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Our Place Somewhere

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"It's getting worse and worse," Kurt admitted, looking up and right into the eyes of the boy he had always cared so much for. "Karofsky is one thing, of course. He seems to have taken a personal vendetta against me in the last four months or so but there's always someone bullying me; there is always someone hurting me because I'm gay." Kurt closed his eyes and honestly could not believe that he was confessing all of his deep secrets to this boy. He then, of course, realized that he had told Blaine any and everything and started crying.

"I feel like a fool," he said as the tears began falling with no stopping them. He wiped his eyes and tried to stop crying but god, the dam had burst. He had been trying so hard to be strong but the bullying at school was just getting worse and worse and there was nothing he could do to make it better.”I'm s-sorry Blaine, I just can't stop crying."

"Kurt, I've been with you through the worst," Blaine said and when Kurt looked up he realized that there were tears in Blaine's big eyes too. "The divorce, bullies, your mom's death..."

Kurt's eyes widened as he remembered the way Blaine held him through the night when his mom passed away. He was only eight.

Kurt got off the school bus to find that something was very wrong. Where there were usually only two cars parked in the driveway in front of his house, there were now too many. They were everywhere: on the driveway, in the street and even on the front lawn next to his mother's wilting garden. He walked up to the house, confusion written all over his face. He was immediately captured by the tight grip of his Auntie Ella's arms. "What's goin on?" he asked, trying to squirm out of her tight grip. When did Auntie Ella get so strong?

"Kurtie," she said softly, using the nickname he had begged her to stop using. "Kurtie, your mom has passed away. I’m so sorry baby.”

Kurt didn’t understand what that meant. He looked up and saw that his aunt’s eyes were full of tears and shook his head. “I don’t…where’s Dad? I need Dad right now, okay?” He looked around and realized that there were way too many people at his house. People didn’t come over unless his parents were having a party. This wasn’t right. He didn’t understand what she was saying.

“Burt’s not here,” she said softly. “He has to make arrangements Kurt and he’s…he’ll be back very soon, I promise.”

“I need Dad…or, or Mom, please. I need Mom.”

“Oh sweetheart,” she said, leaning over and pulling him into another tight hold. He kicked her legs and tried to get away but she wasn’t letting go of him. “I’m so sorry Kurt. Your mom fought her sickness for a very long time, but I promise you she’s in a better place now. She’s not suffering at all anymore and that’s good, right? Your mom doesn’t have to be in pain or tired anymore. She’s with the angels now.”

“She’s not dead! Daddy said she was gonna get better.”

 

There were people looking at him now. He recognized some of them. There was his really fat Uncle Bill and his grandma and his cousin Kim. He shook his head and tugged at his aunt’s hand. “I really need daddy now.”

That night his aunt put him to bed, whispering things that didn’t make much sense. She told him that God was protecting his mom now and kept telling him over and over that she wasn’t hurting anymore. She kept telling him that his mom loved him but if she loved him then she wouldn’t want to be in any stupid heaven, she would want to be where Kurt was. She told Kurt once that she would always do her best to be where he was.

He cried. He couldn’t stop crying and eventually covered himself up with his blankets and breathed deeply, trying to make the crying stop. His mom had always hated it when he cried and maybe if he stopped crying she would come back. He breathed in and out and somehow he must have eventually fell asleep because he was with Blaine again when he opened his eyes next, not tucked underneath layers and layers of blankets.

Blaine looked back at him with a deep, sad look. It was as though Blaine knew something was wrong. He rushed up to Kurt and pulled him into a hug. Unlike all the adults that kept trying to hug him, Kurt accepted Blaine’s hug. Blaine was barely bigger than he was and Blaine understood.

But, then again, did Blaine really understand? He had told him that his mother was going to get better. Blaine’s auntie had cancer and she got better. Kurt pushed Blaine away with a large shove, even though Blaine was a little bit bigger than he was. “You lied!” he wailed. “You lied and said my mom would get better! She’s dead! She died and she’s with stupid angels and my daddy’s not home and everything is all messed up.”

Blaine looked at him and Kurt swore that in Blaine’s big brown eyes, he saw that the other boy was scared of him. “I’m sorry Kurt,” Blaine said. “I thought she would. I didn’t know…”

Kurt gave up. He didn’t want to be mad at Blaine. Blaine was only nine, not a genius. He launched himself at Blaine and held him as tightly as he could. Blaine looked confused and mumbled quiet words that were kind of like his aunts. Kurt pressed himself close to Blaine. He didn’t remember that much but he knew Blaine held onto him all the time.

Kurt wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “You know that I never would have survived the weeks after my mom died if it wasn’t for you being there,” Kurt muttered. “My dad was beyond lost. He was grieving so hard. It wasn’t until I was a teenager that I realized how close to the edge he was. My family was tossing me back and forth until the funeral, and then my dad was empty until we had this moment of realization.”

Kurt shook his head. “My greatest comfort was knowing I could always come back to you.”

Blaine smiled a genuine, bright smile. “I promise, Kurt, that I am going to help you with this bullying situation,” he said, laying his hand on the top of Kurt’s. “You helped me with my bullies afterall when I was like eleven, right?”

“I did.”