When Serizawa first came to me asking about twitter, I didn’t think much of it. I assumed getting onto social media was part of his rehabilitation. It’s wasn’t that he had never been on the internet before, on the contrary. He had spent the last fifteen years of his life online. He was practically a survivor of the swordart incident. But twitter was more personal than say, gamer’s forums but not more personal than porn sites.
So I helped teach Serizawa the basics of what a tweet was, how to make one, and why a collection of reaction memes saved to your phone was more important than the words he chose. And with that, months went by of me hearing nothing of it. I’d catch the big guy on his phone, scrolling endlessly. But if we weren’t busy I didn’t care.
Cut to me, deciding that Spirits and Such could potentially benefit off of having its own twitter. We could post pictures and updates and link back to the actual, very well designed, website. Why not follow Serizawa while I’m at it? What was his @ again?
And what do I come to find?
“Ugh, I’ll tell you what. Reigen got 2 hands for a reason,” I read aloud to myself, “damn boi serving the cake today, they’re pancakes but hey… my boss looks like a porn star again hngggggg… what the hell are these?”
OVER 2000 FOLLOWERS!?
I continued to scroll through Serizawa’s infinite tweets about… well about me. I wanted to say they were flattering but they kinda… went in weird directions.
“I would let my boss rearrange my guts any day of the week… Boi made me a single mother of 15 and I aint even mad… my nipples…
Your nipples what Serizawa?
I wish Reigen would murder my ass but he’s already a bottom- I RESENT THAT! No he’s right…”
I just kept reading, squinting my eyes tighter and tighter until they were basically closed. Serizawa what the hell are these? He’s always been so timid and gentle. He smiles like a sheep from Animal Crossing. SO WHERE THE HELL ARE THESE THOUGHTS COMING FROM!? The secret life of Katsuya Serizawa… The inner world… the secret sex dungeon…
I should… I should probably say something to him when he gets into the office.
What were other people saying about these tweets?
It was nothing but blind support.
“GO GET HIM BICHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
“HONEY YES! HAVE HIM POP YOUR BACK LIKE A GLOW STICK!”
“SPIT IN MY EYE SERIZAWA!”
What was that last one?
“YOU ARE DUMMY THICC THERES NO WAY HE’S NOT DOWN TO SMASH GO GET HIM TIGER!”
Serizawa responded to that one with a tiger emoji. It was so smol, Reigen felt very emotional suddenly. It only got worse.
“I wish I wasn’t such an ugly loser face cuz then maybe I’d say something to him,” I read, and it wasn’t the only tweet like that, “seriously, what does a guy like him even see in someone like me? I should have been fired by now.”
Serizawa, if anyone should be fired it’s me and I own this business.
So I read through all the sadness and pent up sexual frustration in Serizawa’s enormous and perverted heart. And so I came to a decision. I would not tell Serizawa I found his thirst twitter and also I would invite him for coffee or something… because… maybe that one person on the internet is right and Serizawa breaking my back like a glow stick is a good idea. Yes.