doyoung was never really good with feelings. they were confusing and distracting that's it. he never understood cheesy cliche romance movies with the same recycled love story. that's of course until he met jaehyun. at first, he thought it's just a dumb crush that'll pass quickly, he was insanely pretty after all, but there's no way he has a good personality too. not too long after, jaehyun asked him out and doyoung realized he was very wrong.
doyoung anxiously bounced his leg, waiting for jaehyun to pick him up. he lay awake all night worrying about their date. he's never done this before, what if he messes up? he really likes jaehyun, but hasn't watched enough dumb romance movies to even know what a date should look like. he hoped jaehyun was experienced. suddenly he heard a knock.
they went to a small cozy caffè, the soft smell of coffee making doyoung feel at ease. they talked for hours and doyoung found that jaehyun's a pretty artistic person. he goes to a music academy and aspires to become a singer one day. doyoung promised he'll attend his first concert and jaehyun just giggled in response. doyoung's heart fluttered a bit... he was the reason of that laugh, the prettiest thing he's ever heard. he tried to ignore it, but the feeling just grew as their date continued. at one point, it was time for doyoung to leave, he promised his best friend he'll watch his dog, but before that, jaehyun had one last thing planned for today. they went to their local bookstore. doyoung has always loved bookstores, so his happiness was unimaginable. he decided he'll buy one book, to remind him of this day. so he picked one out randomly, it looked pretty interesting, but it wasn't about the books today. jaehyun looked over at him then lowered his gaze towards the book he was holding. he smirked and mentioned it's one of his favorites. for some reason, doyoung blushed, now he just has to buy it. they left right after and jaehyun followed doyoung home, casually slipping his hand into his, like it's nothing, yet doyoung just died a bit inside.
they've been together for a little over a year. doyoung's never been happier, dating wasn't that bad after all, especially when you're dating your soulmate. jaehyun helped him understand the concept of love and everything good that comes with it. it's like he could see colors he couldn't before. he felt like he could give him the world if he asked. it was all pretty cliche, but he was too in love to care. jaehyun made him happy and was there to hold him when things weren't going well. he cared about him and would do anything for him. but most importantly he would listen to his nerdy rants when no one else would. they went to those typical couple dates like stargazing, aquarium dates and such. doyoung was loving it. and whenever he heard jaehyun sing, he just fell deeper in love, if that was even possible. he looked so focused, yet relaxed and just... ethereal. doyoung was in awe of how perfect jaehyun was.
one night, they planned to go to their friends' party, but doyoung got pretty sick. jaehyun insisted on staying, but doyoung shooed him out the door saying how he deserves to relax and have fun after working so hard. so he went...
doyoung was in the middle of watching a disney movie, a childhood habit, it was something he did every time he got sick, when his phone started blowing up. he quickly picked it up, but it was just jaehyun saying he missed him. doyoung smiled softly, but his face dropped when more messages started pouring in. jaehyun was clearly drunk. doyoung sent a few worried messages asking him if he's okay and if he needed someone to pick him up, but no answer followed. doyoung quickly jumped out of bed, the realization of how late it was hitting him. he decided not to bother any of his friends, so he hurriedly flew out the door and into his car. he got there pretty quickly, having to go over the speed limit, as his anxiety grew. he realized the place was absolutely packed as he tried to find jaehyun, bumping into random people, trying not to cause a fight. his eyes started filling with tears, thinking what could've happened to jaehyun, but he tried to brush it off, he had to focus on finding him first. finally, he found someone familiar, haechan. doyoung quickly explained what's going on with a shaking voice. haechan, still confused, told him he saw jaehyun going upstairs not too long ago, and before he finished the sentence, doyoung was already running up the stairs. he stumbled a few times, letting the fever get the best of him, but he got there eventually. he figured knocking was unnecessary so he just started busting into every room there was, hoping to find jaehyun passed out or something. and when he busted open the last door, he was there. but he wasn't alone. doyoung's eyes grew wide as it hit him. their eyes met both realizing what happened and their worlds fell apart. doyoung couldn't stand it anymore and just ran out, jaehyun's distant voice calling him. he ran and ran until he couldn't feel anymore.
"so....", "so?", "what are we gonna do?", jaehyun asked in hopes of hearing what he wanted. "... i don't know", the shorter one exhaled. jaehyun lowered his gaze and bit his cheek, trying to stop himself from saying something that would worsen the situation. so they stood in silence, the cold night breeze messing with their hair and sounds of busy cars muffled in the distance.... but none of them even noticed it. they were too caught up in their own thoughts, looking over the city lights, focused on what happened not too long ago.
"i'm sorry i ran away from you.. i should've stayed and talked it out", doyoung said, disappointment written all over him. "it's okay. i'm the one who ruined everything...", jaehyun replied hoping he'll deny it, but no answer followed.
"maybe i should go", doyoung sighed, his voice so thin, it seemed like he'll start crying in no time. "no wait!", jaehyun grabbed his arm pulling him close, "you can't leave me!" "let me go!", doyoung pushed him away, "i'll never be able to look at you the same way!", tears started flowing down his face, body shaking, both from being upset and cold. he'll never be able to forgive him.
"please! im so sorry, it didn't mean anything! i still lov-" "stop!! i don't wanna hear it! you've ruined everything!", doyoung cried out, "i have to go." and with that he, yet again, ran away, leaving jaehyun sobbing, wishing he wasn't the reason of doyoung's tears. but it was too late.
weird how we were only in there once, for like 15 minutes, yet the bookstore still reminds me of you. i went there today. it was oddly quiet, yet calming. until i saw the book i bought that day... i picked it out, cause i caught you looking at it, guessing you liked it. i still haven't read it, afraid that when i finish it, the one last thing i have of you, will be gone...
and then i saw you all the way across the room, in the thriller section, your favorite. you caught my eye rather quickly. i mean how could i not recognize your little snoopy backpack. you still take it everywhere. i've honestly never met someone as cute and precious as you. then suddenly i remembered the feeling of your soft hands in my hair and the taste of your lips on mine. and how amused you were every time we went stargazing. and the way you still keep your childhood habits. and how excited you were when we moved in together, us holding hands while picking out decorations in ikea together. and then, your face when you saw me at that party...i'll never forger it. i could see your heart shattering into pieces through your eyes with disappointment and sadness filling them instead.
you looked so focused, picking out books, your fingers softly trailing across different titles when your hand suddenly stopped. it was the book you bought that day. but you brushed it off, quickly turning around to avoid looking at it, i guess it still brings back memories. then you saw me standing there, motionless. your eyes widened as you took a deep breath in to calm yourself, thinking you're only imagining it. but it was real and the realization of how you said you never wanna see me again hit me. and i ran out, eyes full of tears, not looking back. like you did when you left me.