He's dead, he knows that. He's dead, and there was nothing he could do about it. He's dead and he can't remember how he died, or even why. His name is Izuku. He's quirkless. He doesn't belong here. This is all he knows.
He should be concerned about this, he is! Really. But the fact that he's dead repeats in his head like a mantra. He doesn't care that he doesn't remember living, he's dead.
After Izuku calmed down a bit, he noticed there was a women. She cried a lot. It was fine, because Izuku cried a lot too. Even if she couldn't see him, just knowing he wasn't the only one crying made him feel better.
But, before Izuku could realize it, she was gone. He should have known boxes meant leaving. She left and Izuku felt empty inside, he didn't get to say goodbye.
He didn't know why that bothered him, but it did.
Someone moved into his apartment while Izuku was still mourning over the life he can't even remember and the women. He didn't mean to, but he quickly sends them packing this his crying. He doesn't know how, but they could hear his wailing at night. That was enough of a reason for him, even if that meant he was alone again.
A second person moved in, this time Izuku tried to get them to see him. Tried to get them to notice him. When they didn't, the wailing quickly started up again.
After the second person,(As Izuku wasn't counting the crying lady, because she was there before him.) Moved out, Izuku realized his chest felt hollow and cold. That was fine, he could deal with it.
After the third, fourth counting the crying lady, person moved in, Izuku had calmed down enough to notice his new roommate.
One thing Izuku found out was his new (unwanted) house guest, was they were a man. He hadn't cared enough about that type of thing last time, to frantic to give something like gender a second thought.
Another thing Izuku found out about the man in his apartment (was it his? He was bounded to the place for the rest of eternity, so yes, this was his apartment.) was his name, Aizawa Shouta. He worked for UA, a school. Some distant part of Izuku realized that he would have been over the moon with excitement at the idea of knowing someone who worked at UA before he died. Now he can't even remember the reason why, making the hollow feeling in his chest grow.
The final, notable thing he learned about Aizawa was he was a underground Pro-Hero, going by the name Eraserhead.
A small part of Izuku, the same one that felt he should be excited, wanted to be let out, to go into analytics, to scream for joy, be the absolute hero fan boy he used to be. The majority felt unable to care, making the cold feeling suffocating now. Making him want nothing more then to claw it out of his chest, make it burn so he couldn't feel numb. Flashes of red eyes and loud explosions made him stop that train of thought.
With being a ghost, time loses meaning. Izuku didn't think it matter before, so why should it matter now? The answer was, it didn't. Meaning Izuku quickly lost track of how much time has past since Aizawa moved in. It could have been weeks, or even months, and he wouldn't be able to tell.
Unfortunately, what he didn't think would be a problem was boredom. Turns out, he was wrong. Being a ghost isn't very exiting. He found himself in a constant state of boredom, wanting to find someway to distract himself from the frostbite in his chest.
Something that helped was 'sleeping' which was more like....Limbo? He knew what was going on, but everything seemed to pass by quickly. So, like sleeping, but also being awake? Izuku didn't know how else to describe it.
The day Izuku found out he could affect other things was a day Aizawa happened to be home. He stayed home some weekends, staying other weekends and weekdays at the UA dorms. Izuku only knew this because Aizawa had said something to someone named Yamada over the phone (who happened to be radio show host and Pro-Hero Present Mic, or, Izuku's name for him: Presentation Michael.)
Aizawa had the T.V on as background noise as he graded papers at the table (it was wrong, the table should have been different.) whatever was playing on the T.V was of no interest to Izuku, and he found himself wishing something more interesting was playing, and just like that, the channel changed to news coverage of a Pro-Hero fighting a villain from earlier that day.
He knew that ghost apparently had the ability to do thinks like change the radio station, make the room colder, change the channel, knock things over, ect. He had just never tested it out before.
It brought a little warmth to his chest to know he was still real, even if it didn't feel like it.
Aizawa paused from grading essays (Poor kids, they looked pretty long and from what Izuku could see, there was a lot of red error marks from Aizawa.) and looked up at the T.V. If he was surprised about the channel changing suddenly, he didn't show it.
He calmly got up and grabbed the T.V remote, changing the channel back to the news station it was on before. Honestly, in Izukus opinion, he should just leave it, this was way more interesting.
The movement snapped Izuku out of his slightly giddy state, quickly turning it into a bitting numbness again as he changed the channel back to the pro-hero fight. This apparently bothered Aizawa enough for him to mutter a small 'what the hell?' Under his breath.
Izuku just ignored him and made himself comfy on the corner of the couch, letting his attention be drawn to the fight the news was going over. Aizawa, thankfully, seemed to give up and brushed it off as a technical issue and went back to grading papers.
The incident had apparently been forgottened by Aizawa, since he never mentioned it to anyone. (As far as Izuku could tell, it's not like he's not around the man all day.)
Since then, Izuku has watched the T.V anytime he could, whether it was while Aizawa was asleep or while he was gone. It didn't matter to him, he just needed to be connected to the world again. (No need to severe that connection again.)
He just... Needed a distraction from everything. Sometimes he would catch himself muttering about whatever he was watching. He knew no one could hear him, but it still made him feel bad.
(The numbing feeling would grow and he would be anxious. Almost like he was waiting for something to happen, he just couldn't remember what.)
Aizawa had moved. It was the most logical thing, seeing how it was close to his patrol rout, and, more importantly, away from his friends.
Really, he cared about them! He just needed his own space.
Plus, he had gotten the apartment at a pretty good coast, what could he complain about.
Well, there was one thing.
No pets allowed. (That was fine, so what if he got a cat or two? No one needed to know.)
But, one thing would quickly become two.
Aizawa never seemed to notice anything bad about the neighborhood his apartment was in, or anything about his apartment in general.
Now, maybe if he lived in a bad neighborhood, he could understand someone breaking in. But he didn't, so one can imagine his surprise when he opened the door to his apartment, only to be meet with the sight of a boy, no older than a middle schooler, mind you.
He was just sitting on his couch and watching tv, not even having the courtesy to turn and look at him!
The 'what the fuck?!' He let out while activating his quirk was completely justified.
Only the child didn't seem to change or move at all. He was still see through, still had freckles everywhere, his green curls didn't change, and dull green eyes that glanced at him didn't seem to change anything. He didn't even care that he was caught!
He seemed...slightly surprised, but even that tiny bit of emotion was hard to see because his expression didn't change much.
"Why are you in my house?" Really, a perfectly reasonable question for Aizawa to ask.
"Well what the fuck?"
Ahhh, I'm so happy with this! Hopefully after this the chapters will be longer and once I'm finished editing / re-writing we can get back to new content!
Now, fun fact, I got a wattpad account! I won't be posting this here, b u t I will be shit posting. So, if you like chat fics, shit posting, or just my writing in general, check out pineapple0jelly! It's a sanders sides oc chat fic that's literally just for me to shit post while I work on this.
Having said that, I hope you enjoyed this!
Chapter 2: Oh dear.
Midoriya explains to our dear Aizawa what he's doing in his apartment.
"Well what the fuck?"
In Izukus defense, he wasn't exactly a people person. (Was he at one point? He can't remember.) and, could you blame him? having your existence ignored for as long as you can remember, even if it was admittedly not very long, doesn't do well for your social skills. And, Izuku had seemed to pick up some of Aizawa's personality, mostly the sarcasm. He knows it might be mean, but he's dead, so sue him.
Before Izuku could continue his train of thought, Eraserheads scarf thingy, (he made a mental note to ask what that was later), went right through him.
Izuku assumed he was trying to tie him up with it, but, it wasn't going to work. On the account of him being dead and all. He just blinked slowly and stared blankly at him. Why, you may ask? To that, Izuku would respond with why not.
Izuku continued to stare before grinning, admittedly it looked somewhat nervous, but it was a grin nonetheless!
"Uh, that's not going to work." Izuku said calmly, with only a hint of smugness in his voice. (Deep down, he knew if he was still alive, he would be scared. But he's not, so smugness it is!)
"And why's that?" Strangely enough, Aizawa also sounded calm, if a bit annoyed.
Really, even with his new addition to his personality, the idea of him being dead still bothered him. He figured he might as well get on with it, just like a bandaid.
"Because I'm dead. Or, more specifically, a ghost. I'm not....Not real?" He sure as hell didn't feel real. No real being would be able to feel as cold as he does.
"And why should I believe that?"
Ouch, that hurt. Sure, quirks make just about anything possible, but how dare he not believe the random middle school kid on his couch! ....Middle school?
Izuku decided to pay attention to the conversation, not willing to go down the 'how-old-am-I' path today, "Your uh, scarf? Went right through me, even though your quirk is activated."
Really, it was a weak argument. If he had a physically quick, Aizawa's wouldn't work. Izuku decided to continue with, "I'm quirkless, or, I was."
Absolutely nothing, so Izuku just kept talking, "Well, I don't know if being a ghost would count as a quirk, because ghost's have been around since before quirks! So, still quirkless? I uh, can't leave the apartment, hehe....I've uh, been here the whole time." Any confidence Izuku had was gone, now being replaced with anxiety, "Well, that sounded creepy, but, it's not like that! I mostly stay in the extra room, or in the living room while your gone."
Honestly, that was stupid, he was dead! What could Aizawa do? Wait, what if he called an exorcist? Would that work for him? Isn't it only demons-
"Are you really dead?"
Izuku yelped, honestly forgetting Aizawa was there. He took a moment to consider what he said. In all honesty, it annoyed him. He knew it wasn't fair, but fucc him! He didn't want to be here!
"Nooo, I'm lying. My mom wouldn't get me the car I wanted for my birthday, so now I'm breaking into apartments for fun until she gets it for me." Izuku hissed out.
He knew the sarcasm wasn't needed, but it did bring some warmth to himself.
At least, for a bit.
Guilt quickly made itself known. Instead of waiting for Aizawa to answer, Izuku simply said a small 'sorry', before disappearing into what Aizawa had turned into a guest bedroom.
Really, 'sleep' seemed like a good option right now, so he did.
Honestly, Izuku thinks he'd prefer actual sleep to whatever he does, but he realized very quickly that he doesn't get a say in the whole ghost thing.
He curled up into a small nest he made out of all the spare blankets he had stolen, (he could move light or small objects, thankfully, blankets counted as light.) Aizawa noticed some of them going missing, but chalked it up to him just misplacing them. Admittedly, Izuku was thankful for that, considering how comfortable his nest was.
So, he let everything become blurry and feel like nothing more then static. Finding some comfort in the feeling.
He was content to stay like that for a bit, at least, he was. The only reason he 'woke up' is because he could hear noises coming from the kitchen.
Izuku yawned and rubbed his eyes. Honestly, he doesn't get the yawning thing. He doesn't need sleep, he doesn't sleep in general, so yawning shouldn't be a thing? He doesn't really know how yawning works other then you yawn when your tired...or bored. But he was neither? He supposed it didn't matter, opting to leave his room and walk into the kitchen.
Being a ghost meant his steps didn't make any noise, so he wasn't surprised when Aizawa jumped after asking if he could still see him.
"Hu, guess that answers that." Izuku shrugged and sat on top of the counter, finding the fact that Aizawa was glaring at him somewhat amusing.
"Don't do that."
"Do you want to put a bell on me or something?" Really, that seemed like the best option. Or he could just scream, constantly.
Aizawa ignored that comment, instead asking "What do you want?"
Once again, Izuku just shrugged. He really didn't want anything, content to just watch Aizawa. Now, was that a bit creepy? Perhaps. But really, what else was he going to do? Well, he could go back to 'sleep,' or watch t.v, or even look out a window, but that's besides the point. Really, this was mostly just to see what the man was making, as he rarely cooked something that wasn't ramen.
Izuku would add coffee to that list, but he didn't think making coffee counted as cooking.
After a bit of silence, Izuku made his way back to his room, content to sleep for the rest of the night.
After everything was silent for a bit, Izuku realized that he never told Aizawa his name. (Not like he asked for it though.)
Haha, chapter 2 is done.
Want to see what other bullshit I work on while editing and writing these chapters? Then check out my wattpad: pineapple0jelly! There will mostly be shit posts or rough drafts of things I'll post here later!
Chapter 3: Problem Child.
Our boys spend some quality time together!
It was a few days before Izuku left his room again, not really ready to deal with having anyone acknowledge his existence again (not that anyone really did before). Not existing for a few days was relaxing, it gave him time to think about what to do next. He yawned, (despite not needing sleep) and rubbed at his eyes (still despite not needing sleep), before finally leaving his room.
"Oh. You're back, problem child." Came the monotone voice of Aizawa.
"E-Excuse me? What did you just call me?"
Aizawa just shrugged, "You never told me your name."
Midoriya huffed, because why problem child? Sure, he might be a little bit of a problem child, but he didn't ask to be quirkless, or a ghost!
"Midoriya, Midoriya Izuku. Not problem child!"
"Whatever you say, problem child."
Okay, was that really necessary? That really hurt, deep down. But that's okay, he can forgive and forget. Apparently, he can forget a lot easier, but that's okay! Right? Midoriya huffed quietly to himself, because thats not fair, despite what he trys to tell himself.
"Do you always talk to yourself?"
Midoriya let out a small scream and fadded out of reality for a fraction of a second before fadding back in.
"Uhhh, yeah? I think I did that a lot before I died, so I guess its still a habbit." Why did he do that? He guessed like a lot of things now, it didn't matter.
Aizawa didn't react much other then a small nod.
Izuku hummed slightly, a nervous tick he's developed, and sat on the opposite side of the couch, watching whatever news station Aizawa put on. Not that it mattered much because he was grading papers anyways. Honestly, the man deserved a vacation.
"Still talking to yourself?"
"Wow, rude." It's not like he means to do it! Also, not something he would normally say. Maybe he's been spending to much time around Aizawa?
Aizawa huffed slightly in amusement before going back to grading whatever hellish assignment he had given his class. Poor kids.
Izuku turned his attention away from Aizawa and decided to watch the news, liking the feeling of being connected to the outside world it gave him. It was mostly boring if he was being honest. That was until they decided to talk about a new Pro-Hero, which got Midoriya muttering about them again, even comparing them to different Pro-Heros (how did he remember them? Not importent he guessed).
Midoriya was so distracted by his own muttering that he didn't notice Aizawa had finished grading his papers until the man chuckled softly to himself (it was a nice sound), which made Izuku snap out of his muttering and turn his head towards him.
"Nothing, its just entertaining listening to you."
Midoriya blushed slightly in embarrassment and huffed, "Y-Yeah? Well at least I don't look like I'm about to drop dead at any given second, and, incase you haven't noticed, it already happened! So I would at least have an excuse!" Was he being salty? Yes. Was it necessary? Also yes.
Aizawa put his hands up in mock surrender and laughed (The audacity of the man). "Okay, okay, I get it. Calm down, problem child."
Was Aizawa just teasing Midoriya at this point? Yes, but could you really blame him? It was fun.
Midoriya frowned at Aizawa but didn't comment on it (he's been called worse, and this time it wasn't out of malice, so it wasn't that bad, and he had a feeling he wouldn't convince Aizawa to stop calling him that.)
Midoriya yawned (whats up with that? He really doesn't need to sleep, honest!) and checked the clock, only to realize it was a little after midnight.
"Oh, you should really get to bed, being up late isn't good for you." Midoriya realized he sounded like a concerned mother, ouch.
"Aw? Is the problem child worried?"
Much to Izuku's delight, he was able to throw a couch pillow at Aizawa. Making the man in question roll his eyes, but he got up and said goodnight before heading to his room anyways.
(Only then did he realize he wasn't cold anymore.)
Ahh! Sorry for not updating. I was planning on updating last Thursday but then I had a family emergency, and once that cleared up my best friend from out of state came to visit and by the time everything was done I just wanted to sleep for a week. So in return I tried to make this chapter longer, not to sure I did that though.
Also! Yes, Izuku is happy in this chapter, but this isn't always going to be the case. He's going to have good and bad days.
Also, Also: for the fading in and out of existence thing, its his equivalent of sleep. It allows him to pass time while still knowing what's going on around him.
Chapter 4: I'll keep you warm.
Uhh, self harm in this chapter? If that bothers you, then I recommend not reading this one, and just wait for the next chapter.
Since the talk on the couch, Aizawa and Midoriya ended up talking regularly, which included Aizawa making jokes at Izuku's expense, (No, his quirk was not being a human bean sprout or living piece of broccoli, damn you, Shouta.) or Izuku being a mother hen, because living people need sleep!
If Izuku had to decide how to describe the last month, the first word that would come to mind would be peaceful, far more peaceful then what going to school was like. (Though, he guessed thats not important anymore. Not that it really was in the first place.)
(Other words would be warm, happy, safe, content.)
But if Izuku had something to take away from his time alive, it was peace never lasts. (Maybe it did, maybe his problems ran deeper then he wanted to admit, maybe someone could have a happy ending. To bad he isn't someone.) Having said that, Midoriya begain to (try to.) distance himself from Aizawa. Waiting for the day he realized that a quirkless freak, that couldn't even die properly, wasn't worth his time.
(It was hard. He had become so attached to the man in such a short amount of time. he couldn't help but want to spend all his time with him, because when was the last time someone enjoyed having him around?)
This time, Midoriya couldn't ignore how his whole chest was numb, to the point where it burned.
He wanted to claw at his chest, until he felt something again. He couldn't stand it, waiting to be discarded like the trash he was (Kacchan would have a field day if he found out he finally broke, because that's what he was, broken).
Because, one day, Aizawa would end up leaving him, like everyone else.
(He couldn't handle the thought of losing anyone, not after he had allowed himself to grow so close to him.)
Shouta must have noticed that something was wrong within the past week, because he looked concerned when Izuku spaced out. That begged the question, why? Everything was fine, so he smiled and subtly waved off any concerns he might have had. Let it be know that if Midoriya Izuku was good at anything in life, it was acting like everything was okay. Because in the end, it was.
He was fine with being abandoned again, he would be stupid to think he wouldn't be abandoned. Why would anyone stay? Because, really, truthfully, he was already happy enough with all the time he had got to spend with Shouta. He honestly shouldn't be so attached to him, because who was he? He wasn't anyone important, so he couldn't expect for anyone, let alone someone living, to put their life on hold.
(Just because his life was stuck on hold forever, doesn't mean he sould expect someone else to put their lives on hold for him. That wouldn't be fair, because he's not important enough for that.)
Was it fair? No. It wasn't fair to him for people to leave, but it wasn't fair to them to make them stay.
But if life was fair, all men would be created equally, and, he would have a quirk. His life wouldn't have been cut short, aided by those around him, international or not. He would have been a hero. But that doesn't matter, now does it? Because he's dead, he tried to kill himself and someone had hit the pause button on his life, making it stuck on hold forever.
It doesn't matter though, anything involving him stopped being important the day he was diagnosed as quirkless.
Diagnosed, like being quirkless was an illness. Although, he guessed it was. Being quirkless becomes that when society treats you like an illness yourself, like you're below them just because of something you can't control.
(The cold feeling spread from his chest to his finger tips, making the urge to claw at himself until something came pouring out even stronger.)
But it was fine.
It had to be fine.
What other choice did he have?
This is why he hated it when Aizawa wasn't home.
His thoughts had a tendency to make him feel worse about himself, not that his thoughts needed to do that. No. He had a mirror and two working eyes. If he wanted to feel bad about himself, all he would need to do is look in a mirror.
Midoriya just wanted the whole world to go away, unfortunately, the world didn't seem to get the memo. How did he come to that conclusion? Aizawa walked through the door, the first thing he did was calling out to the small, green haired ghost in the apartment.
(Aizawa enjoyed the middle schoolers company, not that said middle schooler knew that, and, even if he did, he wouldn't belive him.)
Midoriya debated staying in his own state of limbo, but decided against it, not wanting to worry him. He needed to act like everything was okay, even if he wasn't.
Midoriya shook his head before huffing slightly, and popped into existence right infront of Aizawa.
"What?" He was emotionally tired, and he knew it was taking a toll on his physical state. His hair was even worse then usual, his skin had taken on a sickly pale hue, and he had dark spots under his eyes.
He was hoping Aizawa didn't say anything about his appearance. His silent plea fell on deaf ears, because the first thing Aizawa said was,
"Are you sure you don't need sleep, Problem Child...?"
Instead of answering, Midoriya just huffed, not willing to reveal his physical state apparently depended on his emotional state.
Because that was a can of worms he wasn't prepared to open.
"Like you're one to talk! You look like you're going to drop dead at any moment, despite me telling you constantly that you need to sleep, and, eat more then just ramen!" It was true, Izuku didn't particularly care about himself, but even he ate healthy while he was alive! And he had no obligations other then go to school and complete his work on time.
Shouta chuckled at Midoriyas response, because he would admit to himself, and only himself, that the sass was adorable.
He replyed in defence of himself, "Hey! I got take out, so no ramen today." He held up his bag as proof.
It was a poor defence, because Izuku rolled his eyes at him, momentarily forgetting about his problems.
"Yeah, because take out is sooo much better, you want a participation award?"
The two bickered back and forth for a bit, before Shouta finally gave up, and, ate his take out. Lucky for him, he had no papers to grade today, so he spent some time talking to Izuku before heading to his room to get some much needed sleep before his patrol later that night.
Izuku, on the other hand, couldn't have that luxury. God he missed sleep, the ability to forget everything, to make any wound he had disappear for a short while. Unfortunately, his own state of limbo left him very much aware of what was going on around him, including his emotions.
But he supposed it was better then nothing, because he entered his own state of limbo, staying like that even when Shouta got ready for his own patrol, calling out a goodbye to his seemingly empty apartment as usual.
After being alone with his thoughts for so long, letting everything build up, he broke.
He didn't know what else to do. He tried to convince himself that he was okay with everything, with being quirkless, with being bullied, with being treated less then human. He tried to convince himself that he was okay with the thought of Shouta leaving him, because even if he showed no signs of wanting to leave, he would eventually.
He didn't know what came over him, but he screamed. It was a heart wrenching cry that tried to convey all the hurt that had been building up. He wailed and sobbed. He grieved for his lack of a Quirk, because if he had one, everything would have been better.
He let his blunt nails tear into his arms, instead of the usual numbness that suffocated him, this numbness that came from allowing his nails to dig into his arms was a plesent one. Instead of a biting cold, it was a searing warmth, leaving marks of red in their wake. Whether it was thin trails of blood, or the usual red marks one got from scratching themselfs, he didn't care. It was a mixture of both that he couldn't help but enjoy.
He allowed himself to let everything out, all pain he's been through. Because even when he decided to end it, he couldn't remember doing anything like this.
Letting everything out.
So, to say that this was long over due would be the understatement of the century.
He must of lost track of time, because, the next thing he knows, someones crouching infront of him and screaming his name. He didn't realize who it was at first, all he knew was they sounded panicked.
He forced himself to breath normally, to stop hyperventilating. Only distantly he was aware that his throat was raw from screaming and hyperventilating, tasting copper in his mouth. He forced himself to blink, trying desperately to rid himself of the tears blurring his vision.
Once he could make things out, he realized it was shouta infront of him, which made him about ready to start sobbing again, so he did.
He sobbed while apologizing. Sobbing because he was sorry Shouta saw him like this, and apologizing because it was his first instinct. Apologize to try and lessen the pain.
He only stopped when he had his head buried into someones chest.
It took him a few second to realize that Shouta was hugging him.
Holy shit. Shouta was hugging him.
Despite everything that happened, he tried to allowed himself to calm down. How could he not? Especially with Shouta softly talking above him.
Well, when Shouta started to rock back and forth gently? He was gone.
He allowed himself to relax, purposely ignoring the fact that Shouta shouldn't be able to physically touch him.
He was just so damn warm, thawing out the numbing cold that was a constant, and cooling down anything searing.
Midoriya closed his eyes, and, for the first time since he had died, he allowed the sirens song known as sleep to take him.
I started this chapter around 2 in the morning, its 5 in the morning right now.
Anyways, I tried to do angst and I hope I did a good job? This is like, the only chapter with angst, so, hurray?
Anyway's, feel free to comment or leave a kudo!
Chapter 5: Well fuck pt 2
Ay, sorry if you were looking forward to an update.
I hit a block while writing, when I realized I had no idea what I wanted to do with this story when I was first writing it, and, even when I first wrote it, I didn't like how it turned out. Having said that, I've decided to re-write it.
Now, this means A.) I know what I'm doing and where I'm going with this story. B.) Hopefully, consistent once a month updates. C.) Longer chapters.
I hope you all understand!
Hopefully the re-written version of chapter one will replace the current version in a few days!