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One Last Thought

Chapter Text

"What were you thinking, you filthy intolerable omega!" Chuck screamed at Castiel. Nearly unable to keep his rage in check.
Castiel didn't know what to say. He was already a disappointment to his father for being an omega but this, this what unforgivable.
"I can't believe you have done this! Destroy your families name. Just like that, is that what you wanted, to make your family suffer for your selfishness," Chuck said. "Always thinking of yourself first, and that doesn't even start on how bad I feel because my poor excuse for a son did such a horrible, intolerable act!"

"I'm so so sorry." Castiel muttered quietly because no matter what he said he knows he isn't going to get out of this punishment. Maybe this time he won't survive the first round and won't have to listen to his fathers words that hurt him so dearly.

"Sorry! Is that all you have to say, no wonder your useless, you can't even do as your told. If you did we wouldn't have been in this mess. I knew that the feelings I had when you were born were right, I should have killed you from the start." unable to respond to his fathers words he let out a quiet choked sob. He hoped his father didn't hear it, but as always  his life was never lucky.

"Crying are you. You little pathetic piece of shit, fitting right into that omega role at being over emotional at everything." Chuck said. "I'm done seeing you like this and you know what's coming so I suggest you get prepared and start moving!"

Castiel knew what was going to happen. All because of his stupid omega instincts, and having to react that way to the smell. Its not his fault that his mind went blank and his body took over, but what does he know is that everything is always his fault, and he's okay with that, because its true and he can't deny it.
When Castiel doesn't move right away, Chuck grabs him by this hair and rips him up of the ground.

"Didn't I say get a move on you piece of shit. Don't make me say it again!" Chuck growled at Castiel's face, "Move."
With the overpowering smell of pure anger and attority, Castiel practically ran to the basement stairs.

He doesn't expect Chuck to be right behind him until he turned around and ended up looking right into his eyes.

"Bitch!" Chuck screamed while slamming his fist into Castiel's stomach, "Don't ever look into an alpha's eyes. God I think you need a punishment for your little stunt at the store, and to relearn what it means to be an omega."

With that Chuck opened the basement door and shoved Castiel down it with such force that Castiel blacked out before he hit the first step.

When Castiel comes to, he was tied up to a single pillar in the back of the basement, and without any clothes to cover his body. All the scars and past marks from his punishments are easily seen in the bright light.

As soon and he realized this he freaks out. Thrashing and yanking on the chains trying to get out. He doesn't even know why his trying, he guessed its just a reflex because this isn't the first time that this has happened, and it sure won't be the last.

After what feels like hours, Castiel heard the basement door open, and saw his father walk through.

"Good your up, and here I was thinking I was gonna need to hurt you to get you to wake up," Chuck said with a hint of sadness in his voice. "Well I'm ready for this so lets start."

Castiel watched his father walk over to a little table on the back wall of the basement, and grab a long whip with three curved metal rods at the end.

He knew just how bad it will hurt if he tries to struggle so he doesn't as Chuck unchained him and fliped him so he's facing the wall with his back out in the open.

Castiel isn't even fully healed from his last beating but that's okay. He deserves this pain because he disappointed his father by being born, by being and omega, by not following rules, and by...

"Begging and alpha for his knot!" Chuck hollered, "That is the most disgusting thing I can ever be told. You didn't even tell me, I had to find out by your friend days after it happened."

"I'm sorry I won't do it again, please don't do this. I didn't mean it, please!" Castiel begged and cried out.

"Your right you wont do it again you pathetic, little, begging bitch."

"No, no, no please don't do this, please!" Castiel screamed but no matter how loud his voice rose, no matter how many apologies he said, and no matter how many times he begged God for forgiveness, his father still brought the whip down over and over.

***

Castiel woke with a start.
It was hard for him to breathe, he could hardly see, and his breaths becoming more ragged and uneven as time went on. Sweat drenching his body and he can hardly stand up.

His mind is not with him right now, and he doesn't know where he is.

"This is a panic attack, this is a panic attack, its okay, its okay, its okay." he whispers to himself.
But saying these things and believing them are two different stories. It had been six months since that happened and only one month since his father kicked him out.

He didn't blame him though, it's his fault for him being a horrible son, for being so useless and weak. "Can't even survive more than one week without becoming a mess can you. Fucking leach, always needing him to help, Unacceptable."

God why did he have to be such a mess, so unworthy of his fathers love that he feels sorry for himself.

"What are you doing, you have no right to feel anything for yourself expect anger for how you made your father's life miserable," Castiel whines, "You should just go back to him and let him beat you, you deserve it."

He can't do that, it will only cause his father more harm because he's to useless to even do anything but crawl back to him.

Why couldn't you do it yourself, his father would say, are you so much of a filthy bitch that you need me to do it for you.

It takes forever for the panic attack to finally stop, but it still doesn't completely go away. He is still at the cusp of a thought spiral, and those are never fun.

Finally, with his mind made up, he gets up from the dumpster was sleeping beside and starts looking for a piece of glass. When he can't find one he gets the next best thing, a sharp rock.

He goes back to where he was sitting beside the dumpster, slowly taking his shirt off because he doesn't deserve to have this go by fast. He picks up the rock and puts it right up to his stomach.

With all the force he can, he drags the rock across his stomach. The pain is not as strong as his fathers whip but it will work all the same.

He can't keep the tears out of his eyes because of the pain. "Why are you crying you piece of shit, huh can't take the pain. So useless its heartbreaking."

Finally after taking his time on the first line, he starts another. Then the third, fourth, and fifth.
When he finishes, his stomach is covered in blood that he can't even smell his own disgusting omega scent. There was so much pain that he deserves that he stopped counting the number of times he drug the rock across his stomach.

It wasn't enough but it would do for now.

He puts his shirt down and hisses as it goes over the cuts. Why can't he be a normal omega, be a good little house servent, but no, he had to be a disgrace.

"Pathetic." he mutters to himself as he stands. Finally looking around he sees the O.V.A. building. He always wondered what the letters mean, but he's an omega, they don't deserve to know, he doesn't deserve to know.

"Why don't you just kill yourself, that's one way to not disappoint your father." As soon as the though pops into his head his feet start moving towards the sixteen story tall building.

As he walks into the doors, he's hit with the warmth of the room. He doesn't deserve this, so why is he enjoying it, why is he standing there letting everyone see his ugly, pathetic face.

He doesn't take the elevator because its to quick, and gives him less time accept his final punishment.

Climbing the sixteen stories is hard but that's what he has to do because that's what an omega does, they do things that no one else needs to do, that no alpha should do.

Going up the stairs gives him time to say his apologies to everyone he let down. His father mostly because of him being what he is and destroying his good name. To his brother Gabriel because he had to put up with Castiel his entire life, and to his mom for killing her during an extremely horrible and painful birth.

By the time he gets there his feet ache and he can hardly stand.

When he opens the doors the cold air bits his face causing him the shut his eyes and gasp, but the cold air is not going to stop him from completing his mission. His last gift to the world.

At the edge he can see the whole south part of the city. Its bueatiful and breath taking but he has no right to enjoy it, so he looks down at the patch of land where he will finally be set free from all of it, for being a dissapointment to his father, for destroying his family name, for being an omega, and for being himself.

With all that in his mind and after appolagizing to everyone in his life, he leans forward off the edge of the building and lets go of the hand rail behind him whispering a quiet goodbye to everything around him and smiling.

Chapter Text

Dean wakes up to the sound of his phone ringing.

"Hello?" dean rasps.

"Dude where are you, works already started!" Charlie screamed into the phone.

"What, no its... 9:25, shit!" dean hung up on Charlie and quickly went to find clothes only to trip on a pillow case.

"How the hell did this get off the pillow?" Dean questions. He doesn't even have time to answer that, he needs to find his clothes. he goes to search his closet only to find it empty.

"How do I have no clean clothes, but have a random pillow case on the floor?"

Dean finds a pair of light, brown khakis on the floor next to his nightstand with a lonely lamp sitting on it. He also finds a button up shirt that seemed clean next to the khakis.

When he finishes dressing he goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Looking on his sink, he cannot find his toothpaste,  he even looks under the sink and around the entire bathroom, but still nothing.

He curses at himself for not being able to find his toothpaste, and being unable to even clean his mouth.

After struggling to find toothpaste, he finishing his business in the bathroom and flushes before heading into the kitchen of his small two bedroom studio apartment to hopefully find himself some food.

Looking into his fridge, he doesn't see much.

"Do I only have three eggs and half a carton of milk? Jesus I need to make it to the store sometime soon or I'm gonna starve to death," he absently whispers to himself.

Dean just grabs a gronala bar from off of his counter and heads out to the elevator.

"Broken until tomorrow, really," Dean reads off a sign on the elevator doors, "Now I have to take the stairs, can this day get any worse."

Two neighbors and four flights of stairs later, Dean heads off to work in his Impala.

The trip there is uneventful and passes in a blur.

He keeps his head down when he makes it to work so he does not draw any unwanted attention.

"What the fuck did you do, I called half a hour ago and it takes you ten minutes to get here," Charlie says.

"The elevator broke at my apartment and the traffic was not wanting to move. I also had a pounding headache from last night at the bar," Dean spits back.

"Well maybe if you didn't decide to take that extra drink from a stranger, you would be perfectly fine right now. You're lucky I already changed the system to say that you checked in at nine, and I listened to the bosses sob story about not getting laid last night for you, so you owe me big time."

"What was that Charlie, I don't think the entire west coast heard you, jeez, keep your voice down."

"Sorry, geez you didn't need to berate me."

"I know and I'm sorry for yelling, now can we please get to work, I don't want to get into trouble."

"Why are we whispering again?"

"I don't know, but you started it," Dean bemuses.

"Hey no flirting you two," someone says angrily.

"Who are you to say what we can and can't do?" Dean shoots back. Then the smell hits him. Not only does it smell playful but it also smells like... "Benny," he laughs out.

"Well you seem happy to see me, or am I wrong because you just went full alpha on me. Do you really think you can take me on?"

"I didn't know it was you, plus I'd win that fight easily," Dean says trying to rile up Benny, and it seems to be working.

"Yah right you will," their is a smile on Benny's face, and it brings joy to Deans heart.

"Hey, I though you wanted to get back to work Dean, and Benny don't you have some wires to replug or something," Charlie says breaking them apart.

"Yes queen," Dean and Benny say at the same time.

"Gosh you two drive me crazy. I need a break," even though her face doesn't depict it, she is actually happy to see Dean in such a good mood.

"Aw the queen needs a break Benny, she only talks to two alphas and she's already tired. We didn't even make it to the good part," Dean laughs out.

"Shut it or you'll be working for free, I can easily take you off pay role."
-----!!-
"Okay, okay we will get to work your highness, lets go Benny, bye Charlie,"
"Bye Dean, bye Benny."

"She's gonna make a fine omega for Jo when they get married." Benny chirps.

"Yes she is." Dean says back as they step into the elevator.
When the elevator stops, Dean gets off on the fifth floor and says goodbye to Benny. Just as he makes it to his desk the phone on it starts to ring.

"Will I ever get a break." Dean mumbles, "Hello!"

"Hello, Dean I need to see you in my office now please." Crowley says.

"Yes boss, I'll be right there."
Dean hangs up and heads back to the elevator. As he's walking he bumbs into a strange man with jet black hair mumbling something.

"Okay......" Dean stammers. What was that about, and why did he smell like blood. When he makes it to the elevator, it takes what seems like forever for it to arrive. When it does its crowded and he knows the elevator ride is gonna suck.

When he gets off on the tenth floor he stumbles and hits a potted plant knocking it over. He catches it just in time so it doesn't  break. Dean puts it back and then looks around to make sure no one had seen that.

Luckily he didn't think anyone did and heads to Crowley's office. The smell of nervousness is what gets Crowley's attention when Dean enters the room.

"Dean, there is no need to be nervous I just need you to go to the shed on the rooftop and get a box labeled 9-b please."

"Why me and not your assistant sir." Dean asks.

"My assistants car broke down and they weren't able to make it today, and Charlie was just telling me how good you are at helping others, so I thought I would ask you, is that a problem?"

The beta sitting at the desk gives Dean a raised eyebrow which makes him even more nervous.

"No sir, give me a few minutes and I will be back with the box, 9-b right?"

"Yes Dean 9-b. Thank you, now off you go."

Dean scurries out of room and to the elevators on the other side of the building so he won't have to use the crowded one again and take even more time getting the box.

The other elevator is not as crowded, heck there isn't even anyone in it.

"Quick and easy, no need to be nervous Dean."

When he steps onto the last floor he heads to the stairwell to go up to the roof.

"9-b, 9-b, 9-b." Dean chants to himself so he doesn't forget.

The stairs are weirdly quite and it gives Dean goosbumbs. The door even creaks when he opens it to get onto the roof.

He thinks he sees a figure off to the side but pays it no mind because whose stupid enough to be on the roof of a sixteen story building, he is because of Crowley.

When he makes it to the shed its unlocked. "Why is it unlocked?" Dean questions but doesn't worry because he never thought to ask for keys.

Then he smells it again. Blood and what seems to be a new scent, omega with something else. He just can't put his finger on it.

Turning to the source of the smell, he sees the man he ran into leaning over the edge of the building.

What the fuck is he doing. Is he going to jump. Oh my god, shit.

Dean bolts over to the edge of the building where the man is. "Stop, don't jump, listen to me, don't jump," Dean screams but the man doesn't seem like he heard.

Dean starts bolting over to the man in hopes of making him stop, to rethink his decision, hell, to do anything but jump.

Just before he makes it he sees the man let go.

"No!" he all but shrieks.

He reaches out to grab the man, just grazing his shirt.

Chapter Text

Wood, that's the smell that hits Castiel, and something else to. The smell is everywhere, and he loves it. Its like a blanket of warmth that he doesn't want to get rid of. Then it hits him.

Castiel quickly opens his eyes and sees nothing but black. Is he in heaven? Has he finally been forgiven for all of his wrong doings, for existing. It can't be, heaven wouldn't smell like wood, or fruits.

There is a sigh right next to his feet and it makes Castiel panic. He is surrounded by nothing but darkness and something is there with him.

He can't breathe and his throat is closing up. This isn't right, he should be in heaven right now, not in blackness, nothingness.

He then realizes that he is laying down, that he is in a perfect position for that predator to strike. He jolts up and starts to thrash. Not caring that he is doing nothing, he just wants that demon to leave him alone. He should be here, he should be in heaven, with God, with his mother.

Then there are strong hands on him trying to hold him down. No, he wont let the demon take him. He starts thrashing around harder and kicking at anything and everything he can.

There is a grunt and a sharp pain in his foot, yes, he hit it.

The blackness is suddenly gone and bright lights take its place. Things start to come into view. A car, he is inside a car. There is a leather seat and a dashboard. When he looks towards his feet, Castiel sees a man.

That's the mysterious smell, an alpha, and he is in a car with him. Castiel body starts to convulsing and shaking. He needs to get out, to find a way to escape this alpha, to stop then from claiming him.

Wait, has he been claimed. His hand fly's to his neck and he feels nothing, he is safe, but that doesn't mean he is forever.

Castiel feels a sharp pain in his back, a door handle.

"Hello," the mystery man says.

"Stay away from me, don't come near me," Castiel all but shouts. His mind goes blank and he finally enters a panic attack.

The car he didn't know was moving until he felt it stop pulls to the side of the road. The man opens his door and leave. Castiel has no idea where he went, what he is doing, or what he is going to do until the door behind him opens.

Castiel kicks and thrashes all over the place until his legs give out and he falls to the ground. His throat burns as vomit starts pouring out of him. He can't stop puking no matter how hard he tries.

When his body finally realizes there is nothing left and that its been puking out nothing, it stops. Castiel can barely breathe and can't seem to calm down.

"Hey, its okay, breathe, breathe. In and out, yes just like that. Come on, let me help you up."

"Who are you, leave me alone please."

"Hey, that's a question for when you calm down. Please that's all I ask, just calm down," their is such kindness in this man's voice. He then hands Castiel a jacket, leather. He guesses that this is what was on his head.

For a few minutes all they do is breath. The cold wind that has been slowly turning into a storm gets colder and colder.

"You think we can get back in the car, its freezing out here, and I don't think I want my balls to fall off," there's a smirk on the man's face.

"Um, o-okay," Castiel whispers. Their is no use fighting, this man is an alpha, he can do whatever he wants to him. Running isn't even an option, because he will just be followed.

Castiel eventually gets in the car and waits for the man to join him. He keeps his hand on the door just in case.

"Hello, um I'm Dean, and I'm not gonna hurt you. I was actually taking you to the hospital. Your shirt had blood all over it and I was worried."

"No please, don't take me to the hospital please, I'll do anything, just don't take me to the hospital," as the words come out, memories of the last time he was at a hospital start to surface. He can feel the third panic attack in one hour start to take place.

"Hey, hey calm down, its fine, I won't take you, just can we at least go to my place so I can patch you up?"

As this man, Dean, sits there and watches his, Castiel is thinking of everything that can go wrong. If he runs, he will be chased, if he stays and said no, this alpha has every right to beat him for saying no.

Finally, Castiel says, "Yes."

Castiel can see the relieve wash over Deans face, and he starts the car up.

He can't take it anymore and needs to know.

"How am I alive."

"What?" Even Castiel is surprised he asked that question.

"How am I alive, I fell, I leaned over the edge and went off, I shouldn't be alive," why does he keep saying this. He needs to shut up before this alpha gets mad and starts beating him.

"Um, I grabbed you, stopped you from falling," Dean replies hesitantly, not wanting to cause the man to go into another panic attack.

"Oh," he leaves if at that. Their is no point in pushing the subject because it's just gonna create more problems.

Castiel then realizes he still has this mans jacket.

"Um, do you want this back, I'm sorry I didn't give it back earlier."

"It's fine, why don't you put it on so that you stay warm."

"No, I don't want to be a nuisance. You have already been so kind to me."

"No, put it on it's fine," Dean gives Castiel such a stern look that Castiel just puts the jacket on and doesn't question it. Dean smiles at him for doing what he asked, and Castiel can't help but feel butterflies in his stomach.

Wait what, no he can't be feeling these emotions. What would his father say, he would probably be whipped and be denied food for a week. He has to get rid of these feelings.

The car turning is what brings Castiel out of his head and he sends Dean a scared look.

"Oh yea, I have to stop by the store to grab some food. My house is pretty empty and I don't want you to starve so..."

"It's okay, you don't have to explain yourself. I don't really need anything, its fine."

"No, it's not fine, from the looks of it you wanted to kill yourself, you won't let me take you to the hospital, and your very thin, so I'm guessing you haven't eaten. I'm gonna grab some items and be back. Do not leave this car," Dean almost growls at Castiel.

All he can do is nod his head because this man seems to be easily aggetated, and he doesn't want to make him mad, not when he actually has a chance to eat some type of good food.

With this Dean gets out of the car and heads inside the store, leaving Castiel all alone with his thoughts.

If he wanted to, he could run away right now. He wouldn't have to worry about this alpha hurting him. But then where would he go. Being saved has actually made him think, and right now, he doesn't want to kill himself. This alpha is also gonna give him food.

Castiel decides to stay and wait. It doesn't take long for Dean to return, and by the looks of it, it seems he got more than some food.

After Dean opens the trunk and places everything from his cart in there, he hops inside the car.

"I got some food for the week, some more supplies to help you clean up, and some clothes for you."

Um, you didn't have to, I'm not that important, I'm just an omega. You could have just," the look Dean sends his way makes him shut up real fast.

"We are gonna talk more about this when we get to my place. Right now lets just relax and be thankful I had ran into you back at my work."

With this in mind, Castiel stares out the car window as Dean pulls out and starts the drive to his house.

Movement to his left makes him look. Dean turns on the car radio, and some type of rock song comes blasting through. Dean starts singing along with the song song and drumming to the beat, and not even Castiel thoughts can stop him from believing that his world is finally gonna get better.