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So I Look for the Sun

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So I look for the sun

            that will shine on us again.

 

 

He aimed for the head this time, but it was too late. He cut off the titan’s head, yet nothing returned. The Asgardian King strode far into a golden field bathing under yellow sunlight, searching for a figure that should be here already because they had finally won. Thor searched with hands blindly grabbed each grass and unknown plants, checking for the only thing that would confirm him that they did win.

 

But rocks were rocks, plants were plants,

 

and they did not win.

 

 

You can be more.

 

“Then I made him a liar.” Thor chucked down another bottle of strong beverage his people had been trying to perfect it to Asgardian rum with earth’s materials. “He left it to me, to make that a promised that is fulfilled. I let it become another lie instead.”

 

“Your brother never needed your help to be anything, Thor.” Brunnhilde’s calm voice was there behind him just like the comforting palm that laid on the large back. Her voices was too soft, too quiet, even Thor’s gritting teeth took much more place in this small cabin.

 

“He already chose to be more.”

 

But even the know-it-all magician seemed unaware that the only thing to be more than the wise was being the fool.

 

 

Thor stopped being anything. He was just there, enjoying brewed beer and company of Korg and Miek because they did not look at him like they expected him to be more than their loud friend who could threaten Midgardian teenagers. Some of the days, when Korg’s game was not loud enough, Thor heard people living outside his cabin. He heard the sound of ocean wave, even the coldness in the air had its noise.

 

It was surrealistic, to perceive so many noises but none of it communicated, none of it insulted him, none taunted him, none showed off that it knew him for so long.

 

 

I thought the world of you.

 

He threw Strombreaker as fast as he could from the edge of a cliff.

 

It came back, just like Mjolnir.

 

The lack of persistence, though, made him restless.

 

 

If even the most stubborn person his long life had ever known would not come back, how else he could bring anything he lost back?

 

There was no gain, only pain, digging deeper and deeper until even the pain itself became hollow.

 

 

You really are the worst brother!

 

He let his hair grow back. He could not careless. He stopped training, stopped talking to people outside the cabin. He drank without care what mead brew flowing down his throat. He let all hard muscles people admired so much go. His body felt heavy, good, so it would help pinning down his empty heart.

 

Korg fought with a young boy through some kind of game again, Thor dealt with it. He put out his best threatening voice.

 

When he listened to what the other at the end of the line had to say, it was never a smooth voice with smart words packing tons of sarcasm to get back at him. No twisted reveal he had been waiting for.

 

Thor could not careless when the voice coming through a microphone swore to call a police or asked to convert to whatever religion Thor represented.

 

It was useless with no thing aiming for the head.

 

 

The measure of a person is how well they succeed at being who they are.

 

His mother hugged him so tight Thor could feel the shape of his soul. Every single pieces touched by the light of Asgard back in its gold and bright time.

 

Every piece was a mirror reflecting each piece next to it, showing endless him who was a fool that would forever believe those words.

 

 

The sun will shine on us again.

 

I promise you, brother,