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Our Place Somewhere

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“You can’t be Kurt,” Blaine said decisively, when the pair of boys sat down in his dorm room. He was not going to believe that Kurt was a real person. He already thought he was insane for having the same recurring dream for the past eleven years. He reached out and touched Kurt’s hand, trying to see if it was real. Kurt withdrew his hand immediately. “Kurt doesn’t exist!”

“You can say that all you’d like, but I am,” Kurt said calmly. Blaine realized immediately that it was forceful calm, the kind of calm that he saw on Kurt’s face when he was anything but. He knew Kurt way too well for this. He couldn’t know Kurt. He felt like he was going to throw up. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t right.

He swallowed heavily, looked down and then back at Blaine. “Blaine, what did you do when I told you my mother had cancer?”

“I compared it to my aunt’s struggles with breast cancer then woke up and looked up everything I could about cancer so that I could help my best friend.”

Kurt looked ready to cry.

Kurt didn’t realize that his mommy was even sick at first. He just knew that she laid in bed a lot and was starting to get really, really thin. In order for Kurt to realize just how sick his mother was, he had to be told by his father.  His dad wrapped his arms around Kurt and spoke slowly. Kurt knew that when Daddy spoke slowly, that meant something was wrong and he was trying to figure stuff out. He knew that when Daddy hadn’t figured things out then the worst had happened. “Kurt,” he said softly. “I just wanted to let you know that your mom is going to be very sick and tired when she comes back from the hospital tomorrow. I don’t want it to scare you, but the medicines the doctors are giving her are going to make her sick before she can get better.”

“Why?” Kurt asked. As far as he knew, medicine was supposed to make a person feel better. When he got sick and his mom or dad gave him medicine it always made him feel better. Sometimes it made him feel a little tired but not sick. Medicine shouldn’t make someone sick if it was good medicine. That was the only way to think about it.  “Is it bad medicine? Are the doctors gonna hurt her?”

“No Kurt,” his father said soft, holding him tightly. “Your mother has cancer and the medicines the doctors are going to have to give her are very strong. They’re just harsh and they’ll hurt her a little bit but I promise you that they’re going to get rid of the bad stuff inside of her and make her better than ever. Your mommy will be stronger than ever.”

“Okay, daddy.” Kurt then considered his father’s words and spoke again. “How can I help her?”

“Trust me Kurt,” the man said softly. “You help your mom just by being here. You give her a reason and you make her so, so happy. When your mommy comes back from the hospital, you’re going to have to give her a lot of quiet and a lot of love.”

That Kurt could do, but he needed Blaine in order to feel better, safer. He had seen his father’s worry, even though he didn’t quite understand it then. He had not known that the cancer was deadly and could take her life. He had never imagined that kind of risk for his mommy. He had gone to Blaine and their safe place that night. Blaine looked tired and was sitting on a bench but seemed to know that his best friend was hurting. He didn’t even have to ask the question to Kurt. It was in his eyes.

 “My mommy’s sick,” he told Blaine. Blaine was a nice person and never made fun of Kurt even though he was a big boy and still called his parents mommy and daddy. Blaine was also the smartest boy ever so he figured that if Blaine thought he was okay then he was okay. “She has cancer.”

Blaine’s eyes got wide and obviously he understood the disease much better than his best friend did. Kurt frowned and then hugged Blaine tightly. Blaine hugged him back and held him really, really tightly. “What is that?” Kurt asked. “Do you know? I don’t understand it. Daddy says that mommy’s medicines are gonna make her sick. I don’t want her to get sick and don’t really get how medicine’s ‘sposed to make you better if it makes you sick.”

“I don’t really know,” Blaine admitted. “My auntie had cancer a long, long time ago when I was a baby but she’s better now. She always wears pink clothes and goes to these big parties that are really loud because she used to have it.”

“Oh.”

“It went away though. I’m sure your mommy’s will too. I’ll look it up for you in my daddy’s big doctor books.”

“Thank you Blaine!”

Blaine had really gone home and looked up all he could for Kurt. He didn’t understand the big words though and pretty much had to give up. He had been so worried about Kurt and his mommy’s cancer that he had not even told Kurt that his mom was going to get a divorce from his dad. He had to be the bigger kid, the stronger kid, and help Kurt, not the other way around. Plus, just playing in the park with Kurt made him feel less scared of the divorce.

A few days later, Kurt and Blaine found themselves in their special place again but it wasn’t Kurt who was in pain. The chemotherapy had made his mom sick and tired like his daddy had predicted, but she smiled and promised Kurt she was getting better so he relaxed. Blaine however didn’t look happy at all.

“What’s wrong Blaine?” he asked, going to sit down under the tree. He didn’t feel much like playing when Blaine was sad.

Blaine sat down with him. “My mommy and daddy are getting’ a divorce,” he said softly. “I don’t even really get it.”

“I don’t know what that means…”

“It means my daddy’s gonna go live in another house,” he said softly. “It’s okay I guess but it makes me kinda sad. It means that they’re not gonna fight anymore. It means that the yellin’ won’t be there right?”

“Why are you sad then?”

Blaine shifted and shrunk down, raising his shoulders a little bit. “I don’t wanna live in two different houses,” he mumbled. “I have to go to my dad’s house in two weeks to spend time or whatever that means. I’m scared. Mom says that means I’ll get a new bedroom and stuff so I can have two but I only want more. She says they both love me so I…yeah, they love me and it’s not my fault and a buncha weird stuff.”

Kurt didn’t know how to be much comfort. He sat with his hands in his lap.

Blaine smiled a little bit. “How’s your mom Kurt?”

“Better.”

“Good.”

“Wanna play hide and seek?” Kurt asked giggling softly. He didn’t know how to make Blaine better except for hugs and hide and seek. Hugs, because he knew hugs were comforting to people and hide and seek because it was Blaine’s favorite game of all. “I’ll even let you be the finder if you want to.”

“Sounds good.”

It was a pretty quick game of hide and seek because honestly, Kurt was a better seeker than he was a hider. Blaine found him under the slide and practically tackled him to the ground. The boys giggled and talked until they woke up.

“Okay so it’s you,” Kurt whispered, tears in his eyes. “It’s you Blaine. What’s was your favorite game?”

“Hide and seek,” Blaine mumbled. “But I was a better hider than you.”

Kurt launched forward and wrapped his arms around Blaine. He didn’t even care that they had technically never met. This was his best friend and he had always needed and loved him. “You’re real, you’re here…you’re really, really here.”

Blaine swallowed. “Kurt, is that bully real?”

Kurt looked up from the tight hug and nodded.