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Androids and Wet Socks

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Years in the future but not many.

Dirk had quit his job and worked on restoring perfectly good androids. Ones that were only thrown away because their owners got bored or there was a 'newer, better' model out. Androids that needed a second start.

Hal had quit his job as well. He negotiated with his 'creators', demanding they just replace him with a different model or he'd go out and confess about all of his feelings and altercations. The company quickly replaced him and let Hal go. He now helped Dirk in restoring abandoned androids and spent his days with his lover.


But now, they were at their lovely beach house. It was their first time visiting, despite having it for over a year now. Dirk just never found time to go there, always swamped in work but.. it was their anniversary today and Hal insisted on finally visiting.


The place was a bit dusty, only had a few cobwebs but it was still pretty clean. It was a lot cleaner than Dirks apartment and it had a beautiful view of the ocean. Dave had managed to score some privately owned land right on the beach and Dirk couldn't fucking wait to swim in the ocean.

Speaking of Dirk, he was currently laying down in bed, completely exhausted from their long ride there. He wasn't even the one who drove but he still felt ridiculously tired after spending most of the day in the car. He wanted nothing more than to fall into a deep sleep and wake up in the middle of the ocean where he belonged…. At least, that's what he thought he wanted until he heard his boyfriend's sweet and enticing voice calling to him.


Dirk peeked over at the entrance of their huge bedroom and saw his boyfriend standing there, completely naked, holding a box that Dirk just knew was full of dildos and toys. There was no way it wasn't.

"Hal. What do you have there?" Dirk asked despite knowing the answer, trying to also convey how sleepy he was through his tone of voice alone.

"Sex toys!" Hal responded cheerfully and set the box down before going over to the bed and sitting right next to Dirk. "I thought we could finally have some fun together since it's just us here and it's our anniversary." Hal cooed to him, gently rubbing his back.

Hal was a temptress. That bastard knew how much Dirk wanted to bone and really just fuck all day long. They hadn't really gone at it.. ever. Every single time they fucked, it lasted a few minutes and they went right back to work. Hal always tried tempting him into taking a whole week off just to fuck but Dirk always had too much work to do and he was always too tired to do anything once he didn't have work to do. But they had the whole house to themselves..


"Alright, let's do it. But take it slow, I'm really tired and I kinda just want to relax." Dirk said and rolled over, hugging his boyfriend's waist. Dirk loved the fact Hal didn't need any sort of sexual stimulation. Hal didn't experience sexual needs or feelings, he only ever wanted to be close to Dirk and make him happy… and completely wreck him.


Hal grinned and gently played with Dirks hair, watching him curl up. "Then I'll start by stretching out your legs and back, I'm sure they need it. You just relax darling and I'll take care of you." Hal purred, turning down the lights with his weird android brain.

Dirk closed his eyes, completely trusting Hal and let him do whatever he wanted as he felt Hal's warm hands gently move Dirks body around like he was a doll, moving him onto his back and slowly taking his clothes off. Shoes, socks, pants, underwear, shirt then shades. Everything came off slowly and carefully, Hal's touches featherlight and almost teasing in a way. The android left small kisses around his thighs, stomach and chest as he took the garments off, like he was trying to warm Dirk up to the soon to be hot and loving touches. Dirk wouldn't be surprised if that's what he was doing.

Dirk kept his eyes closed the whole time, letting Hal do whatever the fuck he wanted. He soon felt his legs being pushed towards his chest, Hal gently rubbing his sore calves while he stretched Dirks legs.

"Hal, you really don't have to stretch my legs for me.." Dirk mumbled quietly, slowly opening his eyes so he didn't end up falling asleep. The lights were dim and Hal was the main source of light, his LED circle glowing a lovely orange while his eyes glowed a faint red. 

"I know darling, I want to. I enjoy helping you." His lover said quietly, letting Dirks legs slowly go back down. "How's your back feel? Need me to rub it?" 

"Lying down helps. Let's just make out, I want to hold you." Dirk responded, holding his arms out to Hal. He adored the android. Years of endless devotion towards each other showed in the way they simply trusted each other.

Hal smiled, getting in between Dirks legs before leaning down and gently kissing him.

Dirk kissed back, trying to push all of his love and adoration for him into one kiss, already starting to feel a tad bit warm.

Hal rested his weight on his forearms which were on either side of Dirk's head, boxing Dirk in, in a good way. Everything just felt perfect and.. right. Like Dirk was meant to be there.

The thought makes Dirks whole body relax and just melt underneath Hal which seemed to satisfy said android who was now smiling against Dirks mouth.

"Hal…." Dirk whispered into the kiss before deepening it, inhaling sharply when Hal's crotch pressed against Dirks, the sudden stimulation kind of startling him but he quickly relaxed again when he remembered that this was just Hal. Hal wasn't going to ever do anything bad to him. Also, the fact that Hal didn't have a dick kinda helped. The stimulation wasn't quite as intense.

Dirk moved his head to the side, breathing deep as Hal turned his attention to his lovers neck, lightly nipping and sucking at it. The action reminded Dirk that Hal could easily just sink his teeth into his neck and just rip his vocal cords out or just kill him so easily..

Just thinking about Hal made Dirk flustered. Hal could easily kill Dirk in an instant, he could just pin Dirk down and rip him apart slowly, Hal could stab him 24 times in the chest then fuck his body as the life slowly drained out of him.. Somehow, all of these thoughts just got Dirk even more aroused. Hal's design was a work of art and the feeling of Hal being able to so easily overpower him just choosing not to just sent shivers down Dirks spine which could easily be broken by a mere shift in Hal's weight. Hal was so unbelievably strong and powerful, the fact he loved Dirk and only Dirk was astounding and arousing.

"Hal.." Dirk whispered, humming quietly when said android lightly nibbled on his neck. "You're so beautiful." Dirk whispered, feeling zero shame in admitting how beautiful he found Hal.

"So are you, my darling. I could just lock you away in here forever, letting not a soul see you besides me. Let you wear only my clothes, fucking you all day and night, taking care of you every waking moment when I'm not completely wrecking you.. That's what I would love to do if it wouldn't completely crush you're fragile psyche." Hal whispered back, lightly grinding down on him, making Dirk moan quietly.

"You know I'd let you. I wouldn't put up a fight at all. I'd let you do whatever you wanted with me."

Hal inhaled shakily and chuckled darkly, gently kissing Dirks neck. "Don't tempt me, darling." He whispered before sitting up and grabbing Dirks thighs, massaging them gently before both hands moved down to Dirks hips.

Dirk watched his lover closely, feeling completely and utterly in love with him. "I love you. Happy anniversary." Dirk whispered, sitting up so he could kiss Hal again. He loved him, adored him even. Dirk knew Hal would never actually lock him away and Hal knew that Dirk wouldn't go so willingly.

Dirk kissed Hal gently, wrapping his arms around his shoulders loosely so he could keep himself up. Hal was so ridiculously strong. He could probably just throw Dirk off the bed and fuck him right into the ground, probably breaking said ground in the process. Dirk wouldn't even care if that happened.

Hal pulled away from the kiss and kissed Dirks cheek to keep him from whining. "I'll grab the vibrator you like, you just lay back and relax. I want you to let me do all of the work." Hal whispered, gently pushing Dirk back onto the bed. "You're so beautiful. Ethereal. You look.. stunning. I'm torn between showing you off and keeping you all to myself. What would people say, Dirky? What would people say if they found out that Dirk Strider is this fucking beautiful. I'm sure people would send thousands of dollars just to see more. For you to even acknowledge them. Billionaires would beg you and go into poverty just to see you bat your pretty eyelashes for them. I'd have to be by your side constantly so someone didn't come and steal you away from me. Women would be distraught that you didn't like them, men would start wars over you, non-binary folks would beg and beg for you to pass them a glance. But no one would earn your attention because you'll be too busy letting me love you." Hal whispered, letting his hips grind against Dirks the entire time he praised him.

Dirk felt himself starting to get hard and couldn't contain the pout that bubbled up when Hal got up and left the bed to go grab the vibrator.

"Hal, please hurry, I want to feel you against me." Dirk called out to him, watching him dig through their box of toys to find the right one. Hal soon came back, the toy attached to a lovely plate right where Hal's dick would be if he had one. Every time they do this, Dirk can't help but thank himself for installing a way for Hal to attach certain toys to himself.

"You're so beautiful. Your design is beyond amazing, you're so strong and powerful.. it's a complete wonder why they didn't immediately keep you to themselves. If anyone saw you like this, they'd steal you away for themselves just to study you and worship you." Dirk whispered to him, starting to shiver as he thought about how easily Hal could just snap his neck and kill him. Why did Dirk get so turned on by the complete imbalance of power and strength? Was it the feeling of helplessness? Dirk pushed the questions aside and spread his legs for Hal, grabbing the lube from under his pillow. He knew they'd fuck at some point so Dirk went ahead and took the initiative to hide various small bottles of lube around the house to spare his future self the pain of Hal leaving him in search of the lubricant. Dirk handed said lubricant to his boyfriend. His boyfriend. His boyfriend . Even after all this time, Dirk could hardly believe that Hal stayed with him this long. He could hardly believe that Hal was still willing to tolerate all of his weird human bullshit and get nothing but unconditional love in return.

Hal took the bottle, not even questioning why it was under Dirks pillow. "When was the last time you played with yourself?" Hal asked as he dribbled some onto the vibrator. The vibrator turned on, the buzzing noise causing some Pavlovian response in his dick, making it twitch.

"This morning." Dirk replied, hoping Hal didn't notice how his dick twitched. Hal totally did but ignored it in favor of hearing Dirk talk about his morning sexcapades.

"Oh? This morning? I was with you all morning, how'd you manage that without me knowing?" Hal asked, a mischievous smirk on his face.

"I woke up first, I really needed it and um I may have got a bit intense with that exact vibrator and uh ended up crashing right after I cleaned myself up." Dirk explained, slightly embarrassed. He really shouldn't be, he's been with Hal for a long time and Hal was fully aware that Dirk masturbated.

"Awh, that's actually kind of cute to think about. You being so desperate that you can't even wait for me to get up, pumping a toy in and out of yourself, trying so desperately to stay quiet and let me rest.. You're too kind!" Hal teased, lifting Dirks legs up and resting them on his strong shoulders. "Now, since you're already familiar with this toy, I won't have to be as gentle. Remember, red means stop, yellow means slow down and green means go. If you start feeling bad and can't say words, tap out or just push me away." Hal reminded him, his voice switching quickly from sexy and sultry to 'I would die for you in a heartbeat and regret nothing'.

"I know, babe. Just remember to be gentle, I'm still kinda tired and I don't want to spend our entire time here homebound because you ended up fucking me too hard." Dirk said, adjusting himself a bit so Hal wouldn't have to support the full weight of his legs. He loved that he could just.. Relax during sexy times. There was no need to perform or go in 100%.

Hal nodded, kissing Dirks calf before reaching down and positioning himself before slowly pushing in. As always, Hal used the perfect about of lube so the beginning was smooth with zero complications. "There we go.. Look at you, so beautiful and delicate. I could just bend you in half and go at it until I felt like stopping. Maybe I'd make you cum over and over again until you begged me to stop and let you rest or maybe I'd tease you for hours on end, never letting you cum properly-"

"Babe." Dirk said sternly before chuckling lightly, rolling his eyes. "No need for dirty talk. Just hold me and, as cheesy as it is, make love with me." Dirk requested, moving his legs off of Hal's shoulders and spread them so Hal could lean down into missionary position.

Hal snorted and did what was asked of him, settling his weight back on his forearms, boxing Dirk in once again. "What are we, straight? C'mon darling, I thought we were much more kinky than this." Hal teased, kissing his neck lightly.

"Hey, maybe I want to be vanilla for our anniversary!" Dirk protested, smiling as he pulled Hal closer. "Besides.. I really want to be dumb and romantic with you. I wanna look in your eyes while you fuck me and I want to be all.. soft with you. But in the privacy of our own home cause I really don't want to get hate crimed. Like, I love you and all but I'm just not sure if I would get lynched for you." Dirk teased, wrapping his legs around Hal's waist.

Hal chuckled, kissing Dirk gently before starting to slowly thrust in and out in a sort of… loving motion. "I truly love you and I would willingly get torn apart everyday just to get a single kiss from you." Hal whispered against his lips, smiling ever so slightly.

Dirk was addicted to the feeling of love that Hal always gave him. The feeling of truly being in love, the feeling of being together and just fitting so perfectly. Not like puzzle pieces, definitely not that.. Like when you're by yourself and you start thinking about the one person you love the most and you have to hug your pillow so tight because you can barely contain how much you love them and you can't even be sad that they're not there because you can't stop thinking about all of the amazing things about them. Dirk never thought he'd ever be loved this way yet.. Here he was.

"I absolutely adore you. No language, human or otherwise, can convey just how much I love you." Dirk whispered to his lover, moaning quietly right after. It all felt so intimate and.. perfect. Hal was his best friend, Hal was his lover, Hal was a complete thorn in his side sometimes but Hal was ultimately the only one for him.

Said thorn in his side smiled, kissing the tip of his nose. "Shh.. I can hear your thoughts, they're so loud. I know you love me dear but focus on the here and now. Focus on the way my skin feels against yours, how my hips move to meet yours, how the mattress dips underneath our combined weight.. How you can smell the salt in the ocean even inside, how you can taste your snack from earlier, how you can hear the bed creaking oh so quietly.. C'mon, just focus on the moment with me. I'll make time to hear every single thought of yours later." Hal whispered against Dirks cheek, the feeling of his lips moving against the sensitive skin on his face sending Dirk back into reality and effectively grounded him.

"I'm here.." Dirk whispered back to reassure Hal, gasping quietly when the vibrations from the vibrator went up a notch. "That's perfect, don't go more than that." Dirk praised, arching his back slightly so he could try to get Hal deeper inside him.

"I've got you." Hal mumbled before pushing in deep, putting the perfect amount of pressure on Dirks prostate.

"Yes!" Dirk gasped out, biting down on his lip out of habit. He wasn't very vocal during sex, using his words to encourage his partners instead of noises. "There, holy fuck, pretty please." Dirk mumbled, his eyes rolling back while his legs lightly squeezed at Hal's sides.

"You're so beautiful, my sweet. You could convince a man to kill himself and his family if you really wanted to. Wait, fuck, that's not sexy. Um.. Well, it's true. You could out any model to shame, you'd make billions of thousands of dollars from people begging you and pleading you to just wiggle your hips a little bit. You would truly start wars over who was allowed to see you most often." Hal praised, rubbing right up against that perfect spot. Dirk felt like he was seeing stars but it was just the love of his life.

"H-Hal, please.." Dirk whispered, staring right into Hal's beautiful red eyes that bore straight into his soul.

"Please what? You need to know these things." Hal said before sighing, looking over Dirk's face appreciatively. "People would kill for the chance to see you like this.." Hal whispered, leaning down to kiss him before reaching down to lightly stroke Dirks dick, his hand still a bit slick from rubbing lube on the vibrator.

"I wish you could see yourself, darling. See you through my eyes. The way your eyelashes flutter so delicately, how your cheeks flush the most beautiful color, the way your lips look so beautifully delicious when they're whispering my name.. Truly, you are a work of art. Absolute perfection and beauty, something to admire and strive for." Hal whispered in Dirks ear as the fragile human came undone, twitching under Hal from the slight overstimulation.

Hal chuckled, slowly pulling out before he got up, grabbing a tissue so he could clean Dirk up. "We should have intimate sex more often." Hal said, knowing Dirk was almost completely out of it. The android kindly cleaned Dirk up, being gentle with his delicate, squishy and fleshy body. Hal detached the vibrator with a small 'click', turning it off before setting it on their nightstand to be cleaned later.

Dirk watched his boyfriend lazily, smiling slightly as he did so. Hal was always the best at.. Everything. He could barely imagine anyone else being this wonderful. "I love you." Dirk whispered, his smile growing when Hal laid in bed next to him for cuddles.

"I love you too." Hal whispered back, kissing him gently before wrapping his arms around Dirk. The world went to black and Dirk went into the places in between world's, shifting between the void and weird dreams.

Dirk was up and at em nearly two hours later, getting himself some water. He was wearing a big oversized hoodie that he shared with Hal along with boxers and cat socks. Since they both wore the same size clothes, they bought two hoodies that were much too big for either of them just so they could pretend they were 'stealing' the others clothes just to be cute. Really, they could barely tell who's clothes was who's now. It was nice to have designated clothes that were too big so they could wear it out in public like a sort of 'this is my boyfriend's hoodie, look at me, I took this from my boyfriend whom I love so fucking much' display. Like what straight people do.

Dirk smiled to himself as he got to thinking about Hal. About how all the times Hal tried to be adorably human. The time Hal got him flowers, the times Hal's opened doors for him, the times Hal's tried to 'steal' his clothes in an effort to look cute, all the times Hal made him breakfast in bed.. It was impossible not to be 100% in love with him. Of course, there were always rough patches. Sometimes Hal was too annoying or just too quiet or just too something and they would end up fighting for no particular reason and then they would both end up feeling horrible. The only huge fight they had was when Dirk was really.. going through it. He hadn't slept in a while and he was completely stressed out and they ended up taking a break. Not a break up but an actual break. Dirk stayed at Roxy's house for a while and got back to rationality while Hal stayed home and waited for Dirk to get back.

Dirk always felt bad about that argument. It was so stupid and dumb. He regretted it to this day but it was in the past now and Dirk already did all he could to make it up to Hal.

Dirk smiled to himself, remembering how hard they both clung to each other once Dirk got back. How Hal refused to let him go as they slept like he was terrified of Dirk leaving in the middle of the night.

They ended up spending the whole week holed up in their apartment, just cuddling and kissing.


Dirk took a sip of his water as he reminisced, glancing over at the stairs when he heard Hal descend them. "Hey babe." Dirk greeted, setting his glass cup down so he could watch his lover who walked right over to him.

"Hey." Hal responded, a big grin on his face as he wrapped his arms around Dirks waist. "You look stunning." He whispered, gently rubbing Dirks back.

"So do you." Dirk said, wrapping his arms around Hal's bare chest. Hal always enjoyed walking around with only sweatpants on.

"So. I'm thinking that I should fuck you right over the counter and leave you a trembling mess while I order some Cajun food then we end our sexcapades for the night, curl up in front of the TV and maybe watch something funny. Maybe have a few blankets, maybe a glass of wine." Hal suggested, his eyes bright and hopeful. Hal was desperate to do something domestic and romantic for their anniversary, he talked about it for hours this morning.

"That actually sounds really nice. But I swear, if you just leave me, bent over the counter post coitus when the delivery person gets here then I will be so fucking pissed at you." Dirk threatened, swaying side to side with Hal.

"I wouldn't dream of it! Can't risk some random person seeing you all sex ruffled. God, I can't wait until we find a dildo that can spurt out cum and attach to me. I'd use that so fucking often, just to see your pretty trembling thighs struggle to hold you up as my cum slowly dribble down said thighs. I'll admit, I've thought about that a lot. Fuck, I can imagine fucking you with that thing right before we go out and you having to deal with cum leaking down your thighs in a public place. Just the pure humiliation you'd feel would make me so fucking happy. You'd look so aesthetically pleasing too, with your face all red and maybe your lashes just a bit wet from shame tears." Hal rambled, clearly getting excited. "Just imagine, you bent over the counter so obediently, your ass a lovely red from me pounding away at it and my cum dripping down your thighs. You're flustered face unable to look the delivery man in the eyes when they inevitably see you. Would you wiggle your cute ass for them? Maybe tease them or, hell, even invite them to join? Or would you desperately try to hide your face in your arms but not move a single inch from your spot because your legs are just so weak?" Hal mused, pushing Dirk up against said counter. "The pure aesthetic of it all is so fucking appealing."

Dirks face was dark red by now, his vocal cords unable to work as Hal kissed his neck, sucking new red marks on his skin. The images filled his mind, making his dick gain interest as he thought about all the things they could do with a toy that could spurt out fake cum and still attach to Hal. There had to be something out there, right?

"Sometimes I wish I was human.. If I was, I'm sure I'd be an absolute beast. I don't think I'd ever not be horny. I would fuck you all the time, leaving myself completely scatterbrained from how amazing you are. I'm sure I'd be fifty percent dumber, all of my hormones forcing me to think about you and only you. I know for a fact I'd adore getting blowjobs from you. Just seeing you on your knees, sitting all pretty for me with your soft mouth open would drive me absolutely insane. I'd beg for sex all the time, unable to contain myself around you. Of course, I'd still be respectful but fuck, I'd jerk off constantly. If I was a human, I would probably propose to you right when you first got drunk around me. Right in your shower, I'd get on one knee and beg you to marry me. I'm pretty sure I'd end up in the hospital from how many times I'd have to jerk it to keep myself under control." Hal rambled, enjoying the idea of experiencing sexual wants.

"Hal! Baby, holy shit, you gotta breathe and give me a second!" Dirk said, breathless. Hal had been grinding against him this whole time, the teasing driving Dirk up the fucking wall along with all the talk.

Hal did take a deep breath, letting out an embarrassed chuckle. "Sorry, darling. I got a bit out of control there." Hal apologized, kissing Dirks cheek to earn his forgiveness.

"Fuck, Hal, I think Im gonna fucking lose it if you don't fuck me." Dirk complained, his tone slightly whiny but he was kind of confused. What came over Hal and what caused all the sudden dirty talk?

Hal kissed Dirks cheek quickly, stepping back. "I'll grab a toy, I'll be really fast!" Hal promised, quickly rushing upstairs like the devil was nipping at his heels.

Dirk was confused but way too horny to question things properly. He just slipped his underwear off and tossed it into the unknown before bending over the counter.

Hal soon returned, struggling to get the toy to attach to him with just one hand while the other held the lube, very frustrated that it just wasn't doing what he wanted. "Dirk, it won't do the thing!" He said, huffing.

Dirk chuckled and straighten up, pulling Hal over. "Relax, babe. Why are you so desperate all of a sudden?" Dirk asked, a teasing tone in his voice as he easily snapped the toy on. It was a pretty red dildo, only six inches.

"I dunno, I just really really want to pleasure you in whatever way I can. Like, it's an overwhelming need to just.. Make you happy. I've been feeling like this ever since I woke up and saw how flushed you were and it kinda all just.. Overwhelmed me when I saw you just standing in here with that hoodie and your cute boxers and those cute kitty socks." Hal said, looking like he was on the verge of pouting.

Dirk immediately got flustered, taking the bottle of lube from Hal's hand. "You're so wonderful, Hal. You know that everything you do makes me happy." Dirk whispered, pouring the lubricant into his hand before gently rubbing it onto the toy. "I love you. I love you so much. Even when you start getting way too excited and start rambling about how much you want to see me bent over." Dirk said, smiling as he lightly grinded against him before turning around and bending over the counter like Hal very much wanted.

"Sometimes I forget that I'm the luckiest android in the entire world." Hal said happily before fondling Dirks ass, clearly pleased with himself. He soon spread Dirks cheeks and pressed the tip of his toy against his entrance, teasing his partner.

"Jesus fucking dick- Hal, did you really just spend around half a fucking hour telling me how much you want to fuck me, only to tease me once you finally get the ch-" Dirk got cut off when Hal suddenly pushed in, the rest of his sentence dying in his throat and got replaced by a surprised moan.

"Sorry darling!" Hal chirped, not even stopping to let Dirk get used to it before he started thrusting into him at a slightly rough pace. Hal always did love torturing him.

"H-Hal, what the fuc-!" Dirk got cut off again by his own moan, standing on his tiptoes to get a better angle. "Ngh, yes, yes, fuck, there oh shit fuck! Next time you surprise me like this, I'm fucking decking you!" Dirk growled out, shivering when Hal hit that magical spot just right. Maybe there was one benefit to having the same sexual partner for years.

"So mean Dirky! I know you like this! I know you love it when I start out rough and not even let you get the chance to adjust. I know you love it because it gets all of those lovely sounds out of you." Hal cooed, occasionally adding a harder thrust in there for emphasis.

Dirk just moaned in response, unable to really think about things now that his entire focus was drawn to the way Hal felt inside of him. Occasionally, his own moans and curses would quiet down as he started getting used to the thrusts but then Hal would change the angle unexpectedly or suddenly bite him, catching him completely off guard which made him completely forget Hal's pattern again which, again, made him moan like a little whore, a fact that Hal loved reminding him of.

Dirk came fairly soon, Hal's hand wrapped around his cock as he got semen on the nicely painted cabinets.

"Damn! Don't worry, I'll clean that up later." Hal said, his thrusts slowing before he pulled out, giving Dirk time to come back down to Earth. "Fuck, you look absolutely amazing as per usual. Here, just relax and I'll clean everything up and order some food." Hal reassured him, kissing a forming hickey before he left to make the call, leaving Dirk to relax.

Dirk took a deep breath, his legs a bit shaky and tired from standing on his tiptoes so long while getting fucked. He sat up straight, moving slowly so he didn't end up on the floor and took a single step towards the fridge to grab an ice pack for his now sore hips but something stopped him right in his tracks.

He felt wetness slowly seep into his sock. Horrible, unknown wetness.

His fucking sock was wet and surprisingly absorbant. 

He looked down to glare at the monstrosity, feeling the rage and disgust of having a wet sock fill him. The next person that spoke to him would die.

"Okay, the delivery man should be here- Oh yikes, who spit in your face?" Hal asked, an innocent smile on his face, oblivious to his inevitable doom.

"Hal. Did you leave this puddle here?" Dirk asked coldly, glaring at the love of his life.

"Oh. Haha, yeah, I dropped an ice cube and didn't feel like picking it up. Why, you step in it or somethin'?"


The love of his life.

The only one he truly trusted and loved.

His soulmate, completely unmatched.

"I'm going to murder you." Dirk said coldly, glaring daggers at his boyfriend who just laughed.

"Oh yeah, baby doll? Bring it!" Hal happily declared, shouting with glee when Dirk tackled him to the ground. The two wrestled, their limbs tangling and the world spinning as they did so. They didn't cause any real damage to each other, maybe just some sharp pain that would die down quickly.

Dirk legitimately growled when Hal was suddenly on top and kneed his side, quickly pushing him over and got back on top, trying to grab Hal's wrist to pin him down but Hal kept avoiding his grabbing hands, poking and pinching at his sides to distract him before managing to push him off, getting back on top which just got Dirk frustrated again.

"Babe! Stop being all bitchy, it was just water!" Hal teased, laughing as Dirk yanked on his hair in retaliation for pushing him off.

"Shut the fuck up, my sock is all nasty and wet!" Dirk protested and took said sock off, throwing it at Hal's face. Hal simply caught it and smirked, quickly moving the sock towards Dirks face so he could shove it in his mouth.

Dirk squeaked and quickly tried to push Hal away, laughing with him as they fought over who got a sock shoved in their face.


Soon, they were both laying next to each other, both panting heavily. The sock had been thrown somewhere and they were still full of happy endorphins from the sudden exercise, big grins stuck on their faces.

Dirk looked over at Hal, feeling a surge of emotion rush through him. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. He didn't want anyone else, just him. He wanted the play fights, he wanted the real fights, he wanted the sex, the jokes, the cuddles, the undeniable love and appreciation towards each other.. He wanted Hal.

"Let's get married." Dirk blurted out, a huge smile on his face. He already knew the answer that was coming.

Hal just laughed and looked over at him, getting serious when he realized Dirk wasn't joking. "Wait, seriously? Like.. married married? Like, till death do we part?" Hal asked, his eyes wide.

Dirk nodded, the smile never leaving his face. "Till death do we part." He whispered, his heart still beating fast and loud in his ears. He adored this android and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him.

Hal smiled slowly, an ecstatic slowly taking over his beautiful features. "Really?" Hal asked quietly

"Really." Dirk confirmed, reaching over to hold Hal's hand

"Holy fuck, yes. Yes, yes, of fucking course yes. Let's get fucking married, holy fuck." Hal said happily, squeezing Dirks hand tightly, his face practically glowing.

Dirk was going to spend the rest of his life with the dorkiest and sexiest android to ever exist and he couldn't be happier.




"But if you ever leave a puddle in the kitchen again then I will divorce you."