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Crazy People Are The Best Wingmen

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Toga Himiko was crazy.

She's small, blonde-haired and amber-eyed, and she told Izuku she was in love with him two minutes after they met. That didn't change even after she found out that Izuku swung the other way. In fact, Izuku thinks it made her even more obsessed with him than she already was, as if it just added to her determination that one day she would marry him and they would live happily ever after.

Their conversations would go something like this:

"Izu, I love you. You have really nice eyes."

"Himiko, I love you, too. But only as a friend. Do you understand that?"

"Of course! But I still love you. You're going to marry me, remember?"

"I don't like girls that way, Himiko. I like guys."

"I know that. But so what?"

Izuku thought it's kind of flattering—if frustrating, annoying and tiring—that Himiko was so completely dedicated to a gay teenager who would never really understand her. Sometimes, though, Izuku just wished that she'd go and find herself a real boyfriend to keep herself occupied. At least then, her endless declarations of love wouldn't go to waste.

Himiko was very civil when she found out about the possibility of Izuku liking another guy who went to their school. Actually, she was delighted to have found something—or, in this case, someone—that caught Izuku’s interest, even though it obviously meant his 'affections' for her might have to be shared.

"What's his name, Izu?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know? Why don't you ask him?"

"I don't want to."

"You don't?"

"No, I do, I just can't, that's all."

"Are you scared of him?"

"No."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"I'll ask him for you, Izu."

"Really?"

Sometimes Izuku is not sure whether to be grateful for such an outgoing friend. Himiko was very tactful about it; she walked straight up to his crush and said,

"Hi, I'm Himiko. My best friend, Izu, has a crush on you. What's your name?"

Izuku just watched helplessly from a distance, feeling sort of frozen in place, as his crush arched one eyebrow at Himiko, obviously wondering if this was some kind of stupid joke. Himiko just stared back with those big, innocent amber eyes of hers until Izuku heard him answer,

"Why?" His tone was angry and gruff.

Himiko was completely oblivious to it. "Because he'd like to know," she explained patiently. Izuku’s black-clad crush turned away from her dismissively.

"If he wants to know, tell him to ask me himself."

Himiko accepted this without argument, and twisted around to call in Izuku’s direction,

"Izu, he says that you should ask him yourself. It's okay. He's really not that scary."

His crush stopped to look back at her abruptly, his eyes darting from Himiko to Izuku and back, like he was wondering if she was truly sane.

And as for Izuku? Well, he just wanted to fade into the floor tiles.

Himiko watched Izuku expectantly until he tried to shift and walk away as nonchalantly as possible, as if maybe he actually had nothing to do with the situation at all. Izuku could hear Himiko running down the hallway after him a moment later, and then her voice saying,

"Hey, Izu, wait."

"No. I have to get to class."

"But I thought—”

"I said no."

Himiko frowned at Izuku then, but it wasn't in her personality to tell him she was pissed and then desert him. Instead, Himiko just stopped talking and walked moodily next to Izuku to the next class, which the two of them shared. She didn't even whisper to him during class or draw little pictures or phrases on his hands and arms like she normally did… at least, not before the latter half of the period.

But of course she didn't give up, and Izuku wasn't expecting her to. That would be too un-Himiko-like.

Himiko managed to flag his crush down during lunch period the next day. Izuku didn't even see the guy until he caught Himiko signaling at him, and then Izuku hissed at her,

"Himiko, stop it. What are you doing?"

It was pointless trying to stop her by then—it was too late.

"Hi," she told Izuku’s crush cheerfully once the guy reluctantly walked over to their table, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

"I'm Himiko. Remember me?"

He answered her question with a cold, blank look.

Izuku was wondering whether the guy would notice too much if he snuck away just then.

"This is Izu," Himiko went on, unperturbed, and pointing at Izuku from the other side of the table.

"He's my best friend."

"Yeah," Izuku’s crush said. His voice was low and quiet and husky, like maybe he secretly wanted to step on her face—or maybe Izuku wasn't quite in his right mind then. The guy’s eyes slid over to Izuku.

"I think you mentioned him."

"He likes you a lot," Himiko contributed. "Only he's kind of scared of you, and that's why he wouldn't talk to you yesterday. "

The guy’s brow furrowed a bit as she spoke, hinting that he was finding this whole situation highly amusing.

"I see."

"She's lying," Izuku managed to choke out. "Don't listen to her, she's just trying to make trouble."

"No, I'm not," Himiko said defensively, looking hurt.

The guy didn't say anything. He just watched the two of them and blinked owlishly.

"Himiko," Izuku said between clenched teeth, trying to convey to her that she was embarrassing him beyond all reason, but predictably, she didn't catch onto it.

"Why do you wear black all the time?" she asked the guy instead.

"Because I want to."

"It looks good on you. I like it. And I like your eyeliner. I tried to get Izu to wear some once, because I think he has really pretty emerald eyes, but he wouldn't let me. We're going to get married one day, you know."

"Oh, really."

"Yeah. He says he only likes guys that way, but I think he can be gay and like just one girl at the same time, as long as the one girl is me, you see?"

No answer this time.

"Are you gay? Because Izu will be really sad if you're not."

"Himiko, for the love of God, shut up. You don't know what you're talking about." This one came from Izuku, as he tried to make the burning feeling in his cheeks leave.

Himiko chose to ignore him.

"You still haven't told Izu what your name is, you know."

The guy smirked and looked back in Izuku’s direction. And at that moment, Izuku wished to die.

"I'll tell him when he asks me."

"But he's not going to ask you. He's still scared of you."

"I'm not scared of him!" Izuku barked at Himiko.

"Then why won't you ever talk to him?" Himiko countered. "He's standing right there."

Izuku stood up abruptly, his chair scraping across the floor, and walked away.

"Stop, Izu, come back. Please, Izu…"


Izuku could have forgiven Himiko for that. Maybe, if she had asked nicely and bribed him with money. But she didn't, and not only that, the same thing happened the next day, only not in the lunch room.

Himiko pointed the guy out in the hallway on their way to class.

"Look, Izu, it's that boy you like. Hey, wait, come over here."

The guy looked up at Himiko first, then over to Izuku standing next to her. The same subtle smirk from yesterday crossed the guy’s lips.

"What do you want?"

"I like your piercings. A lot. And I was wondering if you'd talk to Izu."

"Why? Did he say he wanted to talk to me?"

"No, but I know he does, because he thinks you're really hot. He told me. I love you, Izu."

Izuku could've strangled her there in the hallway. He really could have, but he was having some difficulty breathing at the moment. His face felt like it was on fire.

"Really, now?" The guy said, raising an eyebrow at Izuku.

"She's lying to you," Izuku tried to say, but Himiko interjected before he could fully defend himself.

"Maybe if you'd please just tell him your name, he wouldn't be scared of you anymore."

"Himiko, I am not scared of him. Okay? If you say that again, I'm going to kill you."

"I'm not going to tell him my name," the guy told Himiko, but he was looking at Izuku as he said it. "Not until he asks me. If you want to talk to me, you should just do it, and not get her to say everything for you." He said this last part directly to Izuku.

"I'm not," Izuku said forcefully. "I swear I'm not. She's just trying to torture me." The guy just laughed and shook his head. Dear lord, he found this funny.


Himiko was over at Izuku’s house that same night.

"Izu, are you mad at me?"

"Yes."

"Please don't be mad. I'm in love with you."

"I know."

"Do you forgive me?"

"No."

"But I was just trying to help."

"Well, stop trying to help."

"But if I don't help, then you'll never get him to be your boyfriend, and then you'll be sad because you like him and you think he's gorgeous."

"Himiko, when did I say ever anything about getting him to be my b-"

"And if you're sad, then I'm sad."

"You really need to stop interfering. Because you're just making things worse. And no, I still don't forgive you. Get off of me."


But Himiko didn't stop interfering. Two days later, she timed her plan down to the last bell and found a way to shove the two of them—Izuku and his crush—into a janitor's closet an hour after school let out.

Izuku was still not sure how she managed to do that. She won't tell him.

"You're sitting on me."

"I can't help it, there's no room."

"Well, I can't move, there's something behind me and I can't see. Open the fucking door already."

Izuku’s hand felt along the door until it reached the coldness of the doorknob.

"It's locked."

"That bitch locked us in here?"

"Yeah."

"Your little girlfriend is fucking crazy, you know that? If you don't stop trying to grope me and get the hell out of my lap, I'm going to die from claustrophobia."

"I'm not trying to grope you! Do you really think I—"

"Wait." There was a slight rattling noise as a chain was grasped. "I think I found the light."

A click later, the light of a dim bulb overhead found Izuku fumbling to rearrange his awkward position. No wonder the guy thought Izuku was trying to feel him up. Izuku’s cheeks were flame-red as he shyly eyed the guy in front of him. This was so not happening right now.

The guy’s entire outfit was black, including the ear piercings that Himiko had liked so much and the belts running between the legs of his baggy pants. His ruby eyes were lined thickly with black. And his pale-blonde hair was arranged in a feral mess of almost-spikes.

"You like looking at me, don't you."

"I'm going to kill Himiko when I get out of here. Where'd she go?"

"How am I supposed to know? I'm locked in here, too. You know, she's just trying to hook the two of us up."

"Yeah, I know."

Izuku ceased his banging on the door for a minute, and the space was filled with an uncomfortable silence. The other guy was leaning up against one of the walls of the tiny room, his arms folded, to watch Izuku with a sort of cynical amusement, as if he already knew that Himiko planned on taking her time on getting them out of there.

"What?" Izuku snapped. "This isn't my fault."

"Yeah, it is."

"No, it's not."

"Yeah, it is."

"How is this my fault?"

The guy half-smiled and shrugged. "I guess your little friend couldn't think of any other way to get you to talk to me."

"Well, this is none of her business in the first place. Himiko needs to learn when to leave me the hell alone, and not lock me in closets with random guys."

Izuku watched as his hot-as-heck, blonde crush slowly raised an eyebrow at him. "According to her, I'm not some random guy."

That's right—you're sexy and you're beautiful and you're just way too close, and right now I really hate Himiko for meddling.

"I guess not."

That made the guy smile again.

"So she's not really lying about all that shit she tells me?"

"You know she's not."

"Then why won't you just tell me yourself?"

"Because." This room was too small for any kind of comfort. Izuku was making sure to stay on the opposite side of the room from the guy, and still Izuku was only about three feet away. "I just don't want to."

"Oh, so you really are scared of me?" The guy’s eyes were laughing at Izuku. Screw him. "I wasn't sure whether to believe that."

"I'm not."

"So ask me what my name is."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't feel like it."

"That's a lame answer."

Izuku tried the door again, hoping that Himiko might have discreetly decided to unlock it while they were waiting. She hadn't.

The guy was still looking at Izuku with that all-knowing smirk. Izuku didn't have any choice.

"Fine. What's your name?"

"It's Bakugou Katsuki. That wasn't so hard, now was it."

He was still laughing at Izuku without actually doing so, but he extended his hand as he spoke, and Izuku stared at it.

"You're supposed to shake it, Izu."

Slowly Izuku reached out and grasped the hand and shook it a couple of times, and then he forgot to let go.

"Is that really your name?" The guy asked.

"No. It's Midoriya Izuku."

"Izuku, huh? I think Deku’s better.”

“What?!”

“Your name can also be read like that, moron. And you’re really a Deku. You couldn’t even talk to me without being locked in a janitor’s closet.”

“Oh, really? You think you’re so smart, Kacchan?”

“The fuck? Kacchan? So you’re into pet names?”

“No!”

Katsuki cackled then, and after realizing the absurdity of the situation, Izuku laughed with him. Well, he was laughing until he saw that their hands were still clasped together. Izuku immediately pulled his hand away from Katsuki’s with his face burning with embarrassment.

"Sorry, Kacchan."

Katsuki shrugged, still smiling a little. "Whatever, Deku."


Himiko didn't come back in the next ten minutes, or the ten minutes after that. Izuku was beginning to seriously wonder whether she intended to leave them locked in the janitor's closet all night. If she did, he would not only kick her ass when he got out, but he would also never speak to her again.

"She's got to let us out sometime," Izuku mumbled as he slid down the wall to sit slouched on the floor. "What's she waiting for?"

"She's a girl," Katsuki scoffed, dragging a hand through his unruly mass of thick blonde hair.

"She's waiting for something steamy to start happening so she can have something to giggle at." Knowing Himiko, Izuku didn't doubt the accuracy of this.

"You're probably right."

Silence.

Katsuki played with the edge of his shirt, his knees drawn up to his chest and his ruby eyes half-lidded with boredom.

"So what are we going to do?" Izuku asked.

Katsuki glanced up at him. "What do you want to do, Deku?"

"I don't know."

"Well, maybe we should think of something." Katsuki stood up slowly, stretching a little. "It's getting late. My parents won't care when I get home, but yours might."

"Yeah, they probably will. What do you think we should do then, Kacchan?"

Katsuki cast Izuku a strange look. "Well… we could… give her what she wants, or something."

"What?"

"Well, if she's waiting for something hot to start happening in here... assuming that that's what she's waiting for, and assuming she's even still out there at all..." Katsuki’s gaze turned mischievous. "I say we give her a show. Like, pretend that we're getting it on or something."

"What? No!"

"Why not? I think it'll work, Deku."

"I don't."

"It's just because you're scared."

"I'm not scared of you, Kacchan. Himiko was talking bullcrap about that."

"So do this. Just go along with it."

"No. I don't want to. Get away."

"Why?"

"Because I don't even know you, that's why. I mean, not in a way that counts."

Katsuki obviously thought that was funny, because the next thing Izuku knew, the guy was laughing at him again.

"Alright," Izuku hissed, wanting Katsuki to shut up. "I'll go along with it. I just want to get out of here."

"Great," Katsuki said, looking pleased that he was getting his own way.

Before Izuku fully realized exactly what Katsuki had in mind, the guy had leaned forward and smashed his lips against Izuku’s, and grabbed him by the shoulders to pull him closer to him. For the first couple of seconds Izuku was in shock, and then he must have blanked out because after that he was kissing Katsuki back, hard.

Apples. They were the first thing that came to Izuku’s mind.

Red, plump, juicy, and sweet. He could almost close his eyes and taste them fully, the tip of his tongue tracing over his lips and... someone else's. He felt a warm, confident hand climb up his arm, leaving behind a trail of faint tingling against his own skin, and then—he was desperately trying to escape.

Izuku thought he kind of fell backward at that point, and they ended up in a tangle of arms and limbs, and Katsuki’s hair was in Izuku’s face, on the closet floor.

"What was that for?" Izuku choked out, trying to fix himself up and doing a poor job of it, considering the way Katsuki’s face and warm puffs of breaths were pressed into his neck.

"Mmph." Katsuki found a way to sit up, still halfway-sitting on Izuku but not really seeming to care.

"I thought you said we were just going to pretend."

"Yeah, well, I lied."

"Why?"

"I wanted to see how you'd react."

"What kind of reason is that?" Izuku pushed his hair out of his eyes. “You’re a prick.”

"What? You can't tell me you didn't enjoy that."

"No, I didn't. Don't attack me like that again."

"Whatever. You're a liar. And you're blushing really hard right now. Did you know that?"

That was how Himiko found them. On the floor, with about two inches of space between them, Izuku’s face beet-red and his green hair in an even wilder mess.

"I am so sorry, I really didn't mean to leave you locked up for so long but I accidentally forgot where I put the—What were you guys doing just now?"

"Nothing." Izuku quickly stood up and dusted himself off. "Himiko, I hate you."

"It was an accident," Himiko insisted, blinking her feline-like, bright yellow eyes. "I am so, so sorry. I only meant to leave you in there for a few minutes but I forgot where I put the key, and then I kind of freaked out, but… So what happened? Did you talk to him? Did you ask what his name is?"

"Did you not hear me? Why should I ever speak to you again?"

"Because… because I'm in love with you."

"That's not going to cut it."

"And because I'm only trying to help. I have good intentions and that should count for something."

"Well, it doesn't."

"What's his name?" Himiko persisted.

Izuku sighed. "It's Katsuki."

"Katsuki?"

The strangest things will delight Himiko at the strangest times. She squealed like a six-year-old when she heard Katsuki’s name. And then she jumped on him.

"I love you, Katsuki."

Izuku couldn't understand what Katsuki was trying to say because his voice was muffled into Himiko’s shoulder. But from the sound of his tone, it wasn't G-rated. Himiko didn't hear it, though. Or maybe she chose to ignore it.

"Would you like to be my best friend, too?" she asked Katsuki sweetly.

Katsuki shot Izuku a look, still struggling to remove her arms from around his neck, obviously asking Izuku if she was actually serious. Izuku just wearily smiled at him in reply.

“You’ll get used to it.”