Sometimes when it's dark and it's been a tiring day Ten had to wonder about the decisions he'd made. Be it staying extra hours practicing when he could've taken advantage of that evening off, or opting for a quick and light lunch, especially hours later with a grumbling stomach.
And when it's been an especially tiring day and all those kilometers apart feel even more daunting, Ten has to wonder why he decided to keep going and not just... stop. He had the chance, didn't he?
“You realize that we're not going to see each other for months at a time, right?”
But when you are a fool in love you are so hopeful and feel invincible. At least that's how Ten felt back then: on top of the world. Surely they could make what's between them work. They had been through so much together. Being apart -on different time zones most of the time- was going to be hard but they had done it before.
Except this didn't feel the same as those months when Ten was in Thailand healing from his injury while Johnny was back in Korea on 127 schedules.
“If you are trying to get rid of me it's not gonna be that easy”
Everyone can tell Ten's been tense the last few days. Or maybe the last few weeks. It's hard to tell when the days seem to blend together between schedules and practice sessions and hotel rooms. They don't know exactly what's wrong -surely they can guess- but everyone tries their best to distract him and cheer him up. Hendery and Yangyang ambush him with a movie night when it's been five consecutive nights of extra practice. Kun and Dejun invite him out to a composing session where they end up laughing and goofing around instead of working on anything. Yukhei and Sicheng always remember to message him at random moments of the day while they are on their own schedules (it's mostly nonsense: Ten-ge, look, this cat looks just like you).
And it works. For a while. Ten is really grateful for his members so he makes sure to smile extra hard when they send worrying looks his way. He knows they try their best.
Yet when sleep escapes him late at night he can't help checking his phone every few seconds waiting for a message that he knows won't come.
“Babe, I'll never wanna get rid of you”
It's like he's frozen in time. It makes him feel guilty thinking like this but he feels trapped, like he's on stand by while life just passes him by. That's not what a relationship should be about, right? There's supposed to be companionship and intimacy, making plans together even if ridiculous and far-fetched, not resenting each other because you think you are missing out on so many things.
Maybe past Ten shouldn't have been so hopeful. And naive. Life is hard enough without complicating matters even more. But they had been so in love (they are so in love, he reminds himself). And Johnny had smiled so blindingly that every doubt had been banished from his mind.
“We'll make this work. It's you and me”