San zipped up the random man’s zipper, after tucking him away so neatly back into into his pants.
“Thank you.” He said sweetly, smiling up at the man after licking his lips. He was looking down at San with lidded eyes. He was at least in his early thirty’s, little grey hairs and worry lines on his face.He went in his back pocket for his wallet but San caught his wrist and refused.
“I don’t do this for money.” He stood up and places a kiss on his neck, then left out of the bathroom stall without another word.
San knew he had to stop this behavior. Just above the bathroom was the therapy session he was 30 minutes early for. He couldn’t help but distract himself for a while with a middle aged man. He seen a ring on the man’s finger but he could care less.
Wasn’t his problem.
He took the elevator and checked his reflection in the chrome doors. As he reached the third floor he fixed the part in his fluffy blonde hair.
I hope he’s cute. He thought to himself. He opened the seventh door and strode into the room to check in at the front desk.
“Choi San.” He said to the lady.
“Just a minute.” She said sweetly, still looking through a drawer of folders. San trailed his eyes up the milky legs and bit his lip once he got to the slit of her tube skirt.
She turned and placed the folder on the desk then went through the computer for his name.
“You’re early.” She smiled,typed a little, then looked back up at San. He smiled down at her in her little rolling chair, showing off those dimples that always got him what he wanted.
“Doctor Kim is ready for you.” She said just as a tall man left down a hall. San made his way down that same little hallway and opened the heavy brown door to Doctor Kim’s room.
He was at his desk organizing his papers, before picking up a clip board and getting up to meet his next patient. Red hair was the first thing that drew San to the shirt man. He was in a suit, the blazer off and on the back of his chair.
“Mr.Choi.” He smiled. San stares at the tiny man before registering that Doctor Kim has his hand out. He shakes the small hand in his own and follows him to the two couches parallel to each other.
“So before we start, I have to tell you you’re safe. No cameras are in this room or recording so if you need to cry I’m here for you.” He clicked his pen and wrote something down on the page. San nodded and kept his hands just in front of his pants. Casually. Like he always sat like that, but in reality the boy was panicking.
“What seems to be the problem, Mr.Choi?” Cliche.
“I’m a sex addict.” Hongjoong crossed his legs to give himself a surface balance his clipboard to write on.”And as the years go on my condition seems to worsen.”
“When did you start noticing that your drive grew?”San sat back into the couch, hands still covering his crotch but it was more noticeable now. More strained. Less casual and more nervous.
“I was 15 when I was molested by my older cousin, a day after my birthday. Said it was a late present .”San began. Hongjoong scribbled something down on the paper.” And when I turned 16..” San began to hesitate. Playing with his fingers and making his bulge more very noticeable without his hands covering it as much.” I went back to him on my birthday...and I told h-him I was ready for my present.” He bit his lip, leg shaking only slightly.
Hongjoong cleared his throat.
“I’m sorry.” San moved to get up and Hongjoong held his hand up to stop the man.
“Hey. I’m not here to judge you. I’m here to listen to you and offer you help. I’m not out to get you.” San plopped back down his seat.” Now, do you feel like your cousin is the reason for why you can’t control yourself.?”
“Talk to me,Mr.Choi.” Hongjoong uncrossed his legs and sat with the clipboard against both of his thighs. San let his eyes travel down the thin curve of his waist and where his thighs pushed together under the clipboard . He took a deep breath.
“I do. I-i liked it when it touched me. After I went back to him it became regular until he started pushing me away. By then I started to already crave it, You know?” His voice shook a little as he spoke.
Hongjoong hummed as a response.
“He moved away to Florida I think. I was 17 and one he left, I started using a fake ID to get into clubs and fuck around with strangers.” He leaned forward,eyes still studying Hongjoong.
He was pretty. Small and he looked defenseless but San noticed small people always were feisty due to his past sexual encounters. His dick completely unprotected and extremely hard in the tight light blue jeans.
“Keep going.” Hongjoong reassured him. Pen writing away on the papers.
“I can’t control myself anymore. It gets harde-difficult to walk past someone and not want to fuck them.”
Hongjoong stopped writing, eyes locked on the black on the paper. He help his pen still and the ink spread into a bigger dot until he finally pulled away.
“What are you thinking about now? That I’m here, in this empty room, alone with you.”
“There’s a lot going through my mind. Some about you and some about my self.” San forced himself to meet Hongjoong’s eyes.” There’s so much.”
“What are you thinking about yourself right now?” Hongjoong asked.
“Guilt. Disgust. Shame.” San pressed his lips in a thin line, tearing his gaze away from Hongjoong.
“And what about me?” Hongjoong asked, tilting his head to the side just a little. San folded his hands back in his lap. Hongjoong could see it. He noticed the bulge, but he ignored it.
“I want to fuck you. Feel you squirm under my hands. Hear you scream my name and fuck you until you’re panting and spent.”
Hongjoong’s ears turned red but he kept his composure. He cleared his throat again, then set the clipboard down.
“I want to try an exercise with you.” Hongjoong stood up from his seat on the couch and rounded the little coffee table to meet San.”Stand up, and hug me.”
“Why?” San presses his hands down on his own bulge. Figured if he squished it it would just go away.
“You have to know you can control yourself in order to gain self control .” The smaller held his arms out wide for a hug. San stood and wrapped his arms around Hongjoong’s waist.
“I said hug me.” He slapped his hands away. He tried again, arms still finding their way to his thin waist.”I’m not one of your hook ups. Hands above the waist.” Hongjoong said sternly.” San furrowed his eyebrows, and hugged Hongjoong, arms just above his belt as he pulled the therapist in for a tight hug.
Hongjoong tried his best to ignore the bulge that was poking into his thigh as he hugged his patient. They stayed like that for a couple seconds, then when San let out a small noise, barely audible, but he was right next to his ear.
“It’s time to let go,San.”Hongjoong pulled away, stepping back out of the patients reach
“I wanna bend you over that desk.” San confessed.
“Your hour is up,Mr.Choi.” Hongjoong informed him. Hongjoong gave his patient another handshake.
“Thank you.” San smiled at the therapist and with that he left.
It wasn’t that bad
Every week San goes to see Hongjoong. With everyday that he sits on that couch and talks with him, His one nights stands become less and less . The little therapist is all that’s stuck in his head.
He’s jerked off countless times to the therapists little body under his. He’s usually excited about a sexy girl walking up to him and setting herself in his lap. Or a man pressing him against the wall and telling him all the things he wants to do to his body.
Now he gets irritated, pushing them away and demanding his personal space.
He’s stuck. Unsatisfied.
“I think you’ve cured me.” San said as he came into the office. He set himself down on the couch and watched Hongjoong grad a few papers and a pen, before joining him.”I haven’t fucked in weeks. And I don’t feel the need to have sex with anyone I see.” San admits. He sits on the edge of the couch and watches Hongjoong smile as he writes down on the board.
“That’s great.” Hongjoong looked up and smiled at the patient. Maybe his work paid off. Maybe San was serious about curing himself
“But, I find myself addicted to something else. I don’t want to touch anyone but you. I don’t see anyone except for you, Doctor Kim.”
Hongjoong visible stiffened. He looked up from where he was writing and stared at his patient across from him.
“Mr. Choi, I wish for these sessions to stay professional. I’m not going to be one of your careless flings, especially in my office.” Hongjoong furrowed his brows. He was stern. But when San wanted something, he got it, and he wasn’t about to let Doctor Kim slip from his fingers
“But you wouldn’t be a careless fling, Doctor Kim.”
“Then I don’t want to be your toy.” San kept his eyes on him. Then he stood from where he sat on the couch. His smirk was teasing and arrogant.
“Sit down, Mr.Choi.” Hongjoong snaps.
“You’re supposed to be taking care of me,Doctor Kim.” San walks around the coffee table and stands in front of Hongjoong. The therapist looks up at him with wide eyes. Full lips were where San’s attention was.
“I don’t know what you think this is.” Hongjoong started. He was trembling under San’s gaze. Truth was, the room was sound proof. And if San wanted to he could hold the therapist down and take him just like that.
He wanted Hongjoong. So much that he was willing to through away the ache that existed in his groin and—and ask for consent.
“Is it illegal for you to touch me,Doctor Kim?”
“I’d have my license revoked.” Hongjoong stared up at San.
“You’d better stay quiet then.” San grabbed Hongjoong’s jaw, leaning forward to whisper in the therapists ear. ” I want you Doctor Kim.”
Anyone could walk in at the wrong time. Hongjoong would be in so much trouble. So much. He wouldn’t be able to work anywhere else, it’d go on her permanent record.
“Mr.Choi.” Hongjoong tried again, but San was far too deep.
“I’m addicted to you. Everything about you. The way you walk.Your lips, Your ass, your voice. Even your hair gets my worked up.” San presses the therapist into the couch, caging him in.”Porn doesn’t even help me anymore. But if I see you,I get so hard, so antsy and driven. Indulge me this once.”
“I will lose my job .” Hongjoong glared up at San.
“You could,But you won’t.” San kisses at his jawline, nipping into the skin when Hongjoong fidgeted under his touch. ”Please, Doctor Kim?” Hongjoong gripped his pen tight in his hand. San spoke slow and seductive, curious hands making their way down to Hongjoong’s thighs.
”Let me show you what you’ve done to me, Doctor Kim.”
Hongjoong didn’t know how he ended up here,pressed against the creamy wall,back arched and San eating him out sinfully.
“San...” He moaned softly. He caught his bottom lip between his teeth. He didn’t want to be too loud,too needy.
This was a one time thing.
And after this one time thing,San will continue to only talk to him. That’s it.
“Fuck.” San stood up and opened his pants , spitting in his hand to rub it over his cock. Hongjoong turned to look, curious within his own mind. It’s been so long since he’s fucked.
The therapist turned and dropped down to his knees. Taking San into his small hands and pressing a little kiss to the head of his cock.
Hongjoong wrapped his lips around his cock,gently sucking before he started taking him down further. He kept looking up at San, lips dragging along his skin as he bobbed his head, stroking along with his hand on the base ,where his throat wouldn’t allow him to reach.
San thrusted up and presses him against the wall, grunting as he rocked his hips against the therapists face. He grips the red locks and thrusts ruts his hips against his face. It was so much. He couldn’t control how he felt and this tingle spread up his lower back. He pulled Hongjoong up by his hair and shoved him against the wall.
“Fuck.” San repeated. He was wrapped up in so much adrenaline. His hand shook as he positioned himself at Hongjoong’s entrance. He gently eased himself into the warm heat.. The therapist was small and barely fucked in his life time.
He gasped once San settles into him,barely keeping his small whimpers to a minimum. Hongjoong was enjoying the weight of San’s cock in him.”Come on...” San pulled out and started again, thrusting slow and deep and drawing out cute mewls from Hongjoong.
He watched every push and pull between his dick and Hongjoong’s ass. Watched every jiggle from it. Watched every time Hongjoong pushes his hips back and whimpers.
His eyes were squeezed shut and his hands clenched in small fists against the wall. San began to rock his hips, fingers digging into the flesh of Hongjoong’s ass. He was slowly losing it, becoming rougher with each thrust.
“Faster...” Hongjoong said weakly. San bit his lip and gladly obeyed. Hongjoong silenced the loud moans that threatened to leave his mouth with his hand, and pushed back against San.
“You’re so fucking tight. Feels likeYou’re squeezing around me.” San groans and delivers a smack to Hongjoong’s ass. The therapist jumps and mewls into his hand.
Hongjoong’s ears turned red ,both hands now covering his mouth. San presses him against the wall and thrusts up sharply, satisfied with the muffled cry Hongjoong lets out.”Thats it, huh?” Hongjoong starts to move, squirming to throw off Sans aim. But San keeps him still against the walls and thrusts up hard and fast, melting into the tight clenching of his therapist and his muffled moans. He was so hot. San slapped his ass again just to watch it jiggle.
Fuck he loves it. Loves the way he his eyes squeeze shut from the pleasure. Or how he squirms when it becomes too much.
“How long has it been since someone fucked you good?” San asks. He doesn’t get an answer because Hongjoong refuses to let go of his mouth.
San wants to hear him.
He grips his wrists and forced them behind his back. Hongjoong gasps out loud and rests his head against the wall.
“San,please...” Hongjoong starts. He’s sweating at his brow, willing himself to not let out a single moan.
“Answer me.” San tightens his grip. Hongjoong is just breathing heavily, small moans here and there but he does a good job keeping them under control.
“Shit. Last—last summer.”
“Who was it? Hmm?”
“My ex boyfriend.” His voice raises up just a little and he feels the pressure rise. Hongjoong throws his head back and tenses up, streams of cum shooting against the cream colored wall. He’s high and hot, mouth hanging open in bliss as the last few ropes stick to the wall.He relaxes a little between San and the wall. His thigh is rubbing in his own cum and he feels filthy. Like a toy. Like a little slut for San’s pleasure.
”You need to be fucked good. Until you barely remember your own name.” San growls against his back and his thrusts only grow more needy and sloppy and fast. His arm wraps around Hongjoong’s waist and he tightens his hold keep the smaller in place .
“Don’t cum in me...” Hongjoong says quietly, turning a little to look at Sans hips moving quickly to chase his own orgasm.
When he feels that familiar tug boiling in his stomach,he pulls out and wraps his hand around his cock, grip tight as he keeps Hongjoong presses against the wall with his ass arched out.
“I’m coming...” He whines and moves his hand faster up and down his shaft. He’s so close. The tug is distance but it’s right there. Hongjoong looks at his cock in his hand and can’t help but let out a low moan when his patient finally relieves himself
He releases over Hongjoong’s ass and on the back of his thigh. He pushes his cock back in Hongjoong and the therapist opens his mouth to protest.
His gasps, shocked by the wetness he feels shooting up in his ass and the dripping down his thigh.
He’s peeing in him...
Hongjoong whimpers as the warmth shoots tingles up his spine. San keeps his cock deep in his to stop anymore from spilling on the floor.
He was panting against Hongjoong neck and running his hands over his body still, just touching him. Gripping him and caressing him.
“You have 30 minutes left...Mr.Choi.” Hongjoong spoke quietly.”I need to clean up, so we can continue to session.”
San didn’t move though. He breathed in Hongjoong scent and gave an experimental thrust up into the therapist. It was wet. The room smelled of piss and cum and sex. He stayed in Hongjoong for another 20 minutes. Just like that.
Hongjoong gave a tiny push at his hip and whines in discomfort.San slowly pulled out and watched his piss drip down Hongjoong leg.
“See you next week, Doctor Kim.”
San hadn’t come to his next session, as the session after that. Hongjoong didn’t have time to waste and the boy was scheduling appointments but not following through.
It wasn’t the therapists business, but he was beginning to get worried. Though it benefited him with an extra 120 late fee, he was genuinely worried for the young sex addict.
Hongjoong had finished with his last patient of the day, before San. It was now the third day of not seeing the boy, so he figured he didn’t need his help anymore. Just as he turned off the AC in his office and draped his blazer over his arm,he heard the door open.
San walked in with a small grin spreading across his lips, He’s right on time for what is now his 7 o’clock. Hongjoong set his blazer down and looked the boy up and down,right when he starts to pack up, San arrives with a shit eating smirk. The room was getting hot and Hongjoong quickly turned to get the AC back on again.
“You can’t come in here without knocking.” He said, wiping his sweaty hands on his pants.
“Says who?” San challenged.
“Says me.” He furrowed his brows, eyes rolling at the younger boy . His worry quickly turned into annoyance as San made himself comfortable by setting his phone, keys and wallet on Hongjoong’s clean desk.” I thought you stopped coming.”
“No, it’s just I’ve been caught up in my late night activities. And I’m here to talk to you about them.” He sat down on the familiar couch and toed off each shoe to cross his legs under him. “Thought I’d give you some good stories this time.
Hongjoong sighed, but got his clipboard and a pen to walk over towards the couch parallel to San and taking his seat.
“So there’s this guy, Jung Wooyoung-“
“No names.” Hongjoong reminded him as he clicked his pen. San stopped and thought for a second then bounced with a little excitement as he started his story again.
“Ok, we’ll change his name to Elmo.” San giggles to himself when Hongjoong tilts his head, but follows along.
“So, I met Elmo at my friends birthday party, we’ll call him...Bird. Bird is Elmo’s cousin, and I barely knew him for ten minutes and we ended up in the bathroom for two hours. Now I’ve fucked Bird before on multiple occasions but I guess he wasn’t in the mood. He told me to find someone else and I did.” San shifted a little in his seat.” I went up to him and asked if he was down, then he went down and that’s how this started.”
Hongjoong hummed along to show he was listening, writing little notes in his clipboard. He flipped the page that had tons of small notes about San. The boy was truly troubled.
“Fast forward to a few days ago, I invited him to go see a movie with me. Once we got into the theater, God, He’s a wild little guy. We were in the middle row and he started jerking off. I couldn’t help but give him a little help, You know? But he’s not confident or anything, he’s one of those shy dudes that are freaks in the sheets. Like you.” Hongjoong rubs his eyes a little and looks away from the boy completely.” I was worried he took my interest as an ‘Ok’ to rush into something.” San grabbed the pillow closest to him and pulled it into his lap.
Hongjoong knew what was under that pillow.
“He’s insecure because of his thighs,but I think he’s the cutest thing ever.” San cracks a sweet smile and continues on with his story “So after the movie Elmo and I moved things back to my place and he’s a loud screamer. Had the neighbors knock on my door seven times in one night, beat my record of four.” He stopped as Hongjoong cleared his throat and straightened his posture on the couch across from him.
“Elmo is just so tight, and warm and soft. I like grabbing him, and pressing my body against his. I like to touch him, and just wreck him. When he comes his face is so pretty, and his voice can go high enough to hurt my ears.” He smirked at the blush that bloomed across the therapists face. He put the pillow aside and stood up to walk around the coffee table. The tent in his pants was begging for attention but he held an expression that screamed he was in control.
“I love grabbing his thighs, and teasing his nipples until he begs for more. Until he’s weeping for me to touch him somewhere else.” San’s voice is smooth and slow like honey, he reaches Hongjoong on the other side and slides his knee between his thighs ,leaning down to whisper in his ear.” He’s so good for me, Doctor Kim. You know we were talking about you today? I told him how well you take it, and he jerked off to me describing you.” San hissed as the tent in his pants was painfully pushed up against Hongjoong.
Hongjoong tried to move away but San was growing impatient, and caged him in against the couch. He lifted his chin to swipe his thumb over the soft lips and locked eyes with the small therapist.”I want you again, Doctor Kim.”
“Come home with me. You’ll be safer there.. maybe more comfortable. How do you like your eggs?”
“Mr.Choi.” Hongjoong looked up at him. He was about to start protesting about how San isn’t supposed to be acting like this, when the younger ran his fingers through the red hair and gripped at the middle of his head, pulling his head back to expose the smooth, untouched neck.
“You’re so pretty, Doctor Kim.” He said, his name being mumbled into his neck as he peppered kisses along the fair skin . Hongjoong whimpered and gripped the hem of his shirt,trying to push the man back.
“Tell me to stop.” He gripped he growing bulge Hongjoong has forming in his pants.” Tell me you want me to stop, Doctor Kim.” He undid his pants and zipped down his zipper slowly,watching Hongjoongs face as he pushed his hand down his pant.
He grasped what he was looking for and gave a gentle pull to bring his cock into the cool air.” You want this, don’t you. You want it just as much as me.” He dragged his hand up and down Hongjoong’s length ,stopping just under the crimson head and working his thumb in small circles along the sensitive flesh.”Tell me to stop. Say it.”
“Did you tell your c-cousin to stop?” The hand closed around his raging cock stopped in it’s place. He stared up at Hongjoong with wide eyes.” Did you?”The therapist asked again. San only worked the spit in his mouth and went down on Hongjoong.
“He didn’t stop when you told him to.” He spoke in a soft voice, trying to keep it stable and controlled as he ran his fingers through the messy blond hair . San stopped his movements, taking his mouth completely off of Hongjoong. A lone string of spit broke once he sat up with a red wet face.
He sobbed gently at first, crying into his hands until Hongjoong pulled his face into his lap to rub his back.
Comforting someone with your dick out wasn’t what Hongjoong trained for,but he did it.
San was a mess,an actual mess. There was a mixture of tears and spit running down his puffy face. Hongjoong hands the box of tissues sitting idly on the coffee table. San doesn’t take it, instead he wiped his face with his hand and sniffles loudly.
“You don’t want to be like him.” Hongjoong continued to gently card his fingers through his hair as the younger sniffled silently to himself .
“You aren’t like him,San.” Hongjoong promised him, but San let his shaky hands drift up his thighs and grip his length.”No ,San” he opened his mouth to take him in again but Hongjoong pulled him up.
“Please...” San begged, voice hoarse with and broken.” Just let me...let me do it.”
“You don’t have to do anything, San. I’m not him, you aren’t him.” San nods a little and let’s the therapist hug him tightly.” I want to help you.”
The office was silent when Hongjoong sat down in the comfy rolling chair. He had his fill of the four patients that entered his office. After just getting back from lunch, he’s drained. It’s one of those days, those achingly painful days.
Two were both obsessed with their ex’s while the third was raped at a young age. The fourth was an old lady who suffered from ptsd after a drowning experience at a young age.
He looked through the various notes he took to draw conclusions, to consolidate and help in any way he could. He barely wrote anything down. The page was blank and void of anything that showed change or improvements.
The patients were improving, but Hongjoong was falling deep in thought in his sessions. His job was to listen and provide help,not slip away and think about his own problems.
While he was in this room his problems were irrelevant. His struggles were no ones concerns but his own. He couldn’t share his problems about a certain patient that was obsessed with him to another patient. He couldn’t share them at all.
If he even hinted at talking about a patients problem with any outside party including family without the patients consent, he’ll be sued and fired. His license to be a therapist in Seoul will be revoked and he won’t have a job. All those years spent with his face in a book would’ve be wasted, pointless.
His life would’ve been wasted.
“Hongjoong hyung.” The door clicked shut as San entered the room. Hongjoong visibly tensed. He wasn’t afraid, just wary.
San leaned over the desk ,erection prominent and standing at attention in his tight jeans. He pulled the blue tucked shirt from his pants and let out a deep exhale. His hair slicked back as he watched the therapist with interest. Hungry eyes finding every curve of his body and studying it
“I know I can’t have you. The risk,that’s what makes me so crazy for you.”
“Mr...San.” Hongjoong tried again. He set his pen down and looked up at San with big expressive eyes.
“You’re so beautiful.”
“San!” Hongjoong raised his voice, but his patience didn’t stop smiling.”I didn’t bust my ass for you to come in my office and try to fuck me.”
“You just assume I’m here for that. You’re my therapist, I’m here for help.”
“Bullshit.” Hongjoong snapped.
The click of San’s shoes rounding the desk to meet him behind it made his heart spark with fear and excitement.
“Come here.” He pulled the smaller man up from the chair and presses him against the desk. He doesn’t waste anytime shoving the Hongjoong’s pants down to his ankles.”Stay quiet.”
His voice dropped low, as the jingle of his belt reached his ears.
He turns to see the boy open a drawer in his desk and take out a medium sized bottle of cocoa butter.
Hongjoong squeezes his eyes shut when the cold lotion covered finger presses in to him. Hongjoong is tense and clenching around his finger, he feels his legs tremble as San comes behind him to line himself up.
San isn’t the biggest, but he’s efficient .
“I can’t.” Hongjoong responds. He almost lets himself fall into the desk when the wet head of San’s cock pushes past the tight ring.” Ah...” He’s gentle with the smaller boy. The lotion adds some slick, but not enough to encourage an easier glide.
Hongjoong gathers his thoughts, he thinks while San is slowly speeding up and digging deeper.
San is emotional when he’s having sex, or any sexual act in general. He’s vulnerable , weak and unprotected by the confident character he puts up front.
“Don’t you...ngh.” He rests his body on his elbows to keep himself steady.” What about Wooyoung?”
“What about him?” His hips slow to gentle thrusts that tease Hongjoong .
Not apart of the plan.
“Don’t you like him?”
“I do.” San grunts, squeezing Hongjoong’s asscheek. He came here to fuck, that was his one purpose now.
“It’d hurt his feeling is he seen this.” San grabs a fistful of red, pulling Hongjoong up to turn him around. Hongjoong winces, hands flying out to grab his wrist.He picks him up roughly and sets him on the desk. Hongjoong squeezes his legs shut, but San is parting hisknees with his thigh. He doesn’t look angry.
He looks sad.
“You don’t know anything.” He’s positioning back against his hole. He takes a hold of Hongjoong’s chin to watch his face as he thrusts in. It’s twisted into pleasure, mouth slowly opening as the pressure sets in his stomach.
“San, is Wooyoung your boyfriend?” Hongjoong manages to squeeze out between breaths.
“You don’t know anything.” He growls , fingertips digging into his thighs painfully. It’s a blur to Hongjoong , it syncs into the immense pleasure.
“But-“ San slaps the therapist , quickly pushing him back against the desk and raising his legs over his shoulders.
His face is red, tears spilling from his eyes as he fucks into him with abandon. His thrusts are sloppy and uncoordinated. It’s becoming uncomfortable and painful , especially with the stapler digging into his back.
“You don’t know anything...Dr. Kim.”
“Don’t cheat on Wooyoung.” Hongjoong pushes at his chest to stop the crying boy.” If you want sex, have sex with him. Just please...don’t hurt him San. Don’t fuck this up for yourself .”
“I’m already fucked up!” He screams. Hongjoong sits up, gently bringing his legs down from his shoulders to ease the pain in his lower back.
“Do you love him?” San turns away, trying to wipe the tears from his cheeks. “Do you?”
“I don’t know .”
“Then you love him.” Hongjoong eases back for him to pull out completely .” If you love him, you’ll stop this. It won’t be easy, but I can help you, San.”
He’s blowing his nose so hard that a little blood comes out.
“Will you stop this and let me help you?” San pulls up his pants, pulling his through his jeans. He nods his head, tears still falling down his cheek. The look in his eyes is unsure, it’s afraid and anxious.
There is no cure for addiction. There’s only temporary inhibitors until the cycle starts again. Temporary control with internal or external benefits.
None of these benefits applied to San. He didn’t feel sated or proud when he didn’t have sex, he just felt more needy, more wanton for something. It didn’t make him want to strive to do better.
He could go out in public with minor self control. Be around kids and family without walking away with his hands between his legs.
The people around him didn’t change how they viewed him. His father still thought he was a whore, his moms looked over him as if he was a shadow with no form. Hopeless. He does feel hopeless.
Withdraw was something San never though he’d go though. He figured it was for drug addicts or alcoholics. But this is torture. His body is burning with all the hands that touched him. He feels disgusted and wanton at the same time. Wants to push them all away and invite them in for more.
He rides his dildo for the fifth time that week. He recalls it to Hongjoong like it was the worse experience of his life. Hongjoong nodded, blushing a deep red as he recommend a better brand to him. San surprisingly didn’t jump at the opportunity for a sex joke or claiming his cock was better. He simply nodded and agreed to check it out.
The therapist never treated him any differently. His last therapist gave him disgusted looks, moved farther away from San like he was a constant threat. Their appointments always ended five minutes early.
He closes his leg, eyes trained on therapist in front of him in a way Hongjoong knows too well.
“The exercise was meant to create some form of order in your life. You can have sex, but preferably with only one person. That’s how you train yourself.” The thought of completely settling down wasn’t ideal for San. He likes the thrill of random strangers. The overall rush of being in a public bathroom with 7 or more people who could see him if they turned slightly. The fear of the authorities being called for public indecency. The fear of making noise for everyone to hear. His blood pumping when someone’s feet are close enough to hear the shallow slaps of skin and lube.
“And how will this better me? I’ll still be a sex addict.”
“It’s not an addiction with one person. It’ll become infatuation. You’ll become stubborn, disgusted by the thought of being intimate with someone else.You’ll soon look at it as cheating.”
“But how will this benefit me in the near future. I’ll still be a sex addict.” San repeated, still fully not comprehending Hongjoongs goal. He pulls the pillow into his lap for the third time that night.
“Well you’ve already been able to control yourself in a public setting. You’ve willed away your personal needs a few times now.” Hongjoong leans over to set his clipboard on the table with all of Sans notes on it. There’s not much, he’s less talkative when he isn’t sated.
“I think I’m depressed.”
“You can’t fuck around your whole life, you’ll grow old one day, Mr. Choi. “ Hongjoong explains.” You wouldn’t want to pop an erection in front of your own grandchildren, or at their kindergarten teacher.” San gets up, throwing the pillow down on the couch. It bounces and falls onto the floor.
“You wouldn’t want to explain to your family why you have to leave the dinner table each night for ten minutes.” He started heading for the door. He has already unbuttoned his jeans in preparation for the bathroom.
“Hongjoong stop it.”
“You can’t even step up to Wooyoung because you’re so self centered, life isn’t about sexual pleasure, Mr. Choi.” Hongjoong chases after him, grabbing the blondes arm. Hongjoong gasps when he’s spun around and slammed against the wall, hard. He’s struggling against his iron grip for once.” If you continue this, you’ll be alone for the rest of you life. All people will want from you is sex, and you’ll never see them when the sun is up.”
A sharp gasp leaves his throat as San slaps him across his face. It blooms red in the shape of his palm.
“Don’t say that to me.” His face is red, Hongjoong doesn’t know if it’s anger or sadness that’s taking him over.
“If you don’t want the truth, then get out of my office. I can’t help you.” Hongjoong pushes him off, firm.
No ones told San no, save for his cousin. No one pushes him away. Save for his cousin. No one tells him what he is, no one yells at him or leaves him out. No one ignored his calls or treated him like a rabid animal.
Save for his own family.
Hongjoong didn’t have many plans later tonight aside from pouring himself a tall glass of wine and chugging it like water.
This job was stressful, at times it was fun and even relieving, but other then those rare moments , he was having a hard time.
He didn’t see himself falling in a relationship any time soon, he seen his flings as flings and never kiss and told, however recently he’s had the same visitor over and over.
A tall man going by Park Seonghwa. He was very... intense.
He didn’t want to just fuck Hongjoong and leave. He’d kiss him and ask about his day. He’d look him in the eye which surprisingly intimidated him. Seonghwa would set a hand on his waist and give a small squeeze, he’d chase him, pursue him until he caved and gave him even a second of his attention.
Seonghwa was a college student. At first he thought he was after the amazing salary of a therapist, yet he wasn’t. He denied the money Hongjoong gave him and accepted a goodnight kiss only.
Seonghwa was younger then him by a lot.
Hongjoong would be 28 by the end of the year, while Seonghwa just turned 22 in April.
“You shouldn’t get so close with your patients.”
“What do you know?” Seonghwa scoffed.
“I minor in psychology.” Hongjoong turns and raises a brow.” For the credits of course.”
“That’s interesting.” Seonghwa brings the rim of the cup towards his lips, pulling rum over his tongue.
“You can’t tell me about them can you?”
“I cannot.” Hongjoong unbuttoned his shirt, pulling off the article and dropping it to the floor unceremoniously.
“You ever thought of quitting?”
“Too many times. I thought about just going into Human Resources or teaching. I have the qualifications to be a teacher, but-“
“A teacher can’t pay for a house as nice as this.”
“My salary now, this house is modest compared to what I had my eyes set on at first. I had months worth saved up from my early days on the job. My old apartment barely scratched into my pay check.”
“You look very tense,babe.” Seonghwa comments he stands and sets his glass down, standing behind the smaller in the mirror. He drew his hands up his small arms, waist small and shivering at the cool touch of the hand that held the glass.
He soon reaches his face. Fingers exploring the bags underneath his eyes where he removed his concealed. Gloss dried over his lips, left over powder, and eyebrow gel.
He grips his chin.
“Then don’t quit, change your approach. I know a few are troubling, but I know there’s nothing you can’t handle.”
“Fuck your supportiveness.” Hongjoong curses.”
Seonghwa trails his hands back down towards his waist, massaging slow circles into his skin until he visibly relaxes.” You have work tomorrow?” Hongjoong sighs, turning towards the taller with his lips pulled into a thin line. Seonghwa kisses them and massages the back of his neck.
“Yeah. I just hope it’s nothing too crazy.”
“Please, Seonghwa. I slept plenty.” He whisper yells into his phone. Seonghwa wasn’t his boyfriend boyfriend, but he was a boyfriend. A guy who offered a lot and took nothing. He was very kind, very open yet mysterious.” I told you I’m at work. Big boy time.
He swipes his ID over the door, pushing the unnecessarily heavy door open with his shoulder and continuing in.
He punches in the button for the elevator, waiting patiently while Seonghwa complains from his bed how tired he is.
“I woke up at four.” He steps into the elevator and heads up.” I’m more tired than you, you slept while I showered.”
“Shut it, I’m just a baby.” He hears him roll in his bed and flip the covers back over him.” Should I beat my meat or wait for you to get home.”
Hongjoong opens his office door, and screams.
There’s three pill bottles, one half full and two empty.
His mouth was filled with foam, seizing as he grips one empty bottle involuntarily. He’s choking, shaking along the floor.
He dropped his phone on the floor, running to the shaking body and pulling him up into his lap.
“San, you fucking bastard!” Hongjoong shoved his fingers down his throat and ripped them free. His secretary screams louder then him, calling for security as Hongjoong tries to get the seizing man to retch.
“Come on.” After four attempts later he finally gets him to puke up two bottles worth of pills, foam still dripping from his lips.
His eyes roll back, limp with short spasms here and there.
Hongjoong shoved his face into his hands as his patient is pulled away on a stretcher. There’s dried puke along his palm, foam and spit. Sweat, powder from crushed pills mixed by his stomach.
“What am I doing wrong?”
Following the ambulance because he wasn’t a family member, and waiting in the hospital for two hours was not how he planned on starting his day in the slightest.
“You ok?” Seonghwa always asked him that, and it annoyed him sometimes. Someone younger than him checking up on him like he was a kid who fell off his bike. He was a therapist. He had no choice but to suck it up and put on a smile.
“Yeah.” He looks up at him, teary eyes shadowing his smile of reassurance. Seonghwa seen through his lies anyway.” If he died, would it be my fault?”
“No, of course not, what? You tried to help him, babe. You’ve done your best, you’ve done all you could do.” The younger tries to reassure him, but Hongjoong was a storm that never ended. Constantly brewing up new clouds to rain over him. Always setting up inner turmoil within himself to kick the chair under his tier as a human being.
In his time working with San he’s seen a few pictures and videos of Wooyoung. San didn’t mind at all, flipping his phone over for cute pictures and explicit ones as well. He was slightly shorter, bottom heavy, dark hair and he worked out. He’s seen a trend in San’s type. He likes people who deny him.
Wooyoung is stubborn, chatty, ambitious and definitely didn’t give in to San’s antics at first. He set boundaries, made demands and expected things boyfriends would do for one another.
Wooyoung was allowed in, only him. He hasn’t seen any sign of a mother or father who look remotely like San. He assumes they wouldn’t come anyway with the way San expressed his dislike for them.
He doesn’t hate them, and he knows they don’t hate him. They just have a mutual agreement to not talk unless they have to.
The way San describes his mother and father is almost like a neglected child. He never got attention before he came out, and was ignored even more after. They didn’t believe the allegations of his cousin molesting him. They ignored him, and provided what they thought a kid needed.
Technology, food, and shelter. If he shut up, everyone was happy.
He doesn’t know how to link any of this to his current issues.
He wants attention, yes, that’s been established. He has mommy and daddy issues, primarily daddy issues, he’s suicidal as he’s seen, he’s depressed and doesn’t like being denied what he wanted. His mother was a little lighter on him though. She gave him whatever phone he asked for and whatever new game he wanted to play. Any clothes he wished for and shoes he wanted to show off.
“I can hear you thinking.” Seonghwa mumbles. Hongjoong was hunched over like a mad scientist, hands clasped together and supporting his head as he thought.
“It’s me. He did this because of me.” He leans back and away from Seonghwa’s touch. He raises a brow, turning to look at him with a look lacking understanding."He did this for me.”
“That’s a possibility. He did it in your office, but it could be for anyone.” Hongjoong can argue that Seonghwa is smarter than him.” I can’t really ask you what his problem is.”
“No, he did this because I’m helping him. I’m establishing some sort of order in his life, I’m giving him ‘love’ he can’t have, showing him authority his parents didn’t. I listened to him, I didn’t judge him, I guided him to with yeses and no’s, dos and dont’s, like a child.”
“He sees you as a father?” Seonghwa rubs his thighs, looking around the suspiciously vacant waiting room.
“The other day, I told him if he doesn’t want my help he should stop seeing me. He invested his time in me and I did what his parents did, I pushed him away instead of trying to fix his issue, Seonghwa.” Hongjoong tried to convey, hands moving in the air like he’s pulling together pieces of fabric.
“That’s a theory. You can’t take the blame for everything. You tried, Hongjoong.” Seonghwa furrows his brows as Hongjoong is being brought to tears once again in this lifeless waiting room.
“I was the only therapist that slept with him.” He snaps.” I didn’t judge his antics, sometimes I gave in. I let him be vulnerable. I’m the only one who’s seen him break down and cry like a lost child. He’s hungry for love and he wanted that from Wooyoung.”
“And I assume Wooyoung is giving him that.”
“Something happened between them. Whenever I mentioned him he got- “ he stops himself, his head cradled into his hands.” I probably know him better than his parents. He’s told me things they’ve never seen. Things that exist and he didn’t feel comfortable telling them, but he trusted me.” He grips his hair, pulling and tugging at the strands as the nurses flood through with a new patient talking about heart palpitations.
“I can’t even do my fucking job, Seonghwa. I can’t cure his addiction. I can’t stop his pain.” He sobs into his palms.” I can’t..”
“Maybe you’re not meant to. His pain is from his family. He’s suffering because of his family.” Seonghwa explains. Concern is written over his face, though Hongjoomg can’t look at him. He feels more tears spilling over his eyes just as he relaxed.
“I want to help.” He lifts his head to have his hands replaced by Seonghwa’s soft kisses planted over his face and held against his chest until his breathing evened out.
“I’ll stay with you until you’re able to see him.” He runs his fingers through his hair, early caressing his scalp and driving a pleasurable shiver up his spine. He knew how to calm him down.” You need to take care of yourself. You can’t handle everyones problems and have a plethora of your own.”
“I’ll just come back later. In the morning I just really...Is it wrong for me to leave?” Seonghwa considers his question, but he doesn’t answer it. He doesn’t know. It’s not for him to answer anyway, Hongjoong just needs some tea, dramas , and a lot I’d reassurance.
”You’ll drive yourself crazy...” he stands and leaves his hand out for Hongjoong to take.” I’ll bring you back tomorrow as well. Just let me help you relax.”
“If Wooyoung gave him what he wanted, why is he investing his want in me?"