The Price You Pay
Blue eyes scan the dvds in front of her, each title blurring together making a jumbled mess in her brain. Its been a long day. Clarke Griffin stands in BlockBuster, her petite figure obscured by the shelves as she tries to pick a movie she knows she isnt even going to watch. A finger dances over the spines of each dvd, she closes her eyes and counts to 5 and she chooses the dvd her hand has landed on. Road House. Shes seen it a million times but she decides to rent it anyways, she wont get the chance to enjoy it but the familiar scenes will be a comforting background for the evening shift. She walks to the front, eyeballing the candy that sits in neat rows, color coordinated and alphabetically. She chuckles to herself at the almost obsessive way each snack is placed, and grabs a pack of skittles before making her way to the counter just as her phone pings. “Finn” is calling. With an irritated sigh she mutes her phone and places her items on the counter. A slender hand reaches for her dvd, and Clarke follows it and watches as toned arms type in the sku code.
“Okay so Road House and skittles, will that be all for you tonight?”
Clarke is momentarily taken back, blue eyes meet green and silence follows.
“Big date?” the girl tries again. Clarke looks to her name tag, “Lexa” it reads
“Oh yeah, big night. Gonna give my pillow some serious head when i get home.”
Lexa smirks and takes Clarkes BlockBuster card and ID, she scans the blue membership card and hands all her items back to her. “Well i hope its good time, i havent watched a Patrick Swayze movie in years, but Road House was always my favorite.”
“Not a fan of Dirty Dancing?” Clarke quips. The girl behind the counter shrugs with a smile and Clarke watches as Lexa’s eyes appreciate her figure. The blonde raises an eyebrow at her and green eyes dart down to the keyboard of the computer. A blush paints her cheeks and contrast’s against her blue blockbuster collared shirt.
“Have a good night, miss.”
Clarke shakes her head to herself and she guides her ID back into the appropriate slot in her wallet, she swipes the movie into her bag and smiles at Lexa before exiting the store.
Blond hair is swept up from the wind, its warmth warning of an impending storm. She inhales deeply, smelling the moisture of the rain and letting its heaviness settle into her lungs.
‘You could run away.’ The intrusive thought pushes its way to the front of her mind and makes her eyes water from the pressure. She shuts up her internal voice by starting the car and revving her engine. The hum of her car comforts her on the short ride home and she successfully avoids making a wild turn onto the highway and never coming back.
The clock in her living room chimes 10pm as she shuts the front door of her apartment and Clarke mentally scolds her roommate Raven for leaving auto parts all over their small shared kitchen. Her phone pings again, “Finn’s” name lighting up the screen. She ignores it for the second time. After grabbing a cold water bottle from the fridge she rifles through her purse looking for the skittles she bought at BlockBuster before realizing she never grabbed them from the counter after paying. “Great” she mutters before stomping down the hall to her bedroom.
Her computer lights her room in a soft glow and she quickly sits down at the small desk and logs onto the NightFlirt website, her inbox is flooded with messages and she smiles. ‘Its gonna be a good night’.
The first message was from Perry, a long time client who pays well. She quickly messages him back that she is available to chat and while waiting for his response she answers the other.
Hey Princess! Its Finn. i know its a long shot but id love a solo show tonight.
Clarkes eyes roll so far back in her head she fears they’ll stick that way. Who the hell does he think he is? Its one thing to blow her phone up but its a whole other level of creepy for an ex to message her during work for a solo show she’s sure he wont pay for.
She sends a “no” and before moving on she removes him from her profile.
The next message was from a client she recently added. This person was liking a lot of her public photos so she figured it would be benifical to add them privatley.
Subject: Hi Princess
Hey, im new here. Honestly im new to this whole thing and im kinda nervous. How does this work? Can we chat later?
Clarke pressed on the profile and was disappointed to find it empty besides one profile picture that didnt even show the face of the mystery client. She was however, pleasantly surprised to see the female icon next to the user name.
“Okay LWoods, lets see what you got.” She sent out her generic greeting message inviting them for a private chat and stood up from the desk chair to get ready. Slipping out of her work scrubs she left herself in a simple white tank top and her pink boy shorts and then busies herself by putting Road House in her dvd player. She hits play and then mute and her room was illuminated by the opening scenes. A small sound comes from her laptop indicating a message and she sits back down flipping the pink tinted ends of her hair over her shoulder.
Subject: Hi Princess
Yes id love to chat, how much for the Private IM chat?
She sat back and contemplated a response. She usually charges new client a flat rate of $20 just to chat and then $175 an hour for video sessions, but it’s been a slow week. She typed back a quick response to gauge the interest of the mysterious LWoods.
“70 to chat and we can negotiate a video chat later if you’re still interested.”
The response was instant and she saw $70 deposited into her account almost immediately along with an IM request.
LWOODS93 would like to CHAT
She accepted the invite.
Princess90: Hey there
LWoods93: hi :)
Priness90: why are you nervous?
LWoods93: i guess i just dont know what to expect
Princess90: i offer a few select services, and we wont do anything you’re not comfortable with :)
There’s a lull in the chat and clarke leans back in her chair wondering if she’s lost the interest of the nervous client. She glances at her tv wishing she had those skittles, her computer signals a new IM.
LWoods93: i havent been with anybody in a long time, but my last relationship had a boring sex life. I think i am here to explore new things. Do you specialize in any Kinks?
Princess90: almost anything. Most of my clientele likes when i call them certain names, “Master, daddy, etc”. Is that something that would interest you?
The response was immediate.
LWoods93: call me Daddy.
Clarke’s smile grew into a tight smirk and typed up a message before grabbing the simple black zorro mask that lay beside her laptop. She fastened the string in the back and pushed her cleavage up a bit.
Princess90: okay, Daddy.
Priness90: i charge 175 an hour per video chat, thats where things get really intense. For you though, Daddy i would charge you 50 for your first hour session. Sound good?
LWoods93: yes i would like that. Can we chat now?
A notification pops up in the corner of her browser, Perry was online and wanting to chat. Clarke knew she should talk to perry, he was a big spender and she knew it would be fun, but something inside her felt compelled to explore LWoods.
Another notification popped up: “$50 was deposited into your NightFlirt account by LWoods93”
Clarke clicks on LWoods’ profile and double clicked on the video chat icon.
The screen buffered a moment before she was met with a flannel clad female, their face was cut off at the top of the screen. Clarke smiled, “let me see you”.
The hands on the screen wrung together nervously before they reached out and moved the laptop to reveal her face. The first thing Clarke saw was long brunette hair braided back, it was pushed over a slender shoulder. She didnt focus too long on the hair though, because staring back at her was none other than Lexa, the blockbuster girl from earlier tonight. Clarke remained calm, the mask was hiding her identity and she knew this was just possibly a coincidence.
“Hi Daddy, its good to see you.” Clarke said sweetly.
Lexa visibly swallowed at the nickname and exhaled loudly. “Its good to see you too, i thought you would be wearing a tiara or something...but i like the mask. A princess who’s also a vigilante?”
Clarke laughs and shrugs, “i guess im not your normal princess.”
“I like that.” lexa states simply.
Clarke quickly switched her personality up, her lips pout a bit and she winks at Lexa through the screen. “I bet i do other things you would like too.”
Again, Lexa swallows thickly, her nerves clear even through the visual camera noise. There was a moment of contemplation on Lexa’s end, her brows knit together in thought as she eyes Clarke.
“Im sure youre good at what you do princess, what are you wearing?” Clarke was glad she was wearing the mask, because she was sure her face showed the shock she felt at Lexa’s words. Before her was a nervous girl, most likely new to all things in the kink or BDSM world yet her words were confident, and her eyes held a dominant trait Clarke only see’s in her most advanced clients.
Clarke stood, moving the computer chair out of the way and backed up so her figure was exposed to Lexa. she played with the bottom hem of her tank top and bit her lip as she felt familiar eyes appreciate what they saw. “I just got off work, please dont mind how plain i look. Next time i’ll dress however you want, Daddy.”
“Its fine, you look fine” Lexa answered quickly.
“If you were here with me, what would you do to me?” Clarke asked as she took a step towards the screen. She leaned over the desk using the edge for support, her cleavage on full display, “would you touch me?”
Lexa’s eyebrow raised, her tongue poked out and wet her lips and she smiled toothily at Clarke.
“No i wouldnt, id make you beg for it.”
Clarke leaned back slightly, this time she was sure the shock on her face was noticeable.
“Is that what you would like, princess? To be teased?” Lexa continues.
Slender and tan fingers reach up and unbutton the flannel shirt, the first two buttons make an audible pop, underneath a dark blue undershirt was revealed. Lexa slipped the flannel down her arms and let the shirt fall to the floor and out of sight.
“Yes Daddy, thats what i want.”
Thanks for all the love on that first chapter! This chapter explores our girls a little better, and im sorry to say there is no smut. But!! stay tuned, i think you all are really going to enjoy this story.
The Price You Pay
Clarke was exhausted, a 3 car pile up called her into work at 7 am and after last night she felt that she could sleep for a week. Her mind was buzzing though, and her body...her body reacted to Lexa’s commands on its own and she had no control over it. At about 4 am, they ended their first video chat. Clarke was having so much fun she almost forgot to charge lexa for the extra 5 hours of service. LWoods93 however didn’t forget, and right after she hung up the chat, $250 showed up in her NightFlirt account before she could even scold herself for forgetting.
Clarke wanted to be worried, Lexa worked at BlockBluster so how could she afford to drop that kind of money in one night? Maybe worried was the wrong word, let’s be honest the money was helping the blonde make a better life for herself but she still felt bad taking away hard earned cash from the shy girl.
As she quickly changed her scrub shirt to a new one, throwing the blood stained one in the bin, the door to the locker room opened with a slam. A cold faced brunette stepped in and stood before the blonde waiting for her to finish.
“Good Morning to you too, Octavia.” Clarke said more cheerily than she felt. Her body wanted to sag against the bench and relax but she still had 4 more hours of rounds and hopefully a general surgery would make its way into her hands before she left.
“My brother has been looking for you.”
Clarke scoffed at the comment, “All his life.”
Octavia cracked a smile before leaning against the locker in front of the blonde. They shared a quiet moment together, both of them clearly too tired to continue the small talk.
“Where is he? I’ll find him, but I swear if he doesnt hand me at least an Appendectomy by 3 pm i’m going to scream.”
Octavia pointed to the doors outside the locker room and smirked, “He’s outside waiting. Apparently there’s been a fire at the local BlockBuster and they brought in like 3 employees. He needs you to do those rounds.”
Clarke whipped around, staring at Octavia. Worry gnawed at her chest bust she pushed it down at the sight of the confused expression Octavia wore.
“Whats up Clarke? Worried about all your precious dvds? God, you rent something outta there like twice a week.”
Clarke shook her head quickly before busying herself with re-tying her shoelaces.
“No, i just have a movie to return tonight and I don’t want some bogus late fee because of the fire.”
Before Octavia was able to reply, she rushed out the door’s and knocked right into Bellamy’s large chest. His hands reach out to steady her and a grimy smirk overtakes his face.
“Woah there princess, slow down nobodies dead just a few minor burns.”
“Bellamy, I told you not to call me that. It was one time and it’ll never happen again.”
The raven haired boy holds his hands up in surrender, his smirk falling slightly but the smug look still in place. “My bad Clarke, it was just a joke. The patients are all in Bay 3. Nothing serious, just a few minor burns that BlockBuster is forcing them to get checked out due to insurance.”
Clarke was already walking towards Bay 3, Bellamy had to quickly follow in order to finish his sentence and his sighed at her.
“Clarke I said it’s not a big deal, we can let them wait.”
She rolled her eyes at him and stopped suddenly outside a room in Bay 3 so fast that he almost ran into her. “Look Bellamy, I get that these injuries are not serious, but as doctors we should be treating each patient as if they are a priority. Otherwise why would they put their faith in us?”
“Jesus Princess, chill out-”
“I said don’t call me that!” her anger was flaring and a small voice in her head told her to punch that stupid smirk off his face. She shook her head trying to rid herself of the intrusive thought. She could feel her face flush as she regained control of her emotions.
“If you can’t maintain a professional relationship with me at work then maybe you should just avoid me all together”
She didn’t let him respond as she pushed the door to the patient room and shut it right in his face, which to her delight was not its usual smug expression.
Inside the room, the bed was empty. Clarke frowned and picked up the chart, the name read “Anya Woods”. She read over the list of injuries and was glad it wasn’t too extensive, just a few minor burns on her arms and hands from running back into the building to grab her purse.
“I know, i know. It was stupid. But Lexa would have killed me if i had to get another phone this year. It was like the 3rd one, and it’s the Iphone X.”
Clarke’s looked up at the voice and her mind lingered on Lexa’s name. A tall woman with sharp cheekbones exited the bathroom, her hair was wavy and fell down her exposed back.
“Can I get dressed? There’s a bit of a breeze”
“Hi Anya, im Dr Griffin. Could you take a seat for me? I’ll be quick i promise.”
“You got it, Doc. My sister is in the next room, be easy on her she’s a shy one”
Clarke began gently probing the wounds on the inner forearm and dabbing on burn gel on the areas that needed it most.
“Is that Lexa?” the blonde asked, hoping her voice wasn’t too eager.
“Yeah, she’s the counter girl. Don’t get me started on how she got that job, I’ll never know. Such a hoepless gay, everytime a pretty girl walks in shes a mumbling mess.” Anya snickered.
Clarke smiled politely at the words and her mind flashed to last night.
“Are you touching yourself, Daddy?”
Lexa smirked through the screen. Gone was the shy and vulnerable newbie, and in her place was this commander of kink. Clarke was getting worked up fast and it surprised her to find a sticky heat forming between her legs.
“No Princess, im not. Because thats exactly what you want me to do.”
Clarke was reeling, she would do anything to be in the same room as Lexa right now. The things she would let the brunette do to her was making her head spin with dirty thoughts.
“But id love it if you touched yourself, will you do that for Daddy?”
“Earth to Doctor Griffin.”
Clarke was brought down to earth with lightning speed. She cleared her throat noisily and quietly apologized, “Im sorry Miss Woods, did you say something?”
“I asked if you’ve ever been to the Blockbuster on 21st street. Near Sepulveda”
“Yes, i actually rented a movie there yesterday. I was supposed to return it today but i suppose thats out of the question.” Clarke chuckled lightly and Anya rolled her eyes.
“Honestly that place was slowly going out of business for years. You could probably just keep the movie and nobody would notice. Hey, do you mind if we speed this up? My sister needs a ride to another appointment today and its in an hour.”
“Of course, Miss Woods. We are done here. Just let the burn breathe, don’t bandage it right now. The wounds are superficial and should heal without scarring.”
“Sick! Thanks, Doc. i’ll meet you in my sister’s room in a sec, im gonna run to the vending machine.”
Clarke nodded and left the room to let Anya get dressed. She walked across the hall and took a deep breath before knocking and then entering. Lexa sat crossed legged on top of the sheets. Her fingers tapped impatiently on her knee and when she saw the blonde she sat up straighter.
“Hi Lexa, im Doctor Griffin. Im going to look over your burns and probably send you home with some cream to keep the pain minimal.”
“Road House.” lexa said, her eyes were twinkling and she passed Clarke her own chart that she was looking over herself.
“I have a slight irritation on my bicep from pushing open a hot door. I believe it’s very minor and im not experiencing any pain.”
Clarke read her chart as she spoke, and flipped it closed as she took her arm gently to examine her. “Well you’re the most helpful patient i’ve had all week,”
“Im sorry, i am very thorough.”
Clarke pushed some hair behind her ear and smiled at Lexa. she saw Lexa’s eyes linger on the pink tips and watched as a blush ran up her neck.
“Do they let doctors have hair like that?” she saw Lexa’s eyes flick to her own and she had to manual remind herself to breath.
‘She doesn’t know, just keep it cool. Lot's of people have pink hair’ she thought to herself.
“Well im only an intern, once I become an attending i’m sure they won’t allow it.”
“I like it, it suits you.”
Clarke paused her examination, her heart hammering in her chest. They lock eyes again and Lexa adverts her gaze just like last night at BlockBuster. “Your sister said you had another appointment to go to, she should be back any minute...something about a vending machine.”
“Yeah, therapy. She’s probably going to force feed me an apple and some stale chex mix.”
Clake smiled and pulled her examination tray away before straightening up and adjusting her stethoscope around her neck. She went to press the cold metal against Lexa’s back and,
“Wait, wait has that been sterilized?”
Clarke laughed a bit until she saw the complete seriousness of Lexa’s face.
“Yeah...it gets cleaned after each patient.”
Lexa’s eyes swung wildly around the room before falling on a bottle of alcohol, “do you mind just rinsing it off?”
“Lexa, its clean i swear-”
Anya walks in, her hand in a bag of chips as she chews noisily. “Hey you little shit, we gotta go. Traffic’s gonna be a bitch.”
“Anya, im not done with my exam. “ Lexa says annoyed, her hand began to drum against her kneecap again.
“You know what, were good. Your burns are fine and just like Anya’s they will heal without scarring.” Clarke paused as Lexa takes a deep breath and stands up, her dressing gown falling slack in the back. The blonde turns away and faces Anya, a smirk on her sharp face.
“You are welcome to leave, your discharge papers are at the front desk with our clerk, Amanda.” Clarke quickly excuses herself from the room, the air inside had become stuffy and her heart rate was off the charts. ‘I should really slow down on that coffee’
As the door to Lexa’s room began closing she caught the start of what seemed like a tense conversation between the sisters.
“Did you show her your freaky side yet?”
“God Anya, shut up. I totally freaked her out if thats what you mean.”
“Jesus did you ask her to sterilize something?”
“Oh god you did, didn’t you??”
Clarke walked away at that point, she didn’t need to be caught eavesdropping and that whole interaction threw her for a loop. Clarke makes her way to the ED, informing Amanda that the Woods sisters will be coming up to sign their release papers. The clerk, a pretty blonde woman with bright eyes smiles at her too long and Clarke excuses herself for her other rounds.
Lexa sits uncomfortably in the leather seat of her therapists office. Dr Jaha was running late and her anxiety was at an all time high. She drummed her fingers against her leg and counted the number of books he had on his shelf. She knew the number already, he had 20 blue spine books, 5 yellow, 2 off white, and 15 red. 42 books all about various mental illness’s. 4 of which were about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, something Lexa was diagnosed with at age 7.
It was a hard childhood, Lexa thinks she must have gone through at least 5 different diagnosis’s before somebody actually took the time to listen to her anxious ramblings. Of all people, it was Anya. Her older sister knew something was different about her. She would watch as Lexa arranged her bedroom in color coordinated patterns, counting her steps, and if her food was touching she would spiral into a full blown panic attack. One day after school they came home to a brand new nanny, the older woman had no idea about Lexa and her quirks and when she served the girls celery with peanut butter spread on top, Lexa hid in her bedroom for hours until her other Indra came home.
They found her under the bed, muttering about a code only Lexa knew.
And here she was, 24 years old sitting in a big leather chair that creaked every time she moved in an office with a wall clock that was 2 minutes slow. Its like they want her to freak out or something. The door opened and a tall man entered, his hair jet black but his goatee silver, the contrast irritated her intensely. “Aleksa, thanks for coming. Anya tells me you had a big day today.”
Her nostrils flared slightly, she could still smell the burning DVDs. “Yes it was quite eventful.”
“Were you hurt?” he questioned, he began writing something down and the scratch of the pen against paper started a light burning in her lower back.
“No, not really. I burned my arm from pushing the door open to get out, but its not painful.”
He began writing again, “and how was the hospital visit?”
He raised a bushy brow at her, his small spectacles sliding down his nose. “Interesting how?”
“I asked the doctor to sterilize her instruments.”
He nodded his head and used his pointer to slide his glasses back up, he watched her for a moment and his gaze made her squirm in her seat. The leather creaked and she winced. “How has your week been? Have you been doing any of the exercises I recommended?”
She nods her head, her thoughts going back to the night before on the NightFlirt website. It was the most outrageous thing she;s ever done in her life. She can’t even begin to believe the things that were coming out of her mouth. “I’ve begun too...I am exploring some things.”
His brow quirked again and his pen began scratching against the paper quickly, letting her speak without interruption.
“I’m going outside my comfort zone a bit, it feels good.”
“Good! Im glad to hear it Aleksa. Would you like to explain further?”
She shook her head. No she definitely did not want to sit in this terrible leather chair and explain what she’s been up too.
“That’s okay, we can discuss that at another time.” he writes more things down in his notebook before closing it. “Today is going to be a little different than our last sessions.” He stands and holds out his hand to help her up.
She looks at his hand and glances to the handsanitizer on his desk. She sinks back into the chair and shakes her head no.
“Lexa im not going to force you, but id like to begin integrating a small amount of exposure therapy into our sessions.” his hand was still outstretched, his fingers flexed slightly.
“Jaha, please...when was the last time you washed your hands?”
“Maybe a year or two ago.” her face scrunched up in disgust before she caught the mischievous glint. “Come on Aleksa, were going to shake hands and then im going to send you on your way. Its that simple.”
She reached up, her hand clasping his and he pulled her out of the chair. He stood there, not letting her hand go and she could feel the sweat begin to form on her palm. He smiled kindly before giving their hands a firm shake before letting her hand go.
“See you next week. Please tell Anya i said goodbye,”
She rushed out of his office, wiping her hand against the front of her jeans. Anya sat waiting near the office, chewing a piece of gum that she probably found at the bottom of her purse. She looks up at Lexa’s movements before smiling slightly.
“You ready, kiddo?”
“Yes, can we go, i need to shower.”
“You got it, hey can we stop for ice cream?”
“Anya i said i need to shower!”
Anya giggled all the way to the car, watching as Lexa’s frenzied movements finally slowed when the car finally pulled out of the office parking lot.
The Price You Pay
Hi everybody, just wanted to touch base and let you know i see and appreciate all the comments being left. Some of you are asking about a schedule and whether you should look forward to new chapters on a specific day. As of right now I do not have a set schedule, i only post once im done writing the chapter and that could be one time a week or 3. At this point, since I am new to this world and i don't have a beta you can probably count on 2 chapters a week posted within a few days of each other. I would love an experienced beta to volunteer and help me with this process, but until that happens, please enjoy my typo’s.
I already have the next chapter written, it will be posted in a few days.
The night was cooling down, a light breeze brought in the smell of the coast and the salt in the air made Clarkes hair curl slightly. The blonde waves whipped gently in the wind but Clarke swatted it away, annoyed as she sat on the roof of her apartment building. She watched the sun set low in the sky and wished just for a moment she could be swept away like a piece of paper, landing somewhere random and start over. She thought back to her day, the excitement, the confusion and the anger she felt towards her attending. Bellamy had approached her again later today to apologize but she didn’t want to hear it. His excuse was poor and she couldn’t find any genuinity behind his words. That was something she was having trouble with lately. Not being able to find a genuine soul to connect with. It’s been years since she had a deep conversation, one that ripped her open and salted old wounds but also rubbed the sore out afterwards. She longed for a moment with another person that felt real, one that made her ache inside but in all the right ways. Her job, helping people, saving lives and fulfilling needs was great, but what about her own needs? Who would fulfill those if she couldn’t do it herself?
Her phone pined loudly, bringing her out of her mind and back to the present. She fished it out of her pocket and smiled as she saw LWOODS93 was online. She opened up the NightFlirt app and clicked on Lexa’s profile, she sent a quick chat her way not even really wanting to get sexual but just talk to the girl who has occupied her mind the past 2 days.
Princess90: Hi daddy, you free to talk? I’m feeling lonely.
LWoods93: I actually just wanted to reach out and tell you that I lost my job today. I won’t be able to afford any more private videos for a while.
Clarke frowned at the message and cursed BlockBuster and the faulty wiring that caused the fire. She felt for Lexa, knowing that a job was hard to come by around here. Before she could respond another message from Lexa popped up.
LWoods93: I really enjoyed and appreciate our last chat, ive been searching for a way to branch out and explore myself. I never thought it would be like this, but im feeling more in control of myself already… which is something I struggle with.
Princess90: shit, i'm so sorry.
LWoods93: It’s okay. How about one last chat? I have some money saved so why not.
Princess90: it's on the house. As long as I get to see Daddy one last time. Give me 20 mins?
LWoods90: I'll be waiting,
Clarke walked to the door of the roof and wrapped her fingers around the handle. She gave it a hard tug but frowned when it didn't open. It always opened, the maintenance guys was well aware she was up there so why was the door locked? She breathed in deeply, willing herself not to get anxious. She tugged on it again hoping it was just jammed but when it wouldn't budge, a panic bloomed in her chest. ‘Shit shit shit’ she thought. This was exactly what she DIDN'T need after a day like today. The blonde closed her eyes tightly, pinching the bridge of her nose and taking another deep breath. She could call Raven, but the brunette hasn't answered her last three texts, she must be slammed at work. She thought of calling Octavia but knew she would be across town at Lincoln's house. She was not calling Bellamy for help.
Clarke racked her brain, scrolling mentally through the list of people she could call, all of which were most likely at work, getting ready for work, or straight up unavailable. She glanced down at her phone, the NightFlirt app notifications shining brightly up at her. ‘LWoods90’ was liking her photos. An idea popped in her head but was quickly brushed away.
‘I can't ask Lexa to help me, it would be too weird. I have to maintain my anonymity’
Thunder clapped in the distance, making Clark jump, a flash of lightning striking not long after, indicating that a storm was quickly approaching. Time was running out before she would be stuck on the roof to bear the storm.
She glanced again at her phone, annoyance creeping up her body at the thought of bothering the girl. Before she could second guess herself, she opened the app and clicked on Lexa’s profile. There was a phone chat option, and thankfully Lexa had linked the app to her cellphone. With courage she was sure was based only on adrenaline, she clicked the icon and put her ear to her phone.
“Princess?” Lexa’s voice reached her and eased some of the anxiety she felt.
“Heya,” Clarke replied, and then cringed at her awkwardness.
“I assumed we would be video chatting. Not that im upset, im just glad I get to talk to you.”
“I actually am in a bit of a bind…”
There was a pause on Lexa’s end, “is everything okay?”
“Yes, well no not really. I'm stuck...on my roof.”
“You’re stuck on a roof? What?”
Clarke leaned up against the locked door and ran her free hand through her hair, she closed her eyes again before looking up at the darkening sky. “I came up here to get some air and...well i guess im an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot.”
“I am, Daddy. I'm an idiot.”
Lexa chuckled on the other end of the phone, a smile could be heard in her voice. “You’re not, princess, I promise. How can I help? Do you want me to call someone?”
Clarke's body sagged and she slid down the door, sitting her butt on the roofs floor.
“That’s the thing, there’s nobody to call.” she said glumly. “I guess i just wanted to call and send my goodbyes, this storm will probably wash me away.”
A hearty laugh was heard from lexa again, followed by the sound of a rustling movement,
“I will save you,” a pause “is that weird?”
“No! That’s not weird at all, I didn’t want to ask but I really did at the same time.” the panic in her chest began dwindling but flowered again as a drop of rain hit her cheek.
“Listen, im in the Callaway Apartments off of 50th. If you promise not to kill me I would really love to be rescued.”
“So killing you and wearing your skin is off the table? Damn okay, I can work with that i guess”
“Are you into that sort of thing? There’s an app for that.”
A car starting is heard through the line, followed by the sarcastic reply. “No, im not. Good to know, i’ll pass that info along to my serial killer friends.”
“Thank you for doing this, i swear i don't make a habit of telling strangers my address.”
“Its fine, seriously. I should be there in about 10 minutes, I don't live far.”
“Drive safe, Daddy.”
“Anything for you princess.”
The line disconnected, another clap of thunder startling Clarke. A surge of apprehension coursed through her as she realized that she would be giving away her face. If she wasn’t lying, it was actually a little exhilarating too. The thought of Lexa knowing who she was and wanting her beyond the “Princess” persona made her slick between the thighs. To see Lexa giving her commands, touching Clarke with confident hands, watching her eyes grow heavy after an orgasm. These were things she’s be thinking about every since their first encounter at BlockBuster. They intensified after their online meeting, and then doubled after the hospital visit.
10 minutes passed agonizingly slow, but when she heard a tentative knock against the other side of the door she was leaning against, Clarke wished for 5 more minutes just to collect herself.
“Hello? Any damsels in distress out there?” a playful voice filtered through.
Clarke stood up and straightened out her shirt a bit, she cleared her throat nervously and fixed the flyaways on her head.
“Yeah im here!” she said loudly.
The door opened, and before she could react, fingers closed around her wrist and pulled her into the building.
They stood there in the stairwell, staring. Clarke wrung her hands nervously, Lexa eyeing her face, her hair, her hands.
“Good evening Doctor Griffin.” Lexa’s voice was hard to read, her face even harder. The blonde swallowed nervously and smiled weakly towards the other girl.
Lexa rolled her eyes but a small smile was visible on her face. “I think those formalities are slightly stale now, huh? You can call me Lexa.”
“Lexa...it's good to see you, how's your arm?”
“Its okay, not painful.” Lexa began walking down the stairs, Clarke followed like a lost puppy, worried that their budding friendship was slipping through the cracks at the recent revelation. As the door to the 4th floor appeared, Lexa stopped and turned to Clarke.
‘I don't know which one is your apartment, or what floor you're on. But you're free now, so I can go and let you do what you need to.”
“You don't want to...i dont know, hang out?” Clarke paused and grasped onto the little confidence she felt inside her. “I still owe you a chat, maybe we can do it in person?”
Lexa swallowed and avoided eye contact. “It's not that I don't want to…”
Clarke took a step forward, a hand reached for Lexa but she quickly took it away not wanting to invade the girl’s boundaries. “You don't have to, i'm not going to force you into being my friend...or anything else. I just wanted to offer you my gratitude.”
“Are you a sex worker?”
The question took Clarke by surprise. “Well yeah kind of, i'm on the app. That's what the app is for, Lexa”
“I meant beyond the app.”
“Jesus,” Clarke began, “I was inviting you back for tea or coffee or dinner to thank you.”
Lexa’s face burned red hot, her throat bobbing. “Im sorry, I didn't mean for that to come off so harsh, i just wanted to be clear on everything. I have control issues, i just have to be in the know about things, its impulsive.”
Clarke’s features softened and she reached passed Lexa and opened the 4th floor door, she stepped through, opening it wide enough for Lexa to follow.
“Come on, let me feed you and we can just hang out. Please?”
With a slight nod, Lexa followed Clarke through the door, down the hall and stopped in front of apartment number 69A.
The Price You Pay
Thank you everybody for liking and commenting, I appreciate all your encouragement. This chapter is rated M for mature language and mentions of mental illness.. Please be advised.
Inside the apartment Lexa watched as Clarke hurried around and cleaned various auto parts off the kitchen counter and the island that sat in the middle of the kitchen. The blonde muttered profanities towards someone called Raven with a scowl that Lexa never wanted to be on the receiving end of.
“I'm so sorry about this mess. I swear my house was clean at one point. Raven is the cutest yet most infuriating being I have ever met.” Clarke explained she was wiping the counter and spraying every service she could with Mr. Clean to hopefully get the grease off their eating surface.
Lexa shifted uncomfortably. The chaos inside the house was causing chaos inside her mind. Before she knew what she was doing, she was taking the spray from Clarkes hand and grabbing her own dish towel. She began wiping the surfaces off in meticulous motions, getting more of the dirt off than Clarke was.
“Oh! Lexa you don't have to do that.”
Lexa shook her head, eyes trained solely on the mess in front of her.
Clarke watched with mild amusement, but as the scrubbing became more and more intense Clarke’s amusement turned towards concern. Lexa’s eyes were desperate, her knuckles turned white as she held the spray bottle. Her breathing was slightly labored and her jaw was clenched in such a way that if Clarke wasnt beginning to worry, she would be tempted to run her finger over the sharp edge just to see if it would cut her.
“Lexa…” the brunette remained unfazed. The counter was quickly cleaned and she moved on to the other kitchen surfaces.
“Lexa, stop.” nothing.
“Lexa!” the girl paused her ministrations, her eyes flick towards the blonde but avoids eye contact. She grabs the dish towel before setting it down and back away from the kitchen counters. Clarke watches as she looks down at her grease covered hands. Her eyes shoot to the sink, but she holds back from washing away the filth. Her breaths come in easier, no longer labored. Her brows remained furrowed as Clarke took a few small steps towards her.
“Hey, its fine. Id let you clean my whole house if Raven would actually keep it that way, it's not worth it. I'm sorry i yelled at you.”
Lexa’s eyes remained on her hands before they closed and a small sigh escaped. She opened them again, tears threatening to fall before finally looking at Clarke.
“Im sorry, Clarke.”
“Lexa, its okay. Its okay, i promise. What's going on?”
Clarke took a few more steps closer, she reached out and gripped Lexa’s writs gently and leading her to the sink. She turned the water on warm and held a bottle of sop up for Lexa’s to use. As Lexa scrubbed her hands, she sniffled and blinked the tears away. She shut the water off after she was satisfied with her hands and took the offered clean towel that Clarke was holding for her.
“I have OCD.”
Clarke nodded her head. “I figured. I'm so sorry I brought you here.”
“Its okay, Clarke. I am such a freak, i shouldn't have acted like that. I've been working really hard to let myself lose the need for control. I've been doing really well.”
“I'm sure you have Lexa. this isn't a set back, shit happens.”
Lexa only nodded, shame written on her features. Clarke reached for her wrist again, and lexa let herself be pulled into a small hug. It only lasted briefly, before the brunette pulled away.
“My room is spotless, literally. It's the only clean place in the house because raven has been banned from it. Come to my bedroom and we can watch a movie while I order food. It'll be okay.”
Lexa wanted to protest, she wanted to rip herself out of this weird situation and hurl herself into an abyss so she didn't have to deal with it. She freaked out in front of Clarke, again. Images of herself in the hospital bed asking about that damn stethoscope invaded her mind. She could feel herself physically grimace at her embarrassment.
Lexa felt herself being dragged out of the kitchen, she felt the steps she took but it was like she was stuck in the chaotic mess of her mind that refused to be clean. She wanted a shower. She wanted to hide beneath her hypoallergenic sheets and breath in the soft smell of laundry detergent. She wanted Anya but she also didnt want to bother anyone else. Clarke probably thought she was a freak, a burden, a nuisance.
Before she knew it, she was standing inside a clean bedroom. The bed made, perfectly. The soft blue walls felt like a breath of fresh air. She glanced at the floor, a dark wood, clear of debri or dirty clothes. Beyond the relief, she felt a strong sense of familiarity. Only viewing the room from the other side of a webcam, she didn't expect the private bathroom off to the side, a soft light illuminating a path to what is probably a pristine porcelain palace.
“Lexa, i'm sorry i did this. What can I do?” worry painted Clarkes face, she still held onto Lexa’s wrist but her grip had tightened slightly. It wasn't an uncomfortable feeling, it was a stable feeling.
“Im okay.” Lexa whispered, mostly to herself. She looked up at the blonde with a small smile and glanced around the room one more time. The mess in her mind quieted. Her heart rate returning to a normal pace.
“Are you hungry? There's a few places that deliver. We can relax while we wait and maybe watch something? RoadHouse?”
Lexa peeped a small smile on the blondes face, it was a mischievous glint that she admired about Clarke. The blonde was one of the nicest people she had ever met when it came to learning about her quirks. She tried to compare her to other people she had told. They were okay with her confession at first, but one they learned the extent of her complusiveness, they ran. It was something she learned to deal with, forever thinking that she would be alone in life. Besides Anya, Lexa assumed she would never find someone who would accept her and love her the way she needs to be loved. Sometimes from afar, sometimes close. She had accepted it, she knows she is a difficult person to love, knows that she couldn't expect someone to deal with her weirdness for long. But Clarke was so different. Nobody had shown her kindness the way Clarke has. It scared her, but ultimately it made her feel exhilarated.
“Clarke, this may be a lot but…”
Clarke looked to Lexa, she noticed that her voice was hesitant and she waited patiently for her to continue.
“...i just wondered, i mean if it's not too much to ask, do you mind if i showered?” she felt her skin prick with anxiety. Lexa wanted to shower so badly. She could smell the grease that they had cleaned in the kitchen, her fingernails felt heavy like they were dirty underneath but she desperately wanted to continue to hang out with Clarke.
“Of course!” the answer came quickly. Lexa blanched at the answer. She worried that the request would be laughed at.
“I actually just got these silk pajamas dry cleaned last week because my washer would probably tear them to shreds” Clarke snatched them out of the closet quickly, the plastic from the dry cleaners still wrapped snugly around the clothing.
“Are you sure? You don't mind me wearing them?”
“No, of course not! It's my pleasure, maybe you’ll buy your own after you feel how freaking soft this set is” Clarke smiled and handed the clothes to lexa.
Clarke frowned and looked around her room in thought. Lexa followed her eyes but couldn't find what Clarke was looking at.
“Do you want some of my underwear? I have clean pairs, I swear, but none from the dry cleaners.”
Lexa swallowed thickly, the thought of wearing a apri of Clarked underwear made her slick between her thighs, but the ocd thoughts came and intruded her mind. She shook her head, smiling at clarke gratefully. “It's okay, thank you. If you don't mind...i’ll just go commando after the shower.”
“Oh!” Clarke’s face burned red but she nodded again, she opened the door to the bathroom that was attached to the bedroom. She rummaged through a drawer for a moment before pulling out a clear makeup bag filled with travel essentials. She handed it to Lexa who took it gently. The brunette took note of its contents: all unopened products to make her intrusive thoughts come to a screeching halt.
Body wash, shampoo, toothbrush and toothpaste. It was all there, the things she needed to feel better, and here was Clarke standing before her with a look on her face that read that she just wanted Lexa to feel safe and okay. It was overwhelming and lexa felt tears prick her eyes. She shook them away and smiled at Clarke who opened her mouth, closed it again, and then opened to say,
“I figured you could shower, i’ll order food and then you can brush your teeth when we are done. I’ll probably shower too after we gorge ourselves with thai food”
Her rambling made Lexa feel more in control, like she wasn't the only one nervous about the night ahead.
“So you've decided what were going to eat then?”
Clarke flushed red once more, “is that okay? I've been really wanting Thai Paradise since they opened last week.”
Lexa chuckled softly and nodded her head. She began walking towards the bathroom, stopping close to Clarke and kissing her softly on the cheek in appreciation.
“Thank you Clarke, you don't know how much all this effort means to me. You're a good person.”
Before Clarke could respond, Lexa walked the rest of the way to the bathroom, and shut the door behind her.
Clarke stood there, frozen in time. Her cheek burned where Lexa’s lips had only barely grazed. She took a deep breath, steadying herself and running her fingers through her hair, her heart raced slightly at the thought of the beautiful girl in her shower. She quickly cleared her throat as if a superhero was near and was able to read her NC-17 thoughts, and then busied herself getting the dvd set up, and went about ordering food.
They ate in relative silence, and once Clarke was settled in her own set of PJ’s after her shower they sat cross legged, facing each other on the blondes bed.
Lexa answered quickly, “Blue.”
“Okay yeah, but what shade?”
“Yeah, blue is such a generic answer. What shade of blue is your favorite blue? Midnight blue? Navy blue? A touch of purple like perrywinkle?”
Lexa sat in thought for a moment, Clarke's eyes shone brightly at her and she knew the answer immediately. “A deep blue, a blue that changes with the light. Deep with longing but bright all at the same time. Blue with specks of light grey. Like sadness but with hope.”
Clarke leaned back slightly, her eyes searching Lexa’s face in what she hoped was subtle. What she found was genuinity. She watched as Lexa’s face held a softness she hadn’t seen before. Lips plump from teeth that tugged and bit. Lexa had a glow about her that may or may not have been from the warm shower she took. Clarke hoped that she was at least a small part responsible for the content look that Lexa was sporting.
“I think you might be the coolest person I have ever met.”
Clarke smirked and shrugged in nonchalance. “Probably.”
Lexa’s eyes landed on Clarke's lips involuntarily and she imagined a life where Clarke kissed her in a way that stole her breath but gave her life at the same time. She imagined the blonde leaning closer to her on the bed, their breaths lingering together in anticipation of their lips finally meeting.
“Lexa?” Clarkes voice came in a breathy whisper, and that’s when Lexa realized that she hadn’t imagined Clarke leaning in. They were close enough that every time Lexa inhaled she smelled the expensive shampoo she had seen in the blondes shower. It was minty and clean and it made her heart flutter in her chest.
“Lexa?” Clarke said again. “May I kiss you?”
It was like Lexa’s brain had short circuited and she couldn’t form a coherent thought. All she knew was Clarke. She leaned in and connected their lips softly, a sigh escaping her and Clarke swallowed it greedily. The pressure between their mouths increased and the sensation caused Lexa to grip Clarkes knee.
The blonde leaned back, assessing the girl in front of her, checking in to make sure what just happened was okay. She got her answer when Lexa connected their mouths again in a heated kiss.
Soon, Lexa found herself on her back with the blonde on top of her. They kissed softly and then hard, switching back and forth multiple times in a way to explore each other and test boundaries. With one last kiss, Clarke slid off of Lexa and laid beside her, watching as the shy brunette caught her breath and stared back at her in wonder. In that moment, in a quiet room illuminated only by the dvd menu page, Lexa felt completely and utterly full.
“Is this okay?” Clarke asked. Her voice was low and it filled Lexa again. She felt like a balloon filled with too much helium ready to burst. She nodded towards the blonde and sat up slowly. She put her weight on one arm and leaned in to Carke's mouth again, kissing her with assuredness.
Their tongues danced together, their muscles slick and sliding. Clarke’s hands found home on Lexa’s waist and pulled her closer, the brunette swung her legs over and straddled the girl. It was then that lexa remembered that she wasnt wearing underwear, her sex sliding against the silk PJ pants. She wondered it Clarke could feel the heat on her belly.
“Can I take your shirt off?” Clarke asked, her hands on Lexa’s hips tightened anxiously awaiting an answer.
Nimble, tan fingers unbuttoned the silk top and Lexa let the fabric softly cascade around them. Pink nipples perked up from the chill in the air and Clarke felt like her soul left her body.
“Holy shit” the blonde mumbles, and sat up as much as she could with the other girl in her lap. Slowly she reached out and handled Lexa’s right breast carefully. Despite her warm touch, Lexa could feel her nipples tightened even more and the sensation was overwhelming. She grabbed Clarke’s hand that had a hold on her breast.
Clarke stopped moving all together, waiting for whatever Lexa needed.
“Whatever you need Lexa, its okay. We can stop.”
Lexa shook her head, her lips parting as she gazed at the girl beneath her.
“I don't want to stop, i want you to strip.”
Clarke’s mouth dropped open in surprise.
Lexa's demeanor changed, her brow arched and she squeezed her own breast using Clarke's hand.
“Will you strip for me?”
I am SO sorry about that wait! I've been dealing with a lot of emotional baggage that has left me feeling exhausted and frankly very uninterested in sex.
Good news is, I'M BACK BITCHES
It didn't take a genius to figure out just hot and bothered Lexa was feeling, with bursts of breaths escaping her and thighs sticky with anticipation, I wondered briefly if she would spontaneously combust. It all felt like a dream honestly, never in a million years would this happen, yet here she was standing in front of the bed as I kneel before her.
I look up at Lexa and give her my brattiest smirk.
Lexa looked...powerful. It oozed off of her in waves and the energy around us crackled. It suffocated me. She looked in control in the sexiest way- and I knew she wanted to knock that smirk right off my mouth.
“Tell me what you like, Princess.”
My eyes reach hers and i see Lexa noticing my slight hesitation in them. “I don't… I don't want you to call me ‘Princess’.” I pause and look down at myself, I suddenly don't want to take on the role of princess. I don't want Lexa to fuck my online persona, i want er to fuck me. Clarke griffin, getting fucked by the those powerful hands I've watched and fantasized about multiple times. I look down at myself and I watch as my hands rub over my thighs nervously, I stop quickly, hoping she didn't notice who am I kidding, she notices everything.
“Its okay, baby.” a hand reaches forwards and sweeps a strand of blonde hair out of my eyes.
My online persona had created strange relationships in the real world. Bellamy, Finn, even Raven. To them I was princess regardless if I was online or creating content. I didn't want that with Lexa, I wanted this to be as real as possible, and that meant leaving Princess at the door and letting Lexa have all of me.
“Can I still call you Daddy?”
Lexa’s eyes darken dramatically, a heat settling in the pit of my belly. I could see the conflict simmering behind her green orbs, the feeling of needing to control every part of this interaction was apparent.
“Tell daddy what you want, baby.” Lexa all but whispered.
I adjust my body, spreading my knees more and reaching down. I begin touching myself, my hand slipping underneath the thin silk material of my underwear and lexa watches as my fingers do circular movements against my clit.
“I'm so wet, so ready for you, daddy. Please touch me.” I say, my fingers increasing in speed and I gasped as I feel myself getting more and more worked up.
Within an instant I'm on my back and pleasure is coursing through me as Lexa’s mouth presses hungrily into my center. My underwear somewhere on my floor. It happened so fast i don’t know how she got them off of me. A flat tongue swipes heavily against my clit and it swirls deliciously around the nub.
“Lex… fuck just like that.” my words ringing in my ears, as her tongue lapped at the sweet juices running down her chin. I feel my back arch and my hips bucked at the ministrations, and Lexa groans when my fingers thread through her hair and pull her closer.
“Keep going, i'm close.” shock waves shoot down my legs and a warmth spreads within my lower belly, each lap of her tongue sending me closer and closer to the edge, the cliff i knew i was about to be thrown over.
two fingers plunged deeply into me, the pleasure overwhelming and a groan escaping my throat, I sounded like an animal needing to be tamed. A rabid dog growling.
“Fuck!” it's about to happen, the impending orgasm growing stronger and I grip the sheets behind my head to ground myself, to keep myself here for just a little longer.
Stars fly across my eyelids as my eyes screwed shut, her fingers pumping and pumping, her lips sucking and sucking.
“I'm gonna cum, Lexa. I'm about to cum, keep going! ” I cry. Her movements never stop, a steady rythmn of fucking and sucking and before i know it, my orgasm rips through me, burning every piece of skin.
“Lexa!” I gasp.
My vision goes black and the taste of copper fills my mouth, I realize I have bitten my bottom lip and the blood is enough to bring me back to the world. I feel my right leg twitch and the warmth in my groin lessons but doesn't completely dissipate.
“Clarke?” I look up and Lexa sits beside me, her elbow keeping her supported as she looks at my lips, my nose, my hair. Everywhere but my eyes.
“Hi.” I say, my cheeks burn as she watches me intently.
“Was that okay?” gone was the dominant, here sat Lexa. the girl who so clearly wanted to please me in more ways than sexual. This pure being with so much curiosity and fear in her soul.
I sat up slightly, kissing her cheek as my own still burned. “It was more than okay.” I chuckle embarrassed, “it was in the top 5 best orgasms of my life, to be honest.”
A hint of jealousy flared behind moss green eyes. Her jaw clenched and i felt it with my fingers. It was shark, and angled but her skin was as soft as I had imagined it.
“Don't be jealous, Lexa. you could never give me a better orgasm than the ones i give myself.” I say with a smirk. Her own smirk lifts her lips and an eyebrow raises with a challenge
“Should we put it to the test?” her husky voice sends another shock wave to my clit as it throbs from the previous activities.
“I wouldn't be opposed to it. But i kind of want to fuck you right now.” I pause and look her over. The silk Pj bottoms I let her borrow were a wrinkled mess as was the top that lay somewhere on my bedroom floor, and a wet spot has made an appearance over her crotch.
“Do you prefer my mouth, Daddy? Or maybe my fingers?” I watch as her lips twitch once more and a darkness swallows the usually green of her eyes
That's when it hit me. This wasn't a pure being with fear in her soul. This outer shell was but an armor, protecting a beast within. A beast waiting to escape and explore and rip me to shreds.
“Start with your mouth, add two fingers, and then fuck me until i scream.”
“You got it.”
The next thing I know I am being awakened by a shrill ringtone, the body underneath me wiggles out of my grasp no matter how strong my hold is and i hear a soft “hello’ come from across the room.
“Anya i am fine”
“I said I'm fine.”
“I an adult An, what do you expect from me?”
“Maybe i am! Is that so hard to imagine?”
“Yeah yeah, thanks for the reminder. I'm busy right now so fuck off.”
I pretend to be asleep as her body slips back into the bed with me, her body is vibrating different and she nuzzles her face into my chest and neck.
“I know you're awake.” she says and i try to stifle my smile as I keep my eyes closed.
“I have to go.” her soft voice held an edge and it makes me open my eyes. They find her close and she has an annoyed look on her face, i look from her eyes to her nose to the sharp jaw i'm sure would slice me right open.
“Do you have to?” I ask, internally groaning at how clingy i sound.
“I don't want to. But Anya is convinced you're possibly a serial killer and i promised i would get lunch with her before my appointment.”
“Okay… is everything… was everything okay last night?” I bit my lip and avoid her eyes as my next question burns my tongue, the embarrassment probably written all over my face.
“Yes of course, Clarke.”
“Yeah but like… was i clean enough for you? Nothing freaked you out?”
“Oh.” she says simply. I watch as she searches for the words and I feel a sweat break out on the back of my neck.
“Clarke…” she begins. “Everything was amazing. It was perfect, you are perfect. Don’t worry about my internal issues, okay?”
I let out a breath. “I just want you to be comfortable, ya know? Your ‘issues’ are important to me. I like you and last night was so fun. I want to do it again and I want to make sure you’re okay-”
“Clarke” she interrupts my stupid rambling and leans in. her lips brush against mine and the kiss is soft and delicate and I'm feeling so much more than i think i should for her.
“I have to go. But I'm going to call you later because I kind of want to cook you dinner or take you out ...or maybe do that thing with my tongue you like.” She smirks before kissing me chastely and got up and out of the bed. I covered my blushing face with the comforter and listened as she chuckles to herself. I hear her gathering her clothes and shoes and before I know it the blanket was pulled from my face.
“Thanks for being cool. I’ll call you later?” she says, the smirk still plastered on that beautiful fucking face.
“Text me instead. I’m picking up a shift this afternoon.”
“You got it babe.”
I watch her go, my heart doing somersaults. A dreamy sigh escapes me, memories of last night flashing before my eyes and before I can work myself up again I drag my ass out of bed in search of my phone.
Today will be a good day, I can feel it in my gut.
slight trigger warning: mentions of past self harm.
The Price You Pay
I dialed her number one more time, sending a message to the gods that if she answers i’ll actually consider not killing her.
“Hello” a soft voice answers. Relief washes over me but it's quickly replaced with rage and an underlying emotion of concerned annoyance you can only feel for a sibling.
“Lexa what the actual fuck, dude? You said you were going to help a friend and I haven't heard from you in like 18 hours. Did she kidnap you? Are you safe?”
I can practically see her pacing the floor wherever she was, the vague answers she was offering only made me more suspicious. “Lexa, you didnt sneak out to fuck some hottie, did you? Oh my god are you with her right now??”
“Maybe i am! Is that so hard to imagine?” she squeaks at me. I pull the phone away from my ear and analyze it. This is a joke right? Am i dreaming? My sister, the geeky little movie obsessed chick was on a booty call?
“Look, I really don't care who you have been getting down and dirty with. We were supposed to meet for lunch 20 minutes ago. If you don't get your ass home you are not only going to be late for your appointment but you're also going to have to deal with me. Hungry me!”
“Yeah yeah. Thanks for the reminder. Look im busy right now so please. Fuck off!”
The phone beeps, indicating she hung up on me, I quickly send a detailed text about what exactly she has in store for her if she doesn't get home and I throw my phone on the couch. I make my way to the kitchen and grab a bottle of water out of the fridge, I take a small gulp and let the cold water cool my emotions.
Being lexa’s sister was always a challenge. The challenge had nothing to do with her OCD and everything to do with the fact that she LOVED to push my buttons. Let's be honest, it's practically a siblings right to make the others life a little more difficult, but Lexa was different. Sure, her disorder made things a little interesting, but it's like she found exactly the things that really grinds my gears and she made sure to do it tenfold. I love her though, but sometimes her actions worry me so much.
It will probably take her 30 minutes or more to actually make it to my apartment, so I begin to tidy my small apartment and redo my makeup that I already applied. My phone beeps and I walk back to the living room and retrieve it from my couch. A text message lit up my screen and a small smile spreads across my face. Recently I met a girl, and whether or not it going somewhere, it's been a really nice way to pass the time when im not at work.
Raven. Like the bird. She was a feisty little shit that I met at a car garage 2 weeks ago when I was getting my jeep serviced. Covered in grease and oozing sarcasm she quickly became my favorite way to pass time.
I send a text her way, letting her know i was free for dinner tonight and we make plans to meet here. I was much of a cook but if i burn dinner there were plenty of restaurants that deliver within the area. I snap a selfie on snapchat, using a demon filter that gives me horns and dark makeup and send it to her just as my front door opens. Lexa walks in, an annoyed expression on her face, wearing the same clothes she wore yesterday. I raise an eyebrow at her and she flips me the bird.
“Good night?” I ask, throwing a smirk at her.
I expect a snarky response but instead she smiles dremily and shrugs. Huh, interesting.
“C’mon, we can grab sandwiches quickly at Louies before you appointment and you can tell me all about it.
At the diner, she orders her usual BLT and a small side of fries, I watch her sip her water and wonder if I am going to have to bring up the elephant in the room.
“I know you're curious, “ she says. “I just don't know what you want to know.”
I shrug, “i guess i just want to know if you trust her and if i have to kick her ass for making you disappear for like 20 hours.”
Shaking her head she takes a bite of a french fry. “I like her. I think you would too.”
“Whats her name?”
She chews her bite before answering and I see her cheeks burn. “Her name is Clarke. Ya know, the doctor we met after BlockBuster burned down.”
“No way, are you serious?”
She nods, “she's really sweet. I've been talking to her for awhile, before the fire actually ...i just didn't know it was her.”
Her cheeks burn again and my curiosity is killing me.
“Listen Anya i don't want you to freak out okay?”
“I joined this app, its like tinder but...more sexual.”
“What?” I practically spit my pepsi out.
“She's a cam girl. I joined and we have been flirting...among other things and it turns out it was Dr Griffin this whole time. Yesterday was like...really nice. I saved her from being locked on the roof of her building and afterwards we had some food.”
“Wait hold up, '' I say incredulously. “This is the doctor you freaked out on? Does she know you have OCD?”
She sighs at me and put her sandwich down. “Yes actually she does. I may have freaked out again in front of her. Her roommate, Raven made a mess in the kitchen. Literally car grease everywhere. But she helped me and let me shower and gave me clothes to wear. It was...really nice.”
“Yeah like the bird.”
My mind was reeling. How many Ravens were in the vicinity of this large city? Was it the same girl? It had to be, she said there was car grease everywhere.
“So she is treating you well then?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Yeah, im hoping to see her again soon. Maybe make her dinner or take her to the movies.”
“Lexa, you hate going to the movies, you always think they have bed bugs.”
“Well they might!” she says with exasperation.
She pauses and looks at me like shes trying to find the words to explain something. My leg begins to bounce as it usually does when Lex starts to stress me out.
“I'm getting better. Better than I ever have with therapists and anti anxiety meds. She's helping me. I feel like im in control yet completely out of control and it's so freeing.”
“What, is she like a total freak in bed or something?”
“Anya!” she says loudly, throwing a french fry at me.
I laugh heartily and shrug my shoulders, but my mind is still thinking about Raven.
I see her finishing her meal up and i look down, mine barely touched. When the waiter comes i ask for a box and while she’s preparing our check i look at my sister a little more closely. Her cheeks are flushed but its a healthy glow, a small smile playing on her lips that hasn't dropped since I saw her earlier. She looks deep in thought but not in the agonizing OCD thoughts i know she experiences. No these were good thoughts, and hope blooms in my chest.
I signed the check and we make our way to her appointment. As we checked in I notice the waiting room was fuller than usual and the receptionist informed us that Dr. Jaha was running a few minutes behind. I glance at Lexa, expecting her to be upset by the change of plans but she shrugs and sits in a chair, grabbing a magazine off the rack ad flipping through it nonchalantly. This throws me, and sit next to her slowly. 15 minutes pass and Dr Jaha comes out of the room, he motions for lexa to join him and she follows, leaving me alone in the waiting room.
I know the drill, these weekly sessions last only 45 minutes to an hour, sometimes quicker if Lexa is having a good day. I pop a piece of bubblegum in my mouth and pull out my phone, opening a snapchat from Raven. She smiling in the picture, grease smeared on her face like war paint, a car behind her is torn to pieces and shes throwing me a thumbs up.
We exchange selfies back and forth and i realize over an hour has passed. I look at my watch and just as I see the time, Lexa come walking out. Her head is low and I can tell she’s been crying. I stand quickly, my hands hovering over her arms not quite touching her but just letting her know im there.
“Lex, what happened?”
She shakes her head and walks past me. I look to the door she came out of and Dr. Jaha stands there with his hand in his pockets.
“It wasn't a good day.” he says.
“Bullshit, she was in the best mood i've ever seen her in, what happened?”
“Patient confidentiality, i cannot discuss it with you.”
I huff, and walk out the door following her. She’s leaning against my jeep wiping her eyes and sniffling. I unlock the car and we both get in.
“I told him about Clarke. He said so many things that made sense. You know i didn't even ask her if she was clean? Like if she had HIV or an STI? She’s a cam girl, Anya! She could be doing so many things and I wouldn't know. Why didn't I think about any of that?” she cries.
“Clarke seems like a good person from what you have told me. She would have disclosed that information to you. What did Jaha say?”
She grabs a tissue from the glove compartment and wipes her eyes and nose.
“He said...exploring my sexuality wasnt the way he suggested to get better. He got angry that I wasn't doing his exercises properly and that maybe being promiscuous was symptoms of another undiagnosed issue. Anya, I don't want another diagnoses. Im such a freak already!” Lexa’s face reddened and her breath was coming in short, i could see the defeat clearly written all over her.
“Lexa, listen to me, '' I leaned in close and try to get her to make eye contact but she avoids it. “Jaha is a dumbass. I could do a better job at being your therapist in my sleep. Don't let this ruin a good thing. Clarke is a good thing.”
“Please just take me home, An. I want to sleep and shower.”
I nod and silently drive us back to the apartment.
Lexa immediately goes to her room once we get home. She ignores my offer of watching a movie and insteads rushes into her bedroom and slams the door. I hear small movements from behind the door and then it goes silent, I imagine her bundled in her sheets, hiding herself from the world.
This isn't the first time Jaha has exasperated Aleksa. For a long time she was in a bad state, and the only thing that helped was constant showering, xanax and sleep. It wasn't truly ‘helping her’, it was such an isolating experience for her it took months of regular therapy for her to remember how to properly socialize again. It was hard for her, but it was hard for me too. I have lived a life protecting her from the outside world when I should have been teaching her to tolerate it. My own therapist made sure to drill into my head that its not the outside world that is the problem, its inside Lexa’s mind. The only way to help her is to get her used to being agitated and teaching her ways to overcome those feelings.
A little over a year ago, Lexa had a particularly hard week. She had shown signs of severe agitation for days and finally she just broke down. Every little thing was causing her stress, i could hardly walk into the house without her flipping her lid. Either my shoes were too squeaky against the tile floor, or the clothes I was wearing were clashing with an invisible pattern in her head. Something as small hanging my coat up “the wrong way” could spiral her into a panic and i didn know how to help. I didn't know how to live in a way that she needed. That's when we began an intense schedule of therapy every other day and at first it worked...until it didn't.
Aleksa still won't tell me what happened but something happened inside that office. Something Jaha said or did caused her to completely isolate. It wasn't long before I started noticing concerning behaviors: cuts on her legs, intricate geometric designs carved into her thighs. Deep purple bruises under her eyes from lack of sleep, greasy hair. I thought i was losing her.
The therapy sessions stopped after that, she slowly got better and then worse, and then better again. It wasn't until 4 months ago that she asked to start seeing Jaha again. The weekly visits were only scheduled as she needed and she improved more and more. And now this...relationship with clarke blossomed and it was the healthiest I had ever seen her. It was a side to her I have personally never experienced, it was like I could finally breathe again.
I'm interrupted on my muses as my phone chimes. I silence it quickly and strain my ears ro any movements in Lexa’s room. When none is heard i walk out the front door and leaned against the apartment wall.
“Hi.” I answer the phone
“Hey you, im hungry.” I smile at Ravens voice, always hungry that one.
“I could eat.” I say simply.
My tone must have given away my mood because gone was the sarcastic tone in her voice.
“An, what's wrong baby?”
I close my eyes and lean my head back, willing the tears not to fall.
“I'm just having a rough day.”
“Come over.” she says, and there was nothing more I wanted to do than to be wrapped around her on the couch, eating take out and watching bad movies.
“I’ll be there in an hour, im going to leave Lex some money for dinner and grab my bag.”
After making sure the apartment was tidy and leaving Lexa a crisp 20 dollar bill on the counter, I made my way to Raven’s house. I didn't bother knocking, instead walking in and throwing myself on the lump underneath the covers of the couch. A small “umph” sounded from under the blankets.
“What are you doing?” Raven says, walking up behind the couch.
I look down at the lump on the couch and blonde hair peeks out from the opening. I look to raven who raises a brow at me, a smirk playing on her face.
“Um…” I begin.
“Are you cheating on me with my roommate?”
I look back down at the lump who has now uncovered her face. It was Doctor Griffin, her eyes exhausted and her hair a staticky mess.
“Anya, what a pleasant surprise.” her eyes widen comically and she looks to Raven as I scoot off of her and onto the empty space of the couch. Clarke looks at me and then grabs her phone quickly, checking her notifications. She looks back at me and then to Raven, and then back to me.
“Is everything okay? Is Lexa alright?”
“I mean, I guess. Why?” I say, not giving anything away. Lexa’s business was her business.
“She was supposed to text me today. Should I text her?”
“No” i say quickly. I see her brow raise and ravens does the same in my peripheral vision.
“Okay…” Raven says awkwardly before changing the subject, “I thought you had a shift today, Griff?”
Clarke fully sits up and wipes at her eyes, I notice that she makeup has run down her cheeks and her eyes were slightly swollen and red.
“I did. There was a really huge car accident and this little boy didn't make it.” her lip quivered as she shook her head and sniffled loudly. “I was on his case and i tried everything. I had to tell his mom he died… I guess i was upset. I can't really remember starting to cry but Bellamy made me sit in the breakroom before Kane finally told me to just go home.”
I watched as tears streamed steady down her cheeks and i felt for her. Her day job was probably the most taxing thing I could think of and it was clear the girl was just exhausted.
“I sorry, Dr Griffin.” I say and put my hand on her shoulder. She smiles at me and pats my hand.
“Its okay. All parts of the job, I guess.”
“Do you want to get some takeout with us?” Raven asks.
“No i think i'm going to go for a run. I need to clear my head...don't let me interrupt your love fest.”
She nods softly at me before walking down down the hall and into the bathroom. Raven takes a seat where Clarke had occupied and kisses my lips softly. Her slender fingers run down my arm and we take a moment to just look at eachother.
“Do you think its weird how our group has intertwined ourselves together.” I break our silence.
“No not really. You know im such a sap, Anya. I believe in things like fate, destiny, the works.”
“Im worried about Lexa.”
“Talk to me.”
Just as I opened my mouth, Clarke reemerges. She throws us a peace sign and shes out the door before we can even say goodbye.
“Is this about Clarke?” She asks.
I shrug and pick at a loose string attached to the blanket underneath us.
“Did she hurt lexa?”
“No!” I say quickly, I shake my head and sigh. “Lexa is just such a mess. All the time Ray. im more worried about her hurting clarke than anything.” Raven nods her head in understanding and adjusts her position so she is closer, i lay my hand across her leg, giving it a small squeeze.
“Ya know…” she begins. “ I think you need to give Lexa more credit. She's an adult. I know youre her sister and you care so much for her, but you have to let her fuck up. I've never met her, but you describe her as this...literal genius sometimes.”
“She's the smartest person i know, i think.”
“I think that if you expect more from her, she will surprise you. She’ll take on responsibility.”
I feel my face heat up at her words. I try not to let them make me angry, because Raven doesn't know. She doesn't get the shit i put up with for years. The concern i feel constantly.
“Please don't be mad at me. I'm on your side, always.” she whispers.
I nod my head and let myself relax into her body.
Maybe she was right. Maybe I just need to let things be.