"Hello?" Arthur answered his phone as he ran his hand through his hair in frustration, knowing that he was fucked. "Goddammit, pick the fucking phone!"
Arthur was about to leave his workplace when Morgana had called him wanting to know whether he was still coming to celebrate her ten year old adorable son's birthday party tomorrow. Arthur had laughed saying that she needn't worry because there was no way he would miss Mordred's birthday party. Morgana and Leon had gone over the top for little Mordred by inviting all his friends, ordering the best and delicious food and inviting all of their friends as well. And Morgana had given only one job for Arthur to do. And Arthur had forgotten it. And when Morgana had asked him whether he had a perfect and kid friendly band ready for her son, Arthur had done something that he shouldn't have. He lied to her assuring her that Mordred was going to love the band that he had hired to play at his birthday and hung up.
But the truth was, Arthur had forgotten to hire a band to play at Mordred's birthday party.
It was official.
He was going to be the worst uncle in the whole world if he did not get an amazing band to make his little nephew's birthday wonderful. And he had searched for bands and called them up but all the bands that he had called were already booked and hired for other events and now in desperation he was calling the last band on his last minute scribbled list.
Someone on the other end picked up and a smooth voice answered "Hello, this is Destiny and Doom! How may we help you?"
"Um - are you the band you put up an advertisement on the newspaper?" asked Arthur taken aback at the cheerfulness in the voice.
"Yeah, we are." said the voice on the other end "So who am I speaking to and what event are we playing for?"
"Oh, I'm Arthur Pendragon." said Arthur confidently "And well, it's my nephew's birthday party tomorrow. I was supposed to hire a band but with work and everything - I just forgot."
"You are a terrible uncle." replied the bloke in amusement making Arthur frown "But yes, we will save you from embarrassment and take on the gig."
"Excuse me, what makes you think that I will hire you after you insulted me?" asked Arthur in a challenging voice.
"It's not an insult if it's true." replied the man cheerfully "And besides,you don't have enough time on your hands to go running after other bands. We're your only saving grace."
Arthur gritted his teeth knowing that what the bloke on the other end was saying was true and he said "Fine. You're hired. But you better make this birthday amazing for little Mordred."
"Little Mordred?" asked the bloke on the other end sounding surprised "He's a kid?"
"Yeah. Why is that a problem?" asked Arthur rubbing his forehead in exhaustion.
"Oh no. This party is going to be fun." replied the bloke gleefully with a chuckle.
The party was in full swing as Arthur entered the magnificent mansion that Morgana lived in with her husband Leon and her only child Mordred. Arthur smiled at the guests who nodded and smiled at him in a friendly manner as he looked around for his nephew. As he entered into the garden where the party was being held and looked around for his nephew in a garden filled with kids screaming in laughter and adults talking with each other, he saw Morgana walk towards him with a huge grin on her face.
"Arthur!" greeted Morgana with a squeal as she hugged her half brother happily "I'm so glad you made it."
"Wouldn't miss it for the world." replied Arthur with a wide smile "Where is my nephew?"
"Oh, he's playing around with some kids, probably sneaking food from the kitchen." said Morgana conversationally as she led him towards their group of best friends.
"He does get that from his mother." replied Arthur with a teasing smile which made Morgana nudge him in the ribs.
They both approached Uther who was making conversation with Leon, Gwen and Lancelot, and Percival who was currently engaged in tossing a laughing and squealing Mordred high up in the air and catching him carefully. Arthur grinned at the sight of his nephew being tossed around like some pancake while Morgana glared at Percival fiercely and protectively who put down a pouting Mordred immediately and carefully.
"Mummy, mummy, Uncle Percy is so strong - he makes me fly high and then he catches me again before I fall!" squealed Mordred as he hugged Morgana with sparkling eyes.
Morgana looked at Mordred with a smile as she ruffled his curly hair and then raised her eyebrows at Percival who gulped "Oh does he?"
"Can he do that everyday?" asked Mordred with his adorable puppy dog eyes which Arthur found hard to resist.
"I think you should hold onto the happy memories, sweetheart." replied Morgana sweetly and then grinned "And Uncle Arthur is here for you!"
Mordred bounced up to Arthur and hugged him making Arthur laugh "Hullo, Mordred. Happy birthday, kiddo!"
"'m not a kid anymore, Uncle Arthur! I'm ten!" said Mordred jumping up and down in excitement.
"You're a big boy." said Arthur with a laugh as he handed over the beautifully wrapped present to Mordred.
Mordred unwrapped the present messily as he opened it to see a wooden toy sword and whooped in joy "It's a sword! Look, mummy, it's a sword!"
Morgana smiled at Mordred's happiness and sent Arthur a happy and grateful look as Mordred kept on jumping up and down as he brandished his sword "I'm a knight! I'm a knight!"
"Yes, you are!" said Arthur ruffling his nephew's hair "The bravest knight of them all, Sir Mordred!"
"Thank you, Uncle Arthur!" said Mordred happily as he hugged Arthur and Arthur hugged him back. "This is the best birthday present ever!"
Then Mordred ran towards Uther and Leon to show his new toy sword and Gwen came towards them with Lancelot "Arthur, that was so sweet of you."
"Yeah, well, Mordred loves playing knights so - I thought maybe he would like a proper toy sword." said Arthur with a shrug, trying his best not to look proud of how he had given the best birthday present to his nephew.
"Mordred is going to have a great time rescuing damsels in distress." remarked Lancelot making Arthur snicker while Morgana looked absolutely scandalized and Gwen was giggling a little.
"Hey that's my little boy!" said Morgana protectively making everyone laugh and then Morgana looked at Arthur "Speaking of making the birthday boy happy, where is the band, Arthur?"
"Oh - well -" began Arthur as he looked at the set up for the band which was empty and looked at Morgana who was looking at him with eyebrows raised "I'm sure -"
"ALRIGHT EVERYONE WE'RE VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE TONIGHT!" yelled a cheerful and energetic voice and Arthur looked to see a fair woman with blue eyes wearing a bright neon pink wig and black and white sequinned chequered outfit that nearly blinded him with a bass guitar, a defiant and chubby faced man with curly long blonde locks which were similar to Brian May's except Brian May's hair was exceptionally better than this bozo's and he was wearing a black vest with swear words on it and beach shorts as he seated himself beside the drums, a very handsome man wearing a white skin tight shirt that showed off his beautifully toned abs, his leather pants that left nothing to the imagination and a cigarette dangling from his lips as he adjusted his guitar while the ladies in the audience swooned over him. And lastly, in the front, at the mic was the most gorgeous and ridiculous man Arthur had ever seen in his life. He was a fair and lanky man wearing a divine purple shirt and ripped up jeans with a loose black leather jacket and a red furry scarf. He looked mismatched and ridiculous but at the same time confident and sauve. This bloke grinned at the rest of his band mates as he gave them a thumbs up and turned towards the audience with a smirk.
Arthur had a very bad feeling about this.
"And we want to thank our patron, Arthur Pendragon out there on the audience, let's give him a huge round of applause." yelled the bloke with gorgeous blue eyes as they sparkled mischievously and Arthur groaned as he flushed in embarrassment when everyone's eyes were on him and all of them started clapping. "We want to thank you, Arthur for answering our advertisement in the newspaper. You will not regret this."
Arthur had a feeling that he was going to regret this as Morgana and Uther looked at him in disbelief, Gwen was happily clapping, Lancelot cheered loudly and Leon looked skeptical.
The blue eyed bloke smiled with his plump full red painted lips "WE ARE DESTINY AND DOOM! ALRIGHT LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!"
Everyone cheered loudly and the gorgeous man grinned as he began "We're going to do a special song for the birthday man, Mordred, this is for you! This first song is called..." The gorgeous man paused as he said in a lower and mysterious voice "Global Warming Is Such A Bitch and We're All Going To Drown!"
"What's a bitch?" asked Mordred innocently from a scandalized Uther and Morgana turned towards Arthur.
"When the well is dry, we will know the worth of water" the blue eyed bloke began singing as the rest of his band members began to play loudly.
"Arthur, you have three minutes to explain what is happening before I run you through with that wooden sword you bought my son." said Morgana with a sweet smile that Arthur had labelled dangerous a long time ago.
"You can't really hurt someone with a wooden sword Morgana." retorted Arthur rolling his eyes at her.
Morgana seized the sword and pointed it at Arthur threateningly "Want to risk it?"
Arthur gulped and said "Alright, I kind of forgot to book a band for Mordred's birthday so I called a band in the last minute. I didn't know that they were going to be this terrible."
"You are unbelievable!" yelled Morgana as she placed her hands on her hips.
"We're gonna drown, we're all gonna drown, we're gonna drown and die in our own mistakes!" sang the bloke with a leather jacket who was clearly the lead singer. "All because we were too busy consuming -"
"Alright, let me just ask them to play a different song." said Arthur as he held his hands up in defense as he made his way towards the stage.
Arthur made his way towards the stage and got the lead singer's attention and the singer stopped singing and the band stopped playing as the singer looked at Arthur "Hold on, hold on."
"Hey man, I need you to stop playing that song." began Arthur politely.
"Why?" asked the lead singer perplexed as if that was a huge problem to him.
"Well, it's my ten year old nephew's birthday party and global warming is not really an appropriate issue to sing about." said Arthur sucking in a breath at how unbelievably gorgeous the lead singer was.
The lead singer looked a bit taken aback but he shrugged "Well, honestly, I think that song makes you think and possibly appreciate Mother Earth more but if you want to shelter your nephew away from the truth -"
"He's ten years old!" retorted Arthur incredulously, glaring at the leader singer.
"Yeah, I know he's ten but -" said the lead singer as if Arthur was the stupid one and then sighed "Okay fine different styles of raising kids - got to respect that -"
"I didn't have any parents!" yelled the drummer at the back "And I turned out just fine!"
"That's debatable." replied Arthur raising his eyebrow's at the drummer's beach shorts and dirty curls.
"Oh you little shi -" began the drummer but the lead singer gave him a look that quietened him down.
"That's enough, Will." said the lead singer authoritatively and it send shivers down Arthur's spine. Then the lead singer looked at Arthur "Well, Arthur. We'll move on to the next song. How does that sound?"
"Great." sighed Arthur as he made his way back to Morgana, Lancelot, Gwen, Uther, Leon and Mordred who was waiting for him.
"So this next song is called My Boyfriend Left Me For The Skank In The Whorehouse and I Swear I Will Get My Revenge." said the lead singer and Arthur groaned as Uther glared at him and closed Mordred's ears sheltering him from being corrupted while Lancelot, Gwen and Leon were laughing outrageously and Morgana was trying to remain serious but even her lips were twitching in amusement.
"Arthur!" reprimanded his father as he looked at his son in disbelief and horror "Where on earth did you get this disgusting, wretched, pathetic -"
But Arthur had walked angrily towards the stage where the lead singer was going to begin his song but then the lead singer saw him and smiled "What's wrong, handsome?"
"What's wrong? It's your song! You can't play a song about your boyfriend leaving you for someone else at a kid's birthday party!" said Arthur in disbelief while the lead singer exchanged mischievous grins with his two guitarists.
"Well, that's not fair!" protested the lead singer as he crossed his arms and pouted "You can't really judge the song by its title."
"Is the song about something else then?" asked Arthur curiously.
"No, it is really about how my backstabbing boyfriend left me for a whore and I will have my vengeance in this life or next." said the lead singer with determination and ferocity and the rest of his band members cheered proudly for him.
Arthur sighed as he asked "What's your name?"
"Merlin." answered the lead singer with a lovely, brilliant smile.
"Merlin, do you have any songs that can be enjoyed by ten year old kids?" asked Arthur as he looked at Merlin.
"Alright, I get the vibe that you're looking for and I've got just the song. It's called Rainbows and Rabbits." said Merlin and Arthur smiled in satisfaction and approval and as he made his way towards his friends.
Merlin grinned playfully as he said "It's a song I wrote when I smoked some crazy good shit at a college house party and I started hallucinating like crazy - and there were rainbows and ponies and this huge rabbit came out of nowhere and grabbed me by the balls -"
"Oh my god, Arthur this is gold." said Gwen doubling in laughter as she held onto Lancelot who was laughing as well.
"I haven't laughed like this in a long time." said Morgana wiping away tears of laughter as she looked at Merlin who was describing in extreme detail about his adventure.
"He is absolutely hilarious." said Lancelot grinning at Arthur who was sulking.
"You know, mate, you should book bands more often." remarked Leon as he chuckled.
"I'm going to stop him." said Arthur with a scowl as he marched towards Merlin in annoyance and dragged him "Are you stupid or do you just work at it?"
"It's just part of my charm." replied Merlin with a cheeky grin.
"How many times do I have to tell you?" said Arthur his annoyance boiling over "This is a kid's birthday party! You can't go talking about drugs!"
"You need to smoke some weed, mate." said Merlin casually as leaned over and whispered in Arthur's ear "I'll make you a deal. You let me sing and in return - I'll kiss your neck."
Arthur sucked in a breath and his heart stopped beating for a minute as he croaked out "What?"
"Oh don't play innocent. I see the way you look at me, like you want to rip out my clothes and fuck me." said Merlin in a soft voice that sent delightful shivers through Arthur. "If you let me do what I do, I will let you fuck me."
"I don't - I -" began Arthur breathlessly and then Merlin looked at him and smiled.
"Alright, Arthur, why don't you go and enjoy the show?" said Merlin and Arthur knew that he had nothing more that he could do.
"Alright everyone!" yelled Merlin energetically to the crowd who cheered "This song we wrote especially for little Mordred. It's called 'Respect Your Elders'. It's a step by step guide on how to get your grandparents to leave you their money before they die."
Uther sniffed distastefully at Merlin "What a rude and disrespectful man."
"I like him." said Mordred with a grin, horrifying Uther.
"Hello, grandpa, how are you doing? Yes, you're looking old and ugly. It's time for you to die!" sang Merlin while Morgana, Lancelot, Leon and Gwen laughed uncontrollably, Arthur smiled a little and Uther frowned at Merlin.
"Oh my god, this is awesome!" said Morgana with a huge grin.
"Oh what is this document? Oh it's legally binding. Power of Attorney. Let's talk about it!" sang Merlin loudly and Arthur couldn't help but think that he was truly and well fucked.