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Space Kid the Final Frontier

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"Captain's log star date 42069.314 we are on route to Omicron Persei 8 in the Andromeda galaxy to deliver a much-needed shipment of vital medicine for a plague that threatens to stop all reproduction on the planet but I fear we may not get there in time."

Neil's fingers dug into his captain's chairs armrest. The ship's counselor Nerris sauntered over and, sitting in the captain's lap, she caressed his strong jawline, "I sense something is troubling you captain," she states sensually.

Captain Neil sighed his mind still racing, "Yes," he quickly answered Nerris briefly eyeing her up in her grey full body skin tight latex, "Commander Preston, what is our current ETA to Omicron Persei 8?"

"23 hours sir!" he shouted spinning around with white face paint on, "I instructed our ship's navigator to make adjustments for a temporal graviton patch."

Neil growled, unsatisfied at the answer. He motioned for his thot to get off of him and slapped his combadge to communicate with the head of engineering. "Dolph! Can you give us warp 8?"

Dolph was crawling through a repair duct when he uncomfortably slapped his own combadge, "Nein sir, ve are already pushing her, ve are still vorking on repairs from ze last mission. I might be able to get us to vorp 7 with a little German engineering."

Captain Neil slapped his badge again, "Just do what you can," he said clearly unsatisfied.

"Commander Preston how risky is this temporal graviton patch?"

"It is a rather unknown phenomenon sir, so I can not give you a definitive answer," he stated robotically.

"Space Kid, change our course to the original one. Through the patch!"

"Captain, as the ship's Navigator, I must advise against that." Space kid responded professionally but looking back with concern in his chocolate eyes.

"What do you think, number two?" Nail said looking over to Max who was sitting next to him.

Slumped over, his hand rested against his cheek, he spat, "Don't call me that!"

"What? Number two?"

"Gah, Yes!" Max said as he rolled his eyes so hard it hurt, "Just do it, Space Kid. That's an order!"

"Are you sure that's smart?" David spoke up from the corner.

"Shut up David, you’re just a cadet! I'll fuck you later." Max yelled, putting David in his place.

The young cadet perked up at the promised reward.

Space Kid nodded confidently to his Superior officers, "Okidoky," he replied cheerfully tapping on his screen.

With that, the Enterprise flew head first into the temporal graviton patch at warp 7.1.

A few hours into their journey, Preston again whipped his head around to report, "Captain, long-range scanners are picking up a federation vessel, classification unknown."

"Nikki hail them standard frequencies," Neil ordered following standard procedures.

"Aye, sir!" She said enthusiastically, opening up a channel.

"Attention Federation Starship. Are you in need of assist-"


Just then Locutus came on the screen with a fully assimilated Enterprise crew in the background everyone from Worf to Geordi. Neil managed to yell, "Red Alert!" before the shock of the scene before him took hold.

The lights dimmed and flashing red dotted the outer walls while sirens blared.

Max sat straight up in his chair and muttered, “Fuck... Nurf."

"Shields are already up and holding at 80%," the head of security informed.

Max jumped out of his chair and extended his arm, all five fingers splayed out with his palm down, "Fire the phaser bank, prepare a volley of photon torpedoes!... Fire!"

"Minimal damage, Sir, I am rotating shield frequencies!" Preston reported.

Most crews would be in a panic, but Neil's crew is a cut above the rest which gave him time to come up with a plan.

"Space Kid get into a shuttle, now!" Neil commanded Starfleet's finest helmsman.

"Yes, Sir," he said getting up and immediately leaving, having complete faith in his captain.

A strong hit rocked the ship while everyone braced themselves. Chief Communications officer Nikki reported, "Captain there has been a haul breach,"

Space Kid yelling "BREACH!" echoed throughout the ship.

"There are multiple reports of casualties and wounded,” she continued.

Neil pressed his badge, "Dr. Gwen, Ered, prepare for the wounded," he ordered.

Gwen and Ered started to move biobeds around in skimpy nurse's outfits to better accommodate the influx of the injured to sickbay.

"Nikki, give me a comlink to Space Kid."


"Space Kid, you're going to fly through their shields," Captain Neil informed.

Space Kid started to sweat, "Ah, are you sure?"

"Yes, now launch!"

"Preston, do their shields have any weaknesses?" Neil inquired.

"Yes Sir, scans show there is a minor fluctuation in there shield matrix at the coordinates of -2.35 degrees longitude and 48.8 degrees latitude."

"You hear that Commander Armstrong? Aim for those coordinates!"

"Nurf! Fire a modulating phaser beam at their weak spot!"

Space Kid piloted the space shuttle towards the coordinates.


"Captain, the Borg have begun to board the ship!" Nurf exclaimed and turned to hit the Drone that was suddenly on the bridge. "Huh? Punching them seems pretty effective."

The modulating phaser beam managed to pierce the Borg modified vessel's shields allowing Space Kid to enter.

"Now what Captain?" Space kids asked.

"Overload your warp drive," Neil stated plainly with a smirk on his face while Nurf was beating the shit out of the drone.

"But Captain that's suicide!"

"I said do it!"

The shuttle’s onboard computer began to countdown, "Ten seconds till containment failure."




"Captain!?" Space Kid yelled in clear distress.



"Harrison make him disappear."

"Teleporting one Commander Armstrong," Harrison said as he waved his hands over the console.

The Borg converted Enterprise was completely destroyed from the shuttle’s warp core cascade failure.

Neil stood triumphant and adjusted his red spandex, "Damage report?"

Preston looked back towards the captain with a soulless stare, "Aside from the haul damage no critical systems were damaged and all Intruders have shut down from being disconnected from the collective."

"Good, start repairs, tend to the wounded and throw the intruders in the brig. Send a subspace message to Starfleet command notifying them of this encounter," Neil glanced over to Space kid who just entered the bridge. "Ah, glad to have you back, I knew you could do it."

He was clearly upset and disgruntled, so he ignored the Captain and sat back in the helmsman seat.

Neil walked over behind Space Kid, leaning over he planted a quick peck on his pudgy cheek before whispering, "I love you."

Albeit unprofessional, after going through such a harrowing ordeal, Space Kid deserved a bit of public affection.

Neil stood straight up from his bent position and ordered, "Set course for Omicron Persei 8; we have a mission to complete."

Finally, after a life-threatening encounter with the Borg, the crew made it to their destination, an hour early at that. The senior officers were all in the hold ready to personally transfer the desperately needed medicine. Max took the liberty to rip off the tarp over the top of the containers and they all shared a collective look of shock and dismay. They were all completely dumbfounded. Max was the first to speak. "We nearly fucking killed ourselves to deliver you guys Viagra! I AM FUCKING DONE!" He screamed and walked off in a huff.

Suddenly Neil woke up in his bed, in a cold sweat. He grumbled to himself, "Man, I have the weirdest boner right now."