happy he was to see him happy, he saw love in his eyes and in his simple touches.

..

“I’ll walk him home” Akira said, giggling to his idiotic grin then hanged his arm around his shoulder to help him stand.

“Bye, Takanori!” They waved to him so he waved back with a loud “bye bye!” Causing Akira to giggle even more.

“When did you last get drunk?” Akira asked him as they started walking and heard his idiotic giggle.

“Drunk? I’m not, am i?”

“Yeah, very” Akira who was slightly drunk himself chuckled, tightening his grip on his waist when he felt his leg slip.

“Didn’t notice” Takanori said idiotically with a giggle.

“Yeah I could see so” Akira chuckled and held his arm tighter around him then asked with a faint smile “Are you happy?”

“I’ve never been this happy before! My heart is beating so fast and I wanna kiss you so bad” he yelled and made him laugh and hold him closer.

“I’ll never forget that night, I love you” Takanori said a bit quieter, leaning his head on his shoulder and barely walking. When they made it home Akira took his key to open the door then lifted him up and headed straight to his room.

He leaned along to put him on bed but Takanori’s arms didn’t unwrap from around his neck, he started kissing him and wrapped his legs around his waist.

“Hnghh, don’t go!” Takanori groaned and pulled him down on his body and kissed him again with a smile before Akira pulled away to undress him then leaned back down to feel Takanori’s hands taking off his pants and sneaking under his shirt.

“Oh my god you’re so drunk” Akira chuckled, feeling his wild hands unusually wandering his body eagerly.

“Yeah yeah I feel it now” he laughed and licked his mouth when he leaned for a kiss before taking in his lips.

“I wanna have sex right now” Takanori yelled in giggles and slapped his butt.

“Oh my god, you’re gonna be my favorite when you’re drunk” Akira couldn’t help but laugh hard, as he saw his excited face.

“Alright, I’ll make my baby feel good” Akira said with a dirty smirk, adjusting his body on top of his.

“Yeah”

“Wanna have more fun, huh?”

“Hell yeah” Takanori yelled, still laughing and watched him take off what’s left of his clothes for him and lean down to kiss his neck, hearing his laughs mixed with moans that lit the undying fire in his heart.

Chapter Text

Takanori opened his eyes, taking a deep breath and feeling Akira’s arms around him, holding him close and spooning him.

He tried to look back at him but a headache shoot right in his forehead and he felt too heavy to move. He held his head tightly and moaned of pain then felt him move behind him so he turned around with a smile before the strong beat of headache takes it away.

“Morning” Akira whispered and aimed for his lips for a kiss before he looked away and shook his head.

“I smell like shit... wanna bath” Takanori whined, still holding his head before he found his lips on his already.

“You were a disaster last night” Akira chuckled and caressed his cheek. “A lovely disaster”

“What does that even mean” Takanori laughed, looking him in the eyes lazily. “Oh my god, what have I done?” He asked a bit more seriously when he collected things.

“Your hands were all around me in the bar I barely kept mine away from you, they started suspecting you and you couldn’t care less and I couldn’t stop laughing”

“Oh my god I didn’t” Takanori looked at him with wide eyes then looked away.

“And you kept yelling in the street that you had fun and that you want to kiss me”

“Holy shit” Takanori kept sliding deeper between the sheets to hide his face.

“But my favourite part was here when we finally got home” Akira chuckled and bit his lip.

“What have I done?” Takanori asked, barely showing his face, just allowing him to see his embarrassed eyes.

“Oh, all good things” Akira said and was still giggling.

“Oh my god, what have I done?”

“Why are you so afraid to know? Fuck it was amazing”

“I haven’t been drunk like this in ages... I don’t drink much so I don’t know what I may go up to”

“You were so fucking wild and horny... oh god I'll make you drink more often”

“Shut up” Takanori hid his face completely under the blanket and clenched his fists on it.

“I was so happy to see you gleaming with happiness, never seen you in such a state, your eyes were sparkling and your laughter was loud and lively, and when you told me that you were so happy like never before... my heart was fighting to fly outta my chest, I was so relieved to see your smile” Akira said with a genuine smile, looking at him although he still had his face hidden under the blanket he could see his smile. He took the blanket off his face and caressed his cheek with a smile

“I wanna see you happy again, i wanna see you like this all the time, you have no idea how much light you put in me, you were... you were so lovely” he continued, looking him in the eyes with his beautiful smile and glossy eyes. Takanori’s heart fluttered in his ribcage to his lover’s pure words and he wanted to stare at his smile till the end of his life.

He wrapped his arms around him and buried his face in his chest, hugging him so tight and smiling widely to the feeling of love he got from his honest words and loving eyes.

In an hour they were both off to work after having breakfast together and after Takanori’s headache went away too.

..

“Is he hitting on you? He comes here regularly and stares at you all the time” Takanori said jokingly.

“What?! Oh, no stop”

“What are you both arguing about?” Kagemori came from behind causing Mei to jump in surprise.

“We’re not arguing, there’s that dude-“

“Nothing, there’s is nothing” Mei said to Mori, clenching her teeth and looking Takanori in the eyes so he looked at her confusedly, tilting his head and raising a brow at her before fixing his gaze to his lunch box.

“Where’s Akira? Isn’t he gonna eat?” Takanori asked, looking around.

“In the bathroom, I think” Mori spoke with a mouth full of food and received a slight hit on his shoulder from Mei in a scolding manner.

“But the break’s about to end, is he okay?” He wondered, left his food and got up.

“Akira?” He walked in the bathroom and called for him and heard a heavy moan.

“Aki?”

“I’m in here” he heard from inside so he walked in and knocked the only closed stall.

“Are you okay?”

“Not really” he said heavily, clenching his jaw.

“Babe, what is it?”

“diarrhoea...I’m sick... my stomach’s aching all of a sudden, I don’t know what I ate” he said, breathing heavily and wrapping his arms around his stomach in pain.

“Oh god, I’ll get you some pills but try to get out, did you vomit?”

“Uhm no”

“It’s alright, you’ll be okay, I’ll get you something” Takanori said and made his way out and back to his workmates.

“I’ll go get Akira some medicine, he’s sick, I hope the break’s not over until I’m back”

“Sick? But he was just fine!”

“What happened?” Mei asked with a frown and stood up.

“I don’t know, think he ate something bad? I don’t know, will ask the pharmacist”

 


“Oh, baby” Takanori walked in the restroom and found him on a chair, resting his head to the wall with his arms around his stomach.

“Oh god” he caressed his hair with a frown after seeing his tired eyes and sweaty forehead.

“We had the same breakfast what happened?”

“I don’t know... ugh the cramps are still there”

“Here, I got you this, just rest for a while, you wanna go home? I can talk to-“

“No, it’s fine, will just rest a bit and work an extra hour after my shift to make it up or something”

“Work extra? What? You’re sick!” Takanori stared at him in disbelief as he swallowed down the pill

“No, no extra work, you’ll go home”

“It’s okay, I’m not poisoned, I’ll be fine, just get back to work so you don’t have to stay after your shift too I’ll-“

“I’m staying anyway, just come on go rest in the chang-“

“No, I’ll stay here for a while, don’t wanna rush to the toilets, that’s enough embarrassment” he said and let out an embarrassed chuckle, looking down.

“Embarrassment? Hey, it’s just me” he spoke in a lower tone, touching his cheek, with a faint smile.

“I-I know, I just...” he looked down before he felt his lips on his forehead so he raised his head and felt his lips on his, gently kissing him and caressing his cheek.

“It’s okay, baby” he smiled at him and saw his tired eyes smile back at him.

Takanori took a step away from him but kept on patting his back when one of their workmates walked in.

“Hey Akira, are you alright?”

“Um, yeah” he nodded with a smile.

“Dude, you wanna go home?”

“No, I’ll be fine... just a few minutes and I'll be back” he said and the guy nodded before closing the stall’s door behind him.

“I’ll get back to work if you wanna go home or need anything call for me” he wiped on his hair and smiled at him before leaving back to work.

“Is he alright?” Mei stopped in her way to a certain table with the food to ask.

“Yeah, kinda, but he doesn’t wanna go home, says he will rest a bit and get back to work”

“It’s Akira you’re talking about. he’s a workaholic” she said then made her way out of the kitchen and left him with a frown on his face.

After a while of serving customers, Takanori walked into the kitchen once again and Akira caught his eyes, standing there tiredly with his back slightly bent as he continued cooking.

“Hey, still in pain?” Takanori asked, approaching him to see his smile as he shook his head.

“Just tired a bit”

“Hey, don’t overload yourself you don’t h-“

“I’m fine really if I was still in pain until now I would’ve gone home, don’t worry” he assured him with a smile so he returned his smile unsurely before nodding and walking away.


..

“Babe, you gotta rest, okay? Have some sleep and-“

“You’re coming with me”

“What?”

“Yeah I want you to come home with me” Akira said, sitting down next to him to wait for the bus

“Um.. yeah but”

“It’s okay don’t worry, she wants me to bring you back home with me again”

“D-does she?”

“Yep... so you’re coming, yeah?”

“Okay” he smiled shyly at him and looked down before their friends’ voice came close.

“You still here? Feeling better?” Mori approached them and took a seat next to Akira, patting his shoulder. He nodded at him with a sided smile and watched Mei taking a seat next to him.

“You better rest and let grandma do the rest, she’ll make you loads of herbs to drink and heal your stomach.

“It’s not that serious, it’s over already I just will sleep and get better tomorrow morning”

“I hope so, see you later!” She left them with a wave and got on the bus with Mori, leaving them both waiting for their bus as well.


“When a fairy is sick it needs proper care, very special care, right?” Takanori tilted his head and spoke with a playful smile to see Akira’s bright smile light up his tired eyes.

“I’ll take good care of my baby, yeah?” Takanori pinched his cheek and got his heart blessed by his bright laugh that painted a grin on his face.

..

“I’m home” Akira announced his arrival with a tired yell, taking his shoes off.

“Aki-chan! Thought you may-“ “Oh! Takanori”

“G-grandma, hey”

“It’s been a long while”

“Yeah” he smiled politely with a nod, feeling his heart pounding in his chest and feeling Akira’s palm on his back wiping off his tension.

“Aki-chan dear, you look so tired, are you okay?”

“Yeah, just wanna rest a bit” he said with a faint smile dragging Takanori along to his room.

He threw himself on his bed with a frown, groaning in pain.

“Wait, take a hot shower first and put on some warm clothes” he sat next to him and rubbed his back gently, hearing his groan before he raised his head to look at him.

“I’m too tired to move, once I touched the bed I don’t feel like moving again for a couple of days”

“I’m sorry baby, but you’ll have to eat eventually so at least lemme help you change” Takanori tilted his head with a smile before leaving a kiss on his forehead.

“Thanks to Eiji you could get back home, you should have some mercy on that poor body of yours” Takanori spoke, furrowing his brows as he reached to the closet, grabbed a change of clothes and made it back to the bed next to him, lifted him up and took off his jacket and shirt.

“How were you gonna survive another hour anyway? You can’t even put on a change of clothes”

“Well, maybe I can? But why don’t I get spoiled a bit by my baby, huh?” Akira tilted his head with a frown. “I could’ve made it just normally, but now that I’m on bed, have my babe helping me change and spoiling me, I can remain still and tired, right?”

“Oh is that it then?” Takanori smirked at him and watched him grin and fake faint on his lab.

“My baby little exhausted fairy wanna get some care right? Want me to take care of you?” He joked and bent down, randomly leaving kisses all around before capturing his lips and kissing him slowly and passionately.

Takanori felt his hands lazily wandering his back and up to his neck and settled in his hair, tugging at his roots as he gently sucked on his lip and licked over it.


“Aki-chan! Guys, the food’s ready!” They heard her calling from outside so they broke the kiss.

“It’s food time, lemme put this on and let’s go” he kissed Akira’s nose and took off his jeans for him, touching his groin on purpose and watching him smirk then giggle.

He helped him put on his sweatpants and kissed his cheek one last time before leading him out.

He sat tiredly on the chair and watched food with no interest although it was his favourite dinner, and of course, he could not hide this from her.

“What is it, Aki-chan? You’re not eating”

“I am... my stomach’s not accepting food so much at the moment, that’s it”

“What? Are you ill?”

“Um... kinda... Was but not anymore, just think my stomach’s tired”

“You shouldn’t eat much, you should’ve told me to cook you something lighter, a soup or something”

“It’s fine, granny. I’m okay, I’ll eat what I can, don’t worry”

 

“I’m glad to see you again, Takanori” she smiled at him with sad eyes as if she felt bad for him that she once thought badly about him but knowing that he didn’t know made her only smile in his face and not apologize, so she decided to apologize by treating him better and taking good care of him just as she does with Akira. Not knowing that in fact, Takanori actually knew and felt it and also felt her guilt and saw it in her eyes but thinking that she doesn’t know that he has a clue, he decided to act as comfortable as he used to and to act normally until things are back to how they were cause in fact, he did feel like home once again but with a bit of awkwardness in the air that he knew will melt away in a while.

After their meal, they spent a while with her, chatting and she could clearly notice their comfort with each other, physically and emotionally, they didn’t hold back their laughter nor their looks or smiles, and inside, when she saw the look in her grandson’s eyes she felt happy, she was giving up her worries and just smiled at them both, feeling the warmth in her heart that their smiles brought and feeling the safety he felt in his presence and just made sure that she shouldn’t worry anymore as long as they were together.


“Goodnight!”

“Goodnight, dears, sleep well”

They made it to Akira’s room and she too went to bed. He laid down with a deep sigh and watched as Takanori took a hoodie and shorts out of his closet and changed before joining him in bed.

“You’re so sweet” Takanori whispered, laying next to him and surrounding him with his arms so Akira rested his head on his chest with a big smile.

“Hey, you’re still feeling any... um, uncomfortable or-“

“Oh, no, no, i feel the same, It all went away. I don’t know if it has to do with it but i feel home wherever you are. I feel home here again, and she’s not giving me any reason to not feel so” Takanori said with a genuine smile so Akira raised his head off his chest and reached to his lips to leave a little kiss.

“You don’t know how relieved that made me feel” Akira said, smiling at him and staring him in the eyes before resting back on the pillow next to him and looking him in the eyes.

“You’re so beautiful” Takanori flirted with a smile, touching his cheek.

“Oh, c’mon I look dead”

“No, still beautiful...just tired”

“Shut up” Akira smiled and hid his face in the pillow and felt his hand on him.

“I love your eyes” Takanori said then continued with the same smile. “I love your lips, your nose, your whole face, I love your hair, your hands, love your voice and touch.” Akira looked up at him with blushed cheeks and a gleam in his eyes.

“I love your jokes... so much, love your cooking, your looks, love your pureness and kindness, love your gentle heart and loving smile, oh how i adore your smile... i love everything about you, absolutely everything” Takanori caressed his cheek and watched his eyes stare at him in surprise and watched his smile grow, looking all flattered and shy.

“Even when you’re angry, specially if it was something about me, your eyes look so sharp and kinda sexy, and your voice grows deeper... kinda scary but still attractive” Takanori chuckled and watched him chuckle in shyness.

“I’m so in love with you, Aki” Takanori said with a smile, looking down at Akira’s eyes and seeing his blushed cheeks and a big smile before Akira captured his lips and cupped his cheek, feeling shy and speechless.

He took his bottom lip between his and let out his feelings to him in it then pulled away and looked him in the eyes.

“Oh, babe, you’re blushing” Takanori giggled and kissed his warm cheek and watched him rest back on the pillow and stare up at him.

“Hey... do you really mean it? All of it? Y-you love all of that about me?”

“I do”

“Oh, c’mon”

“I mean it... I love everything you do and love everything about you”

“Oh my god, what are you saying” Akira giggled, pushing him away and hearing his laugh that brightened his mood even more.

“Okay tell me”

“What”

“What are the things you hate about me? Things you can’t stand” Akira said, looking him in the eyes.

“Hate? I don’t think there’s any”

“Oh, c’mon... there have to be a few things you hate”

“I don’t hate anything about you... hate’s such a heavy word, I have no hate for you or anything you do... maybe things I don’t like?”

“Okay, what are the things you don’t like about me?” Akira said with a sigh and a faint smile.

“Um... I don’t know really, maybe... maybe that you care too much, that you care too much about others and neglect yourself... badly”

“Not that much, I just-“

“No, you do... you care so much about everyone but yourself, even work, you’d exhaust yourself and overload your body and not give a shit about your body’s pleads for rest... I really wish you take care of yourself as you do to me and everyone else... I’m never okay if you’re not”

“Hey, it’s not like I torture myself, you’re overreacting”

“I’m not... you really need to take care of yourself, don’t work too much, don’t starve, take good, warm baths and sleep early, have breakfast and hangout”

“Okay... but I do take care of myself, you just notice when I'm tired”

“You’re tired all the time”

“I’m not!”

“Yes you are”

“Okay, you wanna hang out with me? Am I cool enough to hang out with?” Akira asked with a chuckle.

“Hmm lemme see... yeah maybe we can make a good couple”

“Shut up you wish”

“Yeah I do”

“You do?”

“Yup”

“Wanna go out with me? Wanna go in... um a date, maybe?” Akira said nervously with a chuckle.

“Did you ask me out for a date just now, Akira?”

“Yeah, think I did... wanna go out in a date with me?”

“A date... our first date?” Takanori asked shyly with a grin that almost closed his eyes and watched him smile back at him with a nod.

“Yeah we never went out in a date... let’s decide when later this week, okay?”

“Okay” Takanori nodded with the same grin and kissed his nose.

“What else?” Akira asked, slightly tilting his head.

“What?”

“What else you hate about me?”

“Again?”

“What you ‘don’t like’ about me”

“Alright” Takanori giggled and looked at the ceiling.

“It’s something silly but I used to fear your grip”

“What?!”

“Not literally fear but... you’re tough, a bit stronger than me, if you hold me hard I shouldn’t even think of escaping, it used to scare me” he said then laughed at his surprised face.

“Did I hold you down before that you couldn’t move?”

“Not really, but your grip is firm, your arms are tough, it used to scare me but that’s cause I’m an idiot, you’re normal, I’m the freak” Takanori said, chuckling and trying to calm him.

“N-no you’re not, I just... didn’t notice before”

“You’re sometimes tough... but I like it anyway, I feel safe, it makes me feel rather protected, you’d protect me, right?”

“With my life”

“No, don’t”

“I’m serious”

“I appreciate it... but don’t, don’t even risk”

“Shut up, I swear if I were there that night I would’ve taken that bullet for you” Akira said seriously with a sad frown.

“No, I’m serious...I’ll never forgive myself if you got hurt because of me” Takanori shifted in his place and said with a frown “and hey, don’t underestimate me, I'm tough, I can take you down if I want to... can also protect myself, don’t worry” he assured him with an idiotic chuckle and watched him giggle.

“Thought you said I was gentle” Akira said, tilting his head a bit.

“Yeah so much... but sometimes it’s rough, I like it rough”

“What? I’m not talking about that!” Akira raised his head and protested with a giggle and watched him burst in laughter.

“Okay apart from that... what else?”

“There’s no much tho... I told you”

“I don’t believe you, I myself hate loads of things I do, I’m full of shit” Akira rested back on the pillow and looked at him after turning on his side to face him better.

“I do actually hate that about you”

“What?”

“That you almost always think that you’re bad, that you believe that you’re shitty and annoying, that you don’t believe how precious you are, that you don’t know that you’re so much more than what you actually think you are... that you’re so gorgeous, precious, pure, kind and gentle, you’re so much more that what you think, i wish you know it from deep inside... I wish you believe it” Akira stared at him for a while and didn’t feel his eyes glossing until he pulled him close to his chest and hugged him.

“I can tell you that all night long... yes, you’re so precious, your too much for this world, you’re imperfect, I love everything you’re insecure about... I never felt strong as much as i do when I’m with you, never felt beautiful before, not until you made me believe it, never felt loved or wanted before, never felt worthy of anyone’s time or effort... I love you, Akira, with every bit of my heart.” He continued and heard his sobs going out with every good and honest word he said.

Akira didn’t know why he cried but he did, he didn’t know why he felt like crying but he cried and felt contained, after all, he touched him, his soul, it mattered, it mattered so much to be told this from the closest person to his heart.

“And I love you... more than my words can say” he said on his chest before pulling away and saying the last part as he looked him in the eyes, and felt his lips on his, slowly and passionately kissing him while his thumbs wiped his tears away and his hand hugged his face, cupping his cheek and caressing his skin.

Akira pulled away with a faint smile and sat up wiping his face. “Thank you” he said with a slight chuckle, still looking down and wiping his eyes.

“Look at me” Takanori sat up as well and stared at him.

“You’re adorable” Takanori said, laughing when he saw his giggly face and fell back to the sheets.

“You know what else?”

“What?”

“You know I love Mei and that she’s dear to me... but I can’t help jealousy... I just-“

“What?!” He snapped and laughed, looking at him with disbelief.

“Wait, I-I mean... kinda-“

“Mei?! You’re jelly?!”

“I know! I know I just-“

“Why are you feeling this way?”

“I don’t know, I feel stupid but... it’s cause she’s so close to you sometimes, and... most of the time is-“

“She’s like my sister, even before, when I used to date girls I still felt nothing for her. Plus that she’ll never feel anything for me cause she already is ridiculously in love with Mori”

“Wait, what?!”

“Yes, they are insanely in love with each other but they’re denying so hard as if it’s not showing already”

“I never noticed so”

“Yeah, I can see, but... oh my god, Mei?!”

“Hey, i... don’t mean anything I just... I just feel annoyed when... agh never mind, I’m not doubting your feelings okay? Nothing like that at all”

“I know, listen, baby, I have no feelings for anyone... no one at all” he said before a smile made its way to his face “and I didn’t know you get jealous? Oh my god, that’s-“

“Shut up”

“It’s adorable”

“Shut it, don’t you dare tease me about it”

“I won’t... I just-“

“I love you, of course I could get jealous?” Takanori said with furrowed eyebrows and a smile.

“From the very wrong person”

“Shut up, I feel stupid already” he giggled and looked away.

“My baby’s jelly... but lemme tell you” Akira moved closer and held his face, looking him in the eyes.

“I’m yours” he whispered with a smile before pulling him down along with him with their mouths connected.

Takanori pulled away and looked him in the eyes and the smile found its way to his face when he saw his half-closed eyes and lazy smile.

Takanori kissed the tip of his nose, took him in his arms, wiped repeatedly on his hair and watched his eyes close slowly with his breathing pattern that slowed down and steadied.

He looked at his tired face and breathed along with him, feeling the warmth his smile brought him and feeling the strength he got from every smile, every tear and every time his eyes gleamed to something he said to him. He felt it returning confidence and strength to him as well, with every honest word he said that made Akira feel better about himself, he also felt better about himself.

He felt blessed to have Akira and promised him and himself to become better for both of them. He whispered “I love you” once more before his eyes fell shut as well and they both drifted away in sleep, with their breathing and their heartbeats synced and their minds peacefully sinking away, far away from whatever’s bothered them.

Chapter Text

 

Akira opened his eyes, feeling his stomach hurting so he got up with a frown, hurried out of the room and to the bathroom. In a matter of a few minutes, he was back to the room after showering too and found Takanori awake already. He made it to bed with the towel around his waist and sat down next to him with a smile.

“Morning”

“Morning, sexy fairy” Takanori smiled and kissed him, placing the palm of his hand on his moist chest as they kissed.

“Still feeling sick?” He asked after pulling away and watched him shake his head so he smiled again and kissed his forehead before getting up.

“I’ll get ready and we can stop somewhere and have breakfast, okay?” Akira said standing up.

“A breakfast date?” Takanori said with a grin.

“Is there such a thing? Alright then let it be” he chuckled, taking the towel off his waist and watched him bite his lip with a wink before leaving the room.

 


“Didn’t really have breakfast out with someone before” Akira said with a chuckle, taking a sip from his latte.

“You should’ve guessed already that I too never did it” Takanori said ironically, watching him smile.

“Why don’t we go out this Friday? A date... anywhere” Akira suggested with a calm smile and watched him smile and nod, looking down at his cup.

“Where do you wanna go?”

“I don’t know, anything would be perfect” “maybe mov-“

“Don’t say movies we do that all the time already” he cut him off, chuckling and saw his pout.

“We can go tonight if you want, after work, but what for Friday? Where to?”

“I really don’t know... I don’t go out much so I have no suggestions”

“I’ll think of something then” Akira narrowed his eyes and said, staring at the passers-by through the large glass window that their table was located next to.

They then made it work, all cheerful and calm before the work’s pressure hunts their calm minds down.

“What is wrong! Aren’t we past that already?!... Takanori!” Eiji yelled at Mei before calling for Takanori who took big steps in his way to him.

“Sir?”

“Go to that customer, table 15 right now and see what‘s wrong”

“Alright” he nodded and looked questioningly at her and saw her frown before he made his way out and to the grumpy customer.

“Sir, is everything alright? How may I help you? Did you order yet?” Takanori spoke calmly and politely to the frowning man who eyed him well and the tag of his name first before talking to him.

“No, I did not” he said arrogantly with a frown before ordering his meal.


“Hey, what happened?” He headed to Mei and asked after putting the order for the cooks.

“That old grumpy pervert wanted to touch me and when I snapped at him he made that fuss”

“What?! The hell, did you tell Eiji?”

“No, he didn’t even give me a chance, screw them both I won’t tell him shit” she cursed angrily before storming out of the kitchen, leaving him standing there.

“It’s okay, don’t take it personally, she’s just-“ Akira came from behind, patting his back.

“Of course I won’t... I just am angry as well... I wanna slam the salmon slice against his face”

“Don’t get yourself in trouble, I’m positive she didn’t just take it silently” he said with a sarcastic chuckle and headed back to his spot.

After a few minutes Takanori took the food out to table 15 and the man’s looks did really startle him, he looked more than once at his name on the tag that’s on his chest as if he was saving his name well in his mind.

He made it back to the kitchen after taking two more orders and as he served customers he kept an eye on that man until he left and after his shift was over he did realize that he overacted about the man and gave him more of his time and thoughts than he should have.

“See you later, babe” Akira whispered to him in the changing room as he gathered his things to leave.

“What? You’re not leaving?”

“No, Rina’s not coming today so I gotta take her shift, none of the others can, I’ll call you when it’s over”

“Oh my god, why’d you have to” Takanori said, caressing his cheek before he pulled his hand away and took his bag upon his shoulder when the door was opened.


..

“Hey, babe” Takanori heard through the phone as he laid down on the bed, getting ready to sleep.

“Don’t tell me, did you just finish working?” Takanori asked with a raised eyebrow and heard him chuckle.

“No, I’m home and just finished eating after showering, I’m dead tired but couldn’t sleep before hearing your voice”

“Aw aren’t you so romantic?”

“Am I?” Akira asked, tilting his head on his pillow with a smirk.

“I think” Takanori said with a chuckle and yawned.

“You’re in bed?” Akira asked after hearing his yawn.

“Yeah... my eyelids are falling heavily, gotta close them soon”

“That’s earlier than your usual”

“Yeah a bit... can’t help feeling tired, I don’t know why though”

“You don’t have to question it, have some good sleep”

“Alright, you too, did your shift go fine by the way?”

“Yeah... just normal”

“Alright, goodnight, sweetheart”

“Night, love... sleep well” Akira said with his eyes almost closed and a smile on his face then heard his soft response before they both hang up.


..

“Morning” Akira said from behind to Takanori who smiled to his voice and replied with a quiet “morning”

“Yo! Love birds” Mei came from behind, yelling then whispered the last part before making her way to the kitchen door.

“Shut up” Takanori giggled and watched as Akira laughed and started preparing to cook.

 


“Guess what?” Akira said, sitting down in front of him with his food and saw his cute curious look.

“What, aren’t you gonna guess?” He asked again when he got no response.

“About what?!”

“Got a good idea... for the date... but it won’t be Friday”

“You did?! What? The day doesn’t matter I think”

“I’ll tell you then, but it’s next Sunday so get ready, will go after work”

“Right after work?”

“No, at night”

“Oh my god... now I’m curious!”

“Yeah, I know” Akira chuckled, shoving the last piece of his food in his already full mouth before standing up and making it back to the kitchen, leaving him smiley and curiously thinking of what he could’ve thought about.


..

“Agh, where could it possibly be?”

“You’re still thinking?” Akira giggled as they sat down, waiting for their bus along with Mori and a couple of workmates.

“Yes!”

“I’ll tell you, just be patient” Akira said, patting his knee and ignoring his disappointed sigh.

 

“See you later!” Takanori said to his workmates before boarding the bus with Akira.

“Wanna come over?”

“I feel like going home” Takanori sighed, resting his head on his shoulder.

“Want me to come over?”

“You don’t have to... we can chat on phone instead” he chuckled, still resting on his shoulder.

“Don’t want you to leave grandma alone” he said with a smile and felt his pats on his back.

 

Takanori opened the door of his apartment, took his shoes off and threw his body on his couch, turning the TV on and laying there lazily.

“Who wants to celebrate?!”

Takanori looked up from his phone to the TV to the voice of that woman in the film and couldn’t see but his mother when she used to tell him that and hug him after he achieves something.

He smiled with the tears that welled in his eye to the memory of his mom and rested his head to the backrest, smiling and letting his tears fall peacefully to the sides of his face.

“Mom... I have someone in my life, I’m in love... I’m loved”

 

•••

“Morning” Akira walked in the changing room and placed his arm on Takanori’s shoulder.

“Tell me where we’re going” is the first thing he said after feeling his arm on him.

“Oh my god, can’t you wait for a surprise?” Akira laughed, putting his bag down.

“Seriously, are you torturing me?!” He joked, pushing his arm away and hearing his laugh till he walked out.

“Just wear something comfortable” he said, stepping in for a minute then left again.

 


“Hey, look, isn’t that the same creep?” Takanori whispered to Mei who stood next to him near the kitchen door.

“Ugh that asshole, what’s he doing here again, aren’t we shitty as he said?!” Mei murmured in anger and gasped when he looked at them.

“Fuck he’s so creepy” Takanori chuckled and made it back to the kitchen, leaving her with a look of rage on her face.


..

“See you tonight”

“I hate to be left in the blue... when are we even meeting?” Takanori whined, walking lazily next to him.

“I’ll pass by 8 okay?”

“Okay, fairy of mystery” Takanori said, lazily, rolling his eyes.

 

“Guys, up for drinking tonight?” Kagemori asked after they made it to the bus stop.

“I’m afraid not... have plans, that I don’t know what they are... but have plans” Takanori said, looking from him to Akira.

“I’ll go home then” Mori sighed and sat down to wait for his bus.


..

Takanori went straight to the shower then stood in front of his closet afterwards, staring blankly... never felt this nervousness before, excited but nervous... feeling as if it was their very first time out together. He didn’t know what to wear and it confused him but he ended up in blue jeans, a white t-shirt and a dark blue shirt. He stared at his reflection for a while, doubting his outfit and his hair before his phone’s ringing brought him out of his room.

“Ready?” He heard Akira through the phone and felt a shiver running down his spine.

“Um.. yeah”

“Cool, cause I’m on my way”

“Right now? B-but i”

“See you in a few minutes” he said and hung up leaving him in confusion so he kept staring at his outfit in doubt and also his hair cause he tried spiking it a little not to leave it silkily, boringly hanging on his head.

In a few minutes, Takanori opened the door and a shy smile tugged at his lips when he saw Akira who smiled back at him before stepping inside and closing the door.

“Do i... um does it look fine? Am i-“ Akira cut him off with a kiss that felt fresh and new, effected Takanori just like their first kiss and moved his never sleeping butterflies. He kissed him back for the few moments it was before Akira pulled away.

“You look gorgeous... just as usual” he said close to his face, looking him in the eyes.

“A concert” Akira said and shortly kissed him.

“Hm?”

“A concert it is”

“What? Seriously?!” Takanori asked in surprise, pulling away.

“Have you been to one before?”

“Never” he said with the same excitement so Akira just grinned at him and kissed him once more before pulling away and opening the door.

“Ready?” Akira asked once again and saw the spark in his eyes that relieved and assured him that it wasn’t a bad choice.

“I was nervous, not knowing if you’ll like the idea, was afraid if I told you a while before it that you may overthink it or something” Akira said as they started walking. “You’re fine with it, right?”

“Yeah! Yeah I am”

“Great” Akira said and a few moments of silence followed.

“It’s a rock band... just starting off but their music’s good, you like rock?”

“Yeah a lot”

“You have a favourite band or singer?”

“Um no, not really, I listen randomly” he chuckled with a shrug.

“You attend concerts often?” Takanori tried to break the silence and asked, looking at him.

“Not much, just been to a couple of them before”

“That’s funny” Takanori said and giggled.

“What’s funny?”

“It’s just like a first date, are we really just knowing about each other’s music tastes now?” Takanori continued, giggling and looking at him.

“Didn’t notice! Oh someone does something before I start talking about the weather” Akira chuckled and heard his laugh that made him laugh as well.


“Here we are” Akira pointed at the live house and felt Takanori’s grip on his shirt.

..

“Oh my god, that’s hot” Takanori said, looking around as they stood in the crowd not too near to the stage.


The band started playing and Takanori was taken aback from the noises and the crowd first but he started moving along the music in a few minutes and Akira couldn’t help the big smile on his face whenever he looked beside him to see Takanori happily smiling and moving to the rhythm of the music, and in the middle of the show when Takanori didn’t see it coming, Akira grabbed his waist, turned him around and kissed him, cupping his cheek and feeling his hand on his hips as he kissed him back and moved his hips to the music while they kissed then smiled, breaking the kiss. Takanori looked him in the eyes in the dim light for a few seconds with the most genuine smile and with that spark in his eyes before he cheered for the band when they ended the song and left Akira in a daze of love and admiration to his love’s pure happiness and enthusiasm. He stared at him for the next few minutes with a genuine smile and a bouncing heart, seeing his shining eyes, hearing his loud cheers, seeing the drops of sweat dripping off his forehead and his body moving along the music, he thought he didn’t need anything anymore and that this was it, he made him happy, he could eventually make it and he never asked for more.

 

“That was insane! Oh my god, that was so cool!” Takanori yelled, excitedly after the band got off the stage then looked at him before they turned around to leave.

“Why don’t we get some for the memory?” Akira said, pointing to the band’s merchandise and saw the grin on Takanori’s face so they made it there, got a couple of shirts and headed out.

“Oh god, I was melting!” Takanori gasped when they walked out and felt the fresh cool air hit their faces.

“Yeah, they sucked all the oxygen away” Akira chuckled and put his arm around Takanori’s shoulder who was walking beside him.

“Starving, aren’t you?” Akira stumbled along with him to their way back to the main street.

“Very”

“Let’s go eat something and have a drink then?”

“Sounds perfect” Takanori said with an idiotic grin, leaning his head to rest on Akira’s shoulder as they walked.

“What song did you like the most?”

“I can’t remember, I don’t even know the title of any of them, but most of them were pretty cool, the ballad was beautiful, but there were a couple of annoying ones, I don’t know, might like them if I listened to them once again” Takanori shrugged with a sided smile.

“Yeah, same... what about the band? You like a certain instrument anyway?”

“Yeah, I love watching and listening to drums, sounds and looks so cool... do you like any?”

“I don’t know... didn’t like a certain instrument before, but I like bass and guitars more... sounds awesome”

“Let’s form a band then” Takanori giggled sarcastically and heard his laugh as he held his hand that’s dangling over his shoulder.

..

“Damn, i was starving for real” Akira said, taking a big bite of his sandwich and stared at Takanori who already finished eating and threw his head to the back tiredly.

“I wanna try more new things with you... I feel like I wouldn’t have enjoyed it this much if you weren’t there... let me see new things with your eyes” Takanori said with lazy loving eyes and a calm smile before raising the bottle of beer to his mouth once again.

“Tell me then, what is it you want?”

“I don’t know... don’t know what I wanna try but I know I wanna try something” Takanori said with a giggle and heard him laugh next to him.

“Aki”

“What?”

“I love you”

“And I love you loads, Taka” Akira smiled genuinely and felt his eyes tearing as he said so.

“Are you crying?!” Takanori said a bit loudly causing him to laugh.

“Alcohol... I can’t, it just sneaks out” he giggled shyly, looking down before he felt Takanori’s hand on his thigh. Takanori moved closer to him on that couch where their backs were to the crowd behind them. He approached him and started kissing him slowly first and passionately till his hand moved up his thigh but then Akira grabbed it before it reached between his thighs and smiled in the kiss, feeling Takanori’s other hand on his hip, squeezing as the kiss was no longer going slowly.

“Shall we go home?” Akira asked on his mouth after parting their lips and looked him in the eyes.

“I think so” Takanori breathed on his mouths and kissed him shortly before smiling and moving away.

 

None of them knew how they made it home but the moment they made it to Takanori’s place they couldn’t part their lips or keep their hands to themselves. Takanori hopped up, wrapping his legs around his hips and his arms around his neck with their mouths connected, feeling Akira’s hands under his thighs holding him against his body and hearing the door shut after Akira pushed it with his foot before holding him against the wall till he took off his shoes then made it inside to his room and threw him on his bed, leaned on him without breaking the kiss as he took his shirt off.

“Uh babe, c’mere” Takanori said, stretching his arm out to grab him when he got off him to take off his shirt.

Takanori sat up when he took a seat on bed again and wrapped his arms around his neck, pushing the weight of his body on Akira’s till he laid him back and settled on top of him with his thighs on each side of Akira’s hips.

“Oh god, I love it when you’re drunk” Akira whispered when Takanori moved from his lips to his neck.

“I’ll make you love it” Takanori playfully said on his skin, shifting on top of him before he got up, took off his tee seductively with a mischievous smirk, feeling his hand on his abdomen then rested his hands on Akira’s bare chest, caressed his skin mischievously then winked at him and heard his laugh.

“Baby, you’re adorable” Akira said in laughter and held his hands down on his chest before Takanori bent down again and started kissing him with his hands wandering his chest.

The sound of their kisses and their moans loudened by the minutes and Takanori started moving on him eagerly, feeling his hands on his ass moving to his waist to unbutton his jeans before his hands sneaked under his jeans and grabbed him over the thin fabric of his boxers.

“I want you” Akira said between their kisses on his lips and felt his smile on his mouth.

“You want me?” Takanori smirked playfully, resting his forehead on his and looking him in the eyes before Akira took his lips in and pulled down his jeans.

“Uhm no... no, don’t” Takanori spoke in their kiss, held Akira down when he tried to get up and flip him over.

Takanori slipped down his own jeans and unbuttoned Akira's while he devoured his neck, coaxing out little moans that hardened him even more.

“Agh... Taka” Akira’s voice loudened with every touch that drove Takanori’s hand closer to his bulge.

“I love you” Akira continued before he sat up with him on his lap and kissed his smile, gradually laying Takanori down before he pulled away to see his beautiful smile again and see the look in his eyes.

“Take me” Takanori whispered with that gleam in his eye, seeing his shine back with love before he leaned down, kissed his forehead, cheeks and neck and with his dancing butterflies and the shivers he gave him, Takanori whispered in his ear with a smile. “I love you Akira”

Chapter Text

“Morning”

“Morning, babe” Takanori said in his sleepy voice with a lazy smile looking at him.

“I can’t make it out of bed today” Akira whined, moving closer to him.

“Same... I’m too heavy to move, can’t make it to work”

“Guess we have no choice” Akira chuckled, leaving a kiss on his mouth.

“Thank you”

“For what?”

“Everything... but specifically for yesterday... that was one of the best days in my life honestly” Takanori thanked him with a genuine smile before he left a kiss on his hand that he held close to his heart.

“I’m so glad you enjoyed it... Your smile and enthusiasm made my heart flutter and your eyes had that sparkle in them, you stole my heart all over again” Akira said and stared him in the eyes with love pouring out of them.

“I don’t want this to be the last time” Takanori said with a smile so he nodded in agreement and took him in his arms for a morning hug.

..

“You know what... breakfast dates are fun too” Akira said in their way to the bus stop.

“Well, we’re a bit late today... and already had breakfast, why don’t we go tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow it is” Akira said with a smile sigh before they got on the bus.

 

“That bar we were-“ Akira swallowed his words and stood still as they approached the restaurant and after he saw an unwanted presence.

“What is it?” Takanori looked at him confusedly and at whatever he looked at but didn’t understand.

“Aki? What is it?” He asked once again, touching his arm, this time to make him look at him.

“N-nothing, lets go” he continued walking without a single word, followed by Takanori who still waited for an explanation.

“Akira, what happened?”

“Nothing, I just thought i saw someone” he said with a fake smile before heading out of the changing room and to the kitchen.

Takanori made it out too before a new face caught his eyes. A man standing with the restaurant owner who happened to be there in the restaurant today. He didn’t care much and continued his job and in his way to the kitchen he saw Akira heading out unlike his usual.

“Where to?”

“I don’t know uncle just called for me” he shrugged and moved past him.

In Takanori’s way out he saw him standing with his uncle and that man and didn’t look pleased that he even refused to shake his hand. Takanori served the table and stood by the kitchen door to watch him, only to be joined by Mei a minute later.

“What’s going on?” She asked him and followed his gaze to see what he was looking at.

“Oh my god” is the first thing she said after her eyes laid on them.

“What? Who’s that?”

“He’s ... Akira’s father” she said with a disappointed look.

“What? What’s he doing here?” Takanori asked in confusion, watching him and his frown as he stood there.

“Have no idea”


“Akir-“ Takanori was about to ask him if he was alright as he walked towards and past them, making it to the toilets with anger written all over his face. Takanori followed him and made it to the restroom to find him standing in front of the sink with his hands clenched around the sink’s edges.

“Akira?” He approached him and patted his back but he still didn’t even look at him or move.

“Are you okay?”

“I hate when someone acts like they care... I fucking hate that the most” Akira spoke in anger, still looking down and tightening his fist while Takanori rubbed his back gently and stood close to him.

“Hey, calm down” he said gently as he gave his shoulder a squeeze.

“He didn’t fucking bother to see me after she died and after all these years he fucks around to see me, like he gives a damn!” He snapped, hitting his fist on the marble surface around the sink before Takanori held his fist and held him closer from his shoulder.

“Baby, it’s okay”

“No! It’s not! He thinks it is but it’s not! I won’t- ugh i wanna fucking punch him!”

“Hey... hey, hey look at me” he held his face and made him look at him and for the first time he saw that kind of anger in his eyes with a gloss of tears and defeat.

“Hey” he caressed his face with his hand and kissed his cheek.

“Just calm down” Takanori said again, looking him in the eyes. “Cool your face with water and just stop thinking about it for now”

“I know, i know you can’t but just calm down even until the lunch break so we can talk” he said after he looked him in the eyes helplessly with frustration.

“He doesn’t wanna leave, he wants to talk to me”

“About what?”

“I have no idea and i have no intentions to know”

“Okay just forget about him now, you’ll be alright” he wiped on his hair and kept drawing comforting circles on his back until they heard the door open.

“Akira? Are you alright?” Kagemori asked, walking in.

“I am” he avoided looking him in the eyes and faced the sink once again but turned the tab on and washed his face this time.

“I’ll get back to the kitchen” he said not looking at any of them before he made it out of the restroom, leaving a sad frown on Takanori’s face.

..

“Hey, where’s your food?” Takanori asked when Akira approached him with empty hands after the lunch break started.

“I don’t feel like eating”

“What? But Akira you should, please... or you’ll wait till the shift’s over and that’s a lot of time”

“I really don-“

“Akira!” He got cut off by one of his workmates calling from outside.

“Fuck” he huffed and stood up, made it outside and left Takanori with a frown of concern and a worried heart.

 

“What part of I don’t want to talk to you you don’t get?” Akira snapped at him, avoiding his uncle next to him who tried to bring him to talk with him calmly.

“Akira, things shouldn’t be solved this way”

“Don’t start this” Akira tried to swallow his anger and said calmly.

“Akira we-“

“Don’t!” He yelled with anger flooding out of his eyes and voice that a few faces turned to their direction.

“Akira” his uncle said sharply, looking at him but he still didn’t pay much attention to him.

“You never gave a shit, i was no kid then to tell me otherwise now, i know what you did and it’s unforgivable and I wouldn’t want to waste my time talking to you, there’s nothing to be solved at all or to be talked about”

“Akira! You didn’t even listen to what he has to say, you-“

“I don’t want to! What could he possibly erase or solve?!... don’t you think it’s too late?!” Akira cut his uncle off and said aggressively before turning his face to his father in his last sentence.

“You know he was outdoors and couldn’t make it to you when she-“

“I don’t give a fuck! It’s over! That was years ago and I don’t wanna hear about it again specially not from him” he snapped at his uncle before he felt his father’s hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t!” He moved his shoulder away from his touch and looked at him with grudge.

“Akira, I’m not here to apologize or to justify my past with you”

“What on earth could you be here for then?!”

“I wanted to see you, talk to you... you’re my son after all”

“Oh god” Akira almost growled under his breath and clenched his fists and jaw. “Did you just realize it?! Or have you been too busy for my whole life to appear in my fucking memory! You have no business with me, don’t show me your face again, you wanted to see me? Here I am, and I don’t wanna lay my eyes on you again, you make me so fucking angry!”

“Akira please” his father said in a lower tone, looking him in they eyes.

“I’m not available all the time, I needed you so much and you didn’t care, why’d you think that I’ll be there when you do?! You please leave and don’t try to find me again” his voice broke and he tried not to look at him or his uncle as he turned around to leave before he felt his uncle’s hand around his wrist.

“Uncle please” he barely looked at him but raised his eyes enough for him to see his teary eyes so he let go of him.

He hurried away, swallowing his lump and looking down not to face someone with his tearful eyes until he hit someone in his way so he looked up to see that pair of eyes he longed to see the most at that moment.

“Hey babe, are you alright?” He whispered near him so he looked at him unsurely before he held his wrist and made his way to the changing room avoiding any kind of eye contact with anyone as he dragged him along to the room.

“Hey... are you alright?” Takanori seized his shoulders and turned him around but he looked down and hid his face with his hand.

Akira looked confusedly around until his eyes fell on Takanori. He looked at him and a tear slid down Akira’s lashes before he pulled Takanori into a tight hug and squeezed him in his arms, clenching his jaw to suppress his sobs and feeling his arms around him just as tight as his.

“Hey, everything will be alright, calm down baby” he whispered in his ear and rubbed his back.

“Did something happen?” Takanori asked on his shoulder and felt him shift before he pulled away, sniffed and sighed deeply, wiping his face.

“I’m just... pissed off”

“It’s okay we’ll talk later okay? Wanna talk, right?” He calmed him down, wiping on his hair and he nodded.

“Alright, just wait till the shift’s over, okay? Don’t cry, love” Takanori said, caressing his cheek before he left a short kiss on his lips and smiled faintly.

He nodded again and smiled after Takanori wiped his tears with his thumbs then hugged him once more before pulling away and making it to the door followed by Takanori.


Mei met Takanori outside the kitchen and asked about him and he hinted her not to talk to him right now so she understood and things went on quietly for a while before Takanori returns from outside to bring another order out and see Akira standing with his uncle without his father so he proceeded to the kitchen.


“You knew so damn well that I didn’t want to see him, why did you do that?” Akira said with disappointment in both his eyes and voice.

“I know, but you didn’t see how he was desperately begging just to see you, I couldn’t turn him down after seeing him like this, he’s my brother after all... and I hoped you may talk to him, but we both didn't expect that anyway”

“Then why make it happen in the first place?!”

“I’m sorry Akira... and since you didn’t hear him out I think I gotta talk to you myself”

“Talk to me about what?” Akira asked and felt his heart drop to the tone of his uncle's voice.

“He just wanted to see you more these days since he may not wait for next year”

“Wait for what? I don’t care if he waits or not I won’t change my mind not this year or the next”

“He won’t wait alive” his uncle said and watched him freeze for a moment.

“What?”

“He found out that he's ill and started medication but the chance of living longer is so uncertain... he’s a bit late and chances are so few, that’s why he begged and tried knowing that you’ll turn him down”

Akira stood there blankly staring at him, trying to collect what he just heard before he blinked repeatedly and looked down.

“All I hoped for is that you may give him a bit of your time” he said, patting his shoulder.

After a minute of silence and shock Akira raised his head up confusedly and swallowed “I need to go home” he breathed and looked him in the eyes. “Please” he said and after a few moments, he hurried out of the restaurant and made his way back home leaving his uncle in confusion and a sense of guilt.

“What do you mean left? His shift has more than three hours yet to end, how could he just leave? He never does this what happened to him?” the manager asked Keiji in slight anger but frowned when he saw his facial expression.

“I apologize for him, he had to leave” Keiji said and the manager raised an eyebrow.

“But there’s no one to take his place right now and-“

“I’m sorry I put you in such a situation, I made him leave”

“You fired him?!”

“No, he left because of me... I gotta go now” he said and walked away, leaving a frown of confusion on the manager’s face that stood there still for a few moments.

“Sir? Where’s Akira?” Takanori asked from behind after witnessing the owner's short conversation with him from afar with Akira missing.

“He left” he said emotionlessly and stormed away leaving a big question mark on his face.

He made it to the changing room and called him but heard his phone ringing in his closet and found his bag and clothes too.

 

Akira rang the bell and waited for his grandmother’s slow steps to reach the door and open. He stood there still for a few moments looking at her blankly as he breathed heavily.

“Aki-chan? What happened? You’re early! And what are those clothes? Where are your things too?” She asked worriedly but he stood there silently and blankly staring at her before he took a step in, closed the door then looked at her again.

“Aki-chan, are you alright? What happened, my dear?”

“Father was there today... and he’s dying” he said emotionlessly before he breather heavier and started looking around randomly.

“I don’t... I don’t even know what I’m doing here” he said in confusion before he felt her arms around him.

“Talk to me honey, what happened?”

“I... I should leave... my shift isn’t over, the kitchen will-“

“Shhh” she pulled away and silenced him, holding his face with both hands.

“You’re here already so just calm down and talk”

He looked at her unsurely for a while before he took a deep breath and looked down while on the other side Takanori felt concern clutching at him with every passing minute during his shift until he could finally leave.

“I’ll check on him at his house if he’s not there I’ll tell you” Takanori said to Mei and Mori before he headed out with his things and Akira’s.

With every street he passed and every step he took closer he felt more worried until he made it to his doorstep.

He was greeted by Akira’s grandmother who led him to Akira’s room and gave him a chance to breathe in relief after knowing that he was home. He walked in, put down his stuff and entered his room where he found him curled on his bed in shorts and a big hoodie.

Akira looked up and in a matter of a couple of moments, his arms were in the air waiting to wrap around Takanori and squeeze for serenity. Takanori didn’t hesitate and took big steps to his bed, sat down and took him in his arms, feeling his tightly wrapped around him.

“Baby what happened? Are you alright? What did he tell you?” He spoke after a few moments of silence during their bone-crushing hug.

Akira pulled away and looked him in the eyes before he sighed deeply. “Uncle told me after he left that he’s ill and dying... and just wanted to see me that he begged uncle to let him see me... I’m confused, I don’t know why I can’t take it and I don’t know what to do or why am I even feeling like this! I never cared about him just like he did! Why do I feel like this?! Why do I care?”

“Because you’re too kind to let him die alone knowing that all he wants is you” Takanori said gently and sadly as he caressed his hair.

“I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know why I feel bad for being angry at him... I feel like the bad guy here and I... I just don’t know” he finished with uncertainty pouring out of his voice. He looked down with a frown and felt Takanori’s hands on him.

“No... don’t feel bad for being angry at him, you have all the right to be, you’re not the bad guy here, you never were and never will... it was just unexpected and... baby you’re just too kind-hearted to listen to your grudge in such a situation”

“What do I do?”

“I can’t tell you what to do in that situation, you have to choose, but after all, you don’t have to do anything, just do what you feel is right not what you feel that you must do”

“Grandma also said that... but... I mean... I’m afraid of regret, if I choose to leave him alone I may regret it for the rest of my life... but... will I regret granting him his last wish?” He asked unsurely with a sad frown of confusion.

“You’re right... and yeah, I don’t think you may regret doing it, your heart wouldn’t regret kindness” Takanori said with a faint smile as he caressed his cheek with the back of his hand.

“It’s just that... time’s running and... I don’t know” his voice went out weak, begging for help just as his eyes so Takanori pulled him in and hugged him so close and tight, resting his head on his shoulder and feeling his chest rising and falling against his due to his heavy breathing.

“Everything will be alright, baby. Listen to your heart and whatever you’ll choose won’t be judged” Takanori whispered in his hair and rubbed his back before pulling away to the sound of his ringing phone.

“Oh” Takanori said under his breath before holding the phone against his ear.

“Yeah, I’m there and him too, sorry I was gonna call” he said and noticed the questioning look in Akira’s eyes.

 

“They too were worried about you... you worried me so much, you never leave like that”

“Yeah, I know... I’m sorry I didn’t know what I was doing I only caught up on things a couple of hours ago I just-“

“Shhh it’s okay, it’s okay I’m not judging you, just letting you know” he silenced him with his finger on his lips before he traced them with his thumb as he talked.

“Uncle must be angry at my reaction”

“Angry? Why? I heard him apologizing to Eiji for you... it’s okay, I think, don’t worry.” He patted his knee and said, looking him in the eyes. “Stop overthinking, you look tired, don’t you wanna sleep?”

“I want... but it’s not even 10 yet”

“It’s fine, sleep and I can stay... just calm down and rest your body, I’m here” he said, caressing his cheek before leaving a small kiss on his lips. Akira laid down and his eyes didn’t close until he felt him next to him. “Don’t seep in jeans... take anything from the closet” Akira said, furrowing his brows so Takanori chuckled and got out of bed and took a change of clothes out then took off what he was wearing and put them on before once again joining him in bed after turning the light off, noticing that he watched him with a faint smile.

“What are you staring at” Takanori teased, smiling at him playfully and watching his faint smile grow.

“You” Akira said simply with his smile before it gradually faded away as he let his heavy eyelids fall.

Takanori placed a kiss on his closed lips and another on his cheek before returning to his spot and staring at him till he himself felt sleepy.

After a short while, Takanori felt a strong tremble next to him so his eyes fluttered open, already looking beside him to find Akira breathing heavily and his eyes are slowly falling back shut.

“Babe are you okay? Is it a nightmare?”

“No, I was just falling” Akira said in a sleepy voice with a sarcastic smirk as his eyes already closed so Takanori sighed with a smile and held him close, closed his eyes as well and drifted away in sleep.

In the middle of the night, when silence took over the room and whole apartment and darkness filled the view, Akira’s eyes slowly opened with its wide pupils to realize the darkness around him and know that it’s still night. He looked beside him and barely saw Takanori’s face in the dim light of the moon but kept staring until he noticed his eyes moving under his eyelids before they opened gradually until they focused on his face.

“You’re awake?” Takanori whispered so he nodded to him and watched him blink repeatedly to fix his blurry vision.

“Why? You can’t sleep? Is it another dream?”

“I don’t know, I woke up to thoughts, I heard it in my dreams and woke up to them... my head doesn’t wanna rest”

“Baby” Takanori whispered and moved closer to him.

“What is it preventing you from resting?”

“Fear... I’m just afraid, my heart is shrinking, I can’t take another death, it seems that it’s not much about him but about death... mom’s death’s been repeating in my head for years and she too died from illness and now it’s happening all over again with me involved... I can’t take it, I’m terrified I don’t want him to die, I don’t give a fuck now if that is caring or not I just don’t want it to happen”

“Oh dear, you really are not giving yourself a chance to rest” Takanori frowned sadly and caressed his hair.

“But there is a chance of life right? It exists”

“But weak... I just... fuck I don’t believe me, I used to wish him dead, I hated him so much and now I feel like this?! He did me absolutely no good to feel any of this for him, I’m so confused”

“Baby look... stop judging yourself. What do you say about going once to visit him and there you decide what to do and how to feel? Seeing him and talking to him after knowing what's going on may lead you to one of these ways you’re distracting yourself with... give him and yourself a chance to understand what is going on... I myself think he wouldn’t expect from you to visit”

“Yeah he won’t”

Akira sighed deeply and curled closer to him in bed to feel his warmth and his arms around him as Takanori breathed deeply and felt him in his arms, felt his deep breaths that exhaled his confusion out.

Takanori closed his eyes with a faint smile to the feeling of his sleepy breaths on his chest and felt everything else sinking away.

Chapter Text

Akira thought and thought about Takanori’s words and his grandmother’s and decided to give it a try not to regret anything. In his way to the restaurant he tried to stop thinking about it and Takanori could see it so he kept on dragging conversations to distract him. 

“Hey, uncle... I’m fine, thanks” Akira said through the phone in the changing room before heading to the kitchen

“I was wondering... which hospital is he in? Or where is he?”

“You’re going to see him?”

“Yeah, think so”

“Akira I knew you could do it... thank you”

“Do i have much of a choice?” He said and heard him sigh before he told him in which hospital he is. 

Akira then made it out and into the kitchen to start his work and to rethink his decision again and again until his shift was over and he was free to go. 

“Hey, It’s okay, you’ll be fine” Takanori said, patting his back gently and looking him lovingly in the eyes so Akira smiled at him, took his hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze before taking his bag and heading out alone. 

He made it hesitantly to the hospital and the moment he stepped inside he felt like he should’ve never came but it was too late to rethink his decision for the millionth time cause he already was there. 

After leaving the reception he made it to the room he was in and stood there in front of the door for a few moments before drawing in a deep breath and holding the door knob. 

He stepped in, looked up hesitantly until his eyes laid on his father’s body on the bed, ill, weak and still. He took a couple of steps towards the bed so his father opened his eyes and looked around until their eyes met and surprise took over his face. He looked at him with wide eyes and disbelief for a few moments before Akira made it to the bed and bowed his head a bit to him then stood there awkwardly looking around, trying to swallow his nervousness. 

“Akira” he spoke, gaining his attention and a faint smile showed up on his face when Akira looked at him. 

“I never knew you were that kind” 

“Yeah... sure you didn’t”

“After all you still paid me a visit”

“Yeah... I did” he said emotionlessly before taking a seat on the chair placed next to the bed. 

“When did you get sick?” He asked after sighing deeply. 

“It turned out that it was in my body for so long but I didn’t know and when the symptoms showed up it was too late to save anything... so here I am, just waiting”

“Seems like you’ve been busy to take care of anyone even yourself”

“Akira, I never felt okay about leaving you... and I guess you never heard this but after I left, I travelled and lived outdoors and when your mother died-“

“I don’t wanna know” Akira cut him with a dead look in his eyes, shaking his head. 

“I knew a week-“

“I said I don’t want to know” he said sharply. 

“Akira, listen you have to know, you never let me explain myself, you never knew-“

“Because I refused to know, because I didn’t want to know because I don’t wanna forgive you!” He snapped at him and saw his face fall and saw the crack in his heart through his eyes which wrecked him inside a bit. 

“I don’t expect you to forgive me... but your visit and the sight of you is enough to bring a smile to my old, pale face before I die” he said and Akira’s heart shrank for some reason. 

“It’s not expected when... but It’ll happen sooner or later, and you see, I’m totally alone... which might hint you that I wasn’t too busy with a family than to check on you, and you must know that I couldn’t come back when she died-“

“Stop”

“No, I won't!... I was trapped outside, I was unable to make it back home because of debt problems and I did all I could to reach you but you refused to talk to me, I called you hundreds of times and you still refused to listen to me, I told my brothers to explain to you but you refused to hear anything about me and for all of this time you thought that I didn’t give a damn about you and was too busy to make it home to check on you, I just couldn’t, Akira I couldn’t! You were so stubborn even when I finally could return a couple of years later you refused to see me and you don’t need to be reminded of what you did when I made it to your house”

“Oh, so I’m the bad guy now?! I didn’t give you a chance to explain yourself, to explain why you would leave your pregnant, jobless wife all alone with her seven years old kid and run away! My bad!”

“Akira, she didn’t tell me that she was pregnant, I knew when it died and she-“

“I don’t give a damn! Even if that’s what she wanted, even if things had to go this way, I’ll never forgive you for leaving and forgetting about me like I was a mistake! For years you knew nothing about me! Don’t try to explain yourself I’m done and I’m not here to make things up with you! You wanted to see me because you’re dying and my hate didn’t stop me from granting you this cause that’s how she raised me!”

“You don’t have to tell me... cause I already see her in you” he said quietly and Akira’s anger died in a moment and he felt his eyes burning as he looked him in the eyes so he blinked repeatedly and looked down.

“Akira, I’m not justifying what I did... I regretted it a lot and I regret it now the most, cause I can’t fix it, I realized what a joke my life was so just calm down, I already am regretting everything and barely living with my past... just waiting to die and get rid of this life I made” he said so Akira gradually raised his head to look at him and just stared at him without saying a word until his father smiled at him. 

“You’re a good man... you’re too good to be my son... you’re hers, and I’m thankful that you are”


..

“But how did it go?” Takanori spoke through the phone. 

“I don’t know”

“Are you planning to go again?” 

“I don’t know”

“Aki... what happened?” A frown of concern took over Takanori’s face and worry was heard in his voice. 

“We just talked... and I was so confused, a minute I want to scream at his face and leave and a minuted I’m calm and sad to what he was saying, I thought I’ll make it there to understand how it should go like but I couldn’t even understand myself” he said and sighed, laying down on his bed on his back and closing his eyes. 

“It’s okay... but at least you’re not angry? Or you don’t regret your decision right?”

“No... not yet, I don’t know really I’m confused... I wish I could lay in your arms now...”

“Want me to come over?” Takanori said and waited for his answer impatiently. 

“No, you don’t have to, it’s fine... I’m so tired and will sleep immediately anyway”

“So... you’ll sleep now? Your voice is sleepy”

“Yeah, I think so”

“Okay, baby... see you tomorrow, good night”

“Night, babe” Akira said with a faint smile that faded away a minute later then put the phone down next to him on the pillow and closed his eyes. 

 


“Morning” Takanori said calmly, stepping close to Akira who put his things in his locker. 

“Morning” he turned his head and replied with a smile then looked away before turning his head to face him again after realizing his continuous gaze on him. 

“What?” 

“Nothing” Takanori said with a playful smile, tying his apron around his waist before shooting him a look with a tiny smirk and leaving. 


In the lunch break, they sat together to eat and Mori joined them. 

“Wanna drink tonight... wanna join me?” Mori said looking at them both. 

“No, I’ll pass” Akira said so Kagemori turned his gaze to Takanori. 

“No, I’m fine” Takanori declined with a faint smile so he huffed. 

“Think I’ll get myself drunk alone”

“Why don’t you ask Mei?” Takanori suggested so he raised an eyebrow. 

“Mei? Why didn’t I ask her... Mei!” He said to himself and then left, calling for her and leaving them both giggling. 

“I don’t think she’ll tag along after what he did this morning” Takanori said and giggled. 

“What?”

“Rina was chatting with Mei and asked if she had a dream of being with someone before the question reached all of us so Mei went like ‘yeah and I hope it’s soon enough’ looking at him then when he answered he said ‘I don’t know I don’t think I have one’ so her face fell and she stormed out of the room” Takanori said, giggling. “How thick could you get” he continued in laughter and watched Akira chuckle. 

“He’s an ass” Akira said, chuckling then looked at him. “What about you, what did you say?” 

“What do you think I said?” Takanori said with a smile. 

“I don’t know” he chuckled and looked at him in the eyes. 

“I said yeah I have a dear one” he said then giggled. “And then all of them were like ‘hey! You do?! Oh Takanori, you have someone’” he said in giggles and then furrowed his eyebrows. “Do I look that desperate?” He said then chuckled so Akira giggled, shaking his head and looking at him before he continued eating. 

..

“Wanna come home with me?” Takanori said, tilting his head in the bus next to him so Akira looked at him and nodded with tired eyes. 

Takanori took off his shoes and stretched with a yawn as Akira took off his shoes as well then wrapped his arms around him from behind and hugged him, burying his face in his neck. 

Takanori held his arm and smiled a bit, looking beside him so Akira looked up so that their faces meet. Takanori kissed the tip of his nose and pulled away, holding his face. 

“Wanna take a nice shower?” Takanori said, cupping his cheeks then kissed his forehead after he nodded. 


“Mind if I joined?” Takanori said, taking off his pants to Akira who just stepped inside the bathroom. 

“You don’t need an invitation” Akira said and chuckled as he too started taking off his clothes. 

They both made it to the shower and stood silently under the water. 


“Baby?... what is it?” Takanori said so Akira looked up at him and shook his head “what?”

“You look so lost, your eyes are empty, what’s wrong?” Takanori said, cupping his cheek and caressing his skin with his thumb. 

“Not much... just thinking”

“About yesterday?”

“About my whole life actually” he said with a sigh so Takanori kind of pouted with a frown. 

“If you wanna talk you know you can... and if not I hope you find what you’re looking for, but just for my sake, don’t exhaust yourself and your mind... go easy on yourself, you really look so lost I’ve never witnessed that on you”

Akira smiled at him weakly and kissed his forehead before he grabbed the shampoo and poured some in his hand then started washing his hair with Takanori still looking at him sadly. 

He rinsed his hair and opened his eyes, started cleaning his body, not noticing his gaze on him, not noticing anything at all. He washed off the soap and then looked at Takanori who finished cleaning himself as well. 

Takanori stared at him for a while and his eyes were still looking the same... empty. 

Without a word, Takanori moved closer and touched his face, looked him in the eyes then took his lower lip between his lips and his other hand moved to his side as he kissed him. 

Takanori tilted his head and touched his lips with his tongue as they kissed. It took Akira a while to touch him back and start moving, to get his absent mind to focus on him and sort his raging mind a bit. 

Takanori turned the running water off as they kissed quietly for a while. Takanori’s arms wrapped around his neck before he broke the kiss and looked him in the eyes. Akira was about to talk but words got lost under the heavy stare of his eyes so instead he pulled him in for a kiss and this time he deepened it and moved his hands more on his body to feel his roaming his skin in return. 
Takanori’s little moans in his mouth vibrated their kiss and made Akira want more with the passing seconds. In a couple of minutes, Takanori was pushed against the wall with Akira’s hand on his ass, squeezing him as they kissed before he inserted his hand between his cheeks followed by an unexpected finger thrust that made Takanori flinch and moan a bit louder to the feeling of his finger in him that started moving. He kept fingering him during their kiss and made Takanori want more and kiss him back with desire. He pulled out and another finger joined and another until Takanori broke the kiss and rested his forehead against his, breathing heavily and biting his lip to suppress his uncontrollable moans before he hugged him and kissed his neck, still feeling his fingers moving inside of him and also feeling their erections touching. 

Akira pulled out so Takanori pulled away and looked him in the eyes as his hand crawled down to Akira’s cock and grabbed him, slowly rubbing him and watching his heavy eyes darken so he kneeled in front of him and kissed his tip, feeling his fingers already in his wet hair. 

He sucked him in and started moving his head back and forth with his fingers partly holding him.  He pulled him out and kissed it, licking his length then rubbed him again and gave him a gentle squeeze before feeling his hands move from his hair and down to his shoulders, pulling him up.

He pushed him against the wall and pushed his lips on his, squeezing his ass and slapping it so Takanori hopped up, wrapping his legs around him and feeling his hands holding his hips firmly and pushing him harder against the wall to help keep him up. 

Takanori’s arms hanged on Akira’s shoulder loosely with their tongues in each other’s mouths before Takanori’s hand made it down to Akira’s cock and directed it towards his entrance, raising his thighs a bit up his sides. 

Akira didn’t hesitate and tried to push himself in but couldn’t so he used his hand to help. He pushed in and heard his long moan followed by his head thrown to the back. He started thrusting, closed eyes, hiding his face in his neck and thanks to Takanori’s smaller figure, Akira didn’t find it hard to hold him up. 

“Ah... ugh Aki” Takanori groaned to Akira’s loud moans in his neck due to the tightness he felt and roughness it went with. 

Takanori’s fingers dug deep in Akira’s skin as he felt his firm grip on his hips and his rough movements in him. Takanori bent forward and leaned on his shoulders and uncontrollably started kissing his wet neck and shoulder and biting him in order to suppress his moans. The sound of their wet movements and long moans was the only sound that was heard as they both moved against each other with Akira biting his lip and squeezing Takanori’s hips hard and Takanori sucking and biting on Akira’s skin. 

Takanori’s moans became loud pitched when he felt him hitting his point and he couldn’t suppress them anymore, instead, he let them ring around as he started calling his name and moaning his pleasure out loud. 

“Baby... baby ah... oh my god Akira!” Takanori groaned and heard him growl in return with his strong thrusts and a few moments later Akira moaned roughly as he slowed down but thrust stronger in him as he came inside him and heard him let out long and raspy moans as he himself came undone on both of them. 

In a minute, Takanori’s feet were on the floor and they both hugged, slightly moaning their heavy breaths and sighing deeply to their strong orgasms. 

“That was so good” Takanori whispered between his heavy breaths and kissed his shoulder before pulling away. 

Akira faintly smiled at him with his heavy eyes and kissed his forehead. 

They turned on the water again and washed each other’s bodies gently then walked out with towels on their waists to Takanori’s room to put on some clothes. 

 

 

“Today was long for you wasn’t it?” Takanori said, putting down his chopsticks so Akira looked up at him, swallowing his food and nodded with a smile. 

He looked slightly better but was still quiet and silent, barely talking. 

“You made me feel better” Akira said with a smile, taking his hand that rested on the table and kissed it so Takanori smiled genuinely at him and caressed his hands with his fingers. 


..

“Now have some good night sleep and rest your mind and body, love” Takanori said after they laid down in his bed, caressing his hair and kissing him shortly. Akira smiled at him and closed his eyes, burying his face in his chest and stopped everything else going in his head to the feeling of his arms, safely and gently wrapping and holding him closer to his body. 

Takanori breathed deeply in his hair, smiling to the feeling of his body in his arms and kissing his head, watching his breaths calmly until he felt his own eyelids fall heavily. 

The room’s been dark and quiet for hours, just the sound of their quiet breaths. A little gasp broke the silence before their position in bed changed when Akira got up. 

Takanori snapped his eyes open and shifted in his place until he realized Akira who’s sitting next to him in the dim light, bending himself a bit forward and hiding his face in his hands. 

“Aki?” Takanori whispered, touching his shoulder and gently rubbing his back so he looked at him then turned around. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up” 

“What is it, baby? Is it a dream” Takanori asked, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. 

“Yeah” he said quietly and sighed. 

Akira adjusted himself to face him and looked him in the eyes. 

“He confused me... it feels like I’m the bad guy here... I never listened to him, I didn’t know what actually happened and I never listened. He wasn’t married, he didn’t leave mom during her pregnancy on purpose, and he couldn’t be with me when she died and I’ve always thought that he didn’t want to... I don’t know what to think or what to say”

“Baby, don’t blame yourself...but maybe you should’ve listened even once... but even if you did, it wouldn’t have changed a thing, but it could maybe lighten the burden you had in your heart” Takanori said gently, caressing his hand and looking him in the eyes. 

“I thought he had his own family, that he didn’t want me anymore but... he actually appreciated my visit more than I thought” he said and his voice sounded heavy and burdened with guilt just as his eyes

“Akira, it’s okay you-“

“No, Takanori it’s not... I hated him so much for things that he couldn’t help, I’m his only son, I should’ve put his problems with mom aside and acted like his son or even... We’ve never seen each other for years not because he didn’t want to but because I didn’t want to”

“You won’t change a thing by regretting your whole life’s feelings and decisions, it maybe shouldn’t have gone this way but... you can’t just blame yourself, you were a kid then and you felt hurt for your mom and took her side and grew up with these feelings” he said so Akira looked at him with guilt in his eyes before he pulled him in a tight hug. 

“Go easy on yourself baby... spend some more time with him and speak your feelings out, I’m sure you’ll feel better, and if you don’t feel like it, it’s okay, if you feel guilty you can make things up by spending more time with him, he’ll feel better than being left alone in that age and state, you’re so kind and it shows without you knowing or meaning it” he said in his ear and kissed his shoulder before pulling away and cupping his cheeks. 

“You think so?” He asked unsurely so Takanori nodded confidently and laid him down then rested his head on his shoulder, feeling his arm around his back, patting him so he smiled, kissed his shoulder and slept. 

..

Next morning, Akira seemed more interactive and his eyes were no longer as heavy as they looked. 

Akira left for the kitchen and Takanori remained in the changing room with Mei that approached him after a few moments. 

“Takanori”

“Hm?”

“I... see Akira is not as his usual, is he fine? Is it about his dad?” She asked, taking a seat next to him. 

“Yeah... he’s thinking about it a lot”

“Yeah, I could see that” she said with a slight frown and a moment of silence followed. 

“He’ll be alright, I hope” Takanori said and stared blankly at the floor. 

“I... felt like talking to someone but I didn’t want to annoy him or add to what he already has to deal with so... I felt like I... could talk to you?”

“Yeah, of course you can!” Takanori said with an honest smile so she smiled back at him. 

“I... was wondering, do you think Mori may ever... you know... um well, I have feelings for him, and have been for a while... years actually, and now I’m just wondering if he may ever... you know... f-feel something for me?” 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t he?...but also why didn’t you tell him? Why did you wait for years?”

“I’m afraid... not just from him not liking me back but from losing him, we’ve known each other since childhood and I can’t risk losing him so I preferred to keep it to myself but... I’m kinda afraid someone may make it to him before I do and then I will lose”

“I know how that feels like...but what do you feel like doing?”

“I don’t know, I’m a coward I can’t decide”

“No, it’s okay” he smiled at her and patted her back so she smiled sadly at him. 

“I prefer honesty, but if you don’t feel like telling him maybe I can give him a hint?”

“Really? I don’t know-“

“Takanori! Mei!” She got cut off by Eiji so they both made it out and to the kitchen, leaving their conversation unfinished but not for so long. 


“Going home?” Takanori asked Akira as they took their things to leave the restaurant. 

“Maybe no... think I should go today” Akira said with a shrug heading out of the door, followed by him. 

“Call me tonight” Takanori whispered before they took their separate ways. 

Akira’s guilt wasn’t his only incentive to go, he felt like he should make it there and didn’t question his decision much this time. 

Chapter Text

 

Akira’s visit didn’t go as planned. Once he made it there, he was told to return home because his father didn’t feel so well and was getting medication so this week's visiting hours were all cancelled so he returned home, made dinner and ate with his grandmother before lazily making it to his room. 


“Hey baby” Takanori heard through the phone so he smiled and sat down on his couch, holding a pillow. “Hey”

“How was your day? Are you still out?”

“No I’m home, just had dinner”

“Didn’t you go?”

“I went but he wasn’t feeling well and this whole week’s visiting hours were cancelled so... I made it back home”

“Oh really?... I hope he’ll be alright” Takanori said with a frown. 

“Yeah” Akira said and sounded burdened. 

“Babe, I’m not used to you like this, I wanna do something, wanna cheer you up... don’t you wanna do something?” Takanori said with a sad frown so Akira smiled genuinely and sighed. “Something like what?”

“I don’t know, what about going out? Wanna go out?” Takanori suggested, tilting his head. 

“I don’t know, do you want to?”

“Yeah I’d love to” Takanori said so Akira smiled. “Then... let's go somewhere tomorrow, I got my day off” Akira said so Takanori grinned. 

“Great then, do you want us together in a date or do we all go out together?”

“Whatever you want, honey” 

“Alright, what about all of us going out and having fun somewhere? Don’t you miss our outings together?”

“I do” Akira said and his voice went out in almost a whisper so Takanori grinned and chuckled lightly then said “Alright then”

“Alright” Akira said with a smile and a gap of silence took its place in their phone call for a minute. 

“So... what are you doing?” Akira’s voice broke the silence. 

“Chilling on the couch and talking to you, what about you?” He said with a smile that Akira could hear on the other side. 

“I’m on bed, my head’s empty and I’m bored”

“Want me there?” Takanori said and Akira could hear the smirk in his tone. 

“So much”

“Sorry you can’t have everything” he said with a chuckle and heard him chuckle on the other side. 

“But what do I have now? I’m not having much, just chatting, I wanna touch you”

“You’re greedy” Takanori said with a chuckle so Akira giggled and turned on his other side. 

“I’ll show you how greedy I can be”

“I’ll stick to my home then”

“I still can reach you”

“What do you want?” Takanori said playfully, hugging the pillow and grinning widely. 

“What do you think I may want?”

“Bad things”

“You’re evil, I just wanna cuddle” Akira condemned and giggled, furrowing his brows and heard his laugh on the other side. 

“You can do this forever I won’t stop you”

“Oh, and you’ll stop me from going further?”

“Who knows?” Takanori said with a giggle so Akira laughed and their flirting went on for a while until Akira’s eyelids became heavier and heavier so he decided to better cut off the call before he falls asleep during it so Takanori with a smile wished him a good night sleep and made it to his room after texting Mei and Mori about an outing tomorrow after work. 

Takanori’s day went normally and they decided their destination but on the other side Akira woke up with a stomachache and a high temperature that tied him to bed until the afternoon. 

His grandma tried to help him but he kept refusing to take the boiled herbs drink and in return, his condition worsened and he vomited twice. He spent all day in bed then he noticed it was the end of the shift time and expected Takanori’s call any minute but instead he called him to cancel plans before they make a move. 


“Akira, I was about to call you!”

“Yeah, I guessed so... I’m sorry I can’t make it out today”

“Are you alright?... what is it?”

“Nothing, I’m just sick and I waited for the possibility that I may get better by evening but I’m not”

“Oh dear, what is it? Did you take any medicine? Are you gonna make it to a doctor?”

“No, it’s just... I don’t even know what it is I’ve been throwing up and my temperature’s not going down”

“What did you eat last night?”

“I had dinner with grandma but she’s fine so I think it’s me cause I slept with the fan off and turned it on in the middle of the night when my body was moist”

“Oh god, I know when that happens, I’m sorry dear... can I come over?”

“Sure you can... but you don’t have to, grandma is taking care of me”

“No, I’m passing by anyway”

“Okay, just apologize to them for me”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about that” Takanori said with a little smile and hung up, told them and made his way to Akira’s. 

Akira laid down, curled in his bed, wrapping his arms around his stomach and hiding most of his face in the pillow till he felt the door of his room opening so he half opened his eye and looked to see Takanori walking towards him with a pout so he smiled and closed his eye again. 

“Oh my god, baby, is it still aching?” He asked and took a seat on the edge of the bed so Akira moved his head to look up at him and half-opened his eyes with a faint smile then nodded so Takanori touched his cheek then brushed off his hair strands off his forehead, caressing his hair. 

“Takanori, tell him that herbs are good for the stomach, he doesn’t wanna drink it, it will heal him in a few minutes” they heard from behind as his grandma opened the door and walked in with a mug. 

“Why don’t you wanna drink it?”

“It tastes like hell I won’t put that on my tongue, it’ll make me throw up again”

“Then don’t... just swallow it” Takanori said with a smile. 

“No, believe me, you wouldn’t taste that”

“Well, I’ve tasted what’s worse than that so I think I’m gonna be fine” Takanori said in a sarcastic tone so Akira looked at him with a frown then hid his face in his pillow once again. 

“C’mon” Takanori said, rubbing his shoulder. 

“Won’t you drink it? Even though Takanori’s the one asking you to?” She said so Takanori chuckled and Akira looked up at her with a frown. “Don’t do that”

“Oh, I thought he was different to you” she teased him so he raised his face and looked at her with a raised eyebrow.  

“Stop it”

“Hey, did you drink it before?” Takanori asked him, taking the mug from her. 

“Why do you think I hate it?”

“You spat it out and never swallowed it!” His grandma said with a frown. 

“Okay, why don’t you drink it this time? And see if it will heal you for real so if it didn’t, never drink it again and tell her then that it didn’t work before” Takanori said with a faint smile, watching his grandmother chuckle. 

“I pray that you never need to drink it or any other thing ever again but just this time give it a try?” He said with a warm smile and watched as Akira moaned with a frown and hid his face in his pillow, squeezing his stomach. 

Takanori kept drawing wide comforting circles on his back until he looked up again then sat up whining so Takanori smiled and gave him the mug and watched him frown and crinkled his nose. 

“No, don’t smell it, just drink it in a shot”

“You want me to drink a mug on a shot?!” Akira protested with a raised eyebrow causing him to giggle. 

“You’re so stubborn I can’t go on longer” his grandmother huffed and left the room, closing the door behind. 

“C’mon honey” Takanori said with a pout so he took two big gulps down his throat then put the mug down with an expression of disgust, covering his mouth with his hand as he gagged a couple of times. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay have some water” Takanori patted his shoulder, handing him the glass of water that was on his nightstand. 

In an hour Akira felt heavy and just laid there listening to Takanori and staring at him until he felt his eyes closing so Takanori stopped talking and wiped on his hair repeatedly until he fell asleep. 

He sat there for a while, staring at him and thinking until he himself felt his head heavy and felt like sleeping but didn’t want to wake him up but then a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth when he saw Akira moving a bit to the edge of his bed and touching his hand. 

He laid next to him and kept his hand under his touch, closing his eyes until he fell asleep as well. 

After a few hours, Akira opened his eyes with a frown that melted away when he realized that his stomachache was no longer there and got replaced with a smile when his eyes fell on Takanori’s peaceful, sleeping face. 

His hand made it to his cheek and touched him with the smile still on his face before he saw his eyes moving under his closed eyelids so he took his hand away but Takanori held it before opening his eyes slowly with a smile. 

“You woke up... how do you feel?” Takanori asked with his sleepy voice and got a smile in return. 

“Better... my stomach just feels... uncomfortable, gonna take a while to feel normal again” Akira said, moving closer to him. 

“It’s late... didn’t intend to sleep that much though, I’ll have to make it home, need to shower, change, have dinner and sleep”

“Oh, you’ll leave?” Akira asked with a little pout that Takanori kissed with a smile before he nodded. 

“Will you make it to work tomorrow?”

“You know I will” Akira said with a sided smile so Takanori looked at him and furrowed his eyebrows a bit. 

“But honey, if you need to rest then do it”

“No, I’ll be fine don’t worry” he said with a smile so Takanori sighed and kissed his forehead. 

Next day Akira did really feel better and made it to work eventually and the day went on normally. 

The week passed and during it they could arrange an outing together that helped lighten up Akira’s mood then eventually he received a call from the hospital that informed him that he was able to visit his father and that he got better. 

Akira woke up Monday morning, heavily moving around until he made it to work knowing that he’ll meet his father again after work. 

“Are you alright?” Takanori asked in their lunch break as they ate so Akira looked up with a questioning look. 

“You look off” Takanori continued so Akira raised an eyebrow in confusion. 

“Do I?”

“Yeah, you do”

“I don’t know, I’m just thinking... I’m gonna make it to the hospital after work” Akira said shrugging then he continued eating. 

“You’re going? Are you alright then? Do you wanna skip it today?”

“No, I haven’t been going for a week, I think he’s expecting me” he said and Takanori kept looking at him so he looked up and smiled. 

“It’s fine, I’m gonna be alright, I’m not forced to go though” he said, chuckling so Takanori sighed with a faint smile. 

..

Akira laid on bed after returning home with a mind busy with many thoughts as usual and compared his first visit to his father with this one and didn’t really think he’ll feel this way after seeing him getting better. 

He fell asleep and forgot to call Takanori or shower, he just ate and made it to bed. Next day was Takanori’s day off so right after Akira woke up he showered then called him, inviting him over for dinner then called Mei and Mori as well. 

The moment Akira opened their front door and saw Takanori he took him in his arms longly not knowing why but he hugged him back just the same so he didn’t care to wonder.

“Hey” Takanori said, pulling away with a smile before he heard his grandma behind so he turned around and smiled at her. 

“Hello, son” she said, approaching him and patting his back so his smile widened and he replied with a polite nod. 

“The guys are on their way”

“Oh, they’re coming?” Takanori asked, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. 

“Yeah, grandma wanted to bring back our dinner together, she used to do that a lot but now you’re here too” Akira said smilingly, sitting next to him. 

“Oh, that’s so sweet of her... I love her a lot” Takanori said with a slight smile so Akira looked at him with a warm smile and said “Yeah, I know... me too” 

In a few minutes, they heard their loud voices out there announcing their arrival so they made it out of the room and to greet their friends. 

They sat together in the living room and Akira could clearly see the joy in his grandmother’s eyes and feel the relief. Whenever he saw her happiness he felt it and that’s why he didn’t think twice before calling his friends. 

While Akira got caught in a discussion with the grandmother and Kagemori Mei excused herself and made it to the bathroom but after a while, Akira noticed that she was late so he went looking for her and heard her in the bathroom so he knocked and she eventually opened. 

“Oh my- what have you done?!”


After the conversation was almost over by Kagemori winning, Takanori looked around for Akira but noticed he was absent for a while so he got up and headed to his room to put his phone on charge and look for Akira but as he walked closer he could hear him talking and hear Mei’s voice that was kinda in pain. 

“Akira!...stop, oh my god, agh, I’m so stupid” he heard as he stepped closer so he kinda stopped moving when he heard him as well. 

“Wait wait, don’t move... damn” 

Takanori felt his heart dropping for some reason but his legs made it to his room before his eyes recognized them in the bathroom and he felt his heart almost stopping before a huge relief made it to his heart so he walked closer. 

“W-what happened?... oh my god” he asked, stepping inside before his eyes widened to the sight of Mei’s bloodied arm and reddened skin spots around glass shreds in her arm that Akira tried to get out. 

“That dumb... her perfume bottle broke and she almost fell on it, just don’t tell grandma now, she’ll be so worried” Akira said, still trying to take out another tiny shred of glass. Takanori felt guilt eating his heart to the sight of Mei’s tears and Akira’s worried face and he wanted to punch himself in the face. 

“Oh god, c-can you take them out or do we take her to the hospital?”

“They’re almost out but those tiny ones are hard to get out... I took two out already just make her stop moving” Akira said without looking away from her arm. 

“Hey, i-it’ll be alright just wait a couple of minutes, try not to concentrate on it just look away” Takanori said, patting her shoulder, feeling so bad that he didn’t dare look them in the eyes. 

Eventually, Akira took them out and cleaned her wounds, bandaged her arm so Mori and the grandmother knew eventually but didn’t freak out much, knowing that it was okay now. 

Mei afterwards wasn’t in a very good mood because of the pain so she excused herself earlier but it was kinda late so Mori left with her to walk her home cause they are neighbors anyway. 

“Okay, I’ll see you later then” Takanori said to Akira while Mei and Mori talked to Akira’s grandma. 

“What? No, stay” Akira said and touched his hand. 

“Um... I should go home and-“

“No, you’re staying” Akira said, tightening his grip on his hand and looking him in the eyes. Takanori felt a sting in his heart to the look in Akira’s eyes begging him to stay and he felt guilt clutching at his heart. 

“You’re staying?” Mori asked as they both stood on the doorstep.

“I-“

“Yeah, he’s staying” Akira said, cutting him off so they left and his grandmother headed to her room to sleep and so did they. 

“What is it, babe?” Akira asked and took a seat beside Takanori who sat on the edge of his bed. 

“N-nothing, just give me something to change to” Takanori said to change the subject but Akira tilted his head a bit in confusion cause Takanori never asks for a change, Akira always reminds him of it. He stood up, changed and gave him some comfy shorts and a t-shirt. 

“Hmm, what is it now?” Akira asked sitting next to him with his hands in his lap. 

“What?” Takanori looked at him with a shrinking heart, seeing a dead end to the road he was running in from their conversation. 

“What happened, something’s wrong with you” Akira said and tilted his head in front of his face to see him better. 

“It’s nothing, I just... am so stupid”

“Why?”

“Look, it’s not worth bringing up, I will-“

“Takanori” he spoke his name with his eyes staring at his which tightened Takanori’s chest. 

“When you... w-when you were in the bathroom with Mei, I didn’t see you first, I heard you and... it wasn’t clear what you- I thought...” Takanori stuttered and felt nervousness melting words on his tongue that they spilt out. 

“What?” Akira asked with a look of confusion. 

“Never mind I-“

“Takanori what is it? What did you think?” Akira asked still not getting any of his hints. 

“Did you think I was hurting her?” He asked again and made Takanori’s heart shrink again and a lump to form in his throat. 

“I didn’t even hear her crying, I... the voices that lead me inside didn’t refer to any of this, it...” he said then looked down but Akira remained silent, wanting him to continue.  

“I thought you were doing something together” he blurted out suddenly and a tear almost made it down on his cheek before he wiped it off his lashes with his finger. 

“What? Something like... what do you me- oh!” Akira said in confusion before his eyes widened and he kinda gasped. 

“Baby, I’m sorry, I swear I never think of such things or doubt anything I just heard her first and your voice was so low, I didn’t know what was going on and it was coming from the bathroom... b-but believe me I don’t doubt anything you do, I’m so sorry that such a thing crossed my mind” he explained and now tears made its way down his cheek and he felt ashamed and embarrassed even more when it was brought out. 

“Oh my god, how did it sound this way, she was crying”

“I knew, I’m sorry I’m so sorry I-“

“Are you still feeling the same way towards her?” Akira asked, cutting him with furrowed eyebrows while he wiped his face. 

“No, no, I don’t, she told me before that she has feelings for Mori, I know and I never doubted your feelings and it never crossed my mind it just-“

“Hey, just don’t cry... it’s alright, I just didn’t really pay much attention to our settings”

“I’m sorry, I really am” Takanori said as Akira wiped his face and pulled his head to rest on his shoulder and hugged him. 

“It’s okay, it’s just a misunderstanding, don’t cry” Akira said with his hand wiping on his back gently to comfort him as he sobbed on his shoulder. 

“I’d never do this, you know that right?” Akira said in his hair and felt him nodding so he tightened his arms around him and kissed his forehead. 

In a few minutes, they were laying in Akira’s bed, chatting and staring at the ceiling when Akira turned his face around so that he was looking at Takanori. 

“Oh, baby, look at you” Akira said, touching Takanori’s cheek. 

“What?” He asked with a faint smile and felt Akira’s fingers squishing his cheek and his other hand wandering his body. 

“What is it?”

“You look fuller and healthier, you’re squishy... look at that tummy” Akira said with a cute, playful tone, squishing his cheek and touching his body. 

“What? Have I gained weight? Oh, my god I didn’t notice, am I getting fat?” Takanori said, getting up, raising his t-shirt off his body to check on himself. 

“Hey, hey what are you doing? I said you look healthier, you used to look thinner and weaker but now you’re not... means you eat better and are happier, what is it to worry about?” Akira said, getting up and cupped his cheek. 

“Really?” Takanori asked unsurely, looking down and then up at him again and saw him nod. 

“Your collarbones and ribs are fully hidden now” Akira said, playfully touching his skin before he started kissing him but giggled to Takanori’s fail tries to stop smiling to kiss him back. 

“You’re gorgeous” Akira whispered with a smile then took his lip in and started kissing him slowly and passionately with a hand cupping his cheek and the other on his hips. 

“I still need to be careful with what I eat or I’ll be a-“ Takanori said, laying close to him on his back, staring at the ceiling in the dimness of the room while Akira laid on his side, staring at his face. 

“An even more squishy toasted marshmallow” 

“Oh my god stop it” Takanori laughed and felt Akira’s hand on his face, squishing his cheek. 

“I love you no matter how you look like” Akira said and left a kiss on his cheekbone. 

“You started working out, didn’t you?” Takanori asked, turning around to face him. 

“Yeah, not too long ago, just a bit at home”

“I see” Takanori said, patting his chest, making him laugh. 

“There’s nothing to see yet” Akira said, giggling so Takanori clicked his tongue. 

“There is and I see”

“Really? That’s good then” 

“Yeah” Takanori said, closing his eyes and resting his forehead to his chest then wrapped his arm around his waist, feeling his hand on his hips. 

“Goodnight my beloved” Akira whispered in his hair with a smile and closed eyes. 

“Night” Takanori smiled, closed-eyes and then let sleep drift him away peacefully. 

Chapter Text

 

Months later, the time has come and Akira packed for the trip to Kamakura with his grandma to spend a couple of days with her sister that she hadn’t met in years. Akira immediately told his manager at work to take a few days off after she told him cause he saw how off she was for the last couple of months and getting ill often and going to hospital made it worse for her and she felt depressed so he was really happy to help her feel better even if it took lots of effort. 

Takanori was happy for him that he’ll go somewhere new and also help grandma feel better although it meant that he’ll stay alone and go to work alone, but he was way past that and even when he stayed alone he never felt lonely. 

These months that passed tied Takanori and Akira closer together. Takanori almost forgot that he once thought he’ll never be happy, that he once was too miserable to smile. He almost forgot about his terrible past. He felt worthy and important, Akira without even trying made him the happiest he was in his whole life, without trying so much he changed his life completely. 

Takanori locked the door behind Akira when he left after a long, passionate goodbye kiss and a hug and made it to his room, laid in bed and hugged his extra pillow that Akira usually sleeps on and stared at nothing as he thought. 

‘With time, I kinda didn’t notice that my nightmares stopped, my panic attacks, the voices I used to hear and also the flashbacks. I barely remember a thing. I never felt this before but I feel complete... he’s always there for me, my heart feels home. My heart still is on fire as ever and my butterflies never sleep, his kisses never feel cold, I never feel like getting used to them it never fails to wake all my senses. 

He’s leaving tomorrow so he stayed today with me the whole day which most of it he spent on making sure I’ll be fine alone. It’s the first time since we became together, he never left and I never did too, I don’t know how it’s gonna feel like to not see him knowing he’s miles and miles away but he made me promise to not think too much and call him if I recalled an unpleasant thing or couldn’t sleep and I’ll keep my promise, I don’t wanna worry him in his short vacation cause, to be honest with myself... I still feel that I’m burdening him sometimes. I’ll spend my time with Mei and Mori and it’ll be fine. I’m not alone.’

Takanori closed his eyes and with a deep sigh, he let sleep drift him away peacefully. 

..

“What’s with the staff? Why are there a lot of late orders?” Takanori asked Mei who huffed from the complaining customers as she walked inside the kitchen. 

“Akira is absent, what do you want the kitchen to look like?” She said with a frown. 

“What? All of that cause he’s not here? But he’s absent for two days every week”

“But those are his days off there are others to take his place so it’s fine but now there’s nobody”

“But he takes lots of people’s shift why can’t someone make it today”

“It’s hard to sort it or to even convince someone to do so, not everyone’s like Akira” she said, taking a tray with food on it and leaving the kitchen, leaving him standing there with a frown. 

He sighed sadly and took orders out as well and as he looked around for if there’s someone wanting something and his eyes focused on a familiar face and when he looked at Takanori he looked away and made it back to the kitchen although there was a customer wanting to ask for something. 

He had to make it back out to serve other tables but his constant stare disturbed him so he looked away but every time Takanori looks towards him he finds him staring so he cleared his throat annoyingly and headed back to the kitchen. 

“Mei, Mei” he almost whispered when he caught her walking back to the kitchen. 

“What?”

“He’s here again”

“Who?”

“That creepy man”

“What creepy man?”

“That one that harassed you before”

“That fucker” she said, gritting her teeth. 

“He’s out there and he’s staring non-stop his eyes are glued to me, he’s so creepy”

“What’s he doing here again, that pervert... what? Is he planning to take you next?” She said ironically and headed to the kitchen. 

“What? No, shut up” he said, chuckling and furrowing his eyebrows, following her into the kitchen. 

After his shift, he gathered his stuff and headed out with Mei and Mori to the bus stop and in their way Takanori glimpsed the man again near the bus stop but decided to ignore him and walked on and till he made it home. 

He headed to the bathroom after throwing away his bag and took off his clothes, turning on the water. His day went on pretty normal just as Akira’s days off, but the mess the kitchen was in that day did really give him lots of feelings, apart from missing him he felt proud of how his existence always makes a difference but also felt bad for how much he has on his shoulders every day to keep things going right, being the oldest member of the staff and an important cook as well and also felt bad that no one accepted taking his place even though he never says no not even when he’s tired, exhausted or sick. 

He walked out of the shower naked and made it to his room to dry himself and got dressed then sneezed a couple of times which made him curse for forgetting the towels so he took a couple of them and put them in the bathroom before he heard his phone ringing in his room so he made it there and a wide smile took a place on his face after seeing Akira’s Name on the screen. 

“Hey, baby”

“Aki!” Takanori said cheerfully with a grin that Akira could sense in the tone of his voice, taking a seat on his bed. 

“How are you?”

“Missing you”

“What? I’ve been away for less than a day” Akira said, giggling so Takanori laughed along. 

“But knowing you’re miles away makes me miss you”

“A call isn’t solving it?”

“I don’t think so, but it’s better than none, right?” Takanori said with the same tone that made Akira smile wider. 

“Right” Akira said in giggles so Takanori smiled. 

“How was it? When did you arrive?”

“Not so long ago, she’s sitting with her sister ever since we made it here they’ve been chatting for hours and I’m just laying here tiredly” Akira said with a chuckle so Takanori smiled faintly. 

“She seems happy and lively, I feel like staying here with her forever if it will make her happier but the distance...”

“Oh, how sweet you are” Takanori said with a smile so Akira chuckled. 

“Maybe it doesn’t have to be the last time”

“Yeah, but the road is tiring and she’s already tired so I don’t know... I don’t think it can happen very often”

“How long are you staying?”

“I’ve taken four days off including today so I’m supposed to be back in a couple of days”

“I hope you enjoy your stay”

“Yeah, so happy spending my vacation with grandmothers... so... fun” Akira said and heard him burst in laughter on the other side of the call so he giggled too. 

“At least it’s calming”

“Yeah, see? It’s still good” Takanori said with a chuckle. 

“Yeah, just kidding... to be honest, I feel much better for just seeing her so lively and chatty, I don’t spend much time with her and if I do I’m always tired so she talks less and spends a lot of time alone, I’m happy she’s here”

“I think everyone in your life is lucky to have you” Takanori said gently with a smile after a short pause of silence. 

“What are you talking about” Akira chuckled with a slight blush. 

“Have a good time baby... maybe consider taking a walk or something with music in your ears?”

“Sounds good, but I think I got something better than music”

“Great then, go for it, what is it?”

“Your voice” Akira said with a smile and the silence afterwards could make him see Takanori’s idiotic grin and blush. 

“Stop it I’m barely holding on”

“What? Why?”

“I want you here”

“It’s only been a day” Akira said, giggling so Takanori chuckled with furrowed eyebrows.

“I know, I don’t know why I feel this way I just do”

“It’s just a couple of days, love”

“I’ll wait for you, just have fun”

The call ended and Takanori sat there with a grin for a while before he made it to his kitchen to start making dinner and to clean around a bit. 

Akira on the other side fell asleep the minute he hung up with him and woke up only by the time it was dinner. 

Takanori didn’t feel lonely or needy, it felt different to miss someone... the only missing he felt was to his parents that are never coming back but now it felt different to miss and to wait, it wasn’t killing, it wasn’t making him suffer or cry. 

Next day Takanori made it to work and greeted Mei and Mori as usual as well as his other workmates and the shift began and the only difference was that Mei looked off and didn’t sound as lively as usual. 

“Oi... Mei?” Takanori almost whispered as they took orders from the kitchen but she didn’t hear until she walked outside and then looked at him over her shoulder with a slight head tilt. 

“Hey, you look off today, what is it?” He thought by asking it’ll help and get better but her face actually fell even more and her eyes glossed but she smiled faintly saying “oh, I just didn’t sleep well, don’t bother” and then taking big steps away from him but he totally didn’t buy it and served the few tables he was supposed to serve and waited for her by the entrance of the kitchen since there were no orders ready to serve. 

She walked past him into the kitchen before she walked out again but had nothing in her hands so he held her wrist. “Hey, I don’t buy it... what happened?”

“Wait till the lunch break and you’ll know” she said and pulled her hand away and made it to the restrooms. 

He stood there with a question mark on his face but sighed and decided to wait till it’s lunch break to know but what he didn’t expect was that she wasn’t the one that was gonna tell him. 

“Takanori, dear friend” Mori came from behind, surrounding his shoulders with one of his arms and patted him firmly that his shoulder kind of shook. 

“Guess who’s s e e i n g  s o m e o n e” he said slowly but excitedly and then laughed but it kind of hit Takanori hard to finally understand what was wrong. He faked a laugh before he looked him in the eyes and saw how happy he was and the gloss in his eyes as he said, so he smiled genuinely and felt an ache in his heart.

“Who is it?” He asked with a smile, opening his lunch box. 

“You don’t know her but she’s so beautiful... she may pass by after my shift we’ll go out if she did you may see her” he said happily before he made it back to the kitchen. 

Takanori swallowed his food and the lump he felt forming in his throat with a sad frown before he glimpsed Mei walking by but didn’t have the guts to talk to her. He felt so sorry and felt the heartbreak she felt from just looking her in the eyes and didn’t know what to do, say or think. 

At the end of lunch break, he headed to the kitchen and met her in his way so he smiled but it went out a bit like a broken smile. 

“Hey, I-“

“So he told you right?”

“He did”

“I think I don’t have the right to feel any of what I’m feeling right? Cause I kicked away all my chances before... I just get to be happy for him during the day and cry at night” she said and ended sarcastically but he didn’t even smile, his eyes looked at her sadly and the sarcastic smile she had on her face faded away just by looking him in the eyes. 

“Please just don’t pity me”

“I won’t... and... I don’t think you’re right. I don’t think it’s your fault, you just may have never had the right time”

“Oh believe or not, I had it loads but I’m a coward and that was expected, I just was trying to not believe the possibility... as if he’s gonna wait”

“Don’t feel sorry for me... I’ll be fine, right? Things will be alright soon” she said with an emotionless smile before heading out to check for tables’ orders. 

He continued the shift gloomily despite smiling to the excited Kagemori twice a minute. When the shift was over he prepared to leave and right after he made it to the changing room’s door he saw Mei’s frozen body and widened eyes that stared towards the door of the restaurant, he didn’t want to expect what she saw but eventually, he looked and found Mori outside kissing his girlfriend. She blinked a couple of times and walked inside to grab her things and looked totally shocked, it was like she didn’t fully take it in yet and that just was a hard slap from reality. 

He followed her inside and the sight of teardrops falling to the ground as she hurried to collect her stuff, hiding her face away broke his heart and he looked at her sadly before he approached her but she avoided looking up at him and walked passed him so he called for her but she didn’t stop or turn around, she just left and he stood there with a heartache that he couldn’t help. 

 

“It was fine” Takanori said calmly, answering to his wondering about his day and trying to sound as fine as possible... hearing Akira’s cheered up tone didn’t encourage him to talk to him about anything that may ruin his mood so he decided to keep today’s incident for until he makes it back. 

“Was it?” Akira asked, feeling something off in his voice so Takanori swallowed and closed his eyes. 

“It was... how about yours?”

“Um, was fun... I took a walk this morning after breakfast and the breeze was calming, but are you sure your day was fine?”

“Yeah, it was!” Takanori said a bit cheerfully with a smile so Akira smiled and hummed but felt something off. 

“Was things as messy as yesterday there?”

‘Oh a big mess’

“No, not really... it was but not as much. Apart from the kitchen I miss you around” Takanori said and a cute smile made it to his lips and another made it to Akira’s. 

“I missed you too, but I’m trying to hold on for the couple of days left” Akira said with a chuckle. 

They flirted for a while and ended the call minutes later and Takanori was left there with the cheerful vibe of Akira and the gloom of what happened at work which confused him for a while but expectedly his mind clutched at the gloom and not just the thought of Mei’s broken heart but also imagined terrible possibilities and ended up with a lump in his throat and a shrinking heart. 

Thinking if Akira ever chose someone over him, it tore his heart apart, just the thought of it. His mind didn’t stop and he didn’t notice how far his mind was taking it and the possibilities brought memories and memories brought unwanted and heavy feelings that eventually brought tears to his eyes and he ended up breaking down alone on his bed where he was sitting and as he sobbed violently he remembered Akira’s loving words that rang in his head and felt like a gentle pat on his soul, as he remembered his insecurities vividly he also found Akira’s assuring words following. 

“I love everything about you... I love you”

He opened his eyes, took in a deep breath and stared at nothing for a couple of minutes before he wiped his face, sighed deeply and grabbed his phone to check the time and hours had already passed. 

He headed to the kitchen and started cooking cause it’s been hours since he had lunch at work. He tried to distract himself and concentrate on the food but eventually, he rested his lower back to the counter and stood there staring blankly at nothing before he felt his eyes burning again. 

He ended up eating with a lump in his throat and burning eyes so he took fast steps back to his room and sat on bed with his phone in his hand. 


“Takanori?” Akira said from the other side of the call when he heard nothing after the call was started. 

“Y-yeah, hey” he said but his voice went out low and week so he cleared his throat and blinked repeatedly. 

“What is it? Are you okay?”

“I am... n-nothing happened” he said and actually realized that really nothing happened so he started wondering why is he feeling this way even?

“What’s with your voice?” Akira asked but heard no response. 

Takanori looked around confusedly and didn’t know what to say, he felt embarrassed, not knowing what caused him this mood and not knowing how to explain but Akira could hear his anxious breathing pattern and it worried him. 

“Baby, what is it?”

“N-nothing happened, I think I just... my mind’s been fucking me up”

“What happened? What triggered you?” He asked but again got no response.  

“What was it? Did you just remember stuff or did you see something?”

“I... it was... never mind, I don’t know why I called in the first place”

“Wait, what? It’s okay” Akira said with a frown but then sighed “You don’t have to have a reason to call me, right?” He said and Takanori nodded silently as he felt tears willing in his eyes. 

“S-something triggered me and my mind took it too far... I just wanted to hear your voice, it pulls me back to reality and puts my feet down on the ground” 

“You won’t sleep this way right?”

“N-no I think I’m fine now”

“Listen, why don’t you keep the call on and we can talk till you fall asleep? Are you in bed?”

“Yeah, but hey you don’t have to, that’ll be-“

“C’mon just get yourself comfortable and cover yourself well it’s gonna get colder at night”

“Okay” Takanori said with a faint smile and put his head on his pillow. 

“Put the call on speaker and put it beside you so you don’t have to keep holding it” 

“Okay” Takanori said with a wider smile and put the phone beside him on the pillow as he laid on his side. 

“What, did you sleep that fast?” Akira asked with a chuckle. 

“No, I’m awake” he said with a smile that was heard in the tone of his voice before he frowns. 

“Were you about to sleep? Am I keeping you awake?”

“No, I’ve been sitting with them and just got in the room but wasn’t gonna sleep right away, I might’ve eventually called you” he said with a smile so Takanori’s frown got replaced with a genuine smile. 

A few minutes of silence took over the call, just hearing each other’s breaths. 

“I thought the time was what breaks the heart but the distance does too... I mean, it’s been two days but I already miss you so bad, I think if you were home here I wouldn’t have felt the same?”

“Yeah, I think so... you know I still don’t feel like it cause first day was tiring, the trip and watching grandma then tiredly falling asleep, today I felt it more, I was like, oh wait you’re not around I want you” Akira said and ended with a smile and furrowed eyebrows so Takanori smiled. 

“I’ll be back soon, sweetie and I’ll give you a bone-crushing hug to make up for these days” 

“Yeah you can make it literally bone-crushing” Takanori said and chuckled so Akira giggled. 

Takanori’s eyelids were falling heavier by the passing minutes and after a few minutes of silence, Akira sighed. “So I have something that I’ve been thinking about lately” he spoke but heard Takanori’s steady breaths and didn’t hear a response. 

“Takanori?” He said a bit quieter then smiled when he got no response. 

“Goodnight baby” he said with the smile still lightening his face before hanging up while on the other side Takanori was already asleep peacefully with his head close to the phone.

Akira laid on his bed with a faint smile after turning the lights off, put his phone aside and closed his eyes and his senses to Takanori’s picture and voice to be the last thing he has in that day. 

..

“Morning, marshmallow. What do you think of your sleep fairy?”

Takanori read with a grin before putting the phone aside to get dressed for work with his face still smiling faintly. 


“I’m sorry I just fell asleep, I don’t know when did I leave you hanging for so long?” Takanori said through his ear pods’ mic after taking a seat in the bus and smiled. 

“No, I heard your breathing and you were silent, not responding to anything I say so I knew you fell asleep”

“Oh that’s it then... but yeah, I’ve got an awesome fairy”

“What?... ah yeah, see? Just give me a call before bed” Akira said with a proud smile so Takanori chuckled. 

“Or maybe in bed” Takanori said and Akira could’ve taken it innocently if it wasn’t for Takanori’s mischievous tone so he laughed and followed with “or in that too” so Takanori chuckled. 

He made it to work with a good mood and he was thankful the day started this way so that he’s not too down if Mei wanted to talk to him. 

 

“Morning” Takanori said with a smile to Mei who almost walked past him with a gloom that she almost didn’t see or hear him. 

“Oh, morning” she said with a faint, sad smile before she proceeded to the kitchen without another word. 

He felt her heartbreak that showed through her eyes but couldn’t help after all. 

The sight of lively and happy Kagemori was the exact opposite of Mei’s and he couldn’t help but feel hurt for her but happy for him. 

After lunch break Takanori got back to work and as he put down food for customers on a certain table he heard a loud noise of crushing and glass breaking behind him so he kinda flinched but then looked behind him and almost gasped before taking big steps towards Mei who tripped over with a tray in her hand and was still caught in the mess it made on the ground. He kneeled beside her and started putting back the plates on the tray and carefully collecting glass shreds then he saw her teardrops falling non stop to the ground as she looked down in shame with her shaking hands while she tried to clean the mess she made as she suppressed her sobs that slightly shook her. 

“Hey... hey, hey leave it and go inside” Takanori said, holding her wrist and pulling it away from the stuff on the ground so she looked at him with tears still sliding down her lashes for a few seconds before she stood up and hurried inside. 

He tried collecting noodles and chicken off the carpet as much as he could but eventually he had to leave some then headed back to the kitchen with wide steps before he heard Eiji yelling at him so he put the tray and turned around to leave the kitchen to talk to him but he was already in the kitchen with anger blinding him. 

“Takanori! One more incident! One more! And consider yourself fired, you hear me?! I don’t care if you’re here according to Mr Keiji’s will I won’t take any more of this mess! Get out there and clean it yourself!” Takanori stood there frozen, looking at his raging eyes and before he could speak a word he remembered Mei’s face and it paralyzed his tongue. He couldn’t say that it wasn’t him, he couldn’t say that it was her, he couldn’t add more to her heartbreak and embarrassment so he just stood there silent and angry from the way he was yelled at just now and apart from it not being his mistake he didn’t know why he could get this angry at him? It’s not like he messes up every day or something, it was only one incident he ever caused. He wasn’t mad at the yelling as much as he was from the words that were thrown into his face and that obviously wasn’t for this situation only, they’re based on old and hidden anger that he didn’t know why it was there even but after all, he took it silently and headed outside to clean the mess. 

“Hey, why didn’t you tell him that it wasn’t you? Don’t clean it, she-“ a waiter told him with a frown but Takanori cut him off with a frown and an “it’s okay”

When he made it back to the kitchen he found Eiji still yelling but this time to Mei who was standing there with tearful eyes, looking at him and suppressing her sobs. 

“And you! Why didn’t you speak up for yourself if you’re not the one that made it?! We’re not in high school you were about to get two days cut off your salary for nothing!” He yelled at Takanori then stormed out of the kitchen and that’s when she broke down right where she was standing, not trying anymore. 

He approached her and so did Mori who was cursing the manager with anger all over his face as he patted her back. 

“What the hell is his problem she didn’t even know that he talked to you and he has fucking eyes to see how she is and still yells like an ass” Mori said in annoyance before she took big steps out of the kitchen so Takanori followed her and felt deeply hurt when she sat on the floor, crying near the door of the changing room. 

“Hey... hey it’s okay” he kneeled beside her and said as he patted her shoulder so she looked up and looked him in the eyes with her puffy and tearful ones, unable to stop her tears and spoke with sobs interrupting her. “Takanori I’m sorry I swear I didn’t know he yelled at you, I was in the restroom and didn’t hear anything... y-you should’ve told him-“

“Shhh it’s alright-“

“No, it’s not, nothing’s alright... I’m so sorry” she said and hid her face in both hands. 

He didn’t know what to say or do he just patted her back and tried to comfort her with some kind words. 

His shift ended and he made it home with a heavy heart, waiting for Akira’s call to lift it all off his chest. 

Chapter Text

 

“It seems that we’re staying for a few more days” was the first thing Akira said after greeting each other on the phone. 

“You’re staying? Why? What happened?” Takanori asked with a frown and a slight pout. 

“I was supposed to make it home tomorrow but an old friend of theirs arrived this morning and grandma wants to stay even for one more day and... I don’t know I can’t tell her no” he said and lowered his voice in his last sentence that sounded kind and warm so despite the sadness that the whole situation put on Takanori he smiled warmly and sighed. 

“What about Eiji? Did you call him?”

“Not yet, I’ll call him later this evening... I hope he doesn’t mind” 

“I think he shouldn’t... you never say no to work and they’re fine in the kitchen, not as bad as the first couple of days”

“I missed you and what made me hold on was that I was supposed to see you tomorrow but ugh, I don’t wanna be selfish”

“Sweetie it’s alright... as long as she’s happy, but when you’re back you’ll be mine for at least a couple of days alright?” Takanori said jokingly so Akira giggled causing Takanori’s gloom to fade away. 

“How was your day today?” Akira asked so Takanori’s grin faded away. 

“Wasn’t so good, to be honest”

“Why? What happened?” Akira asked so Takanori sighed and thought for a second. 

“An accident today that I got involved in... was yelled at in front of everyone with great anger... anger that felt and sounded unreasonable”

“What? Why? By who?”

“Eiji... it was... um just a... y-you know M-“

“What is it? You didn’t say a single sentence”

“Mei hasn’t been feeling well recently and... today she tripped over something and fell with a tray of food in her way to a table, she was crying in embarrassment and she already was feeling bad so I helped her and told her to go inside” he said and sighed deeply. “Eiji saw me and thought it was me so he yelled at me and was so upset than to be for this one situation so it pissed me off”

“What? Why didn’t you tell him the truth?!”

“I couldn’t... I couldn’t add up to what she’s already going through but eventually, someone did and she was insulted in front of everyone and even then Eiji yelled at me for not telling the truth, I don’t understand him”

“Oh my god... he could sometimes be rough but why did he yell at you still? And what’s with Mei?” Akira asked and heard Takanori sigh. 

“I’ll tell you when you’re back it’s a long story... don’t bother, it’s fine, I’ll be alright. I just wished I could see you sooner”

“I’m sorry, baby... just a couple more days” Akira said with a slight frown so Takanori nodded with a hum before he heard Akira being called for so Akira excused himself and ended the call, leaving Takanori in a mix of longing, anger, gloom and numbness. 

He sighed deeply then laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling for a while before he felt his eyelids falling heavy so he didn’t think much before letting them fall shut even without changing, he just welcomed that break with open arms and closed his eyes along with his other senses and let his body and mind take a deserved break. 

On the other side, Akira sat down to have dinner with three lovely grandmas who chatted non stop about either memories or unimportant stuff that he didn’t care enough to follow. A phone call pushed him off his chair to the small courtyard of his grandma’s sister house and what he’s been told through the phone in that call was unexpected. 

His father’s been getting unexpectedly better and returned home the day before. He felt a strange relief and found a faint smile forming on his lips so afterwards he went back inside and joined them again. His grandma noticed his mood and passed him a warm smile so he returned it before making it to the room he was staying in to sleep.

Next workday for Takanori wasn’t much different but thankfully wasn’t much worse. Mei avoided everyone and didn’t talk at all so Takanori didn’t try pushing things and he too almost didn’t talk at all and had his lunch alone, felling too off and down to call Akira who’s probably having a better time than what Takanori was to give him. 

Takanori made it home powerless as usual, cleaned around a bit and took a shower and by this, it was already night and he noticed his phone not ringing the whole day and not having a single missed call. After his long day, he made it to bed and sat there staring at his phone silently for a few minutes before it started vibrating in his hand. He felt his heart beating with relief before he answered the call. 

“Hey, honey” he heard his voice that he missed and smiled, replying with a short “hey”

“How are you? Heading to bed?”

“Yeah, I’m actually in bed”

“And are you alright?”

“Yeah, baby, and you?”

“I’m fine, sorry for not calling all day we were out today and when we made it back they had to prepare dinner and I got a bit busy, I was afraid you might’ve called and I didn’t pick up”

“Aw so you had a good day, how was it? Where did you go?”

“They kept walking around the town with nostalgia and I got showered with old stories from when they were younger” he said and chuckled, allowing warmth to creep in to Takanori’s now cold heart. “And oh my good, grandma is so much funnier around her sister, she reminded me of mom a lot before she falls sick... and she also talked about her a lot” he said warmly and Takanori smiled sadly, wanting to hold his hand at that moment. 

“And how was your day?” Akira asked after sighing so Takanori smiled. 

“Let’s not bring that to such a good conversation” 

“What? Why?... what happened again?”

“Wasn’t so much of a good day... apparently not as good as yours” he said sarcastically with a chuckle so Akira furrowed his brows sadly. 

“So that’s why you didn’t call?” Akira asked and his smiley, warm tone was replaced by worry so Takanori frowned and sighed. 

“N-not really, I just got caught up in cleaning after work and...”

“Baby what happened?” 

“Nothing really, the day was just... kinda heavy” Takanori said and silence took over the call for a few moments before Takanori broke it.

“I... just need you around” he said with that tone that Akira knew to never be spoken without glossing his eyes. 

“Oh, my love I’m sorry... I promise-“

“No, no you shouldn’t be sorry for anything honey, I swear I’m so happy knowing that you are at new places and knowing how happy you are, I don’t want you back to make me feel better, I want you to feel good somewhere new and have a good time”

“But I have a good time with you and-“

“I know baby, but you won’t travel every day... the feeling of missing you just won’t stop but you don’t have to feel bad for it” Takanori said with a giggle so Akira slightly smiled. “I too miss you so much, I wish you were here... grandma did really mention it and wondered why we didn’t bring you along”

“Oh my god, she’s such a sweetheart, that already is enough to know, I feel much better now” Takanori said with a genuine smile that Akira could feel through his voice so he too smiled. 

“You’re probably tired and in need of good, deep night sleep, right?” Takanori said with a smile so Akira slightly chuckled with a sigh. “Yeah, right”

“Good night then, love, sleep well”

“You too” he whispered with a sleepy smile so Takanori smiled before hanging up. 

Takanori laid back with the smile he left on his lips after the call that lightened the day’s burden before he could peacefully make it to his deep night sleep. 

The next couple of days went on dully and just the same as the days before with Mei avoiding everyone, Eiji avoiding contact with them both and Kagemori as in love as he was. 

Takanori waited for Akira’s return more than anything and felt like choking under the water, waiting to make it to the surface. 

He tried to not think of it as much to keep his mind from missing him so much but in that one call, Akira told him that he was returning next morning and it made his heart flutter in his ribcage with a feeling of excited butterflies inside him. 

He didn’t expect him next morning but knowing he was making it home close to him again made him the happiest he was in the past couple of days. 

He didn’t know how the day went or what he did, all he remembered was thinking about seeing him again, sorting his thoughts and thinking of what to tell him first. He felt ridiculous at some point but didn’t think much of whatever he looked like, he was just too happy to care. 

Next day Takanori made it work and with every passing minute that brought him closer to returning home, he felt work easier and easier although he didn’t expect to see him today cause he surely was gonna arrive so tired but he still felt excited. 

“Takanori” he heard an unexpected voice from behind as he gathered his stuff to leave so he turned around. 

“Takanori, I’m... I’m so sorry for the past couple of days, I was rude and... I wasn’t-“

“Hey, it’s alright, I understand... why are you even apologizing, it’s okay” he said with a smile, looking her in the eyes to see them softening with a smile. 

“You’re so kind... thank you” she said with a warm smile so he smiled at her. 

“You remind me a lot of Akira... you both are so lucky to have each other” she said so Takanori felt the heat in his face and his smile widened with a gloss in his eyes. “Thank you”

“He’s returning tomorrow right?”

“No, he actually arrived today”

“He did? Oh so I’ll see him soon” she said with a grin so he smiled and nodded. 

He made it back home and made it to the shower after texting him asking if he was home yet. He didn’t feel like calling for the possibility of him falling asleep right after arriving. 

He had some leftovers for dinner and played a movie in his living room, sat there quietly watching and as usual felt his eyelids falling heavily and he didn’t think much before closing them but an unexpected doorbell ring pushed him off his seat and drove him out and to check for who it was. 

He gasped and his heart jumped inside him as he opened with gleaming eyes and a big smile before jumping out on Akira who caught him with open, welcoming arms. 

“Heyy... oh my god” Takanori almost squealed on his shoulder as he hugged him the tightest his arms could allow him too, feeling his big arms surrounding him as tight as he did. 

“Hey babe” Akira said smilingly in his hair as he rubbed his back and kissed his shoulder. 

“Oh my god, I missed you so fucking much!” Takanori said with glossy eyes as he pulled away and gave him space to walk inside. 

Akira closed the door behind and turned around to face him again and without a word he took his lips between his and surrounded him with his arms again feeling his hammering heart against his chest. 

They didn’t move much it just felt like their lips were hugging too before Takanori moved his lips on Akira’s then his smile broke the kiss. 

“How are you?” Akira asked with a grin, resting his forehead against Takanori’s. “I’m so happy” Takanori said with the smile that didn’t leave his face since he opened the door and felt his eyes tearing as he looked at his.

“When did you arrive?” Takanori asked, pulling away. 

“A couple of hours ago, made it home with grandma and put our stuff but I couldn’t sleep without seeing you” Akira said with a tired smile before Takanori took him in his arms. “Aww baby”

“You look so tired” he said, holding his face with both of his hands so Akira smiled at him. 

“Wanna take a shower?”

“I’m actually too tired to move” Akira said with his half-closed eyes and tired smile. 

“Make it to bed then” Takanori said with a warm smile before leading him inside. As soon as Akira’s eyes laid on his bed his body threw itself on it and he immediately closed his eyes with a moan. 

“Hey, wait, at least change” Takanori said with a chuckle, stepping toward his closet. He made it back to bed with a change of clothes and started putting on the comfy change for him quietly and lovingly while the other didn’t even blink. 

He finished and sat there quietly for a while, staring at him with a loving smile as his fingers brushed through his hair. He left a soft kiss on his forehead and sat there for a while until he felt his eyes falling shut. He took a nap next to him and while he rested his eyes they snapped open so he looked around and his eyes softened to the sight of his man in a deep sleep on his pillow. He looked over his shoulder to check the time so he got up and made it to the kitchen and ended up cooking a good meal. He didn’t suppose him to wake up next morning so he cooked him a meal for when he wakes up. 

As he murmured a song in the kitchen he felt steps behind him so he turned around with a smile. “You’re up? I thought you’ll get up later than that”

“Why didn’t you wake me?” Akira said, approaching him with open arms. 

“Why should I?” Takanori said, chuckling with his back turned to him, facing the stove before feeling his arms around his waist. 

“Because I don’t wanna waste our time sleeping”

“It’s not a waste baby, you’re tired”

“Now I’m not... what are you doing anyway”

“Cooking obviously” Takanori said giggling so Akira chuckled and kissed his neck. 

“My baby’s cooking for me”

“Yeah, it’s been ages huh”

“Yeah ” Akira chuckled and pulled away, stretched and rubbed his face. 

“What’s the time? Is it late? Did I sleep too much”

“No, you just slept for four hours it’s eight thirty now... you should’ve slept more”

“No, that’s fine”

Takanori turned around and stepped closer to him, threw his arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. 

“I think I gotta take a good, warm shower first, my body’s dead” 

“Food’s almost ready, by the time you finish it’ll be done”

“Alright” Akira said with a smile, kissed the tip of his nose then left him with a dorky smile on his lips and made it to the bathroom. 

After a while, Akira approached him from behind again but this time Takanori turned around with a smile. Akira captured his lips and with his hands he pulled him closer, feeling Takanori’s touch on his bare chest. They kissed slowly first before they started moving, deepening the kiss. Takanori pulled away and looked him in the eyes with his half-closed, enchanted ones. 

“Food... is ready” he said, still lost in his eyes. Akira smirked and moved away to the table. 

“Ah food” Akira said, making it to the table with only a towel on his waist. 

“Hey, put some clothes on, you’ll catch a cold” Takanori said, taking a seat next to him. 

“I don’t have to, I’ll take ‘em off after a while anyway” he said and looked at him with a mischievous smirk that made Takanori look away with a blush and start eating with a smile. 

“I haven’t eaten your cooking in ages baby that’s so good” Akira hummed as he chewed so Takanori grinned genuinely with an eye gloss that Akira captured from the corner of his eyes so he smiled. 

Takanori was done eating first so he put his plates in the sink and as he turned around Akira was up already holding his plates so Takanori kinda flinched to the back so Akira moved forward and kissed him and as they kissed he took his plates and broke the kiss to place them in the sink and in the same minute he felt his lips on his neck from behind and it kinda tickled that he flinched away with a giggle. 

“Wait, I can’t leave the food like this” Takanori said, moving him away to reach the table but not getting rid of his lips that sucked on his neck still. 

“Yes you can leave the food like this” he said in his ear with a lick so Takanori turned around and wrapped his arms around his neck and before he could do a thing Akira’s tongue was in his mouth already. He couldn’t stop him anymore and didn’t even feel like it. Instead, he sucked his lip in and moved his body closer to his. 

In one move, Takanori was held up on the table with him standing between his legs. Akira’s hands wandered around his body hungrily just as Takanori’s before it slipped under his hoodie and pulled it up but Takanori’s hand pulled it back down again and broke the kiss with a smile. 

“I already have a backache, doing anything here would be a disaster tomorrow” Takanori said, chuckling so Akira giggled and gestured him to hop up on him so he did so Akira headed to his room with Takanori’s legs wrapped around his waist and his hands under his thighs holding him up till he made it to the bed and Takanori prepared himself to be thrown down on the mattress but instead he was laid down softly with Akira on top of him so he didn’t bother unwrapping his legs from around him and instead he pushed the towel down his waist with his feet and in the process he kept caressing his skin with his feet while they kissed and while Akira’s hands did their job with undressing him. 

“Oh fuck I missed you” Akira panted on his neck, leaving a bite and hearing his moan in return that drove his tongue to his lips, licking and sucking them in. 

Takanori’s hands touched every part it could reach of Akira’s body passionately and eagerly as if to assure himself that he’s here and to fill that hole he felt forming in his absence. With every kiss and touch he felt his heart beating as lively as ever and his voice couldn’t quit calling his name over and over and every time with more desire, need and passion. 

Akira sighed to the feeling of Takanori’s lips on his neck and shoulder while he devoured his neck as well. He pulled away and rested his body on his elbows and stared at him for a few moments till he made him smile with a blush. 

They kept staring at each other silently with love flooding out of their eyes and with butterflies roaming inside of them. Takanori couldn’t hold back his genuine, warm smile and just grinned at him till his eyes almost closed so Akira leaned in and left a little kiss on his puffy lips and with a gentle, loving voice he said “I love you”

Takanori hid his face in his hands, feeling his heart fluttering in his ribcage and the heat melting his cheeks. 

“You make me wanna cry, why do you have to be so lovely?... you’re everything I ever wanted”

“Well, I can’t say much cause... it’s just the same here... you’re everything I ever wanted that I think you’re too much for me”

“No baby... you know what? I just feel like we’re perfect together... together we make one perfect thing, one complete thing... something that I never thought I could have” Takanori said and Akira looked at him with a smile before leaving the softest kiss on his mouth that was followed by one deep, passionate and hungry kiss. 

Akira started moving on top of him feeling his erection against his and feeling the shivers running down his spine from his soft touches on his skin. 

It took them minutes to be set on fire, Takanori’s neck was marked all around with dark spots and lighter ones along on his chest. He pushed himself up with Akira on him till they sat up both of them with their mouths connected. Takanori slipped his legs up and wrapped them around his waist, looking him in the eyes with a lip bite and a mischievous look in his half-closed eyes. 

Akira smirked to the look in his eyes and in a minute he found his middle and ring fingers in Takanori’s mouth. He held his hand and licked his fingers, looking him in the eyes before leaving a kiss on the tip of them and that was when Akira pulled his hand and licked his lip as his hand travelled down Takanori’s body and to his ass, caressing and squeezing it to see a smile forming on his lips that was replaced with a lip bite and an expression of pleasure the moment his finger touched his entrance. 

“You missed that?” Akira asked in a seductive tone and saw him nod with an eye roll so he smirked and twisted his finger inside to feel him flinch. He didn’t go on for so long and instead of saliva, Takanori was slicked with lube and watched as he prepared himself with a smirk as he sat on his lap with his legs around his waist. 

Takanori couldn’t stop his hand nor his fingers from caressing his length with a playful smile but in a moment he felt Akira’s tongue in his mouth and his cock stroking his before adjusting him on his lap like he weighed nothing. Takanori let out a soft moan to the feeling of Akira’s tip on his entrance, moving seductively so he hugged him and laid his head on his shoulder, wrapped his legs around him tighter and felt him pushing in slowly with a low groan and before Takanori could let out any sound, Akira could read his feelings through his increasing heavy breathing against his chest and his tight grip on his flesh. 

Takanori moaned and shifted on him, feeling him deepening himself inside, letting his weigh down on him slowly until he sat down on him completely and just sat there still for a few moments and in them he pulled away and looked him in the eyes as he breathed heavily feeling him inside, filling all of him. 

Akira smiled and took his bottom lip in before he pulled away and moved his lower body up which coaxed a sudden moan out of Takanori’s mouth that was pressed shut along with his eyes as he lifted his body up a bit and fell back down on him and repeated along to Akira’s thrusts going up and down with him on his lap. 

“Yeah... move baby” Akira’s voice went out raspy and full of desire as he stared at the beautiful body he had on his, down from his bouncing cock and up to his sweaty neck that was covered in hickeys as he threw his head to the back and arched his back as he moved up and down his length.  

“Ah baby” Takanori groaned and let out a long moan when he felt Akira’s hand around his erection. He ended up resting his cheek on his shoulder again, hugging him and letting the pleasure move him. A loud moan escaped Takanori’s lips when Akira hit that spot and he curved his body, pulling away and jumping up and down with his hands on his chest. 

In a move he found himself on his back with Akira between his legs, holding his thighs on his sides and slapping his butt cheek with a moan as he stayed inside, thrusting in and out slowly and passionately. 

Takanori’s moans loudened and he started biting his lip hard to suppress his moans but failed with the feeling of Akira’s hungry hands on his body, leaving burning traces just as Takanori’s on his back and shoulders. Takanori’s moans went out shaky to the pace of Akira’s thrusts and he didn’t think much of how loud he was, he just let go of it all and let the pleasure take over him and his actions which aroused Akira even more and strengthened his thrusts in him, coaxing louder moans out. 

Takanori bit his lip and threw his head to the back, closed his eyes and focused his senses on his cock moving inside of him so Akira leaned in and left a kiss on his neck. “Baby, look at me”

“I miss you” Akira said with his hand caressing his cheek and lips as he slowed his pace and concentrated on his body’s reaction to him. 

“I... m-missed you more” Takanori said and raised his head up a bit to look at him but it fell back down with an eye roll to Akira’ slow thrust that made them both moan out loud. Akira leaned down as he pushed all of him in and stopped moving, looking at him in the eyes before Takanori raised his head up, took his lip in and pulled his head down closer to his with his hands on both sides of Akira’s flushed face.

They kissed for a few moments without much movement so Takanori started pushing himself against Akira who stayed still on purpose so Takanori slapped his butt and bit his lip and felt his smile on his mouth that broke the kiss eventually. Akira pulled away with a smirk and thrust in a couple of times slowly with the same smirk on his lips that got Takanori cursing and tightening his grip on his thigh and the sheets on the other side. 

“Ah fuck, stop” Takanori moaned, breathing heavily and closing his eyes before they fluttered open to the sudden feeling of emptiness. He opened his eyes and looked at him who was on his knees looking at him mischievously with a smirk. 

“What game are you playing huh?” Takanori asked, sitting up and attacking him but Akira only laughed and looked him in the eyes. 

“Hey! Whaat?” 

“What’d you say about a switch?” Akira said with the same look in his eyes and the same smirk on. 

Takanori smiled and narrowed his eyes “what?”

“I wanna switch”

“Switch like... like switching you mean-“

“Yeah” he cut him off with a lazy smirk. “Are you serious?” Takanori asked with a smile, still a bit confused. “Is that something to joke about?” He said but Takanori kept looking at him the same so Akira pushed himself on him and wrapped his fingers around his cock. “I want you inside me... now” Akira said on his lips before leaving a kiss and moving a few inches away from his face to look him in the eyes. “Is that serious enough?”

Takanori’s confused smile faded away and a dark look took over his face with a dirty smile before he attacked his mouth and pushed his weight on him to lay him on his back and settle on top of him. 

“Will ya?” 

“With pleasure” Takanori said, grinning before he hid his face in his neck. 

“What?” Akira asked with a giggle, wrapping his arms around him and opening his legs further. 

“You’re gonna take my virginity again” Takanori said in his ear and bit his lip but pulled away when he felt him pulling him up. 

“Oh, excuse my greed but you too will take mine... we’re equal” Akira said, chuckling so Takanori giggled but blushed deeply after realizing his settings. 

“What? Having a second thought?”

“N-no, I want to but...” he whispered so Akira sat up and held his chin. 

“You’ll make my first time perfect and I just can’t wait... to feel you... inside me... moving eagerly” Akira said with a smile and approached his lips and kissed him between his words, turning him further on and could tell he made a success from the look in Takanori’s eyes that darkened again before he pushed him to lay on his back and held his thighs apart. 

“I couldn’t wish for a better first time myself”

Chapter Text

 

Takanori didn’t waste much time and in a few minutes, he was touching Akira’s entrance with his slicked fingers and looking at him with a smirk, watching him sigh deeply to his touch. 

Akira’s eyes squeezed shut and he bit his lip and held his breath to the feeling of his finger sliding in and a little moan escaped his gritted teeth. Takanori leaned in and started kissing him as he moved his middle and ring fingers inside of him and felt his teeth biting his lip along to his fingers squeezing his flesh. 

Takanori pulled away and smiled at him before sitting back up. Takanori pulled his fingers out and felt so under control after witnessing his half-closed, fascinating eyes, puffy lips, messy hair and flushed face as Akira gently rubbed his slicked cock for him, staring at it lazily as he did so. 

“Have you always been so mesmerizing?” Takanori asked with a faint smile and watched his gaze turn up to look at him first confusedly before a shy smile tugged at the corners of his lips and he let out a little chuckle. “Shut up” 

“What? I’m just stating facts” Takanori said with a giggle so Akira looked away with a blush and let go of him after giving a gentle squeeze. Takanori giggled then held his thighs up to place them on his shoulders. 

“Would that hurt?” Takanori asked as he bent his legs along with him till he reached his lips. 

“I-I think it’s fine” Akira said and seemed to adjust with the pain of the sudden muscles stretch. 

“We don’t have to anyway, I have a million other thing I wanna try” Takanori said with a chuckle so Akira giggled and dropped a leg off his shoulder but Takanori held the other on. 

“I think you’re much more flexible than I am”

“Yeah, I can see” Takanori said with a smile and turned his face to the side he still held his thigh on and bent his head to kiss his inner thigh. He started sucking his thin, soft skin and leaving marks and wet traces while Akira felt the shivers all over his body and bit his lip. 

“I’m gonna eat you, you’re so soft” Takanori said after pulling away, leaving the spot he was sucking and making a loud sound so Akira giggled and pulled his leg off his shoulder and wrapped his legs around his waist instead. 

Takanori directed his tip right at his entrance and watched him bite his lip hards so he chuckled and pulled his lip away from his gritting teeth “stop biting that poor little lip” he said and left a kiss on it then pulled away, looked him in the eyes and pushed himself in slowly and watched his eyes blink repeatedly before squeezing shut with a gasp when he pushed in deeper. 

Akira clenched his jaw and fist on the sheets. He groaned in pain and hid his face on Takanori’s shoulder, trying to suppress his gasps and groans. 

“I’m sorry, baby this is gonna hurt... I’ll go slow and gentle, just tell-“

“I-it’s okay, I know... I’ll be fine”

Takanori kept on pushing in slowly and gently till almost all of him was inside and a moan escaped his pinky lips. Akira groaned and couldn’t suppress any longer so Takanori moved his upper body away a bit and started caressing his skin. He didn’t move, trying to give him time to adjust and during that he ran his hands over his chest and caressed his neck with gentle touches feeling overwhelmed himself to the feeling of tightness and warmth inside. 

“Oh my god, Aki” Takanori moaned, biting his lip before leaning down again to kiss him. When he pulled away he saw his glossy eyes looking at him through his heavy eyelids and it sent shivers to his body as he moved in him a bit and saw pain mixed with pleasure on his face. 

“Baby, you want a break?” Takanori asked worriedly but he shook his head and held his breath, biting his lip hard “uh-no, it’s alright”

“Honey, if it’s unbearable you c-“

“Taka, it’s fine, I’ll tell you if I want you to stop” he spoke with sighs and a faint smile so Takanori smiled worriedly traced his lips with his thumb. He started moving slowly and gently and after every few thrusts he’d stop and kiss him. 

Takanori never felt it before, he was in a daze of pleasure and disbelief but also was nervous and full of worry. Apart from the physical pleasure, his heart was fluttering in his ribcage to the fact that Akira actually trusted him enough and asked him to do it, to take him, to be his first time and to love him tonight. He looked at him lovingly and let his feelings overwhelm him as he moved slowly in and out of him, watching his expression change from pure pain to a bit of pleasure and hearing his groans of pain turn to moans as he called his name and sighed. 

“Are you feeling better?” Takanori leaned and asked with their faces close to each other’s so Akira nodded with a moan and raised his head off the pillow to kiss him as he left scratches all over his back due to the painful pleasure he felt from his moves inside of him. 

“Umm Taka... that... that feels so good agh-baby” Akira moaned, throwing his head to the back and arching his back a bit as Takanori’s thrusts went on a higher pace but still were as gentle as ever. 

“Damn, you feel so incredibly good... ugh-I can’t stop” Takanori groaned and bit his lip and watched Akira smile mischievously at him so he let out a long moan with a deep thrust that was followed by Akira’s loud call. 

“Oh my god, look at you... you’re so fucking beautiful... agh you’re gonna kill me” Takanori moaned and said softly as he looked at him with pleasure pouring out of his face and Akira could swear that these faces Takanori made out of pleasure are what made him forget the pain and feel the same pleasure he felt. 

Takanori found himself focused on the pleasure more and more and started moving wildly with Akira’s constant moans that he rarely hears in their usual lovemaking and that drove him crazy but in a moment he moved his gaze from his body to his eyes and felt a big anxious wave hit him so his expression changed. 

“Ah...Ah-Taka... baby, why do you got that look on your face?... Uhm... babe you’re doing great umm... ugh so fucking great” Akira said and groaned ending his sentence with a gasp that was followed by him covering his mouth to mute that loud moan that escaped his throat after Takanori’s sudden deep thrust. He squeezed his eyes shut and tightened his hands around his mouth as he couldn’t stop his loud, continuous moans anymore but in a minute he felt his hot and gentle hand on his, moving it away so he opened his eyes and was met by  Takanori’s closely staring at him. 

“Don’t you dare... ah, I wanna hear you... I wanna hear every breath, every little moan and soft sound you make... I wanna hear what you feel” Takanori whispered on his lips then moved to his ear and whispered with a deep, raspy voice dirtily as he left kisses and licks here and there between his words while he moved in and out slowly which combined all together and drove Akira to the point he yelled out his name and squeezed the flesh of his shoulder and hip hard that it left a deep shade of red afterwards. 

“Ah!... fuck,Taka!”

“Yeah?” Takanori said, pulling away with a mischievous smirk and half-closed eyes, capturing him under his stare. 

“Really?” Akira said between his moans and his hand moved up to the pillow and held a tight grip on it before he attacked Takanori’s mouth with an open-mouth, deep kiss that he moaned a lot in and drove Takanori further to the edge from the vibration of his moans in his mouth and from the soft and arousing sound he made so eventually, Takanori broke the kiss so Akira’s face fell to the side, closed-eyes, flushed face, messy hair with a lip bite and sweaty neck that Takanori wasted no time to devour. 

“Oh my god... oh my god!” Akira yelled when he felt his hand on his erection so Takanori pulled away with a big, playful smirk and let go of his cock as he pulled out of him, facing his questioning looks. 

He breathed heavily looking up at him so Takanori smiled and leaned in for a kiss. Akira kissed him back as passionately but without understanding what was happening until he pulled away and pushed his thighs closed to the side and laid behind him. 

“What do you think so far, huh?... am I doing good?” Takanori breathed in his ear which brought shivers to his whole body and he felt himself twitching in need. 

“Aah, why are you doing this to me?” Akira groaned with his raspy, hoarse voice as Takanori started kissing and sucking on the back of his neck. 

“Doing what?” He asked in a playful tone and heard him whine with a moan so he chuckled and bit his earlobe. 

“Uhm Taka...continue...please” Akira said, begging and his raspy voice sounded soft and needy all of a sudden and it didn’t take Takanori a second thought before he pushed himself in and hugged Akira’s body closer to his in a spooning position and started thrusting deeply with their legs tangled where Akira’s leg was up Takanori’s to spare him more space. 

“Baby, have I mentioned that you feel heavenly good?” Takanori spoke heavily between his moans and held him closer to his chest. 

“Yeah, you did” Akira breathed heavily with a smirk, feeling his moist back against Takanori’s sweaty chest that hyped him even more. 

“Ugh, then I think I’ll do again cause... uh, oh my god, you feels so damn good” Takanori said and ended with a raspy groan as he gritted his teeth and pushed in deeper before his hand sneaked down to Akira’s cock and caressed it to tease him but Akira’s moans and begs didn’t give him much of a space to play and he didn’t feel like teasing anymore so he raised his upper body a bit on his elbow, sank his face in his neck and started handing his length properly, matching his thrusting pace that drove them both closer to their ends. 


“Oh my god... damn, Taka... I’m gonna come... ugh, oh my god, I can’t” Akira moaned loudly, curving his back and moving his face to his sides strongly with his eyes squeezed shut. 

“Me too baby... ugh fuck” Takanori felt overwhelmed and drowned in the feeling of arousal and the strong orgasm ahead but his eyes opened and he felt an unexpected confusion. “B-baby... baby, w-what should I do?” He asked and it went out in a moan so Akira opened his eyes and could giggle but his orgasm controlled him and he clenched his jaw instead. 

“Whatever you want, baby” he breathed and clenched his jaw and fist on the pillow and his hand rested back on Takanori’s hip and he started moving along to his thrusts, moaning loudly and letting the sound of his hoarse moans drive him to his end. Takanori clenched his jaw with the expression of pleasure taking over his futures, he squeezed his eyes shut and let go of all his limits and just screamed, feeling the unusual pleasure of coming inside of him and feeling him wetting his hand as he kept handing him along. They both let go almost at the same time and both were in a daze after the heavenly orgasm they both had. 

Takanori wheezed after falling completely to the mattress with his leg tangled with Akira’s still. 

“Ah... oh my god, what on earth was that” Takanori exhaled, breathing heavily but Akira couldn’t bring himself to talk and kept on panting loudly. Takanori raised his head up and left a kiss on his cheek so he turned around completely breathless and smiled at him with his sweaty, flushed skin and blushed face. Akira stared at him through his heavy eyelids and saw his genuine smile that brought a wider smile to his face. 

“Thank you” is all Akira managed to say before closing his tired eyes with the smile still on his reddened lips after resting his head to Takanori’s moist and hot chest and felt his arms wrap him in a tired but beautiful hug, Takanori breathed until he calmed down and kept staring at him with loving eyes and affection flooding out of his every action either caressing his skin or leaving light kisses around. 

“I think I should be the one thanking you, Aki” he whispered as his eyes closed and he drifted in a deep, comforting and peaceful sleep with him in his arms. 


Takanori’s eyes slowly opened after a random dream that he forgot the moment he woke up so he sighed deeply and looked beside him and that’s when the smile found its way to his lips again. He leaned down and left a gentle kiss on his forehead and stared at him with a sleepy smile and decided not to wake him since it was early anyway and he still had today off so he kept lazily staring at him and caressing his hair and skin with an idiotic grin. 


‘What did I do in my life that I get awarded for with you?... No matter how much I try to understand I never do, why would someone love me that much? And what for? How could someone do all of that for someone else and for nothing in return? How could someone be as kind as you are?... love it is? To wake up to your smile and loving words, to always find you no matter what? To love myself only cause you do and accept my body and flaws cause you do?... How was my life gonna be like if you weren’t here? Sleeping in my bed at this early morning. How was I gonna be feeling like? Would I be asleep? Could I be with someone else? Oh, no. Would I be awake from a nightmare that kept me up all night? Would I be in tears? Tired?... alive? Could I hold on through all of that alone? Bear it all and go on?... I doubt that. 

If you weren’t there by my side in the hospital that day, if you didn’t stop by to see why I haven’t been answering your calls that night...
If that day you didn’t come back to take your keys, if you didn’t forget them. If we haven’t met, if I didn’t make it to that job or that apartment... would I... still be here at all?

If you weren’t here who was I gonna think of, letting out my last breaths before waking up in the hospital? Who could I hold on for? 

Oh my god.’

“Akira... you saved my life” Takanori whispered with glossy eyes, wiping on his hair. 

“Did I?” Akira whispered in a sleepy voice, still closed-eyes which made Takanori slightly flinch. 

“You’re awake?”

“Hmm”

“Morning, baby” Takanori said with a smile and kissed his forehead so he opened his eyes and smiled as well. 

“How are you feeling?” Takanori asked with a smile, wrapping his arms around him. 

“Awesome... with some ass pain” he said in his deep, sleepy voice and chuckled so Takanori giggled and patted his butt. 

“Oh really? Alright, feels much better” he said so Takanori laughed and moved his body closer to his. 

“You were so fucking good” Akira said with a smirk so Takanori kissed him then pulled away. 

“Why did you say that I saved your life, what were you thinking of?”

“Uhm... nothing important just was thinking what if you weren’t here, next to me on my bed after a wonderful night... just some what-ifs and... I just wanted to thank you”

“What ifs?”

“Yeah, what if we never met... I wouldn’t have been here at all... if you wasn’t with me that day after Yutaka left, if you wasn’t there after the attack or the shot... I wouldn’t have held on to that shooting night even if you weren’t there... I wouldn’t have made it that far or even close, you saved my life”

Akira looked at him sadly before he buried his face in his neck and hugged him tight feeling his heart shrinking.  

“Baby, if it wasn’t me it would’ve been someone else... you’re too sweet to be left alone, I’m sure you wouldn’t have been alone, I’m just so thankful that it’s me here with you, that it’s me who’s yours, that I got to meet you out of all people you could meet... I’m here and you made it that far and you’re strong on your own and we’re stronger together. Don’t bother with such a thing, baby”

“Why do you have to be so kind?... I still can’t help but question myself from time to time... if I deserve it all” Takanori said so Akira looked at him with sad eyes. 

“I’m sorry, don’t judge me” Takanori said with a faint smile. 

“I’m not judging but just... why? Again?”

“You have to excuse me, I’ve never been treated with love almost my whole life and here you are showering me with love, caring, kindness and affection all the time” Takanori said and his eyes glossed so he smiled at him. 

“Because you deserve it baby, you yourself are the kindest I’ve ever met, why not get some in return?”

“Okay just shut up, I didn’t want to ruin this morning” Takanori said with a giggle and put his arm over his face to hide his face when a tear almost escaped his eye. Akira’s hand touched his arm and he tried taking it away but Takanori turned his back to him and hid his face in the pillow so Akira just sat there still for a while with a sad frown before he leaned in and kissed his shoulder. “Yes, baby... you deserve it all and if I could give you more I would” Akira said near his ear and kissed his shoulder once again before he turned him around. 

“Just look at me, please” he said softly so Takanori turned around and looked at him with his teary eyes and pinky eyelids and smiled. 

“I’m sorry I just ruined-“

“No you didn’t, c’mere” Akira said with a smile and took him in his arms with their faces so close to each other. 

“How was last night?” Takanori asked with a shy smile so Akira smirked and kissed his cheek. 

“It was awesome... I can’t believe it turned out so fucking good”

“I was so worried myself, I didn’t think it’ll go that well”

“Yeah, I thought I wouldn’t bear it to be honest and wasn’t sure if you’ll continue or... ugh I just thought it’ll be a mess but it was still worth a go” Akira said with a smirk “well, there is a mess but it’s much better than I thought” he continued with a giggle so Takanori chuckled. 

“I never thought my first time will be that awesome” Takanori said, chuckling so Akira nodded with a giggle “well yeah, same here”

“What a night” Takanori said and bit his lip before Akira started laughing.

“What?”

“You know what the sweetest and cutest shit I ever witnessed in sex was?”

“What?”

“When you were banging the fuck outta me and making me scream and you yourself yelled out a lot and then you moaned out ‘what should I do?’ Oh my god, I swear I wanted to laugh and suck you in not to let you in confusion but I was too busy losing my shit to say or do anything, but oh my god that was the best part” Akira said, giggling so Takanori frowned with a blush and looked down, trying to hide his smile. 

“I didn’t know what you wanted and I forgot about it till I was barely holding back so I had to ask”

“Baby, you’re so sweet and caring, thank you for asking, I just couldn’t bear all the cuteness that went out with it” he laughed and kissed him but Takanori pulled away and bit his lip embarrassedly. 

“I’ll never forget that” Akira continued in laughter. 

“Oh my god, what?! No, please” Takanori gasped and whined. 

“What? Why? That seriously was so fucking cute”

“Ah c’mon” Takanori groaned causing him more laughter. 

“What a legendary first time, ladies and gentlemen” Akira said, still laughing “yours must’ve b-“ he cut himself off and his heart dropped for a second, forgetting everything and talking like shit never happened. Takanori’s face didn’t change much as he looked at him but Akira’s froze and his heart stopped and he looked at him with shame and his breathing pattern went on heavier and faster. 

“My first time must’ve been what?” Takanori continued with his face kinda frozen to the same reaction before it changed slightly but kept the smile on “you... you said you believe that my first time was with you right?” He said and Akira felt out of breath and just nodded repeatedly, looking at him with shock hiding behind his eyes. 

“It was, it was I mean-“

“Well, then it was awesome, right?” Takanori said with a smile, ignoring Akira’s expression to the point that actually scared Akira. 

“That night was awesome... just like last night” he continued with the same smile and Akira forgot how to breathe until Takanori hid his face in his chest for a moment before he raised his face up and started kissing him. 

Takanori didn’t know what was going on but he found himself kissing him deeply and hardly, desperately pushing away the picture that started forming in his mind. He pulled away and looked him in his eyes that became glossy and sad now. 

“Don’t be selfish, it was my first too and it went great, I’ll never forget how you felt” Takanori said and unintentionally found himself pulling Akira out of it by speaking all about last night again. 

“I’ll make it to the shower, you stay in bed warm and sleepy... have some more sleep if you want, it’s your last day off before you’re back to work and it’s still early” Takanori said and kissed him shortly then left the room and left Akira cursing and beating himself for his stupid mistake. 

For a moment Akira talked with him like he was the happiest person on earth like he was, he just forgot, his mind was waiting to hear about a first-time awkward story before he remembered, how could he forget? He asked. What was he thinking? He bit his tongue and growled in the pillow wanting the earth to split and swallow him in hell. 
Takanori on the other side wasn’t just trying to pull Akira out of it but himself too, but it was until he stood there under the running water silently for a while before his eyes let out tears without a warning. He was still fighting his mind not to visualize it again but he failed. 


“No! What are you doing?!... no! No, please!... let me go!... somebody! No!... help!” 

The feeling of these hands holding him down and his own screams shivered his body. The sight of all those pairs of eyes staring at him coldly as he pleaded for help squeezed his heart. He couldn’t escape it, his mind visualized it all so clearly as if it was a week ago. The pain. The touches. He squeezed his arms around himself and his stomach and started gagging and felt like choking so he kneeled in front of the toilet seat and felt his guts fighting itself inside until he felt it in his mouth. 

While Akira laid in bed with regret and agony he heard Takanori’s loud gags and in a blink of an eye he was knocking the bathroom door that he tried to open but found it locked. 

“Takanori?! Are you okay? Open the door”

“I’m fine... I’ll be out in minutes!” He said from behind the door with the fakest tone of him being fine but Akira stood there with a lump in his throat and his eyes burned. 

Takanori panted on the floor after throwing up and felt his whole body shaking violently but when he heard Akira’s voice and answered him he could get a hold of himself and stood up again under the running water. 

He rested his tired head against the wall and gave up. “Remember... that’s what you fucking want, remember... here you are, what you’re hiding? Bring it out... all of it... remember” he whispered to himself and in a couple of minutes he was sobbing to everything playing vividly in his mind, he wanted to challenge himself but failed. He wanted to tell himself that he’s strong now and that he remembers but ignores but he turned out to be only forgetting. 

He cleaned his body and mind, cried all his pain and misery out and wrapped that towel around his waist and opened the door and his eyes widened. He found Akira still standing there, laying against the door frame with agonized, suppressed sobs and tearful eyes but before he could speak a word, Akira was already squeezing him in his arms and crying on his shoulder. 

“Baby, I’m sorry... I’m so sorry”

“What? Why?... w-what happened?” Takanori knew he understood and heard him but he found himself still trying. 

“I’m so sorry, Takanori, I’m so stupid, I swear I didn’t mean to” he sobbed so Takanori pulled away and held his face with both hands. 

“Honey, why are you crying? What are you apologizing for?” He asked with no clue and it hurt Akira even more that he wanted him out of it like it didn’t happen. 

“I’m sorry, please... I just didn’t-“

“Baby, calm down... I don’t-“

“I shouldn’t have reminded you, I’m sorry” he said and closed all the doors Takanori could escape through. He stood silently with a sad, calm face, looking at his tears and waiting him to calm, having no cards to play and no words to say. 

“Okay, okay, it’s fine... I’m fine baby, believe me, it’s not your fault” he said, feeling a bit tougher inside, holding himself together after letting it all out a couple of minutes ago. 

“It was, I-“

“Okay, listen... that’s my past, I’m not gonna run away from it, it’s there... if you mentioned it or not, it’s there and I’m dealing with it and guess what? I can because you’re here... so don’t say it’s your fault, okay?... I’m fine now, I swear. Won’t you calm down, please? Now get inside, have some warm water running down your beautiful body and relax” he said calmly, holding his face with both hands and kissed him. “Get yourself clean and I’ll be out making breakfast okay?” He said but Akira still stared at him in tears and didn’t seem to forgive himself but Takanori couldn’t help much with it. 

“C’mon... want me to clean you?” Takanori said with a smirk and winked so Akira smiled but looked away in shame and walked into the bathroom so Takanori kissed his shoulder before heading to his room to put on some clothes. 


“What do we have for breakfast?” Akira asked from behind and kissed a mark on his neck from last night so Takanori turned around and started kissing him, wrapping his arms around his neck. 

“Alright, I’m full” Akira said with a smile so Takanori laughed and got back to what he was doing. 

“Why don’t we start our morning now? I’ll consider it all sleep” Takanori giggled “including that embarrassing shit you mention about last night” he continued so Akira burst in laughter and Takanori sighed with an eye roll. 

They stood there, both preparing breakfast with puffy eyes, flirting and Akira couldn’t help but feel proud to the stronger Takanori in front of him, that only took minutes to get over it. Putting aside his regret he felt proud and it showed to Takanori through his eyes and made him happy about himself as well. 


“Do you have to make it to work today?” Akira whined on his lips as they kissed after Takanori got dressed to leave. 

“Yeah, guess so... it’ll be a bit too much if it’s us both absent” he said with a chuckle and left a short kiss before continuing “we’ll both get fired”

“Yeah, right”

“Why don’t you go home and after work I’ll pass by to spend the day with you and say hi to grandma”

“Alright, baby... see you” Akira said and kissed him with a smile. 


Akira wasn’t left with much regret at the end of the day but he still blamed himself for it. He made it home and waited for him patiently to be back, left alone with his thoughts of their night together that heated his face and tickled his stomach, smiling to the memory he’ll never forget. 

Chapter Text

What Takanori kind of didn’t expect was seeing Mei as normal as she was, not obviously faking it but just looking normal, wasn’t too gloomy and wasn’t avoiding anyone. 

“Morning” was the first thing she said in the morning when Takanori stepped out of the changing room. He smiled at her and replied with a quiet “morning”

“They arrived yesterday, you knew?” Takanori told her with a smile. 

“Oh, right, I called Akira and he was here but wasn’t home yet. He’s coming tomorrow anyway right?”

“Yeah, right” he said before they dismissed for work when they caught a glimpse of Eiji. 

Things between them haven’t gone well since that one day and Takanori avoided him the most and didn’t feel like acting otherwise. 

..

“Hey, babe” Takanori greeted Akira with a short kiss when he opened the door for him. “Grandma’s inside, come in she wants to see you” Akira said with a grin so Takanori returned his smile with a genuine one and walked in after taking off his shoes. 

She greeted Takanori warmly and he felt good to see her too. After eating Takanori sat with them, happily listening to their trip’s story when a certain one came and Akira went all disturbed and embarrassed so Takanori looked at him with a giggle as his grandma started talking. 

“You know you don’t have to, right?”

“Oh c’mon Aki, I wanna know” Takanori said, still giggling and Akira could catch a glimpse of his grandma chuckling to the nickname from the corner of his eyes. 

“It’s nothing funny, that was embarrassing”

“It’s not that big of a deal they just asked him about his marital status” the grandma said in laughter and Akira’s eyes widened. 

“Oh seriously?! They already arranged me a date with some girl from the neighbourhood and you were no help at all” he said in disbelief and heard Takanori’s gasp from beside him that turned to laughter in the same moment. 

“What? And what happened?” Takanori asked and poured out his attention on him. 

“I told them I’m seeing someone to end the conversation but guess what... would two grandmas let it go? Who is she, how is she like, when are you getting married, when did you meet, how old is she, and she only sat there laughing all day not even speaking a word” Akira said and his grandmother was still laughing and Takanori couldn’t help giggling to the sight of her laughter and how annoyed Akira was. 

“I didn’t know they were serious the night before, I thought they were joking”

“You knew about Nami the night before and didn’t tell me or tell them anything?! Oh my god, why’d you do this to me?!”

“I’m sorry I thought they were joking” she said jokingly and Takanori only sat there with his hand covering his mouth, trying not to laugh, noticing Akira’s annoyance. 

“It’s okay, it’s over” Takanori said, chuckling and patting his back and knee so Akira groaned annoyingly and hid his face in both hands. 

“Next time I’ll speak for you, my little grandson” his grandma said teasingly so he raised his head up with a dead look and exhaled. 

“I won’t let there be a next time, the next time somebody mentions dating I’ll leave the room”  Akira said in annoyance as she stood up and left to make tea. 

“It’s okay she’s joking” Takanori said with a smile, rubbing his shoulder and giving him a gentle squeeze. 

“Ugh, I know but I asked her not to bring it up and she still did”

“Didn’t you want me to know?” Takanori asked with a laugh and Akira looked confused and embarrassed so Takanori giggled and rubbed his back comfortingly. “It’s fine baby, I understand” he said with a smile so Akira let his head fall on his shoulder so Takanori held him closer and patted his shoulder. 

The day was beautiful as expected and by the end of it when Takanori was about to leave Akira smiled and thanked him with a kiss for spending the day with him. “Why are you leaving?” He asked, whiningly so Takanori smiled and kissed his pouty lip. “My place’s a mess I can’t stay I need to go home and tomorrow’s my day off I’ll clean around and wash the dishes and do the laundry” Takanori said with his arms wrapped around his waist and their forehead resting against each other’s. 

“That’s a lot of work” Akira said with a chuckle so Takanori giggled. “What do you say about passing by and helping you?”

“Aw, you don’t have to... but yeah I wanna see you tomorrow after a long day and cuddle” Takanori said, giggling so Akira kissed him and tightened his arms around him then he pulled away and looked at him right into his eyes without a word so Takanori just smiled and stared back with the same energy. 

“I wanna think out loud” Akira said before he could think of it so Takanori smirked. “Do”

“I don’t wanna talk about it again and I don’t know if I’m right but...” 

“What?” Takanori whispered with a small smile  but Akira looked away and stayed silent for a minute. 

“Never mind”

“No, I mind... tell me” Takanori said with a playful tone and smile but he remained silent. 

“It’s something about this morning right? What is it?... don’t say you’ll apologize again I’ll pinch you” he said with a giggle so Akira chuckled and looked at him unsurely. “C’mon tell me” he said with his smile still on so Akira sighed and kissed his cheek. 

“I think you... you’re doing great” he said with an unsure smile so Takanori looked at him a bit confusedly so he looked down and explained. “You... used to suffer from something like that for at least a day but... well, I don’t know if I’m right but I think you kinda got over it well today and could smile and talk to me... I feel stupid saying that” he said then looked up at him and ended with an awkward chuckle. 

“Yeah... you’re right. I cried and got it all out... and yeah it used to go differently, I’m actually happy that you noticed”

“Of course I do... and I’m proud of you”

“Thank you baby” Takanori said with a genuine smile and kisses his smile. 

“You know that it’s because of you, right?” Takanori said and saw his eyes soften and tear a bit. He couldn’t say a thing and instead, he hugged him and spoke on his shoulder. “Do you really have to leave?”

“Hmm yeah, I think so” he replied, resting his cheek on his shoulder with his eyes closed. 

“It’s late already and you’ll go to bed straight so why sleep alone? Stay” 

Takanori pulled away and looked him in the eyes with a smile. 

“Come on” Akira whined and held his jaw with his hand and squeezed his cheeks that made his lips part and pout so he kissed his lips repeatedly and showered his cheeks with kisses. 

“Okay, calm down” Takanori said with a laugh so Akira smiled and his random kisses stopped with a long kiss on his mouth. 

 

“Taka” Akira whispered from behind as they spooned in bed so he hummed. 

“I love you” he said and closed his eyes but then heard a small voice from him that turned out to be a chuckle. 

“Me too” he said and hugged his arm that was on his waist so Akira smiled with his eyes closed and tightened his arm around him before he felt sleep drifting him away. 

 

“I’M STILL HERE, BASTARD”

“Look me in the eyes, you little brat”

Takanori’s body twitched in his sleep and shivered. His eyes moved under his eyelids and his lips let out unrecognized words before in a blink of an eye he sat up yelling and as soon as his legs felt itself free he jumped out of bed and before he could take any steps he fell on his face from his leg that was caught in the blanket and he still let out squeals as he tried to get up and run before he felt gentle arms around him and that was unfamiliar with the vision he was seeing and what he’s been running from. 

Akira jumped in his spot and tried to catch him before he jumped out of bed but he was out of his reach so he pushed himself out of bed and tried to hold him before he falls but still couldn’t. He himself was very dizzy from moving fast all of a sudden and Takanori was freaking out and moving fast. He kneeled next to him and wrapped his arms around him, still not grasping what was going on with his sleepy mind and body. 

“Oh my god, Takanori, baby calm down... hey, hey it’s me, calm down” Akira said, trying to hold him but he kept pushing him away and moaning, trying to push himself up to run. 

“Please, baby, please, look at me... I’m Akira, you’re home, Takanori, you’re safe, calm down, it’s just me... baby you’re dreaming wake up” he kept shaking him as he spoke and said his last sentence holding his face with both of his hands to make him look at him. His eyes were wide awake but he didn’t see him, he directed his face to look at him and looked him straight in the eyes but Takanori’s eyes couldn’t recognize him and the horror in them remained for a while before Akira spoke again. 

“Takanori, you’re home and it’s just me here, okay? You’re safe, look around” the frightened look in Takanori’s widened eyes was replaced with loss and it looked like someone who just woke up. 

“Akira?” Is all Takanori managed to say and it went out in a whisper before Akira hugged him and could breathe again. 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s me... it was a dream baby, you’re with me” he whispered comfortingly in his ear and felt his head falling heavy on his shoulder in a couple of minutes so he pulled away and carried him back to bed. He laid close to him and covered both of them and stared at him sadly, barely holding back his tears. 

“Guess your mind couldn’t get over it yet” he whispered sadly before hugging him and closing his sleepy eyes once again but this time without a smile. 

 

Once again Akira’s body flinched in its spot but this time it was his alarm going off. He stretched his arm out of bed to turn it off and turned around but his heart dropped. Takanori wasn’t there he jumped out of bed and was about to get out his room before his eyes fell on his leg on the ground. He was laying on the ground on the other side of the bed. He gasped and kneeled down with worry eating his heart but found him asleep. He was in deep sleep that he didn’t feel him carrying him back to bed. 

He made it out of the room and to the bathroom with heavy steps and heart and decided not to wake him up and just leave to work. 


“Where are you going?” Akira heard as he changed his clothes so he looked at him and found him barely opening his eyes. He sat next to him and patted his hair. “Sleep, honey, I’m going to work”

“What? Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“You don’t have to wake up this early... you didn’t sleep well”

“I didn’t? What happened at night?... I... I remember waking up at night but I thought I was dreaming, what happened?”

“It’s okay, never mind”

“Hey, tell me” he said with a frown so Akira sighed. 

“You had a nightmare and tried to run away so you fell and I held you till you calmed down you were trying to run as if your life depended on it”

“Oh” Takanori said and looked away silently. 

“And just now when I woke up you were on the ground not in bed, I don’t know how I didn’t wake up when you fell or when was that even or for how long you’ve been laying there like this”

“I was on the floor? Why?”

“I don’t know, but it was cold at night I hope you haven’t been like this for long or you might’ve caught a cold”

“Ugh, I think I laid there for a while cause my body’s sore” he said, curling his body under the blanket and frowning. 

“But still why didn’t you wake me up?” He continued with the same frown. 

“I want you to sleep”

“This way it was you actually who couldn’t sleep... I don’t remember any of this” Takanori said and moved the blanket off his shoulder. 

“It’s early anyway, you don’t have to get up now”

“But I wanna leave with you, wait I’ll be ready in minutes” he said, taking the blanket off his body. 

Eventually, Takanori insisted despite Akira’s begs and got ready fast to leave with him and as they stood in the kitchen to eat something quickly Takanori asked, looking at his watch “Isn’t grandma awake yet?”

“No, she’ll be soon”

“You’re not waking anyone today” Takanori said with a chuckle so Akira giggled and drank the glass of water he just poured. 

“I’m sorry for waking you up again, it’s been months since I did such a reaction to a nightmare or since I had a really bad one”

“Sorry? What for, idiot... what could you possibly help about that? And what’s wrong with waking me up even? Did you want to be home and go through it alone? At least I could help... I didn’t even notice or wake up when you fell on the floor, I don’t know if you rolled over and fell or tried moving again” Akira said with a sided smile so Takanori smiled and approached him with open arms then laid his lips on his. 

He hugged him as they kissed  and kissed him back slowly and lovingly before they both flinched and Takanori pulled away with a deep blush to the grandmother’s “good morning, lovebirds” 

Akira chuckled, replying to her while Takanori replied in a mere whisper, still looking down with the deep shade of red that warmed his face. She drank a glass of water and left the kitchen with Akira chuckling and Takanori standing away with his sandwich and a flushed face. 

“Hey, it’s okay” Akira said, approaching him with a chuckle and wrapping his arms around but he didn’t look up and tried avoiding showing him his face. 

“Hey” he raised up his chin and wasn’t expecting that deep blush, he was too embarrassed to look him in the eyes. 

“What’s all of that for, it’s not the first time” he said with a laugh but Takanori snatched his face away and looked down again. 

“It’s okay, what’s wrong? You don’t think she’s still against anything, do you?”

“I-it’s okay” Takanori said and left after eating the last bite of his sandwich and headed to his room to take his phone. 

“Taka, what’s wrong... it’s okay, baby”

“I-I know, it’s fine, I’m okay, just embarrassed” he said with a faint smile but still didn’t look at him. So Akira held his face with both hands and laughed to the heat he felt from his face so Takanori slapped his hand away with a pout and left the room so he laughed even more, then they made it out and to the bus stop in a continues teasing conversation. 

Later that day Takanori could feel the ache in his sore body due to that night and cleaning made it even worse. He found his place in a big mess and it took him hours to clean it all. Eventually, he sat with an aching body and sore muscles on his couch waiting for Akira and barely moving a finger. 

 

“Hey, love” Akira said on his shoulder as they hugged. He took off his shoes and walked into his living room. 

Opening a bag of chips, Takanori sat down and leaned his body on Akira’s and played the paused movie, putting the bag between them. 

“How was your day?” Takanori asked so Akira sighed. 

“It was normal... and I can kinda notice what you were talking about with Mei”

“Notice? Now? She was much worse, she broke my heart and I couldn’t do a thing to help, but now she looks fine”

“What was it about?”

“Kagemori is dating and she saw them kissing”

“What?! He’s dating? What the fuck, what about Mei?”

“He obviously knows nothing about her feelings”

“He knows! And he feels the same for her! He talked to me about it before”

“What? Why did he do that then? And always act ignorant” Takanori asked and turned around to face him. 

“I... don’t understand”

“Maybe that’s why he didn’t tell you”

“He didn’t... not even today, he never hides” Akira said and sounded a bit down. 

“Maybe he’s not ready to tell you since you knew about his feelings for her?”

“But he told her?”

“He... did, I think” 

“He either meant to tell her and hurt her and for that, I won’t forgive him or it’s me then who he doesn’t wanna talk to...” Akira said and his voice changed a bit “I won’t bring it up anyway or ask, I don’t give a fuck” 

“Hey, It’s okay... I’m sorry I didn’t-“

“It’s fine...fuck it, I don’t care” he said with a frown so Takanori patted his thigh and rubbed his back, feeling a bit of guilt forming in him. 

A bit later after watching a few minutes of the movie, Takanori turned his head and looked at him but found the frown still clutching at his face so he shifted in his place and held his face with both hands. 

“Hey, baby” he said and Akira looked away and tried to move his face away from his touch but Takanori held him and forced him to look him in the eyes. He stared at his angry orbs and frowned sadly before he moved forward and kissed him. He didn’t move, he just pushed their lips together and hugged him. 

“It’s okay, I’ll be alright” Akira said after pulling away and stood up. 

“I’ll make it to bed, enjoy the movie you don’t have to follow” he said and made it to Takanori’s room. 

“What? Wait” Takanori pushed himself off the couch, turned the TV off and hurried after him. 

“Hey, why did you turn it off, I-“

“Why did I turn it off? Because I don’t want you to sleep alone? Angry?”

“I’m not angry”

“Upset? Pissed off? Annoyed? Does it matter?” Takanori said so Akira sighed with annoyance and sat on bed and Takanori couldn’t help his pout. 

“Do you really wanna be alone?” He asked and sounded broken so Akira looked up emotionlessly but Takanori could tell he was down. He shook his head and held Takanori’s wrist, pulled him and put his hand behind his back and held the other as he made him sit on his lap so Takanori hugged him and kissed his hair. 

“I also remembered” Akira said on his shoulder. 

“What?”

“I haven’t visited dad yet” he said so Takanori pulled away and looked at him. 

“Yeah, right... but where is he now?” 

“At his house”

“So... when will you go?”

“I don’t know... tomorrow? No that’s too soon... but it’s been days already” he sighed so Takanori raised his chin up and kissed him. 

“I feel like I can’t think now” Akira said, resting his forehead against his. 

“You don’t have to decide right now, maybe tomorrow morning?”

“Yeah... let’s sleep” Akira said and kissed him shortly before he pulled him down with him to lay on the mattress, still hugging. 

..

“Akira!” His father said in surprise when he saw him at his doorstep and couldn’t help but hug him. 

Akira decided eventually to go and that it won’t hurt after all and that he thought the same before and it wasn’t that bad. 

He didn’t expect him to welcome him that way, he didn’t expect his hug, he just stood there still for a few moments before patting his back.

“I thought you’re not coming again”

“Why?”

“Cause I’m out of hospital”

“You still don’t know what to expect from me, right?” Akira said sarcastically so his father looked down and didn’t respond. 

“I’m sorry, the house is messy... should’ve looked tidier for your first visit but it’s still heavy for me to move”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to” 

“Tell me how your life’s going? Your job, your friends” he asked, sitting next to him and sighed sadly. 

“I don’t know about you”

“Yeah... right” Akira said and he hesitated first but he felt something he’s been missing his whole life, he felt a strange feeling that took him a while to get used to and to decide if he should go with it. 

“I don’t have many friends only a couple of them at work... and you obviously know about my job so... is that it?”

“It’s not a report you know... you can tell me whatever you want” he said with a light chuckle so Akira looked at him and then stared down. 

“And... I have a boyfriend” he said without considering his reaction or thinking of how it will sound, he thought he’ll think twice before telling anyone but now he couldn’t care less and found himself just telling him. 

“A boyfriend? A boyfriend, you mean a g- oh” he looked at him and sounded and seemed so confused but Akira’s reaction didn’t give him much to think about. 

“Yeah, you heard right” Akira said and rested his elbow to his knees, bent forward and watched him, waiting for an argument that he knew he’ll end with leaving and never coming back. 

“I didn’t know you’re... I didn’t expect it”

“Yeah, of course you didn’t”

“And... w-who is he?”

“Why are you asking? You won’t be knowing him anyway”

“Y-yeah... right” he said awkwardly, looking down “but you... love him right?”

“I do”

“That’s... that’s what matters, isn’t it?”

“Right” Akira said, resting his back to the backrest, not expecting that reaction. 

“And his name is?”

“Takanori” he said so he looked at him and smiled. 

“Are you okay with it or are you trying to act nice?”

“Even if I’m not, I don’t think I have the right to say much... so I don’t care, but I’m glad that you’re not alone.,. He must be a lucky guy”

“Why?”

“Because he has you. You are someone to be appreciated” he said with a sad smile and Akira felt bad for his expectations. He looked down silently and didn’t speak more. 

“I’d like to meet him” his father said after a couple of minutes of silence and Akira looked up in a bit of surprise, not expecting that. 

“You saw this conversation going differently, right?” He asked and Akira kept looking at him lost for words but then he nodded. “I don’t blame you... but I don’t wanna lose you again, I’d accept what you are and whatever you do, I can’t tell you otherwise... so, yeah, I’d like to meet him, does he know about me?” Akira kept looking at him the same and nodded. 

“What’s with that look?” When he asked him, Akira noticed he was still looking at him the same, not understanding himself. He looked away randomly and sighed. 

“I just don’t know what to say” he said honestly and felt a vibe he never felt with him or with anyone before... was that what it felt like to talk with your father? A father that knows nothing about you? Did it feel right? Did he want to go on? He actually didn’t know. 

“It’s okay, maybe you’re not comfortable with me yet... but this won’t be our only or last time together, will it?” He asked and Akira could sense concern in his last words. 

“No... it won’t” he said looking at him and down to escape their eye contact. 

“How is your grandmother?”

“She’s fine”

“So, does she know about Takanori?” He asked so he looked puzzled a bit not knowing what matters if he knows if she does or not. “Yes, she does”

“It wasn’t easy telling her, was it?”

“Telling her? Well... no, it wasn’t, but why’d you expect that?”

“I knew her for a while, you know” 

“Oh... but she’s fine now” he said and stared into nothing for a few minutes. 

“Do you think mom would’ve been fine with it?” He asked but it was more like a thought that slipped out cause he looked up in shock, not believing he did ask him that out of all people. 

“Yeah... I think she would’ve been fine, maybe disappointed for never seeing kids of your own” he said and let out a barely heard chuckle “maybe she would’ve been surprised for not seeing it coming... but eventually she’d be fine and would love you the same... she had such a big heart that could never hate and especially not you, no matter what” he said honestly and seriously and Akira could feel his eyes burning so he looked down and breathed his lump down. 

“Yeah” he said but his voice went out in a whisper. 


“Don’t die” he said out of nowhere after a long pause of silence and his father looked at him with gloomy eyes. 

“I don’t wanna witness it again... I can’t” he continued without looking at him so he smiled sadly. 

“You know it’s not a choice... but now that you’re here, I think I have something to fight for” his father said so Akira’s eyes looked up at him with his head still facing the floor and then looked down once again, feeling the burn in his eyes. 

 

“What would you like to have for dinner?”

Chapter Text

 

“How did it go?” Takanori asked, sitting down and taking his pillow on his lap with Akira on the phone. 

“It was fine... all of it was unexpected I’d say, but good after all” he replied, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. 

“Unexpected?”

“Yeah we talked about a few stuff, I brought mom up... and you”

“Me?”

“Yeah, he wants to meet you”

“Me? What?”

“Yeah, I told him I have a boyfriend and he actually took it well and also asked to meet you”

“Oh, I didn’t expect that as well, now I can see what you mean by unexpected” Takanori said with a chuckle. 

“Will you be okay with it?”

“If you were, I think I will be”

“Sure?”

“Yeah, but when will your next visit be?”

“This week also, maybe the weekend?”

“I don’t know, as you like” 

“Alright, we can see about that tomorrow”

“You’ll sleep?”

“Yeah, I guess” Akira said and smiled, holding back a yawn. 

“Alright, see you, babe”

“Goodnight” said Akira and laid down with his eyes already closed and heard the sound of the call ending so he put the phone on the pillow and didn’t bother move again. 

..

“Hey, morning” Takanori said with a smile to Mei who just greeted him with a smile. 

Akira was ignoring Kagemori all day and the other didn’t notice much but Mei did and asked him but he didn’t wanna bother her and told her he wasn’t and for that he had to interact with him. She seemed better but now that he knew it all he just couldn’t believe what he saw. 

He went on, acting normal but still tried to avoid him and a couple of days later he still didn’t bring it up but he thought that’s how he’s gonna avoid it. 

“Akira?” He heard Mori’s voice from behind as he gathered his stuff  to leave. 

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?... did something happen?”

“No?”

“You’ve been... ignoring me for a while?”

“Why’d you say that?”

“Cause you’re not talking to me almost at all, not mocking me or joking all the time as usual, you don’t even look at me” Mori said and Akira just sighed and didn’t know what to say. 

“I don’t know... maybe cause I’m the one that you talked to about your feelings for Mei? So of course I was the one to never tell that you’re dating?”

“W-wait, what? No, it’s not like this at all... it’s just that you wasn’t here when it happened so I told Takanori and...Mei”

“Yeah, and you also told Mei and hurt her but you know, it’s none of my business so I was just minding my own business”

“What?... I just...I felt I was wrong about my feelings for her cause... she’ll never feel that for me and... why are you so sure that she’s hurt?...she’s fine, and...I just... I don’t know, I kinda didn’t find a chance to tell you since you’ve been ignoring me already”

“You know what? I have nothing to do with this”

“Akira, Yuki’s nice and I like her a lot, why would I wait for something that would never happen?”

“Alright, I said that’s not my business... I hope you’re happy with whoever you want, excuse me I need to go, Takanori is waiting outside, I need to catch the bus” he rushed with his bag on his shoulder and left the room without looking at him and left him standing there with a frown. 


“What took you so long? The bus is almost here” Takanori asked when Akira made it to the bus stop where he was waiting him. 

“Nothing, I was talking with Mori”

“Really? What happened?”

“I don’t know anymore, whatever it is, I don’t wanna talk about it”

“Hey, it’s fine” Takanori said and patted his knee comfortingly so he smiled at him faintly. 

“We got something to do today, right?” Takanori said, bringing up their visit to his father so he nodded at him. 

 

“Oh god, why don’t you help me pick something to wear instead of making fun of me?” Takanori whined and heard him chuckle in the other side of his room. 

“Baby, I’m not making fun of you, I just don’t know why are you so nervous? Wear anything, you’ll look beautiful in whatever you pick”

“Agh c’mon... do I wear those? Is it too casual? What about-“ Takanori asked, holding up a hoodie and jeans. 

“I’m going with these, why are you thinking too much?” Akira said, pointing at his jeans and t-shirt. 

“He’s your father, you wouldn-“

“Hey, wear anything comfy and you’ll look good” he said, seizing his shoulders and kissing his forehead so Takanori smiled and sighed then nodded. 

..

“Akira! Come in” Akira’s father greeted him before his eyes fell on Takanori behind him. 

“Oh, hey there!” He said so Takanori bowed with a faint smile. 

“Father, that’s Takanori” Akira introduced him after they stepped in and they nodded to each other with smiles. 

A bit of awkward silence took over the place as they sat together in a living room and during it, Akira could see his father eyeing them well but couldn’t see through his looks. 

“So you work with Akira right?” He asked out of the blue so Takanori looked up and nodded with a faint smile. 

“When did you two meet?” He asked so Akira sighed then looked at him “ten months ago I think?” He said then looked at Takanori who nodded to his guessing in agreement so the father chuckled and looked down. 

“That’s quite a bit, right”

“Yeah” Akira said with a nod. 

“Now, Takanori... Akira talked to you about me didn’t he?” They didn’t expect that question but Takanori nodded. 

“Hmm... now, who is he for you? What does he mean to you?... what do you see in him?” He asked and Akira just looked confused and Takanori smiled. 

“Oh he means a lot... he’s my love, friend, workmate, family... he’s just my everything and I know how that sounds sometimes but it’s real... I don’t have family or friends, my friends are his so... he’s my everything” Takanori said genuinely with a smile and shrugged so Akira looked at him and smiled, feeling the warmth his words brought to his heart. His father just looked at him with a smile covered in relief but didn’t say anything so Takanori looked down with his smile still on his face and then up again and said “I see my happiness and his in him, I see safety and kindness, I see generosity, love, caring, beauty and I see a big heart that never hates” he wasn’t looking directly at him anymore and not even looking at Akira he just stared at nothing with a smile so Akira looked at him and smiled then looked at his hands in his lab and rested his back to the backrest. 

“Yes... you’re right” his father spoke gently and patted Akira’s knee so he looked up at him and smiled. 

“I wished him happiness and peace... I think he has them now, don’t you?” He said and look at Akira who smiled faintly. 

He chuckled and sighed, pushing away the vibe of that conversation. “I don’t cook much but I decided to cook us dinner today” he said with a smile so they smiled back kindly “don’t worry I used to cook a lot, I hope I still can do it” he chuckled and made it to his kitchen leaving them both in the living room. 

Akira turned around with a smile and gave Takanori’s knee a gentle squeeze. “Those were some sweet words”

“Yeah?” Takanori said with a slight head tilt so Akira hummed and moved his hand up his thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

“But you know it already?”

“Maybe... but hearing it out loud never fails to make me fall deeper for you” Akira said with a smile and kissed his forehead. 

“Thank god this is going on well, I hope the rest of the day is alright as well” Akira said after a moment of silence, looking at Takanori who smiled and comforted him. “Don’t worry, it will”

..


“I wish I could make you meet my parents” Takanori said as they walked in the breeze of the night, making it to his place. 

“I wish I could meet them too... but you can tell me about them, right?... you never speak about them and I never ask cause... you know, I’m afraid I may remind you and... just-“

“Yeah, yeah I understand, thank you baby... but yeah right, I’d love to tell you about them” he said with a genuine smile so Akira held his hand and squeezed on it. 

“Go ahead, I’d love to listen”

“They were lovely, I didn’t have siblings so they spoiled me” he said and ended with a chuckle so Akira giggled. “They used to celebrate every time I achieve something and they encouraged me to go on all the time... mom was honestly the sweetest person I ever met in my whole life, she was gentle, kind and beautiful... she was as warm as the sunshine in the morning, as gentle as the breeze of the night... she always reminded me of how much she loved me, I felt complete, I was happy, I felt the happiest and was actually a bit snobby, you know that spoiled kid” he laughed and Akira giggled to his laugh but then he sighed and continued “but they always told me what was right and what was not, I remember them repeating how terrible it is to make someone feel bad on purpose, how they encouraged me to share stuff with others, my dad was no super hero but I thought he was amazing, so responsible and strong... he was my hero” he smiled sadly and looked down but felt Akira’s tight grip on his hand so he squeezed his hand back and smiled at him. 

“I wasn’t so young when they died I was old enough to know how great they were and how amazing they did with raising me. Their relationship with my uncle wasn’t so good, my uncle was the reason in this, he just hated my father for no reason and his kids hated me as well... and life is not fair so I had to end up with them of course” he said and ended sarcastically with a smirk so Akira smiled a broken smile. 

“They would’ve loved you, your kindness and how funny you are and that you’re a cook... they would’ve loved you just as much as I do” he said, looking him in the eyes with a smile and glossy eyes.

“You must be so much like them then” Akira said smilingly so Takanori wiped his face and nodded with a grin. Akira surrounded his shoulders with his arm and walked with him quietly until they made it to his place. 

“It was a good day” Takanori said on his lips, breaking the kiss so he smiled and kissed him shortly. “It was” 

“Do you have to go home?” Takanori said, hanging his arms around his neck. 

“Yeah... don’t wanna leave her alone all day”

“Yeah, right” he said with a smile and pulled away. 

“Goodnight” 

“Night” Akira said as he caressed his cheek before leaving. 

Takanori smiled to the memory of his parents and made it to bed without thinking much except that he just imagined what it would’ve been like if they were there and could actually meet Akira. 


..

“Akira, I’m sorry” Akira heard from behind so he turned around to see Mori. 

“What?... what for?”

“For this mess, I don’t want you to not want to talk to me or to-“

“I-it’s fine, there’s nothing I should be upset about, the whole thing doesn’t concern me and-“

“No, I know what you feel and mean and that’s what I’m apologizing for so... are you gonna be okay w-“

“Mori, I said it doesn’t concern me”

“I understand your feelings for Mei and I understand why you acted this way even... l-look I don’t know anymore about this and... I just can’t leave my girlfriend for possibilities... she’s not telling me anything and I don’t know if she ever will especially that she wouldn’t want to tell me when I have someone already so I just... I’m confused now” Mori said confusedly and stuttered a bit not knowing if he should be saying any of what he just did. 

“It’s okay, don’t take my words so seriously, I’m not in your shoes, I just... got too carried away with my thoughts and just... never mind” 

“Do you have anything you wanna tell me? Anything you feel like talking about?”

“No, I’m fine” Akira said with a faint smile and patted his back. 

“We don’t want anything to be still on when his birthday comes, right?” He said and Akira automatically smiled to the mention of him. 

“Right” he said with a grin and looked away as Mori turned away to make it back to the kitchen. 

“What are you doing here, why aren’t you in the kitchen?” Akira heard Eiji so he sighed. “Sorry, I’m gonna go continue” he said firmly and headed back to the kitchen as well and he almost hit Takanori with the tray full of food in his way into the kitchen but they both froze in the same moment with wide eyes and a gasp that drew the attention of their workmates who laughed a moment later. 

“Sorry” Akira said, raising his hands in defeat so Takanori chuckled and shook his head, walking out to serve the order. 

Takanori’s birthday was a couple of weeks away and Akira kept thinking of something special to do and failed to find something but he eventually decided but now that Mori brought it up, he thought about it again. 

After their shift, Akira met Mei out and before Takanori could catch up with them he called for her. 

“Hey... going home? Where’s Takanori?”

“He’s still in there, look I was um... thinking to do some kind of a... um, a s-surprise party? For Takanori... his birthday’s a couple of weeks away so I um... thought we could do something for him, he’ll love it” he said and she grinned at him. 

“Mori” she called for him who just left the changing room so he looked up and made it towards them. 

“Aren’t you getting him a present?” Mei turned around back to Akira and asked so he sighed deeply and by then Mori was already standing next to them. 

“What is it?”

“Takanori’s birthday... I was thinking of... you know a party, a surprise party, he wouldn’t expect it but he’ll love it so I thought the three of us should do it”

“Sounds great!” Mori said and smiled so Mei nodded. 

“Hmm, that day is gonna be Takanori’s day off so we’ll make it to his place and surprise him, let it be at night so that we are ready” Akira said as inside his mind he was thinking of something to get him. 

“Takanori!” Mei called for him to let them know that he was out but also to let him see them since he made his way already to the exit. 

“Hey, I thought I’ll find you there already waiting buses” Takanori said cheerfully so Akira smiled at him and they made it out and to the bus stop. 

“What took you so long?” Akira asked as they both walked behind and Mei walked ahead with Mori. 

“Eiji was talking to me”

“He was? He rarely stays for after our shift, what was it about?”

“Yeah... he was... I don’t know, kinda apologizing? Not straight forward but he kinda did, telling me that he was stressed and already upset from a couple of things that happened that day and it kinda went out all on me?... I didn’t really expect that, I didn’t see it coming”

“Neither did I” Akira said with a bit of surprise. 

“But that’s... good, right? You’re still upset?”

“No... I don’t know, I think I can’t” Takanori said with a smile so Akira giggled. 

 

“Agh, I’m so tired” Takanori sighed, walking in and making it to his living room after taking off his shoes. 

“You didn’t sleep well yesterday?” Akira asked, following him inside. 

“I think I did, I just can’t help feeling tired” Takanori said and ended with a smile when Akira took a seat next to him and put his leg over his thighs. 

“I wanna soak myself in hot water” Takanori said so Akira raised his head from his phone screen and grinned. 

“And you can join to make the water warmer, you know” Takanori said and chuckled so Akira giggled and squished his cheek. 

“Uh, I’ll go fill the tub” Takanori stood up with a sigh and stretched his body before heading to the bathroom. 

Akira sat there lazily on the couch with his leg still hanging off the couch after Takanori stood up. He kept going through the channels on the TV lazily then he heard him calling from inside so he headed to his room but he wasn’t there. 

“Where are you?” He asked as he walked out of the room. 

“Over here” he heard from the bathroom so he walked into it with a smirk. 

“Ooh, is it hot?” He asked when saw him settled in the water.  

“Very” Takanori said with a lazy smile as he watched him getting undressed. 

“Empty my spot” Akira said with a chuckle, walking towards him so Takanori giggled and moved himself forward a bit as he stepped in the bathtub and let out a soft ‘oh’ to the feeling of the hot water flooding his body. He sat with his back rested to the edge of the tub with open legs and Takanori’s in the middle with his back rested to his chest. 

“That’s hotter” he said with a smirk that Takanori could hear through his tone so he smiled. 

“Shut up” he chuckled, hitting his calf with the back of his hand that splashed water on his face so Akira giggled and closed his legs on him a bit which made Takanori feel smaller. 

“It’s quite” Takanori whispered after a few minutes of silence so Akira hummed and started massaging his neck and shoulders so he tilted his head to the side and closed his eyes. 

“I love when it’s quiet” Takanori said with a smile and whispered. “With you” 

“Just with me?”

“Yeah... I hate silence”

“Really?”

“Hmm”

“Doesn’t it mean quite and peace? It’s comforting”

“Maybe... but it never feels like that to me... maybe with you it does but other than that if it’s with someone else it’s awkward and if I’m alone it’s... dreadful, it means cold and pain to me... it’s waiting... for unpleasant things” he said and opened his eyes slowly and felt his lips on his neck so he smiled. 

“Baby... I’m sorry” he said in his ear and hugged him, containing him all and closing his legs on him more. 

Takanori smiled genuinely, touched his thigh and caressed his skin for a while. “It’s okay, love... everything is okay now” he said and his voice went out in just a mere whisper as Akira kissed his shoulder so he turned around and met his lips. 

It was quite just the sound of water droplets whenever they moved and the sound of their slowly going kisses. 

Takanori pulled away and smiled at him then rested his head to his chest and closed his eyes. 

“That’s the most peace I’ve felt in ages... I wanna nap” Takanori said, feeling their skins touching. 

“If it wasn’t gonna make you catch a cold, I would’ve told you to go ahead” Akira said with a chuckle so Takanori smiled and opened his eyes. 


“I love you” Takanori said after a long pause of silence and didn’t hear a response in a while so he turned around and looked at him and found one of the warmest, most loving smiles on his face. 

“I love you too baby... I love you too” he whispered and hugged him closer. 


..

“See you” Akira said and kissed him before reaching the door knob so Takanori tilted his head and smiled. “Take care” 

Akira made it back home, had dinner with his grandmother and chatted a bit until it was her bed time then he made it to his room as well and laid on his bed with a deep sigh, he didn’t feel like sleeping but didn’t know what to do. His eyes moved to his TV and he remembered that day he played video games with Takanori... back then before it all starts. 

He hadn’t played for months so he put on a game and remembered that he hasn’t bough any games in forever so he thought he could buy one soon and also got an idea for Takanori’s birthday. 

Before he could do anything he heard a loud thud and just in the same moment he heard his grandma’s voice calling, weakly and hoarsely. 

He jumped on his feet and ran out to where he thought the voice was coming from and his heart hammered against his chest. 

“Aki-chan” 

He gasped and fell to his knees right next to her as she struggled to stand up from the ground, having nothing near to grab for support and looking too drained to stand up in her own. 

“What happened? Are you alright?... here, here” he carried her up and headed with her to her room, sat her down on her bed and kneeled there on the ground with a hammering heart, looking at her. 

“What happened?”

“I’m fine, nothing happened I just fell” she said with a smile, patting his hair. 

“Fell? Did you trip over something? Or-“

“I’m fine, dear, don’t worry” she said and her smile didn’t comfort him as it worried him even more. 

He kissed her forehead and sat there for a while just asking if she needed something or felt something’s wrong but all she did was smile and comfort him but it didn’t help his growing worries but eventually he couldn’t do much and made it back to his room. 

He turned the game off, not feeling like playing anymore and sat there in dead silence too worried to sleep or distract his hearing with anything so that he could hear if something happened or if she needed help but he ended up sleeping or correctly fainting right in the spot he was sitting in, hours later from just sitting there motionless and in silence. 

Chapter Text

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” Akira said with worry flooding out of his voice and just got a kind smile and a nod from his grandmother so he sighed and made it to work, praying nothing happens. 


“Morning” Takanori said with a smile but it was gone when he saw his face. 

“Hey, morning” Akira said and a faint smile made it to his face. 

“What is it? Did something happen?”

“No I’m just worried about grandma a bit”

“What? Why?” Takanori asked with a frown so Akira sighed. 

“She fell yesterday... or that’s what she says... I think she didn’t just trip over something, I’m afraid something’s wrong and she doesn’t wanna worry me”

“Oh my god... did you ask her?”

“Of course I did” Akira said hopelessly and looked down. “I asked her for over twenty times but all she says is that she’s fine”

“But maybe that’s just what happened?”

“Maybe but I can’t help feeling otherwise”

“It’s okay, maybe you’re just a bit worried, she’ll be fine” he said in hopes to comfort him and patted his back gently so he looked at him and nodded with a faint smile. 

As he walked back to the kitchen to bring another order out, Takanori caught a glimpse of that familiar and creepy face once again but his legs didn’t stop and he just kept walking. 

“What is it?” Mei was the first face his eyes fell on after walking in and he just blinked blankly. 

“Nothing” he said and made it to the kitchen, leaving her with a raised eyebrow. 

When he walked there again he didn’t bother looking but he was forced to cause the man called for him. He walked there with annoyance and a hammering heart. 

“Yes, sir?”

“I wanna change that glass it looks dirty, bring it back, filled with sake” he said arrogantly and Takanori just looked at him for a moment but nodded and took the glass, cursing in his mind cause the glass looked as clean as all others and of course he met Mei in his way again. 

“What’s wrong with you?” She asked, furrowing her brows so he sighed, putting down the glass. 

“That fucker’s out there again”

“Who?”

“That creepy ass, he waited for me to walk out again and called for me although there were others he could call for and he wants me to replace this?! Saying it’s dirty? Do I lick it clean now?!” He said in anger, holding the glass up. 

“What are you licking clean?” 

He flinched to the sudden voice of Eiji behind them so he stuttered and Mei just froze. “I.. n-nothing” 

He looked at him with a frown then left and Takanori just let out a long breath he didn’t know he was holding and just looked at her. 

“This man is creeping me out” she said with a frown and looked up at him. 

“Where is he?”

“What are you gonna do?”

“Nothing, I just wanna see him”

“No, don’t or he’ll know I talked to you about him... he’s such a pain in the ass, why does he keep showing up!”

“I think you just need to treat him like any other guest, Eiji’s eyes... and ears have become sharper” she said with a slight shrug so he sighed in annoyance and took another glass, full of sake and headed out. 


After their shifts ended, Akira was leaving so fast and excusing himself to leave before them but Takanori tried to calm him and went home with him. 

The grandmother didn’t look or act different but Akira was still as worried as ever. Takanori spent the day with them and she asked him to stay and leave in the morning and he didn’t wanna turn her down so he just stayed and also thought he could calm Akira’s mind or be there if something happened. 

“That was a long day” Takanori said on Akira’s chest as they laid under the covers on his bed. 

“Yeah” he said and welcomed his lips that approached him with a kiss. They kissed for a while but Takanori pulled away and stretched, suppressing a moan. 

“Are you gonna sleep?”

“Hmm” he replied with a smile and rubbed his face on his chest, feeling the fabric of his soft sweater against his cheek. 

“You’re so warm”

“Of course I am... I’m a human” he said sarcastically so Takanori raised his head up with a dead, bored stare and jokingly slapped him. “Shut up” 

Akira giggled and hugged him, closing his eyes with a smile. 

..

“See? She’s fine, don’t worry too much and just take care of her and yourself” Takanori said, holding his face with both hands after getting dressed to leave for work alone since today was Akira’s day off so he nodded and kissed him. 

“What are you gonna do today?” Takanori asked with a dorky smile so Akira smiled and shrugged. 

“I don’t know, I think I’ll spend the day with grandma, I don’t know if I should visit father, It’s been a week or something”

“If you feel like it then why not?” 

Akira sighed and nodded. “Think I may go today”

“Great” Takanori said and kissed him shortly. 

“If you want anything call me” he said with the same smile on so Akira nodded and kissed him once more a long kiss before they break it for Takanori to leave. 

He made it freshly to work and felt his day starting off well. Just like every time he feels when his day starts with Akira. 

“Morning, angry bird” Mei said with a chuckle when Takanori walked out of the changing room and he stared at her for a moment with furrowed eyebrows. “Angry? Do I look angry?”

“Not today, but you did”

“Oh” he chuckled and sighed. “Morning”

She looked the same, she looked fine, he felt like nothing ever happened to her and he wasn’t sure if he should bring it up cause he didn’t wanna remind or bother her but at the same time he didn’t want her to feel like he’s grateful it’s over. 

“So... are you... feeling better?” He asked unsurely but his worry was replaced with a smile when she smiled warmly at him and nodded. 

“Yeah, I’m feeling better... thank you” she nodded with a smile before leaving so he smiled and let out a sigh of relief cause he didn’t mess up, asking her. 

Everything was back to normal again and Takanori almost felt like nothing ever changed. They went for a drink after their shifts which annoyed Akira cause he wanted to join them. 

Takanori went home not wasted but felt so drunk that he just wanted to sleep but he found himself calling Akira and that’s when he knew they went out drinking. 

“How dare you go without me, I missed going out for a drink together!”

“Sorry baby... we’ll go again”

“You sound so out of it”

“Do I?”

“Yeah... your voice is kinda telling me to come over and get you laid” he said with a smirk, teasing him. 

“Oh you horny fairy... come over I’m already on bed” Takanori said, giggling and heard Akira whine on the other side. 

“You should’ve called earlier cause I’m actually in my way to father’s”

“Cancel it and come fuck me” he said playfully and heard Akira’s deep breath and could tell he was facepalming. 

“Aaah my god, I can’t believe I’m missing drunk sex with you”

“Why are you gonna miss it? We’re gonna have it now”

“Oh, please Takanori, I see the house already”

“Alright then go... and tell me how is it gonna be like sitting there, knowing I’m jerking off with your name” he said and Akira stopped walking and didn’t say a thing. 

“I think the visit’s ruined... and I think I’m making it to your bed right now” 

“Yeah you better do, I’m hard already” he said with a smirk and touched himself. 

“You still have my spare key, don’t you? I’m too heavy to open the door for you or to even strip myself down”

“I’ll fuckin’ do it for you” he said and heard his giggle that was cut off with a deep moan that made him bite his lip and walk faster. 

 


“Taka?” Akira called, closing the door and taking off his shoes. He walked inside and called again but got no response so he walked into his bedroom. 

“How dare you do this to me” he whined and walked towards his bed, sat on its edge and wiped on his hair, looking at his sleeping face and heavy body that didn’t even feel his presence. 

“I think I’ll be the one jerking off eventually” he said disappointedly, looking down at his bulge “You owe me one” he said and kissed his forehead. “A big one”

..

“Hey, drunk ass” Akira said through the phone, laying down on his bed. 

“Did I call you this evening?”

“Just call me? You turned me on and drove me on my face to your place instead of going to father’s and I eventually ended up in your bathroom cause you fainted before I even make it to your place”

“Oh my god”

“Yeah... you owe me a big fucking night”

“And... You didn’t go eventually?”

“No, I went but that time and effort and cum waisted is your fault” Akira said sarcastically and Takanori blushed deeply in embarrassment. 

“I-I’m sorry... what the fuck, I’m s-sorry, I don’t remember, I-“

“Hey, it’s okay, don’t apologize” Akira said when he heard his embarrassed tone but chuckled and continued “just prepare yourself cause I’ll fuck you all night tomorrow”

Takanori couldn’t get rid of the blush, the embarrassment nor headache. “Oh my god, I don’t believe me” He said, hiding his face in his palm and heard him giggle. 

“It’s okay, I’m not really upset... but I will be if you didn’t-“

“I-I will, I will” he cut him off with a low, shy tone and heard him giggle. “Stop laughing”

“You stop, I can see your blush from here” 

“Why do I keep embarrassing myself, it’s-“

“It’s okay.. really”

“What are you gonna do now since you obviously just woke up” Akira said, changing the subject to relieve the stress in the call. 

“I don’t know, I think I’ll shower and eat and get back to sleep, I’m so tired and have a terrible headache”

“Hmm... I’ll sleep too, it’s been a long day, see you tomorrow”

“Yeah, bye” he ended with an embarrassed smile and sat there, facepalmed and cursed under his breath. 


.. 

The doorbell pushed Takanori off his couch and he felt his heart beating so fast with every step he took. When his eyes met with Akira he felt himself blushing and he looked away with a smile but then looked up at him again shyly and stepped aside for him to walk in. Akira walked in with a grin and closed the door behind him. 

“Hey, my baby” Akira said with a mischievous smile and Takanori chuckled, taking steps backwards. 

“Where do you think yourself going?” Akira said and took bigger steps towards him so Takanori chuckled again and in a second, Akira’s arms were surrounding him and he let out a squeal, trying to get away and Akira couldn’t help but burst out in laughter so Takanori ran out of his reach and made it to his room so he followed and caught him in the corner of his room. 

“W-wait, wait” Takanori held his hands up to stop him as he stuttered in laughter. 

“I don’t even remember” he continued and his face flushed from shyness and laughter that made Akira giggle then hold both of his hands down. 

“I wouldn’t turn you on for nothing” he said and Akira smiled at him mischievously. “Yeah, yeah, sure”

“I was go-“ he was about to say something to hold him back but a shriek of laughter cut him off when Akira pushed his hands down and attacked his neck. 

“Oh my god, oh my god” Takanori giggled and rested his hands on his chest, feeling the vibrations of his giggles on his neck. 

“What? Calm down, I won’t bite” Akira said, chuckling as he pulled away and looked him in the eyes but smirked dirtily. “Or I will?”

Takanori tried to run again but he surrounded him with his arms and pushed him gently to the wall with a dark look that made Takanori’s heart hammer in his chest of surprises and excitement. 

“You won’t get away tonight” Akira whispered deeply on his mouth and then he lifted him off the ground without a warning so he shrieked and tried to set himself free but he was already thrown on the mattress and before he gets ahold of himself, Akira was already stripping down himself and that was when Takanori bit his lip as he panted to the sight of his half-naked body. 

“I’ll burn this fucking room down” Akira said with a smirk as he took off Takanori’s clothes and started running his hands all over his hot skin, feeling his shivers under his touch and seeing his smily, excited and shy eyes looking at him staring at his naked body. 

“You wanted to jerk off with my name huh, what do you say about screaming my name instead?” Akira said, pushing the blanket away and pulling him from his hips underneath him all in a few moments and Takanori couldn’t help the gasp he took in. 

“D-did I say that?” He asked with wide eyes and Akira hummed and leaned in for a kiss. 

“I wanna hear my name a lot tonight” he pulled away and said on his lips. 

“I want you to yell and scream” he said and kissed him shortly. 

“And if I see you biting in a moan, you’ll get punished”

Takanori was thrilled and turned on but also taken aback to the brand new version of his boyfriend he was witnessing for the very first time, dirty, bossy, hardcore, and rough. It kinda overwhelmed him but he loved it and didn’t give a damn and just let his all out as well. 

“Hm, is that it then? I’ll make you fight to last for a few” Takanori said with a lip bite and a dirty stare, pushing himself up and pushed himself on him, looking him in the eyes. Akira smirked to the look in his eyes and twitched in need, holding his hips down, pushing his lips on his. They kissed roughly and they both could feel each other’s tense of their need for domination. 

They pushed their lips on each other strongly and their hands roamed each other’s bodies for the weak points but it didn’t work for either of them since they both fought to resist, but it was all settled when Akira pushed in a wet finger in him causing him to break the kiss and pull away with a gasp between his heavy breaths and look him in the eyes. 

Akira smirked in pride and dug his finger deeper in causing Takanori to bite his lip to suppress a moan so his smirk darkened and he approached his lips and said on them. “What did I say?” 

“Uh... fuck” Takanori cursed and looked up at him darkly but in defeat as he felt him moving inside and couldn’t hold on any longer and moaned. 

“Wipe that smirk off, that wasn’t fair” he said in between his deep and heavy breaths, lowering his head but still caught in his heavy eye contact. 

“I don’t care, I don’t give second chances” Akira said as he twisted his finger inside. 

“I’ll fucking make you” Takanori groaned and threw his head to the back, clenching his jaw. 

“You like it, why do you have to fight it?... don’t you like that?” Akira whispered in his ear and licked his neck then pulled his finger out and pushed in two and heard him moan softly. 

He kept thrusting his fingers in until he pulled out and Takanori didn’t hesitate and pushed him down on the mattress and sat on top of him, ran his fingers on his chest, touched his nipples and moved down till he reached his cock and squeezed it as he leaned down and started kissing him and in a minute he felt his hands on his ass, spreading his cheeks and touching his hole and in no time he felt his fingers inside once again. He tightened himself and tried to pull away but Akira didn’t let go of him or pull out so he bit his lip and pulled away, panting and moaning. “Agh, get out” he groaned but Akira moved his fingers inside and silenced him and watched him close his eyes and feel his movements. 

“Lemme have you” Akira whispered and watched him pant as he rested his hands on his stomach helplessly. 

“Lemme make you feel good” he said hoarsely and Takanori was barely holding on. “Agh, shut up” he groaned and clenched his fist on him and with the third finger, Takanori gave in and fell on him, moaning. “Akira”

“Yeah, baby”

“Why do you have to fuckin be this way”

“So hot?”

“Ah, my god” he groaned loudly so Akira giggled and pulled out of him and slapped his butt.

“Do you want me?” Akira sat up flipped him aside and pulled him underneath again. 

Takanori moaned and heard the tick of the lube bottle and closed his eyes, taking his fingers in once again, making that wet noise that drove him nuts. 

Akira flipped him around and pulled his hips up so that his ass was facing his slicked cock as he kneeled on top of him with his knees sinking on the mattress on each side of his hips. 

“Ah fuck” Takanori moaned, realizing his settings and that position and raised his upper body up on his elbows and looked over his shoulder at him and saw his smirk as he caressed and squeezed his butt. 

“I wanna hear you” Akira almost whispered as he pushed himself in all at once after playing with his tip in his hole teasingly that he made him flinch and yell. 

He pushed in deep and pulled out to thrust in deeper and hear him moan his name. He held him still and raised his pace and Takanori’s moans loudened as well. He put his hands under him to pull him up against him and hugged him from behind. 

“Hm, you feel good? You like it?” Akira whispered sexily in his neck as he moved in and out. 

“I fucking love it” Takanori groaned, gritting his teeth as he arched his back and pushed himself on him. 

“Ah... aah, Akira... damn it” Takanori yelled but then bit his lip instead and suppressed his moans so Akira slapped his but hard and squeezed his cock with a deep thrust that made him scream. 

“What did I just say?”

“Ah, fuck” Takanori moaned softly and couldn’t hold himself up any longer so he leaned down but he felt Akira’s arm on his chest pulling him back to his chest and holding him still. 

He threw his head to the back and felt Akira’s lips on his neck and shoulder, sucking and leaving dark and wet traces. 

He didn’t notice how hard he was curving his back until he decided to move and felt the sharp pain so he tried to lean down but Akira’s arm was holding him tight. 

“Ah, my back” he moaned so Akira let go and stopped. 

“Are you okay?” He pulled out and caressed his back so Takanori looked at him and nodded, rubbing his lower back. 

“Wait” he said, turning on his side, threw his leg over Akira’s shoulder and gestured him to go on. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah it’s not hurting this way” Takanori said with a faint smile and watched him push himself in, holding his leg over his shoulder and start thrusting. 

“I’m sorry, did I go so hard on you?” Akira said, thrusting slowly but Takanori shook his head with a smile. “No you didn’t, you’re so fucking good” he said with a smirk and continued, out of breath. “Don’t go slow and ruin the mood” and smirked but moaned loudly to his sudden deep thrust and smiled to his fast reaction. 

Takanori turned into a moaning mess and yelled out his name repeatedly and it made Akira twitch and throb and go mad. He started moaning and groaning as well and they both felt it coming closer. 

They had a strong end that shook them to the core and tightened their lungs. Akira almost fell on him after putting his leg down and without a word, they panted loudly for a while. 

“That was wild” Takanori said, breathing heavily. 

“And too damn good” Akira said with a smirk as he squeezed his thigh causing him to chuckle. 

They breathed heavily, holding each other’s hand in silence till they drifted away in a deep sleep. 

..

“Yeah, I decided what to buy him... I think I will get it this weekend” Akira said, putting his lunchbox back in his bag.

“I think we should get him something as well” Mei said and put back her bag as well. 

“Yeah maybe... and”

“What?”

“Don’t you wanna tell me something?” He asked her and he could tell that she didn’t expect it cause her face blanked for a moment. 

“Why are you saying that?”

“You felt off for a while and... I think you’re better now, feels like something to me... right?” He said and she looked down for a while. 

“Just a couple of stuff that happened while you’re away” she said with a faint smile, looking up but he didn’t add anything and waited for her to continue. 

“And since they’re over I thought I didn’t have to rant about them... didn’t Takanori tell you?”

“About the incident?” 

“Right”

“Yeah, he did”

“Yeah that was it, I guess” she said and he smiled faintly at her and she could tell that he wasn’t only told about the incident but also about Mori and since he acted like he didn’t know she also acted like it never happened although she kinda felt that he waited for her to tell him herself. 

She thought about it for a moment before ending the conversation and decided that it’s not worth bringing up since she already fought to forget about it and act normal again and just hoped deep inside that he understood and he actually felt it and didn’t mind. 

..

“Hey, why didn’t you wake me up before leaving?” Takanori snapped through the phone that made Akira chuckle. 

“Morning” he said, holding back his laughter and headed out of the kitchen and sat in the changing room. 

“Morning? It’s almost evening! I just woke up”

“That must’ve felt like a nice sleep then”

“Ugh, shut up, I hate waking up late, seriously why didn’t you wake me up?”

“I tried but you were so deeply asleep and comfy so why would I insist and wake you up and it’s already your day off?” He said reasonably and heard his sigh. 

“What are you gonna do today?”

“I don’t know, it’s not like I have plans... will chill” Takanori said and chuckled boringly so he giggled. 

“I’ll have to go now, if Eiji saw me he’ll scold me for an hour for it, see you”

“Alright baby, bye”

After work was over Akira worked for a few extra hours cause a colleague had to come late and tiredly, he made it home and thought his grandma was asleep already and as he walked into their quiet living room he made sure she was but as he made his way to his room his heart dropped and he choked for a second to the sight of his grandmother’s body on the ground.

“Oh my god”

Chapter Text

 

Akira gasped and fell next to her hysterically calling for her and shaking her but she didn’t react at all so he felt her pulse on her neck and hand and barely felt any of it. He felt his eyes burning and could barely breathe as he took out his phone and dialled an ambulance with shaking hands and laid her head on his lab, still trying to wake her up. He didn’t think much when he dialled Takanori’s number and knowing it wouldn’t change a thing but make him worried and that he can’t help he just cried for him on the phone, telling him that she wasn’t waking up. Takanori freaked out to the sound of his panic and ran out of his apartment, making his way to them but in his way Akira and his grandmother were no longer there. 

“Akira, where are you?” Takanori said through the phone, out of breath, resting his hand to their front door, trying to catch a breath and he could already guess he was in an ambulance from the sound of the siren. 

Akira told him where they were heading and sounded calmer than before but was still crying or that’s what his voice sounded like to him. He wasted no time and made it to the hospital they were heading to in panic. 

“Baby, what happened? Where is she?” Takanori said breathlessly, taking wide steps towards him so Akira looked up at him with his puffy eyes and Takanori couldn’t help but hug him tight. 

“I don’t know they told me to wait here, we just arrived minutes ago” he said after pulling away, his voice still sobbing and he still looked shocked and tired. 

“It’s okay, she’ll be alright, she’ll be alright, baby” he said on his shoulder as he hugged him again and felt his shaking arms around him. 

“She has to be” Akira said on his shoulder and his voice went out shaky. 

A nurse called his name in the corridor so he jumped to his feet and followed her. 

“Are you her only family member?” A doctor asked him with calm facial expressions that eased his nerves and nodded. 

“Okay, she needs care, she’s fine and it’s nothing dangerous but she needs care, she’ll take these medications and stay in bed more” he kept nodding and felt the relief to hear that she was fine. 


Takanori jumped to his feet to the sight of them walking out of a room. She insisted that she could walk alone when Akira tried to help her walk and she did seem fine but he still had his heart shrinking. 

“Takanori! Hey dead” 

“Hey, are you feeling alright now?” He asked worriedly, approaching her and she nodded with a smile taking the hand he held out to help her, patting it and letting go to walk on her own, making Akira sigh with a smile. 


“Where are you going?” Akira asked looking up after they rested her on their couch. 

“Are you leaving?” She asked with her usual warm smile. 

“Oh, yeah, I have to, I left the TV and all lights on” he said with a chuckle. “I hope I didn’t leave the stove on as well” he continued with a chuckle so she giggled and nodded at him so he headed to the door to leave and Akira followed him. 

“Take care” Takanori said with a smile after he put his shoes on and he nodded at him. 

“Please sleep well and rest, you look so pale still” he said, touching his cheek so Akira smiled faintly and nodded. 

“You’ll have to take a few days off to rest and to take care of her. If you want, I can tell Eiji for-“

“No, it’s okay, I’ll call him” he said with a nod so Takanori smiled and approached his lips fo a kiss before leaving. “Thank you” Akira said on his lips and Takanori kissed him again in response. 

Akira walked back in and sat there next to her, just staring at her so she looked at him questioningly. 

“Grandma, would you please tell me if you felt anything wrong, if you felt any pain or if you even felt uncomfortable, please you have to tell me, you can’t just say that you’re fine all the time while you’re not, please tell me it won’t be a bother or so much worry, you in fact scare me when you don’t and I can see when you’re not... so please, please just tell me” he spoke seriously, looking her in the eyes and saw her sad eyes as she nodded at him so he hugged her so tight, kissed her head and hugged her again. 

“My heart almost stopped” he said after a deep, long sigh and she patted his back. “I’m sorry, Aki-chan I... thought I was actually fine... I’ll let you know, just calm down now, I’m truly fine now” she said so he nodded on her shoulder but kept hugging her. 

After a while, he was in bed and it only took him the touch of his pillow to his face to almost faint of exhaustion and he didn’t feel anything or himself until next morning’s noon when he opened his eyes lazily and checked his phone. It was less than half an hour till the time of her medicine so he pushed himself off the mattress and made it to the bathroom and by the minute he was out he found her awake already. 

“Good morning” he said with a smile and walked over to her for a morning hug and she warmly wrapped her arms around him. 

“I’ll make breakfast quickly, you’ll have to take your pills in ten minutes” he said, pulling away so she smiled at him and nodded. 

On the other side, Takanori woke up much earlier, tiredly after a not very good sleep and barely had breakfast, changed and made it to work in a hurry. 

“Isn’t he coming today?” Mei asked when they started working and Akira was still not there. 

“Yeah he’s taking a few days off”

“Is he okay? What happened?”

“He is but last night, he had to take grandma to the hospital, she fainted before he makes it home”

“Oh my god! Is she alright? What happened?”

“Yeah she is, the doctor said she’ll need rest and care so Akira’s staying with her”

“Oh my god... I’ll try to pass by to see her” she said with a sad frown so he nodded in agreement. 


After breakfast, Akira’s grandmother sat on their couch watching TV and after Akira was done cleaning he made it to their couch, sat there, laid his head in her lap and curled his legs up the couch so she laughed. “You still like laying this way” 

“Pat” he replied shortly so she laughed and he smiled when he felt her hand in his hair. 

“Ah, sometimes I feel like I miss you, Aki-chan, even tho we sleep under the same ceiling” she said warmly and he felt a grip on his heart so he put his palm on her knee and looked down sadly, still feeling her gentle pats on his head.  

“I’m sorry... I know I’m out most of the day and I even sleep at Takanori’s often but even when I’m here I feel like we barely talk... I’m sorry” he said and heard her chuckle so he smiled. 

“It’s alright, Aki-chan...I just feel like I could leave any time and... I wanna spend all my time with you” she said with her smile still on but Akira’s faded away and was replaced by a sad frown that followed his heart shrink. 

“What... n-no” he said, getting up and hugged her, feeling the tight grip still squeezing his heart that it pushed tears to his eyes. 

“Don’t say that... y-yo don’t have to leave you’re so well and you’re gonna stay with me, right?”

“Who knows, dear... I don’t mean I want to keep you by my side with nowhere else to go” she said and laughed weakly. “I’m happy when you’re out with your friends or Takanori cause I’m sure that you have a good time and that’s all what matters to me... I just wanna chat like we used to... it’s been ages since you laid like this and talked” she said on his shoulder and he couldn’t help his tears and hugged her tighter. 

“I love you so much... I’m sorry, I’ll talk with you all the time”

“No, Aki-chan, don’t annoy me” she said seriously so he laughed and pulled away to kiss her forehead. 

“And you don’t know how much I love you... you’re my only daughter’s only son... you’re so much to me, you mean the world to me now, I just want you to be happy” she said, with her hand cupping his cheek. 

He smiled and she pinched his cheek. “You remember when she used to lay just like this and you’d whine for having no space” she said when he laid his head back on her lap so he smiled. 

“Yeah... we used to sit here and chat all evening... she loved us so much” he said so she smiled sadly and brushed his hair with her fingers as they sat there quietly with their TV on, that they both didn’t even know was on. 

“Ne, Aki chan” she said after a bit of silence but he didn’t respond so she moved a bit forward to look at his face and smiled to his peaceful sleeping face. 

“Aki-chan” she said again, touching his cheek so his eyes fluttered open and he kinda flinched, looking at her. 

“Y-yeah... what” he said with wide eyes but she patted him and apologized. 

“It’s okay, did I nap for long?”

“No, it’s been only minutes... I was gonna ask you if Takanori is staying home today” he sat up and looked blank for a moment till his mind functioned and then his head went over to Takanori spending the day alone so he nodded. “Yeah, he is... I think he’s in his way home”

“Why don’t you invite him over for dinner? Instead of him eating alone” she said and it made him smile genuinely. “Okay, I’ll call him, I just hope he’s not home yet” he said, heading out of the room to get his phone. 

 

“Hey baby, how’s everything going?” Takanori asked the moment he answered the call so Akira smiled. “Everything’s fine... where are you?”

“I’m waiting for the bus... why?”

“Why don’t you come over?”

“What? No, grandma needs rest and needs you to take care of her what am I gonna come over for I’ll distur-“

“She told me to call you and invite you for dinner”

“Oh... she did?”

“Yeah, so don’t worry, just come... she’s okay” he said with a smile so Takanori smiled and told him he’ll make it to their house in a while. 


“Hey” Takanori said quietly, stepping in and kissed him shortly and pulled away but Akira grabbed his face close for another kiss that broke with a smile. 

They walked back in and Akira sat back in his spot while his grandma greeted Takanori who politely shook her hand. He sat on the armchair next to the couch they were sitting on and caught a breath from his way. 

“Takanori” he turned to her after hearing his name and saw a warm, welcoming smile that lit up her face and that actually made him smile too. 

“I want you to come over more often... I don’t want you to eat alone after a long day at work” she said and he just looked at her as a genuine smile made its way to his face and he nodded. “Thank you... that’s so kind of you” he said and Akira grinned to the red shade Takanori’s cheeks were turning into. 

“I want you to feel like home here, not just a visit... Akira feels like you’re a part of his family so I can’t help but feel the same” 

Takanori looked down feeling the heat in his face that he couldn’t help and also his watery eyes that exposed his feelings. He looked up with a big genuine smile that captured Akira’s heart and mind and giggled shyly. “I... actually feel home here... it feels warm and welcoming in here and I really love it when I spend my time with you” he said shyly and Akira watched his shyness with a grin and big hearts eyes. 

“Um... thank you” he ended and chuckled softly so Akira sighed and laid back down on the couch and rested his head to her lap. 

It felt cozy and beautiful... Takanori used to feel a bit out of place whenever the three of them sat together but at that moment he didn’t have any of that feeling and he just felt home, watching Akira laugh about something silly he said that annoyed his grandmother and her wondering how Takanori could handle his stupid jokes. They watched an old movie on TV and giggled, having some nostalgia to back then when the movie was released and by the end of it, Akira headed to the kitchen to make them dinner so Takanori followed him to help out. 

“What are you willing to cook?”

“Chicken... rice” he said, taking out a bag of rice and a bowl. 

“Here, chop these” Akira said handing him onions and tomatoes. 

“I know now where you got it all from” Takanori said with a smile as he cut them so Akira chuckled with a grin and didn’t say much and just continued. 

They cooked in a comfortable silence, exchanging smiles and gentle touches as they moved and as they waited for rice and vegetables to cook Takanori stood with his back rested to the counter and his hands behind his back so Akira approached him and stood so close to him and rested his forehead on his and rested his hands on his waist. 

“Don’t hesitate to come again”

“I don’t” Takanori said with a chuckle so he smiled at him and left a little kiss on his cheek and pulled away, took a glass of water and headed to the living room to give his grandmother her pills before dinner and by that Takanori was already serving food in their plates. 

After they ate, Takanori changed to one of Akira’s comfy pyjamas and it was quiet as they watched TV and again Akira curled on the couch next to her and put his head in her lap and Takanori sat on the carpet, resting his back to the couch with Akira’s hand messing in his hair and brushing through it which made Takanori’s eyelids hang open heavily. 

It kinda felt like a dream to Takanori, it reminded him of his weekend nights with his parents as they watched Takanori’s favourite TV show. That felt different but was just as warm and familiar as it used to be. He felt like living this way forever, he didn’t want time to pass, he couldn’t have felt safer or more wanted. He missed it and it felt like a gentle pat on his soul that mended all his scratches from his life with his uncle’s family and the years he spent alone. 

He didn’t notice that Akira’s hand stopped until he heard his grandmother calling his name quietly so he looked up and saw his closed eyes and squished cheek on her thigh so he smiled. 

“He always falls asleep like this, it does matter how old he is” she said, giggling so he chuckled. 

“He would jump off the couch, hearing my voice if you weren’t here... he’s not as worried now that you’re here” she said so he smiled and held his hand that fell on his shoulder as she called him once again so his eyes flew open widely and looked so red so Takanori kinda pouted and squeezed his hand so he blinked twice and sighed deeply, getting his head up and looking at them both. 

“Aki-chan, go to bed it’s late” she said so he checked the time in a hurry. 

“Wait you have a pill to take” he said, getting a bottle of pills from the bottom shelf of their coffee table so Takanori handed her a bottle of water and Akira was half asleep already so they headed shortly to Akira’s room after he insisted to walk her to bed and just threw himself on his bed, barely moved aside to leave a space for him so Takanori chuckled and got in bed with him. 

“Good night, you cute little thing” Takanori said and kissed his forehead so Akira smiled, closed-eyes and whispered a quiet “goodnight”. 

Takanori closed his eyes with a genuine smile and a feeling of love and containment he wanted to keep in his heart forever. 

Next morning Takanori left after having breakfast together with the same warm vibe, exchanging short stories and funny stuff, he headed to work with a heart full of positivity and hope, he kinda missed that feeling and could do anything to feel it again.


“Hey, how’s Akira and grandma?” Mei asked him first thing when she saw him out of the changing room so he smiled to comfort her. “They’re alright, she’s better”

“I couldn’t make it there yesterday, I got a call from home and had to go” 

“It’s alright, maybe you can go later” he said so she nodded and they started their shifts. 

Takanori’s day went smoothly, it was tiring but was normal. He made it home after work after saying goodbye to Mei and Mori who made it to Akira’s. He took a shower and made himself a simple dinner, sat quietly with his food, watching a movie with pillows surrounding him and a pair of thick socks in his feet. 


In their visit, Mei and Mori were more relaxed to see Akira’s grandmother well and fine and as they sat there Akira brought up Takanori’s birthday and his grandmother was delighted to know they were planning him such a thing and wanted to witness it and it didn’t take them a second thought to decide to make it at Akira’s place instead. 


“Hey baby, going to work?” Akira asked through the phone, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. 

“Yeah, it’s cold today”

“Yeah, did you take a jacket or something?”

“Um, I did... ugh I wanna be in bed so bad, why are you up that early?”

“I don’t wake up late anyway and I gotta wake up that early for grandma’s pills”

“Oh really, good boy” Takanori said and chuckled so Akira sighed with a smirk. 

“Come over today and sleep here... I want you” Akira said and sounded serious so Takanori’s face changed. 

“Are you alright?”

“Uhm, yeah, I just felt like... I don’t know I just want you” he said in his deep, gentle voice through the phone so Takanori smiled warmly. 

“I’ll be there then... I’ll see you after work”

“Okay, baby... take care”

Takanori hurried in his steps in his way to Akira’s after work, not knowing why but telling him that he wanted him just like that warmed his heart and if it wasn’t for work he would’ve gone straight to his house after the call. 

“Baby” Akira whispered after opening the door for Takanori, approaching him for a kiss. 

He kissed him shortly and pulled away to let him in and then held his hand and kissed him again. Takanori welcomingly kissed him back as warm as he did but it felt different, he didn’t know what was going on but it didn’t feel wrong so he didn’t bother thinking so much. He broke the kiss and looked at him with a smile and didn’t see a difference in his eyes, they were the same warm, lazy orbs that captures his heart all the time. He took his shoes off and walked inside with Akira’s hand on his lower back guiding him inside. 

His grandmother greeted him and he sat there smilingly, chatting and talking with her and Akira who kept staring at him all the time even when they weren’t talking. It only felt like love and it was beautiful but it was unusual. They made dinner together and during it, Akira kept taking all chances to touch him or his hands and ended up kissing him. 

“What kind of want did you mean” Takanori mocked on his lips so Akira chuckled and shook his head, Takanori knew his acts didn’t feel sexual but for the sake of his sweet chuckle he still threw it out. They kissed again but it deepened and took longer and Akira’s hand made it to Takanori’s face and cupped it as they passionately kissed. 

“Why do you always end up kissing in the kitchen, can’t you keep it to your room?” They jumped to the sound of her, walking into the kitchen with her empty glass of water. Takanori almost gasped and looked down, feeling his face heating up so he put his hand over his mouth trying to cover a bit of his blush. 

“Y-you know... you can clear your throat or something” Akira said in embarrassment with an awkward smile since it wasn’t just an innocent short kiss and he kinda got carried away with it so she laughed and took her now filled glass and walked back to the living room. He looked back at Takanori and expectedly his face was melting from the heat, he was checking the food on the stove, trying not to look up so Akira smiled and ruffled his hair affectionately before getting plates ready.

With another warm and lovely evening, the grandma felt sleepy early and headed to bed after her goodnights so they remained on the couch with the TV quietly on and Takanori resting his head on Akira’s shoulder and Akira leaning a bit on him. 

“I love you” Akira spoke out of nowhere so Takanori felt his butterflies awake for the millionth time today and smiled genuinely and raised his head off his shoulder with the smile still on his face. 

“Why are you so lovely today?”

“Won’t you say you love me back?”

“Oh god... I love you” Takanori said with a wider grin, in disbelief. 

“Am I?”

“Yes, you are. I can’t take all this cuteness in one day, slow down on me” he chuckled so Akira smiled and kissed his forehead. 

“You know sometimes there are these moments that you just... your heart kinda wakes up and realizes what it has so you... just want to appreciate it” Akira said seriously with a faint smile and it melted what’s left of Takanori’s heart as he stared him in the eyes as he spoke. 

“Oh my god, you’re too much for this world” Takanori said and let his head fall on his chest and wrapped his arms around him as he curled up on the couch in his spot next to him so Akira grinned and held him closer. 

 

Days passed and everything went the same, Takanori would pass by Akira’s and spend the day or go home, Mei and Mori would do the same and work was just the same as every day, Akira went back to work but worked for shorter shifts and one day after work he went out with Mori to shop for a present and buy some simple decorations and balloons and Mei stayed with his grandmother and by the end of that day, it was Takanori’s birthday next morning. 

It was his day off and he woke up late and with lazy steps, he took a shower and made breakfast. He didn’t pay much attention to the date and just spent his morning as peacefully, as usual, thinking of heading to Akira’s in the evening after he’s back from work. 

“Okay, we’ll make the cake, don’t worry it’ll be ready in an hour... did you hang up the decorations last night?” Mei said through the phone, taking strawberries out of the fridge with Mori next to her whisking. 

“No, I’ll do when I’m back home, I was thinking of passing by his place first... it won’t be long I’ll just check on him and go home... we have plenty of time anyway”

“Oh can’t you wait till tonight? You’ll see him” she mocked and he could see her sarcastic expression through the phone and just rolled his eyes. 

“Mind your business” he said and held back a smile but he knew she could see it as well from her loud laugh so he just chuckled. 

“Did you give grandma her pills?”

“She took them already... you’re worrying so much”

“She could forget, I’m not worrying so much”

“You are” she said and he hung up after letting her know about the plan. 

“What are you laughing about?” Mori said with an idiotic chuckle after she hung up. 

“Your friend is an idiot that’s all” she said with a chuckle and he laughed anyway with a nod. “Yeah, sure thing”

Akira’s excitement pushed him through the day and he felt the day was longer, he just wanted to see him already and see his smile when they surprise him. 

Takanori was in his room, sorting his clothes when he heard the door and with excited steps, he headed to the door in case it was Akira cause it was time for him to go home. 

He checked the door but his legs froze and his heart dropped but the doorbell rand again so his hand made it to the doorknob and he opened with a dead, blank expression that was hiding a storm of confusion and nervousness inside. 

“Yutaka?”

“Hey, Takanori”

Chapter Text

 

“What... are you doing here?”

“Happy birthday” Yutaka said with an unfamiliar smile and Takanori just stepped back.

“What?”

“Today’s your birthday... don’t you remember?” He said with a sarcastic chuckle and Takanori stood there staring at him blankly and didn’t think much of his setting but Yutaka was already inside.

“Yeah... I don’t” he said dryly and took a couple of steps away from him.

“I... got you something, I think you’ll like” he said, handing him an envelope.

Takanori was taken aback a bit and his mind went blank, he just took it and looked at him in the eyes for a moment before he opened it and took what turned out to be photographs out and a gasp escaped his mouth and he felt his eyes burning so bad till his tears made it out and to his chin.

They were old photos of Takanori with his parents he had in his room in their old house before he was kidnapped and before they throw his stuff away.

“Oh my god” he said and his voice went out weak and low and more tears fell down his cheeks. It’s been years since he laid his eyes on their faces, they were only in his memory.

He switched between them in disbelief and pain and just stared at their face and couldn’t help but remember all the moments behind these photos.

“Don’t ask me why I kept them, I just did...I’ve always wanted to give them to you but I felt like it won’t matter to you whatever I bring you but since it’s your birthday today... I don’t know, I just...”

“Thank you” he said with his eyes still focused on the picture. “I almost forgot their faces” he looked up at him with his tearful eyes and saw a warm look in his eyes that felt so unfamiliar from him.

“Takanori I’m sorry for every birthday you spent with us and that turned out to be the worst day of the year... I know that sounds meaningless now but”

“Yeah, it does... and I turned nineteen in a hospital after I was rescued so... don’t worry, you’re not the worst I’ve seen in my life... it’s always been a shitty day that I forget about it so yeah... it sounds meaningless”

Yutaka stood there in silence for a moment then looked up at him and took a couple of steps closer.

“I know you couldn’t care less to hear any of that or to know anything about me but... ever since I moved out, I went somewhere new, somewhere where I know nobody and I still have no one... you actually are the only person I think of when I need company... and you don’t even stand seeing my face so... it kinda hurts” he said and stepped closer again that made Takanori take a step back.

“But I thought that... maybe today you’d listen? Maybe you’d hear me out? Maybe you’d give me a bit of your time... a chance” he said, not breaking their eye contact as he stepped closer again.

Takanori’s head was raging with thoughts and confusion as he just stood there silently staring him in the eyes and listening, even though he didn’t want to but he listened and it played with his thoughts and crept around his hatred.

“Takanori... you too don’t know what I’ve been through... maybe it wasn’t as bad as what you had but I still had terrible nights and... I always thought of you and wondered... and after we met again, my head never stopped, you made it hard... you made it impossible but it didn’t change much... just give me a chance, I’m not the same, I changed... you changed me”

Takanori finally found his voice, trapped under his eye contact he swallowed and parted his lips “Yutaka... things don’t go like this... it’s not that easy... and I-“

“I know, I know it’s not but... but you can, and maybe you could-“

“I can’t... it’s been so long and I’ve suffered a lot to forget, why do you have to remind me?” He said coldly first but his voice broke and he frowned at him sadly and didn’t notice how close he was now that inches separated them.

“Because I don’t wanna be that dark part of your past, I don’t wanna be a memory you hate to remember... I’m not that hideous person I used to be and-“

“It doesn’t matter... I’m sorry it just doesn’t... I can’t even bring you back into my life, you have to stay out of it... cause I won’t just bring you back, I’ll bring back everything I cried my eyes out every night for years to forget... and I don’t want to and if you care you should understand... I don’t wanna say that Yutaka” he said but couldn’t keep his voice straight and it cracked at the end. “Your existence around me hurts” he said and felt his eyes burning and it squeezed his heart to see the look in his eyes.

“You may have changed but I can’t change what I have for you, you’re too late... I can finally be happy, why do I have to bring it all up again and suffer again just to fix my memories with you?... It wasn’t and it won’t be just you... so please...” he said and looked down, feeling hurt by his own words and felt his head suddenly quiet and empty. He saw his feet stepping closer to him and he felt his heart dropping as he looked up and before he could meet his eyes he felt his hand on his hip and his lips strongly pushed on his while his hand held Takanori’s down.

He froze and felt Yutaka’s cheeks wet on his and it made it harder to move, think or react at all, Yutaka cried and it felt like a goodbye kiss, he was hurt and and Takanori could feel it but he felt like choking, he let out quiet moans that sounded like sobs and his tears already ran down and mixed with Yutaka’s and he did want to disappear at that moment.

He used to be moved by his hatred whenever he saw his face but it seemed and felt different this time that he felt bad for his honesty.

He raised his other hand to his chest and started pushing him away with a broken will but he resisted and kissed him harder, Takanori pushed him and tried to move his face away but he didn’t let go and forced his weight on him to make it harder to move. Yutaka squeezed his hip and moved his body closer to his and that was when Takanori placed his feelings aside and started pushing him harder but he didn’t move not even for an inch and the feeling of his touch was hurting, his kiss was rough and painful and made him nauseous and in pain. He brought back everything Takanori fought to forget, Takanori’s head suddenly went off and he found himself stuck in that moment years ago, Yutaka kissed him in the corner of their room for the first time and it hurt and if it made him feel anything it made him feel disgust and pain.

He started groaning as he pushed him away and started moving his face to the sides in hopes he could break the kiss but he glued himself to him and held his hand tighter. The sound of his door swinging open with a familiar voice calling his name and coming in stopped his heart and paralyzed his whole body that he forgot how to breathe.

It all happened in a matter of a few seconds. Akira pushed his door open and walked in, calling for him to scold him for leaving the door open like this but only froze to the sight of a stranger, holding him against the wall and kissing him and without a second thought his fist was punching his face away from Takanori. Yutaka was taken aback and overwhelmed but it didn’t slow his reaction and he fired back with a stronger punch that threw him to the back.

“Oh my god... Akira!”

None of them paid much attention to Takanori’s existence at this point and before Akira could regain his balance he was pushed against the wall with a punch to his eye that slammed his head against the wall.

“Stop! Fuck, stop it!” Takanori yelled, trying to pull Yutaka away but he was not heard. Akira pushed Yutaka away but he got a hold of him again and let out his anger and pain on him, holding his neck and squeezing his throat, pushing his head to the wall while his hand clutched on Yutaka’s, trying to pull it away and his other hand clenched on his jacket, pushing him away.

Akira started gasping and his angry face changed as he tried to get rid of him and Takanori’s heart fell to the sight of his suffering face and without thinking, his hands were on Yutaka’s shoulder pulling him away with all he got. “No! Stop! Yutaka, get the fuck out!” Takanori screamed, pulling him away and saw the shock in Akira’s eyes.

“Yutaka?” He coughed and breathed out loud, holding his throat and looking at Takanori in shock.

“What the hell do you think yourself doing?! Get out! Get the fuck out of my life! Get out!” Takanori screamed his lungs out and Akira just stood there, staring in disbelief while Yutaka looked Takanori in the eyes one last time and in other situations and if it could be heard, they’d hear the sound of his heartbreaking but in that moment and that situation, Akira’s was louder.

He turned around and left without a word and that was when Takanori finally got to look at Akira with panic and concern about the punches he just got, not actually grasping a full handle of the situation.

“Yutaka?” Akira asked and in that moment, his eyes weren’t those kind, loving or caring ones, they looked hurt and dangerous, it surprised Takanori and scared him for a moment.

“Huh?” He lost all strings of reality and felt himself falling in numbness as he saw the look in his eyes, heard the tone of his voice, realized their settings and what he just witnessed.

“What the fuck was that?”

“I-I’m so sorry, I don’t know what he was thinking, a-are you alright? I’m-“ he stuttered, trying to reach his face, still his mind not functioning.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He snapped at him, pushing his hands away and placed his hand on his burning eye as he glared at him with the other.

“Oh my god, lemma just put ice on-“ he spoke and his panic increased and it felt too much to take and the sight of his bruised eye and the corner of his lip that was bleeding captured what was working of his mind and what was left of his attention.

“Are you fucking serious?! Why the fuck were you kissing?!” He yelled and his voice went out hoarse and Takanori flinched in shock for a moment as he took a hold of the whole situation and his heart dropped.

“We... I w-wasn’t kissing him, he-“ he stuttered and felt a lump choking him that made it so hard to talk or even breath and now that he connected things he felt his stomach and heart shrinking and his throat and lungs tightening and the look in Akira’s eyes in that moment did really frighten him. He didn’t fear any physical harm but he just knew how impossible it would be to tell him the truth and make him believe that what he saw wasn’t an act of cheating.

“Oh really?!” Akira yelled louder and his eye widened in anger.

“I... I didn’t, I was trying to push him away but-“ he said in a shaky voice as he held his hands in the air in defeat.

“He was squeezing your hip and you had your fucking hand on his chest, I’m sorry I can’t locate resistance?!”

“I didn’t- I was pushing him, I wasn’t kissing him he took me by surprise and-“

“Yeah?! You weren’t kissing him! You were just letting him suck on your lips and shove his tongue down your throat but no! You didn’t kiss him! My bad!”

“A-Akira, just listen-“ he felt lost for words and the wave of rage he felt from him was so unfamiliar of him and as loving and caring he used to make him feel, he made him wish to die and disappear immediately rather than face him in that state in a situation like that.

“What the hell was he doing here even?!”

“He... h-he came to give me those... f-for my birthday, he came to give them to me and... I-I didn’t expect him, he didn’t even call” Takanori said, showing him the pictures and before he could stop it his tears were running down his cheeks and his sobs were swallowing his words from the pressure and fear he felt.

“H-he kept talking an-and wanted me to forgive him, he b-brought back-brought up old shit again a-and wanted me to forgive him a-and s-spoke about his past and some shit and I... I kept dismissing him and... I-I told him I can’t and t-that he had to leave... he didn’t stop and brought it all up again and- and it hurt, I couldn’t react... he then kissed me and I froze... I-I didn’t see it coming and I didn’t know what to do” he started sobbing hysterically and could barely see him through his blurry vision and what made it harder to talk was the anger that was still burning in Akira’s eyes even though he told him what happened and cried his eyes out in guilt.

“Akira, I-I didn’t have my hand o-on his chest I was-I was pushing him but he didn’t move... he didn’t move... and he was holding my other hand down and forcing it on me! I-I didn’t kiss him back, I was paralyzed... he didn’t stop or move and... a-and then you came... I’m sorry for what you saw, I swear it’s not what you’re thinking” he kept stuttering and struggling to let his words out and felt his heart shattering to the fact that Akira couldn’t bear to see his tears but now his tears, sobs, begs and cries were invisible and meant nothing and it killed him inside to see how much he’s hurt to not even care if was crying or even dying.

“So he begged you for forgiveness, talking about his past... the poor one you had to kiss him for the sake of his broken heart... to make up for your hateful past with him, huh!”

“No! Are you even listening?! I didn’t let him kiss me a-and I didn’t kiss him back!”

“I don’t fucking buy that! You know why?! Because what I saw was some kind passion that finally got unleashed! Your eyes were damned closed! That doesn’t look like resistance to me!”

“What?... but I didn’t, I swear that’s not it, I was-“

“I don’t wanna know!... I’ve never felt this way before, Takanori... how could you do that to me?” He snapped first but then his voice lowered and his heartbreak was heard through his sore throat that pierced through Takanori’s heart and worsened the situation.

“Akira, please-“

“Enough!... I don’t wanna hear your voice... out of all people, it’s you who breaks my heart?! You obviously had feelings for him! You cheated on me!”

“No! I never had feelings for him! I hate his guts! He keeps showing up and twisting his words to play with my feelings in hopes I’d forgive him, b-but it never changed a thing! He did that before and tried to kiss me! He forces himself on me and I told you before! What’s different now? That you saw it?”

“That we’re together!”

“How could you assume that I had feelings and cheated? I love you so much, I-“ Takanori broke down and couldn’t speak any longer and hid his face in his hands and cried loudly.

“Don’t say that! Don’t say shit you don’t mean” Akira yelled and pointed his finger angrily at him in a warning gesture.

Takanori looked up in shock with his tearful eyes and before he could say anything, Akira turned around and was heading to the door.

“Wait! What do you mean?! You don’t believe me? You truly think I did that?!”

“I’ll spend ages to forget what I saw! I don’t fucking care what you say” he said and was about to leave again but continued. “You both were crying and his grip was tight on you! Was that a goodbye kiss? Were you ending things, huh?! Didn’t you remember for a god damn second that you have a fucking boyfriend?! And if I didn’t come you wouldn’t have told me for sure!”

“I would tell you, and you’d get angry, but for me! Cause you’ll listen and believe and not judge what you saw! He kissed me the same last time! But you believed then that he forced it on me and that I couldn’t help it, why can’t you now?” Takanori said between his weeps and couldn’t yell anymore, his voice broke and the lump in his throat prevented him from talking and he felt hopeless and helpless, Akira was too angry and broken to even listen, he was blinded by the picture of them kissing and couldn’t see straight. The fact that he was hurt this much actually hurt Takanori more cause he couldn’t make him believe the truth and is the reason he’s in pain although he didn’t do it.

Akira didn’t say anything and just shook his head in disbelief and Takanori could catch a glimpse of tears in his eyes that crushed what’s left of him to nothing.

“Akira, I beg you... don’t do this, I never felt anything for anybody, I swear I-“

“Why... why you? Why? I never loved or trusted anyone as much as I did to you... you had my heart, how fucking dare you break it?!” He said and his voice went out broken and Takanori couldn’t find his words and just cried, looking at him.

“And I thought he was one of them, trying to hurt you... how stupid could I get” he said in a sarcastic tone with a smirk that hid behind an angry, raging ocean.

“Akira, please... calm down and let me treat your face first and then w-we can talk s-“

“Talk?! Don’t you think of talking to me again!... I don’t wanna hear your voice or see your face, stay the fuck away from me, and that motherfucker’s gonna pay for what he’d done!” he said in a low, dark tone, looking him dead in the eyes and Takanori couldn’t find Akira in those eyes... he felt and seemed like a total stranger and it hurt and frightened him.

He felt alone after the only person he runs to turned against him and with that look in his eyes, he felt a huge, thick wall forming between them and trapping him somewhere dark he remembers very well, the place he was trapped in before they met, if he just knew that he’ll return to it, he might’ve rethought getting out in the first place.

Akira turned around and walked towards the door to leave but Takanori’s body was paralyzed as he stood there helplessly staring at him but it felt too much to just stand there and watch him leave so he finally moved and grabbed his wrist but only to get his hand slapped away sharply.

“Don’t touch me!... You’re disgusting” He snapped at Takanori that flinched then hissed his last sentence that felt like a sharp slap to Takanori’s face. Akira didn’t look at him or turn around, he just stormed out, slamming the door behind, leaving him standing there with a broken heart and a big shock that petrified him as he felt the darkness creeping around him as thick and scary as ever after his warm light left along with him.

“I am?”

His voice whispered in his now quiet and empty apartment after they both left but the anger, heartbreak, disappointment and pain was still stuck in there with him. It wasn’t night yet and the windows were letting in lights from outside still but it felt the darkest he’s been in in ages. He stared at nothing with his tears still running down silently, trying to take what’s just happened in. He blinked, looking numbly around, trying to believe and understand and when his eyes fell on the photographs that were now scattered on the ground he broke down immediately, fell to his knees and held them close to his face, stared at his mother’s face and screamed his heartbreak out.

He cried and cried, his cries lowered after a while and his weeps filled the apartment. He never felt that hurt ever since his parents passed away, never felt as if a part of him was snatched mercilessly away since he lost them. The fact that his happy, peaceful and quiet life has turned back to just how it was before and now with his heartbreak and the loss of the person he loves the most, remaining alone after knowing what it felt like to be loved, cherished, wanted and cared about hurt more and tore his heart apart.

He curled on the ground right in his spot and wept in agony, wishing to wake up from that dream to find him sleeping next to him peacefully as usual and kiss him.

Who was that? Those eyes... that wasn’t him, he didn’t seem or sound like him. Was he hurt so much to change like this? He saw Mei’s broken look when she saw Mori kissing his girlfriend in Akira’s eyes and it crushed his heart...but what did he have to do? He didn’t cheat on him and heaven knows how much he loved him... he didn’t even listen, he’s stubborn, he knows, but this way he’ll never listen to him... was that it? Just like this? What about his promises? Will he leave him alone after all?

Takanori choked on possibilities and could barely see from his swollen, tearful eyes. He laid there wishing everything didn’t happen, wishing he could kick him out before he starts talking, wishing he didn’t wake up this morning at all. He wanted to hug Akira, tell him he’s sorry for the heartbreaking scene he witnessed but also tell him it wasn’t meant to happen and it should’ve never happened, tell him he loves him more than himself and that he never had any sort of feelings for anyone else... to tell him he loves him and wants him to stay... but he doesn’t even wanna hear his voice again.

And again, another birthday going by with heartbreak, loneliness and pain. Another painful memory that will join the others from his past birthdays in his head. He knew it from the start. He was never meant to be happy. But it hurt so much more to return to his cold darkness after he saw the light and felt Akira’s warmth.

 

..

“Hey, Akira, wher-“ Mei said after he walked in but gasped and covered her mouth when her eyes laid on his swollen and bruised face.

“Cancel everything, he deserves no shit” he snapped, ripping off the birthday decorations that are hanging on the walls in his way to his room.

“Oh my god, what happened?!” She followed him, asking with concern but he entered his room and slammed the door.

Mori walked out of the kitchen asking about the noise he heard and saw Mei standing in front of Akira’s room with tears in her eyes.

“Hey, what happened? Oh, shit, what happened to the balloons?” He said, picking up the balloons and the sparkly ‘happy birthday’

“I... I think they had a fight”

“What?! Who?”

“Akira and Takanori”

“What? Why are you saying that? And where’s Akira?”

“He’s in his room and his face is bruised and... I don’t know he didn’t talk to me”

“His face is bruised? You wanna tell me Takanori punched him?”

“I don’t know”

“Takanori would never hurt him or anybody... he’s not the person to do that” he condemned and saw her stepping towards Akira’s room.

“Akira, please open the door, what happened? Are you alright?” She asked worriedly and knocked and as she waited for a response she heard a low weep from behind the door and a tear slid down her lashes and she took a step away from the door, wiping her face.

“What?”

“He’s not... responding”

 

Akira stood silently, shaking in anger and felt his eyes burning along with his heart and a big lump choked him. He couldn’t hold it back any longer and kneeled down with his hand on his mouth as he let go and cried his pain and anger out with the picture of Takanori kissing someone else burning vividly in his mind.

 

“Why... Taka”