Actions

Work Header

Takaya's Diary

Chapter Text

Takaya’s SECRET diary. Whoever opens it without permission will be trapped in a genjutsu.

(I’ll apply it as soon as I learn how to do it.)

 

With comments by Tachibana Kuro.

I found this thing in your stuff and read it.

Ten-year-old you is cute but sort of creepy, low-key.

(And you never did apply that seal, neko-chan.)

 

May, 13th

Dear Diary,

My name is Umino Takaya. I got you for my birthday yesterday because Dad said I am an Umino and I need to learn how to keep track of what happens. Because that’s what we do. Yesterday, I didn’t have time to write because I had training. Even though it was my tenth birthday. I think that’s mean. I know I need to become a powerful shinobi but it’s still not fair that I have to do training on my birthday. Takumi made fun of me again because he didn’t have to train on his birthday. But maybe things are different when you turn eleven. Takumi is very mean sometimes and I hate him. But Seiko-sensei always shouts at me when I punch him. Takumi only grins when I punch him and when Saiko-sensei isn’t looking, he punches me back. He’s much stronger because he is two years older and it really hurts. The others don’t help me either. I always speak up when he tries to make fun of Reney-chan because he is not as strong yet and then he punches me. Kano keeps quiet and only does what Seiko-sensei tells him to do. And Namiko is Takumi’s best friend. I hate training.

But I got a cake when I came home and it was very yummy. Mommy is the best! I got a new kimono, a new bachi for my shamisen* and new hairpins from her. Dad gave me this diary and a book about genjutsu. I’m good at genjutsu. Even grandma came over. I got a new set of kunai from her. Special kunai that can transfer genjutsu to anyone I hit with them. Maybe I should try them out on Takumi next time he tells me that I look like a girl. I will not cut my hair even if dad tells me too! Only the greatest shinobi can have long hair! And I like it when mommy plaids it and makes lots of cool hairstyles.

I haven’t written anything that happened today because nothing happened so far except Takumi laughing at me when I didn’t hit the target. He would miss it too if I snapped my fingers right next to his ear! I punched him and was told off my Seiko-sensei. Nothing more has happened so far. I think I start reading this book now and practise my genjutsu.

 

[*Shamisen is a traditional Japanese three-stringed banjo which Takaya totally knows how to play. It is played which a certain kind of plectrum that called bachi.]

 

 

May, 14th

Today, I didn’t have training with the others which was nice. Instead, dad showed me a new water-style jutsu. It multiplies shuriken with water clones, so I can let them rain down on my enemies. It’s really cool and I think I should try it on Takumi the next we’re sparing. After this, I practiced shamisen and learned a new piece. I don’t like it very much and it’s quite hard but when I’m done with it, I can learn another one that’s much more fun. The book that dad gave me is very interesting. It talks a lot about genjutsu structure and if I study it carefully, I will soon be able to create my own illusions. Yes, I might me smaller than the other boys and not as strong as Takumi but I’m much better at genjutsu than he will ever be.

 

 

May, 15th

Seiko-sensei is so mean! Today, I was fighting with Takumi and I was actually quite good. He didn’t hit me once in the first five minutes. I’m faster than him. Then, there was a chance and I used the new ninjutsu my father told me, the one with the water shuriken. Takumi couldn’t defend all of them and got really badly scratched. He looked as if he was scared. It was the first time I scared him. But Sekio-sensei dissolved my jutsu and then screamed at me. He was really mad but I don’t understand why. Takumi hurts me all the time, a lot worse than these few scratches he got. Why do I get screamed at and he not? I think he just likes Takumi much better than me. This is so unfair. Sekio-sensei came over to our house and told my parents and dad was really angry too. It wasn’t that dangerous! Takumi only got a few scratches! I’m very upset. The grown-ups are so mean! I’ll just stay in my room for the rest of my life!

 You probably know now that your sensei’s reaction was justified.

Using ninjutsu in a taijutsu fight is against the rules.

And water shuriken are dangerous for a pre-genin.

I think, even ten-year-old you knew that Takumi got more

than a few scratches. He must have been badly cut up.

 

 

May, 16th

Takumi didn’t show up for training today. Probably he’s allowed to stay at home today because of what I did yesterday. I hope he stays away for a few days longer because training is much better without him. Namiko isn’t so bad when Takumi isn’t around, even Kano talked to me today. Usually, the only one who talks to me sometimes is Reney-chan. But we all trained and we talked and they’re actually quite nice. Why are they only nice when Takumi isn’t around? I invited them over to play in the afternoon but Namiko and Kano had to do more training. Reney-chan came though and we built a hut in the woods. That was fun. Mommy came to find us, she had cake and lemonade for us and we really had a great time. Reney-chan is a bit shy but when we were sitting in out cool house, we talked a lot and he’s very nice and sweet. He’s got his head full of exciting stories of dragons and yosei and yokai. He told me of a black bakemono* called Kaito-chan which lives in the shed of his parents but is never seen by anyone because he’s very good at hiding. And he slinks around the village and causes all sorts of mischief. He’s very good at telling stories and I like the ones about Kaito-chan the most. Maybe he made Takumi trip and fall on his face and he broke his nose and that’s why he couldn’t come to training. Thank you, Kaito-chan.

Mommy was really happy that I made a friend. I’m not even sure if Reney-chan is my friend yet. I don’t know if he likes me as much as I like him.

 

Please tell me you did NOT name our child

after the imaginary friend of your first crush…

 

[* bakemono: shapeshifting cat from Japanese mythology]

 

 

September, 26th

I forgot about you, diary, but I try to write in here more regularly now. Takumi is still mean and I’m looking forward to when he does his genin exam. Because he told us a few days ago that he wanted to join the Kirigakure shinobi as soon as he is a genin. He’s training very hard and so am I because I want to be as strong as him when he leaves. But I definitely will never join the Kiri shinobi if Takumi is one of them. Reney-chan and I are best friends now. He comes over to my house very often and we play in my room or in the garden or in the woods. I did visit him a few times but his parents caught us one day playing ninja. He was the ninja and I was a princess that was kidnapped by an evil Earth shinobi. I didn’t actually want to be the princess but I’m the one with long hair, so I put it up like mommy showed me and put on one of his mother’s dresses. I think she didn’t like me wearing her dresses because she got angry and shouted first at him and then at me and I had to leave. I cried when I ran home. I know, shinobi don’t cry but you won’t tell anyone, right? But I was scared that he wouldn’t be allowed to visit me anymore and I like Reney-chan very much. He’s my friend and I don’t want to lose him. I even wrote a song for him about Kaito-chan. I played it on my shamisen and he said he liked it very much. He said he could hear Kaito-chan slinking though the streets and it made me very happy.

Can you still play the “Kaito-chan” song?

You know how much I love listening to you playing shamisen.

 

 

September, 27th

Today, Reney-chan was here again and we played in the woods. We are building a treehouse and, as soon as it’s ready, we will move in there and stay there for the rest of our lives. And I will listen to his stories all day.

 

 

September, 28th

Sekio-sensei isn’t so bad. Today, I won a fight against Namiko and he was very surprised. But happy surprised and he praised me and said that I am doing well. Of course I am! I’m training hard. Even harder than Takumi. I might not be as strong as the others but I’m faster than them. I’m looking forward to when we do real fights, with ninjutsu and genjutsu because I’m very good at genjutsu now and I will beat even Takumi with it. Sekio-sensei said that I have come a long way and I am doing so much better now. Ha! Takumi is still mean but I learned to only punch him when Sekio-sensei isn’t looking and I’m fast enough to dodge most of his punches. Reney-chan also made a lot of progress. He said to me that he doesn’t like fighting very much and he doesn’t actually want to become a ninja but his parents are very strict so he has to. But we sometimes train together and he likes that much better and I like it too. And my parents like Reney-chan very much, so we sometimes even have a sleepover when his parents allow it.

 

 

January, 7th

I don’t write in my diary regularly. I guess I will only use it to record very important events in my life. Today, nothing important happened. Therefore, I don’t have to write anything else.

 

Chapter Text

 

May, 12th

Today was my eleventh birthday. Dad was on a mission but mommy made a cake and Reney-chan came over. He wrote a story for me, about Kaito-chan who meets a fox spirit in the woods and they become friends. The fox spirit can transform into a human boy called Kaya-chan. Kaito-chan can transform too but not into a human. So they can only be friends in the woods where they are both animals. It’s a bit sad but I like it very much, especially because he wrote it for me. Reney-chan is my favourite person in the whole world. He’s my bestest friend.

 

 

October, 23rd

 Today, Takumi took the genin exam. I begged Seiko-sensei to let me try as well. So we both went over to the main Isle where the genin exams were held. I haven’t been to the main Isle very often. It’s so much bigger and full of people I don’t know which is exciting. But it’s also very misty which is annoying. We met the Kiri students who wanted to become shinobi. Takumi told all of them how he would be the best and how he would defeat every one of them. I think they didn’t like him very much. A very tall boy told him that he was much better than Takumi and he had failed the exam last year, so Takumi should better go home right away. I talked with a few of the girls. There aren’t any girls my age in the Umino clan. They said that Ichigo was right and the exam was difficult but they had studied hard and were sure they would pass. We talked about how the academy worked and I told them of how I had studied and they were a bit jealous. But I made friends with them right away, they were really nice. And they liked my hair and wanted to touch it. I told them they should come over to the Western Isle one day and we could have a sleep over and do each other’s hair. They liked the idea very much.

The written exam was not so hard. The questions about chakra and ninjutsu were very basic, there wasn’t even one about genjutsu! But a few things I didn’t know because Seiko-sensei and dad hadn’t told me. Calculating the strength and angle I would need to throw a kunai at a target five metres away with wind at force two from eight o’clock… who would need something like that! You throw a kunai like you throw a kunai! There is nothing to calculate!  The interesting part was the practical examination. We first had to do a transformation jutsu, most of them chose to imitate the examiner. I did transform myself into Takumi just because I could. It was great to see the surprise on his face that I was able to do a perfect copy of his stupid nose. After that, we had to create clones. I managed three, Takumi only two. The last part was the coolest. We had to fight on a swimming pool. I watched all the fights. There were quite a few who were way better than Takumi. He had to fight against one the girls I had talked to earlier and he smirked and thought it would be easy. But she was very good and he actually looked a bit concerned a few times. He did win but it was a fair fight and she looked proud when he beat her.

My opponent was the tall dude who had stood up to Takumi. I actually liked him and didn’t want to fight against him… and he was twice as tall as me. He was stronger than me and nearly as fast. I once lost my chakra control and got wet but I did get up again and they didn’t stop the fight. So I continued to use my taijutsu abilities until he nearly beat me and then I caught him in a genjutsu. It wasn’t really fair, I know, because they hadn’t learned any genjutsu in the Academy but he did use ninjutsu I didn’t know. I passed the exam and I’m a genin now. Dad was very proud and so was mommy and we had Takoyaki for dinner! Takumi passed as well which is great. That means, he will be gone soon. I will tell Reney-chan tomorrow and we will continue training so that he can make genin soon as well.

 

 

 

 

January, 9th

Today I kissed Reney-chan. It was very cold. We sat in my room and had my blanket wrapped around us and mommy made us hot cocoa. That was yummy. And Reney-chan had cocoa above his lips and it looked so cute on him that I just had to kiss him and lick it off. He was very surprised but I think he liked it because we did it again. It’s wet and weird but it also feels nice. I think I might do it again. At least we are both boys and I can’t get pregnant from kissing him.

 

You can be lucky people don’t get

pregnant from kissing, neko-chan.

 

 

March, 18th

Today I finished my first mission. I’m not allowed to tell much, not even to you, because missions are very secret. I was with two chunin from our clan and we were gone for a whole week. It was very exciting and interesting but no real fight happened. That’s a pity. I train so much and I can’t use it. But training isn’t as bad as it used to be. Now that Takumi has gone to Kiri, Namiko, Kano and I have become friends. And of course Reney-chan is more than a friend. But the others don’t know. We only kiss when we are in my room or in the treehouse. There’s a futon in there now where we can cuddle and when it’s warmer I’ll invite Reney-chan for a sleepover. I really like him very much.  And he likes me too but he’s a bit shy to show it sometimes. He still tells me stories about Kaito-chan and Kaya-chan and what kind of adventures they have together. Kaitc-chan lives at Kaya-chan’s place now and pretends he is his pet when Kaya-chan is a boy. But they sneak into the woods all the time to play and Kaya-chan turns into a fox and Kaito-chan is usually a cat but he can also transform into other animals. He likes being a craw because they are also black and then he can fly and see the world from above.

 

 

Chapter Text

 

May, 16th

I have been away for my birthday! I’m doing more missions now and the last one was much longer than expected. We did get into a fight and I beat up a guy twice my size before I caught him in a genjutsu. That was cool but I still missed my birthday! Today I got home and there was cake and I got a few presents but I’m still angry that I missed my birthday because of this stupid mission. Just because one of my teammates was wounded and we had to carry him all the way back! We needed twice as long. I think about studying healing jutsus so that I can heal my comrades when they get hurt and we get home on time.

Reney-chan came over as soon as he heard that I was back and he was allowed to stay over. We kissed a lot that night and cuddled. He sometimes strokes me, my arms, my hair, sometimes my belly and that feels really nice. Kind of tickling.

 

 

June, 4th

Today I finally invited Reney-chan over to a sleepover in the treehouse. It was really nice and warm and we had snacks and torchlights. We went into the woods to look for Kaito-chan and Kaya-chan but they are very good at hiding. When it was dark, we went back to the treehouse and had snacks and juice. Reney-chan kissed me and we cuddled and I stroked him a bit and he liked it. He says I have more muscles now than I used to have and that I’m starting to get hairy. I think he’s right. I have grown quite a bit but I’m still a lot smaller than Namiko and Kano. But I’m quite a bit taller than Reney-chan now. Maybe it has to do with becoming a man. Dad has told me about it. That I will grow taller and that hair will start growing in weird places and that my voice will change and that I will start liking girls. I do grow and I have a few hairs in weird places but I know hardly any girls except the ones that I met in Kirigakure. There is only one person that I like very much in the way my father said. That’s Reney-chan. I told him about it and he turned red and said that he liked me too and we kissed again. I like Reney-chan very much. It makes me very happy to be with him.

 

 

July, 14th

The girls that I met at the genin exam came over. They had remembered my invitation to visit the Western Isle and my parents were very happy that I had made friends in Kiri, so they were allowed to come. They are called Ina-chan, Yumi-chan and Suzume-chan. We went swimming in one of the bays and Suzume-chan is really fast. After lunch, Reney-chan came over and we went to do each other’s hair. Reney-chan’s hair is too short to do anything with it but he stayed with us and told us stories about Kaito-chan and Kaya-chan but I think Ina-chan and the others don’t like him very much. They said he is weird and creepy when he wasn’t in the room. Reney-chan isn’t weird, he’s very nice. But they looked at me strangely when I told them how much I liked him. We all looked very nice with our hair done and Reney-chan liked my hairstyle best. Mommy had a strange look on her face too when we showed her what we had done but she didn’t say anything. In the evening, I played some shamisen for them and they liked it very much. Reney-chan was very happy when I played the song of Kaito-chan. All this happened yesterday.

Today, we went over to the treehouse where Ina-chan broke Reney-chan’s magic twig circle and she didn’t even apologize. But we had much fun playing hide and seek in the woods, even though the girls said they were too old for it. I showed them one of our training areas and they really liked it so we did a little fight. I won all my fights and Reney-chan managed to win against Yumi-chan even though he isn’t even genin yet. After dinner, we were sitting outside and talked about how life was in Kiri and how missions in the hidden village worked. They seem to have set teams that always go on missions together. Which is cool, I think, when the other two are your friends. But if you can’t stand them… I wouldn’t want to be in a team with Takumi. Suzume-chan actually is in the same team as Takumi and she says that he can be a bit of an asshole sometimes but he’s a very good ninja and so hot… she had a weird expression in her eyes when she said that. I think she likes Takumi very much. I don’t understand. I don’t think he is good-looking. Well, maybe he has got more muscles now like I do but he’s still mean. When Suzume-chan and Yumi-chan went inside to get ready for bed and Reney-chan left as well, Ina-chan stayed with me and snuggled up to me like Reney-chan sometimes does. And she told me that she liked it very much on the Western Isle and that it was romantic. And she asked me if I had ever kissed a girl before and I said no. And then she kissed me. It was weird. It didn’t feel at all like when I kiss Reney-chan. It wasn’t bad but it didn’t tickle in my belly and it didn’t make me happy, so I stopped her. She blushed and looked at me with those big eyes and said she liked me very much. And I said that I liked her too in a way but not like this. How can she know that she likes me? We don’t know each other well. And she said that I’m handsome and strong and nice, not like those other boys who are all stupid and annoying. I told her that I thought she was sort of cute but that I didn’t like that she hadn’t apologized to Reney-chan for breaking his magic twig circle. And then she blushed and her eyes got wet and then she shouted that I was weird and stupid and annoying just like those other boys and that she didn’t want me anymore and then she ran inside. Dad says I will start to like girls soon but I don’t think so. I like Reney-chan.

 

 

October, 19th

Reney-chan is now a genin too! He did his exam yesterday and asked me to come with him but I wasn’t allowed. But he was allowed to stay over the night after because his parents were very pleased. It’s too cold to sleep in the treehouse so we stayed in my room and I played shamisen and he sang a song about Kaya-chan that he wrote and I liked it very much. When we went to bed, we cuddled and kissed and I like it a lot when we do this. Reney-chan likes it too, he made sweet little sounds and I could feel something hard poke in my belly. I wish Reney-chan could stay over forever and sleep in my bed. My parents are nicer than his anyway.

Chapter Text

August, 24th

My parents are so annoying! They always tell me what I have to do! I’m not a little boy anymore, I’m thirteen now! They say I have to do more training. Just because I skipped two sessions! I didn’t even waste the time I was in the library researching new jutsus! Training is just so annoying lately, Namiko doesn’t train with us anymore and Kano is a real dick. He always shows off that he’s taller than me and stronger than me. I’m still faster and beat him more than half of the time, even if we’re just using taijutsu. Reney-chan is taller than me now and he’s getting real muscular. I like that. He is really handsome. I think I love him. He loves me for sure. But I don’t see him that much anymore. We’re both on mission very often but never together. Because I usually go to solve genjutsu related problems and he started studying healing jutsus so they send him with teams where people get injured more often. I’m studying a lot to become a genjutsu specialist because when I’m good enough I can make chunin. And then I’ll make jounin and go to save the world.

Dad is on mission a lot. But as soon as he comes home he tells me I should do this and I should do that. I know what I need to do! I have plans and I work hard but he doesn’t see that. Because he’s always on mission. And mum doesn’t help me. She’s always silent. They just don’t understand me!  Reney-chan understands me. He always listens to my problems and helps me and I also listen to him but he doesn’t say much. He’s more distant than he used to be and he doesn’t tell me stories about Kaito-chan and Kaya-chan as much as he used to. I think he’s sad in a way. But he says he’s okay and he smiles at me and then he kisses me. Kissing him is the best. It feels so good, especially since we started using our tongues. Reney-chan had read about it in a book and we tried and it’s awesome. I often get a boner from it. I’ve been having lots of weird boners lately but I guess that’s normal. Mommy says it’s all part of becoming a man so that I can make a baby with a woman later, when I’m older. I want to have babies later, lots of them but not with a woman. I want to have babies with Reney-chan. But that won’t happen, we’re both men.

 

Your breeding kink is that old?

Geez, you’ve always been an idiot.

 

 

November, 5th

Daddy came home from a mission today. They carried him in and three medic nin were already trying their best. He was badly injured and they say they don’t know if he will survive. Mommy cried and tried to hold his hand but she was in the way for the medic nin, so I pulled her aside and tried to comfort her. I’m worried, I don’t want dad to die. He’s been very annoying and he doesn’t understand me at all but he’s my dad and I love him. He just can’t die. He’s asleep now but they say it’s still critical. I’m sitting here watching over him while I’m writing this. Dear gods, please don’t let my dad die. I don’t know what mommy would do if he died. I’m very sad but I’m not crying because shinobi don’t cry. Shinobi need to be strong for people who aren’t. My mum isn’t strong right now, she needs my help. And so does dad. I’m going to care for him as well as I can and then he has to get better soon.

 

 

 

Chapter Text

May, 12th

Dad is still asleep. His wounds are healed, at least the ones on his body. The only reason he’s still alive is the healing chakra that they pour into him. Reney-chan comes over very often to look after my dad and he is there for me and I love him even more for it. We are boyfriend and boyfriend now but we haven’t told our parents yet. They wouldn’t like it and mum has enough to worry about anyway.

My fourteenth birthday was weird. We had cake and Reney-chan came over and I got a few presents but dad wasn’t there. He missed a few of my birthdays before when he was on mission but today he was there and he was not there. We sat at his bed and we ate cake but it wasn’t happy.

 

 

July, 10th

I came home from a mission today and I’m on bedrest now because I got badly injured. I had a mission to the Land of Rice and we met Konoha ninjas on our way that attacked us. Apparently, they tried to get the jutsu scroll we had with us. We did survive but we were so badly injured that we had to make it back home without fulfilling our mission. Mum is out of her mind with worry and I can’t blame her. Reney-chan came over and healed my wounds, it feels so much better when he does it. He kissed my injuries and said that would make it better. I believe him.

 

 

August, 3rd

Mum decided that I shouldn’t go on missions anymore. She says that she doesn’t want to lose anyone else and I understand. I am a shinobi and I will be one for the rest of my life but there is a secluded research facility of Kirigakure where I can go. I’m very good at genjutsu and I’m studying lots when I’m not on mission. They don’t have many genjutsu specialists there. Being a ninja doesn’t always mean I have to go on missions and risk my life. It can also mean studying chakra and jutsus to make missions safer for other shinobi. Of course, it means that I have to leave the Western Isle and my family and Reney-chan but I think I’ll do it. If I pass the chunin exam. I can’t go there if I’m a genin.

 

 

September, 21st

Chunin exams were held in Earth country. I went there with Kano and Reney-chan. They only accept teams of three because all the hidden villages do it like this. Some of the contestants were much older than we are and sort of creepy. We were asked all the time where we came from because we don’t wear the hitai-ate of Kirigakure, obviously.

The written test was weird. It was not like the genin exam, there were a lot of trick questions. But we passed and Reney-chan was so happy, he kissed me in front of everyone. Kano was weirded out by it and a lot of the others also distanced themselves from us but I don’t care. Kano shouted at us when we kissed in our room that evening. He doesn’t like to see it. Maybe he thinks he will also start to like boys if he gets too close to us. I wouldn’t mind. Liking boys is not that bad.

The second part of the exam was held in a very hot, very dry place and we had to get three coins, a silver, a gold and a bronze coin which we needed to put into three boxes in three different places in the span of three days. The gold coin was easy, we found it and threw into the box before anyone else could get there. We fought a team of Cloud genin, which wasn’t so hard. I’ve fought chunin on my missions. That’s how we got the bronze coin. Which we wanted to bring to the box but a few ninja guarded it and we didn’t want risk losing it, so we went after the silver coin first. We weren’t very successful because the area was huge. Reney-chan made sure we rationed the water (only Kano tried to drink a whole bottle at once, the idiot). I had the idea to do as the other team had done and we went to the silver box and hid ourselves with a genjutsu I cast until a group of leaf ninja approached. We fought them and they were pretty good but no one seems to expect genjutsu… which is good for me. We got their silver coin and threw it in the box and then we went back and threw in our bronze coin. After that, we had to get to the southern border of the arena. There were weird earth creatures attacking us but we fought them and Reney-chan healed Kano when his arm was broken and we reached the meeting point half a day before the second part ended. So all of us are chunin now. Kano was very happy and he strutted around like he was jounin already. Reney-chan cried a bit because he knew that I will be going away for the next two years. I held him and I kissed him and told him that I would marry him as soon as I came back.

Chapter Text

 

October, 9th

I’m back. I forgot to take my diary with me to Naminoyama. Which is not so bad because what we did was kind of secret anyway. I’ve been studying genjutsu for the last two years. I invented a few new jutsus, tried new training strategies and was promoted jounin. That’s basically what happened. I’m happy to be back though. Naminoyama was very foggy all year round, I missed the sea and the sunshine and the woods. I’m sort of pale now. That’s weird. Most of the other shinobi there were much older than me. I did meet Tsuki-chan, though. She is only 19 and very good at taijutsu. We became friends. There were only two others in the genjutsu department, Ko-san and Heribu-san. Heribu-san didn’t like me, he said I was way too young to do anything useful but he’s very old. Ko-san was nicer. We worked together a lot and he likes genjutsu very much though sometimes he uses his head to much. Good genjutsu is not about what is going on inside your head, it’s about what you make the other person feel. He thought that this was an interesting point of view and we created a few very powerful jutsus based on that. Otherwise I was quite lonely. Mum wrote letters. Dad woke up a few weeks after I had gone but he’s very thin and weak and he will never be a ninja again. My parents plan to leave the clan and move to the Land of Hot Water for him to cure his weakness.

Reney-chan wrote letters too. I loved reading his letters even though it hurt. I missed him the most. His first letters were about my father and how he was progressing and what life was like on the Western Isle and how dangerous his missions were and how much he missed me. They were very long and detailed. He even sent me a new story of Kaito-chan and Kaya-chan. But then, his letters became shorter and less regular. Kano had told our parents that we had been kissing during the chunin exam. Mum didn’t mention it in any of her letters, dad, who wrote to me too, just asked me about it once. But I didn’t really answer his question. Reney-chan’s parents were different. They told Reney-chan it was bad to kiss a boy and decided on a girl that he should marry. He didn’t even know her. He missed me a lot but I wasn’t allowed to go home before my two years were up and he wasn’t allowed to visit me because Naminoyama is so secret. I tried my best to cheer him up with my letters but there weren’t many funny things to tell about my work. So I invented a few things. But his letters became more sad and hopeless and one day he wrote that Kaito-chan had died. I cried, even though I know Kaito-chan is just a cat in a story. For Reney-chan, Kaito-chan was real and I know how much he loved him. So when Kaito-chan died I knew something inside Reney-chan had died. He didn’t beg me to come home anymore. He stopped sending ideas for our marriage. Then, he stopped writing at all. I asked mum about it but she didn’t answer the question. Until a few weeks later. She wrote to me that Reney-chan had died on a mission. It hadn’t even been a very dangerous mission. He just attacked an enemy that was way out of his league and was killed.

Reney-chan is dead. I had months to get used to the thought. But coming home to my room where we used to play and our treehouse where we used to kiss is hard. I’m glad to have dad back but I cry every night when Reney-chan is not next to me. I missed him so much when I was in Naminoyama and I miss him even more now that I’m back. His parents hate me now. They say it’s my fault he committed suicide. He didn’t commit suicide. He died the honourable death of a shinobi. I know it’s not my fault. I made Reney-chan happy, he didn’t have many friends. Most people didn’t understand him. But I went away and left him alone. Maybe it is my fault. I don’t know and it doesn’t help me to think about it. He’s gone. I’m going back on missions now, they need me. There might be a war in future and now that I’m a jounin I need to fulfil my duties.

 

 

 

November, 15th

Dad had pneumonia. He was very ill and barely survived. Mum decided that they need to move asap. I’m sixteen now so they can leave the house to me and I can live on my own. I helped packing the last few days, they will leave tomorrow morning. I don’t know how to feel. It’s best for dad, he needs the warm, humid air and the healing waters to not spend the rest of his life in pain. But when they go, I’m going to be alone. Not completely alone, I have lots of family around me. But Reney-chan is gone and my parents will be gone. I don’t have any other close friends. The clan head is very strict and he doesn’t like me very much. I don’t really know who to turn to.

I will say goodbye to my parents tomorrow and I don’t know when I will see them again but I will visit them as soon as I’m allowed to do so. I’m an adult now. I need to be able to do things on my own. It doesn’t help to worry too much.

 

 

 

December, 2nd

My parents have arrived safely in the Land of Hot Water. They live in a small town with a lot of hot springs and it’s very good for dad. Mum likes it too. That’s nice. Less nice is that Reney-chan’s parents have signed a request to the elders to remove me from the clan. Yes, I told my parents that I like men and only men. It’s not a secret anymore and I feel better for it. But Reney-chan’s parents think that it’s a threat to the clan. So does Kano’s family, apparently. Gekiro-sama doesn’t approve of it either but he’s hesitant. Damn right he should be. I’m important to the clan. I’m a genjutsu specialist and jounin. I have quite an impressive list of successful missions by now and I don’t even speak about what I did in Naminoyama. Wataru-san is very different from his father. He’s thoughtful and nice and very handsome. But he likes women. In fact, he has a girlfriend and she’s very nice. He’s planning to propose to her and asked me for advice. Which is kinda cute. I never properly proposed to Reney-chan. But I know what I would like and what Reney-chan would have liked, so I gave him a few ideas. I look forward to their wedding and hope that at least one of their children inherits Sorairo-chan’s beautiful blue eyes. I’m invited to eat at their place quite often. I’m not very good at cooking. I like them very much. Also, my uncle Takumi (yes he’s also called Takumi but he’s not mean) and his wife Akoko help me along a bit. I’m not alone, even though I sometimes feel lonely.

 

 

 

March, 15th

Madara. That’s a name that comes up very often these days. Things have settled on the Western Isle, but the world is in motion. It feels like everyone is huddling closer together. Uzumaki Naruto. That’s another name I heard of. He’s a leaf ninja, apparently, and the Kyuubi vessel. Not that I care much about these things. But it seems like the big ninja nations are forming a kind of alliance against that Madara guy. Akatsuki. Sasuke. These are other names that come up. I don’t really understand what is going on and I’m not that interested but it feels like something is going to change. For better or worse, I don’t know. But a shinobi alliance is a good thing, I think. Life is rather peaceful on the Western Isle but not every place is like this. Which is a shame. Everyone should have a peaceful, homely place to come back to, with lots of family around.

I was asked to join a mission from Kiri and I did. The guys I was with were pretty dope. We talked about this and that, Takumi apparently made chunin but he’s not a jounin yet. Ha! I asked Rodo for places to go in Kiri because I sometimes feel like I want to leave the Isle and learn a bit about life in the city. He said if I’m queer - which apparently I am, I don’t really know what it means - I should look for Kuro-chan’s. That’s the place to go. He gave me the address. It’s a private flat but this guy has open door policy for all sorts of people that want to drop in. Weird people like me. That’s what he said. It sounds fun. I’ll try that.

 

 

 

April, 4th

So I’ve been to Kiri this weekend. It’s a cool city, though a bit too fast and loud for me. I wouldn’t want to live there.  But there’s food at every street corner, I like that. In the evening, I looked for Kuro-chan’s place and found it. It’s a medium-sized flat with enormous sofas and the door is always open. I knocked and someone from the inside said that I didn’t need to knock and should just come in. So I walked in and… I met exceptional people. They are all so cool! I felt a bit odd in my dull civilian clothes because they wore all sorts of colours. And I saw a guy in clothes I’d never dare to wear. But it looked awesome on him. They were all very nice and open as if they knew me already and asked me who I was and where I came from and I told them. I asked who Kuro-chan was and they laughed and said that he was on mission. But his flat was open anyway for them to drop by. We drank beer and sake and I never had much alcohol but it was fun. I might have smooched another guy who I didn’t think was very handsome but it was fun. I was able to forget about Reney-chan for the first time. That sounds mean but Reney-chan is dead. And I’m still alive. I won’t forget him but that shouldn’t stop me from living my life. I want to be happy again. And that night, I was very happy. I will go there again.

 

Oh, was that Ken you smooched?

He might have talked about you on another occasion…

I think he had a crush on you.

 

 

 

April, 15th

I will not be joining missions anymore. I’ve taken Seiko-sensei’s job of training the young ones and I’ll do it a thousand times better than he did. I have three pre-genin and a genin to train with. I have forgotten their names again. But I’ll learn them. We did shuriken training today and a bit of taijutsu. It was fun. I think I will enjoy this. The kids are nice and if they’re mean to each other I will stop them. I don’t want any more Takumis. Not as long as I’m their sensei. Takaya-sensei. Sounds dope.

 

 

 

April, 25th

I’ve been to Kuro-chan’s again this weekend. This time, I made my hair and chose more colourful clothes. I bought some when I was in Kiri the last time. Because I thought it looked to cool on the people at Kuro-chan’s place. It looks pretty great on me too, though I think it made me look a bit like a woman. Yes, people were staring at me when I walked down to the harbour but I liked it. That’s me. I’m different than them and they should see it. I know, they will be talking behind my back but I don’t care.

 

 

Kuro-chan’s place is so comfortable.  I just walked in without knocking this time and I even knew a few faces from last time. They recognized me (unfortunately the guy that I smooched too) and we had beer and chatted and it was really nice. Someone was cooking, it smelled awesome and they said that was Kuro-chan making dinner for all of them. I don’t know how I imagined him but when he walked out the kitchen… there is nothing chan about this man. He’s… gorgeous. Tall, broad shoulders, muscular, you could basically see his abs through the lotus flower patterned apron. Undeniably jounin in his movements. His face is angular, very manly and he has these bushy black eyebrows that give him a sort of gruff look. He’s got beautiful black hair. I might have forgotten how to breathe for a moment. I couldn’t take me eyes off him. He’s… wow. He had made casserole for all of us and it was incredible.  We didn’t get to talk that evening, it was so many people. Maybe it’s better we didn’t meet because I’m not sure if I would’ve been able to say a single word. Shit. This guy is… I think I’m in love. I’m sorry Reney-chan but I won’t hold on to you any longer. This dude… it’s completely different than how it was with you. You were like hot, fluffy freshly baked pie. This guy is lava. I’m gonna burn to death in his embrace.

I can’t wait to see him again. He’s probably not interested in someone like me but next time I’ll at least say hi to him. I’ve never felt like this before, I can hardly write. My hand shakes from just the memory. He’s like he walked out of a dream into the real world. That must be a powerful genjutsu I’m trapped in. Kai!

 

That’s your first impression of me? I’m blushing.

To be honest, I didn’t notice you that evening.

I do remember the casserole…

 

 

 

May, 1st

I have not been myself this week. Every part of me wanted to go to Kiri and see this man again. But I couldn’t. My students come first. This weekend, I went over again. I took even more care to get ready this time. My hair was very nicely done. Thank you, mum, for showing me.

I went to Kuro’s place. I just can’t call him Kuro-chan even though everyone else does it. But he’s not chan. He’s sama if anything. Or dono even. Kuro-dono. That sounds about right. Anyway, he wasn’t there. He was on mission again. So I used the opportunity to gather information about him. I’m good at that too and only a few of the people at Kuro’s place are ninja, so it was very easy. He is 21 and a jounin. Some claimed that he was offered to become one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist but he declined. His mum kicked him out when he was fifteen and told her that he was gay. So he got this flat with the money he earned on missions and made it a place for people like him to find shelter. And over the years it has become this iconic spot for queer people to meet. How awesome is that! I can’t believe people like him actually exist. This must be a dream. But I still haven’t found a way to dissolve this genjutsu.

Problem is that I’m not the only one with a crush on him. He’s a talented jounin, he’s incredibly attractive and super kind. Who could NOT crush on this guy? Tachibana is his last name. Pretty normal, he isn’t from a clan. But it sounds awesome. Tachibana Kuro. Tachibana Kuro. Tachibana Kuro. I love writing his name and I love the rhythm when I speak it. Tachibana Kuro. Tachibana Kuro. It’s like a song stuck in my head. Tachibana Kuro. I feel like I’m being mind-controlled…

 

Neko-chan! You’re creeping me out.

I know, you were sixteen but still.

Good thing I didn’t know about this.

Otherwise I would’ve stayed away from you.

 

 

Chapter Text

 

May, 16th

Is there a better place to celebrate your 17th birthday than Kuro’s place? I don’t think so. He wasn’t there which was a bit sad but I would’ve probably died if he had wished me a happy birthday. So, I’m still alive and kicking. They made sure to get me properly drunk for the occasion. It was fun, I don’t remember much of the evening but they took good care of me. Best thing was that I woke up in Kuro’s bed. Even though I felt horrible, even worse than when I had three soldier pills in a row, it was great. First thing I did was inhale his scent. I love the way he smells. Or like I think he smells. Masculine and sort of smoky. I made sure not to puke all over it.

It was first time I stayed the night, I wasn’t the only one. He’s got these massive sofas for a reason. Someone had made breakfast and they helped me cure my hangover. Someone had even gone and got me a birthday present. A really snug pink crop top with colourful dots. I tried it on and they said it suits me so I wore it for the rest of the day. I stayed the whole day at Kuro’s and it was so much fun. I know Kuro was on mission but he still gave me the best birthday present ever: a day at his place.

 

Aw, I’m mad I missed this.

I’ve seen the crop top on you but I didn’t know.

What would I give to turn back time and see

17-year-old you drunk out of your mind hopping

on my sofas. You did hop on my sofas, I’m sure of it.

 

 

 

August, 31st

It looks like there will be another war soon. I’ve been doing missions again but not anymore. There’s a shinobi alliance now, between all the big countries which is super cool. We all got new forehead protectors that just say “shinobi” which is great because they don’t ask me anymore where I come from. The Umino clan gave a few of their strongest shinobi to the allied forces, the rest will stay here and protect Kirigakure and the Western Isle as long as most of their chunin and jounin are gone. I’m not going to war either and I’m relieved because I don’t really want to. Of course I would do anything to protect my family but I’m also scared to die. And I can see what war does to the shinobi that survive. I don’t want that. But I don’t have to worry because a genjutsu user like me can’t do much in a war anyway. I’m a genjutsu specialist, I served at Naminoyama and therefore I’m part of a special research team to prepare for the worst case.

The Infinite Tsukuyomi is probably the most powerful genjutsu there ever was and if they really manage to awaken it, we’ll all be fucked. So we need to find a way to break it. That’s very difficult because we don’t know how it works and we don’t know much about the Juubi either. And there’s next to no research material about the Rinnegan. That’s very annoying. And another thing that’s weird. Catching the whole world in a powerful genjutsu where everyone dreams their happiest life. It sounds nice but why? The whole world will be incapacitated, you can’t rule over people who don’t move. So what’s the motivation? I don’t get this Madara dude. He’s either completely crazy or he has a bigger goal that we don’t know of. Because a whole world of sleeping people doesn’t help anyone except you can do something with it. I don’t get it. I said this to the other genjutsu specialists (they are from Earth, Fire, Lightning, Wind and Water, that’s so cool) but they didn’t even listen to me properly. It’s so annoying. Just because I’m the youngest they think I don’t know what’s going on. But they’re always only thinking with their heads and believe they’re soooo smart. I hate it. Genjutsu isn’t about the head, it’s about the heart, When will they finally understand?

 

 

 

September, 15th

Kuro is gone. I was at his place this weekend and they said he has gone to war. He joined the shinobi forces. I’m so worried he could die. He has given his place to Kona-chan who organises the whole thing a bit. She said it will always be called “Kuro-chan’s place” but it belongs to her now. She also thinks he won’t come back. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Now I want to join too, just to make sure that he gets out alive. But I can’t do anything about it.  I’m a genjutsu user that’s only effective in one-on-one-fights. I’m sitting somewhere in Lightning country now, brooding over old books and we haven’t found anything to do against the Endless Tsukuyomi yet. I don’t think we will. There’s just too much we don’t know. Maybe if we knew the motivation behind the jutsu… there needs to be another reason to cast it. A dream for everyone for the rest of their life (which would be approximately two weeks at best) is just not good enough. But I’d have to ask that Madara guy himself (it would be so cool to meet him, he’s got the Sharingan. I always wanted to see a real Sharingan) and he wouldn’t tell me. He’d just kill me. So that’s no option.

I’m so worried about Kuro. He doesn’t even know me but… he’s the first one that really means something to me since Reney-chan died. If he died too… I don’t know what I would do. Live on, I guess. Find someone else. Spend the rest of my life in misery. Or maybe I’d find someone else to be happy with. I don’t believe it. He’s the one for me, I can feel it. And if he comes back alive, I’ll tell him. I’ve written it down. I can’t go back on my word now.

 

 

 

October, 12th

 

We’ve won! At least that’s what we’re told. But for me it feels like we’ve lost. One moment we were sitting there frustrated that we couldn’t find a solution for the Endless Tsukuyomi. The next, something crept through the window. I was wrapped up in some sort of paper and… the Endless Tsukuyomi happened, I guess. I tried to fight it. I’m a genjutsu specialist, I should’ve been able to do it. But it didn’t play fair. I dreamed that Reney-chan was still alive and he was way more happy and lively than he ever was in his lifetime. We got married and my parents were there, dad was healthy again. The whole clan cheered us and they made me clan head. I finally convinced the others that genjutsu was a thing to do with the heart and they gave me a medal for reforming the whole system. Reney-chan and I were very happy and we had lots of children together. The first one was a girl called Ai. I loved them all very much.

It’s hard to come back to reality after that. I miss Reney-chan so much it hurts. The real one as well as the dream version. I was so close to getting over him and now it came back with full force. Not only that, I’m missing the kids. These children we never had. I will never be able to have children and that’s like the hardest thing. I would love to have children, I love the idea of carrying them around for nine months. Feel them move inside me… I can never have it. It’s only a dream. But now that I actually got to feel it… or at least what the dream made me believe it feels like… it’s hard. I know many people struggle with what they saw in the Endless Tsukuyomi. Many of them saw dead loved ones again. I’m sure of it. But it hurts so fucking much! I miss Reney-chan so much! Why did he have to die? Why did his parents put so much pressure on him? Why wasn’t I there when he needed me the most? Why am I a man? This would’ve never happened if I had been a girl. We would still be together happily and we could have kids and marry and have live the life I dreamed about. But we can’t Reney-chan is dead. He’s gone. I need to let him go. But I miss him so much. I miss him, his big brown eyes that look at me with so much love and wonder in them. I miss his excitement, the excitement when he told me of Kaito-chan and Kaya-chan. As soon as I get back to the Western Isle, I’ll read his letters again. The happy ones from the beginning. I hope you have it better where you are now, Reney-chan. If there is anything after death at all. But I miss you. I miss you so much.

 

 

 

October, 17th

 

I’m back at home on the Western Isle. Yesterday, I received a letter from my parents telling me that they are alive and as well as they could be. They worried a lot about me. I knew, so sending them a letter was the first thing I did after war was over.

The Western Isle hasn’t changed at all, the war didn’t get all the way up here. Life has changed, though. Uncle Takumi didn’t come back. Kano died, so did Takumi. The other Takumi. The one that’s my age. I never liked him but I didn’t want him to die either. A few more from the clan that I don’t know that well didn’t come back from the war or are heavily injured. We are all wearing black. There will be a big otsuya celebration soon.

Also, Gekiro-sama has fallen ill again and we all think he’s going to die this time. Wataru has taken over most of his father’s responsibilities by now and I hope he gets to keep them. He’s so much nicer than Gekiro-sama. I really like him.

The memory of the dream doesn’t fade but I need to get over Reney-chan again. I try to think of Kuro to keep my mind off Reney-chan but I’m just as worried that I could’ve lost him too. There is no sign of him yet, I asked a few people who I met at his place. They haven’t heard of him. Maybe he’s injured and in hospital somewhere. Kona doesn’t know anything. She only said that even if he survived he would probably not come back to his flat. He gave it to her with all the papers and everything and she’s paying the rent, so it’s basically her place now. I like Kona and I think she does a great job with Kuro-chan’s. But I can’t stand the idea of never seeing Kuro again. I’m going to search for him. He must be somewhere. Even if he’s dead, they must have found his body. They are making a list of all deceased shinobi of Kiri now. I pray to whatever gods listen to me that his name is not on it.

 

I’m sorry I caused you to worry so much.

At that point, I was heavily injured in the

makeshift hospital on the battlefield.

I was unconscious, otherwise I would’ve sent a letter to Kona.

 

 

Chapter Text

May, 14th

 

I’ve given up looking for Kuro. He’s not on the list of deceased shinobi but there is no trace of him anywhere. I guess he doesn’t want to be found. Or maybe he got into trouble and can’t go back. I don’t know. He doesn’t even know me and I don’t know if he would like me at all. I can’t have a dream like that ruin my life. I can’t wait for him. I’m moving on. I’ve moved on from Reney-chan, therefore I will be able to move on from him too.

Birthday was weird. I’m not used to being alone on my birthday. It’s not really worth celebrating if there’s no one to throw a party for you… I feel lonely sometimes. Akoko-san doesn’t invite me anymore, she’s grieving. I miss uncle Takumi too. Gekiro actually died of his illness, so Wataru is clan head now and he has so much on his mind, he doesn’t invite me either. I sometimes go to his house over because Sorairo has had twins and they’re a handful. I like helping her. Junichiro and Ryo are very cute. It makes me want to have children too. But I just don’t like women. I know many nice women, like Sorairo and Akoko but they’re not attractive to me. Wataru is attractive and Kuro… I’m not even talking about Kuro. But women are too soft and curvy and all that.

 

 

 

July, 5th

 

I’m Takaya-sensei again. They’ve given me a new group of pre-genin to train with. Two of them are girls. One is an Umino and the other is somebody’s niece who is allowed to train with our clan. This is cool. They are very determined and train harder than the boys and I’ll take good care of them. I don’t want the boys to make fun of them. There aren’t many girls on the Western Isle, so they aren’t familiar with girls. I will make sure that they get along well. I have something to do now. It helps me take my mind of things.

 

 

September, 14th

So I had sex this weekend… it wasn’t very nice. There was this guy at Kuro-chan’s and he was sort of charming and I did have a bit too much sake, so I liked him. We smooched and he was quite good at kissing and I ended up going to sleep at his place. We had sex there. I did tell him that it was my first time but I don’t think he really listened to me. He didn’t do it right because it hurt like hell. It was better when he started touching my dick and kissed me again but I really didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t come. At least he didn’t come inside me. He said that he wanted to come on my face and he did. It was weird. I tasted some of it. It’s disgusting. People say that sex is real nice and I want to believe it is. I think he just did it wrong. It would’ve been different if it had been Reney-chan. I would have enjoyed it much more. I don’t think I’m going to do it again soon. Not with him, for sure. I don’t want to see that guy ever again. He liked it, I’m sure. But it wasn’t nice for me. I feel used.

 

What’s his name? I need to teach that guy a lesson.

How could anyone do that to you?

You’re so sweet and nice, you are to be worshipped.

You should’ve told me about this, you can talk to me

about anything. You know that, right?

 

 

 

 

February, 27th

 

I’m in a relationship now, I guess. His name is Daisuke. He’s tall and handsome and sorta sweet but… It doesn’t feel like it did with Reney-chan when we kiss. I like him, he’s really nice but I don’t love him. And he’s sooo submissive. Wants to do everything for me. He comes over to the Western Isle whenever he’s got the time and he cooks for me and cleans and does everything I tell him to just to suck my dick as a reward. It’s weird but it makes him happy so it’s alright, I guess. We do have sex but he wants me on top. I don’t like to top as much but it’s sorta fascinating what it does to him. I think he loves me very much. He’s been staring at me at Kuro-chan’s for many weeks and then he finally came up to talk to me and he was handsome. And there was a cute blush on his face. He’s very shy but he says he feels safe with me. It reminds me of Reney-chan, just a tiny bit. His eyes… they are so similar to Reney-chan’s… That’s probably why I let him come close in the first place. But he’s so different in every other aspect. He’s very happy when he’s with me and I don’t feel so lonely anymore so I think it’s okay. Even though it doesn’t feel like he’s my boyfriend at all. More like a servant. I don’t know what to do. If I told him the truth, I’d break his heart. I don’t want to. So I’m staying with him for now. I’m taking care of him.

Chapter Text

May, 13th

 

Daisuke organized a party for my birthday. At Kuro-chan’s. All of our friends were there and it was really nice. We ate and danced and had a really good time and I got loooots of presents. Daisuke gave me a ring which is kinda weird. I feel like I’m engaged to him now. I don’t want to be engaged to him. But I didn’t have it in me to tell him. So I enjoyed myself and we went home after and had sex. This time, he took care of me and acted a bit more dominant which I really liked. But that was a one-time thing because it was my birthday and he wanted to really spoil me. Worst thing is that I didn’t even think of him when he did it. Somehow the idea of Kuro doing me like this popped into my head and it made everything so much better that I clung to it until I came. I feel bad now. This is not how it’s supposed to be. I’m not who Daisuke thinks I am. I’m not myself when I’m with him. I’m always acting to be the person he needs me to be. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to lie to him. I thought that maybe I would start loving him with time but it seems like I don’t. He can be so sweet sometimes but… I can’t feel anything for him. I wish it was different but it isn’t.  What am I supposed to do?

 

 

 

August, 11th

 

Daisuke sort of moved in now…  I couldn’t say no to him. I don’t have the right. I’m wearing the ring he gave me. It makes him happy. In a way it’s great that he loves with me now because he takes care of all the household chores. I’ve been on a few missions and it’s really nice to come back to a house that feels lived in. I haven’t told my parents about him. I don’t really know what to say. Wataru knows about it, of course, and Akoko because she visits me sometimes. But Daisuke doesn’t like leaving the house. He hasn’t met my family properly yet and I don’t care. Worse even, I’m sort of relieved. Not because they would talk about me behind my back. They do anyway and everyone knows I’m gay. I don’t core. But I don’t want them to meet him because I’m ashamed. I’m in a relationship with a person I don’t love, even though he does everything for me. I don’t want them to know that a guy like him is my boyfriend. Because he doesn’t feel like he should be my boyfriend. I want someone at my side that makes people gasp when he walks in the room and they all throw me jealous glances. Someone I’m proud to be with and who I really love. Someone like Kuro. Why can’t I get him out of my head? He doesn’t even know I exist.  I don’t know if he is still exists. He’s just a puberty fantasy of mine. But I can’t let go of him. And I can’t let go of Daisuke either because sometimes… when we kiss and he looks at me with these big brown eyes…  there are moments when he reminds me so much of Reney-chan, it hurts. I think that’s the only reason I’m still with him. But even if it is nice for a moment, I feel bad after. I’m using him. I can’t give him what he deserves. But he’s so devoted to me, I can’t break his heart. This whole thing is not right and I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should ask Wataru for help. He’s ten years older than me, he knows stuff. But he’s got so much to worry about… and I don’t dare to tell him. He would think that I’m a bad person. Maybe I am a bad person. I don’t know anymore.

 

Chapter Text

 

May, 13th

 

This is all wrong. Maybe I should pack my stuff and just run away. Daisuke… he’s not actually annoying me… but he’s not enough. He proposed to me yesterday and I couldn’t say no to him. I couldn’t say yes to him either. I DON’T want to marry him. I don’t want to break his heart either. I told him that we’re way too young to think about marriage and that we should wait a few more years. He sort of accepted it but I hurt him.

I’m a horrible person, I know as much for sure now. Because after he proposed to me, I sorta fled to Kuro-chan’s and got real drunk. I cheated on him. I don’t love him but we’re in a relationship. I cheated on him with a guy that I found way more attractive and it was the best sex in my life. I cheated on him half a day after he proposed to me. No one could tell me that I’m not a horrible person. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I have to tell Daisuke. Not about the cheating but I should be honest with him. I need to tell him that I don’t love him and that this whole thing is eating me up. I don’t want to start hating him but I feel like I will if this goes on any longer. But I’m a coward. I don’t dare to do this to him. He’s been through enough, he’s happy with me. It would not only break his heart, he might break completely. I don’t want him to break. But people seem to break around me. First my dad, Reney-chan… I broke him too. I broke his heart because I wasn’t there for him. It’s my fault he died. Kuro vanished. Maybe I broke him too just by being interested in him. Daisuke is close to breaking anyway. If I make one mistake, he’ll shatter completely. I can’t do this to him. But I can’t do this to me either. I want to be someone else right now. Someone who has less problems. I wish I was ten again. I could deal with Takumi. I can’t deal with this.

 

 

September, 15th

 

My students are genin now. Well, the girls are. Takazumi-kun made a mistake in the second part of the exam, so they didn’t let him pass but he will try again next year. I will focus on him more from now on. The girls are good, they know what to do. Jiina-chan is going back to her parents to join the Kiri shinobi. Ryuuko-chan is thinking about going too, they are good friends now. I will always stay on the Western Isle, it’s the greatest place to live but if she wants to go to Kiri… I won’t stop her. Shinobi life in Kiri is much harder than on the Isle though. Especially if you are an Umino. They know that our family trains great shinobi and they exploit us. I was bullied sometimes when I was on mission with Kiri shinobi. Mostly because smaller and thinner than most kunoichi… they think I can’t be a proper shinobi. But I showed them what I could do and then they were afraid of me. Daisuke isn’t afraid of me. He’s proud and happy to be with me and I wish I could love him. But I don’t. I put up with him, mostly out of sympathy. And I don’t have the heart to tell him the truth.

 

 

 

January, 1st

 

A new year and I’m making plans for my life. I’m going to stay with Daisuke. He’s sweet and he’s got these eyes. He doesn’t make me happy and I don’t enjoy having sex with him very much… I don’t like to top but he is so submissive, we tried him on top a few times. It was a mistake. But that’s life. You can’t have everything you want. Dreams are dreams and reality isn’t as nice. I’m going to marry Daisuke… maybe next year. Maybe we can adopt a child and have a nice little family… As long as I can stay on the Isle and continue my work as sensei I’m happy. All in all, I’m lucky. I survived the war and both my parents are still alive. I’ve got a boyfriend who loves me, a house and a job that I like. I’ve got friends in Kiri I can visit anytime and I have a place to go where I’m always welcome. Why do I wish for more?  Daisuke isn’t that bad…

Chapter Text

December, 30th

 

I haven’t written in here for some time… there was nothing exciting to write about. Jiina-chan and Ryuuko-chan have gone to Kiri, Takazumi-kun passed his genin exam. I’m still training him and a few other genin. It’s fun. I often spend time with Wataru and sometimes I help him with the office work, even though I’m not very good at it. Actually, I mostly look after his children and play with them. Junichiro-kun is a little rebel but Ryo-kun always looks after him, it’s so cute. Being with them distracts me and gives me an excuse to stay away from home. Like that, it’s easier to be with Daisuke. If I don’t see him that often, I even enjoy his company sometimes. It’s only when we’ve been together for too long that my heart starts aching for more. But I’ve decided to stay with him and I will accept his proposal… soon. I’m happy. I really am. I just miss Reney-chan more than I used to. And every morning, when Daisuke wakes up, he looks so much like Reney-chan… why did he have to die?

That’s life I guess. You don’t get the things you want. You have to make do with whatever comes your way. And I’m a lucky one. I’m living a good life. I don’t have the right to complain. Daisuke is a good person.

 

 

March, 18th

 

Why does everything change when you’ve made up your mind? I’ve been preparing myself for finally accepting Daisuke’s proposal and just like that everything I planned just collapsed. So did my heart. I was in the library today to get that new book about genjutsu and I sat there reading when suddenly Kuro walks in and asks the lady at the reception something. I felt like I was dying. My heart jumped out of my chest (not literally though) and my mind exploded and I couldn’t even breathe anymore. He is alive. And he is back in Kiri. Maybe he’s only back for a few days? Where has he been? I’ve only seen him for like twenty seconds until he walked out and suddenly I realize how miserable my life has been. How can I live like this? How can I put up with someone like Daisuke when there’s people like Kuro in this world? He is alive! I still can’t believe it.  And I don’t know what to do. It might have been just that. Twenty seconds of seeing his back and hearing his voice. Maybe it wasn’t even him, just someone who looked like him? No, it was him. I’m sure. I have to find him.

No. He doesn’t even know me. Who am I to just walk up to him? What am I supposed to say to him? ‘Hi, you don’t know me and I have only seen you once but I’m deeply in love with you, so please marry me?’ I only saw him once. How can I know that I love him? I don’t know anything about him. Except that he’s kind and nice and open-minded and a good cook and devilishly handsome… I can’t get him out of my mind now. I feel like I’m not myself anymore. How can someone I hardly know do that to me? What am I supposed to do now? I guess I love writing down questions in here. But a book can’t answer them. I can’t either. This is so frustrating.

 

 

I’m sorry I caused you so much distress.

Reading these pages is very touching. You told me about

Daisuke but I didn’t know it was that bad. You should’ve

broken up with him so much earlier. He wasn’t good for you.

You’re right. I came back to Kiri in March. After I was

well enough to leave the hospital I was caught by missing nins

on my way back to Kiri who sealed away my chakra

and planned to sell me to some sailors from across the ocean.

I got away and made my way back to Kiri without chakra.

That’s why it took me so long. The day you saw me,

I was in the library to find a book about chakra seal reversal.

Chapter Text

May, 24th

I’ve thought about this long enough. My life can’t go on like this. I haven’t seen Kuro again but these twenty seconds changed something inside me. I’m not content with my life anymore. I think of Kuro every time I fuck Daisuke. And I sometimes fuck him so hard that he starts crying. He doesn’t complain. I could do anything to him and he would like it. He’s so creepy sometimes. I’m going to end this. It might break his heart and I don’t want that but I’ve been hurting for years. As long as I’m with him, I’m keeping the memory of Reney-chan fresh and my heart breaks every time Daisuke looks at me with those eyes. I won’t allow this memory to break me any longer. I’m going to do it. Tomorrow. And I’m writing this down so that I don’t have an excuse.

 

 

July, 16th

I finally did it. I broke up with Daisuke. It took me a bit longer than I wanted but it wasn’t easy. We spent so much time together and I’m so used to him being at home, cooking, cleaning, doing nice little things for me. I will miss him. But it’s better that way.

I thought lots before I knew what to say to him. I couldn’t tell him the truth, it would shatter him completely. I don’t want that. So I told him that I’ve fallen in love with someone else and that I realized that our relationship isn’t working anymore. I told him that I’m sorry and that I wish I could change my feelings but I just can’t. I feel like an asshole because I lied to him. And I’m literally kicking him out. This is my house and he doesn’t have a place to go. I looked for nice flats in Kiri and I found one that he might like. I will help him move and I will try to comfort him as good as I can but… I have to think of myself this time. Daisuke cried. He’s still crying. I feel bad and sorry for him but I also feel good. Relieved. Like someone has taken a ton of weight off my shoulders. I shouldn’t feel that good. Maybe I am an asshole. But for once, I don’t care. It was the right thing to do.

 

 

August, 29th

Daisuke’s moved out. The house is empty once again. It feels weird. I’m relieved that I broke up with him and I’m happy that I don’t have to see him anymore. He reminds me too much of Reney-chan. But I still have to get used to being alone again. I spend lots of time with my students and I visit Wataru and Akoko… they all say it was right to let Daisuke go. Apparently, they all knew that he wasn’t good for me but no one dared to say anything… I’m spending my weekends in Kiri at Kuro-chan’s and I’m still hoping that Kuro might come but he doesn’t. None of them have seen him. It’s like he vanished without a trace. Again. Like he’s never even been there in the first place. But I know what I saw. I know that he’s back. Or maybe he’s gone again. Maybe I shouldn’t hope for something that clearly isn’t supposed to be. There’s this new guy at Kuro-chan’s, I’ve talked to him some. He’s really nice. We sorta clicked. He’s not a ninja but he was very interested when I told him about my genjutsu. I really like his personality but he’s SO not my type… scrawny, blond, unkempt beard, watery blue eyes… no thanks. I can’t work with that. I should stop comparing guys to Kuro. There is no one as perfect as him out there. But I can’t get him out of my head. I KNOW I saw him. It’s not something I would make up.

 

 

 

October, 3rd

I still can’t believe it. My hands are shaking when I think of it and it’s been more than a day now. This must be a dream. This can’t be real. I’m afraid I’ll wake up and I’m next to Daisuke. At least I’d know what to do with him now. This is absolute madness, it’s just… this can’t be happening. No. Not really.

So what happened is: I saw Kuro again. I say “saw”. I fucking TALKED to him! He knows me now! This is so surreal, I can’t get it into my head. I went to Kiri, as I do every weekend but I didn’t feel like going to Kuro-chan’s right away. So I found a nice little diner and ordered some Yakisoba and sat down. Just as I started eating, there was someone asking if he could sit with me and I looked up and… I guess I spilled everything I was trying to eat back on my plate. There was fucking KURO standing there smiling at me. I have seen him smile but not at me and only from distance. Kami, he is so handsome! I basically melted into a puddle right there but I somehow managed to nod and he sat down and I forgot how to breathe, I just stared at him. Very embarrassing now that I think of it. I somehow said hi and he said hi back and sat down with some Yakisoba as well and asked me if I wanted something to drink and then he got us some and I was still staring at him the whole time. I forgot about the food completely until he came back and told me that my noodles were getting cold. But I didn’t manage to hold the chopsticks, my hands were shaking so bad. He introduced himself. Tachibana Kuro. As if I’d ever forget that name. Tachibana Kuro. He said that I looked a bit lost and that he likes helping people who are lost and he asked if he could help me. And you know, this would’ve sounded creepy if it had been anyone else. But I know that Kuro likes helping people who are lost. He founded Kuro-chan’s! So that’s  what I told him and I said that I’d been to Kuro-chan’s quite often and I asked him why he didn’t go there anymore. He said that he needed to figure out some things and that it wasn’t his place anymore. I told him that I had just figured out some things and still didn’t know where to go. So we started talking and I relaxed a bit and it was really nice and very intimate in a way because we sorta had a heart to heart talk right away and I told him about Daisuke and that I’d broken up with him and that I didn’t know what to do now and he told me that he was still recovering from the things he’d experienced in and after the war. He wasn’t too specific but it must’ve been horrible.

But the reason why I’m shaking is that I invited him. I told him that if he needed a place where no one would find him, he could come to the Western Isle. I invited him to come visit me. He said he’d come. We said goodbye sometime late that night and I didn’t go to Kuro-chan’s. Kuro is going to visit me next weekend. He is back. He knows who I am. He is very nice. I am so out of it I can’t sleep. I haven’t eaten anything today yet, I need to. But all I can think of is Kuro. This can’t be real. I’m afraid to wake up. But this must be a dream. How do I deserve this?

 

You deserve everything I’ve given to you, neko-chan, and more.

As this is confession time, in a way, I’ll tell you a secret too:

The blond guy you met at Kuro-chan’s, that was actually me.

After a good friend helped me dissolve the seal I went into hiding.

I didn’t want to go back on duty right away. Therefore, I used

a henge and took on a civilian persona to make sure no one

recognized me. It was only by chance that you saw me

the only time I was out there with my real face. I really liked

our conversations at Kuro-chan’s and I was intrigued by you.

So I took the first opportunity you were in public and not at Kuro-chan’s

to talk to you. Now I understand why you acted so curiously.

 

 

October, 10th

I’m sitting at the harbour and I’m waiting for Kuro. I took my diary with me, I don’t really know why. I’m so excited I can hardly sit still. Will he be coming with the next boat? Maybe he was just too polite to say no. Maybe I did dream the whole thing up. It’s too good to be real. The actual wonderful, incredibly handsome, best man in the world Kuro is on his way to visit stupid old me who spilled his whole food in front of him. That was so embarrassing. How will I be able to look at him ever again? I can see the boat coming into the harbour. There’s not many people on it. One guy, he’s talking to someone. He looks a bit like Kuro. I’m going to stop writing now. I think he’s really actually coming to visit me. Kami, please don’t let me die of embarrassment. Or sheer excitement.

 

 

October, 12th

I think I’m properly in love with this guy. It’s like the whole world is better now. Nicer. Full of energy and… So what basically happened is: I showed him around the Isle and in the end, we got to my house. I had cleaned and tidied up everything perfectly. He liked it all very much and said it’s great to have so much nice family around. We met Sorairo on the way. She eyed Kuro like: yeah, he’s handsome. But she can’t have him. She’s married and got three kids already. I made food for us and then we sat down in the garden and watched the sunset and we talked lots and then it was late and the boats weren’t going anymore, so I asked him to stay. I made tea and we sat down on the tatami and played shogi and he’s much better than me but it was fun. After he let me win, I went and got my shamisen and I played a song for him that I wrote after I’d seen him for the first time. He was very touched by it and hugged me and then we somehow ended up kissing and not only kissing…

I slept with him. Just like that. It was like all my dreams coming true, only better. I never thought it could feel so good to have someone move inside you. These other guys I had they must’ve done something wrong. Or maybe it’s because it’s Kuro. It didn’t hurt. Well, not much. A bit, in the beginning but after that it was just bliss. He knew exactly what to do and I could just give myself into his care completely. I can’t even describe how good it felt. He liked it too, he came all over me. And I LOVE the feeling of his cum on my skin. He smells soooo good, all of him. And he tastes even better. His lips of course, not his cum. Still don’t like the taste of cum. It’s bitter and ew. But Kuro is perfect in every way. He slept in my bed that night and when we woke up, we did it again. We had breakfast and smooched, I just can’t get enough of him. We took a nice little walk to the woods and I showed him the treehouse Reney-chan and I built and for the first time it didn’t hurt to be there. We had lunch and we fucked again. He’s very experienced, he’s probably been with many people before and I’m just another one. He said as much. When he left to go back to Kiri, he said that it was a great weekend and that he’d like to come again but he doesn’t want a relationship and I shouldn’t think too much of it. I don’t care. I’ll take everything he gives me and I’ll be content with that. I never expected him to love me back. Everything I’ve been given is more than I ever hoped to get.

 

 

October, 15th

 

Something feels off. Not emotionally. I’m emotionally off anyway because of what happened this weekend. My students noticed and teased me, I don’t care. Of course, Sorairo told Wataru about Kuro, she’s a horrible gossip. He said I look better and he’s happy for it. But something feels off with my chakra. It’s not painful or anything and veeeery subtle. If I don’t concentrate on it, it’s easy to ignore. I can’t put my finger on it. But something is off.

 

 

October, 19th

Kuro visited me again. We talked about this and that, I told him about my students and my genjutsu. We even had a little spar but he’s way out of my league. He’s one of those elite jounin, I’m jounin too but more tokubetsu jounin than anything. It was fun, though. And of course we fucked again. He loves my hair, stroking it, threading it, pulling it, smelling it. I wore it down for the rest of the weekend, it seems to really turn him on. And I’m constantly horny when he’s around anyway. Everything about him turns me on. He’s sex on two legs and when he’s not wearing his shirt... Kami, those abs. We did it everywhere in my house. It feels so good to finally be taken by someone who knows what he’s doing. And all throughout he’s so considerate. Always makes sure that I enjoy it as much as he does. How can you not love a guy like him? I’m sorry Daisuke, I don’t regret breaking up with you. Reney-chan, I have moved on. I still love you but you are just a memory.  I’ve got Kuro now. We might only be temporary fuckbuddies but that’s good enough for now. I can’t expect someone like him to actually fall for someone like me. I don’t actually want him too. I’ll only break him.

 

 

November, 4th

I’m feeling like I’m whole again. When Reney-chan died, something inside me dies as well. I didn’t even realize until Kuro fixed it. Just by being there, by putting his dick inside me, he filled that hole. I can’t really explain it but I’m so much better now. I smile more and I’ve got much more energy than I used to have. I’m just so much happier. Kuro and I are still not really something. He comes over on weekends, sometimes he stays a few days longer, sometimes he doesn’t come at all. Sometimes he’s happy when he arrives but he’s always happy when he leaves and it’s nice to see. I make him happy. Well, fucking me makes him happy. And it makes me happy too. We really clicked, it’s like… he could be my best friend if we weren’t fucking. But we’re not lovers either. It’s more like we’re both using each other to make ourselves feel good. Yeah, that’s basically it. And we both know that it’s just a temporary thing. Just until he’s got his life figured out. But knowing that doesn’t hurt me. If he doesn’t come back, it’s fine. I could let him go. Because he fixed me. I can move on and find someone else to live with and to marry and maybe, from time to time, me and Kuro could meet up and fuck… because he’s soooo good at it. He makes me experience things I never knew I could feel. But the funny thing is… I was so sure I loved him. I’m not so sure anymore. I like him very, very much but it’s not like it was with Reney-chan. I loved Reney-chan so much, I would’ve done anything for him. I would’ve sacrificed my life for him except I wouldn’t have because that would’ve killed him. Me not being there for him, that’s basically what killed him. But I could let Kuro go and I wouldn’t feel sorry or heartbroken. I would just move on. And if I met him in Kiri, I would nod at him and smile at him and we might sit down and drink a beer together but we could just be friends and he could move on and have a boyfriend and I could move on and have a boyfriend. It’s weird. But it’s good in a way. Kuro is good for me and as long as he wants to be with me, I’ll be with him.

 

 

January, 4th

I’m sick. I’ve been having stomach cramps and fever for the last two weeks and no one really knew how to help me. Kuro stayed with me and him being there was the only thing that helped a bit. It started to get better two days ago, so today I’m well enough to write in here again. It’s been ages since I’ve been sick. I hate it. Since yesterday, I’m constantly nauseous. I’ve thrown up three times today already. Kuro has gone back to Kiri and I miss him like shit. I didn’t miss him before. But he said he’ll be coming back soon. I hope he does. Because I feel so fucking bad, I need some comfort. And he knows how to comfort me best. His strong shoulders are just perfect to lean on. And he smells so fucking good, I can’t get enough of it lately. It’s soothing in a way. Why is he not with me now? I need him close. As close as possible.

 

 

January, 12th

Kuro did come back but only for a few days. He said he’s decided to go back to active service and he won’t be able to come as often. He said they need him and he has to go on mission right away. He kissed me and it was the first time he kissed me without it leading to sex. That was nice. I’m feeling better now, still a bit nauseous though, especially in the mornings. The feeling that something’s off with my body is stronger now, there’s a weird, sore feeling in my belly. I don’t know what to make of it but it seems a bit swollen.

 

 

January, 29th

I’m pregnant. Sounds like a joke, it isn’t. The swell got bigger, so I finally went over to Akoko who is a midwife and therefore a doctor in a way and she looked at me and told me. There’s this very rare kekkai genkai in my clan that enables some men to get pregnant. So this feeling that something is off with my body wasn’t all wrong. There was a baby growing inside me the whole time since October. I need to tell Kuro. But he hasn’t been here to visit me since he went back into active service. I’ve left active service now and I’m sorry for my students but Akoko said that it’s dangerous to use too much chakra and fight. I told Wataru and he was very nice and comforting and said he’d be there for me if I needed his help which is real nice of him.

I have to contact Kuro but I have no idea where he lives. He always visits me cause he was hiding. I can only wait for him and hope that he comes back sooner or later.

It’s crazy. I’m very actually pregnant. It has always been my dream to have children and a real proper family with a loving husband and all that. That loving husband in my head had always been Reney-chan. But that’s not how it was supposed to be. I’m having Kuro’s child and it’s going to be a baby boy and he’ll be as gentle as Kuro and as crazy as me. I just hope that Kuro is going to be there to see it. He doesn’t need to be my boyfriend or something like that but I would like him to be a father to his son. If he wants to. If he doesn’t, fine by me. I can raise him on my own. I have lots of family around me that can help with baby-sitting. But I think he deserves to know and to be there for his boy.

 

 

 

February, 13th

Kuro came again this weekend. He kissed me as soon as I opened the door and kami, he’d never been so desperate and hungry. It was great and I’m not able to say no if he wants me. Didn’t want to anyway. Of course, he noticed the swell in my stomach, it’s quite obvious now but he didn’t care he stroked it and kissed me everywhere. He basically devoured me. I don’t know what happened to him on mission but he was desperate to forget about it. And I’m not one to refuse a friend in need. So we fucked and kami I was so sensitive. He made me come twice, I guess. At least. Can’t really recall everything… and afterwards, he just collapsed on top of me and stayed knocked out for the rest of the night.

I made breakfast for us the next morning and he looked so damn tired, poor thing. I asked him what happened but he didn’t want to tell me. He doesn’t talk much about himself anyway. I don’t mind. But when he asked me how I’d been I had to tell him. He’d seen my stomach before and I explained the whole thing with the pregnancy and the kekkai genkai and that I was having his child and he turned pale and choked on his food and then he was gone. If he teleported all the way over to Kiri, that would have been one impressive body flicker jutsu. But he was bare ass naked, he must’ve! Anyway, he’s gone now and I don’t know if he’s ever coming back. I should feel worried or sad or something but I’m not. I’m okay with whatever is going to happen. We’re both adults, I can live my life on my own. Not alone though. I’m going to have a child. And I’m happy for it. I’m stroking my belly all the time. It’s proof that I’m special. And that I’ll never been alone in this world ever again.

 

 

February, 28th

Someone knocked on my door this morning. Kuro was outside, with a bag full of scrolls and he said that he’s going to take responsibility and that he’s moving in with me. I let him in and asked him if he was going to be my boyfriend now and he turned around, looked confused and said “Aren’t I?” which is sorta stupid cause he really was not. I told him as much. He just shrugged. I guess he’s my boyfriend now. I don’t know why I care. He’s going to live at my our house now and we’re going to be parents. But it’s nice to know that he’s mine now. My boyfriend. Tachibana Kuro is my boyfriend. We’ve been fucking for I don’t know how long. Calling him my boyfriend still feels weird. Good weird, though. I had to write this down right away. He’s unsealing his scrolls in the bedroom right now and I guess we’re going to fuck again, as soon as he’s done. I love my life right now. It’s like all my dreams coming true.

 

 

March, 5th

I feel so worn out. My whole body is sore and tingly and everything because… We were at it like rabbits for the last few days. There’s just so much sexual energy between us, we’re both very bad at saying no. But I think, it slowly subsides and I could wake up this morning without instantly going for his cock. I love his cock so much. It’s the best looking cock I've ever seen and inside me it feels perfect. It’s like he was made to go in there all along. I’m sure of it now, he’s the part of my life that I’ve been missing. He’s so handsome, I can’t stop looking at him, even now that I write in here. It’s morning and he’s still asleep. As handsome as he is, he looks funny when he sleeps. I guess it’s quite a bad habit to sleep with your mouth open, especially on missions, but he’s doing it, at least in my bed. And he’s drooling all over the pillow. That’s adorable. He’s got a new mission and he’ll be off soon, so he needs to get every bit of sleep that he can. I don’t know anything about the mission but I’m pretty sure, it’s A-class. I just hope that he comes back in one piece. I’m his boyfriend now and carrying his child, I’m supposed to worry. I guess, I should go and make some breakfast to make sure he gets some nutrition before he leaves. Kami, I’m becoming all domestic…

 

 

March, 21st

Kuro isn’t back yet. The mission was supposed to take a few days and I haven’t heard of him at all. And I have no way to find out. I’m not a Kiri shinobi, missions are secret and even if he was in hospital they wouldn’t tell me. I’m not married to him. If I asked, they wouldn’t tell me. “I’m pregnant with his son” isn’t gonna cut it. But I miss him. There is a strong urge to have him close. To know where he is and how he’s doing. I don’t know where that comes from. I didn’t use to care. But I didn’t know about the baby then. Especially because I think that he’s happy about it. He hasn’t said anything but I feel it whenever he looks at me or strokes my bump. He’s protective of the little one in one way or the other. Which is a good feeling but I don’t know where he is and how he’s doing. I could need him right now. Not only because I feel lonely and miss him like shit. My feet are swollen, my back hurts and I feel dizzy way too often. But I can feel him. There are these warm fluttering feelings in my belly and Akoko says that’s the baby moving. She helps me and does what Kuro is supposed to do. She’s happy for it because her husband is dead and she isn’t able to have children so I feel like I’m sorta carrying her grandchild. Which is cool but also creepy.

I wrote a letter to my parents that I’ve got a boyfriend and that I inherited the rare kekkai genkai and that I’m pregnant. I got an answer just a few days later. Mom is very excited and happy for me and she told me that I should visit her as soon as possible so that she can meet her grandchild and my Kuro. Dad is proud that I got a high-class shinobi as boyfriend and asked whether we were engaged yet. We’re not.

 

 

March, 28th

Kuro finally came back. Thank kami. He was heavily injured and he’s still on recovery leave. He told me that he went to the Hokage and asked to quit ANBU because he has a baby on the way. She allowed it; I think she’s a great Hokage. And I feel honoured that he left ANBU for me. I did know that he was a high-class jounin but ANBU… there are a whole other league. That’s kinda cool I guess. Anyway. First thing he did was ask how I was doing and if the baby was healthy. I let him feel it but he can’t feel the flutters like I do because they’re only inside me right now. It feels so good to have him back, to feel him close to me. I think the thing I missed most was his smell.

While he was in bed, I left my diary out in the open and he took it and read it. There are a few things in my past that I can’t really talk about yet but I want him to know and so I thought that was the best way to let him know. He wrote a few things in here which I think is very cute and it made me smile. We talked about it a bit and he thanked me. He said that he never really knew what he wanted in life. That there were always too many possibilities to choose from. And that I was just one of these possibilities he liked but when I told him about the baby, he decided that he wants to stay with me and he wants to be part of my family. Then he asked me if I would marry him. Not with going on his knee and presenting a ring like Daisuke did. He just asked casually like “So should we marry now?” I said no. He wants to marry me, mostly because he wants to become a clan member. Being Umino is cool and all but Kuro is mine. He doesn’t belong to the clan. He’s Tachibana Kuro, not Umino Kuro. I understand him, he never had a family like I do but I’m not ready to let him participate yet. He hasn’t met all of them, even though he really makes an effort. And this time, I’m happy for it. I’m proud that he’s my boyfriend. I want them to know. But I don’t want to marry him. The only person I ever wanted to marry was Reney-chan. He knew me like no one ever did. I can’t marry anyone else.

 

 

May, 2nd

Wataru told me that he has a cousin who is coming back to the clan. So apparently Gekiro-sama had a twin brother who went to the land of fire and had a son there. His name is Iruka which is a cool and very Umino name. I think he has the kekkai genkai of the dolphin. He is going to stay with us for eight months or so and learn about the clan and we’re all going to meet him this weekend. Wataru said that he’s a teacher who helped to reform education in Kiri which I think is a very cool thing. I’m excited to meet him. He’s probably quite important in Konoha but he didn’t know about the clan at all because his parents died in the Kyuubi attack. I wonder whether he knows that Uzumaki Naruto who helped win the war. It’s sad that he had to grow up all alone but I’m happy that he found his clan and I’m excited to meet him. There will be a party at Wataru’s house for him to meet everyone and I think that’s a good opportunity to help Kuro meet everyone as well.

 

 

May, 5th

Today was the initiation party for Iruka. Kuro and I walked around and got quite a few jealous glances from the ladies. I felt great. But it was very crowded and loud and in the end, I volunteered to watch the children in the garden. It was a bit much for Kuro as well, so he joined me and we cuddled a bit until that Iruka came to the back garden too. He was just as overwhelmed with all the people. We introduced each other and Kuro made it look like we were engaged or something but I played along with it. Iruka is very cute. And very handsome. Hell, he looks likeWataru, just more badass. He’s got a scar across his cheeks and nose which I think looks awesome on him. He’s very friendly and he was very interested in my pregnancy. Looks like Wataru told him about me. I let him touch my belly and the baby started moving right away. I think he likes Iruka. I like him too. He’s nice and good-looking but there is some harshness to him that Uminos usually don’t have. There’s a determined fire burning inside him. Maybe it’s because of his insecurity but I think he’s lonely. I would like to get to know him better. It would be interesting to hear how life is like in the land of fire.

 

 

May, 8th

Iruka came to visit me today. He sorta walked into a scene right away and was a bit of a cock-blocker but no hard feelings. He wanted to talk to me about the seahorse kekkai genkai and he was embarrassed about it. It was so cute that I had to fight the urge to get up and smooch him. How can anyone with Wataru’s face be not only handsome but also badass-looking AND cute? That’s too much!  Well, it looks like he found out that he’s got my kekkai genkai too which is awesome. It’s so rare. To meet anyone who has it too and someone with Wataru’s face nonetheless... I imagine pregnant Wataru now and I can’t stop giggling. I really like this guy. I hope that we will become good friends in the time he’s here. He deserves a good friend. And he needs some work on his self-esteem which I would be happy to provide. He’s crushing hard on that one guy. Well, I say ‘guy’, it’s basically the Hokage who is apparently very epic and sexy. I imagine him a bit like Kuro only more fire. Maybe long hair? Well, Iruka is crushing on him and he had a little note from him that he was carrying around. It screamed “I have loved you for years but I’m not brave enough to ask you out” at me. Which I think is adorable. But it does say a thing or two about the courage of the most powerful fire shinobi. I don’t think I can call him Hokage if he doesn’t have the guts to ask sweet Iruka out. I’ll call him Kakashi-dude from now on. It’s my mission to make sure that Iruka gets him. He wants to have children too; I can see it in his eyes. And I want to see him happy.