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Sunny Days and Mass Genocide on Sesame Street

Chapter Text

(Narrated by Caillou Lady)

Sunny days, was coming to an end. Today, everything was fine on this amazing day in Sesame Street. The furry lil bastards were playing hopscotch, as always Big Bird’s feet were too big, thus giving him an automatic loss.

Elmo giggled like a lil punk bitch. “Hahah Big Bird is too fat. I win again hahaha.”

Big Bird sighed like a turkey about to be sent to the slaughter house a week before Thanksgiving. “Aw Elmo, I’m not fat, I told you it’s gas.” Elmo kicked him, thus causing Big Bird to whine in pain. “OW! Elmo that wasn’t very nice. You don’t have to kick me.”

Elmo crossed his arms and threw some sidewalk chalk at Big Bird’s dumb beak. “Big Bird is stupid and I hate you!”

Big Bird gasped, he hasn’t been this shocked since the shitty final season of Game of Thrones. Oh wait, that was this year. “Oh I see, we’re being rude now aren’t we. Well guess what, I don’t care that you broke your elbow. Also I think you should stop playing Call of Duty, it’s making you swear a lot.”

Elmo’s eyes filled with fire as he pulled out a Glock 45 and pointed it at Big Bird’s stupid feathered head. “Big Bird better be careful or Elmo will shoot Big Bird in the fucking head!”

Bird Bird whimpered and ran back to his foreclosed  nest that was made out of plastic straws. “Oh that Elmo is such a meanie. Sometimes I wished Sesame Street would blow up like Iraq.” Big Bird pulled out his Death Note notebook and wrote down the names of all his fake ass friends in sesame street. As well as some other peculiar names. “The deed is done.” He carried his fat ass over to his IPhone 2 and dial (559)-Unc-le 2.0. “Hello Mister President. Execute operation Big Bird Boom Boom Time.”