“I adored and feared you, knowing you’d break my heart, my heart that had never before been broken because never before so exposed”
- Joyce Carol Oates
Minato is woken up abruptly by a frantic knocking at the door with only a few short hours of sleep behind him. He allows himself a moment to groan over the burdens of being Hokage, and how no one ever mentioned that you’re never allowed to sleep, before rising from his bed. He picks his night shirt off the floor and slips it on, hoping it’s Kushina back from her mission, locked out again, and not a crisis. He’s already woken up three times tonight with Naruto. On top of being Hokage, having the world’s most hyperactive toddler for a son doesn’t allow for much sleep either. He rushes down the hallway, cringing a little as he passes Naruto’s room, and sighing in relief when the knocking stops as the beta unlocks the door. Thank the gods his son is a heavy sleeper, he thinks with a small smile.
The smile drops off his face when he opens the door to find Kakashi on his porch, eye bloodshot and deathly pale beneath his mask. He's wearing what Minato recognizes as one of Obito’s shirts that swallows him up, but does nothing to hide the way the teenager is shaking.
“Sensei -" Kakashi rasps, and before he can say anything more Minato pulls him inside, arm wrapped around his slim shoulders as he continues to tremble, and leads him to the couch, depositing him there.
The blonde kneels down on the floor in front of him, and notices the erratic way Kakashi’s breathing - almost hyperventilating.
“Kakashi,” he murmurs, reaching up and grasping his student’s shoulders with gentle care, grounding him. He gently pulls down his mask with no resistance from the teenager. “Breathe with me.”
He loudly inhales and exhales deeply, encouraging Kakashi to follow along. After a few more moments of gasping, the young man falls into the rhythm, his quivering lessening.
Minato keeps going, Kakashi following his pace, before the young man takes one more deep breath in before sitting straighter. The blonde hesitantly removes his hands from his student’s body, sitting back on his heels and waiting patiently. At times like these, Minato has learned it’s usually better to allow Kakashi to speak first, no matter how long that takes.
They sit in silence for a long, long while, but when Kakashi opens his mouth to speak, he chokes, looking anywhere but him as his breathing speeds up again. The young Hokage bites his lip before deciding to speak up.
“Did you have a nightmare?”
It’s not an uncommon occurrence. After Obito, then Rin, there have been many times Kakashi would arrive to meet them somewhere with a dark bruise beneath his eye, much paler than usual, and his hands - and his right hand was always so red, at times horribly blistered - would shake to the point where, during training, his natural marksmanship was no where to be seen. Minato had suspected nightmares or insomnia, but Kushina had been the one to force Kakashi to come to them when they happened. Initially, he didn’t take her up on it, of course. But then Kushina bullied him into accepting their help, if no one else’s. Gods knew the boy would never talk to a doctor.
His amazing wife somehow managed to get Kakashi to actually do it. He never talks about his nightmares, but certain nights he will arrive, Kushina will welcome him with a long hug even if she only saw him hours before. The most affective way to bring life back into Kakashi’s eyes was Kushina’s discovery, after Naruto was born; she would simply bring him into their son's bedroom, sit him down in the rocking chair and hand him little Naruto. Kakashi's trembling would stop nearly-instantly, and it was never long before a genuine smile would appear. Naruto still has that effect on him, and Minato almost suspects his son somehow knows that Kakashi needs him. He's hit the age where he often refuses being held, not wanting to be a baby anymore, but with Kakashi, Naruto all but launches himself into his arms.
Sometimes it’s different, and Kakashi needs to be held. A hand holding his is more than enough, and usually the most he'll allow. Just something to ground him, remind him he’s not alone, that he isn’t where wherever his mind takes him. Kushina, however, will pull him to her and rest his head on her shoulder until the tears dry up and he's lulled into a blessedly peaceful sleep. That is something Kakashi only really allows with Kushina - Minato has rarely been the one to help Kakashi through it. But he’s been here before, reaching out and taking Kakashi’s hands in his.
“Kakashi?” he says, softly, when the young man doesn’t respond. Kakashi looks up, and only manages to meet his eyes for a moment before looking away again, bowing his head and his hands tightening their grip on Minato’s.
“Kakashi, whatever it is, you can tell me,” Minato assures, seeing the shame on Kakashi's face.
The teenager nods jerkily, taking a harsh breath and looking up again. He holds his eyes this time, and Minato blinks hard when the teen’s dark eye fills with tears.
“I fucked up,” he chokes out, pulling his hands away, hiding his face in them. Minato frowns deeply.
“That’s okay,” he says, when Kakashi’s breath hitches. “Just tell me what happened.” Kakashi makes a wounded noise, before shoving his hitai-ate up and off, scrubbing the sleeve of the baggy shirt over his eyes. He looks back at his sensei, steeling himself to speak.
“I was -” Kakashi stops again, his breath catching. He takes a moment, squeezes his eyes shut and takes a few calming, deep breaths. Minato waits patiently, though his deep concern grows. Minato has seen Kakashi without his mask countless times, but this is the first time he’s felt like the young man is completely laying himself bare. While it’s a humbling show of trust, it’s also so unprecedented that the beta can’t help but be slightly fearful of what Kakashi is about to tell him.
Kakashi opens his eyes again, and his panic and distress have vanished, his eyes void of any feeling. The older man tenses.
“As you know, my mission six weeks ago to Kirigakure was a success; I obtained the desired records concerning the incident three years ago, when an unsuccessful attempt to attack Konoha by unleashing the Sanbi occurred.” Minato has to forcefully school his features into neutrality, but he makes sure to continue emanating his scent that he deliberately wraps around Kakashi, his beta scent having calmed the omega boy in the past.
But gods, it’s hard to keep face. The horribly apathetic way Kakashi delivers this “mission report” is deeply unsettling, it seems like Kakashi - who seemed to be doing so well, lately - has regressed in his progress by years. Minato had delegated that mission to the Anbu, yes, but he did not assign Kakashi to carry it out. Though, of course, he should have expected that Kakashi would demand it.
But Minato has a disquieting feeling that the mission isn’t what this is about.
“However, I was attacked by Kiri Anbu as I was leaving their village,” Kakashi continues, voice perfectly flat. “I believe I tripped one of their wards, unique to Kiri, that I was unfamiliar with. I retreated with the desired intel, and was only mildly wounded. But one of the Kiri nin, he -" and Minato feels both pain and relief when Kakashi’s voice cracks, some sign of life showing again. Kakashi trembles a little.
“He stabbed me with a senbon, but it was poisoned with something. I didn’t realize it. Raidō's kit - he made me a kit, a kit to check for poison - came back negative, so I thought I was okay. It took a long time to work, but I felt different by the time I left your office after I came back. I thought I was tired, or sick or something, but I wasn’t. I - I went into heat, even though I’m on suppressants, I still went into heat,” Kakashi’s speaking fast now, even stumbling over his words, and Minato swallows hard, filled with cold dread.
“I - I don’t know how they knew. How did they know, Minato-sensei? About me? What I am. I -" Kakashi cuts himself off, pausing to breathe. His hands begin to shake violently as he starts to hyperventilate again, Minato takes one of the seventeen-year-old's hands, squeezing.
“Kakashi,” Minato murmurs gently, but insistently. “Kakashi, it’s alright.”
Kakashi’s eyes are squeezed tightly shut, and he nods jerkily. He takes another deep breath in, and turns to Minato, his shuttered expression cracked wide open, and he looks painfully vulnerable. Vulnerable and ashamed and so, so young.
“I didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t like the last time. The first time. It was stronger - a lot stronger. I don’t know if that’s normal, Minato-sensei, I don’t think it was. It - it hurt,” Kakashi’s voice breaks, and Minato scoots up to sit beside him on the couch, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.
“I didn’t know what to do. I just - I needed -“ the young omega stops, flushing dark red with humiliation as his eyes shine with tears. Minato’s heart aches.
Life really does seem to have it out for this boy. One of his kids.
Minato remembers the day, almost four years ago, when Kakashi didn’t show up to training. So, concerned, Minato had gone to the twelve-year-old boy’s little apartment, only to find Kakashi flushed a bright red, whimpering as his sweaty body shook apart. Minato grieved deeply for him; on top of everything else he had to suffer through, Kakashi would have to face the many hardships of being a male omega, and those hardships were nothing to scoff at.
But Minato had made sure no pity had shown on his face, immediately crouching beside Kakashi and deliberately surrounding him with his beta scent that seemed to soothe the boy as he murmured words of comforting assurance, pressing a hand to his forehead and stroking the sweaty strands of silver hair back. It had been the first time he’d seen Kakashi cry.
He had seen the tear tracks on his student the day Obito died, when Kakashi was unconscious. But it was another thing altogether to witness a sob wrenching its way out of Kakashi’s throat, tears spilling down his cheeks.
“Kakashi,” he had whispered, knowing an omega’s senses heightened during heat, and with Kakashi’s already exceptional senses he didn’t want to risk startling him with any loud noises. “It’s okay, it’ll be over soon. Everything is going to be okay.” Kakashi had reached out and squeezed his arm with impressive strength, shaking his head fervently as the tears kept coming.
“No. No, it’s not,” Kakashi sobbed. “Why? What did I do to - why?”
Minato’s heart had broken seeing the devastated shame all over the boy’s face, and he’d gathered up the young jōnin - he was so light, still small for his age - and teleported them to his home. Kushina had looked up from the stove with a smile that died the instant she laid eyes on the pair, understanding dawning on her near-instantly, and there was such a deep sadness to her as she rushed over to them.
Kushina cared for the boy while Minato procured industrial suppressants - they were used during the war, and generally only used by Anbu - to end the heat quickly. It wasn’t healthy, but Kakashi had begged him for them, hiccuping as Kushina brushed away his tears. Kakashi had never asked him for anything, and seeing him weep and beg had Minato rushing to get them.
To this day, he isn’t sure he made the right decision. In a different world, he would have helped Kakashi come to terms with his sex and accept himself - a hard enough task given the long shadow cast over him by his father’s public condemnation and suicide, and his fear of disgrace that the tragedy caused. But even if Minato managed to do so, no one would accept it. That just wasn’t the world they lived in. To be an omega guaranteed condescension from some, but to be a male omega secured that person a life of either secrecy, or debasement.
Because they possess the primary sex of a male - the physically stronger sex - already viewed by many as the superiors to women - no matter their secondary sex - and to have a male be equipped with the very organs that made women most vulnerable made many view their existence as unnatural, demeaning them as mere oddities. The fact that male omegas were exceptionally rare heavily contributed to that mindset, and due to their rarity, many dehumanized them as unique sexual conquests.
These beliefs were certainly present in the shinobi world. Minato realized, as he and Kushina tended to Kakashi that day, that he had never even heard of a male omega ninja. Omega kunoichi were exceedingly rare, but male omega nin were unheard of. The young Hokage knew with grim certainty that Kakashi was right. It would have to be kept hidden. If found out, it would ruin him. Kakashi's formidable skill as a ninja, his high rank, the respect and the famed he'd garnered - none of it would matter.
Minato chastised himself for thinking it, but - perhaps the Hatake were cursed.
Kakashi changed in such a staggeringly massive way after Kannabi. He withdrew from the world, yes, and it was plain to see that he blamed himself for what happened to Obito. It was plain to see that he hated himself. His morals and values completely changed, taking Obito’s and making them his own; valuing his comrades over himself, over any mission. But Minato had always seen the deep guilt and grief in his eye when Obito was mentioned. It was always Rin who would remember memories aloud, not Kakashi, though she stopped doing so when Kakashi was present once she seemingly recognized the look in his eyes that Minato saw.
The ostracizing of Sakumo that led to his end had left a massive scar on Kakashi, Minato knew that. It was clear to him from the moment he met the boy why he had clung to rules like a lifeline, and why he kept others so distant, unwilling to reach out and form any attachments.
It all changed when Obito died, it was as if Kakashi had turned himself into a living memorial for his friend. Minato was sometimes plagued by a horrible thought, too painful to fully acknowledge. That Kakashi’s greatest fear had been realized. That, in the end, he had ended up like Sakumo; living in constant, agonizing shame, with Kakashi's own depthless grief. Deep down, Minato knew all that kept him from ending his story the way his father had was because he would never throw away Obito’s sacrifice. That, in Kakashi's mind, Obito had died for him, so Kakashi had to live for him. Minato could hardly think about it, feeling sick with horror and such a deep sadness at the mere idea that Kakashi only continued to live as penance.
Kakashi’s life and personality as a whole seemed to be made up - or at least shaped - by the wounds of the past that never healed; first his father, then Obito, and then presenting as an omega. He was shrouded in pain and self-hatred.
Minato doesn't think any less of Kakashi for being an omega, of course. Kakashi is a formidable warrior, and a good person - no matter how much the young man himself doesn’t believe it. His sex changes nothing. And there is no shame in being an omega, male or female. All it means is that they can bring life into the world, the greatest miracle mankind has ever known, and there is nothing but beauty in that.
Minato has spoken these words to Kakashi many times. His student hears him, but he does not listen, his self-disgust a constant companion as he diligently continues to take the industrial suppressants Minato uneasily procures for him, completely unsure of how else to help the boy, but grimly resigned to the fact that for Kakashi to be a shinobi he must keep his sex a secret. It's a hopeless situation; in helping Kakashi repress part of his identity, Minato is essentially validating Kakashi’s poisonous image of himself, but he's still saving his student from a great deal of pain.
Rin was the only one besides Kushina and Minato who knew about Kakashi being an omega. Kakashi and Rin grew so close after Obito died, Rin still loved him, that was obvious, but the bright, shining, pure-hearted girl didn’t seem to even think about that, only concerned for Kakashi’s well-being and always there for him in any way he needed. It was clear to everyone that Rin was the one truly holding Kakashi together, and the one he relied on most.
Then Rin died, and Obito returned. It was a tragedy and a miracle, when his two boys appeared from the nether onto the floor of his office, both drenched in blood. Kakashi was unconscious, and Obito was right there, alive. Minato had jumped over his desk, falling to his knees and holding his bloodied, horribly scarred, living student with bruising strength. A sob had immediately erupted from Obito, and Minato’s own eyes burned.
“Obito, Obito,” he had kept saying, reaffirming that he wasn’t dreaming. “Obito, what happened?” he asked, finally acknowledging the truly terrifying amount of blood coating both Obito and Kakashi from head to toe.
“Rin -" Obito choked out, fresh tears spilling, “Rin’s dead. She - Kiri -" his gaze had then locked on to Kakashi’s limp, small form. A darkness settled in his eyes. “Kakashi killed her.”
Minato had barely stopped himself from flinching, because he never imagined Obito could sound like that - could look at someone that way. The unnerving, depthless rage on Obito’s face actually had Minato leaning back, trying to be as subtle as possible as he shifted slightly, blocking Kakashi from view. In the corner of his eye he saw Genma and Raidō do the same, a protective wariness to them as they angled their bodies closer to Kakashi.
But Obito had calmed down, the darkness receding from his well-loved face, no matter how heartbreakingly changed it was, and hastily waved off questions, declaring they needed to get Kakashi to the hospital first. Obito was admitted, too, and demanded he and Kakashi be in the same room.
Minato stayed with them through the night, before he left the following morning to ward off T&I. When he’d returned he found Kakashi asleep, half-sprawled over Obito’s bed, hand clutching his friend's. Obito’s was holding his just as hard, awake and looking at Kakashi, a small smile on his lips and only fondness showing on his face - none of the malice from the day before. Minato had let out a long, shaky sigh of relief.
Obito hadn’t looked at Kakashi like that again. At least, not quite, but there were times when Kakashi said something, sometimes seemingly innocuous, and it would set Obito off, and a darkness not unlike the downright hellish one from that first night would overtake him. He’d step into Kakashi’s space, leaning in until their faces were scant centimeters apart, and would dip his head, growling into his ear, always too quietly for Minato - or anyone else, and others did notice - to ever hear his words.
He’s never heard or been told what kinds of things Obito says to Kakashi when he descends to that place inside himself, but he’s seen the end result; Kakashi’s whole body sagging, the minor tremble in his hands, his head bowing low, something he makes a point never to do - it being an overtly submissive action - but he can’t seem to stop himself in those moments.
Kakashi has never snapped back at Obito. Not once. He’s never even glared, his face completely expressionless and with no trace of his usual fighting instinct to be found. Obito seems to wait for it, but Kakashi can never even meet his eyes, and it seems to make Obito even angrier. Sometimes the Uchiha will snarl wordlessly and simply stomp away, leaving Kakashi there, looking very small and very alone.
Some days Minato immediately goes to him, smiles and hauls him off to his home, depositing Naruto in Kakashi’s lap, who babbles at Kakashi, always bringing out real smiles from the teenager, no matter how bleak his mood is. But other times it’s clear any intervention on Minato’s part wouldn’t be welcomed, and he gives Kakashi his space. For a time, anyway. There have been occasions - not always caused directly by Obito as the years went on and the incidents grew fewer and far between - where Kakashi has retreated so far into his mind that no one sees him for days.
Those are the times for Kushina. She’ll burst into Kakashi’s apartment - the first few times she literally broke the door off its hinges when Kakashi wouldn’t answer, but luckily he’s a fast learner, so he gave the fiery kunoichi a key. Sometimes Kushina has Naruto in tow and sometimes she goes alone. Minato never asks what transpires, but Kushina is like some magic to Kakashi, he always shows himself after her visits, his eyes brighter and his smiles coming more easily. She draws him away from himself in a way no one else can.
Sometimes the one-sided altercations between Kakashi and Obito will end marginally better, with more of Obito shining through, the disquieting rage receding as quickly as it comes. Obito will seem to really see Kakashi pale and wilt, and he’ll apologize sheepishly, fondly call his friend Bakashi, and grin brightly at him. Kakashi smiles back, and there’s never an ounce of truth to it.
Though Minato doesn’t know what things Obito says to Kakashi - and a small part of him doesn’t want to know - he sees Kakashi’s responses enough to know that a fond nickname and a quick smile isn’t enough.
But maybe the alpha boy really just doesn’t see how he affects Kakashi. How important Obito is to him. So important Minato has thought it unhealthy before, with how Kakashi’s world seems to revolve around Obito, and the way he looks at him; this concoction of guilt and agony, a deep, deep adoration that almost hurts to see, and this unwavering devotion in his eyes that is nearly frightening in its intensity.
But he leaves it to Kushina to vocalize that, and she always does, oscillating between yelling about it and crying. The first time, at the sight of his wife's tears, Minato grew truly alarmed. He doesn’t ask what she and Kakashi talk about, but for Kushina to cry, there had to be something truly wrong.
Kakashi isn’t made of stone, like Obito had believed as children. Minato hoped to have gotten that through to him the night before Kannabi, when he told Obito about Sakumo. He’d certainly hoped Obito knew better by now. If anything, Kakashi is splintered, very nearly shattered, glass. Despite his prowess as a ninja, he needs to be handled gently. He needs much more from Obito - who he had venerated in death, revolved his life around, and he has never been able to truly stop that even after Obito came back to them - than a few grumbled, embarrassed apologies.
Minato witnessed one incident where that fact was explicitly shown, when Obito, smiling, punched Kakashi in the shoulder after one of his minor…episodes. Though Minato, uneasy, hesitates to call them that. Kushina, despite her love for Obito, does not hesitate to do so, viciously protective of Kakashi.
It was a friendly, harmless gesture, but Kakashi had flinched hard with his entire body. It was horrible. He'd gone pale, his head bowing low, with his trembling shoulders nearly raised to his ears. He looked so horribly vulnerable - he didn't look like himself at all, it was like Kakashi Hatake had completely vanished.
Obito’s eyes had widened, looking shocked and deeply confused. He’d stuttered out much more sincere apologies, taking a step back with his hands raised, as if Kakashi was a frightened, wounded animal. It wasn’t so far off from the truth.
But Kakashi had just smiled and chuckled sheepishly, false as anything, as he casually shifted his body language, going from accepting and pained to languid and unbothered in a heartbeat, his visible, wide eye going back to his lazy, half-lidded stare. He seamlessly guided the conversation elsewhere.
Minato had seen Kakashi lie like that, but never so well. His acting only got better and better the longer it all went on. It still worries Minato, and makes him think that someday he might not be able to see what’s true and what isn’t in what Kakashi allows himself to show.
That day, Kakashi soon found an excuse to leave, slowly sauntering away with a wave - not in any hurry, not running away, not at all. That was the first day Minato followed Kakashi. He discreetly followed him down the road to the edge of Konoha, where the Hatake estate - vacant for almost a decade, though Kakashi refused to sell it - remained, on their large patch of land. Kakashi wasted no time scaling the house to sit on the roof. Minato waited for a little while, debating, before he followed him up. The sight that greeted him struck a sharp pain through his heart but, sadly, it wasn’t surprising.
Kakashi was curled in on himself, legs pulled tight to his chest, arms wrapped around them as he silently wept. He was facing the beautiful setting sun, but it was clear that he was somewhere else entirely.
Minato silently sat beside the then-fourteen-year-old. He was still small for his age - Minato hoped a growth spurt was on the horizon for him - and how he was holding himself made him seem even smaller, even more breakable.
“I deserve it,” was all he said.
That night, Minato himself had cried quietly against Kushina, who held him gently, but radiated rage. He felt so horribly helpless as he continued to fail Kakashi.
He feels helpless now, when all he can do is keep a gentle hand on Kakashi’s shaking, thin frame and wait for more words that probably won’t come. But Kakashi came to him, and he's actually telling him what's causing him so much pain, and that’s never happened before. It fills Minato with equal parts hope, that Kakashi may finally be asking for help, but also dread, that something truly severe must have occurred to cause this.
“I - I needed -" Kakashi can’t seem to finish, and he snarls, but it quickly morphs into a humiliated little whimper. He drops his head into his hands, clutching his hair so tight it must be painful. “I went to Obito’s apartment,” he finally forces himself to say. Minato stops breathing for a moment.
He’s silent for too long, clearly, because Kakashi lifts his head and looks at him fearfully. The blonde makes sure to look Kakashi in the eye as he speaks softly.
“So you two…” he trails off, not wanting to be explicit, which he suspects would upset Kakashi more.
The teenager bites his lip and nods jerkily.
“Yeah. I asked him…" he cringes, hiding behind his hands again. Minato gently takes one in his and pulls it from his face, squeezing it reassuringly. Kakashi grimaces, but pushes on. “I asked him. To help. It was - it was degrading, the things I said,” Kakashi rasps. “I think he only did it because I - you know, I…smelled good. I don’t think he could help it.” The beta doesn’t know what to say to that, so he remains silent, letting Kakashi continue.
“He’s angry. I mean - he was…fine. He was nice. When it ended. It was awkward - terrible. But he wasn’t - he didn’t freak out or anything. But I could tell. I don’t think he’s angry with me. He’s angry that it happened.” There’s something so pained and unmistakably devastated in Kakashi’s voice, and Minato’s suspicions are confirmed.
He’s had them for a while, developing not too long after Obito returned, and he believes it’s by no means even that recent of a development; Kakashi’s feelings for Obito. After Obito’s miraculous return, the blonde finally really saw the way Kakashi looks at Obito - no longer hidden beneath judgmental looks and biting words, that Minato very much suspects were to cover up the hopeless affection, the awed admiration, and the love that Kakashi practically radiates whenever he looks at Obito.
And he’s always looking at Obito, and he always has been.
Kakashi’s lip quivers, and tears spill down his face again.Then the young man looks at Minato, and he must see that he fully understands.
“It hurts,” Kakashi whispers brokenly. The words cost him something. “I love him, Minato-sensei.”
Minato gathers the teenager into his arms, holding him tight. Kakashi’s hands immediately come up, clutching his shirt.
“I know, Kakashi,” he murmurs. Kakashi inhales a shuddering breath.
“And now it’s all ruined. We - we were finally real friends. He’s my best friend and he was alive and he was home and it’s all I’ve ever, ever wanted and I promise it was enough. I didn’t need - I was okay with...” Kakashi stops, unable to finish what was probably a lie. “And now it’s all ruined. I ruined it, I ruined everything.”
"It's not ruined. I’ve seen you two the past month, nothing’s changed. You two are best friends, what happened didn’t change that,” Minato holds him a little tighter. “I know you want to be more, Kakashi,” he adds gently, “but nothing is ruined.” Kakashi shakes his head, pulling back out of his teacher’s embrace. He looks so, so scared. Minato has never seen Kakashi scared before.
Minato‘s heart stops. Then breaks.
don't listen to minato - stuff has changed he's just a busy man
Age difference: Naruto, as we are all aware, is really inconsistent about Kakashi's age at various times. So here I'm picking my own shit: at Kannabi, Kakashi is almost twelve, and Rin and Obito are 14. 2 years. EVEN THOUGH IT HAS BEEN SAID HE WAS LIKE NINE
Kakashi is not vulnerable in this bc he’s an omega. This is Kakashi Fucking Hatake. But as we know, Kakashi Fucking Hatake may be the baddest bitch of all time but he also has more trauma and emotional scarring than any other Naruto character, in my opinion, and he aint being treated right
The first few chapters are non-chronological.
The part about Minato finding Kakashi and putting a towel on his head is an idea I got/it’s just from "take the fire out" (R E A D. I T. )
I know like Minato should be an omega and Kushina an alpha but then the nine tails attack wouldn’t make sense bc she wouldn’t be pregnant so betas.
The boys are lying in a clearing, staring at the clouds. Their laughter has simmered down, and their breathing finally evens out after a bout of training together. Though the training had ended up turning into a vigorous, somewhat violent version of hide and seek. It’s the most fun Obito’s had in ages.
And gods, he’ll never get tired of Kakashi’s laugh. It’s infectious and utterly lovely, and no matter how many times he hears it it’s as precious and treasured as the first. It makes something bubble up inside Obito, makes something bright fill him up in a way that leaves him warm for hours or even days after.
Sometimes that terrifies him.
“Do you ever wonder how things could have been?” Obito asks, after a while of comfortable silence. He’s still hearing Kakashi’s well-loved laugh in his ears. But today the sunshine inside him has given way quickly to a gut-wrenching unpleasantness. He feels as though he’s betrayed someone - someone precious.
“I try not to,” the smaller boy replies after a long moment, very quietly. He moves his arms from where they pillow his head to clasp his hands over his stomach. “I have more than I ever thought I would. I’m...happy. I wouldn’t ask for more.”
Only a year ago, despite their brief moment of friendship at Kannabi, Obito wouldn’t have ever dreamed of Kakashi laying out his innermost feelings to anyone, let alone him.
Sometimes it’s scary, how readily his best friend cracks himself open and shows Obito what’s in his heart. The alpha boy doesn’t quite trust himself with it. He isn’t thinking of that now, though, the harsh, confusing feeling of wrongness settling deep in him and taking over his thoughts. And his words.
“Not even Rin?”
Obito doesn’t talk about Rin with Kakashi.
He doesn’t know why he is now, as his own words instantly chill all the blood in his veins. Obito feels a surge of something - bad trickling through him, like poison, the longer the other boy takes to respond.
“What?” Kakashi whispers, hurt. He sounds very young in that moment, sounding very much like a true thirteen-year-old instead of the man he tries to be. “Of course -“
“Maybe you two would’ve gotten married. She would’ve liked that,” Obito interrupts sharply. Why he’s saying this, he hasn’t a clue. The poison spreads.
Kakashi looks uncomfortable, before he schools his features into blankness - a mask over a mask. Obito mulls over the reasons why. Kakashi doesn’t hide anything from him. Some days, Obito wants to beg him to stop showing him so much, though he has no idea why he’d want such a thing, as humbled and honored he is to have Kakashi’s trust in a way he knows is exclusive to him, and how wildly happy as he is with Kakashi as his best friend. Seeing him suddenly retreat into himself is confusing, and more than a little upsetting, but - Obito doesn’t really care about that right now. He’s somewhere else.
“We became really close when you died,” Kakashi replies softly.
Obito always notices that. Everyone else refers to his time in the cave with that old, elusive bastard as when he “went missing,” but Kakashi doesn’t. Obito’s still unpacking that one.
He looks at him sharply, and as he processes the quiet admission he feels something hot and biting rise in his chest - but he’s mostly just surprised Kakashi would say it.
He hasn’t spoken a word until now about what he actually did while Obito was gone. And he’s certainly hasn’t spoken about Rin, after Obito viciously stopped him the first and only time he tried.
The look on Kakashi’s face had been devastating.
Obito only gets hints at what his friend’s life was like while he was tucked away in the darkness. No one really has an answer for him, since Kakashi evades his and others’ questions so well. People can only provide him with vague, half-answers that don’t tell him anything, really; Kakashi isolated, barely spoke to anyone. But that’s nothing spectacularly new, and no one seems to know anything beyond that.
Minato knows more than he lets on, that’s obvious, but always says it’s Kakashi’s choice to tell him, not his. And then there’s Kushina. Obito thinks she knows the most - and coming back, one of the biggest surprises was just how close Kushina and Kakashi had become - but she’s immovable, refusing to answer and always firmly stating the same; that it’s not her place to tell him. That if he wants to know, he needs to ask the boy himself.
And she’s right, he knows. But Obito...isn’t quite sure he really wants to know.
After these past three months, he’s only just starting to get a clearer picture. There are obvious indicators of Kakashi’s mental state that are note-worthy, but they’re not new; like how he takes the long way to the training grounds so he doesn’t need to pass the Hatake estate, even though he hasn’t sold it after all these years, or how he goes quiet and his eye dulls and darkens when he sees men stumble out of bars.
But - something new, something telling, and something very unsettling - there have been moments where Kakashi will be talking - and he talks so much more than before - and then he’ll abruptly stop, eye wide and frantic as he looks around for something only he sees. He never tells Obito what it is. Other times his face will lose color, his face at times going from laughing to lifeless, and he’ll become very confused, not seeming fully aware of where he is.
Those times he stares at Obito, with a longing so powerful that it’s almost too much to bear. And even harder to understand. He’ll say “I miss you” and Obito will have to spend a troublingly long time convincing Kakashi he doesn’t need to miss him, because he’s really here, before his friend comes back to himself.
Then the younger boy shakes the haunted expression off his face in a mere instant, brings the conversation elsewhere in that new drawling, carefree voice of his, breezing by the disturbing incident so gracefully that Obito usually doesn’t even notice what he’s done, sometimes only realizing hours or even days later.
Obito has known Kakashi since they were just little kids, and after so many years he’d considered himself very adept at reading the Hatake. And now, to his endless frustration and perturbed intrigue, he’s spent months learning how to do it again from scratch, with this new-Kakashi.
Kakashi is so dramatically different, his personality has changed almost entirely. To the point where sometimes he feels almost like a stranger to Obito, though always a treasured stranger. Everything has changed; he actually has a sense of humor - it can be a bit cruel, but it’s hilarious - and his clipped, harsh voice has turned into this easygoing, kind of relaxing - but also sometimes annoying - languid speech pattern. And he’s actually late - like, way later than Obito, and not apologetic at all.
And he reads porn! In public!
There’s this laziness, now, to the young jōnin. But while he’s gotten lazy in a weird, everyday kind of way, as a ninja he’s only gotten better, in a much less textbook way. Kakashi is awe-inspiringly creative and utterly ruthless in his strategies and attacks, which Obito finds himself marveling at, half the time. The other half he’s a bit alarmed by the dark change in Kakashi - that shows in his merciless, graceful movements and the deadly, somewhat disturbing cheer in his voice in battle that had never been there before - but he supposes he’s changed in that way, too.
Obito always wonders when this staggering evolution began - what Kakashi was like as his entire identity reshaped itself, while he was trapped underground with the ghost of a malevolent legend. He’s heard from everyone else that Kakashi closed himself off to absolutely everyone. He’s been told how Kakashi sometimes went days without speaking.
Minato and Kushina have told him how much Kakashi had relied on Rin in his absence, when once, Kakashi was over two hours late to a mission briefing, and Obito lost it, tracking down his weird, pervy, asshole of a friend, and - to his shock - finally found him at Rin’s grave, talking quietly, his head bowed. Obito had called his name several times, but Kakashi only noticed him when the older boy grabbed his arm. Kakashi had jumped back, letting out a startled sound. It was the first time the other alpha boy ever saw him caught off guard. Obito learned that was why Kakashi was so often late, speaking to Rin, leaving this world behind for a little while - losing himself to it. He can sympathize.
He loves his life, but some days Obito is pushed too far, and he thinks of that dream world - even though he tries so hard not to - and that cyclical, toxic mantra plays over and over in his head; I’m in Hell.
Kakashi is the only one who seems to understand that.
“I loved her as a friend…she was a beautiful friend,” Kakashi murmurs, the smallest, saddest of looks on his face, laced with crippling guilt - heartbreaking to see - regret and a deep affection. Maybe love. But Obito isn’t really sure what that would look like on Kakashi’s face.
“You never wanted to be more than that with her?” Kakashi’s expression turns carefully blank, something both new and old. Obito remembers him wearing that look as the living dead boy that haunted the playground, but it had waned and lessened through the years. But it’s resurfaced; coming out at the oddest of times, and infinitely harder to understand, though Obito doesn’t see it very often, for which he’s grateful.
“It just wouldn’t have worked,” Kakashi replies apathetically.
And something about that just…sets Obito off. Like a switch has been flipped. Because what kind of fucking answer - excuse - is that? Rin had all but worshiped Kakashi, offered her love and heart to him over and over, only to be continuously and inelegantly rejected. All the while Obito had stood at the sidelines, his own heart aching for her and wishing for that love more than anything.
Then Obito dies, and Kakashi finally values Rin.
A terrible thought - an unspeakably cruel one - crosses Obito’s mind, something he knows isn’t true but bangs around in his skull until he almost believes it; in Kakashi’s grief, did he finally notice Rin just because he knew she loved him, because he knew that she’d be there for him, unconditionally, without asking for anything in return?
He wouldn’t. Not ever.
He gave her hope, he used her, she must have been heartbroken, some sickly thing in him hisses.
A black, thunderous rage rushes through his veins, and he can’t stop himself.
“How so?” he replies coldly, dangerously still. Kakashi’s head snaps towards him, visibly alarmed. “Why, because you’re too good for her or something?” he notices he’s using present tense, and internally cringes at the minor relapse.
“What? No, Obito, no -"
“Then why? If you were so close and she was so beautiful and what everyone says is true, that she’s what kept you from -" offing yourself, he almost says - almost mocks - but he thinks of the White Fang and stops himself just in time, “going batshit,” he says instead, and he stands up, pacing as he begins to rant angrily, “then how come you just fucking used her and her - her goodness? You just went ahead and let her think you loved her back -" Kakashi rises quickly to his feet, raising his hands with an uncharacteristic, panicky look on his face, though he keeps his voice admirably steady - attempting to calm him. And that fans Obito’s flames.
“Obito,” Kakashi interrupts, saying his name in that way of his that always grounds him, and it affectively stops his raving. But it doesn’t soothe him, not now.
“No, she knew that it wasn’t like that,” Kakashi insists gently, carefully. “We were friends, and that’s all the two of us wanted -“ Obito can’t hear anymore because it’s a lie. Rin loves Kakashi, she always has!
“That’s not true! You’re lying!” Obito snarls. Sharp branches spring up from the earth around him, like a barricade. Kakashi’s eye widens, and he backs away. Backs away from him - Obito wants to cry. But he can’t stop.
“Rin loves you! She loves you! You - you fucking -!” Obito screams, hysterical and shaking with rage, and some deformed kind of terror. “Friend-Killer!”
Obito breathes raggedly. His body is feverishly hot with helpless anger that might have been frightening in its intensity if he were more mentally present, and he’s further disorientated by a deep, insidious disgust that spreads through him as he dazedly realizes what exactly he’s just said; the same thing others have called his best friend that has led to several shinobi being sent to the hospital, courtesy of Obito.
And he…he actually just -
The young Uchiha shoves that away, instead embracing the far less agonizing, white hot fury that’s burning him from the inside, begging to be cast outwards. Obito’s muscles tense in preparation for the inevitable fight about to ensue, vaguely aware of his Mangekyō spinning; readying to phase through Kakashi’s attack. He hopes it’s Chidori.
No attack comes. Kakashi just sort of…stops. Not that he’d really been doing anything in the first place, as the other alpha boy tore into him. But at Obito’s last words the other alpha’s dark grey eye widens and shows far too much, but too quickly for Obito - even with the Sharingan - to discern the nature of the crushing wave of emotion he sees, the look just a flash across his dangerously pale face. But between one breath and the next, his expression shutters, showing absolutely nothing at all. It’s like the life has been sucked out of him. It’s…eerie.
Kakashi remains silent, and disquietingly still. He drops his gaze and bows his head. Submits.
Obito hates it - hates it. This is not how it is supposed to be. He isn’t supposed to be able to say these vile things to Kakashi, Rin is supposed to be here to stop the both of them before it goes too far.
Rin is supposed to be here - Rin is not someone meant to die. Kakashi is supposed to fight back. He isn’t supposed to just fucking stand there, looking just as dead as Rin’s corpse in Obito’s nightmares.
The Uchiha steps closer to Kakashi, looming over the thinner, shorter alpha, using his larger frame to his advantage in a way he’s never done to anyone - such aggressive posturing has always been abhorrent to Obito, even if it is directed at another alpha - and he growls loudly, embedding it with truly violent intent, desperate to provoke a retaliation - or anything. Just any reaction.
He does; Kakashi’s slim shoulders rise almost to his ears, and his head bows even lower, like he’s hiding from Obito, and his gloved hands at his sides tremble almost imperceptibly. But Obito’s eyes see every bit of it; the clear, horrible hurt that Kakashi would never show. How vulnerable he is, and Kakashi - that is not Kakashi.
One day, Obito will curse his Sharingan for immortalizing this moment, imprinting it to his memory in perfect, vivid detail.
But now, the Uchiha shakes with rage - other things, too, but the red haze sweeps it all away - as he looks down at the silver-haired teenager, whose invincible fighting spirit is no where to be seen. He has completely put himself at Obito’s mercy, without a moment’s hesitation or resistance.
It simply cannot be real, Kakashi is a fighter, he’s strong, he is someone who is supposed to always fight back - not just go limp and let Obito fucking win.
Obito looks at this not-Kakashi for a moment more, then snarls, turns, and leaves him there. All alone.
It’s the first time he’s ever abandoned his friend, and it’s not the last.
so...obito's doing great
they're 13 and 15 here, it's three months after Rin died if that was unclear
yeah obito thinks kakashi is an alpha, too since he presented while obito was in the cave, and kakashi didn't ever tell him because of...reasons
Kakashi has spent every morning of the past week vomiting before he allows himself to acknowledge the most likely cause. He can’t hold back a terrified sob that tears out of his throat, before he splashes himself with icy water, slaps himself in the face, and becomes Hound. He lets the cold seep down into his bones, and spends all day formulating a mission plan.
Kakashi needs to be sure, or - hopefully - be proven wrong, and just chalk it up to his constant paranoia.
But he knows he’s not being paranoid. He’s on suppressants again, so his natural scent is thankfully gone, but he can make out the barest hint of a light sweetness emanating from him that is not his own.
Kakashi can’t go to the hospital, and he can’t just waltz into a drug store and hope that no one sees him, or that no one recognizes him in a village where everyone knows everyone, and there aren’t a lot of grey-haired, mask-wearing, teenage jōnin walking around, last time he checked.
He debates if it would be believable that he was getting it for someone else, and quickly throws out the idea. Everyone knows he keeps to himself, he talks to exactly five people on a regular basis, one of them being a toddler. If Kakashi said it was for Kushina, he’s sure some nosy person would approach her, and he can’t have that.
He needs someone else to get it for him, and he goes through his options. Hound slips, because he would go to Obito for anything, and in this he absolutely fucking cannot go to Obito, and it hurts. Minato-sensei is out of the question, as is Kushina. He’s not letting them in on his possible predicament unless absolutely necessary. Naruto would probably buy a stick of dango instead of the peeing kind.
He’s left with one option, and feels rather guilty for not thinking of him in the first place.
Kakashi reluctantly saunters up to the tree trunk Guy is demolishing. It’s dusk, the sunset casting beautiful light through the leaves, and the omega wishes it was raining.
He walks as slow as he can, and when he speaks he’s as quiet as possible.
“Hey, Guy,” he all but whispers. Guy doesn’t hear him, of course, the words drowned out by the sound of his loud grunts, vigorous kicks and punches.
Fuck it, Kakashi is not a coward.
“Guy!” he shouts. Guy stills mid-kick, turning and beaming at him, rushing over.
“WELL, WELL! IF IT ISN’T MY ETERNAL RIVAL!” he bellows, barreling into him and heaving him up into a crushing hug. Kakashi gasps at the hard impact against his body, going rigid with panic.
Guy, more perceptive than people give him credit for, immediately sets him down, much more gently.
“I apologize, Kakashi!” Guy says, ducking down to look the younger ninja over. “Did I strain an injury?” Guy goes to raise his arms that Kakashi didn’t even notice had wrapped protectively around his abdomen, and he takes a step back, forcing them to his sides.
“No, no,” Kakashi drawls, chuckling. It sounds painfully fake, even to his own ears. Gods, he’s cracking. “Just, uh, caught me off guard.” In the middle of the woods, with no one around, after he approached Guy.
Prodigal genius indeed.
The alpha doesn’t smile or laugh, a glimmer of worry in his eyes. But he allows it to slide, a wide smile breaking free.
“So what’s goin’ on, Kakashi? Up for a spar? Come here for some competition?” Guy says, running in place and grinning that somehow sparkly grin of his that Kakashi can’t ever hate. He can’t hate anything about Guy. He really has tried, though.
“Ah...” Kakashi isn’t a coward, but every ounce of his willpower leaves him in a rush. He can’t do this. But - fuck - he can’t get the stupid fucking test. He cannot have any attention on himself, and he can’t ask Minato or, gods forbid, Kushina. She would explode.
While he loses himself to his spiraling, panicky thoughts, he doesn’t notice Guy’s smile drop into a concerned frown, his brow furrowing. The older man stops moving and clears his throat, snapping Kakashi back into focus.
“Is everything alright, Kakashi?” Guy asks quietly.
Kakashi swallows hard, and breaks a little bit, his hands flying to his mouth to muffle a frustrated growl. He wants to train and fight, he wants adrenaline and pain. Anything to take his mind off this. But he can’t do that.
He isn’t even sure (he’s sure.)
And either way, he hasn’t even made a decision yet.
“No,” Kakashi says, and Guy blinks rapidly in surprise at the straightforward answer. Kakashi himself feels a bit off-kilter from it, and rolls with the somewhat numb state he’s found himself in, blurting the rest of it out. “I need a favor from you -"
“Anything!” Guy immediately bursts out.
“I need a pregnancy test.”
Then, damn it all, Kakashi comes crashing back down into himself, and he knows Guy. He is one of the few living souls that he truly trusts, but he can’t stop his hands from shaking. But Guy -
Guy blinks exactly once, then nods. He completely understands, and nothing about his posture, his eyes, or his expression changes. He looks at Kakashi the same way he has since the day they met.
The teenager is floored. He’s even more amazed when Guy claps his shoulder with a heavy hand - this admission not making Guy think of him as some fragile thing, not at all - and smiles sweetly at him.
“I am deeply honored by your trust, my friend,” Guy says solemnly. Kakashi swallows hard, Obito’s eye stinging beneath his hitai-ate.
His face isn’t obeying him, showing all of his emotions. And Guy - bless him - doesn’t try to hug him or anything, just smiles a little wider. He jumps back, that wild grin in place with a big thumbs up on display.
“I WILL COMPLETE THIS TASK WITH ALL MY YOUTHFUL SWIFTNESS AND MEET YOU AT YOUR APARTMENT!”
At that, Guy does indeed youthfully sprint away, dirt kicking up behind him. Kakashi stands still for a moment, stunned stupid, before bursting out into somewhat-hysterical laughter.
Fucking Guy, he thinks, spluttering, before it subsides into a light chuckle and a grateful little smile.
Guy stays as Kakashi tries not to have a breakdown in the bathroom. And he stays when it comes back positive.
Kakashi's hitai-ate is off, and he stares at the plus sign with Obito's eye, the one that sees everything. As the first sob wrenches its way out of Kakashi’s throat, the seventeen-year-old sits down heavily on the tiled floor, the other three tests still on the bathroom sink, and he throws the fourth away from him. It snaps in two against the wall. Guy got about twelve, but Kakashi knows. There’s no need to take them all.
He pulls his knees to his chest and buries his face there, muffling his crying. When there’s a soft knock on the door, Kakashi is going to ask him to leave, but his hand is already moving and unlocking it.
Guy stands there for a moment, eyes soft as he looks at him. He takes a quick glance at the tests on the sink, before he silently sits down beside Kakashi. The omega focuses on not panicking, keeping his breathing steady. He’s overwhelmed and scared and...something else, something strange. He wraps his arms around his knees and presses his face there again.
Guy doesn’t say anything, only rests a grounding hand on Kakashi’s shoulder.
They’re silent for a long time until Kakashi stops crying, comforted and grateful for the warm, steady weight on his shoulder and Guy’s presence.
“Yes?” the alpha replies, just as quiet. Kakashi inhales shakily.
“What do I do?” he whispers.
Guy takes a great, deep breath, letting it out slowly. He squeezes Kakashi’s shoulder tight.
“I cannot say...” Kakashi nods, biting his lip. “What do you want to do?”
He’s so afraid. More afraid than he’s ever been in his whole life.
Then, out of nowhere, he thinks of Kushina.
He’ll never forget the wondrous awe he’d felt when Minato had him watch over her while she was pregnant with Naruto. How the looming danger did nothing to impede the constant joy Kushina radiated. He remembers her babbling happily to her round stomach, remembers her making him do the same, pressing his hesitant hand to her belly as Naruto kicked. He remembers her bright smiles and laughter that never dulled, not even for a moment.
She wanted her baby, loved her baby in a way Kakashi didn’t know a person could love something. Despite all of the hardships she knew it could bring her, she never once faltered.
Kakashi thinks of Kushina, and decides to be brave.
“I want it,” Kakashi says, trembling, but suddenly so sure.
“This will be hard, my friend,” the older jōnin says, after a long moment of comfortable silence. “But I promise you, you will not be alone in this." Something in Kakashi's chest breaks open at that, and he swallows around the lump in his throat. Fucking hormones.
"And...” Guy hesitates. “I truly believe this will bring you joy.”
Guy smiles at him, tearing up. He flushes red, clearly using all his willpower to not burst into tears. Kakashi can’t suppress a smile.
“It’s fine, Guy. You can freak out.” At that, Guy gasps in relief.
“I know it is perhaps inappropriate, but - I AM FILLED WITH SUCH HAPPINESS FOR YOU! THIS IS SUCH A YOUTHFUL, BEAUTIFUL GIFT!” Kakashi blinks rapidly at the words, and doesn’t fight it when Guy tugs him into a tight hug, tears streaming down his face and still bellowing nonsense.
Hm, Kakashi thinks. Maybe.
remember when i said slow to update? well i decided college is a joke so i rescind that for the time being
I WOULD DIE FOR GUY
I’m going w English spelling of Might Guy cuz it’s funnier. Also, he purposely didn't ask about the dad bc he's the best guy in the entire fucking universe, fictional or otherwise. But if you're wondering, yeah he totally suspects it's Obito.
Also semi-random but if I’m making it seem like Kakashi is super short he isn’t, he’s a growth spurt shy of his canon height (around 5’10) and in this let’s say he’s 5’9.
the show made Obito look shorter than Kakashi but hell naw that dude was beefy in the manga. In this he’s 19 (almost 20) done w growth spurts and he’s big guy at 6’2.
also with the last chapter if there’s concerns over Obito’s level of crazy in this, keep in mind that was only 3 months after Rin died. He was still working on it. And like Minato said in ch 1, the obikaka dynamic got better through the years but it isn’t stellar. But don’t worry, I’m not making Obito a villain.
“He’s going to hate me.”
“He could never hate you.”
“He did. A little. For Rin,” Kakashi says haltingly, and each word spoken aloud is like a kunai to the gut. “Obito is...better now, but he still loves her so much. He’s...” Kakashi tries to think of a word that expresses it, then remembers Obito's words. “He’s sick that - that it was me. He feels like he’s betrayed her.”
“Well, that’s something Obito needs to work through,” Minato says on a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. He looks at him, eyes suddenly sharp. “Did he say that to you?”
“Yes,” Kakashi says - lies. It's only a half-lie, really, but he feels like a liar, because he still has one thing he needs to hide. Because Obito made him promise.
Minato’s gaze is assessing, and the omega fights the urge to fidget under it. He turns Minato’s attention elsewhere. “And I’m okay with that,” and that is a complete lie, and it’s clear his sensei sees that. “But he loves Rin, and now I did this to him.”
The young Hokage huffs, almost like he’s offended on Kakashi’s behalf. It would usually bring a little smile to the omega’s face, but not now.
“You didn’t do anything to anyone, Kakashi. This was out of your control. It was just nature -"
“No,” Kakashi interrupts, louder, “I went to him, even though I knew - know he doesn’t love me. I took advantage, I was selfish -"
“You were not selfish,” Minato says, steely-eyed. “And you didn’t take advantage of him, Kakashi. Even if Obito isn’t pleased with what happened, it was a matter of biology, not a truly conscious decision you made.” The edge to Minato present during the minor argument disappears. He sighs sadly.
“You weren’t in your right mind,” the beta says, softer, “and you love him. You instinctually went to an alpha you care about and trust, that’s only natural. You can’t blame yourself for that.”
Kakashi doesn’t argue with him. He can’t, really, with the memories from six weeks ago playing back in his mind; of that omega, identical to him, but saying things - doing things that he would never dare to imagine doing. It was Kakashi, but it wasn’t.
“I’m so fucking weak,” he hisses, more to himself than Minato. “I hate what I am. I hate it,” he snarls. His sensei exhales shakily.
“Kakashi -“ he starts. Kakashi looks up, and the anger dies, leaving him feeling bereft, cold and - more than anything - so, so tired.
“Sensei, no more. Please. Thank you, but...no more,” Kakashi says - pleads, as he pulls his mask back up. Minato’s brow furrows and his lips purse unhappily, but after a long moment, he nods. He knows he can’t risk pushing Kakashi too far.
“Alright,” he says quietly. Kakashi sags back against the couch, clearly drained. Minato stays beside him for a moment longer, looking at Kakashi and trying to fully process the situation and think of what steps need to be taken. He rises after a long moment, ruffling Kakashi’s hair as he does. It brings a weak little smile to Kakashi’s face, barely there, but completely real.
Gods, he looks so young. It’s almost unbearable. Minato smiles back, chest aching.
“You’re staying the night,” he declares. Kakashi looks up at him, eyes already half-closed despite the protest that’s clearly about to come out of his mouth.
“No,” Minato preemptively replies. “Kushina will kill me if I let you go home,” as he mentions his wife, he pauses thoughtfully, and risks bringing everything up one last time. “Do you want to talk to Kushina?”
After all, she and Kakashi have grown so close over the past few years, Kushina stepping up and taking care of the boy in ways Minato doesn’t know how to do, and it’s plain to see the massive effect Kushina has had on Kakashi.
Kakashi looks up at him, his mask doing nothing to hide how vulnerable he looks in that moment, in an innocent, almost childlike way. Minato thinks of how Kakashi only ever had Sakumo, for far too short of a time, and the expression on his face is unmistakably that of a boy who needs his mother.
Minato and Kushina aren’t even that much older than Obito and Kakashi, but that doesn’t change the fact that they became something like parents to the two orphan boys. Obito was always close with Kushina as a child, but as he and Kakashi grew it was Kakashi who relied on her the most - who needed her. And Kushina was always, always there. Especially in recent years, with Kakashi’s continuing struggles, and the kunoichi always barrels her way past the boy’s natural defenses, dropping anything and everything if Kakashi so much as hints that he’s anything less than great.
To be fair, that’s pretty much code for “terrible” so Minato understands Kushina’s aggressive caregiving. She practically smothers him with love, attention, and care in a way Minato had thought would drive Kakashi insane, but instead it’s obvious it’s something he’s always needed. Something he’s ached for, even.
Minato worships his wife; her strength, her beauty, even her anger and, most of all, her endless kindness. Her absolute inability to ever give up on someone she loves, and her steadfast determination to always be there to hold them up whenever they stumble. Kushina is his hero.
Minato warms as he thinks of his wife, and it spreads when Kakashi nods immediately.
“Yes please,” Kakashi responds quietly. “Tomorrow, though. I just want to sleep.” Minato nods.
“Alright,” he replies, going to the armchair and taking the blanket off of it, then goes back to Kakashi’s side. The teenager shifts and lies down, curling onto his side as Minato drapes the blanket over him.
He’s gotten taller, Minato idly notes, and it’s bittersweet. Kakashi has to make himself a bit smaller to keep his feet from dangling off the edge of the couch. Minato decides to talk to Kushina tomorrow about possibly building on another room. Considering this new development, she’ll definitely force Kakashi to move in with them, as she’s been badgering the young man to do for so long.
It’s with a start that Minato notices something else; Kakashi’s arm has curled protectively around his stomach, and the troubled look on his face is gone. He doesn’t look happy, but he looks far more peaceful than he has in a very long time. Minato makes himself stop staring before Kakashi notices.
It’s such a small thing, but it doesn’t feel small.
But the blonde decides to think on it later. This was all enough for one night, and more would come tomorrow, and for many days after that, undoubtably. Minato ruffles Kakashi’s hair one more time before turning off the lamp in the corner of the room, and when he opens his mouth to say goodnight, Kakashi speaks first.
“I know I said I don’t want to talk anymore tonight, but…can you ask Kushina to wake me up to say hello. That’s all,” he says quietly, sounding horribly embarrassed. Minato’s lips curve upwards, endlessly grateful for the woman he somehow got to love him.
“Okay, I will.” Kakashi whispers a thank you, and snuggles deeper into the couch. His breathing almost immediately evens out, asleep in moments.
“Goodnight, Kakashi,” Minato murmurs.
He’s so sad for him that it aches. But also, he feels strangely hopeful.
Kakashi is softly nudged awake, and opens his eyes to Kushina, sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of him, still in her jōnin fatigues.
“Heya, kiddo,” she says, reaching up and tweaking his nose. He wrinkles it in annoyance, but smiles weakly back.
“Jōnin. Anbu. Not a kid,” he grunts, voice husky from sleep. He’s stopped saying that to her, has learned to actually love the little signs of affection she bestows on him so easily - more precious to him than she probably knows - but right now...he doesn’t really want to be reminded about how young he really is.
Kushina hums dubiously, and scoots a bit closer. She reaches up and pushes spikes of hair out of Kakashi’s eyes, tucking some behind his ear. When it stubbornly flops right back down, she huffs and predictably undoes her purple barrettes, sliding his hair back again and clipping it in place. Kakashi doesn’t even pretend to be annoyed anymore. He kind of likes how it looks, anyway.
She’s not chattering up a storm, so he supposes Minato told her some of what’s going on, though he trusts that his sensei told her the bare minimum, leaving the rest between Kushina and Kakashi. But if he’s agreed to a sleepover it’s probably all pretty obvious anyway.
That he’s fucked up in the head again, at least. Probably not the specifics - that's all a pretty big surprise.
Kushina is so gentle, a fond smile on her face as she glides her hand from his hair to his cheek and pinches it lightly. It's such a small thing, just a little teasing, affectionate action, but it stirs something powerful in Kakashi. His eyes tear up, but he doesn’t look away, or feel embarrassed. Kushina sees, her eyes softening as a little sigh leaves her.
She puts her elbows on the couch and leans closer, pressing her forehead to Kakashi’s.
“Wanna talk now, or you wanna talk tomorrow?” Kakashi reaches out with a lazy hand to play with a long strand of red hair that’s fallen near his face. He debates internally. Some things are easier said at night, he reflects. On the other hand, today has been...a very, very long day.
“I think tomorrow,” he murmurs. Kushina smiles easily and nods, never asking for more than he can give. She makes to stand up, but he makes a little halting noise that stops her.
“I’m sorry -"
“Kashi, don’t be sorry,” Kushina grumbles, rolling her eyes and shimmying back in place.
“I’m really tired,” he says, and it sounds choked, “but can you just - I know you just got back from a mission, but -“
“Close your eyes, brat,” she snaps. “I’ll stay til’ you start snoring.” Kakashi shakes a little with stifled laughter.
He closes his eyes with a huffed, “I don’t snore,” and sighs contently when he feels Kushina rest her hand on his head, running it over his forehead and into his hair. His father used to do that, too. Kushina did it once, during one of Kakashi's meltdowns after Obito died, and he’d calmed down almost immediately. It’s never lost its ability to lighten the weight on him, if only by a little.
He begins to drift off, and Kushina whispers one last thing.
“If you wake up and change your mind about talking, I’m just over here, okay?” Kakashi nods, and he feels her press a kiss to his nose. He sucks in a breath, tears leaking out of his closed eyes.
“Thanks, Kushina,” he croaks.
“Sweet dreams, Kashi.”
I’m so lucky to have you, he doesn’t say.
Kakashi is so lucky, he has no idea how he would have gotten here without any of his family. At six years old, he accepted that he would never have one again, and he gave up on any idea of having this kind of happiness. Or any happiness, really. To have this is more than he could have ever dreamed of for himself. He has Kushina, and Minato-sensei, and Naruto, and Guy.
And Obito. He hopes.
It’s been a hard day, and he knows he would’ve broken apart if he were all alone. Kakashi is still shocked, even after all this time, that there are people who care about him - who love him - so much that they won't allow that to happen.
He falls asleep with Kushina’s hand in his hair, and thinks of a warm, larger hand stroking through the same strands. Thinks of a sleepy kiss to his temple. He thinks of these things he’ll never have again and all that he does have and lets out a shaky breath.
Maybe he didn’t destroy everything. But some things he knows he did. Because he was weak.
disappointingly short chapter for me, (and im sorry if the POV switch was confusing!!) but im still fumbling a bit with how to sort out the next few chronologically-speaking. i just really wanted some kushina in here.
also since i opted to not have it "on-screen" between the Guy chapter and Kakashi going to Minato there was about 1 hour gap between when Guy left and then Kakashi lost it again by himself and ran over to the Uzumaki-Namikaze household
The mission took a toll.
It’s well past midnight when he finally crosses into Konoha's borders, and as the walls come into view he slips his Hound mask off, replacing it with his hitai-ate. He sighs in relief as the Sharingan’s pull on his chakra stops. He’s been running on empty for almost four hours, now. But they’re having a dinner for Kushina’s birthday tomorrow night, so he had to push himself to be back in time.
The scrolls and files sit heavily in his pouch, and he partly blames that for the slowness in his stride. He refuses to acknowledge that it’s more likely due to his altercation with the Kiri Anbu. That fight was far too brief to warrant this kind of exhaustion. There’s blood on his vest that signifies his relatively easy victory, but he does his best not to look at it. Considering. He doubts he’s going to sleep at all tonight, and if he manages to he’d rather not add to his nightmares.
Kakashi is suddenly glad Obito was rejected from Anbu, even if that means they’re sometimes separated, which upsets them both more than it probably should. Kakashi wouldn’t have been able to carry out this mission if his friend been there, he can acknowledge that fact.
As he thinks this, his chest suddenly feels infinitely lighter at the familiar sight greeting him at the gates.
“Hey, Kakashi!” Obito shouts, still having no idea what covert op means. He waves excitedly at him, and Kakashi sighs, flopping a hand back in greeting.
“Hey,” he calls out, much quieter. Obito jogs over to meet him halfway, giving the younger jōnin a half-hug and smiling delightedly. It’s only been two days, but for them that’s still a rather long time to be apart.
“Missed ya, Bakashi,” Obito grunts, feigning embarrassment. Kakashi smirks.
“You too, Crybaby.” The Uchiha gasps, horribly affronted.
“I wait here for hours and you insult me within the first four words. Classic asshole-y behavior. And here I thought you’d grown up,” Obito chortles like an idiot. “Matured, I mean. You definitely haven’t grown.” Obito steps closer to Kakashi, bodies only centimeters apart and forcing the younger man to tilt his head up to look at him.
Kakashi will never admit it to anyone, but he kind of really, really likes that Obito is bigger than him. Easily suppressing a shudder, Kakashi punches him in the chest, hard enough to push him back but not so hard that Obito stops smiling.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Kakashi rubs at his bicep - where a Kiri nin managed to cut him, if only a little - as it pulses with a burst of heat. Ugh, it’s only been seven hours, if it’s infected already he'll be pissed.
Obito notices the movement, brow furrowing.
“Are you hurt?” he demands, lifting Kakashi’s hand off his arm to inspect it himself. There’s barely anything to see, just a thin little cut, with only a tiny amount of dried blood. Obito squints his eye at it, Sharingan activating, and Kakashi pushes him away with a fond, exasperated sigh.
“Obito, I’m fine. It’s a scratch. Don’t get all ‘Sensei’ about it.” Obito purses his lips but shrugs, a light blush dusting his cheeks at being compared to Minato, who Obito has come to call Mom in recent years - sometimes the Yon-mom-me Hokage, which Obito thinks is way funnier than it is, Kakashi thinks Momdaime is better - with the unveiling of his intense overprotective streak.
“It just looked like it hurt,” Obito grumbles. Kakashi smirks beneath his mask, grabbing Obito’s arm - ignoring the twinge of discomfort in his that the motion causes - and hauling him through the gates.
“Are you coming with me to report in to Minato-sensei?” Kakashi asks, as Obito hooks their arms together.
“Aren’t I still not supposed to know you’re Anbu?” Kakashi huffs out a laugh.
“Minato-sensei’s made peace with that. Now you’re just not supposed to know I’m Hound.” Obito glances at the mask dangling at Kakashi’s hip pointedly.
“Everyone knows you're Hound," he says with a one-eyed eye roll. It looks so dumb. "And I’m half-blind already, they’ll believe I just missed it.” Kakashi snorts.
“Jōnin with the Mangekyō Sharingan just thought it was some other grey-haired Anbu with one of his eyes,” Kakashi drawls. “The shame that would befall Team 7,” he says with a somber shake of his head. “Sensei would come up with a year long D-rank to send you on.” Obito laughs.
“What? He unleashes an army of cats across all five nations, with bells on them or something?” Kakashi shudders.
“Don’t even joke.” Obito laughs louder, unlocking their arms to swing one around Kakashi's shoulders, and as the omega is wrapped in warmth, he’s hit with a wave of the alpha’s scent that relaxes him fully - makes him almost forget the last forty-eight hours, where he was forced to confront one of the worst days of his life again and again. He leans into the embrace without noticing it, the chill in his bones rapidly warming.
“What was this mission, anyway? You seem pretty wiped out,” Obito remarks. Kakashi stops his body from tensing, knowing Obito would feel it, and hums noncommittally.
“That I probably shouldn’t tell you,” the young Anbu captain says, keeping his voice purposely nonchalant. It’s a lame excuse - he tells Obito everything.
Well, most things, he thinks, as he basks in the familiar, well-loved scent of cinnamon.
“It’s that cool?” Obito whispers excitedly, glancing around for anyone listening. Kakashi sighs.
“No. It really, really isn’t,” he promises. It isn’t. The opposite, actually. Minato-sensei and Kakashi's Anbu team were right, he shouldn’t have been the one to take it. “Just classified.”
Obito grunts, disappointed, but something in Kakashi's tone must've eluded to the dark nature of his mission, and his friend stops his questioning.
“Still a little pissed you made Anbu,” Obito mutters, as they continue their lazy walk to the Hokage’s office.
There’s no heat in it, but Kakashi’s heart clenches anyway. Obito has failed the psychological tests three years in a row, since he first took them at sixteen. Kakashi’s been in Anbu for almost four years now.
It makes Kakashi feel guilty, and he wants to tell his friend that it’s not because he’s better, or smarter, or...less crazy - as Obito puts it - but rather because Kakashi knows how to pretend. And Obito has never quite managed to master that. For which Kakashi is endlessly grateful, since it means he always knows Obito’s thoughts, knows when he’s needed and why. So Kakashi will never tell Obito why he managed to make Anbu, because he’s certain at the very least, Obito would want to learn how to act his way through life, and Kakashi can’t deny Obito anything, and can’t imagine anything worse than an emotionless Obito.
And Obito would be horrified to learn how much of the happiness Kakashi exudes is feigned. It would’ve been different years ago, but now it isn’t much of it - in fact, it’s hardly any of it - but even the smallest amount of deception would break Obito’s heart.
Obito would be there for him, too, if he would only ask. Sometimes Kakashi can acknowledge that he should ask, because his friend would want him to, and it would make everything - the nightmares, the hallucinations, the dark place his mind spirals him down into - so much easier. But he doesn’t deserve that. However, as the years have gone on Kakashi knows Obito might never forgive him for hiding so much of himself away - he’d be so angry, but on Kakashi’s behalf. Hopefully. He'd be furious that Kakashi had condemned himself to suffer in silence for so long.
He tears himself away from his thoughts when he realizes he’s forgotten to respond, and Obito is looking at him oddly.
“Kakashi?” he says, and the younger man blinks.
“Uh,” Kakashi blinks again. He feels...fuzzy. “Sorry. I’m tired,” he shakes his head like one of his dogs, and Obito snorts. “Don’t be upset over Anbu,” Kakashi continues, ignoring how his heartbeat has quickened, “it’s just a lot of traveling and no sleep.” Obito rolls his eye again - gods, it looks so stupid, and Kakashi would tell him so if not for the disconcerting fever he feels coming on.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Go ahead and pretend that being one of the elite isn’t the coolest thing ever.” Kakashi huffs out a laugh, and as they reach the building his knees feel a little weak, and he tries not to make it obvious when he leans against Obito a little more.
“Eh, it gets old,” Kakashi mutters, half-forgetting what they’re talking about. When Obito unwinds his arm from around him, Kakashi has to quickly brace himself against the wall, and does a wonderful job of making it look intentional, but he’s still alarmed by how slowly his body responds to his commands.
“Wanna come over to my place after your briefing?” Obito asks. “I saved you some ramen from earlier.” Kakashi barely processes the words, hyperaware of his body temperature quickly rising and the sweat dripping down his temple.
“What time is it?” he replies, feigning a yawn and knowing full well it’s nearly three in the morning, but Obito will freak out if Kakashi is sick.
And he must be - he did a poison check kit on his wound hours ago, and it had all come back negative. Raidō made him that kit, so it definitely isn’t any known poison, not even an obscure one. Raidō is thorough.
Obito replies, but Kakashi is too caught up in his own hazy analysis of his condition and doesn’t quite hear him, but he takes a chance and yawns again in response.
“Yeah, I think I’m calling it a night. I’ve been up for almost two days.” Obito scowls at that.
“Are you taking those fucking soldier pills? Those are seriously bad for you -“ Kakashi lazily flaps one hand over Obito's mouth to cut him off, rolling his eyes. He suspects it looks as ridiculous as Obito doing it, considering he only has the one visible.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow, Obito.” Kakashi still feels a bit wobbly, so he waits for his pouting friend to walk away first, just in case he ends up stumbling and falling on his face. Obito would flip out, and Kakashi really is too tired to deal with that.
Obito's petulant frown flips, and he grins at him, taking a step forward and tugging on a strand of Kakashi’s hair.
“Nighty night, Bakashi. Sweet dreams,” he coos, walking away. Kakashi ignores the stupid little flutter in his stomach and flips him off, smiling when Obito laughs again. It widens when some random woman sticks her head out from a window above to yell at him for the noise. As Obito weakly apologizes, and then turns to yelling, too, Kakashi snorts and walks up the stairs, cautiously keeping a hand against the wall in case he stumbles. He experimentally lets go when he gets to the hallway leading him to the Hokage's office, and his body obeys him perfectly.
Kakashi pushes open the office’s doors with a tiny sigh of relief. The mission was hard. He’s just tired, is all.
Kakashi heads home in the dark after delivering his mission report.
Ten minutes later, Kakashi is panicking as he ducks into an alleyway, pressing his front to the brick wall and sighing at the momentary relief the cold bricks provide his blazing hot skin. But then he notices his hips twitch forward of their own accord, grinding against the hard surface. It’s then that he knows what’s been done to him. He lurches back, stumbling on shaky legs and falling down to the ground. He gasps at the pain.
That hurt, that shouldn’t have hurt that much, why did that hurt so much? What’s happening to me?
The moonlight hurts his eyes - too bright - he can barely move. His clothes are hurting his skin. His skin is so, so hot - it’s burning - and - please, not again - but - this isn’t like the first time -
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts -
Not normal, not normal, chants the last, tiny chip of rational awareness his brain possesses.
He’s panicking, for all his genius his omega nature has reduced him to this state; unable to come up with a single solution, any form of a plan - completely incapable of any cognizant thought. He hates himself passionately, and he hysterically curses himself under his breath as his hand sneaks down and grinds against the aching flesh between his legs. His cock jumps, and Kakashi cries out just from that small amount of pressure. The loud sound of it shocks him enough that he is, for the moment, just coherent enough to stop himself from loudly masturbating in public.
Kakashi smells the air and wants to cry; his natural scent, that he hasn’t smelled in four years, emanates from him, overwhelming in its intensity, along with a molten sweetness that’s painfully recognizable as the scent of an omega in heat. He stands on wobbly legs, focusing hard, listening for other people nearby. He doesn’t think he hears anyone, but he’s not sure - his already exceptional senses heighten during a heat, but his current terror drowns it - he can hardly think past the rapid pounding of his heart. But he needs to get inside somewhere, no one can see him, no one can know, or else everything will go to hell - he’ll be ruined.
Kakashi focuses on slowing his dangerously fast breathing, when suddenly the blaze beneath his skin flares. His hands fly up to his mouth to muffle a pained wail, curling in on himself as both of his eyes sting, wetness gathering at the corners.
This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening.
Kakashi presses his hands to his eyes, digging the heels of his sweaty palms in and causing stars to burst behind his eyelids, frantically willing the inferno to abate for just one second.
It doesn’t, it’s still burning him from the inside out - he needs help.
His muddled brain thinks of broad shoulders, bright smiles, and loud laughter. The scent of warmth and safety - cinnamon.
Kakashi stops thinking, ducking out of the alleyway and sprinting away.
Obito is rudely wrenched awake out of an unusually pleasant dream by a pounding on his door. He half-sobs into his pillow when he checks the time and sees he’s only gotten about twenty minutes of rest. The knocking persists, and Obito slides gracelessly off his bed to the floor. He rubs his face vigorously and glances around for a shirt. It’s a whole four feet away, and Obito can’t be bothered.
“I’m coming,” he calls, rising to his knees. He reaches over onto his bedside table, grabbing the orange eyepatch Kakashi gave him and slipping it over his face.
The knocking grows more aggressive, and Obito groans, quickly making his way across his apartment. He is going to flip a shit if whoever this is wakes up the Suzuki baby downstairs and he gets yelled at again -
The knocking is so loud now that the person really might be throwing their body against the door.
“Alright, alright, I’m coming!” he shouts. “Shit,” he makes a few grumbled, irritated noises around a big yawn as he sleepily unlocks the door.
He’s glaring as he opens it, but it falls off his face when he sees that it’s Kakashi, with one hand braced on the doorframe, barely keeping himself upright as he visibly shakes. Obito saw his friend barely an hour ago as he had walked through the gates, where Obito had been waiting for him to return from his mission, like they always did for each other. He’d been totally fine, if a bit tired.
But something is very clearly wrong, and Obito is instantly wide awake, Sharingan spinning. He clinically looks Kakashi over, checking for any wounds his friend may have hidden, but there are none, except the nick on his shoulder.
Kakashi is still in his Anbu uniform, but his vest is missing - Obito sees it discarded behind him in the hallway - leaving him in only the skintight black top and pants, and Kakashi’s pulling at where the top’s collar meets his mask, gasping like it’s choking him. His hitai-ate is off, his hair falling over his flushed face. His eyes are extremely bright, and his pupils are huge.
And - and his scent is -
Obito gapes at his friend, blinking rapidly. He’s never actually smelled Kakashi’s scent before, the other teenager having presented while Obito was...away. And in the years since Obito still hasn’t, as his friend has been on the same suppressants as all Anbu that negate anyone’s scent.
But Obito knows Kakashi is an alpha. Everyone knows Kakashi Hatake is an alpha.
Kakashi does not smell like an alpha.
Obito drags him in, kicking the door shut behind him, and his friend lurches forward, losing his balance. Obito reacts automatically, reaching out to catch him, and he falls against Obito’s broad chest. The alpha steadies him, and makes to pull back, but his friend’s trembling hands clutch at his bare arms with surprising strength, keeping him close.
The Uchiha is frantically trying to come up with some reasonable explanation for this, but his brain comes to a sharp halt when Kakashi presses closer and tips his head slightly up to nuzzle the taller ninja’s jaw, and so close Obito can hear the pained whine vibrating in Kakashi’s throat.
“Obito, Obito, please - it hurts,” Kakashi whimpers, and Obito is stunned into silence, and he’s shocked further when he hears the quiet mantra leaving Kakashi’s mouth.
“Alpha, alpha...” he’s mewling nonsensically.
Said alpha is having a really fucking hard time with this, considering this cannot be happening, but he has enough sense to start breathing through his mouth, knowing how alphas can lose control when -
Kakashi presses his face to Obito’s neck, and his face is wet. Kakashi is crying.
Obito stops breathing all together, astonished and a little frightened.
He’s seen Kakashi cry only twice in all the years he’s known him; with his hand through Rin’s chest - don’t think about that, not now, Kakashi needs you - and when Obito came to in the hospital. Kakashi just doesn’t allow himself to fall apart like that, he’s stronger than anyone Obito’s ever known, he keeps himself together like he’s made of steel, even when anyone else would fall apart. He’s put Obito back together innumerable times, always the unbreakable pillar the alpha leans on.
Kakashi Hatake does not whimper, he doesn’t tremble, and he certainly doesn’t beg. Kakashi is anything but - fragile, and the word feels so deeply wrong. To see him in such a state is alarming to say the least. Upsetting. A little terrifying, in fact. It’s just impossible.
The Uchiha can’t stop his limbs from moving, wrapping around Kakashi’s shivering body, that’s worryingly hot to the touch.
“K - Kakashi?” Obito finally manages, after a long moment. “You’re an omega?”
No. Fucking. Way.
Obito thinks his shocked exclamation was perfectly reasonable, but he whole-heartedly regrets it when Kakashi makes a small, hurt sound, shoulders creeping up as he ducks his head, clearly ashamed. Obito blinks hard, a little surprised by just how much it pains him to see Kakashi react to him that way.
But then he’s remembering the many times he’s already seen Kakashi do that, realizing it’s only ever been because of him.
Obito feels sick.
“I’m sorry,” Kakashi whispers tearfully, his bowed head hiding his face, and his trembling intensifies. Obito’s chest tightens, and he gathers Kakashi closer. He instinctively - unwisely - cups the back of Kakashi’s head and encourages the distraught teenager closer to his neck, gently tilting his pale face to his own scent gland, and it instantly soothes the omega. Obito sighs in relief when his friend's pained little noises are replaced by a shaky, but content grumble as he nuzzles Obito’s neck, inhaling deeply.
“No, no,” Obito murmurs insistently. He positively aches for him. Regardless of his admittedly complicated feelings towards and about him, Kakashi is his best friend. His most precious person. To be a male omega...
Obito’s eye stings. He can’t stand to hear Kakashi apologize to him for who he is.
“Don’t be sorry,” he says, the gentle words spoken softly into Kakashi’s hair. “Nothing to be sorry for, Bakashi.”
Kakashi doesn’t seem to process his words, which irks Obito a little because it’s fucking important that Kakashi hears that. Instead, Kakashi slowly rubs his face against Obito's neck - the alpha freezes - and the omega inhales deeply again, and he moans.
The sound of it is obscene and goes right to Obito’s absolute fucking traitor of a dick. The alpha falters, forgetting to breathe through his mouth, and the hairs on the back of his neck rise when he inhales Kakashi’s intoxicating scent - the breeze during a summer storm - that's heightened significantly by the sweet, heady smell of a heat.
He can’t stop the low, rumbling growl that rises from his chest, and the sound causes a needy whine to resound from Kakashi, who arches his hips forward and grinds shamelessly against Obito’s thigh. The scent of the omega’s arousal spikes sharply at the friction, along with a telling, horribly delicious tangy sweetness that Obito has heard other alphas talk about.
Oh gods. He’s wet, Obito thinks hysterically.
“Obi - Obito, please,” Kakashi begs, his voice breaking, still bucking his hips. He tips his head back and bares his throat wantonly.
This has to be some sort of insane fever dream. There’s just - there’s just no fucking way Kakashi Hatake is standing in his apartment, shaking like a leaf, humping his leg like an animal, and begging Obito for anything, let alone begging him to - to -
Obito swallows hard, his mind racing through all the reasons why this is crazy and a terrible fucking idea, but then Kakashi grinds up against him again, harder, and takes one of his hands, pressing it to his ass.
A loud groan breaks free from somewhere inside Obito, because he can feel it all the way through Kakashi’s damn pants; he’s absolutely soaked. His hand seems to have a mind of its own as it kneads the soft, but muscled, flesh.
Kakashi keens, and the alpha’s tenuous control shatters.
Obito uses his grip on Kakashi's ass to haul him closer, licking up his slim neck, and when his tongue reaches his jaw Kakashi yanks down his mask with shaking fingers.
He’s beautiful, Obito thinks, awed, right before Kakashi latches onto his mouth.
Obito tries to slow him down. This is his first kiss, and maybe Kakashi’s, they should be a little bit better than wild animals. So he hums soothingly, kissing him gently, slowly. But Kakashi whimpers unhappily, thrusting his hips hard enough to cause Obito to lose his balance a little.
He growls playfully, amused by the omega’s aggressive neediness, and gives him what he wants. Obito kisses Kakashi hard, tugging his silver hair to angle his head to the side, licking deeper into the Hatake’s mouth. He thrusts his tongue in and out, a mimicry of what he’s now aching for - all logic and reason gone.
He releases Kakashi’s hair - the slim teenager whimpers at the loss - and puts both hands on his deplorably clothed, spectacular ass, squeezing tight and pulling the cheeks apart with a rumbling, low noise. He dips his fingers into the crease and rubs at where he feels the slick leaking from.
Distantly, he registers that he’s been sent into a rut - because this is insane, and even if it wasn’t the worst fucking idea ever, even just a bad idea, Obito would never be as bold as this - but that’s hardly what matters right now. Right now, an omega is whining and moaning and writhing against him, and it’s made all the more delicious and essential by the fact that it’s Kakashi.
He uses his grip on Kakashi’s ass to push him back, then yanks the shorter ninja harder against him, encouraging the frenzied movements of his hips. Kakashi seems like he’s trying to climb him, his feet are barely touching the floor, and considering the state he’s in the omega lists backwards on one particularly rough thrust. Obito catches him around the thighs, hauling him up, and Kakashi’s legs immediately lock around his waist.
Kakashi’s hands fly to his bare shoulders, digging his nails in to keep upright, and they break the skin as the young omega grinds his hips forward again, drawing a long, deep moan from Obito that drowns out the omega’s. The alpha closes his eyes, burying his face in Kakashi’s neck and submerging himself in his friend’s heady, electric scent. He holds Kakashi tighter against him by his slim thighs, and he can’t stifle another moan that resounds from low in his chest at the spike of that citrusy smell, rubbing his hand over the damp patch in Kakashi’s pants.
Obito growls, licking a long, wet stripe across Kakashi’s jaw up to his mouth, kissing him vigorously, as he takes stumbling steps backward towards his bedroom. The omega writhes, bucking forward again in search of friction. The movement pushes Obito off balance, and his back hits the wall hard, a picture frame shattering on the floor. He couldn’t care less. Same goes for Kakashi, if the way he continues to shove forward is any indication.
Obito adjusts his grip and stands straight again, one hand winding around to press against the tent in Kakashi’s pants, and he shoves them down haphazardly to fit a hand inside, grasping his cock to give him the relief he seeks. And to hopefully prevent them from falling all over the place and breaking anything else.
His stomach twists in discomfort at the feeling of another penis in his hand, but just then a neighbor from a floor below begins to yell something, and Obito’s eyes fly open. They open, and all his unease completely vanishes at the sight of Kakashi; his shiny, swollen, pink lips, fuller than he'd imagined, a deep blush high on his cheeks, and a glazed, heated look in his eyes - his one dark one, and the eye that connects him to Obito.
Obito groans, tightening his grip on Kakashi’s thigh and dick, and restarts his task with new urgency, focusing hard to not let Kakashi’s high-pitch whine derail him as he practically runs them to his bedroom.
Kakashi unbalances them once more in the hallway, a hand coming up to tug harshly at the collar of his top again, looking distressed. Obito’s heart clenches, and he lets out a comforting noise as he briefly presses Kakashi against the wall, pulling his hands away from his body to push them beneath the top and hike it up over his friend’s head. Kakashi’s legs shake where they’re locked around Obito’s waist, all that’s keeping him upright, and the alpha has to catch him when Kakashi moves to drag his gloves off with his teeth, almost falling down in the process.
Obito never thought undressing to be such an impossible task, and can’t help but let out a victorious little shout when Kakashi’s shirt and gloves fall to the floor. Kakashi beams, an airy, delirious little laugh bursting from him and Obito’s heart - stops.
He’s unmoving, staring at the omega’s beautiful face with a smile of his own frozen on his face - he's never really seen Kakashi's smile, has only imagined it, and it's breathtaking - before Kakashi’s hands are back around his shoulders, tugging his hair harshly as his feet kick at his back insistently. Then, things become a blur.
Between one breath and the next, they’re half-dressed and panting against the wall, and the next they’re both - blessedly, finally - naked, both aching, and Obito is all but slamming Kakashi onto the bed.
Kakashi bounces at the impact with a startled yelp, before the surprise on his face melts away into dark desire, eyes half-lidded as he stares at Obito, who stands stupidly still at the edge of the bed, more than a little dazed by the sight before him. Kakashi begins to pant harshly under the alpha’s gaze, the red flush spreading over his chest, over his hard, pink nipples. The omega lets out a sound that’s a near-sob, but stays submissively still - waiting for orders, commands from the alpha. Obito is snapped out of his gaze at the sight of a pale, trembling hand reaching for him. He catches it with his own, and is hauled down onto the bed with impressive strength that Kakashi really shouldn’t possess right now.
He lands atop the omega with a soft oof, and the sound is caught by Kakashi as he presses his mouth to his. Obito growls, wrapping his arms around and beneath the thinner young man, devouring his lips. He sits back on his heels, drawing Kakashi up with no resistance, and buries a hand in his silver mane, tilting his head to lick deeper into his warm, slick mouth.
And speaking of warm slick - Kakashi makes a demanding noise into the kiss, grabbing Obito’s other arm that's wound around his torso and dragging it down, down, until it’s pressed to his lower back. Obito gets the hint, slipping his fingers lower, between the cheeks, and he snarls.
All of a sudden, Kakashi is spun around - whether he was manhandled by Obito into that position, or moved on his own is a mystery to the alpha - and presents to him; facing towards the wall on his hands and knees, legs splayed wide and looking back at him with bright, pleading eyes, his mouth hanging open as he breathes erratically.
Obito slinks backwards off the bed, hushing Kakashi when he whines at the increased distance between them, and bends over the foot of it, running a soothing hand down the omega’s spine. His throat rumbles with a deep, appreciative noise as Kakashi’s back arches beautifully, the omega letting out a wanton moan. And just from Obito’s hand on his back. The alpha almost comes right there. But no - they’ve barely started, and he’s going to make the most of this if it kills him.
Kakashi lets out a gasp as Obito, unable to resist, takes his ass - pale and flawless - in both his calloused hands and squeezes hard. He pulls the cheeks apart, his face reddening at the sound his friend makes at the action. Obito hungrily rakes his eyes over him; marveling at the nearly frantic, debauched expression on his stupidly gorgeous face, his trembling, lithely muscled arms that are struggling to keep him up, the pink tinge painting his milky skin. He feels a pull on his chakra as his Sharingan whirls to life, imprinting the sight of a writhing, quivering, desperate Kakashi to memory. He looks sinful. Obito really might die from this.
He quickly makes peace with that; there are far worse ways to go than from Kakashi of the Sharingan wet and gorgeous and aching for you. Obito keeps reveling in the evidence of that, hands stroking down Kakashi’s sides to his ass, spreading his cheeks again and staring lecherously at Kakashi’s shining, pink hole that he sees slowly loosening, preparing for his entry.
Obito licks his lips, stroking a large hand through the layer of fluid coating Kakashi’s ass. Kakashi makes to slide a hand to his own cock, but Obito sees and snatches his hand away, placing it back down onto the bed and pressing it there firmly with a commanding growl. The omega makes an unhappy noise, but bows his head in submission.
The overpowering, almost frighteningly intense possessiveness - no one would make Kakashi come but him, not even the omega himself - gives way to reverent exploration as Obito looks back at Kakashi’s weeping entrance. It’s not only his hole that’s wet, there’s so much slick that it’s dripped down to his balls and thighs, the heavy stream trickling down onto the bedspread. Obito is utterly mesmerized, and he can’t resist - he needs a taste.
With another lick of his lips and a shuddering moan of his own, he bends down and licks a long stripe across Kakashi’s hole, greedily groping his thighs and ass as he does it and groaning at the sweet tang of him.
Kakashi cries out, bucking backwards as if to impale himself on the alpha’s tongue, and his arms finally give out from under him, the position lifting his ass higher and giving Obito better access. The alpha can’t get enough, burying his face in Kakashi’s most intimate place and losing himself in it, ravenously licking up as much of the slick as he can, moaning into the lovely pink entrance as he feels more seep out onto his tongue in response to his ministrations. His cock throbs - it’s almost agonizing.
Obito brings up a finger besides his tongue, dipping it in and tugging the omega’s loosening entrance open, then thrusts his swirling tongue alongside it. Kakashi lets out a helplessly loud, needy moan.
“Have you done this before?” Obito gasps, when he forces himself to come up for air. He’s physically incapable of pulling away, though, and alternates between long swipes of his tongue all over Kakashi’s saturated backside, and sucking and biting bruises into the sensitive pale skin of Kakashi’s inner thighs and cheeks. He’s addicted - can’t get enough of every wild little noise and twitch that Kakashi makes in response.
Kakashi’s insanely tight, despite his body’s attempts at preparing him to be breeched, and already his body - while lovely with its marble plains of taut, lean muscle, with hip and collar bones that jut out so prettily, deceptively delicate features that only add to his beauty - is quite a bit smaller than Obito's, who probably has a good twenty-five pounds on him. Kakashi’s not the tiny kid he used to be, one of the taller ninja in the village, but still shorter than Obito, which has always made the alpha smug. Especially after a horrifying three months where Kakashi was taller than him, before Obito shot up another five inches. And the Uchiha has gotten stockier and more robustly muscled in recent years, whereas Kakashi has always been long-limbed and thin, his muscles attractively defined but as slim as the rest of him.
Obito idly thinks that if Kakashi were to discard his mask and bulky jōnin gear - perhaps don that skintight, sleeveless Anbu top all the time - and let his beautiful face be displayed - Obito is sure Kakashi would prefer handsome but it’s simply more than that - along with his svelte body, he would be even deadlier. Who would expect someone who looks the way he does to be one of the most dangerous ninja in the world?
But those lighthearted thoughts suddenly take an abrupt turn, and Obito is hit with a flare of hot rage at the thought of anyone else seeing all of the - his - stunning omega. Obito jolts when Kakashi lets out a pained little shriek, Obito having gripped his hip too tightly with his prosthetic arm, leaving a less attractive bruise that floods him with guilt. He kisses apologies onto the skin until Kakashi relaxes again.
Obito sobers up significantly after his misstep, gentling his touches despite the noises of protests Kakashi emits at the change of pace, but the omega moans blissfully again as Obito drags his tongue over the sensitive bite marks littering his behind, kissing his hole chastely. He’s indisputably the physically stronger of the two of them, which has been in the back of Obito’s dazed mind during this, taking care to not actually injure the omega, but he clearly needs to be more mindful of that, considering Kakashi’s weakened state. There’s also other concerns that Obito should keep in mind.
While he’s bigger than Kakashi, he’s also rather...big. Big enough to warrant some caution. Obito is under no impression that Kakashi is some delicate little thing, but despite how deadly the Anbu is, he’s practically helpless right now, entirely at the alpha’s mercy. And Obito, not fully trusting himself, finds that very, very frightening. He finds his hands trembling a little at the thought of hurting Kakashi - and this isn’t some spar, if he hurt him in this way Obito would never, ever forgive himself.
Kakashi still hasn’t responded to his question, Obito realizes, tangled up in his nervous thoughts. He needs to know what to do - how to proceed. If this is - and it must be - Kakashi’s first time…
“Kakashi,” Obito chokes out, sitting back and feeling a little dizzy, both from the heady taste of the omega on his tongue and his rising anxiety. Kakashi seems to have fully checked out, his only response pushing his body back toward Obito in entreaty. Obito frowns, leaning forward and giving Kakashi’s hair a quick tug. The omega mewls, but still doesn’t respond.
“Bakashi!” Obito barks, tugging harder, because this matters. Kakashi’s eyes snap open with a shudder, then he blearily glares at Obito, and seeing the familiar moody look without the mask hiding anything has Obito smiling. “Have you done this before?” he asks again, quieter, as he experimentally tugs on the silver strands again - harder. A groan rumbles in Kakashi’s throat, his head lolling back, exposing his neck and making the grip tighten.
“N - no. Only you,” he finally answers, gasping.
Something in Obito’s chest tightens and warms at that. He’s overtaken by a much softer feeling that manages to briefly suppress the animalistic need that’s ensnared them both to its will.
“Me, too,” Obito replies softly, the hand in Kakashi’s hair loosening its hold and stroking through the strands, and something like a purr resounds from the younger man.
Then, within a heartbeat, the warm feeling disappears and he feels a very, very real surge of absolute fucking panic when he realizes his eyes have locked on to Kakashi’s pale neck, to where his mating gland resides. He bites his lip so hard it bleeds. But the alpha doesn’t want to frighten the omega beneath him, so he makes sure not to give any indication of his distress, or let on that he’s having a very difficult time keeping a grip on the remnants of his self-restraint. Obito is utterly incapable of not touching the omega before him, can't think of a single reason not to - and even if he could he doubts it would matter - but he's still lucid enough to know that should he let go of the last salvageable brain cells he currently has, he could ruin their lives.
He must not be hiding his fear well enough, because Kakashi sniffs the air, and looks over his shoulder at him, eyes glazed but clearly confused. Obito distracts him.
Kakashi gasps when Obito experimentally smacks his ass. The sound quickly blends into a delicious whine as Kakashi leans back into the touch, chasing more. Oh, Obito will remember that. But later - that’s for later. Neither of them can wait anymore, that’s pretty damn clear.
And later, he’ll feel rather proud of all of this. Though he’ll feel a lot of other things, too, that are not quite as pleasant.
To be honest, he’s always kind of lived in fear of his first time - though, as a teenage boy, it was still a very welcome prospect - he was completely sure it would be catastrophically humiliatingly at worst or, at best, cringe-worthy in its awkwardness and confused fumbling, but still managing to get the job done.
But no, Kakashi is a mess beneath him. Obito is doing that to Kakashi; drawing out all these fucking unreal noises, causing the omega’s painfully gorgeous face to flush red with pleasure. The other teenager is panting loudly, spit making his pink lips shine.
Obito presses a lingering kiss to the hand print he’s left, the reddening mark adding to the lovely purple-red-pink painting that Obito’s created across Kakashi’s skin, and a pleased rumble rises from his chest. He strokes a gentle hand across the small of his back as his other hand sneakily creeps up, a finger circling the omega’s hole.
Kakashi stops breathing, and all the air seems to get punched out of his lungs when Obito pushes that finger inside. The alpha makes a savage noise, half-mad at the feeling of Kakashi’s tight, wet heat. Judging the tightness - with no prior experience whatsoever - and debating it for too-short a moment, he quickly adds another, thrusting deep inside.
The omega lets out a wounded, depraved sound, ending on a near sob. Kakashi wantonly thrusts his hips back, shoving himself down hard on Obito's fingers.
“More, more! Obito - inside,” Kakashi pleads. Gods, Obito actually is going to die from this.
He can’t think of a better way to go.
“Not yet, okay? Gimme...just gimme a minute,” he rasps, immensely proud of his control, despite how very flimsy it is and how fiercely he’s aching to just shove his cock inside him. “You’re tight, it - you could get hurt.” Kakashi buries his face into the mattress.
“Don’t care, don’t care,” he whimpers, sounding close to tears.
Obito’s breath leaves him in a whoosh when Kakashi clenches down on his fingers, and he pulls them out, a hand already on his cock before he mentally slaps himself.
No. No, I will not hurt him.
Obito’s frantic breathing matches Kakashi’s as he reins himself back in, going back and pushing the two fingers back inside. Kakashi whines, and shoves himself back on them. Obito allows it and watches, mesmerized, as Kakashi somehow finds the strength to vigorously fuck himself on Obito’s hand, doing a fantastic job of loosening himself up. The alpha feels when he can take more, adding a third and reveling in the wet grip on his fingers - so wet it’s almost sloppy - and in the sight of Kakashi’s lovely, shaking body, unrelenting in its desperate endeavor to take more of him.
“Obito,” Kakashi whimpers, reaching his limit. Obito looks up to his face and his heart nearly breaks. Kakashi’s eyes are filled with tears, biting his lower lip so hard it’s bleeding. Obito swallows hard, taking one more moment to thrust his fingers in deep, harder than before, and scissors the fingers as he draws them out, dragging them along the omega’s inner walls and -
Kakashi wails, and he comes, just like that - his whole body convulsing, crying out so loudly it seems almost painful.
"Oh, fuck," Obito breathes, as he watches Kakashi thrash, transfixed. When he begins to still, panting feverishly and emitting hurt little cries, the alpha swipes a hand between Kakashi's legs, feeling the sticky come dribbling down his taut abdomen and thighs, and he fists the younger man's cock - it's still so hard.
Obito rises shakily, finally kneeling on the bed behind Kakashi. The omega is crying now, the desire and pleasure on his face now mixed with potent distress and near-agony, and the alpha hushes him, leaning over him - his cock dragging over Kakashi’s backside as he does - and bending down to kiss away the tears.
“I - I’ve gotcha. It’s okay, Kashi,” he all but slurs. Kakashi quivers, and manages to move his head just enough to steal a fast kiss. Obito makes a low, soft rumbling sound into it, his hand drawing soothing circles into the omega’s bony hip, the other cupping the back of his head and gliding through the sweaty strands of hair.
“Ready?” Obito asks - or he thinks he does. Kakashi’s mouth opens and closes, words being out of reach, and just nods fervently. Obito kisses him fiercely, drawing back and pressing his lips to his body as he travels down, to his neck, his shoulder, his back and hip, and he tweaks Kakashi's hard nipples in passing. He revels, surprised, in the broken moan that resounds from the omega at the small action, watching delightedly as his hips buck helplessly.
Sensitive, Obito dazedly notes.
He presses two more kisses to the small of Kakashi's back, before drawing up onto his knees and positioning himself. Kakashi’s hands are fisting the sheets so hard Obito hears a soft tear. He bends forward and with one hand, he reaches out and intertwines his fingers with the omega’s, and with the other - and with a deep, heaving breath - he grips his cock at the base, guiding it into Kakashi.
At the first press, they both gasp, and as Obito sinks deeper, both begin to pant raggedly - Kakashi with desperate need, Obito with pained restraint. As he slowly thrusts forward, he has to move his hand from his cock to grip Kakashi’s hip, preventing him from rocking back too soon. How he knows it’s too soon is beyond him.
Obito slowly bottoms out, buried deep inside, and just barely registers the broken cry resounding from his friend over the feeling of the hot, tight, wet grip on his cock. He drapes himself over Kakashi’s back, pressing his forehead to the omega's spine as he huffs and growls.
“-ove, move, move!” Obito, after a too-long moment, registers Kakashi’s thrashing and his sharp, demanding cries. Something in him snaps - demanding he obey his omega, soothe and satisfy him. He pulls back, almost all the way out and, gripping Kakashi’s hand and hip tighter, he fucks back in.
Kakashi shouts, the sound bleeding into a blissed-out moan of relief, and Obito’s grip on his hip goes slack, allowing Kakashi to weakly lift himself onto his elbows. As Obito pushes forward again, Kakashi meets him halfway, and they quickly find a rhythm, slamming together with a force that has him growling - low, possessive, and hungry.
Obito pulls out until only his head is inside, before thrusting back in - harder. He keeps going, harder and harder, and the wet smack of their bodies and Kakashi’s screams of pleasure become his whole world. The dangerously loud sound of the bed frame smacking the wall and the gorgeous, lewd noises of their coupling fuel his lust, fuel the movements of his hips until he’s fucking Kakashi so fast and deep the omega can only shout elatedly, practically crushing Obito's hand, nails digging bloody crescent moons into the skin.
Then Obito feels it - what he’s never felt before, but recognizes in an innate, primal way - as his cock begins to throb viciously, his knot thickening at the base. It makes him hypersensitive, and he shouts, his free hand roughly hitching Kakashi’s hips up, lifting his ass higher, his legs shoving the omega’s apart and plunging impossibly deeper. Kakashi lets out a wild, animal noise as he's fucked at this new angle, and from the increasing fullness as Obito’s knot continues to swell.
Obito fucks him like a beast, the sounds coming from deep in his chest practically inhuman as his pleasure crests, more powerful than anything he’s ever felt, and when Kakashi looks back at him - utterly, painfully perfect - with his own Sharingan, the one they share, he comes.
He comes with a roar, thrusting ferociously and grinding his knot deep inside. The moment it locks Kakashi fucking howls, and Obito feels more than sees him come, his body shuddering - inside and out - in synchrony with his helpless cries. The omega shakes so hard Obito actually grows concerned, before Kakashi flops down to the bed, limp.
Obito’s erratic breathing begins to slow, his own trembling subsiding, and he curls around the omega beneath him - connected to him, for the time being. He lies atop him for a moment, pressing kisses to his sweaty, tear stained face, murmuring soothing words in an unknown language they both somehow understand. Kakashi lets out a happy sigh, a delirious little smile on his lips as his eyes slip shut, and Obito’s lips quirk up in response. He separates their hands - a quick glance shows his own is purpling with a vibrant bruise and dotted with blood - and winds both arms around Kakashi, carefully maneuvering them onto their sides.
Kakashi lets out a startled yelp as the movement jostles the knot inside him, before Obito secures him again in his arms, his warmth surrounding and comforting the omega. Then, as he feels his knot continue to grow, he comes back to himself minutely as he remembers something.
“‘M sorry,” he manages, tucking his face into Kakashi’s neck. Kakashi turns his head, a questioning look in his eye, before the knot thickens and breeches the barrier marking his virginity.
“Ah!” Kakashi gasps, eyes widening. His lips tighten into a thin line, and his hand flies up, gripping Obito’s forearm hard.
Obito frowns, feeling horribly guilty. He kisses Kakashi’s temple, nuzzling the side of his face and pulling his free arm up to run his broad, calloused hand over Kakashi’s forehead, gliding it into his strands of spiky silver hair. The distress vanishes instantly, and Kakashi relaxes again against his body, tipping his head into the touch. Obito obliges the silent request, smoothing his hand over Kakashi’s head again and again, until he hears the omega’s breathing even out, having fallen into a much needed sleep.
Obito stares at him a moment longer, marveling at the sight of him, and tiredly strokes a finger over the little beauty mark dotting Kakashi’s chin. Then, Obito closes his own eye, too, and he jumps a little as a sudden wave of pleasure hits him, his knot still pumping Kakashi full. Right then, Obito doesn't think about the possible consequences. A quick glance down shows him Kakashi's cock twitching hard in unison. He lets out a long, shaky breath, and closes his eye again.
They’re definitely not finished.
more porn to come (unintentional - oops lol)
--ill probably edit the fuck out of this later- if you're curious about the mission kakashi says what it was back in chapter 1
--i know you're supposed to just not italicize emphasized words when you're italicizing a sentence but it just doesnt have the same oomph visually to me so im being incorrect i just felt the need to make it clear i know that thats wrong lmao
--i have no real idea why in every kakaobi abo fic obito smells like cinnamon i can only think that it's because of the candy but i love that so im doing it too
-- this is the first time i've ever written porn - 10 years of reading fanfic has led to this day. !!!please be gentle with me!!! but yknow what im a little proud
--this was NOT a normal heat - kakashi is NOT an epically bottomy-bottom, i repeat: this was NOT normal
----a lot of the a/b/o "science" is stuff i just made up or some stuff is just common fanfic a/b/o ideas but some of the science is derived from other fics, which i will always reference. particularly the two parts where omega bodies naturally loosen (which makes sense, and would be the case if a/b/o was legit) and that there's still a hymen-like barrier even when it's a male omega - that is directly from the SUBLIMELY GORGEOUS and VERY famous fanfic "celestial navigation" which is stevetony abo and if you're in the marvel fandom and ship it ///r e a d !!! i t////
--this doesn't rly matter but in case anyone’s wondering what was used on Kaka wasn’t a poison which is why there wasn't a test for it in the kit. what the Kiri nin did was take a medical substance used to increase fertility, and weaponized it by dramatically increasing its potency (and it’s specifically designed for other Anbu bc of the intense suppressants so if they hit an alpha or omega they'd go fucking nuts from the switch)
--ALSO (in case anyone’s wondering) in this U alphas can’t knot from masturbating, or if they have a certain preference and have sex with other alphas or betas, it’s a hormonal thing and it only can happen with (and therefor they can only conceive with) omegas
--btw there ARE sexualities in this AU - just because these boys are an alpha and an omega it doesnt make it signed sealed delivered - obito has only ever been attracted to FEMALE omegas, and kakashi only ever to MALE alphas (namely, obito) but that will not be a major plot point
oh also in canon Kakashi is gay bye im right
Obito honestly has no idea how many times it’s been, and looking up at Kakashi’s flushed, gorgeous face, head lolled back, plush, swollen mouth letting out hot pants of ecstasy, he couldn’t care less.
They are shinobi, and thus, they fuck like champions. But as Obito pistons his hips upward, he’s gasping in desperate gulps of air, his body only capable of movement at this point because it needs to be. He needs this; his hands holding those pale muscled thighs, bruised from his grip, the omega’s slick skin rubbing deliciously against his own, the tight heat gripping him that’s become his anchor to reality.
Obito lets out a long, ragged groan when he feels the heavenly - or hellish - pleasure rising and his knot begins to grow again.
Kakashi is moaning and writhing like a wild thing in his lap, shakily trying to shove himself down onto Obito’s thrusts that are given so fast and hard that all the omega can really do is hold on for dear life, hands gripping Obito’s shoulders so hard he’s leaving marks of his own on the alpha. Obito pounds up impossibly faster as his orgasm creeps up on him, releasing the omega’s thighs and circling his torso, wrapping around him and hauling him down as he drives up, desperately trying to get deeper.
He plants his feet, tilts his hips and - ah, there we go, he dazedly thinks, marveling once more at the sight of Kakashi coming; it’s like art, the way his body goes taut in Obito’s arms before shaking apart, his pale, lovely face contorted with mindless pleasure, with blissed-out, rapturous sounds spilling from his pink lips.
Obito moans loudly from both the feeling of Kakashi’s come sliding between their abdomens as they undulate wildly, and from the way Kakashi’s grip turns just shy of agonizing as he lets loose a sob as he continues to come - it’s so intense it looks almost agonizing - his nails raking red lines across the alpha’s shoulders that burn deliciously, drawing a hiss from Obito.
He keeps Kakashi crushed to his chest with one arm, the other moving to grab one of his ass cheeks, squeezing and using the grip to keep pushing him roughly down onto his thick girth, and he comes deep inside him. Kakashi screams as his knot swells and fills him to the brink, locking them together. Another spurt of his come shoots out between them as it locks, Obito pumping him full of his seed. He shoves his hips up roughly three times in quick succession, just to watch the overstimulated omega writhe and howl as Obito tries to get his knot even deeper.
They’re filthy, covered in sweat, slick and come, but Obito loves it in an animalistic way; being surrounded by the evidence of their coupling, their mixed scents drenched in the smell of sex.
Obito finally stills, and Kakashi shudders in the aftermath and goes limp, his cock twitching one last time, then it falls to his thigh, spent. He lists forward and leans against Obito’s broad chest, panting harshly against him. Obito curves his neck at an awkward angle to look down. The younger ninja looks downright unholy, and in desperate need of rest. He can’t help but lick his lips as his eye locks on Kakashi’s mating gland - his teeth hurt, and he’s quickly forgetting why he’s restraining himself, why he hasn’t marked this gorgeous being as his.
But a mewl from the omega pulls his gaze away - Kakashi's nuzzling him, wanting attention. The alpha hums a soothing sound, scooting down the bed and lying back, Kakashi settled on top of him, stuck to his lap for the time being, with his quivering legs hugging Obito’s hips. Kakashi whimpers a little, overstimulated, when Obito's movement shifts the knot inside him, his hands tightening on Obito’s bruised and bloodied shoulders. Obito just gathers him closer, gently angling Kakashi’s face to his scent gland. He moves one hand to the small of the omega’s back, rubbing there comfortingly, while the other wraps around his slim shoulders, fingers ghosting over the pale, untouched flesh, grinding his teeth as a whine tries to break free. He lets out a low growl, burying his face and hand in silver hair. Kakashi purrs contently.
No, I can’t, he viciously reminds himself. But something in him growls, why not?
It, predictably, goes to hell.
It happens when Obito has Kakashi on his back, holding himself up on his forearms with the omega’s pale legs wrapped high around his hips as he thrusts into him - slow, deep, and hard. His eye never leaves the younger man’s face. And, despite the vicious heat that’s overtaken him, Kakashi’s never once leave his. His hands keep Obito close, buried in his black hair, and they only stop drinking each other in to bend that slightest bit forward and kiss, tying themselves together in that way, as well.
Obito wraps an arm under Kakashi’s back, tilting his slim hips up and drawing a loud, hoarse cry from him as his cock thrusts mercilessly against his prostate with every stroke. His other hand hitches the omega’s leg higher up, letting him pound in deeper as he leans in and captures the beautiful young man’s lips in a devouring kiss. Kakashi moans into it, his arms locking around Obito’s broad shoulders and whining wordless pleas into his mouth that the alpha fully understands, driving in harder.
Obito bends down as he begins to shake apart, nearing his end, and on one long, rough thrust Kakashi lets out a drawn out, gorgeous moan, bending up and pouring the sound and the ones that follow into a kiss. He releases him as Obito angles his hips to attack that place inside him, throwing his head back on the bed and crying out brokenly with every precise thrust. Obito can’t look away.
Kakashi looks back up, and he meets Obito’s crimson gaze, holding it, and his Sharingan spins to life in time with the Uchiha’s.
A different tension fills the air, wrapping around them both as their bodies begin to move faster, both becoming feverishly desperate. They slam together, a counter to the tender, nearly reverent, looks on both their faces. The intensity of the emotions in their matching eyes leaves them both reeling, all remaining thought lost to them, while their eyes speak of a thousand lifetimes worth of promises; exchanged, accepted and unbreakable.
Kakashi’s eyes suddenly fill with tears, and not of pleasure like the ones he’s spilled so liberally throughout their coupling. As he bares down to meet Obito’s frenzied thrusts - and it isn’t about pleasure, now, he just needs to be closer to him - his back bows off the bed entirely, seconds away from his orgasm - but he needs something.
Kakashi stares up at the alpha, the look in his eyes stealing Obito’s breath away, and bares his pale neck to him. The alpha dips forward, inhaling that electric summer storm scent of him, frantically looking back and forth from that spot, that’s tortured him with want, to the omega’s expression. It’s all over with Kakashi’s whispered plea.
And just like that, Obito comes, grinding his knot into Kakashi, and that bliss isn’t anything compared to the wave of indescribable euphoria that crashes over him when he gives the omega what he really wants.
Obito bites down on Kakashi’s neck, teeth sinking deep into his mating gland, marking him as his.
The next time Obito wakes up, he knows it’s over.
He swears his heart stops when he opens his eye, the back of Kakashi’s head greeting him. His arms are wrapped around him, and - trembling - he extracts them carefully. He shivers when he pulls away, his skin sticky with a copious amount of come and slick. He startles as Kakashi shifts minutely, making a small, disgruntled noise, and Obito relaxes slightly when his friend goes still and quiet again.
Are they still friends, after all that? The question feels like a sledgehammer to the chest, and Obito tries to breathe through the pain, scooting away from Kakashi’s very naked body to lie on his back, hands gripping the filthy sheets as he stares up at the ceiling.
And his mind betrays him, just like it did however long ago - hours? Days?
It all hits him in a rush, his kekkei genkai showing it all in vivid detail within his mind; the feeling of Kakashi’s mouth on his, his slick skin, being inside him, knotting him -
Obito goes cold, breath coming faster.
He marked him. He mated him.
He begins to hyperventilate, and finally grows brave enough to look over at Kakashi.
The omega is sprawled on his side still, and his hair is parted to the side, giving Obito a horribly unimpeded look at the bite mark on Kakashi’s pale neck, dried blood surrounding it.
The mark that binds them as one, for all their lives.
What have I done?
The potent smell of their mingled scents, the smell of heat and sex saturates the room, and Obito finds he doesn’t mind it as much as he should - finds that he likes it. And gods, that frightens him.
He jerks when he feels the mattress shift, and looks over at - at his mate.
Kakashi is still facing away from him, but Obito sees a trembling hand rise and tentatively touch the bloody mating bite. He visibly shudders, and Obito’s breath stalls in his lungs, stomach turning in fear as Kakashi rolls over to face him.
That’s when it happens.
Kakashi’s emotions hit him all once, like a tidal wave that sweeps Obito away, he feels so much and it leaves him gasping for breath. He had no idea Kakashi could feel like this, and his shock and the force of it all leaves him entirely unable to understand a single part of it. Obito clutches his chest as it swells with it all, overwhelming him.
“S - stop,” he rasps, nearly snarls, and it’s stupid, Kakashi can’t stop feeling -
But it just...stops. Suddenly, there’s nothing.
Obito is left feeling suddenly bereft, cold, and confused, and he looks at Kakashi, who stares back at him with wide eyes - eyes that Obito has learned to read through these many years - that still do nothing to betray anything in his mind or heart.
Kakashi just...isn’t feeling. He feels nothing. There’s just nothing.
Kakashi blinks twice, his eyes only showing his intelligent mind returning to him fully, and he quietly whispers,
Kakashi didn't bite him back.
Obito feels numb, and he can’t tell if that is coming from his own heart or Kakashi’s, but he doesn’t feel like he knows much of anything anymore.
His skin feels painfully tight, and he busies himself by picking up Kakashi’s clothes strewn across his apartment - deliberately taking as long as possible, trying to meditate as he does it to get his heart rate under control - and then walks back to the bedroom. He looks around the room, at everything but Kakashi. He looks at the clock and notes the time. They've missed Kushina's birthday dinner. For a moment, he forgets what has happened, and turns to inform Kakashi, then the words die in his mouth as he - remembers.
Kakashi is underneath the filthy comforter, pulled up to his nose and hiding his face from view. Obito swallows hard. He hands Kakashi’s clothes to him wordlessly, and nods in response to Kakashi’s quiet thanks. As Obito turns away, he sees that Kakashi puts his mask on first.
Of course he puts his mask on, but it feels like Kakashi is rescinding his trust. Obito can’t help the pain that shoots through him, thinking he’ll never see that face again.
Obito doesn’t want to be a coward, so he doesn’t leave again, or flee to the relative safety of the bathroom like he so desperately wants to. He tries to seem calm, and not give away how this charged quiet is suffocating him in a way that feels nearly physical. Obito dazedly realizes he's still naked and picks his own pants up off the floor, hastily slipping them on. He hears Kakashi slide out of bed.
Kakashi lets out a pained yelp, Obito spins around and dives forward as Kakashi’s knees buckle. The omega waves him off, flushing a deep red as he steadies himself. He rigidly gathers himself and stands straight, but his jaw clenches, his hands tightening into fists at his sides, showing the pain it causes him. Obito has to stop himself from flinching as he feels a sudden, sharp spike of shame through the bond.
Obito feels his own wave of shame that comes with the sudden lurch in his stomach, heat and horror sinking low into his gut in precisely equal amounts as he stares at the many, many bruises and bites littered across Kakashi's pale skin. He forces himself to tear his eyes away, the unwanted arousal fading, leaving only remorse and sadness as Kakashi's heartbreaking feelings stretch across the bond to him, that Obito can do nothing to soothe away.
It hurts, because if it weren’t for this catastrophe, Obito would have been able to scream and holler until Kakashi accepted himself as an omega.
But no, that’s not something Obito can do.
“I’m fine,” the younger man assures him, the most he’s spoken since they woke up. Kakashi’s voice is hoarse, and Obito can still hear his screams of ecstasy ringing in his ears.
The alpha bites his lip, feeling equal parts horrified - absolutely disgusted with himself - for being the cause of Kakashi’s terribly weakened state, and perversely relieved to have felt that spark of humiliation, to see the mortified blush on his friend’s face; grateful for the barest flicker of emotion. He can’t even focus on what the bond entails, the seriousness of it, too confused and disturbed by what he’s sensing through it.
“Yeah, okay,” Obito replies, blushing hard, too, as Kakashi moves around, his steps careful and pained. Obito involuntarily remembers - sees - the wildly hard way he -
No. No, no.
Obito refocuses on the task at hand, turning to give Kakashi privacy as he finishes dressing, putting on the first shirt he sees.
Soon enough, Obito is experiencing what is the most torturously uncomfortable moment of his life, as Kakashi opens his bedroom window to leave. They're both giving off extremely telling scents, and Kakashi cannot be caught in such a state; smelling fresh off a heat and reeking of sex. And - lovely, Obito thinks, unable to stop himself from taking a discreet, shaky breath, inhaling that incredible electric scent one last time, and he loathes himself, loathes his nature, for it.
Obito knows better than to offer his shower. He did, however, offer to teleport the other jōnin home, but Kakashi had calmly declined, electing to shunshin. But he silently accepted one of Obito’s shirts - with obvious discomfort - when the alpha hesitantly pointed out that it would maybe help to disguise any incriminating smells.
Kakashi gives him a leisurely, two-fingered salute. His left eye is closed - Obito couldn't find his hitai-ate - and his dark eye is half-lidded like always, and his body language exudes that typical lazy carelessness of his. He looks perfectly normal. From what he's sensed through the bond, Obito can't help but wonder how much of it is real. Not just now, but all the time.
This isn’t uncomfortable, this is devastating.
Obito feels something crack between them, a sliver of Kakashi’s feelings coming through the unsettling void.
He’s hollowed out, and there are flickers of a pain so sharp that Obito can hardly bear it. And he doesn’t understand it at all. It doesn’t feel like betrayal like Obito would expect - it’s not that kind of hurt.
It’s a deep ache, one that feels like a bottomless pit in how fathomless it is, one Obito feels through him in his own heart. A kind of - Obito can't even say pain, for that feels far too weak to describe it. What he feels nearly brings him to his knees. And he just...doesn’t know what it means.
Kakashi turns away, climbing up on the windowsill with more caution than usual.
Obito can’t leave it like this.
“I - Kakashi,” Obito says, fidgeting in place from his rising anxiety, but more from that - that depthless ache that’s pouring out of his best friend.
Gods, he hopes he’s still his best friend. If this is the end, Obito knows he won’t survive it. He simply wouldn’t know how to live in that world.
It’s made worse when Kakashi turns back to him. His dark grey eye is emotionless in a way that reminds Obito far too much of Kakashi so many years ago. Back when he was the little boy haunting the playground, waiting for the ghost who left him behind.
“Are - are you gonna see a doctor?” Obito blurts, frightened - he can't lose him, he can't - and made clumsy by it. He hasn’t even thought about that, and it’s so far from what he’s trying to say that he wants to hit himself.
Then he wants to throw himself off a cliff when a fresh burst of self-loathing widens the crack in that slowly crumbling barrier Kakashi has somehow built inside himself. Obito opens his mouth to take it back somehow, apologize, but he can’t find the words. Kakashi looks at him in a way that betrays nothing, but his eyebrow twitches. It’s one of the microscopic ways he shows emotion when he's actively trying not to, and it's always been one of the ways Obito can tell when he’s angry. But Kakashi doesn’t feel angry, not even a little bit.
That sickly thing inside Obito whispers to him, winding its cancerous thoughts into his bones,
Do we know him at all?
“Of course not,” Kakashi replies flatly. Obito nearly jumps, thinking Kakashi somehow heard it, and for a moment he's sure his heart has literally split in two. But bonds don't transfer thoughts, and even if they did, he remembers this is one-sided. Because Kakashi didn’t bite him back.
Of course he didn’t. He never wanted you. He never wanted this. And in your weakness you’ve caged him, it reminds him.
Obito slips a hand into his pocket, digging a nail deep into his palm, drawing blood. The pain drags him out of his head and forces him to focus on this critically important moment.
Obito processes the real meaning of Kakashi’s words and he swallows hard, averting his gaze. His embarrassment completely drowns out that voice, and he feels like a massive idiot. Of course Kakashi can’t simply stroll into the hospital and ask for the typical cautionary pills. It would ruin his life.
“There are herbs,” Kakashi continues, voice clipped. The bond is impossibly blank again. Perfectly, horribly empty. “I’ll handle it.”
Obito nods silently, feeling sick. He’s unsure of how he put Kakashi in such a frightening headspace - unsure how anyone could affect a person the way Obito seems to be affecting Kakashi. Could it really be just from this?
Just from this, it repeats, cruelly amused. This has destroyed everything.
Obito swallows hard, tucking his other hand into his pocket to hide how they’re both shaking. He’s being crushed by it all; this horrible thing Obito has done to Kakashi, he feels so ashamed, disgusted with himself, he hates himself with a passion, and beneath all of that he still feels dizzy from the utter impossibility of the past fifteen hours.
It doesn’t feel...wrong, though. Not exactly. Not wrong in the way Obito has too-often defined the word.
Obito knows and feels the truth in this, knows this is part of his world - he has done his very best to remove reality from his vocabulary - and he doesn’t feel that old visceral need to kick and scream and fight against it.
But his world has been changed forever, Obito feels that in his bones.
“Can you - can we not tell Minato-sensei and Kushina?” he says, and it’s still not what he wants to fucking say.
He can’t even meet his best friend’s eye. His best friend, who can read his heart with a glance, who makes him smile when they leave the shadows and return home bloody, when it feels as though Obito is walking on corpses with every step he takes.
Obito feels like a cowardly child. But he’s just so horrified. He’s spiraling down into a deep, dark place, and he needs somewhere to land, something - someone - to hang onto.
He took advantage of his best friend, shackled Kakashi to him - for always - in a moment of unforgivable weakness. He’s destroyed everything. Destroyed any dreams of love Kakashi may have had. Kakashi must hate him. He should hate him.
“I don’t know how I would face them,” Obito can't help but murmur, trying with all his might not to imagine how Minato and Kushina would look at him. But that doesn’t matter now - not when Kakashi is looking at him with the dead eyes of a stranger.
He swallows hard, and forces himself to be a goddamn man and say what he really means.
“Kakashi, I - I just feel so guilty. I feel sick with it. What happened - it was so wrong,” Obito rasps, hoping and praying Kakashi can hear the deep sorrow and nearly crippling regret in his words.
Obito almost falls over when a shock of overwhelming pain shoots through him. It’s almost physical in its strength, like he’s being carved open with a dull blade. It’s there and gone so fast Obito is almost sure he’s imagined it. He looks at the omega, his eye wide, but in contrast to the nearly unbearable pain that sliced through him, there’s not a hint of it - of anything - on Kakashi’s face.
“Yes, I understand,” Kakashi says, in the far away voice Obito has only heard when Kakashi walks away from a lifeless body with his arm drenched in blood. Spiritless, numb.
It takes Obito a long moment to gather himself enough to speak, still reeling from the cutting agony, and wonders how Kakashi is doing it. He can’t even fathom speaking so calmly right now - his brain feels as if it’s been knocked around by the overpowering force of it.
“Do - do you promise?” Obito manages, weakly.
If Kakashi understood, Obito would know. Wouldn’t he? He would feel it. He's supposed to feel it, that’s what everyone says about mating bonds. Or some emotion would break over Kakashi’s face, he would see it in his eye, or it would at least show in his body language. Then Obito would better understand - that’s how he’s always understood what Kakashi feels, thinks, and means, in those rare times he pulls away, out of reach. But Obito is floating adrift, all ways of comprehending Kakashi in this moment utterly useless.
And that can’t happen, not now. Or ever. He didn’t think this was possible; not knowing Kakashi, who he thought he knew better than himself.
He needs to know how to talk to him right now. He needs Kakashi to know how fiercely he wants to take it back, how much he hates himself for doing this to him. Obito needs his friend to - to do what?
Obito needs him to come back.
That fits perfectly, Obito thinks, as he stares into Kakashi’s eye. It's dull, devoid of anything, distant in a way the alpha doesn’t recognize, hasn’t ever seen on Kakashi’s face no matter how bad things have gotten. It’s as if he’s gone somewhere so far away that Obito will never be able to touch it, never even see it.
Obito hates himself with such an intense passion that his eye blurs with tears. This is so unreal, so horrible. How could he do this? How could he do this when he would never do this -
“I promise,” Kakashi replies quietly, not looking at him.
Obito has no idea what to say. He doesn’t believe him. Kakashi is a good liar, Obito knows, and the knowledge has never sat well with him. But Kakashi doesn’t lie to him, not ever. Even years ago, before they were the way they are, Kakashi had never been quite so impossible to understand.
Gods, this bond intertwines their souls, and the emptiness of Kakashi’s in this moment makes Obito feel so utterly powerless in a way nothing else has ever managed to accomplish. He can’t lose Kakashi - he can’t. But with every word Obito speaks Kakashi feels farther away.
“Okay,” Obito chokes out, feeling so, so helpless. But he won’t push him. He doesn’t deserve Kakashi’s answers and, right now, he doesn’t know how to get them, even if he did. “Yeah, okay.”
Kakashi nods briskly, business-like, and turns back to the window.
“Hey, Kakashi,” Obito says, feeling desperate and frightened, as Kakashi moves to climb up. He looks over with one of his bored expressions, and Obito’s gut clenches. “We’ll…figure this out, okay? We’ll fix this.”
The blankness suddenly becomes something much sharper, but still just as emotionless. No, even more so.
Instead of the feeling from before, like staring into the endless, grey void of Kamui, it feels as though he’s looking down at a lake, the water so dark it looks black and bottomless. Perfectly reflective, with nothing to see within it. It’s like Kakashi Hatake has simply gone away, leaving just his body behind.
Obito watches as Kakashi smiles at him. Obito knows what Kakashi’s infuriatingly fake smiles look like. This one directed at him looks so real.
As the alpha is enveloped by the depthless void of his friend’s mind, looking at this familiar smile, he’s…terrified. He has to look away.
He thought that smile was real.
Obito is stricken with grief, and doesn’t process that Kakashi has gone until he hears the window shut behind him. Kakashi has vanished by the time Obito looks out, leaving the Uchiha alone with his spiraling thoughts.
How can Kakashi do that? He just - shut down. All that Obito felt was that crippling pain that nearly made him wretch, and Kakashi so easily cloaked it behind a vast wall of empty space where his heart should be. Somehow he shut both himself and Obito out, and that should be impossible.
Obito doesn’t understand how a person can just...turn off their heart, close off their soul, and he wouldn’t believe it if he hadn’t felt Kakashi do so. Like he was protecting himself.
Protecting himself from Obito.
Obito’s self-hatred grows and grows until he can’t contain it. He can’t - won’t hurt himself, but he hasn’t been so close to doing so in years.
Instead, Obito snarls and grabs the first object his hand reaches, hurling it into the wall. Glass shatters, he doesn’t even know what it was, and he just keeps destroying everything he touches - destroys them like he’s destroyed his and Kakashi’s friendship, their very lives - and he lashes out with his body when his hands finds nothing.
There’s nothing - nothing left.
Nothing that matters like Kakashi does.
Kakashi, who is everything.
Obito can’t forget the hollow feeling in his chest, Kakashi’s soul reaching out to his and showing him what’s inside; and there was nothing to see.
That nothing spoke of a kind of pain far worse than the ragged, sharp agony Obito had felt for that split second. A kind of pain he didn’t think one human being could inflict upon another, and it was Obito who did that to Kakashi.
His fist finds a wall, and he hammers into it until he feels his bones creak in protest, and keeps going, punching and kicking and growling.
He comes back to himself a while later sitting on the floor of his kitchen, destruction surrounding him; there's massive holes in every wall, glass in his feet and his palms. His knuckles are raw and bleeding. Three of his fingers are broken. His cheeks are wet.
The only thing Obito knows, in this moment, is that if he loses Kakashi it will break him. He has survived impossible things, and he knows he could not survive that.
Obito thinks of Kakashi’s emptiness, all the while his Sharingan spins wildly out of control, playing back the glorious, beautiful moments from the past day as Obito’s mind drags him down into a dark place.
Obito remembers Kakashi smiling against his lips, and he doesn’t know why, but underneath the suffering, his chest fills with something different. Something brighter.
Obito has never felt so lost.
Across the village, Kakashi cries and cries.
note the new tag: when you're codependent but not telepathic and it shows
Kakashi is the master of dissociation (it fucking wrecks me on the daily)
some people asked if the bond only works in close proximity, and yes that’s how it works - think of it as working in the exact same way as scents.
if you want maybe go back and skim minato & kakashi's convo and see just exactly how horrible kakashi is to himself
also if it's not obvious the "cautionary pills" Obito refers to are morning after pills
And no one’s asked but yes they fucking missed Kushina’s goddamn birthday party, this is like 2 am. Yo & They got crazy for like 15 hours (heats usually last about 3 days in this U but this wasn't normal, it just ended when the drug was out of Kakashi’s system, as did Obito’s triggered rut when his by-then-mate wasn’t in heat anymore) so they are both very dehydrated but the horrified adrenaline is keeping them from like fainting. For once the fuckin ninja gods took pity on them tho and Kushina didn’t send Minato looking for them bc he said Kakashi seemed rly out of it during the mission report - but he just thought he was like unimaginably tired like physically but also like emotional exhaustion, but Kakashi *was* (sob) doing better so they gave him space.
Basically Kakashi was given a pass and left alone and Kushina was like so so so ready to kill Obito (who I hc as ADHD - like me :D !!! - and is both late to things and easily distracted and sometimes just forgets to show up) that Minato just like kept producing presents to distract her and save their dumb eldest son by going to the bathroom and teleporting out to buy her more stuff.
Also none of this is gonna be in future chapters no spoilers but I want to lighten the Tragic Mood.
This edit is June 18th!! I have like 1kish of the next like 5 chapters written but I’m not satisfied with the next but it’s almost done I swear I haven’t abandoned this!
If anyone noticed I did take a few lines from Obito’s words to Kakashi when Kakashi was straddling him (never forget) and gave him his speech, and a lot of Obito’s less than healthy dialogue or thoughts are direct quotes from the series
Also damn fuck - thank you all so much for the absolutely lovely comments I thrive off validation fuck yeah