How to Tame a Dragonlord in 5 Easy Steps: A Guide by King Arthur Pendragon of Camelot
Step One: Determining Authenticity
It’s important to confirm that you are dealing with an actual dragonlord before attempting the taming process.
You may encounter imposters seeking fame, glory, and monetary rewards. This behavior declined markedly during the reign of my father but has resurfaced in recent years. True dragonlords are discreet creatures, at least when it comes to displaying their abilities, so a boastful individual can likely be dismissed as a fraud.
A tried and true method of determining if your suspected dragonlord is the genuine article is to pit him against an angry dragon. One that has been chained captive for several decades will suffice, but please note that current Camelot statutes regarding the treatment of magical animals now forbid such practices.
After securing the dragon, stage a battle where you intentionally allow yourself to lose the fight. Of course you could defeat the beast on your own, but you need to give your dragonlord a chance to shine. Imply that all hope is lost and that the innocent masses will suffer, then feign being knocked unconscious.
Dragonlords are virtuous and will take action to spare the defenseless, but they are more comfortable doing so with an absence of observers. It is therefore imperative that you remain motionless when he confronts the dragon. You do not want to cause alarm at a critical moment.
If your suspected dragonlord survives unscathed and defeats the dragon simply by yelling at it to leave, you’ve got the real deal.
Step Two: Observation
A dragonlord is the most noble of magical beings, motivated out of a sense of love and honor and kindness. How did I learn this? Through careful observation, which is what I recommend as the next step after confirming authenticity.
Here things will begin to get tricky. Your specimen won’t know that you are aware of his true identity, what with your pretending to be out cold during the battle with the dragon. He may even try his best to convince you that you were the one to actually defeat the creature, heaping on praise you know you don’t deserve.
Despite your strong desire to laud him for his bravery in saving so many lives, it is vital at this stage that you maintain your charade of ignorance. Otherwise, you won’t be able to watch him engaging in natural behaviors.
It is possible that your dragonlord may possess other exceptional abilities beyond commanding giant reptiles. As your observation progresses, mysterious events from your own life might begin to make sense. You may learn why trained assassins have a tendency toward extreme clumsiness when they attack you, who was responsible for the glowing orb that helped you escape from a spider-infested cave, or how even the most stubborn mud and wine stains fail to ruin your favorite clothes.
It’s natural to wish that none of these details had been kept from you, but don’t let that sentiment lead you to anger. You will undoubtedly find yourself awestruck as you realize just how loyal and endearing your dragonlord truly is. It will rapidly become clear that his motives were always pure, though his execution might sometimes be misguided or a bit clumsy.
The longer you observe him, the more you will question everything you’ve ever been taught about magic. Or at least that was my experience; yours may vary.
Have patience. Observation is a key part of the process and it takes time. You may spend years studying your dragonlord, especially if you are in a situation where revealing his true identity could place him in grave danger. Dragonlords are rare creatures and pure of heart. Do not expose one to unnecessary peril.
One final point before we move on. You may at first be preoccupied with assessing your dragonlord’s abilities and power. A wise observer will also endeavor to learn his likes and interests, the things that are important to him and that make him happy. Even details that seem insignificant when compared to his greatness, such as a favorite food, should be recorded.
Try to determine if there is anything he needs from you – whether it’s a day off, a new neckerchief, or just your best efforts at making him laugh. After all, your dragonlord has done much to aid you, saving your life countless times while never seeking credit. Excusing a night or two at the tavern is a small price to pay. (Observation may also reveal that there weren’t as many of those nights as you once thought.)
The longer you watch, the more you may also find yourself focused on aspects of his appearance. Yes, yes, a dragonlord’s eyes may glow golden when he performs magic, but have you seen how his smile can light up a room?
It is entirely possible that you will develop… feelings… of an affectionate and not entirely platonic nature for your dragonlord. Though your initial reaction may be to panic, try your best not to. Just like magic, such feelings are not to be feared.
Step Three: Winning Trust
To tame your dragonlord, you must earn his trust.
You might be able to compel one to serve your purposes through brute force, but that is a dangerous road. Remember that this is a person who can command dragons. And anyway, that is entirely the wrong mindset to have while undertaking this endeavor. If your only motivation for taming your dragonlord is to acquire a tool for your own personal gain, then you will fail and rightly so.
Legitimate reasons for taming are as follows: You love this person, full stop.
Now, how to build trust and goodwill? Use the knowledge you gained in step two to help you. Proceed slowly, as dragonlords may become suspicious if your behavior changes too suddenly.
Never underestimate the power of kind words. Life can be lonely for a dragonlord in hiding, and he may even draw the completely incorrect conclusion that he is of no importance to you. Resist the urge to rectify this belief by declaring an annual feast day in his honor. Instead, begin with something as simple as thanking him for help with basic tasks. Think bathing, dressing, combing your hair – that sort of thing.
(You may benefit from a moment of self-reflection on why you want him to assist you with these things that you really should completing on your own. It’s very possible you’ll again discover those “feelings” I mentioned in step two.)
You’re now making good progress, but don’t stop. Express your appreciation for his sense of humor, his kindness to others, and his valuable wisdom. As he grows more comfortable with praise, you might work in a few casual compliments about his cheek bones, his eyes, and, if you are feeling exceptionally brave, his lips. Don’t let the stunned silence that follows throw you off. Your dragonlord is simply adjusting to the experience of being noticed and admired.
The use of food can go a long way in the taming process. Invite him to dine with you, even if he initially resists. Start out by periodically insisting that he stay for dinner after a long day, then work your way toward weekly meals. If you are patient, you may progress to eating together daily.
After your dragonlord has grown comfortable accepting food, you may now safely offer gifts. Refer to your notes from step two. Did you learn that he fails to replace his old clothes because he sends most of his pay to his mother? If so, that answers your question about what to give him.
Again, start slowly. Small items like socks, gloves, and neckerchiefs will lead only to minimal protest, especially if you claim that these were given to you but that they don’t fit, you have too many, etc. Think up an excuse and try to not to be too repetitive.
As you progress toward larger gifts, your reasons will have to be even more compelling. If you happened to come across a new purple tunic that would look stunning on your him, concoct a story about the need for appropriate clothing at some upcoming ceremony. Obviously he could benefit from warmer boots and a new jacket for winter, but be sure to space these out or you will encounter fierce resistance.
Dragonlords are known for being stubborn, but don’t let that stop you from giving him items of sentimental value as well. If you hold firm, he will eventually accept your mother’s sigil.
It may be that you live in a realm that forbids the use of magic under pain of death. What better gift to give your dragonlord than legal reform? He will no doubt question this policy decision so be prepared with some general remarks about righting past wrongs, celebrating diversity, and fostering a government that serves all of its people. DO NOT mention dragonlords specifically.
Finally, make it clear that you’ve been listening to him. If your dragonlord asks something of you, to stop hitting him for instance, do it. And honestly, you should apologize even if you thought it was just friendly horseplay.
Step Four: Reveal What You Know
Before beginning this stage, understand that it comes with great risk. Dragonlords may panic and become flighty when their identity is exposed. Don’t panic - you aren’t in any physical danger but if you do not take care, your dragonlord will disappear and you’ll never be able to tame him. Or see him again. Which would be devastating.
First, do not rush this. Yes, you’ve wanted to say something for years, but think of all the progress you’ve made. One miscalculation can mean that it was all for naught. I cannot stress enough how critical it is that you have built considerable trust before attempting this step.
Plan ahead – spontaneity is not your friend. I would suggest scheduling the revelation for a time when your dragonlord is most at ease, such as at your now-regular evening meals together. Maybe plan this around a holiday when matters of state are less pressing. Ensure that all of his favorite foods are on the menu and break out a bottle of your very best wine. If he protests, make up some nonsense about him not being allowed to tell the king what to do.
Choose your clothing and accessories with care. Pick colors that are soft and flatter you. (I went with a white tunic but you will know what works best for you.) Go barefoot and encourage him to remove his boots when he arrives. Not only will this help foster relaxation, but it may slow him if he decides to flee, giving you a few more precious seconds to try to calm him.
Though you may feel exposed without it, leave off the chainmail – you do not want to give the impression that you are preparing for a fight. Along those same lines, it is extremely important that you clear the room of all weapons beforehand. It will pain you to leave your sword in the armory, but trust me on this one. You want to appear as nonthreatening as possible because your dragonlord is about to have his most guarded secret exposed and he will likely be very afraid.
As you eat together, make pleasant conversation. Ask about his day and his mother. Crack jokes. Compliment his tunic – it’s ok to feel pleased that he wore the purple one you gave him. Keep his wineglass full, but not too full. You want him at ease, not inebriated. Toward the end of the meal, you’ll know that the time is right. Normally at this point you’d sit in companionable silence, so he’ll be a little surprised when you tell him you need to talk.
No matter how many times you play this scenario out in your head, it will be hard to find the right words. Regardless of your phrasing, let him know that you value his devotion and loyalty. Emphasize your friendship and how you couldn’t bear to lose him. Your dragonlord will be curious, but still content. Do not to falter, even if he tries to melt your heart with The Look (you know the one).
Next, explain that you figured something out ages ago, something that you kept hidden because of the delicacy of the matter. Make it very clear that you are not bothered by it and that it is something you’ve wanted to acknowledge for years. Explain that you simply wanted to wait until you were certain that it wouldn’t endanger the strong bond that exists between you. Give him a reassuring smile and try not to break eye contact. Feel relieved that while he appears more alert, he is showing no signs of panic.
At this point, you may flounder and your words may fail you, causing you to get stuck in a loop sputtering something like, “Merlin, what I’m trying to say is that… I realized… It’s just that I don’t know to tell you… but I wanted you to know… Only I don’t want to get this wrong…”
And because dragonlords are nothing if not kind and considerate, he will try to help you.
“Oh, dollophead. I love you, too.” For added effect, he won’t simply say the words. He’ll sigh them out.
You are now actually in physical danger. He will give you that smile, the one that’s reserved just for you when no one else is watching, and your brain won’t remember basic functions like how to breathe or keep your heart beating. Because how could any of that possibly be more important than what he just said?!
Step Five: Kiss Him
Forget your original plan. If you do not kiss him right this instant, you are an absolute fool.
It may be awkward as you stretch across the table, but that’s ok. Place a hand on his cheek, and he’ll lean into it, eyes half-closing. Gently ease him toward you and press your lips against his.
You may panic when he begins to tremor, but I promise that you haven’t gotten things horribly wrong. If you try to pull back, he won’t let you, and will instead grab your wrist tightly as he parts his lips to let you in. The sounds he makes will put any of your remaining fears firmly to rest.
At this point you’ll realize that the dining table is creating far too much distance between you. A part of your brain might come up with creative uses for said table but set aside those ideas – at least for now. You can (and will) revisit them later.
Break off the kiss and ignore your dragonlord’s protests as you walk around the table to embrace him. Don’t let it cause alarm if he resists your efforts. Instead, let him lead you to the bed. When he pauses to look at you, silently asking a question, give him your warmest smile, then pull him down beside you.
Now would be an excellent time to resume your interrupted kiss from earlier. You will discover that it’s more pleasant when you’re tangled up together. Let your fingers travel where they will – through his hair, across his chest, down his side, underneath the waistband of his breeches.
Reach for his hip and don’t be surprised if he wraps a leg behind to draw you closer. If you feel his arousal pressing into your thigh, remember that it’s ok for your breath to hitch and your body to buck against his.
He may then pant out something along the lines of “Too many clothes.”
You won’t want to let go of him, but take a moment to strip. Many an erotic tale will describe lovers slowly disrobing, teasing each other as they shed their garments. Just like the table, that’s an idea to revisit later. Right now having skin against skin is more important.
“Gods help me, you’re gorgeous.”
If these words spill out, causing him to blush and look away, you absolutely must pull him back into your arms. Take this time to whisper all the things you’ve noticed over the years but had to keep to yourself – how he’s the bravest man you’ve ever met, how he’s beautiful beyond words, and how you love him so much that it aches. Let your own confessions spill out as he trails kisses down your neck.
You may lose the ability to speak when you feel his naked cock brush against your own. That’s to be expected. Stop holding back the moan that’s been trying to escape. It will give him the encouragement he needs to grasp the both of you with his exquisite fingers. Ever so slowly, his hand will begin to move, stroking you both. Don’t bother trying to resist the urge to thrust into his fist. You’re only going to fail and he won’t mind.
As he picks up the pace, wrap your hand around his. You’re not trying to take over – you just need to feel this with him in as many ways as possible. His movements will grow faster, his breathing more ragged, as your fingers brush against the head of his cock.
Just before he comes, his body will still as his hand pumps harder. The sensation of your fingers and cock, slick with his release will be all that it takes to push you over the edge. You’ll have little choice but to call his name through your own climax.
While you may now want nothing more than to curl up with him, you need to be careful. Your beloved dragonlord may initially try to pull away, fearing that he has somehow ruined your friendship. Dragonlords can be as guarded about their affections as they are about the rest of their hidden identity. Tuck him against you and whisper reminders of the secrets you let slip just a few minutes before.
Because he doesn’t yet realize that you are aware of his true nature, your words very likely won’t calm him.
Anticipate him saying something along the lines of, “I want this, I really do. It’s just, there’s something that you don’t know about me, something I’ve been keeping from you. And when I tell you, I don’t think you’ll want me anymore.”
Your dragonlord is now under extreme stress so you must proceed with caution. Assume a tone of nonchalance as you casually let slip what you already know.
“Well it can’t be that you’re a dragonlord who has magic. Or that you use it to cheat at dice and repeatedly save my life. Because honestly, Merlin, I’ve known that for like forever. So tell me, what is this big secret?”
Lightly run your palm along his back and remind him to breathe. Be ready to calmly answer the inevitable questions that are coming.
“You knew? For how long?”
“Since the Great Dragon escaped. I wasn’t actually unconscious. I had already suspected and then…”
“Oh.” Give him as much time as he needs to process the secret you have been keeping and anticipate further inquiries.
“But you hate magic. Even with the reforms, I know you don’t trust it. If you’ve known about me all this time, then why haven’t you…?”
Answer honestly, even if it’s painful – dragonlords have a talent for detecting lies.
“There was a time when I did hate it and those who used it.” Don’t let the hurt in his eyes cause you to falter. “But that was a long time ago. Before I met you. I had been taught many things that were wrong and you showed me that. And not just about magic. I’m a different person, a better person, thanks to you. And I love you for it.”
He may choke up as he tries to tell you just what you mean to him. Play with his hair as you remind him that you know – you’ve seen it through his actions as he helped to build you and your kingdom. Keep him in your bed that night and hold him close while you sleep. (From this point forward, meals won’t be the only thing you share each evening.)
There will, of course, still be much left to discuss – but you’ll have days and weeks and, if you’re willing to put in the effort, years to keep that conversation going.
Remember that no dragonlord is ever truly tamed. Regularly repeat steps 2, 3, and 5 for maximum results. To be chosen by a dragonlord is an exceptional honor, bestowed on only a small few who, if anything like me, will feel undeserving. You will make mistakes along the way, but your dragonlord will forgive so long as your he sees that you are trying in earnest to be worthy of him.
Above all else, do not take your dragonlord for granted. Tell him you love him often, even if it’s in the middle of a council meeting. Your closest friends will sigh but accept it. (They’ve been secretly hoping this would happen for years.) Anyone who complains can be dismissed. Councilors come and go but dragonlords are to be cherished forever.