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do you feel like a young god?

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April 23, 2019


8:00 AM


What can I give to someone that already has pretty much everything? is the first thought that runs through Jaemin’s mind the moment he wakes up.


What can he offer that Jeno can’t have with the simple snap of his fingers?


He spent almost an hour of rolling around in his bed, unconsciously waking up a very much sleep-deprived Mark Lee.


You see Mark Lee was sweet, so so sweet, that Jaemin immediately feels terrible for waking him up after only three hours of sleep.


The said boy rubs sleepily at his eyes, and Jaemin wants nothing but to pinch his cheek and coo, but his internal baby talking was interrupted by his roommate’s grunt. “What is it, Nana?”


And his predicament immediately crumbles back down to him. It’s not that he has nothing planned for Jeno’s birthday, because he has. He just wants it to be extra special; he just needs a little kick.


Jaemin groans in response, dragging an unfortunate pillow up to his chest and squeezing it with all his heart, hastily replying, “It’s Jeno’s birthday and I wanted to do something really really special for him but so far all I’ve got is surprising him with food I cooked and chocolate cake.”


Mark squints at him, perhaps trying to make out his facial expressions, “Isn’t that already really really special? I’m not just saying this because I’m your friend. I’m saying it because it’s true. I’d marry the food you cook if I could.”


The younger boy makes a face and presses a palm against his chest, truly touched, “Aww Mark, you’re gonna make me cry.”


Mark Lee rolls his eyes, muttering “shut up,” but follows it with a light chuckle.


The younger sighs, “Seriously though, I always cook for him. And you know what he got me for my birthday right? I just— sometimes I feel like— what if— it’s not enough— what if—”


The elder suddenly sits up from the bed across the room, roughly pulling the covers from his body. He faces the younger and places his feet on the ground.


Crossing his arms, he says, “Is it really the gifts you’re worried about, Nana? Or is it you? Because I’m all for you giving your everything to make Jeno happy on his day, but not for that reason.”


Jaemin pouts, heat rising to his cheeks but cold traveling from his wrist to the tips of his fingers. sadness, with a little bit of shame.


When he says nothing, Mark sighs, “We’ve talked about this before. Sure Jeno could have someone older or even someone from his line of work. But he chose you. He’s not being forced to do this, Nana. I don’t think Jeno’s the type of guy who could be forced into anything.”


Mark tilts his head, continuing, “If anything, he’s the one who could be doing the forcing on others. I don’t know. Anyway. What I’m saying is, you’re amazing, Jaem. And Jeno’s like, completely nuts for you. You could give him a garbage bag for his birthday and he’d treasure it for the rest of his life.”


Jaemin was about to cry, he truly, truly, loved Mark Lee.


Standing up, the older separates the distance between them, sits on the edge of the younger’s mattress. “Just don’t go too overboard. Maybe just do a little something for him. Maybe you can draw him or something, except besides buildings and machines, you can’t really draw for shit,” Mark ignores the slap on his thigh, humming, “Why don’t you sing? Or dance? I think he’d be the type to like—"


The older doesn’t get to finish his sentence when Jaemin suddenly sits ups so fastly, the older was afraid he’d get whiplash.


Grabbing the elder’s shoulders with both hands and shaking them vigorously, the younger exclaims, “Mark, you genius!”


“I am?”


“Yes!” Jaemin shouts, eyes bright and smile even brighter, “What would I do without you?”


He kisses the older on his cheekbone once, and Mark doesn’t even have time to pretend he hates it when the younger starts rummaging through his drawer for his phone. Mark never really got why he kept it there.


The thing about Jeno is, good as he is with his knives and guns and money and people, he’s not very good at hiding his emotions when it comes to Jaemin.


Jaemin has seen it. The way Jeno looked at him when the younger showed him tapes from his old dancing competitions, from ballet to hip hop. He’s heard the rasp of Jeno’s voice when the older watched him perform a contemporary piece in the university concert just a few months ago. Felt it. How Jeno caressed his hands, his shoulders, his back, his waist, on one of his “company” balls. The way Jeno held him, touched him, grabbed him, when they went dancing in one of Jeno’s clubs under the younger’s request.


Jeno was absolutely taken with how he danced. And Jaemin was about to give him a show he’s never expected.


After a while of excited tapping on his phone and a little bit of waiting, Jaemin presses the device to his ear and asks, “Hey Hyuck, what do I have to give you in return for ordering me a pole and sneaking it into Jeno’s mansion?



5:00 PM


“Yukhei just texted me, Boss is on his way.” Renjun says, over his shoulder, as he was polishing his beloved knives after using it to cut the cute little washy tapes.


Jaemin squealed, eyes widening. He takes one last look around the kitchen, assessing if everything was on its rightful place. The cake looked good and all the food was readily set on the counter. Okay.


“Don’t worry, Nana.” Chenle starts, patting the younger’s head. “You’re gonna do great.”


The college boy exhales so deeply, before saying, “Thank you so much, guys. For sneaking me in and helping me prepare everything.”


Chenle grins widely, and Jaemin is immediately infected, “It’s all good bud, just… casually tell Boss about that raise we were talking about.”


The younger laughs, “You could just ask him yourself, you know. He wouldn’t say no to you. But still, thanks again,” He says one more time, this time glancing at Renjun’s back. “I promise I’ll convince him to give you a raise and to tell Jeno to let Renjun be more violent. I promise.”



7:00 PM


The moment Jeno enters the mansion, Renjun and Chenle were long gone. Donghyuck had already given specific orders to all the house helpers to leave.


It was just Jeno and he.


Jeno enters the room, regal, as he always was. He stands tall in a handsome black suit and white inner shirt. Jaemin wonders how someone can look so amazing in such a simple outfit.


Pet,” was the first word he utters, immediately closing the distance between them in the living room, “What are you doing here?”


He stops in front of the younger, immediately holding his delicate face between his hands. He instantly takes notice of the surprising fact that the younger is covered in a huge maroon blazer that is definitely Jeno’s. He smirks, “Gone through my closet?”


Jaemin smiles, leans up to press one small kiss against the corner of the elder’s lips, before saying, “I have a surprise for you.”


The younger grins at him, bright and beautiful, as he always was, and drags him to the central place by the hand.


Jeno lets him, willingly amusing the younger.


The older takes note of the dim light of the room, and the pole right at the center. His eyes scan the decorations, the roses and the pieces of cloth, his baby prepared all for him.


Jaemin sits him down in one of his velvet sofas. “Happy birthday, Jen.” The younger whispers, pressing one more kiss to his lips and sneaking one to his neck.


“Just relax,” he says, pretty smile still on his face, as he unbuttons the first three buttons of Jeno’s inner shirt, “and watch.”


He moves away from his lover, and presses a little button on the black speakers just a few feet away from the pole.


The first few notes of the song begin, and the melody is familiar. He lets the hum of the music seep inside his bones.


He removes Jeno’s blazer from his body and smiles slightly at the elder’s loud exhale.


He sits on the cold tiles, legs extended. relaxed. Then he extends his arms outwards and moves his head, in time with the music.


He says, "ooh, baby girl, you know we're gonna be legends

I'm a king and you're a queen and we will stumble through heaven


He looks at Jeno while gradually standing up. on his knees first, then on his toes. Softly, he whispers, “I hope you like this one, my love.”


Jaemin walks, slowly, gracefully, decreasing the distance between him and the pole.


If there's a light at the end, it's just the sun in your eyes

I know you wanna go to heaven, but you're human tonight"


He circles the pole, touching it. first with just the tips of his fingers, then with his palm.


Beautiful cannot even begin to cover how Jaemin looks right now, the older man thinks. His lover stands there, black shorts tight around his thighs. The golden glitter scattered around his skin, from his ankles up to the hem of the black material, even some on his neck and temple, shimmered under the dim light.


And I've been sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool

For a while now, drowning my thoughts out with the sounds


The white shirt Jaemin was wearing was huge and almost transparent. The sequins adorning his shirt glinted under the dim light, as if winking at the older man. It was tied up to his neck, but so loosely that a lot of his chest was exposed.


In one movement, the dancer lifts himself up from the ground, with only the two of his hands on the pole. He angles his head up, baring his neck.


Jeno wanted to devour him.


But do you feel like a young god?

You know the two of us are just young gods


Jaemin places a strong foot against the pole, as one of his hands let go. He lifts his other leg, slowly, slowly, until his foot is above his head, angled outwards. Then he spins and spins and spins around the cold metal.


And we'll be flying through the streets with the people underneath

And they're running, running, running


The younger stops once his foot reaches the ground, then he lowers the other. He circles the pole, once, twice, before hooking one leg around the pole.


The way his leg is hooked around the pole presses his skin together, and makes it turn pink just the tiniest bit. Jeno gulps almost unconsciously.


Jaemin reaches above his head, elegantly bringing his body upwards.


But do you feel like a young god?

You know the two of us are just young gods


Then he unhooks his legs, and to Jeno’s surprise, makes a complete revolution with his body, sideways. His arms and legs acting almost like a wheel.


Jeno wants to laugh, which is already a miracle in itself. Jeno thinks, Jaemin was too busy looking at me like I was capable of anything impossible yet here he was doing this.


And we'll be flying through the streets with the people underneath

And they're running, running, running again


Jaemin brings himself down only to hold the pole with one hand, then gracefully lowers one hand to the floor and invert his body. His legs traveling over his head for a split second, then he’s standing upright on the ground again.


He lifts his arms above his head, closing his eyes. He draws unseen paintings with his wrists, his fingertips, his palms. He moves with the music and mouths the words.


He says, "Oh, baby girl, don't get cut on my edges

I'm the king of everything and oh, my tongue is a weapon

There's a light in the crack that's separating your thighs


Each move he makes, the more powerful Jaemin feels. Each flutter of the eyelash, each blink, the deeper the pierce of the elder’s intense eyes. He opens his eyes and holds Jeno’s gaze for one second, two, three. Then he pushes his hips towards the pole. Lets his thighs touch the cold metal. once, twice.


And if you wanna go to heaven, you should fuck me tonight"


If he could bottle the look in Jeno’s face, he would. He’d place it inside the finest jar and carry it across the entirety of the Earth just so he could prove to everyone that no one in the whole world will ever look at anyone the way Jeno looks at him.


Jaemin breathes it in, and smiles.


And I've been sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool

For a while now, drowning my thoughts out with the sounds


He circles the pole once more, like a predator calming down his prey, before he eats it.


But do you feel like a young god?

You know the two of us are just young gods


He makes a fast grab of the cold metal, lifting his feet off the ground.


Jaemin lets a heavy breath out as he try to maintain a vertical body position. Then, carefully, he moves one leg up then down. Then the other, up and down. As if he was walking on air.


And we'll be flying through the streets with the people underneath

And they're running, running, running


No, Jeno thinks, flying. Jaemin was flying.


Jeno was right, Jaemin is his angel.


But do you feel like a young god?

You know the two of us are just young gods


Then for the last time, Jaemin lands softly on his feet. He stands still for a moment, still mouthing the lyrics of the song with he slight open of his lips.


Then he starts moving, slowly closing the distance between him and his lover. Jeno doesn’t take his eyes off him for a second and it feels like a challenge. Jaemin would gladly accept.


And we'll be flying through the streets with the people underneath

And they're running, running, running again


With the soft hum of the closing of the song, Jaemin places himself between the elder’s spread legs, asking, lowly, “Did you like it?”


And Jeno answers, hands traveling to his hips, the rasp the younger loves so much in his voice, “I loved it, pet.”


He gently nudges the youngers thighs apart with his knees, and then not so gently drags the younger to sit on his lap, making him gasp.


Looks like it.” Jaemin breathes out and when he gets himself comfortable on top of the older, he adds, “Feels like it too.”


Jeno rubs gentle circles from his neck, down to his shoulders, his arms, his palms, his hips, then resting at his waist. “All this for me, pet?”


“Just for you.” The younger smiles, sweet and innocent. “Happy birthday, Jen.” Then he leans down, hands falling down on the elder’s shoulders, pressing a soft kiss to Jeno’s lips.


The younger was about to pull away but the elder prevented him from doing so, instead he pulls him closer, completely wrapping his arms around the younger’s waist.


The older kisses him. Gentle, but only at first.


The older man was absolutely taken with how Jaemin danced.


Jaemin is seeing it now. The way Jeno looks at him before he leans in for a deeper, longer, harsher kiss. He hears the rasp of Jeno’s voice when the older presses his lips to his ear, saying, lowly, “Thank you, Jamie. For everything.


He feels it now, as he runs his fingers through his lover’s hair. How Jeno caresses his hands, his shoulders, how he slides his hands lower from his back, down to his waist, to his hips, then lower. lower.


He feels it. The heat of Jeno’s palms as the older holds him, touches him, grabs him.


Jeno buries his face in the younger’s neck. Pressing kisses, licking, biting. All over. Again and again.


The older pulls away for a second, before moving forward and pressing their foreheads together.


He doesn’t say the words for now, but he shows it. Jeno presses his lips against the tip of Jaemin’s nose. His lips. His cheek. His eyebrow. His chin. His forehead. Softly. All over. Again and again.


Jaemin doesn’t ask him to stop, and he doesn’t.



10:00 PM


When it’s all over and done with, when they’ve eaten all the food Jaemin has prepared and placed the leftover cake in the refrigerator, they find themselves locked in a moment that’s far too familiar, far too comforting, to ever let go.


They lay there on the older man’s bed, Jaemin’s head resting on the elder’s chest, palms caressing his bare torso, in one of the elder’s old shirts. And Jeno basks in all of it, in just a pair of simple grey sweatpants. He runs his fingers through the younger’s hair and draws mindless shapes all over the younger’s smooth back.


“How’d you do all this?” Jeno whispers to his temple.


The college boy smiles, bright and playful, “Let’s just say I got a little help.”


He lets out a little laugh and then continues, “The dancing part was Mark’s idea. I bought the chocolate cake from Mr. Jung’s bakery, and basically cooked everything else… Aaaand, I promised not to tell but could you—I don’t know—maybe... give Chenle a raise and let Renjun get away with more,” Jaemin coughs, “violence. Also, can you maybe, give Hyuck a day off this Tuesday? He deserves it.”


Jeno chuckles, “They set you up for this?”


Jaemin pouts, “Well, yeah. But they were really really sweet about it, and I was really worried earlier but they all helped me— Just don’t be mad at them, please."


The younger looks up at his lover only to see that he was already looking down at him. They hold each other’s gazes for a while before Jeno speaks, “Not mad, baby.”


Jaemin lifts a single hand up to touch Jeno’s cheek in a soft caress. Always gentle.


“I just wanted to make you happy.”


“You always make me happy, pet.” The older say, serious. He looks at Jaemin like he’s a wonder. For Jeno, maybe he truly is.


Jaemin just stares at him as he continues, “I don’t know how you do it.”


“Do what?” The younger asks.


This time, Jeno says the words, “Make me love you so much.”