Chapter 1: You Within My Dreams
Its been a year since the day he left. No one knows where he’s gone away. He just disappeared like a wind, one moment he’s here, one moment he’s.. nowhere.
It’s been a year but Younghyun will never forget. How can he? When all the nights he spent alone is continuously with his past. Every single night, without a miss, Younghyun dreams of that one person he misses the most. It got him to the point where he cries waking up in the middle of the night. Every touch is warm, every grip is real but when he realize they’re not, the night crumbles and the stars dissolves like a dust. He wakes up and the dusts falls from his eyes. They are not nightmares nor memories. They are nothing but an empty dream yet he can’t forget. He will never forget. How can he? When the person he cares for the most, left without a trace.
It’s another morning waking up from those dreams. He is tired even when he just open his eye, his heart is racing, the sensation is still in his hand and the familiar scent is still under his nose. He just woke up in the last position he had in his dream. His chin on the other’s forehead, while the other is on his chest, their hands on their waist and his arm is supporting other’s head. Just like the old days, just like how they used to.
Younghyun stands up weakly from his bed as he put on his slippers and walks to his kitchen. He peeks at his kitchen just in case.. just in case those dreams became reality and his reality are the dreams but they’re not. The kitchen is quiet, the room is empty. No rustling sound from the pot, no smell of ramyun. There’s none.
‘If those were all dreams then why can I feel your heart beat next to mine? Why does it have to to be so real? What did I do to be stuck like this? Its so cruel. You're so cruel. Kim Wonpil’
Younghyun slams his body on the sofa where they used to cuddle and rests his head on the sofa’s header. He stares blankly at the ceiling for a half minute before his eyes instinctively went to the snow globe standing in his displayed cabinet in which, the other bought him the last Christmas they spent together. His mind is filled with that person again. Younghyun starts wondering if how he is. If he is doing well without him. If he is still alive or dead or if he might be abducted by the aliens and that’s why he couldn’t come back. Just any.. any ridiculous reason. Just give him any ridiculous reason and he might accept it as long as his questions can be answered. He lifelessly looks at the object when a liquid suddenly escaped from his eyes. Before he realized, the dusts are falling from his eyes again and he leans his head back on the sofa’s header while he put an arm to his eyes, as if it’ll stop the dusts from falling but it did not and his sobs echoed his small apartment.
His lover is cruel indeed.
It’s been a year since the last time he went to visit the place they often go and he found himself walking on that same spot of that beautiful park. The spot where they always spend most of their weekends just talking about their week, their friends and just about them but there are times when they are just simply cuddling, holding each other’s hand and kissing under the cherry blossom tree.
After a year, there’s actually no particular changes in the park except for the fact that they are not together anymore. Those were all beautiful memories but now its all gone and now he is here for unknown reason. Alone.
He sits on the wooden bench beside that cherry blossom tree. He slowly brushed his finger tips on the rough sensation of the bench and stares at the scenario in front of him. He looks at the birds flying together. He watched the flowers and grass bending from the warm wind. Everything looks beautiful but the footsteps approaching him distracts him from his thoughts. He didn’t mean to glance but it must be his reflexes.
His eyes widen and his heart drummed like crazy the moment they caught each other’s eyes. He stands up without realizing.
“Kim Wonpil” He whispers to himself..
As Wonpil’s steps became closer he noticed one important thing on him.. He looks the same but different, Wonpil looks unhappy, just like how unhappy he is.
“Why are you here?" Wonpil is calm and cold. He is like that same person when they first met but his eyes says otherwise and it hurts Younghyun because it could be a lie and he is bad at lying. They both are.
"Nothing, I just.. miss you?"
Younghyun shrugs, and there’s a hint of sadness in his smile. Tears forms from his eyes. He is bad at lying indeed.
He clenches his fist under his clothes. He is ashamed of his attitude. Too easy, too obvious.
Wonpil bit the corner of his lip, a habit when he wants to say something but he couldn’t and Younghyun noticed all of that. The fake smile on his face disappeared.
Younghyun offers a sit for the both of them to lessen the tense he feels. They avoided each other’s eyes for a while. Younghyun watched the birds in the blue sky as his hands are clasped together and Wonpil stares at his shoes as if it’ll give him any solution to any of this awkwardness and sadness.
When Wonpil finally earns the courage to speak, his lips parted with a breathy word
"I'm sorry" His body faces the other but he is still looking at his shoes.
Younghyun looks at him after hearing the word coming out from his mouth, tears are silently dropping from his eyes.
Younghyun ponders for a whole time in another silence if what does those tears means. Is it guilt or longing? And he hopes, more than guilt, he is crying because he misses the him just like how much he misses Wonpil.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’ve been fine for the past year” Younghyun lies. Even if he hated the fact that Wonpil left without a word. That he didn’t let him know what happened to him. That he broke the poor guy’s heart. Younghyun still doesn’t want to see him cry because it hurts him the same and wants to hug him tight but he cannot do that. Not anymore. And so Younghyun pats Wonpil’s shoulder to calm him down. The simple touch he do before they got together when Wonpil is feeling down.
Wonpil wipes his own tears and calms himself down. It’s too embarrassing to cry in front of the person he left when everything was his fault. How could he show weakness? How dare he cry?
Chapter 2: Unusual Dreams
Have you ever get hurt after waking up from a dream?
Guys, this is so complicated. Bear with me.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
t is the usual morning. The alarm clock rings and he is awoken. It is an another lazy day for school. But what‘s not usual in this morning is the light weight of his arm. He slowly open his eye and look to his side but the other is not on their bed. He wonder if the other woke up early though it’s not usually possible. There were a lot of times when he have to drag the other to shower so they won’t be late for class but there’s still a lot of times when he put them into trouble. He shouldn’t forget, even exams are not exception but the other can still do well on his exam. It’s not unusual but it surprises Younghyun all the time. How does he do that?
Today just doesn’t feel right, he thought of what’s going on. After a minute he finally drag himself outside of his room to look for the other but the whole apartment is so quiet. Maybe in the shower? No. In the kitchen? And he found a note for him written in a black pen.
‘Reheat them if it’s gone cold’
Younghyun checks the rice cooker and the pot where the note belongs. He smiles after seeing them. Wonpil woke up early just to cook.
Younghyun waits for the other so they can leave the apartment together but he didn’t came back even after Younghyun has finish taking a bath and changing clothes. He finally decides to call the other but it says the phone number doesn’t exist. He calls him again, three, four but there’s always the same response ‘this phone number doesn’t exist’. He walks back to their room and he realized something is different. As if some place has been emptied. He opens the other’s closet and that’s when he realized. He’ll never be back. He left just like that.
Younghyun couldn’t understand what’s going on. They were just talking last night, laughing over their weird stories. They were just fine last night. They slept side by side. Why did he leave?
He visits the only family Wonpil has in the country, his aunt but she is not saying anything. She doesn’t know it either. He asks his closest friend and that’s Dowoon but he doesn’t know either. And he feels like everyone is lying at him. The next day he heard the other withdrew from school in the middle of semester and his classmates asked him but he doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what’s going on either. He lied.
Its been a month and there’s still no news. There are times when he look for him to their usual spot but he is not there. He’ll never be there yet Younghyun couldn’t accept it. He didn’t know it’ll take him a lot of months to get used of going back to being alone again but after that he decided that he’ll never be back to the places where they usually visit. He’ll never go back and he tried to live a normal life without the other but the strange nights came and it is like he is back to those old days when they were still together. It could be a dream but it feels so real, they are so real. Every time he wakes up, the sensation always remains and it hurts every time he wakes up. He wished he could die from the heartbreak so he won’t have to deal with his dreams again.
"I.." Wonpil let out a word. "I missed you too, I missed you so much" He said as if he’s desperate to say them again. As if he’s been waiting for a long time just to say those words again. And he is staring to Younghyun’s eye. Too sincere it almost blinded him. He avoided the other’s gaze.
"Don't say that" A suppressed anger comes out on Younghyun’s mouth because he is afraid. He is afraid of the consequence of this day and he might fall over again. He is afraid to know that he might still be in love with the other and he doesn’t want to break his heart all over again. Those dreams are enough, he doesn’t want his reality to hurt him once more.
When the other realizes the weigh of what he just said, he takes his gaze away. Wonpil contemplates of what to say. Of how to start. He is nervous to explain himself but he has to. Maybe this unexpected meeting is the right time.
‘Since we are already here, since we met unexpectedly like this, I should tell him but please don't let this be the last time. I still want to see him again’
Wonpil takes a deep breath before letting out a word. “I—“ But Younghyun interrupts him.
“Please, don't say anything. I beg you" Younghyun pleads. They look at each other and Younghyun’s eyes are shining with tears he is trying to hold. It breaks the other’s heart.
‘What have I done?’
But Wonpil still wants to say something. He cannot let this day go. He has a limited time and he doesn’t want it to be wasted but his courage is shattered into pieces and they are on a long silence once again until Younghyun speaks.
"Have you ever felt like everything’s that’s happening to your life is a dream? I mean like this is what's dream and the dream is the real one?”
The other is stunned with what he just heard but he continue to listen.
“I.. always feel that way. Everyday is like a torture. I almost thought I'm going crazy. I'm trying so hard to forget you but every night I keep remembering how much I loved you, that I might still love you so please.." Younghyun chokes from his own words. His tears falls and it doesn't stop. He is mad of himself. He hates himself for being an idiot who’s easily triggered by the other’s words. Younghyun pauses for a while to control himself.. until he can manage to continue.
“If you don't want me back, don’t look at me the way you're looking at me right now, don't cry in front of me ever again and don't say you miss me like it's meaningless. I beg you!”
Tears immediately forms on Wonpil's eyes because it hurts, it hurts him so much but that doesn't mean Younghyun's right.
"I don't, it's not meaningless. I mean it!” Wonpil refutes.
‘Why would he think it's meaningless? I know I hurt him but I never lied’
Actually, if there’s something similar to this couple, it would be their honesty from one another and their difficulty of keeping secrets to each other. It may sound like a weakness for anyone who hears it but that’s what made their relationship strong.
And just like that, we couldn’t deny that today is just like those days aside from the fact that they are not together anymore.
"I'm not asking you to trust me again. I know I don't have the right to say anything but I.. I understand what you mean. I’ve been experiencing the same thing. It.. it happened to me a month after I left. I always dream of you hyung and inside that dream I always feel like my dream is the reality and I’m so confused because h-how can a dream feel so real? I can feel your touch on my skin, your scent, you. I’ve been confused for so many nights, that it really.. really hurts here.. when I wake up, like I’ve been stabbed by a knife. I thought it was a punishment for leaving you like that. For not saying anything and for not calling you even once. I missed you so much, I missed you.. a lot..” Wonpil cries, he couldn’t deny the guilt inside and he couldn’t hide what he feels. It’s so wrong to say this right now but what he can do? He couldn’t stop himself from spitting them out. He pauses for a second to wipe his tears away and he continue.
“I miss you.. I couldn’t forget you. But I couldn’t do anything. I really tried my best to not to be here today but you came on my dream and told me...”
Wonpil held his hopeful gaze to Younghyun and Younghyun couldn’t turn away.
I always thought that when people leaves our life without explanation, it’s difficult to forget them.
Chapter 3: I Miss You Even In My Dreams
Wonpil tells a story
I’ll try to post one chapter a day.
For the readers out there, this is difficult to read, I know but still.. have the greatest day.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
3 I Miss You Even In My Dreams
“Yah, Wonpil-ah, where did you go this morning?" Younghyun squints his eyes directly to the other while he is drying his hair after a night shower. Younghyun sits on their couch close to where he is sitting cross legged. He is looking down to the other.
Wonpil rolls his eyes and drops the pen on his book. He stands up from his position, taking the towel from Younghyun’s hand, not caring about his concern. The other stands beside him and dries his hair gently.
“Wonpil-ah, why aren’t you saying anything?” Younghyun is irritated.
Wonpil sighs out of frustration not really sure why he is so obligated to explain himself when the answer is obvious.
“I was with friends, it was a sudden plan because our professor rescheduled our class” Wonpil finally said. Younghyun holds the other’s hand to stop him from any movement through his hair. He looked up to the other so their gazes will meet.
“I saw your friend hold your hand"
"And you didn't saw me pulling my hand away?"
“I saw it but——“
“It's clear then" He answers cooly.
"Yah, do you really think you can pass this?" Younghyun raises his eyebrows.
“Why are you so jealous?"
“Why are you so popular with guys?”
“Why are you so popular with girls?”
“Is it my fau—“
“It’s not my fault either! I don’t know. Let’s move to a different university and not make friends”
“Why are you acting cute?”
“When did— I’m studying in our room” The other throws the towel in Younghyun’s face and chuckles as he bend down to take his book and pen but before he can leave he was suddenly pulled from his hips, making him squeal from the action. He is now sitting on Younghyun’s lap and Younghyun leans on his back making Wonpil frown but deep inside he is really enjoying it.
“What do you want now?”
“Kiss me. I’m so upset today, you’ve got to make it up”
Wonpil sighs one more time over his demanding boyfriend. He turned his head to see the anticipating look of Younghyun. He really don’t want to do anything right now. He just want to study but the look Younghyun gives him as if he is a puppy waiting for his owner to give him food, he just can’t resist him. Fine, maybe just a short one.
He cupped Younghyun’s cheeks and squishes them to his hand making him pout and the other gives him a quick kiss and Younghyun has never been so betrayed his entire life.
“That's it? Do you think you can get away from this?"
This time, Younghyun pulls the other to the space of the couch and laid him down.
“You are facing a punishment tonight"
Younghyun smiles like a child and the other couldn’t help but smile back as they kissed longer this time. Teeth clattering for smiling too much. They kiss deepen as Wonpil's hand go at the back of Younghyun's head while the other is on his waist, trying to pull out his shirt. Wonpil knew this will happen and he immediately pushed the Younghyun away from his lips. Younghyun’s eyes protests at his action, he knows how difficult the other is.
“Wait" He said in between of his heavy breathes. “This can't get any further, I have a big test on a veeeeerry early class tomorrow. I'm sleeping. Good night"
He gave Younghyun one last smack on the lip as he smiles before running to their bedroom. He looks at the other running away disappointingly, he thought he won tonight.
Younghyun walks inside their room just to see the other covering his whole body, including his face with a blanket. He smiles at the sight, knowing the other is still awake. Younghyun lies down beside the other and pulls the blanket away from his face to share them together. The other is faking a sleep and Younghyun smiles again to himself. He wraps his arms to the other’s back so he would face him and hug him back. The other naturally buried his face to his chest and hugs him back through his waist just like every single night.
"Tomorrow, let's go to the park"
The other pulls himself to seal a ‘yes’ on Younghyun’s lips before he buried his head back again on his chest.
Finally going to their dreamland.
And that was a dream.
“That was my dream" Wonpil said after explaining the dream he had before he decided to visit this park, no, before coming to Korea.
They look at each other in disbelief.
It is unimaginable. Like how did it happen? How could they dream of the same thing?
Both are in deep thoughts because that day never happened in reality. They are in silence once again. They are both trying to figure out what’s going on.
"Do you think we were dreaming those dreams because we miss each other?" Wonpil asks.
“I don’t know. It could be but.. why?"
And Wonpil looks at him with questions in his eyes.
“I mean, why would you miss me?"
Younghyun hopes for an answer. Even if it hurts, he just want to know what happened to him. What happened to them?
Has the conversation been long already? Time sure fly so fast. The sun is beginning to set. The birds are going home. The streetlights are shining brightly around the every corner of the park. The moon is welcoming itself for the night and they didn’t notice any of that. They are too busy looking at each other. Tracing each other’s face and noticing each other’s changes. Just like how Younghyun’s red hair has changed into black, the piercing in his ear is gone and he isn’t that stylish anymore unlike before while Wonpil went back to how he usually was before they started dating. Wonpil looks like a reset of his old self. He is wearing dark clothes again. The only thing that didn’t reset is the way he looks at Younghyun from his eyes and Younghyun resents himself for noticing that. He wished he didn’t so he could hate the person beside him but he couldn’t.
Wonpil looks hurt with Younghyun’s question. Younghyun won’t believe him anymore.
"I really want to tell you what happened, so can you please give me a chance to explain?"
This time, it’s Younghyun’s turn to stare in between of his shoes, clasping both of his hand. He doesn’t have any reason to say ‘no’. He really want to know so he can finally let him go. Even if this is the last time at least for once, if he find out the answers, he might be able to finally sleep in peace. He nods.
Wonpil takes a deep breath as he look at the scenario before him. He begins his story.
"Dad found out everything. About you.. and the apartment.” Younghyun glances at him. He always knew it, he had always suspected that this might be the reason but he thought his imaginations could just be too much yet hearing this from the other, he is sure now and he is sorry.
“Dad went here the day before I left and almost got dragged home. He even brought his people. I begged him that I’ll go on my own. I promised him that I won’t see you again and that’s why I just disappeared like that. I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t tell you. They were waiting for me. When I went out of our apartment they were there. Do you still remember of what I told you about my father? That his words are the law of our household? It’s very serious, especially in my case because I’m the only son and I was afraid that if I don’t follow him right away, I might not be able to go back here so I tried to be obedient over the year. I held all the urge to run back here and I thought if I could see you again one day, I will be fine even if you find someone else but when I woke up from that dream, I became desperate to find you and now.. here I am. I can’t still believe that you really came. I didn’t thought the dream means anything” Wonpil smiles thankfully. He is really happy to see Younghyun.
Wonpil’s parents has been living outside Korea and the only reason why he was able to move to Korea was because his noona convinced his father and his aunt who is living in the country. He was given his own apartment near his university but no one knows except for his auntie and Dowoon their friends are oblivious about those things, that he doesn’t stay in his apartment anymore after a year of occupying it and moving to Younghyun’s apartment.
Doing bad things can always lead to bad results. Younghyun couldn’t deny that it is his fault. He knew Wonpil didn’t want anything from him but he didn’t stopped pursuing the other, thinking that he might have a chance. He was the one who suggested the idea. He wanted to be closer to the other because he was always worried of his lifestyle. Over the year as he slowly grew from learning Wonpil’s personality and how he lead his life, he thought he wanted to be by his side all the time so the other can eat on time, so he can lean on him when things are hard. So he would know that someone is always by his side because there’s just so many times that the other is too distant, as if he didn’t needed anyone, as if all he have to do is to be responsible of himself, as if he is too strong but deep inside he is not. He knew Wonpil can be terrified of the new environment, he is worried at time of what he is doing but he always act like he is not. He is clumsy too and most of all, he only knows how to study. Even if he have friends, he usually don’t stay for long when they are going out. He knew he was a bad influence but he just want the other to feel like a human. So he wouldn’t miss his youth, so he could reminisce something in the future, so he can smile at the moment. But it seems like, he shouldn’t have insisted to be part of his life.
“I guess.. I shouldn’t have dated you.. I only thought of myself. I’m selfish, I’m sorry”
“Hyung, it’s not like—“
“But what can I do? I don’t regret anything that I did. You were happy. You were genuinely happy.
Wonpil has always been smart since he was a kid, he was even a music prodigy. He is the type who can always impress the crowd and Wonpil knows his dad’s reasons, he understands that and that’s why he is always doing his best for his dad, to make him proud just like every single time but he knows that once college ends, there’s a chance that he might not be able to come back to this country again because he needs to follow his parents orders.
After meeting Younghyun, he realized there is more to life than just studying. He didn’t know that he can still become the person who he was even if he is enjoying himself. Younghyun taught him to appreciate the meaning of life. To make it the best as we live. Life is not just about survival, it’s about making every single second memorable. And so he worked much harder to become the perfect son his father wanted him to be so he can keep the most important person in his life right now because Wonpil didn’t regretted meeting Younghyun, he never did.
But why was that so hard?
Sometimes, all you have to do is read the title and you’ll realize if it’s a dream or reality.
Chapter 4: Reality Within My Dreams
I’m busy.. suddenly ㅠㅠ
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The other is surprised with Younghyun’s response. He never thought there’s this kind of love that would exist. He always thought this can only be found on people’s imagination but never in reality or it can be one sided and can never be reciprocated but Younghyun is a living proof and this makes him want to do everything for him.
"Even if I left without telling you anything?”
"Yes" Younghyun didn’t falter. He always knew the answer deep down his heart. He was just terrified of getting hurt again but if it’s Wonpil, there is nothing he can do. He is the one he chose.
Wonpil’s big eyes glistened to tears. Overwhelmed and satisfied. Guilty yet he is glad, it feels like breathing for the first time.
When he was on the plane, he imagined plenty of scenarios. It’s either he’d showed up on Younghyun’s face and get punched in the face or not showing up at all. He realized that even if they were together for two long years he still didn’t know how big Younghyun’s heart is for him. They lived together for a year yet he doubted his feelings, he shouldn’t have but hearing Younghyun, he knows he chose the right person to love.
“I went to your auntie’s house on the day you left, they didn’t told me anything”
“I’m sorry. I asked them not to tell you anything because if you find out then you’ll be curious and I was scared that my dad would bother you. Everyone was okay with our relationship but him” A bitter smile on his face shows up and Younghyun caught the sadness on the other’s eye that he wish he could erase.
"You should’ve told me still. At least I would’ve known that you’re still alive. That you’re okay.”
"I know. I was dumb. It was stupid of me but at that time, all I could think was use that as an excuse”
“Hmm.. An excuse to meet you again, I was thinking if I don't tell you at that moment you will want to meet me and ask the reason why I left. Then I will be able find a reason to see you again even if it means that I’m not the one you love anymore because I thought I will really take a long time to see you. But.. wasn’t that a great plan? Look.. I'm here"
The other’s eyes crescents into a smile, looking proud yet the sadness will always be visible.
Though Younghyun knows how dumb the reason is, it still brought a small smile to his face because the idea sounds so Wonpil, he is the only one who can get this kind of plans yet his heart breaks fully knowing that the other always think he can’t love anyone unless he can break free from his dad and even if Younghyun has given and showed all of him, it will never be enough. He knew it wasn’t enough for the other who didn’t have anyone to trust but himself.
It reminds Younghyun of the reason why Wonpil and Dowoon are friends and he just said, “Because he talk, walk and think purely. I liked that”. He knew it was because he believed Dowoon would never betray him.
"But I could always wait for you" Younghyun speaks and the other shakes his head.
“I can't.. I can’t let you wait. I can't promise you anything. I didn't know what father's plan might be and if I do or say anything, I was scared that I won't really see you again...”
“...but I realized, I was just too immature. I was scared that I might not be able to live without their support. I thought I’ll have to depend on them for life so I can't fight back but then now I know, I am sure."
The other have the regret and assurance in his voice, not breaking the eye contact. And Younghyun wondered if all those times he cried, probably Wonpil was crying too. Maybe they were always the same. Younghyun is not the only one who suffered but Wonpil did too.
They are quiet again. They‘re thinking of so many things at once. Wonpil for sure have a plan and Younghyun is being shaken. They are unsure of what’s ahead but they know one thing for sure, they did not change.
“What do you want to do now?”
“I have a plan”
Younghyun hums. He is curious but he doesn’t want to ask. He feels like he doesn’t have the right. He doesn’t want to make the other uncomfortable. They are not together anymore, he have to draw some spaces.
“Aren’t you curious?”
“I—I don’t know. I’m not sure but just in case.. if— can I give you a hug?” Younghyun asks in hesitance. He is just too afraid. It feels like a dream come true right now. Even if Wonpil is just beside him, he feels so far.
Wonpil looks at him as if he’s gonna cry any minute. He filled the distance from their seats and reached out for Younghyun’s touch without a single word.
Younghyun slowly wraps his arms around the other and there it goes again. He can smell that familiar scent, he can feel the beating of their hearts in one another’s chest. Younghyun rests his head on the other’s shoulder and tears escapes from his eyes.
“I really missed you, I really did" Said the other. As if he wants to convince Younghyun that he is still true to him and it pierces his heart because he doesn’t know what will happen to them even if they have cleared things up.
“I know, I'm sorry for not knowing anything. I miss you too, I missed you so much"
Wonpil holds on to Younghyun tightly as if his life depends on it. It is. And Younghyun is thankful to his dream for at least once in his life, whatever their dreams could mean, he is just glad that it brought them back together.
A phone ring interrupts their reunion and Wonpil needs to check it. It’s a message from his auntie. And so they disappointingly breaks the hug.
Wonpil checks his message and turns to Younghyun lovingly. He doesn’t look that sad anymore but the longing in his eyes is still there.
“I have to go home, auntie is waiting for me and it's getting late"
Younghyun looks at the surrounding, he only noticed that its already dark and the moon has already set. Time flies so fast. What should he do now?
“Hyung, do you still love me?" The other asks, breaking Younghyun’s momentum.
“Of course, I love you" He answers without falter.
“Can I go back to you? Can you wait for me for a week?“
“Why a week?"
“Didn't you graduate already?" The other didn’t answer his question.
"You're not answering my questions again" Wonpil's smile reaches his eye but he won’t answer and Younghyun is defeated, he replies.
“Yes I did, have you forgotten already that we are a year apart?"
“I'll graduate this week and I promise, I’ll be back after my graduation so please wait for me. Can you do that?”
Younghyun frowns in confusion. His looks at him in conflict. “Wait, what?! Why did you came here and didn't wait for a week?"
Wonpil drops his shoulders and sighs.
“I tried.. but I can't help it, I have to run away because I promised to meet you here. You told me that on my dream. I thought it would sound ridiculous but seeing you here with me right now because of that dream, I am sure I made the right decision”
“But you ran away? I know, the dreams are unbelievable but you'll be in trouble when you come back”
“It's okay. I’ll handle it. I can do that now. I’ll never make the same mistake as before. Also, you never asked me anything on my dream before. That was the first time and I couldn’t erase it in my head. I feel like I have to run over and go here. Look, I am here with you right now. Finally. I’m sorry I took so long”
The other gazes genuinely to his eyes that he lost it and is falling deeper and deeper in the other’s blackhole. Just like before. Just like how it used to before.
"They caught me so I received a message from mom to go to aunt’s house so don’t worry, it’s okay. I already found a way to go back to you. Just give me a week”
Younghyun holds their gazes together without missing a blink. His didn’t reacted. He don’t know what to say but for sure the other knows now the response in Younghyun’s eyes.
"Then, I'll take you home. May I do that?"
Wonpil smiles like sunshine.
“Yes. Yes please”
They spent the short time they have together talking about random things and random people they both now. They laughed and giggled a lot as if nothing happened but Wonpil still do feels guilty, he just want to make up for everything when he comes back.
“We're here" Younghyun turns to Wonpil and disappointment draws in his face. Wonpil lifts his hands to cup Younghyun’s face.
“Its okay" Wonpil looks at him carefully and rubs his both hands to his cheek. Tracing every single part of his face like he is afraid he’ll forget. “Thank you.. for coming, for keeping your promise. I love you too, I really do” The other whispers softly hoping Younghyun would know that.
“Let’s meet after a week okay?" Younghyun nods slowly. Like a kid who didn’t want to be left alone but he understands that today is not the right time. The world keeps testing them.
“Okay, see you again" Younghyun places his hands on top of the other’s hand on his cheek and he continue.
"This is not a dream right?" Younghyun is anxious but the other smiles.
“This. is. real, and even if this is a dream, I'll meet you a week later. Just like what we did today. So just promise me you’ll come”
“I will.. I will”
“I'll text you”
“Do you know my phone number?"
"You never changed your number. I called you the other day."
“It was you? Why didn't you say anything?"
“I can't. How could I?"
Tears begins to well up in Younghyun’s eyes as he lean his head to the stirring wheel of his car watching the other walk to his house. Even though Wonpil is assuring him that he is awake, that this is real, he is still anxious. What if nothing really happened and no promises were made? What if this is a dream, again?
Wonpil looks back to him, smiling as he wave his hand and Younghyun did the same before the other completely disappeared from his sight.
Younghyun starts his car after a minute and he finally said it..
‘Right, I'm not dreaming. This is all real. This is our reality.’
He convinces himself.
When I was thinking of how I’ll end this fic, I wanted to end it like this but ideas.. ㅠㅠ
Anyways, introduction is finally over.
Chapter 5: What is Real? What is Dream?
Younghyun is really dumb
I really got busy so it really took time to edit. I still have to proofread them.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Younghyun wakes up with a tear escaping from his eye. His heart feels heavier than usual because it’s a lot more different than he ever had since he started dreaming of the other. It hurts and he remember every single detail of it. Not again. He wish.
But Younghyun doesn’t want to give up that easily and just like his dumb self, he changed his clothes and grabbed his keys to drive on the other’s house and he prayed on the way that there must be anyone, at least anyone who knows Wonpil’s whereabouts.
Wonpil promised that he’ll be back. He said it was real but was it really just a mere dream? Why does it have to feel so real? Why does Wonpil have to promise? Dreams shouldn’t do that to him. It shouldn’t hurt anyone but if he sees the other today, he’ll forget and forgive everything that has happened to them.
Younghyun is nervous and terrified. Even though he knows the answer deep down inside his heart, he still want to shed a light on his hope and it’s dumb. He is dumb. And just like what he expects, no one is around. His auntie moved since Wonpil disappeared and he also don’t know where she is but seeing that no one still lives in this house might indicate that they didn’t sold the house and they’ll be back one day. Yet Younghyun knocked, just in case but no one answered from the house instead he heard a familiar voice from afar. It is Dowoon, his two years hoobae major in arts from their university and Wonpil’s neighbor and best friend.
"Hyung? Younghyun right?"
Younghyun shifts his eyes to somewhere it can avoid Dowoon’s contact. Not sure on what to do next but there’s no answer to his question and so he nods.
"Why are you here? Wonpil hyung’s aunt already moved a long time ago. Didn't you know?"
Younghyun is finally awaken. So it was dream.. again.. as he expected.. and the truth is stabbing his inside a thousand times. He feels like he is going crazy, he wants to break down this instance but he can’t, he has to stay from his composure and so he tried to smile for Dowoon who keeps giving him a questioning look.
"Ah” Younghyun scratches his un-itchy scalp. “I must've mixed up the dates. I thought it’ll be today”
The word tingled on the younger’s ear and Younghyun is surprised with his own statement as well. He didn’t know why he said it and now he is regretting them. He doesn’t know how to take it back. He knows ‘probably’ that Dowoon hasn’t seen Wonpil for a long time.
When Wonpil disappeared, Dowoon received a message from him saying that he needs to go and might lose contact with him. It was morning when he saw the message and he received it at 3am, and because Dowoon couldn’t understand what it means, he tried to call the older but it says the number doesn’t exist and just like that, he was upset too. He couldn’t understand and he knows Younghyun couldn’t understand it either but hearing great news from Younghyun might have mean that they are still in contact.
"You mean they are coming home? When?"
Younghyun is still avoiding Dowoon’s eyes and it is dumb but he just want to go.
"I'm sorry.. Dowoon-ah, I have to check the date. By the way, I have to go, I forgot I need to do something. Bye!"
Younghyun quickly went to his car as Dowoon screamed expectations.
"Tell me the schedule hyung okay? You still have my number, right? Contact me!"
Now he is guilty. He did not look back and drove away while Dowoon smiles even when Younghyun is now lost in his sight.
Instead of going to work, he decided to stay home. He can’t go to work with this kind of mind right now. He is too tired to deal with anything just because of a dream. He came back to his lonely home and walks to the small drawer in the living room where the lamp shade Wonpil chose when they moved to this house is placed. He takes out the photo frame from the drawer that he’s been hiding for a while now. He really wants to throw it away. He wants to forget the other but seeing the smile of the person he loved shining brightly on that picture, he just can’t do it. It was the first time when Wonpil smiled genuinely onto him and he still wants to cherish that smile on his memory. He keeps hurting himself, he doesn’t want to do anything with the other, not anymore but he just can’t understand why. Why can’t he let go? Why can’t he just give up this apartment? Why can’t he forget? Why can’t he just be those kind of people whose love disappears in time? Why can’t he forget the person who have forgotten about him? Why? Why is the world so unfair to him?
He feels so pathetic because every question on his mind will always go against the wave of his heart and he can’t throw this picture. He can’t sell this apartment. He can’t forget Wonpil. He can’t let him go.
But what if he just can't go back? What if he's kidnapped? What if aliens took him? Or what if just like what happened on his dream Wonpil is really abroad and couldn't go back because of his dad and he sound pathetic over and over again.
‘Where are you? Please tell me.’
Isn't Wonpil too cruel?
After that dream, this is the first time when Younghyun couldn’t dream of the other. He couldn’t dream but he never stopped thinking of him. It must be really a week. Just like what they promised to each other. But why does it have to be real, now? Is it even possible?
Younghyun looks fine every time he goes to work. Even if his mind keeps drifting to another dimension of this world, he always look so fine as a management office worker. As if he is not breaking, as if everything is normal for him and just like his university days his image did not changed. He is still that same guy who is a lot popular with any boys and girls and others are always jealous of his charisma. Lots of co-workers had asked him out but he declines everyone, no matter who gives him the attention he just can’t give it to anyone but Wonpil.
This reminds him of his graduation, three months after Wonpil's disappearance. Isn't it a tradition to receive a flower on your graduation day? Wonpil promised that he’ll be bringing a bouquet for him so Younghyun shouldn’t accept anything from anyone. He knows the other was just jealous over the people trying to get his attention despite of knowing that he already have someone that everyone also knows who is perfect for him yet he couldn’t help but find the other so cute. Over the years they had together, he will always love the jealous Pil. The other isn’t really a possessive and a show off type but when he expresses his jealousy in private, he will alway look like a mess for not understanding his own feelings.
Wonpil didn’t needed anyone for too long that he didn’t know he can be someone who can be like that and so all Younghyun can do for him is shower him with kisses and hugs so even if he doesn’t know what it means, he will never feel a gap between them.
Younghyun held on that promise. He hoped and just in case Wonpil comes, he sits down outside the graduation hall to wait for him. In case the other couldn’t find him if he stays inside. A lot of people approached him and jus like what Wonpil predicted, a lot of hoobae and even graduating who tried to give him a gift or a flower but he declined all of them with a smile. Even though they are upset that Younghyun didn’t took their gifts they can’t just stay upset when the hottest person in their university smiled at them.
Younghyun waited and he waited even if he knows that the ceremony is starting until he sees shadows blocking the sun for him. It took a minute before he looked up and when he did, tears gathers in his eyes. He looks at the two men smiling at him, one with a bouquet in his hand and another with a small wrapper while the women looks at him with so much concern.
"What are you doing here?" The women says and it comforts Younghyun. That voice came from the woman he loves and so he quickly gets up to give her a hug. It is his mom. And the other two, Terry and his dad smiles and congratulates him as he keep a hold of his mom into his arms until she finally looks at him in the eye.
“What happened son? Were you surprised?" Younghyun nods like a baby who is telling his mom that someone stole his candy but can't do anything to take it back.
“Aigoo.. my son has grown up and graduating but still acts like a baby" They chuckled and Younghyun hugs his dad and his best friend.
It’s been four years since they gathered in Korea. It’s been a year since the last time they met. Younghyun only comes home at Christmas for his late birthday celebration but that’s just a word they use when they just really want to gather together. At summer, Younghyun doesn’t really go back home to visit his parents. He usually spends his summer to either study, do more part time jobs for experience or have dates with Wonpil. He really did missed his parents, it still saddens him that they migrated to Canada when he decided to stay in Korea for a while.
Tears gleams from his eyes and his mom wipes them away for him.
"You should not cry on the happiest day of your life" It‘s so warm for Younghyun. For the first time since the day he lost Wonpil, he feels at ease.
Younghyun holds his mom’s hand his and his dad stands beside him. They walked together to get inside the hall as Terry follow from behind holding the bouquet to give to his best friend.
Terry is happy and proud that his best friend is finally graduating but there’s something that’s bothering him, he knows Brian is going through something and he hope he could tell him later.
Its been five days and the same. Younghyun thought there should be something more than this. The other never told him any detail as such before and so he counts the days and if he doesn’t dream of anything about the other until the seventh day, then he needs to do something and it did. You are right, nothing happened. At the seventh day he did not dream of anything and so he finally went back to the other’s house just in case his dreams can wake him up from his senses, that it will tell him how stupid he is right now. He just need an excuse. An excuse to forget. Because if nothing happens today then he will be considering it as the time for him to finally let go of the other and he came to the house but it’s not what he is expecting to see. There is someone in front of the house talking to Dowoon but he knows it’s not Wonpil but someone else he doesn’t really have no idea who is.
Younghyun hesitantly leaves his car and Dowoon invites him to quickly join him in the conversation with a tall and lanky stranger.
“Oh, you really came" The tall man said in English as if he knows who Younghyun is but isn’t expecting for them to meet, just like how Younghyun is not expecting to see a stranger looking for him.
Younghyun is so dumb I’m so sad for him.
Chapter 6: Following Someone’s Dream
The lanky guy takes Younghyun to Wonpil
I really want this to end immediately but these days, it’s really busy..
“You really came”
Younghyun frowns, piercing a sharp gaze on the man in front of him.
“You're Younghyun right?"
Younghyun doesn’t need to answer for the tall man to understand but Dowoon feels the weirdness to Younghyun when he is usually friendly and so he answered for him instead.
“Yeah, he is Kang Younghyun” Dowoon smiles to the lanky man but Younghyun doesn’t take his gaze away and the lanky man suddenly feels awkward, looking back to Dowoon and the foxed eye guy.
“Chill man, I'm not here to harm you or whatever you're thinking. Jaehyung but call me Jae.." He tried to smile and reaches his hand.
Even though Younghyun doesn’t like the vibe of the pale guy, though he wonder how and why does the lanky guy knows him, he reached out to the hand anyway and Jae couldn’t find any words to his relief.
"Younghyun" Younghyun finally relaxes his gaze to Jae.
"I honestly don't know how you and Wonpil do this but—“
Jae chokes from his throat when Younghyun pushed him through the wall in the side of Wonpil’s house and grabbed him by the collar. The sharp gaze that Younghyun gave to Jae earlier became sharper and it is terrifying. Jae is trying to remove the hands in the collar of his polo but Younghyun is just too strong and Dowoon couldn’t move for a few seconds until he hears Jae’s coughing.
"HYUNG!" Dowoon screams as he grab Younghyun’s hands away from Jae but he couldn’t—he doesn’t even barge.
"What's wrong with you hyung?!Stop it! He came to get you."
Younghyun is not listening to Dowoon, he just hate the fact that someone is calling Wonpil's name. A stranger.. and is talking to him... about him..
"WONPIL HYUNG..!" Dowoon screams out to Younghyun. Hoping it’ll get his attention and it did. It succeeded perfectly. The pressure on Jae’s collar loosens up making his red face turn back into its original color but he is still coughing, touching his gripped neck.
Younghyun turns his head to Dowoon.
“He's gonna take you to Wonpil hyung! So stop it!" Younghyun finally lets go of Jae and Jae steps away from him.
‘Take me? To where? Why? Why now?’ Younghyun thought.
When Jae is convincing Younghyun. Dowoon asked them to go out for food and talk about it there instead. Even though Younghyun isn’t really interested, he just did so Dowoon won’t worry plus he needs to know why someone’s looking for him, about Wonpil.
When they arrived, Younghyun asked Dowoon a favor to order for them and now it’s just Jae and Younghyun face to face.
"Where's.. Wonpil?" Younghyun trails off. A little bit hesitant to ask about him and Jae sighs. Frustrated at learning Wonpil’s sad love.
"I'm really sorry about earlier, I didn't know you guys..well..uhmm.. broke—“
"No its okay. I'm at fault. It just happened that I’m really sensitive today. Also.. We never officially broke up, he just left without any reason" Younghyun looks down, playing his fingers under the table, embarrassed of telling the truth but he realized it’s not that bad to tell anyone at all.
“Wonpil.. doesn’t have much experience with relationships because he was too precious for his parents he doesn’t want anyone bothering him but one day.. he called me about a guy and said, ‘Jae, I feel weird’ and he started crying on the phone” Younghyun’s lip lifts up despite of the sadness in his eyes and Jae smiles at himself. “He said he doesn’t know how to deal with it so I told him to ask the person responsible to deal with it and I guess he really followed my advice. He was really happy, you know. He never talk about future plans about relationships but he told me, that he’ll always be ready if one day you guys can finally settle down. It was kind of amusing. It is Wonpil but then it’s not like him”
Younghyun just feels bitter at the words because what’s the use of wishing when Wonpil chose to leave first. He stays in silent.
”Piri has never told me much about your relationship. I just assumed that he told you what happened and left. I also wondered why you never called or did something..” Jae sighs. He doesn’t know what to say about it.
“Wonpil’s phone doesn’t work. I tried calling it several times but it doesn’t exist anymore. I tried to ask everyone around him even his aunt but she isn’t saying anything. I don’t know who else to contact. I didn’t know Dowoon knows you. Wonpil doesn’t like talking about his family so that’s also one of the reason why Dowoon doesn’t know it either. I don’t know what else to do so I just let it be and waited for the day that maybe one day Wonpil will tell me what happened to him”
There was a couple of silence between them. Younghyun feels like he is being stabbed in the heart once again but he couldn’t help remembering how difficult it was for him. Those times when the younger just left him like that and Jae looks at the foxed eye guy whose still looking with a guilt and sadness for him. If only he knew this was what’s happening.
"The truth is Wonpil didn't asked me to come and get you” Younghyun looks up. He knew it. What was he expecting?
“But Wonpil really needs you right now. Please just come with me. Wonpil will tell you everything, I’ll take you to where he is” Younghyun looks up upon hearing the desperation from the taller’s voice.
“Did something bad happened to him?” Younghyun wonders. But he still doesn’t get it. Even if Wonpil isn’t okay, there is nothing he could do for him.
“He is okay but I don’t think he is. He keeps on looking for you”
“Why not now? You should know how glad I am that this day could come. It might sound weird and I really can’t explain everything right now unless we go so just please.. Wonpil will tell you everything once we’re there” Jae pleads in the best he could and Younghyun though he is confuse and he doesn’t know why he is doing this, he couldn’t keep his curiosity. He wants to know what happened.
“I—okay. I don’t know what’s happening but okay” Jae feels so relief that even if he sounded like a weirdo, he succeeded.
“Thank you and I’m sorry this is so abrupt, I heard you work in a corporate so just in case you want to stay long on America, I’ll help you with your leave” Jae sincerely said.
“That’s generous of you. Thanks.”
Another beat of silence surrounds them as they wait for Dowoon whose now ordering after from the few people on the line.
"I guess Wonpil never mentioned me to you before but I’m a friend from America. I’m his childhood friend” Younghyun nods and looks at Dowoon from afar.
“How do you know Dowoonie?” Jae looks at where Younghyun’s eyes is.
“When Wonpil’s noona visited Korea, I once came here with Wonpil and that’s how we both met Dowoon. I just haven’t stayed in touch with him. If I only know you knew each other I would’ve just contacted him to get to you. It was really difficult to figure it out” Jae softly chuckles to himself. He feels so relieved that everything is working out in the way he wish it could be.
“Do you really think Dowoon doesn’t know anything?”
“He don’t, for certain. When I arrived he asked me about Wonpil’s whereabouts. I just told him he is in America and he might be back. The kid is so excited”
“Right. How did you know I’d arrive?”
Jae smiles at Younghyun.
“That’s something that you and Wonpil should know”
Younghyun didn’t understand what he means and he wants to ask about it but then Dowoon came back, holding the tray in both of his hands, curious what was the hyungs were talking about without him. Dowoon looks at them but Jae’s only focused on taking the tray from Dowoon's hand while Younghyun tapped on the sit beside him, indicating Dowoon to sit and he gladly did.
Dowoon looks at the two getting along and he wonder how Jae tamed Younghyun when he was just trying to kill the older earlier.
Dowoon drives the two using Younghyun's car and took them to the airport. Younghyun told Dowoon to take his car back to his apartment if he has time to visit his neighborhood.
Dowoon wanted to ask on how Jae was able to persuade Younghyun but he knew he shouldn’t because he knows the answer to himself already, Wonpil. And Dowoon hopes when Younghyun comes back, everything will be better.
"Hyung-deul, please tell Wonpil to take care and I miss him so he better call me"
Younghyun only looked at Dowoon however Jae giggled and brushes his hand to Dowoon’s hair and said "Sure, don't worry" and soon both went inside the airport leaving Dowoon waiting once again. Without letting him know anything.
Chapter 7: Stuck In A Sad Dream
I’m sorry for taking so long. This is a finished story, I’m just taking too long in editing.
"Why are we stopping here?"
Younghyun asks as Jae’s car stops by in front of a huge hospital.
"Is he.. here?" Younghyun's eyebrows met, making Jae nervous as he remember that he almost died without coming back to his motherland.
"No, don’t worry, okay? I swear! He's fine!” He quickly says and Younghyun doubts for a second then calms down again but he is still worried. And Jae speaks once more after noticing the changes in his expression.
“Now we’re here, I’m gonna tell you something important. This is gonna complicate things but.. he couldn’t remember any of us”
"What do you mean?" Younghyun thinks for a second before letting out a word "Amnesia? I thought you said—“ Jae cuts him off right away before he could think of any reasons.
"I know what I said and I am not lying. After he was admitted, he was in a coma for a year and woke up a week ago.. like it was a miracle.”
Younghyun’s eyes shoots a surprised look after hearing Jaehyung’s explanation. Coma. This information that he is hearing today, why does it seems so believable yet it’s not. As if he is stuck on another dream.. again. He looks away and stares at the hospital windows, wondering where Wonpil could be but his ears are listening intently to Jae, he is just afraid to look at the worried face of this person beside him, of thinking how difficult it was for Wonpil. That it wasn’t him who was having the hardest time among them but it was Wonpil.
“He doesn’t remember any of us.. but it seems like he remembers you. I’m also not saying that he can say your name or talk about you.. I.. I don’t— it’s kinda complicated.”
Jae stayed in silence for a while. Younghyun looks down, trying to comprehend, trying to find sense on his words. He understands that it must he difficult for a best friend to talk about what happened to his life. He waits, he doesn’t want to rush things. He’s almost there to meet his Wonpil. He’ll just have to be patient to know what he’ll have to do.
Jae keeps on thinking about the right words. He thought he was ready to explain everything but the more he tries, the more it is getting complicated. He don’t know if he is just scared to be honest to Wonpil’s lover or he just can’t take talking about his best friend’s condition and so he thought of his purpose once again and why he is doing this. Why was he searching for Younghyun? Jae only found one question.
“Had you ever been stuck on a sad dream before?”
Younghyun frowns as he look to his hands clasped together. He knows it better than anyone else. Is this really a dream? Why would Jae talk about that?
“Why?” Younghyun asks.
“Wonpil cries every night. When he was in coma, tears would fall from his eyes. At first, we asked the doctor about it and do you know what they said? They couldn’t provide a scientific reason for it. Wonpil almost died, his support was almost removed, doctors were saying he doesn’t have a chance to live but his parents and his sister, even me doesn’t want to give him up because of those tears. We just assumed that he might be stuck on a sad dream and that’s why he couldn’t return even though we know it’s not the cause. We just want something to believe in, to hold on to. He only cries at night, which we don’t understand but even if we don’t, as long as he is doing an activity we will always believe that he has a chance then it did happened. The day when he woke up. I and Wonpil’s mom was the only person there when he gained consciousness. When Wonpil opened his eyes, he looked so sad, he was crying again. He isn’t even making a sound. Even his mom cried looking at him like that. When we gathered, Piri was just looking blankly at us. That’s when we found out that he doesn’t realize who we are. It feels like going back to scratch, I had to gain his trust again, I talked to him a lot so he’d speak as well. Then one day I went through this question, “Why were you crying?” And he just simply said “I don’t understand either, my dreams were too happy, it hurts”. He said there’s this one person who kept him alive in his dream. He wants to meet that person but he couldn’t remember the face and thought that it might just be really no one but a dream. So I tried to verify if it could be someone we know or it’s nothing but the more we talk about it, I just simply thought it could be you. We never really talk about any guys except for one time he talked about the man he’s dating. With that only piece of information I have, through Dowoon I was able to track your information but in unexpected timing you also came. You know what.. you really came a week after on their house just like how you two promised”
Long silence immediately followed until Younghyun broke the silence.
"Why didn't you just told me when we were still at Seoul?"
“I know right. I’m sorry. It may sound absurd but I was curious of your decision even without knowing the real situation. I’m sure If I told you, you might really go without thinking about it but if I say he needs you, it can be a different story, right? I just really want to know if you still love him like how he does to you. He’s been sad since the day he woke up. Is it too much for a best friend to do? I’m sorry”
“Don’t be. You’ve been friends for a long time. I understand.”
Jae’s lips lifts a bit.
“Wonpil was really right, you are a good person. I guess I can forget that first encounter”
Younghyun huffs “I’m sorry”
“No, I’m just kidding. I think we’re ready to go now. I’ll take you to Wonpil”
"We're here. You ready?"
Now that Younghyun is standing behind Wonpil’s ward, he became so nervous, its been a long time since the last time he saw him. He suffered for a year, cried for so many days, he thinks of him every single day, he dreams of him every night. He prayed over and over again.
‘Please tell me this is not a dream.’
"Please help Wonpil recover everything he lost, including you."
Younghyun smiles a little. “Thank you for finding me"
"Don't thank me, it was you who kept your promise. I'll leave now" Jae pats Younghyun's shoulder and before Jae could leave, Younghyun asked one more thing.
"Jae-ssi, this is not a dream right?"
Jae replied with a smile and Younghyun quietly and sincerely said "Thank you"
Younghyun knocked softly on the door before twisting the knob. His heart beats fast as he walks inside, seeing the back of the person he love whose lying down and facing the opposite side of the door.
Younghyun stands in his front. Closely. Enough to see Wonpil‘s sleeping face.. he crouched to be in his level, so he can see his beautiful face. The sunlight radiates his face and Younghyun made sure that he can shade his lover’s face with his own so he won’t be disturbed by the light.
Younghyun's eyes became glossy as he trace his face carefully, he still can't believe that he is now looking at the ‘real’ Wonpil. He was always thin but he’s became thinner since the last time they met.
Younghyun prays, afraid to be in another dream. Afraid to wake up on his bed, alone and in pain.
Younghyun slowly reached out his hand to caress his lover’s cheek. To feel the sensation of the younger’s skin on his and then.. Wonpil wakes up.
Younghyun sighs in a smile, eyes still dazzling "Good Morning, Sunshine"
Wonpil stares for a while, placing his hand on Younghyun's hand that’s cupping his cheek. He smiles and said, “Long time no see"
Younghyun got a bit confused for a second. Trying to comprehend what’s the meaning behind the way he stare and the way he smile ay him. The way Wonpil is looking at him right now resembles the way his Wonpil would stare at him when he just wakes up or when they are just simply together. His heart skips a beat. He missed Wonpil too much.
“Do you.. remember me?"
Wonpil hums in response. "How could I forget you? Why didn't you visit me for a week?"
Younghyun realizes that in the way Wonpil speaks, he only remember him as a guy inside his dream. They are really dreaming of each other.
Wonpil traces his face, memorizing every lines that he might forget again when he wakes up. "Is this what you always look like? You look.. clearer today." Wonpil says in amazement. He weakly smiles, appreciating the chance to meet again.
"Really? What do you think of me?" Younghyun plays along, hoping he can tell Wonpil that they are not dreaming today.. probably.
"I knew I was continuously sleeping but I keep forgetting your face after every time you meet me but I think I will remember you this time.. when I wake up." Wonpil continue to draw his face.
“This is really amazing you look so real" Wonpil giggled, in amazement, trying not to blink, wishing to remember every bits of the guy of his dreams.
"What if I tell you I'm real?" Younghyun took his and the other's hand away from his cheek and tangles them together. “What do you think?" Younghyun sadly smiles.
"If you are, I want to ask you a question"
"What is it?"
"You know, I just woke up from coma and I lost my memory.. so I want to know if... were you part of my life?" Wonpil swallows hard to stop himself from bursting into tears.
Younghyun sighs in pain as he speak “What if I say 'yes'?”
"Then what are we? Why are you not coming to me? I woke up but among the people who visited me, I know you are not any of them"
Wonpil tried not to sound upset but he is and Younghyun thinks that the oblivious Wonpil is always cute. Exactly like ‘his’ Wonpil.
"If I come, what will happen?"
Wonpil thinks for a second.
"I don't know.. I just feel like I should find you but I can't still move too much with my condition so I hope you’ll find me"
Younghyun sadly smiles. He can't help but feel sorry for not trying hard. For not asking. For not doing anything and assumed.
"I did, I just did"
"I am here.. now.. didn't we promised to meet? I came instead”
Wonpil tried to digest what it means and when he understood, he quickly separated their hands away, making the sensation remain. He looks around with just his eye balls moving. Then he looked back to Younghyun realizing that he is indeed awake.
"I'm sorry, I was touching you..." Wonpil started to force himself to get up "..I really thought.. I'm.. I’m dreaming. I didn't mean to.." He tried so hard to lean in his own arm but he’s still almost too weak that he almost fell on the bed. Gladly, Younghyun was ready to catch him. They both sit in the bed with Wonpil resting his back on the headboard.
Wonpil is confuse, he is feeling what he was always feeling inside his dream. His touch inside his dream always felt warm but this time it feels warmer and he wants to hug the stranger so bad but something is telling him not to. Then he found himself looking at the stranger’s handsome face a little longer. His heart started to ache. It feels like he has something he need to tell but he don't know what was it, he can't remember it, it's like it's on the tip of his tongue but he can't say it and it's frustrating.
When he woke up from the coma, he still can't stop thinking about the person in his dream and when he is alone, he finds himself crying from loneliness and longing, hoping that person will come visit him at least in his dreams.
Tears started to fall from Wonpil's eyes, he couldn't stop looking at the stranger. He feels sorry without knowing why. He misses him, he wants to hold him, he just want to say something but he doesn't know it. Frustration and mixed of emotions triggers his heart deeply and it hurts.
"I'm sorry.. I.. I'm.. sorry" Wonpil let out and Younghyun doesn't know what to do but hold him tight, comfort him and tell him not to be sorry, that its okay. With that Wonpil rested his head on the stranger’s neck and clenches his fist as he wraps his hands around the stranger’s neck. He cried harder. He just want to let out all the pain in his chest that he had from the happy dreams he had and the longing when he woke up.
Younghyun’s tears fall from the sound of Wonpil’s sobs. His tears kept on dropping as Wonpil hold onto him and he wish Wonpil will always hold him like this.
"Tell me please.. What are we? Why am I crying? Why am I feeling this way? Do you know why I keep on drea— ah”
Wonpil couldn't finish his sentence as he his head suddenly aches. Blur images flooding his head. Happy and sad images came to his mind.
Younghyun got startled when Wonpil suddenly hunched, holding his head as he leans down on the bed.
"Wonpil-ah, Wonpil! Where does it hurts? Huh?" Wonpil is not responding at all. He is still pressing his head with both of his hands.
“I'll call the doctor!"
"DON'T!" Wonpil shouts with all the strength he is left. He held onto Younghyun's arms, not looking, he just can’t look with his mind affecting his whole body like this and so Younghyun stopped from moving. “Don’t call anyone”
“Please tell me where it hurts, huh!?"
Wonpil forces himself to sit up, back to his position earlier but instead his head fell on Younghyun's chest and he is leaning down. He stopped crying but he breathes heavily as if he was on a marathon.
"Those dreams.. those.. dream were.. real, right? Our.. our memories."
Younghyun’s heart beats fast. Nervous and hoping. “Do you.. remember now?"
Wonpil shakes his head.
He sits up with the help of Younghyun and now he is staring deep into his eyes. Pain are still showing on Wonpil's eyes but he is trying not to mind it. He took his time to stabilize his own breathing.
Younghyun wants to believe that this is really the end of their dream, that they are finally awake and he can finally get his questions answered but he is still scared of his repeating thoughts. ‘Is this real?’ He can't stop asking himself.
"This is real” Wonpil replied as if he can hear Younghyun’s thoughts. “Are you experiencing the same thing like me?”
Younghyun nods his head and Wonpil looks at him in pain.
“You must’ve went through a lot.. this is not a dream. I can tell.”
"How can you tell? I have dreamt and woke up a million of times believing my dream was real but then it was—“
Wonpil cups Younghyun’s worried face. The way he do just like in the past, when Younghyun loses his confidence due to thoughts that he shouldn’t be thinking and it never fail to make him feel better.
"You look so real. You were always blurry in my memory but now you’re clear..“
"How can you tell if it’s me? What if it’s Jae-ssi or someone else?"
Wonpil smiles even if there is still a trace of pain in his eyes and tears in his face.
"Its you. I know. My heart... recognizes you. And you know what, the moment I woke up from coma, I know it’s strange but I couldn't dream of you again because we—I made a promise. When I made that promise.. I couldn’t dream of you again until today.. it’s been a week.. Do you.. understand what I mean?”
“I do.. What you’re seeing inside your dreams are the dreams that I am seeing too. They are not real but—“
“I remember this kind of conversation. We talked about this before in our dreams. They are not real but we dream them because of regrets. The dreams happens because we miss each other and our consciousness wish those dreams are happening to us”
“I went to your house when I woke up from that dream and of course, just like what I thought, you were not there. So even if I don’t want to hope, I waited for a week and went back to your house and guess what.. instead of you.. Jae-ssi came to me so I could meet you”
Wonpil looks surprised on what he heard.. he really thought they were just simply dreams..
“The universe is looking for a way for us to meet”
“It sounds impossible right?”
Younghyun smiles at Wonpil as he reach out for the hand that’s on his cheek. Younghyun once again held his hand tightly and Wonpil did as well. As natural as it used to be.
“Then does it mean.. you didn’t dream of me the whole week?"
"No" Younghyun said softly.
“See? This is real” Wonpil warmly smiles. The smile that Younghyun missed the most when he is doubtful of himself, when he feels like the world is going against him. The smile that he can only see in rare times and the smile he is sure is only his.
Still, this was what happened last time. ‘How can I make it if I wake up tomorrow knowing this is just another dream?’
Younghyun wakes up.. and he is on his own room but he checks the side of his bed in case but of course.. no one is there..
He sits up and reached for his phone, he’s gonna be late for work.
It is gonna be another painful and uncomfortable day that he so familiar with yet he couldn’t get used to. With heavy heart he quickly prepared for work. He does his job tirelessly so he doesn’t think of anything. His co-workers would think that he is workaholic and so ay the rare times when he is late, they don’t really say much because at least once in their lives, Younghyun has helped them with their projects or works and he doesn’t even ask for a credit. People thinks he is nice, some thinks he is a fool but he is just actually trying to do any kind of things so he doesn’t think. So he doesn’t get hurt but there are just times when he catches himself staring to nowhere and tears would fall from his eyes then he would lie that something went to his eyes.
Among the dreams he had with Wonpil, he thought the recent one was the worst one. Wonpil in coma and losing memory is just too much for a dream. How could that even happen? Is this some kind of a soap opera? But in all honesty, he hates that his hatred can fade away too easily because what if his dream is true. And the fact that someone else aside from the two of them was there, was very different from his usual dreams. For sure Dowoon was there but the other one, he is not sure. He could not remember.
Younghyun wondered why Wonpil would always give him false hope and he is stupid enough to believe. When in the end, no one but him is getting hurt.
“Dowoon-ah, do you know anyone from America that could be friends with Wonpil?” Younghyun asks while he sits on Dowoon’s sofa in the living room. Younghyun has been bothered for the whole day that he thought he needs to talk to anyone or he might go crazy so he went to Dowoon’s place without informing him.
Dowoon places a tea in front of them.
“Wonpil hyung? I don’t. We never had those kind of conversations. Come to think of it, he rarely talk about his life. I’m the only one who keeps talking about myself. Why haven’t I realized it?”
“That’s alright Dowoon-ah. You know how he is.”
“You dated him for two long years, how is it possible that you don’t know anything hyung?”
“Right? How come I don’t know anything about him?” Younghyun says in more than a question but a statement.
“But Wonpil.. he never really made me felt like he have secrets. I always thought I know him well. I know what’s going on with him and his family. I understand why he doesn’t talk about them so much but I realize that those information won’t help me find him. If only I know anyone, at least one of his friends in America, I would be able to find him”
Dowoon silently sighs in the sight of his depressed hyung. It’s been a year and Younghyun is still stuck from Wonpil and Dowoon understands that. They’ve known each other for 3 years and dated for 2 years, they lived together for a year, it would be really strange to get over so fast when Wonpil left without any reason, like he doesn’t exist in this world.
And another year has passed...
Younghyun hasn’t dreamt of Wonpil again....
Younghyun wondered at first. It was lonely and empty at the beginning but as time passed by he became glad that he doesn’t dream of him anymore, he is getting used to it.
The heavy weight in his heart has became lighter. He doesn’t cry anymore. And he spent his time working his butt off without thinking about anything else until he got a promotion that everyone was in favor of, that everyone believes he always deserved.
Younghyun’s life has become better and he thought he could finally leave the apartment where he spent his time with the one and only person who broke his heart. He wants to forget him now. He is ready to let him go now. He knows he can survive now without that person, Wonpil.
He’ll be able to find someone else one day when he is ready, when he finds the right person.
Younghyun happens to walk on the cafe he and Wonpil frequents. This was always close to their university and everyone up until now finds this cafe as the best in the neighborhood. Younghyun used to avoid going to this cafe but now he won’t do that anymore. He is okay now. He also happened to meet up with a client close to the site and so he decided to buy his favorite Ice Americano.
This place is so full of their memories when they— he was still a broke college student who can only afford cheap dates. He walked to the message board of the shop to find what he wrote with Wonpil before. It was written as “Let’s survive this semester and date for a very long time!” with their names and small heart next to it. It reminds him of how Wonpil was cringing that he became so cheesy after dating Younghyun. It was their third month together.
Other couples are also looking at some posts while some are posting and some who came alone are just simply enjoying what they are reading and with that, Younghyun can somehow feel that the person next to him is looking at the same note as his. He gave a quick glance to that person.
Familiar. He looks at him again.
Wonpil? Is it him?
“Weird..” he whispers to himself but enough for Younghyun to hear. Wonpil wrote that note.
Younghyun’s about to say something but he turned away after some other person called to him. “Pir-ah!” Younghyun looks at the guy who was calling Wonpil.
And it appears to be a lanky guy who is now sitting while placing two hot coffees in their table.
Younghyun followed Wonpil with his gaze until he is sitting. He watched him a little longer having a conversation with the guy. They both laugh at something the lanky guy has said and Younghyun feels like there is something pricking his insides. It’s like something is twisting his stomach and his head is about to blow up. He hates the fact that Wonpil is smiling so happily while he suffered for too long looking and wondering where he went. He can’t forgive this.
Younghyun steps a little closer to the two who are busy chitchatting from their seats but when he caught the lanky guy’s eyes he immediately lost his courage, retreating right away.
He walks out of the cafe without even being able to order his favorite Iced Americano. He clenched his fist and anger surged up in his whole system. He screamed ‘dumb’ to himself until he realized he should be worried, he shouldn’t go back down, he shouldn’t let this chance go. He should get his questions answered right now!
Younghyun walks back to the cafe and his loud and clear steps made the lanky guy look him again, Younghyun stares —more of glare at him as well. Wonpil turns to him when he noticed the lanky guy’s busy eyes.
Wonpil blankly looks at him, wondering what’s going on and that only angered Younghyun more. Wonpil looks at him as if he is a stranger.
Younghyun pants after walking too fast. “Wonpil” He said in between of his breath and Wonpil raises both of his brows before he and the person he is with looked at each other.
And Younghyun just wants to laugh at himself. He feels so pathetic. He missed this person whose looking at him like a stranger.
Wonpil looks at him again full of wondering in his eyes. The lanky guy and Wonpil didn’t said anything when the intensity of the way the foxed eye guy is staring at them doesn’t look good. Wonpil glances to the lanky guy, as if they are exchanging words with their eyes.
“Uhmmm..” Wonpil starts but he couldn’t continue his words when the fox eyed guy tightly hold his wrist.
“Come with me” He said and the lanky guy quickly stands up from his seat but Wonpil assures him that it’s okay with his eyes and quiet “It’s okay” from his mouth. He let the fox eyed guy take him. The lanky guy looked so worried but he let them go as per Wonpil’s request.
“Do you know me?” Wonpil starts off after being dragged on a very nice park near the cafe. Most of their dating places are close to their school and this park isn’t an exception.
The fox-eyed suddenly looked frustrated as they sit in silence. Wonpil patiently waits even when he is usually not patient for things that aren’t worth his time but he is curious, he wants to know anything.
When Younghyun thinks he can finally calm down and speak, he starts off.
“Please don’t tell me you lost your memory”
“How do you know?” Wonpil looks at him. “You know me, right?”
Younghyun doesn’t answer the question, he still remember his last dream. It is connected again yet he can’t tell if today’s a dream or not. It’s been a long time since he last dreamt of Wonpil. Could this be another set up from his dream? If it is, then why? When he has already decided to let go of this person in front of him.
Evil destiny probably doesn’t want him to forget. They probably wants to torture him until, until he couldn’t wake up again.
He is too angry to face this pain again yet all he can think of right now is what if all of his dream was right. Was Wonpil really on a coma for a year?
The fox eyed guy’s face soften later when their eyes met. Wonpil waits for his answer.
Wonpil isn’t looking at him the way his Wonpil would do and it suddenly hurts. Younghyun realized, there’s no way he can get over his one and only Wonpil.
The next few chapters are my favorite, I hope I can write it better.
The way Wonpil looks at him right now feels like looking at the same Wonpil he first met in college. Sometimes warm, sometimes cold and today in spring, it is a winter in the younger’s heart.
They both sat down on the bench with inches apart. Weirdly familiar, weirdly painful but Wonpil probably don’t feel the same.
“If you don’t talk, I’m leaving. I have so much to do” The younger said after a few minutes of not speaking.
“H—hey, don’t go. I’ve been waiting for you for a long time. Please don’t go like this” The words naturally rolled on his lips and he realized he must be desperate right now. Embarrassing.
“Then.. who are you.. to me?”
“I’m..” Younghyun thinks for a second. He thought of the right word yet he doesn’t want to say those simple words like ‘I was your boyfriend’ ‘You used to love me’. He isn’t accustomed to using those words anymore and so he didn’t. “I’m someone you shouldn’t forget.. so remember me, even in your dreams”
Wonpil shifts his sitting position to facing the the fox-eyed man, understanding the words in his own way yet he is uncertain if they are thinking in the same way.
“What are you saying?”
Younghyun stares at the blue sky, clouds forming, birds flying freely.
“I’ve been through this for so many times, you can say I’m an expert. Don’t be too surprised but right now, we are in a dream because I am seeing you again. I also know that you know what I am talking about even if you don’t remember me by memory. The last time, you remembered me by heart, just remember me the same way again”
“I don’t know what’re you talking about” Wonpil says and Younghyun turns to him.
“Don’t lie. I know you too well. Stop biting your lips, it’s going to bleed” Wonpil immediately stopped doing what he isn’t intended to do. He didn’t even know that he is biting his lips. He don’t even know why he is listening to this stranger.
“Fine, I get it... but do you really think this is a dream?” He finally gave up his mind game by expressing what’s on his thoughts.
“It’s always like that” He says with no hesitation and more accepting than he used to.
“But why do I feel like it’s not”
“You always say that” Wonpil’s eyes shifted to the ground.
“I know.. I’m sorry... I must’ve hurt you.. a lot”
“It’s.. it’s okay now. It doesn’t hurt that much anymore”
“I guess you don’t love him anymore” Wonpil doesn’t have the courage to say his name, it’s just too strange. He is still in denial that the person is him until he remembers.
“I don’t know.. I’m not sure with that. I just guess time healed me. It’s been a year though”
“Yeah.. it’s been a year.” Wonpil whispers to himself, then reaches out for his pocket to take something and show it to the person beside him. “Then you should know this, right?”
“That’s your phone”
“I couldn’t unlock it. I mean I could if I ask someone to do it for me but I want to open it on my own when I remember everything but that’s not happening. Can you open it for me?”
“I could unless you changed your password“
Younghyun takes the phone from Wonpil’s hand and starts entering the password. It opened and Younghyun showed it to him. The younger looks calm even after seeing that it’s finally unlocked. He is expecting it’ll open yet he couldn’t get the lingering feeling away when he saw the wallpaper on the phone. It’s very intimate. It looks like they are somewhere in a bedroom lying down and Younghyun’s left hand is draping on Wonpil’s shoulders holding a ‘V’ sign as he winks in the camera while Wonpil holds the camera on his right hand, facing his black haired boyfriend, leaning in as he sends a kiss on his cheek.
“What’s the password?”
“Who could’ve thought”
“I know. It’s just you and I”
“What’s your name?”
“Younghyun-ssi, I don’t know yet what I did but I’m sorry for leaving you”
“Then don’t be sorry.. not until you know what you’re sorry for”
“I’m sorry” Wonpil said in a muffled tone.
“Wonpil-ah, don’t go anywhere and just stay with me today. It’s not gonna last anyway. I just don’t want to let you go with regrets”
Wonpil thinks for a second but then he do knows that he don’t want to say no. “Where do you want to go?”
“What do you want to do? What’s your purpose of coming back?”
“I want to remember”
“Then I’ll make you remember”
Younghyun takes Wonpil to the closest place they both know by heart on the area. Their university.
There’s not much students outside, maybe because it’s 3 in the afternoon, most are in their classes. They walked slowly as they pass to the buildings.
“Where are you taking me?” Younghyun leads the way and Wonpil follows him from the back so he doesn’t feel awkward just in case their eyes meets. He stares at his back instead. It’s much better.
“To our building” Younghyun turns to him with a smile before pausing so he can wait for the younger to walk by his side but Wonpil paused in his steps as well. Younghyun looks at him avoid his eye contact, just waiting for the fox-eyed to walk again yet Younghyun’s eyes slowly lingered on the younger’s hand and Wonpil finally looks at him back when he thought they are spending too much time standing in the middle of the campus. Wonpil raises his both eyebrows like he is asking what’s going on.
“This a dream anyway, even if the guy you were with earlier is your boyfriend, this might not matter to you”
“What are you trying to say?”
“I want to hold your hand”
“I said, I want to hold your hand”
“No, that’s not what I mean. I hear you. I’m— I feel like this is real. How do I distinct the dream from reality?”
“I can never figure it out. I watched a show before and they said there has to be something peculiar but I have never seen one. I read a book too and it says you’ll see something that’s impossible to see. I know it could mean a dragon or a unicorn but you’re the only one that’s impossible for me, there’s nothing else. When you touch me, it feels so real. But you did told me last time, I look so clear in your eyes in which I don’t look like in your other dreams. How about now? Do I look so clear? Or do I look like someone you’ll forget when you wake up?”
Wonpil took a little step to so he can look at the fox-eyed closer. He is also curious.
“You look clear that I‘m sure I can remember your face tomorrow” Wonpil traced Younghyun’s face and Younghyun couldn’t help but feel so overwhelmed at how close Wonpil to him is right now and so he decided to distract himself before he does something he shouldn’t. Even if it’s just a dream, he should still be careful.
“How about this?” Younghyun grasps Wonpil’s hand into his and looked at him as if it was nothing. Wonpil was uncomfortable for a second but after, he weirdly feels like he doesn’t have the need to let go and so he just watched his hands slowly being tangled to the person in front of him, feeling the tingling sensation on his skin and on his stomach.
“It’s.. real” He carefully says, he just don’t want to say any false statement and hurt him again and again. “How about me? How do I look like to you?”
Younghyun shakes his head. “You look exactly like my Wonpil except from the way you stare at me. Your hand, like always, it feels the same. I think.. I still love you” He confesses like it’s too easy to say. Like its a word he can say to anyone and Wonpil isn’t sure if he should believe it. To Wonpil, even if he had seen an evidence of the possibility that they were together, his mind just couldn’t accept it right away even if he’s being shaken too easily right now.
Wonpil frowns, thinking that if he really pained Younghyun before, it is not good to have remaining feeling to someone who left him without any reason. The love that he never deserved should just be erased.
“How could you say that too easily?”
“I know. How can I? Why do I still feel this way after so many years?..”
He chokes on his words so he paused for a second when he felt the tears he couldn’t control slowly built up from his eyes, he instinctively squeezed the younger’s hand.
“I should really forget you and I really wish I could but seeing you again today reminds me of everything we lost. I have so much to ask. Even after years I still couldn’t understand why you left. Why do I keep dreaming about you?You couldn’t answer my questions, right? I have so much to say but all I can do is keep quiet, you won’t understand them anyway” Younghyun lets go of his hand and walks away so just in case he cries, Wonpil won’t see it.
Wonpil watched Younghyun silently walks away.
Younghyun’s right, he doesn’t really understand a thing but he knows it hurts seeing him burst like that. He must’ve went through so much and Wonpil desperately wants to answer all of his questions but he don’t know if he should say what he thought it could be because Younghyun doesn’t look like a person who he should leave like that. Even if they fought or hated each other, that should be a reason but Younghyun said he doesn’t know and he don’t understand why so there must be something else.
Is that it?
Wonpil walks to the direction where the fox-eyed went. He didn’t went far, he was just sitting on the corner of the outdoor basketball court. Wonpil sits a few inch apart while Younghyun is still on the same position as he was earlier when he sat down. Both palms covering his eyes, curving his body to his thighs. Wonpil isn’t sure if the fox-eyed cried or not and he doesn’t want to ask either so he just looked at some people coming to the court, holding a ball, probably planning to play. They were silent for a few minutes.
“I’m sorry” Wonpil says and Younghyun quickly sits properly to look at him with a frown on his face. He doesn’t look mad, more of annoyance to describe.
“I told you not to—“
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry cause I feel sorry, I don’t remember anything but I just have the feeling that I should be sorry. I am guilty without knowing what to be guilty about. I’m sorry if I feel guilty without knowing anything. I am sorry so don’t tell me not to say sorry” Wonpil was gritting his teeth, hoping no one heard him. He takes a breather to calm himself from the irritancy and Younghyun is now silent, he blink-blinks, finding that side of Wonpil attractive. He smiles and soft chuckle comes from his mouth. The frown on Wonpil’s face changed into confusion.
“Okay, I won’t. I think I wasted too much of our time sitting around. I’ll walk you now”
Wonpil nods and follows the now-back-to-his-old-self Younghyun.
Younghyun walked them together on the classroom where they first greeted each other and walked to other places then he told the younger to ask him things he wants to know.
“Friends.. did I made friends?”
“You had, you were so close to them even before we knew each other.”
“How was I with them?”
“I think I know what you mean.. you don’t have to think too much. You were a good friend. You adjusted so well in this place” Wonpil smiles a little, relieve on his face is obviously seen and Younghyun smiles back even if it isn’t for him.
“How about us?”
“What about us?”
“When did we..”
“I clanged on you for a year, we dated for two years and three months. We lived in the same apartment for a year. And I haven’t seen you for two years and six months. It’s been five years”
“Where else should we go?”
“In the campus, that’s everything. We should go somewhere else now”
“Then take me to the apartment.”
“Ha? Are you sure about that?”
Wonpil nods and assures the fox-eyed with his stare that it’s okay.
“What if we spent more time there? Then I might remember something. I can’t recall anything from here”
“Okay, let’s go home”
Younghyun softly says as he holds his hand once more and Wonpil didn’t say anything this time.
Wonpil walks into the apartment following Younghyun. He somehow have a strange heavy feeling inside him. The apartment looks so lonely.
He went to the room, their room according to Younghyun.
Younghyun first showed him his study table. He said its untouched, Younghyun cleans up but he doesn’t touch the papers at all, he let it stay the same just like the day he last saw his face.
“In my case.. this is really impossible. How can I defy my father for a relationship?”
He looked at Younghyun who is sitting on the edge of his bed.
“We we’re together for 2 years. We lived in this apartment for a year but ‘My Wonpil’ is the only one who can answer that”
Wonpil became silent for a while, thinking of something that Younghyun couldn’t figure out. He looks at the younger’s fiddling hands on the stuffs on the table.
“I had a dream.. before I woke up from coma..” Younghyun listens to him.
“I was sick for a year, they said I was sleeping for a year. I can’t believe I’m still alive but I guess what made me live was my dream. I dreamt of something like this. A cozy home, in which I never lived before. With a person I like, we like to play a lot. We are bored in so many ways and so we play games all the time, we are both talkative so we talk about anything, about the bees, the star, the pebbles we saw in the street, the people we met, just anything random. I dreamt of that same things for a whole year that I thought I was really living but all of them was illusion, just a dream. I thought about it for a long time, maybe I just desired a simple living because of my family or I’m just lonely because I never had anyone.. I tried so hard to accept it as that but today.. you made me doubt everything I believed in. And I.. I’m confuse. I told you, I don’t think this is a dream so I’m afraid to know more about what I did here. Just.. what happened to us?“
It’s long, isn’t it?
“Let me show you something” Younghyun stands up and Wonpil’s gaze follows him. He watch the fox-eyed open his closet and look underneath the piles of his clothes. He grabbed a square shaped metal design that looks like a picture frame.
“Here..” Younghyun passed it to Wonpil. “We competed at our university, I was second year while you were in your first, and at that time I won first place and you won the second so I chose to play with you when I was told to compete outside to represent the university but that was just an excuse because I can actually get anyone to play with but I insisted to play with you.. guess what happened..” His smile points to the photo and Wonpil stares at the two people smiling widely showered with confetti, he guessed..
“Bingo” Younghyun softly chuckles and Wonpil looks at him.
“How did I do this?”
“I knew you’d be surprised. You don’t know what your friends went through so you’d join the competition for them and of course I’d have to go through it the second time. You were always tough with your decisions. It’s hard to change your mind but after our performance, you told me, you’ve never been so happy performing with piano until you played with me” Wonpil stares at Younghyun with wonder because he knew he’d never say such word just for anyone. Younghyun smiles a little as his eyes still lingers on the photo after saying the last sentence and genuine sadness is clearly seen behind his eyes.
Wonpil used to play classical music. Though he loves them but the fact that he has to perform for the sake of being a show off for his father so they’d think that he isn’t just smart but also good in other fields. He love his father but his father never really cared for him, he never praised him for his efforts, he never acknowledged everything he’s done.
“I guess.. you were such a bad influence in my life” Younghyun glances at him and he isn’t really surprised with the statement because he knew how Wonpil hates it when someone will try to change his mind but he did that, Younghyun was the only one.
“Maybe I was, but you were happy. That’s what mattered the most and I’m glad I did it”
“I don’t really get it. I was happy when you said I had friends, at least I know I improved in socializing but together with you or living in this place still doesn’t make any sense. I’m not that crazy to risk it all. I still respect my father and for sure I didn’t want to go overboard because in the end, I’ll have to go back to where I belong.. unless.. I became desperate to be in a relationship”
The smile on Younghyun’s lips disappeared and a frown showed up on his face. That was just too much. Looking back, nothing was never easy for Younghyun. He made made so much effort just so he can have his chance. He didn’t know it’ll be like this after a few years. He thought relationships will just come and go, because isn’t it what’s ordinarily happens? But why is it with Wonpil, there’s nothing left to go? And all he can do is return? Just like his dreams, that keeps on haunting and hurting him.
“It wasn’t desperate Wonpil, I spent a year to prove it to you that I’m a right choice!”
Wonpil sighs to himself, out of frustration, out of confusion and drops his hands that has been holding on to the picture frame.
“I’m sorry, I.. I just can’t understand. Let’s talk again tomorrow, I’ll be back. If you still have my phone number, it is still the same, I re-activated it. Thank you for your time” Wonpil passes the frame back to Younghyun’s hands and he accepted it with disappointment.
“Please stay..” Younghyun begs.
“Tomorrow. I’m really tired and confused, I don’t want to argue.”
“What if you don’t come back tomorrow? What if I wake up and this didn’t happened again? Just this once Wonpil, please... Just until I wake up”
“No, that won’t happen. Tomorrow, when you wake up it won’t be different. I’ll see you again. That’s a promise”
“I’m scared..” Younghyun says under his breath and Wonpil looks at him for a minute before deciding.
Wonpil leaves the apartment with a heavy heart, he walked and walked without looking back and in a distant, he just found himself gasping for air as if something is grasping his chest. It’s too tight, it’s too suffocating and it hurts so much. He still can’t understand what’s wrong with him.
Wonpil leans his back at a wall, at a side of some certain house, five corners away from Younghyun’s apartment. He crouches down while he stares into the ground. Tears slowly fell down from his eyes when the lamppost lit up, with his thoughts taking him away from the reality. Even if people passes by and stares at him, he doesn’t hear anything.
He is lost with his own thoughts.
When it seems like he is a bit better, he immediately took his phone out, (his new phone) and searches for his best friend’s name in the contacts.
Wonpil stares at his shoes. From afar if you pass by him, he’d really look like a lost kid waiting for his mom find him and take him home.
The other line’s phone rings...
“Kim Wonpil, are you okay? Why didn’t you contact me again? I tried calling earlier, why aren’t you picking up?”
“Jae.. did I ever talked about a guy before?” Wonpil didn’t mind Jae’s questions and worries at all and Jae knows from the tone of his voice, he knows he is getting himself into trouble but he couldn’t lie to his best friend and so he answered truthfully.
“You did, of course..”
“And? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you never asked and I didn’t think I should tell you because if I do, it’ll mess up your current plans. But.. is that person the same guy you were talking about?”
Wonpil sighs.. He couldn’t even blame his best friend because it was always his parents who doesn’t want him to go back in this country. That’s why even if he had woken up a year ago, it took him so long to visit because even if wants to go, he couldn’t go.
“Yes.. it’s him. Can you tell me what I said about him?”
Wonpil searches for his old phone in his pocket and opens it up after learning the password from Younghyun. He went to check the gallery right away to see what kind of photos he took from his phone.
“You were crying when you told me that you like him. You said you were scared but you want to try and work it out. At that time I thought you finally matured, enough for you to think of yourself...”
Wonpil scans the photos he had from the beginning, there was a photo of him and the people he could call friends who supported him from the competition that Younghyun was talking about. There was another photo of him with his friends eating out and later on it became a gallery filled with his and Younghyun’s face. He finds a photo that looks so familiar to him, it was the note he saw on the cafe. He thought he was mistaken, but it was actually his hand writing.
“Just remember that I always support your decisions, because you never make mistakes on that and for sure, that’s the same with the person you loved...”
“Do you think I won’t make a mistake with this one?”
“You are Wonpil, you always know what to do”
Wonpil smiles a little. He sees more of their sweet interactions. Of them holding each other’s hand. Of them kissing. Of them eating together. Of them playing in an arcade. Of them laughing. Of them studying. Of Younghyun sleeping. Of them just making happy memories.
Tears wells up from his eyes even though he doesn’t remember, it’s like he missed something but he doesn’t know what it is. Everything seems confusing but there’s only one thing that is clear.
He loved Younghyun.
“Hurry up and remember him, did you see how he glared at me? If looks can kill, I already died.”
And Jae heard a soft chuckle from his phone, he smiles to himself.
“It seems like he’s been waiting for a long time. Clear it up with him, tell him I’m just no one”
“Jae.. thank you.. I won’t be back tonight. I’ll just update you”
“Okay.. go get your man”
Younghyun slumps down to his bed and stares at the ceiling. He doesn't know what to do for the rest of the night or he is probably just waiting for himself to wake up in a morning of reality. He drowned himself to his own thoughts and only got to realize that someone is knocking on his door after the fifth attempt of the person outside.
Younghyun jumps out of his bed in haste having no idea who could be visiting him at nine in the evening.
Younghyun opens the door and his eye widens for the unexpected sight.
"What took you so long?" is what the person asked the moment he saw his face.
It’s Wonpil.. but when Wonpil decides, he doesn't change his mind too easily but right now he is here and Younghyun feels lke his Wonpil finally came back yet he don't want to do anything. Despite of waiting for a long time, he still wants to wait. He wants to understand this behavior.
"Pil-ah.." Younghyun says under his breath.
"Am I.. not welcome anymore?"
Younghyun shakes his head and opens the door rather widely and Wonpil walks in as if he didn't said he'll be back the next day.
"Why did you came back? Did you left something?" Younghyun tried to make sense out of it instead of assuming anything. He closes the door before he faced the younger again.
“No, it’s not that. I guess, I never really had the intention to leave. I was confused so I tried to clear my mind for a while and I realized that whether this is a dream or reality, or I loved you and if I still do, isn’t what really matters right now. The fact that I desperately want to come back.. in this country.. just to find the memory that I’m not sure what could be.. that is enough reason for me to stay. After I wake up, I thought if I remember everyone it will be able to fill the emptiness I have been feeling for a while but it don’t. It never stopped. It was bad to the point.. it became so suffocating. It’s like I miss someone but I don’t know who and all I can think of is the person within my dreams that I couldn’t even imagine the face. I.. don’t want to feel that again. It was scary, I feel miserable without knowing why, so I came back.. I am here again. I sound so pathetic, don’t I?” Wonpil finishes his long speech with a sad smile and Younghyun couldn’t help but get hurt for the younger.
“What are you saying? You are not. You chose what’s good for you. You chose yourself and that’s what matters the most”
Those words are enough for Wonpil.
By that, he knew that Younghyun understands every decision he make. And he thought, he was probably not reckless at all. There should be a bigger reason why it’s Younghyun. Why he chose Younghyun. And why he was dazzling on those photos when he was with Younghyun.
Wonpil sends a little smile and that’s enough for Younghyun’s heart to leap as if he is falling in love for the first time in the person in front of him. This is why Wonpil shouldn’t have looked at him and smiled at him when they first talked, then he won’t be on this situation but thinking about it, remembering every moment they had together, he was always thankful. Every moment was special.
“I really thought I’d never see you again. I thought everything about us has ended after that dream. Honestly, I’m still mad. Frustrated about you leaving and not giving me any answers and there’s a chance that this could be another dream but I’m only happy right now, like a fool..”
“Younghyun-ssi, I’ll do my best. I’ll remember, just give me an ample of time. I’ll be back to the Wonpil you used to know just like how I came back to your doorstep today”
“That sounds really nice..” and they both became silent for a second until Younghyun spoke again.
“Then can I take advantage of this moment?”
“Let me hug you”
“Huh?” Wonpil hesitates for a second but looking at the pleading eyes in front of him, is making it hard. “O..Okay” He looks away from such foxy eyes before he gets himself into embarrassment.
Younghyun steps a lot closer, staring at the younger’s face. And Wonpil looked up, matching their eyes. Feeling strange in the stomach, the fox-eyed held him gently to his arms. His broad shoulders are enough to secure him. It’s like he is caged in a safety net and Wonpil naturally leans on his shoulder but trying not to follow the urge of wanting to hug the fox. It seems too embarrassing to do such thing to a stranger. Even though they are lesser than that.
“I missed you so much Wonpil. I still don’t know where to find you but I hope you are living well without me. I hope you remember that I held you tightly in my arms in this dream. I hope everything is doing well for you.”
Wonpil stays still as he listen to the fox-eyed. It makes him sad that he doesn’t want to believe to this time, that there’s a possibility of this isn’t a dream.
“If you wake up tomorrow and I’m still here.. will you believe that this is not a dream?”
“I.. I’m.. I’m not sure”
Wonpil pushes the fox-eyed slightly to look at him in the eye. Their eyes lingered to each other for a while. As if they are memorizing each other’s eye shape, eyebrows, nose line and lips. They are both stopping each others urge to lean in and do something more awkward and so Wonpil interrupted their long gazes to each other.
“You look really tired, you helped me so much today. We should sleep now”
“Hmm? But I don’t—“
“Let’s sleep together, like we used to”
Wonpil said right away because he knew if he doesn’t do this, there’s a possibility that Younghyun won’t sleep tonight.
“I.. are you sure?”
“I’m gonna take a shower. Do you have extra clothes I can borrow?”
Wonpil ignores the fox-eyed’s question and separates himself. He walks into the bedroom where the bathroom is also located leaving him in a bewilderment.
“Huh? Th..there is. The clothes you left here, you can use that.”
“Okay. Let me borrow your towel”
And Wonpil walks to the bathroom with his heart thumping too fast. He stares at his reflection in the mirror and wondered what he is doing. That he has gone crazy, that he will never be able to think straight until he is with this fox around him but on the other hand, he likes what he is doing, he doesn’t want to admit it but this actions.. this could be the Wonpil who loved Younghyun so much. And just like that, he took back what he said earlier. He is actually reckless.
Wonpil walks out of the bathroom after Younghyun delivered him his clothes and went to the desk that Younghyun said was his. He sits down.
“Can I?” He said to the fox-eyed who look busy changing his bedsheets and getting an extra pillow.
“It’s all yours”
“You don’t really have to do that. I’m not really sensitive to someone else’s used bed sheets”
“I just want you to sleep well. Don’t mind me and check your stuff. It might help”
“Okay, I won’t”
Wonpil opens up his drawer and sees a lot of papers, notebooks that has his writings. It reminds him of the note he saw earlier, that was really his hand writing. He smirks to himself, finding it cringe-y. He saw some drawings on some bond papers, a pet, a scenery, a face of a person that looks like Younghyun and sees his sign and a date on the small space in the side of the paper. The drawings has lots of lapses but it isn’t bad as well. He wondered if he draw those, he knew he couldn’t draw at all but this sign and date looks suspicious.
“Did I.. perhaps?” He shows to the fox who is now changing the pillow cases.
“Oh, yeah. You drew that. You said you were envious that I can draw so you took art class. I thought at that time you can really do everything. How can you draw me that good in a short amount of time? Do you see the date on that? That was our 6th month together and you already draw me that good. You also gave me one on my birthday and put it on a frame. It was a lot detailed and better than that”
And Younghyun is finally done with changing everything. He took the used bedsheets and pillowcase to his laundry basket outside close to the kitchen. And Wonpil watched him walk away, glancing to his ‘supposed’ to be drawing and to the broad back of the fox.
Younghyun sits to the bed that faces the side of the younger’s desk. The desk isn’t really distant, if he stretches his hand, he can touch the younger. That’s how close it is but Younghyun clasped his hand together as he look at the person he longed for a really long time.
“Wonpil-ah” He warmly calls to the younger. Wonpil immediately placed the notebook in his hand and looks at him.
“I had some thinking. If I wake up the next day and we’re still here.. do you really want to remember me?”
Wonpil didn’t answer.
“Because if you are just curious, I want to control my limits. You know, I still love you. I don’t want to get hurt the second time. Let me know, what your plans are, so I don’t expect anything”
Wonpil is still just looking at him. He is in deep thoughts and Younghyun waits patiently for his answer but it’s taking too long and Younghyun’s mind has already come to conclusion. He gave up on the little hope, at least he has already expected this scenario to happen. It doesn’t hurt that much, he supposed.
”I get it. I’m sleeping on the sofa”
Before Younghyun could completely stand up, Wonpil stands up first and held him down by his shoulder. Younghyun looks at him with surprise but before he could process the action, another thing happens and Younghyun lost his breath.
Wonpil presses his lips to the fox without falter and Younghyun froze. His eyes crossed as he look at the younger closing his eyes, knowing that he doesn’t have a plan to stop right now.
Younghyun is stuck in between of happiness and hurt. Could this be the Wonpil’s answer?
Wonpil pushes his lips, looking for an access to get this kiss further and finally. Finally, Younghyun let himself believe that Wonpil still wants him just like how he does. He closes his eyes and tries to take the lead. He grabs the younger by the hips so Wonpil could sit on his lap and Wonpil is quick to snake his arms to the fox’s neck so he could be closer, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. They kissed and kissed until they can’t anymore. Wonpil cupped Younghyun’s face and stares at his eyes, as if he is looking the deepness of his soul.
They looked at each other, breathes uneven. Lips swollen and longing is evident to the way the stare at each other.
“That’s my answer. Do you get it now?”
Tears fell from Wonpil’s eyes and Younghyun is quick to wipe them however he couldn’t also help but cry. If this, without any memories can already make Wonpil cry, how much more with him. So when Younghyun thought he couldn’t hold his bursting feelings any longer, he held Wonpil by the waist and sobbed to his chest. He is just too overwhelmed with what is going on today.
Today is a long day.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry” Wonpil whispers as he rubs circles on the fox’s back. He went down from Younghyun’s lap to sit on the bed instead and while those are happening, Younghyun’s just latching to Wonpil. He doesn’t want to let him go.
When Younghyun got better, Wonpil got him water to drink and smiles at him as warm as the Wonpil who loved him back then.
Younghyun couldn’t help but embrace the younger again. It’s really unbelievable and even if its just a day since Wonpil learned about himself, he is already getting accustomed to it. He hugs the fox back right away.
“Thank you for loving me this much and I’m sorry for causing you so much pain”
Younghyun didn’t answer, instead he kissed the younger and Wonpil is quick to respond, and slowly they became much more aggressive and sloppier.
Younghyun slams their bodies on the bed. They are not sure where this is going but for sure they wanted the same thing. They are thinking of the same thing. So Younghyun wants to know. He wants a confirmation.
Younghyun separates his lips from the younger who was trying to chase on it.
They both stare at each other again, feeling each other’s breaths in their faces. “Sleep with me.” Younghyun firmly said and the younger smiles a bit, before he nods, bringing their lips together.
Wonpil knows the right word now. He is reckless when he is with Younghyun. Younghyun is a bad influence after all and Wonpil doesn’t mind.
It’s Younghyun after all.
This chapter was supposed to be two chapters but as I read to the draft, it seems like it doesn’t make sense to make it two so I tried to cut and cut to make this into one chapter.
Why do I lose energy when I write this?
I hope it’s still good for you guys. Have a nice day.
Chapter 11: Forget A Dream
I’m sorry for updating so late..
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Wonpil wakes up in the same room where the sleeping fox is beside him. He knew, it wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t an illusion and so a thin smile formed on his lips as he stare at the peaceful face of the person beside him.
He doesn’t want to leave the bed until Younghyun wakes up, until he can prove how he was right last night.
As he stare a little longer on the fox’s face, waiting for him to wake up, he unintentionally follows the motion on his face. A frown formed on his brows and Wonpil does the same without realizing until Younghyun suddenly open his eyes and sits up.
He breathes heavily as if he woke up from a nightmare but it wasn’t the case. He woke up because he remembered what happened last night and he’s worried that the other has already gone away, away from his dreams.
Wonpil sits up right away, worries fills his eyes the moment Younghyun sat up.
“Hyung! Are you okay?”
Wonpil nudges on Younghyun with a hand on his shoulder that immediately caught his attention. He turned to the younger and stared a little bit longer, trying to comprehend what he is seeing but every time he does, his mind declines and so he accidentally utters..
“Lie. I must be still in a dream..” He says as they stare to each other and without knowing the reason why, that pained Wonpil. It feels like he wasted his efforts just to wake up with those words but at the same time it aches to see how Younghyun wants to make himself believe that this is nothing but a mere dream.
Wonpil, with a frown, cups Younghyun’s face so he doesn’t escape his gaze.
“Listen to me.. I told you it’s not. Look at me!” Wonpil demands when Younghyun’s gaze is slowly straying away. Wonpil grabs Younghyun’s both hands, placing it to his cheek so Younghyun could feel his warmth and existence.
“See? I’m here.. I didn’t went away. I woke up early and waited for you to open your eyes. Just look at me.. I’m not fake, I’m Wonpil”
Crystals silently form on Younghyun’s eyes. His eyes trembles on the younger’s stare. It’s too sincere it can break him once again. He is too afraid to believe in it but just like his promise, he really didn’t left. He is here in front of him.
“It’s okay..” Wonpil whispers in comfort when the tiny crystals fell on Younghyun’s eyes. Younghyun doesn’t want to cry this early in the morning but he couldn’t help it. It’s just too overwhelming, too unbelievable. After all these years, the person he misses the most is finally here in front of him.
Younghyun’s head quickly fell on the younger’s shoulders and held him tightly, still scared that he’ll go away just like before but Wonpil is supporting him, holding him back so they won’t be separated and that was enough for Younghyun to feel better.
They both have their breakfast on a small restaurant close to the apartment. It was all quiet as they sit across the table, only the sound of the spoon and chopsticks are the noise between them.
Wonpil eats but Younghyun keeps nibbling his food, it seems like he doesn’t have an appetite or just too uncomfortable of the situation but Wonpil couldn’t keep up with it anymore.
“Younghyun-ssi, you have to eat” Younghyun looks at him for a few seconds as if he is studying the features of the younger but then he doesn’t eat anyway.
“If you keep this up, I’m leaving” Wonpil threatens but Younghyun isn’t doing anything and it starts frustrating Wonpil so without second thought, he stands up from his seat and walk away.
Younghyun didn’t stop him and Wonpil wasn’t hoping for the older to do the same either. Younghyun drops his spoon to the side of his bowl and sits quietly to think. He doesn’t have any appetite really and he couldn’t understand himself as to why he couldn’t hold onto Wonpil when he was so desperate last night and he thought, maybe he is afraid that everything is a lie again.
Younghyun contacts his company that he’ll be absent for the day that they confirmed that its okay. This will be the first time Younghyun asked for a leave after two years in his current company and he’s been really good at his work that he actually deserves a break but he doesn’t accept it all the time and that’s why, it’s so easy for his company to accept it, they aren’t that busy for now and Younghyun might’ve finally understood the meaning of ‘rest’.
Younghyun walks to his apartment and decided to stay in. He doesn’t want to do anything today but either cry or just watch movies from the internet to distract himself but when he open his door, Wonpil is there, sitting on his sofa.
“What took you so long?” He asks and Younghyun couldn’t express how glad he is that Wonpil is still there for the third time around. It seems like this is not a dream at all.
There is no expression in his face. He calmly walks to Wonpil who is waiting for his reply, following him through his eyes. Younghyun settles beside him and took the hands that he had longed for a long time. It’s warm.
He then intertwine their fingers. Wonpil only watched his every single action. He waits. He waits until Younghyun wants to talk.
But Younghyun doesn’t talk. His eyes are only in their hands as if he doesn’t want to even match their eyes.
“Younghyun-ssi, can I ask you a question?”
Younghyun is reluctant. He doesn’t know what is scaring him. The person he wants to meet is already here and is talking to him right now but he is too unconfident of himself.
Wonpil squishes their intertwined fingers and he finally nods. There’s nothing else to do anyway, besides that.
“I lost my memory but I’m not dumb, please.. I need to know what’s going on. Don’t even try to say it was nothing cause if you do, I.. you don’t know what I’m gonna do..”
He doesn’t react, like a tamed fox, listening to its master. He doesn’t respond at all. And Wonpil tries to calm himself down, he doesn’t even understand this worries in his heart. It was just a nightmare for Younghyun, nothing bad happened. They are still together right now but he is still worried and he is mad to himself over that strange emotion.
“What was that earlier? Are you really okay?”
‘Okay? When was the last time I was okay?’
Younghyun wants to say he is but how could he? When he knows he could never lie to this person in front of him.
“When someone asks me if I’m okay, I always say ‘yes, of course.’ I even convince myself that everyday until I started believing it but after seeing you again, I came to realization that I’m not okay, I was never okay...”
Everything became so silent suddenly.. Wonpil couldn’t respond at all, as if something’s blocking his throat from letting out a word.
And after a moment, Younghyun finally earned the courage to look at the other. With those sadden and terrified eyes.
“Wonpil-ah, help me.. I want to be okay”
Tears escapes from his eyes without any notice.
Wonpil’s chest tightens by the sight that his hand immediately ran around the older’s shoulders and tightly wraps him in his arms.
“Are you dumb? Don’t cry.. He left you with no reason but why do you still love him? I don’t get it”
“I know.. I’m the dumbest human in the world.. But I still love him..” and Younghyun pauses for a second and pushes himself a little to match the gaze of ‘him’.
“I love you” He whispers.
Younghyun’s eyes are glossy and Wonpil’s reflection shines on his eyes.
Wonpil couldn’t escape those glints. It’s just too difficult when all the sincerity and honesty are poured in that you don’t have to ask anymore because you already know the truth.. and it’s terrifying for him. For Wonpil, it’s just too much. How can someone love so much? How could such ‘love’ exist? Why such thing exists for a long time?
“I understand but it’s just so wrong.. You are suffering because of me. Because I left.. because I took too long to come back. And this is why, I’ll stay.. until I remember everything”
“Until.. you remember everything? Then? What will happen after? Are you leaving? Again?”
“I.. I don’t.. I.. I don’t know, Younghyun-ssi”
“Okay.. I get it. You don’t have to explain yourself. It’s not your fault why I’m still here. I’m sorry.”
Younghyun pauses for a second to compose himself. Because he knows for the next sentence, he’ll lose the person he love once again. Just like every single night.
And this time he is the one letting go for the first time, he looks at their intertwined fingers for a second as he build a courage to let their hands separate. And he did.
“You know what.. I shouldn’t have asked you to stay at the first place.. if I just knew this wasn’t a dream at all.. I wouldn’t have forced you. I’m really sorry.”
Younghyun stands up.
“It will be so hard for me to let you go if I let you stay here so.. just leave me alone.. One day.. I’ll be able forget you, I will forget you”
“Younghyun-ssi, I don’t mean it that way.. you know I’m confuse too so please give me time—“
“We don’t have to do that.. we already know this will end anyway”
The last sentence made Wonpil mad and he doesn’t want to listen to it anymore. He is so tired of hearing such negativity from the fox-eye. His been trying his best yet it seems like those are in vein in his eyes and he is starting to hate everything. Everything about older.
“How can you be so sure?! After last night? After I chose to stay here? After I told you that this wasn’t just an illusion but everything was real yet YOU still insisted that it is not because you are a stuck up from your past? Why can’t you trust me this time? Okay, I know it sounds absurd to ask for your trust. I left you.. but do you really think that the Wonpil you love, the Wonpil you knew will just leave like that? There should be a reason for it.. and do you think the Wonpil you knew is the only one who knows the answer?! You never asked me any of that.. YOU! assumed that I couldn’t answer any of your questions. You never asked me! So don’t you dare say that you already know how this will end because you won’t and I’ll make you regret what you just said...”
Wonpil calms himself down, eyes not leaving the older. His gaze was too intense until it slowly turns into pleading.
“So please.. let’s forget this part and start over. Come to your senses and wake up.. then I’ll help you.. You’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.. together.”
Wonpil says the words in a small voice as he reach out for Younghyun’s hand. Squishing it, making their palms touch until finally... Younghyun held his hand back and that made Wonpil wear a thin smile as he stare silently at their clasped hands.
‘It’ll be better tomorrow’
Wonpil convinces himself.
I really wanted to update this but I thought I should finish ‘Addiction’ first then I suddenly couldn’t write the climax of it so I got frustrated and couldn’t write at all.
It was too hard to write this when my head is a mess.. And this is so hard to proofread if I’m not really reading it because my way of proofreading this, is literally rewriting it because this is my first work and my writing used to be so so bad compared to now.
Anyways, it’s a long journey. Just sharing cause I don’t know where to say this..
I’ll try to write the next chapter faster.
This chapter was a tear-jerker for me haha.. I was literally tearing up while writing. I’m too sensitive for my own stories, it’s not even THAT sad but I hope you guys like it.
Have a great day My Days!
Chapter 12: In Your Eyes I See A Dream
Maybe it’s not a dream anymore.. And Wonpil isn’t breaking his promise..
I’m sorry it’s been a long time. Been busy and I want to write in my right mind condition.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
“I’m going to meet Jae”
Younghyun pauses from tying his necktie. Wonpil has been standing from behind as he look at his face through the reflection of the long-length mirror at his—their room.
Younghyun’s getting ready for work. Though he doesn’t want to leave his home and laze around for a while so he could be with Wonpil a little longer, he just can’t help but think of his responsibilities when he didn’t had a proper reason for his absence.
He knows he have to let Wonpil go where he needs to. Though he doesn’t want to ask where.. or what is he about to do, thinking that Wonpil might be too pressured if he ask too many things, he just want to feed the curiosity in his mind.
“What are you thinking?” Wonpil asks as he wrap his arms from behind to the older’s waist. Resting his chin to Younghyun’s shoulder as they both look at each other in the reflection of the mirror.
“Jae is just a friend”
“Just.. a friend?”
“Hmm.. My one and only friend”
“But the first time I saw you together.. you seem so fond of him. I almost thought you were together”
“Was that why you were so mad?”
Younghyun looks away from Wonpil’s eyes and turned to his never ending fixing of necktie.
“Don’t be so harsh on him. He is a pitiful kid” Wonpil continues..
“How did you met him?”
“School.. one is a loner, one is a cast out.. when two people doesn’t fit their society, what do you think they do?”
“Are you the loner?”
“Hmmm, I am”
“I’m glad I didn’t left you alone..”
“I thought I had friends..”
“Its not that.. I mean when you have something to do outside school, when you personally needed someone to talk to, when you needed a person who could make you feel at home. Through all those, I’m glad I was there walking with you, talking to you and going home with you. I was really happy... you know”
Wonpil smiles lightly, sadness reflecting in his eyes. So Younghyun turns around and now they are face to face, bringing Wonpil closer to his chest, matching each other’s gaze.
“When I talk about the past, I may turn like a burden to you but that doesn’t mean I’m neglecting your feelings right now. You are confused but you don’t want to leave either. You are scared but you are here in my embrace right now. And that’s why I’ll wait, I waited for you to come back, it isn’t that bad to wait more. You are here anyways.”
Wonpil nods slowly at that, still wearing the same smile in his face but his eyes sparks in appreciation towards the lovely words Younghyun said.
And Younghyun appreciates the understanding towards the younger. That’s all he needs right now.
“Wonpil-ah, I love you.”
Younghyun smiles sincerely as they both became quiet for a second.
“I really want to say those words more often so just in case one day, if you realize you don’t love me anymore then at least I have said it more than enough. No regrets. I want you to remember that you don’t have to feel guilty if things don’t work out for us, it’ll never be your fault. That’s love anyway. They come and go.. right? I’ll cherish every moment I spent with you.. I’ll remember you as the person who taught me how to love and the person who pushed me to work hard for myself so me too, please cherish me, once you go, remember me, that there was one person who loved you and waited for you more than anyone else in this world”
“Why are you saying that nonsense again?”
Wonpil involuntarily frowns as sadness takes over him. He doesn’t understand how he is feeling yet he doesn’t like the thought of separation. That’s how messed up he is right now but what can he do? When it seems like tomorrow is right beside him.
“I’m sorry, I don’t really know. I just feel the need to say it.”
“Don’t say it again, if you do I’ll be really mad. I’m letting it slide right now because I want you to have a good day at work. Alright?”
Younghyun snorts as he nods. Wonpil may not know but he is really cute by the way he speaks right now. Since then, when Wonpil always pretends to be mad at him, he might not noticed but he was always considerate and now he is like that even if he isn’t used to it because Wonpil loved him. Wonpil used to love him.
“Do you want me to take you to where you’ll go?”
“I’m going to my apartment.”
“The one you used when you were in college?”
“So you know it too. Then you probably know the location.”
“I’ll take you there”
“Wonpil-ah” Younghyun calls to him after reaching their destination. His hand reaches out to Wonpil’s, grazing it with his thumb back and forth.
“See you again”
Wonpil didn’t respond with words but instead he leans in and let their lips touch before leaving the car and in the disappearing back of his lover, Younghyun drove away with a heavy heart, he prays for Wonpil to remember him, for this to be real.
Wonpil rings the door and calls Jae’s phone a couple of times. Taking exactly five calls before Jae could wake up from his slumber. Wonpil doesn’t know the password because he never was able to get here the first place to meet the caretaker and Jae didn’t bother notifying him about it.
Jae then opens the door with eyes forcing to open, hair like birds nest as he scratches his stomach up and down showing his thin figure, yawning as he says “Hello, good morning”
He then immediately walks back to the living room slamming his heavy body on the sofa, closing his eyes once again. Right now, more than feeling sleepy, he is just tired from sleeping too much. Not to exaggerate but he’s been sleeping since the day Wonpil disappeared from the cafe.. so it’s been two days or fifty hours to be exact after they spoke to the phone.
“What happened?” Jae mumbles. Cheeks squishing at the sofa making his lips pout.
He then counted to three in his mind before sitting up. As much as he still love to lie down and do nothing, he is more curious of Wonpil and that violent guy.
Wonpil sits across Jae with a heavy sigh. And that made him worry as Wonpil looks so out of it but in all honesty, Wonpil is just frustrated of his situation and at the same time he’s been away from his comfort zone for two days, his confused emotions are starting to calm down, leaving him depressed for now.
“Wake me up in the afternoon” Wonpil‘s about to stand up when Jae’s high pitched voice echoed the room.
“Wait! Why? You have to tell me what happened first!”
Wonpil looks at Jae for a second before he went back to his sit, thinking where he should start.
”Hey, are you okay?” Jae’s breaks the silence when Wonpil didn’t said anything.
“I am.. I’m fine.. its just.. I.. don’t know where to start.”
“Take it slow. You can tell me what happened or who he is.. I’m your best friend, you can tell me everything”
And Wonpil sighs before he started telling a story about the places they visited, about his phone and everything that happened without any filter because he is just that comfortable with his one and only friend but talking about Younghyun makes it difficult. Younghyun keeps stirring his heart and he couldn’t express yet how he feels.
“You must’ve liked him” Jae says with a proud smile and Wonpil blinks at it.
“You said it hurts when he is staring at you. You feel terrible because you don’t remember anything and you want to stay with him even if he is a stranger in your eyes right now. You must’ve loved him a lot”
“What if I’m just sorry?”
“You don’t kiss people you feel sorry about..” Jae gives out a small laugh to the worried person in front of him.
“I guess you’re right. What should I do now?”
“What do you want to do now?”
Jae retaliates and that had Wonpil looking at him for a moment. Jae always does this to him when he couldn’t decide because Jae knows that he already have the answer, his pride just won’t let him say it.
“I don’t want to see him hurting because of me but I wanna stay. I want to stay here and find my memory.. with him”
Wonpil’s eyes sparks with hope like never before. Jae and Wonpil has been friends for a long time and this is the first time he saw this kind of determination in his eyes. Its a shame that he couldn’t witness this change to his best friend but right now, maybe he will.
“There you go.. I’m proud of you”
“But.. how about you?”
“That’s fine, I’ll go back when I feel like it.. I have someone in-charge in my place. I’ll take care of yours when I go back so don’t worry. Chase you dream”
Wonpil nods in appreciation of his best friend.
“No, thank you.. I had a good sleep after a while”
Jae smiles widely, feeling a lot better.
In the office, Younghyun was welcomed with loud applause that got him confused.
“Congratulations for taking a leave” His manager said with a tap on his shoulder.
“Is that something to congratulate?”
Younghyun places his things on his table.
“It’s you so yeah.. you’ve been working here for two years this is the first time you took a leave, we almost thought you have a debt and is desperately needing money, why didn’t you made it longer?
Younghyun chuckles at one of his workmates as he settle down to check what he have missed for the few days he was gone.
And as time passed by, his manager, starts to notice him again as he looked too busy as if they didn’t assigned anyone to work on his part while he was away. Though he did said he is okay but their manager doesn’t think its not right. And Younghyun did ended up overworking himself for no reason. Finishing everything at nine in the evening while everyone went home at six.
Younghyun turns off the lights at the office as he said his goodbye to the guard on watch for tonight.
The reason why he work too hard is because he doesn’t have the heart to go home. He doesn’t want to see the empty space of his room. He overworked himself today too thinking that it might help him forget Wonpil but in every minute when he gets pre-occupied, he thinks of Wonpil again and a twitching pain stabs him in the heart that he almost wants to cry.
He might seemingly be a coward because he is always afraid. The familiar feeling of hope and despair running to his brain and the prayers he whispers to himself, a prayer that he doesn’t know to whom he is sending to but is running to his lips. The desperation that’s burning inside him and the assurance that he needs but will never be enough until it is there in front of him.
“What took you so long?”
A familiar voice that he knows by heart is calling unto him made his heart leap. He turns to the steps coming close to him and he is right. He is right in front of him.
“I thought you leave at six, look at the time, its nine”
Wonpil scolds Younghyun as he points to his watch.
Younghyun is in daze for a moment, his eyes sparkles, pupils dilating as he appreciates the sweet voice he’s been longing for. As if his heart stopped, in a breathtaking moment, he couldn’t say anything. He could only enjoy the beautiful sight in front of him.
“Are you listening?”
Wonpil waves a hand in Younghyun’s sight mixed with worries. He wonder if he talked too much and now Younghyun doesn’t like him anymore.
But that’s when he’s wrong. Wonpil gasps when Younghyun pulls him closer from his waist and let their lips touch. He naturally wrapped his arms to Younghyun’s neck as he carefully tilts his head to deepen the kiss and Younghyun couldn’t be more happier. His heart swells and he keeps falling deeper in love until it hurts but he can’t help it, he is cast under a spell of one person.
They kissed in front of Younghyun’s office building and Younghyun couldn’t be more proud. Aside from working himself too hard, the lifeless building and the random people passing by is witnessing his love to the one and only person he always missed.
Wonpil covers his mouth with both of his hands, shyness showing as his cheek and ears tinted with blush. And Younghyun couldn’t help but think of how pretty Wonpil have become. He was always beautiful but he became more beautiful after the years.
“Was that fine to do it in here?” He asks wide eyes, mouth still covered with his hands while Younghyun is still holding on to his waist.
“It doesn’t matter” Younghyun grins as he bring the younger to his embrace.
“But I was supposed to surprise you”
“You surprised me enough”
“No, that’s not it. I want to give you something”
Wonpil pushes the older a bit to reach out on the one handed bag he dropped earlier when the kiss happened.
“Here.. I brought you a single rose. I couldn’t get more because I woke up late and they ran out of stock and I don’t— hey.. uhmm.. are you.. are you okay?”
Wonpil became worried, confusion in his wide eyes shows as tears trickles from Younghyun’s eyes.
“I like it. It’s beautiful.. like you..” Younghyun sniffs as he try to stop the tears falling down and Wonpil helps him dry his tears, wiping it softly, carefully with his thumb as if he is holding on to a fragile glass.
“Tell me hyung.. I want to know”
Younghyun looks away for a second, bringing his both hands to his own cheeks to hold Wonpil’s hands with the flower sticking out to his skin. Leaning in to his touch.
“It might just be a flower to you.. but.. you once promised me a bouquet on my graduation. You told me not to accept anyone’s flower because you want everyone to know that I’m all yours.”
He chuckles softly on the memories, holding his eyes to the other.
“Even if I knew you wouldn’t come, I still waited for you outside the hall just in case you’ll show up holding a bouquet for me but of course it didn’t happened because you already disappeared without a trace. That’s why I’m touched that you brought me this in such a meaningful day. Thank you..”
Wonpil holds his gaze to the older with hurt. He can see how much Younghyun waited for him and loved him despite of what happened to them.
“I’m sorry.. Sorry for disappearing after promising you that. I’m such a jerk”
“It’s okay, you are here now..” Younghyun leans in his forehead to Wonpil and they both closes their eyes, hands still together on Younghyun’s face.
“Right, I am here now and I wanna say.. you did well today too hyung, I missed you”
Younghyun slowly opens his eye, looking at the younger once again. Hearing the familiar casualty from Wonpil’s lips. He wonder if Wonpil has noticed himself calling him ‘hyung’ but even if he don’t it only means that Wonpil is remembering instinctively.
“Thank you. I missed you too... so much”
Wonpil hugs him tight, squeezes him in his arms and that’s when Younghyun finally thought that maybe his fears aren’t worth it anymore. That when he holds Wonpil’s gaze, it isn’t a dream anymore. And maybe Wonpil is finally staying.
And Wonpil won’t break his promises anymore..
If you made it here, thanks for reading. I appreciate it. Have a lovely day.
Chapter 13: After A Long Dream
Younghyun said something Wonpil could not hear but can read in his lips and that’s when he realized something..
We are almost done and this might get confusing. I haven’t read the old chapters and I forgot what I said and haven’t. So if I haven’t talked about someone in here then you go “what?” But everything will be very clear next chapter. As clear as the sun. I promise.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
“I guess this is it. I have to go”
Wonpil and Younghyun stands hand in hand while Jae is facing them with a smile. They are all in the airport to say goodbye before Jae go back home.
Wonpil nods, a small smile formed in his face.
“Thanks for everything Jae” Wonpil says.
“You better take care of Piri, his mom’s gonna kill me” Jae turns to Younghyun.
“Don’t worry man, take care”
“Jae~” Wonpil whines like he is too sad to let Jae go and Jae rolls his eyes though he is really easy and soft for his best friend.
Surprising Jae to Wonpil’s next action, Wonpil has already wrapped his arms to the lanky body of his best friend and Jae tried to push Wonpil but he just won’t barge. At this moment, Jae just wants to die because he is too afraid to look at Younghyun. Hoping he is not glaring at them or something.
“Let me go.. your boyfriend might kill me if you don’t stop now. Yah! Kim Wonpil!” Jae whispered yelling to Wonpil who kept his hug tighter instead while he silently chuckle just to scare Jae but after a few seconds he just pushed his poor lanky best friend to walk away.
“Okay, go now.. don’t overwork yourself. Take care!”
“Don’t worry. Bye”
Wonpil and Younghyun waved their goodbye until Jae disappeared from their sight and Younghyun wraps an arm around him as he notice the sadness in his eyes walking out of the airport.
“You look sad” Younghyun rubs Wonpil’s shoulders and Wonpil holds an arm at the back of his waist.
“I’m not.. I’m just worried about him”
“It seems like the sky is sympathizing you” They both looked outside. The sky is gray, the rain is pouring so heavily and the cold wind brushes in their thin clothes.
“You can wait here and I’ll get the car for us.”
Wonpil was about to protest however Younghyun has already ran pass the pedestrian, seeing the traffic signal’s is red where his car was parked earlier.
“O..kay..” He says under his breath, watching Younghyun’s back getting further away.
As he wait, instead of a car coming his way, Younghyun is coming back with an umbrella in his hand. The transparent one that was kept on the compartment of his car.
The traffic light turned red and the pedestrian light is white. Wonpil patiently waits for Younghyun to come close to ask where the car is until Younghyun oddly stopped in the middle of the pedestrian.
The pedestrian’s light turned red, the cars are passing by however Younghyun is still standing in the middle of the road. Standing calmly under the heavy pouring rain.
Wonpil then steps in line of the pedestrian to meet Younghyun but the sudden ringing in his ear like the sound of a TV with no signal made him pause involuntarily. His ears are in pain that he has to cover it with both of his hands.
Then suddenly.. the ringing stops. The passing and the beeping sound of the vehicles, the noise coming from the people’s footsteps, the chatters, the rain.. it made him feel like he is sinking and drowning under the deep water. The world turned into silence.
The pouring rain falls in slow motion and everything else does. And he thought it’s the effect of the dizziness coming to him right now.
But Wonpil didn’t leave Younghyun’s gaze. His forehead knits however there is a warm smile forming slowly in Younghyun’s face. His calmness made Wonpil nervous. And his heart beating is faster than the world’s movement right now.
He wants to call Younghyun’s name but it seems like there is something blocking his throat. His sight is getting blurry and his strength is draining for unknown reason. He wants to step closer but it seems like the gravity is falling all through him and his feet is becoming heavier. His sloppy eyes and the tiredness all over his body makes everything blurry and cloudy.
Younghyun is still standing from afar.
Younghyun’s still in the middle of the road, holding an umbrella from his hand.
It’s still raining.
Younghyun is still smiling.
And Wonpil is still focus at Younghyun. Strange actions. Strange happening. Strange world. Everything is peculiar.
Younghyun opens his mouth as Wonpil fights the tiredness overtaking his body then he utters a word Wonpil could not hear but he can read in his lips.
Wonpil tries to understand what Younghyun said and when he came into realization, a loud noise came ringing to his ears. The falling gravity in his body has disappeared. The rain, the people, the vehicles, everything is running in a normal phase again.
Everything is back to normal..
Younghyun is still standing in the middle of the road, the smile is still in his face. The nervousness inside Wonpil is still there and all of the sudden, Younghyun disappeared from his sight.
His eyes shots wide from the shock as if his world has come to halt with what he just saw. He couldn’t utter a single word. Tears automatically forms in the corner of his eyes. His knees are about to give out.
Everything is odd. It can’t be true. This can’t be true. This isn’t real. Wonpil convinces himself until tears falls on his cheeks. He closes his eyes praying that this is just a nightmare.
And when he opened his eyes, it’s white. Everything is white.
He realized that he was just staring at the ceiling. Sunlight coming from the window illuminates in the room. The common smell of the room runs in his nose and he knew by then that he must be in a hospital.
Why in a hospital though?
He quickly tried to sit up but again, it seems like the gravity is falling on him. He could not move. Even his fingers doesn’t have the strength. His throat feels dry and the only part of his body that he thinks could move is his blinking eyes but he needs to move. He needs to see Younghyun.
Until he hears the creaking door that he believes someone is coming in.
“Wonpil.. Piri..“ A familiar voice came in a fast pace and now is looking down on him.
“Do you see me? Can you hear me?”
It’s Younghyun with a surprise in his face. He looks fine as if nothing happened. Wonpil felt better. That must really be a nightmare. And he wants to reply but he strangely can’t.
“It’s okay, don’t force yourself. Blink for me instead..”
And Wonpil did. A sign of relief forms in his face as tears starts to gather in his eyes.
“Okay.. now please stay awake for me. I’m gonna call the doctor, okay?”
Wonpil blinks once more as a response and Younghyun quickly presses something close to his bed.
“He is awake.. please call the doctor” Younghyun says before he went back to focus on him.
Wonpil really wants to ask why is he acting this way but he could not so its just frustration left in him.
Younghyun then grasp his hand tightly, placing it to his warm cheeks then to his lips as he utters “Thank you”.
Wonpil’s mind is blank but his heart is hurting with the sight of Younghyun’s sad gaze right now. He don’t know what is going on and the doctor finally came.
It’s his uncle. How did Younghyun knew about his uncle?
“Did you already call his parents?” His uncle asks to Younghyun before he started examining Wonpil.
“I’m sorry. I’m gonna do it now..” Younghyun quickly turned to Wonpil before taking his phone. “Wait for me, just stay awake okay?”
He blinks to Younghyun and Younghyun nods back at him with a gentle smile on his face then Younghyun placed a kiss on his temple before walking out.
“Wonpil-ah..” His uncle speaks and his attention immediately went to him.
“You did well.. thank you for waking up.. You seemed blank right now so you must be confused but you know me right?”
Wonpil thought it’s a weird question.
“Blink twice for me..”
And Wonpil did.
“It seems like you remember us but we will have to check on you”
“How is he doc?” Younghyun interrupts. Walking back to Wonpil side, holding his hand once again.
“I told you to call me uncle.. well.. it seems like there’s no problem with him, we just need to do a CT scan later after his parents see him.”
“I also called Jaehyung-ssi.. they said their on the way now”
“That’s good. They must be very excited..”
“Good job to you too, Younghyun-ah”
“I didn’t do anything.. He woke up by himself”
“He did but you worked the hardest here.. I hope it gets paid by Wonpil”
“No, Wonpil worked the hardest here.. Thanks for waking up Piri.. Thank you..”
“I think we should stop talking, he look confused”
His uncle chuckles.
“I know, I’ll explain everything to you later baby.. just stay awake for me”
“How is Wonpil?” They can still hear the heavy breathing from the voice of Wonpil’s mom with his dad and noona catching up as she came running inside the room.
“Eommeo-nim..” Younghyun quickly steps out from Wonpil’s side to let his parents and his noona have a look at him.
“He is fine. Don’t worry. We’ll do a check up on him after your little reunion” His uncle said.
“We’ll do that later.. please check on our kid” His father says with worries in his tone and his uncle immediately called his assistants to help him out on moving Wonpil.
Later on they started talking about Wonpil’s therapy as Younghyun, Wonpil’s noona and Jaehyung who came late leaves first to accompany him for his check up.
Just like earlier, Wonpil is still confused. He felt so left out even when they are together with him. He could not understand anything and there’s a lot of questions in his mind. Like, how does Younghyun knows his whole family? What happened while he was away? And a thought came to his mind that he might’ve just woken from another dream. Just like every time. He wonder if this is now the reality he is facing.
Wonpil was seated on his bed as a start of his exercise. Everyone’s in front of him, even his uncle didn’t left to see other patients and for half day, Wonpil still struggled to speak until he can finally utter a word, turning to Younghyun whose been sitting right beside him.
“Am I really awake now? This is not a dream right?”
He asks anxiously and everyone became quiet to listen to him with a wonder. Of all questions, why is he more curious of something not important? But Younghyun then immediately reached out for his little hand to clasp it with his both, assuring him that he understand what he means.
“No, it’s not. This is all real”
“It’s too hard to believe in anything right now. Do you understand what I mean?”
“I do. I went through it as well. I know you do too and I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything”
“Then, how..?” Wonpil stops from his words when he realized that everyone is focused on him and are probably confused of what are they talking about “I’ll ask you later, I don’t want to leave them in a blur”
Younghyun then turns to everyone to see the curiosity in their eyes.
“How did this happened? How did you know each other?”
“I know you’ll ask that. I was looking for you then Jae-ssi came to me all of a sudden and helped me out to find you, he told me what happened to you so I came here and I met your family. You were asleep for two years Wonpil-ah”
“Dowoon helped me contact Younghyun” Jae added.
Wonpil nods and didn’t ask a further question. He has sort of gotten the situation with all the hints he got from his dreams and their past. Dowoon and Jae are still acquaintances despite of not being close. Dowoon must’ve done something online for Jae to contact him and let Younghyun know about the situation because he did asked Jae before he got into coma to let Younghyun know if he dies so he doesn’t wonder where he went. However it’s not the thing he wants to know for now, what bothers him are the things he doesn’t have an idea at all.
“Two years? Are you staying here in states now?”
Younghyun hums with a smile.
“It’s almost a year now since I moved here”
Guilt fell deep in Wonpil’s heart, he really hates being a burden to someone, especially to the people he loves.
“I’m sorry” The words slips in his mouth.
“Don’t say that.. I really lived well in here, thanks to you”
Wonpil stares at the gentle smile that stabs him deeply with guilt. The mixture of anger and sadness makes him more frustrated. Why is Younghyun so nice? What did he do to deserve a good person like him?
“Don’t make it sound as if it’s okay. That’s not okay. You are here because of me. I made things difficult for you again. I made you wait again”
Wonpil wants to cry his heart out. He’s been unfair for not saying goodbye and now he is here waiting for him. But he cannot cry at this moment when everyone is around, he has to hold it in.
“But you never let me wait in vain. You came back safely to us.. don’t be sorry anymore.”
“Why do you always consider me? Why do you care so much about someone else’s life? Why do you always make me feel frustrated? Why?”
“Because you’re worth it.. Please don’t be mad anymore”
“I don’t know”
A tear that he was trying to suppress trickles down his cheeks and he takes a deep breath to force himself from chugging the anger down his stomach.
“Mom, dad.. noona, I’m sorry. I got sick and failed you..” He continue
“No, no.. It’s not your fault”
This time his mom sits on the other side. Taking his hand to hers while the other caresses his cheek. He watch his dad staring at his feet with both of his arms at his back. His noona is just standing beside his dad with a sad smile formed in her face.
“It is.. I promised to succeed but I couldn’t even do a simple task”
“That’s not your fault. No one’s ever wanted to be sick and worry their family. You don’t do that. You don’t want to do that”
Wonpil didn’t look at his mom anymore. Everyone’s gaze stabs him deeply in the heart. He is too guilty to make everyone suffer just because of his mistake. Even if no one is blaming him for getting sick, it was different for Wonpil. It feels like his efforts were all useless. Because it was supposed to be him who’ll do everything for everyone he has to protect. He tried his best to be the best of everything. To not fail his dad as he always wanted and so he could keep Younghyun by his side in exchange but right now he doesn’t understand what’s happening. Why is everyone in the same room?
“You guys can talk, I’ll buy us something to eat. Do you want anything?”
Younghyun initiates so he could leave and have him talk with his family and Jae who sensed it right away decided to come with him while Wonpil’s uncle went back to seeing his patients.
Younghyun is still worried of Wonpil because he could not forget the fear and worries on Wonpil’s gaze earlier and he knew by then that Wonpil didn’t stopped dreaming even after he did.
He is worried that Wonpil would continue questioning the reality just like him because up until now even when he thinks about those dreams, he still can’t decipher the reality over a dream, he just know for sure now that this is the reality because after the day he saw Wonpil lying on the bed sleeping peacefully, he has stopped dreaming of anything.
Dream is supposed to be a normal thing for a human however he never dreamt of anything anymore ever since he met Wonpil again. And he thought maybe it was the universe’s way to help him wake up to reality.
“What were you and Wonpil talking about earlier?”
Jae asks as they both wait for their order.
“Something about dream.. what was that?”
“Ah, its just something between us. You don’t have to think about it”
“Oh, okay.. I got you.”
For those who are still reading this. Thanks for sticking around and have a lovely day My Days~
Chapter 14: I Hoped to See You In That Dream
A summary of how they lived their lives without each other.
“Wonpil-ah..” His uncle heavily sighs. Placing his glasses on the table of his office. He pinches the bridge of his nose before he could sit down in front of his table where Wonpil has been waiting for him.
Wonpil began getting nervous to the word he isn’t familiar with.
"Its a virus.. a virus attacking your brain when you have a very weak immune system. We checked everything, we ran every test to find the cause but we can't find any. Have you experienced any infections when you were young?"
They both became quiet for a while and just stared to each other because Wonpil knows that his uncle should know better than him.
"I know. I’ve been taking care of you since you were a child. How could I not know? Of course you've never had infections before."
His uncle sighed once more before explaining further and Wonpil listened carefully as his heart breaks into pieces, thinking of his love. Of his family. Of his goals.
"Its a very rare case and you are the first one in this hospital to be diagnosed with such disease. I can't believe this. How could this happen? How did I fail to see this coming? Why didn't you come when you started having the symptoms?”
"I..it was just headache at first. I didn't know it will come to this. I thought its a simple migraine due to paperworks, exams..—"
"Do you know what's the worst thing that will come this?"
Wonpil stared quietly, listening to his uncle's raising frustration.
"Yours has already gone worse and there's a huge possibility that.. that this will lead to death. Virus is spreading in your brain and we don't have much time. You have to forget studies and stay in the hospital. Let’s go back to America. I’ll treat you there”
Wonpil remains silent, digesting every single word his uncle has just said. He was always smart yet he doesn’t understand anything. Everything in his mind is Younghyun, what will Younghyun do without him? And his father’s disappointment. He is too afraid to disappoint his family. What will he do?
His thoughts diminished when his uncle spoke once again.
"I'm sorry.. if I'm not acting like how a doctor should be.. but.. you are almost my son. I can't let this happen to you"
His voice cracks, almost crying. Wonpil has never seen this side of his uncle. Jae’s father was just like his dad. Something must be really wrong.
His uncle composes himself, to not let his emotions hold him to think rationally right now.
“I’m calling the hospital by today to prepare a room for you. You will be flying back home later tonight while I prepare everything for your treatment. Jaehyung’s going to get you at the airport—”
"Am I dying?" He asked in a small voice. Eyes holed up his uncle’s shaken eyes. Hoping his uncle will give the answer he wants.
"No.. you won't.. I promise!" It’s a wrong answer. His uncle was always confident, he wasn’t. He must be really dying.
“What do I do now?”
“I have my assistants waiting for you outside, they’ll help you get what you need to before taking you to the airport”
Wonpil somehow isn’t sure of what to do and what to follow. He was always sure of what he wants. Everything seemed to be planned on his mind. The only time he wasn’t was when Younghyun professed his love.
Younghyun. They can’t find out anything about Younghyun. For sure they’ll take him to his condo but he was seldom there again after moving to Younghyun’s apartment.
“I—I’ll go by myself. Please give me time.. I need to think”
“Don’t worry, we already know. They’ll take you to the place where you need to be.”
They know. He knew that they know. It’s too impossible to hide anything from his family. For sure someone somewhere at university, was watching his every move and reports it to his father. He knew but still he hoped they didn’t.
“Let’s just keep you safe, being alone is dangerous for you. What if you faint somewhere and we weren’t there”
His uncle then stands closely at him, holding both of his smaller hands. “Please” he begged and Wonpil couldn’t do anything about it.
As he step inside the apartment, he knew by then that Younghyun wouldn’t be there. He was still in his class and later by tonight he will be on his part time. He will be late today and they won’t have the chance to meet, probably ever again.
Wonpil finally breaks down. Sitting on the floor, tears uncontrollably flowing from his eyes. His loud sobs can be heard clearly from the outside, where his uncle’s assistant is waiting.
Wonpil is still confused of what to do.
‘Should I call? Should I stay? Should I just die looking at him?’
After several minutes, Wonpil stood by the closet to clear out his clothes. Tear stain is still visible in his now red and puffy eyes. He has decided of what to do now. He might be leaving today but he promise he’ll be back. His uncle said he can cure him, there should be a chance. Jae’s father never failed in his promises and he wants to believe in it.
Wonpil cooks the last time for Younghyun. Something he learned from the past year he’s spent with him. Those days where Younghyun was always worried of his health, where he always lecture him how important it is to eat at the right time and how Younghyun always brings him lunch despite of having a cafeteria inside the university.
Again, tears he was trying not to fall, slowly drops through his cheeks. With shaking hands and muffled cries, he writes a note at the dining room ‘Reheat them if it’s gone cold’.
His last note was nothing special. He didn’t called or left anything special. Just the books he thinks he won’t be needing for this trip, just like his favorite book he picked up from a bookstore when he was in elementary. The book that thought him how to dream.
He walks slowly to their small apartment. Reminiscing every moment they spent in this place. He picked up their framed photograph from a festival in their university where they both performed and won together. They looked so happy and he wondered if they’ll be happy again. Will Younghyun be okay without him?
He then caressed the smiling face of his love to the photograph just like how he does to Younghyun itself. “I will be back” he whispers before sealing a kiss on his face.
Finally, Wonpil texted Dowoon the moment he arrived at the airport. Dowoon’s probably sleeping right now and he thought it’s the best timing. He simply texted him that he will be losing touch for a while and apologizes for not informing him earlier.
“Piri! Here!” Jae waves his hand to get Wonpil’s attention. Wonpil turns to him with a small smile and he realized that the taller already knows why he’s back through the sad expression on his face.
His heart aches once again. Thoughts flying back to Younghyun. He wonder how he is by now that he is alone again in the apartment. He probably feels confused, looking for him somewhere and Wonpil wants to go back. Younghyun was his home. America just doesn’t feel like home anymore. He wants to go back.
Jae hushes him in an embrace as he stroke his hands up and down at Wonpil’s back. Wonpil sobs harder in Jae’s arms, feeling the hot tears in his chest. Jae couldn’t help but cry for his best friend and they both held each other in the middle of the airport with few people turning their heads to them but who really cares, when they are the only ones who always cared for each other.
Weeks later, after going through many treatments, Wonpil finally understood that there’s no cure for his disease. That no matter how huge his uncle’s promises was, it’ll for sure be the promise he’ll break for the first time.
Wonpil then asked for Jae to give him his phone and a photo of him along with Younghyun. Jae stares at him, stunned by the stuffs he is holding now in his hands.
“Wonpil.. listen.. I’m not taking this from you. If you have any unresolved issues with your boyfriend, don’t get me involve. You’re going out there, fly back to Korea and talk to him!” Jae bursts out in anger because he knows that Wonpil is giving up. Wonpil never does that even if the chance is slim for success, he was always able to do whatever he wants. However the Wonpil he is seeing today is too fragile. It’s not like the Wonpil he admires.
“Jaehyungie hyung..” He says weakly and that made the tears Jae was trying to hide finally spill. The last time Wonpil called him by his name was back when they were still a child. He could not even remember when it was. It was too long ago to remember.
Wonpil smiles weakly through the tears forming in his eyes.
“Does it feels like we’re back to our childhood?”
Jae breaks a smile through his tears and Wonpil reaches out for his hand to comfort him.
“Please Wonpil.. don’t go anywhere.. you cannot just leave your best friend like this. Who’s gonna listen to my random rants? Who’s gonna be my partner now? This is so unfair, Kim Wonpil!”
Wonpil wraps his arms around Jae, a weak smile remains in his lips. The thoughts of their bad first impressions until they surprisingly realized how good they click, that no matter how different they are from other people, they will always be on the same side because they’re the only ones who can understand each other. ‘Were not the ones who’s weird, they are’
The only time they got separated was when he went to Seoul University and Jae went to Johns Hopkins University. Too bad they missed too many days without each other.
“I’m sorry hyung”
“Don’t call me that, you never call me that”
“Jae..” Wonpil pushes himself lightly from Jae so he could face him. “Please do me this small favor. I’m not asking you to give this to him. Just keep it. Just in case he finds out what happened to me and asks for it, just give this to him. That’s it”
“You’re not intending to tell him anything?” Jae sniffs, wiping his own tears.
“I can’t.. it’s better for him to stay out of the radar. I can’t let my father blame him just to take his anger out. I know dad won’t act rashly if he knows Younghyun doesn’t know where I am”
“You really care so much about him..”
“I do.. He’s the third person I care about a lot. Noona’s first and you are the second”
Jae hisses with a smile and Wonpil felt satisfied. It’s good to see those smiles again.
“It’s winter” Wonpil whispers to himself while he stares at the cloudy night sky through his window. On the bed, in a distant, his knees are pressed together wrapping it with his hands as his head rests on it.
“It is, you’re cold aren’t you?” Younghyun pulls the blanket to cover Wonpil from his knees to his shoulders. Wonpil smiles a little to the action, glancing across him where Younghyun is seated.
Wonpil shakes his head.
“I’m okay. I was just thinking..”
“What is it?” He asks curiously.
“About dreams.. there was not a single peculiar thing on them. I had my doubts but everything seemed organized, I can feel pain, I can touch you. It feels like I have the control of everything. There’s nothing wrong but right now, I think I know what’s wrong”
Wonpil turns his head to the window. The snow is falling gracefully from the sky and Younghyun turns to where Wonpil is looking at.
“Even when the time and day changes, there is one thing that does not. The weather was always spring.. it was always spring. And didn’t we started dating during spring?”
“Oh, I haven’t thought of that. You are right.. It was always spring for me. Why have I not noticed that?”
“Spring was always special for us, it was just not my birthday. It was also our day. It was always the day we want to return to because that was our special day.”
“This doesn’t feels like the first time we’re talking about this”
“I know.. it’s weird.”
They softly chuckle. “It’s even weirder when I woke up from a bad dream” Wonpil continues
“Will you tell me about it?”
“It was raining and you stood by the pedestrian without moving, even when the traffic light was green, you didn’t make a single step. It was at the airport too so no vehicles should be over speeding but there was one and it hits you. Then here I am. In my memory, that might also be the first time I saw rain in my dream. I just realized that today”
“I have stopped dreaming about you when I saw you lying in this hospital bed. At first I didn’t want to believe it but in the few mornings, I woke up without having any dreams and I haven’t dreamt about anything again”
It was another day of waking up from a sad dream. It’s a repetition of his everyday life that does not change. He gets to work, overwork himself, go back home to eat and sleep. He sometimes meet his friends but when they ask about Wonpil, he was never sure of what to say so he seldom go to school’s gatherings and spend most of his time to work.
Due to his dedication towards his job, he was promoted right away after a year of graduating from university. No one’s really surprised moreover they’re happy for him. He graduated from top three’s most prestigious university in the country, of course, he deserves it. Little did they know that the promotion didn’t made him happy. But more responsibilities, the more he spends his time inside the office. It’s a lot better.
After a few weeks of his promotion, Younghyun received a call from an unknown number.
“Hello, who is this?”
“Oh, what a relief. You didn’t changed your phone number. Hyung, it’s me. Dowoon”
“Oh Dowoon-ah, long time no see”
“Hyung, we can chat later. I need to speak to you about a guy named Jae.. Park Jaehyung. Do you know him?”
Younghyun thought for a while, it does sound familiar but he isn’t sure about it.
“I guess.. why? What is it?”
“He is actually a friend of mine when I was in high school. We once met on a summer because he was Wonpil’s best friend...”
A stung by his heart hits him by the mention of Wonpil’s name. It’s the name that he doesn’t really want to hear from anyone. He now remembers where he heard that name, it was Wonpil.
“Anyway, he said he wants to meet you. He needs to talk to you for something. I’ll give your phone number directly to him so he could text you”
“Hold on Dowoon-ah, how did he knew we know each other?”
“Ah, about that.. I happened to bump with your friends on the school reunion so we took a picture together and I posted it on sns, we talked about you in the comment section and Jae hyung happened to read about our conversation. He asked me about you”
“I got it, thank you Dowoonie..”
“No problem hyung”
Younghyun somehow thought how familiar this experience in a different situation so he wondered if what will happen next is something he expects.
He received a text message from another unknown number, believing this must be the Jae, Dowoon was talking about.
Younghyun didn’t hesitate to meet and decided to pick a coffee shop near his apartment.
Jae went down from his car with eye glasses on. He was blonde and tall as expected, just like how he remembers in his blurry memory of dreams. It’s always strange how he could remember Wonpil and everything he says yet he couldn’t remember any images and conversations with other people.
But aside from the dreams, he does remember how positively Wonpil would sometimes talk about him, he did saw a picture of him once and somehow heard his voice after eavesdropping on their conversations over the phone.
“Here..” Younghyun raises his arms to take Jae’s attention and Jae walks to him with a small smile plastered on his face.
“Hey, Jae” Jae reaches for his hand to hand shake and Younghyun introduces himself like how Jae did.
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Younghyun-ssi”
“Well, it’s nice to meet you too”
The two orders first, Jae with a cappuccino and Younghyun with a latte, before continuing their conversation.
“I’m gonna cut the chase.. Wonpil’s isn’t in his best condition right now..” Younghyun clenches his fist under the table. His breathing tightens as if there is a needle pricking in his chest. It is something he fears and wished it was all just a dream, however here he is again in this repetitive discussion in a different scenario “...so can you come down and meet him? It’ll be hard for me to explain it here but if you——“
“You don’t have to explain Jae-ssi. I’m coming”
Jae’s tight expression slowly forms into a relief and the coffees are being served by a female apprentice then left with a slight bow.
“Okay.. Thank you”
“No, thank YOU” Younghyun emphasizes.
“When are we going?”
This was the first vacation leave Younghyun took since he started working in this company and with the great help of his boss, he was approved right away in several hours. They took the flight first thing in the morning.
The first time Younghyun came to see Wonpil, it was something he wasn’t expecting. He came crying to his side as he caressed his lover’s peaceful sleeping face.
He thought Wonpil would be alright but his expectations were all wrong. He realized, not every dream can be his reality.
For the first four months, Younghyun has been using his vacation leaves just to see Wonpil from time to time. He was a bit worried that he might run out of vacation leaves and he couldn’t visit for a period of time. At that one visit, Younghyun met Wonpil’s father. His father was just like him when he first met Wonpil, stiff and unshakable however Wonpil’s father has a stronger and authoritative aura.
Inside the hospital room, they both stand face to face. There’s a stiff expression on his face. While he has his both hands respectfully clasped in front and Wonpil’s mother is just right beside him, worries seemingly drawing in the glint of her eyes.
“I know who you are”
Younghyun’s taken aback wondering how, Wonpil never mentioned his father visiting Korea. He remained silent, not quite sure of what to respond.
“Why are you here, Younghyun-ssi?”
“I wanted to see Wonpil, sir”
“My son’s been lying there for over a year now. He doesn’t have a chance to live so why are you still here, wasting your time?”
He feels like his heartstrings are being cut, anger stirring up in his head as he listen to every single word. He grips his own sweaty hands tightly to keep his control. Even his own parents are giving up on him. What will happen to Wonpil if everyone gives up on him?
“No, I’m waiting. He’ll be back soon. Let’s just give him more time”
“There’s no cure for his disease.. and there’s nothing you can do!”
Voice raises up, enraging from the stubbornness.
“I know but he’s still hanging in there. He could’ve died, instead he is sleeping. It means he is still fighting. Please.. don’t push me away. Let me see him. I’ve been looking for him for so long and now I’m here, I just can’t stop here. I need to see Wonpil, please”
Younghyun lowers his head, pushing his trembling lips in, and his dimples appears. Tears rolls down his cheeks, his shoulders shakes and he apologizes for how he is acting right now.
Wonpil’s father speaks no more and Wonpil’s mother steps closer to him, pulling him to an embrace as if she is embracing his own son, he hushes him, stopping him from apologizing for something he didn’t do. And three of them cried their hearts out. But even with the sobs echoing the room, Wonpil’s still asleep, stuck on his long journey.
They don’t know when or how yet gradually, Younghyun and Wonpil’s father has been spending more time for little chitchats every time they see each other in the weekends Younghyun could visit. They would talk about Wonpil, their families or business. Strangely, they just have a good connection together.
There will also be times when Wonpil’s mother is just there sitting beside his son and Younghyun would be there with her in silence. Strangely, the silence is comforting.
“Why do you believe he’ll wake up? Even the doctors has given up on him. Well, except for Jaehyung’s dad. Jaehyung’s dad is a doctor, do you know?”
Younghyun shakes his head.
“Jaehyung is a really good kid to his dad and a great friend to Wonpil. When we were all contemplating wether we’ll continue Wonpil’s life support or not, he and his (Wonpil’s) noona has to stop us. That was also the first time I saw my daughter cry after she grew up. When you cried the first time we met, you reminded me of that day, of how stupid we were but I also thought, ‘Ah, they were really in a serious relationship’ and I’m glad my son dated a guy like you, he was always good at whatever he does, even at choosing his partner. He’s almost perfect, just stubborn”
His mom softly chuckles, looking at Wonpil’s face.
“He is..” Younghyun finally voiced out and they both gave out a soft laugh, when it died, sadness began to return to them as they reminisce the days they spent with Wonpil.
“Wonpil.. he is just on his long journey. Once he find his way out, he’ll be back to us”
On the third month, the unexpected turn of events has begun. Wonpil’s father personally took a flight to speak with Younghyun. In his small apartment, they both had tea in the living room, discussing his wishes for Younghyun to work for him in America. It was too sudden but it’s a negotiation he can’t just decline. Especially when it’s a chance to be in the same place where Wonpil is.
With Younghyun’s good record, it made his officemates believe that it’s another promotion for him to be able to move in another country. They already know that he speaks more than one language, moreover he has a good English. Though his colleagues doesn’t want to let him go, he had his resignation signed and after a month he finally moved out from his apartment along with his happy memories.
It was then he moved on a condo assigned by Wonpil’s father to lessen his troubles. To his luck, Jae was also always there to help him out, to help him get use to the life he isn’t familiar with. And at work, he had the same position he had at his old job, there are times when Wonpil’s father or his noona teaches him personally about their business. They don’t really make people aware of their relationships. With Younghyun’s wit, he was easy to adjust not just with his job but he easily get along with his colleagues as well. He made his family aware from Canada about his sudden transfer and that made his parents happy thinking it was a promotion and a great chance for him to experience other things. And unlike before, just like how he pictured everything out, he would visit Wonpil every time he likes.
“It feels like I was more at peace after moving here. I don’t get so much trouble at work, though I get a lot busy it was fine. I went to many places, learned so much, experienced things I can’t do when I was in Korea. Your family’s a really great people. They helped me grow to be here and moreover, now you are here responding to me when I tell you a story, I just can’t be happier. It feels so perfect”
Wonpil cups Younghyun’s cheeks, it is thinner now compare to when they were in college. And Younghyun watch him lovingly as if he is scared that once he blinks everything he has right now will disappear.
“Did you dream of anything particular these past few weeks?”
“I think you’re right, I haven’t dreamt of anything after waking up. I guess we’re really back to reality, aren’t we?”
Younghyun nods placing his both palm to Wonpil’s warm hands.
“To hear that you’re doing a lot better than expected I’m thankful but I still feel sorry. And I want to apologize.”
“Don’t be sorry anymore”
Wonpil shakes his head, holding Younghyun’s hands tightly as he place them to his knees
"Back then, while I was on my therapy, I really missed you so I wished every night to see you even in my dream. I just want to meet you again but.."
He breathes out to prevent the tears threatening to fall and Younghyun softly rubs his thumb to his hands in silence. Wonpil fondly smiles, reflecting Younghyun's loving face in his glossy eyes.
"but.. maybe my foolish desperation affected you and i wish it didn't. You would've moved on and lived a better life with someone else. I know you didn't move to another place because of me. You didn't change your phone number because you were thinking I might call you one day if you just wait. And you overworked yourself too much because you were afraid to think of me. I know what you've been through while I was away."
Wonpil nods, heart aching from the memories that never exists.
“That was my final dream before waking up. I guess they want to show me what had happened to you. You were not okay Younghyun-ah. You were never okay because I kept haunting you in your dreams”
“Then let’s make it okay. All you have to do is promise me that’ll everything will be okay from now on. Stay by my side, don’t leave me again”
Wonpil felt Younghyun’s hands grips his hands tighter, similar to the dream he had and it hurts him to imagine how much pain Younghyun has went through because of him.
“Are you not mad at me? You don’t hate me?”
“Why would I? It wasn’t your fault in the first place. Even without these dreams, I will still look for you and if the same thing happens to me, I would do the same. I will stay here because you are here”
“Something’s really wrong with your head”
Younghyun laughs in reminder of their college days. Wonpil would always say the same thing every time he says he likes him. A stupid sunbae. A sunbae with no brain cells left. He must be really stupid because every time Wonpil says it, he thinks he is cuter than yesterday and today is just like that.
“Stop laughing and come here”
Wonpil taps the side of his bed and Younghyun immediately complies. Though it’s a little bit cramped, they both held each other as they lie down on bed.
“Let’s sleep like this”
“You do know your parents are coming early tomorrow for your discharge right?”
“Of course, I’m not as stupid as you.”
“Will you really let them see us like this tomorrow? You sleep like a log”
“That’s fine, I don’t care. Just sleep here”
Wonpil embraces Younghyun tighter, burying his head on his chest.
“If I’m stupid, you’ve gone crazy. Real crazy”
Wonpil pushes himself lightly to look up on Younghyun and in the sudden movement Younghyun looks back at him thinking Wonpil is glaring or something but he is not. Instead he saw a loving face in his eyes.
“I guess I did. I love you”
A smile crept to Younghyun’s lips as he said the same words.
“I love you too”
And they kissed for a while, a playful and deep kisses until they are drowsy.
They haven’t dreamt of anything that night.
Have you guessed what’s Jae’s occupation? That’s the reason why he slept so much in the last chapter 😂
I’m a bit proud of how this turned out. I hope you like it.
Thanks for reading~